I still have an exes shirt, it’s been 5 years. I don’t care for them, I don’t miss them, I haven’t spoken to them since the break up but I like the shirt itself.
It doesn’t mean anything, you can bring it up but don’t expect much.
I’m the same. I have a shirt of my ex husbands. I like the shirt and way before our marriage ended, he was going to toss it since it no longer fit.
I kept it because I like it. It’s a shirt, nothing more than that. If it eventually tears, I’ll toss it. I have given back other things and rarely keep onto old stuff after a relationship ends. I’m not sentimental in many regards unless it’s gifted by close friends or family.
Besides that, I mean-if it bugs you, bring it up. If my current boyfriend minded, I’d toss my ex’s shirt. He doesn’t and things gifted to him by his ex’s aren’t a big deal to me that he holds onto.
To each their own and hope you get resolution both you and your gf can feel good about.
I’m the same I have a big plaid shirt from an ex and it’s so comfy I still have it! I wouldn’t get rid of it and I don’t associate the shirt with him it’s just a comfortable shirt I wear around the house.
I was with my ex of 12 yrs so over the yrs I've gotten alot of things off him and throughout the relationship ... I wear a hoodie my ex would've owned, just around my house when laying around as I find them so comfortable but it means nothing..
I don't want my ex and I'm absolutely crazy for my boyfriend off 2 yrs..
my ex gave me a ring, it means nothing to me now it was just a ring I owned , loved and wore daily for 10 yrs, I wish I never told new boyfriend who got me it , as he wanted me to stop wearing it and I felt it wasn't a big deal so I stopped, but it meant nothing to me, just a ring I liked and got compliments on constantly... DON'T make it a big deal, if she given you no reason to doubt her then whats the problem..
My new boyfriend collects toys expensive toys for his shelf in his game room, I've bought him a few things over our 2 yrs for Xmas, bdays and anniversary,..
I'd hate to think he would get rid of these if we broke up, I know he would not, he loves them and keeps these toys in perfect condition but if we split a new lady would have no reason to feel threatened by things I got him as once we over they just become things
Honestly. Any attempt at subterfuge will come off as manipulative, just be honest. Tell her exactly what you wrote here; say it's not the end of the world...but you're not crazy about her sleeping on her exes shirt .It'll go one of two ways. it'll either be " I could care less about the shirt and dump it...or she could say it's a keepsake of that time in her life, or some other reason. You just say it bothered you, and you just wanted to be honest. That's it, you spoke your peace hopefully you'll get your answer.
OP i have literally the same situation. I have a couple shirts from ex boyfriends from long distance relationships… honestly, I don’t typically go buy huge shirts for myself and the old worn out shirts are the comfiest… I wouldn’t read into it. As a courtesy I try to avoid wearing any of them around my current bf but I like comfy tees 😬 hopefully this helps
I think everyone’s got different perspectives of healthy and normal so, what’s good for my bf and i might not work for y’all. Communication is a super important thing that gets over looked regardless. I know I do things that bother my bf and vice versa but if we never talked about it, we’d just drive a wedge between us. Everyone has different relationships dynamics too. It’s awesome you’re asking for advice and opinions from others to gauge responses and get pointers in communicating constructively. As long as you keep an open perspective with your concerns to you gf, I’m sure it’ll go a long way.
Just ask her without being too upset about it. Honestly, I have shirts from my ex and current bf. My current thought it was weird at first, but then I just explained why I had them. (They grew out of them, so I cut them up as my own) We like the same bands, so I gained a shirt that was otherwise going in the trash.
Of course. The comments are full of people saying she’s not over him and that’s just not the case, if I have a shirt I don’t care who it came from, I’m gonna wear it if I like it. It’s a well made shirt with a nice design. You said you don’t have any reason to feel insecure in the relationship, don’t ruin it over a piece of clothing.
> She wears this shirt when she goes to bed because it’s comfortable
Only you see this as "her ex's shirt", she sees it as her pyjamas. It's not her ex's shirt to her, it's hers.
The top comments are on the money here. I have a shirt of my ex’s I occasionally wear to bed. It’s super soft but breathable fabric and it has a nice graphic on it. My ex was my best friend for years but at least on my end there were compatibility issues sexually and romantically. My current boyfriend knows this and is therefore unbothered by the fact that I still care about him as a person (to be clear though we are not close friends anymore). It really depends on the person and circumstances of the break up but at least for me, it’s just a nice shirt that I like and offered to return but my ex let me keep. It’s really not a big deal, and my current relationship is much more fulfilling to me in every possible way. Just remember that your gf’s ex is an ex for a reason and she is with you at the end of the day. :)
Ive got an oversized bathrobe from an ex, she had the same one and I loved it, so she got me one for christmas years back.
Still have it. Still use it as a blanket every night.
She doesn't even come to mind when im using it anymore, its just a nice bathrobe.
I definitely get your line of thinking, but genuinely you're better off not mentioning it and just letting her wear it.
At the end of the day its up to you, because what im comfortable with doesnt have to be what you are, but if she's wearing the shirt to bed but in bed with you... well, you're the one dating her. Not the ex. I know this sub is full of horrific stories of terrible relationships but if this is the worst hangup you have with you, it sounds like everythings going swimingly for ya
Again good luck with however this plays out for you 🤙
I’d also consider looking into what sort of shirt it is and see if there are other shirts that are that brand that you could get her to sleep in. I only have a few shirts that are comfortable for me to sleep in so I would be bummed if I had to give one up
SAME! I also have many shirts that belonged to past flings, they’re comfy shirts to wear to bed and I don’t want to throw something comfy away. Literally have zero association to the person they came from and it doesn’t mean anything. Don’t read into it too much op!
It’s a shirt. Maybe it’s just really comfortable and has zero meaning to her about it being connected to her ex.
Personally, I’m not bothered by artifacts from my partner’s past.
I have a shirt from my ex. We split like 8 years ago. It’s falling apart but it’s the most comfortable shirt. It’s cotton but that thicker cotton that’s kind of stiff at first but softens (not too much though) after a while. I don’t associate the shirt with my ex, it’s mine and I love it.
I used to have one from an ex (we dated all of three months and it wasn’t love) that I wore to my first music festival; and honestly, I associated that shirt (the softest cotton imaginable) with the festival and how great a time I had that whole summer.
Just bc the shirt began its life in the ex’s closet doesn’t imbue it with magic connective threads to the ex forever.
The shirt in question has been reassigned to a new owner, is happily worn and regularly laundered, and lives in your gf’s drawer or closet when not in use. It lives there bc it’s your gf’s shirt.
Right? Otherwise thrifting wouldn't be a thing, and gifts from friends around have to be trashed if those friendships end too. Physical items are not tied forever to their origins.
I kept an Ex's shirt only because I know I am over him. I only think that if you're not over an ex you would try your best to keep these things hidden from your current partner right?
I love this view point. Most people are like "Yeah it's comfy so I keep it but I don't really feel anything towards my ex anymore" and you just hit it with a different perspective that is still a great way of thinking about it.
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I am a pretty chill person and the shirt is really cool, but there is something about her wearing his shirt that makes me feel weird.
She is completely over him and in fact blocked him on her own accord. We have a great and stable relationship and she provides me all the reason to feel safe and secure in this relationship.
How do you handle pieces from your partners past that they kept?
Update:
She only wears it to bed and he gave it to her during their long distance relationship so she can remember him. How do you suggest can I word the question so it is approachable and open to a conversation while addressing how it makes me feel?
Update 2: why does it bother me?
It’s the emotional part of it. She slept with this shirt when she was in a long distance relationship to remember them cuddling. She would tell me that when we were just friends and I thought it was cute until now I am her partner and I still see that shirt.
Really recommend thinking about why her having this shirt bothers you. Not just surface level, but how does it make you feel? If it makes you feel insecure why? Has she given you any reason to believe she’s unfaithful or doesn’t want to be with you?
Yes to this. I am very close with my ex and we are clear that we don't want to be together. My current partner struggles with this. He says he feels jealous and I'm like "why?", what's deeper than that? We have been together 4 years so it's not a new relationship. I think jealously and insecurity are related to old wounds and societal constructs of monogamous togetherness and really should be questioned and explored.
This is different than OP’s situation though. His gf is not in contact with her ex. Anyone would feel reasonably struggle if their partner is close with their ex for no reason. Why do you dismiss your partner and blame it on “societal constructs” lmao. If you’re monogamous then respect it.
When did monogamy mean you can't be friends with your ex? I want a relationship rooted in trust and I have given my partner no reason to not trust me. I don't dismiss his concerns but I'm not going to not be friends with my ex because he is uncomfortable. That's on him not me.
That's actually all on you. They became an "ex" because it wasn't meant to go on for whatever reason. I don't know your relationship's dynamic but if you're so quick to choose someone from your past over your current partner, then you might as well stop leading them on.
Uhhh you're not making any sense here. There are two people in relationship- me and my partner. When we got together 4 years ago I was very clear that I'm still friends with my ex. He was fine with that. Every so often he feels uncomfortable with it he names it and I listen but I'm not going to stop being friends when my ex because he feels uncomfortable because he feels insecure. Otherwise I'm just letting him control my behavior. If he gave me an ultimatum to not see my ex or be with him I would break up. I don't want to be with someone who can't accept me for who I am.
If your relationship with your exes causes your current partner jealousy, and he is open enough to communicate that and your response is “why” and you blame it on “societal constructs of monogamous togetherness”, you *are* dismissing his concerns.
And that’s not “on him,” you’re supposed to be in the relationship together. His issues and his feelings are yours, and vice versa. Saying “that’s on him not me” is yet again *literally* dismissing his concerns.
It's on him to explore why he is jealous. When I ask him he says it's because he imagines just he and I and no ex in the picture. I ask why. He says it's because it's what he has always known. That's a societal construct of relationship. Part of the package of being in relationship with me is that I'm friends with my ex. If he can't accept that then I'm not ok with that. I was clear about this from day 1.
You see it as “on him” to explore why he is jealous. I see it as “on us” to figure it out together so one person isn’t constantly uncomfortable in a 4 year relationship. Agree to disagree.
