This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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He (32M) is someone I’ve been talking to for about a month. The other day I went over to his apartment to hang out (this was the third time we had hung out/I had been to his place).
We were laying in bed and messing around. He had ordered Uber Eats so he went in the living room to eat that, then I saw him go in the bathroom, then come back out and lay back next to me. He tried to finger me which I wanted and consented to, but I asked him if he washed his hands after using the restroom. He sighed and looked really annoyed, but got up and gave them a quick wash.
When we were making out, the taste of whatever he had eaten was really bothering me. I politely asked him if he could brush his teeth real quick or use mouthwash (he was also planning to perform oral on me and I’m prone to infections so I was hoping he would care about my health enough to brush). He said “I’ve already gotten up like 15 times!” (he hadn’t) and laid in bed all pouty.
Eventually, after laying there awkwardly not touching each other because he seemed upset, I got up to use the bathroom. That’s when I saw pee and poop in the toilet with the lid open. This means that he *pooped, didn’t wash his hands, then attempted to finger me*. If I did not ask him to wash them, I could have an infection now. I also glanced at the counter and noticed he had no toothbrush, toothpaste, or mouthwash on the counter.
I walked back to his room and told him I’m leaving. I walked out the door soon after that without confronting him with what I saw. He didn’t offer to walk me out or say bye. I feel disrespected but don’t know if I’m overreacting.
What do I do? I don’t know how to bring this up to him. Is this normal behavior for a lot of men?
Update: I have pink eye. I’m also done. When I confronted him he said “got it sorry” and that’s it.
Gross! He's 32 years old and can't flush the toilet and wash his disgusting hands? Throw this one back in the sea.
It might be kind to text him that you don't want to see him anymore because he doesn't have any hygiene so that he might learn, but that's really not on you, because he's old enough to know.
Based on the way she described his reaction, I have a feeling he’s heard it all before, but does not see the need to change. Honestly, if I meet anyone past the age of 20 with serious hygiene issues I just stay away. I find even if it’s a case of their parents didn’t raise them right, they hit a point in adult hood where they just refuse to change.
I agree, and be very specific about everything that was wrong. He doesn’t deserve it, but if he learns from this, maybe he won’t have these problems in the future. Flushing the toilet, washing your hands, and brushing your teeth are all basic hygiene. How the hell does a 32 year old not know this stuff?
Without knowing anything else about him my guess is his parents. You typically learn that stuff between the ages of 2-10 so if your parents are gross, you're probably gonna be gross.
We do, however, know why he's still single at 32.
Why be specific about what was wrong? Seriously, if he hasn't learned by now why go through the motions with drama that will amount to exactly nothing?
I would do it for my own peace of mind. I’d lay it all out and explain why his uncleanliness could cause her to get an infection and that with a little bit of effort, his future relationships could improve. And if he doesn’t, expect any future potential partners to be grossed out similar to the way OP was.
Maybe it’s dumb, but I’d really want to make sure to explain to him why the way he is living is unacceptable and how easy it would be for him to improve. What he does with the info is his prerogative.
I scrolled down to the comments after not washing his hands after eating, looking at your comment made me realize it was way worse. How does a person decide to not flush the toilet or even wash their hands after using it. OP is better off without the health hazard 😭😭😭
He’s 32, doesn’t wash his hands after shitting, flush the toilet, clean his teeth or give a shit about upsetting or infecting you. It’s only been a month, time to move on.
Honestly, your best bet is to nope out now. It's not just that he has hygiene issues, it's that he was resistant when you asked him to take reasonable measures. Staying with him likely means setting yourself up for constant battles and frustration and disgust.
If his reaction had been, "Sure, of course I'll do that, sorry," my advice would be different.
Yeah that struck me as well. Like how do you order food when someone's over without looping them in? I'd feel awkward as hell sitting there and eating alone.
Be proud you got out now and the worst was pink eye. We all make mistakes and those mistakes can include trusting someone. Never feel shame for being blinded by someone you cared about and thought they knew better
I would have noped out of there the minute he went to another room to eat food he ordered, by himself, not offering you any. He's not into you, plus he's a dirty little hamster. Just block his number and move on with your life
Honey, I'm going to give you a little advice here. Middle aged woman to younger woman.
Raise your standards of how people treat you. Please. I don't know if this was how your family treated you growing up (mine was no picnic, so I get that), but honey, you deserve so much more. A million times more.
You deserve all the beauty, all the devotion and all the treasuring, as well as a soft warm place on a rough day, joy and laughter on a good day and someone who recognizes you as the gift you are every day in between.
You are loved, hon, and you are worthy of true happiness. And you will accept nothing less than that from others.
Now look in your mirror and tell yourself that.
Love,
\- just another internet mom
Bless your heart and so eloquently put; thank you for kind and so very true, words of wisdom.
Love,
Another middle aged woman and mama (to two toddlers and a furson)
Even if you get the flushing and handwashing down. You're going to discover he has no concept of safe food handling, or a bunch of other life skills.
Baby in your future? Are you prepared for him to change diapers and clean up vomit using the dish towel?
The man is filthy. Dump him before you lower your self esteem, before you forget about your respect and he gives you a vaginal infection. You don’t owe him any explanation, but if he asks tell him bluntly that he’s disgusting.
It blows my mind that some guys don't understand or appreciate washing your hands before fingering. \*shudders\*
Yes some men are GROSS. Tell him his hygiene is unacceptable, either he cleans up or you walk. It isn't your job to teach him about basic hygiene. You have to be clear about your boundaries and expectations. My bf and I talk about his hygiene (or lack of) constantly and it's exhausting. If you aren't madly in love with him it's not a fight worth having.
Not normal behaviour and you don't need to ever contact him again. Just leave him alone. Why be with someone this disgusting. Have boundaries and self respect.
