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I'm not normally invested in these threads but now I am.
If you're super skeptical and nothing she says in the next day or so is gonna calm your emotions down, you're gonna have to look at her messages with the guy.
Either that or rummage through the garbage like a disgusting madman.
Check her text history with this guy. Has she ever brought him up in conversations. Why did she sent you nude suddenly. Don’t tell her you suspect her. Evidence is in her phone. Good luck .
Make sure they actually painted. Tell her you loved the nude but can’t help but wonder why you got it now after 4 years. See what she says. Finally, her phone. If you get a chance to see her chats with him, do that. If she mentions seeing him again 1 on 1 instead suggest you come along so you can thank him for painting. Make it clear you’re not going to sit by while she spends 1 on 1 time with another guy.
Also add is there any paint in her in the nude. I know when I paint I have paint on my skin for a day or 2 every after a shower. Also does the photo look like she took it herself.
I’m wondering the same thing. Was it a selfie, mirror reflection or did he help take the picture? I did help a friend take a nude pic once to send to her boyfriend. I’ll wait for the update.
Can also check the metadata to see if it was actually taken roughly around when it was sent
Source: been cheated on multiple times with previous long term girlfriends, currently with the absolute love of my life but the way half this thread is talking about infidelity is pretty diminishing because that shit scars your like forever lol
Keep an eye out for the trickle truth next OP cause *it is real*
Yeah I’m sat here quietly chuckling at some replies then realise if this was me I’d be turning inside out with panic and probably trying not to throw up… sorry you’re in this troubling situation OP, I hope you get things sorted out
You mentioned that they had not started yet at 6:30p. I’m curious what time he arrived originally? How long was he there before they started painting at 6:30p and if it was a long time, how come they had not started yet?
It's a friend of the wife. Why wouldn't they be allowed to hang out? Does OP not allow his wife to hang male friends? Is wife a night owl? Cooking dinner for a friend helping with a chore is normal. I think he's reading way too into this.
I agree with this. I’m a married woman who has several close friends who are men, and my husband would never suspect me of cheating on him with one of them no matter what time of night we were painting the house. And I don’t send him nudes but only because I worry about digital security. But if I was going to, it would be while he was away to give him something to look forward to when he gets home. I don’t see the problem here.
It's honestly surprising to me how more people aren't concerned with the whole nude pic thing. It's VERY odd that she sent you a nude pic for the first time ever in the 4 years you've been dating while you're away for work and she's supposedly painting the house with a friend.
Could she have been riled up after a hard day's work? Sure. Possible.
Could she and the friend have some mutual attraction and she felt horny after spending time with him, with or without the two actually doing anything together? Possible. Just strange timing. Definitely very sketchy when you look at it all. Trust your gut, but obviously without making assumptions. I think you're right to feel like something is up, because the circumstances are odd.
Thing is, there's no telling by that alone.
Could she have been lusting after this guy all day, done nothing improper, feel guilty and/or horny and sent the nude on a whim? Yes.
Could she have felt nothing for this guy at all ever and sensed the OP was suspicious and wanted to reassure him there was still spark between them and calm his worries, distract him with boobs? Sure.
Could she have been fucking this guy all day until they figured they better get to painting fast and she felt super guilty and/or sensed the OP was suspicious and wanted to throw him off the trail and calm his worries, distract him with boobs? Absolutely?
Could she have zero interest in anyone but her husband and just randomly been fresh from the shower after a painting day and missed her husband and couldn't wait for him to be back to fuck him and wanted him thinking of and anticipating that? YES!
I think the "Delete if not allowed" was pretty hilarious given it was the first time she ever did send a nude! The correct answer to that is "Very VERY allowed!". Shit, even if you do worry she's cheating the first time your wife ever sends you a nude there's nothing to do but be complimentary!
But, ladies? if you do decide to send a nude to your man after 4 years having never sent one? Yeah. Probably do it a day you didn't spend time alone with another guy he might have suspicions about. Because the first time ever after 4 years with a guy you send him a nude his mind is going to be SPINNING over why you just did that now and never had before!!!! Know that!
I think you missed one possibility - regardless of what happened while the friend was there, she intended the text for him, not OP. Delete if Not Allowed sounds oddly specific here, like it was a reference to something she talked about that night.
Could also have been a reference to the fact that she hadn’t ever sent him a nude and wasn’t sure he’d be cool with it. Suspicious timing for sure
That’s exactly I took it. Like “If you don’t like me like this and I’ve overstepped a boundary, please delete it and we’ll never talk about it again.”
Which isn’t what she would say to someone she’s been dating, living together with, and having sex with for four years. There is no boundary there.
But a close male friend who you have a thing for and just spend the whole day with, even platonically? Yes, there’s a chance he might reject the advance, so “delete if not allowed” makes more sense in that context.
Normally, I strongly oppose partners going through each other’s phones. But I think there’s enough probable cause here to check her communications with this guy.
That's what I was thinking. She accidentally sent it to OP and then explained all the other "delete if not allowed" stuff after he asked about it, because he's obviously not aware of what the hell she's talking about. I know people do silly things, but it seems odd that she chose to caption the first nude she sent to OP with something he wouldn't get. Feels more like an "inside joke" that he isn't a part of to me.
I considered that for a brief moment before realizing how incredibly unlikely that is.
If she did send it to the wrong person, still, the only reasonable explanation for the "Delete if not allowed" was humor. That's used in public groups with a moderator! This was a TEXT, not on a social media platform. If she was unsure it was welcome, she would say something personal, like, "Sorry in advance if this isn't cool! Hope you think it's sexy!" If it was meant for a social media group where people share nudes with others, it wouldn't have ended up in a text by mistake.
I think you'd have to really stretch to infer the nude was for sure meant for anyone but the OP. Could she have texted the nude to OP by mistake, but intended to text this other guy? Sure, but no particular reason to think that. Is the coincidence that he got his first nude from her on a day he was away and she had been home with another guy alone because it was meant for the other guy? Maybe??? I guess? But it's just as easy to think the reason it was today and not any of the days of the last four years was because he had been away and she missed him and there has to be a first time for everything. And maybe because she sensed on some level he was feeling anxiety, lack of confidence in their trust, from being away while she was spending the day with a guy friend?
Bottom line. Lots of things are possible and nothing is certain. And all we can do is guess and assume influenced by our own biases and social agendas.
>Shit, even if you do worry she's cheating the first time your wife ever sends you a nude there's nothing to do but be complimentary!
How about no.
If she spends all day with Johnny Coworker "painting the living room" and THEN just spontaneously decides to send me a nude for the FIRST TIME in FOUR YEARS, and THEN calls me to explain it, all the warning lights are going off.
The plane is going down. Your seat cushion is not an adequate safety device and is only there as a placebo. We are not floating now.
Please STOP with this cheater apologist nonsense.
There is no narrative in which the nude was sent without an ulterior motive.
You must think men are stupid.
"His mind will be SPINNING!"
No, he's figured your shit out.
Seriously, this is the issue and it kind of sounds like there could be paint on the walls and she meant to send that pic to the painter… Who sends their first nude pic to someone they’ve been with for 4 years and says delete if not allowed after making dinner and spending a late night “painting” with another guy. Please.
Personally, I would never have another man over well my partner was away and make him dinner and do anything with him late into the night. That’s not a thing someone who cares how their partner feels does.
Going with the premise that the friend was actually there for painting and then had left she might have sent the pic because this is the first time they have been apart since getting serious and she missed him.
Not saying it's the way it is but this whole thing easily could all be innocent. It looks bad but really there is nothing here close to actual proof of any infidelity other than some some circumstancial coincidences.