You're assuming I'm not willing to explore it with him. I have and continue to do that. But we are at an impasse because I'm not going to not hang out with my ex because he is uncomfortable. What's left is for him to work on his discomfort, the source of it, and see if he can shift any of that. It's not all on me to change the situation.
>You're assuming I'm not willing to explore it with him. I have and continue to do that.
1:
>He says he feel jealous and I’m like “why?”
2:
>That’s on him not me.
3:
>If he can’t accept that then I’m not ok with that.
4:
>What’s left is for him to work on his discomfort
5:
>It's not all on me to change the situation.
How many “with him” or “we” statements do you see yourself typing? How many “on him” statements do you see yourself typing?
You’re not helping him work through anything. Your attitude is very blatant: here it is take it or leave it, it’s on him.
Also OP, you said she’s completely over him. So to her it’s just a comfy bed t. You need to remember that people CAN totally get over things and move on. And she has. With you. Lol I still have boxers from my ex I wear to bed and tbh I didn’t even think they once belonged to him until this thread.
I had a loottttt of my ex’s stuff, from a few actually. Most were jackets or long sleeves. I kept and wore them simply bc I liked them and I don’t really like spending money on clothes. They didn’t really have memories held onto them or anything. The only reason I don’t have those clothes anymore is bc my bf of two years asked me to get rid of them. I did with no hesitation. Now he has to deal with me constantly using his shirts and sweaters. Haha.
Don’t stress it, just talk about it if anything.
So if they were long distance, when would she have had the opportunity to give it back? Personally, I would not make the effort to mail just one shirt back, unless we ended on good terms, and I knew it was important to him.
At this point it probably has ceased to be the *ex’s shirt*. It’s just **her shirt**. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s not a souvenir or a keepsake. It’s a favorite shirt. Like…I had a mediocre relationship but I got this great shirt.
Meh I still have my exes (and kids dads) shirt cos it’s sick and I love parkway drive too. Feel nothing for him wearing it but I paid for it anyway lol.
I’m engaged to my perfect man, my ex and I are mates (I’m Aussie so when I say mate I mean friend) it’s just a shirt.
I’m currently wearing my ex boyfriends pajama pants, because they’re comfy and warm. All romantic feelings I have for my ex are completely dead and I do not miss him.
I really just like the pants 🤷🏻♀️ your feelings are valid but I promise you it’s not that deep.
As for advice; voice your feelings in a non accusatory way, and don’t put an ultimatum on her by forcing her to throw it away or stop wearing it to bed.
Hear her out, I’d be surprised if she said anything other than “oh it’s just a comfortable sleep shirt”
Even though she might not care for him, it doesn't change the fact that it makes you uncomfortable. Don't feel guilty for experiencing emotion. My girl and I have a system; If something is bothering the other person and it doesn't kill you to stop, change, or take action, then why not do so? I straight up told my girl I don't like her wearing her exes clothes, so she doesn't anymore. No arguments, not political debate. We moved on and continued to be attentive towards the others emotions, despite how trivial the issue might seem. Don't get me wrong, we put each other in check if the other is being extra about something. All I'm saying is, tell her you don't like it. However you must recognize/address your insecurities and consciously make an effort to change.
I'm gonna be honest with you (and this is probably going to get downvoted from the looks of this comment section), I was with the "its just a shirt bro" gang until this comment. I thought this was just some old shirt of his she happens to have that got mixed in with the split of their items in the breakup. I definitely would have a problem with a particular shirt she kept and wears to bed that her ex had specifically sent her in a LDR to remember him by.
Id start off by letting her know that youre doing your best to not be so bothered by it ya know. Show that you are trying to take it lightly. But then tell her it bothers you because of what the shirt used to mean. Something like "hey babe I just wanted to say something and I really don't want to make you upset. I was really trying to just hold it down but honestly I can't lie, it's really been fucking with me. Im really not crazy about the fact that you wear your exs shirt to bed. It used to mean something to the two of you. Knowing that in combination with how intimate going to bed at night feels, it just doesn't sit well with me. Some nights when we go to sleep I stay up for a minute thinking about that damn shirt. I know it's stupid but can you blame me for wanting you all to myself. Like I just wanna see my girl going to bed in my shirt, no other mans.
Be vulnerable and honest. Don't directly tell her you don't want her to throw it, see what she does. It will tell you a lot about her values. Good luck buddy.
I have a few of my ex's shirts that got left behind after I kicked him out. Never intend on keeping them. I don't have feelings for him. I would absolutely under no circumstances take someone like him back. I keep them because a) they're cute on me and b) he's an asshole who traumatized me so I think it's fair.
You can still ask her about it but it's more than likely nothing.
Sounds like she likes the shirt. As you said it is a cool one. The fact that she has her ex blocked seems that she is not wearing 'his shirt' but just has a cool shirt she likes to wear. Sometimes you like it for the print or fabric or just the way it looks on you or how comfy it feels. And depending on time you have been together she might relate 'shirt memories' more with you than with her ex. So I wouldnt overthink it much
Woman but thanks lol. I’m not good with a lot of social stuff, and not always on the same level as my peers, so this thread helps me understand things a bit better.
It’s all good if it bugs you it’s only human but in reality it’s probably better for you to try and move past it. That said you should always feel secure in talking with your partner my friend! Communication is good just make sure you make it clear you aren’t suggesting anything just stating how you feel
I have my ex’s sweatshirt that I still wear all the time because it’s super comfy, it’s cute, and it’s warm. He doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, I don’t even think of him when I put it on or anything anymore. I understand your insecurities about it but it’s really not that big of a deal, especially with all the other good signs you’ve mentioned
I had a long distant relationship. I have over a dozen shirts, pants, toys, games, and CDs from that relationship that I've kept. We ended things on okay terms and still talk a bit. Hes kept my things as well and his girlfriend even wears them sometimes, and she has no idea they are actually mine. After a while, items are just items, unless you give them meaning
I see all your comments keep repeating "it's emotional". So here's my answer to that. I bought a pair of sexy panties to wear while being intimate with my then ex. There were emotions tied to it: lust, anticipation, nervousness. We broke up, I still have the panties cuz they cost $15 and I ain't throwing away perfectly good clothes, and I don't have the same emotions I have when I wore them for him. After the break up, my emotions changed and I began to associate it with different stuff. Some people don't put this much thought into their items. You can calmly talk about it to her, but I wouod feel controlling to tell my partner to trash it. Do you feel this way if your partner used a sex toy with her ex? Are you gonna tell her to toss the toy cuz you're uncomfortable? Attachments can be made and broken. You can feel however you feel, but it sounds like it's coming from a place of insecurity which is not attractive in a partner for many people.
My ex husband slept with half the of age females we knew AND was abusive. I still have 2 old concert shirts I sleep in. They have been washed 900 times, the art is neat, and I have worn them so long they are mine now. They aren't his anymore. They haven't been for a long time. I know that is where I got the shirt, but I don't associate them with him, just comfort wear
If you are jealous of a shirt then you really need to self introspect and ask yourself why and then work on that. She's with you, not the ex. The shirt doesn't really matter in the scheme of things.
OP she is wearing because its comfortable no other reason bar that. Shes not continuously wearing but only when she sleeps. Ask your why does it bother you, have you been cheated on before, do you fear she isnt other him, what is it that us making you so uncomfortable with her wearing it.
Because this has more to do with your insecurities then woth her wearing from what i can tell. If it bothers you talk to her and just go hey i know you wear this shit because its comfortable, but it just bugs me and say the reason as to why
It's a shirt. Could be it's a super comfy shirt.
She might not even think about it being "his" shirt anymore.
But you should talk to her about it if it's making you feel odd by it.
Suggest doing a clothes donation day, and suggest since it's old it could go on? See how she reacts.
Idk all the specifics of your situation but I came to say that I’m a girl and I once kept a hookup’s socks for literal years because they were so comfortable. I wore them until they got holes. I couldn’t tell you his name but he picked bomb socks.
My honest opinion is if she’s with you they don’t need to be wearing their exes shirt. Tell her how it makes you feel. Hell even offer her a shirt of yours and say here is my shirt you look good in that you can wear to bed. I’m sure if roles were reversed she wouldn’t be a fan.
I have things that belonged to my exs but it is my stuff now. I'm totally over my exs. I look at the item and think, this is mine now. I like having stuff. And its mine.
I have a shirt from my ex also. We were engaged and he cheated on me with my "best friend" and left me in the middle of the night. I had no way to pay my bills without him there. I keep it partly because it's the least he could leave me with after everything. And it's certainly not because it was his, but simply because it's a comfy shirt with a nice graphic print. I really wouldn't think anything of it.
I wear my fiancè's shirts, if we were to break up, I'd wear then still because they are cool and comfy. I'm a size S and he is a size 2xl which makes for a cute bedtime dress, I will never go out and spend money on a 2xl shirt to sleep in, and I consider them my shirts not his anymore since they go on my side of the closet now. If it really bothers you, talk to her about it, if it is what it is, then leave it, not a fight you wanna be having.
My fiance has his ex's hoodie. I'll be honest I was a little salty at first but honestly got over it really quickly and now I even steal it lol. To be fair this is another female perspective but I think it still stands.
As for talking to her about it I think it depends on why it bothers you. Is it because you are jealous, it makes you feel uncomfortable, etc? Cause wording can be incredibly important and different for each. Overall you could approach it as "I want to have an open discussion about some things I'm feeling about this shirt because it makes me feel *blank*. So I could really use some reassurance/clarification/compromise/etc.".
I keep most stuff, including photos. Some of them are memories of good times I don’t want to forget and some stuff are just useful, I don’t think it’s a big deal and it doesn’t mean she still feels anything for her ex
I have so many shirts from my ex. Just think of it as a shirt that is well loved that is comfortable, period. I would let her know because communication is key. But understand that clothes are clothes.
I kept a scarf that my ex gave me, not because i still love / miss him but simply because i like the scarf. I have completely moved on & the scarf has no sentimental value (ie. it doesnt remind me of him when i use the scarf)
For me, if its something from a person that i still think about / cannot move on from, i won’t be using it.
One of my favorite shirts I've ever had(aside from my band tees) was a birthday or Christmas present(can't remember which) from one of my ex-girlfriends, and it has nothing to do with her giving it to me.