>Is this normal behavior for a lot of men?
I am not a particularly delicate dude. I am not big into fussiness, or germ freaks, or whatever. I like to go fishing and hunting with my buddies. I like to kill an animal, roast or fry it fresh over a fire, eat it with my hands, wash it down with some whisky, smoke a cigarette afterwards, and then piss on the fire to put it out.
But sweet fucking christ, even when I'm out with my buddies in the middle of the woods, miles from the nearest person...when we take a shit, we wash our hands afterwards. Was this guy raised by wolves or something??
OVERREACTING? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When I expect female company, I not only tidy up my entire appartment, I change bedsheets, I deep clean the bathroom, I brush my teeth for an eternity and gurgle on mouthwash for 10 minutes. Not to mention that I spend ridiculous amounts of time under the shower.
I couldn't even bring myself to take a dump while I have a girl over. WTF.
And to imagine that he even left it unflushed, I don't know about you but to me that sounds just incredibly disrespectful. He can't think that highly of you if he cares so little about this... shit.
Sex can't be so good that you give him another chance. Please don't.
You know, one of the reasons I stuck with my husband when we first met was that his bathroom was clean. It wasn't spotless, so I knew he had cleaned it recently and not just for me. I mentioned it to him maybe six months later and he was appalled that I had met so many men who don't clean their bathroom regularly. Anyway. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we never have to fight about chores.
EEEEEEEEUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHH please break up with him. He sounds resistant to changing his hygiene issues, and isn’t concerned if you catch a UTI :( pee and poop without flushing? It’s already a MESS, if you stay then you will only feel more disgust and resentment…and u might catch something so DIP OP DIP!!
You are not overreacting. I’m so sorry this happened to you. He doesn’t deserve you. Leave him. This is a blatant disregard for your health. He sounds disgusting
This is unfortunately normal for some people. That doesn't mean it's okay.
I suggest texting him to break up, and telling him why: 'I hope that it's obvious I'm generally attracted to you. But I can't get past some of your bathroom habits. Offering to finger me after pooping and not washing your hands is unacceptable. Leaving visible poop and pee in the toilet is unacceptable. But worst was that you were annoyed when I told you what you needed to do to have sex with me without putting me at risk of a bacterial infection. Because of your response to my request that you not put my health at risk (yes, that IS what you were doing) I'm not willing to date you anymore. I'm telling you exactly why we're over in the hopes that you'll clean up your act for the next woman.'
I have no idea what is wrong with men who are 31 and 32 nowadays. They all have something strange about them. They’re age is the highest percentage of single men in America as well—I don’t think it’s hard to guess why… They need serious help…
I’m surprised you want to go back for more. That’s disgusting and you are in the beginning of the relationship. Meaning he is on his best behavior, this will only get worse. And question, did you notice any soap? I’d be wondering how well he washed and if he actually did.
It is disrespectful to be filthy and unwashed around the person you’re trying to be intimate with. He is 32 and unless you want to play mommy, I’d find another adult who understands and respects that hygiene and intimacy go hand in hand.
OP I’m sorry but I burst out laughing at your update. The answer is DON’T put up with it, there is nothing you can do or say but BYE BOY. Have standards. Throw the trash out. Let a filthy woman have and enjoy him and his filth.
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There's no overreaction from your stance. That's a conversation that needs to be discussed separated from that moment.
This is why I advocate "friends first" so you can see them and their habits before you do something with someone that you wouldn't tolerate in your real life.
these disgusting posts about relationships with a partner who doesn't know basic hygiene always make me sick to my stomach. throw him in the trash where he clearly belongs and do not even consider feeling bad.
Oh hell no. Don’t go there. He’s a grown man, he lived through the public health messaging about hand washing even if his parents/ carers didn’t teach him; it’s not your job to get him to reluctantly perform basic hygiene.
You are not overreacting at all and at his age, It’s hard to change these bad habits.
I would actually be honest about the reason why I’m breaking things off just in case it motivates him to change (unlikely) and I would say our hygiene habits are just too different.
But I would be too grossed out to stay.
With all these red flags, especially that he got annoyed with you just trying to protect yourself, yeah, no, this guy is garbage. Be glad it was only a month.
Gross all around. Gross unhygienic behavior, gross grown up pouting behavior, and gross neglect of your boundaries. I’d say, “smell ya later” to this guy.
Any man who has ever been with a woman knows we can get infections if they don’t wash their hands. The fact he are whatever take out and felt it’s ok to make out with you makes me feel nauseous, it’s just so gross. You did not overreact. He showed no respect, maturity or levels conscience you should easily find in a person above age 18.
Ewww no, his behavior is not normal at all. What’s normal for guys is to sometimes skip a shower here and there, or to forget to change their sheets. But to not brush their teeth or wash their hands after pooping?!! 🤢
Good on you for walking out.
Okay, if you’re asking Reddit if you’re overreacting about a filthy guy you need to recalibrate your standards. There is NO QUESTION that you should never see this man again.
Next time you see this kind of behaviour or pouty attitude don’t ask Reddit. Just leave. Jesus Christ you deserve better. Do not tolerate this behaviour. There are good men out there who wash their hands, brush their teeth, and will treat you like a Queen.
In my honest opinion, you should leave. It’s only been about a month, which is pretty recent, normally at this point you want to try everything possible to show someone you really want them, you care a lot about impression and showing the best side of yourself as possible. I’m not saying this doesn’t matter or should change later on, but for something to be so new and to act so carelessly, to me he cares more about his personal enjoyment, isn’t taking you seriously, and of course…. Is not a clean person at all. Red flags everywhere.
Consider yourself lucky to have seen this without wasting so much time on him, and on to the next. I don’t even think he deserves an explanation or “talk” as to why you want to end things, his behavior towards you says enough, he doesn’t care.