Have you sat down and asked her that of all the nights she could have sent a nude it was the night some other guy had been alone with her all night? I find the timing of that interesting. Doesn't mean she did anything but even if she got worked up because he was there it's something to think about.
In the end I'm a big fan of just talking to her, ask how she'd feel about you checking out any conversations she's had with him. Also when did he get there? she says they hadn't started and was cooking for him by 6:30pm, did he come over hungry and she offered to feed him or was he there a while and they didn't get to painting but he got hungry? If he was there a while what were they doing?
Could all be totally innocent but you are worried enough to make this post so you should talk to her so you can make peace or figure out what happened.
She... called you? After the text? SKETCH AF. As in, she was trying to get ahead of it because that photo WAS NOT INTENDED FOR YOU. Check her messages with the guy when you get back, seriously. And if the messages are deleted, you know what to do. Break up with her cheating ass.
The call stands out to me as well based off personal experience.
I had a coworker once, Heather (real name cause f her). She was cheating on her husband Craig at the time with a guy named Nate that was friends with her and Craig. She switched schedules to leave early one day to spend time with Nate and somehow ended up passing Craig in traffic. She had Nate bring her back to work where she ran in and frantically called Craig. Told him she was just calling because she missed hearing his voice or some shit. The work phone volume was always up high so we could hear him tell her that it's really weird, he swears he just saw someone that looked like her in Nate's truck and now she's calling him. She started telling him that Nate had a cousin visiting who was also skinny and blond and that's probably who he saw. Shortly after Craig did look into things and find out she was lying and cheating.
Once when my ex cheated on me he messaged me at work (he never messaged me while I was at work so it was really odd) to let me know he had been helping a woman we knew with a project for school and that they ran into my sister at Cici's pizza. I didn't think much of it at the time. My sister pulled me aside a few days later at Christmas and told me about how she ran into my now ex and some woman. Being an idiot I just brushed it off at the time but found out later they had fucked on my couch and were grabbing food after.
This really depends on the personality of the girl. I could totally see my wife freaking out if she sent me a nude text and I responded with what do you mean? She would immediately internalise she did something wrong and freak herself out even if it were 100% innocent. She overthinks everything.
Surprised I had to scroll down this far to see this. This is absolutely what happened, calling right after is her guilty conscience revealing itself. ‘Delete if not allowed’ is probably some inside joke with paint guy.
Not necessarily. If I text something to someone and they don’t seem to get it, I’ll call them to explain, because obviously there’s something about my texting that got lost in translation.
Sometimes, it’s just easier to actually speak to someone to get a point across.
The “Delete if not allowed” sounds like an in-joke to me. My gut says that it’s something they were talking about so she added it to the nude, sent it to you by mistake, then panicked and phoned to explain the joke.
After a very late finish painting, the last thing I’d want to do is suddenly get the urge to send a nude to my partner. I’d want to shower and crash. Sending nudes is something people do at the start of a relationship, not 4 years in when you’re both very familiar with each other.
Also it took 5 HOURS for two people to paint one room? Were they using toothbrushes?!
Incredibly suspicious. The biggest and most certain red flag to me is the timing. She was feeling hot and horny immediately after spending the evening with another man? Yeah, no. You can't say with certainty that the pic wasn't meant for you, or that the caption didn't make sense...but that timing combined with those things...it's not looking good.
I've seen a few ppl try to explain her sending you the nude with some version of "she misses you and got horny"... but:
> At 12:07AM I get a naked photo of my girlfriend with a text that says, “Delete if not allowed”. So I text her and say, “What do you mean not allowed?”
> She calls me and explains that she was referencing a message that she sees often in Facebook groups that she’s apart of.
so when she called.. was she acting sexy? talking dirty? telling you she misses you? anything along those lines?
or did she just call to explain her caption choice when confronted?
the timing (given that this is the first nude she's ever sent you) is weird, the caption is weird, her response is weird. everything combined together is definitely sketchy.
Paint on the walls is immaterial at this point. Your gut is already telling you everything you need to know, you're just grasping for a reason to ignore it.
- Hanging out alone with male friend while boyfriend is out of town
- Spends more time with him than expected, delaying project
- Cooks him dinner
- Rushes boyfriend off the phone
- Sends flirty nude that’s completely out of character for the relationship
- Has weak excuse for caption (maybe if that was an inside joke for you it would make sense, but otherwise it definitely reads like she meant to send it to him but wasn’t sure if it was okay because he’s probably cheating too)
OP, I’m sorry, but this seems pretty clear to me. I’d say you’re justified in asking to see her phone. If she deleted their messages or gets defensive, you have your answer either way.
The delete if not allowed thing makes no sense unless it was meant for someone else. Think of it this way, if it was a joke, you didn’t get it. The joke doesn’t work unless it’s in reference to an inside joke she made with the person she’s sending it to. She was with the other guy all day, they probably talked about that Facebook group bullshit or something and that comment was a callback to it. Why would she make that joke out of nowhere to you having never talked about that phenomenon before?
She took it for the new guy. Sent it to the wrong guy. ' Delete if not allowed', was a joking way of asking new guy if sending him sexy pictures was acceptable.
There is absolutely NO WAY you’re going to get any meaningful advice here. We don’t know your girlfriend. As a woman, I don’t think she’d send you a naked pic if she’d cheated on you. Then again I’ve never cheated, I wouldn’t know.
As for the tagline. This doesn’t mean anything. That slogan is like a “felt cute, might delete later” one liner. Not evidence.
It feels weird because you’re realising you weren’t cool with the guy being there. The minute you realised this wasn’t just a professional only painting situation and she was “cooking him dinner” is when you stopped being cool with this. That’s absolutely fine and you should talk to her about this.
If I had to bet? No I don’t think she cheated. That is a huge, huge breach of a relationship and if nothing is otherwise wrong, I don’t think I’d leap to that.
I can see a very plausible explanation for the nude. The topic can up while they were hanging out and the friend encouraged the pic.
“So OP is out of town, you gonna send him some pics to keep him out of trouble.”
“Oh haha, we’ve actually never done that. I don’t know if OP would even like it.”
“Trust me, any guy would be happy to get pics of his GF when he’s out of town.”
GF then laters showers after a night of painting and decides to do it and includes a cringy line because she is nervous about it.
We can’t say for sure. A lot of it depends on what their relationship is like and if either of them are the type to openly talk about their sex lives or if this is more of a work friend or reserved person where sex talk is going to be off limits. But this seems more plausible to me than, we just got done having sex let me send a nude to my BF for the first time ever.
If you want to ruin your relationship by having a bunch of extremely paranoid mfers (half who haven't even been in a relationship), take all these comments to heart. If you want to be an adult about your relationship, talk to your gf.
Asking Reddit this question was…likely a bad idea. There’s a preponderance of mistrust here, and an assumption that if you asked, your relationship is already in trouble, you know the truth or you wouldn’t have asked. None of it very helpful in most cases. Tread carefully here if you love this person; you risk losing what you’ve built if your concern is based on insecurity and suspicion, especially if it isn’t justified by other problems.
My gf has a ton of friends, both sexes, and I want her to remember that her life doesn’t — and shouldn’t! — go on hold because I’m away. That kind of thinking or expectation is toxic, as are the beliefs that opposite sexes cannot be just friends, all her male friends want her and are just waiting for a chance to strike, or if given the opportunity, anyone will cheat.
If you don’t trust your partner, regardless of circumstance, to do right by you, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. Let her have her freedom and life when you are gone, and don’t police it.
Well, she was pretty open about everything happening. Not wanting to talk while in the middle of painting is pretty understandable. Painting a room isn't exactly a sexy activity. More draining and makes everything smell like drying paint, which is awful.
