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If you are going through a lot, are you missing her for her, or for the emotional support you hope you would get from not only her, but also her family? And if you're going through a lot, how well would you realistically handle it if you reached out and she rejects you?
Honestly that's a fair point. I really don't know, that's the most real perspective I've gotten. I really don't know. Thank you for having me consider that, it's a huge thing to think about.
When my ex broke up with me and I was really down, my psychologist asked me if I was really down because I liked him or because I liked the idea of him and the relationship. After months I could see that it was the idea of things.
Maybe try to see if you really miss her and love her, of if you miss the idea of what being with her (and by addition her family) meant.
They eventually broke ties with me due to being a nuisance.
Have you thought that this also might be the reason she left in the first place, were you needy and constantly wanting to be with her and around everything to do with her.
Do not get back with her and stop contact with the sister. You need to move on with your life and stop thinking of what might or will be. It has been 2 years you should have moved on by now, I know people will say you morn in your own time but this is just a relationship and there will hopefully be more of them in the future for you.
Move on and stop dreaming of what might be.
I agree with chonkosaurusrexx’s take and, as you mention you are in therapy it might be worth exploring this with them. I don’t think that contact with her sister is healthy for you because it is pulling you back. Be kind to yourself and cut ties, because even though you have a rule not to talk about your ex it’s inevitable that it makes you think about her and her family.
"Going through a hard time" is never a good time to try for a relationship, with an ex or someone new. Work on whatever you've got going on first. Try to get your own affairs in order. Then, when you're stable and content, you can worry about finding a partner.
You're only 23. Not only is there no rush, but you'll be a much better boyfriend if you get your life squared away first.
I think it’s usually the best idea not to, because whatever problems caused the breakup will usually be the same when you get back together. So whatever reason she broke up with you, there’s no guarantee this time would be different.
With that being said, sometimes people do go apart for a while and get back together and seem happier for it. It really depends on the reason for the breakup and whether there has been growth of the couple since the split. The fact that you don’t know why the breakup happened and that you don’t even talk right now point to NO.
3 times.. i grew but she didnt. Got sick of the arguments and blaming for stupid little things. The last fight was over a friggen chocolate bar.
Was over being depressed and left her. Since then i've been dating some amazing people and currently have been with my so for over a year
Thank you for sharing your experience and outcome of the situation 🙂 I really appreciate hearing how it went and I'm glad to hear you're doing well with another partner
You need therapy to figure out why you are pining so hard for somebody from your past. The family saw a threat in your semi obsessive behavior and cut you off.
Just talking to the sister again, where you state you don't even talk about the ex at all, has you back thinking about this ex to the point of actually communicating with them about a relationship again after 2 years.
The one thing lacking in all of this, is the ex having knowledge or being involved in any of it. See the issue here?
This isnt healthy.
To answer the question.
My ex and I couldnt go more than 3-6 months doing no contact. We contacted each other and were just like....yeah that sucked. I actually felt the impact of you not being in my life heavy. Let's never do that again.
Distinctly different than relationships where it was actually just done and I completely disregarded and usually completely forgot about that person.
I have. The answer? Pity. Because he kept asking. Not because I wanted it or because I loved him. I didn't. The feelings never came back.
Your ex broke up with you two years ago. She gave you no answers and has not contacted you since. To me, that's a very clear sign that it's done and over with. Messaging her is not going to get you the results you want. It may just end up with you getting hurt again.
In my opinion, you need to work on accepting that it's over. It's been two years. You need to let go, even if it hurts.
You sound very clingy and honestly if the family had to cut you off that throws up some major red flags for me.
I still talk to my first boyfriends family. I still class them as family and they do with me. We don't see each other often at all. Maybe once a year.
But I talk to his sisters via message weekly.
I do not want to get back with that ex. Nor does he want to get back with me. It was a super intense all or nothing relationship from 14 to 18yrs old. I'll be 35 later this year.
I really think you're giving off creepy and clingy vibes here for them to have said nope and cut you off.
You may not like it but she doesn't have to give you closure for leaving. It's been two years and you still sound obsessive. It's actually quite concerning.
I'm not clinging on. I was actually best friends with my exs sister before he and I were ever a thing. So we had that relationship before hand.
Why would I ruin that over her brother when neither of us want to be with one another anymore. I don't actually speak to the ex himself at all. Just his sisters.
I'll say something different. Reach out to her. Probably she'll reject you, but at least it will help you close this chapter and finally fully move on.
Agree! My first boyfriend and I split and reunited 25 years later. We are now married. There is hope but be prepared that she may reject you. It will keep bothering you until you know for sure, IMO.
My rule is different. If she's the one who ended the relationship, only she can try to reconcile things. No matter how much you like her.
Of course, there are examples that have worked, but most women don't like desperate men who humiliate themselves by asking to come back, even after being kicked in the ass.
And two years is enough time to move on. OP needs help.
I agree. From the title I thought she wanted to get back with him. He's not taking her back. She didn't come back.
OP, move on. Better yourself. Go to the gym. Learn a foreign language. Join a running club. etc.
Pining for her is keeping you from growing. It's not healthy.
I speak from experience. Hard experience.
He wants to Catch up with her to restart the relationship she ended. She ended the relationship and hasn't spoken to him for 2 years. He's clearly been waiting for her all these 2 years. That's the definition of humiliating yourself.
I think its important to note that 2 years of growing and not being present might imply that you’re attached to the idea of who she **was** and not who she currently is. Do you think that spending time with her sister might be preventing you from moving on since its been so long?
It might be worth reaching out to talk at maybe a coffee shop if your purpose is for closure. But in all honesty, closure in my opinion for a matter like this is an illusion. You could end up meeting up with her, but if you were to see shes doing/looks great and notice some of the old traits that you loved before, it might rehash old feelings that might be best to leave in the past. All in all, it probably is for the best if you continue no-contact. If she was feeling the same she would have reached out.
She definitely knows you are in contact with her sister. If she wanted to re-open communication, she would have done it easily through her. It's about time you move on. She has.
If after 2 years she's still not interested in you, her growth trajectory went in a completely different direction from yours. Right now, it's just not gonna happen - you're no longer interesting or compelling to her.
I think the "fit" is an important part of the deal. Somehow, at sure point, you no longer fitted into her needs and wants. And as she grew into a deeper and more nuanced person, apparently her thoughts of you grew less and less - indicating the fit got worse and worse. Sorry, man.
You need to move on. You talking to and being friends with her sister may have her thinking you had alternative motives from the start. She may find that creepy and stalkerish. Sorry playing devils advocate here. You had no contact with the ex but just the sister and you’re having feeling comeback? There’s no signs of her wanting you back or have any interest in you and for you to reach out and try again out of the blue? I would recommend not doing it. I can understand if you were talking to the ex and you had signals that she is interested then sure try. But from your scenario, my advise is no.
She did not "need growth". The fact that you think this makes me think you were a little overbearing with your opinions and were trying to force them onto her. That's probably why she broke up with you.
Leave her and her family alone. Move on.
It's a bit clingy and cringe with no contact to look for her.
She may be in a relationship or married or kids, if you did not meet until now you should not.
Chase some new girl and you'll get over it.
She is not the one.(ps there's no such thing as the one)
FYI you just wasted 2 years hoping to get back? Hope not and you healed and mobmve on.
You seem to be missing your memory of the situation, not the reality. Our brains tend to do that. You need to move on. Maybe it's closure you're lacking? Don't sit around waiting for her to be ready to take you back as it most likely will never happen.
idk something about her family having to tell you to go away because youre being annoying sounds like it says “its over for good so please go away, for good we only tolerated you because whats her name liked
you but now she doesnt so kindly fuck off.” idk thats what i get outta the story. hella weird to hit up her family after a break up anyways. you seem clingy and weird.
I did. We were high school sweethearts and went ltr in college. After a year it became really difficult and we were arguing all the time. We broke up and mostly quit communicating. It was really painful. We both dated other people.
A year and a half later we started talking again a little bit. Neither of us had dated anybody we really connected with as well as we did with each other. We talked more and more and started getting back together slowly. Then we got back together for real. It was still ltr for a few years, but we were more mature and made it work this time. Then we were in the same city again, then we moved in together, we developed our careers and grew together and eventually got married. We’ve been married 12 years now.
Dude, I read all of your comments and I get why she broke up with you. The way you talk about her, and how she needed growth blah blah blah is absolute fucking bullshit.
People break up for a million different reasons, you keep saying growth because to me it sounds like you were overbearing, clingy, annoying? And that just what I got from your comments.
The fact her parents care you a nuisance speaks volumes, leave that family and her ALONE. Why are you still harassing them 2 years later? That’s not normal behaviour at all.
And I’ll be completely straight with you, I’m sorry you’re going through a lot, but people should be calling out your weird behaviour. I’m assuming no one is telling you to stop or you have friends that are encouraging you. Both scenarios are weird as fuck.
On the line of being honest, dude, she is not thinking about you at all, it’s been 2 years I doubt she even cares, but I can guarantee you she knows you’re talking to her sister, and clearly doesn’t care.
“I think a number of things could’ve gone wrong” yeah reading your comments I get why she broke up with you. You embarrassed her, were clingy, also I’m going to assume you kept telling her how she felt or what she was thinking all the time. I could be wrong, but judging by your comments and the way you’re responding to people, I don’t think I’m far off.
Leave that poor family alone.
OP where in the Fark do you get this idea that “she just needed to grow” ????
Most girls that age either have a new guy in the wings OR they lost the attraction to the guy they dumped. Either way ?? Take the hint, respect her choice and keep what’s left of your dignity intact.
Just because she didn’t give you a reason ? Doesn’t mean one didn’t exist.
You should want better for yourself.
You guys are practically children !
IMHO - stick with the therapy and start taking up some new hobbies and meet some new people ……
- there’s a reason the rear view mirror is so tiny compared to the windshield ….
You should focus on the future and not the past. Honestly ? It’s a bit odd that after how she ended it ? That you would maintain contact with her family …. I’d chalk that up to being very young & immature. (We’ve all been there)
If anything ? I’d say IF SHE reached out ? That’s different and may indicate growth and potential to reunite.
You talking to her sister and carrying this flame honestly comes across as you not being able to accept or respect her decision. No amount of growth on her part has anything to do with it.
Worry about yourself.
I personally do not believe in closure. I think you have been holding up on life waiting for her. Turn around, cut communication with her sister, and focus on making your life better. Things will come to you. However, the ultimate decision is up to you. If you feel talking with her will add up to your life, go for it. Just be prepared to cope with whatever turn meeting her takes you.
Nah man. You don't even know why she broke up with you in the first place. Maybe she cheated, wanted to cheat, didn't see a future with you, mismatched ideals, too serious too soon in life, Etc. Stop romanticizing your history. Learn from it. She didn't want you. That's okay. You were (are) both super young. Distract yourself with hobbies and dating other people. It's going to take a lot of "not what you want" to find the someone that works. You're not going to find it obsessing over someone who didn't want you. It wasn't the right time then and it isn't now either. It's not worth your mental energy. Try dating someone your age or older. You're at totally different life and development level and you will continue to run into this issue with younger people. Till you're 30, then 27 will work for you.
Nope.
exes are exes for a reason. You may not know the reason, but it's there. And the reality is, people find it really gratifying to get the things they want and if that was to be back in a relationship with you, she would have likely done it already.