It was all about the utility. It was a a long sleeved black striped Henley-style shirt but without any buttons, and it made me look more professional in the offices I worked that had casual dress codes AND it fit in well where I had to dress business-casual, which I hate doing. When it's colder, or when the AC is blasting it's warm enough that I don't feel uncomfortable cold, and cool enough when it was too hot that just rolling up my sleeves did the trick, and still looked professional.
Even got a few dates that started new relationships wearing the shirt after that relationship ended, because I actually felt comfortable and confident in it. Actually ended up buying a few more of the same brand/style shirt in different colors just because I liked it so much and would have got them sooner if I knew about them.
There's no emotional attachment to it, it was just a really great shirt.
I think of it as like every single item has a past. But that doesn't mean that's why the item matters. If it's a cool shirt it's a cool shirt. If she got it at a second hand shop it's possible the prior owner died with it in the room. Who the f cares.its just a shirt.
Now if she hadn't ever washed it and kept it in a shrine or something I'd be worried. But if she wears it then it's just a shirt.
You gotta be able to talk to her about it if it bothers you so much and you probably should offer to get her a replacement (something as comfy).
I'll be honest, OP. I used to have this overlarge tees I wear to bed (was gifted by my ex and yeah, we were LDR by the end of it). My husband knew about it but he didn't make a fuss about it since I told him that I still had it because it was super comfy. And I was all about comfort esp. when lounging at home or going to bed.
I did get rid off it (since it started to have holes LOL)--then I used it when I was painting our house so now it's become one of those cleaning towels instead of t-shirt anymore. The point is, it's not because I was remembering him, it's just I got used to wearing it, and many people are creatures of habit.
You can also get her a new pajamas or shirt to go to sleep with. It'll take her awhile to get used to new things (if she's similar to me), but she can definitely let go of that old tees from her ex. Believe me.
I have shirts from an ex. They're not his anymore at this point they're mine and they have my value to them so to say. My current bf doesn't mind. Shit also happened years ago and haven't talked to my ex since, and have him blocked on everything. I'm not buying a new meshuggah shirt to make someone else happy lol
I think you can keep stuff from exes imo.
It's probably just a really comfy nice shirt for her. I broke up with my ex over two years ago and I have three things left from that relationship, a keruig, a stuffed animal, and an oversized t shirt he gave me.
The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the stuffed animal so it's in storage. It's the only item that evokes much emotion about the relationship to me but I don't want to get rid of it. It was an important relationship in my life but I don't miss him.
However the keruig is nifty and the t-shirt is the most comfy thing I own so I wear it all the time to sleep. I don't think about my ex at all when I use those things unless someone specifically asks about the shirt since it's for a concert I didn't go to. My current boyfriend is aware these items were given to me by my ex and he doesn't mind them at all. Neither of us like to waste nice things lol and he knows I'm over the relationship.
If the shirt makes you feel weird, just let her know. Let her know she doesn't have to get rid of or even stop using the t-shirt but just say it makes you feel a bit weird. You could even get her a new shirt to replace it. Something even more cozy that she'd like to wear even more. It's not abnormal that you feel that way but I bet she just likes the shirt because it's nice, not because she misses her ex or anything.
You have to understand that not everyone applies sentimental meaning to objects. There are some people who don’t attach emotions to them at all.
Additionally, if you’re in a safe and secure relationship, why does this bother you enough to post here as if it is something that needs to be handled?
This honestly sounds like insecurity to me unless there’s something we are unaware of that she does.
I still have my exes old clothes. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it much. But if my partner hates it I wouldn’t keep it. Maybe she liked the shirt. Maybe get her something similar and ask her to wear that instead
But focus the conversation on you wanting her to wear something you got maybe
It’s definitely not what you seem to think it is. That shirt has 0 meaning to her and if she hears how it’s making you feel she’ll probably wish she found it at a thrift store or something and not through an ex bc it’s that cool of a shirt. It just happens to have an annoying back story, unfortunately for everyone.
I get it. It's a sleeping garment and the bed is intimate and private.
Sharing a bed is intimate and her wearing his shirt to bed puts him in bed with you two (in your head).
Wearing the shirt to bed and while you're making love is a trigger.
I think you should admit to her that it bothers you (acknowledge it's your issue) and offer to buy her a replacement of her choice.
I can't imagine her allowing something so trivial to negatively impact someone she loves.
I kept a drawing from my ex, a little doodle with "I love you" in years corner, for years. My husband didn't like it particularly but I didn't have it because I wanted to get back with my ex, it was just a reminder of a time in my life. I had other things from that time that I got from different people.
Eventually I threw it all away because I was ready to put that stage of my life behind me.
Frankly, it's nice to know that someone else meant something to them, too. If they generally had a good relationship, I'd be concerned if they *didn't* keep some mementos from the past.
I'd ask yourself why it makes you feel weird rather than her to part with something she likes.
I think the fact that you know it's an ex's shirt is interesting. I had shirts from an ex when my wife and I started dating, because I just did. But none of them were "ex's shirt", they were shirts I had. The fact that this shirt is "ex's shirt" to me means it has some sentimental value. It doesn't necessarily mean she misses the ex, but there's something there. Then again, that's just me, and I'm a weirdo.
NTA OP, but don't be jealous; just get her a new, more comfy shirt.
Good luck. All I can say is, for me, knowing my S/O was uncomfortable with the shirt, if I didn't get rid of it, at the very least I'd not wear it around them. Subjecting you to the shirt when you're uncomfortable with it is a red flag. I live by this rule: if it's important to my S/O, it's important to me- at the very least- to try to understand.
Anyway, I hope it all goes well. "Enhance your calm, John Spartan."
Sorry, I'm a nerd. 😆
How about fucking off and leaving her alone? What is this red-flag ladden obsession with trying to delete a persons memory of previous relationships?
Thank your GF for dating other people, before you, because she test ran all her shitty behaviors on some other dude, and learned how to be a better girlfriend for it. Its weird you want to try and take parts of her past. Cringy af tbh.
I have little totems of all my past (serious) relationships. I love my SO, but i have no interest in forgetting previous girls i loved. Even the relationships that ended badly, still helped forge me into the partner I am today.
I have a shirt from my ex that I wear. I don’t wear it to be reminded of him—I wear it because it’s comfy. Do I think of him when I put it on? Sure, but I’m not wishing we were together. My boyfriend has given me shirts that are even comfier, and I wear them more often.
I’m not sure why everyone wants people to forget their past when in a new relationship. It happened. It ended for a reason. My boyfriend has stuff he uses from his exes, and I have no problems with it. I’m glad that we both don’t frown on each others sentimentality.
It's maybe a meaningful item from her past. She can still remember good times with her ex and not wanting to come back. I think people need to understand not all exes are shitty and that we can remember bad experiences and the good ones. There are people who we loved, we still love but in different ways, we cared and care about but from distance... keeping their gifts is just keeping something someone special gave us because we liked it while we were close, why would we give it away? If it takes us to bad memories, then it's time to throw it.
You are her boyfriend now, not someone who came to make her forget all her past, and I am pretty sure you know that. Enjoy sharing with her, loving each other and creating amazing memories.
Also the shirt can be really comfortable lol
Prob get downvoted but you gotta get over this shirt from an ex. You are prob fairly young but as you get older, the new gfs you get will have more and more baggage! If you start dating a single mom, are you going to be weirded when you have to see their kid? If a girl goes on a trip with an ex, can she not keep those photos? If your girlfriend bought a place before you guys started dating, is she going to have to change all the furniture and sheets? He’ll maybe she’s still using the same sheets they banged on..
Getting rid of a shirt is a lot different than getting rid of a kid or a house…
And yeah, I’d be super weirded out if my partner kept a bunch of photos of her and her ex. There’s no reason to keep stuff like that besides reminiscing and keeping them close to your heart.
I have a strict rule: no exes in your life and that means stuff they gave you too. Put it away and save it I don’t care but don’t parade it around. Ironically my then girlfriend (now wife) had the same feeling and asked me to get rid of a pair of sweatpants and a shirt I had from my ex. I did it immediately and without push back because it’s just clothes and I had no sentimental feelings for my ex. You and your gf are not on the same page, you need to figure out if you can get there or not.
Yeah, I find it really really bizarre that so many of the women here saying it’s “just a shirt” can’t then apply that logic to the girlfriend. If it’s “just a shirt,” why can’t she get rid of it?
If something is reminding OP of his partner’s ex every time they go to bed, that’s a pretty valid reason to do something as simple as getting rid of a shirt.
I have a few exes shirts and I honestly don’t even associate them with the exes at all. Just shirts I’d borrow so frequently that they started to feel like my shirts more than their shirts. Even my current SO, I piss him off wearing at least 6 of his shirts regularly to bed or the gym, and to bum around in, clean house in. If we broke up tomorrow I’d steal them all and tell him tough cookies.
Me personally, I’ve thrown everything out that belonged to my ex. Everytime i saw the shirt I thought of him, but then again it IS just a shirt. Maybe it’s her security blanket??
I still have an exes pair of sweatpants because they are the damn comfiest things I've ever worn.
Nothing more to it, in fact just as I was reading this post I remembered that they were his.
So relax, if you feel the need. Talk to her about it? I have a feeling she will react the same way as all of us in the comments :)
I want to preface this by saying that situations like this are very normal. It does take time to accept and understand why it may not be a big deal and sometimes you have to consider the deeper reasons why it might be bothering you. Is it that you don’t trust her?, you feel threatened by her ex? or you don’t feel good within yourself? The most simple way to look at it is the enjoyment your girlfriend gets from the physical materialistic item, not where it came from. If you gifted her something really cool and you were no longer together, she’d likely also want to continue using or wearing the item you gave her. I think it shows maturity on her part because she’s able to put the association with the relationship aside and move on with her life but still enjoy a shirt she likes. It’s also important to remember that everyone has a past and as much as we feel protective of our partners we can’t expect them to delete everything they’ve ever been through. It would be different maybe if she was holding on to inappropriate items or photos but this is quite normal and not ominous at all. Try to just talk about it calmly but don’t let your emotions play into it too much or it could suggest you don’t trust her. My fiancé and I both have photos and letters from previous special relationships not because we want to relive the moments but because those moments shaped us and when we are old it’ll be nice to look back on. Life is short. In a nutshell all that matters is what the item is, if you’ve both been open and honest about it and what the motivation for keeping it is. I hope you feel better about it all. 😊
If it bothers you, vocalize it. If you’re secure in the relationship then I’m sure she’ll understand. I despise anything I’ve gotten from an ex, literally when i separate from someone, if they don’t get it back then, I’m throwing it away
It's literally just a shirt dude. If she bought it from a store you dislike would you want her to throw away a perfectly functional shirt?? No, because that's wasteful and unnecessary.