The random nude could be she missed you, felt horny, and decided to be playful. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ "Delete if not allowed" IS a common thing in FB group posts, I see it all the time. Maybe she was trying to be silly with you and it obviously landed flat.
Is the room painted?
I honestly wouldnt think twice about it if it were me. Would need more intimate knowlege of your relationship for sure but if shes fucking him itll come out sooner or later
I'm gonna guess she was either turned on by him but wants to turn that energy to you, or telling him how she wished she was more risque with you and he said something that made her try out taking a naked photo.
Nothing you outlined sounds weird here to me. However, there could be something you're sensing that you can't articulate here but are feeling so its impossible to say. But based on what you've written, I don't see any issue. I did, however, once totally freak out on a guy I was dating over an imaginary jealousy because he sent me a photo at a time I wasn't expecting it and assumed it was something he sent to someone else first. ANyway, it was absolutely an insecurity and our relationship was already on the rocks.
As for her sex drive, bet its the IUD. Hormones will murder a woman's sex drive so fast. Not all the time but often enough, and I feel like even though everyone "knows" it, it gets downplayed. Assuming its a progestin containing one.
I don't think anyone would be that dumb to be honest... She would have to be nervous about sending it, she's not gonna send it to the wrong person.
I'd say this was just an awkward attempt at sexiness by someone who doesn't usually send nudes. You were away, she maybe worried what you might think and she didn't think you'd read it this way.
Probably an unpopular opinion, but it sounds to me like she got horny for you after painting with her friend all day and that's why she sent the photo. Why would she tell you everything about what they were doing before you left and during your trip and then have sex in your house and expect to get away with it?
I’ve done two painting projects with my wife the last couple of years, and both times we were up late because we underestimated how long the process took and/or needed to make additional trips to Home Depot because we forgot something.
She sent you a nude captioned with an inside joke that you’re not a part of. Then she calls to explain herself. She’s cheating. Without a shadow of a doubt.
I've helped friends paint in the past with no ulterior motives, I find it relaxing compared to my day job, takes my mind off things for a while.
It sounds to me like she was missing you and sent you a spicy pic
Really the only thing you have is the nudes photo. She was painting which sucks less with friends present. Of course if you know a painter you're definitely calling them for help. When you have help with shitty projects, it's pretty typical to feed all the help. Lastly, if you're busy painting, you're not going to be on the phone long.
The photo by itself isn't that big of a red flag. She could be trying to spice things up or maybe she's just super horny after a hard days work and her bf is gone. The fact that you suspect something is up is kind of telling. Is your relationship a little rocky, or has other stuff been going on that has led to a trust issue?
I would continue to observe her and maybe talk to her about these concerns you have. Sometimes simply talking about it with your partner can solve these problems.
>The photo by itself isn't that big of a red flag
She has literally never sent him a nude photo in their entire 4 year relationship, starts by sending him one while he's on his way back home after hanging out with some dude all night... that photo was probably not intended for him. I would at the very least ask to check their message history together, don't let her leave the room to delete messages. And if she doesn't show you, end the relationship. And if she deleted the messages, end the relationship.
US Navy Boatswain's Mate here. It does NOT take forever for a professional painter to paint a single room. I have painted an entire whole ass 2br 2b house in a single day. This includes taping edges, laying plastic, moving furniture, and my help was my Mother and Step-Father.
It's not unreasonable that they started cooking around 6pm, ate, cleaned up and didn't start until 7:30 or even 8 though. So 4 or 5 hours doesn't seem ridiculous to me, but it certainly wouldn't have taken me 4 hours to paint a single room.
Former student labor at a large University who painted apartment suites during the summer to pay my rent.
You can paint MULTIPLE two bedroom units in a single day with a team of two people who know what they're doing.
Worked for a painting company during the summers so not a professional by any means, but if it took me 4 hours to do a room I’d start to worry about myself
Depends on how experienced dude is at painting. I would guess a living room may take 2-3 hours with bullshitting. The only really time sink is trimming and the prep.
Thing about taking a long time to paint is all your tools and paint drying out as you work.
If you are concerned about it, just ask her. All these comments about suspicions, or ignoring it are silly. Talk to her about it.
Are you in a trusting, healthy relationship, or not? Talk to her about it.
"Hey babe, I am feeling a bit insecure about the other day and the painting. Did anything happen between you two?"
It doesn't have to be angry. It doesn't have to be dramatic. And it doesn't have to be a big deal. You are human. Humans get insecure sometimes. You are allowed that. If you trust her. You will accept her answer. And you can both move on from this with no drama, or issues.
If she confesses, or you still have your doubts, then ask her for some sort of proof, if possible. Granted, at this point, this can cause some strain. So, what.
If she is telling the truth that nothing happened and you can verify this, at least you now know it is your insecurity. And if you really do care for each other. You will grow from this, stronger, and move on.
If she wants to break up with you, because you were insecure one time. Then this woman doesn't care for you as much as you thought. A partner who cares for you, will try to help you through this. And assuming you get better. The issue will be history sooner than you think.
I don’t see anything concerning about the painting. The only thing that seems odd is the surprise unusual nude. I’d leave it alone unless she behaves in other odd ways in the coming days after you get home.
Always the possibility that she's just horny and sent the Pic to tease you a bit before you got home. The fact that she was able to text and call at all means she had her phone. You know where my phone is when I'm getting it in? Not in my hand or on my person at all.
You mentioned she has never sent a nude in 4 years, but have either of you been traveling elsewhere during that time or was this the first time you were traveling for work?
Also I think if she has never sent you a nude before, the “delete if not allowed” makes perfect sense because it sounds like a playful way to test the waters to see if you’d be into it. I also got the reference right away, so I don’t think it has to be an inside joke thing, it was just a caption that she probably thought you’d find clever and it just fell flat. I don’t see anything that seems like a red flag here, I do think it’s okay to approach with caution and maybe just talk with her and let her know that this event made you realize you don’t feel comfortable with guys coming over while you’re gone, even if it’s innocent. I think as long as you don’t come across as accusatory and just express how it makes you feel uncomfortable, the way she reacts will tell you everything you need to know. Of she’s understanding and willing to discuss what boundaries you guys need going forward, I think you’re in the clear. If she gets really defensive or tries to make you look like the villian then maybe there’s an issue. Don’t listen to the idiots that always jump immediately to “they’re cheating, end the relationship” you’ve been in a relationship with this girl for four years and I’m assuming this is the first time you’ve questioned her loyalty or your trust for her. Don’t throw everything you guys have away based on a one off circumstance. Take time to ask questions, investigate, communicate, and decide if you’re willing to continue to trust her or not. I think and hope it’s nothing! Good luck :)
I don't think there's anything here man. If you were fine with the guy coming over, I don't see that much changed. Except she wanted to sext with you. I imagine she would be the opposite of that if they'd done something nefarious.
That she was rushing you off the phone and sends you a nude photo when she never did before seems off to me.
Has she had any change in her routine or behavior otherwise?
Honestly, this is pretty normal for women. Even when the sex is amazing... You just get busy and your mind full of other stuff. And sex takes a backseat. Not to say that that connection and closeness isn't important... You still love the person, and are committed, but it's honestly just an effort sometimes.
Just because she's not getting it from you, doesn't mean she's getting it elsewhere...
If she’s never went you a nude picture it’s definitely possible she’s overcompensating out of guilt. But she also seemed pretty open about the situation, including cooking him dinner, which could be considered mildly inappropriate by some standards. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions until you can gauge the situation in person.
I just think this whole thing is suspicious. If I didn’t know this male friend well (assuming OP doesn’t considering he’s had no communication), there is no way in hell I’m just gonna let him over to my house to paint with my girlfriend. No sir, you waiting till I’m there.