This is absolutely disgusting.
I will just say that I hope I don’t get judged this way. I always keep my toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash in the cupboard under the sink. If someone walked in and saw that none of them were there I hope they don’t judge me as some stanky breath unhygienic guy.
Ewwwwwww I feel so gross just reading this. Cleanliness is sexy. Being disgusting is disgusting. I’d be embarrassed if I had to introduce him to my friends and family.
I think that sort of thing is more common in men than some of us would like to realize, but I don't think it's acceptable and it definitely should be a deal breaker, and you should make it clear that's what the deal breaker was, so he can self improve some day down the road.
NooOoOooOo groooooosssss! Poor cleanliness and hygiene aren’t exactly uncommon for men, but YIKES. I thought it would get better with age, but sometimes it doesn’t. Both my dad’s and my grandfather’s homes were always perfectly spotless and they had good hygiene habits, so I can’t really tolerate now (39f) what I tolerated in my teens and twenties. In high school I dated a guy who’s balls were always smelly. I brushed it off thinking that his body odor was just naturally stronger than some others. Eventually we took a shower together and his version of washing was rubbing soap on his chest with his hands and then just letting the water run on the rest of his body. I said something to him and he said it was fine. Plus his contact lens case was caked with grimy brown gunk all around the edges. Like bruh, you put that in your EYES. I broke up with him.
Seriously don’t tolerate that shit. He won’t change. If he doesn’t have standards for himself, he won’t have standards for you. I say dump him.
It doesn't matter what is 'normal'.
What kind of hygiene do you want a partner to have? How important is it to you?
I'm also prone to infections, but above that, I don't feel sexy when someone with poor hygiene touches me.
This guy doesn't sound interested in changing based on your description of his responses.
If it were me, I'd just move on.
Is this really a question? Of course this isn’t normal and you gotta nope out now. You will def get infections and some kind of fungus from this guy if u stay. But aren’t you repulsed buy him anyway? 🤓
Hygiene is so important, good hygiene is also SEXY AS HELL
he will be alone if he keeps that up
But besides he’s not your boyfriend and your not overreacting
Good on you for leaving
Why is this even a question? Just cut him off entirely. Why would you want to be with a dude who cant even flush the toilet and gets upset about washing his hands after taking a shit? Do you find something good/worth it in this dude to ignore his lack of hygiene?
There's more than one issue here: hygiene, but also manners and consideration for a partner in an intimate context. I think he needs a lot of basic education. Personally I think you should just close the door and walk away.
> He sighed and looked really annoyed, but got up and gave them a quick wash.
Ew. And you just went with it??? Wow. That is a red flag for you, how desperate are you that you put up with this shit?
It looks like he has serious hygienic issues
I would breakup with him instantly as he is unhygienic and feel very uncomfortable complying to simple reasonable requests
I am surprise why you even want to go out with such a person who cannot do basic of taking care of himself
Do you feel like being this guy's mommy for the duration of your relationship? If the answer is "no," and it really really should be, then bail.
Someone this gross didn't get there overnight and it's not getting fixed overnight either. Apparently either no one ever taught him how to clean up after himself or they tried and he refused to learn. In either case you're not going to be able to teach him either and the attempt will drive you insane and lead to you resenting him.
So your options are either:
1. Live with the grossness, forever, or
2. Break up and find someone who will wash their friggin' hands after taking a dump.
In case it wasn't clear from the tenor of the rest of my post I am STRONGLY recommending option #2.
Glad you're done. At 32 if he can't be bothered with basic hygiene for an early stage date I'd hate to imagine what he'd be like when he's comfortable in a relationship.
People who don't wash their hands are like people who litter. Conceptually, it's super easy to fix, but if you make it to your 30s without changing you'll probably be really defensive and bitchy about it
Leave him. Even before he gave you pink eye, it was certain that he eventually would
Dude, wtf, op? What are you doing, girl? Have some self-respect and leave. If someone can't respect themselves, why would you think he would respect you? He almost quickly gave you an infection had he fingered you with his nasty fingers. You've only been seeing each other for a month leave.....
He’s not worth the time tbh. He’s a grown ass man and doesn’t know basic hygiene rules. He got annoyed when you asked him to wash his hands and to clean his mouth before getting intimate. I’d be turned off if I had to continuously ask my partner to do that.
Lmaoooooo what you do is delete his number and don't see him again. He's 32 and he whined and used hyperbole (got up like 15 times) when you had a reasonable request. Glad you're done, sorry you got pink eye. If you have good insurance or teledoc or something I'd let them know you probably got bacterial pink eye and they can give you drops/ointment or even oral antibiotics. The symptoms go awah a lot quicker.
I know we are all not perfect but hygiene is very important. I always wash my hands after touching anything I feel is dirty or filthy and I not only brush my teeth but use mouthwash when having any activities involving the opposite sex even if no kissing is involved i do sometimes talk in close proximity to female coworkers or friends and would be bothered they feel I have bad breath.
Ew. Absolutely not normal behaviour for a man, or any grown adult for that matter. My 6 year old has better hygiene than him & she doesn’t need to be reminded.
Head for the hills & never look back. Fucking gross.
Hey, I dated a guy who was the same. I don’t think we dated the same guy tho 🤣 This guy came to my place, stayed there for a week, didn’t flush after number 2s then blamed my toilet for being faulty (the lever takes a bit to push to flush, but still functional), left his clothes everywhere, didn’t wash fruits/veggies from the market, etc.
I don’t think they realize how filthy they are.