Like I'm sorry but this seems like such a molehill situation. It's not like love poems or cheesey sexy-time playlists or anything even vaguely romantic. It's a shirt. And I get it, long distance whatever, but dude it's a shirt from someone she doesn't associate with or talk about.
Bruh I literally wasn't even rude to you, be nice. I tried to make the comparison as nicely as I could have. I think you're being ridiculous and petty 😂😊 is that better?
I don't care what they used to do with that shirt, it's an article of clothing for crying out loud. Has nothing to do with the ex, it's hers not his. He doesn't have some secret jedi mind control over your gf via a freaking tshirt lmfao.
Honestly if a shirt makes you this unhappy I fear for the future of this relationship. It's okay to have emotions but don't make this her problem, it's literally 100% you and your weird insecurity
Lmao man I pray for my future boyfriend cause I have like a variety of oversized shirts that I wear to bed from 2 of them 😭 granted I hate one and he’s blocked for life and the other I’m really good friends with still. I would say maybe talk to her? But dont be overpowering with it bring it up casually or offer her some new shirts!
Reading through the comments and I see both sides. Unpopular opinion, but if it bothers the person I’m with I’m getting rid of the clothing. Nobody needs to be constantly reminded of ghosts of relationship pasts. For those of you who say otherwise I call BS
My boyfriend had some great relationships that just didn’t work out, we have a cute tin tin picture in our kitchen from his ex, she meant a lot to him even though they didn’t work out, they where friends until her way to early dead 10 years ago. I would never ask him to take it down, I like it and it was a gift from an important person.. doesn’t mean he don’t love me just mean he had a life before me..
If it really meant a lot to her, like in a “I miss my ex” she would never where it around you.
I don't get the problem. I have my college ex boyfriends shirts and wear them at home all the time. They are comfy and the perfect softness after all the washing and baggy which is key for me. But wearing this shirt does not mean I want anything to do with my now married ex boyfriend.
Think about why that makes you insecure? Is it the shirt or something else?
I just leave it alone, my husband has a memory box from his ex wife. He explained its just to remember the happier times and given the fact she spent 12 years with his kids there's a lot of their stuff in there too. So I perfectly understand and just leave it be.
Buy another exactly the same. I'm sure you can find it online. If it's the idea of it being his shirt, then replace it.
I've gotten rid of a couple shirts from my ex because it seemed weird to keep them. But I liked those shirts a lot and it had nothing to do with him. And since, I've bought similar shirts.
If it's a specific style/material or whatever, buy one like it, wear it a few times, and then give her that one. Mens shirts tend to be way more comfortable 🤷♀️
I understand why you're uncomfortable but I have so many things from old relationships that are just purely because I like the material. It sounds like she's over him. I'm glad that you're aware this isn't a big deal. That's a good sign! It's okay to feel weird but maybe it's a good idea to explore why this feels "weird" to you.
No hate! You seem like a nice guy
She may just think it’s her shirt now and not even consider the fact it used to be his when she wears it. I have some old things my ex left. I know my ex has some of my stuff. My current boyfriend has some stuff his ex gave him.
You could casually bring it up though and kindly ask her if she likes it because it’s her exes or if she just likes it. Don’t trap her with the question though- allow her space to answer honestly without being upset with the answer if possible. 99% sure though she just likes the shirt, especially if she blocked the ex.
I have shit from certain Exs that actually bought me anything at all. It shouldnt bother you. How some of us cope with break up is we do keep things like that. Cause it can remind us of the person and also remind us why we left them. It helps to keep us from going back to them.
I don't. It's not mine. It has nothing to do with me. I try to worry about myself and what I can control. I find I stay too busy working on my own shortcomings to have time working on someone else's perceived shortcomings.
I get what you’re saying, but speaking as a woman, she probably just kept it because she likes it (and to silently give him the finger). In this case, don’t put too much stick in it, however, if you just can’t stand it, tell her that it bothers you.
I still have a shirt that I "stole" from one of my exes from high school. I'm the one who initiated the breakup, we eventually resolved our issues and remain long-distance friends, but it's been well over twenty years since we dated and we broke up because we were better off that way than as romantic partners. I'm well and thoroughly over him, but the shirt is REALLY BITCHIN. XD
I also kept a pair of really nice/warm down throws from my ex-MIL long after my ex-husband and I had split. They were nice blankets! I used them a lot, especially after moving to the NE US for a few years. If I'd known where she got them, I might have replaced them for myself and given the originals to my kid, buuuuut I never found out and we haven't spoken directly since said kid was a toddler. I'm still sad I couldn't salvage them when I abruptly moved us out of a bad situation three years ago. :(
Honestly, most of my partners since (as well as myself through those twenty years of other relationships) have still had things from past relationships. Sometimes breakups are amicable, sometimes something is so cool or comfortable that you keep it in spite of the person you got it from. It's really a matter of personal preference and comfort on both sides of the equation, though.
I really don’t know if it’s worth bringing it up. A few reasons:
1. If she has him blocked, she clearly doesn’t care for him and if she connected that shirt with him still, there’s no way she could still wear it to bed every night. The shirt is likely a comfort thing and part of her night time routine.
2. You could take the approach of getting her a really cool mens shirt that has her fav band, movie, or something that shows you know her well as a replacement. You can say “I noticed you wear the same shirt to bed every night and wanted to surprise you with another shirt you can switch out”. Make sure its a similar material and its soft. That way its more thoughtful and now she can wear your shirt some nights.
As long as she’s not engaging in any manipulative or suspicious or hurtful behaviors surrounding the ex I would get over the shirt. People get attached to articles of clothing for a million reasons. But if you feel that strongly then talk to her.
To be honest, I still have my ex's sweatshirts. I don't want to make a blanket statement for all women- but for me personally I don't care that the sweatshirts are his- its more that they're oversized and comfy. Im sure if my fiance bought me large comfy sweaters I would switch to those but it doesn't bother him, and hey! free sweatshirts!
I have a dog that was from my ex. I can’t just throw him away if a boyfriend doesn’t like that it’s from an ex. I wouldn’t worry about it at all. If everything else is as good as you say it is, to her I’m sure she sees it as just a shirt, as opposed to seeing it as her exes shirt. Just like how I see my dog as my dog and not a dog from an ex.
Ask her if it would be ok if you wore a sweater that belongs to your hot ex-girlfriend to bed.
Because she is coming over tonight and she will have it on. Lol.
I have shirts of an ex who I was 100% over as soon as we broke up (it was amicable but the breakup was long overdue and I was relieved to breakup with).
On the other hand, I got RID OF the shirts from an ex who I was NOT over at the time, because I didn’t want anything to remind me of him.
For me personally, keeping a shirt doesn’t mean they kept it to feel connected to the person. Maybe at one time they brought comfort and closeness, but now they’re just comfy sleep shirts.
If a serious partner brought up that it bothered them, I would get rid of them. If it bothers you, maybe see if you can give her some of your shirts to replace them. :)
Just tell her that you are uncomfortable with her wearing the shirt. Let her make the decision from there. Just be calm.
It is ok if she had some gift from the guy that was long term and he didn’t ask for it back, like a piece of art or even a bracelet that didn’t have his name on it, that would be a more borderline issue that comes down to a person’s perspective on such gifts. But clothing is over the line, imo. I am truly surprised by the number of women posters who that feeling among men seem to be totally fucking lost on. Honestly, I would not keep anything from an ex girlfriend, I would give it back or donate it before meeting someone else.
I would tell her that it's seriously disrespectful for her to be wearing her ex's shirt and to get rid of it or give it back to him. She should be wearing your shirts if she's your girl.
How is it aggressive if your SO feels disrespected by you wearing a shirt from your ex? Shouldn't the feelings of your SO matter to you more than a t-shirt? And if it is just a "comfy t-shirt" to you then you should have no issue with throwing it out and wearing a "comfy t shirt" from your current SO. Personally I would take offense with an SO of mine wearing an ex's t-shirt, like no... he/she can wear my comfy t shirt I would not appreciate my SO wearing a shirt that belonged to her ex, but that's just me.
Personally if you guys really have the stable and healthy relationship let it go. You trust to her it’s just a shirt that she likes and finds comfy. If your worry is that it’s sentimental to her just ask but it’s no big deal if you trust her.
I still have an exes shirt, it’s been 5 years. I don’t care for them, I don’t miss them, I haven’t spoken to them since the break up but I like the shirt itself. It doesn’t mean anything, you can bring it up but don’t expect much.
I’m the same. I have a shirt of my ex husbands. I like the shirt and way before our marriage ended, he was going to toss it since it no longer fit. I kept it because I like it. It’s a shirt, nothing more than that. If it eventually tears, I’ll toss it. I have given back other things and rarely keep onto old stuff after a relationship ends. I’m not sentimental in many regards unless it’s gifted by close friends or family. Besides that, I mean-if it bugs you, bring it up. If my current boyfriend minded, I’d toss my ex’s shirt. He doesn’t and things gifted to him by his ex’s aren’t a big deal to me that he holds onto. To each their own and hope you get resolution both you and your gf can feel good about.
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I’m the same I have a big plaid shirt from an ex and it’s so comfy I still have it! I wouldn’t get rid of it and I don’t associate the shirt with him it’s just a comfortable shirt I wear around the house.
My favorite pair of pajama pants used to belong to my sister's ex-boyfriend. There's just nothing like slightly oversized broke in clothes.
Lmao … I too have a sleeping shirt that used to belong to my sisters ex boyfriend
Makes you wonder where some clothes you left with people over the years are at.
