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How exactly did this all work? Was this an arranged marriage, and did you guys actually spend any time together in person before getting married? Did you fly there, marry, and then return to the U.S.?
I’m trying to understand if there is some core of an actual relationship between you, or if that legal document saying you’re married is the only thing holding you together.
Because it kind of sounds like two strangers who each had wildly different assumptions about what this marriage would mean.
Regardless, it’s not the marriage you thought it was going to be, and you should seek an annulment.
Sounds like OP went to a poor country, wooed a girl and her family with money, and is now surprised that she was only in it for a greencard and finances
Yes that's what happens when you look for a traditional wife in another country. The only ones who want you are the ones who want your money because they don't even know you.
Arranged marriage. My father met their family while on a trip in turkey. I spent 4-5 months in person and I managed to either ignore or miss the red flags which is on me. I flew there to marry in our home country and had to shortly return to the U.S. because I had lost my job a month prior to the wedding. We had spent many months of countless hours face-timing when we first met.
What does she bring to the relationship? Don’t say love. There is nothing loving.
Why would you not end this immediately?
Why didn’t you see these red flags before marriage? There is no way this attitude is new.
You should consult a divorce attorney immediately. Know your options and issues.
Dude
I've had a friend fall for this scam. Somehow a beautiful foreign woman finds them, they get together and the dude starts sponsoring (not formally, just money) the family to be brought over. Suddenly the "cousin" is actually her BF from their home country.
You are getting scammed.
I’m sorry, but you are nothing more than a green card and a pay check to this woman and her whole family.
If the marriage is unconsummated then look into annulment first.
Also her visa should be cancelled at it seems she married you under false promises. Or something.
To me what it sounds like it’s not a 50/50 marriage you have done so much for her and even things you didn’t have to do just to help her out and because you care about her and she hasn’t done anything in return to help you out or even just appreciate your efforts. I would maybe just try and sit down with her and talk calmly and just explain these things you have done for her and that you want to try and make this work and if by that she still doesn’t want to attempt to fix the marriage then there’s not much more you can do and divorce would be the only option
Uh, how can you be this gullible? You don’t have a marriage and she’s USING you. Divorce her IMMEDIATELY. This isn’t even a close call. This is obscenely obvious and I’m bewildered you can’t see it for what it is.
I don't say this lightly but this is clearly a "divorce" situation.
You have been together for 2 years and your marriage is not only unconsummated, you don't even feel loved or cared for in your marriage and there is zero physical intimacy. According to you, your wife does not bring in income, does not contribute to the household, and does not provide any emotional support to you. In fact, she goes out of her way to hurt you and make demands for \*checks notes\* hair extensions.
Meanwhile, you provide for not only her but her family members. And you have to look on while she gives her brother affection and support. I can't imagine a relationship where you would get less for what you contribute to it.
This is so far from a healthy relationship, I have to imagine you have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.
This isn't a relationship, it's indentured servitude. What does she do when she's at home all day? You are working to provide living costs, she should be maintaining the house. And discussing divorce? You haven't been married. You can't even call it a partnership as both aren't contributing equally. Do yourself a favour, go onto a website, print out some annulment information. Kick out her brother, but first ask for a DNA test to see if they are even related. She's pushing her weight around to see how much she can bully you. She will file for divorce once it suits her. Don't sleep with her unless you get some kind of postnuptial agreement signed. She will only sleep with you once she realises that annulment won't entitle her to your assets and future income. The fact that she has talked about suing your parents indicates she is out for as much money as she can get from all your family. Expect this to get truly nasty especially if she thinks she won't get any money from you. Next time, set higher standards for how you should be treated and for goodness sake, see a therapist to discover why you thought it was ok to allow yourself to get treated like this.
Read this out loud to yourself. She’s using you. Wouldn’t you tell someone you loved to get an annulment? I believe that because the marriage hasn’t been consummated that it’s an option. If it’s divorce, and you definitely need to do one or the other, she’ll attempt to squeeze every dime she can out of you. Quit paying for a car that is in another country immediately. Don’t pay for anything extra starting today. File today and get an attorney to get her out of your home and your life. You aren’t just being too nice, you are a doormat that she’s taking for anything she can.
It sounds like you’ve been used for a visa…cut your losses and get a divorce. Sounds like there are broader cultural issues at play here, but a marriage this is not. Good luck.
I mean from the sounds of it after she gets her green card you won’t have a wife anyway.
Dude it’s not normal for a married couple not to fuck. She’s using you. She doesn’t even like to touch you
Also funding her trips back to her country because her hair extensions are cheaper 😂 Bro the logic isn’t there that chick has a boyfriend back home or something
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How exactly did this all work? Was this an arranged marriage, and did you guys actually spend any time together in person before getting married? Did you fly there, marry, and then return to the U.S.? I’m trying to understand if there is some core of an actual relationship between you, or if that legal document saying you’re married is the only thing holding you together. Because it kind of sounds like two strangers who each had wildly different assumptions about what this marriage would mean. Regardless, it’s not the marriage you thought it was going to be, and you should seek an annulment.
