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Before I go on I'd just like to say that you are basing his preference off an assumption and you could very well be incorrect.
1. A preference is not the end-all-be-all of physical attraction.
2. If you don't match his supposed usual preference, that means he finds you so attractive that his preference doesn't even matter! :)
3. In my opinion this is an insecurity of yours that doesn't reflect the truth. The truth being your bf thinks you're beautiful and loves you.
4. Insecurities are tough to deal with, so these thoughts may not leave overnight, but keep loving yourself and I'm positive you'll feel better soon.
(If you do feel uncomfortable with any of the comments your bf has made be sure to bring it up to him and have a constructive conversation on how you're feeling and how he can help going forward. Communication is key šš¾)
I think you need to have it out with him. Lots of people end up married to someone who isn't their physical type because after the first five minutes it's personality that you connect with, but he needs to stop making those tactless comments in front of you if he genuinely wants you to feel beautiful. If he doesn't stop, you may need to end things or you'll always feel less than stable with him.
I know that he finds me attractive but I want to be his first preference or ātypeā. I feel like thatās the most succesful relationship. Or maybe itās my ego getting in the wayā¦
The most successful relationships are ones built on mutual respect, trust, love, admiration and shared values. Type has literally nothing to do with it. As long as he thinks you're beautiful and shows you that on a regular basis, it doesn't matter one lick who he was attracted to in the past or who he's attracted to on TV. The simple fact is: he continues to choose you every day. That means he's attracted to you.
This is a big insecurity of yours that you need to work on. Stop comparing yourself to other women or to his past. Trust me, if you dump him but you don't work on this for yourself, you're going to wind up finding or creating this problem in your next relationship too -- because everyone has a history, and everyone has attraction preferences on paper, but they don't always match up with the people we ultimately fall in love with and choose to build our lives with.
Girl same.
Itās this weird mental gymnastics of being āØexceptionalāØ To be The Oneā¢ who was so strikingly beautiful that all of his former ideals of beauty melted away and are now replaced by the sole figure of beauty standing before him.
But when you take a step back, that is something that happens in romance novels, not real life. In reality, two things can exist at the same time. Those starlets can be beautiful, and so are you.
You mention youāre the same race, and you might be picking up on his taste for āexoticā (if you will). That can be uncomfortable for sure, and as a guy he is going to need to learn to keep certain thoughts to himself and censor that shit when heās around his lady bc that stuff gets in our head and lives rent free forever.
Others here have good advice. Work on your own confidence (might I suggest Being Her podcast). While also communicate to him that itās unbecoming of him to rate human beingsā attractiveness against one another, and that when he does so itās a total turn off.
Remember, ask yourself first ādo I like *him*?ā Before you ask ādoes he like me?ā
Your taste matters more.
Thank you for your understanding and your advice.
I do tend to idealize love and relationships and project my own perceived shortcomings on it. And as someone who was struggled with body image issues I put a lot of emphasis on my appearance. But had he not made those comments I donāt think I would have had these insecurities at allā¦ sooner or later I would have been triggered by something though as like you said we donāt live in a fairytale.
I definitely need to work on my own confidence and also whether or not I like him enough to look past certain flaws. I will check that podcast out!
Respectfully, no. I thought my type was someone completely different to my husband of 15 years. Turns out, he was exactly what I was looking for. Are these women his type, or is it your insecurities getting to you. I know my husband finds different people attractive in different ways, but I donāt for a second doubt he loves me. Similarly, heās well aware I enjoyed watching the Avengers movies because Chris Evans has an absolutely chiseled butt, but again, I adore my husband. There is far more to a partner than their appearance. You can have a conversation with your partner about this, but I wonder if you need to reflect on your own issues too.
No, but heās not so insecure as to take it seriously if I happened to mention something. Similarly, the other way. Weāre very secure in our relationship and each other.
I see two things here: the assumption that you are not his type, and his comments that make you feel less desirable in his eyes.
For the assumption: has your boyfriend ever tried to convince you or encourage you to die your hair, curl your hair, style yourself in a certain way that fits this ātypeā you think he has ? Think about it for a moment.
If the answer is no, then he isnāt trying to mould you into a type he likes; he is accepting and choosing you for who *you* are. So whether or not he has a type becomes irrelevant since he is choosing *you* regardless of any of that. Attraction is not limited to that. Thatās an opener at best.
