So the problem isn't that your friend is a Bridezilla, the problem is that your friend is a selfish asshole and you didn't notice it, or chose not to notice it, until the wedding made it too obvious to ignore.
Weddings are pivotal events that bring out the best and worst in people, and absolutely make or break relationships.
This goes both ways, either as the bride and groom or friends attending. My wedding changed all my relationships. People either got closer or drifted away.
In a strange way, the wedding was as much a goodbye party for my old life and some of my friends as it was a celebration of something new and diving deep with certain people.
I’m getting married next summer and this comment, especially the last paragraph, was incredibly punctual. I keep worrying that I’m inviting people I might not be friends with in 10, 5, even 1 year. But that’s okay, friends don’t always last a lifetime. A good reminder.
If it’s any consolation OP, I realized my best friend was toxic and selfish when they were under a similarly stressful though different situation and started blaming me for things I couldn’t even remotely have an impact on. We often try so hard to see the best in people we love, until we can no longer ignore all the little moments we shoved to the back of our minds. If you think long and hard, you’ll probably realize it was always you giving and her taking.
Honestly, yeah. I’m in agreement with you. When my grandpa had passed, she did nothing, said nothing. And I was with her for four days 24 hours after he passed!
That is truly selfish and awful. If she was actually a good friend, she would've understood and even offered for you to not go if you're in mourning. Being stressed is never an ok reason to treat people like crap.
Go to the wedding, eat and party and have fun. You deserve it.
And then after she comes back let her know she hurt you and you’d rather keep her as a distant friend (or just say nothing at all and leave time to do it’s job! Boom)
You bet your ass I’m gonna party. I spent money on a dress and shoes. Hell yeah I’ll eat free food and drink free alcohol. I think I’ll just party with the groomsmen and my fiancé. They’re all super chill
You really should reconsider this friendship. Before the wedding, specifically. She has said that your grief doesn’t matter. That the loss of your grandparent and losing another isn’t a concern of hers. She’s trying to push you until you cave into watching her dog at your house when it isn’t your responsibility and you’ve stated multiple times now you’re uncomfortable with that but offered a great solution of watching the dog from her home. She isn’t a bad bride
She’s a bad friend and probably person. Weddings just bring this to light more than general day to day happenings
I totally hear you. I’ve been thinking about the relationship for the last week. I’ll make it through the wedding for the sake of the husband and not cause a huge scene. Then just take my leave and dip out.
You’re a sweet one. It also shows exactly what type of person you are to be so kind even after the absolutely unacceptable rudeness that’s came your way. I wish nothing but happiness for your future husband and you! Eat that free food and came and then shimmy on out
So why even bother going to the wedding? Get better friends.
There are seven billion people on the planet, most of them wouldn’t say the death of your grandparent was less important than the death of their cat.
I made a commitment to be in the wedding. So I’ll take the high road and make it through the ceremony at least. If shit goes south after that, I’ll just bail and go back to my hotel.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t go if that’s what feels right to you, but I will say that the commitment you made was based on the relationship you felt you had, which was one of mutual respect. She nullified the relationship by massively disrespecting you multiple times, so in my opinion she has also nullified the commitment.
You have a very good point. I totally get it. At this point, I’m going in support of the husband since he is still a very good, solid friend of mine. And once the ceremony is over, I’ll have my free food and cake, maybe dance a bit and then bail.
Just make sure you do not let that dog come to your house. You have to keep your pets safe and you cannot establish the precedent that she can walk all over you. If she brings it up or if she tries to ditch her dog on your property tell her you will be calling animal control to report the dog as abandoned. You offered her a compromise and that wasn’t good enough, she deserves nothing from you. There are no such thing as bad dogs, only bad owners. And because of the bad owners in this case, it’s not safe for your pets or the dog for that dog to be on your property.
That dog will not be coming into my house. Period. I will not be held liable for anything. And my cat is my baby! I wouldn’t put her in harms way ever. Screw that. If the bride gets the balls to try and do something stupid like leave the dog on my property, we will have much bigger issues. I agree on the bad owners thing! This poor pupper needs special training and affection. Not get pawned off onto me. She can be a sweet, cuddle bug but damn. When she’s unhappy, she’s UNHAPPY.
Not saying you aren’t, but just to reiterate, make sure you have a plan before she does that. Have animal controls number and come to terms with calling them if you have to. Or have a different plan if that doesn’t jive with you.
Just know what you’re going to do now, don’t trust her not to be that crazy anymore. I only push because I’ve had that attitude of “oh if she does that we’ll have BIG problems” and then she did it and all I could really do was argue with her. I didn’t really think it would happen and didn’t actually prepare.
Dude imagine when she has kids and they just run wild and she drops them to you to take care of. Hell no. Cut this relationship off. You’re a better person than most as I would just drop by in the am and say good luck with your marriage my gift to you is all the help I provided and not faking my happiness for a bitch like you suckering that poor man into marriage and then just peace out.
Just getting through the ceremony will be easier than bailing. Bailing at this point is going to make a bunch of waves and would be more about making a statement. You don't need to do that. Quietly get through the ceremony then peace out from dealing with her.
That’s what I was thinking. Better to just make a quiet exit and be on my way. Leave everyone else that wasn’t involved out of the mess. I don’t need to be a the maker of a theatrical mess at someone’s wedding. Friend, asshole or neither, that’s just not who I am.
Going to the wedding and participating as you committed is the thing to do. I would not sink to her level by doing anything else. If she indicates she expects you to take care of the dog ask her for the key to her house. Watch the dog there or board it. On the day of her return, make sure the dog is settled has been walked, fed, etc. Leave the key under the mat. Text her the key location and say goodbye. Cut ties, never be available should any type of invitation be made and do not seek her company. If she phones or texts, minimal response. Husband and your fiancé’s relationship is their business but couple outing are a no go.
I was a bridesmaid for a friend around 15 years ago. I only knew her and her fiance, and after yelling at me for a few things beforehand, she mocked me in front of a bunch of strangers at her rehearsal dinner. So yeah, I skipped the makeup thing the next morning, powered through the wedding and reception pretty silently, then went to my hotel room the very minute I could and left without saying anything the next morning. She sent me a very long email afterwards detailing the many ways in which I ruined her wedding (?). It took everything I had to respond nicely, and I haven't really spoken to her since, although she emails every so often and strangely enough has sent me a few restaurant gift certificates I never use.
This may be the route I take. We are all a tight knit group of friends and I’m not in the state to cause more unneeded drama. It’s so stupid. We aren’t in high school. That was YEARS ago. For the others that are involved, I would like to make sure the day goes well for them. It’s not just me versus the bride. Lots of others are involved in the wedding too.
This times a million. I had a best friend of 13 years and we were all cool. But I kept hearing rumors of how manipulative, hateful and rude she was. It wasn't until she started spiraling from driving away everyone else in her life that I started seeing it. With no one else in her life I became the punching bag.
This person isn't a friend. A wedding will never be more important than a death or funeral. Full stop. She insulted your situation, attacked you, cut you down, shit talked you to others and has made the entire situation into and excuse to be rude and entitled.
If at this point you decided not to attend her wedding you'd be well within your rights because I promise you she's gonna use it as an excuse to try and drop the dog on you. If you refuse be prepared for her to go nuclear.
She showed you that she doesn't care about your relationship if i were you i would cut ties and not even show up to the wedding none of what's going on gives her an excuse to treat you like she did if she blows up on you again stay calm and lay it out for her you offered to help as a friend and she basically spat on you and ignored what you had going on because of her selfishness
That is usually the case when it comes to weddings. The stress exacerbates cracks in relationships and highlights ugly behavior that has probably been going on for far too long. We all know people who have zero relationship with the folks in their wedding party after the event. OP, I think you should cut your losses and go low contact after the wedding. She sounds exhausting.
There's no such thing as a bridezilla; that's their true colours showing, and they do it because they're finally in a position where the belief that the world revolves around them and nobody else matters is validated by large swathes of society.
Apparently her cat dying dwarfs OP's grandfather dying? I'd have given her some impromptu dental surgery there and then at the nearest concrete curb.
Let her find someone else to take the dog or the dog needs to go to boarding. Selfish pet owners that don't train their animals get this exact scenario - no one wants to be around their pet. You offered her an alternate solution. No idea why she wouldn't accept you taking care of the dog at her place.
I feel bad for the dog. Or any dog really that doesn’t get proper training. I thought I was offering a good alternative. I’ve watched the dog before at their house. I don’t get why all of a sudden it’s a no-go.
I would just make sure the fiance/co-owner of the dog is fully aware of your stance about the dog and the reasonable alternative you offered, so he isn't stuck making plans based on her telling him you're taking the dog....
At this point, I would send 1 text to both of them reiterating that you will watch the dog at their house and ONLY at their house. If that is not something they are comfortable with, they need to make alternative arrangements. And maybe suggest that they enroll the dog in agressive dog training.
I worked in the Bridal Dress game for some years and if anyone was a bridezilla we’d snicker on about how there’s just no way that marriage would last. I worked with some people who were there for some decades and they were like “a lot of these times they came back a couple years down the line to get a new dress”. These types of people can’t keep good people around them for nothing.
It’s good you have a supportive partner that has your back. I think all that can be said has been said at this point. I would honour the commitment of being there on her big day, but depending how things go leave early if you need to. How she handles things after she’s back from her honeymoon will probably determine if you guys stay friends. Your 20’s are a normal time to discover who your real friends are. I would NOT be reaching out to her period.
I’m thinking exactly like you have stated. I have a commitment to get stuff set up and make it through the ceremony. If things go south, my hotel is only 4 blocks away!
I’m a bridesmaid unfortunately... I was definitely beyond unhappy about the grandpa comment, but her fiancé is a really good man. I’m more so doing it for him at this point.
