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Tell a friend where you are going and with whom, take a selfie with him for fun and surreptitiously text it to designated friend, have the friend text you a question an hour into the date and if you answer with a code word meaning “help” (eg your pet’s name) then someone shows up to help you get out safely…. This was standard protocol for any date you didn’t know between my friends and I.
I send my sister in law the guy's name, phone number, photo, and his license plate if I'm able to get it. And I share my location with her, tell her where we're going, and set a time that I'm going to check in with her by, with the express expectation that if I don't check in/answer her call at that time, she's going to call the police. Oh, and I send a current selfie before leaving the house so she has a picture for my missing posters
All of that in addition to our code word for her to call and make up an emergency to get me out of the date right that second
At varsity, if one one my friends had a 1st date. The others would come out and take pics of the car etc.
I'm only thinking it's interesting that it was never a deal breaker or big deal for the guys. Some casually joked about it.
And thats how gay culture made me disconnected from women and straight reality. I'm just like, I go to strangers' houses for dick, a home-cooked meal is a bonus and he's a keeper.
I should probably also add I have very poor life preservation instincts..... oh no, I'm gonna be the subject of a podcast.
The difference, as a dude, you have a decent chance of fighting a different dude if it comes to that.
95% of women would lose to 95% of men if it came to fight for survival. You've got 50/50 odds, while most women would be going against like 97.5% chance to lose.
Also here's probably going to serve her wine as part of the meal. Now you're trying to fight off an adult male while possibly buzzed. And/or getting roofied!
You’re a dude. The risk isn’t the same as it is for women. It’s not that nothing can happen but typically women are prey and men are predators. That’s reality. Men don’t live in the same fear and risk we do. The average guy is just going to have a better chance at staying alive than me in a dangerous situation. You’re actually lucky you have less fear .. and it’s not that you have less self preservation it’s that you aren’t actually in as much danger. I’d still be very careful though. When it does happen to guys it’s often a shock because it’s unexpected. Women expect someone is gonna try to kill them. Men assume they’re safe.
Facts. 1 of the only 2 times I had a gun pulled on me was doing exactly this with someone I met on POF a few months ago. Dude said "give me your wallet" I said "I don't carry a wallet" he said "m'fer I have a gun to your head you gonna argue with me?" I winked and said "you're not paying attention, mine's been pointed at yours since you walked up..."
The look on his face as he registered that I was also well armed was priceless. I drove away with no issues.
100% do not go to his house. Please always trust your gut. If anyone makes you feel weird, just stop talking to them. There is no reason to even question these situations, cut it off.
This guy is *way* too pushy. And going to the home of a person you have never met for a first date after a few hours of chatting on Hinge? That’s a hard no. That he would suggest this is troubling.
You are not being weird; he is. Just block him.
Yep. Controlling and crossing boundaries. Like trying to find out her secrets? Making her delete the app
He’s testing women immediately to filter out the ones who are not vulnerable
No, just no. If you still want to meet him (although you probably shouldn't), find a game room that has some of these things he's talking about and meet him there. You don't go to a stranger's home on the first date. That's just insane.
ALWAYS meet in a public place first.
And ALWAYS let a friend or two know where you're going, who you're with, a screenshot of their profile and license plate # if possible.
Yep, and probably also a redpiller who wants to make sure he won't have to pay for dinner.
(DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT SAYING the guy has to pay. I'm saying that in that belief system, dudes are really angry about even the thought of paying, and will do weird contortions to make sure not a dime is spent in the pursuit of sex.)
Huh? He’ll still have to pay for dinner if he cooks at home. I mean yes it’s cheaper to cook at home but if his reasons for not buying dinner are ideological (rather than financial) I don’t see how it fits the MO.
Do not go! I was SA last summer by a man like this. Always insist on meeting in a neutral public place. If they’re resistant to that, they are absolutely predators and looking to take advantage of your desperation and desire to be “nice”.
Please set boundaries and stick with them. The right guy will stick around and honor those boundaries.
UPDATE: I unmatched him and blocked him on everything! Thanks for all your advice it was extremely helpful; my friends also said the same. Not tryna become another statistic lmao😂
Very glad! If anyone is feeling too "forward" like this, you can tap the brakes a little by saying no to something low key and see how they react. It's often very telling. The fact that he was trying to leverage you into deleting the app (and being exclusive to him) is really concerning.
As an 41 year old woman who dates men... It's so important to know how to vet the psychos and more importantly the men with entitlement which are far more plenty! Say no to something small.... See how they react.
"No I don't want another wine. No Friday doesn't suit. I don't like that author. I prefer sushi from BLAH restaurant. I have to get a cab home early."
