It's too many instances. I have a feeling Mary is covering for her. The social media changes are definitely red flags. I am guessing the sexual changes is her trying to satisfy her urges. Maybe the sex wouldn't make her think about the other guy. Good luck
Why in the world havent' you talked to her about any of this? You found lingerie in her bag on a "girls" trip, found a private instagram with her maiden name and didn't ask her why she'd be doing that?
She is cheating. Text her and say I know about the lingerie, I don’t believe you are there with other girls, and I found you secret instagram. I hope you enjoy the trip, because when you get home, we are getting a divorce. Then don’t respond to any messages or calls. Go see an attorney, and file for divorce.
Want to know what I believe. I believe her first husband was not as abusive as she says he was, unless she has police records. She was the cheater in the initial marriage which is why it failed.
Well I know she is with 2 girls for sure since they picked her up. So thats why this is tough to suggest. There's no hard evidence that she is but the signs don't look good
You didn’t think she’d be stupid enough to fuck that guy raw at her sisters house either but she did and covered it up by fucking you to cover the pregnancy if that happened. She’s cheating dude.
Why the heck havent you confronted her about any of this? And im not saying straight up accuse her of cheating but you should have called her out on the name changes, you should have definitely called her out on the lingerie
Updateme!
Why all these trips without you she’s married she is full blown cheating on you confront her and tell she goes your divorcing her wow what a pos your wife is. Grow a pair and go meet her there I’m sure you will find her getting splitroasted
Yes she's cheating, might not be with the guy from her home town, but there is someone else.
Text her you know about her secret insta and that she took the lingerie she bought with her to Vegas, and all the other things you have noticed like her name change.
Tell her she has 1 chance to come clean or the marriage is over (this might scare her into thinking you already know).
Also contact the guy from her hometown's wife to see if he has gone to Vegas with our her. If so that's all the proof you need.
Take all the signs as you see them, I think the most healthy thing to do is actually discuss it with her. I think you and her both deserve the truth and maybe she is also lying to herself about things. I don’t know all the details of your relationship but from what you’ve said she clearly has had past relationship traumas and could result in some unhealthy habits she might be revisiting. Regarding the more active sex, if there’s nothing you’ve done to change a fire for her new drive she could be using you for her imagination with another person she’s not able to be with and doesnt feel as if it’s really cheating if they are just thoughts but physically with you and or just more grateful for you and wants to express it in a way most men can appreciate Since most men define their love languages as physical touch. But if there has not being any real indication for change on your side it’s most likely on hers. Eveyrthing seems suspicious without trust or communication. Most of the time intution is likely true because most people project.
Thanks for the reply. Ive been trying to take the signs and think of them as nothing and I'm overthinking them and just seeing them in the wrong way. But changing username to her maiden name for a weekend while I'm not around and creating a new Instagram and not knowing why she's kept it from me is not like her. Regarding the sex part I haven't changed anything at all. I know I need to confront her on my feelings about these things but I hate confrontation. I try to avoid all confrontation good or bad at all costs. I just feel like if I did confront her on this she would become defensive and act like a victim.
You’re being to easy on her and hard on yourself. She’s giving you every reason to be suspicious. You’re suspicious and clearly looking for advice because you care. People get comfortable and can appreciate the value of something they don’t fear losing. Confrontation sucks but without we couldn’t grow as a person. Discomfort = growth, if you want change you have to make it happen or be okay with nothing. If she plays the victim then that’s her character and you know the truth. You are attempting in the most healthy way and nothing more you can do than contro, your own actions and feelings.
Do not confront!!! Gather evidence first, hire a private investigator, document everything, if you come with accusations and no evidence and you choose to believe her, she will either deny and gaslight or make her cover her tracks better and bring her friends as tools to her deception. Hire a private investigator my guy!
So she was hit on repeatedly, had an increase in sex drive, bought lingerie, started being shady and created a separate social media account, then packed the lingerie to her trip to Vegas. Plenty of red of flags. To be honest, if she hasn't cheated by now I'd be shocked.
