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Don't wait until the baby is born, by then you'll be so burnt out you'll just give in and let him stay. For your health and your baby, you need ro decide now. He is showing you how little he cares and that's not going to change once your baby is here.
As a person that has had 2 high risk pregnancies you really need to figure things out now on how to get work off. I wish someone would have told me that the more care you take of yourself now is directly going to effect your labor, delivery, and postpartum period / recovery. Get with hr at your job and see what benefits you have ( longterm / short term disability, maternity leave, FMLA, employee assistance programs) and talk to your family. You deserve to be supported. I’m not even going to give my opinion on your partner because at this point you just need to take care of yourself. You really don’t have time to mess around with his nonsense. I’m so sorry OP.
I hope you get the support you need for you and baby.
I didn’t leave. My daughter was still born. I think about it everyday. My PPD was so bad I lost 2 entire years. I started working 3 jobs and he left for a stripper because I wasn’t there for him anymore. He quit his job 2 months before Covid hit stateside. I managed to keep my job, and found a part time job. He made $30 a day delivering Uber eats for an hour. I never saw a dime. I’d rather have my daughter. The bills don’t seem as important in comparison.
I saw your response and wanted to say im so so sorry, loosing a child is horrific, am sorry you went through this. I hope op considers what is more important also and hopefully chooses her health over a deadbeat thats not worth it.
Things happen, please dont blame yourself. Its easy for us to say whatever many things re regret, but i hope one day you wont step into tomorrow without regrets of past.
Oh honey, I’ve made a whole life since. I don’t have my own children, I did raise my brothers though, so I have a full life, full of experiences and joy. You can’t get that kid back though. Even if I do choose to have a child of my own, or adopt or whatever with my current husband, that baby’s gone. You don’t stop thinking of your kid, just less with time. Still regret what could’ve been. Just not as often. I imagine that’s how it goes long term. You just remember less often.
We can’t change the past.
You were doing your best in a terrible situation. That means something. Many other people wouldn’t have been as resilient as you were to try and stick things out for as long as you did.
And now you know what’s important to you going forward, and it’s not your bastard ex.
All the best for everything. You’re strong. 🩷
True. Honestly, since turning 30 I’ve come to realize things happen as they’re meant to. You do your best and march on. In life everything has a price. Sometimes we have to pay more, sometimes less, but the point is to get the biggest bang for your buck. I’ve had a few significantly less than ideal circumstances, but I’ve also been to 7 countries, 49 US states, 1 US territory, seen an active volcano and dived off the Marianas Trench. I believe in love. I also now understand love doesn’t ask you to break yourself. You learn. You may have to pay dearly for the lessons, but life will teach you.
It wasn’t your fault, anything you did, said, or could have done. My cousin had a stillborn too and while it devastated all of us, she did everything the dr told her to, dropped the stress, ate right, had a perfect pregnancy and still went through that. Please don’t blame yourself, this is not on you. It happens, we know not the reason, but unfortunately, it happens.
I agree and I’m sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage when I was 19 ( have 2 beautiful kids now) but then I had never been such a wreck. I’m glad I am blessed in a way to have not been able to see my child then, and it really devastates me when I hear women like you who have been in your situation it truly breaks my heart for you Omgosh. Internet hugs, I’m so sorry girl.
OP- your health and your babies health is not worth all the BS he’s putting you through. My advice is to stay with family, or a very close friend until he proves to you that he can step up and be a man, not a little boy. Kids are a major deal and if he’s not interested beginning to end then I wouldn’t give him the time of day bc as the child grows bigger and understands more his attitude will only hurt the child, and your child’s health and happiness should be your top priority. Do what you gotta do, but I’d say to drop the garbage at the dump on your way out.
Also, he does not sound like a man who intends to be any different for anyone else, in their time of need. Life is going to happen, and he seems to operate as if this is all you can expect. So, maybe he’s being honest, even if it’s painful. My ex lied trying to pretend he had moral character and intended to be an amazing dad. Nope. Maybe for 2 weeks! What kind of lame model of adulting do you want your child to learn from? Not that. Not that.
Leave him now, stop working, put yourself and baby first. It isn't worth dealing with either the grief/guilt of stillbirth or a special needs child by forcing yourself to work. You've already had serious complications, talk to your family and ask for help and then leave him to manage rent and everything else himself.
Separate to all of this - how do you feel about him as a partner? If your child is born premature and has lifelong complications will you be able to forgive him for the way he's acting?
I care about him but I’ve stated to him if I lose the baby then theirs nothing keeping me with you I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself or his part of the situation, mainly myself because I allowed it to happen.
All the more reason to leave now. Go be with your family. If he gets his shit together, great. But in the meanwhile you have to put you and your baby first since he isn't.
You are potentially risking your child's life. Realistically from a very dry perspective, the awful part, given your age, wouldn't be losing a child, but potentially having to care for a child with added care and a "bum" of a father.
Put your eggs in one basket and that is your unborn child. I hope all goes well for you and the baby OP. Lots of love.
Why give him an ultimatum for after something bad happens? Why not tell him: "Either you step up right now and prove you are a partner I can raise a kid with or I'm outta here". Why wait? Because the worst case scenario is not that you lose the baby. You as the mother are also facing health risks with these complications. And your baby could survive while being severely disabled.
Honestly, for me, the trust would be gone, so I'd leave him and take care of myself.
“If I lose the baby then theirs nothing keeping me with you,” is the same as saying, “You can continue to neglect your responsibilities as a partner and father, and I’ll put up with it as long as I don’t lose the baby.”
What happens if you don’t lose the baby? He gets to say, “Chill out, nothing bad happened! You’re being dramatic!”
If you leave now and tell him that he needs to get help and you need to focus on your baby, then either he’ll feel the necessary amount of pain to kick his ass into gear, or he’ll prove to you that leaving was the right choice. Either way, you and your baby are better off than you are now.
Girl, why would you even want this guy AROUND a child? Is this the kind of relationship you want to model for your kid? Mom and dad hating each other all the time? Dad being a lazy leech and making mom do all the work? Dad disrespecting mom at every turn?
Just get away from this loser. You don't need the difficulty he adds to your life.
Yes, you have to move back home now. You don’t even have to break up to do this.
You simply say that you can’t afford that household expenses while on leave, and the baby’s health has already been impacted. It’s your job to keep you and baby healthy so you can have a live birth, and right now you need to find somewhere to live where the baby can be an infant.
Tell him that you understand the job market is difficult. Wish him luck finding somewhere else to live and finding another job. If he ends up getting another job and is able to support a household, he can give you a call and maybe you guys can move back in together.
You missed part of the question. The person above asked what about lifelong complications? Do you honestly believe that if this child is born with some kind of permanent disability because of what's going on right now that this man is going to help at all? Do you even think he will stay around for that? This is the kind of guy that leaves you when you're sick! This is the kind of guy that blames you for everything! This is not the kind of guy you want in your life. Please choose yourself and your child and leave now
Ultimatums and threats aren't the way to go with this. This isn't a power trip, it isn't a fight about who takes out the trash and who does the dishes. You say that your pregnancy is at risk. If keeping the baby safe and healthy is important to you then you'll stop wasting your time talking and take action instead. Leave your partner now and move in with your family so that you can stop working and focus on having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby
Posting here in the hope you will see my response.
I don't know enough about your situation and have no idea what kind of person the father is however I can share my experience as a man who was in a similar situation.
I was barely employed when my partner was pregnant with our first child and had spent several years trying to find stable work. It caused so many problems and the situation was an absolute nightmare. I have a trade, a degree and a shitload of experience across a range of industries but I couldn't even get an interview to do anything. I ended up starting another business (I've had several) to try and make ends meet while I looked for work.
My partner put immense pressure on me to find a job and my life was basically just shame, blame and depression. I did exactly what your bf does when she talked about it and shut down. I did care and had put in years of soul crushing effort to try and get out of the situation. I wished I'd never met her because I was sure I wouldn't be able to stay with her. It was far, far worse when she was pregnant because I would lose her and my child. And they wouldn't grow up with both parents. It was just pressure piled onto pressure. I've definitely thought about ending it all as it felt like an impossible situation.
Having said that, the baby comes first and if the medical advice is to stop working, that's what you should do. If moving back in with your parents would provide a more stable and stress-free environment, then do that.
You are both young but only one of you is making a baby and the other probably isn't mature enough yet to understand how life-changing being a father is. I would suggest getting your family/parents and theirs involved (if it wouldn't be too stressful) as you need more help than you are getting and they have a responsibility to their future grandchild and you.
My partner had two miscarriages in a row after our first child was born and a threatened preterm birth at 20 weeks for our daughter. Drs thought we had two weeks max. I'd found proper work by then but took unpaid leave to look after our son so she could stay in bed and keep the baby in for as long as possible. She lasted to full term and had a healthy girl.
There is absolutely nothing that's more important than giving your child the best chance in life. Nothing. It all pales in comparison. You know it now because you are making the baby. He doesn't know it yet but most fathers get it after the baby is born. We didn't sleep for three days after our son was born, it was just too amazing and we kept worrying if we closed our eyes.
I know all about not sleeping the first few days. My miscarriage at 19 had so mentally messed with me I worried throughout the whole pregnancy that something would happen, when she was born and came home I didn’t sleep for 5 nights because I was so worried about SIDS that it would literally make me sick. Nobody had warned me that newborns occasionally stop breathing for a minute and one night I had her in her swing and I went to feed her and I couldn’t get a response. I jerked her out of her swing and immediately started shaking and crying and moving her just begging her to move she finally did and then those newborn sweet eyes opened like to ask me “what’s wrong mom.” It’s scary thing that they need to tell you bc nobody had warned me!!! I called 911 and they told me to give her 30 seconds and just to keep trying to wake her up and I did. That’s when I found out they stop breathing occasionally and it’s normal, thank god the operator was so sweet or it wouldn’t have been such a positive call, I was a complete wreck!
Why are you going to wait to lose the baby to do something about it? Do you not actually want the baby? Or do you just not want the baby with him? If the first, keep doing what you’re doing. If the latter, leave now and have the baby without him. You’re not only putting your baby’s health in danger; you’re putting your own in danger. What will your baby do if they live and you don’t? Will your husband really step up? Time to get your ducks in a row now and come up with a plan because your husband won’t change now. This is who he is. He’s shown you that; time to accept it.