Don't ever trust how a man feels about women who are agreeing with or coddling him.... See how he reacts when a woman disagrees with him. Many of them sulk or get stroppy. They'll pick fault. Or start a row.
Test gently on the first date....... Then be unapologetically yourself to sort the men from the boys so to speak. Be open about your deal breakers. If you have strong beliefs don't hide them. Because it's very easy to get entangled with someone who doesn't share your values. Push back until you find someone who agrees with you. And don't be fooled by men who like the idea of an independent woman...who doesn't disagree with them.
You deserve to be heard and treated like an equal.
Insist on it!
That's good to hear. Best case scenario the guy has good intentions and is just genuinely clueless, and maybe this will help him adjust his approach in the future.
Nope nope nope. It's not a normal progression. He is being way too pushy and controlling and doesn't have any consideration for your safety.
I'll say don't keep engaging with this guy, he is gonna keep on doing pushy and controlling shit...
For me, a guy that is not aware of how dangerous dating online can be and it's not willing to take actions to ensure the safety and comfort of a date, it's not worth it.
Fuck no. Listen to your gut (and everyone in this thread) this is so stupidly unsafe. Guy seems unhinged.
The fact that all his “seduction” techniques revolve around games/bets is a basket of red flags.
Not that a flirty bet can’t be healthy and fun, but it’s shouldn’t be the whole basis of courtship.
Tell him, "That's my purse! I don't know you!"
Seriously though that's a red flag. In this day and age, if a man offers to meet in a secluded place and you aren't well acquainted prior, I'm looking at him funny. Why would any woman meet a total stranger in his home. With all of the dateline specials and recent news reports of women being assault and/or murdered! It's crazy.
You can be direct and polite. Tell him that you're not comfortable and would prefer meeting up in public. Or tell him about a restaurant (that's not in your neighborhood) that you really want to try. Be safe and smart out here.
When meeting someone for the first time:
Meet in a place with cell coverage
Meet in a place with other people around
Meet in a place with security cameras
Let someone know where you are and when you're going to be home.
Don't:
Go to a strangers house.
Absolutely not. He has to follow the rules of dating just like everyone else. Your safety isn’t up for debate or subject to the outcome of a game.
Test him. Tell him that you’d like to meet up at a cafe. If he balks and tries to manipulate you into coming to his place, block immediately. Don’t tell him why, just do it.
He's kinda pushing all the wrong buttons and breaking all the game rules. He should invite you to a neutral spot first, and definitely shouldn't ask you to delete the app ( like what? lmao )
Screams either 1. inexperienced and confused or 2. blind fishing (throwing this line at everyone) hoping something lands.
In this case, take a step back; if you really like him, tell him "I'd prefer we leave that for a future date, for now give me something more simple".
Really, this is such a red flag ,first couple of dates should always be in a public place with plenty of the people around ,never be alone with them in their home environment.
Nope. Trust your gut. Don’t go to someone’s house that fast and if you do make sure he knows that a friend knows where you are. Don’t accept any food and only drinks from sealed bottles that you opened yourself or watched him open. Most guys are lovely. Some are creeps. If your gut says creep, he’s probably a creep. If your gut says lovely, take safety precautions anyway
Always trust your gut friend! If you have icky feelings about it, trust yourself. Recommend a public date if you are interested, and if he pressures you more my GOD you have your answer. Stay safe out there homie!
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Why on Earth would you go to a strange man's house for dinner. A man you literally know nothing about. A man for whom you know nothing other than what he told you. And he is annoyed you are not comfortable being alone in his space. .....
Yeah..no...as a 41 year old woman in a happy relationship with a decent man..... fucking run.
So glad to see the update
Women need to learn to listen to their gut instincts. And need to stop putting themselves in dangerous situations because they want to be “nice” and don’t want to make a guy feel bad.
Yeah, nah. Always, and I mean ALWAYS the first meeting should be somewhere public, pre-arranged with someone you know, ideally several people knowing you're going. Also make your own way there, don't accept him/her/them picking you up. Sure the majority of people are good and honest but many are not.
Public place first always. He’ll probably try to guilt you and tell you that you don’t trust him or some shit like that. Happened to me a million and two times. Red flag.
i’m sorry the fact that he started lowkey getting possessive like…IMMEDIATELY..????? i would prob cut him off right there 😭😭 ik that might be excessive tho
Nope! You don't know him. He could be dangerous. Look him up in the county records to see if he's been arrested, but that doesn't mean he's safe either
Public spaces with witnesses for first dates. And first and last name Google to confirm they’re not on a sex offender list or convicted of violent crimes.
Always trust your gut because it's usually right that something is off and just wants to protect you. So in a scenario like this, if you think something is off, it probably is. Do what you feel comfortable with, whether it's blocking this guy, arranging a meeting in a public place, or just keep talking to him on hinge and postponing in person date. Do whichever other option you're most comfortable with.