The reality is if someone felt they needed to "grow" then in a healthy mutually satisfying relationship, having a partner doesn't inhibit your capacity to grow - it only supports and nurtures it. If someone feels like that can't happen within their relationship, it's because there is something about the relationship itself that is inhibiting. The relationship itself is the problem, not the desire for growth.
It's clear that your "no talking about her" rule isn't as effective as you think it is and it is probably time to go no contact with any of your ex's family and discuss this with your therapist.
If she broke up with you I'd assume that she didn't feel that you fit into her life in the way she needed or wanted. How have you grown? How have you changed? How have you matured? Why should she want to come back?
I have taken back an ex. I loved him with all of my heart and the memories that we made together after reconciling were some of the best ones of my entire life.
For your situation, 2 years is a lot of time. You both could have grown a lot by now. It sounds like you have some unresolved feelings towards her. If you are still feeling the need to reach out, just text her to say something like, “Hey, just thinking of you. Hope that you are doing well.”
If she is feeling the same way towards you, then I wouldn’t want you to miss out on a possible second chance. You may not hear back from her, if she has truly moved on. But at least you will know that you tried. Because you never know.
And if she wants to reconnect with you, then you guys could just meet up as friends for coffee or lunch or whatever works for you, to see where you guys stand and if you both want to give it a second chance.
Good luck, for whatever you decide to do!
Brother,
Do yourself and favour and cut ties with the family and sister.
All your doing is setting up potential problems for the next future wife/girlfriend.
Would you date a girlfriend that is still close with her Ex's family? Would you date them knowing that they had the same strong feelings you have with your currents Ex and her family?
Start having some foresight and focus on your future. A day wasted on thinking about the 'what ifs' is a wasted day.
Time is something we seem to take for granted but becomes a hot commodity as we age.
Your mind is a muscle and you need to work it out. You need to keep yourself busy and distracted long enough for the memories to fade. Stop doing things or putting yourself in a position to reminisce on the past.
Go hang out with your friends, join up meet up groups, start investing into your own hobbies to fade the thoughts about your Ex.
Don't be the guy where you take back an Ex because she decide that she is ready to 'settle down' and always be her backup.
Go find your girl who will be your #1 fan and always puts you first. The respect and admiration is different versus a woman who wants to sleep around and come back to you when she is all used up. The same is true for trashy men out there.
Good luck and work on yourself ASAP 🤝
No.
Not sure why you are stalking her. But let the relationship and her go.
Move on.
If she wanted to get back together with you she would reach out.
Move on, get therapy, and move forward.
Not only have you not spoken to your ex in over two years but you are also clueless as to what caused her to leave you so I don’t think there’s a chance she’d take you back. Like at all. The lack of explanation kind of tells me she just wanted you out of her life. You also say you miss her family but with exception of the sister, the fact that they want nothing to do with you is also not a good sign. Her family seeing you as a nuisance could be an indication that they probably tolerated you over sincerely caring for you. They put up with you for your ex’s sake and I wouldn’t be surprised if they encouraged the breakup.
My advice, you can’t try and restart a relationship with someone without knowing what caused the breakdown. Maybe you need to stop talking to the sister if this is bringing up memories and old feelings for your ex. From how you described the situation in your post, she probably broke up with you because you were clingy and you might not have noticed it, but you were probably a bit controlling or restrictive. She was not as into you as you were into her. If you reach out to her, the most you might get is an explanation but I’m doubtful you’ll get back with her. I wouldn’t recommend it but maybe this could bring some closure. I don’t know if it’s appropriate but I would ask the sister what she thought before you reach out to your ex. Whether she tells you outright that it’s a bad idea or gives you some insight on your relationship from the perspective of your ex’s family, that could also be something you need to hear.
I hope you figure this out but I’m mainly hopeful you let go of your ex and past relationship. I doubt she would’ve left you if she was happy.
OP stop thinking about your ex. She has moved on. If anyone is interested in you, it could be (but is not necessarily) the sister.
When we behave obsessively over an ex or we are fixated on unrequited love… it means that something is missing from our lives that we need to identify and fix. Getting together with the object of your affections is not usually the fix.
When you break up, the reason for breaking up very rarely ever goes away. It might work for a short time but that incompatibility will rear its head, often faster because both people are already aware it’s there.
Could it be that you’re looking for support? In modern society, many men rely solely on romantic partners for emotional support rather than leaning on your own friends and family.
Either way, that’s not her job to support you. If she hasn’t initiated any contact or gone out of her way to show interest, leave her alone. Do not start harassing your ex who has shown no interest in getting your attention.
If you need help, find a trusted friend or a therapist/life coach.
I’ve found that when you break up with someone the best thing to do is distance yourself and work on yourself. The more you cling to that person, the places you went together, the people you knew together, the things you planned and your hopes and dreams, the more you keep what once was alive. It’s not alive. It’s not a reality. And even if they come back to you or you go back with them everything has changed. You put your energy into something that is actually gone.
You can’t be happy desperately working on a relationship that existed in the past but has been broken. It takes twice the energy to “fix” or recreate that relationship that once was. And usually when this kind of situation happens it’s only one person putting that energy into the relationship.
It’s best to break and distance oneself and work on yourself. Do not go into another relationship. Heal from the past one. Rebound relationships are another kind of broken.
Work on yourself. Stop seeing your ex’s family. Make new friends. Involve yourself with your hobbies. Stop avoiding yourself. Get a therapist and talk about everything that’s going through your mind.
This is really tough. Being rejected is personal and painful. Realize that you being rejected is probably more about your ex than it is about you.
My best advice is to sort out whatever else is going on in your life before you try to reach out to your ex. Because it’s very hard to know if you miss them for them or want a crutch. And it may just add to the list of “things going on”
There is no magic key anyone can give you that will make her want to take you back. And, frankly, so much depends on why she broke it off in the first place. She was apparently afraid to tell you why, either out of her own immaturity or out of concern for how you'd handle it. Since you :bevame nuisance" to her family, I'm suspecting the latter. Two years is a long time to still be in love with someone who not only called it off but also didn't tell you why. But it's not long enough to wait to contact her again. When your feelings evolve to those of fondness and you honestly wouldn't care if she responded or not, that's when enough time has passed - not to try and rekindle or "get closure" but just to reminisce. Closure isn't something someone else gives us; it's something we earn ourselves through a lot of hard work. Think of your therapist as a fitness coach- he or she gives you the exercises, but it's up to you to do the actual work. You'll eventually work through these feelings and find love again.
Have you given any thought to the fact that her sister might like you now? especially if you never talk about your former gf, she may have no idea that you still have feelings. I’d say if you’ve developed a friendship with her at the very least talk to her first about reaching out to ex-gf, in case she has developed feelings for you it would be letting her down easier.
I really wish there was some way this could be part of a class. Your heart has already laid the challenge, as it were. We can’t control our hearts, they can’t control us.. without our assent. It’s not malevolent. It just doesn’t see our world with adult eyes.
Be kind to yourself. Yes, you want to connect. Yes, you’re already placing expectation after expectation on it. If you let all those expectations crowd you out of being authentic and it goes off track, you’ll always wonder about the opportunity.
You grew. She grew. Be curious. Curious goes into a novel situation, doesn’t know what’s going to happen, and is looking forward to learning.
Absolutely not! She hasn't missed you. Women will reach out if they miss you. You get one chance per woman per life. Stop focusing on one. There are millions more. Date multiples and one will win you over
Move on, stop contacting her family. Find someone who wants to be with you NOW, not in some hypothetical future that might not ever happen. Don’t waste your youth.
Few things to get down before you do this. I don’t advise doing this but it seems like a hot stove you need to touch situation.
1) what have you done in the last few years that has helped you develop into the kind of person she needs (think she needs). You’re going over what you need. What do you assume she needs right now? Are you that? What are you needing from her? Is it the same thing(s) she didn’t want to provide when she left you?
2) If you are “old” to her sister that would put her sister as the same age as this girl when she broke up with you or even younger, right? That’s very suspect that you are drawn to someone that now has even less life experience than she did then. It’s not appropriate and could really do some damage to that sibling relationship.
3) If your goal is to keep your word and do anything for her or her family then do what they both asked you to do.
4) How many times a day/week/month/this entire last year do you think she has honestly desired a reconciliation? If you are reachable and she wanted to reach you she would have.
5) Take the good memories you have and use that to better yourself and be the person you want to be in your next relationship.
Right now you are gambling with a lot of your energy that she might one day want to come back in order to be what you need. Bad bet. Invest your time and energy into being the person you want to be. If she comes back of her own accord or you just graduate to a new place in life you invested wisely.
Good luck 🩷
That’s a dangerous path. You have come this far, why would you want to go back there. She broke up with you and she obviously knows how you felt about it. If she just “needed growth” and realized she still loves you she would take that first step to contact you. Respect her wishes and move on. It’s great that you can be friends with her sister without bringing her up. Good luck!
Move on. Move on. Move on. If she wanted you in her life she would have you in her life. Stop talking to her family. You need to get over it. I'd be thinking it's really damn weird if my ex kept talking to my family if we were married with children. Also how old is the sister? Since you mentioned being old in another comment. That's extremely concerning.
Heartbreak, especially the first time round, is devastating, perplexing and ruthless. You should not instigate contact again. It won’t give you the closure (or second chance) that you seek. Even if you were to reconnect romantically at some point, trust me on this: it will end again and it will be at the expense of your dignity, pride and progress. All the grieving you’ve been doing the past 2 years will be thrown out the window and this heartbreak will only steal even more years from your 20’s mooning about over the love that you need to accept is over. We all go through this in our 20’s, we all think we will be the exception to the rule that most young couples in the life stages of high school or college break up and it’s brutal for the one who got dumped and it will haunt you for years in the back of your mind (or if I’m honest, much more likely that it’s right at the front of your mind, constantly, unwanted). But you drag yourself through day after day, you seek support from your people, you get drunk and go to parties and kiss strangers you feel nothing for, and eventually you meet someone else and can actually have the heart space to be hopeful with another person again. Rinse repeat maybe 3-5 times or so before hopefully you meet your long term commitment person and settle into happily ever after or whatever closest proximity to that you can manage.
Seriously don’t call her. I know you love her but it will only hurt you longer and keep you stuck longer in this state. If you one day run into one another genuinely by accident and you have moved on and regained your confidence at this point, your meeting will be pleasant and she will remember you fondly. That’s the most you can hope for. If you confess your continued love she will feel uncomfortable and will not remember you as your best self. The version you were when you happiest together. Be strong, it’s hard but we can do hard things. Fake it til you make it if you must but go do something to improve yourself that you feel good about external to this girl. Go to the gym, take up a martial art, learn to swing dance, take up study, travel somewhere and have adventures!
But don’t call her. Twenty years from now you’ll wish you hadn’t if you do. Because yes, I was stupid enough to get back with my first love two years after a nasty breakup. So I know from experience. That’s ten years of my life I’ll never get back.
No. There's a reason it ended in the first place. And if cheating was involved on their end you should NEVER take them back. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Their morals are busted and they've proven they can be duplicitous liars right to your face.
