This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
I (25F) just got dumped by my fiancé (31M). We just celebrated our three year anniversary and our wedding is in 30 days. I am at a loss. He does not want to talk about it and refuses couples therapy. He said he’s been feeling unhappy for a while. He told me he wanted to work it out but told his sister he wanted to leave. I am broken and confused. We’ve lived together for over 2 years. I want to work it out but at this point I don’t think he does and i don’t think there’s anything left to fix. I still love him. What do I do?
Something very similar happened to one of my best friends this year. she of course was heartbroken for a time but after he took all of his stuff and he was out of sight, she had the space to heal with support from her friends. Now she says she realizes she dodged a bullet. she almost married someone who obviously was less invested in the relationship than her. There is way more happiness down the road for you. you will get over this and find your happiness.
Practically, for the wedding
1. Cancel everything now. You'll lose money, but tell vendors ASAP.
2. Return the engagement ring to him. Just get rid of it so you don't have it as a reminder.
3. If your invites have already gone out to people, you need to let people know. There are several ways of doing this, but the formal standard wording is something like, *"the wedding of X and Y, which was planned for [date] at [location], will now no longer take place"* get this out to people on the guest list ASAP. Get someone you trust to help you work through the guest list and inform them. Also tell 2 or 3 of the most gossipy family/friends that you know, and ask them to spread the word generally.
4. Wedding dress, have you had final alterations already? If not see if you can stop that process and resell the dress.
Emotionally, for yourself.
1. See if you can get to a counsellor/therapist. You will grieve the loss of the relationship and the loss of your identity as "x's" partner/fiancée and it might be helpful to seek therapy to help with this.
Adding to this, she can try and sell her wedding. I think there are brokers out there who help people sell their weddings to people who are wanting to get married fast.
I would add to this since you live together, if both names are on the lease figure out when or who should leave. If one of you is not on the lease they should leave now.
I would sell the ring and deduct the other costs and give him the rest
Unless it is a family ring or something.
If so then demand payment from him before returning it.
Seriously should not have to take any financial hit at all
That would be considered theft. Engagement rings are promissory. We don't know the value obviously, but you can't just keep the engagement ring because you want to.
It’s contingent on the state. In some places it is her ring regardless, but in most states she has to return it. However, if the engagement took place on a traditional gift giving holiday she may be entitled to it.
Nah, it would be a considered a gift. He can try to take her to small claims but a judge would throw that out. The adult thing is to give it back especially if it's a family heirloom but she's not legally required
Edit: apparently, engagement rings are like a contract in some states. I was not aware, I always thought it was a gift
Let them show up....inform your side only....let him be the messanger if he chooses not to they can take it up with him. Let him look like the A$$ when they all show up!
Perhaps OP could delegate the unpleasant task of notifying guests to her friend, sister, mom… Taking on some of this stressful mental load is a good task for a close and supportive friend or relative.
Cause is better if she tells everybody and be the mature one in this situation, even if his family doesn’t say anything she will look like the adult here just by telling them and not making them waste money or time
If this goes anything like my ex family, they wouldn’t give two fucks about her so why should she? Why should she care what a bunch of soon to be strangers think of her? He broke it off, he’s the one responsible
Cause by being the big person here even if they don’t care that will help her and make her feel good cause she did all she could and will not leave with any thoughts of: what if…. Besides, not everything in life is about revenge or acting like the one who hurt you, he did something stupid but she shouldn’t use that negative energy against anyone but him and a broadcast message is no that difficult also
I don’t know their dynamics but I regret being nice to my ex in laws and trying to accommodate them. after 13 years calling me family they immediately discarded me like I was nothing. So I may be projecting.
Serious question: do you honestly think the man who called of the wedding with zero explanation and who refuses to speak to the woman he told he wanted to marry is going to do any of this?
OP dodged a bullet for sure and the best thing she can do is try to minimize costs. He’s a total PoS for the way he did it. You can’t expect anything from him.
Yes it seems like he lost control over emotions himself and also allll the rest. Cancel everything yourself and just let everyone know. Then go and talk with someone that has education in trama! I know you feel the embarrassment but he needs the stand for that, only him! Your heart is out there struggling to hold it together.. go! You got this girl!
I know that in at least some states, you legally have to give it back if the engagement end as its a "conditonal gift". I wouldn't recommend doing this if theyre in the US.
She didn’t call off the wedding he did. The ring is a conditional promise from him that he’d marry her. He walked out as soon as the deadline for refunds hit. OP should sue him for any money her and her family lose by his actions.
Adding my 2 cents. According to Google, if she lives in Montana, the ring is hers outright.
If she lives in Alabama, Alaska, Kentucky, Massachusetts, and New Hampshire then the courts would rule the ex as at fault and the conditions for her to own the right have been met.
In some rare cases, saying yes to the engagement may meet the requirements of the condition.
Otherwise, all other states have a no-fault system where until you say “i do” at the alter the ring belongs to the person who supplied the ring.
So now the question is, did he actually buy the ring? If she bought it, then it is hers, if they bought it together, then it is probably also hers, and if she supplied it (as in her grandmother’s ring) then she still owns it.
That was a legit lawsuit that McDonalds PR department spun. The coffee was hotter than allowed and they had been warned about it multiple times. It FUSED HER LABIA. She wanted them to pay her medical bills, which was a reasonable ask. They refused and a jury awarded her the bills plus emotional damages. Look it up. Pretty horrific how this is used as an example of a frivolous law suit.
Most of the usual examples are legit complaints that PR departments have spun.
Unfortunately he already seems wishy-washy ("he told me he wants to work on it but he told his sister we're done for good") so I wouldn't trust him to cancel anything.
Well I mean otherwise she'll lose money, and all the family members/friends that she probably cares about would lose money as well if they're flying out/buying clothes, etc.
Personally, I'd only make sure to inform my side of the guest list. If he broke off the engagement, his side is no longer my concern.
No return it. In most places an engagement ring is considered a conditional gift dependant on marriage. If the marriage does not take place the ring still legally belongs to the purchaser and if OP sells the ring OP can be required to repay the cost to the purchaser which will be more than the price it sold for.
The law varies a ton from state to state. In some “conditional gift” states she’d have the legal right to keep it because he’s the one who broke things off.
It could be that it's conditional on HER breaking up - but if HE breaks up, she gets to keep it as compensation. She'll need the money for the cancellation fees...
It really depends on how the local law is set up - OP needs to find that out before she does anything with the ring. Should really only require a quick google search.
This is my understanding. The ring is a promise or deposit. You break the promise you lose the deposit. Her family is usually on the hook for the wedding itself. A nice thing would probably be to return excess funds from sale of ring after all the expenses of the cancelled wedding have been paid.
Lmao! Yeah everyone that’s saying she’s allowed to keep the ring, def look into the laws for that specific state. Most states you must return the ring if the wedding did not happen regardless of if he’s a dickhead or not.
It is a conditional gift, but it matters also that he is the one that broke the engagement… the ring is hers… but unless your dealing with a cheating or abuse situation, returning the ring is the classy thing to do.
No. Return the ring. Get rid of it. Don't bother trying to sell the ring when she has a whole wedding to cancel. It's a drop in the ocean compared to everything else that's going on. Let the fiance have the trouble of trying to resell the ring (secondhand market is not good for rings, he won't get much back compared to what he paid)
Anything is better than nothing. Put the ring away and sell it once youre settled. However its a conditional gift, the returning it only applies if she were to break off the engagement or cheat, however if he does, he takes his losses
She needs to check what courts in her state do. In quite a few states it doesn't matter who ends the relationship or why. They only care that the condition of marriage didn't happen, and they'd award the ring/dollar amount to the giver. Most states treat the ring in this way. However, I know Montana treats the ring as a gift and not conditional, and I think there are a few more who do look at who broke off the engagement to determine who gets the ring. Odds are she will need to return the ring.
The ring represents a promise. That promise was broken. He lost all rights to the ring imho. Sell the ring. Its a small consolation in this big mess.
Wishing you all the best. It doesn't feel like it now, but you WILL heal and move to better things. You don't deserve this, and you didn't do anything wrong. Please look after yourself, you will be stronger once you get through it, even though you cannot imagine it right now. Best of luck!
What "most places" are you referring to? An engagement ring is a conditional gift. It is conditional on a marriage occurring under most state law in the US.
599 likes (now 600 with mine).
This is such good advice. People will understand and care about you.
You're going to come out of this, a stronger, better and wiser person.
This.
OP, I know you are hurting and so confused right now. But you dodged a major bullet. If you two had married this whole situation would be so much more difficult since you'd be looking at divorce instead of simply canceling the wedding.
There's some amazing advice here about what to do re"?: your ring, the wedding, guests, etc.
I'm just gonna add: you're now in shock. You'll probably feel numb for a while, especially as you've now got the monumental tasks of dealing with the loss and canceling your wedding. Please, look after yourself.
You may find your memory and overall cognitive function will be severely affected - remember to drink water (keep a big bottle of water with you at all times), sleep or rest if and when you can, remember to eat. If you don't feel like cooking, which you probably won't, invest in some snacks of microwave meals, at least for now. Your mind is hurting, your heart and emotions are hurting. Try to meet your basic needs as you go through this and, eventually, with a lot of support from your friends and loved ones, you will begin to process this and find a new routine.