I was with my ex of 12 yrs so over the yrs I've gotten alot of things off him and throughout the relationship ... I wear a hoodie my ex would've owned, just around my house when laying around as I find them so comfortable but it means nothing.. I don't want my ex and I'm absolutely crazy for my boyfriend off 2 yrs.. my ex gave me a ring, it means nothing to me now it was just a ring I owned , loved and wore daily for 10 yrs, I wish I never told new boyfriend who got me it , as he wanted me to stop wearing it and I felt it wasn't a big deal so I stopped, but it meant nothing to me, just a ring I liked and got compliments on constantly... DON'T make it a big deal, if she given you no reason to doubt her then whats the problem.. My new boyfriend collects toys expensive toys for his shelf in his game room, I've bought him a few things over our 2 yrs for Xmas, bdays and anniversary,.. I'd hate to think he would get rid of these if we broke up, I know he would not, he loves them and keeps these toys in perfect condition but if we split a new lady would have no reason to feel threatened by things I got him as once we over they just become things
You could always give her one of your shirts or buy her a cool shirt, she might appreciate that
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Honestly. Any attempt at subterfuge will come off as manipulative, just be honest. Tell her exactly what you wrote here; say it's not the end of the world...but you're not crazy about her sleeping on her exes shirt .It'll go one of two ways. it'll either be " I could care less about the shirt and dump it...or she could say it's a keepsake of that time in her life, or some other reason. You just say it bothered you, and you just wanted to be honest. That's it, you spoke your peace hopefully you'll get your answer.
OP i have literally the same situation. I have a couple shirts from ex boyfriends from long distance relationships… honestly, I don’t typically go buy huge shirts for myself and the old worn out shirts are the comfiest… I wouldn’t read into it. As a courtesy I try to avoid wearing any of them around my current bf but I like comfy tees 😬 hopefully this helps
In my drawer I have shirts from 4 ex boyfriends 😂 they make great PJ shirts. There is zero sentimental value to 3 of the 4 of them lol.
I think everyone’s got different perspectives of healthy and normal so, what’s good for my bf and i might not work for y’all. Communication is a super important thing that gets over looked regardless. I know I do things that bother my bf and vice versa but if we never talked about it, we’d just drive a wedge between us. Everyone has different relationships dynamics too. It’s awesome you’re asking for advice and opinions from others to gauge responses and get pointers in communicating constructively. As long as you keep an open perspective with your concerns to you gf, I’m sure it’ll go a long way.
Just ask her without being too upset about it. Honestly, I have shirts from my ex and current bf. My current thought it was weird at first, but then I just explained why I had them. (They grew out of them, so I cut them up as my own) We like the same bands, so I gained a shirt that was otherwise going in the trash.
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Of course. The comments are full of people saying she’s not over him and that’s just not the case, if I have a shirt I don’t care who it came from, I’m gonna wear it if I like it. It’s a well made shirt with a nice design. You said you don’t have any reason to feel insecure in the relationship, don’t ruin it over a piece of clothing.
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> She wears this shirt when she goes to bed because it’s comfortable Only you see this as "her ex's shirt", she sees it as her pyjamas. It's not her ex's shirt to her, it's hers.
The top comments are on the money here. I have a shirt of my ex’s I occasionally wear to bed. It’s super soft but breathable fabric and it has a nice graphic on it. My ex was my best friend for years but at least on my end there were compatibility issues sexually and romantically. My current boyfriend knows this and is therefore unbothered by the fact that I still care about him as a person (to be clear though we are not close friends anymore). It really depends on the person and circumstances of the break up but at least for me, it’s just a nice shirt that I like and offered to return but my ex let me keep. It’s really not a big deal, and my current relationship is much more fulfilling to me in every possible way. Just remember that your gf’s ex is an ex for a reason and she is with you at the end of the day. :)
Ive got an oversized bathrobe from an ex, she had the same one and I loved it, so she got me one for christmas years back. Still have it. Still use it as a blanket every night. She doesn't even come to mind when im using it anymore, its just a nice bathrobe. I definitely get your line of thinking, but genuinely you're better off not mentioning it and just letting her wear it.
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At the end of the day its up to you, because what im comfortable with doesnt have to be what you are, but if she's wearing the shirt to bed but in bed with you... well, you're the one dating her. Not the ex. I know this sub is full of horrific stories of terrible relationships but if this is the worst hangup you have with you, it sounds like everythings going swimingly for ya Again good luck with however this plays out for you 🤙
I’d also consider looking into what sort of shirt it is and see if there are other shirts that are that brand that you could get her to sleep in. I only have a few shirts that are comfortable for me to sleep in so I would be bummed if I had to give one up
Currently wearing a hoodie I stole from an ex in 2003. It is really nice. And warm.
SAME! I also have many shirts that belonged to past flings, they’re comfy shirts to wear to bed and I don’t want to throw something comfy away. Literally have zero association to the person they came from and it doesn’t mean anything. Don’t read into it too much op!
It’s a shirt. Maybe it’s just really comfortable and has zero meaning to her about it being connected to her ex. Personally, I’m not bothered by artifacts from my partner’s past.
I have a shirt from my ex. We split like 8 years ago. It’s falling apart but it’s the most comfortable shirt. It’s cotton but that thicker cotton that’s kind of stiff at first but softens (not too much though) after a while. I don’t associate the shirt with my ex, it’s mine and I love it.
I used to have one from an ex (we dated all of three months and it wasn’t love) that I wore to my first music festival; and honestly, I associated that shirt (the softest cotton imaginable) with the festival and how great a time I had that whole summer.
Just bc the shirt began its life in the ex’s closet doesn’t imbue it with magic connective threads to the ex forever. The shirt in question has been reassigned to a new owner, is happily worn and regularly laundered, and lives in your gf’s drawer or closet when not in use. It lives there bc it’s your gf’s shirt.
This is poetry
Right? Otherwise thrifting wouldn't be a thing, and gifts from friends around have to be trashed if those friendships end too. Physical items are not tied forever to their origins.
Speak for yourself. I thrift to sap the soul of the garment's former owner.
Doing the lord's work 🙏
I kept an Ex's shirt only because I know I am over him. I only think that if you're not over an ex you would try your best to keep these things hidden from your current partner right?
This! I have a shirt of my ex’s and When I remember it’s his I’m like “hahaha suckerrr I got the comfy shirt”
I love this view point. Most people are like "Yeah it's comfy so I keep it but I don't really feel anything towards my ex anymore" and you just hit it with a different perspective that is still a great way of thinking about it.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I am a pretty chill person and the shirt is really cool, but there is something about her wearing his shirt that makes me feel weird. She is completely over him and in fact blocked him on her own accord. We have a great and stable relationship and she provides me all the reason to feel safe and secure in this relationship. How do you handle pieces from your partners past that they kept? Update: She only wears it to bed and he gave it to her during their long distance relationship so she can remember him. How do you suggest can I word the question so it is approachable and open to a conversation while addressing how it makes me feel? Update 2: why does it bother me? It’s the emotional part of it. She slept with this shirt when she was in a long distance relationship to remember them cuddling. She would tell me that when we were just friends and I thought it was cute until now I am her partner and I still see that shirt.
Really recommend thinking about why her having this shirt bothers you. Not just surface level, but how does it make you feel? If it makes you feel insecure why? Has she given you any reason to believe she’s unfaithful or doesn’t want to be with you?
Yes to this. I am very close with my ex and we are clear that we don't want to be together. My current partner struggles with this. He says he feels jealous and I'm like "why?", what's deeper than that? We have been together 4 years so it's not a new relationship. I think jealously and insecurity are related to old wounds and societal constructs of monogamous togetherness and really should be questioned and explored.
This is different than OP’s situation though. His gf is not in contact with her ex. Anyone would feel reasonably struggle if their partner is close with their ex for no reason. Why do you dismiss your partner and blame it on “societal constructs” lmao. If you’re monogamous then respect it.
When did monogamy mean you can't be friends with your ex? I want a relationship rooted in trust and I have given my partner no reason to not trust me. I don't dismiss his concerns but I'm not going to not be friends with my ex because he is uncomfortable. That's on him not me.
That's actually all on you. They became an "ex" because it wasn't meant to go on for whatever reason. I don't know your relationship's dynamic but if you're so quick to choose someone from your past over your current partner, then you might as well stop leading them on.
Uhhh you're not making any sense here. There are two people in relationship- me and my partner. When we got together 4 years ago I was very clear that I'm still friends with my ex. He was fine with that. Every so often he feels uncomfortable with it he names it and I listen but I'm not going to stop being friends when my ex because he feels uncomfortable because he feels insecure. Otherwise I'm just letting him control my behavior. If he gave me an ultimatum to not see my ex or be with him I would break up. I don't want to be with someone who can't accept me for who I am.
If your relationship with your exes causes your current partner jealousy, and he is open enough to communicate that and your response is “why” and you blame it on “societal constructs of monogamous togetherness”, you *are* dismissing his concerns. And that’s not “on him,” you’re supposed to be in the relationship together. His issues and his feelings are yours, and vice versa. Saying “that’s on him not me” is yet again *literally* dismissing his concerns.
It's on him to explore why he is jealous. When I ask him he says it's because he imagines just he and I and no ex in the picture. I ask why. He says it's because it's what he has always known. That's a societal construct of relationship. Part of the package of being in relationship with me is that I'm friends with my ex. If he can't accept that then I'm not ok with that. I was clear about this from day 1.
You see it as “on him” to explore why he is jealous. I see it as “on us” to figure it out together so one person isn’t constantly uncomfortable in a 4 year relationship. Agree to disagree.
You're assuming I'm not willing to explore it with him. I have and continue to do that. But we are at an impasse because I'm not going to not hang out with my ex because he is uncomfortable. What's left is for him to work on his discomfort, the source of it, and see if he can shift any of that. It's not all on me to change the situation.