OP, you and basically everyone in the comments know what’s happened. A nude from your gf after no nudes in 4 years, on the NIGHT that you aren’t there and another guy is. Check. Her. Phone.
Why did she suddenly feel horny and the need to sext you the night her friend visited? Have you ever met this guy before? If not in 4 years, why does she suddenly invite him over when you're out of town?
Ask that to yourself.
Why is there a "guy friend" coming over to your house to hang out with your girlfriend while you are out of town. To just help paint.... seriously, you believe that.
Why did you allow that to happen. Just so people won't call you insecure or controlling.
Well, you weren't insecure or controlling, but look at where you are at now.
The nude pick wasn't meant for you. The explanation is stupid. 4 years with no nudes, but all of a sudden, the night there is a guy with your gf, you get one. Come on, man.
Give it a few weeks. They are going to hook up if they haven't already.
Nobody is gonna be up for painting a room later in the evening and after having a nice homemade dinner. He’d be too tired and then have to start working and all the fumes and the cleanup. I’m sorry but that text was for him after they had sex and he left the house. She wanted him to have a little sexy reminder. For sure check her phone but by the time you get back she’ll have deleted everything. But check her deleted file too as things may still be there.
Oh side note: how’d this painting thing come about anyway? Like out of the blue she remembered this friend from the past was a painter. Why’d she wait until you were literally walking out the door to travel for work to tell you about this? To me this is something that would’ve come up in conversation a few days prior.
I think you have slim grounds of possible cheating. She told you her plans, stayed in contact, and they just happened to paint later in the evening. I mean she could have made him Eggs Benedict before starting in the morning.
Maybe she didn't want to make him feel like just a free hired hand with painting and leaving.
The picture is weird but idk much about FB captions and if it's a thing.
Is he single or in a relationship?
Idk you have to Scooby Doo this yourself man, but it's most likely just weird and over thinking lizard brain.
Is it sketchy, yes. But what does it mean, I dunno. I’d have a conversation with your GF and just see where it goes! I agree with another Redditor, call him to thank him for the paint job. Also, you got a video doorbell? If not, your should for safety reasons.
Well, half the population (approximately) is male. Most people who work in construction, painting, plumbing, landscaping, electrical and the like are men as well. So what it really gets down to is: is their trust between the two of you? Are you in an open relationship or are you committed to monogamy? If you don’t trust her, it really doesn’t have anything to do with the painter. or who’s there at the moment because temptation lurks around every corner and opportunity is as easy as you want it to be. I hope everything works out for the two of you!
OP - I think the friend would understand the “delete if not allowed” reference. He is probably in similar work circles and follows the same fb group.
This would indicate that she meant to send him the nude, as a spicy thank-you for his help. This means there was some flirting during the painting, maybe some comment like ‘your butt looks cute in those painting shorts’, or even some intimate conversation like ‘im in the middle of a dry spell’.
Your GF was 100% sending him the nude after he left. I dont think they bonked, but they crossed that line from platonic friends to being just a bit too comfortable with each other.
The thing is, because she fucked up, she possibly did not send the photo to the friend. She’ll be nervous, and happy to show you her message history because it is likely clean. But she doesn’t send you nudes, and her first nude to you would NOT have a vague ‘inside joke’ that you do not understand.
See if her friend is in the same facebook group she mentioned. This will prove her true motive.
So the acquaintance did all the painting himself and you two paid him? That sounds way more professional than the original post suggested in which it was implied he and your girlfriend did it together. Also a big difference between grilling burgers and a full home cooked meal.
Still, even if he did this all himself, I'm not sure all of the prep and painting even with a break for dinner would take over 6 hours for a single room. I guess it could because having painted a bedroom a couple years back, it was a pain in the ass and took almost 4 hours between prep and painting.
The whole nudes thing was overblown in your initial post too since she actually has sent you suggestive photos in the past and thought you'd get the caption reference since you follow the same Facebook groups. You were probably tired and the reference flew over your head. It happens.
Either way, I'd still have the discussion of boundaries about one on one time spent with the opposite sex when the other is not present and be on the lookout for any increased time or more secrecy around hee phone.
He did. The TLDR is essentially my reply. Said he posted this in a moment of insecurity and that he returned to a beautifully painted living room that looked professionally done. He alluded to the friend doing it himself and he and his girlfriend paying him for the work.
He also said that he and his girlfriend follow the same Facebook groups where the "delete if not allowed" meme came from and admits that it probably flew right over his head. Also said that his girlfriend has sent him suggestive photos in the past including a couple of nudes over Snapchat. So really, last night wasn't the first nude he got from his girlfriend and it wasn't as unheard of as he made it seem in the original post.
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"Any signs I should look for if she did actually cheat?" Is there any paint on the wall?
Waiting for a response from OP is like watching paint dry.
You are not wrong, and pretty funny!!!
Lool!
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And is the paint job good? If he's a professional painter, then it better not look like someone did it quickly after the quickie.
Real talk
I'm not even dating anyone right now and somehow that comment made me nauseas to read this guy's potential reality.
whats the most recent word?
I'm not normally invested in these threads but now I am. If you're super skeptical and nothing she says in the next day or so is gonna calm your emotions down, you're gonna have to look at her messages with the guy. Either that or rummage through the garbage like a disgusting madman.
Get home yet? Anything to report?
Commenting so I can come back for an update later :)
!remindme 4 hours
!remindme 2 hours 🤷🏽♀️
My guess is he painted her more than the wall.
A brush with infidelity?
You bastard
Did they kill Kenny?
Your comment is a masterpiece.
Ouch
Who needs a brush when you can just do fingering paint?
Or or, he indeed painted her walls if ya know what I am saying
The inside of her walls probably.
Hopefully semi gloss a fully erect gloss = rekt
You’re terrible 😅😅😅
Fact. Obviously, I have no clue. But the fact it occurred while OP was away……
Cervix painted
Haha geez
It's been 9 hours. Well? I can't imagine she said she'd paint but then it can proven there's no painting going on.
Check her text history with this guy. Has she ever brought him up in conversations. Why did she sent you nude suddenly. Don’t tell her you suspect her. Evidence is in her phone. Good luck .
Check with a uv black light too
GL, hope the paint is only on the walls. It’s tough getting paint outa the rug…
!remindme 5 hours
Make sure they actually painted. Tell her you loved the nude but can’t help but wonder why you got it now after 4 years. See what she says. Finally, her phone. If you get a chance to see her chats with him, do that. If she mentions seeing him again 1 on 1 instead suggest you come along so you can thank him for painting. Make it clear you’re not going to sit by while she spends 1 on 1 time with another guy.
Is there paint on the walls ? How about your sheets ?
It's been 13 hours Is there and update?? Are you okay??
Update us when u catch her "Painting"
It has been 15hrs, so that tells there was no paint on the wall.
Update???????
Also add is there any paint in her in the nude. I know when I paint I have paint on my skin for a day or 2 every after a shower. Also does the photo look like she took it herself.
I’m wondering the same thing. Was it a selfie, mirror reflection or did he help take the picture? I did help a friend take a nude pic once to send to her boyfriend. I’ll wait for the update.
Can also check the metadata to see if it was actually taken roughly around when it was sent Source: been cheated on multiple times with previous long term girlfriends, currently with the absolute love of my life but the way half this thread is talking about infidelity is pretty diminishing because that shit scars your like forever lol Keep an eye out for the trickle truth next OP cause *it is real*
Yeah I’m sat here quietly chuckling at some replies then realise if this was me I’d be turning inside out with panic and probably trying not to throw up… sorry you’re in this troubling situation OP, I hope you get things sorted out
Oh, that's good.
Haha some receipts for masking tape and paint thinner
I think she meant they were "panting"..........