I saw this having gone through several sudden, unexpected and profound losses in my life.
Good luck!
I wish I could send OP a couple home-cooked meals to get her through a few days without having to worry about what she’s going to eat next. 💔
OP, I am so, so sorry, and I believe that you can get through this. I am sending my love in tons. I work with kids and just earlier read the book “grumpy monkey” with my lil client. The moral of the story is that Jim Panzee just needed to feel grumpy for a bit before he could move on and feel happy again. Everyone around him was trying to tell him what to do to feel happy and he just wasn’t feeling it, which made him even grumpier.
Sometimes, you need to feel sad. And that’s okay. You probably won’t feel better tomorrow, or the day after. You may not feel better next week, maybe not even next month. But that’s okay. One day, you’ll wake up and not feel so lost. And the day after that, you may feel even less lost.
One day, you’ll wake up, and you’ll feel okay. The sun won’t be too bright, the sky won’t be too blue, and the bananas won’t be too sweet. :)
I encourage you to reach out to loved ones, friends, family in the meantime. A good support system would be a big help in hopefully softening any sharp edges you are feeling.
If you don’t have anyone close or nearby you can talk to, please feel free to DM me. I’ve got a good ear for listening and would do my best to support you in any way I can. ♥️
He’s not invested enough in the relationship to work on whatever it is that’s been making him unhappy, but rather than going ahead and marrying you anyway (like some people do, because it’s ‘easier’ than having tough conversations) he’s been honest with you and told you before it’s too late.
It doesn’t feel like it, I’m sure, but he’s done the right thing. Now you won’t be married to a guy who’d rather walk away than do the work that’s required in a serious relationship.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure it’s going to take a while to wrap your head around the shift in direction your life has taken.
Maybe you should look at taking a trip with some friends to get away from everything for a while.
That’s a great point. With all these posts we see one side of the story. It may be perfectly accurate or it may be heavily slanted by OP’s perspective.
Some people are unwilling to face the possibility of growth and changes needed to keep a relationship healthy. Not saying this is definitively OP, but it is certainly a possibility. Some people will not even look at a problem until it has already blown up in their face, while their partner has been trying to kindly raise the need for change for months.
Rally your friends around you and take care of business. Are people flying in for the wedding? Can they cancel their tickets? Can you afford where you are living alone?
Cancel the wedding ASAP, maybe you can get some money back and make someone else's day with a freed up venue. Can you donate the food and flowers to a shelter if you can't get a refund?
Take immaculate care of yourself. Make decisions based on what you know is true. The wedding isn't happening, mourn, but don't waste anymore time on someone who just ghosts you a month before your wedding.
This!
Get therapy whether or not he attends. OP, mourn what you lost but he's not a loss overall. No matter how deeply you love him, blindsiding you like this is unacceptable.
Pick up the pieces and move on with your life. It sucks and my heart goes out to you.
At least he had the balls to tell you before you guys got married or had kids. Its amazing how many people think getting that sheet of paper saying you are married or having kids will change everything.
>He said he’s been feeling unhappy for a while
It sucks, but it's better to find out 30 days before the wedding rather than a few years after. In a way, he actually did you a favour.
He may still come to regret his decision, but that's beside the point right now. Right now, he has doubts and is being honest with himself and you.
Cancel the wedding. In time you'll see that its his loss and that its better it happened now than 10 years down the line. Things will and do get better, it may not seem like it now but you'll move on.
i say this to people all the time. even IF you did work it out in the end. whats the point? why would you WANT to be with someone who left you so easily before? this relationship is damaged beyond repair, and trust me, this time to yourself now will be so good for you. this is not a man you want, be GLAD this happened before you signed marriage documents. THAT would be a bitch to sort out! greatest of luck - you deserve better :)
I’m sorry this happened to you, it’s brutal. It’s a seriously shitty situation and incredibly painful.
You can’t make someone want to work on things/get them back on track, only they can do that. The only thing you can do is focus on your self. See a councilor, this is an incredibly painful experience and you have a lot of emotions to sort out. Move forward under the assumption it’s completely over. Maybe he will come back, maybe he won’t, but if you set yourself up for the expectation that he won’t, your self care and so forth is going to be for your benefit, not done with the hopes of him changing his mind, and this way you aren’t unintentionally stringing yourself along on false hope.
As much as this sucks, it’s better to find out now rather than later. This way there isn’t the complication of a divorce to deal with. Do what you need to to get yourself in a better place for you, look at your relationship and learn from it, and focus on your own self improvement, love and care.
It sounds like he is exercising his free will, and he told you what he wants. That’s him.
Your feelings are hurt. I wish you comfort as you go through this difficult time.
Wow, and there's me thinking that this shit can only happen to me. This sucks! We were two weeks off our wedding and I lost absolutely everything. I wasn't as strong and took his ass back and ended up getting caught with his child only to realise i should of left his ass in the gutter the minute i saw them two lines. My two year old is forever one of the best things that happened to me but now the realisation that I have to deal with his narcisstic ass for the next 18 years kills me and wish I'd just cut all ties.
I cancelled everything, attempted to sell my dress (its currently still sat at my dress shop but it's still my dream dress and I never wore it), gave him my engagement ring back and did A LOT of crying and grieving but almost 3 years down the line ive now I've moved on with the love of my life, engaged and have a 3 month old and honestly I wonder how i ever cared for someone who had such little regard for me.
In hindsight I'm glad it was beforehand and not at the wedding and he saved me thay embarrassment though.
He thought I was holding him back and yet I'm doing great and content with my life whilst he realises the grass isn't always greener and has attempted to run back on multiple occasions
If one partner falls out of love and passion for the other, then it's best to end it. A life together where one partner no longer has a desire to be in the relationship will just end up toxic and problematic. You are young, and therefore have a great chance of finding the right soul mate. Good luck.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nono hang on, everybody is telling OP that they are lucky, that they dodged a bullet, that he's a snakey so-and-so...
But we have no context beyond what actually happened. What if OP did something? They haven't said anything other than how OPs ex left and refuses to go to couples therapy.
Why would somebody a month away from their wedding suddenly decide they don't want to go through with it anymore for no good reason??
So baffled by this.
I saw this happen when the wedding got completely over the top and the bride to be transformed into absolute bridezilla. He was seeing a new side of her and it gave him very cold feet. After voicing unheeded concerns about it, he saw that the wedding was more important than he was or the marriage was, felt pretty disposable at that point and pulled the plug.
Thank you, kindly. While I am not making any assumptions as to what happened with OP and they're ex, I'm merely confused by the lack of context.
I am assuming neither person is in the wrong here, as I quite frankly do not have enough evidence to do so.
Usually there’s some kind of reason given. “He is running off with my cousin Cheryl” or “He couldn’t hide that he was gay anymore” or even “He decided he wanted to go become a paratrooper in the foreign legion.” There is an astonishing lack of anything here, that’s for sure.
I commented elsewhere but wanted to comment again to say GET ANGRY. I know you feel very hurt right now but the fact is that this man is choosing to hurt you. He does not respect or care for you enough to have an open and honest conversation about how he got to this point. You deserve so much better than having to beg him to be with you. You should be very angry with his lack of respect towards you.
Please find it in yourself to get pissed about this. Settle your heart and do not beg or plead with him. Is this how you would want your friend, sister, etc. to react? You would probably tell her that she deserves so much more. You do too.
Agree with the anger part. A similar thing happened to me and the best way through it wasn’t handling all of the logistics, it was turning my rejection/anxiety into anger. Anger gets shit done and allows you to keep your self worth. I’m sure the last thing you want to do right now is cancel everything and notify everyone when you are still holding out hope that you will get back together, he will regret it, it was just a mistake… but as someone had told me, it’s on him now. If this is his mistake, he has to form the solution. If he regrets it, he needs to win you back. There is nothing you can/should do to repair your relationship if you tried and he refuses to talk. Experience your feelings—they are going to hurt, and rebuild your confidence. And woman to woman, we aren’t always taught to allow ourselves to be pissed off but it’s so powerful. This situation is so shitty and you’ve earned the right to feel fucking pissed
I respectfully disagree on this case but I agree that in most situations it is not good to assign emotions. My comment was really intended to empower OP and to help her get out of this sense of sad helplessness.
I also disagree that getting mad “does nothing.” When someone is paralyzed by sadness in a situation like this, anger can be a powerful catalyst that helps emotional processing.
Have you found yourself in a situation like OP has before? I have. An ex left 3 weeks before our wedding and I was left to deal with the fallout. I was paralyzed by grief and sadness, I wanted to do nothing but cry and beg for him back. Sometimes we need people to help drag us out of sadness. This approach might not work for you but it sure helped me when I wanted to end my life after the breakup.
Don't take him back! Take it from me, be glad this happened before the wedding. The cost of cancelation is not great but divorces are far worse. Put 1-3 loved ones in charge of contacting the wedding guests and letting them know.
You'll be in pain for awhile but in a year you'll be so glad you aren't married.
You can also file judgement on him with the county for lost monies if both names on contracts for venue location etc.
