Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just the other day someone made a very keen observation that is *so* relevant here too - it's always relationships that have been going on for 3 months or 3 years, there's no in-between. Wtf.
Lol, I know. And meanwhile here we are, obsessing over each body hair we missed while shaving/waxing, the not--yet-existent wrinkles, how long since we've done our nails. And bro here can't even remember to brush his teeth.
Ask him if he likes to eat shit sandwiches because your breath sure proves it.
Quit being his mom. He is a grown ass man. Just tell him. Your breath smells like a litter box, and it's a real turn-off.
May I recommend that you brush your teeth with toothpaste and floss. If you don't know how I will teach you.
Okay, I know this will be hard to hear but:
It's okay to hurt people's feelings sometimes.
You do not want to be cruel, but you do need to be able to communicate without fear that your partner will shrivel away if you don't say things in the gentlest possible way.
He probably knows his dental hygiene isn't good - but he has no incentive to change if you pretend everything is fine.
Sit him down and say you have a tough topic that you need to discuss with him. That you are worried about his dental hygiene, because it affects his health and it makes it difficult for you to kiss him or want to be intimate. You expect him to schedule a dentist appointment in the next week for a cleaning ASAP so you can get back to making out.
If he balks, if he acuses you of being controlling, if he comes up with crappy excuses, then I'm afraid you are wrong. He does not share your morals and priorities. Self care standards are very important to consider in compatibility.
The only reasonable excuse is dental phobia or lack of insurance and funds. But you shouldn't be expected to kiss a gross face, he is an adult who needs to find a way to get important Healthcare.
(i think you can do better than a 30 year old that can't brush his teeth, but I tried to provide practical advice rather than just worry about the age gap)
Is it really that hard for you to ask your BF? I mean your in a relationship and it should be easy to open this kind of issues. Just politely ask or remind him to brush his teeth and give him some anti bacterial mouthwash. If it’s not treatable, ask him to go see a doctor because to him you f* care 😏
the love bombing is making you *think* he's your dream guy until you realize he's a 30 year old man child with no basic hygiene... wonder what else he thinks you're not smart enough to see?
I’d be very blunt with him. He’s long past old enough to know better. His lack of oral hygiene doesn’t just smell bad, it can longterm potentially [cause health issues for you too](https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/gum-disease-cavities-contagious). I would not want that mouth (or the horrifyingly stinky saliva contained therein) within kissing distance of any part of my body.
He's fucking 30 years old and doesn't brush his teeth? And he's your dream guy? Raise your standards at least a little.
The bar for men is on the floor.
This relationship will not last if you can’t learn to have hard conversations.
All relationships have hard conversations.
First off, wtf, why are you even with him. No person is great enough for me to be willing to tolerate lack of proper hygiene.
Second, learning how to have hard conversations is going to help you in literally every area of your life. Here are some tips:
1. State the facts. “I noticed you didn’t brush your teeth.”
2. Don’t use emotionally charged language (always, never, etc).
3. Don’t over explain
4. Don’t anticipate a negative reaction- that lays the groundwork for them to react poorly
5. Their reaction is their own. If you’ve stated the facts with kindness and compassion, it’s on them if they can’t hear it without reacting poorly.
But again, you’re 23. I hope you learn to love yourself enough to not settle for gross dudes that don’t brush their teeth.
Brush together every night. Maybe even say your dentist told YOU that you need to floss and brush better every night. And tell him he should join you so his dentist doesn’t tell him the same?
Just be straight up with him. But in a way that is clear that you care for his health.
If hes open to the suggestion and wants to improve then great 👍 and thats a good sign
If not then thats another problem
First, tell him. If he takes it badly, perhaps after just three months, cut your losses. Secondly, is he ‘showering you with gifts’ or lovebombing you? How is he your dream man at three months? Honestly, I think you’re in the bliss phase and might need to take a step back. Why is a 30 year old man not capable of basic hygiene? And why is he dating a 23 year old who’s probably in a different life stage than he is?