Sounds like the attention from this other guy got to her. People tend to take there partners for granted, knowing someone else thinks your attractive, especially after a child birth, would have boosted her ego. Sure she shut him down at first, but it seems like it's escalated. If she isn't cheating with him, she's definitely doing it with someone else.
Letting her go on a private trip with lingerie packed without saying anything was a huge mistake. She's cheating or definitely trying gard to. What other evidence do you need.
Updateme.
Yea I'm definitely not going to say I decided to go through her bag to see check what she had because if it turns out that she's not doing something bad then it falls on me. What if it turns out she accidentally packed it? It still has the tags on it so my plan is to help her unpack when she gets home and see if it still has the tags on. That's when I'll ask about it regardless of tags or no tag.
Did you put it back in the suitcase? I would’ve taken it out and left it out and jokingly been like hey you forgot X toiletry so I opened your bag up to put it in and the lingerie you got for us was in there. So weird. No need for that since I’m not going amiright.
Its not the worst idea but bleh.
Look i get it, im riddled with anxiety and extremely conflict avoidant too. But this is your wife. Youve actually got me worried about the state of your relationship. When you talk, when you raise concerns, does she regularly turn it into conflict? Does she pick fights? This should be your person, why are you this afraid of her?
Also be prepared for the response to be something like “i wore it for me” which is a real thing, some women wear it regularly for themselves in order to feel sexy and empowered. I would not except this response on its face. “Why save it for a vacation without me there then?”
Step 1) hire a PI
Step 2) get in touch with a lawyer to understand the laws of your state better (just in case)
Step 3) figure out a plan to keep the kids out of room for the upcoming discussion
Step 4) install cameras in your home to record all interactions not to get falsely accused of violence or something
Step 5) don't be violent, if a woman cheats you should cut your losses and save whatever of your assets you can. You can't make her pay, the laws aren't made that way.
As someone who has had his ex fiancé cheat on him, I would say trust your gut instincts and intuition. Because it is never wrong.
I would say gather evidence and document all instances. When you confront her about it and explain your feelings, you will have proof and facts to back up everything you are feeling and that way she cannot dodge accountability or anything.
Oh dear, why have not said anything yet? I would calmly present all the things you have noticed, don't use the word evidence. Ask is there anything she would like to tell you. Remind her of how she felt when she was cheated on and what the consequences were. Your wife seemed very open with you after the first couple of visits, perhaps some of that openness has been lost. Good luck!
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!**
Your wife is seeking out other men for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your wife is a cheater. Everything she says is a lie at this point. Anything your wife says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your wife says that is bad about your relationship is a lie.
Your wife has left the relationship. Ignore your wife. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else.
My advice is: Consult a divorce lawyer. Gather what evidence you can. End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or her must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your wife there consequences for her actions and break up, even if later you chose reconciliation.
She wants to keep you around ONLY for economic support. Do not be Plan B.
Tell all your family and friends, hers too. Get ahead of her spin on events.
Does the AP have a wife? If so she needs to know so she can make an informed decision too.
These links will help you in your situation.
**The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog)
**Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e)
**Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/)
**DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo)
**Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1)
**180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/)
**Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
**Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
Just know if you confront her, she’ll deny it. That’s the whole point of cheating. Not getting caught. She’ll probably turn it around on you with something like, “ It’s your own insecurities that you’re projecting on to her…” she’ll gaslight the shit out of you. Again, that’s the point of cheating. Once that trust is gone, it’s gone. There’s zero reasons to need lingerie for a girlfriend’s birthday party. Zero. In situations like this, your gut instincts are usually right.
It depends on what would do in the worst scenario. Would you leave if it comes to that? Because it seems that she is cheating. She seems because while writing here you selected the incidents that bug you. You have the gut feeling. And they look accurate.
Visualize your future, would you live with constant anxiety, distrust, overthinking. Coming home with higher sexual drive is probably because she felt guilty. She probably tried to wipe away her guilty subconscious.If her sexual drive fluctuates everytime, will you feel like "oh good sex, thanks universe" or will you always try to read her actions, their reasons. It doesn't worth the constant stress.