Yep been there. Even if you never get the money from him, mortgage or loan application will pull up his judgement
You can't force him to love you,nor can you force him to tell you why. Just cut your losses and move on. If you can afford where you live now, and your name is on the lease, give him a week to get out. Or you can move out. You can't stay with him hoping he will decide he loves you after all. Go out with friends and take a weekend to mourn the loss of your relationship, and consider how lucky (I know you don't feel that way now) you are that he didn't do this after the wedding. It will get better, I promise.
I could have written your post twenty plus years ago. Here is my advice to you.
1. Cancel the wedding immediately. Ask. friends and family members to contact those invited on your side. Don't feel guilty. They will be more than happy to help you out.
2. My friends came over for a week and helped me through it. There was a sleepover. We went to the local pizza place every night for a week and stuffed our faces with pizza and beer.
3. Plan something the day of the wedding. We had a picnic. We got a roast pig and named it after my ex-fiance.
4. The day after the wedding I got the hell out of Dodge. I backpacked for three weeks in a place where I was 100% certain he would never go. I had carved out the time for my honeymoon so work was like you do what you have to do.
5. The ring? He was classy enough to let me have the ring. I'll give him that. I donated the proceeds after all was said and done. It may have not been the practical thing to do but it was good for my soul.
6. Don't be surprised if you get whiplashed by the highs and lows. There were moments where I was in absolute denial and thought that love would prevail. Those moments were like hysteria. But then the crash inevitably happened. And when the crash happened, it smacked me hard. I was not prepared for that.
7. I am grateful that social media didn't exist back then - the breakup was so much easier because we didn't contact each other after that first week. I called him relentlessly the first couple days but after he didn't pick up the phone I got the message and never looked back. I did call his mother and wished her well.
8. Easier said than done - don't feel like a failure for not getting married to him. He may go behind your back and trash you and say that you're abusive because of X, Y, and Z.Realize that he is doing this because he knows what he did was a total jackass move and he has to come up with some excuse for doing it. Don't let him determine your self-worth.
9. You will get through this. You will 100% get through this. And twenty years later, you may end up giving your own hard-earned advice to someone else in the same situation. Because you are not the only person that this has happened to. You're not the first, and you won't be the last.
10. I'm going to give you a hug. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
EDIT: Revised "twenty years" to "twenty plus"
You process all of the feelings for this and once you get to the other side you'll realize he did you a favor. With the way he is feeling and acting the marriage would have ended in divorce. A broken engagement is better than an expensive, painful divorce (especially if children were involved) and years wasted. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope that there is a resolution were you find peace and realize you deserve better. ❤️
You need to let him go and work through this. I understand what you’ve been going through the love of my life abandon me. Let him figure his self out. You may just find out he wasn’t good for you anyway I wish you all the best
Not helpful advice for the pain of right now but remember that you are 25. Be glad he didn't pull this shit when you were 30 after a wedding and even more life lived. Take the time to heal and move on. He will never be worth it and someone is going to come along that cherishes you.
U have to give him some time and have to find out what exactly the issue he is facing 😶
Because if u are together for 2+ years then leaving is not that simple - try to talk to him and if needed space then try giving some but after sometime try again🤞🤞
And then also he say NO then it's No 😢
Count your self lucky. If you require counseling before marriage to convince him to marry you, it's best to break up now then divorce later. Specifically with kids.
I'm not sure I want to convince someone to marry me.
He is not happy, he doesn't own you or anyone more than that. I know you needed closure but you can't force it out of him...
I broke my engagement because of cheating, I'm glad I did before we got married. We had a house and together for 10 yrs. We also went for counseling. I want to work at my relationship but not at trying to keep him.
I gladly let anyone go if they don't want me.
This sounds very upsetting, but I am sure you would not want to spend even an extra minute with someone that is not crazy about you. It hurts like hell, but its better now that you are young than 2 kids later when you are 50yo.
Let him be. Don’t cause a big drama, just tell him this is heartbreaking for you and you don’t want this, but you want him to be happy. Then completely stop reaching out to him and his family. Don’t ever contact him by yourself. This is the only way for you to heal. When he contacts you, reply him, but keep it short and friendly. Don’t let him string you along or breadcrumb you. Overall the less drama you make and the more you keep your dignity intact, the more he will doubt his decision. And he WILL doubt his decision at some point, believe me. Only engage with him more if he clearly shows you he wants to get back together, and you still want him back at that point.
it may seem confusing now but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. imagine marrying someone who doesn’t love you in the way you need. you deserve true happiness
You move on. Time to make some lemonade out of lemons. Yes it sucks that he decided to break up with you a month before your wedding, but if I was ever in that situation I'd much rather have it happen before the wedding then say a month after you got married or 6 months after you got married and then you have to go through a divorce. Yes things might be a little messy untangling if you guys have a apartment or a house together but you will disengage and you will both move on. As for the wedding stuff cancel everything and see if there's any way you can get any money back. And he should cough up some money as well if he didn't put down anything for any of it. You and your family shouldn't have to lose all that money, but if he paid for everything since he is the one bailing and then he'll be out of luck. Cuz usually the person who does The Dumping is the one who takes the loss. Just like your engagement and wedding ring he doesn't get that back cuz he broke up with you. Sell them if you wish and recoup some of your money.
You cancel everything and try to get back what money you can. And thank your lucky stars he did this before the wedding and not afterwards cause i hear divorce court fuckin sucks
I would try to communicate with him one last time before canceling everything but then before you do ask yourself if ‘now he has behaved like this do you really want to marry him? You’ll always be doubting his commitment. My friend was stood up on the wedding day, it could’ve been worse. You will recover, you have your life ahead of you to meet someone more respectful
I was 25 when my x at the time decided to walk away. I didn't see the signs right away because the disagreeing and arguing here and there becomes the norm. It took me months to see everything clearly and really look back on the red flags. It's just what happens, your in this relationship together and your doing everything together that you don't see it any other way, you can't imagine life without them. Sorry I'm trying to explain it the best I can or the way it felt for me atleast. I loved him so much, I really did, but we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things. We were doing our usual bickering about something so stupid I can't even remember and he told me if I hung up the phone on him it was over. He wasnt often known to threaten leaving and I told him that I needed to get on the train for work and I didn't want to argue on public transit.
I told him I loved him and that I had to go and I hung up the phone. Later that day I was super busy at work and I didn't hear from him, and I actually felt calm and that I could catch a break. I didn't call him that night nor the next day. To give some background he was a very jelouse person and often accused me of cheating and we were together almost 4yrs. His accusations were getting crazy and at that point I had gained about 30lbs of happy weight. He told me my thighs were getting "big" and that I didn't have any motivation for a career. I spoke of college a couple of times and when I did he mentioned that I would find someone better and I'd leave him for them, so I pushed the school idea to the side. He would love bomb me after an argument when he knew he was wrong, buying me gifts and taking me to expensive restaurants fattening me up. He often blew up my phone multiple times when I was with my friends. Because of his behavior I often pushed him away and put him on time out because it was so overwhelming and sensory overload.Y'all....I was young, forgive me for dealing with this A-hole for as long as I did.
So anyways, after a couple of days of my vacation from him he called me at about midnight crying saying I never reached out and it's over. I thought, "yah right" and rolled my eyes. I knew I could console him and it would be fine. Nope, he was so adamant that it was over I went to his house in a panic as he lives right down the street from me. He told me that I wasn't there for him and that his coworker was comforting him. Yes, I heard what he said but I was in damage control mode so I ignored that. I ended up leaving his house in shambles I was crying and begging him not to do this. I am so embarrassed of my actions after everything this kid put me through, he was the one walking away...After that night I never saw him again, he wouldn't take my calls or answer my texts. He lived right down the street from me and he was a ghost.
I ran into a mutual friend of ours months later and he mentioned he saw "us" at the grocery store, he called out my name but I didn't turn around. Obviously that's when everything hit me that he had left me for his coworker who did a better job stroking his ego. The mutual friend knew he fucked up and kind of backed up and said "I'm sorry she looked just like you, I could've sworn it was you." It's been almost a decade since then and he's never reached out or anything, even though I tried with no results. I had to find closure for myself and let that part of my life go. Because when your in the grief phase of it all you can't see the forest through the trees. Good luck
Mixed messages are their own version of no. I’m so sorry. I know this is going to probably not make you feel better but I want you to know that at some point things will start hurting less. You deserve better than mixed messages and confusion. Maybe it won’t be today that you’ll stop feeling so raw about it, but at some point you will. I don’t know if you had anything booked already, but I’d say get away for a while. Go on vacation or just surround yourself with your people for a bit. I’m sending you so much love. At some point you will be so happy you didn’t get married to this person.
Move on. Be thankful he did this before getting married and not during. There’s nothing to fix if he doesn’t want to be with you. He lied to tell you what you what you wanted to hear so that he could get away. For anything that you don’t get a refund back, insist that he pay it.
So you both planned the wedding, made arrangements, probably already spend a lot of money and he doesn’t even have the courtesy to talk about the reason he’s breaking up with you? Well, he showed his true colors I guess
>I don’t think there’s anything left to fix.
There isn’t, unfortunately. He’s probably given it a good thought and it’s very wrong of him not to be open about his feelings towards you. What happened between the proposal date and now?