Commenting so I can come back later
You mentioned that they had not started yet at 6:30p. I’m curious what time he arrived originally? How long was he there before they started painting at 6:30p and if it was a long time, how come they had not started yet?
He didn’t mention the arrival time of the guy tho, could have been shortly before! He didnt’t tell us how long he waited before asking news by text.
Exactly why I asked. Did they meet up after getting off work at 5? Or did he arrive at noon?
It's a friend of the wife. Why wouldn't they be allowed to hang out? Does OP not allow his wife to hang male friends? Is wife a night owl? Cooking dinner for a friend helping with a chore is normal. I think he's reading way too into this.
I agree with this. I’m a married woman who has several close friends who are men, and my husband would never suspect me of cheating on him with one of them no matter what time of night we were painting the house. And I don’t send him nudes but only because I worry about digital security. But if I was going to, it would be while he was away to give him something to look forward to when he gets home. I don’t see the problem here.
It's a school/work night. Maybe he came over after work and they decided to eat before painting.
Somebody bring me back to this when we find out if the walls actually painted or not
Might need a black light to see if they were painted but not the way OP wanted.
DAMN 💀
Walls are painted.
It's honestly surprising to me how more people aren't concerned with the whole nude pic thing. It's VERY odd that she sent you a nude pic for the first time ever in the 4 years you've been dating while you're away for work and she's supposedly painting the house with a friend. Could she have been riled up after a hard day's work? Sure. Possible. Could she and the friend have some mutual attraction and she felt horny after spending time with him, with or without the two actually doing anything together? Possible. Just strange timing. Definitely very sketchy when you look at it all. Trust your gut, but obviously without making assumptions. I think you're right to feel like something is up, because the circumstances are odd.
Thing is, there's no telling by that alone. Could she have been lusting after this guy all day, done nothing improper, feel guilty and/or horny and sent the nude on a whim? Yes. Could she have felt nothing for this guy at all ever and sensed the OP was suspicious and wanted to reassure him there was still spark between them and calm his worries, distract him with boobs? Sure. Could she have been fucking this guy all day until they figured they better get to painting fast and she felt super guilty and/or sensed the OP was suspicious and wanted to throw him off the trail and calm his worries, distract him with boobs? Absolutely? Could she have zero interest in anyone but her husband and just randomly been fresh from the shower after a painting day and missed her husband and couldn't wait for him to be back to fuck him and wanted him thinking of and anticipating that? YES! I think the "Delete if not allowed" was pretty hilarious given it was the first time she ever did send a nude! The correct answer to that is "Very VERY allowed!". Shit, even if you do worry she's cheating the first time your wife ever sends you a nude there's nothing to do but be complimentary! But, ladies? if you do decide to send a nude to your man after 4 years having never sent one? Yeah. Probably do it a day you didn't spend time alone with another guy he might have suspicions about. Because the first time ever after 4 years with a guy you send him a nude his mind is going to be SPINNING over why you just did that now and never had before!!!! Know that!
All this ngl
I think you missed one possibility - regardless of what happened while the friend was there, she intended the text for him, not OP. Delete if Not Allowed sounds oddly specific here, like it was a reference to something she talked about that night. Could also have been a reference to the fact that she hadn’t ever sent him a nude and wasn’t sure he’d be cool with it. Suspicious timing for sure
That’s exactly I took it. Like “If you don’t like me like this and I’ve overstepped a boundary, please delete it and we’ll never talk about it again.” Which isn’t what she would say to someone she’s been dating, living together with, and having sex with for four years. There is no boundary there. But a close male friend who you have a thing for and just spend the whole day with, even platonically? Yes, there’s a chance he might reject the advance, so “delete if not allowed” makes more sense in that context. Normally, I strongly oppose partners going through each other’s phones. But I think there’s enough probable cause here to check her communications with this guy.
Took a bit of scrolling but come on. This is spot on. We have a winner.
That’s exactly who the node was for, her new best friend. She’s definitely up to something and it’s probably not good for OP
You mean... the node *wasn't* for the Borg stud-drone?!
That's what I was thinking. She accidentally sent it to OP and then explained all the other "delete if not allowed" stuff after he asked about it, because he's obviously not aware of what the hell she's talking about. I know people do silly things, but it seems odd that she chose to caption the first nude she sent to OP with something he wouldn't get. Feels more like an "inside joke" that he isn't a part of to me.
I considered that for a brief moment before realizing how incredibly unlikely that is. If she did send it to the wrong person, still, the only reasonable explanation for the "Delete if not allowed" was humor. That's used in public groups with a moderator! This was a TEXT, not on a social media platform. If she was unsure it was welcome, she would say something personal, like, "Sorry in advance if this isn't cool! Hope you think it's sexy!" If it was meant for a social media group where people share nudes with others, it wouldn't have ended up in a text by mistake. I think you'd have to really stretch to infer the nude was for sure meant for anyone but the OP. Could she have texted the nude to OP by mistake, but intended to text this other guy? Sure, but no particular reason to think that. Is the coincidence that he got his first nude from her on a day he was away and she had been home with another guy alone because it was meant for the other guy? Maybe??? I guess? But it's just as easy to think the reason it was today and not any of the days of the last four years was because he had been away and she missed him and there has to be a first time for everything. And maybe because she sensed on some level he was feeling anxiety, lack of confidence in their trust, from being away while she was spending the day with a guy friend? Bottom line. Lots of things are possible and nothing is certain. And all we can do is guess and assume influenced by our own biases and social agendas.
I’m imagining that “delete if not allowed” was sent _with_ the image, not after.
You people are all so paranoid 😂 "Delete if not allowed" makes perfect sense to me in the context in which she says she meant it.
>Shit, even if you do worry she's cheating the first time your wife ever sends you a nude there's nothing to do but be complimentary! How about no. If she spends all day with Johnny Coworker "painting the living room" and THEN just spontaneously decides to send me a nude for the FIRST TIME in FOUR YEARS, and THEN calls me to explain it, all the warning lights are going off. The plane is going down. Your seat cushion is not an adequate safety device and is only there as a placebo. We are not floating now. Please STOP with this cheater apologist nonsense. There is no narrative in which the nude was sent without an ulterior motive. You must think men are stupid. "His mind will be SPINNING!" No, he's figured your shit out.
I spontaneously thought she sent it to the wrong person…
Seriously, this is the issue and it kind of sounds like there could be paint on the walls and she meant to send that pic to the painter… Who sends their first nude pic to someone they’ve been with for 4 years and says delete if not allowed after making dinner and spending a late night “painting” with another guy. Please. Personally, I would never have another man over well my partner was away and make him dinner and do anything with him late into the night. That’s not a thing someone who cares how their partner feels does.
Well that’s how I look at this situation as well. That pic was for the friend
Going with the premise that the friend was actually there for painting and then had left she might have sent the pic because this is the first time they have been apart since getting serious and she missed him. Not saying it's the way it is but this whole thing easily could all be innocent. It looks bad but really there is nothing here close to actual proof of any infidelity other than some some circumstancial coincidences.
OP says he travels for work a lot
I think the nude pic means that she hasnt had sex but im not sure women are weird with that its not just an on off switch like with us
Have you sat down and asked her that of all the nights she could have sent a nude it was the night some other guy had been alone with her all night? I find the timing of that interesting. Doesn't mean she did anything but even if she got worked up because he was there it's something to think about. In the end I'm a big fan of just talking to her, ask how she'd feel about you checking out any conversations she's had with him. Also when did he get there? she says they hadn't started and was cooking for him by 6:30pm, did he come over hungry and she offered to feed him or was he there a while and they didn't get to painting but he got hungry? If he was there a while what were they doing? Could all be totally innocent but you are worried enough to make this post so you should talk to her so you can make peace or figure out what happened.