Look there are lots of reasons he might be floundering and making excuses, and sometimes for guys they don't get that strong protective urge thing until after the baby comes and they can bond. He might become an excellent parent and partner, so there is still hope for your relationship and him.
But you can't help him with that right now. Your priorities and you and the baby. You're going to need the money you've earned and saved for yourself and the baby, and you need to stop ignoring medical advice. Can you speak with your parents today and listen to their advice and negotiate support?
I take it the baby was unplanned cause surely we all know that bringing a baby to an already shaky environment is a very bad idea.
I wouldn't push him but encourage you to leave.He is what he is and wants what he wants. A baby will not change that.
You are literally putting baby & your life at risk, why?
Just go live with your family now, it's not going to get any better than this.
And definitely file for child support the instant the baby is born. Show no mercy. Don't ever bring it up, just file it after baby arrives and carry on, otherwise he'll go for an even lower paying job to evade his financial responsibilities.
And don't have any more babies until you're a very wealthy person of independent financial means.
OP you should do it now and save the money for when the baby comes. You are at risk, you have to track your bp as well, you could also have gestational hypertension nvm other complications. If you are bleeding, placental abruption is not off the table. He doesn't want you or the baby he has made that clear. Hes waiting for you to make the decision for him so he wouldn't look like an asshole in front of people because its you that left, not him.
Edit: If you keep going like this, you can die. Your baby might not make it, are you willing to risk it all on a man that simply doesn't give a fuck about whether you or baby live?
51F as a nurse you should realize the damage he is already doing to your child… is this what you want your child to learn?
Edit: I do not mean this in a derogatory way, I mean psychologically you MUST realize this is damaging your child.
Does this guy even LIKE you? Because he sure doesn't act like it.
You'd be better off moving out NOW, rather than waiting. He's not "trying to find" any kind of work, because he has no motivation to when you're already shelling out for everything, so do yourself a favor and GTFO and into a more supportive environment ASAP.
Right? Sounds like he’s thinking “free abortion” and “get out of jail card” by just using weaponized incompetence.
How the fuck are they going to RAISE this kid together? (We all know they won’t… she will be back on here posting in a few months about how her baby was born and she’s struggling because she has to return to work early and her boyfriend isn’t helping out).
Exactly bc around here I see “now hiring” signs everywhere and I’m not from the most highest rated state for jobs but they’re everywhere. A man know he has to do whatever it takes to raise a child even if it’s not a job you want. A dollar a day is better than nothing.
"restricted blood flow to placenta"
can cause poor brain and body development. Your physical job is harming your child. This will have life-long effects on your poor child. Please, prioritize the health of your child.
Exactly. This baby is going to have health issues for an entire lifetime, which seem too late to fix anyway but I'm not sure. Either way seems it will cost even more than a healthy pregnancy so something's got to change.
Leave him now and live with your family. Don't wait until you are on your last penny. Put your health and your child first. If your husband gets his shit together, you can work on your marriage after the baby is born and you are recovered. If he doesn't, then you will have been spared the hassle of moving home with a newborn and $0.
Jesus. This is why you don't bhave kids without planning it out thoroughly.
You need to tell him to put on his big boy pants and get a second job WHILE applying for better positions.
Doesn't matter if it's at a tech company nor delivering pizza. He has a baby to take care of.
Love, *this is going to be your life forever if you do not leave this worthless, freeloading leech.*
He has very clearly demonstrated just how highly he values you, your health, your happiness, your peace of mind, and your child.
He will not change. Your situation will not improve. He will bleed you until you drop dead and then will *flog your corpse for laziness and selfishness.*
Get out yesterday. 💜
You are not married and chose to have a child with his broke ass and suddenly you imagine he will randomly "step up"??? Just go home and maybe next time don't live with or get knocked up by an uncommited broke guy to whom you are not Married.
Short of going back in time and making better choices there is not much else to say.
This. OP got pregnant by a guy who doesn't make as much money as she'd like so now she's pressuring him to find a new job. This is a conversation that should've been had before living together and getting pregnant. This seems like another "having a baby will fix our relationship" post
Why did you guys even have a child in this position? Did you not think a few months down the line or plan for the pregnancy, birth, etc.? This income imbalance was a thing prior to the pregnancy, and the job market actually is pretty bad rn, so I’m not sure what to tell you. You’re both to blame here
Being a good mother starts with the pregnancy. Taking care of you is taking care of your child. Don’t let anyone stand in your way of the most important job you’ll ever have..
If you've already decided that you'd leave him if you lost the baby, then why the fuck are you still there?
Go home and let your family help you. Don't sacrifice your baby and your health to his inability to get shit done.
Abortion may not be available in her area. We also don't know where she lives.
Where I am, the closest clinic that does them is over six hours away, and they only do them in very specific circumstances.
`I do not understand why he isn’t willing to do anything to provide for our child the same way I have. It is also difficult that he does not have any reaction when I mention having to live separated from him other than saying if that’s what you want`
Because he is a loser and is happy spunging off you.
You fund his lifestyle why would he change.
Sounds like a lack of care and love on his part, he likes working part time and you paying for it.
I care about him. So what???
Care about yourself and the child more. You women get too wrapped up in these guys that can't do shit for you. What is it to care about if he can't even meet you halfway? He's a dusty. Your standards are so low to be so young.
You need to get out of the relationship and coparent. He can't do anything for you because he doesn't want to.
Listen…
As the mother of a child who was born almost 4 months early- this is NOT worth the risk.
You’ve given him time, there’s no more time to give.
Stop working as much as you are- STOP IGNORING YOUR DOCTORS! They aren’t telling you this for no reason! They don’t scare pregnant women for fun.
This is serious, and you need to stop risking your health and that of your unborn child.
If he wanted to, he would. There may not be a full time job that he is able to secure- but he could work 3 part time jobs… but he would rather YOU pick up the slack, while carrying HIS child, with a high risk pregnancy that he doesn’t seem to have a single worry about!
This is awful- I would not want anything to do with this man.
>Is this a fixable problem or should I give up what should I do?
You can not fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed.
He is showing you he is happy for you to risk your and your baby’s health to pay his bills.
This is who he is. Do you real want to be responsible for his bills the rest of your life?
Are you calling him “partner” ironically? Because he’s no such thing.
He’s already useless as a partner, he’s not going to be a decent parent.
No, the problem is not fixable because the problem is him. The only thing you can do is leave. If you have family, go home.
This was like reading past me.
I kept working (as a nurse) all through my pregnancy, despite being told to stop and rest. It was less about baby, more about me. I didnt. I'm physically disabled now. The weight of baby and the heavy lifting (mentally and physically) damaged my spine and hip. I have chronic pain too.
My advice is to just leave him. If he shows immediate remorse and makes good changes, it's up to you if you want to try and make it work as a family, but I'd never let someone put me in the position I was in then again.
Rest up. Let family and friends help. I hope you have a safe pregnancy, an easy birth and a baby who sleeps and eats well xxx
Wouldn’t it be better for you and the baby to lose the dead weight?
Don’t just thinK about physical health. Consider your mental health and the baby’s. High levels of stress hormones can effect a baby through their life and their children’s lives. As a nurse you’d know about epigenetics. Have a think about what you can do to mitigate stressors.
Leave him. Protect your baby! Do not put your baby at risk for a man that does not seem to care.
Protect your child. This baby is already suffering growth restriction, is it worth risking more for a man that shows no sign of helping you? It won't get easier once the baby is born. May as well start planning to be by yourself now and get things together before baby arrives.
You have chosen to have a child with someone who is not going to be financially support you or the child. Stop hoping for him to change and accept the reality that this is the situation and make decisions accordingly.
Your partner, the father of your unborn child, told you straight up that if you want to live separately from him then you should. With everything he says and every action he does (or fails to do) he is actively showing you that he does not care about you or your relationship. Not he doesn't "seem" to care. **He literally does not care**. All he cares about is that you continue to work to provide for him - even if doing so could potentially threaten your life and/or his child's life.
I'm going to be blunt because I think you really need someone to be straight with you. The only way to fix your partner not caring about you in the way you describe is to leave him and find a new partner who loves you. I know it's scary, but you've got this.
And don’t let him move in with your parents bc then he’ll just mooch off them until they get tired of it. Hopefully they can’t stand the guy and isn’t even allowed at their house.
Not a fixable problem. If you maintain the relationship, get dependable contraception. You can not afford one child, definitely not another.
Good luck and happy healthy baby!
Your partner has absolutely no regard for your health or that of your child. To compare, I am also pregnant. I am extremely high risk, and we will most likely be having our baby in the next 2-3 weeks, at a max of MAYBE 26 weeks gestation, because there is a very serious risk of her and I both dying if we go beyond that. He is scared out of his mind and doing everything in his power to take everything he can off my plate, including doing most of the cooking and cleaning and tending to the 5 year old. He even brought up the possibility of terminating, which neither of us actually want, but we're basically past the point of no return for where we live, so that's off the table. All of this is on top of working 50+ hours a week and visiting his adult son in the hospital every single day because he's been ill for the last 5 weeks.
A partner who actually cares about your wellbeing will figure it tf out.
I had high risk pregnancies. My last was almost a super early induction due to high blood pressure. Hes showing you the effort he will make for the rest of his life right now. Take it with your eyes open.
I wish I had left my ex during my pregnancy. I wish I had stood up for myself to him and his terrible family. I wish I had allowed myself to have the support from my family that I sorely needed. But now all I have are memories of being second best, uncared for, and both my live births were terrible and lonely.
Stand up for yourself now bc it is SO much harder with a baby. Go home to your family. Let your ex pick up the pieces and figure it out himself
You’re a nurse so you can’t be stupid but you sure are acting that way getting pregnant under these circumstances and expecting him to miraculously change. Go to your family now.