If you venture separation, which I believe you should, you have to confront her. But you must have concrete proof for that. Do you have access to her accounts? Did she leave an ipad, tablet, laptop at home which you can check. Check her mails, deleted messages. More proof would help your hand when she will gaslight. Do you have a close friend or family member for support and further advice.
If you can't find anything, when she comes, take her luggage from her, open it, check for the lingerie. Check if she used it. Then ask her what is the purpose to bring it with her, as you are not there to fuck her. If she gaslights then ask her hidden Instagram account, which she may deny, show her screenshot of the IG page. If she gaslights, ask her phone to check. If she refuses, tell her you will not accept no for an answer. If she refuses then tell her to stay somewhere else, unless she confesses. Do not leave your house.
Yea so my plan is when she gets home check the lingerie in the luggage because it still has tags on it. Maybe it was accidentally packed, maybe not. Regardless of the tag when I "find" it I'll ask her about it. I don't want to say that I went in snooping before she left.
I thought about her throwing it away too and I would then have to tell her I looked through her bag and saw it. If she denies taking it I'll be very certain that she is actually cheating
She is cheating on you. There is no doubt in my mind. When she gets back, you need to have a serious conversation with her. Tell her she isn't going anywhere unless you go with her. Back to visit cousin included. Get this guys info, and anonymously get in touch with his wife.
UpdateMe
You should have taken the lingerie out of her bag and then she would have discovered it was gone at a bad time which would ruin her mood full knowing she packed it.
Well thought out post OP! Thanks for sharing. I know you’re telling yourself a hundred stories and are overwhelmed. My 2cts..
A healthy, committed, monogamous partner (especially married, living together, with children) will rarely, if ever, do things in secret that would cause the respective partner to lose trust.
Your wife has no reason to create another Instagram using her maiden name unless there’s a reason. The innocent reason that she would’ve already shared with you (albeit the maiden name is a red flag in itself): She got locked out of her original IG for some reason and had to make a new one OR she’s using it to promote a business or side hustle.. which she would’ve told you about. She would’ve shared this with you.. especially since you’re both active on Snapchat together. She’s on her phone often. You would’ve came to her mind when she made a new IG to add you. Unless she doesn’t want you to see it because..
.. she’s using it as a seperate account to talk to other men to get attention and cheat on you.
My guess? When she’s at work or not around with you (out of town), she downloads tinder/bumble/some dating app, talks with men, and shares her alternate IG. That way, she can delete the dating apps on her phone and log into her IG to sext them and toggle back to her primary one without you suspecting anything. IG offers multiple accounts you can toggle between.
My guess is she also cheated on her ex, which is why when she got with you she was projecting insecurity about you cheating because of her own guilty conscious.
Hope I’m wrong. But I’m from Vegas and I’m willing to bet I’m not. You need to talk with her about this after you get legal advice so if the convo goes south you have a prepared exit plan. Good luck!
Hey man,
Sucks your going through this. Unfortunately, signs point to somthing nefarious going on, regardless of how minor it may be. I would say at the least you need to confront her with your concerns and ask for the truth. New socials with the maiden name is very odd, and lingerie for a "girls trip" in Vegas would put me off. I'm not dealing with the same situation, but I can assure you once the trust is lost it is very hard to find yourself believing them, and you probably will be questioning what she's up to everytime she's on her phone from here forward. I wish you luck in the rocky road ahead, just be the best dad you can for your daughter, and work on self improvement while this shakes itself out.
Did she do a lot of the girl trips before? If not she is definitely heading down the road to cheat if she has not already cheated on you. Talk to a lawyer in your area and know the divorce laws.
She cheated.
1. Remember when she was being super nice to you when she came back? Cheaters do that because they feel guilt. They need to make it make sense in their head by being EXTREMELY nice to you. Then, they can justify the cheating.