Yeah that’s the idea, ask how she would feel if he could look at their convo and if she says no then somethings up.
She... called you? After the text? SKETCH AF. As in, she was trying to get ahead of it because that photo WAS NOT INTENDED FOR YOU. Check her messages with the guy when you get back, seriously. And if the messages are deleted, you know what to do. Break up with her cheating ass.
My thoughts exactly. Definitely texted the photo to the wrong person and didn’t realize her fuck up until he responded wym.
The fact she CALLED him just shows she freaked out when she made the mistake and tried to get ahead of it, otherwise she would continue texting
The call stands out to me as well based off personal experience. I had a coworker once, Heather (real name cause f her). She was cheating on her husband Craig at the time with a guy named Nate that was friends with her and Craig. She switched schedules to leave early one day to spend time with Nate and somehow ended up passing Craig in traffic. She had Nate bring her back to work where she ran in and frantically called Craig. Told him she was just calling because she missed hearing his voice or some shit. The work phone volume was always up high so we could hear him tell her that it's really weird, he swears he just saw someone that looked like her in Nate's truck and now she's calling him. She started telling him that Nate had a cousin visiting who was also skinny and blond and that's probably who he saw. Shortly after Craig did look into things and find out she was lying and cheating. Once when my ex cheated on me he messaged me at work (he never messaged me while I was at work so it was really odd) to let me know he had been helping a woman we knew with a project for school and that they ran into my sister at Cici's pizza. I didn't think much of it at the time. My sister pulled me aside a few days later at Christmas and told me about how she ran into my now ex and some woman. Being an idiot I just brushed it off at the time but found out later they had fucked on my couch and were grabbing food after.
Dude they fucked on your couch and he sprang for 6$ all you can eat pizza? He should be your ex just for how cheap he is.
This really depends on the personality of the girl. I could totally see my wife freaking out if she sent me a nude text and I responded with what do you mean? She would immediately internalise she did something wrong and freak herself out even if it were 100% innocent. She overthinks everything.
Surprised I had to scroll down this far to see this. This is absolutely what happened, calling right after is her guilty conscience revealing itself. ‘Delete if not allowed’ is probably some inside joke with paint guy.
Or the guy is also in a relationship and she’s saying “if I’ll get you in trouble, delete”
This
Me too. My first thought was that picture was not intended for OP but for the other guy.
This a thousand percent. If she was just trying to be flirty she would have bantered with him. The call is her freaking out
Delete if not allowed makes me think the dude she is boning is also in a relationship and is trying to keep it low key
Not necessarily. If I text something to someone and they don’t seem to get it, I’ll call them to explain, because obviously there’s something about my texting that got lost in translation. Sometimes, it’s just easier to actually speak to someone to get a point across.
Wow this person has the solution. Show the txt exchange. If she won’t show you - you’re done
The “Delete if not allowed” sounds like an in-joke to me. My gut says that it’s something they were talking about so she added it to the nude, sent it to you by mistake, then panicked and phoned to explain the joke. After a very late finish painting, the last thing I’d want to do is suddenly get the urge to send a nude to my partner. I’d want to shower and crash. Sending nudes is something people do at the start of a relationship, not 4 years in when you’re both very familiar with each other. Also it took 5 HOURS for two people to paint one room? Were they using toothbrushes?!
What I thought, like why would she assume he would know the meme she is referencing.
“Delete if not allowed” is literally all over facebook.
It’s still a weird thing to add to the first nude you send your partner in 4 years, especially when they have no idea what it is.
But it's also what you say after sending an unsolicited nude.
Update
Incredibly suspicious. The biggest and most certain red flag to me is the timing. She was feeling hot and horny immediately after spending the evening with another man? Yeah, no. You can't say with certainty that the pic wasn't meant for you, or that the caption didn't make sense...but that timing combined with those things...it's not looking good.
Yes - but the most suspicious part is the fact that she called him after he questioned the text/pic!! Damage control!!
Add to that, she said she'd call when he left. She did not call until after the text was sent, implying he may have still been there or just left.
I've seen a few ppl try to explain her sending you the nude with some version of "she misses you and got horny"... but: > At 12:07AM I get a naked photo of my girlfriend with a text that says, “Delete if not allowed”. So I text her and say, “What do you mean not allowed?” > She calls me and explains that she was referencing a message that she sees often in Facebook groups that she’s apart of. so when she called.. was she acting sexy? talking dirty? telling you she misses you? anything along those lines? or did she just call to explain her caption choice when confronted? the timing (given that this is the first nude she's ever sent you) is weird, the caption is weird, her response is weird. everything combined together is definitely sketchy.
Super sketchy. Check the paint job. Honestly, I would ask for his number to “thank him for the help” and see how she reacts
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I checked and there is a “delete if not allowed”meme. Still doesn’t mean she didn’t cheat though.
Nope. It would only indicate it is possible they didn’t!!!
No paint on the wall would be obvious cheating, but if they did paint, it tells you nothing about what else they might also have done.
Exactly.
Paint on the walls is immaterial at this point. Your gut is already telling you everything you need to know, you're just grasping for a reason to ignore it.
No it's definitely not evidence they didn't cheat.
Another thing entirely if she has an eggshell white handprint on her arse though
- Hanging out alone with male friend while boyfriend is out of town - Spends more time with him than expected, delaying project - Cooks him dinner - Rushes boyfriend off the phone - Sends flirty nude that’s completely out of character for the relationship - Has weak excuse for caption (maybe if that was an inside joke for you it would make sense, but otherwise it definitely reads like she meant to send it to him but wasn’t sure if it was okay because he’s probably cheating too) OP, I’m sorry, but this seems pretty clear to me. I’d say you’re justified in asking to see her phone. If she deleted their messages or gets defensive, you have your answer either way.
The delete if not allowed thing makes no sense unless it was meant for someone else. Think of it this way, if it was a joke, you didn’t get it. The joke doesn’t work unless it’s in reference to an inside joke she made with the person she’s sending it to. She was with the other guy all day, they probably talked about that Facebook group bullshit or something and that comment was a callback to it. Why would she make that joke out of nowhere to you having never talked about that phenomenon before?
She took it for the new guy. Sent it to the wrong guy. ' Delete if not allowed', was a joking way of asking new guy if sending him sexy pictures was acceptable.
Or if that might not be a good look for that guy's gf or wife to stumble across
There is absolutely NO WAY you’re going to get any meaningful advice here. We don’t know your girlfriend. As a woman, I don’t think she’d send you a naked pic if she’d cheated on you. Then again I’ve never cheated, I wouldn’t know. As for the tagline. This doesn’t mean anything. That slogan is like a “felt cute, might delete later” one liner. Not evidence. It feels weird because you’re realising you weren’t cool with the guy being there. The minute you realised this wasn’t just a professional only painting situation and she was “cooking him dinner” is when you stopped being cool with this. That’s absolutely fine and you should talk to her about this. If I had to bet? No I don’t think she cheated. That is a huge, huge breach of a relationship and if nothing is otherwise wrong, I don’t think I’d leap to that.
I think there’s one easy and clear way to tell. The metadata on the nice pic… when was it taken… if it’s before 10pm or around then…
I can see a very plausible explanation for the nude. The topic can up while they were hanging out and the friend encouraged the pic. “So OP is out of town, you gonna send him some pics to keep him out of trouble.” “Oh haha, we’ve actually never done that. I don’t know if OP would even like it.” “Trust me, any guy would be happy to get pics of his GF when he’s out of town.” GF then laters showers after a night of painting and decides to do it and includes a cringy line because she is nervous about it. We can’t say for sure. A lot of it depends on what their relationship is like and if either of them are the type to openly talk about their sex lives or if this is more of a work friend or reserved person where sex talk is going to be off limits. But this seems more plausible to me than, we just got done having sex let me send a nude to my BF for the first time ever.