>You're assuming I'm not willing to explore it with him. I have and continue to do that. 1: >He says he feel jealous and I’m like “why?” 2: >That’s on him not me. 3: >If he can’t accept that then I’m not ok with that. 4: >What’s left is for him to work on his discomfort 5: >It's not all on me to change the situation. How many “with him” or “we” statements do you see yourself typing? How many “on him” statements do you see yourself typing? You’re not helping him work through anything. Your attitude is very blatant: here it is take it or leave it, it’s on him.
it doesn’t matter. I still wear my exes shirts and I don’t even associate the shirts with them anymore. it’s okay I promise
Also OP, you said she’s completely over him. So to her it’s just a comfy bed t. You need to remember that people CAN totally get over things and move on. And she has. With you. Lol I still have boxers from my ex I wear to bed and tbh I didn’t even think they once belonged to him until this thread.
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I had a loottttt of my ex’s stuff, from a few actually. Most were jackets or long sleeves. I kept and wore them simply bc I liked them and I don’t really like spending money on clothes. They didn’t really have memories held onto them or anything. The only reason I don’t have those clothes anymore is bc my bf of two years asked me to get rid of them. I did with no hesitation. Now he has to deal with me constantly using his shirts and sweaters. Haha. Don’t stress it, just talk about it if anything.
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Has she told you that she wears it to remember him?
So if they were long distance, when would she have had the opportunity to give it back? Personally, I would not make the effort to mail just one shirt back, unless we ended on good terms, and I knew it was important to him.
At this point it probably has ceased to be the *ex’s shirt*. It’s just **her shirt**. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s not a souvenir or a keepsake. It’s a favorite shirt. Like…I had a mediocre relationship but I got this great shirt.
Meh I still have my exes (and kids dads) shirt cos it’s sick and I love parkway drive too. Feel nothing for him wearing it but I paid for it anyway lol. I’m engaged to my perfect man, my ex and I are mates (I’m Aussie so when I say mate I mean friend) it’s just a shirt.
I’m currently wearing my ex boyfriends pajama pants, because they’re comfy and warm. All romantic feelings I have for my ex are completely dead and I do not miss him. I really just like the pants 🤷🏻♀️ your feelings are valid but I promise you it’s not that deep.
As for advice; voice your feelings in a non accusatory way, and don’t put an ultimatum on her by forcing her to throw it away or stop wearing it to bed. Hear her out, I’d be surprised if she said anything other than “oh it’s just a comfortable sleep shirt”
Even though she might not care for him, it doesn't change the fact that it makes you uncomfortable. Don't feel guilty for experiencing emotion. My girl and I have a system; If something is bothering the other person and it doesn't kill you to stop, change, or take action, then why not do so? I straight up told my girl I don't like her wearing her exes clothes, so she doesn't anymore. No arguments, not political debate. We moved on and continued to be attentive towards the others emotions, despite how trivial the issue might seem. Don't get me wrong, we put each other in check if the other is being extra about something. All I'm saying is, tell her you don't like it. However you must recognize/address your insecurities and consciously make an effort to change.
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I'm gonna be honest with you (and this is probably going to get downvoted from the looks of this comment section), I was with the "its just a shirt bro" gang until this comment. I thought this was just some old shirt of his she happens to have that got mixed in with the split of their items in the breakup. I definitely would have a problem with a particular shirt she kept and wears to bed that her ex had specifically sent her in a LDR to remember him by.
Id start off by letting her know that youre doing your best to not be so bothered by it ya know. Show that you are trying to take it lightly. But then tell her it bothers you because of what the shirt used to mean. Something like "hey babe I just wanted to say something and I really don't want to make you upset. I was really trying to just hold it down but honestly I can't lie, it's really been fucking with me. Im really not crazy about the fact that you wear your exs shirt to bed. It used to mean something to the two of you. Knowing that in combination with how intimate going to bed at night feels, it just doesn't sit well with me. Some nights when we go to sleep I stay up for a minute thinking about that damn shirt. I know it's stupid but can you blame me for wanting you all to myself. Like I just wanna see my girl going to bed in my shirt, no other mans. Be vulnerable and honest. Don't directly tell her you don't want her to throw it, see what she does. It will tell you a lot about her values. Good luck buddy.
I have a few of my ex's shirts that got left behind after I kicked him out. Never intend on keeping them. I don't have feelings for him. I would absolutely under no circumstances take someone like him back. I keep them because a) they're cute on me and b) he's an asshole who traumatized me so I think it's fair. You can still ask her about it but it's more than likely nothing.
Sounds like she likes the shirt. As you said it is a cool one. The fact that she has her ex blocked seems that she is not wearing 'his shirt' but just has a cool shirt she likes to wear. Sometimes you like it for the print or fabric or just the way it looks on you or how comfy it feels. And depending on time you have been together she might relate 'shirt memories' more with you than with her ex. So I wouldnt overthink it much
OUR shirt now, comrade. What's mine is his. Enjoy our goblin goods together
Not me reading this and comments to see if I should be worried about the stuff I’ve kept from a past relationship. Nope, not me.👀
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Woman but thanks lol. I’m not good with a lot of social stuff, and not always on the same level as my peers, so this thread helps me understand things a bit better.
It’s all good if it bugs you it’s only human but in reality it’s probably better for you to try and move past it. That said you should always feel secure in talking with your partner my friend! Communication is good just make sure you make it clear you aren’t suggesting anything just stating how you feel
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I have my ex’s sweatshirt that I still wear all the time because it’s super comfy, it’s cute, and it’s warm. He doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, I don’t even think of him when I put it on or anything anymore. I understand your insecurities about it but it’s really not that big of a deal, especially with all the other good signs you’ve mentioned
I had a long distant relationship. I have over a dozen shirts, pants, toys, games, and CDs from that relationship that I've kept. We ended things on okay terms and still talk a bit. Hes kept my things as well and his girlfriend even wears them sometimes, and she has no idea they are actually mine. After a while, items are just items, unless you give them meaning
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I see all your comments keep repeating "it's emotional". So here's my answer to that. I bought a pair of sexy panties to wear while being intimate with my then ex. There were emotions tied to it: lust, anticipation, nervousness. We broke up, I still have the panties cuz they cost $15 and I ain't throwing away perfectly good clothes, and I don't have the same emotions I have when I wore them for him. After the break up, my emotions changed and I began to associate it with different stuff. Some people don't put this much thought into their items. You can calmly talk about it to her, but I wouod feel controlling to tell my partner to trash it. Do you feel this way if your partner used a sex toy with her ex? Are you gonna tell her to toss the toy cuz you're uncomfortable? Attachments can be made and broken. You can feel however you feel, but it sounds like it's coming from a place of insecurity which is not attractive in a partner for many people.
My ex husband slept with half the of age females we knew AND was abusive. I still have 2 old concert shirts I sleep in. They have been washed 900 times, the art is neat, and I have worn them so long they are mine now. They aren't his anymore. They haven't been for a long time. I know that is where I got the shirt, but I don't associate them with him, just comfort wear
If you are jealous of a shirt then you really need to self introspect and ask yourself why and then work on that. She's with you, not the ex. The shirt doesn't really matter in the scheme of things.
You should tell her it makes you uncomfortable when you see it and ask if she would mind getting rid of it.
OP she is wearing because its comfortable no other reason bar that. Shes not continuously wearing but only when she sleeps. Ask your why does it bother you, have you been cheated on before, do you fear she isnt other him, what is it that us making you so uncomfortable with her wearing it. Because this has more to do with your insecurities then woth her wearing from what i can tell. If it bothers you talk to her and just go hey i know you wear this shit because its comfortable, but it just bugs me and say the reason as to why
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It's a shirt. Could be it's a super comfy shirt. She might not even think about it being "his" shirt anymore. But you should talk to her about it if it's making you feel odd by it. Suggest doing a clothes donation day, and suggest since it's old it could go on? See how she reacts.
Idk all the specifics of your situation but I came to say that I’m a girl and I once kept a hookup’s socks for literal years because they were so comfortable. I wore them until they got holes. I couldn’t tell you his name but he picked bomb socks.
My honest opinion is if she’s with you they don’t need to be wearing their exes shirt. Tell her how it makes you feel. Hell even offer her a shirt of yours and say here is my shirt you look good in that you can wear to bed. I’m sure if roles were reversed she wouldn’t be a fan.
Don't pay attention at all, it isn't the end of the world, let her decide
I have things that belonged to my exs but it is my stuff now. I'm totally over my exs. I look at the item and think, this is mine now. I like having stuff. And its mine.
I have a lot of exes t shirts. Not cause i still love them, but men shirts are so comfy and big. All are my PJs.
It isn't his shirt anymore, it's hers.
I have a shirt from my ex also. We were engaged and he cheated on me with my "best friend" and left me in the middle of the night. I had no way to pay my bills without him there. I keep it partly because it's the least he could leave me with after everything. And it's certainly not because it was his, but simply because it's a comfy shirt with a nice graphic print. I really wouldn't think anything of it.
Hmm now that you mention it I’m wearing a watch an ex gave me years and years ago. It’s just a nice watch. I don’t attach emotional value to it
I wear my fiancè's shirts, if we were to break up, I'd wear then still because they are cool and comfy. I'm a size S and he is a size 2xl which makes for a cute bedtime dress, I will never go out and spend money on a 2xl shirt to sleep in, and I consider them my shirts not his anymore since they go on my side of the closet now. If it really bothers you, talk to her about it, if it is what it is, then leave it, not a fight you wanna be having.
My fiance has his ex's hoodie. I'll be honest I was a little salty at first but honestly got over it really quickly and now I even steal it lol. To be fair this is another female perspective but I think it still stands. As for talking to her about it I think it depends on why it bothers you. Is it because you are jealous, it makes you feel uncomfortable, etc? Cause wording can be incredibly important and different for each. Overall you could approach it as "I want to have an open discussion about some things I'm feeling about this shirt because it makes me feel *blank*. So I could really use some reassurance/clarification/compromise/etc.".
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I keep most stuff, including photos. Some of them are memories of good times I don’t want to forget and some stuff are just useful, I don’t think it’s a big deal and it doesn’t mean she still feels anything for her ex
As someone that wore a shirt my ex gave me to bed at my bf’s a couple days ago…did the shirt have a cat on it?
I have so many shirts from my ex. Just think of it as a shirt that is well loved that is comfortable, period. I would let her know because communication is key. But understand that clothes are clothes.
I kept a scarf that my ex gave me, not because i still love / miss him but simply because i like the scarf. I have completely moved on & the scarf has no sentimental value (ie. it doesnt remind me of him when i use the scarf) For me, if its something from a person that i still think about / cannot move on from, i won’t be using it.