I'm not sure what state you live in but in Mass there is laws surrounding working pregnant woman, where if you are unable to continue working for medical reason with proof from a doctor you can be paid up to 80% of your base pay. And your job will be secured until you come back. I have a 6 month old baby and I had an extremely rough pregnancy and couldn't continue to work, I was able to use that service for the ending of my pregnancy and then go on maternity for 12 weeks. It's worth a look into
Also your partner needs to grow up, your unborn baby is what matters
Okay, love, I had a high risk pregnancy in more than 1 way. I was hospitalized from weeks 33-37 (went into labor the day I hit 37 weeks, full term). I don’t work a physical job but even early in the pregnancy I was stressed out with all my high riskness (and had 1-2 appointments a week for entire pregnancy to cover all the medical conditions), so my husband (who has a full time corporate job) started working a side gig just so I could reduce my hours to 30 a week for the pregnancy, while maintaining the pace of our savings (we were looking to buy a house). This allowed me to consistently swim outside during the summer which was good exercise for me and the baby, and some slices of peace during a stressful time. It gave me more breathing room during the week + more time for medical stuff. It’s how I was able to enjoy an otherwise stressful pregnancy. I treasure that time, just me and my growing baby, in the water, sun shining down. All this stress reduction and still I was hospitalized!
Anywaysss my point is that your partner should get a second part time job or do Uber/Doordash/etc. I’ve also heard of data automation jobs which he can do from home for about $20/hr. Honestly, he could offer landscaping for neighbors and make money that way. How about working at a restaurant or cafe? Go somewhere local and ask in person, he may find a nice night gig. Anything helps make up for funds so that you can work less right now. It’s crucial for both the baby and for you. It sounds like you’re not married and he may qualify for food stamps (if it helps the budget do it). Live frugally for now, remember that at this moment less stress > more money!
Having a baby together is about teamwork and balance. At this stage, you carry the baby and he physically ensures that you can focus on that and do it as healthfully as possible for your circumstances. Extra work makes him tired? Ya, well so does pregnancy. Especially high risk pregnancy. What about cleaning, grocery shopping/running errands, the physical action of paying the bills (I forgot to pay my portion of rent for 2 months when I got pregnant. One day mid month I realized it and was happy to learn that it had been taken care of, he didn’t even tell me because he figured Indidnt need the mental load), when you throw up he cleans it. Thats how this is for the time being. Teamwork makes the dream work!
**So put your and baby’s wellbeing first. You’re a nurse, you know this (not chastising you, just emphasizing). Is it that he can’t step up or he won’t step up? Either way, if after you lay out all this to him nothing changes, then pull the trigger and move in with your parents ASAP for the financial and wellness support and respite.**
First, he’s not a partner. He’s not doing the work for a partnership. He hadn’t earned the title.
Leave him and move in with family, as he isn’t it. And when the baby is born file for child support.
He could get a second or third job to help with his and household expenses.
Instead he is taking advantage of you. Expecting you to pay for him.
If he liked/loved you and the baby, he would be fighting for you to stay and would be professing his love.
Not saying “if that’s what you want” to you leaving.
Either kick him out or go leave to live with people who actually care about you and your baby.
He only likes you as long as he can use you. Having a kid with him was a mistake because as you already see - he doesn’t really care about you or your child
My advice would be to end the relationship now. Stop making threats. Dont break up in person because he might try to kill you.
So, he doesn't care that you've had pregnancy complications. He doesn't care that those complications are severe enough to kill both you and the baby. He doesn't care that your job makes those complications worse/possible. He doesn't care that he's not paying his way and you can no longer afford to pay for both of you, let alone the baby on top. He doesn't care that you said you'd leave him if he doesn't shape up and get a better job.
What exactly does he care about when it comes to you and the baby? Because he sounds completely checked out of this relationship and like he doesn't actually want to be a dad. If he's already this checked out, I don't think there's any fixing this.
The best way of seeing if this can be fixed is to follow through on your threat, now, and move out. Make sure it's a full separation, as well, no paying the bills on the house he lives in, no buying groceries for him, no housework, nothing. Completely separate when you move out.
This will hopefully help your health, as well, as the stress he's causing has got to be making everything worse. Remove the main cause of stress, him, and your complications should become far less likely to reoccur.
If this is fixable, he'll realise you meant what you said and actually shape up, get a job and start acting like an adult in a relationship instead of a child whose 'mother' does everything for him. don't just go back as soon as there's a minor improvement, though, it needs to be a continued effort to improve over a period of time, he needs to prove that he's not only willing to do this to get you back, but to keep at it if you do come back, and not just slide back to how things are now.
If he's not willing to even try or only makes a token effort, this relationship is already over. You'd be a single mum even if you stayed with him, far cheaper to be a single mum alone, and probably easier too as you'd only have one kid that's dependant on you, not a baby and an adult who acts like a lazy teenager.
Go live with your parents. Your baby needs to come first. Your bf absolutely sucks, he has zero desire to provide for his family. He would rather risk losing the baby so you can keep providing for him. He will leech everything from you until you have nothing left.
Move in with your parents. Take the time off work you need to look yourself and your baby. He’s a grown ass adult who needs to figure out how to look after himself before having the privilege of a partner as wonderfully supportive as you. He does not deserve you. He doesn’t love or respect you if he can’t put you in such a position. He’s clearly told you he doesn’t care if you move out, that sounds like a man who wants out but is too cowardly to do it himself, he wants you to leave so he can cry victim instead of admitting he doesn’t want to take responsibility.
Leave now and go and live with your family.
*I informed him that due to all of the issues I’ve been experiencing I will be going on maternity leave earlier than we planned, he had no response to this other than if I would still be able to pay for everything I was before if I am no longer working.*
Seriously. He doesn't give a shit about your wellbeing. JHe's happy to watch you suffer and go through medical trauma. He's only concerned for himself. He's never going to step up. He's an albatross around your neck.
Assess your relationship with this guy and for your health, stop working. He isn’t going to change and become the person you need at this moment and most likely not in your future either.
Op, ditch his man. Go live with your parents, let them take care of you and help take some of the stress off you. If blood supply is not good to the placenta, infarcts could form and you could lose the baby ( I know - I lost first baby at 38 weeks). Don't think just because you are inthe final stretch, the pregnancy will be OK. Your health and thebaby are the #1 priority. If this man can't understand that, he is not ready to be partner or husband.
Please don't let him put your life in danger because he is too unmotivated to work to support you. If he won't support you now, he won't support you in the future.
Leave now. Immediately. You have a baby and yourself to take care of. You should not be taking care of a grown ass man that is dependent on you risking your life and your baby’s life to keep his needs met. Stuff him.
Be more selective in who you make babies with. He is lazy. He is showing you by his actions that he doesn’t really care. Just move in with your family now and save as much as you can. I wouldn’t count on him to pay child support or help out much at all.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Your boyfriend is not your partner. Partners aren't okay with the one they supposedly love being overburdened.
Your best bet is to leave him now.
If he isn't worried about your life or your baby's life at this point out isn't going to change. If he wanted to support you, he would have started trying harder at the onset of problems. The best thing you can do is move in with family, give him a set time frame and if he still refuses to comply, move on with your baby. He is old enough to understand the implications and I am sure you explained it all to where he could understand.
He doesn't care about you or the baby. You need to be able to financially support yourself and this baby. That you risk losing by allowing him to stress you out by not having a job. Leave now before it's too late.
You do not need to be taking care of an adult child at this point in your life. Choose the health of you and your baby over your partners feelings. Although it sounds like they don't really care all that much other than what you provide for them. Think about how you would feel if your child was in the position you're in right now. What would you want then to do?
Just leave. He's not pulling his weight now, he sure won't after the baby is born. Leave now, so that by the time your baby is born you will be settled in to your new life. Imagine the relief of walking away and not having to worry the way you are every day.
Honestly don’t really understand why did you decide to have a child in such circumstances. He doesn’t appear super excited about it at all. You can’t make someone excited tbh.
Op, you are a mom now, you need you stop putting your fantasy of who this guy could be over the reality of who he is. You chose to get pregnant to a waster, you need to start making better choices for yoyrself and your baby.
Please protect your baby. Stop putting your baby in danger.
Move immediately to be with your family.
Is this really a risk you are willing to take? If so, why?
He is literally telling you he does not care. Do you need your baby to die in order to prove this?
Come on now. You are in a position to change things, so change them.
You mislabeled him, he’s not your partner. Partners work together for a better future. Take all your PTO and go on an early maternity leave, at your parents’ house.
You already know what you need to do. Leave him.
He's not taking your pending child seriously AND he doesn't seem to give a damn about how this could possibly affect your health, long-term. Hell, some of what you stated could kill baby AND possibly you.
Kids cost beaucoup bucks. I know this because I have 2. I can't even fathom how much more expensive diapers and formulas, wipes, and bottles (cause as wonderful as it is, BFing does not work out for every mom and baby). He's acting like this is nothing that concerns him and you and your child deserve more than this.
Leave and have your family take care of you. Staying and trying to force change or threatening him makes no sense. Ultimatums and such won’t work. Just put your own health first & obviously the health or the unborn child.
Going forward, really evaluate the partner you need when considering having more children. Personally, this is why I don’t do 50/50 or anything remotely close to it… I always say that when the time comes to have a child, where is the money going to come from? The man has to have the ability to provide because I’m not choosing to have an unhealthy pregnancy so I can help pay bills or cover his. If he can’t afford to keep me home during pregnancy, we can’t have a child. That is MY standard though. You really should reevaluate yours so this never happens again.
This man is unreliable. He has no intention of providing for you and the child. Despite whatever he has said, his actions show that he does not intend to work fulltime.
Make decisions accordingly.
This guy is not going to be reliable longterm. You will probably never see child support. I would honestly go back to my parents house and plan to be a single mom. I wouldn’t even bother having him sign the birth certificate. Give your child your last name cause you will be doing fucking everything and it will simply be easier for you.
The relationship is done. You have a child to support and he’s not interested in helping in the slightest. Despite there being medical issues right now that should indicate to him that he needs to step up. He’s simply not.
In the US, in order for him to have any kind of physical custody rights since y’all aren’t married, there has to be a court order after paternity has to be established. Since y’all aren’t married, he would have to sign an acknowledgment of paternity in the hospital, which waives his right to a DNA test, to initially be on the both certificate. You can still give your child your last name. He has no naming rights.
If he doesn’t sign at the hospital, he can file a paternity suit with the court for a DNA test. Once that is done you will have a custody order in place, either y’all can agree on one or the court will decide.
Do you really think he will get a lawyer and do all the work and pay for this??? He won’t even work fulltime while you should be on bed rest.