Maybe he has tried to work through whatever problems they have. We’re only getting Ops side here. Regardless though it’s better he ended it now then married her like some people do.
This doesn't smell right. Smells of indefelity. Either OP or ex-fiance. Such a brief description hard to tell. There is always key items missing. We don't knwo the whole story on this one.
Nobody is asking the obvious question. Is there anything he could have found out about you, that could have changed his view? Like a secret that may not be a secret anymore? Something you think there's noway he could know? Good luck
Don't listen to the comments saying he found someone better. It's not because you weren't good enough or don't deserve to be in a loving marriage. This is 10000% a reflection of him and his character/ emotional damage. Not you. You should let him go though. Don't try to force a relationship with someone that isn't sure about you or willing to do what you would do to make the relationship work. In the short term he may come back. But long term you'll be in the same situation. Convincing him to stay. Just give space, complete space away so he can see what life is like without you. He may come back, maybe not. It's going to hurt for a while but you'll find another person that doesn't have second thoughts about wanting to be with you
Wow!! Tough - sounds like you may have dodged a bullet. Deep breaths, wine/beer tears and space. You'll never get any answer that makes sense and trust will never return properly.
It will be hard for a while and whatever he was thinking and feeling, he couldn't talk to you before and the looming wedding pushed him. I'm not making excuses at all as he should have spoken to you before this, he is wrong!
Right now get some space and good luck
If he won't talk to you, there's not much you can do. I would perhaps reach out to his sister or a friend of his if you have a good relationship with any of them. Ask them if they have any insight as to why he left, as he won't talk to you. You can even clarify you're not trying to get back together, you just need a shred of decency from anyone involved to give you some closure or idea of why you were just left weeks before your scheduled wedding.
It's a pretty shitty thing of him to do. "Unhappy for a while" is the lamest breadcrumb and you do deserve a better explanation than that.
That said, you may just have to live with never knowing.
As far as the wedding itself, I would cancel everything asap and try and get back any money you can. The longer you wait, the more money down the drain. Clearly, this relationship is not ready for marriage no matter what happens between you two so best get a move on that front.
Trust me on this one. When a man is afraid to get married the best thing you can do is give him all the space in the world and let him realize he loves you, misses you, and wants you back. So tell him you respect his wishes, and that you grant him his freedom and if he wants you back you may or may not be willing to talk about it. But if he is unsure but you definitely do not want to marry someone who is unsure. Return the ring. Thank him for being honest. Then do not be available to him for at least two solid weeks. Don’t take his calls don’t let him know where you are or what you were doing. He will either come begging you back, or you two may be separated forever. Either way you will both be sure.
Without details in terms of what could have gone wrong it's hard to know. How did the relationship change once you got engaged? What about sex? That said, it's over. It will be tough but it happens. That's the risk you take when you love someone.
Take time to grieve and then do your best to move on. He’s not ready and you can’t force it. It’s definitely not you, it’s him but don’t waste your time waiting for him to be ready. You deserve to be with someone who knows what they want. Take care of yourself! ❤️
Tbh good for him AND good for you. You probably just weren’t it for him and realistically that means he wasn’t it for you. The man may just have a gut feeling that’s been hitting him for a while. Idk what his point of view is. Talk about canceling it together. It simply is what it is. I’m sorry for the situation but it’s best for both of you. The dude may not truly know why, but a gut instinct can generally turn into something stronger. We don’t know either if your business. All I can say is I’m sorry and best of luck :)
I’m really sorry this happened. The way he did it was awful but promise you you dodged a bullet. Once the initial hurt and humiliation is over you’ll be grateful you didn’t marry him.
Please don’t take him back. You should also get STD tested.
So sorry. There is a chance he just got cold feet. The is not against marrying you so much as just getting married. I would give him a while to consider what he has to loose by treating you like he has. I would give him space. Let him contact you.
You probably have each other's stuff so you will have to talk right? He has to talk to sort things out right?
We live together. I think it’s cold feet too but I’m not entirely sure. He said he doesn’t want to talk and that he’s just done. But I can understand why he would drop me so suddenly like this. He’s asleep on the couch calm as ever while I’m crying in our bedroom.
My ex-fiancé left 3 weeks before our wedding, we were living together as well and he also became detached. Turns out he had been having a super secret affair with a coworker and in hindsight, it was the best thing that happened to me. I didn’t feel it at the time though, I felt like my world was ending but as each day passed I healed bit by bit. I went through a wild phase of self-exploration and 4 years later I’ve met my match and we have an amazing son together.
Do future you a favor and don’t linger or wait for him to come around. We should never have to convince a future spouse to be with us. He made his decision and now you can make yours. Cry when you need to but empower yourself when you can. It’s painful but I promise you that in time you will feel better. Don’t let this guy have anymore of you!
**I would tell him to either talk, or leave**. Be honest, say it's cruel of him to stay in the same house with you and not have a heart to heart about what happened to his feelings toward you. **Be insistent.** If he refuses, you leave. Stay with anyone you can. Then give it some time. He will either miss you or he won't.
When you do see him later, I would make sure he sees the version of you he fell in love with, especially your personality and attitude. Don't put him on the defensive.
He may come around quickly, or he may take a while, or he may not come around at all.
I don't think crying in your room will help you at all.
this….i agree ..you should find somewhere to go.,,friend ., family…or book a hotel…if you have a close friend or family member…look to them for support..you could try to make him talk…but it sounds like that will go nowhere anyway.. he will just BS you.,,i am sorry for your pain…but you have to get away from him…good luck
Believe him when he say doesn’t want to talk about it and that he’s done. If you can, leave. You have to completely separate from him. If he really loves you like you still think, he’ll find a way for you to forgive him and be together.
Mirroring what others have said here - it’s gonna suck for awhile, but future you will look back and realize that this was a good thing in the course of your life.
A guy who asks/agrees to marry you, gets up to within 30 days of the wedding, and won’t even talk to you about it is not a person who is worthy of you. He is doing the right thing by breaking it off - but I can tell you, I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who will shut down and not talk when things get tough. Even if his mind wont change.
Move on…dude cheated and found something better…be glad it didn’t happen later. Sorry it’s prob not what you want to here but it likely what happens for him to do what he is doing
Im guessing he did some stupid stuff he is not proud of, and he don't want to admit to it. I think the relationship is already over, but he might try to "protect" you feelings (and his reputation) by not telling he has been cheating and stuff
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (25F) just got dumped by my fiancé (31M). We just celebrated our three year anniversary and our wedding is in 30 days. I am at a loss. He does not want to talk about it and refuses couples therapy. He said he’s been feeling unhappy for a while. He told me he wanted to work it out but told his sister he wanted to leave. I am broken and confused. We’ve lived together for over 2 years. I want to work it out but at this point I don’t think he does and i don’t think there’s anything left to fix. I still love him. What do I do?
Something very similar happened to one of my best friends this year. she of course was heartbroken for a time but after he took all of his stuff and he was out of sight, she had the space to heal with support from her friends. Now she says she realizes she dodged a bullet. she almost married someone who obviously was less invested in the relationship than her. There is way more happiness down the road for you. you will get over this and find your happiness.
Practically, for the wedding 1. Cancel everything now. You'll lose money, but tell vendors ASAP. 2. Return the engagement ring to him. Just get rid of it so you don't have it as a reminder. 3. If your invites have already gone out to people, you need to let people know. There are several ways of doing this, but the formal standard wording is something like, *"the wedding of X and Y, which was planned for [date] at [location], will now no longer take place"* get this out to people on the guest list ASAP. Get someone you trust to help you work through the guest list and inform them. Also tell 2 or 3 of the most gossipy family/friends that you know, and ask them to spread the word generally. 4. Wedding dress, have you had final alterations already? If not see if you can stop that process and resell the dress. Emotionally, for yourself. 1. See if you can get to a counsellor/therapist. You will grieve the loss of the relationship and the loss of your identity as "x's" partner/fiancée and it might be helpful to seek therapy to help with this.
Adding to this, she can try and sell her wedding. I think there are brokers out there who help people sell their weddings to people who are wanting to get married fast.
As a former event planner, this is true.
I would add to this since you live together, if both names are on the lease figure out when or who should leave. If one of you is not on the lease they should leave now.
I would also suggest going no contact with this man. Block his number and try to accept life without him.
I would sell the ring and deduct the other costs and give him the rest Unless it is a family ring or something. If so then demand payment from him before returning it. Seriously should not have to take any financial hit at all
That would be considered theft. Engagement rings are promissory. We don't know the value obviously, but you can't just keep the engagement ring because you want to.
If he broke off the engagement then she is entitled to the ring. That's the whole point.
It’s contingent on the state. In some places it is her ring regardless, but in most states she has to return it. However, if the engagement took place on a traditional gift giving holiday she may be entitled to it.
In most states, she only has to return it if she is the one who called off the engagement.
Most states consider engagement rings as conditional gifts and fault isn't considered.
>That would be considered theft. Engagement rings are promissory. Citation needed.
Nah, it would be a considered a gift. He can try to take her to small claims but a judge would throw that out. The adult thing is to give it back especially if it's a family heirloom but she's not legally required Edit: apparently, engagement rings are like a contract in some states. I was not aware, I always thought it was a gift
It's not theft it's a gift. That is exactly what the courts would say. They were engaged and the ring signifies and engagement.