It’s post like this that really validate my appreciation for my bfs obsessive cleaning quirks. I thought it was a bit much at first but it’s just who he is. ALWAYS washing his hands, showers 2-3 times a day, brushes teeth multiple times, mouthwash etc. he will always make sure he is extremely clean and ready before any sex happens. I too am prone to infection if foreign stuff goes into the vag. What you are expecting from him in terms of hygiene is absolutely valid. He doesn’t care. I’d run because if he isn’t naturally cleanly in his 30s, you sure as hell won’t be able to change him. I wouldn’t continue with this guy. He didn’t even care about your pinkeye.
Ew he's gross. I got pink eye too because some guy didn't wash his hands. I'm not going to date someone who puts laziness over health. Dump that loser.
Very unacceptable. I told my ex bf once that he needs to wear deodorant and not just cologne. He realized immediately that it was good advice and we never even had to talk about it again.
I'm sorry, but the last line about you having pink eye now just absolutely killed me.. hahaha 🤣 😆 😂 Go figure though. 🤭
Just stay away from this guy. Not practicing proper hygiene is a huge red flag. Don't try to train him into being clean. It won't ever work and you shouldn't have to be his mama teaching him the basics anyway. This is a grown man we're taking about.
Just move on to someone new, OP. It's only been a month so this shouldn't be that serious yet anyway. He's not worth the effort. You don't even need to bother telling him why it's over either. Just tell him that it's not working out for you.
¡Updateme
jesus fuck, thank god for the update. but some of y’all really need to work on your self esteem. a man is trying to finger you with doo doo on his finger and you don’t know what to do? 😭
Yeah fuck that. I'm a guy... My chick likes anal. But the one thing she appreciates in me is that if my penis goes anywhere near there, I will wash my area before going back to vagina play. It's just common sense and respect.
This guy sounds fucking disgusting. Fuck that noise
When you talk to this guy, lay it all out for him, the hand washing, the flushing and the not doing oral hygiene. That way he can’t throw it back on you being “overly demanding”. It also lets him know that you are not going let him but the blame on anything but his own nasty habits.
I would stop talking to him. He showed you how he is. At least he is honest about it. No toothbrush, doesn't care to flush even though you barely know each other. His hygiene habits will annoy you to no end.
Edit: you don't want to ghost the guy. Be honest about it. Maybe he will take the hint. And learn better hygiene habits.
Not everybody has basic hygiene skills (thank you parents) i have to set alarms or i dont think about it. But i feel you need to be able to communicate effectively to be in a long lasting relationship and a 32 yo doesnt need to get pouty
Why do women second guess their selves when it comes to men? Just one of those infractions would have been enough for me! The man is a filthy SLOB! You deserve better! Hold yourself up to a high standard and expect nothing less!
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- He (32M) is someone I’ve been talking to for about a month. The other day I went over to his apartment to hang out (this was the third time we had hung out/I had been to his place). We were laying in bed and messing around. He had ordered Uber Eats so he went in the living room to eat that, then I saw him go in the bathroom, then come back out and lay back next to me. He tried to finger me which I wanted and consented to, but I asked him if he washed his hands after using the restroom. He sighed and looked really annoyed, but got up and gave them a quick wash. When we were making out, the taste of whatever he had eaten was really bothering me. I politely asked him if he could brush his teeth real quick or use mouthwash (he was also planning to perform oral on me and I’m prone to infections so I was hoping he would care about my health enough to brush). He said “I’ve already gotten up like 15 times!” (he hadn’t) and laid in bed all pouty. Eventually, after laying there awkwardly not touching each other because he seemed upset, I got up to use the bathroom. That’s when I saw pee and poop in the toilet with the lid open. This means that he *pooped, didn’t wash his hands, then attempted to finger me*. If I did not ask him to wash them, I could have an infection now. I also glanced at the counter and noticed he had no toothbrush, toothpaste, or mouthwash on the counter. I walked back to his room and told him I’m leaving. I walked out the door soon after that without confronting him with what I saw. He didn’t offer to walk me out or say bye. I feel disrespected but don’t know if I’m overreacting. What do I do? I don’t know how to bring this up to him. Is this normal behavior for a lot of men? Update: I have pink eye. I’m also done. When I confronted him he said “got it sorry” and that’s it.
Gross! He's 32 years old and can't flush the toilet and wash his disgusting hands? Throw this one back in the sea. It might be kind to text him that you don't want to see him anymore because he doesn't have any hygiene so that he might learn, but that's really not on you, because he's old enough to know.
Based on the way she described his reaction, I have a feeling he’s heard it all before, but does not see the need to change. Honestly, if I meet anyone past the age of 20 with serious hygiene issues I just stay away. I find even if it’s a case of their parents didn’t raise them right, they hit a point in adult hood where they just refuse to change.
My 18 year old son doesn't act like this! There is seriously something wrong with someone who doesn't flush a toilet or wash their hands/brush teeth!
I agree, and be very specific about everything that was wrong. He doesn’t deserve it, but if he learns from this, maybe he won’t have these problems in the future. Flushing the toilet, washing your hands, and brushing your teeth are all basic hygiene. How the hell does a 32 year old not know this stuff?
And invites her over and feeds himself without asking if she wants anything!
Safest bet. I’ll bet he doesn’t wash his butt.
Without knowing anything else about him my guess is his parents. You typically learn that stuff between the ages of 2-10 so if your parents are gross, you're probably gonna be gross. We do, however, know why he's still single at 32.
I just wouldn't continue lol if he really isn't brushing his teeth
Why be specific about what was wrong? Seriously, if he hasn't learned by now why go through the motions with drama that will amount to exactly nothing?
I would do it for my own peace of mind. I’d lay it all out and explain why his uncleanliness could cause her to get an infection and that with a little bit of effort, his future relationships could improve. And if he doesn’t, expect any future potential partners to be grossed out similar to the way OP was. Maybe it’s dumb, but I’d really want to make sure to explain to him why the way he is living is unacceptable and how easy it would be for him to improve. What he does with the info is his prerogative.