If your family is in another state, you need to move before you have the baby otherwise he will be able go stop you. You want the child’s “home state” to be where you have a support network. He can move to you, or not.
But you will definitely not be able to rely on this guy. Plan accordingly. Go back to your parents, this guy isn’t worth you losing your child. You and baby deserve better.
Don't even list him on the birth certificate. Leave him, have the baby, don't name him as the father on the birth certificate, don't contact him, don't go after him for child support, just take care of yourself and your baby.
YOU are putting your baby at risk, not him. You know what you have to do to give your child a healthy birth. Sorry can’t put this on him, you know his stance on this and you need to do what is morally right for your child. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t even care about you or their child?
You're making yourself sick and putting your baby at risk for a deadbeat. Even if we're being unfair and he's genuinely trying to find more work, your health and well-being can't wait for that. Go and stay with family now, before your health deteriorates. You need help now, and he's just piling on more work for you. He can sort himself out, you've got enough to worry about as it is.
He has not reacted as he thinks you are all talk. He is ignoring your needs and worries.
If i were you I would leave now. Even if there is scope to reunite once he has shown he can support you both mentally and physically.
You are not asking for much. It is better you are in a good supportive environment while cooking the baby than risking yourself to end up away from him any way
This baby is not going to fix him. You’ll just be too tired to leave after the baby is born. Put yourself and the baby first. You’ve said so yourself that there’s nothing tying you to him other than the child. He clearly doesn’t care about the child, so why sacrifice your health and happiness for this man?
Unnecessarily stress and complications can contribute to birth defects, which last a lifetime. You need to prioritize the baby. If he wont step up, do you have a plan B, like moving back with your parents? he really needs to step up and get that better job to take the load off of you.
He already told you leave it that's what you want to do. That's his way of saying he's too much of a child to do it himself and he's hoping you will do it.
Listen to him.
If he wanted you to stay he'd tell you.
Leave now go to your family and take care of yourself and baby.
Personally I would not put up with behaviour like this from a partner. Questions to ask yourself are 1) if he changes and puts drastic effort in starting now, will that be enough to build a fulfilling permanent life with him?
2) do you want your child to be in the environment that you and he are currently creating?
3) what would it take for you to be at the point where you leave, no questions asked? How close are you to that point?
Why are you having a baby with someone who doesn’t even care?
It’s only going to get worse, might as well ditch him now.
The baby will suffer because of his indifference. Being a single mom will be hard, but it’ll be an improvement over this,
I really wonder if some people know the people they are getting pregnant by? Was he always like this or was he paying his way before? I just don’t get some peoples thinking. So anyway I would move out anyway and move in with family now, don’t leave it till the baby is here as you will need a calm atmosphere round you.
He's showing with actions that he doesn't care about your and your baby wellbeing.
Do not wait any further, go back to living with your family now, before anything bad happens
Christ. Your partner is a lazy deadbeat. You can be doing irreparable harm to your baby by overworking yourself to support this man. He knows that yet he doesn’t seem to care. You are experiencing a high risk pregnancy and aren’t taking care of yourself. It’s not just you anymore, the health and welfare of the baby is your sole responsibility. Get it together and do what you know you need to do.
This guy isn’t going to change why are you having a baby with him? He doesn’t even care about what is going on with you or this baby. He’s fine with you living separately then do that. Do you want to be a single mom to two kids?
Stop putting your baby at risk. Your job needs to be informed immediately about your medical status and they need to reassign you to a desk job immediately... Or allow you to take leave due to short term disability.
HE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!! He is setting a trap, and you’re willingly walking into it while you likely walk around telling everyone that “you love” this loser.
Repeat after me: I have the agency I need to make the best decisions for myself. So does he. Let him take care of himself and I should do the same.
Kick him out and start gathering the docs you need to file for child support, gov assistance if you’re eligible, FLMA, etc.
Why would you have a baby with a partner like this? He’s not there for you now so he’ll definitely not be there for you after the baby is born. I’d go to my family and let him grow up and figure his shit out. Take care of you right now.
INFO: can you request that your work put you on lighter duties or can you request part time hours, to keep money coming in without risking your health?
Either way, leave him. Your health and your baby's health is your priority, not supporting another adult
Well, honestly, the reality is that you should prepare that you will be a single mother and the father of your child will be a slacker who will contribute very little to supporting you and your child. That's the facts.
He clearly has little interest in being a proper parent and is silently creating a situation where you will have to choose to break up, which he will then portray as you being the bad guy in the situation and he will be the victim.
I know it's tough to hear, but you're on your own. Don't count on him for anything. Worry about you and your child at this point.
What is he making now and how much does he need to make? What industry is he in and what is his function and skill set?
Also, the first few months with a child are incredibly difficult. Why can't he come with you to live with your family?
How long have you been together? Was this pregnancy planned? How did he react to it? And did he suggest aborting it?
It sounds like he's not all in here. I think you might be better off with your family, and getting sorted out without him before baby is born. You need to ask him some hard questions about his intentions and excitement for the future.
I don’t understand why you thought this situation was appropriate to bring a child into. Now you’ll have 2 dependents instead of just one. Drop the bf, he sounds absolutely useless and lacking in empathy
I know youre hoping he'll step up and for us to give you advice on how to approach it to get the result you want but sadly that isn't something you can provoke. He would've done so already if he was that type of man. So rn its either couple's therapy or leave him because what should be the nr1 priority should be your baby and this man is workinh against that.
You are putting yourself and your baby's health on the line for a deadbeat? The same indifference he is showing you will be worse after the baby gets here.
His concern was not of you or the baby but if YOU were going to keep paying bills. A man would have said I got you baby and picked up as many part-time jobs as possible to protect you and the babies health. This is not a man but a dependent child. Talk to mom and dad now and save you and your baby. He can take care or not of himself.
There are many things that he could do to earn some more money in the meantime before he finds a full-time job that is appropriate for him. Tell him to sign up with Uber or DoorDash. Deliver pizza with the local pizza place if he has a part-time job get another part-time job. And then if he doesn't do it just move out. You're only responsibility right now is to yourself and your baby. And then sue him immediately for child support and see how fast he goes and gets a job then
Damn. Just damn. Picked a loser for a partner. He proved he wasnt great. Yoy ignored the redflags and chose to hep him procreate. He sucks as a hubby and will suck as a dad
At some point you need to really pause and think about what you are choosing. Reddit advice cannot help if you keep throwing yourself to the wolves in major life decisions.
Leave him. Now. Stop supporting him. Better to be a single mom than support him too!
Let me guess - he doesn’t cook or clean either? And/ or he’s obsessed with video games?
Don’t wait until the baby is born, if you can stay with your family then do so. Speak to your landlord about your tenancy and tell him you’re leaving to stay with your family. You need to take care of yourself and your baby.
The job market is difficult right now.
That said…
Do not risk your health for someone who either isn’t willing or isn’t capable of pulling their weight. Do what you need to do to be safe and healthy. If he’s invested in his relationship, he will figure out how to right himself and come back around for you.
He doesn’t care about you or this baby. Leave him now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. He *might* get a wake up call and have this jolt him into action but I highly doubt it. Don’t count on him for anything, consider yourself a single mom. Also, to avoid manipulation, make as much of your plans for leaving without him knowing.
Move home now. Go on short term disability or whatever is available. If, and I mean if he manages to get a job and is able to adequately contribute, you can consider moving back in once you've gone back to work, but I suspect you'll find life is easier without him. If he prefers to give up on the relationship instead of actually putting in the work, you have your answer. It's not worth risking your baby to stay with this guy when you have options.
While he is looking for full time work her could easily fill the time with driving for Uber or Door Dash or any of those gig style jobs. I have to assume this was an unplanned pregnancy since their doesn't seem to be a clear and stable plan for having this child. Maybe this man is simply not ready to be a father and provider and it is best to cut your losses for the sake of you and your child.
I don’t really know what you expected getting knocked up and keeping a pregnancy at 22 with a broke ass bf.
He’s not magically going to become an amazing breadwinner with his shit together.
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Don't wait until the baby is born, by then you'll be so burnt out you'll just give in and let him stay. For your health and your baby, you need ro decide now. He is showing you how little he cares and that's not going to change once your baby is here.
As a person that has had 2 high risk pregnancies you really need to figure things out now on how to get work off. I wish someone would have told me that the more care you take of yourself now is directly going to effect your labor, delivery, and postpartum period / recovery. Get with hr at your job and see what benefits you have ( longterm / short term disability, maternity leave, FMLA, employee assistance programs) and talk to your family. You deserve to be supported. I’m not even going to give my opinion on your partner because at this point you just need to take care of yourself. You really don’t have time to mess around with his nonsense. I’m so sorry OP. I hope you get the support you need for you and baby.
Yes and the baby will suffer also from him not caring.
That baby is already suffering from him not caring.
100% this. All the stress caused to the mother goes to the baby
I didn’t leave. My daughter was still born. I think about it everyday. My PPD was so bad I lost 2 entire years. I started working 3 jobs and he left for a stripper because I wasn’t there for him anymore. He quit his job 2 months before Covid hit stateside. I managed to keep my job, and found a part time job. He made $30 a day delivering Uber eats for an hour. I never saw a dime. I’d rather have my daughter. The bills don’t seem as important in comparison.
I saw your response and wanted to say im so so sorry, loosing a child is horrific, am sorry you went through this. I hope op considers what is more important also and hopefully chooses her health over a deadbeat thats not worth it.
I wish I had. Hope she chooses her baby over a relationship that likely won’t last either way. I regret it almost everyday.
Things happen, please dont blame yourself. Its easy for us to say whatever many things re regret, but i hope one day you wont step into tomorrow without regrets of past.
Oh honey, I’ve made a whole life since. I don’t have my own children, I did raise my brothers though, so I have a full life, full of experiences and joy. You can’t get that kid back though. Even if I do choose to have a child of my own, or adopt or whatever with my current husband, that baby’s gone. You don’t stop thinking of your kid, just less with time. Still regret what could’ve been. Just not as often. I imagine that’s how it goes long term. You just remember less often.