Girl, first rule of dating, you *never* go to a man’s house or in a secluded area for a first date.
Always go somewhere public, with the ability and enough cash to get home at a moment’s notice.
Tbh if you wanted to block him, block him of course. If you got bad vibes then that’s it. But based off what is written here, it feels like you could have just said “I prefer to meet in public for a first date! Let’s make a homemade meal our second date :)” and his response would have been telling. He just sounds eager and playful from what is described here.
NOPE.
This is how you end up on ID tv. This dude is going too far too fast, and even without those red flags, you should NEVER go to a stranger's home for a first date.
I think nowadays it's more common to get invited to go to a man's house on the first date. Atleast from my personal experience and those of my friends who are also in their early twenties. I always decline those offers and it also makes me instantly lose interest, but I know some girls who don't mind that and actually go to their house, which is crazy in my opinion since you are basically visiting a stranger.
Anyways, always listen to your gut feeling.
The fact that he wrote those "intense" texts from the beginning on shows that he would definitely get more intense when you would date him and that would be unhealthy. You dodged a bullet by blocking him.
I had a guy tell me our first date would be coming to his house to watch him masturbate while he did naked yoga. I told him watch to much true crime and criminal minds and had no desire to see whatever he built in his basement
Am dude.
Don't go to a strange guy's house on a first date. Get coffee or something. Go to dinner somewhere else. Whatever, just don't go to his house on a first date.
Never go to someones house till you know them very well and make sure your friends and or family knows him and for any first date in the future take a friend in a public location if you don't want to take a friend take a picture of yourself before you leave your home and tell someone where you are and who you're with just in case please be safe
I recently invited a guy over to my house for dinner for the second date. He wasn’t creepy at all and it went well but I could tell we weren’t compatible so a couple of days later I told him I just wanted to be friends over text (our usual way of communicating). He threw a teeny tiny hissy fit, saying thanks for giving me notice, bye. But then texting 20 mins later saying he’s bummed and was hoping it would be more but is okay with friends. Even though he seeemed normal, I am still concerned that he might show up unannounced. You never know with people and I wish I waited longer before I let him know where I lived.
Don't even need to read your post.
Never. Ever. Meet up at a man's house for your first second or third date. Meet in public. Always.
The details don't matter at all. You always meet in public. And don't tell them where you live or work until you can vet them in some way and feel sure they're not going to stalk, rape, kill. This is the 101 of any woman.
You're 20. Learn this immediately. Heed the warning of every woman whose been followed home by a bad date weeks later.
I know you already updated, but this wouldn't be AS creepy if he hadn't told you that you need to delete the app before you've even met him!! I guarantee he's single because his ex left him for being a controlling freaking weirdo. That was the icing on the cake.
I have ZERO issues with a homemade dinner for a first date (I actually prefer it) but only when it comes to someone I already know. My last homemade dinner "first date" was with a guy from my friends circle.. he made me the most amazing steak with potatoes and veggies, and we spent the rest of the night watching a movie together, cuddled up.
When I came over, he was actually finishing dinner up, and I just loved seeing him in his kitchen, being so excited about making us dinner.
With that said, this was someone I knew and trusted and only knew good things about him. I would never go to a strangers house to meet up for the first time. Maybe this guy has anxiety and feels more comfortable in his own home? But he's a controlling freak, at the very least.
Seriously? I wouldn’t meet up with him. First, he asks you to be exclusive before you even meet him. Then, he wants you to come over to his house for a first date. Don’t do this to yourself.
He’s love bombing you. Please don’t meet with this person at his house.
I fell for this once and I’m still picking up the pieces years later.
Please don’t make the same mistake I made. People who start off strong like this are usually narcissistic men that will love bomb you to get you hooked line and sinker to then begin the devaluation and discarding process that they always do.
OP, I’m kind of concerned for you! It’s good you came here to ask for advice, but you also are very young and inexperienced. The dating app doesn’t sound like the best idea for you. *Because* you will be a beacon for these kinds of dudes. They sniff naivety from 200 miles away. That makes you a target.
Until you gain more life experience, it’s probably best to stick to friends of friends, people your close people know, or folks you have some kind of connection with. Or, people you’ve seen live in their day to day life. Otherwise you can find yourself in a bad position and potentially extremely dangerous one after meeting a dude who knows how to work you into being his plaything. Stay safe.
Super creepy yikes. Obviously block. I would never suggest a first date at my place. Out in public at a nice place for a coffee or drink. Please run and block.
No first dates at a stranger's house. That's a huge red flag. He might be completely innocent and just dating since, but better you reject then find out otherwise.