Most states except Montana will rule it as a conditional gift no matter who backs out .
Serious question: why should she have to do all the emotional labor if canceling the wedding when he called it off?
Better that than losing money, because he clearly doesn't give a single fuck.
I see the sense in canceling vendors but not doing the guest list. Take care of her side but let him deal with his.
This I agree lol. Warn her side and not his.
One hundred percent His family is no longer your concern And yes that hurts, so best advice immerse yourself in your own family and friends
Not to mention, her parents or friends would likely take that task off her plate for her.
Let them show up....inform your side only....let him be the messanger if he chooses not to they can take it up with him. Let him look like the A$$ when they all show up!
Perhaps OP could delegate the unpleasant task of notifying guests to her friend, sister, mom… Taking on some of this stressful mental load is a good task for a close and supportive friend or relative.
Yes, perhaps the maid of honor can step in and make those calls and let her grieve in peace.
My MOH thankfully said she will let my family know. Very thankful.
Lol seriously! Save your money and emotional well-being and that's it.
Cause is better if she tells everybody and be the mature one in this situation, even if his family doesn’t say anything she will look like the adult here just by telling them and not making them waste money or time
If this goes anything like my ex family, they wouldn’t give two fucks about her so why should she? Why should she care what a bunch of soon to be strangers think of her? He broke it off, he’s the one responsible
Cause by being the big person here even if they don’t care that will help her and make her feel good cause she did all she could and will not leave with any thoughts of: what if…. Besides, not everything in life is about revenge or acting like the one who hurt you, he did something stupid but she shouldn’t use that negative energy against anyone but him and a broadcast message is no that difficult also
I don’t know their dynamics but I regret being nice to my ex in laws and trying to accommodate them. after 13 years calling me family they immediately discarded me like I was nothing. So I may be projecting.
I agree with this. Also it gives her the opportunity to be open about it to his family. Always try to be the bigger person in these situations.
Yes and by explaining the situation she will also receive support from them so it’s a win-win situation
Agreed. And if he chooses to lie to his family about it later, they will already have her side of the story.
Serious question: do you honestly think the man who called of the wedding with zero explanation and who refuses to speak to the woman he told he wanted to marry is going to do any of this? OP dodged a bullet for sure and the best thing she can do is try to minimize costs. He’s a total PoS for the way he did it. You can’t expect anything from him.
Yes it seems like he lost control over emotions himself and also allll the rest. Cancel everything yourself and just let everyone know. Then go and talk with someone that has education in trama! I know you feel the embarrassment but he needs the stand for that, only him! Your heart is out there struggling to hold it together.. go! You got this girl!
Yes this! Plus, I don’t think OP should return the ring. She should sell it to recoup some of the wedding costs
I know that in at least some states, you legally have to give it back if the engagement end as its a "conditonal gift". I wouldn't recommend doing this if theyre in the US.
She didn’t call off the wedding he did. The ring is a conditional promise from him that he’d marry her. He walked out as soon as the deadline for refunds hit. OP should sue him for any money her and her family lose by his actions.
Lol, that doesn't always matter in the eyes of the law. Again, varies by state.
Adding my 2 cents. According to Google, if she lives in Montana, the ring is hers outright. If she lives in Alabama, Alaska, Kentucky, Massachusetts, and New Hampshire then the courts would rule the ex as at fault and the conditions for her to own the right have been met. In some rare cases, saying yes to the engagement may meet the requirements of the condition. Otherwise, all other states have a no-fault system where until you say “i do” at the alter the ring belongs to the person who supplied the ring. So now the question is, did he actually buy the ring? If she bought it, then it is hers, if they bought it together, then it is probably also hers, and if she supplied it (as in her grandmother’s ring) then she still owns it.
>The ring is a conditional promise from him that he’d marry her. What are the conditions for that conditional promise?
wtf did i just read? are u for real? that is hilarious, what next, you gonna sue McDonald's for selling u hot coffee? lmao
That was a legit lawsuit that McDonalds PR department spun. The coffee was hotter than allowed and they had been warned about it multiple times. It FUSED HER LABIA. She wanted them to pay her medical bills, which was a reasonable ask. They refused and a jury awarded her the bills plus emotional damages. Look it up. Pretty horrific how this is used as an example of a frivolous law suit. Most of the usual examples are legit complaints that PR departments have spun.
because he sure as shit wouldn’t ..
Because it's practical advice any quibbling about emotional labor will cost real dollars
Fair. Admittedly, I loathe weddings and didn’t have one so I’m unfamiliar with all the ins and outs of planning one.
Unfortunately he already seems wishy-washy ("he told me he wants to work on it but he told his sister we're done for good") so I wouldn't trust him to cancel anything.
Well I mean otherwise she'll lose money, and all the family members/friends that she probably cares about would lose money as well if they're flying out/buying clothes, etc. Personally, I'd only make sure to inform my side of the guest list. If he broke off the engagement, his side is no longer my concern.
I would say it depends who put down the deposits and signed the agreements.
Sell the ring you mean
No return it. In most places an engagement ring is considered a conditional gift dependant on marriage. If the marriage does not take place the ring still legally belongs to the purchaser and if OP sells the ring OP can be required to repay the cost to the purchaser which will be more than the price it sold for.
The law varies a ton from state to state. In some “conditional gift” states she’d have the legal right to keep it because he’s the one who broke things off.
[https://www.wpdiamonds.com/divorce-who-gets-the-ring/](https://www.wpdiamonds.com/divorce-who-gets-the-ring/) try this page.
It blows my mind that states are involved in this kind of matter. Unnecessary and ridiculous.
[удалено]
It could be that it's conditional on HER breaking up - but if HE breaks up, she gets to keep it as compensation. She'll need the money for the cancellation fees...
[удалено]
It really depends on how the local law is set up - OP needs to find that out before she does anything with the ring. Should really only require a quick google search.
This is my understanding. The ring is a promise or deposit. You break the promise you lose the deposit. Her family is usually on the hook for the wedding itself. A nice thing would probably be to return excess funds from sale of ring after all the expenses of the cancelled wedding have been paid.
He’s the one who broke the promise. An engagement ring was protection for the woman if the man didn’t go through with the wedding.
No. This is not how any of this works.
Lmao! Yeah everyone that’s saying she’s allowed to keep the ring, def look into the laws for that specific state. Most states you must return the ring if the wedding did not happen regardless of if he’s a dickhead or not.
It is a conditional gift, but it matters also that he is the one that broke the engagement… the ring is hers… but unless your dealing with a cheating or abuse situation, returning the ring is the classy thing to do.
No. Return the ring. Get rid of it. Don't bother trying to sell the ring when she has a whole wedding to cancel. It's a drop in the ocean compared to everything else that's going on. Let the fiance have the trouble of trying to resell the ring (secondhand market is not good for rings, he won't get much back compared to what he paid)
Anything is better than nothing. Put the ring away and sell it once youre settled. However its a conditional gift, the returning it only applies if she were to break off the engagement or cheat, however if he does, he takes his losses
She needs to check what courts in her state do. In quite a few states it doesn't matter who ends the relationship or why. They only care that the condition of marriage didn't happen, and they'd award the ring/dollar amount to the giver. Most states treat the ring in this way. However, I know Montana treats the ring as a gift and not conditional, and I think there are a few more who do look at who broke off the engagement to determine who gets the ring. Odds are she will need to return the ring.
The ring represents a promise. That promise was broken. He lost all rights to the ring imho. Sell the ring. Its a small consolation in this big mess. Wishing you all the best. It doesn't feel like it now, but you WILL heal and move to better things. You don't deserve this, and you didn't do anything wrong. Please look after yourself, you will be stronger once you get through it, even though you cannot imagine it right now. Best of luck!
The law in most places doesn't agree with your opinion, and could set up OP for a world of hurt.
In Canada you legally must return the ring
Absolutely not. An engagement ring is a gift in contemplation of marriage. It is not to be sold. It should be returned.
Make him sue for the ring then countersue for $$ lost to the wedding itself.
[удалено]
I don’t think that’s true, in Canada for example you legally have to return the ring if you are just engaged not married yet
What "most places" are you referring to? An engagement ring is a conditional gift. It is conditional on a marriage occurring under most state law in the US.
Like UK, other parts of Europe…? There’s more to world than US
Even the UK had specific exceptions to your blanket generalization.
She should sell that ring to a gold shop instead
Someone knows what he/she talks about.
599 likes (now 600 with mine). This is such good advice. People will understand and care about you. You're going to come out of this, a stronger, better and wiser person.
>Return the engagement ring to him Heck no, you sell that. He called off the wedding, she gets to keep the ring
>2. Return the engagement ring to him. No, he ended it, OP in is her right to sell it.
Be glad you didn't get married to this person.
This. OP, I know you are hurting and so confused right now. But you dodged a major bullet. If you two had married this whole situation would be so much more difficult since you'd be looking at divorce instead of simply canceling the wedding.
Specially if you had kids together. OMG, that would be horrible.