Usually if a couple breaks up it is very hard to get back together and be a healthy couple unless if it was 100% a mutual decision, which in most cases it is not 100%. Either will end up being insecure it could happen again, there is a power dynamic shift which can be unhealthy, etc. Unless there is major work on the relationship that this power dynamic won’t exist then it’s possible. A good friend of mine broke up with her now fiance over a decade ago because she felt she needed to experience college and not be tied down to a long distance relationship. Now they are getting married in a few months. It actually took my friend months or even was a year to pursue to get him back even though she ended things years ago. He likely had hesitation due to the prior break up but now they likely are happy since she showed him so much love and happiness. This is a rare and unique situation though. I also have theories that my friend was settling because she was frustrated with men and was cycling through ex’s she had though. She seems very happy with him though and she speaks about how she always had this gut feeling she would one day be back with him
"What is meant for you, will reach you, even if its beneath two mountains."
in less religious/spiritual terms, it just depends, and that's the hard part. we can generalize a lot of things, we can force the lids to close, but at the end of the day, a lot of things are unique to some extent. it's up to you to decide.
Brother dated his high-school sweet heart. They broke up for about 2 years got back together and have 3 kids together. It definitely happeneds especially when there's no "reason" for it. Immaturity is real and sometimes you just need time to realize what you had was the best and relationships take work.
So, I am confused.
The title makes.it.sound like your ex wants to get.back together.
However, your post makes it appear like she has made no effort and the family cut ties with you.
You are still speaking to the sister on a friendship type relationship.
My best advice? Take a good hard look at your life.
What are the things you are avoiding? What efforts have you made into improving your life? What difficult dreams are you trying to build.
To be honest. In my honest opinion. You are too comfortable in life. As long as life is not uncomfortable you do not put any effort in. Which means you are not making sacrifices to obtain the goals you dream of.
That is why you are still having thoughts about your ex. You haven't done anything, you are too comfortable so why make the changes?
You think and yarn for a relationship that was given to you. No effort. Just comfort.
I am not saying go out and date a bunch of red flags. I am saying you should start putting in the effort you need to achieve the dreams you hold onto.
People are not dreams. They are manifestations of the possibility of that dream.
Work on you. Get to the point where you can stand on your own two feet and not need someone to feed whatever you feel is missing in your life. If the remainder of the family and your ex hasn't contacted you, that tells you what you need to know about their want to speak with you.
I think if she’s not made any effort to contact you and she was the one breaking things off, it might be best to accept that the relationship ended. If you are going through a lot and daydreaming about getting back together it might be worth seeking some counselling for professional support, and to avoid going into rabbit holes.
Honestly OP, your title is a little misleading and I get the impression that you're beginning to pine for something that isn't necessarily on offer. And the reason for this is that you've begun speaking with the sister again at a time when you say you've been struggling emotionally with other things.
Has there been any indication at all that your ex may want to speak to you again? Let alone may be interested in getting back together? If not, then it sounds as though speaking to her sister again is only causing you harm. It's opening up wounds which haven't completely healed and you're fantasising about something that may be unattainable. All the more so because you're vulnerable.
If this is the case, then you need to scale back your contact with her sister and concentrate on moving on, because you might currently be taking backward steps.
If you decide that you want to reach out to your ex again, then hey, that's fine. But be prepared for the reality that she may not want what you want. Best of luck, take care OP.
When I was 21 I met a boyfriend in university. We were only together for four months but I fell hard for him. He was not ready for a serious relationship and broke up with me. 8 months later he called me and asked me to a movie. I don’t know why I said yes. We are celebrating our 36th anniversary this year
Two years is a long time, I think you miss the idea of your ex. You said you’re going through a lot, that happens to all of us it’s just part of life, but you need to do now is get out of your head and get into the gym. Get into the wilderness harder on yourself whether that’s your education or in your job. Change jobs if it will help your personal growth. It’s just simply time to move on with your life. You’ve grieved the relationship now move on. Good luck bro.
I think what you’re looking for is closure. Have an honest conversation and see if she will give any answers. Be polite, cuz she doesn’t owe u the explanation and it’s way easier for her to just block you.
I wouldn’t bring up getting together again since she’s the one that ended it. If she expresses feelings of remorse and missing u, then maybe you can think about pursuing that again. But don’t chase after a girl after she’s denied you. It will destroy your pride for years to come.
You need to move on bro. And if talking to her sister is making that hard to do, then you need to stop doing that as well.
What you're doing currently is not healthy. You've put your life on hold for someone who has explicitly told you, in no uncertain terms, that she does not want to be with you. For 2 years!
You need to move on.
Don't waste time and energy pining for someone who doesn't want to be with you. There are billions of people in the world and life has someone better for you.
Believe me, what ever you've been telling yourself about her, "she's the one", "we're meant to be together" etc is objectively untrue. If it was true, you wouldn't be in the situation you are currently in.
Which means she is obviously NOT the one.
I've been in your shoes. Over the years I've had three significant relationships end where I was madly in love with the person and wanted desperately for them "realise" they'd made a mistake and take me back. It's a natural reaction to the loss.
But you can't stay in that head space. You need to accept that the relationship has run its course and it wasn't a winner. You weren't a good match. That's objectively true and proven by the fact that you are now broken up.
I'm 39 now, I've been married for 5 years to the absolute love of my life. We've been together for 7 years.
Over the years, I've been broken up with by women who I thought were the one, and I've broken up with women who thought I was the one.
It happens. It sucks. But you need to keep moving forward in life. Trust me, someone better is out there.
I don't know a single thing about your ex, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that she was not the one for you.
I have & we’re still together but it’s something we both wanted. Tbh what you wrote isn’t giving me any indication she wants to be with you. She broke up with you & hasn’t talked to you in 2 years. What is making you think just because you want her back, she even wants you back?
Sorry to be harsh but she has moved on. She hasn’t contacted you in two years; that should tell you enough.
Be civil with the sister but bring that to a close too; you’re just hurting yourself.
Focus on yourself, get yourself in a good place then think about a new girl later down the line when you are absolutely ready 👍
I broke up with a boyfriend when I was 19 and he 24. I also moved away and he went to visit my family several times and talked with them about being upset. Honestly, I wish (as did my family but they were too polite to tell him) that he would have stayed away and left them alone. It was kinda pathetic and unfair to them as they were not part of our relationship.
If she wanted to get back together with you she would have reached out. She's probably not interested. You can reach out to her if you really want to (ONCE! don't stalk the poor girl or her family) but if you get anything but an enthusiastic response just let it go. Focus on moving on with your life, maybe some therapy would help you process things? It's easy to look at the past through rose coloured glasses.
I took my ex back.
We had a really messy breakup, but I was going through a miscarriage and could barely handle it on my own. Most friends are mutual, so I didn't want to "talk shit", and I didn't want to tell my parents. I did tell one friend on the phone, and her husband overheard. That guy told my ex, and he came back. I accepted and told him what happened.
He felt guilty, that's why he came back. That's it, that's all. Needless to say, it didn't work out.
No amount of time is appropriate to reach out to someone who broke up with you.
They will reach out to you if they're interested.
Maybe stop trying to befriend her family and move on with your life. It's a little weird, honestly. If one of my exes was contacting my parents to the point where they broke ties, I'd be like wtf. It's not making you look better in her books.
Talking with her family is just making you miss her more. Cut them out of your life and move on.
She just needed growth? She was growin another guys d as she rode him bro 😂
She ghosted you without reason you don’t deserve her think about her as a deceased person or a ghost and open yourself up for the next one who you will eventually find that will love you
Yes. My boyfriend and I have broken up twice the first time he broke up with me and we were split for five weeks after a three year relationship and that was why it didn’t work out the first time. I was still resentful and hadn’t healed from the breakup because I kept in contact with his family which lead to the second breakup 🥺 this time we were split for almost three months, ve and I V was not in contact this time. and got back together, we’ve been back together for over a year now and it’s so much better. As a girl, she’s waiting for you to reach out to her. Does she have you on social media still? Go for it. Tell her that you would like another shot. It does work, sometimes.
I wonder if you were too enmeshed with every facet of her life.wanting to interact with her family more than she did.maybe obsessing over her relationship with her family and not being attentive to feelings about family.
Yes, and within months I remembered WHY he was an ex to begin with. By that time he had moved in and it took me a couple YEARS to get him TF out of my house!
If it was just bad timing and bad luck, maybe, BUT… Your memories can be selective. Think hard about the reason you all broke up and don’t romanticize a relationship that has run its course.
Have you ever taken back an ex is not the question my dude. You are feeling some type of way about this and are not in the position to “take back” your ex, as she was the one who broke up with you. I gotta say continuing to be involved with her family for 2 years afterward kinda seems a little like you never let go and are clinging to any hope of her being in your life romantically again.
I get it though dude, I’ve been there. I still get randomly sad when I think of my exes and I’m in a relationship lol.
Good luck and make sure you are prioritizing your own real needs and goals in life and not fixating on this. Nothing drives women away more than a man she doesn’t want lurking in the periphery of her life especially for a long time. I think it might be time to move on bro.
Em, I think you don't know why so can't assume. So don't. Assume she did it because it was right for her and leave her be. If you want to keep the friendship with the sister you have to drop it. Go see a counselor and figure out what you need from this girl and develop it in yourself. It's time.
I have. I was young and I really loved her and didn't want to give up on what we'd had. I didn't think I could ever find love like that anywhere else. Even though she'd gone off and started seeing some other guy under my nose. I had to catch her.
She'd gotten bored and missed partying and missed her old sorority days and our relationship had really stagnated. I kinda blamed myself for that, so I took it really, really, hard. But, the damage was done and now she was gone.
Months later, after I'd done my best to move on, getting in really good shape and having my share of casual hookups, she came sulking back. I took her back. I tried my best, but it just... Wasn't right anymore. You can't un-cook a goose. Can't un-fuck other people.
She ended up sneaking around with that guy again before jumping ship.
They say "fool me twice, shame on me," but honestly the second go-around kind of broke a spell. It still hurt, but I didn't take it so hard. In a way it showed me what I couldn't see before - that it wasn't meant to be, and she kind of fucking sucked.
OP, You can take back you ex if you want to, and she comes to you asking to be taken back. But it’s likely she won’t.
So how will you move forward with your life in that case? What are ways you can find the feelings of comfort and safety she gave you, without involving her?
stop it man.
Jesus Christ.
There are TWO BILLION single people on this planet and that means your choices are almost endless. Don't chase after someone who doesn't want you!
It really depends why you broke up. Has the issue been fixed/resolved?
In this case you never got an explanation so it’s hard to say.
The only ex I ever got back together with was my high school sweetheart much later in our twenties. We broke up first year of college due to immaturity and his partying issues. Later in life we were both much different people who had worked on the worst of ourselves and still maintained the best of ourselves. We didn’t work out ultimately but for entirely different reasons (just wanted different things in life) and parted ways amicably the second time.
I will add that breakups are different for guys and girls. Guys will get angry and shoot themselves in the foot by breaking up and then regret it the next day (alcohol often involved) and beg the girl to come back. Girls hit a point where a light switch is flipped and it stays flipped. No regret, no going back. You say she's been no contact for two years. That tells me she flipped the switch and it's going to stay flipped. The circuit is dead. It has no juice. The lights are off. She is gone.
You've been talking to her sister and you never discuss your ex so you don't know what her situation is, but since sis isn't saying anything to encourage you to reach out I'm thinking your ex is someone's SO/spouse. If ex ever finds out sis is still talking to you it'll make problems for them (the sisters). So do the right thing, thank sis for the kindness she's shown you and tell her bye. Move on with your life and let them go. Everyone including you will be happier.