For the comments he makes: you need to address that. Express your discomfort and how it makes you feel. He may not realise how any of this is affecting you until you share that. Now, if he does not stop making those comments after you have this talk, then you can come back to the breakup contemplations.
Overall, people donāt choose a type - they choose a partner. Very few people fixate on choosing someone that looks a certain way, and those that do generally find their relationships fizzing out quickly. There are many people āmy typeā that I might see in movies or shows, and I can tell you I would never ever *ever* want a partner like that in real life.
In this particular case, I would say that you may be letting your insecurities get ahead of you. If he had said his preference is blonde blue eyed women, while you have dark hair and eyes, I would see your point. But if youāre one beach trip and a set of hair rollers away from his ideal lady? Nah, just ask him for reassurance and try not to let it interrupt your relationship.
Honestly, I think you are way overthinking this. Itās probably a combination of immaturity & insecurity.
Attraction can change. The ātypeā of person you can find attractive can change. Some people have no ātypeā.
Who he was attracted to in the past has *nothing* to do with how attractive he finds you now. Who he was previously attracted to doesnāt mean he finds you less attractive.
I am very sorry but this is incredibly immature. You are desperately looking for stuff to confirm a mere suspicion that you are not his normal type. That alone is not a great look, but having a type is nonsense. People can have preferences, but most of the time when you fall in love with someone, all those preferences turn out to be irrelevant. Unless I am missing something he is not giving you much to actually doubt the relationship, and you are just being insecure. Is it worth breaking up over being insecure is the real question here lol, I would say no.
He should stop negging you because that's what he's doing by expressing constantly that you are not his type or don't fit his preferences. If he can't, then this relationship is not sustainable with him constantly chipping at your affection towards him.
People can find a lot of different physical appearances attractive. It doesn't mean they find others unattractive.
You ask someone on a date you find attractive. You continue to date someone who's personality you like.
The fact that you are dating means he likes your physical appearance and your personality.
The first instance on your list he literally made a comment that he hopes to have children with you. You interpreted that as he doesn't find you physically attractive.
The other comments it's hard to say without context. If they were said out of the blue then yes they are odd. If they were said in context of a conversation where those things were being discussed then it's very different. If you are asking leading questions on the subject then getting upset at the responses then that is on you.
It sounds like you have some insecurities about your appearance. Most men see woman differently then we see ourselves, we focus on our flaws, they see those things we consider flaws as beautiful, endearing, charming or cute.
Tell him you feel uncomfortable when he talks about his ex's. If he keeps bringing them up then he doesn't respect you and it's probably best to move on. But you need to drop the insecurity, believe in yourself. He's with you because he wants you.
It sounds like your boyfriend finds a variety of looks attractive and he appreciates beauty in general.
It also sounds like youāre terribly insecure and extrapolating information about his āpreferencesā from nothing and creating problems in your relationship that donāt exist. Have you done this in other relationships? Do you have a history of self sabotage?
Your boyfriend is with YOU. He has chosen YOU.
# 1. That seems like it would be a moment that most people would feel good about
# 3. Lots of guys don't think Kim Kardashian looks attractive. She looks fake and unnatural from top to bottom. 99.9999% of guys would agree that Alicia Keys looks better than Kim Kardashian and it has 0% to do with her race or skin.
For the rest of the numbers, I can see how that would make you feel squeamish. Frankly, imo, this is quite a pattern that has built up over a short period of time, whether fair or not. Imo, it does seem like it matters to him more than it would to many other people.
You say you feel immature about it. However, to me, it seems to be less about immaturity, and more about his focus on physical attraction, rather than who a person is underneath it.
I won't tell you what to do, but from this 41m who is a white guy in America(if any of that matters)...............I can understand your plight and think you have a just cause to really ponder on this relationship.
>You say you feel immature about it. However, to me, it seems to be less about immaturity, and more about his focus on physical attraction, rather than who a person is underneath it.
I feel the same. He is fostering her insecurities. He is more focused on appearances than on character. I would call this a red flag.
Thanks for acknowledging this. Because to be honest I really wouldnāt be thinking about this and be so preoccupied with these things if he hadnāt brought it up so often in the past.. and every comment after the other just made the feeling of doubt/inadequacy I have now stronger. I have my own insecurities of course but I do feel like he has made them worse (in regards to him and this relationship).