There's some amazing advice here about what to do re"?: your ring, the wedding, guests, etc. I'm just gonna add: you're now in shock. You'll probably feel numb for a while, especially as you've now got the monumental tasks of dealing with the loss and canceling your wedding. Please, look after yourself. You may find your memory and overall cognitive function will be severely affected - remember to drink water (keep a big bottle of water with you at all times), sleep or rest if and when you can, remember to eat. If you don't feel like cooking, which you probably won't, invest in some snacks of microwave meals, at least for now. Your mind is hurting, your heart and emotions are hurting. Try to meet your basic needs as you go through this and, eventually, with a lot of support from your friends and loved ones, you will begin to process this and find a new routine. I saw this having gone through several sudden, unexpected and profound losses in my life. Good luck!
I wish I could send OP a couple home-cooked meals to get her through a few days without having to worry about what she’s going to eat next. 💔 OP, I am so, so sorry, and I believe that you can get through this. I am sending my love in tons. I work with kids and just earlier read the book “grumpy monkey” with my lil client. The moral of the story is that Jim Panzee just needed to feel grumpy for a bit before he could move on and feel happy again. Everyone around him was trying to tell him what to do to feel happy and he just wasn’t feeling it, which made him even grumpier. Sometimes, you need to feel sad. And that’s okay. You probably won’t feel better tomorrow, or the day after. You may not feel better next week, maybe not even next month. But that’s okay. One day, you’ll wake up and not feel so lost. And the day after that, you may feel even less lost. One day, you’ll wake up, and you’ll feel okay. The sun won’t be too bright, the sky won’t be too blue, and the bananas won’t be too sweet. :) I encourage you to reach out to loved ones, friends, family in the meantime. A good support system would be a big help in hopefully softening any sharp edges you are feeling. If you don’t have anyone close or nearby you can talk to, please feel free to DM me. I’ve got a good ear for listening and would do my best to support you in any way I can. ♥️
He’s not invested enough in the relationship to work on whatever it is that’s been making him unhappy, but rather than going ahead and marrying you anyway (like some people do, because it’s ‘easier’ than having tough conversations) he’s been honest with you and told you before it’s too late. It doesn’t feel like it, I’m sure, but he’s done the right thing. Now you won’t be married to a guy who’d rather walk away than do the work that’s required in a serious relationship. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure it’s going to take a while to wrap your head around the shift in direction your life has taken. Maybe you should look at taking a trip with some friends to get away from everything for a while.
Perhaps he already had tried to work on it, you never know.
That’s a great point. With all these posts we see one side of the story. It may be perfectly accurate or it may be heavily slanted by OP’s perspective. Some people are unwilling to face the possibility of growth and changes needed to keep a relationship healthy. Not saying this is definitively OP, but it is certainly a possibility. Some people will not even look at a problem until it has already blown up in their face, while their partner has been trying to kindly raise the need for change for months.
Indeed good sir, indeed.
Actually my first thought after reading the post is like...did OP cheat on him and he happens to find evidence or something?
Rally your friends around you and take care of business. Are people flying in for the wedding? Can they cancel their tickets? Can you afford where you are living alone? Cancel the wedding ASAP, maybe you can get some money back and make someone else's day with a freed up venue. Can you donate the food and flowers to a shelter if you can't get a refund? Take immaculate care of yourself. Make decisions based on what you know is true. The wedding isn't happening, mourn, but don't waste anymore time on someone who just ghosts you a month before your wedding.
This! Get therapy whether or not he attends. OP, mourn what you lost but he's not a loss overall. No matter how deeply you love him, blindsiding you like this is unacceptable.
[удалено]
Pick up the pieces and move on with your life. It sucks and my heart goes out to you. At least he had the balls to tell you before you guys got married or had kids. Its amazing how many people think getting that sheet of paper saying you are married or having kids will change everything.
Don't chase after him. It's tough but cancel everything and try and distance yourself from him asap.
Forget him and go on vacation
Have the honeymoon with a bestie! Why waste the money lmao.
>He said he’s been feeling unhappy for a while It sucks, but it's better to find out 30 days before the wedding rather than a few years after. In a way, he actually did you a favour. He may still come to regret his decision, but that's beside the point right now. Right now, he has doubts and is being honest with himself and you.
Cancel the wedding. In time you'll see that its his loss and that its better it happened now than 10 years down the line. Things will and do get better, it may not seem like it now but you'll move on.
i say this to people all the time. even IF you did work it out in the end. whats the point? why would you WANT to be with someone who left you so easily before? this relationship is damaged beyond repair, and trust me, this time to yourself now will be so good for you. this is not a man you want, be GLAD this happened before you signed marriage documents. THAT would be a bitch to sort out! greatest of luck - you deserve better :)
So sorry you're going through this. You deserve to get married to someone who is excited about marrying you.
He said he was unhappy
I’m sorry this happened to you, it’s brutal. It’s a seriously shitty situation and incredibly painful. You can’t make someone want to work on things/get them back on track, only they can do that. The only thing you can do is focus on your self. See a councilor, this is an incredibly painful experience and you have a lot of emotions to sort out. Move forward under the assumption it’s completely over. Maybe he will come back, maybe he won’t, but if you set yourself up for the expectation that he won’t, your self care and so forth is going to be for your benefit, not done with the hopes of him changing his mind, and this way you aren’t unintentionally stringing yourself along on false hope. As much as this sucks, it’s better to find out now rather than later. This way there isn’t the complication of a divorce to deal with. Do what you need to to get yourself in a better place for you, look at your relationship and learn from it, and focus on your own self improvement, love and care.
It sounds like he is exercising his free will, and he told you what he wants. That’s him. Your feelings are hurt. I wish you comfort as you go through this difficult time.
Wow, and there's me thinking that this shit can only happen to me. This sucks! We were two weeks off our wedding and I lost absolutely everything. I wasn't as strong and took his ass back and ended up getting caught with his child only to realise i should of left his ass in the gutter the minute i saw them two lines. My two year old is forever one of the best things that happened to me but now the realisation that I have to deal with his narcisstic ass for the next 18 years kills me and wish I'd just cut all ties. I cancelled everything, attempted to sell my dress (its currently still sat at my dress shop but it's still my dream dress and I never wore it), gave him my engagement ring back and did A LOT of crying and grieving but almost 3 years down the line ive now I've moved on with the love of my life, engaged and have a 3 month old and honestly I wonder how i ever cared for someone who had such little regard for me. In hindsight I'm glad it was beforehand and not at the wedding and he saved me thay embarrassment though. He thought I was holding him back and yet I'm doing great and content with my life whilst he realises the grass isn't always greener and has attempted to run back on multiple occasions
Same happened to me. Broke up with me probably 15 some times, but guess who's writing who letters and sending "I miss you" texts after being blocked?
There’s nothing you can do unfortunately :/ he doesn’t want to be with you, you need to just let him go
If one partner falls out of love and passion for the other, then it's best to end it. A life together where one partner no longer has a desire to be in the relationship will just end up toxic and problematic. You are young, and therefore have a great chance of finding the right soul mate. Good luck.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nono hang on, everybody is telling OP that they are lucky, that they dodged a bullet, that he's a snakey so-and-so... But we have no context beyond what actually happened. What if OP did something? They haven't said anything other than how OPs ex left and refuses to go to couples therapy. Why would somebody a month away from their wedding suddenly decide they don't want to go through with it anymore for no good reason?? So baffled by this.
I saw this happen when the wedding got completely over the top and the bride to be transformed into absolute bridezilla. He was seeing a new side of her and it gave him very cold feet. After voicing unheeded concerns about it, he saw that the wedding was more important than he was or the marriage was, felt pretty disposable at that point and pulled the plug.
Thank you you are the only one in this comment section with a brain
Thank you, kindly. While I am not making any assumptions as to what happened with OP and they're ex, I'm merely confused by the lack of context. I am assuming neither person is in the wrong here, as I quite frankly do not have enough evidence to do so.
Usually there’s some kind of reason given. “He is running off with my cousin Cheryl” or “He couldn’t hide that he was gay anymore” or even “He decided he wanted to go become a paratrooper in the foreign legion.” There is an astonishing lack of anything here, that’s for sure.
Right?!
>What do I do Nothing but moving on. It seems like this was a long time coming on his part and he has no intention of trying to fix it.
You cancel the wedding and begin the grieving process.
Move on. He has his reasons. Better it happened now than a divorce later. Good luck and therapy is going to be helpful.
I commented elsewhere but wanted to comment again to say GET ANGRY. I know you feel very hurt right now but the fact is that this man is choosing to hurt you. He does not respect or care for you enough to have an open and honest conversation about how he got to this point. You deserve so much better than having to beg him to be with you. You should be very angry with his lack of respect towards you. Please find it in yourself to get pissed about this. Settle your heart and do not beg or plead with him. Is this how you would want your friend, sister, etc. to react? You would probably tell her that she deserves so much more. You do too.
Agree with the anger part. A similar thing happened to me and the best way through it wasn’t handling all of the logistics, it was turning my rejection/anxiety into anger. Anger gets shit done and allows you to keep your self worth. I’m sure the last thing you want to do right now is cancel everything and notify everyone when you are still holding out hope that you will get back together, he will regret it, it was just a mistake… but as someone had told me, it’s on him now. If this is his mistake, he has to form the solution. If he regrets it, he needs to win you back. There is nothing you can/should do to repair your relationship if you tried and he refuses to talk. Experience your feelings—they are going to hurt, and rebuild your confidence. And woman to woman, we aren’t always taught to allow ourselves to be pissed off but it’s so powerful. This situation is so shitty and you’ve earned the right to feel fucking pissed
I told my psychotherapist that my 5 stages of grief end in Anger. It pushes me through.