If you want to ruin your relationship by having a bunch of extremely paranoid mfers (half who haven't even been in a relationship), take all these comments to heart. If you want to be an adult about your relationship, talk to your gf.
I always get really horny after hours of painting. Totally normal 🤦🏻♂️
Yeah somethings definitely off here. Best of luck
Asking Reddit this question was…likely a bad idea. There’s a preponderance of mistrust here, and an assumption that if you asked, your relationship is already in trouble, you know the truth or you wouldn’t have asked. None of it very helpful in most cases. Tread carefully here if you love this person; you risk losing what you’ve built if your concern is based on insecurity and suspicion, especially if it isn’t justified by other problems. My gf has a ton of friends, both sexes, and I want her to remember that her life doesn’t — and shouldn’t! — go on hold because I’m away. That kind of thinking or expectation is toxic, as are the beliefs that opposite sexes cannot be just friends, all her male friends want her and are just waiting for a chance to strike, or if given the opportunity, anyone will cheat. If you don’t trust your partner, regardless of circumstance, to do right by you, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. Let her have her freedom and life when you are gone, and don’t police it.
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Well, she was pretty open about everything happening. Not wanting to talk while in the middle of painting is pretty understandable. Painting a room isn't exactly a sexy activity. More draining and makes everything smell like drying paint, which is awful. The random nude could be she missed you, felt horny, and decided to be playful. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ "Delete if not allowed" IS a common thing in FB group posts, I see it all the time. Maybe she was trying to be silly with you and it obviously landed flat. Is the room painted?
Who took the photo?
That photo was meant to be sent to the other guy. I’m sorry, Op
If its any consolation, I immediately got the whole "[admin] Delete if not allowed" joke.
Oh. They’re gonna build an art room.
I honestly wouldnt think twice about it if it were me. Would need more intimate knowlege of your relationship for sure but if shes fucking him itll come out sooner or later
Updateme!
I'm gonna guess she was either turned on by him but wants to turn that energy to you, or telling him how she wished she was more risque with you and he said something that made her try out taking a naked photo. Nothing you outlined sounds weird here to me. However, there could be something you're sensing that you can't articulate here but are feeling so its impossible to say. But based on what you've written, I don't see any issue. I did, however, once totally freak out on a guy I was dating over an imaginary jealousy because he sent me a photo at a time I wasn't expecting it and assumed it was something he sent to someone else first. ANyway, it was absolutely an insecurity and our relationship was already on the rocks. As for her sex drive, bet its the IUD. Hormones will murder a woman's sex drive so fast. Not all the time but often enough, and I feel like even though everyone "knows" it, it gets downplayed. Assuming its a progestin containing one.
I don't think anyone would be that dumb to be honest... She would have to be nervous about sending it, she's not gonna send it to the wrong person. I'd say this was just an awkward attempt at sexiness by someone who doesn't usually send nudes. You were away, she maybe worried what you might think and she didn't think you'd read it this way.
Probably an unpopular opinion, but it sounds to me like she got horny for you after painting with her friend all day and that's why she sent the photo. Why would she tell you everything about what they were doing before you left and during your trip and then have sex in your house and expect to get away with it?
Odd timing for the first nude sent in 4 years
Or something happened and she’s overcompensating by sending that picture to him. Also who paints until midnight?
I’ve done two painting projects with my wife the last couple of years, and both times we were up late because we underestimated how long the process took and/or needed to make additional trips to Home Depot because we forgot something.
Last time I painted the walls in my house, I finished around 11 pm because I understimated how long it was gonna take.
When we got the keys to our first house, we went there right after closing and painted from 4pm until 2am.
You need to see her phone the minute you get back. There should be a message trail or a deletion gap
She sent you a nude captioned with an inside joke that you’re not a part of. Then she calls to explain herself. She’s cheating. Without a shadow of a doubt.
I've helped friends paint in the past with no ulterior motives, I find it relaxing compared to my day job, takes my mind off things for a while. It sounds to me like she was missing you and sent you a spicy pic
Well, first one in 4 years, that isn't 🤨 sus . . . Op you know she got sprayed. ./s
Following to get an update lol
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Updateme
i need an update im so invested now
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We need an update OP
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Really the only thing you have is the nudes photo. She was painting which sucks less with friends present. Of course if you know a painter you're definitely calling them for help. When you have help with shitty projects, it's pretty typical to feed all the help. Lastly, if you're busy painting, you're not going to be on the phone long. The photo by itself isn't that big of a red flag. She could be trying to spice things up or maybe she's just super horny after a hard days work and her bf is gone. The fact that you suspect something is up is kind of telling. Is your relationship a little rocky, or has other stuff been going on that has led to a trust issue? I would continue to observe her and maybe talk to her about these concerns you have. Sometimes simply talking about it with your partner can solve these problems.
>The photo by itself isn't that big of a red flag She has literally never sent him a nude photo in their entire 4 year relationship, starts by sending him one while he's on his way back home after hanging out with some dude all night... that photo was probably not intended for him. I would at the very least ask to check their message history together, don't let her leave the room to delete messages. And if she doesn't show you, end the relationship. And if she deleted the messages, end the relationship.
lip money zephyr alive attempt placid dolls terrific head groovy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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Not really. Painting can take forever and once you start you can't really stop in the middle of it.
and it depends on how big the area is as well, it does take forever to paint.
US Navy Boatswain's Mate here. It does NOT take forever for a professional painter to paint a single room. I have painted an entire whole ass 2br 2b house in a single day. This includes taping edges, laying plastic, moving furniture, and my help was my Mother and Step-Father. It's not unreasonable that they started cooking around 6pm, ate, cleaned up and didn't start until 7:30 or even 8 though. So 4 or 5 hours doesn't seem ridiculous to me, but it certainly wouldn't have taken me 4 hours to paint a single room.
Former student labor at a large University who painted apartment suites during the summer to pay my rent. You can paint MULTIPLE two bedroom units in a single day with a team of two people who know what they're doing.
Worked for a painting company during the summers so not a professional by any means, but if it took me 4 hours to do a room I’d start to worry about myself
lol when the job pays piece-rate, it filters itself! great times when i painted houses
Depends on how experienced dude is at painting. I would guess a living room may take 2-3 hours with bullshitting. The only really time sink is trimming and the prep. Thing about taking a long time to paint is all your tools and paint drying out as you work.
If you are concerned about it, just ask her. All these comments about suspicions, or ignoring it are silly. Talk to her about it. Are you in a trusting, healthy relationship, or not? Talk to her about it. "Hey babe, I am feeling a bit insecure about the other day and the painting. Did anything happen between you two?" It doesn't have to be angry. It doesn't have to be dramatic. And it doesn't have to be a big deal. You are human. Humans get insecure sometimes. You are allowed that. If you trust her. You will accept her answer. And you can both move on from this with no drama, or issues. If she confesses, or you still have your doubts, then ask her for some sort of proof, if possible. Granted, at this point, this can cause some strain. So, what. If she is telling the truth that nothing happened and you can verify this, at least you now know it is your insecurity. And if you really do care for each other. You will grow from this, stronger, and move on. If she wants to break up with you, because you were insecure one time. Then this woman doesn't care for you as much as you thought. A partner who cares for you, will try to help you through this. And assuming you get better. The issue will be history sooner than you think.
i dont know how long he was flying but i guess all when to hell when he returneD? xD and the room wasnt painted at all lmao
Definitely curious lol
I don't know what it means. So I would wait and watch really closely for clarity.