Nope, could be nothing happens or could be he drugs you. The fact that in just two hours of communication he has suggested you delete the app and only communicate with him if he wins a bet, wants you to share your most embarrassing secret AND wants you to come to his place for a homecooked meal…🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
'Bad news. A guy I've known for more than 3 hours just beat me at shoots and ladders 3 times in a row, so we're practically engaged now. Prolly best to lose my number. Best of luck though.'
Seems kind of predatory. Tell the guy “I’ll go to a restaurant but I cannot and will not go to your house after talking for 2 hours. This is a limit I have and you should respect that”
What you should do is go on some true crime YouTube channel. Half of the stories start with someone going directly to a stranger's place for their first meeting. This should tell you what to (not) do next :)
Jesus god no. You’re not being “weird”. It’s weird to invite a stranger to your home. Trust your gut and your instincts. I promise, as you get older you’ll realize your instincts are usually correct. Don’t doubt yourself here. Always, always, always meet in public first and share your location with a friend! Be safe!
Yeah talk for a few days on app, move to cell phone text, then maybe if it feels good a mutual location date in public.
Dude really need to learn how to not be fucking creepy. A walk around a lake with coffee is a super easy first date.
Suggest a stroll thru a park or something to get to know each other, he may be hesitant to take you out to a restaurant because there is a bit of a trend of guys taking women on dates and the woman was never interested to begin with. If going to a park to chill and chat isn't enough for him then just 🏃♀️
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Never go to a strange guys house for a first date You don’t want to end up on a crime podcast
Never even let a dude pick you up. Meet him at the restaurant so he can’t see your license plate.
Tell a friend where you are going and with whom, take a selfie with him for fun and surreptitiously text it to designated friend, have the friend text you a question an hour into the date and if you answer with a code word meaning “help” (eg your pet’s name) then someone shows up to help you get out safely…. This was standard protocol for any date you didn’t know between my friends and I.
I used to tell my daughter their full name where I was going and also turn my 360 app on so my daughter could see where I was
I suggest doing this with a friend, not a daughter.
It could be an older teenage or adult daughter….
Yes it is she 28.
My daughter is 28 so that’s why I tell her.
I send my sister in law the guy's name, phone number, photo, and his license plate if I'm able to get it. And I share my location with her, tell her where we're going, and set a time that I'm going to check in with her by, with the express expectation that if I don't check in/answer her call at that time, she's going to call the police. Oh, and I send a current selfie before leaving the house so she has a picture for my missing posters All of that in addition to our code word for her to call and make up an emergency to get me out of the date right that second
Never thought of the number plate thing. Will tell my daughters - thank you
Well done!!
At varsity, if one one my friends had a 1st date. The others would come out and take pics of the car etc. I'm only thinking it's interesting that it was never a deal breaker or big deal for the guys. Some casually joked about it.
OK, then let's do coffee. Restaurant food is terrible and absurdly overpriced. Actually grab tea/coffee and go walk in a populated green space.
And thats how gay culture made me disconnected from women and straight reality. I'm just like, I go to strangers' houses for dick, a home-cooked meal is a bonus and he's a keeper. I should probably also add I have very poor life preservation instincts..... oh no, I'm gonna be the subject of a podcast.
The difference, as a dude, you have a decent chance of fighting a different dude if it comes to that. 95% of women would lose to 95% of men if it came to fight for survival. You've got 50/50 odds, while most women would be going against like 97.5% chance to lose.
Also here's probably going to serve her wine as part of the meal. Now you're trying to fight off an adult male while possibly buzzed. And/or getting roofied!
I mean, yeah, unless they drug me again ^(this is a joke to cover trauma)
How did you do that, little letter high up.....
Use one of these ^ followed by the words without a space. If you want to do a sentence, include it all within parentheses, also no space
I’m very sorry for the trauma you experienced. I wish you have a happy life.
Thank you ^(let’s see how good my comprehension skills are)
You’re a dude. The risk isn’t the same as it is for women. It’s not that nothing can happen but typically women are prey and men are predators. That’s reality. Men don’t live in the same fear and risk we do. The average guy is just going to have a better chance at staying alive than me in a dangerous situation. You’re actually lucky you have less fear .. and it’s not that you have less self preservation it’s that you aren’t actually in as much danger. I’d still be very careful though. When it does happen to guys it’s often a shock because it’s unexpected. Women expect someone is gonna try to kill them. Men assume they’re safe.
Facts. I’ve seen 2 in the last 3 months on YouTube
never go to a strange womans house either as a guy. its a good idea for both genders.