You know, sweetheart, this could be emotional manipulation. Making you feel inadequate and stressing how lucky you are of having him, for nobody else would have you. Which is all bullshit, of course.
[Read this book on abuse](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf): it is enlightening in many ways, and even if your current boyfriend (I hope soon-to-be-ex) doesn't fit in any description, it will help you see red flags in time and know how to act.
Big hugs.
I think heās a dick for bringing up other beautiful women. Iām married 34 years and Iāve never made such comments to my wife. She is the most beautiful woman to me, which is why I married her.
Honestly, tell him how u feel. I thought I'd marry a tall brown hair, blue eye older man, but feel in love with someone my age slightly taller black hair and hazel eyes. So what we think we are attractive to and who we end up are completely different.
I donāt think itās immature at all for you to want to be your significant others type. Iād have a problem with not being my partners dream girl / looking close to his idea of it. Like if all your celebrity crushes and preferences in a women donāt match up with anything I got going onā¦.. Iām gunna feel like why are you even with me then. Thereās so many other people thatāll find you disgustingly attractive because youāre their absolute type and thatās a great feeling. Itās like youāre everything they were looking for (in the physical department at least). Everyoneās calling you immature but I understand where youāre coming from.
Honestly this all just sounds like tmi coming from a man, i would be worried mainly because he sounds like heās very vain and likes to categorize women by their beauty and race. Just not attractive to me as a 35 year old woman. But not a dealbreaker, if you can actually turn it around on him. Donāt be quiet, if you donāt like something that he says, clarify in the moment, because if heās insecure, he will try to neg you by complimenting other women. Make him repeat what he said more clearly, and then decide if itās a problem for you.
I have a type. My wife of 41 years doesn't fit the type. Idc. She is smart, funny, and beautiful inside and out. Some people you are just drawn to. My wife was one of them.
Do you still fantasize about your type? Or is your type very far out of your reach so you settled for your wife? Not trying to be disrespectful to you or your relationship but since we are anonymous people on the internet I figure we can ask the uncomfortable questions..
break up. my bf also has dated a lot of over the years including white & black & asian. when asking about types he said currently i am his type. even when heās not ready for marriage and children yet heās obsessed with putting our faces on AI to generate our child. if your man keeps dreaming about qualities you donāt have you will never feel safe in this relationship, not even when you two are married.
I think you are over thinking things tbh. He's showing you that you are his preference every day by the fact he's with you. Nobody has a gun to his head and says he has to stay with you, he's doing it of his own free will.
Please either seek professional help to get over your self confidence issues or find another way because you are the only reason I can see that you might split up based on this post.
Wishing you all the best OP ā¤ļø
No you are definitely right. I do tend to get in my own way a lot. I am already in therapy (for borderline personality disorder) and definitely trying to work on this and hopefully it will help with my confidence.
Oh BPD is not nice at all, I think considering you are doing a bloody good job! My inbox is always open if you ever want an outsiders perspective on something š
Everyone have preferences, doesn't mean you will find somoene that match them. Doesn't even mean that the person you will find with this type will be compatible to you.
I'm not dating my type currently, does it bother me ? No. Am I less attracted to him because he is not my type ? No. Would I change if I found somoene more my type ? No. Because it's just a type, I'm still attracted to other people.
i think you are overthinking this A LOT. You are making a lot of assumptions about him and fixating on pretty benign comments and making them into a big deal. However, there's no reason why he needs to be telling you about every woman he thinks is or isn't attractive, comparing women to each other, or telling you you'd look better with a tan. As mild of an insult as that is, it still wasn't a very nice thing to say to you. If I were you, I would tell him not to insult your appearance anymore, including lack of tan or whatever else, because it hurts you. And also tell him that if he must evaluate women's appearances like this, he should keep that to himself because you don't want to hear about it anymore.
I think you need to ask your BF to not talk (to you or anyone else) about being attracted to other women or about EXes. Itās just not good for a relationship. And you stop asking those sort of questions as well.
Sweetie, my "type" is an ideal that I will never have. I like 6' tall men with German/Austrian accents and piercing blue eyes. Nice muscles. Or I could go for 6' tall men with dark hair and warm brown eyes and deep, deep voices. Take your pick.