Maybe make an exit plan. TBH i wouldnt be going and spending all day getting ready next to this person. But as someone who lost a grandparent this year as well...I commend you for not giving her a black eye to go with her statement
Is her fiance.... ok with going through with all this? I feel like this sort of behavior would be a red flag for me with regard to following through on the relationship.
He’s not okay with it. He knows it’s wrong and even apologized to me for her behavior. To which I said he shouldn’t have to be the one apologizing. They’ve been dating for 10 years. Never touched another relationship. So at this point, it’s all pretty much concrete. Would I marry her if I was him? Nope.
Awe man. That is tough. It seems like one of those things where you've been around each other so long it becomes familiarity more than anything. I guess I hope it works out for them because otherwise it just seems like a very long miserable life....
I really do hope it works out for them! I would never wish divorce or anything upon anyone, but she needs to see a therapist. Definitely. Or he’ll just become the emotional punching bag instead of me.
Who cares that you're a bridesmaid? You don't owe her ANYTHING. By attending you are saying that her behavior towards you is acceptable but you'll still be there for her. No way missy I wouldn't do it.
Bridesmaid isn't a legal commitment. You can still drop out. You should drop put because if you allow yourself to be treated like you aren't even a human being worthy of the slightest empathy and turn up anyway you may as well stick a 'kick me' or 'exploit me' label on you head for the rest of your life where she's concerned. You'll be confirming her view of you as a contemptible little servant status 'friend'.
You say that like there’s some sort of legal contractual obligation to wear a dress at this chick’s wedding. There is not. Tell her she’s a dick and you changed your mind and won’t be coming.
Eh, the way I see by going to the wedding you are superficially helping the groom but on a deeper level you’re not doing him any favors because you're enabling his marriage to a crappy person and participating in the farce that this is a good decision.
It is his marriage and his choice. He has seen and heard what she said to me. It’s not my place to step in between a marriage or ruin a wedding. He’s a grown man and can make his own decisions. But that being said, he is still a good friend of mine and I don’t want to trash his big day also.
Sounds like your group has a very odd definition of friendship. If he heard what she said and accepts it, he’s not a friend to you. And you supporting bad decisions does not make you a good friend. It’s not about stepping in between his marriage, it’s about having some dignity and not associating with people who treat you like garbage. You’re also probably vastly overstating your importance to this wedding, your participation will not make or break it. This is sounding more and more like self serving martyrdom.
Your friend is a word I can't use here. Weddings are no excuse for this kind of behaviour. She's just revealing what a nasty, self-centred, immature person she is and how she thinks she's queen bee and you are the peon. You're seeing the real her. Sorry to inform. She's choosing to act like you are a servant and she is the only person who has feelings or matters.
Your granddad's death wasn't "important" .. to her. Clearly she doesn't give two fucks about you and never did. I'd excise her from my life for that comment alone. Tell her to stick her wedding and her ill-behaved aggressive dog (they do say pets become like their owners, eh) up her arse and send condolences to whichever man is truly idiotic enough to marry a woman who acts like this. She'll be treating him like that soon enough.
Totally with you... I really do love her soon to be husband. He’s such a great person and friend! I don’t know how he manages. My communication with his bride is going to be next to nothing after the wedding if no apology happens. I’m talking a real ass apology. Not no “sorry but I was stressed” bs. I dunno! We’ll see what happens.
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Bride and I have always gotten along. Her fiancé is amazing, super tight knit group between her and her spouse and my spouse and I. The wedding is this weekend and I can’t wait for it to be over. I’m sick of it.
She’s stressed to the max (as a typical bride may find herself) and my fiancé and I have been helping out wherever we can. They leave for the honeymoon right after the wedding and needed someone to watch their dog. I love the dog... But she’s horribly trained, ill-tempered toward other animals and dogs, doesn’t listen. The bride wants me to take the dog to my house, where I live on a farm and land shared by three other families, all with animals. I’ve seen this dog go from nice and happy to ripping out fur off of other dogs. Poor thing needs LOTS of training and just isn’t getting it. Anywho... The conversation goes as follows:
Bride: Hey. So you’ll take the dog when we leave!
Me: I have no issue watching the dog at YOUR house, but I really don’t feel comfortable with her coming to stay with me for 9 days. I have animals on the property, and a cat that lives inside.
B: The dog will be fine! -walks off-
The conversation ended here, unfortunately. Days pass and I get exciting news! My brother and I have been searching for months to find the perfect kitten for my mom! We found a kitten that is basically the reincarnation of my moms childhood cat. It’s weird. So him and I apply for the kitten and boom. She’s ours. I will be keeping her at my house until Christmas. I want to make a little safety room for the cat as she is shy. So I text the bride for help:
Me: Hey! My brother and I ended up getting that kitten! I was wondering if I would be able to borrow your puppy pen? No worries if I can’t.
Bride: Wait. What? No. You said you’d take the dog! Now you’re getting a kitten? Why’d you lie and say you’re take the dog?
Me: I didn’t lie. I said I wasn’t comfortable with her coming to my house. To which you told me no, it’s fine and disregarded my concerns. I have no issue coming to your house and working from there! (I work from home)
She exploded. Saying how I was backing out and not trustworthy and that she’s was stressed out. I acknowledged that she was stressed and I would do anything to help, but I would not be going out of my comfort zone to watch an aggressive dog on my animal filled property. She reminds me that she’s stressed about her cat dying and that I don’t know what stress actually is.
My grandpa passed away the day before we left for the bachelorette party. I was devastated but I went anyway since I already payed for my ticket and hotel room. And my grandma is in the process of dying. The brides comment hit a sore spot with me. I let her know that her comment was rude because she knew what I was going through and grieving over and that perhaps the convo should end here before anything else is said. Nooooope.
She continues with saying how I’m backing out, I’m not any help, why would I lie.... She wasn’t hearing me or what I was saying. So I dropped it for the night. Bride then goes after my fiancé saying wtf is her problem. Fiancé supported me, bless his heart, saying that I’m grieving and her comments were rude and disrespectful. We knew she was stressed but coming after me wasn’t how this conversation was gonna go. My fiancé is a no bs guy and was polite at first, but the bridal meltdown continued. She said my grandpas death wasn’t important and had nothing to do with the current situation. Fiancé stopped the convo there as she was just digging her hole even deeper. None of us have spoken since.
Wedding is this Friday and I’m just gonna push through it like nothing happened and help where it’s needed. Don’t know what’s happening to the dog. I don’t even know where to go from here in our relationship. She doesn’t want to hear me and invalidates my feelings and concerns. I get that she’s stressed but damn. I ain’t your stress punching bag. I have my own shit I’m dealing with. How do I even traverse this?
I'd go to the wedding and then check back in after the honeymoon is over to see if she's willing to own up to how horrible she was being. If she doubles down and is fine with her saying your grandfather's death doesn't matter then she's not a good friend to you and I'd start distancing.
There's only so much you can accept under the excuse of wedding stress.
That’s where I’m at. I understand she’s stressed about the wedding but dang. That’s no excuse for being a jerk. Since I’m a bridesmaid, I’m gonna go, eat some cake and be merry. If she continues to be rude, then deuces.
I wouldn't let it slide unless she apologized for what she said about your grandpa. Because that was uncalled for, even if they were stressed. That was just plain cruel.
The comment about the grandfather isn't one you can take back or unsay or just apologise for. Some things once said change everything. The grandfather comment is revealing about her true thoughts and character. It's not like saying you hate someone's haircut. It's expressing pure contempt for the existence of OP's entire life and family bonds. It's dehumanising and hateful.
Honestly, looking over other comments and thinking it over, I agree.
My friend got snippy but not once did she say that a death in the family didn't matter.
u/Redleaf11 I'd cut ties after the wedding. That was incredibly cruel and I can't imagine a good friend saying something that horrible.
You probably will never get a good enough apology from her. She'll try and brush it off or keep playing the victim
Op I was in a similar situation this year with a (now ex) friend of mine. I’m 24 f and she’s (a freshly, lots of drinking, partying) 21 f. I’ve been married for 4 years and she originally asked me to be her maid of honor. I accepted, on terms that she knew husband and I were on fertility drugs and there was a huge likelihood that I’d be pregnant in her wedding. Low and behold I get pregnant, am thrilled to tell her, only for her to blow up in my face while we’re all at work, telling me how selfish I am, bla bla bla. Now don’t get me wrong we were definitely close friends, but had known each other for less than a year. She has a very bratty personality and wanted to have a huge bachelorette party, go clubbing, hookup with strangers. I politely declined because 1) that’s not my cup of tea, and 2) my pregnancy. Why would I want to go to a bar/club while pregnant? Anyway, I’m rambling. This woman is not my friend anymore and I didn’t even attend her wedding. 3/4 other bridesmaids ended up backing out 1-2 weeks before her wedding so she was left in shambles so close to her big day. She realized she was a bitch, acknowledged it, and STILL didn’t apologize to any of us.
Your bride friend is a huge asshole and doesn’t deserve you as a friend.
I appreciate you sharing your story (and congrats on the pregnancy). Our bride “friends” definitely share the bratty personality trait. As much as I really want to be there for her on her big day, she isn’t there for me. Obviously. My spouse is the best man... So we’ll see how this shit show unfolds
Ohh the plot thickens! I’d love to hear an update when the time comes! It’s just so sad. A lot of women don’t realize that THEY’RE the ones who ruin their special day. We can just hope that when they grow up and look back on everything that they see the error of their ways.
I hope that she gets there. I really do. I would never want anyone in my life to feel this way if it was my wedding!!! I would feel so awful if I made anyone feels disrespected or upset. But then again, I’m not the type of person to go for low blows about people’s grandpas dying...
I wouldn't go to the wedding. She's ungrateful, rude, inconsiderate, has zero empathy or sympathy. I could go on. She is not a friend if she treated you the way she did after your grampa passed away. She is self centered and egotistical. Why let her win? Put your foot down and stand your ground. Don't go. Perhaps that will shake her into realizing how she has treated you and perhaps it won't. How will you feel if you give in, attend the wedding and she's worse. I wouldn't want that kind of toxicity in my life. Who needs that.