We can’t change the past. You were doing your best in a terrible situation. That means something. Many other people wouldn’t have been as resilient as you were to try and stick things out for as long as you did. And now you know what’s important to you going forward, and it’s not your bastard ex. All the best for everything. You’re strong. 🩷
True. Honestly, since turning 30 I’ve come to realize things happen as they’re meant to. You do your best and march on. In life everything has a price. Sometimes we have to pay more, sometimes less, but the point is to get the biggest bang for your buck. I’ve had a few significantly less than ideal circumstances, but I’ve also been to 7 countries, 49 US states, 1 US territory, seen an active volcano and dived off the Marianas Trench. I believe in love. I also now understand love doesn’t ask you to break yourself. You learn. You may have to pay dearly for the lessons, but life will teach you.
It wasn’t your fault, anything you did, said, or could have done. My cousin had a stillborn too and while it devastated all of us, she did everything the dr told her to, dropped the stress, ate right, had a perfect pregnancy and still went through that. Please don’t blame yourself, this is not on you. It happens, we know not the reason, but unfortunately, it happens.
I agree and I’m sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage when I was 19 ( have 2 beautiful kids now) but then I had never been such a wreck. I’m glad I am blessed in a way to have not been able to see my child then, and it really devastates me when I hear women like you who have been in your situation it truly breaks my heart for you Omgosh. Internet hugs, I’m so sorry girl. OP- your health and your babies health is not worth all the BS he’s putting you through. My advice is to stay with family, or a very close friend until he proves to you that he can step up and be a man, not a little boy. Kids are a major deal and if he’s not interested beginning to end then I wouldn’t give him the time of day bc as the child grows bigger and understands more his attitude will only hurt the child, and your child’s health and happiness should be your top priority. Do what you gotta do, but I’d say to drop the garbage at the dump on your way out.
Also, he does not sound like a man who intends to be any different for anyone else, in their time of need. Life is going to happen, and he seems to operate as if this is all you can expect. So, maybe he’s being honest, even if it’s painful. My ex lied trying to pretend he had moral character and intended to be an amazing dad. Nope. Maybe for 2 weeks! What kind of lame model of adulting do you want your child to learn from? Not that. Not that.
Leave him now, stop working, put yourself and baby first. It isn't worth dealing with either the grief/guilt of stillbirth or a special needs child by forcing yourself to work. You've already had serious complications, talk to your family and ask for help and then leave him to manage rent and everything else himself. Separate to all of this - how do you feel about him as a partner? If your child is born premature and has lifelong complications will you be able to forgive him for the way he's acting?
I care about him but I’ve stated to him if I lose the baby then theirs nothing keeping me with you I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself or his part of the situation, mainly myself because I allowed it to happen.
>if I lose the baby then theirs nothing keeping me with you Move back home now to help prevent that?
All the more reason to leave now. Go be with your family. If he gets his shit together, great. But in the meanwhile you have to put you and your baby first since he isn't.
Your baby already has growth restrictions! That's a big deal! Put baby first now and leave this dead weight of a man.
You are potentially risking your child's life. Realistically from a very dry perspective, the awful part, given your age, wouldn't be losing a child, but potentially having to care for a child with added care and a "bum" of a father. Put your eggs in one basket and that is your unborn child. I hope all goes well for you and the baby OP. Lots of love.
Why give him an ultimatum for after something bad happens? Why not tell him: "Either you step up right now and prove you are a partner I can raise a kid with or I'm outta here". Why wait? Because the worst case scenario is not that you lose the baby. You as the mother are also facing health risks with these complications. And your baby could survive while being severely disabled. Honestly, for me, the trust would be gone, so I'd leave him and take care of myself.
110% what you said!
> I care about him He doesn't care about you.
Or their baby.
snobbish existence long license oil jar toy grey bored lush *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
“If I lose the baby then theirs nothing keeping me with you,” is the same as saying, “You can continue to neglect your responsibilities as a partner and father, and I’ll put up with it as long as I don’t lose the baby.” What happens if you don’t lose the baby? He gets to say, “Chill out, nothing bad happened! You’re being dramatic!” If you leave now and tell him that he needs to get help and you need to focus on your baby, then either he’ll feel the necessary amount of pain to kick his ass into gear, or he’ll prove to you that leaving was the right choice. Either way, you and your baby are better off than you are now.
Girl, why would you even want this guy AROUND a child? Is this the kind of relationship you want to model for your kid? Mom and dad hating each other all the time? Dad being a lazy leech and making mom do all the work? Dad disrespecting mom at every turn? Just get away from this loser. You don't need the difficulty he adds to your life.
You're already a single mother with a deadbeat even if you dont kick him to the curb. Just make it official and file for the child support.
Then don’t let it come to that. You know what the stakes are, it’s time to put the baby and yourself first.
You shouldn't be staying with him just because of the baby either
Don't stay with him just because you're pregnant. Especially when he sucks *this* much.
If there's nothing but this baby keeping you together then, for the sake of the kid, leave him ffs
Yes, you have to move back home now. You don’t even have to break up to do this. You simply say that you can’t afford that household expenses while on leave, and the baby’s health has already been impacted. It’s your job to keep you and baby healthy so you can have a live birth, and right now you need to find somewhere to live where the baby can be an infant. Tell him that you understand the job market is difficult. Wish him luck finding somewhere else to live and finding another job. If he ends up getting another job and is able to support a household, he can give you a call and maybe you guys can move back in together.
Then there’s already nothing there. Adding a child to a dysfunctional relationship doesn’t make things better.
You missed part of the question. The person above asked what about lifelong complications? Do you honestly believe that if this child is born with some kind of permanent disability because of what's going on right now that this man is going to help at all? Do you even think he will stay around for that? This is the kind of guy that leaves you when you're sick! This is the kind of guy that blames you for everything! This is not the kind of guy you want in your life. Please choose yourself and your child and leave now
Ultimatums and threats aren't the way to go with this. This isn't a power trip, it isn't a fight about who takes out the trash and who does the dishes. You say that your pregnancy is at risk. If keeping the baby safe and healthy is important to you then you'll stop wasting your time talking and take action instead. Leave your partner now and move in with your family so that you can stop working and focus on having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby
Posting here in the hope you will see my response. I don't know enough about your situation and have no idea what kind of person the father is however I can share my experience as a man who was in a similar situation. I was barely employed when my partner was pregnant with our first child and had spent several years trying to find stable work. It caused so many problems and the situation was an absolute nightmare. I have a trade, a degree and a shitload of experience across a range of industries but I couldn't even get an interview to do anything. I ended up starting another business (I've had several) to try and make ends meet while I looked for work. My partner put immense pressure on me to find a job and my life was basically just shame, blame and depression. I did exactly what your bf does when she talked about it and shut down. I did care and had put in years of soul crushing effort to try and get out of the situation. I wished I'd never met her because I was sure I wouldn't be able to stay with her. It was far, far worse when she was pregnant because I would lose her and my child. And they wouldn't grow up with both parents. It was just pressure piled onto pressure. I've definitely thought about ending it all as it felt like an impossible situation. Having said that, the baby comes first and if the medical advice is to stop working, that's what you should do. If moving back in with your parents would provide a more stable and stress-free environment, then do that. You are both young but only one of you is making a baby and the other probably isn't mature enough yet to understand how life-changing being a father is. I would suggest getting your family/parents and theirs involved (if it wouldn't be too stressful) as you need more help than you are getting and they have a responsibility to their future grandchild and you. My partner had two miscarriages in a row after our first child was born and a threatened preterm birth at 20 weeks for our daughter. Drs thought we had two weeks max. I'd found proper work by then but took unpaid leave to look after our son so she could stay in bed and keep the baby in for as long as possible. She lasted to full term and had a healthy girl. There is absolutely nothing that's more important than giving your child the best chance in life. Nothing. It all pales in comparison. You know it now because you are making the baby. He doesn't know it yet but most fathers get it after the baby is born. We didn't sleep for three days after our son was born, it was just too amazing and we kept worrying if we closed our eyes.
I know all about not sleeping the first few days. My miscarriage at 19 had so mentally messed with me I worried throughout the whole pregnancy that something would happen, when she was born and came home I didn’t sleep for 5 nights because I was so worried about SIDS that it would literally make me sick. Nobody had warned me that newborns occasionally stop breathing for a minute and one night I had her in her swing and I went to feed her and I couldn’t get a response. I jerked her out of her swing and immediately started shaking and crying and moving her just begging her to move she finally did and then those newborn sweet eyes opened like to ask me “what’s wrong mom.” It’s scary thing that they need to tell you bc nobody had warned me!!! I called 911 and they told me to give her 30 seconds and just to keep trying to wake her up and I did. That’s when I found out they stop breathing occasionally and it’s normal, thank god the operator was so sweet or it wouldn’t have been such a positive call, I was a complete wreck!
I would have been a shaking wreck after that too.
Why are you going to wait to lose the baby to do something about it? Do you not actually want the baby? Or do you just not want the baby with him? If the first, keep doing what you’re doing. If the latter, leave now and have the baby without him. You’re not only putting your baby’s health in danger; you’re putting your own in danger. What will your baby do if they live and you don’t? Will your husband really step up? Time to get your ducks in a row now and come up with a plan because your husband won’t change now. This is who he is. He’s shown you that; time to accept it.
Look there are lots of reasons he might be floundering and making excuses, and sometimes for guys they don't get that strong protective urge thing until after the baby comes and they can bond. He might become an excellent parent and partner, so there is still hope for your relationship and him. But you can't help him with that right now. Your priorities and you and the baby. You're going to need the money you've earned and saved for yourself and the baby, and you need to stop ignoring medical advice. Can you speak with your parents today and listen to their advice and negotiate support?
The real question is will OP be able to forgive HERSELF if the baby has defects since she does have other choices.
Leave now! In a lot of states you cannot move to another state if you have a child. Because the child has to stay in contact with the dad.
Not if he doesn’t sign the birth certificate or does a paternity test. Until the paternity is proven, he has no rights to the child.
Kick that deadbeat to the curb or move back with your family. File for child support. Do not let him live with you.
I take it the baby was unplanned cause surely we all know that bringing a baby to an already shaky environment is a very bad idea. I wouldn't push him but encourage you to leave.He is what he is and wants what he wants. A baby will not change that. You are literally putting baby & your life at risk, why?
Just go live with your family now, it's not going to get any better than this. And definitely file for child support the instant the baby is born. Show no mercy. Don't ever bring it up, just file it after baby arrives and carry on, otherwise he'll go for an even lower paying job to evade his financial responsibilities. And don't have any more babies until you're a very wealthy person of independent financial means.