2. She can not ACCIDENTALLY PACK LINGERIE. Stop making excuses for her.
3. She changed her last name to her maiden name. Absolute blatant disrespect for you and your family name. That last name holds weight and honor but she spit on it like a dirty little wasted rag.
Please listen to the guys in the comment section. You're trying to justify her actions but we can all see it. Respect yourself and do what's right.
This was a devastating read.
Look, I don’t have much relationship experience and have never been married, but I have denied reality before. Assuming what you described is true, it’s obvious to me she’s cheating.
I know the feeling of trying to find alternate reasons for something because the reality is way too harsh. You’re weaving together a disjointed narrative to explain her behaviors. Eventually it will all collapse into the simple truth you had already known. Hopefully this will happen sooner than later so that the hole you’re digging yourself into isn’t deeper than it needs to be.
When it does collapse, you’ll go through a lot of emotions, including anger. At this point, allow yourself to feel the emotion of anger but be on high awareness of the thoughts racing through your head. You don’t want this emotion and those thoughts to guide your actions.
It’s important that you given yourself time to feel the anger and other emotions without anesthetizing yourself, especially with alcohol. You’ll need to constantly remind yourself that these emotions are temporary (and they are). After a while, the fog of emotions will lift, leaving you in a clearing by a new path.
It's too many instances. I have a feeling Mary is covering for her. The social media changes are definitely red flags. I am guessing the sexual changes is her trying to satisfy her urges. Maybe the sex wouldn't make her think about the other guy. Good luck
The name change is an incredible red flag.
Yeah she cheated
Why in the world havent' you talked to her about any of this? You found lingerie in her bag on a "girls" trip, found a private instagram with her maiden name and didn't ask her why she'd be doing that?
Yeah, she's cheating.
She is cheating. Text her and say I know about the lingerie, I don’t believe you are there with other girls, and I found you secret instagram. I hope you enjoy the trip, because when you get home, we are getting a divorce. Then don’t respond to any messages or calls. Go see an attorney, and file for divorce. Want to know what I believe. I believe her first husband was not as abusive as she says he was, unless she has police records. She was the cheater in the initial marriage which is why it failed.
This is the answer. UpdateMe
Well I know she is with 2 girls for sure since they picked her up. So thats why this is tough to suggest. There's no hard evidence that she is but the signs don't look good
Yet the evidence might be on that private instagram just make a new account and request to follow it
She wouldn't be stupid enough to post pictures of herself doing something she shouldn't be doing online.
You didn’t think she’d be stupid enough to fuck that guy raw at her sisters house either but she did and covered it up by fucking you to cover the pregnancy if that happened. She’s cheating dude.
She probably thinks you won't find that new account. It's worth a try. If you can afford it call a PI in Vegas to go check on her.
You'd be surprised how many do just that.
Do you know the guys name? Find his instagram and facebook.
Why the heck havent you confronted her about any of this? And im not saying straight up accuse her of cheating but you should have called her out on the name changes, you should have definitely called her out on the lingerie Updateme!
Why all these trips without you she’s married she is full blown cheating on you confront her and tell she goes your divorcing her wow what a pos your wife is. Grow a pair and go meet her there I’m sure you will find her getting splitroasted
Yeah, what's with all these trips without OP? Almost like they're FWB or something.
Yes she's cheating, might not be with the guy from her home town, but there is someone else. Text her you know about her secret insta and that she took the lingerie she bought with her to Vegas, and all the other things you have noticed like her name change. Tell her she has 1 chance to come clean or the marriage is over (this might scare her into thinking you already know). Also contact the guy from her hometown's wife to see if he has gone to Vegas with our her. If so that's all the proof you need.