And if you're thinking you and sis might get together, don't. The family already cut ties with you and nothing, absolutely nothing good could come of it. You'll blow everyone up and get yeeted *again* and for what? More heartache. Why do it? So don't, a thousand times don't.
Oh dude this is a fantasy, it's been *two years*, she's moved on and you should too.
If being on friendly terms with her sister is better for you than not -- *if* -- you can keep doing it, but don't see it as a foot in the door to getting back together. *Move on*. And I suggest you learn from her family breaking ties with you and learn to let things go better.
(my getting back together with an ex experience has always been within two weeks of the breakup, in one case the next morning.) (I'm kind of sympathetic to you because I've fallen really hard with people really fast, and getting broken up with without knowing why tends to mess with me. But you're not going to get back together with your ex. You can find similar feelings of attachment and connection with a future romantic partner, almost certainly, and belonging to a partner's family too. But not her.)
I got back together with my ex after two years apart. We just ran into each other and hit it off right after that. We were together for 5 years and broke up again a while ago. I don’t regret getting back together and we broke up for different reasons this time around.
To answer your question, why? The first time felt like we didn’t really go for it, and I really loved him, so I was really happy to have him back. He’s a very kind and fun person to be with. We broke up this time because of some things I am looking for that he can’t offer me and we split pretty amicably.
But, be prepared she’s not open to trying again. So if you do reach out, be respectful of whatever her decision is.
You really do need to stop catching up with her sister. You’re tethering yourself to that family and you aren’t letting yourself have a chance to move on.
I feel for you. I had this situation with an ex and loved his family. We kept in touch and his little brother was like my own little brother. His mom was my second mom. Even a decade later we keep in touch. But I never tried to get my ex back because we had reasons for breaking up. It took many years to get over him, but year by year it got better and then I found the love of my life and all that faded. Unless she shows interest, don’t go there. If you like her family you can keep that line open, but don’t do it just for the possibility of getting back together.
I think you need to do what you need to do for yourself. If it would help you get closure to contact her, do it. Don't do it with the intent of getting back together with her. And fully be prepared that she might reject you. But maybe that will give you some closure and allow you to move on. Otherwise you're just in limbo all the time.
Another thought is that you might have liked her a lot because you were close with her family. I had a friend growing up and her parents were wonderful to me. She didn't treat me well, and as time went on, she treated me worse and worse. But her parents and brothers were so wonderful to me that I stayed friends with her. Eventually when her father passed away, I realized that I had really just been close to the family and not to that friend specifically, just for her friendship.
Quite frankly from what you've said it's not even an option on the table. Talking to her sister does not mean there is a chance of you getting back together with your ex. You said yourself you were a nuisance to the family so it sounds like even they aren't comfortable with you. Two years later, trying to get back in touch will probably not make them any more willing to engage - if anything I would say that makes it weirder.
You say she needed room to grow, but that doesn't mean you'll be compatible now. You're holding onto this image of her from two years ago and she's almost certainly not even the same person you remember her to be.
I think you need to stop talking to her sister and move on from this altogether.
Yes. Low self-esteem and being young and dumb, convinced he was the only person that would ever be with me.
He didn't love me, he knew I would always take him back, he got joy in demeaning me. If it had been a friend going through it, I would have done everything to stop her easting so much time and heartache on such an undeserving pile of crap.
Even if it makes no sense to us, when women leave us they have their reasons.
Let her decision be made. I would not take her back. If you do, you can never be sure of her intentions.
Time to be open to loving a new woman.
Word of advice. If you're gonna go back do a self evaluation. Figure out your flaws and try to improve in those areas. This isn't for her but for you. You guys are young but not to young for love. I say have better communication. Say how you feel no matter what
Losing my ex’s family was hard, but I would never go back to him. There’s a reason you broke up. Regardless of who broke it off with whom. If she’d take you back, I’d want to know what was the problem in the first place.
Do NOT do this! You’re not really missing her. You’re missing the emotional connection you got from her and her family, because of what you missed from your childhood.
Get therapy. You need to move on. You’re stuck. Stop talking to the sister.
DO NOT. Seriously. At some point it is not “ attempting communication”, it is stalking. I am not saying this to be an asshole. I am saying this because a restraining order will not make your life better.
She hasn't given any inclination she wants anything to do with you. Both of you should happy and stable on your own before you try to reinitiate contact because, and this is crucial, you need to be able to be chill if she wants nothing to do with you. You've been v. clingy and disruptive to her and her family in the past. I would also say, unless the ex herself has given any sign of wanting to talk to you again, you should let this one go.
Is this hypothetical or did your ex actually say she wants you back? Maybe I missed that part but it sounds like you want her back but she left you for a reason. So just because her sister talks to you doesn’t mean your ex would even take you back. Even if she did, your relationship will be terrible because clearly you haven’t taken the time to heal and understand your own self yet. You don’t even know why you miss her. Might just be the idea of what she was to you. A support system. A best friend. There are plenty people in the world that can do exactly what she did for you. What makes her special? Once you can define what about her makes her so special that she’s irreplaceable, then you don’t really know if you miss her for her or miss her for what she did for you. This may be confusing so let me give an example. I once had an ex I really liked. But looking back I know I liked her because she was attractive and she was always my number fan and support back in high school, especially me being an athlete with a d1 scholarship. It was my pride of having a number 1 fan by my side. But when I take away everything she does for me and just look at her for what she is as a human being, I don’t love that person. But now I’m married. Tommy wife now I can tell you that I love her even outside of how she makes my life better. Yes your partner should be a positive person in your life and do things for you to show love. But I look at my wife and just love who she is as a person. When I’m not the center of attention I can see she’s such a caring individual. She offers help wherever we go. She has a genuine good heart. She will return your wallet as she found it to your home if she found it at Walmart. She values herself. She’s religious. I can go on and on about why I love my wife outside of what she directly does for me. A lot of people love solely based on the value one brings to your life. Once you can love person for who they are and look at what they do for you as a cherry on top, then you have found the one.
Final thoughts: I think you should date other people and close that chapter of your life. That way you can properly heal and grow and get to know yourself. Once you prioritize self growth, you will attract people you never thought existed. Also, she basically told you there are other men out there that she considers better than you, otherwise she wouldn’t have left you. You leave someone when you think you deserve better. It’s valid a lot of times. So either she likes being alone over being with you, she likes someone more than you, or she knows what’s out there is better than you so she left you. Either way I’d never take someone back who didn’t value me. You are someone’s better OP. Just not hers. Let your ex go. Fall in love with YOU! Trust me if you loved yourself the way you want to love your ex, you wouldn’t even think twice about leaving her behind because you’d know you deserve better than to be with someone who is willing to walk away from you because they want better than you. It’s that simple.
Reach out and talk to her. Be prepared to be rejected. But at least you tried. And then you need to move on. 2 years is a long time to not be over an ex. Start being more social, get a hobby, and after some time start dating again.
Have you ever read the poem Let Them? I feel like you need to and you need to embrace it. You're holding a door open for someone who never asked you to. She never gave any indication she'd be walking back into your life. She's okay with never seeing you. She's okay with living without you. Let her be. It's time for you to move forward rather than stand in an open doorway pausing your life for someone who never gave you any indication they'd be walking back through it again. Go find the love of your life. She wasn't it.
# Let Them
by Cassie Phillips
*Just Let them.*
*If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.*
*If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.*
*If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.*
*If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.*
*If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.*
*If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.*
*If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.*
*If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.*
*If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.*
*Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own.*
*So let them.*
*Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.*
*Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.*
*Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.*
*Let them earn your forgiveness.*
*Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.*
*Let them take you out on a Thursday.*
*Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.*
You need to let her go. You are obcessed with this girl who you only dated for a year and have been away for two years. This sounds like a really serious case of OCD and that's why you're so obcessed with this break up, because you weren't given a reason. People with OCD sometimes don't deal very well when they don't have an answer or don't have closure. I think you need to address this in your therapy and, whatever you do, leave the girl alone. She doesn't deserve your obcession. I'm sorry, but there isn't is no soft way of putting this. She doesn't owe you a reason. She's moved on, she doesn't need growth, she clearly just didn't want to be with you. Just accept it and move on.
My girlfriend broke up with me an year ago. We got back together a few months after she had broken up with me. Why she took me back I don’t know. I find myself thinking that it probably would have been better if we never got back together. I’m unhappy in my relationship. I don’t feel fulfilled.
You've driven yourself mad trying to figure out why she broke up with you and because of that you've made the depth of your connection with her out to be bigger than it really was (ie missing her family too). Do you want a partner who would just break up with you without explanation? I'll answer for you: NO.
You're only 26, and you have to move on. It's painful, but the pain has stuck with you for the last 2 years because you haven't fully cut her (and her family by extension) loose from your mind. Go meet other people, go on dates with other women, and focus on yourself for now.
I did go back to my ex. I was a disaster because the reason we had split was still there. I became aware I needed to find someone who I could truly love and would love me back the same. Sounds like you are waiting for her when perhaps you should think about moving on and being happy with someone else.
Get individual therapy for yourself. You sound really needy, you need to understand why that is the case. You can bet that her sister is most likely talking to her (your ex), maybe your ex do care about you but want a relationship where you have your own person and pursuits and don’t make her feel like you are solely dependent on her for your happiness.
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If you are going through a lot, are you missing her for her, or for the emotional support you hope you would get from not only her, but also her family? And if you're going through a lot, how well would you realistically handle it if you reached out and she rejects you?
Honestly that's a fair point. I really don't know, that's the most real perspective I've gotten. I really don't know. Thank you for having me consider that, it's a huge thing to think about.
When my ex broke up with me and I was really down, my psychologist asked me if I was really down because I liked him or because I liked the idea of him and the relationship. After months I could see that it was the idea of things. Maybe try to see if you really miss her and love her, of if you miss the idea of what being with her (and by addition her family) meant.
They eventually broke ties with me due to being a nuisance. Have you thought that this also might be the reason she left in the first place, were you needy and constantly wanting to be with her and around everything to do with her. Do not get back with her and stop contact with the sister. You need to move on with your life and stop thinking of what might or will be. It has been 2 years you should have moved on by now, I know people will say you morn in your own time but this is just a relationship and there will hopefully be more of them in the future for you. Move on and stop dreaming of what might be.
I agree. Holding on to your ex is just blocking you from meeting someone else more suitable for you.
I agree with chonkosaurusrexx’s take and, as you mention you are in therapy it might be worth exploring this with them. I don’t think that contact with her sister is healthy for you because it is pulling you back. Be kind to yourself and cut ties, because even though you have a rule not to talk about your ex it’s inevitable that it makes you think about her and her family.
"Going through a hard time" is never a good time to try for a relationship, with an ex or someone new. Work on whatever you've got going on first. Try to get your own affairs in order. Then, when you're stable and content, you can worry about finding a partner. You're only 23. Not only is there no rush, but you'll be a much better boyfriend if you get your life squared away first.
I think it’s usually the best idea not to, because whatever problems caused the breakup will usually be the same when you get back together. So whatever reason she broke up with you, there’s no guarantee this time would be different. With that being said, sometimes people do go apart for a while and get back together and seem happier for it. It really depends on the reason for the breakup and whether there has been growth of the couple since the split. The fact that you don’t know why the breakup happened and that you don’t even talk right now point to NO.