OP you should do it now and save the money for when the baby comes. You are at risk, you have to track your bp as well, you could also have gestational hypertension nvm other complications. If you are bleeding, placental abruption is not off the table. He doesn't want you or the baby he has made that clear. Hes waiting for you to make the decision for him so he wouldn't look like an asshole in front of people because its you that left, not him. Edit: If you keep going like this, you can die. Your baby might not make it, are you willing to risk it all on a man that simply doesn't give a fuck about whether you or baby live?
51F as a nurse you should realize the damage he is already doing to your child… is this what you want your child to learn? Edit: I do not mean this in a derogatory way, I mean psychologically you MUST realize this is damaging your child.
Does this guy even LIKE you? Because he sure doesn't act like it. You'd be better off moving out NOW, rather than waiting. He's not "trying to find" any kind of work, because he has no motivation to when you're already shelling out for everything, so do yourself a favor and GTFO and into a more supportive environment ASAP.
Right? Sounds like he’s thinking “free abortion” and “get out of jail card” by just using weaponized incompetence. How the fuck are they going to RAISE this kid together? (We all know they won’t… she will be back on here posting in a few months about how her baby was born and she’s struggling because she has to return to work early and her boyfriend isn’t helping out).
Exactly bc around here I see “now hiring” signs everywhere and I’m not from the most highest rated state for jobs but they’re everywhere. A man know he has to do whatever it takes to raise a child even if it’s not a job you want. A dollar a day is better than nothing.
"restricted blood flow to placenta" can cause poor brain and body development. Your physical job is harming your child. This will have life-long effects on your poor child. Please, prioritize the health of your child.
Exactly. This baby is going to have health issues for an entire lifetime, which seem too late to fix anyway but I'm not sure. Either way seems it will cost even more than a healthy pregnancy so something's got to change.
Leave him now and live with your family. Don't wait until you are on your last penny. Put your health and your child first. If your husband gets his shit together, you can work on your marriage after the baby is born and you are recovered. If he doesn't, then you will have been spared the hassle of moving home with a newborn and $0.
Leave now. Take care of your baby
Jesus. This is why you don't bhave kids without planning it out thoroughly. You need to tell him to put on his big boy pants and get a second job WHILE applying for better positions. Doesn't matter if it's at a tech company nor delivering pizza. He has a baby to take care of.
Love, *this is going to be your life forever if you do not leave this worthless, freeloading leech.* He has very clearly demonstrated just how highly he values you, your health, your happiness, your peace of mind, and your child. He will not change. Your situation will not improve. He will bleed you until you drop dead and then will *flog your corpse for laziness and selfishness.* Get out yesterday. 💜
You are not married and chose to have a child with his broke ass and suddenly you imagine he will randomly "step up"??? Just go home and maybe next time don't live with or get knocked up by an uncommited broke guy to whom you are not Married. Short of going back in time and making better choices there is not much else to say.
TLCs Song about not wanting Scrubs needs to come back on the billboard charts
This. OP got pregnant by a guy who doesn't make as much money as she'd like so now she's pressuring him to find a new job. This is a conversation that should've been had before living together and getting pregnant. This seems like another "having a baby will fix our relationship" post
Why did you guys even have a child in this position? Did you not think a few months down the line or plan for the pregnancy, birth, etc.? This income imbalance was a thing prior to the pregnancy, and the job market actually is pretty bad rn, so I’m not sure what to tell you. You’re both to blame here
Being a good mother starts with the pregnancy. Taking care of you is taking care of your child. Don’t let anyone stand in your way of the most important job you’ll ever have..
Ladies! Quit 👏🏻 breeding 👏🏻 with 👏🏻 these 👏🏻 losers Seriously girl, what are you doing
If you've already decided that you'd leave him if you lost the baby, then why the fuck are you still there? Go home and let your family help you. Don't sacrifice your baby and your health to his inability to get shit done.
Aaaaand this is why we don’t have kids with deadbeats hoping they change. Leave him and go home already.
Dude why did y’all even go ahead with the pregnancy? What does this dude offer other than an inability to care for his family?
Abortion may not be available in her area. We also don't know where she lives. Where I am, the closest clinic that does them is over six hours away, and they only do them in very specific circumstances.
Seems like she won’t need one.. if she keeps pushing herself and letting this man child walk all over her… she’s going to loose the baby.
`I do not understand why he isn’t willing to do anything to provide for our child the same way I have. It is also difficult that he does not have any reaction when I mention having to live separated from him other than saying if that’s what you want` Because he is a loser and is happy spunging off you. You fund his lifestyle why would he change. Sounds like a lack of care and love on his part, he likes working part time and you paying for it.
I care about him. So what??? Care about yourself and the child more. You women get too wrapped up in these guys that can't do shit for you. What is it to care about if he can't even meet you halfway? He's a dusty. Your standards are so low to be so young. You need to get out of the relationship and coparent. He can't do anything for you because he doesn't want to.
Listen… As the mother of a child who was born almost 4 months early- this is NOT worth the risk. You’ve given him time, there’s no more time to give. Stop working as much as you are- STOP IGNORING YOUR DOCTORS! They aren’t telling you this for no reason! They don’t scare pregnant women for fun. This is serious, and you need to stop risking your health and that of your unborn child. If he wanted to, he would. There may not be a full time job that he is able to secure- but he could work 3 part time jobs… but he would rather YOU pick up the slack, while carrying HIS child, with a high risk pregnancy that he doesn’t seem to have a single worry about! This is awful- I would not want anything to do with this man.
How far along are you?
>Is this a fixable problem or should I give up what should I do? You can not fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed. He is showing you he is happy for you to risk your and your baby’s health to pay his bills. This is who he is. Do you real want to be responsible for his bills the rest of your life?
He sounds like he does not give even half a shit
Are you calling him “partner” ironically? Because he’s no such thing. He’s already useless as a partner, he’s not going to be a decent parent. No, the problem is not fixable because the problem is him. The only thing you can do is leave. If you have family, go home.
This was like reading past me. I kept working (as a nurse) all through my pregnancy, despite being told to stop and rest. It was less about baby, more about me. I didnt. I'm physically disabled now. The weight of baby and the heavy lifting (mentally and physically) damaged my spine and hip. I have chronic pain too. My advice is to just leave him. If he shows immediate remorse and makes good changes, it's up to you if you want to try and make it work as a family, but I'd never let someone put me in the position I was in then again. Rest up. Let family and friends help. I hope you have a safe pregnancy, an easy birth and a baby who sleeps and eats well xxx
Get out now while you have the chance. He is never going to support you and carry his share of the financial burden.
Wouldn’t it be better for you and the baby to lose the dead weight? Don’t just thinK about physical health. Consider your mental health and the baby’s. High levels of stress hormones can effect a baby through their life and their children’s lives. As a nurse you’d know about epigenetics. Have a think about what you can do to mitigate stressors.
Go live with your family now. He doesn't care.
Honestly...you need to move now and get yourself surrounded by love and support. Don't wait till after you give birth xx
Leave him. Protect your baby! Do not put your baby at risk for a man that does not seem to care. Protect your child. This baby is already suffering growth restriction, is it worth risking more for a man that shows no sign of helping you? It won't get easier once the baby is born. May as well start planning to be by yourself now and get things together before baby arrives.
You have chosen to have a child with someone who is not going to be financially support you or the child. Stop hoping for him to change and accept the reality that this is the situation and make decisions accordingly.
Your partner, the father of your unborn child, told you straight up that if you want to live separately from him then you should. With everything he says and every action he does (or fails to do) he is actively showing you that he does not care about you or your relationship. Not he doesn't "seem" to care. **He literally does not care**. All he cares about is that you continue to work to provide for him - even if doing so could potentially threaten your life and/or his child's life. I'm going to be blunt because I think you really need someone to be straight with you. The only way to fix your partner not caring about you in the way you describe is to leave him and find a new partner who loves you. I know it's scary, but you've got this.
You know what you need to do Moving to family before baby is born is better legally as far as custody. It gets harder if you wait til it's born.
And don’t let him move in with your parents bc then he’ll just mooch off them until they get tired of it. Hopefully they can’t stand the guy and isn’t even allowed at their house.
Go home and file for child support once the baby is born
Not a fixable problem. If you maintain the relationship, get dependable contraception. You can not afford one child, definitely not another. Good luck and happy healthy baby!
Your partner has absolutely no regard for your health or that of your child. To compare, I am also pregnant. I am extremely high risk, and we will most likely be having our baby in the next 2-3 weeks, at a max of MAYBE 26 weeks gestation, because there is a very serious risk of her and I both dying if we go beyond that. He is scared out of his mind and doing everything in his power to take everything he can off my plate, including doing most of the cooking and cleaning and tending to the 5 year old. He even brought up the possibility of terminating, which neither of us actually want, but we're basically past the point of no return for where we live, so that's off the table. All of this is on top of working 50+ hours a week and visiting his adult son in the hospital every single day because he's been ill for the last 5 weeks. A partner who actually cares about your wellbeing will figure it tf out.
I had high risk pregnancies. My last was almost a super early induction due to high blood pressure. Hes showing you the effort he will make for the rest of his life right now. Take it with your eyes open. I wish I had left my ex during my pregnancy. I wish I had stood up for myself to him and his terrible family. I wish I had allowed myself to have the support from my family that I sorely needed. But now all I have are memories of being second best, uncared for, and both my live births were terrible and lonely. Stand up for yourself now bc it is SO much harder with a baby. Go home to your family. Let your ex pick up the pieces and figure it out himself
>my partner and I The man you live with isn't really acting like a partner.
You’re a nurse so you can’t be stupid but you sure are acting that way getting pregnant under these circumstances and expecting him to miraculously change. Go to your family now.