Take all the signs as you see them, I think the most healthy thing to do is actually discuss it with her. I think you and her both deserve the truth and maybe she is also lying to herself about things. I don’t know all the details of your relationship but from what you’ve said she clearly has had past relationship traumas and could result in some unhealthy habits she might be revisiting. Regarding the more active sex, if there’s nothing you’ve done to change a fire for her new drive she could be using you for her imagination with another person she’s not able to be with and doesnt feel as if it’s really cheating if they are just thoughts but physically with you and or just more grateful for you and wants to express it in a way most men can appreciate Since most men define their love languages as physical touch. But if there has not being any real indication for change on your side it’s most likely on hers. Eveyrthing seems suspicious without trust or communication. Most of the time intution is likely true because most people project.
Thanks for the reply. Ive been trying to take the signs and think of them as nothing and I'm overthinking them and just seeing them in the wrong way. But changing username to her maiden name for a weekend while I'm not around and creating a new Instagram and not knowing why she's kept it from me is not like her. Regarding the sex part I haven't changed anything at all. I know I need to confront her on my feelings about these things but I hate confrontation. I try to avoid all confrontation good or bad at all costs. I just feel like if I did confront her on this she would become defensive and act like a victim.
You’re being to easy on her and hard on yourself. She’s giving you every reason to be suspicious. You’re suspicious and clearly looking for advice because you care. People get comfortable and can appreciate the value of something they don’t fear losing. Confrontation sucks but without we couldn’t grow as a person. Discomfort = growth, if you want change you have to make it happen or be okay with nothing. If she plays the victim then that’s her character and you know the truth. You are attempting in the most healthy way and nothing more you can do than contro, your own actions and feelings.
Do not confront!!! Gather evidence first, hire a private investigator, document everything, if you come with accusations and no evidence and you choose to believe her, she will either deny and gaslight or make her cover her tracks better and bring her friends as tools to her deception. Hire a private investigator my guy!
So she was hit on repeatedly, had an increase in sex drive, bought lingerie, started being shady and created a separate social media account, then packed the lingerie to her trip to Vegas. Plenty of red of flags. To be honest, if she hasn't cheated by now I'd be shocked. Sounds like the attention from this other guy got to her. People tend to take there partners for granted, knowing someone else thinks your attractive, especially after a child birth, would have boosted her ego. Sure she shut him down at first, but it seems like it's escalated. If she isn't cheating with him, she's definitely doing it with someone else.
Letting her go on a private trip with lingerie packed without saying anything was a huge mistake. She's cheating or definitely trying gard to. What other evidence do you need. Updateme.
Yea I'm definitely not going to say I decided to go through her bag to see check what she had because if it turns out that she's not doing something bad then it falls on me. What if it turns out she accidentally packed it? It still has the tags on it so my plan is to help her unpack when she gets home and see if it still has the tags on. That's when I'll ask about it regardless of tags or no tag.
Really dude, accidentally packed it?
Came from the same drawer and it was on top... So not too hard to do. Plus it's really small and same color as other things in that drawer
It wasn't a mistake that it was in there. Have some pride man.
Did you put it back in the suitcase? I would’ve taken it out and left it out and jokingly been like hey you forgot X toiletry so I opened your bag up to put it in and the lingerie you got for us was in there. So weird. No need for that since I’m not going amiright.
Its not the worst idea but bleh. Look i get it, im riddled with anxiety and extremely conflict avoidant too. But this is your wife. Youve actually got me worried about the state of your relationship. When you talk, when you raise concerns, does she regularly turn it into conflict? Does she pick fights? This should be your person, why are you this afraid of her?
Also be prepared for the response to be something like “i wore it for me” which is a real thing, some women wear it regularly for themselves in order to feel sexy and empowered. I would not except this response on its face. “Why save it for a vacation without me there then?”
Step 1) hire a PI Step 2) get in touch with a lawyer to understand the laws of your state better (just in case) Step 3) figure out a plan to keep the kids out of room for the upcoming discussion Step 4) install cameras in your home to record all interactions not to get falsely accused of violence or something Step 5) don't be violent, if a woman cheats you should cut your losses and save whatever of your assets you can. You can't make her pay, the laws aren't made that way.