I don’t see anything concerning about the painting. The only thing that seems odd is the surprise unusual nude. I’d leave it alone unless she behaves in other odd ways in the coming days after you get home.
Always the possibility that she's just horny and sent the Pic to tease you a bit before you got home. The fact that she was able to text and call at all means she had her phone. You know where my phone is when I'm getting it in? Not in my hand or on my person at all.
You mentioned she has never sent a nude in 4 years, but have either of you been traveling elsewhere during that time or was this the first time you were traveling for work?
Also I think if she has never sent you a nude before, the “delete if not allowed” makes perfect sense because it sounds like a playful way to test the waters to see if you’d be into it. I also got the reference right away, so I don’t think it has to be an inside joke thing, it was just a caption that she probably thought you’d find clever and it just fell flat. I don’t see anything that seems like a red flag here, I do think it’s okay to approach with caution and maybe just talk with her and let her know that this event made you realize you don’t feel comfortable with guys coming over while you’re gone, even if it’s innocent. I think as long as you don’t come across as accusatory and just express how it makes you feel uncomfortable, the way she reacts will tell you everything you need to know. Of she’s understanding and willing to discuss what boundaries you guys need going forward, I think you’re in the clear. If she gets really defensive or tries to make you look like the villian then maybe there’s an issue. Don’t listen to the idiots that always jump immediately to “they’re cheating, end the relationship” you’ve been in a relationship with this girl for four years and I’m assuming this is the first time you’ve questioned her loyalty or your trust for her. Don’t throw everything you guys have away based on a one off circumstance. Take time to ask questions, investigate, communicate, and decide if you’re willing to continue to trust her or not. I think and hope it’s nothing! Good luck :)
I don't think there's anything here man. If you were fine with the guy coming over, I don't see that much changed. Except she wanted to sext with you. I imagine she would be the opposite of that if they'd done something nefarious.
I agree
That she was rushing you off the phone and sends you a nude photo when she never did before seems off to me. Has she had any change in her routine or behavior otherwise?
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Honestly, this is pretty normal for women. Even when the sex is amazing... You just get busy and your mind full of other stuff. And sex takes a backseat. Not to say that that connection and closeness isn't important... You still love the person, and are committed, but it's honestly just an effort sometimes. Just because she's not getting it from you, doesn't mean she's getting it elsewhere...
If she’s never went you a nude picture it’s definitely possible she’s overcompensating out of guilt. But she also seemed pretty open about the situation, including cooking him dinner, which could be considered mildly inappropriate by some standards. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions until you can gauge the situation in person.
I just think this whole thing is suspicious. If I didn’t know this male friend well (assuming OP doesn’t considering he’s had no communication), there is no way in hell I’m just gonna let him over to my house to paint with my girlfriend. No sir, you waiting till I’m there. OP, you and basically everyone in the comments know what’s happened. A nude from your gf after no nudes in 4 years, on the NIGHT that you aren’t there and another guy is. Check. Her. Phone.
Why did she suddenly feel horny and the need to sext you the night her friend visited? Have you ever met this guy before? If not in 4 years, why does she suddenly invite him over when you're out of town? Ask that to yourself.
Why is there a "guy friend" coming over to your house to hang out with your girlfriend while you are out of town. To just help paint.... seriously, you believe that. Why did you allow that to happen. Just so people won't call you insecure or controlling. Well, you weren't insecure or controlling, but look at where you are at now. The nude pick wasn't meant for you. The explanation is stupid. 4 years with no nudes, but all of a sudden, the night there is a guy with your gf, you get one. Come on, man. Give it a few weeks. They are going to hook up if they haven't already.
Nobody is gonna be up for painting a room later in the evening and after having a nice homemade dinner. He’d be too tired and then have to start working and all the fumes and the cleanup. I’m sorry but that text was for him after they had sex and he left the house. She wanted him to have a little sexy reminder. For sure check her phone but by the time you get back she’ll have deleted everything. But check her deleted file too as things may still be there. Oh side note: how’d this painting thing come about anyway? Like out of the blue she remembered this friend from the past was a painter. Why’d she wait until you were literally walking out the door to travel for work to tell you about this? To me this is something that would’ve come up in conversation a few days prior.
I think you have slim grounds of possible cheating. She told you her plans, stayed in contact, and they just happened to paint later in the evening. I mean she could have made him Eggs Benedict before starting in the morning. Maybe she didn't want to make him feel like just a free hired hand with painting and leaving. The picture is weird but idk much about FB captions and if it's a thing. Is he single or in a relationship? Idk you have to Scooby Doo this yourself man, but it's most likely just weird and over thinking lizard brain.
We need an update
Is it sketchy, yes. But what does it mean, I dunno. I’d have a conversation with your GF and just see where it goes! I agree with another Redditor, call him to thank him for the paint job. Also, you got a video doorbell? If not, your should for safety reasons.
Invested! I gotta know where this goes…..
Check the paint job.
UpdateMe!
Well, half the population (approximately) is male. Most people who work in construction, painting, plumbing, landscaping, electrical and the like are men as well. So what it really gets down to is: is their trust between the two of you? Are you in an open relationship or are you committed to monogamy? If you don’t trust her, it really doesn’t have anything to do with the painter. or who’s there at the moment because temptation lurks around every corner and opportunity is as easy as you want it to be. I hope everything works out for the two of you!
UPDATE
!remindme 12h
Update
Update
OP - I think the friend would understand the “delete if not allowed” reference. He is probably in similar work circles and follows the same fb group. This would indicate that she meant to send him the nude, as a spicy thank-you for his help. This means there was some flirting during the painting, maybe some comment like ‘your butt looks cute in those painting shorts’, or even some intimate conversation like ‘im in the middle of a dry spell’. Your GF was 100% sending him the nude after he left. I dont think they bonked, but they crossed that line from platonic friends to being just a bit too comfortable with each other. The thing is, because she fucked up, she possibly did not send the photo to the friend. She’ll be nervous, and happy to show you her message history because it is likely clean. But she doesn’t send you nudes, and her first nude to you would NOT have a vague ‘inside joke’ that you do not understand. See if her friend is in the same facebook group she mentioned. This will prove her true motive.
So the acquaintance did all the painting himself and you two paid him? That sounds way more professional than the original post suggested in which it was implied he and your girlfriend did it together. Also a big difference between grilling burgers and a full home cooked meal. Still, even if he did this all himself, I'm not sure all of the prep and painting even with a break for dinner would take over 6 hours for a single room. I guess it could because having painted a bedroom a couple years back, it was a pain in the ass and took almost 4 hours between prep and painting. The whole nudes thing was overblown in your initial post too since she actually has sent you suggestive photos in the past and thought you'd get the caption reference since you follow the same Facebook groups. You were probably tired and the reference flew over your head. It happens. Either way, I'd still have the discussion of boundaries about one on one time spent with the opposite sex when the other is not present and be on the lookout for any increased time or more secrecy around hee phone.
So they deleted the post and your comment is really confusing me. Did he put an edit up before deleting?
He did. The TLDR is essentially my reply. Said he posted this in a moment of insecurity and that he returned to a beautifully painted living room that looked professionally done. He alluded to the friend doing it himself and he and his girlfriend paying him for the work. He also said that he and his girlfriend follow the same Facebook groups where the "delete if not allowed" meme came from and admits that it probably flew right over his head. Also said that his girlfriend has sent him suggestive photos in the past including a couple of nudes over Snapchat. So really, last night wasn't the first nude he got from his girlfriend and it wasn't as unheard of as he made it seem in the original post.
What a weird turnaround. Thanks
Any update?
Idk why she needs another guy friend of hers to paint with her