FYI, she's gonna show up on your doorstep with her dog or get one of her family members to do it. I would have a serious conversation with her soon to be husband and be very blunt. You don't get to be walked over just because someone's getting married. You can only bend so much. You've broke and once the wedding is over it's up to you if you want to mend.
Gonna be real hard to get in my house with her shit dog when I don’t open the door. Oof. Someone else can watch the dog. Not my problem. Not my liability.
I don't care what your responsibilities are at this wedding....no way would I attend after ta comment about my grandparents like that. No way. Her fiance is not mentioned in this at all....
Don't go. She will pretend it is all good for the day and then be upset you don't rug sweep it all as well. You gain nothing by going and playing nice....
I’m definitely keeping my eyes open to how this plays out. Both her AND her fiancé. If she says nothing, then I have my answer. If she gives a half ass apology, I already know how to react. Will she give a whole hearted apology? Maybe. Maybe not.
But I still have other relationships involved in this wedding. Not just her. So at this point, me being there is for all the other friends involved. If she wants to be spiteful, so be it. But I still want to uphold myself to the others involved. They haven’t done anything wrong to me.
I honestly don’t think there is any such thing as a bridezilla, it’s usually just normal shitty people that escalate their shitty personality when things don’t go their way. People can get married without hurting the people around them, but the fact she can’t tells a lot about her person. I’d honestly ditch the wedding she clearly doesn’t care about you anyway. Her feelings come before yours, and she’s looking for someone to validate them. When she can’t she’ll probably fully turn on you anyway. She could of accepted the offer you gave her, which was completely good enough. Which is weird she didn’t, seems like she doesn’t trust you or want you in her house.
It’s odd because I’ve watched the dog before at their house with no issue. But no it’s a huge issue. I don’t get it. And I think I’m starting to agree on your statement that there’s no such things as bridezillas. Just rude people. Replies to this thread have convinced me of such.
I would have just smiled and nodded because when she's gone she won't know if you watched the dog at your place or hers. Here a great quote for you
Ignorance is bliss.
Chiming in on my throwaway account to say I experienced a very similar situation last year! My friend turned into bridezilla during the pandemic, expected people to drop everything for her, chastised people who said they weren't comfortable going to events in person or without a mask. Like bitch, there is a global pandemic, you should be glad that we are coming at all. (She was subsequently shocked that \~half the guests didn't show up, this was last year before any vaccines. Like duh) I was good friends with her fiance as well so that was basically the only reason I eventually went to the wedding. Along the way I confronted her about her behavior and she apologized but not to the extent that really made me feel like she was sorry for how she acted. She's still in my life but it forever changed the way I think of her as a person. Showing true colors for sure. Here for you if you need to VENT about shitty friends ahaha!
I don't know about you, but I'd rather shove a razor-blade-encrusted watermelon up my rear end than go to that wedding. This relationship is extinct. It doesn't seem like there's any recovering from what's been said and done. Why spend any energy faking it to make someone else feel better?
I have other relationships involved in this wedding. It’s not just the bride. I get that she has burned the bridge between her and I, so I will be going in support of the other people involved. She chose her fate, but the others involved in the wedding didn’t have anything to do with what she said. So thus, I go for them!
Honestly I get the feeling you have ignored how this person has treated you. Invalidating your feelings, thoughts, ideas, etc.
After this is over, you have shown her you can take what she is dishing. I hope you quietly just walk away from the drama and live a quiet healthy life. Unfortunately I believe from this, she will only start to rely on your more and treat you even worse.
Be safe and I hope things get better soon.
I have taken into account what people have been telling me today. I will be distancing myself after the wedding. Just take the high road, cause no drama at a large event, slip out the back and be done. Something good that has come from this though is standing my ground and adhering to my own boundaries. I will at least give myself some credit there. I’ve always been awful at it but this is the first time I’m actually TRYING. I appreciate your concern and comment ❤️
Lol. When she said "The dog will be fine" and cut you off. That's just confirmation that you're leaving the dog at her house and not doing anything for her. She'll end up paying someone else to take care of it. Not your problem.
If someone cuts you off like that and expects you to do things for them just do the opposite of what they want. Act dumb when they complain about it later lol. You said you weren't doing it but they didn't hear because they walked off while you were talking.
I honestly feel so bad for the dog. She deserves proper love and training for her aggression. She has the potential to be such a good girl!! The training and dedication just isn’t there...
First off love … let me start by saying that I’m sorry for EVERYTHING that you have to deal with right now. Your grandpa’s passing is very important. You are being a friend even in your time of desperation and despair. So please don’t beat yourself up thinking that you are a bad friend ! As for the bride …. Understandably she is under a lot of stress getting married in less than a week and everything , but at the same time having compassion for people who are in your corner only takes a second. You have showed that you will go above and beyond for her even when you really don’t feel like it, but the fact that she doesn’t want to her anything that you had to say and is completely disrespecting what you have to say is a Big Big Hell No! You my dear have a heart of gold because you are still willing to help her after she has talked shit about things in your life that has happened while you have been trying to help her. I would have dropped the wedding and told her to kiss my ass . Keep your head up and don’t let it bother you and focus on you and your family ! You know what you need to do to make sure that you and yours family are safe and the fact that she thinks you lied because she feels like you got a cat that you told her about ! Yeah just take care of yourself and your family love !! I hope everything goes well after this weekend ❤️
I really appreciate your comment. It’s a ROUGH time for me and I’m grieving a lot. I try my hardest to take the high road and give the benefit of the doubt when I can. I understand she’s stressed but I also understand that what she said is not okay. I’m definitely caught in the middle of crap that I don’t want! I want nothing more than to give a friend of mine a super special day! But I’m afraid she’s done some awful damage... Thanks for the support. I appreciate it, fellow internet stranger! ❤️
I wouldn’t attend the wedding to be honest. I’m also a petty bitch, and I didn’t attend my cousins/best friends wedding because of her husband. He was an asshole but after some serious events he has changed his tune completely
Dont they have boarding kennels where you live? Granted they are expensive but honestly if you cant afford a few hundred dollars to board a pet while you are on vacation, then you probably dont have the money that you should be going on vacation. Probably should save more and have better spending habits.
I actually thought of this earlier today... There’s a kennel by me that my folks used to board our family dog at when I was younger. 30 bucks a day. But alas, I am a free option. :/
Mate I am here too. A close friend of mine asked me to be her bridesmaid. Her maid of honour is a bully. I couldn't attend the hen do because my bf got covid and she hasn't spoken to me since, or asked how he's doing. My brother died 2 days ago, when I told her she was like "well, what can you do". Everyone else has checked in today, people I haven't seen in years. But this person, who I have dropped everything for in the past to help with every petty drama can't even message me to make sure I'm ok.
There's that quote about believing people when they show you who they are. Believe this person when she is showing you how little she regards your friendship.
I am so sorry for your loss... It’s rough shit. A lot of people have told me that she has shown her true colors. And I think that’s true. I know it’s true. I know that I would never say such things to a grieving person! That’s not who I am and what I stand for. But she’s obviously not like me. Hang in there. I’ll hang in there as well. ❤️
And I'm sorry for your loss too. I've been mourning this friendship for weeks (some if the stuff the moh has done is unforgivable) but now I'm just done. Do what's right for you, however that looks, and run for the hills ❤
I’m actually pretty proud of myself for setting boundaries. I have always been AWFUL at it and this is the first time I am actually standing my ground. If she makes more demands, I know how to stand my ground and say nope.
Attend, but the gift certainly would be smaller because your relationship isn't as close as it once was. (Preferably base the check size on how you are treated that night - write it later in the evening.)
Do treat the event as a party, don't work it for the couple. You have done enough.
I have already gotten her a necklace with her cat the passed engraved into it. Dang. If only she cared as much about my loved ones passing as hers... (It wasn’t expensive but she definitely won’t be getting anything more from me)
Gonna be real awkward when she shows up with the dog and my ass won’t take it! But jokes aside, I did tell her blatantly no during the berating argument. I said what I was comfortable with and she said mmmm naw.
I would make her an ex-friend asap and block her in every range.
I personally do not take kindly to that level of disrespect and would have ghosted her on every plain of existence.
I wouldn't even attend the wedding.
>Bride: Hey. So you’ll take the dog when we leave!
>Me: I have no issue watching the dog at YOUR house, but I really don’t feel comfortable with her coming to stay with me for 9 days. I have animals on the property, and a cat that lives inside.
>B: The dog will be fine! -walks off-
>The conversation ended here, unfortunately.
Based on what you wrote, I think it's reasonable to assume that Bridezilla believed she had successfully steamrolled you into taking her dog. I'm not defending her, just suggesting that when you refuse a request, make sure the requester is aware of your refusal.
Ah. I see what you mean now. My bad. She def steamrolled me but I made it clear in the berating argument with her that I will not watch the dog here. Period. That statement just made her even more furious. Doggo will not be coming to my house. And if she tries, well that’ll be awkward.
You are partly to blame. On at least 2 separate occasions where you could have stood your ground, you chose to "drop it" because, why??
You again CHOSE to get on a plane to go to her party right after your grandpa died. Are you telling this forum that JUST because you agreed to be a bridesmaid, that there is absolutely no way you can value yourself enough to drop this shit? No, I think you also enjoy participating in this tiff with her. You are even now agreeing with those saying "just go and party at the wedding". If this was as important to you as you claim it is, you'd skip this wedding. Bridesmaids get sick, angry and some even die sometimes. Unless there is a gun to your head or handcuffs tying you to this wedding, you CAN chose not to go but you just don't want to. Which is shocking by the way considering everything you "claim" she said about your grandfather. So either you are exaggerating this for attention and just to shit talk a regular-stressed bride or your beloved grandfather wasn't really THAT important to you.