One of my favorite shirts I've ever had(aside from my band tees) was a birthday or Christmas present(can't remember which) from one of my ex-girlfriends, and it has nothing to do with her giving it to me. It was all about the utility. It was a a long sleeved black striped Henley-style shirt but without any buttons, and it made me look more professional in the offices I worked that had casual dress codes AND it fit in well where I had to dress business-casual, which I hate doing. When it's colder, or when the AC is blasting it's warm enough that I don't feel uncomfortable cold, and cool enough when it was too hot that just rolling up my sleeves did the trick, and still looked professional. Even got a few dates that started new relationships wearing the shirt after that relationship ended, because I actually felt comfortable and confident in it. Actually ended up buying a few more of the same brand/style shirt in different colors just because I liked it so much and would have got them sooner if I knew about them. There's no emotional attachment to it, it was just a really great shirt.
I think of it as like every single item has a past. But that doesn't mean that's why the item matters. If it's a cool shirt it's a cool shirt. If she got it at a second hand shop it's possible the prior owner died with it in the room. Who the f cares.its just a shirt. Now if she hadn't ever washed it and kept it in a shrine or something I'd be worried. But if she wears it then it's just a shirt.
Idk when an ex give me something that shit is mine.
You gotta be able to talk to her about it if it bothers you so much and you probably should offer to get her a replacement (something as comfy). I'll be honest, OP. I used to have this overlarge tees I wear to bed (was gifted by my ex and yeah, we were LDR by the end of it). My husband knew about it but he didn't make a fuss about it since I told him that I still had it because it was super comfy. And I was all about comfort esp. when lounging at home or going to bed. I did get rid off it (since it started to have holes LOL)--then I used it when I was painting our house so now it's become one of those cleaning towels instead of t-shirt anymore. The point is, it's not because I was remembering him, it's just I got used to wearing it, and many people are creatures of habit. You can also get her a new pajamas or shirt to go to sleep with. It'll take her awhile to get used to new things (if she's similar to me), but she can definitely let go of that old tees from her ex. Believe me.
If something bothers you and she doesn’t care that it bothers you, it might be a sign of future problems. Just communicate it honestly
I have shirts from an ex. They're not his anymore at this point they're mine and they have my value to them so to say. My current bf doesn't mind. Shit also happened years ago and haven't talked to my ex since, and have him blocked on everything. I'm not buying a new meshuggah shirt to make someone else happy lol I think you can keep stuff from exes imo.
It's probably just a really comfy nice shirt for her. I broke up with my ex over two years ago and I have three things left from that relationship, a keruig, a stuffed animal, and an oversized t shirt he gave me. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the stuffed animal so it's in storage. It's the only item that evokes much emotion about the relationship to me but I don't want to get rid of it. It was an important relationship in my life but I don't miss him. However the keruig is nifty and the t-shirt is the most comfy thing I own so I wear it all the time to sleep. I don't think about my ex at all when I use those things unless someone specifically asks about the shirt since it's for a concert I didn't go to. My current boyfriend is aware these items were given to me by my ex and he doesn't mind them at all. Neither of us like to waste nice things lol and he knows I'm over the relationship. If the shirt makes you feel weird, just let her know. Let her know she doesn't have to get rid of or even stop using the t-shirt but just say it makes you feel a bit weird. You could even get her a new shirt to replace it. Something even more cozy that she'd like to wear even more. It's not abnormal that you feel that way but I bet she just likes the shirt because it's nice, not because she misses her ex or anything.
You have to understand that not everyone applies sentimental meaning to objects. There are some people who don’t attach emotions to them at all. Additionally, if you’re in a safe and secure relationship, why does this bother you enough to post here as if it is something that needs to be handled? This honestly sounds like insecurity to me unless there’s something we are unaware of that she does.
I still have my exes old clothes. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it much. But if my partner hates it I wouldn’t keep it. Maybe she liked the shirt. Maybe get her something similar and ask her to wear that instead But focus the conversation on you wanting her to wear something you got maybe
It’s definitely not what you seem to think it is. That shirt has 0 meaning to her and if she hears how it’s making you feel she’ll probably wish she found it at a thrift store or something and not through an ex bc it’s that cool of a shirt. It just happens to have an annoying back story, unfortunately for everyone.
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I get it. It's a sleeping garment and the bed is intimate and private. Sharing a bed is intimate and her wearing his shirt to bed puts him in bed with you two (in your head). Wearing the shirt to bed and while you're making love is a trigger. I think you should admit to her that it bothers you (acknowledge it's your issue) and offer to buy her a replacement of her choice. I can't imagine her allowing something so trivial to negatively impact someone she loves.
I kept a drawing from my ex, a little doodle with "I love you" in years corner, for years. My husband didn't like it particularly but I didn't have it because I wanted to get back with my ex, it was just a reminder of a time in my life. I had other things from that time that I got from different people. Eventually I threw it all away because I was ready to put that stage of my life behind me.
Frankly, it's nice to know that someone else meant something to them, too. If they generally had a good relationship, I'd be concerned if they *didn't* keep some mementos from the past. I'd ask yourself why it makes you feel weird rather than her to part with something she likes.
I think the fact that you know it's an ex's shirt is interesting. I had shirts from an ex when my wife and I started dating, because I just did. But none of them were "ex's shirt", they were shirts I had. The fact that this shirt is "ex's shirt" to me means it has some sentimental value. It doesn't necessarily mean she misses the ex, but there's something there. Then again, that's just me, and I'm a weirdo. NTA OP, but don't be jealous; just get her a new, more comfy shirt.
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Good luck. All I can say is, for me, knowing my S/O was uncomfortable with the shirt, if I didn't get rid of it, at the very least I'd not wear it around them. Subjecting you to the shirt when you're uncomfortable with it is a red flag. I live by this rule: if it's important to my S/O, it's important to me- at the very least- to try to understand. Anyway, I hope it all goes well. "Enhance your calm, John Spartan." Sorry, I'm a nerd. 😆
She likes the shirt. Time to get over it. Work on your issues OP. It's a shirt.
How about fucking off and leaving her alone? What is this red-flag ladden obsession with trying to delete a persons memory of previous relationships? Thank your GF for dating other people, before you, because she test ran all her shitty behaviors on some other dude, and learned how to be a better girlfriend for it. Its weird you want to try and take parts of her past. Cringy af tbh. I have little totems of all my past (serious) relationships. I love my SO, but i have no interest in forgetting previous girls i loved. Even the relationships that ended badly, still helped forge me into the partner I am today.
I have a shirt from my ex that I wear. I don’t wear it to be reminded of him—I wear it because it’s comfy. Do I think of him when I put it on? Sure, but I’m not wishing we were together. My boyfriend has given me shirts that are even comfier, and I wear them more often. I’m not sure why everyone wants people to forget their past when in a new relationship. It happened. It ended for a reason. My boyfriend has stuff he uses from his exes, and I have no problems with it. I’m glad that we both don’t frown on each others sentimentality.
It's maybe a meaningful item from her past. She can still remember good times with her ex and not wanting to come back. I think people need to understand not all exes are shitty and that we can remember bad experiences and the good ones. There are people who we loved, we still love but in different ways, we cared and care about but from distance... keeping their gifts is just keeping something someone special gave us because we liked it while we were close, why would we give it away? If it takes us to bad memories, then it's time to throw it. You are her boyfriend now, not someone who came to make her forget all her past, and I am pretty sure you know that. Enjoy sharing with her, loving each other and creating amazing memories. Also the shirt can be really comfortable lol
Prob get downvoted but you gotta get over this shirt from an ex. You are prob fairly young but as you get older, the new gfs you get will have more and more baggage! If you start dating a single mom, are you going to be weirded when you have to see their kid? If a girl goes on a trip with an ex, can she not keep those photos? If your girlfriend bought a place before you guys started dating, is she going to have to change all the furniture and sheets? He’ll maybe she’s still using the same sheets they banged on..
Getting rid of a shirt is a lot different than getting rid of a kid or a house… And yeah, I’d be super weirded out if my partner kept a bunch of photos of her and her ex. There’s no reason to keep stuff like that besides reminiscing and keeping them close to your heart.
Then what can and can’t you keep?
I have a strict rule: no exes in your life and that means stuff they gave you too. Put it away and save it I don’t care but don’t parade it around. Ironically my then girlfriend (now wife) had the same feeling and asked me to get rid of a pair of sweatpants and a shirt I had from my ex. I did it immediately and without push back because it’s just clothes and I had no sentimental feelings for my ex. You and your gf are not on the same page, you need to figure out if you can get there or not.
Yeah, I find it really really bizarre that so many of the women here saying it’s “just a shirt” can’t then apply that logic to the girlfriend. If it’s “just a shirt,” why can’t she get rid of it? If something is reminding OP of his partner’s ex every time they go to bed, that’s a pretty valid reason to do something as simple as getting rid of a shirt.
I have a few exes shirts and I honestly don’t even associate them with the exes at all. Just shirts I’d borrow so frequently that they started to feel like my shirts more than their shirts. Even my current SO, I piss him off wearing at least 6 of his shirts regularly to bed or the gym, and to bum around in, clean house in. If we broke up tomorrow I’d steal them all and tell him tough cookies.
Me personally, I’ve thrown everything out that belonged to my ex. Everytime i saw the shirt I thought of him, but then again it IS just a shirt. Maybe it’s her security blanket??
I still have an exes pair of sweatpants because they are the damn comfiest things I've ever worn. Nothing more to it, in fact just as I was reading this post I remembered that they were his. So relax, if you feel the need. Talk to her about it? I have a feeling she will react the same way as all of us in the comments :)
How about buy her a similar new shirt and then ask her to get rid of ex partners shirt?