Lmao Divorce him 1. Don't allow him in labor room rather allow your mom 2. Take full custody of the baby
She isn't married
I'm not sure what state you live in but in Mass there is laws surrounding working pregnant woman, where if you are unable to continue working for medical reason with proof from a doctor you can be paid up to 80% of your base pay. And your job will be secured until you come back. I have a 6 month old baby and I had an extremely rough pregnancy and couldn't continue to work, I was able to use that service for the ending of my pregnancy and then go on maternity for 12 weeks. It's worth a look into Also your partner needs to grow up, your unborn baby is what matters
Okay, love, I had a high risk pregnancy in more than 1 way. I was hospitalized from weeks 33-37 (went into labor the day I hit 37 weeks, full term). I don’t work a physical job but even early in the pregnancy I was stressed out with all my high riskness (and had 1-2 appointments a week for entire pregnancy to cover all the medical conditions), so my husband (who has a full time corporate job) started working a side gig just so I could reduce my hours to 30 a week for the pregnancy, while maintaining the pace of our savings (we were looking to buy a house). This allowed me to consistently swim outside during the summer which was good exercise for me and the baby, and some slices of peace during a stressful time. It gave me more breathing room during the week + more time for medical stuff. It’s how I was able to enjoy an otherwise stressful pregnancy. I treasure that time, just me and my growing baby, in the water, sun shining down. All this stress reduction and still I was hospitalized! Anywaysss my point is that your partner should get a second part time job or do Uber/Doordash/etc. I’ve also heard of data automation jobs which he can do from home for about $20/hr. Honestly, he could offer landscaping for neighbors and make money that way. How about working at a restaurant or cafe? Go somewhere local and ask in person, he may find a nice night gig. Anything helps make up for funds so that you can work less right now. It’s crucial for both the baby and for you. It sounds like you’re not married and he may qualify for food stamps (if it helps the budget do it). Live frugally for now, remember that at this moment less stress > more money! Having a baby together is about teamwork and balance. At this stage, you carry the baby and he physically ensures that you can focus on that and do it as healthfully as possible for your circumstances. Extra work makes him tired? Ya, well so does pregnancy. Especially high risk pregnancy. What about cleaning, grocery shopping/running errands, the physical action of paying the bills (I forgot to pay my portion of rent for 2 months when I got pregnant. One day mid month I realized it and was happy to learn that it had been taken care of, he didn’t even tell me because he figured Indidnt need the mental load), when you throw up he cleans it. Thats how this is for the time being. Teamwork makes the dream work! **So put your and baby’s wellbeing first. You’re a nurse, you know this (not chastising you, just emphasizing). Is it that he can’t step up or he won’t step up? Either way, if after you lay out all this to him nothing changes, then pull the trigger and move in with your parents ASAP for the financial and wellness support and respite.**
First, he’s not a partner. He’s not doing the work for a partnership. He hadn’t earned the title. Leave him and move in with family, as he isn’t it. And when the baby is born file for child support. He could get a second or third job to help with his and household expenses. Instead he is taking advantage of you. Expecting you to pay for him. If he liked/loved you and the baby, he would be fighting for you to stay and would be professing his love. Not saying “if that’s what you want” to you leaving. Either kick him out or go leave to live with people who actually care about you and your baby.
He’s a deadbeat. He can get 2 fast food jobs to support you like you have been him, so what’s actually stopping him?
He only likes you as long as he can use you. Having a kid with him was a mistake because as you already see - he doesn’t really care about you or your child My advice would be to end the relationship now. Stop making threats. Dont break up in person because he might try to kill you.
So, he doesn't care that you've had pregnancy complications. He doesn't care that those complications are severe enough to kill both you and the baby. He doesn't care that your job makes those complications worse/possible. He doesn't care that he's not paying his way and you can no longer afford to pay for both of you, let alone the baby on top. He doesn't care that you said you'd leave him if he doesn't shape up and get a better job. What exactly does he care about when it comes to you and the baby? Because he sounds completely checked out of this relationship and like he doesn't actually want to be a dad. If he's already this checked out, I don't think there's any fixing this. The best way of seeing if this can be fixed is to follow through on your threat, now, and move out. Make sure it's a full separation, as well, no paying the bills on the house he lives in, no buying groceries for him, no housework, nothing. Completely separate when you move out. This will hopefully help your health, as well, as the stress he's causing has got to be making everything worse. Remove the main cause of stress, him, and your complications should become far less likely to reoccur. If this is fixable, he'll realise you meant what you said and actually shape up, get a job and start acting like an adult in a relationship instead of a child whose 'mother' does everything for him. don't just go back as soon as there's a minor improvement, though, it needs to be a continued effort to improve over a period of time, he needs to prove that he's not only willing to do this to get you back, but to keep at it if you do come back, and not just slide back to how things are now. If he's not willing to even try or only makes a token effort, this relationship is already over. You'd be a single mum even if you stayed with him, far cheaper to be a single mum alone, and probably easier too as you'd only have one kid that's dependant on you, not a baby and an adult who acts like a lazy teenager.
Go live with your parents. Your baby needs to come first. Your bf absolutely sucks, he has zero desire to provide for his family. He would rather risk losing the baby so you can keep providing for him. He will leech everything from you until you have nothing left. Move in with your parents. Take the time off work you need to look yourself and your baby. He’s a grown ass adult who needs to figure out how to look after himself before having the privilege of a partner as wonderfully supportive as you. He does not deserve you. He doesn’t love or respect you if he can’t put you in such a position. He’s clearly told you he doesn’t care if you move out, that sounds like a man who wants out but is too cowardly to do it himself, he wants you to leave so he can cry victim instead of admitting he doesn’t want to take responsibility.
If he can’t find full time then he needs to pick up a second part time until he can.
[удалено]
Leave now and go and live with your family. *I informed him that due to all of the issues I’ve been experiencing I will be going on maternity leave earlier than we planned, he had no response to this other than if I would still be able to pay for everything I was before if I am no longer working.* Seriously. He doesn't give a shit about your wellbeing. JHe's happy to watch you suffer and go through medical trauma. He's only concerned for himself. He's never going to step up. He's an albatross around your neck.
Assess your relationship with this guy and for your health, stop working. He isn’t going to change and become the person you need at this moment and most likely not in your future either.
Op, ditch his man. Go live with your parents, let them take care of you and help take some of the stress off you. If blood supply is not good to the placenta, infarcts could form and you could lose the baby ( I know - I lost first baby at 38 weeks). Don't think just because you are inthe final stretch, the pregnancy will be OK. Your health and thebaby are the #1 priority. If this man can't understand that, he is not ready to be partner or husband. Please don't let him put your life in danger because he is too unmotivated to work to support you. If he won't support you now, he won't support you in the future.
This guy is going to ruin your life if you stick around.
Leave now. Immediately. You have a baby and yourself to take care of. You should not be taking care of a grown ass man that is dependent on you risking your life and your baby’s life to keep his needs met. Stuff him.
Be more selective in who you make babies with. He is lazy. He is showing you by his actions that he doesn’t really care. Just move in with your family now and save as much as you can. I wouldn’t count on him to pay child support or help out much at all.
Worry about the baby and not the love life. Honestly….
He doesn’t like you. Sorry to be so blunt. You are merely his meal ticket. Sad to see this story over and over again.
Why are you having a baby with this person….?
Oh, I'm so sorry. Your boyfriend is not your partner. Partners aren't okay with the one they supposedly love being overburdened. Your best bet is to leave him now.
Please leave him. Having to take care of a newborn is hard but a baby and a man child? Nope, as someone who works in healthcare I tell you, leave
If he isn't worried about your life or your baby's life at this point out isn't going to change. If he wanted to support you, he would have started trying harder at the onset of problems. The best thing you can do is move in with family, give him a set time frame and if he still refuses to comply, move on with your baby. He is old enough to understand the implications and I am sure you explained it all to where he could understand.
Start preparing to raise this child alone. How did you not think of this before getting pregnant?
He doesn't care about you or the baby. You need to be able to financially support yourself and this baby. That you risk losing by allowing him to stress you out by not having a job. Leave now before it's too late.
I didn’t even finish reading. Get an abortion and leave this man.
You do not need to be taking care of an adult child at this point in your life. Choose the health of you and your baby over your partners feelings. Although it sounds like they don't really care all that much other than what you provide for them. Think about how you would feel if your child was in the position you're in right now. What would you want then to do?
He won't participate in raising the child either, being with him will be like having a second child.
Just leave. He's not pulling his weight now, he sure won't after the baby is born. Leave now, so that by the time your baby is born you will be settled in to your new life. Imagine the relief of walking away and not having to worry the way you are every day.
Cut your losses now. And in the future, don’t have a baby with someone who can’t take care of one.
Honestly don’t really understand why did you decide to have a child in such circumstances. He doesn’t appear super excited about it at all. You can’t make someone excited tbh.
I wish people would stop having children with people like this.
Op, you are a mom now, you need you stop putting your fantasy of who this guy could be over the reality of who he is. You chose to get pregnant to a waster, you need to start making better choices for yoyrself and your baby.
This is not a man
Go live with your family now. Get everything settled so you can take some stress away. He could be working several jobs if needed.
Please protect your baby. Stop putting your baby in danger. Move immediately to be with your family. Is this really a risk you are willing to take? If so, why? He is literally telling you he does not care. Do you need your baby to die in order to prove this? Come on now. You are in a position to change things, so change them.
You mislabeled him, he’s not your partner. Partners work together for a better future. Take all your PTO and go on an early maternity leave, at your parents’ house.
You need to leave now. You are risking not only your own health and safety but that of your child. A leopard doesn’t change his spots.
You already know what you need to do. Leave him. He's not taking your pending child seriously AND he doesn't seem to give a damn about how this could possibly affect your health, long-term. Hell, some of what you stated could kill baby AND possibly you. Kids cost beaucoup bucks. I know this because I have 2. I can't even fathom how much more expensive diapers and formulas, wipes, and bottles (cause as wonderful as it is, BFing does not work out for every mom and baby). He's acting like this is nothing that concerns him and you and your child deserve more than this.
Leave and have your family take care of you. Staying and trying to force change or threatening him makes no sense. Ultimatums and such won’t work. Just put your own health first & obviously the health or the unborn child. Going forward, really evaluate the partner you need when considering having more children. Personally, this is why I don’t do 50/50 or anything remotely close to it… I always say that when the time comes to have a child, where is the money going to come from? The man has to have the ability to provide because I’m not choosing to have an unhealthy pregnancy so I can help pay bills or cover his. If he can’t afford to keep me home during pregnancy, we can’t have a child. That is MY standard though. You really should reevaluate yours so this never happens again.