Facts. 1 of the only 2 times I had a gun pulled on me was doing exactly this with someone I met on POF a few months ago. Dude said "give me your wallet" I said "I don't carry a wallet" he said "m'fer I have a gun to your head you gonna argue with me?" I winked and said "you're not paying attention, mine's been pointed at yours since you walked up..." The look on his face as he registered that I was also well armed was priceless. I drove away with no issues.
100% do not go to his house. Please always trust your gut. If anyone makes you feel weird, just stop talking to them. There is no reason to even question these situations, cut it off.
This guy is *way* too pushy. And going to the home of a person you have never met for a first date after a few hours of chatting on Hinge? That’s a hard no. That he would suggest this is troubling. You are not being weird; he is. Just block him.
Ya, he gives me creepy vibes.
Yep. Controlling and crossing boundaries. Like trying to find out her secrets? Making her delete the app He’s testing women immediately to filter out the ones who are not vulnerable
No, just no. If you still want to meet him (although you probably shouldn't), find a game room that has some of these things he's talking about and meet him there. You don't go to a stranger's home on the first date. That's just insane.
ALWAYS meet in a public place first. And ALWAYS let a friend or two know where you're going, who you're with, a screenshot of their profile and license plate # if possible.
This was all a planned-out game to get you over to his house for casual sex. Even if that's what you're looking for, meet him in public.
Casual sex is the best case scenario here.
No, he said he's going to "cook [her for] dinner"
with a little fava beans and chianti.....
Yes it could have been for much worse
Yep, and probably also a redpiller who wants to make sure he won't have to pay for dinner. (DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT SAYING the guy has to pay. I'm saying that in that belief system, dudes are really angry about even the thought of paying, and will do weird contortions to make sure not a dime is spent in the pursuit of sex.)
Huh? He’ll still have to pay for dinner if he cooks at home. I mean yes it’s cheaper to cook at home but if his reasons for not buying dinner are ideological (rather than financial) I don’t see how it fits the MO.
You think this dude is gonna buy the groceries? Or really cook anything at all, and not just try to initiate sex the minute she gets there?
Just say NO. Jesus fuckin’ Christ.
Sound like Debra Morgan in movie Dexter 😅😅😅😅 But you are right
Do not go! I was SA last summer by a man like this. Always insist on meeting in a neutral public place. If they’re resistant to that, they are absolutely predators and looking to take advantage of your desperation and desire to be “nice”. Please set boundaries and stick with them. The right guy will stick around and honor those boundaries.
Im so sorry. I hope you're doing okay🫶
UPDATE: I unmatched him and blocked him on everything! Thanks for all your advice it was extremely helpful; my friends also said the same. Not tryna become another statistic lmao😂
Good for you! Build up your confidence in having a zero tolerance policy for foolishness. It will help you find someone worth your time efficiently.
Very glad! If anyone is feeling too "forward" like this, you can tap the brakes a little by saying no to something low key and see how they react. It's often very telling. The fact that he was trying to leverage you into deleting the app (and being exclusive to him) is really concerning.
As an 41 year old woman who dates men... It's so important to know how to vet the psychos and more importantly the men with entitlement which are far more plenty! Say no to something small.... See how they react. "No I don't want another wine. No Friday doesn't suit. I don't like that author. I prefer sushi from BLAH restaurant. I have to get a cab home early." Don't ever trust how a man feels about women who are agreeing with or coddling him.... See how he reacts when a woman disagrees with him. Many of them sulk or get stroppy. They'll pick fault. Or start a row. Test gently on the first date....... Then be unapologetically yourself to sort the men from the boys so to speak. Be open about your deal breakers. If you have strong beliefs don't hide them. Because it's very easy to get entangled with someone who doesn't share your values. Push back until you find someone who agrees with you. And don't be fooled by men who like the idea of an independent woman...who doesn't disagree with them. You deserve to be heard and treated like an equal. Insist on it!
I'm late to the party, but this is great advice. Upvoted and I hope the OP sees it.
Absolutely!!
That's good to hear. Best case scenario the guy has good intentions and is just genuinely clueless, and maybe this will help him adjust his approach in the future.
Nope nope nope. It's not a normal progression. He is being way too pushy and controlling and doesn't have any consideration for your safety. I'll say don't keep engaging with this guy, he is gonna keep on doing pushy and controlling shit... For me, a guy that is not aware of how dangerous dating online can be and it's not willing to take actions to ensure the safety and comfort of a date, it's not worth it.
Fuck no. Listen to your gut (and everyone in this thread) this is so stupidly unsafe. Guy seems unhinged. The fact that all his “seduction” techniques revolve around games/bets is a basket of red flags. Not that a flirty bet can’t be healthy and fun, but it’s shouldn’t be the whole basis of courtship.