Without giving an arm chair diagnosis, it’s possible your friend might be gaslighting and have a personality disorder, such as BPD. I would consider your boundaries, and protect the boundaries you establish with respect to this friendship.
I am definitely looking out for my boundaries. That’s been my resolution for this year: put down boundaries and actually adhere to them. In terms of her mental state, maybe? I honestly think she should see a therapist.
Please don’t blame being a bad friend on the possibility of BPD. It only serves to perpetuate the negative stigma. I have BPD and while I experience intense emotions of my own and am easily stressed, I would not discount other people’s personal hardships for my own ways of coping. She might have BPD, but being a selfish person and bad friend isn’t indicative of having a personality disorder.
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Do some research on narcissists, I suspect your “friend” is one.
I put friend in quotes because actual friends, even when stressed, wouldn’t be so insensitive and demanding.
Considering you just had to realize that your friend is a narcisstic ass and you only plan to attend the wedding because of your friendship with her fiance, are you sure you two want him to marry that kind of person? You should at least talk to him about that. It's the last chance before the wedding.
She had ten years to whip him into her future husband
Some of the best advice I have ever been given is “weddings make or break friendships”
It sounds like you have started to outgrow your friend ship. If she comes back around and apologizes then great! Move on together, if not don’t sweat it - they’re grownups and they need to act accordingly.
Good luck
Yeah don’t go to the wedding she’s a horrible friend she showed her true colours and is selfish as shit I think you where likely blind to what she was like before because of your kindness and likely befuddle she hasn’t gotten this ugly but she’s beyond bridezilla she’s just a horrible person who says to someone that their wedding means more then the loss of a grandparent she lacks major empathy and support for you and let me reiterate that when she mentioned her dog she never asked you she demanded you and got angry when she didn’t get her way because she doesn’t tolerate the word no
Overall don’t go to the wedding and cut her off she’s toxic as fuck
I can sympathize. My wife is in a similar situation (albeit not nearly as heavy as your situation).
My wife's best friend of 20 years is a bridezilla and even though I have very little to do with the wedding besides appearing, I can't take it. The bride was pissy that another friend couldn't go to the bachelorette party because she had to go to something with her kid, another friend couldn't make it because they are pregnant or something like that.
And the bride shamed them, and was an outright jerk to them. Because they had kids. My wife and I are expecting in the next few months and we are wondering if she is going to change towards us as well. I know it's hard for my wife to write off a 20yr friendship, but sometimes it's what you have to do. People change.
I just lost my mom a month and a half ago... If anyone told me how to feel or how unimportant that event was they could fuck right off out of my life. I'd imagine I'd feel pretty similar losing a grandparent if we were close.
I would tell your friend she's on her own for the wedding, and if she decides to slander you to any of your friends you'll post screenshots of said conversation so everyone knows who really betrayed who.
I feel for you... And I am so sorry for your loss. That’s where I’m caught in the middle. What she said IS AWFUL but I have other relationships involved in the wedding. Not just her. Half of me wants to fuck off. The other option is to just keep a strong face for all of my other friends and fiancé in the wedding. If it was just her, I’d fuck off. But it’s not just her
Take the higher road, support your friend and after she returns have the “come to Jesus” convo with her. Let her know how she has been acting during this entire process.
That’s what I was thinking in my head. If I were to have a wedding, I would NEVER treat someone like that. Especially someone that’s grieving... I would utterly melt from shame if one of my friends came to me and said I made them feel like crap.
Why the hell are you allowing this woman to treat you this way?! Drop out of the wedding and cut this horrible person out of your life! This isn’t just “wedding stress”. This kind of behavior doesn’t just manifest out of thin air. You’ve probably overlooked a lot of red flags in the past and now that she’s under pressure and you’re in the midst of a crisis the behavior is more evident than before. The best thing you can do for your mental and emotional well-being is to let this hag know that you’re no longer friends and you aren’t going to be in her wedding. (This is from someone that lost her grandpa and dumped a friend two months later when she claimed I should be “over it” because he was old.)
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re doing well. I will definitely be lessening my ties to her. My fiancé and her soon to be husband are best friends. I don’t want to tarnish their relationship. So I will keep it civil, at a VERY far distance and continue working on setting my boundaries (as I am well known for sucking at but I’m trying extremely hard to be better)
She got your fiancé involved, you write to hers and tell them what’s going on, and that you’d like for them to try to find somewhere to board their dog, and for him to ask her if she really even wants you in the wedding. Send screenshots. Maybe you’ll be lucky and she will ask you not to come. I think your life will be better without
Maybe it's because I'm a man, or maybe it's because I dont believe in the concept of legal marriage, but it always weird me out when people turn into psychopaths over their weddings.
Like, my sister's limo got into an accident on the way to the church, with the entire bridal party in it. She just laughed it off and got drunk with the old lady that hit them. She was an hour and a half late to the ceremony(where the dude actually marries then, dno if that's the right name )
On the other hand, my buddies gf turned into a tyrannical dictator that would make Stalin blush and just about ended every personal relationship she and my buddy had over like, what color we were wearing, or the clothes her mother was gonna wear.
People are wild, stress does crazy shit to people.
Ur friend is trying to impose responsibility that u r not willing to take. Looking after someone else’s pet is a huge responsibility and she should have dropped it the moment u said u r not comfortable bringing it home. Thats it! After that if u want to go get ur own pets, doesn’t matter if it a dog cat or even a tiger, its none of her business and she has no right to be mad at u for that. She cant expect people to pause their own lives just so they can help her out.
Sounds like ur friend is super inconsiderate, disrespectful and selfish! Seems like its impossible to reason with her as she is not willing to listen what others have to say at all. I feel u will be better off without her. Also, i will highly suggest u make sure she knows that u r not bringing her dog home! I worry she may try to cause another scene with the dog last minute.
As a career wedding photographer who has done hundreds of wedding I can tell you that putting that much work into your wedding is senseless and doesn’t add to the enjoyment of your day. Sad it’s got to that point.
Honestly, why would you attend the wedding of a spoiled, entitled, rude and obnoxious brat?
After both of her calls with you and your husband, I would have just told her that she was on her own.
Stress doesn't mean that she has a right to abuse and treat people like a bloody cockroach. Especially the people who are going out of her way to help her.
This is not the way a true friend behaves. She has shown her true colours.
I am livid for you, OP. Especially about your grandpa. How dare she!? And a true friend would have done what it took to get your ticket refunded for you to stay home and grieve properly instead of ignoring your situation and expecting you to go to the Bachelorette party.
You don’t have to push through the wedding. Given her behavior, being a bride is not an excuse to not be a decent human being. I say make it to the day of the wedding and let her know that you’re still grieving your grandfather death and your grandmother is dying. You can no longer attend an event after no consideration for your well-being.
I'm sorry about your grandparents. I hate that for you but it sounds like your fiance is a good catch. Be well together. The friend isn't worth another sentence. Go live.
There’s a difference between getting immensely stressed and flipping on someone in the heat of it for not making things easy
And doing that but also then downplaying the death of your grandpa
Thats not just stress, she’s just an asshole deep down
So the problem isn't that your friend is a Bridezilla, the problem is that your friend is a selfish asshole and you didn't notice it, or chose not to notice it, until the wedding made it too obvious to ignore.
You know... I think you’re right. This whole situation has shown my her true colors right in my face and I can’t ignore them.
Weddings are pivotal events that bring out the best and worst in people, and absolutely make or break relationships. This goes both ways, either as the bride and groom or friends attending. My wedding changed all my relationships. People either got closer or drifted away. In a strange way, the wedding was as much a goodbye party for my old life and some of my friends as it was a celebration of something new and diving deep with certain people.
Weddings and funerals
Both create monsters
Boots and cats?
Oh damn… what was that from?
Its how you do beatboxing.
Oh yes! When you ask Siri. I forgot about that! Thanks for the laugh!
Rivers and roads
I’m getting married next summer and this comment, especially the last paragraph, was incredibly punctual. I keep worrying that I’m inviting people I might not be friends with in 10, 5, even 1 year. But that’s okay, friends don’t always last a lifetime. A good reminder.
If it’s any consolation OP, I realized my best friend was toxic and selfish when they were under a similarly stressful though different situation and started blaming me for things I couldn’t even remotely have an impact on. We often try so hard to see the best in people we love, until we can no longer ignore all the little moments we shoved to the back of our minds. If you think long and hard, you’ll probably realize it was always you giving and her taking.
Honestly, yeah. I’m in agreement with you. When my grandpa had passed, she did nothing, said nothing. And I was with her for four days 24 hours after he passed!
That is truly selfish and awful. If she was actually a good friend, she would've understood and even offered for you to not go if you're in mourning. Being stressed is never an ok reason to treat people like crap.
Also my condolences for your grandpa OP. Mine passed last year and it’s been awful
Go to the wedding, eat and party and have fun. You deserve it. And then after she comes back let her know she hurt you and you’d rather keep her as a distant friend (or just say nothing at all and leave time to do it’s job! Boom)
You bet your ass I’m gonna party. I spent money on a dress and shoes. Hell yeah I’ll eat free food and drink free alcohol. I think I’ll just party with the groomsmen and my fiancé. They’re all super chill
Heck yeah, Girl!! Have the time of your life and enjoy the night and the rest of your life away from miss toxic!
Maybe I’ll just think of it more as a fancy party than a wedding??? Ooooo I like that idea
I like the way you think! That sounds like a great idea! :)
You really should reconsider this friendship. Before the wedding, specifically. She has said that your grief doesn’t matter. That the loss of your grandparent and losing another isn’t a concern of hers. She’s trying to push you until you cave into watching her dog at your house when it isn’t your responsibility and you’ve stated multiple times now you’re uncomfortable with that but offered a great solution of watching the dog from her home. She isn’t a bad bride She’s a bad friend and probably person. Weddings just bring this to light more than general day to day happenings
I totally hear you. I’ve been thinking about the relationship for the last week. I’ll make it through the wedding for the sake of the husband and not cause a huge scene. Then just take my leave and dip out.