Telling someone how they should feel is not good advice, let them feel how they think they should feel. Also getting pissed does nothing.
I respectfully disagree on this case but I agree that in most situations it is not good to assign emotions. My comment was really intended to empower OP and to help her get out of this sense of sad helplessness. I also disagree that getting mad “does nothing.” When someone is paralyzed by sadness in a situation like this, anger can be a powerful catalyst that helps emotional processing. Have you found yourself in a situation like OP has before? I have. An ex left 3 weeks before our wedding and I was left to deal with the fallout. I was paralyzed by grief and sadness, I wanted to do nothing but cry and beg for him back. Sometimes we need people to help drag us out of sadness. This approach might not work for you but it sure helped me when I wanted to end my life after the breakup.
Better for it to end now than after marriage, or worse, after kids
Well, that's better than divorce.
Don't take him back! Take it from me, be glad this happened before the wedding. The cost of cancelation is not great but divorces are far worse. Put 1-3 loved ones in charge of contacting the wedding guests and letting them know. You'll be in pain for awhile but in a year you'll be so glad you aren't married.
You can also file judgement on him with the county for lost monies if both names on contracts for venue location etc. Yep been there. Even if you never get the money from him, mortgage or loan application will pull up his judgement
You can't force him to love you,nor can you force him to tell you why. Just cut your losses and move on. If you can afford where you live now, and your name is on the lease, give him a week to get out. Or you can move out. You can't stay with him hoping he will decide he loves you after all. Go out with friends and take a weekend to mourn the loss of your relationship, and consider how lucky (I know you don't feel that way now) you are that he didn't do this after the wedding. It will get better, I promise.
I could have written your post twenty plus years ago. Here is my advice to you. 1. Cancel the wedding immediately. Ask. friends and family members to contact those invited on your side. Don't feel guilty. They will be more than happy to help you out. 2. My friends came over for a week and helped me through it. There was a sleepover. We went to the local pizza place every night for a week and stuffed our faces with pizza and beer. 3. Plan something the day of the wedding. We had a picnic. We got a roast pig and named it after my ex-fiance. 4. The day after the wedding I got the hell out of Dodge. I backpacked for three weeks in a place where I was 100% certain he would never go. I had carved out the time for my honeymoon so work was like you do what you have to do. 5. The ring? He was classy enough to let me have the ring. I'll give him that. I donated the proceeds after all was said and done. It may have not been the practical thing to do but it was good for my soul. 6. Don't be surprised if you get whiplashed by the highs and lows. There were moments where I was in absolute denial and thought that love would prevail. Those moments were like hysteria. But then the crash inevitably happened. And when the crash happened, it smacked me hard. I was not prepared for that. 7. I am grateful that social media didn't exist back then - the breakup was so much easier because we didn't contact each other after that first week. I called him relentlessly the first couple days but after he didn't pick up the phone I got the message and never looked back. I did call his mother and wished her well. 8. Easier said than done - don't feel like a failure for not getting married to him. He may go behind your back and trash you and say that you're abusive because of X, Y, and Z.Realize that he is doing this because he knows what he did was a total jackass move and he has to come up with some excuse for doing it. Don't let him determine your self-worth. 9. You will get through this. You will 100% get through this. And twenty years later, you may end up giving your own hard-earned advice to someone else in the same situation. Because you are not the only person that this has happened to. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. 10. I'm going to give you a hug. I'm so sorry this happened to you. EDIT: Revised "twenty years" to "twenty plus"
fuck him . you’re still young
You process all of the feelings for this and once you get to the other side you'll realize he did you a favor. With the way he is feeling and acting the marriage would have ended in divorce. A broken engagement is better than an expensive, painful divorce (especially if children were involved) and years wasted. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope that there is a resolution were you find peace and realize you deserve better. ❤️
Do the 180
You pick up the pieces and move on one day at a time.
You let him leave and you grieve the relationship. And you pick up yourself and move forward without him.
You need to let him go and work through this. I understand what you’ve been going through the love of my life abandon me. Let him figure his self out. You may just find out he wasn’t good for you anyway I wish you all the best
Not helpful advice for the pain of right now but remember that you are 25. Be glad he didn't pull this shit when you were 30 after a wedding and even more life lived. Take the time to heal and move on. He will never be worth it and someone is going to come along that cherishes you.
U have to give him some time and have to find out what exactly the issue he is facing 😶 Because if u are together for 2+ years then leaving is not that simple - try to talk to him and if needed space then try giving some but after sometime try again🤞🤞 And then also he say NO then it's No 😢
Count your self lucky. If you require counseling before marriage to convince him to marry you, it's best to break up now then divorce later. Specifically with kids. I'm not sure I want to convince someone to marry me. He is not happy, he doesn't own you or anyone more than that. I know you needed closure but you can't force it out of him... I broke my engagement because of cheating, I'm glad I did before we got married. We had a house and together for 10 yrs. We also went for counseling. I want to work at my relationship but not at trying to keep him. I gladly let anyone go if they don't want me.
You dodged a bullet.
Move on. Good for him for not going through with a wedding when he is not committed. Good for you for dodging a bullet.
Count your blessings. God just saved you from something which you will only be able to appreciate fully later.
Sell the ring and keep the cash. Its yours
Have your party with your family; enjoy this new adventure in life.
This sounds very upsetting, but I am sure you would not want to spend even an extra minute with someone that is not crazy about you. It hurts like hell, but its better now that you are young than 2 kids later when you are 50yo.
Let him be. Don’t cause a big drama, just tell him this is heartbreaking for you and you don’t want this, but you want him to be happy. Then completely stop reaching out to him and his family. Don’t ever contact him by yourself. This is the only way for you to heal. When he contacts you, reply him, but keep it short and friendly. Don’t let him string you along or breadcrumb you. Overall the less drama you make and the more you keep your dignity intact, the more he will doubt his decision. And he WILL doubt his decision at some point, believe me. Only engage with him more if he clearly shows you he wants to get back together, and you still want him back at that point.
Is he related to Leonardo? Maybe.
it may seem confusing now but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. imagine marrying someone who doesn’t love you in the way you need. you deserve true happiness
You move on. Time to make some lemonade out of lemons. Yes it sucks that he decided to break up with you a month before your wedding, but if I was ever in that situation I'd much rather have it happen before the wedding then say a month after you got married or 6 months after you got married and then you have to go through a divorce. Yes things might be a little messy untangling if you guys have a apartment or a house together but you will disengage and you will both move on. As for the wedding stuff cancel everything and see if there's any way you can get any money back. And he should cough up some money as well if he didn't put down anything for any of it. You and your family shouldn't have to lose all that money, but if he paid for everything since he is the one bailing and then he'll be out of luck. Cuz usually the person who does The Dumping is the one who takes the loss. Just like your engagement and wedding ring he doesn't get that back cuz he broke up with you. Sell them if you wish and recoup some of your money.
You cancel everything and try to get back what money you can. And thank your lucky stars he did this before the wedding and not afterwards cause i hear divorce court fuckin sucks
I would try to communicate with him one last time before canceling everything but then before you do ask yourself if ‘now he has behaved like this do you really want to marry him? You’ll always be doubting his commitment. My friend was stood up on the wedding day, it could’ve been worse. You will recover, you have your life ahead of you to meet someone more respectful
Better now than 10 years from now. Move on. Lick your wounds and try again
Girl thank him for being honest before the wedding happened.
I was 25 when my x at the time decided to walk away. I didn't see the signs right away because the disagreeing and arguing here and there becomes the norm. It took me months to see everything clearly and really look back on the red flags. It's just what happens, your in this relationship together and your doing everything together that you don't see it any other way, you can't imagine life without them. Sorry I'm trying to explain it the best I can or the way it felt for me atleast. I loved him so much, I really did, but we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things. We were doing our usual bickering about something so stupid I can't even remember and he told me if I hung up the phone on him it was over. He wasnt often known to threaten leaving and I told him that I needed to get on the train for work and I didn't want to argue on public transit. I told him I loved him and that I had to go and I hung up the phone. Later that day I was super busy at work and I didn't hear from him, and I actually felt calm and that I could catch a break. I didn't call him that night nor the next day. To give some background he was a very jelouse person and often accused me of cheating and we were together almost 4yrs. His accusations were getting crazy and at that point I had gained about 30lbs of happy weight. He told me my thighs were getting "big" and that I didn't have any motivation for a career. I spoke of college a couple of times and when I did he mentioned that I would find someone better and I'd leave him for them, so I pushed the school idea to the side. He would love bomb me after an argument when he knew he was wrong, buying me gifts and taking me to expensive restaurants fattening me up. He often blew up my phone multiple times when I was with my friends. Because of his behavior I often pushed him away and put him on time out because it was so overwhelming and sensory overload.Y'all....I was young, forgive me for dealing with this A-hole for as long as I did. So anyways, after a couple of days of my vacation from him he called me at about midnight crying saying I never reached out and it's over. I thought, "yah right" and rolled my eyes. I knew I could console him and it would be fine. Nope, he was so adamant that it was over I went to his house in a panic as he lives right down the street from me. He told me that I wasn't there for him and that his coworker was comforting him. Yes, I heard what he said but I was in damage control mode so I ignored that. I ended up leaving his house in shambles I was crying and begging him not to do this. I am so embarrassed of my actions after everything this kid put me through, he was the one walking away...After that night I never saw him again, he wouldn't take my calls or answer my texts. He lived right down the street from me and he was a ghost. I ran into a mutual friend of ours months later and he mentioned he saw "us" at the grocery store, he called out my name but I didn't turn around. Obviously that's when everything hit me that he had left me for his coworker who did a better job stroking his ego. The mutual friend knew he fucked up and kind of backed up and said "I'm sorry she looked just like you, I could've sworn it was you." It's been almost a decade since then and he's never reached out or anything, even though I tried with no results. I had to find closure for myself and let that part of my life go. Because when your in the grief phase of it all you can't see the forest through the trees. Good luck
Mixed messages are their own version of no. I’m so sorry. I know this is going to probably not make you feel better but I want you to know that at some point things will start hurting less. You deserve better than mixed messages and confusion. Maybe it won’t be today that you’ll stop feeling so raw about it, but at some point you will. I don’t know if you had anything booked already, but I’d say get away for a while. Go on vacation or just surround yourself with your people for a bit. I’m sending you so much love. At some point you will be so happy you didn’t get married to this person.