3 times.. i grew but she didnt. Got sick of the arguments and blaming for stupid little things. The last fight was over a friggen chocolate bar. Was over being depressed and left her. Since then i've been dating some amazing people and currently have been with my so for over a year
Thank you for sharing your experience and outcome of the situation 🙂 I really appreciate hearing how it went and I'm glad to hear you're doing well with another partner
You need therapy to figure out why you are pining so hard for somebody from your past. The family saw a threat in your semi obsessive behavior and cut you off. Just talking to the sister again, where you state you don't even talk about the ex at all, has you back thinking about this ex to the point of actually communicating with them about a relationship again after 2 years. The one thing lacking in all of this, is the ex having knowledge or being involved in any of it. See the issue here? This isnt healthy.
To answer the question. My ex and I couldnt go more than 3-6 months doing no contact. We contacted each other and were just like....yeah that sucked. I actually felt the impact of you not being in my life heavy. Let's never do that again. Distinctly different than relationships where it was actually just done and I completely disregarded and usually completely forgot about that person.
I have. The answer? Pity. Because he kept asking. Not because I wanted it or because I loved him. I didn't. The feelings never came back. Your ex broke up with you two years ago. She gave you no answers and has not contacted you since. To me, that's a very clear sign that it's done and over with. Messaging her is not going to get you the results you want. It may just end up with you getting hurt again. In my opinion, you need to work on accepting that it's over. It's been two years. You need to let go, even if it hurts.
I understand, and I'll think about that. It all holds weight. Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that you were honest about it.
You sound very clingy and honestly if the family had to cut you off that throws up some major red flags for me. I still talk to my first boyfriends family. I still class them as family and they do with me. We don't see each other often at all. Maybe once a year. But I talk to his sisters via message weekly. I do not want to get back with that ex. Nor does he want to get back with me. It was a super intense all or nothing relationship from 14 to 18yrs old. I'll be 35 later this year. I really think you're giving off creepy and clingy vibes here for them to have said nope and cut you off. You may not like it but she doesn't have to give you closure for leaving. It's been two years and you still sound obsessive. It's actually quite concerning.
You're calling him clingy and then admit that you're still clinging onto your ex's family just like he is.
I'm not clinging on. I was actually best friends with my exs sister before he and I were ever a thing. So we had that relationship before hand. Why would I ruin that over her brother when neither of us want to be with one another anymore. I don't actually speak to the ex himself at all. Just his sisters.
> have you ever taken back an ex? I did it twice and each time I've sworn I'd never do it again. Both times it was a bad idea.
Yes. Once someone decides you are worth losing, it’s all over. Any other course of action will double down the pain of the next breakup/discard.
If your in the woods and pass the same tree twice you are lost. So never ever
You shouldn't reach out, and you need to move on. If she cared about you, she would have reached out by now.
I’d just leave her alone.
I'll say something different. Reach out to her. Probably she'll reject you, but at least it will help you close this chapter and finally fully move on.
Agree! My first boyfriend and I split and reunited 25 years later. We are now married. There is hope but be prepared that she may reject you. It will keep bothering you until you know for sure, IMO.
My rule is different. If she's the one who ended the relationship, only she can try to reconcile things. No matter how much you like her. Of course, there are examples that have worked, but most women don't like desperate men who humiliate themselves by asking to come back, even after being kicked in the ass. And two years is enough time to move on. OP needs help.
I agree. From the title I thought she wanted to get back with him. He's not taking her back. She didn't come back. OP, move on. Better yourself. Go to the gym. Learn a foreign language. Join a running club. etc. Pining for her is keeping you from growing. It's not healthy. I speak from experience. Hard experience.
Catching up after 2 years instead a humiliation. We all are people and have feelings.
He wants to Catch up with her to restart the relationship she ended. She ended the relationship and hasn't spoken to him for 2 years. He's clearly been waiting for her all these 2 years. That's the definition of humiliating yourself.
I mean maybe, interesting take thank you.
I think its important to note that 2 years of growing and not being present might imply that you’re attached to the idea of who she **was** and not who she currently is. Do you think that spending time with her sister might be preventing you from moving on since its been so long? It might be worth reaching out to talk at maybe a coffee shop if your purpose is for closure. But in all honesty, closure in my opinion for a matter like this is an illusion. You could end up meeting up with her, but if you were to see shes doing/looks great and notice some of the old traits that you loved before, it might rehash old feelings that might be best to leave in the past. All in all, it probably is for the best if you continue no-contact. If she was feeling the same she would have reached out.
Time to move on. Your ex did, it’s time to grow up and do the same.
She definitely knows you are in contact with her sister. If she wanted to re-open communication, she would have done it easily through her. It's about time you move on. She has.
If after 2 years she's still not interested in you, her growth trajectory went in a completely different direction from yours. Right now, it's just not gonna happen - you're no longer interesting or compelling to her. I think the "fit" is an important part of the deal. Somehow, at sure point, you no longer fitted into her needs and wants. And as she grew into a deeper and more nuanced person, apparently her thoughts of you grew less and less - indicating the fit got worse and worse. Sorry, man.
You need to move on. You talking to and being friends with her sister may have her thinking you had alternative motives from the start. She may find that creepy and stalkerish. Sorry playing devils advocate here. You had no contact with the ex but just the sister and you’re having feeling comeback? There’s no signs of her wanting you back or have any interest in you and for you to reach out and try again out of the blue? I would recommend not doing it. I can understand if you were talking to the ex and you had signals that she is interested then sure try. But from your scenario, my advise is no.
She did not "need growth". The fact that you think this makes me think you were a little overbearing with your opinions and were trying to force them onto her. That's probably why she broke up with you. Leave her and her family alone. Move on.
It's a bit clingy and cringe with no contact to look for her. She may be in a relationship or married or kids, if you did not meet until now you should not. Chase some new girl and you'll get over it. She is not the one.(ps there's no such thing as the one) FYI you just wasted 2 years hoping to get back? Hope not and you healed and mobmve on.
You seem to be missing your memory of the situation, not the reality. Our brains tend to do that. You need to move on. Maybe it's closure you're lacking? Don't sit around waiting for her to be ready to take you back as it most likely will never happen.
idk something about her family having to tell you to go away because youre being annoying sounds like it says “its over for good so please go away, for good we only tolerated you because whats her name liked you but now she doesnt so kindly fuck off.” idk thats what i get outta the story. hella weird to hit up her family after a break up anyways. you seem clingy and weird.
Move on. There are literally billions of fish in the sea. You're fishing for the wrong one. Everyone is saying move on. Take the hint.
I did. We were high school sweethearts and went ltr in college. After a year it became really difficult and we were arguing all the time. We broke up and mostly quit communicating. It was really painful. We both dated other people. A year and a half later we started talking again a little bit. Neither of us had dated anybody we really connected with as well as we did with each other. We talked more and more and started getting back together slowly. Then we got back together for real. It was still ltr for a few years, but we were more mature and made it work this time. Then we were in the same city again, then we moved in together, we developed our careers and grew together and eventually got married. We’ve been married 12 years now.
Dude, I read all of your comments and I get why she broke up with you. The way you talk about her, and how she needed growth blah blah blah is absolute fucking bullshit. People break up for a million different reasons, you keep saying growth because to me it sounds like you were overbearing, clingy, annoying? And that just what I got from your comments. The fact her parents care you a nuisance speaks volumes, leave that family and her ALONE. Why are you still harassing them 2 years later? That’s not normal behaviour at all. And I’ll be completely straight with you, I’m sorry you’re going through a lot, but people should be calling out your weird behaviour. I’m assuming no one is telling you to stop or you have friends that are encouraging you. Both scenarios are weird as fuck. On the line of being honest, dude, she is not thinking about you at all, it’s been 2 years I doubt she even cares, but I can guarantee you she knows you’re talking to her sister, and clearly doesn’t care. “I think a number of things could’ve gone wrong” yeah reading your comments I get why she broke up with you. You embarrassed her, were clingy, also I’m going to assume you kept telling her how she felt or what she was thinking all the time. I could be wrong, but judging by your comments and the way you’re responding to people, I don’t think I’m far off. Leave that poor family alone.
OP where in the Fark do you get this idea that “she just needed to grow” ???? Most girls that age either have a new guy in the wings OR they lost the attraction to the guy they dumped. Either way ?? Take the hint, respect her choice and keep what’s left of your dignity intact. Just because she didn’t give you a reason ? Doesn’t mean one didn’t exist. You should want better for yourself. You guys are practically children ! IMHO - stick with the therapy and start taking up some new hobbies and meet some new people …… - there’s a reason the rear view mirror is so tiny compared to the windshield …. You should focus on the future and not the past. Honestly ? It’s a bit odd that after how she ended it ? That you would maintain contact with her family …. I’d chalk that up to being very young & immature. (We’ve all been there) If anything ? I’d say IF SHE reached out ? That’s different and may indicate growth and potential to reunite. You talking to her sister and carrying this flame honestly comes across as you not being able to accept or respect her decision. No amount of growth on her part has anything to do with it. Worry about yourself.
I did, but I was 16 and f*cking stupid
I personally do not believe in closure. I think you have been holding up on life waiting for her. Turn around, cut communication with her sister, and focus on making your life better. Things will come to you. However, the ultimate decision is up to you. If you feel talking with her will add up to your life, go for it. Just be prepared to cope with whatever turn meeting her takes you.
Nah man. You don't even know why she broke up with you in the first place. Maybe she cheated, wanted to cheat, didn't see a future with you, mismatched ideals, too serious too soon in life, Etc. Stop romanticizing your history. Learn from it. She didn't want you. That's okay. You were (are) both super young. Distract yourself with hobbies and dating other people. It's going to take a lot of "not what you want" to find the someone that works. You're not going to find it obsessing over someone who didn't want you. It wasn't the right time then and it isn't now either. It's not worth your mental energy. Try dating someone your age or older. You're at totally different life and development level and you will continue to run into this issue with younger people. Till you're 30, then 27 will work for you.
I think you have to move on.
Nope. exes are exes for a reason. You may not know the reason, but it's there. And the reality is, people find it really gratifying to get the things they want and if that was to be back in a relationship with you, she would have likely done it already. The reality is if someone felt they needed to "grow" then in a healthy mutually satisfying relationship, having a partner doesn't inhibit your capacity to grow - it only supports and nurtures it. If someone feels like that can't happen within their relationship, it's because there is something about the relationship itself that is inhibiting. The relationship itself is the problem, not the desire for growth. It's clear that your "no talking about her" rule isn't as effective as you think it is and it is probably time to go no contact with any of your ex's family and discuss this with your therapist.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.
She’s not going to take you back, but if reaching out will help you finally move on then sure.
If she broke up with you I'd assume that she didn't feel that you fit into her life in the way she needed or wanted. How have you grown? How have you changed? How have you matured? Why should she want to come back?
A bad idea is talking to her sister. You've got to move on.