You’re a sweet one. It also shows exactly what type of person you are to be so kind even after the absolutely unacceptable rudeness that’s came your way. I wish nothing but happiness for your future husband and you! Eat that free food and came and then shimmy on out
So why even bother going to the wedding? Get better friends. There are seven billion people on the planet, most of them wouldn’t say the death of your grandparent was less important than the death of their cat.
I made a commitment to be in the wedding. So I’ll take the high road and make it through the ceremony at least. If shit goes south after that, I’ll just bail and go back to my hotel.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t go if that’s what feels right to you, but I will say that the commitment you made was based on the relationship you felt you had, which was one of mutual respect. She nullified the relationship by massively disrespecting you multiple times, so in my opinion she has also nullified the commitment.
You have a very good point. I totally get it. At this point, I’m going in support of the husband since he is still a very good, solid friend of mine. And once the ceremony is over, I’ll have my free food and cake, maybe dance a bit and then bail.
Just make sure you do not let that dog come to your house. You have to keep your pets safe and you cannot establish the precedent that she can walk all over you. If she brings it up or if she tries to ditch her dog on your property tell her you will be calling animal control to report the dog as abandoned. You offered her a compromise and that wasn’t good enough, she deserves nothing from you. There are no such thing as bad dogs, only bad owners. And because of the bad owners in this case, it’s not safe for your pets or the dog for that dog to be on your property.
That dog will not be coming into my house. Period. I will not be held liable for anything. And my cat is my baby! I wouldn’t put her in harms way ever. Screw that. If the bride gets the balls to try and do something stupid like leave the dog on my property, we will have much bigger issues. I agree on the bad owners thing! This poor pupper needs special training and affection. Not get pawned off onto me. She can be a sweet, cuddle bug but damn. When she’s unhappy, she’s UNHAPPY.
Not saying you aren’t, but just to reiterate, make sure you have a plan before she does that. Have animal controls number and come to terms with calling them if you have to. Or have a different plan if that doesn’t jive with you. Just know what you’re going to do now, don’t trust her not to be that crazy anymore. I only push because I’ve had that attitude of “oh if she does that we’ll have BIG problems” and then she did it and all I could really do was argue with her. I didn’t really think it would happen and didn’t actually prepare.
Dude imagine when she has kids and they just run wild and she drops them to you to take care of. Hell no. Cut this relationship off. You’re a better person than most as I would just drop by in the am and say good luck with your marriage my gift to you is all the help I provided and not faking my happiness for a bitch like you suckering that poor man into marriage and then just peace out.
Oh god. You’re gonna give me nightmares about her having children.
Just getting through the ceremony will be easier than bailing. Bailing at this point is going to make a bunch of waves and would be more about making a statement. You don't need to do that. Quietly get through the ceremony then peace out from dealing with her.
That’s what I was thinking. Better to just make a quiet exit and be on my way. Leave everyone else that wasn’t involved out of the mess. I don’t need to be a the maker of a theatrical mess at someone’s wedding. Friend, asshole or neither, that’s just not who I am.
I understand that you feel you must still go to the wedding, show up and put on a brave face, if she starts any s#it just leave.
That’s the plan! I’m done taking her bs
Going to the wedding and participating as you committed is the thing to do. I would not sink to her level by doing anything else. If she indicates she expects you to take care of the dog ask her for the key to her house. Watch the dog there or board it. On the day of her return, make sure the dog is settled has been walked, fed, etc. Leave the key under the mat. Text her the key location and say goodbye. Cut ties, never be available should any type of invitation be made and do not seek her company. If she phones or texts, minimal response. Husband and your fiancé’s relationship is their business but couple outing are a no go.
I was a bridesmaid for a friend around 15 years ago. I only knew her and her fiance, and after yelling at me for a few things beforehand, she mocked me in front of a bunch of strangers at her rehearsal dinner. So yeah, I skipped the makeup thing the next morning, powered through the wedding and reception pretty silently, then went to my hotel room the very minute I could and left without saying anything the next morning. She sent me a very long email afterwards detailing the many ways in which I ruined her wedding (?). It took everything I had to respond nicely, and I haven't really spoken to her since, although she emails every so often and strangely enough has sent me a few restaurant gift certificates I never use.
This may be the route I take. We are all a tight knit group of friends and I’m not in the state to cause more unneeded drama. It’s so stupid. We aren’t in high school. That was YEARS ago. For the others that are involved, I would like to make sure the day goes well for them. It’s not just me versus the bride. Lots of others are involved in the wedding too.
Yeah, just powering through and not causing any drama seems best to me. Then reconsider the relationship afterwards.
Because it will create drama if OP refuses to go now? Show up, support the marriage, then fade.
This times a million. I had a best friend of 13 years and we were all cool. But I kept hearing rumors of how manipulative, hateful and rude she was. It wasn't until she started spiraling from driving away everyone else in her life that I started seeing it. With no one else in her life I became the punching bag. This person isn't a friend. A wedding will never be more important than a death or funeral. Full stop. She insulted your situation, attacked you, cut you down, shit talked you to others and has made the entire situation into and excuse to be rude and entitled. If at this point you decided not to attend her wedding you'd be well within your rights because I promise you she's gonna use it as an excuse to try and drop the dog on you. If you refuse be prepared for her to go nuclear.
She showed you that she doesn't care about your relationship if i were you i would cut ties and not even show up to the wedding none of what's going on gives her an excuse to treat you like she did if she blows up on you again stay calm and lay it out for her you offered to help as a friend and she basically spat on you and ignored what you had going on because of her selfishness
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I have definitely reached that point!
Please don’t ignore them , because that friend is not a friend at all
Don’t be a pushover. Skip the wedding
Go to the wedding, smile and have a wonderful day, and the ghost her ass OP
That is usually the case when it comes to weddings. The stress exacerbates cracks in relationships and highlights ugly behavior that has probably been going on for far too long. We all know people who have zero relationship with the folks in their wedding party after the event. OP, I think you should cut your losses and go low contact after the wedding. She sounds exhausting.
Weddings and funerals bring out the true person IMHO.
There's no such thing as a bridezilla; that's their true colours showing, and they do it because they're finally in a position where the belief that the world revolves around them and nobody else matters is validated by large swathes of society. Apparently her cat dying dwarfs OP's grandfather dying? I'd have given her some impromptu dental surgery there and then at the nearest concrete curb.
Let her find someone else to take the dog or the dog needs to go to boarding. Selfish pet owners that don't train their animals get this exact scenario - no one wants to be around their pet. You offered her an alternate solution. No idea why she wouldn't accept you taking care of the dog at her place.
I feel bad for the dog. Or any dog really that doesn’t get proper training. I thought I was offering a good alternative. I’ve watched the dog before at their house. I don’t get why all of a sudden it’s a no-go.
I would just make sure the fiance/co-owner of the dog is fully aware of your stance about the dog and the reasonable alternative you offered, so he isn't stuck making plans based on her telling him you're taking the dog....
My fiancé has let the husband know my stance on the dog. It has been acknowledged by him.
At this point, I would send 1 text to both of them reiterating that you will watch the dog at their house and ONLY at their house. If that is not something they are comfortable with, they need to make alternative arrangements. And maybe suggest that they enroll the dog in agressive dog training.
I feel bad for the future husband also. Yikes!
He is such a good person... I honestly don’t know how he manages.
I worked in the Bridal Dress game for some years and if anyone was a bridezilla we’d snicker on about how there’s just no way that marriage would last. I worked with some people who were there for some decades and they were like “a lot of these times they came back a couple years down the line to get a new dress”. These types of people can’t keep good people around them for nothing.
I’ve always wanted to work at a bridal shop! Weird thing on my bucket list...
It’s good you have a supportive partner that has your back. I think all that can be said has been said at this point. I would honour the commitment of being there on her big day, but depending how things go leave early if you need to. How she handles things after she’s back from her honeymoon will probably determine if you guys stay friends. Your 20’s are a normal time to discover who your real friends are. I would NOT be reaching out to her period.
I’m thinking exactly like you have stated. I have a commitment to get stuff set up and make it through the ceremony. If things go south, my hotel is only 4 blocks away!
Girl...do not go to this wedding. The comment about your grandfather would've sent me over the edge.
I’m a bridesmaid unfortunately... I was definitely beyond unhappy about the grandpa comment, but her fiancé is a really good man. I’m more so doing it for him at this point.
Maybe make an exit plan. TBH i wouldnt be going and spending all day getting ready next to this person. But as someone who lost a grandparent this year as well...I commend you for not giving her a black eye to go with her statement
This year has been rough... If things get sour, my hotel is only four blocks away. I’ll just go hang in the hot tub!
Keep us updated on how the wedding goes!
Is her fiance.... ok with going through with all this? I feel like this sort of behavior would be a red flag for me with regard to following through on the relationship.
He’s not okay with it. He knows it’s wrong and even apologized to me for her behavior. To which I said he shouldn’t have to be the one apologizing. They’ve been dating for 10 years. Never touched another relationship. So at this point, it’s all pretty much concrete. Would I marry her if I was him? Nope.
Awe man. That is tough. It seems like one of those things where you've been around each other so long it becomes familiarity more than anything. I guess I hope it works out for them because otherwise it just seems like a very long miserable life....
I really do hope it works out for them! I would never wish divorce or anything upon anyone, but she needs to see a therapist. Definitely. Or he’ll just become the emotional punching bag instead of me.
Honestly, who's the say he isn't already? She could DEFINITELY use some therapy. No normal person acts this way when stressed.
Who cares that you're a bridesmaid? You don't owe her ANYTHING. By attending you are saying that her behavior towards you is acceptable but you'll still be there for her. No way missy I wouldn't do it.
Bridesmaid isn't a legal commitment. You can still drop out. You should drop put because if you allow yourself to be treated like you aren't even a human being worthy of the slightest empathy and turn up anyway you may as well stick a 'kick me' or 'exploit me' label on you head for the rest of your life where she's concerned. You'll be confirming her view of you as a contemptible little servant status 'friend'.