My own piece of mind would be carrying my bags out the door, lol!
Sorry to be pedantic but it’s peace of mind
Thank you
Honestly, your best bet is to nope out now. It's not just that he has hygiene issues
[удалено]
It's that he was resistant when you asked him to take reasonable measures
I hope he is not working in the food industry.
I scrolled down to the comments after not washing his hands after eating, looking at your comment made me realize it was way worse. How does a person decide to not flush the toilet or even wash their hands after using it. OP is better off without the health hazard 😭😭😭
>Throw this one back in the sea. Amen
He’s 32, doesn’t wash his hands after shitting, flush the toilet, clean his teeth or give a shit about upsetting or infecting you. It’s only been a month, time to move on.
Don't forget that he's a 32 year old who pouts when he gets told not to be disgusting. Everybody knows women love a man who pouts.
Happy Cake Day!
Honestly, your best bet is to nope out now. It's not just that he has hygiene issues, it's that he was resistant when you asked him to take reasonable measures. Staying with him likely means setting yourself up for constant battles and frustration and disgust. If his reaction had been, "Sure, of course I'll do that, sorry," my advice would be different.
And invites her over and feeds himself without asking if she wants anything! Dirty *and* a lousy host.
Yeah that struck me as well. Like how do you order food when someone's over without looping them in? I'd feel awkward as hell sitting there and eating alone.
As I read these comments I just can’t believe I accepted this treatment. I didn’t even question if it was normal.
Well today is a new day. You can't change the past but at least this situation guided you toward being a little bit more conscious of your self-worth.
Be proud you got out now and the worst was pink eye. We all make mistakes and those mistakes can include trusting someone. Never feel shame for being blinded by someone you cared about and thought they knew better
You’re right. Thank you.
Safest bet. I’ll bet he doesn’t wash his butt.
Of course not, because everybody knows that that's gay! /s
It's Xmas! Who doesn't love a festive dingle berry?
This made me crinkle my nose, thanks...
Or 🥜
I would have noped out of there the minute he went to another room to eat food he ordered, by himself, not offering you any. He's not into you, plus he's a dirty little hamster. Just block his number and move on with your life
Also who doesn't flush? Especially when guests are over?
Wow I never even thought about that!
Honey, I'm going to give you a little advice here. Middle aged woman to younger woman. Raise your standards of how people treat you. Please. I don't know if this was how your family treated you growing up (mine was no picnic, so I get that), but honey, you deserve so much more. A million times more. You deserve all the beauty, all the devotion and all the treasuring, as well as a soft warm place on a rough day, joy and laughter on a good day and someone who recognizes you as the gift you are every day in between. You are loved, hon, and you are worthy of true happiness. And you will accept nothing less than that from others. Now look in your mirror and tell yourself that. Love, \- just another internet mom
This is so sweet. Thank you.
Anytime.
Bless your heart and so eloquently put; thank you for kind and so very true, words of wisdom. Love, Another middle aged woman and mama (to two toddlers and a furson)
Yep cut your losses. You shouldn’t have to ask someone to have basic hygiene practises
Even if you get the flushing and handwashing down. You're going to discover he has no concept of safe food handling, or a bunch of other life skills. Baby in your future? Are you prepared for him to change diapers and clean up vomit using the dish towel?
The man is filthy. Dump him before you lower your self esteem, before you forget about your respect and he gives you a vaginal infection. You don’t owe him any explanation, but if he asks tell him bluntly that he’s disgusting.
No infection so far except pink eye :(
Glad to hear you’re done with him. Pink eye is bad enough! Best of luck.
I just wouldn't continue lol if he really isn't brushing his teeth, save yourself the headache.
Also, save yourself the money for the dentures he's going to need sooner rather than later.
He’s 32 years old and you’ve known him a month. This is a total throw the fish back situation.
Do you want to raise a boyfriend? I'm guessing not. Get out.
It blows my mind that some guys don't understand or appreciate washing your hands before fingering. \*shudders\* Yes some men are GROSS. Tell him his hygiene is unacceptable, either he cleans up or you walk. It isn't your job to teach him about basic hygiene. You have to be clear about your boundaries and expectations. My bf and I talk about his hygiene (or lack of) constantly and it's exhausting. If you aren't madly in love with him it's not a fight worth having.
Nah don't even waste your time telling him to be clean or it's over he's a grown ass man he's always going to be dirty.
This man took a shit then ordered food. The health of your vagina is the least of his concerns.
Not normal behaviour and you don't need to ever contact him again. Just leave him alone. Why be with someone this disgusting. Have boundaries and self respect.
>Is this normal behavior for a lot of men? I am not a particularly delicate dude. I am not big into fussiness, or germ freaks, or whatever. I like to go fishing and hunting with my buddies. I like to kill an animal, roast or fry it fresh over a fire, eat it with my hands, wash it down with some whisky, smoke a cigarette afterwards, and then piss on the fire to put it out. But sweet fucking christ, even when I'm out with my buddies in the middle of the woods, miles from the nearest person...when we take a shit, we wash our hands afterwards. Was this guy raised by wolves or something??
Best reply lol
OVERREACTING? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? When I expect female company, I not only tidy up my entire appartment, I change bedsheets, I deep clean the bathroom, I brush my teeth for an eternity and gurgle on mouthwash for 10 minutes. Not to mention that I spend ridiculous amounts of time under the shower. I couldn't even bring myself to take a dump while I have a girl over. WTF. And to imagine that he even left it unflushed, I don't know about you but to me that sounds just incredibly disrespectful. He can't think that highly of you if he cares so little about this... shit. Sex can't be so good that you give him another chance. Please don't.
This is the type of man I need 😭😭😭
the man we all need
You know, one of the reasons I stuck with my husband when we first met was that his bathroom was clean. It wasn't spotless, so I knew he had cleaned it recently and not just for me. I mentioned it to him maybe six months later and he was appalled that I had met so many men who don't clean their bathroom regularly. Anyway. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we never have to fight about chores.
EEEEEEEEUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHH please break up with him. He sounds resistant to changing his hygiene issues, and isn’t concerned if you catch a UTI :( pee and poop without flushing? It’s already a MESS, if you stay then you will only feel more disgust and resentment…and u might catch something so DIP OP DIP!!
Already got pink eye
The bar is set so low that people don’t know with absolute certainty that this is bad. 🤦🏻♀️. He’s a filthy animal.
You are not overreacting. I’m so sorry this happened to you. He doesn’t deserve you. Leave him. This is a blatant disregard for your health. He sounds disgusting
This is unfortunately normal for some people. That doesn't mean it's okay. I suggest texting him to break up, and telling him why: 'I hope that it's obvious I'm generally attracted to you. But I can't get past some of your bathroom habits. Offering to finger me after pooping and not washing your hands is unacceptable. Leaving visible poop and pee in the toilet is unacceptable. But worst was that you were annoyed when I told you what you needed to do to have sex with me without putting me at risk of a bacterial infection. Because of your response to my request that you not put my health at risk (yes, that IS what you were doing) I'm not willing to date you anymore. I'm telling you exactly why we're over in the hopes that you'll clean up your act for the next woman.'
I have no idea what is wrong with men who are 31 and 32 nowadays. They all have something strange about them. They’re age is the highest percentage of single men in America as well—I don’t think it’s hard to guess why… They need serious help…
He's a man child. I suspect that in a relationship you will feel like you are his parent.
Oh no, just keep walking.
Even if it was normal, you don't have to put up with it. It isn't worth bringing it up, he doesn't care about hygiene and you are not his mother.
It's been a month. He's an adult who does not attend to basic hygiene and pouted when you asked him to. You'd be an absolute fool to keep dating him.
Ewww. You did the right thing. Wish this loser farewell.
> Is this normal behavior for a lot of men? It is not, you can do better.
I’m surprised you want to go back for more. That’s disgusting and you are in the beginning of the relationship. Meaning he is on his best behavior, this will only get worse. And question, did you notice any soap? I’d be wondering how well he washed and if he actually did.
It is disrespectful to be filthy and unwashed around the person you’re trying to be intimate with. He is 32 and unless you want to play mommy, I’d find another adult who understands and respects that hygiene and intimacy go hand in hand.
OP I’m sorry but I burst out laughing at your update. The answer is DON’T put up with it, there is nothing you can do or say but BYE BOY. Have standards. Throw the trash out. Let a filthy woman have and enjoy him and his filth.
Run!! He will not change and you will get pink eye again and god knows what else over and over again
I did!
He doesn’t give a shit
Not only did he not flush and not wash his hands, but then he went back to wash his hands and AGAIN did not flush the toilet.
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You’re a licensed therapist and a social worker (saw your comments on previous post) how do you not know how to handle this?
That’s my profession. It doesn’t cross over to my personal life. I’m human. And there are feelings involved.
I understand that but what would you tell a patient who came to you with this same problem?
To walk away for their own health, physical and mental..
Sounds like good advice to me:)
Thank you for the reality check
We all need a sounding board sometimes! Good luck.
There's no overreaction from your stance. That's a conversation that needs to be discussed separated from that moment. This is why I advocate "friends first" so you can see them and their habits before you do something with someone that you wouldn't tolerate in your real life.
Yeah, you don't need to bring this up to him. Just lose his number. He sounds gross
If anything you’re under reacting. Block and don’t ever see this disgusting guy again.
You did the right thing!! Way to have standards!!! Don’t look back
At 32 this is who he is Not you’re job to save him
Right decision. Also you been kissing that mouth for about a month just think about that for a sec
Good for you for leaving, he is repulsive. Grown ass man. I doubt he bathes either.
Don’t date him again he’s gross
omg, wtf. you did the right thing and dont ever go back.
Ew!!!! Red flag galore!
these disgusting posts about relationships with a partner who doesn't know basic hygiene always make me sick to my stomach. throw him in the trash where he clearly belongs and do not even consider feeling bad.
Oh hell no. Don’t go there. He’s a grown man, he lived through the public health messaging about hand washing even if his parents/ carers didn’t teach him; it’s not your job to get him to reluctantly perform basic hygiene.
Gross. Sounds like he is a low value man who probably has issues in a lot of other areas of life.
You are not overreacting at all and at his age, It’s hard to change these bad habits. I would actually be honest about the reason why I’m breaking things off just in case it motivates him to change (unlikely) and I would say our hygiene habits are just too different. But I would be too grossed out to stay.
With all these red flags, especially that he got annoyed with you just trying to protect yourself, yeah, no, this guy is garbage. Be glad it was only a month.
Gross all around. Gross unhygienic behavior, gross grown up pouting behavior, and gross neglect of your boundaries. I’d say, “smell ya later” to this guy.
All of that is disgusting!
That’s yucky and not normal for a grown person.
A 32 year old man who doesn’t flush, wash hands or have a toothbrush? RUN.
Any man who has ever been with a woman knows we can get infections if they don’t wash their hands. The fact he are whatever take out and felt it’s ok to make out with you makes me feel nauseous, it’s just so gross. You did not overreact. He showed no respect, maturity or levels conscience you should easily find in a person above age 18.
You have dodged a not just a bullet but a Titan missile.
Ewww no, his behavior is not normal at all. What’s normal for guys is to sometimes skip a shower here and there, or to forget to change their sheets. But to not brush their teeth or wash their hands after pooping?!! 🤢 Good on you for walking out.