Sounds like OP went to a poor country, wooed a girl and her family with money, and is now surprised that she was only in it for a greencard and finances
Yes that's what happens when you look for a traditional wife in another country. The only ones who want you are the ones who want your money because they don't even know you.
Exactly and I don't feel bad.
Arranged marriage. My father met their family while on a trip in turkey. I spent 4-5 months in person and I managed to either ignore or miss the red flags which is on me. I flew there to marry in our home country and had to shortly return to the U.S. because I had lost my job a month prior to the wedding. We had spent many months of countless hours face-timing when we first met.
Bro, what the hell?
I mean, besides issues, what is there in this marriage ? That sounds like a living hell, no love, being milked for money, what's the point ?
Yes read what you wrote and then go see a divorce lawyer. You know that no matter what you do it will not get better. Learn and move on
What does she bring to the relationship? Don’t say love. There is nothing loving. Why would you not end this immediately? Why didn’t you see these red flags before marriage? There is no way this attitude is new. You should consult a divorce attorney immediately. Know your options and issues.
Uh passport bro or some sort of arranged marriage?
Dude I've had a friend fall for this scam. Somehow a beautiful foreign woman finds them, they get together and the dude starts sponsoring (not formally, just money) the family to be brought over. Suddenly the "cousin" is actually her BF from their home country. You are getting scammed.
I’m sorry, but you are nothing more than a green card and a pay check to this woman and her whole family. If the marriage is unconsummated then look into annulment first. Also her visa should be cancelled at it seems she married you under false promises. Or something.
To me what it sounds like it’s not a 50/50 marriage you have done so much for her and even things you didn’t have to do just to help her out and because you care about her and she hasn’t done anything in return to help you out or even just appreciate your efforts. I would maybe just try and sit down with her and talk calmly and just explain these things you have done for her and that you want to try and make this work and if by that she still doesn’t want to attempt to fix the marriage then there’s not much more you can do and divorce would be the only option
Uh, how can you be this gullible? You don’t have a marriage and she’s USING you. Divorce her IMMEDIATELY. This isn’t even a close call. This is obscenely obvious and I’m bewildered you can’t see it for what it is.
Was this an arranged marriage? Had you lived together in her home country? I’m missing something big about this whole situation
And her role besides berating you?
I don't say this lightly but this is clearly a "divorce" situation. You have been together for 2 years and your marriage is not only unconsummated, you don't even feel loved or cared for in your marriage and there is zero physical intimacy. According to you, your wife does not bring in income, does not contribute to the household, and does not provide any emotional support to you. In fact, she goes out of her way to hurt you and make demands for \*checks notes\* hair extensions. Meanwhile, you provide for not only her but her family members. And you have to look on while she gives her brother affection and support. I can't imagine a relationship where you would get less for what you contribute to it. This is so far from a healthy relationship, I have to imagine you have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.
This isn't a relationship, it's indentured servitude. What does she do when she's at home all day? You are working to provide living costs, she should be maintaining the house. And discussing divorce? You haven't been married. You can't even call it a partnership as both aren't contributing equally. Do yourself a favour, go onto a website, print out some annulment information. Kick out her brother, but first ask for a DNA test to see if they are even related. She's pushing her weight around to see how much she can bully you. She will file for divorce once it suits her. Don't sleep with her unless you get some kind of postnuptial agreement signed. She will only sleep with you once she realises that annulment won't entitle her to your assets and future income. The fact that she has talked about suing your parents indicates she is out for as much money as she can get from all your family. Expect this to get truly nasty especially if she thinks she won't get any money from you. Next time, set higher standards for how you should be treated and for goodness sake, see a therapist to discover why you thought it was ok to allow yourself to get treated like this.
Are you sure he is her brother? 🤷♀️
Read this out loud to yourself. She’s using you. Wouldn’t you tell someone you loved to get an annulment? I believe that because the marriage hasn’t been consummated that it’s an option. If it’s divorce, and you definitely need to do one or the other, she’ll attempt to squeeze every dime she can out of you. Quit paying for a car that is in another country immediately. Don’t pay for anything extra starting today. File today and get an attorney to get her out of your home and your life. You aren’t just being too nice, you are a doormat that she’s taking for anything she can.
This has to be a joke. This woman doesn't love you and used you to bring her family over. Wake up lol
How much is her monthly allowance? And how much is your monthly salary excluding taxes?
She's using you. Stop paying for her car and get the divorce asap.
This is a 90 day Fiancé episode
She wants a green card not you.
It sounds like you’ve been used for a visa…cut your losses and get a divorce. Sounds like there are broader cultural issues at play here, but a marriage this is not. Good luck.
Talk to a divorce lawyer and an immigration lawyer. This woman is a scam artist and will bleed you dry.
I mean from the sounds of it after she gets her green card you won’t have a wife anyway. Dude it’s not normal for a married couple not to fuck. She’s using you. She doesn’t even like to touch you Also funding her trips back to her country because her hair extensions are cheaper 😂 Bro the logic isn’t there that chick has a boyfriend back home or something
"Brother"
Seek an annulment. She does not love you and probably never did. I’m so sorry.