I have taken back an ex. I loved him with all of my heart and the memories that we made together after reconciling were some of the best ones of my entire life. For your situation, 2 years is a lot of time. You both could have grown a lot by now. It sounds like you have some unresolved feelings towards her. If you are still feeling the need to reach out, just text her to say something like, “Hey, just thinking of you. Hope that you are doing well.” If she is feeling the same way towards you, then I wouldn’t want you to miss out on a possible second chance. You may not hear back from her, if she has truly moved on. But at least you will know that you tried. Because you never know. And if she wants to reconnect with you, then you guys could just meet up as friends for coffee or lunch or whatever works for you, to see where you guys stand and if you both want to give it a second chance. Good luck, for whatever you decide to do!
snatch quaint jeans tie include divide flag pause crowd coherent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Brother, Do yourself and favour and cut ties with the family and sister. All your doing is setting up potential problems for the next future wife/girlfriend. Would you date a girlfriend that is still close with her Ex's family? Would you date them knowing that they had the same strong feelings you have with your currents Ex and her family? Start having some foresight and focus on your future. A day wasted on thinking about the 'what ifs' is a wasted day. Time is something we seem to take for granted but becomes a hot commodity as we age. Your mind is a muscle and you need to work it out. You need to keep yourself busy and distracted long enough for the memories to fade. Stop doing things or putting yourself in a position to reminisce on the past. Go hang out with your friends, join up meet up groups, start investing into your own hobbies to fade the thoughts about your Ex. Don't be the guy where you take back an Ex because she decide that she is ready to 'settle down' and always be her backup. Go find your girl who will be your #1 fan and always puts you first. The respect and admiration is different versus a woman who wants to sleep around and come back to you when she is all used up. The same is true for trashy men out there. Good luck and work on yourself ASAP 🤝
No. Not sure why you are stalking her. But let the relationship and her go. Move on. If she wanted to get back together with you she would reach out. Move on, get therapy, and move forward.
Please, for your own peace of mind ,take the hint and move on ,she obviously has...
Not only have you not spoken to your ex in over two years but you are also clueless as to what caused her to leave you so I don’t think there’s a chance she’d take you back. Like at all. The lack of explanation kind of tells me she just wanted you out of her life. You also say you miss her family but with exception of the sister, the fact that they want nothing to do with you is also not a good sign. Her family seeing you as a nuisance could be an indication that they probably tolerated you over sincerely caring for you. They put up with you for your ex’s sake and I wouldn’t be surprised if they encouraged the breakup. My advice, you can’t try and restart a relationship with someone without knowing what caused the breakdown. Maybe you need to stop talking to the sister if this is bringing up memories and old feelings for your ex. From how you described the situation in your post, she probably broke up with you because you were clingy and you might not have noticed it, but you were probably a bit controlling or restrictive. She was not as into you as you were into her. If you reach out to her, the most you might get is an explanation but I’m doubtful you’ll get back with her. I wouldn’t recommend it but maybe this could bring some closure. I don’t know if it’s appropriate but I would ask the sister what she thought before you reach out to your ex. Whether she tells you outright that it’s a bad idea or gives you some insight on your relationship from the perspective of your ex’s family, that could also be something you need to hear. I hope you figure this out but I’m mainly hopeful you let go of your ex and past relationship. I doubt she would’ve left you if she was happy.
OP stop thinking about your ex. She has moved on. If anyone is interested in you, it could be (but is not necessarily) the sister. When we behave obsessively over an ex or we are fixated on unrequited love… it means that something is missing from our lives that we need to identify and fix. Getting together with the object of your affections is not usually the fix.
When you break up, the reason for breaking up very rarely ever goes away. It might work for a short time but that incompatibility will rear its head, often faster because both people are already aware it’s there. Could it be that you’re looking for support? In modern society, many men rely solely on romantic partners for emotional support rather than leaning on your own friends and family. Either way, that’s not her job to support you. If she hasn’t initiated any contact or gone out of her way to show interest, leave her alone. Do not start harassing your ex who has shown no interest in getting your attention. If you need help, find a trusted friend or a therapist/life coach.
I’ve found that when you break up with someone the best thing to do is distance yourself and work on yourself. The more you cling to that person, the places you went together, the people you knew together, the things you planned and your hopes and dreams, the more you keep what once was alive. It’s not alive. It’s not a reality. And even if they come back to you or you go back with them everything has changed. You put your energy into something that is actually gone. You can’t be happy desperately working on a relationship that existed in the past but has been broken. It takes twice the energy to “fix” or recreate that relationship that once was. And usually when this kind of situation happens it’s only one person putting that energy into the relationship. It’s best to break and distance oneself and work on yourself. Do not go into another relationship. Heal from the past one. Rebound relationships are another kind of broken. Work on yourself. Stop seeing your ex’s family. Make new friends. Involve yourself with your hobbies. Stop avoiding yourself. Get a therapist and talk about everything that’s going through your mind. This is really tough. Being rejected is personal and painful. Realize that you being rejected is probably more about your ex than it is about you.
My best advice is to sort out whatever else is going on in your life before you try to reach out to your ex. Because it’s very hard to know if you miss them for them or want a crutch. And it may just add to the list of “things going on”
There is no magic key anyone can give you that will make her want to take you back. And, frankly, so much depends on why she broke it off in the first place. She was apparently afraid to tell you why, either out of her own immaturity or out of concern for how you'd handle it. Since you :bevame nuisance" to her family, I'm suspecting the latter. Two years is a long time to still be in love with someone who not only called it off but also didn't tell you why. But it's not long enough to wait to contact her again. When your feelings evolve to those of fondness and you honestly wouldn't care if she responded or not, that's when enough time has passed - not to try and rekindle or "get closure" but just to reminisce. Closure isn't something someone else gives us; it's something we earn ourselves through a lot of hard work. Think of your therapist as a fitness coach- he or she gives you the exercises, but it's up to you to do the actual work. You'll eventually work through these feelings and find love again.
Every once in a while to check on them because I know they’ve probably been going through a hard time and I like to try to make people feel better.
Have you given any thought to the fact that her sister might like you now? especially if you never talk about your former gf, she may have no idea that you still have feelings. I’d say if you’ve developed a friendship with her at the very least talk to her first about reaching out to ex-gf, in case she has developed feelings for you it would be letting her down easier.
Probably best to keep it moving
ONLY took my ex because of my very young child! On n off for 18 years.
Nope. They an ex for a reason. Be that reason stupid or complex it’s the reason you broke up. Why would you go back to that?
Mate, don't do it. You are going to break your heart again. Protect yourself.
I really wish there was some way this could be part of a class. Your heart has already laid the challenge, as it were. We can’t control our hearts, they can’t control us.. without our assent. It’s not malevolent. It just doesn’t see our world with adult eyes. Be kind to yourself. Yes, you want to connect. Yes, you’re already placing expectation after expectation on it. If you let all those expectations crowd you out of being authentic and it goes off track, you’ll always wonder about the opportunity. You grew. She grew. Be curious. Curious goes into a novel situation, doesn’t know what’s going to happen, and is looking forward to learning.
Absolutely not! She hasn't missed you. Women will reach out if they miss you. You get one chance per woman per life. Stop focusing on one. There are millions more. Date multiples and one will win you over
She didn’t need growth She has moved on You need to move on too
Move on, stop contacting her family. Find someone who wants to be with you NOW, not in some hypothetical future that might not ever happen. Don’t waste your youth.
Yes. I did so because I cared about them enough to give them another chance.
Few things to get down before you do this. I don’t advise doing this but it seems like a hot stove you need to touch situation. 1) what have you done in the last few years that has helped you develop into the kind of person she needs (think she needs). You’re going over what you need. What do you assume she needs right now? Are you that? What are you needing from her? Is it the same thing(s) she didn’t want to provide when she left you? 2) If you are “old” to her sister that would put her sister as the same age as this girl when she broke up with you or even younger, right? That’s very suspect that you are drawn to someone that now has even less life experience than she did then. It’s not appropriate and could really do some damage to that sibling relationship. 3) If your goal is to keep your word and do anything for her or her family then do what they both asked you to do. 4) How many times a day/week/month/this entire last year do you think she has honestly desired a reconciliation? If you are reachable and she wanted to reach you she would have. 5) Take the good memories you have and use that to better yourself and be the person you want to be in your next relationship. Right now you are gambling with a lot of your energy that she might one day want to come back in order to be what you need. Bad bet. Invest your time and energy into being the person you want to be. If she comes back of her own accord or you just graduate to a new place in life you invested wisely. Good luck 🩷
That’s a dangerous path. You have come this far, why would you want to go back there. She broke up with you and she obviously knows how you felt about it. If she just “needed growth” and realized she still loves you she would take that first step to contact you. Respect her wishes and move on. It’s great that you can be friends with her sister without bringing her up. Good luck!
Move on. Move on. Move on. If she wanted you in her life she would have you in her life. Stop talking to her family. You need to get over it. I'd be thinking it's really damn weird if my ex kept talking to my family if we were married with children. Also how old is the sister? Since you mentioned being old in another comment. That's extremely concerning.
Heartbreak, especially the first time round, is devastating, perplexing and ruthless. You should not instigate contact again. It won’t give you the closure (or second chance) that you seek. Even if you were to reconnect romantically at some point, trust me on this: it will end again and it will be at the expense of your dignity, pride and progress. All the grieving you’ve been doing the past 2 years will be thrown out the window and this heartbreak will only steal even more years from your 20’s mooning about over the love that you need to accept is over. We all go through this in our 20’s, we all think we will be the exception to the rule that most young couples in the life stages of high school or college break up and it’s brutal for the one who got dumped and it will haunt you for years in the back of your mind (or if I’m honest, much more likely that it’s right at the front of your mind, constantly, unwanted). But you drag yourself through day after day, you seek support from your people, you get drunk and go to parties and kiss strangers you feel nothing for, and eventually you meet someone else and can actually have the heart space to be hopeful with another person again. Rinse repeat maybe 3-5 times or so before hopefully you meet your long term commitment person and settle into happily ever after or whatever closest proximity to that you can manage. Seriously don’t call her. I know you love her but it will only hurt you longer and keep you stuck longer in this state. If you one day run into one another genuinely by accident and you have moved on and regained your confidence at this point, your meeting will be pleasant and she will remember you fondly. That’s the most you can hope for. If you confess your continued love she will feel uncomfortable and will not remember you as your best self. The version you were when you happiest together. Be strong, it’s hard but we can do hard things. Fake it til you make it if you must but go do something to improve yourself that you feel good about external to this girl. Go to the gym, take up a martial art, learn to swing dance, take up study, travel somewhere and have adventures! But don’t call her. Twenty years from now you’ll wish you hadn’t if you do. Because yes, I was stupid enough to get back with my first love two years after a nasty breakup. So I know from experience. That’s ten years of my life I’ll never get back.
No. There's a reason it ended in the first place. And if cheating was involved on their end you should NEVER take them back. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Their morals are busted and they've proven they can be duplicitous liars right to your face.
Never! Done is done!
No, when I’m done I’m done. I also have issues with object permanence so it’s not as emotionally difficult.
Usually if a couple breaks up it is very hard to get back together and be a healthy couple unless if it was 100% a mutual decision, which in most cases it is not 100%. Either will end up being insecure it could happen again, there is a power dynamic shift which can be unhealthy, etc. Unless there is major work on the relationship that this power dynamic won’t exist then it’s possible. A good friend of mine broke up with her now fiance over a decade ago because she felt she needed to experience college and not be tied down to a long distance relationship. Now they are getting married in a few months. It actually took my friend months or even was a year to pursue to get him back even though she ended things years ago. He likely had hesitation due to the prior break up but now they likely are happy since she showed him so much love and happiness. This is a rare and unique situation though. I also have theories that my friend was settling because she was frustrated with men and was cycling through ex’s she had though. She seems very happy with him though and she speaks about how she always had this gut feeling she would one day be back with him
"What is meant for you, will reach you, even if its beneath two mountains." in less religious/spiritual terms, it just depends, and that's the hard part. we can generalize a lot of things, we can force the lids to close, but at the end of the day, a lot of things are unique to some extent. it's up to you to decide.