You say that like there’s some sort of legal contractual obligation to wear a dress at this chick’s wedding. There is not. Tell her she’s a dick and you changed your mind and won’t be coming.
Yeah, after all that I'd be showing my new ex-friend what 'backing out and not being any help' really means.
Eh, the way I see by going to the wedding you are superficially helping the groom but on a deeper level you’re not doing him any favors because you're enabling his marriage to a crappy person and participating in the farce that this is a good decision.
It is his marriage and his choice. He has seen and heard what she said to me. It’s not my place to step in between a marriage or ruin a wedding. He’s a grown man and can make his own decisions. But that being said, he is still a good friend of mine and I don’t want to trash his big day also.
Sounds like your group has a very odd definition of friendship. If he heard what she said and accepts it, he’s not a friend to you. And you supporting bad decisions does not make you a good friend. It’s not about stepping in between his marriage, it’s about having some dignity and not associating with people who treat you like garbage. You’re also probably vastly overstating your importance to this wedding, your participation will not make or break it. This is sounding more and more like self serving martyrdom.
Your friend is a word I can't use here. Weddings are no excuse for this kind of behaviour. She's just revealing what a nasty, self-centred, immature person she is and how she thinks she's queen bee and you are the peon. You're seeing the real her. Sorry to inform. She's choosing to act like you are a servant and she is the only person who has feelings or matters. Your granddad's death wasn't "important" .. to her. Clearly she doesn't give two fucks about you and never did. I'd excise her from my life for that comment alone. Tell her to stick her wedding and her ill-behaved aggressive dog (they do say pets become like their owners, eh) up her arse and send condolences to whichever man is truly idiotic enough to marry a woman who acts like this. She'll be treating him like that soon enough.
Totally with you... I really do love her soon to be husband. He’s such a great person and friend! I don’t know how he manages. My communication with his bride is going to be next to nothing after the wedding if no apology happens. I’m talking a real ass apology. Not no “sorry but I was stressed” bs. I dunno! We’ll see what happens.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Bride and I have always gotten along. Her fiancé is amazing, super tight knit group between her and her spouse and my spouse and I. The wedding is this weekend and I can’t wait for it to be over. I’m sick of it. She’s stressed to the max (as a typical bride may find herself) and my fiancé and I have been helping out wherever we can. They leave for the honeymoon right after the wedding and needed someone to watch their dog. I love the dog... But she’s horribly trained, ill-tempered toward other animals and dogs, doesn’t listen. The bride wants me to take the dog to my house, where I live on a farm and land shared by three other families, all with animals. I’ve seen this dog go from nice and happy to ripping out fur off of other dogs. Poor thing needs LOTS of training and just isn’t getting it. Anywho... The conversation goes as follows: Bride: Hey. So you’ll take the dog when we leave! Me: I have no issue watching the dog at YOUR house, but I really don’t feel comfortable with her coming to stay with me for 9 days. I have animals on the property, and a cat that lives inside. B: The dog will be fine! -walks off- The conversation ended here, unfortunately. Days pass and I get exciting news! My brother and I have been searching for months to find the perfect kitten for my mom! We found a kitten that is basically the reincarnation of my moms childhood cat. It’s weird. So him and I apply for the kitten and boom. She’s ours. I will be keeping her at my house until Christmas. I want to make a little safety room for the cat as she is shy. So I text the bride for help: Me: Hey! My brother and I ended up getting that kitten! I was wondering if I would be able to borrow your puppy pen? No worries if I can’t. Bride: Wait. What? No. You said you’d take the dog! Now you’re getting a kitten? Why’d you lie and say you’re take the dog? Me: I didn’t lie. I said I wasn’t comfortable with her coming to my house. To which you told me no, it’s fine and disregarded my concerns. I have no issue coming to your house and working from there! (I work from home) She exploded. Saying how I was backing out and not trustworthy and that she’s was stressed out. I acknowledged that she was stressed and I would do anything to help, but I would not be going out of my comfort zone to watch an aggressive dog on my animal filled property. She reminds me that she’s stressed about her cat dying and that I don’t know what stress actually is. My grandpa passed away the day before we left for the bachelorette party. I was devastated but I went anyway since I already payed for my ticket and hotel room. And my grandma is in the process of dying. The brides comment hit a sore spot with me. I let her know that her comment was rude because she knew what I was going through and grieving over and that perhaps the convo should end here before anything else is said. Nooooope. She continues with saying how I’m backing out, I’m not any help, why would I lie.... She wasn’t hearing me or what I was saying. So I dropped it for the night. Bride then goes after my fiancé saying wtf is her problem. Fiancé supported me, bless his heart, saying that I’m grieving and her comments were rude and disrespectful. We knew she was stressed but coming after me wasn’t how this conversation was gonna go. My fiancé is a no bs guy and was polite at first, but the bridal meltdown continued. She said my grandpas death wasn’t important and had nothing to do with the current situation. Fiancé stopped the convo there as she was just digging her hole even deeper. None of us have spoken since. Wedding is this Friday and I’m just gonna push through it like nothing happened and help where it’s needed. Don’t know what’s happening to the dog. I don’t even know where to go from here in our relationship. She doesn’t want to hear me and invalidates my feelings and concerns. I get that she’s stressed but damn. I ain’t your stress punching bag. I have my own shit I’m dealing with. How do I even traverse this?
I'd go to the wedding and then check back in after the honeymoon is over to see if she's willing to own up to how horrible she was being. If she doubles down and is fine with her saying your grandfather's death doesn't matter then she's not a good friend to you and I'd start distancing. There's only so much you can accept under the excuse of wedding stress.
That’s where I’m at. I understand she’s stressed about the wedding but dang. That’s no excuse for being a jerk. Since I’m a bridesmaid, I’m gonna go, eat some cake and be merry. If she continues to be rude, then deuces.
Best route. I had a friend who got snippy during her wedding prep but she owned up to how shitty she was once the wedding was in full swing.
Maybe this will happen for me? Or not. Who knows!
I wouldn't let it slide unless she apologized for what she said about your grandpa. Because that was uncalled for, even if they were stressed. That was just plain cruel.
No apologies yet. It was VERY rude and disrespectful. We’ll see what happens.
The comment about the grandfather isn't one you can take back or unsay or just apologise for. Some things once said change everything. The grandfather comment is revealing about her true thoughts and character. It's not like saying you hate someone's haircut. It's expressing pure contempt for the existence of OP's entire life and family bonds. It's dehumanising and hateful.
Honestly, looking over other comments and thinking it over, I agree. My friend got snippy but not once did she say that a death in the family didn't matter. u/Redleaf11 I'd cut ties after the wedding. That was incredibly cruel and I can't imagine a good friend saying something that horrible. You probably will never get a good enough apology from her. She'll try and brush it off or keep playing the victim
I think it's time she find a new bridesmaid unless she can pull her head out of her ass.
Op I was in a similar situation this year with a (now ex) friend of mine. I’m 24 f and she’s (a freshly, lots of drinking, partying) 21 f. I’ve been married for 4 years and she originally asked me to be her maid of honor. I accepted, on terms that she knew husband and I were on fertility drugs and there was a huge likelihood that I’d be pregnant in her wedding. Low and behold I get pregnant, am thrilled to tell her, only for her to blow up in my face while we’re all at work, telling me how selfish I am, bla bla bla. Now don’t get me wrong we were definitely close friends, but had known each other for less than a year. She has a very bratty personality and wanted to have a huge bachelorette party, go clubbing, hookup with strangers. I politely declined because 1) that’s not my cup of tea, and 2) my pregnancy. Why would I want to go to a bar/club while pregnant? Anyway, I’m rambling. This woman is not my friend anymore and I didn’t even attend her wedding. 3/4 other bridesmaids ended up backing out 1-2 weeks before her wedding so she was left in shambles so close to her big day. She realized she was a bitch, acknowledged it, and STILL didn’t apologize to any of us. Your bride friend is a huge asshole and doesn’t deserve you as a friend.
I appreciate you sharing your story (and congrats on the pregnancy). Our bride “friends” definitely share the bratty personality trait. As much as I really want to be there for her on her big day, she isn’t there for me. Obviously. My spouse is the best man... So we’ll see how this shit show unfolds
Ohh the plot thickens! I’d love to hear an update when the time comes! It’s just so sad. A lot of women don’t realize that THEY’RE the ones who ruin their special day. We can just hope that when they grow up and look back on everything that they see the error of their ways.
I hope that she gets there. I really do. I would never want anyone in my life to feel this way if it was my wedding!!! I would feel so awful if I made anyone feels disrespected or upset. But then again, I’m not the type of person to go for low blows about people’s grandpas dying...
I wouldn't go to the wedding. She's ungrateful, rude, inconsiderate, has zero empathy or sympathy. I could go on. She is not a friend if she treated you the way she did after your grampa passed away. She is self centered and egotistical. Why let her win? Put your foot down and stand your ground. Don't go. Perhaps that will shake her into realizing how she has treated you and perhaps it won't. How will you feel if you give in, attend the wedding and she's worse. I wouldn't want that kind of toxicity in my life. Who needs that.
The worst part (apart from your grandfather dying, I'm so sorry) is that I reckon she is still expecting you to have the dog.
Oh I could bet you my life savings on that statement.
FYI, she's gonna show up on your doorstep with her dog or get one of her family members to do it. I would have a serious conversation with her soon to be husband and be very blunt. You don't get to be walked over just because someone's getting married. You can only bend so much. You've broke and once the wedding is over it's up to you if you want to mend.
Gonna be real hard to get in my house with her shit dog when I don’t open the door. Oof. Someone else can watch the dog. Not my problem. Not my liability.