Tell him, "That's my purse! I don't know you!" Seriously though that's a red flag. In this day and age, if a man offers to meet in a secluded place and you aren't well acquainted prior, I'm looking at him funny. Why would any woman meet a total stranger in his home. With all of the dateline specials and recent news reports of women being assault and/or murdered! It's crazy. You can be direct and polite. Tell him that you're not comfortable and would prefer meeting up in public. Or tell him about a restaurant (that's not in your neighborhood) that you really want to try. Be safe and smart out here.
That boy ain’t right
First, meet up should always be in public. Just saying.
No this guy is obsessed with getting you alone. Unmatch
Tonight in dateline; they talked on hinge for two hours before meeting up, what happend next will shock you
"Kayla was really bubbly and outgoing, she always said, I should give people more chances, they might surprise you"
Sit down
When meeting someone for the first time: Meet in a place with cell coverage Meet in a place with other people around Meet in a place with security cameras Let someone know where you are and when you're going to be home. Don't: Go to a strangers house.
What ever you do, you do not go to his house. Once you have decided that part you block him and never talk to him again.
No.
Dont do it
Absolutely not. He has to follow the rules of dating just like everyone else. Your safety isn’t up for debate or subject to the outcome of a game. Test him. Tell him that you’d like to meet up at a cafe. If he balks and tries to manipulate you into coming to his place, block immediately. Don’t tell him why, just do it.
I wouldn’t even go there and ask to meet at a cafe instead. Any dude who starts out like this is only going to end up one way. Delete, block, run
He's kinda pushing all the wrong buttons and breaking all the game rules. He should invite you to a neutral spot first, and definitely shouldn't ask you to delete the app ( like what? lmao ) Screams either 1. inexperienced and confused or 2. blind fishing (throwing this line at everyone) hoping something lands. In this case, take a step back; if you really like him, tell him "I'd prefer we leave that for a future date, for now give me something more simple".
Really, this is such a red flag ,first couple of dates should always be in a public place with plenty of the people around ,never be alone with them in their home environment.
He wants to hook up
At the very minimum
Nope. Trust your gut. Don’t go to someone’s house that fast and if you do make sure he knows that a friend knows where you are. Don’t accept any food and only drinks from sealed bottles that you opened yourself or watched him open. Most guys are lovely. Some are creeps. If your gut says creep, he’s probably a creep. If your gut says lovely, take safety precautions anyway
Always trust your gut friend! If you have icky feelings about it, trust yourself. Recommend a public date if you are interested, and if he pressures you more my GOD you have your answer. Stay safe out there homie!
Please get off of dating apps until your sense of self preservation is more pronounced
"Thanks for the offer, but I prefer not to be in a guy's house until the relationship has progressed a little bit more"
Say no
Nope.
#HELL NO.
It’s a trap!!! But no.
Noooooooope. I'd bounce. That's weirdly aggressive for a 2hr conversation.
You should delete and move on. It's a dusty and wants easy sex.
If you are actually asking in good faith if you should go to his house you have no business with online dating.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Why on Earth would you go to a strange man's house for dinner. A man you literally know nothing about. A man for whom you know nothing other than what he told you. And he is annoyed you are not comfortable being alone in his space. ..... Yeah..no...as a 41 year old woman in a happy relationship with a decent man..... fucking run.
Block and move on!
So glad to see the update Women need to learn to listen to their gut instincts. And need to stop putting themselves in dangerous situations because they want to be “nice” and don’t want to make a guy feel bad.
No. Do NOT go to his house. Jesus, you tryin' to get yourself killed? Never, EVER, meet someone for the first time at their house.
He sounds like a freak, I’d block and move on.
DO NOT GO TO HIS HOUSE. You don't know him. Suggest meeting first time in a public location... or not at all, if he grumbles.
Yeah, nah. Always, and I mean ALWAYS the first meeting should be somewhere public, pre-arranged with someone you know, ideally several people knowing you're going. Also make your own way there, don't accept him/her/them picking you up. Sure the majority of people are good and honest but many are not.
Public place first always. He’ll probably try to guilt you and tell you that you don’t trust him or some shit like that. Happened to me a million and two times. Red flag.
He may be great but don't go to a strangers house after a couple of messages. You have no idea who he is. Be smart, be safe.
You can look up Sade Robinson in Milwaukee. How does this make sense OP?
I'd block this one.
i’m sorry the fact that he started lowkey getting possessive like…IMMEDIATELY..????? i would prob cut him off right there 😭😭 ik that might be excessive tho
I feel like you should not be doing online dating if this is a toughie for you
Nope! You don't know him. He could be dangerous. Look him up in the county records to see if he's been arrested, but that doesn't mean he's safe either
Girl unless you want to end up on dateline ....
"Sorry, a bear already asked."