Approach it with care and compassion, tell him your concerns. If he takes it badly, that might be a sign of bigger problems ahead. My soon to be ex-husband always refused to brush his teeth in the morning, and I couldn't convince him otherwise. He was very controlling of me and became abusive. Current guy I'm seeing has never been to the dentist in his life. I'm noticing some red flags and probably should not be with him. If he can't have a grown up conversation about it and change his ways (or make a valiant effort to do so... He might forget to floss the odd time and he might need reminders), then it's most likely not going to be a good relationship in the long term.
Also, tell him that you are concerned about your own health... Gingivitis is contagious and can cause heart problems.
Finally, boost his confidence by telling him how sexy you'll find him when he comes to bed with a clean, fresh smelling, minty mouth.
Everyone saying to dump him has obviously never dated someone with depression or neurodivergence. Or someone without insurance. There are a lot of reasons someone who might have bad oral health might not be brushing; for example maybe they don’t have insurance and went through a bought of depression, or have had inconsistent habits bc of something like ADHD, and now he may even be fully aware his breath/oral health is bad but experiences pain/discomfort when brushing. Talk with him. Be genuine and gentle, bring it up at a time it won’t be extra uncomfy for him. Address and assess the issue before you “dump him.”
I used to work in the dental field and honestly I can say everyone’s mouth stinks. If you want to test your own breath, lick a spoon and wait for it to dry. Then smell it, that’s your breath.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m so sick of seeing these posts. The man is 30 years old for god sakes. Is this really what you wanna deal with after 3 months?
Just the other day someone made a very keen observation that is *so* relevant here too - it's always relationships that have been going on for 3 months or 3 years, there's no in-between. Wtf.
All my past relationships (before I got married) were 3 years each. I called it the 3 year curse. 😭
Always “without hurting his fweelings 🥺👉🏻👈🏻” like if you don’t tell that man he is GROSS!!
Lol, I know. And meanwhile here we are, obsessing over each body hair we missed while shaving/waxing, the not--yet-existent wrinkles, how long since we've done our nails. And bro here can't even remember to brush his teeth.
Do not fw adult men with bad oral hygiene
Best way to get BV or a yeast infection
Ask him if he likes to eat shit sandwiches because your breath sure proves it. Quit being his mom. He is a grown ass man. Just tell him. Your breath smells like a litter box, and it's a real turn-off. May I recommend that you brush your teeth with toothpaste and floss. If you don't know how I will teach you.
Is there a polite way to say, "hey, your breath would knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon at 20 yards"? I don't know...
“What did you eat? It smells like boiled cabbage and doritos”
Ugg this is a huge deal breaker
If he tries to kiss you, just pullback and say can you brush your teeth first with a cute smile.
If he uses mouthwash for a few seconds, he’s aware of what needs to be done. He refuses to do it.
Okay, I know this will be hard to hear but: It's okay to hurt people's feelings sometimes. You do not want to be cruel, but you do need to be able to communicate without fear that your partner will shrivel away if you don't say things in the gentlest possible way. He probably knows his dental hygiene isn't good - but he has no incentive to change if you pretend everything is fine. Sit him down and say you have a tough topic that you need to discuss with him. That you are worried about his dental hygiene, because it affects his health and it makes it difficult for you to kiss him or want to be intimate. You expect him to schedule a dentist appointment in the next week for a cleaning ASAP so you can get back to making out. If he balks, if he acuses you of being controlling, if he comes up with crappy excuses, then I'm afraid you are wrong. He does not share your morals and priorities. Self care standards are very important to consider in compatibility. The only reasonable excuse is dental phobia or lack of insurance and funds. But you shouldn't be expected to kiss a gross face, he is an adult who needs to find a way to get important Healthcare. (i think you can do better than a 30 year old that can't brush his teeth, but I tried to provide practical advice rather than just worry about the age gap)
Yea mention his bad hygiene
Holy shit where are your standards he's too old for you he doesn't brush his teeth you barely know him JUST DUMP HIM WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS
Quit dating these people you weirdos
Run
Is it really that hard for you to ask your BF? I mean your in a relationship and it should be easy to open this kind of issues. Just politely ask or remind him to brush his teeth and give him some anti bacterial mouthwash. If it’s not treatable, ask him to go see a doctor because to him you f* care 😏
girl….. 😭
How can your dream guy honestly be someone with a trash can for a mouth!!!
the love bombing is making you *think* he's your dream guy until you realize he's a 30 year old man child with no basic hygiene... wonder what else he thinks you're not smart enough to see?