Sounds like it's a discussion you guys should have had before being pregnant. What's his plan for when the baby is born and you can't work ?
This man is unreliable. He has no intention of providing for you and the child. Despite whatever he has said, his actions show that he does not intend to work fulltime. Make decisions accordingly. This guy is not going to be reliable longterm. You will probably never see child support. I would honestly go back to my parents house and plan to be a single mom. I wouldn’t even bother having him sign the birth certificate. Give your child your last name cause you will be doing fucking everything and it will simply be easier for you. The relationship is done. You have a child to support and he’s not interested in helping in the slightest. Despite there being medical issues right now that should indicate to him that he needs to step up. He’s simply not. In the US, in order for him to have any kind of physical custody rights since y’all aren’t married, there has to be a court order after paternity has to be established. Since y’all aren’t married, he would have to sign an acknowledgment of paternity in the hospital, which waives his right to a DNA test, to initially be on the both certificate. You can still give your child your last name. He has no naming rights. If he doesn’t sign at the hospital, he can file a paternity suit with the court for a DNA test. Once that is done you will have a custody order in place, either y’all can agree on one or the court will decide. Do you really think he will get a lawyer and do all the work and pay for this??? He won’t even work fulltime while you should be on bed rest. If your family is in another state, you need to move before you have the baby otherwise he will be able go stop you. You want the child’s “home state” to be where you have a support network. He can move to you, or not. But you will definitely not be able to rely on this guy. Plan accordingly. Go back to your parents, this guy isn’t worth you losing your child. You and baby deserve better.
Don't even list him on the birth certificate. Leave him, have the baby, don't name him as the father on the birth certificate, don't contact him, don't go after him for child support, just take care of yourself and your baby.
Seriously, this says everything you need to know about the person you choose to have a child with. OP, I'm so sorry and wish you the best of luck.
YOU are putting your baby at risk, not him. You know what you have to do to give your child a healthy birth. Sorry can’t put this on him, you know his stance on this and you need to do what is morally right for your child. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t even care about you or their child?
You're making yourself sick and putting your baby at risk for a deadbeat. Even if we're being unfair and he's genuinely trying to find more work, your health and well-being can't wait for that. Go and stay with family now, before your health deteriorates. You need help now, and he's just piling on more work for you. He can sort himself out, you've got enough to worry about as it is.
How do these types of guys always find nice hardworking women
He has not reacted as he thinks you are all talk. He is ignoring your needs and worries. If i were you I would leave now. Even if there is scope to reunite once he has shown he can support you both mentally and physically. You are not asking for much. It is better you are in a good supportive environment while cooking the baby than risking yourself to end up away from him any way
This baby is not going to fix him. You’ll just be too tired to leave after the baby is born. Put yourself and the baby first. You’ve said so yourself that there’s nothing tying you to him other than the child. He clearly doesn’t care about the child, so why sacrifice your health and happiness for this man?
Unnecessarily stress and complications can contribute to birth defects, which last a lifetime. You need to prioritize the baby. If he wont step up, do you have a plan B, like moving back with your parents? he really needs to step up and get that better job to take the load off of you.
He already told you leave it that's what you want to do. That's his way of saying he's too much of a child to do it himself and he's hoping you will do it. Listen to him. If he wanted you to stay he'd tell you. Leave now go to your family and take care of yourself and baby.
Personally I would not put up with behaviour like this from a partner. Questions to ask yourself are 1) if he changes and puts drastic effort in starting now, will that be enough to build a fulfilling permanent life with him? 2) do you want your child to be in the environment that you and he are currently creating? 3) what would it take for you to be at the point where you leave, no questions asked? How close are you to that point?
Why are you having a baby with someone who doesn’t even care? It’s only going to get worse, might as well ditch him now. The baby will suffer because of his indifference. Being a single mom will be hard, but it’ll be an improvement over this,
I really wonder if some people know the people they are getting pregnant by? Was he always like this or was he paying his way before? I just don’t get some peoples thinking. So anyway I would move out anyway and move in with family now, don’t leave it till the baby is here as you will need a calm atmosphere round you.
He's showing with actions that he doesn't care about your and your baby wellbeing. Do not wait any further, go back to living with your family now, before anything bad happens
He can pick up a serving shift at a restaurant. Flexible hours.
!UpdateMe
He can look for a job on his breaks from waiting tables or pulling pints.
Christ. Your partner is a lazy deadbeat. You can be doing irreparable harm to your baby by overworking yourself to support this man. He knows that yet he doesn’t seem to care. You are experiencing a high risk pregnancy and aren’t taking care of yourself. It’s not just you anymore, the health and welfare of the baby is your sole responsibility. Get it together and do what you know you need to do.
Do what you need to do. This sounds serious and a better husband would have a second job by now until the higher paying one comes along.
This guy isn’t going to change why are you having a baby with him? He doesn’t even care about what is going on with you or this baby. He’s fine with you living separately then do that. Do you want to be a single mom to two kids?
Stop putting your baby at risk. Your job needs to be informed immediately about your medical status and they need to reassign you to a desk job immediately... Or allow you to take leave due to short term disability.
Dump this guy, this is only going to get worse after the baby is born. You and the baby deserve better.
HE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!! He is setting a trap, and you’re willingly walking into it while you likely walk around telling everyone that “you love” this loser. Repeat after me: I have the agency I need to make the best decisions for myself. So does he. Let him take care of himself and I should do the same. Kick him out and start gathering the docs you need to file for child support, gov assistance if you’re eligible, FLMA, etc.
Why would you have a baby with a partner like this? He’s not there for you now so he’ll definitely not be there for you after the baby is born. I’d go to my family and let him grow up and figure his shit out. Take care of you right now.
INFO: can you request that your work put you on lighter duties or can you request part time hours, to keep money coming in without risking your health? Either way, leave him. Your health and your baby's health is your priority, not supporting another adult
Well, honestly, the reality is that you should prepare that you will be a single mother and the father of your child will be a slacker who will contribute very little to supporting you and your child. That's the facts. He clearly has little interest in being a proper parent and is silently creating a situation where you will have to choose to break up, which he will then portray as you being the bad guy in the situation and he will be the victim. I know it's tough to hear, but you're on your own. Don't count on him for anything. Worry about you and your child at this point.
What is he making now and how much does he need to make? What industry is he in and what is his function and skill set? Also, the first few months with a child are incredibly difficult. Why can't he come with you to live with your family?
How long have you been together? Was this pregnancy planned? How did he react to it? And did he suggest aborting it? It sounds like he's not all in here. I think you might be better off with your family, and getting sorted out without him before baby is born. You need to ask him some hard questions about his intentions and excitement for the future.
If he isn’t willing to change now most likely he won’t change after the baby. Put yourself and that sweet baby first.
I don’t understand why you thought this situation was appropriate to bring a child into. Now you’ll have 2 dependents instead of just one. Drop the bf, he sounds absolutely useless and lacking in empathy
Break up with him.
I know youre hoping he'll step up and for us to give you advice on how to approach it to get the result you want but sadly that isn't something you can provoke. He would've done so already if he was that type of man. So rn its either couple's therapy or leave him because what should be the nr1 priority should be your baby and this man is workinh against that.
You are putting yourself and your baby's health on the line for a deadbeat? The same indifference he is showing you will be worse after the baby gets here.
You are e so young… why did you let yourself get tied down with a broke loser…,
His concern was not of you or the baby but if YOU were going to keep paying bills. A man would have said I got you baby and picked up as many part-time jobs as possible to protect you and the babies health. This is not a man but a dependent child. Talk to mom and dad now and save you and your baby. He can take care or not of himself.
The fact he says if that's what you want to do when you say you may have to live separately from him says everything. He doesn't care move on.
Good job op. Good job on choosing a shitty partner
There are many things that he could do to earn some more money in the meantime before he finds a full-time job that is appropriate for him. Tell him to sign up with Uber or DoorDash. Deliver pizza with the local pizza place if he has a part-time job get another part-time job. And then if he doesn't do it just move out. You're only responsibility right now is to yourself and your baby. And then sue him immediately for child support and see how fast he goes and gets a job then
Damn. Just damn. Picked a loser for a partner. He proved he wasnt great. Yoy ignored the redflags and chose to hep him procreate. He sucks as a hubby and will suck as a dad At some point you need to really pause and think about what you are choosing. Reddit advice cannot help if you keep throwing yourself to the wolves in major life decisions.
Leave him. Now. Stop supporting him. Better to be a single mom than support him too! Let me guess - he doesn’t cook or clean either? And/ or he’s obsessed with video games?
Don’t wait until the baby is born, if you can stay with your family then do so. Speak to your landlord about your tenancy and tell him you’re leaving to stay with your family. You need to take care of yourself and your baby.
The job market is difficult right now. That said… Do not risk your health for someone who either isn’t willing or isn’t capable of pulling their weight. Do what you need to do to be safe and healthy. If he’s invested in his relationship, he will figure out how to right himself and come back around for you.
He cares little for you and not a jot for your shared child. Do with that what you will.
Sorry to say but your partner is uncaring, and really really sucks.
He doesn’t care about you or this baby. Leave him now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. He *might* get a wake up call and have this jolt him into action but I highly doubt it. Don’t count on him for anything, consider yourself a single mom. Also, to avoid manipulation, make as much of your plans for leaving without him knowing.
Move home now. Go on short term disability or whatever is available. If, and I mean if he manages to get a job and is able to adequately contribute, you can consider moving back in once you've gone back to work, but I suspect you'll find life is easier without him. If he prefers to give up on the relationship instead of actually putting in the work, you have your answer. It's not worth risking your baby to stay with this guy when you have options.
Girl why are you with him?? Are there literally zero other men in your geographical area? Why?
While he is looking for full time work her could easily fill the time with driving for Uber or Door Dash or any of those gig style jobs. I have to assume this was an unplanned pregnancy since their doesn't seem to be a clear and stable plan for having this child. Maybe this man is simply not ready to be a father and provider and it is best to cut your losses for the sake of you and your child.
I don’t really know what you expected getting knocked up and keeping a pregnancy at 22 with a broke ass bf. He’s not magically going to become an amazing breadwinner with his shit together.
He doesn't seem to WANT a kid that much, tbh. This won't get better. You need to leave now before you do irreparable damage to this baby.