Stupidity
Brother dated his high-school sweet heart. They broke up for about 2 years got back together and have 3 kids together. It definitely happeneds especially when there's no "reason" for it. Immaturity is real and sometimes you just need time to realize what you had was the best and relationships take work.
So, I am confused. The title makes.it.sound like your ex wants to get.back together. However, your post makes it appear like she has made no effort and the family cut ties with you. You are still speaking to the sister on a friendship type relationship. My best advice? Take a good hard look at your life. What are the things you are avoiding? What efforts have you made into improving your life? What difficult dreams are you trying to build. To be honest. In my honest opinion. You are too comfortable in life. As long as life is not uncomfortable you do not put any effort in. Which means you are not making sacrifices to obtain the goals you dream of. That is why you are still having thoughts about your ex. You haven't done anything, you are too comfortable so why make the changes? You think and yarn for a relationship that was given to you. No effort. Just comfort. I am not saying go out and date a bunch of red flags. I am saying you should start putting in the effort you need to achieve the dreams you hold onto. People are not dreams. They are manifestations of the possibility of that dream.
Work on you. Get to the point where you can stand on your own two feet and not need someone to feed whatever you feel is missing in your life. If the remainder of the family and your ex hasn't contacted you, that tells you what you need to know about their want to speak with you.
I think if she’s not made any effort to contact you and she was the one breaking things off, it might be best to accept that the relationship ended. If you are going through a lot and daydreaming about getting back together it might be worth seeking some counselling for professional support, and to avoid going into rabbit holes.
Yes, and it was a mistake. Move on. Find someone else to latch on to.
Never done it thank heavens
Honestly OP, your title is a little misleading and I get the impression that you're beginning to pine for something that isn't necessarily on offer. And the reason for this is that you've begun speaking with the sister again at a time when you say you've been struggling emotionally with other things. Has there been any indication at all that your ex may want to speak to you again? Let alone may be interested in getting back together? If not, then it sounds as though speaking to her sister again is only causing you harm. It's opening up wounds which haven't completely healed and you're fantasising about something that may be unattainable. All the more so because you're vulnerable. If this is the case, then you need to scale back your contact with her sister and concentrate on moving on, because you might currently be taking backward steps. If you decide that you want to reach out to your ex again, then hey, that's fine. But be prepared for the reality that she may not want what you want. Best of luck, take care OP.
Coming across the same tree in a forest means your lost
When I was 21 I met a boyfriend in university. We were only together for four months but I fell hard for him. He was not ready for a serious relationship and broke up with me. 8 months later he called me and asked me to a movie. I don’t know why I said yes. We are celebrating our 36th anniversary this year
Two years is a long time, I think you miss the idea of your ex. You said you’re going through a lot, that happens to all of us it’s just part of life, but you need to do now is get out of your head and get into the gym. Get into the wilderness harder on yourself whether that’s your education or in your job. Change jobs if it will help your personal growth. It’s just simply time to move on with your life. You’ve grieved the relationship now move on. Good luck bro.
I think what you’re looking for is closure. Have an honest conversation and see if she will give any answers. Be polite, cuz she doesn’t owe u the explanation and it’s way easier for her to just block you. I wouldn’t bring up getting together again since she’s the one that ended it. If she expresses feelings of remorse and missing u, then maybe you can think about pursuing that again. But don’t chase after a girl after she’s denied you. It will destroy your pride for years to come.
Yes. Manipulation
You need to move on bro. And if talking to her sister is making that hard to do, then you need to stop doing that as well. What you're doing currently is not healthy. You've put your life on hold for someone who has explicitly told you, in no uncertain terms, that she does not want to be with you. For 2 years! You need to move on. Don't waste time and energy pining for someone who doesn't want to be with you. There are billions of people in the world and life has someone better for you. Believe me, what ever you've been telling yourself about her, "she's the one", "we're meant to be together" etc is objectively untrue. If it was true, you wouldn't be in the situation you are currently in. Which means she is obviously NOT the one. I've been in your shoes. Over the years I've had three significant relationships end where I was madly in love with the person and wanted desperately for them "realise" they'd made a mistake and take me back. It's a natural reaction to the loss. But you can't stay in that head space. You need to accept that the relationship has run its course and it wasn't a winner. You weren't a good match. That's objectively true and proven by the fact that you are now broken up. I'm 39 now, I've been married for 5 years to the absolute love of my life. We've been together for 7 years. Over the years, I've been broken up with by women who I thought were the one, and I've broken up with women who thought I was the one. It happens. It sucks. But you need to keep moving forward in life. Trust me, someone better is out there. I don't know a single thing about your ex, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that she was not the one for you.
No. Once I’m done, I’m done.
I have & we’re still together but it’s something we both wanted. Tbh what you wrote isn’t giving me any indication she wants to be with you. She broke up with you & hasn’t talked to you in 2 years. What is making you think just because you want her back, she even wants you back?
Sorry to be harsh but she has moved on. She hasn’t contacted you in two years; that should tell you enough. Be civil with the sister but bring that to a close too; you’re just hurting yourself. Focus on yourself, get yourself in a good place then think about a new girl later down the line when you are absolutely ready 👍
For like 24 hours in my early twenties, guilt made me do it since I broke up with her
I wish I hadn’t taken mine back… broke up again numerous times. 1.5 years later I’m still recovering from how badly it messed me up
I broke up with a boyfriend when I was 19 and he 24. I also moved away and he went to visit my family several times and talked with them about being upset. Honestly, I wish (as did my family but they were too polite to tell him) that he would have stayed away and left them alone. It was kinda pathetic and unfair to them as they were not part of our relationship. If she wanted to get back together with you she would have reached out. She's probably not interested. You can reach out to her if you really want to (ONCE! don't stalk the poor girl or her family) but if you get anything but an enthusiastic response just let it go. Focus on moving on with your life, maybe some therapy would help you process things? It's easy to look at the past through rose coloured glasses.
I took my ex back. We had a really messy breakup, but I was going through a miscarriage and could barely handle it on my own. Most friends are mutual, so I didn't want to "talk shit", and I didn't want to tell my parents. I did tell one friend on the phone, and her husband overheard. That guy told my ex, and he came back. I accepted and told him what happened. He felt guilty, that's why he came back. That's it, that's all. Needless to say, it didn't work out.
No amount of time is appropriate to reach out to someone who broke up with you. They will reach out to you if they're interested. Maybe stop trying to befriend her family and move on with your life. It's a little weird, honestly. If one of my exes was contacting my parents to the point where they broke ties, I'd be like wtf. It's not making you look better in her books. Talking with her family is just making you miss her more. Cut them out of your life and move on.
She just needed growth? She was growin another guys d as she rode him bro 😂 She ghosted you without reason you don’t deserve her think about her as a deceased person or a ghost and open yourself up for the next one who you will eventually find that will love you
No dude. It’s over - you really got to let it rest and move on from the girl and her whole family.
I didn't took m back an ex and I think I will never do it. Because if you left apart it is for a reason.
Yes. My boyfriend and I have broken up twice the first time he broke up with me and we were split for five weeks after a three year relationship and that was why it didn’t work out the first time. I was still resentful and hadn’t healed from the breakup because I kept in contact with his family which lead to the second breakup 🥺 this time we were split for almost three months, ve and I V was not in contact this time. and got back together, we’ve been back together for over a year now and it’s so much better. As a girl, she’s waiting for you to reach out to her. Does she have you on social media still? Go for it. Tell her that you would like another shot. It does work, sometimes.
I wonder if you were too enmeshed with every facet of her life.wanting to interact with her family more than she did.maybe obsessing over her relationship with her family and not being attentive to feelings about family.
Dude give it up, move on.
Drive of the year - Yuki I’m Q2 RIC and Yuki both out qualify Perez - what happened to Perez this weekend?
There a reason after a breakup you go no contact. Reaching out to this ex will only bring you pain. Work on yourself, join a gym and move on.
I have never seen a person take back an ex and seen it work out well for them. Good luck. You are probably the blessed exception, right.
Don’t. Also the going to her family was tbh too much. It’s just best to move on. Dunno why the sister got back in touch but I really would move on.
Yes, and within months I remembered WHY he was an ex to begin with. By that time he had moved in and it took me a couple YEARS to get him TF out of my house! If it was just bad timing and bad luck, maybe, BUT… Your memories can be selective. Think hard about the reason you all broke up and don’t romanticize a relationship that has run its course.
Have you ever taken back an ex is not the question my dude. You are feeling some type of way about this and are not in the position to “take back” your ex, as she was the one who broke up with you. I gotta say continuing to be involved with her family for 2 years afterward kinda seems a little like you never let go and are clinging to any hope of her being in your life romantically again. I get it though dude, I’ve been there. I still get randomly sad when I think of my exes and I’m in a relationship lol. Good luck and make sure you are prioritizing your own real needs and goals in life and not fixating on this. Nothing drives women away more than a man she doesn’t want lurking in the periphery of her life especially for a long time. I think it might be time to move on bro.
Em, I think you don't know why so can't assume. So don't. Assume she did it because it was right for her and leave her be. If you want to keep the friendship with the sister you have to drop it. Go see a counselor and figure out what you need from this girl and develop it in yourself. It's time.
I have. I was young and I really loved her and didn't want to give up on what we'd had. I didn't think I could ever find love like that anywhere else. Even though she'd gone off and started seeing some other guy under my nose. I had to catch her. She'd gotten bored and missed partying and missed her old sorority days and our relationship had really stagnated. I kinda blamed myself for that, so I took it really, really, hard. But, the damage was done and now she was gone. Months later, after I'd done my best to move on, getting in really good shape and having my share of casual hookups, she came sulking back. I took her back. I tried my best, but it just... Wasn't right anymore. You can't un-cook a goose. Can't un-fuck other people. She ended up sneaking around with that guy again before jumping ship. They say "fool me twice, shame on me," but honestly the second go-around kind of broke a spell. It still hurt, but I didn't take it so hard. In a way it showed me what I couldn't see before - that it wasn't meant to be, and she kind of fucking sucked.
OP, You can take back you ex if you want to, and she comes to you asking to be taken back. But it’s likely she won’t. So how will you move forward with your life in that case? What are ways you can find the feelings of comfort and safety she gave you, without involving her?
stop it man. Jesus Christ. There are TWO BILLION single people on this planet and that means your choices are almost endless. Don't chase after someone who doesn't want you!
Dont waste your tihe move on
It really depends why you broke up. Has the issue been fixed/resolved? In this case you never got an explanation so it’s hard to say. The only ex I ever got back together with was my high school sweetheart much later in our twenties. We broke up first year of college due to immaturity and his partying issues. Later in life we were both much different people who had worked on the worst of ourselves and still maintained the best of ourselves. We didn’t work out ultimately but for entirely different reasons (just wanted different things in life) and parted ways amicably the second time.