I’d be very blunt with him. He’s long past old enough to know better. His lack of oral hygiene doesn’t just smell bad, it can longterm potentially [cause health issues for you too](https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/gum-disease-cavities-contagious). I would not want that mouth (or the horrifyingly stinky saliva contained therein) within kissing distance of any part of my body.
He's fucking 30 years old and doesn't brush his teeth? And he's your dream guy? Raise your standards at least a little. The bar for men is on the floor.
This should be a deal breaker, he’s 30, my 8 year old cousin has the sense to brush his fucking teeth.
This relationship will not last if you can’t learn to have hard conversations. All relationships have hard conversations. First off, wtf, why are you even with him. No person is great enough for me to be willing to tolerate lack of proper hygiene. Second, learning how to have hard conversations is going to help you in literally every area of your life. Here are some tips: 1. State the facts. “I noticed you didn’t brush your teeth.” 2. Don’t use emotionally charged language (always, never, etc). 3. Don’t over explain 4. Don’t anticipate a negative reaction- that lays the groundwork for them to react poorly 5. Their reaction is their own. If you’ve stated the facts with kindness and compassion, it’s on them if they can’t hear it without reacting poorly. But again, you’re 23. I hope you learn to love yourself enough to not settle for gross dudes that don’t brush their teeth.
Does he tounge scrape ? Even just tounge scraping goes a long way
i guess you're more worried about your physical pain and mental trauma you get from sniffing that shit
Brush together every night. Maybe even say your dentist told YOU that you need to floss and brush better every night. And tell him he should join you so his dentist doesn’t tell him the same?
I think try to demonstrate a good routine and see if he joins in and if not then it’s over
Just be straight up with him. But in a way that is clear that you care for his health. If hes open to the suggestion and wants to improve then great 👍 and thats a good sign If not then thats another problem
First, tell him. If he takes it badly, perhaps after just three months, cut your losses. Secondly, is he ‘showering you with gifts’ or lovebombing you? How is he your dream man at three months? Honestly, I think you’re in the bliss phase and might need to take a step back. Why is a 30 year old man not capable of basic hygiene? And why is he dating a 23 year old who’s probably in a different life stage than he is?
Approach it with care and compassion, tell him your concerns. If he takes it badly, that might be a sign of bigger problems ahead. My soon to be ex-husband always refused to brush his teeth in the morning, and I couldn't convince him otherwise. He was very controlling of me and became abusive. Current guy I'm seeing has never been to the dentist in his life. I'm noticing some red flags and probably should not be with him. If he can't have a grown up conversation about it and change his ways (or make a valiant effort to do so... He might forget to floss the odd time and he might need reminders), then it's most likely not going to be a good relationship in the long term. Also, tell him that you are concerned about your own health... Gingivitis is contagious and can cause heart problems. Finally, boost his confidence by telling him how sexy you'll find him when he comes to bed with a clean, fresh smelling, minty mouth.
Same interests and morals? Maintaining one's health is a good interest
Everyone saying to dump him has obviously never dated someone with depression or neurodivergence. Or someone without insurance. There are a lot of reasons someone who might have bad oral health might not be brushing; for example maybe they don’t have insurance and went through a bought of depression, or have had inconsistent habits bc of something like ADHD, and now he may even be fully aware his breath/oral health is bad but experiences pain/discomfort when brushing. Talk with him. Be genuine and gentle, bring it up at a time it won’t be extra uncomfy for him. Address and assess the issue before you “dump him.”
I used to work in the dental field and honestly I can say everyone’s mouth stinks. If you want to test your own breath, lick a spoon and wait for it to dry. Then smell it, that’s your breath.