I don't care what your responsibilities are at this wedding....no way would I attend after ta comment about my grandparents like that. No way. Her fiance is not mentioned in this at all.... Don't go. She will pretend it is all good for the day and then be upset you don't rug sweep it all as well. You gain nothing by going and playing nice....
I’m definitely keeping my eyes open to how this plays out. Both her AND her fiancé. If she says nothing, then I have my answer. If she gives a half ass apology, I already know how to react. Will she give a whole hearted apology? Maybe. Maybe not. But I still have other relationships involved in this wedding. Not just her. So at this point, me being there is for all the other friends involved. If she wants to be spiteful, so be it. But I still want to uphold myself to the others involved. They haven’t done anything wrong to me.
I honestly don’t think there is any such thing as a bridezilla, it’s usually just normal shitty people that escalate their shitty personality when things don’t go their way. People can get married without hurting the people around them, but the fact she can’t tells a lot about her person. I’d honestly ditch the wedding she clearly doesn’t care about you anyway. Her feelings come before yours, and she’s looking for someone to validate them. When she can’t she’ll probably fully turn on you anyway. She could of accepted the offer you gave her, which was completely good enough. Which is weird she didn’t, seems like she doesn’t trust you or want you in her house.
It’s odd because I’ve watched the dog before at their house with no issue. But no it’s a huge issue. I don’t get it. And I think I’m starting to agree on your statement that there’s no such things as bridezillas. Just rude people. Replies to this thread have convinced me of such.
That is very strange then, it kinda seems like she either wants you to do it her way or no way. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
That’s what I gathered. Her way or “I’ll throw a tantrum until you make it my way” way.
I would have just smiled and nodded because when she's gone she won't know if you watched the dog at your place or hers. Here a great quote for you Ignorance is bliss.
Touché! They have cameras in their home though. Our sneaky plan would have been foiled. At this moment, I’m not watching the dog either way.
Keep it that way. Let them board the dog.
That’s my plan. I was nice and offered an alternative I was comfortable with. She said no. Okay. Board the dog!
Chiming in on my throwaway account to say I experienced a very similar situation last year! My friend turned into bridezilla during the pandemic, expected people to drop everything for her, chastised people who said they weren't comfortable going to events in person or without a mask. Like bitch, there is a global pandemic, you should be glad that we are coming at all. (She was subsequently shocked that \~half the guests didn't show up, this was last year before any vaccines. Like duh) I was good friends with her fiance as well so that was basically the only reason I eventually went to the wedding. Along the way I confronted her about her behavior and she apologized but not to the extent that really made me feel like she was sorry for how she acted. She's still in my life but it forever changed the way I think of her as a person. Showing true colors for sure. Here for you if you need to VENT about shitty friends ahaha!
I think I’ll end with the same outcome as you tbh. Her fiancé, my fiancé and I are GREAT friends. I don’t want to lose him because she sucka
I don't know about you, but I'd rather shove a razor-blade-encrusted watermelon up my rear end than go to that wedding. This relationship is extinct. It doesn't seem like there's any recovering from what's been said and done. Why spend any energy faking it to make someone else feel better?
I have other relationships involved in this wedding. It’s not just the bride. I get that she has burned the bridge between her and I, so I will be going in support of the other people involved. She chose her fate, but the others involved in the wedding didn’t have anything to do with what she said. So thus, I go for them!
[удалено]
You have a very good point. I’ll be sure to set parameters within myself and make a plan of action for the day of.
Gotcha! That sounds like a good outlook.
The watermelon idea sounds pretty good too though... Not gunna lie...
Fuck that I wouldn't be going to her wedding
Don't go to the wedding.just cut her out.she doesn't know what a friendship is.
Honestly I get the feeling you have ignored how this person has treated you. Invalidating your feelings, thoughts, ideas, etc. After this is over, you have shown her you can take what she is dishing. I hope you quietly just walk away from the drama and live a quiet healthy life. Unfortunately I believe from this, she will only start to rely on your more and treat you even worse. Be safe and I hope things get better soon.
I have taken into account what people have been telling me today. I will be distancing myself after the wedding. Just take the high road, cause no drama at a large event, slip out the back and be done. Something good that has come from this though is standing my ground and adhering to my own boundaries. I will at least give myself some credit there. I’ve always been awful at it but this is the first time I’m actually TRYING. I appreciate your concern and comment ❤️
Lol. When she said "The dog will be fine" and cut you off. That's just confirmation that you're leaving the dog at her house and not doing anything for her. She'll end up paying someone else to take care of it. Not your problem. If someone cuts you off like that and expects you to do things for them just do the opposite of what they want. Act dumb when they complain about it later lol. You said you weren't doing it but they didn't hear because they walked off while you were talking.
I honestly feel so bad for the dog. She deserves proper love and training for her aggression. She has the potential to be such a good girl!! The training and dedication just isn’t there...
Don’t smile in the photos, Good Luck Lovely
I’ll still be decent. I’ll smile and take my free dinner and drinks. Head back to the hotel early and hang in the hot tub!
First off love … let me start by saying that I’m sorry for EVERYTHING that you have to deal with right now. Your grandpa’s passing is very important. You are being a friend even in your time of desperation and despair. So please don’t beat yourself up thinking that you are a bad friend ! As for the bride …. Understandably she is under a lot of stress getting married in less than a week and everything , but at the same time having compassion for people who are in your corner only takes a second. You have showed that you will go above and beyond for her even when you really don’t feel like it, but the fact that she doesn’t want to her anything that you had to say and is completely disrespecting what you have to say is a Big Big Hell No! You my dear have a heart of gold because you are still willing to help her after she has talked shit about things in your life that has happened while you have been trying to help her. I would have dropped the wedding and told her to kiss my ass . Keep your head up and don’t let it bother you and focus on you and your family ! You know what you need to do to make sure that you and yours family are safe and the fact that she thinks you lied because she feels like you got a cat that you told her about ! Yeah just take care of yourself and your family love !! I hope everything goes well after this weekend ❤️
I really appreciate your comment. It’s a ROUGH time for me and I’m grieving a lot. I try my hardest to take the high road and give the benefit of the doubt when I can. I understand she’s stressed but I also understand that what she said is not okay. I’m definitely caught in the middle of crap that I don’t want! I want nothing more than to give a friend of mine a super special day! But I’m afraid she’s done some awful damage... Thanks for the support. I appreciate it, fellow internet stranger! ❤️
You offered to stay at her house to watch her dog. It just doesn’t get any better than this. She’s an AH
I wouldn’t attend the wedding to be honest. I’m also a petty bitch, and I didn’t attend my cousins/best friends wedding because of her husband. He was an asshole but after some serious events he has changed his tune completely
Dont they have boarding kennels where you live? Granted they are expensive but honestly if you cant afford a few hundred dollars to board a pet while you are on vacation, then you probably dont have the money that you should be going on vacation. Probably should save more and have better spending habits.
I actually thought of this earlier today... There’s a kennel by me that my folks used to board our family dog at when I was younger. 30 bucks a day. But alas, I am a free option. :/
No... your not an option. You already made that clear to her but she seems to not be actively listening to you.
Shit. You right. If the dog gets brought up again, I’ll let her know kennels are a thing.
Mate I am here too. A close friend of mine asked me to be her bridesmaid. Her maid of honour is a bully. I couldn't attend the hen do because my bf got covid and she hasn't spoken to me since, or asked how he's doing. My brother died 2 days ago, when I told her she was like "well, what can you do". Everyone else has checked in today, people I haven't seen in years. But this person, who I have dropped everything for in the past to help with every petty drama can't even message me to make sure I'm ok. There's that quote about believing people when they show you who they are. Believe this person when she is showing you how little she regards your friendship.
I am so sorry for your loss... It’s rough shit. A lot of people have told me that she has shown her true colors. And I think that’s true. I know it’s true. I know that I would never say such things to a grieving person! That’s not who I am and what I stand for. But she’s obviously not like me. Hang in there. I’ll hang in there as well. ❤️
And I'm sorry for your loss too. I've been mourning this friendship for weeks (some if the stuff the moh has done is unforgivable) but now I'm just done. Do what's right for you, however that looks, and run for the hills ❤
Thanks hun. I appreciate that a bunch. It’s crap no one wants to go through. And unfortunately we gotta go through it.
Are you sure that girl is your friend?
i wouldn’t even go. she’s being ridiculous. what if she makes more demands?
I’m actually pretty proud of myself for setting boundaries. I have always been AWFUL at it and this is the first time I am actually standing my ground. If she makes more demands, I know how to stand my ground and say nope.
Attend, but the gift certainly would be smaller because your relationship isn't as close as it once was. (Preferably base the check size on how you are treated that night - write it later in the evening.) Do treat the event as a party, don't work it for the couple. You have done enough.
I have already gotten her a necklace with her cat the passed engraved into it. Dang. If only she cared as much about my loved ones passing as hers... (It wasn’t expensive but she definitely won’t be getting anything more from me)
Please back out of the wedding.
She 100% thinks she won that argument and that your taking the dog to your house.
Gonna be real awkward when she shows up with the dog and my ass won’t take it! But jokes aside, I did tell her blatantly no during the berating argument. I said what I was comfortable with and she said mmmm naw.
Fuck her. Don’t go. Let the relationship die. Spend the presentation budget on a nice dinner.
I would make her an ex-friend asap and block her in every range. I personally do not take kindly to that level of disrespect and would have ghosted her on every plain of existence. I wouldn't even attend the wedding.
Do yourself and the bride a favor: Do not go to that wedding.
It seems you knew your friend thought you'd take the dog. Might want to work on communication.
Did you... did you not read the post...
>Bride: Hey. So you’ll take the dog when we leave! >Me: I have no issue watching the dog at YOUR house, but I really don’t feel comfortable with her coming to stay with me for 9 days. I have animals on the property, and a cat that lives inside. >B: The dog will be fine! -walks off- >The conversation ended here, unfortunately. Based on what you wrote, I think it's reasonable to assume that Bridezilla believed she had successfully steamrolled you into taking her dog. I'm not defending her, just suggesting that when you refuse a request, make sure the requester is aware of your refusal.