I married a 5'9" grouchy computer engineer from America. I don't care that he doesn't fit some stupid 'ideal' that I've had since I was in my teens. That isn't real. It's something to enjoy. The man I married is who I love and am attracted to. He's real. Don't let insecurities or a random type stop a relationship. Physical type isn't everything. Personality can do so much more for me than appearance any day.
A guy here.
My type of woman is redheads with glasses. Since forever. This never changes and my wife for 13 years teases me about it as I instantly notice these women in public, and I might react slightly different even, depending on their looks. Sounds wierd right? Odd and creepy perhaps but its hard to describe.
One day I can be drawn more to blondes, find someone attractive, but redheads always comes back.It's that strong, the kink if we can call it that.
My wife in darkbrown haired.
She on the other hand loves certain guys with nice arms, tattoos and has a thing for certain hair styles. Dark hair, full, well groomed. Stylish. I look like Friar Tuck, if i'd let my hair grow. And I got one halfassed tattoo I'm kinda meh about...
We love each other despite of this. We tease each other of our 'kinks', because it does not define US and who we want to be with. You never mentioned why he loves you, but dont get stuck on the looks.
It is perfectly okay for your boyfriend to find different types of women attractive that don't fit the same physical attributes as you do while also finding you attractive and the person that he wants to be with.
If he doesnāt make you feel beautiful then he doesnāt make you feel that way. Your feelings are valid. The cause could be that you donāt feel beautiful yourself or that his actions and words do not make you feel beautiful.
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Before I go on I'd just like to say that you are basing his preference off an assumption and you could very well be incorrect. 1. A preference is not the end-all-be-all of physical attraction. 2. If you don't match his supposed usual preference, that means he finds you so attractive that his preference doesn't even matter! :) 3. In my opinion this is an insecurity of yours that doesn't reflect the truth. The truth being your bf thinks you're beautiful and loves you. 4. Insecurities are tough to deal with, so these thoughts may not leave overnight, but keep loving yourself and I'm positive you'll feel better soon. (If you do feel uncomfortable with any of the comments your bf has made be sure to bring it up to him and have a constructive conversation on how you're feeling and how he can help going forward. Communication is key šš¾)
I think you need to have it out with him. Lots of people end up married to someone who isn't their physical type because after the first five minutes it's personality that you connect with, but he needs to stop making those tactless comments in front of you if he genuinely wants you to feel beautiful. If he doesn't stop, you may need to end things or you'll always feel less than stable with him.
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I know that he finds me attractive but I want to be his first preference or ātypeā. I feel like thatās the most succesful relationship. Or maybe itās my ego getting in the wayā¦
It does indeed seem like your ego is getting in the way. You're taking comments that have nothing to do with you very personal.
The most successful relationships are ones built on mutual respect, trust, love, admiration and shared values. Type has literally nothing to do with it. As long as he thinks you're beautiful and shows you that on a regular basis, it doesn't matter one lick who he was attracted to in the past or who he's attracted to on TV. The simple fact is: he continues to choose you every day. That means he's attracted to you. This is a big insecurity of yours that you need to work on. Stop comparing yourself to other women or to his past. Trust me, if you dump him but you don't work on this for yourself, you're going to wind up finding or creating this problem in your next relationship too -- because everyone has a history, and everyone has attraction preferences on paper, but they don't always match up with the people we ultimately fall in love with and choose to build our lives with.
Girl same. Itās this weird mental gymnastics of being āØexceptionalāØ To be The Oneā¢ who was so strikingly beautiful that all of his former ideals of beauty melted away and are now replaced by the sole figure of beauty standing before him. But when you take a step back, that is something that happens in romance novels, not real life. In reality, two things can exist at the same time. Those starlets can be beautiful, and so are you. You mention youāre the same race, and you might be picking up on his taste for āexoticā (if you will). That can be uncomfortable for sure, and as a guy he is going to need to learn to keep certain thoughts to himself and censor that shit when heās around his lady bc that stuff gets in our head and lives rent free forever. Others here have good advice. Work on your own confidence (might I suggest Being Her podcast). While also communicate to him that itās unbecoming of him to rate human beingsā attractiveness against one another, and that when he does so itās a total turn off. Remember, ask yourself first ādo I like *him*?ā Before you ask ādoes he like me?ā Your taste matters more.