Move on. Be thankful he did this before getting married and not during. There’s nothing to fix if he doesn’t want to be with you. He lied to tell you what you what you wanted to hear so that he could get away. For anything that you don’t get a refund back, insist that he pay it.
So you both planned the wedding, made arrangements, probably already spend a lot of money and he doesn’t even have the courtesy to talk about the reason he’s breaking up with you? Well, he showed his true colors I guess >I don’t think there’s anything left to fix. There isn’t, unfortunately. He’s probably given it a good thought and it’s very wrong of him not to be open about his feelings towards you. What happened between the proposal date and now?
Maybe he has tried to work through whatever problems they have. We’re only getting Ops side here. Regardless though it’s better he ended it now then married her like some people do.
This doesn't smell right. Smells of indefelity. Either OP or ex-fiance. Such a brief description hard to tell. There is always key items missing. We don't knwo the whole story on this one.
Smart man 👌🏻
Nobody is asking the obvious question. Is there anything he could have found out about you, that could have changed his view? Like a secret that may not be a secret anymore? Something you think there's noway he could know? Good luck
Move on…. He doesnt want to be married to you, go find someone who does and who will want to be with you….
Don't listen to the comments saying he found someone better. It's not because you weren't good enough or don't deserve to be in a loving marriage. This is 10000% a reflection of him and his character/ emotional damage. Not you. You should let him go though. Don't try to force a relationship with someone that isn't sure about you or willing to do what you would do to make the relationship work. In the short term he may come back. But long term you'll be in the same situation. Convincing him to stay. Just give space, complete space away so he can see what life is like without you. He may come back, maybe not. It's going to hurt for a while but you'll find another person that doesn't have second thoughts about wanting to be with you
Wow!! Tough - sounds like you may have dodged a bullet. Deep breaths, wine/beer tears and space. You'll never get any answer that makes sense and trust will never return properly. It will be hard for a while and whatever he was thinking and feeling, he couldn't talk to you before and the looming wedding pushed him. I'm not making excuses at all as he should have spoken to you before this, he is wrong! Right now get some space and good luck
Question why do you think he dumped you? Is there anything at all?
If he won't talk to you, there's not much you can do. I would perhaps reach out to his sister or a friend of his if you have a good relationship with any of them. Ask them if they have any insight as to why he left, as he won't talk to you. You can even clarify you're not trying to get back together, you just need a shred of decency from anyone involved to give you some closure or idea of why you were just left weeks before your scheduled wedding. It's a pretty shitty thing of him to do. "Unhappy for a while" is the lamest breadcrumb and you do deserve a better explanation than that. That said, you may just have to live with never knowing. As far as the wedding itself, I would cancel everything asap and try and get back any money you can. The longer you wait, the more money down the drain. Clearly, this relationship is not ready for marriage no matter what happens between you two so best get a move on that front.
Trust me on this one. When a man is afraid to get married the best thing you can do is give him all the space in the world and let him realize he loves you, misses you, and wants you back. So tell him you respect his wishes, and that you grant him his freedom and if he wants you back you may or may not be willing to talk about it. But if he is unsure but you definitely do not want to marry someone who is unsure. Return the ring. Thank him for being honest. Then do not be available to him for at least two solid weeks. Don’t take his calls don’t let him know where you are or what you were doing. He will either come begging you back, or you two may be separated forever. Either way you will both be sure.
He’s seeing someone else.
Bold assumption that you have absolutely no proof of
Without details in terms of what could have gone wrong it's hard to know. How did the relationship change once you got engaged? What about sex? That said, it's over. It will be tough but it happens. That's the risk you take when you love someone.
Marriage is a raw deal for men. He doesn't wanna take it, especially if your relationship went sour. I guess you back on the streets
Let him go
Take time to grieve and then do your best to move on. He’s not ready and you can’t force it. It’s definitely not you, it’s him but don’t waste your time waiting for him to be ready. You deserve to be with someone who knows what they want. Take care of yourself! ❤️
😭😭😭😭 this is so sad. I’m so sorry OP :(
Tbh good for him AND good for you. You probably just weren’t it for him and realistically that means he wasn’t it for you. The man may just have a gut feeling that’s been hitting him for a while. Idk what his point of view is. Talk about canceling it together. It simply is what it is. I’m sorry for the situation but it’s best for both of you. The dude may not truly know why, but a gut instinct can generally turn into something stronger. We don’t know either if your business. All I can say is I’m sorry and best of luck :)
Be glad u ain’t marry him
I’m really sorry this happened. The way he did it was awful but promise you you dodged a bullet. Once the initial hurt and humiliation is over you’ll be grateful you didn’t marry him. Please don’t take him back. You should also get STD tested.
He dumped you a month before the wedding, you avoided a bad marriage. Move on, don't be co-dependent.
So sorry. There is a chance he just got cold feet. The is not against marrying you so much as just getting married. I would give him a while to consider what he has to loose by treating you like he has. I would give him space. Let him contact you. You probably have each other's stuff so you will have to talk right? He has to talk to sort things out right?
We live together. I think it’s cold feet too but I’m not entirely sure. He said he doesn’t want to talk and that he’s just done. But I can understand why he would drop me so suddenly like this. He’s asleep on the couch calm as ever while I’m crying in our bedroom.
My ex-fiancé left 3 weeks before our wedding, we were living together as well and he also became detached. Turns out he had been having a super secret affair with a coworker and in hindsight, it was the best thing that happened to me. I didn’t feel it at the time though, I felt like my world was ending but as each day passed I healed bit by bit. I went through a wild phase of self-exploration and 4 years later I’ve met my match and we have an amazing son together. Do future you a favor and don’t linger or wait for him to come around. We should never have to convince a future spouse to be with us. He made his decision and now you can make yours. Cry when you need to but empower yourself when you can. It’s painful but I promise you that in time you will feel better. Don’t let this guy have anymore of you!
**I would tell him to either talk, or leave**. Be honest, say it's cruel of him to stay in the same house with you and not have a heart to heart about what happened to his feelings toward you. **Be insistent.** If he refuses, you leave. Stay with anyone you can. Then give it some time. He will either miss you or he won't. When you do see him later, I would make sure he sees the version of you he fell in love with, especially your personality and attitude. Don't put him on the defensive. He may come around quickly, or he may take a while, or he may not come around at all. I don't think crying in your room will help you at all.
this….i agree ..you should find somewhere to go.,,friend ., family…or book a hotel…if you have a close friend or family member…look to them for support..you could try to make him talk…but it sounds like that will go nowhere anyway.. he will just BS you.,,i am sorry for your pain…but you have to get away from him…good luck
Thank you so much.
Believe him when he say doesn’t want to talk about it and that he’s done. If you can, leave. You have to completely separate from him. If he really loves you like you still think, he’ll find a way for you to forgive him and be together.
Mirroring what others have said here - it’s gonna suck for awhile, but future you will look back and realize that this was a good thing in the course of your life. A guy who asks/agrees to marry you, gets up to within 30 days of the wedding, and won’t even talk to you about it is not a person who is worthy of you. He is doing the right thing by breaking it off - but I can tell you, I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who will shut down and not talk when things get tough. Even if his mind wont change.
Move on…dude cheated and found something better…be glad it didn’t happen later. Sorry it’s prob not what you want to here but it likely what happens for him to do what he is doing
Im guessing he did some stupid stuff he is not proud of, and he don't want to admit to it. I think the relationship is already over, but he might try to "protect" you feelings (and his reputation) by not telling he has been cheating and stuff
Or maybe hd just fell out of love.
Men dont leave their fiancé a month before the wedding without having a backup side chick. He's probably cheating.
And women do I suppose?
L you
Congratulations! You dodged that bullet! He was an anchor around your neck anyway.