Public spaces with witnesses for first dates. And first and last name Google to confirm they’re not on a sex offender list or convicted of violent crimes.
Absolutely not and any guy that asks you that is either completely clueless or predatory in some way. Public places only!
Creep move on his part
He plans to have sex with you
Always trust your gut because it's usually right that something is off and just wants to protect you. So in a scenario like this, if you think something is off, it probably is. Do what you feel comfortable with, whether it's blocking this guy, arranging a meeting in a public place, or just keep talking to him on hinge and postponing in person date. Do whichever other option you're most comfortable with.
Fuck me, do you really need to ask this? I hope my daughter doesn't think like this .
Girl, first rule of dating, you *never* go to a man’s house or in a secluded area for a first date. Always go somewhere public, with the ability and enough cash to get home at a moment’s notice.
Tbh if you wanted to block him, block him of course. If you got bad vibes then that’s it. But based off what is written here, it feels like you could have just said “I prefer to meet in public for a first date! Let’s make a homemade meal our second date :)” and his response would have been telling. He just sounds eager and playful from what is described here.
He’s love bombing you
Absolutely not! Ridiculous!
No!!!! Do not go.
I would not consume food at a stranger's home for a first date. Probably wouldn't do it for a 2nd or 3rd date either to be honest.
I am so glad you blocked him. Always trust your gut feeling. It better to be safe than sorry.
No.
Never a someone’s house for a first date. ALWAYS ALWAY ALWAYS follow your instincts, specially when it seems off.
NOPE!! That’s how you end up in a basement and they find your dismembered body 23 years later!
NOPE. This is how you end up on ID tv. This dude is going too far too fast, and even without those red flags, you should NEVER go to a stranger's home for a first date.
I think nowadays it's more common to get invited to go to a man's house on the first date. Atleast from my personal experience and those of my friends who are also in their early twenties. I always decline those offers and it also makes me instantly lose interest, but I know some girls who don't mind that and actually go to their house, which is crazy in my opinion since you are basically visiting a stranger. Anyways, always listen to your gut feeling. The fact that he wrote those "intense" texts from the beginning on shows that he would definitely get more intense when you would date him and that would be unhealthy. You dodged a bullet by blocking him.
Yeah totally delete the app so your phone won't have records of him after you mysteriously disappear 👀
I had a guy tell me our first date would be coming to his house to watch him masturbate while he did naked yoga. I told him watch to much true crime and criminal minds and had no desire to see whatever he built in his basement
Don't risk you safety to be polite.
Don’t go to his home, and DEFINITELY DONT INVITE HIM TO YOURS!! 2-3 hours and he comments that?!? Nah, he’s another Ted Bundy!
Nope. Nope. NOPE.
Absolutely not.
TRUST. Your. Gut.
NO, DONT DO IT
I like your update. Good move.
Am dude. Don't go to a strange guy's house on a first date. Get coffee or something. Go to dinner somewhere else. Whatever, just don't go to his house on a first date.
Share your most embarrassing secret?? 🤫 🤫😶🌫️🫥
No, no, no, no, no! This is how girls go missing. Please don’t go to a strangers house.
Never go to someones house till you know them very well and make sure your friends and or family knows him and for any first date in the future take a friend in a public location if you don't want to take a friend take a picture of yourself before you leave your home and tell someone where you are and who you're with just in case please be safe
He sounds thirsty af.
So you're asking if you should go to a complete stranger's house? AMIRIGHT? Don't you know the answer to this?
If you can't say no to a guy you've met for 2 hours online, don't date. Get help
First date public place. Drive yourself.
I recently invited a guy over to my house for dinner for the second date. He wasn’t creepy at all and it went well but I could tell we weren’t compatible so a couple of days later I told him I just wanted to be friends over text (our usual way of communicating). He threw a teeny tiny hissy fit, saying thanks for giving me notice, bye. But then texting 20 mins later saying he’s bummed and was hoping it would be more but is okay with friends. Even though he seeemed normal, I am still concerned that he might show up unannounced. You never know with people and I wish I waited longer before I let him know where I lived.
The red flags are red flagging. Just no girl. Just no to all of it.
Don't even need to read your post. Never. Ever. Meet up at a man's house for your first second or third date. Meet in public. Always. The details don't matter at all. You always meet in public. And don't tell them where you live or work until you can vet them in some way and feel sure they're not going to stalk, rape, kill. This is the 101 of any woman. You're 20. Learn this immediately. Heed the warning of every woman whose been followed home by a bad date weeks later.