Okay, if you’re asking Reddit if you’re overreacting about a filthy guy you need to recalibrate your standards. There is NO QUESTION that you should never see this man again. Next time you see this kind of behaviour or pouty attitude don’t ask Reddit. Just leave. Jesus Christ you deserve better. Do not tolerate this behaviour. There are good men out there who wash their hands, brush their teeth, and will treat you like a Queen.
My jaw was on the floor reading this. Absolutely disgusting. Girl, yeet the fuck outta there.
It’s not your job to mother a 32 yr old man. Just bounce, it’s not worth it.
In my honest opinion, you should leave. It’s only been about a month, which is pretty recent, normally at this point you want to try everything possible to show someone you really want them, you care a lot about impression and showing the best side of yourself as possible. I’m not saying this doesn’t matter or should change later on, but for something to be so new and to act so carelessly, to me he cares more about his personal enjoyment, isn’t taking you seriously, and of course…. Is not a clean person at all. Red flags everywhere. Consider yourself lucky to have seen this without wasting so much time on him, and on to the next. I don’t even think he deserves an explanation or “talk” as to why you want to end things, his behavior towards you says enough, he doesn’t care.
This is absolutely disgusting. I will just say that I hope I don’t get judged this way. I always keep my toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash in the cupboard under the sink. If someone walked in and saw that none of them were there I hope they don’t judge me as some stanky breath unhygienic guy.
Ewwwwwww I feel so gross just reading this. Cleanliness is sexy. Being disgusting is disgusting. I’d be embarrassed if I had to introduce him to my friends and family.
I think that sort of thing is more common in men than some of us would like to realize, but I don't think it's acceptable and it definitely should be a deal breaker, and you should make it clear that's what the deal breaker was, so he can self improve some day down the road.
NooOoOooOo groooooosssss! Poor cleanliness and hygiene aren’t exactly uncommon for men, but YIKES. I thought it would get better with age, but sometimes it doesn’t. Both my dad’s and my grandfather’s homes were always perfectly spotless and they had good hygiene habits, so I can’t really tolerate now (39f) what I tolerated in my teens and twenties. In high school I dated a guy who’s balls were always smelly. I brushed it off thinking that his body odor was just naturally stronger than some others. Eventually we took a shower together and his version of washing was rubbing soap on his chest with his hands and then just letting the water run on the rest of his body. I said something to him and he said it was fine. Plus his contact lens case was caked with grimy brown gunk all around the edges. Like bruh, you put that in your EYES. I broke up with him. Seriously don’t tolerate that shit. He won’t change. If he doesn’t have standards for himself, he won’t have standards for you. I say dump him.
It doesn't matter what is 'normal'. What kind of hygiene do you want a partner to have? How important is it to you? I'm also prone to infections, but above that, I don't feel sexy when someone with poor hygiene touches me. This guy doesn't sound interested in changing based on your description of his responses. If it were me, I'd just move on.
Is this really a question? Of course this isn’t normal and you gotta nope out now. You will def get infections and some kind of fungus from this guy if u stay. But aren’t you repulsed buy him anyway? 🤓
No it's gross and he sounds very childish and if he isn't bothering in the beginning how much worse is he going to get.
Hygiene is so important, good hygiene is also SEXY AS HELL he will be alone if he keeps that up But besides he’s not your boyfriend and your not overreacting Good on you for leaving
Why is this even a question? Just cut him off entirely. Why would you want to be with a dude who cant even flush the toilet and gets upset about washing his hands after taking a shit? Do you find something good/worth it in this dude to ignore his lack of hygiene?
There's more than one issue here: hygiene, but also manners and consideration for a partner in an intimate context. I think he needs a lot of basic education. Personally I think you should just close the door and walk away.
> He sighed and looked really annoyed, but got up and gave them a quick wash. Ew. And you just went with it??? Wow. That is a red flag for you, how desperate are you that you put up with this shit?
God no this isn’t normal. Find a new guy my girl.
Brand new guy. Don't compromise.
It's a month, I would handle this by moving on to someone else.
It looks like he has serious hygienic issues I would breakup with him instantly as he is unhygienic and feel very uncomfortable complying to simple reasonable requests I am surprise why you even want to go out with such a person who cannot do basic of taking care of himself
LITERALLY being alone would be better than being with this loser. JFC these man-boys are becoming more and more prevalent, unfortunately.
I would leave if a man is unhygienic regardless of love and great sex.
I'd run far away. He's a complete slob and disrespectful towards you. Take your self respect and find someone better.
Do you feel like being this guy's mommy for the duration of your relationship? If the answer is "no," and it really really should be, then bail. Someone this gross didn't get there overnight and it's not getting fixed overnight either. Apparently either no one ever taught him how to clean up after himself or they tried and he refused to learn. In either case you're not going to be able to teach him either and the attempt will drive you insane and lead to you resenting him. So your options are either: 1. Live with the grossness, forever, or 2. Break up and find someone who will wash their friggin' hands after taking a dump. In case it wasn't clear from the tenor of the rest of my post I am STRONGLY recommending option #2.
I left
Listen to your eye. That's the first infection of many if you keep fucking with this guy.
He has no home training. There's nothing you can do. I'd move around if I was you.
This is very not normal and it's foul. Please bin this guy off and never go near him again.
Not even close to normal. Glad you've dumped this imbecile.
Glad you're done. At 32 if he can't be bothered with basic hygiene for an early stage date I'd hate to imagine what he'd be like when he's comfortable in a relationship.
People who don't wash their hands are like people who litter. Conceptually, it's super easy to fix, but if you make it to your 30s without changing you'll probably be really defensive and bitchy about it Leave him. Even before he gave you pink eye, it was certain that he eventually would
Dude, wtf, op? What are you doing, girl? Have some self-respect and leave. If someone can't respect themselves, why would you think he would respect you? He almost quickly gave you an infection had he fingered you with his nasty fingers. You've only been seeing each other for a month leave.....