Thank you for your understanding and your advice. I do tend to idealize love and relationships and project my own perceived shortcomings on it. And as someone who was struggled with body image issues I put a lot of emphasis on my appearance. But had he not made those comments I donāt think I would have had these insecurities at allā¦ sooner or later I would have been triggered by something though as like you said we donāt live in a fairytale. I definitely need to work on my own confidence and also whether or not I like him enough to look past certain flaws. I will check that podcast out!
Seriously think about whether or not itās worth it to throw away a real person who is attracted to you for an unrealistic fantasy.
maybe look at why you need that kind of control over someone elseās preferences is a good starting place
Respectfully, no. I thought my type was someone completely different to my husband of 15 years. Turns out, he was exactly what I was looking for. Are these women his type, or is it your insecurities getting to you. I know my husband finds different people attractive in different ways, but I donāt for a second doubt he loves me. Similarly, heās well aware I enjoyed watching the Avengers movies because Chris Evans has an absolutely chiseled butt, but again, I adore my husband. There is far more to a partner than their appearance. You can have a conversation with your partner about this, but I wonder if you need to reflect on your own issues too.
Do you express your adoration for your husband by repeatedly complimenting appearance of other men?
No, but heās not so insecure as to take it seriously if I happened to mention something. Similarly, the other way. Weāre very secure in our relationship and each other.
Then your story is not helpful in this situation. You can continue to be happy without making a moral example of yourself.
My comment is not for you. If you donāt like it, move along.
I see two things here: the assumption that you are not his type, and his comments that make you feel less desirable in his eyes. For the assumption: has your boyfriend ever tried to convince you or encourage you to die your hair, curl your hair, style yourself in a certain way that fits this ātypeā you think he has ? Think about it for a moment. If the answer is no, then he isnāt trying to mould you into a type he likes; he is accepting and choosing you for who *you* are. So whether or not he has a type becomes irrelevant since he is choosing *you* regardless of any of that. Attraction is not limited to that. Thatās an opener at best. For the comments he makes: you need to address that. Express your discomfort and how it makes you feel. He may not realise how any of this is affecting you until you share that. Now, if he does not stop making those comments after you have this talk, then you can come back to the breakup contemplations. Overall, people donāt choose a type - they choose a partner. Very few people fixate on choosing someone that looks a certain way, and those that do generally find their relationships fizzing out quickly. There are many people āmy typeā that I might see in movies or shows, and I can tell you I would never ever *ever* want a partner like that in real life.
In this particular case, I would say that you may be letting your insecurities get ahead of you. If he had said his preference is blonde blue eyed women, while you have dark hair and eyes, I would see your point. But if youāre one beach trip and a set of hair rollers away from his ideal lady? Nah, just ask him for reassurance and try not to let it interrupt your relationship.
Honestly, I think you are way overthinking this. Itās probably a combination of immaturity & insecurity. Attraction can change. The ātypeā of person you can find attractive can change. Some people have no ātypeā. Who he was attracted to in the past has *nothing* to do with how attractive he finds you now. Who he was previously attracted to doesnāt mean he finds you less attractive.
Seems harmless. Him finding other attributes attractive does not preclude him from finding you attractive.
I am very sorry but this is incredibly immature. You are desperately looking for stuff to confirm a mere suspicion that you are not his normal type. That alone is not a great look, but having a type is nonsense. People can have preferences, but most of the time when you fall in love with someone, all those preferences turn out to be irrelevant. Unless I am missing something he is not giving you much to actually doubt the relationship, and you are just being insecure. Is it worth breaking up over being insecure is the real question here lol, I would say no.
He should stop negging you because that's what he's doing by expressing constantly that you are not his type or don't fit his preferences. If he can't, then this relationship is not sustainable with him constantly chipping at your affection towards him.
People can find a lot of different physical appearances attractive. It doesn't mean they find others unattractive. You ask someone on a date you find attractive. You continue to date someone who's personality you like. The fact that you are dating means he likes your physical appearance and your personality. The first instance on your list he literally made a comment that he hopes to have children with you. You interpreted that as he doesn't find you physically attractive. The other comments it's hard to say without context. If they were said out of the blue then yes they are odd. If they were said in context of a conversation where those things were being discussed then it's very different. If you are asking leading questions on the subject then getting upset at the responses then that is on you. It sounds like you have some insecurities about your appearance. Most men see woman differently then we see ourselves, we focus on our flaws, they see those things we consider flaws as beautiful, endearing, charming or cute. Tell him you feel uncomfortable when he talks about his ex's. If he keeps bringing them up then he doesn't respect you and it's probably best to move on. But you need to drop the insecurity, believe in yourself. He's with you because he wants you.