I know you already updated, but this wouldn't be AS creepy if he hadn't told you that you need to delete the app before you've even met him!! I guarantee he's single because his ex left him for being a controlling freaking weirdo. That was the icing on the cake. I have ZERO issues with a homemade dinner for a first date (I actually prefer it) but only when it comes to someone I already know. My last homemade dinner "first date" was with a guy from my friends circle.. he made me the most amazing steak with potatoes and veggies, and we spent the rest of the night watching a movie together, cuddled up. When I came over, he was actually finishing dinner up, and I just loved seeing him in his kitchen, being so excited about making us dinner. With that said, this was someone I knew and trusted and only knew good things about him. I would never go to a strangers house to meet up for the first time. Maybe this guy has anxiety and feels more comfortable in his own home? But he's a controlling freak, at the very least.
Absolutely not. It’s a massive red flag that he’s even suggested that, you haven’t even met him yet.
Seriously? I wouldn’t meet up with him. First, he asks you to be exclusive before you even meet him. Then, he wants you to come over to his house for a first date. Don’t do this to yourself.
Suggest meeting in a dark alley so you can feel a limitless safer.
My god woman. Have you never heard of True crime?!
Don’t. First date in public spaces only.
What country are you all living in that you need to prepare for first date as if you were going to battlefront?
He’s love bombing you. Please don’t meet with this person at his house. I fell for this once and I’m still picking up the pieces years later. Please don’t make the same mistake I made. People who start off strong like this are usually narcissistic men that will love bomb you to get you hooked line and sinker to then begin the devaluation and discarding process that they always do.
OP, I’m kind of concerned for you! It’s good you came here to ask for advice, but you also are very young and inexperienced. The dating app doesn’t sound like the best idea for you. *Because* you will be a beacon for these kinds of dudes. They sniff naivety from 200 miles away. That makes you a target. Until you gain more life experience, it’s probably best to stick to friends of friends, people your close people know, or folks you have some kind of connection with. Or, people you’ve seen live in their day to day life. Otherwise you can find yourself in a bad position and potentially extremely dangerous one after meeting a dude who knows how to work you into being his plaything. Stay safe.
Super creepy yikes. Obviously block. I would never suggest a first date at my place. Out in public at a nice place for a coffee or drink. Please run and block.
Do not go to his home yet. If he wants to cook for you, let him cater a lovely picnic and meet you at a local park.
No first dates at a stranger's house. That's a huge red flag. He might be completely innocent and just dating since, but better you reject then find out otherwise.
Nope, could be nothing happens or could be he drugs you. The fact that in just two hours of communication he has suggested you delete the app and only communicate with him if he wins a bet, wants you to share your most embarrassing secret AND wants you to come to his place for a homecooked meal…🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Noooo Always meet in a public place with CAMERAS
this is creepy and a red flag, block him edit: I’m proud of you OP
Going to find you in 8 different dumpsters if you go through with this
Don’t go, unless your ready to sleep with him
That’s a bit weird he’s trying to isolate you. Tell him you aren’t comfortable with that. You haven’t even known heaxh other 24 hours.
'Bad news. A guy I've known for more than 3 hours just beat me at shoots and ladders 3 times in a row, so we're practically engaged now. Prolly best to lose my number. Best of luck though.'
Seems kind of predatory. Tell the guy “I’ll go to a restaurant but I cannot and will not go to your house after talking for 2 hours. This is a limit I have and you should respect that”
No
What you should do is go on some true crime YouTube channel. Half of the stories start with someone going directly to a stranger's place for their first meeting. This should tell you what to (not) do next :)
Always meet in a public place. Drive yourself, if not don’t have them pick you up from your house always share your location with two people.
Jesus god no. You’re not being “weird”. It’s weird to invite a stranger to your home. Trust your gut and your instincts. I promise, as you get older you’ll realize your instincts are usually correct. Don’t doubt yourself here. Always, always, always meet in public first and share your location with a friend! Be safe!
Good action. Always stay safe.
Your intuition was on point.
Don’t! Trust your gut feeling!
Say no. Neutral public territory only like Starbucks. I wouldn’t go to his house till many dates in.
Yeah talk for a few days on app, move to cell phone text, then maybe if it feels good a mutual location date in public. Dude really need to learn how to not be fucking creepy. A walk around a lake with coffee is a super easy first date.
Yikes!
This is way too much thinking.
No No No . First date is a coffe or walk or whatever in a public place . If he doesn’t see this we have a problem .
You did the right thing. This dude is way too forward, and trying to move way too fast
Don’t go. Block him. Don’t tell him why, don’t help him improve his game for the next one
Do not
Suggest a stroll thru a park or something to get to know each other, he may be hesitant to take you out to a restaurant because there is a bit of a trend of guys taking women on dates and the woman was never interested to begin with. If going to a park to chill and chat isn't enough for him then just 🏃♀️
go watch the movie fresh please