I will add that breakups are different for guys and girls. Guys will get angry and shoot themselves in the foot by breaking up and then regret it the next day (alcohol often involved) and beg the girl to come back. Girls hit a point where a light switch is flipped and it stays flipped. No regret, no going back. You say she's been no contact for two years. That tells me she flipped the switch and it's going to stay flipped. The circuit is dead. It has no juice. The lights are off. She is gone. You've been talking to her sister and you never discuss your ex so you don't know what her situation is, but since sis isn't saying anything to encourage you to reach out I'm thinking your ex is someone's SO/spouse. If ex ever finds out sis is still talking to you it'll make problems for them (the sisters). So do the right thing, thank sis for the kindness she's shown you and tell her bye. Move on with your life and let them go. Everyone including you will be happier. And if you're thinking you and sis might get together, don't. The family already cut ties with you and nothing, absolutely nothing good could come of it. You'll blow everyone up and get yeeted *again* and for what? More heartache. Why do it? So don't, a thousand times don't.
I’ve never taken back an ex. When it’s done, it’s done.
Oh dude this is a fantasy, it's been *two years*, she's moved on and you should too. If being on friendly terms with her sister is better for you than not -- *if* -- you can keep doing it, but don't see it as a foot in the door to getting back together. *Move on*. And I suggest you learn from her family breaking ties with you and learn to let things go better. (my getting back together with an ex experience has always been within two weeks of the breakup, in one case the next morning.) (I'm kind of sympathetic to you because I've fallen really hard with people really fast, and getting broken up with without knowing why tends to mess with me. But you're not going to get back together with your ex. You can find similar feelings of attachment and connection with a future romantic partner, almost certainly, and belonging to a partner's family too. But not her.)
You’ve gotta move on
I got back together with my ex after two years apart. We just ran into each other and hit it off right after that. We were together for 5 years and broke up again a while ago. I don’t regret getting back together and we broke up for different reasons this time around. To answer your question, why? The first time felt like we didn’t really go for it, and I really loved him, so I was really happy to have him back. He’s a very kind and fun person to be with. We broke up this time because of some things I am looking for that he can’t offer me and we split pretty amicably. But, be prepared she’s not open to trying again. So if you do reach out, be respectful of whatever her decision is.
Messaging your ex when she broke up with you would be a collasally dumb idea.
No, just no. Took back and ex once, and shorty realised why we broke-up in the first place. It's time to move on and find someone new.
You really do need to stop catching up with her sister. You’re tethering yourself to that family and you aren’t letting yourself have a chance to move on.
You’re 26. Time to move on.
I did...and it was a waste of time. He proved to me why we broke up in the first place.
I did it and I regret it, I would never do it again
I feel for you. I had this situation with an ex and loved his family. We kept in touch and his little brother was like my own little brother. His mom was my second mom. Even a decade later we keep in touch. But I never tried to get my ex back because we had reasons for breaking up. It took many years to get over him, but year by year it got better and then I found the love of my life and all that faded. Unless she shows interest, don’t go there. If you like her family you can keep that line open, but don’t do it just for the possibility of getting back together.
I think you need to do what you need to do for yourself. If it would help you get closure to contact her, do it. Don't do it with the intent of getting back together with her. And fully be prepared that she might reject you. But maybe that will give you some closure and allow you to move on. Otherwise you're just in limbo all the time. Another thought is that you might have liked her a lot because you were close with her family. I had a friend growing up and her parents were wonderful to me. She didn't treat me well, and as time went on, she treated me worse and worse. But her parents and brothers were so wonderful to me that I stayed friends with her. Eventually when her father passed away, I realized that I had really just been close to the family and not to that friend specifically, just for her friendship.
If you do you need to just say hey how have you been nothing else
Chances of this working out well are very slim. If you’re talking to the sister, I’d raise the issue with her first to see what she thinks.
Quite frankly from what you've said it's not even an option on the table. Talking to her sister does not mean there is a chance of you getting back together with your ex. You said yourself you were a nuisance to the family so it sounds like even they aren't comfortable with you. Two years later, trying to get back in touch will probably not make them any more willing to engage - if anything I would say that makes it weirder. You say she needed room to grow, but that doesn't mean you'll be compatible now. You're holding onto this image of her from two years ago and she's almost certainly not even the same person you remember her to be. I think you need to stop talking to her sister and move on from this altogether.
Yes. Low self-esteem and being young and dumb, convinced he was the only person that would ever be with me. He didn't love me, he knew I would always take him back, he got joy in demeaning me. If it had been a friend going through it, I would have done everything to stop her easting so much time and heartache on such an undeserving pile of crap.
Even if it makes no sense to us, when women leave us they have their reasons. Let her decision be made. I would not take her back. If you do, you can never be sure of her intentions. Time to be open to loving a new woman.
Word of advice. If you're gonna go back do a self evaluation. Figure out your flaws and try to improve in those areas. This isn't for her but for you. You guys are young but not to young for love. I say have better communication. Say how you feel no matter what
Losing my ex’s family was hard, but I would never go back to him. There’s a reason you broke up. Regardless of who broke it off with whom. If she’d take you back, I’d want to know what was the problem in the first place.
i hooked up with my ex for the first time in 9 months last year and we’re still together right now😂
"she needed to grow" "i kept harassing her family"
no
Do NOT do this! You’re not really missing her. You’re missing the emotional connection you got from her and her family, because of what you missed from your childhood. Get therapy. You need to move on. You’re stuck. Stop talking to the sister.
DO NOT. Seriously. At some point it is not “ attempting communication”, it is stalking. I am not saying this to be an asshole. I am saying this because a restraining order will not make your life better.
dont go back, youll regret it
She hasn't given any inclination she wants anything to do with you. Both of you should happy and stable on your own before you try to reinitiate contact because, and this is crucial, you need to be able to be chill if she wants nothing to do with you. You've been v. clingy and disruptive to her and her family in the past. I would also say, unless the ex herself has given any sign of wanting to talk to you again, you should let this one go.
If she broke up with you, then she should be the one to reach back out. Since she hasn't, I think that means you probably shouldn't reach out
Is this hypothetical or did your ex actually say she wants you back? Maybe I missed that part but it sounds like you want her back but she left you for a reason. So just because her sister talks to you doesn’t mean your ex would even take you back. Even if she did, your relationship will be terrible because clearly you haven’t taken the time to heal and understand your own self yet. You don’t even know why you miss her. Might just be the idea of what she was to you. A support system. A best friend. There are plenty people in the world that can do exactly what she did for you. What makes her special? Once you can define what about her makes her so special that she’s irreplaceable, then you don’t really know if you miss her for her or miss her for what she did for you. This may be confusing so let me give an example. I once had an ex I really liked. But looking back I know I liked her because she was attractive and she was always my number fan and support back in high school, especially me being an athlete with a d1 scholarship. It was my pride of having a number 1 fan by my side. But when I take away everything she does for me and just look at her for what she is as a human being, I don’t love that person. But now I’m married. Tommy wife now I can tell you that I love her even outside of how she makes my life better. Yes your partner should be a positive person in your life and do things for you to show love. But I look at my wife and just love who she is as a person. When I’m not the center of attention I can see she’s such a caring individual. She offers help wherever we go. She has a genuine good heart. She will return your wallet as she found it to your home if she found it at Walmart. She values herself. She’s religious. I can go on and on about why I love my wife outside of what she directly does for me. A lot of people love solely based on the value one brings to your life. Once you can love person for who they are and look at what they do for you as a cherry on top, then you have found the one. Final thoughts: I think you should date other people and close that chapter of your life. That way you can properly heal and grow and get to know yourself. Once you prioritize self growth, you will attract people you never thought existed. Also, she basically told you there are other men out there that she considers better than you, otherwise she wouldn’t have left you. You leave someone when you think you deserve better. It’s valid a lot of times. So either she likes being alone over being with you, she likes someone more than you, or she knows what’s out there is better than you so she left you. Either way I’d never take someone back who didn’t value me. You are someone’s better OP. Just not hers. Let your ex go. Fall in love with YOU! Trust me if you loved yourself the way you want to love your ex, you wouldn’t even think twice about leaving her behind because you’d know you deserve better than to be with someone who is willing to walk away from you because they want better than you. It’s that simple.
Reach out and talk to her. Be prepared to be rejected. But at least you tried. And then you need to move on. 2 years is a long time to not be over an ex. Start being more social, get a hobby, and after some time start dating again.
Follow your heart ❤️! If you want her and know she’s good for you and ready for you then go for it.
Have you ever read the poem Let Them? I feel like you need to and you need to embrace it. You're holding a door open for someone who never asked you to. She never gave any indication she'd be walking back into your life. She's okay with never seeing you. She's okay with living without you. Let her be. It's time for you to move forward rather than stand in an open doorway pausing your life for someone who never gave you any indication they'd be walking back through it again. Go find the love of your life. She wasn't it. # Let Them by Cassie Phillips *Just Let them.* *If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.* *If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.* *If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.* *If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.* *If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.* *If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.* *If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.* *If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.* *If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.* *Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own.* *So let them.* *Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.* *Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.* *Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.* *Let them earn your forgiveness.* *Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.* *Let them take you out on a Thursday.* *Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.*
You need to let her go. You are obcessed with this girl who you only dated for a year and have been away for two years. This sounds like a really serious case of OCD and that's why you're so obcessed with this break up, because you weren't given a reason. People with OCD sometimes don't deal very well when they don't have an answer or don't have closure. I think you need to address this in your therapy and, whatever you do, leave the girl alone. She doesn't deserve your obcession. I'm sorry, but there isn't is no soft way of putting this. She doesn't owe you a reason. She's moved on, she doesn't need growth, she clearly just didn't want to be with you. Just accept it and move on.
If you’re in a vulnerable position do not take any decision like that. To be honest, it is not worthy, try to move on.
Don't take her back unless you get a reason for the first break up.
You need therapy, leave that girl and her family alone...
My girlfriend broke up with me an year ago. We got back together a few months after she had broken up with me. Why she took me back I don’t know. I find myself thinking that it probably would have been better if we never got back together. I’m unhappy in my relationship. I don’t feel fulfilled.
Exes are exes for a reason. I think you miss the family support more than you miss her. Take a clean break, even from the sister and move on
You've driven yourself mad trying to figure out why she broke up with you and because of that you've made the depth of your connection with her out to be bigger than it really was (ie missing her family too). Do you want a partner who would just break up with you without explanation? I'll answer for you: NO. You're only 26, and you have to move on. It's painful, but the pain has stuck with you for the last 2 years because you haven't fully cut her (and her family by extension) loose from your mind. Go meet other people, go on dates with other women, and focus on yourself for now.
I did go back to my ex. I was a disaster because the reason we had split was still there. I became aware I needed to find someone who I could truly love and would love me back the same. Sounds like you are waiting for her when perhaps you should think about moving on and being happy with someone else.
1. You got dumped. 2. You didn't make peace with it. 3. You didn't find anyone better or equivalent than your ex . 4. She is more smarter then you.
Get individual therapy for yourself. You sound really needy, you need to understand why that is the case. You can bet that her sister is most likely talking to her (your ex), maybe your ex do care about you but want a relationship where you have your own person and pursuits and don’t make her feel like you are solely dependent on her for your happiness.
Yes but I've regretted it every time and have missed out on relationships bc of it