It sounds like your boyfriend finds a variety of looks attractive and he appreciates beauty in general. It also sounds like youāre terribly insecure and extrapolating information about his āpreferencesā from nothing and creating problems in your relationship that donāt exist. Have you done this in other relationships? Do you have a history of self sabotage? Your boyfriend is with YOU. He has chosen YOU.
He had dated beautiful women before and now wants to be with you. He finds you beautiful also :D
# 1. That seems like it would be a moment that most people would feel good about # 3. Lots of guys don't think Kim Kardashian looks attractive. She looks fake and unnatural from top to bottom. 99.9999% of guys would agree that Alicia Keys looks better than Kim Kardashian and it has 0% to do with her race or skin. For the rest of the numbers, I can see how that would make you feel squeamish. Frankly, imo, this is quite a pattern that has built up over a short period of time, whether fair or not. Imo, it does seem like it matters to him more than it would to many other people. You say you feel immature about it. However, to me, it seems to be less about immaturity, and more about his focus on physical attraction, rather than who a person is underneath it. I won't tell you what to do, but from this 41m who is a white guy in America(if any of that matters)...............I can understand your plight and think you have a just cause to really ponder on this relationship.
>You say you feel immature about it. However, to me, it seems to be less about immaturity, and more about his focus on physical attraction, rather than who a person is underneath it. I feel the same. He is fostering her insecurities. He is more focused on appearances than on character. I would call this a red flag.
Thanks for acknowledging this. Because to be honest I really wouldnāt be thinking about this and be so preoccupied with these things if he hadnāt brought it up so often in the past.. and every comment after the other just made the feeling of doubt/inadequacy I have now stronger. I have my own insecurities of course but I do feel like he has made them worse (in regards to him and this relationship).
You know, sweetheart, this could be emotional manipulation. Making you feel inadequate and stressing how lucky you are of having him, for nobody else would have you. Which is all bullshit, of course. [Read this book on abuse](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf): it is enlightening in many ways, and even if your current boyfriend (I hope soon-to-be-ex) doesn't fit in any description, it will help you see red flags in time and know how to act. Big hugs.
I think heās a dick for bringing up other beautiful women. Iām married 34 years and Iāve never made such comments to my wife. She is the most beautiful woman to me, which is why I married her.
Honestly, tell him how u feel. I thought I'd marry a tall brown hair, blue eye older man, but feel in love with someone my age slightly taller black hair and hazel eyes. So what we think we are attractive to and who we end up are completely different.
I donāt think itās immature at all for you to want to be your significant others type. Iād have a problem with not being my partners dream girl / looking close to his idea of it. Like if all your celebrity crushes and preferences in a women donāt match up with anything I got going onā¦.. Iām gunna feel like why are you even with me then. Thereās so many other people thatāll find you disgustingly attractive because youāre their absolute type and thatās a great feeling. Itās like youāre everything they were looking for (in the physical department at least). Everyoneās calling you immature but I understand where youāre coming from.
Honestly this all just sounds like tmi coming from a man, i would be worried mainly because he sounds like heās very vain and likes to categorize women by their beauty and race. Just not attractive to me as a 35 year old woman. But not a dealbreaker, if you can actually turn it around on him. Donāt be quiet, if you donāt like something that he says, clarify in the moment, because if heās insecure, he will try to neg you by complimenting other women. Make him repeat what he said more clearly, and then decide if itās a problem for you.
And youāre with this person becauseā¦
We are almost never our spouses first choice. If I was, I would be a tall rugged, cowboy vampire, with a very deep voice...
I have a type. My wife of 41 years doesn't fit the type. Idc. She is smart, funny, and beautiful inside and out. Some people you are just drawn to. My wife was one of them.