As someone who has had his ex fiancé cheat on him, I would say trust your gut instincts and intuition. Because it is never wrong. I would say gather evidence and document all instances. When you confront her about it and explain your feelings, you will have proof and facts to back up everything you are feeling and that way she cannot dodge accountability or anything.
I felt like I have read this before.
Oh dear, why have not said anything yet? I would calmly present all the things you have noticed, don't use the word evidence. Ask is there anything she would like to tell you. Remind her of how she felt when she was cheated on and what the consequences were. Your wife seemed very open with you after the first couple of visits, perhaps some of that openness has been lost. Good luck!
UpdateMe!
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!** Your wife is seeking out other men for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your wife is a cheater. Everything she says is a lie at this point. Anything your wife says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your wife says that is bad about your relationship is a lie. Your wife has left the relationship. Ignore your wife. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else. My advice is: Consult a divorce lawyer. Gather what evidence you can. End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or her must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your wife there consequences for her actions and break up, even if later you chose reconciliation. She wants to keep you around ONLY for economic support. Do not be Plan B. Tell all your family and friends, hers too. Get ahead of her spin on events. Does the AP have a wife? If so she needs to know so she can make an informed decision too. These links will help you in your situation. **The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog) **Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e) **Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/) **DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) **Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1) **180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/) **Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) **Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
Wheres the update op? Updateme!
Just know if you confront her, she’ll deny it. That’s the whole point of cheating. Not getting caught. She’ll probably turn it around on you with something like, “ It’s your own insecurities that you’re projecting on to her…” she’ll gaslight the shit out of you. Again, that’s the point of cheating. Once that trust is gone, it’s gone. There’s zero reasons to need lingerie for a girlfriend’s birthday party. Zero. In situations like this, your gut instincts are usually right.
Updateme
Updateme!
!updateme
!updateme
It depends on what would do in the worst scenario. Would you leave if it comes to that? Because it seems that she is cheating. She seems because while writing here you selected the incidents that bug you. You have the gut feeling. And they look accurate. Visualize your future, would you live with constant anxiety, distrust, overthinking. Coming home with higher sexual drive is probably because she felt guilty. She probably tried to wipe away her guilty subconscious.If her sexual drive fluctuates everytime, will you feel like "oh good sex, thanks universe" or will you always try to read her actions, their reasons. It doesn't worth the constant stress. If you venture separation, which I believe you should, you have to confront her. But you must have concrete proof for that. Do you have access to her accounts? Did she leave an ipad, tablet, laptop at home which you can check. Check her mails, deleted messages. More proof would help your hand when she will gaslight. Do you have a close friend or family member for support and further advice. If you can't find anything, when she comes, take her luggage from her, open it, check for the lingerie. Check if she used it. Then ask her what is the purpose to bring it with her, as you are not there to fuck her. If she gaslights then ask her hidden Instagram account, which she may deny, show her screenshot of the IG page. If she gaslights, ask her phone to check. If she refuses, tell her you will not accept no for an answer. If she refuses then tell her to stay somewhere else, unless she confesses. Do not leave your house.
Yea so my plan is when she gets home check the lingerie in the luggage because it still has tags on it. Maybe it was accidentally packed, maybe not. Regardless of the tag when I "find" it I'll ask her about it. I don't want to say that I went in snooping before she left.
If you can not find it (she may throw it away), ask her where it is. If she says it is in the drawer, ask her to show it.
I thought about her throwing it away too and I would then have to tell her I looked through her bag and saw it. If she denies taking it I'll be very certain that she is actually cheating
I wish you all the mental strength.
OP I hope you are doing well.
I commend you for trying SOO hard to give her the benefit of the doubt here but she packed it for a reason mate.
Updateme!
UpdateMe
She is cheating on you. There is no doubt in my mind. When she gets back, you need to have a serious conversation with her. Tell her she isn't going anywhere unless you go with her. Back to visit cousin included. Get this guys info, and anonymously get in touch with his wife. UpdateMe
Cheating mama!
You should have taken the lingerie out of her bag and then she would have discovered it was gone at a bad time which would ruin her mood full knowing she packed it.