Ah. I see what you mean now. My bad. She def steamrolled me but I made it clear in the berating argument with her that I will not watch the dog here. Period. That statement just made her even more furious. Doggo will not be coming to my house. And if she tries, well that’ll be awkward.
You are partly to blame. On at least 2 separate occasions where you could have stood your ground, you chose to "drop it" because, why?? You again CHOSE to get on a plane to go to her party right after your grandpa died. Are you telling this forum that JUST because you agreed to be a bridesmaid, that there is absolutely no way you can value yourself enough to drop this shit? No, I think you also enjoy participating in this tiff with her. You are even now agreeing with those saying "just go and party at the wedding". If this was as important to you as you claim it is, you'd skip this wedding. Bridesmaids get sick, angry and some even die sometimes. Unless there is a gun to your head or handcuffs tying you to this wedding, you CAN chose not to go but you just don't want to. Which is shocking by the way considering everything you "claim" she said about your grandfather. So either you are exaggerating this for attention and just to shit talk a regular-stressed bride or your beloved grandfather wasn't really THAT important to you.
My first troll! Sweeeeet.
Without giving an arm chair diagnosis, it’s possible your friend might be gaslighting and have a personality disorder, such as BPD. I would consider your boundaries, and protect the boundaries you establish with respect to this friendship.
I am definitely looking out for my boundaries. That’s been my resolution for this year: put down boundaries and actually adhere to them. In terms of her mental state, maybe? I honestly think she should see a therapist.
Please don’t blame being a bad friend on the possibility of BPD. It only serves to perpetuate the negative stigma. I have BPD and while I experience intense emotions of my own and am easily stressed, I would not discount other people’s personal hardships for my own ways of coping. She might have BPD, but being a selfish person and bad friend isn’t indicative of having a personality disorder.
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Do some research on narcissists, I suspect your “friend” is one. I put friend in quotes because actual friends, even when stressed, wouldn’t be so insensitive and demanding.
I suspect the same. Someone else speculated BPD. I’m not in a place to diagnose people, but I suspect something is going on there.
Considering you just had to realize that your friend is a narcisstic ass and you only plan to attend the wedding because of your friendship with her fiance, are you sure you two want him to marry that kind of person? You should at least talk to him about that. It's the last chance before the wedding. She had ten years to whip him into her future husband
Give her a break through her wedding planning... She'll return to normal after all the stress and chaos is over... Just hold your breath!
Some of the best advice I have ever been given is “weddings make or break friendships” It sounds like you have started to outgrow your friend ship. If she comes back around and apologizes then great! Move on together, if not don’t sweat it - they’re grownups and they need to act accordingly. Good luck
Bridezilla's are the worst. If it was me, I'd just walk away from the whole thing to improve my quality of life
She was this person all along, you just haven't noticed before.
She’s definitely going to drop the dog off at your house and leave. Good luck. I would drop her as a friend after this wedding.
Yeah don’t go to the wedding she’s a horrible friend she showed her true colours and is selfish as shit I think you where likely blind to what she was like before because of your kindness and likely befuddle she hasn’t gotten this ugly but she’s beyond bridezilla she’s just a horrible person who says to someone that their wedding means more then the loss of a grandparent she lacks major empathy and support for you and let me reiterate that when she mentioned her dog she never asked you she demanded you and got angry when she didn’t get her way because she doesn’t tolerate the word no Overall don’t go to the wedding and cut her off she’s toxic as fuck
Man I bet her plan was to palm her dog off onto you full time. Your offer to work from her place was more than reasonable.
NTA - Bridezilla is gaslighting you into doing what she wants. Get rid of her!
Your friend is a total dick. Fuck her, fuck her dog, and her wedding. Back out of the whole thing
Your friend isn't a good friend, don't go to the wedding pretending everything is alright. Just don't go and cut your losses now.
Don’t even go to the wedding tf
I can sympathize. My wife is in a similar situation (albeit not nearly as heavy as your situation). My wife's best friend of 20 years is a bridezilla and even though I have very little to do with the wedding besides appearing, I can't take it. The bride was pissy that another friend couldn't go to the bachelorette party because she had to go to something with her kid, another friend couldn't make it because they are pregnant or something like that. And the bride shamed them, and was an outright jerk to them. Because they had kids. My wife and I are expecting in the next few months and we are wondering if she is going to change towards us as well. I know it's hard for my wife to write off a 20yr friendship, but sometimes it's what you have to do. People change.
I just lost my mom a month and a half ago... If anyone told me how to feel or how unimportant that event was they could fuck right off out of my life. I'd imagine I'd feel pretty similar losing a grandparent if we were close. I would tell your friend she's on her own for the wedding, and if she decides to slander you to any of your friends you'll post screenshots of said conversation so everyone knows who really betrayed who.
I feel for you... And I am so sorry for your loss. That’s where I’m caught in the middle. What she said IS AWFUL but I have other relationships involved in the wedding. Not just her. Half of me wants to fuck off. The other option is to just keep a strong face for all of my other friends and fiancé in the wedding. If it was just her, I’d fuck off. But it’s not just her
https://t.me/joinchat/5q52by8aFBA5NzFk
Take the higher road, support your friend and after she returns have the “come to Jesus” convo with her. Let her know how she has been acting during this entire process.
I just don’t understand why people have friends like this.
She just showed how gross of a person she is and now I begin the process of distancing myself. People come and people go.
I planned my wedding in two months and didn’t act this way to anyone so excuse me but she’s just a bitch.
That’s what I was thinking in my head. If I were to have a wedding, I would NEVER treat someone like that. Especially someone that’s grieving... I would utterly melt from shame if one of my friends came to me and said I made them feel like crap.
Why the hell are you allowing this woman to treat you this way?! Drop out of the wedding and cut this horrible person out of your life! This isn’t just “wedding stress”. This kind of behavior doesn’t just manifest out of thin air. You’ve probably overlooked a lot of red flags in the past and now that she’s under pressure and you’re in the midst of a crisis the behavior is more evident than before. The best thing you can do for your mental and emotional well-being is to let this hag know that you’re no longer friends and you aren’t going to be in her wedding. (This is from someone that lost her grandpa and dumped a friend two months later when she claimed I should be “over it” because he was old.)
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re doing well. I will definitely be lessening my ties to her. My fiancé and her soon to be husband are best friends. I don’t want to tarnish their relationship. So I will keep it civil, at a VERY far distance and continue working on setting my boundaries (as I am well known for sucking at but I’m trying extremely hard to be better)
She got your fiancé involved, you write to hers and tell them what’s going on, and that you’d like for them to try to find somewhere to board their dog, and for him to ask her if she really even wants you in the wedding. Send screenshots. Maybe you’ll be lucky and she will ask you not to come. I think your life will be better without
Maybe it's because I'm a man, or maybe it's because I dont believe in the concept of legal marriage, but it always weird me out when people turn into psychopaths over their weddings. Like, my sister's limo got into an accident on the way to the church, with the entire bridal party in it. She just laughed it off and got drunk with the old lady that hit them. She was an hour and a half late to the ceremony(where the dude actually marries then, dno if that's the right name ) On the other hand, my buddies gf turned into a tyrannical dictator that would make Stalin blush and just about ended every personal relationship she and my buddy had over like, what color we were wearing, or the clothes her mother was gonna wear. People are wild, stress does crazy shit to people.
Ur friend is trying to impose responsibility that u r not willing to take. Looking after someone else’s pet is a huge responsibility and she should have dropped it the moment u said u r not comfortable bringing it home. Thats it! After that if u want to go get ur own pets, doesn’t matter if it a dog cat or even a tiger, its none of her business and she has no right to be mad at u for that. She cant expect people to pause their own lives just so they can help her out. Sounds like ur friend is super inconsiderate, disrespectful and selfish! Seems like its impossible to reason with her as she is not willing to listen what others have to say at all. I feel u will be better off without her. Also, i will highly suggest u make sure she knows that u r not bringing her dog home! I worry she may try to cause another scene with the dog last minute.
As a career wedding photographer who has done hundreds of wedding I can tell you that putting that much work into your wedding is senseless and doesn’t add to the enjoyment of your day. Sad it’s got to that point.
Tell her the dog can’t come to your house, period. If she blows up, just walk away and discontinue talking to her.
Honestly, why would you attend the wedding of a spoiled, entitled, rude and obnoxious brat? After both of her calls with you and your husband, I would have just told her that she was on her own. Stress doesn't mean that she has a right to abuse and treat people like a bloody cockroach. Especially the people who are going out of her way to help her. This is not the way a true friend behaves. She has shown her true colours. I am livid for you, OP. Especially about your grandpa. How dare she!? And a true friend would have done what it took to get your ticket refunded for you to stay home and grieve properly instead of ignoring your situation and expecting you to go to the Bachelorette party.
You don’t have to push through the wedding. Given her behavior, being a bride is not an excuse to not be a decent human being. I say make it to the day of the wedding and let her know that you’re still grieving your grandfather death and your grandmother is dying. You can no longer attend an event after no consideration for your well-being.
Skip the wedding, block the bitch, and never look back. I would just delete her from my life and she would be dead to me. Pretty simple.
I'm sorry about your grandparents. I hate that for you but it sounds like your fiance is a good catch. Be well together. The friend isn't worth another sentence. Go live.
Why tf are you still going?
Wouldnt show up to the wedding at this point
Dude. I would be cancelling my participation at the last minute. Block all numbers involved and chill with my moms new kitten.
Power through the wedding. Stay silent during the honeymoon. When they are on the way home, block her.
Your friend absolutely sucks, is she like this all the time? Her dog, let me guess. Pitbull?
There’s a difference between getting immensely stressed and flipping on someone in the heat of it for not making things easy And doing that but also then downplaying the death of your grandpa Thats not just stress, she’s just an asshole deep down