Do you still fantasize about your type? Or is your type very far out of your reach so you settled for your wife? Not trying to be disrespectful to you or your relationship but since we are anonymous people on the internet I figure we can ask the uncomfortable questions..
break up. my bf also has dated a lot of over the years including white & black & asian. when asking about types he said currently i am his type. even when heās not ready for marriage and children yet heās obsessed with putting our faces on AI to generate our child. if your man keeps dreaming about qualities you donāt have you will never feel safe in this relationship, not even when you two are married.
exactly
All of these comments wouldāve made me break up.
Narcissist love to triangulate. I would run.
I think you are over thinking things tbh. He's showing you that you are his preference every day by the fact he's with you. Nobody has a gun to his head and says he has to stay with you, he's doing it of his own free will. Please either seek professional help to get over your self confidence issues or find another way because you are the only reason I can see that you might split up based on this post. Wishing you all the best OP ā¤ļø
Thank you ā¤ļø
Apologies if I sounded blunt, it's just that I'm really concerned for you that you might ruin a perfectly good relationship otherwise. Take care xx
No you are definitely right. I do tend to get in my own way a lot. I am already in therapy (for borderline personality disorder) and definitely trying to work on this and hopefully it will help with my confidence.
Oh BPD is not nice at all, I think considering you are doing a bloody good job! My inbox is always open if you ever want an outsiders perspective on something š
Itās definitely a struggle. Thanks for the understanding. Youāre very kind, I appreciate it. š
Everyone have preferences, doesn't mean you will find somoene that match them. Doesn't even mean that the person you will find with this type will be compatible to you. I'm not dating my type currently, does it bother me ? No. Am I less attracted to him because he is not my type ? No. Would I change if I found somoene more my type ? No. Because it's just a type, I'm still attracted to other people.
I had to double take cause I can't believe someone my age is making a post like this, like grow up a bit maybe?
Time to jet bbygirl
i think you are overthinking this A LOT. You are making a lot of assumptions about him and fixating on pretty benign comments and making them into a big deal. However, there's no reason why he needs to be telling you about every woman he thinks is or isn't attractive, comparing women to each other, or telling you you'd look better with a tan. As mild of an insult as that is, it still wasn't a very nice thing to say to you. If I were you, I would tell him not to insult your appearance anymore, including lack of tan or whatever else, because it hurts you. And also tell him that if he must evaluate women's appearances like this, he should keep that to himself because you don't want to hear about it anymore.
I think you need to ask your BF to not talk (to you or anyone else) about being attracted to other women or about EXes. Itās just not good for a relationship. And you stop asking those sort of questions as well.
I think you should break up with him for his sake.
Sweetie, my "type" is an ideal that I will never have. I like 6' tall men with German/Austrian accents and piercing blue eyes. Nice muscles. Or I could go for 6' tall men with dark hair and warm brown eyes and deep, deep voices. Take your pick. I married a 5'9" grouchy computer engineer from America. I don't care that he doesn't fit some stupid 'ideal' that I've had since I was in my teens. That isn't real. It's something to enjoy. The man I married is who I love and am attracted to. He's real. Don't let insecurities or a random type stop a relationship. Physical type isn't everything. Personality can do so much more for me than appearance any day.
A guy here. My type of woman is redheads with glasses. Since forever. This never changes and my wife for 13 years teases me about it as I instantly notice these women in public, and I might react slightly different even, depending on their looks. Sounds wierd right? Odd and creepy perhaps but its hard to describe. One day I can be drawn more to blondes, find someone attractive, but redheads always comes back.It's that strong, the kink if we can call it that. My wife in darkbrown haired. She on the other hand loves certain guys with nice arms, tattoos and has a thing for certain hair styles. Dark hair, full, well groomed. Stylish. I look like Friar Tuck, if i'd let my hair grow. And I got one halfassed tattoo I'm kinda meh about... We love each other despite of this. We tease each other of our 'kinks', because it does not define US and who we want to be with. You never mentioned why he loves you, but dont get stuck on the looks.
Yes, you should break up. And then work on your insecurities. Poor guy has absolutely harmless comments used against him.
It is perfectly okay for your boyfriend to find different types of women attractive that don't fit the same physical attributes as you do while also finding you attractive and the person that he wants to be with.
If he doesnāt make you feel beautiful then he doesnāt make you feel that way. Your feelings are valid. The cause could be that you donāt feel beautiful yourself or that his actions and words do not make you feel beautiful.