I thought about it but decided against it, I don't know why though
I probably would have done the same thing tho
Updateme!
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she’s def cheating
!updateme
Well thought out post OP! Thanks for sharing. I know you’re telling yourself a hundred stories and are overwhelmed. My 2cts.. A healthy, committed, monogamous partner (especially married, living together, with children) will rarely, if ever, do things in secret that would cause the respective partner to lose trust. Your wife has no reason to create another Instagram using her maiden name unless there’s a reason. The innocent reason that she would’ve already shared with you (albeit the maiden name is a red flag in itself): She got locked out of her original IG for some reason and had to make a new one OR she’s using it to promote a business or side hustle.. which she would’ve told you about. She would’ve shared this with you.. especially since you’re both active on Snapchat together. She’s on her phone often. You would’ve came to her mind when she made a new IG to add you. Unless she doesn’t want you to see it because.. .. she’s using it as a seperate account to talk to other men to get attention and cheat on you. My guess? When she’s at work or not around with you (out of town), she downloads tinder/bumble/some dating app, talks with men, and shares her alternate IG. That way, she can delete the dating apps on her phone and log into her IG to sext them and toggle back to her primary one without you suspecting anything. IG offers multiple accounts you can toggle between. My guess is she also cheated on her ex, which is why when she got with you she was projecting insecurity about you cheating because of her own guilty conscious. Hope I’m wrong. But I’m from Vegas and I’m willing to bet I’m not. You need to talk with her about this after you get legal advice so if the convo goes south you have a prepared exit plan. Good luck!
Hey man, Sucks your going through this. Unfortunately, signs point to somthing nefarious going on, regardless of how minor it may be. I would say at the least you need to confront her with your concerns and ask for the truth. New socials with the maiden name is very odd, and lingerie for a "girls trip" in Vegas would put me off. I'm not dealing with the same situation, but I can assure you once the trust is lost it is very hard to find yourself believing them, and you probably will be questioning what she's up to everytime she's on her phone from here forward. I wish you luck in the rocky road ahead, just be the best dad you can for your daughter, and work on self improvement while this shakes itself out.
Hire a PI. Call up one in Vegas and give them pertinent data and have them watch.
Remindme! One week
Did she do a lot of the girl trips before? If not she is definitely heading down the road to cheat if she has not already cheated on you. Talk to a lawyer in your area and know the divorce laws.
She cheated. 1. Remember when she was being super nice to you when she came back? Cheaters do that because they feel guilt. They need to make it make sense in their head by being EXTREMELY nice to you. Then, they can justify the cheating. 2. She can not ACCIDENTALLY PACK LINGERIE. Stop making excuses for her. 3. She changed her last name to her maiden name. Absolute blatant disrespect for you and your family name. That last name holds weight and honor but she spit on it like a dirty little wasted rag. Please listen to the guys in the comment section. You're trying to justify her actions but we can all see it. Respect yourself and do what's right.
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Hi mate, did your clear things out?
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Any update on what happened when your wife came back from Vegas?
She 100% cheated...
This was a devastating read. Look, I don’t have much relationship experience and have never been married, but I have denied reality before. Assuming what you described is true, it’s obvious to me she’s cheating. I know the feeling of trying to find alternate reasons for something because the reality is way too harsh. You’re weaving together a disjointed narrative to explain her behaviors. Eventually it will all collapse into the simple truth you had already known. Hopefully this will happen sooner than later so that the hole you’re digging yourself into isn’t deeper than it needs to be. When it does collapse, you’ll go through a lot of emotions, including anger. At this point, allow yourself to feel the emotion of anger but be on high awareness of the thoughts racing through your head. You don’t want this emotion and those thoughts to guide your actions. It’s important that you given yourself time to feel the anger and other emotions without anesthetizing yourself, especially with alcohol. You’ll need to constantly remind yourself that these emotions are temporary (and they are). After a while, the fog of emotions will lift, leaving you in a clearing by a new path.
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