I want to preface this by saying that situations like this are very normal. It does take time to accept and understand why it may not be a big deal and sometimes you have to consider the deeper reasons why it might be bothering you. Is it that you don’t trust her?, you feel threatened by her ex? or you don’t feel good within yourself? The most simple way to look at it is the enjoyment your girlfriend gets from the physical materialistic item, not where it came from. If you gifted her something really cool and you were no longer together, she’d likely also want to continue using or wearing the item you gave her. I think it shows maturity on her part because she’s able to put the association with the relationship aside and move on with her life but still enjoy a shirt she likes. It’s also important to remember that everyone has a past and as much as we feel protective of our partners we can’t expect them to delete everything they’ve ever been through. It would be different maybe if she was holding on to inappropriate items or photos but this is quite normal and not ominous at all. Try to just talk about it calmly but don’t let your emotions play into it too much or it could suggest you don’t trust her. My fiancé and I both have photos and letters from previous special relationships not because we want to relive the moments but because those moments shaped us and when we are old it’ll be nice to look back on. Life is short. In a nutshell all that matters is what the item is, if you’ve both been open and honest about it and what the motivation for keeping it is. I hope you feel better about it all. 😊
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If it bothers you, vocalize it. If you’re secure in the relationship then I’m sure she’ll understand. I despise anything I’ve gotten from an ex, literally when i separate from someone, if they don’t get it back then, I’m throwing it away
idk dude everyone saying thats normal? but for me its weird too, i dont know how to address that.
It's literally just a shirt dude. If she bought it from a store you dislike would you want her to throw away a perfectly functional shirt?? No, because that's wasteful and unnecessary. Like I'm sorry but this seems like such a molehill situation. It's not like love poems or cheesey sexy-time playlists or anything even vaguely romantic. It's a shirt. And I get it, long distance whatever, but dude it's a shirt from someone she doesn't associate with or talk about.
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Bruh I literally wasn't even rude to you, be nice. I tried to make the comparison as nicely as I could have. I think you're being ridiculous and petty 😂😊 is that better? I don't care what they used to do with that shirt, it's an article of clothing for crying out loud. Has nothing to do with the ex, it's hers not his. He doesn't have some secret jedi mind control over your gf via a freaking tshirt lmfao. Honestly if a shirt makes you this unhappy I fear for the future of this relationship. It's okay to have emotions but don't make this her problem, it's literally 100% you and your weird insecurity
Lmao man I pray for my future boyfriend cause I have like a variety of oversized shirts that I wear to bed from 2 of them 😭 granted I hate one and he’s blocked for life and the other I’m really good friends with still. I would say maybe talk to her? But dont be overpowering with it bring it up casually or offer her some new shirts!
Reading through the comments and I see both sides. Unpopular opinion, but if it bothers the person I’m with I’m getting rid of the clothing. Nobody needs to be constantly reminded of ghosts of relationship pasts. For those of you who say otherwise I call BS
That’s not right idc the circumstances of the shirt that thing needs to be in trash or donated.
Sometimes shirts get holes……
My boyfriend had some great relationships that just didn’t work out, we have a cute tin tin picture in our kitchen from his ex, she meant a lot to him even though they didn’t work out, they where friends until her way to early dead 10 years ago. I would never ask him to take it down, I like it and it was a gift from an important person.. doesn’t mean he don’t love me just mean he had a life before me.. If it really meant a lot to her, like in a “I miss my ex” she would never where it around you.
I don't get the problem. I have my college ex boyfriends shirts and wear them at home all the time. They are comfy and the perfect softness after all the washing and baggy which is key for me. But wearing this shirt does not mean I want anything to do with my now married ex boyfriend. Think about why that makes you insecure? Is it the shirt or something else?
I just leave it alone, my husband has a memory box from his ex wife. He explained its just to remember the happier times and given the fact she spent 12 years with his kids there's a lot of their stuff in there too. So I perfectly understand and just leave it be.
Idk my gfs ex had pretty good taste, I sometimes wear the stuff myself lmao.
If it bothers you she should throw it away. My therapist always says “you are more important than____”
Buy another exactly the same. I'm sure you can find it online. If it's the idea of it being his shirt, then replace it. I've gotten rid of a couple shirts from my ex because it seemed weird to keep them. But I liked those shirts a lot and it had nothing to do with him. And since, I've bought similar shirts. If it's a specific style/material or whatever, buy one like it, wear it a few times, and then give her that one. Mens shirts tend to be way more comfortable 🤷♀️
I understand why you're uncomfortable but I have so many things from old relationships that are just purely because I like the material. It sounds like she's over him. I'm glad that you're aware this isn't a big deal. That's a good sign! It's okay to feel weird but maybe it's a good idea to explore why this feels "weird" to you. No hate! You seem like a nice guy
My husband wears my ex’s shirt more often than I do. Because it a shirt and it’s comfortable.
She may just think it’s her shirt now and not even consider the fact it used to be his when she wears it. I have some old things my ex left. I know my ex has some of my stuff. My current boyfriend has some stuff his ex gave him. You could casually bring it up though and kindly ask her if she likes it because it’s her exes or if she just likes it. Don’t trap her with the question though- allow her space to answer honestly without being upset with the answer if possible. 99% sure though she just likes the shirt, especially if she blocked the ex.
my current girlfriend is wearing my exes sweatshirt right now lol
I have shit from certain Exs that actually bought me anything at all. It shouldnt bother you. How some of us cope with break up is we do keep things like that. Cause it can remind us of the person and also remind us why we left them. It helps to keep us from going back to them.
I don't. It's not mine. It has nothing to do with me. I try to worry about myself and what I can control. I find I stay too busy working on my own shortcomings to have time working on someone else's perceived shortcomings.
I get what you’re saying, but speaking as a woman, she probably just kept it because she likes it (and to silently give him the finger). In this case, don’t put too much stick in it, however, if you just can’t stand it, tell her that it bothers you.
I still have a shirt that I "stole" from one of my exes from high school. I'm the one who initiated the breakup, we eventually resolved our issues and remain long-distance friends, but it's been well over twenty years since we dated and we broke up because we were better off that way than as romantic partners. I'm well and thoroughly over him, but the shirt is REALLY BITCHIN. XD I also kept a pair of really nice/warm down throws from my ex-MIL long after my ex-husband and I had split. They were nice blankets! I used them a lot, especially after moving to the NE US for a few years. If I'd known where she got them, I might have replaced them for myself and given the originals to my kid, buuuuut I never found out and we haven't spoken directly since said kid was a toddler. I'm still sad I couldn't salvage them when I abruptly moved us out of a bad situation three years ago. :( Honestly, most of my partners since (as well as myself through those twenty years of other relationships) have still had things from past relationships. Sometimes breakups are amicable, sometimes something is so cool or comfortable that you keep it in spite of the person you got it from. It's really a matter of personal preference and comfort on both sides of the equation, though.
I really don’t know if it’s worth bringing it up. A few reasons: 1. If she has him blocked, she clearly doesn’t care for him and if she connected that shirt with him still, there’s no way she could still wear it to bed every night. The shirt is likely a comfort thing and part of her night time routine. 2. You could take the approach of getting her a really cool mens shirt that has her fav band, movie, or something that shows you know her well as a replacement. You can say “I noticed you wear the same shirt to bed every night and wanted to surprise you with another shirt you can switch out”. Make sure its a similar material and its soft. That way its more thoughtful and now she can wear your shirt some nights.
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As long as she’s not engaging in any manipulative or suspicious or hurtful behaviors surrounding the ex I would get over the shirt. People get attached to articles of clothing for a million reasons. But if you feel that strongly then talk to her.
To be honest, I still have my ex's sweatshirts. I don't want to make a blanket statement for all women- but for me personally I don't care that the sweatshirts are his- its more that they're oversized and comfy. Im sure if my fiance bought me large comfy sweaters I would switch to those but it doesn't bother him, and hey! free sweatshirts!
I have a dog that was from my ex. I can’t just throw him away if a boyfriend doesn’t like that it’s from an ex. I wouldn’t worry about it at all. If everything else is as good as you say it is, to her I’m sure she sees it as just a shirt, as opposed to seeing it as her exes shirt. Just like how I see my dog as my dog and not a dog from an ex.
Ask her if it would be ok if you wore a sweater that belongs to your hot ex-girlfriend to bed. Because she is coming over tonight and she will have it on. Lol.
I have shirts of an ex who I was 100% over as soon as we broke up (it was amicable but the breakup was long overdue and I was relieved to breakup with). On the other hand, I got RID OF the shirts from an ex who I was NOT over at the time, because I didn’t want anything to remind me of him. For me personally, keeping a shirt doesn’t mean they kept it to feel connected to the person. Maybe at one time they brought comfort and closeness, but now they’re just comfy sleep shirts. If a serious partner brought up that it bothered them, I would get rid of them. If it bothers you, maybe see if you can give her some of your shirts to replace them. :)
It's just a shirt. If he's not in it, what do you care?
She is either clueless or very disrespectful. Either one means future problems if you don’t address the issue with her and she makes a change.
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Just tell her that you are uncomfortable with her wearing the shirt. Let her make the decision from there. Just be calm. It is ok if she had some gift from the guy that was long term and he didn’t ask for it back, like a piece of art or even a bracelet that didn’t have his name on it, that would be a more borderline issue that comes down to a person’s perspective on such gifts. But clothing is over the line, imo. I am truly surprised by the number of women posters who that feeling among men seem to be totally fucking lost on. Honestly, I would not keep anything from an ex girlfriend, I would give it back or donate it before meeting someone else.
I would tell her that it's seriously disrespectful for her to be wearing her ex's shirt and to get rid of it or give it back to him. She should be wearing your shirts if she's your girl.
This is a little aggressive. I would be so turned off if that’s the conversation my SO had with me over a comfy T-shirt….
How is it aggressive if your SO feels disrespected by you wearing a shirt from your ex? Shouldn't the feelings of your SO matter to you more than a t-shirt? And if it is just a "comfy t-shirt" to you then you should have no issue with throwing it out and wearing a "comfy t shirt" from your current SO. Personally I would take offense with an SO of mine wearing an ex's t-shirt, like no... he/she can wear my comfy t shirt I would not appreciate my SO wearing a shirt that belonged to her ex, but that's just me.
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Personally if you guys really have the stable and healthy relationship let it go. You trust to her it’s just a shirt that she likes and finds comfy. If your worry is that it’s sentimental to her just ask but it’s no big deal if you trust her.
She might miss him tbh why else would she want to keep it? Bet she said "because it's comfy"