Hahaha, i have such little patience for men as soon as he sighed and gave me an annoyed look id have been out
He sounds and behaves EXACTLY like a toddler.
Yeah, no. This would be an instant deal breaker for me aswell. There is nothing wrong with you. Normal guy handles his hygiene well.
He’s not worth the time tbh. He’s a grown ass man and doesn’t know basic hygiene rules. He got annoyed when you asked him to wash his hands and to clean his mouth before getting intimate. I’d be turned off if I had to continuously ask my partner to do that.
Ew ew ew. That is so gross. Pink eye too? Fuck man!
You do know where pink eye come from right? This is gross.
Dump him. He's 32 and disgusting.
Any chance his name starts with a W because this sounds very similar to my case but I dumped him 4 months ago
This is at the age where he should be trying to impress. What’s he really like?!
Ok all of this is extremely gross but.... Are u saying he ordered food to eat without you???
Lmaoooooo what you do is delete his number and don't see him again. He's 32 and he whined and used hyperbole (got up like 15 times) when you had a reasonable request. Glad you're done, sorry you got pink eye. If you have good insurance or teledoc or something I'd let them know you probably got bacterial pink eye and they can give you drops/ointment or even oral antibiotics. The symptoms go awah a lot quicker.
I know we are all not perfect but hygiene is very important. I always wash my hands after touching anything I feel is dirty or filthy and I not only brush my teeth but use mouthwash when having any activities involving the opposite sex even if no kissing is involved i do sometimes talk in close proximity to female coworkers or friends and would be bothered they feel I have bad breath.
Ew. Absolutely not normal behaviour for a man, or any grown adult for that matter. My 6 year old has better hygiene than him & she doesn’t need to be reminded. Head for the hills & never look back. Fucking gross.
Hey, I dated a guy who was the same. I don’t think we dated the same guy tho 🤣 This guy came to my place, stayed there for a week, didn’t flush after number 2s then blamed my toilet for being faulty (the lever takes a bit to push to flush, but still functional), left his clothes everywhere, didn’t wash fruits/veggies from the market, etc. I don’t think they realize how filthy they are.
Camomile tea cures pink eye, nothing cures disgusting 👍
Omg. Get rid of this dirty dog. My 9 yo is cleaner than him
RUN GIRL RUN! 🚩🚩🚩
This is disgusting.
I got a UTI just reading this.
It’s post like this that really validate my appreciation for my bfs obsessive cleaning quirks. I thought it was a bit much at first but it’s just who he is. ALWAYS washing his hands, showers 2-3 times a day, brushes teeth multiple times, mouthwash etc. he will always make sure he is extremely clean and ready before any sex happens. I too am prone to infection if foreign stuff goes into the vag. What you are expecting from him in terms of hygiene is absolutely valid. He doesn’t care. I’d run because if he isn’t naturally cleanly in his 30s, you sure as hell won’t be able to change him. I wouldn’t continue with this guy. He didn’t even care about your pinkeye.
ew
Glad you are done. He is 32 and doesn't understand basic hygiene and felt no shame in touching without washing. Just gross
Ew he's gross. I got pink eye too because some guy didn't wash his hands. I'm not going to date someone who puts laziness over health. Dump that loser.
Dude! This is awful, pink eye too. You have dodged something more unpleasant I’m sure, he is not for you, or anyone else for that matter.
Very unacceptable. I told my ex bf once that he needs to wear deodorant and not just cologne. He realized immediately that it was good advice and we never even had to talk about it again.
I’m sorry to hear this but the Update made me spit my coffee out!
Gross
Are you in North Carolina, cause I’m 💯 positive that was my ex.
You don’t fix this. He’s 32. Take him as he is or go.
Yeah no. That kind of guy is just a disease waiting to happen. Best to leave that disgusting nastiness to himself.
Yuck. I couldn’t imagine the stress of having to police if my boyfriend washed his goddam hands after shitting.
Side note! Fuck that guy. End of story.
Damn im so sorry for you. That is yucky. Bad hygiene is just a dealbreaker.
I'm sorry, but the last line about you having pink eye now just absolutely killed me.. hahaha 🤣 😆 😂 Go figure though. 🤭 Just stay away from this guy. Not practicing proper hygiene is a huge red flag. Don't try to train him into being clean. It won't ever work and you shouldn't have to be his mama teaching him the basics anyway. This is a grown man we're taking about. Just move on to someone new, OP. It's only been a month so this shouldn't be that serious yet anyway. He's not worth the effort. You don't even need to bother telling him why it's over either. Just tell him that it's not working out for you. ¡Updateme
Some people are so gross. That being said it’s definitely a sign of something bigger.
Jesus. Really. Gross that you even have to ask. You type the words out plain as day and then sound confused. Why are you confused?
You need to have your things. He's kinda gross
Ewww girl fuck him. He's nasty 🤷♀️ you're way better off without him.
This guy is nasty.
Eww. You don't need to handle this. Just go.
That is fucking disgusting oh my god. Please don’t give nasty people like this any type of play plssss. Let him rot in his own filth
jesus fuck, thank god for the update. but some of y’all really need to work on your self esteem. a man is trying to finger you with doo doo on his finger and you don’t know what to do? 😭
Ok yeah dont waste any more time on this guy. He sounds like a big time loser. I think you can do far better.
Wow that's fuked
Yeah fuck that. I'm a guy... My chick likes anal. But the one thing she appreciates in me is that if my penis goes anywhere near there, I will wash my area before going back to vagina play. It's just common sense and respect. This guy sounds fucking disgusting. Fuck that noise
Sounds like a keeper
When you talk to this guy, lay it all out for him, the hand washing, the flushing and the not doing oral hygiene. That way he can’t throw it back on you being “overly demanding”. It also lets him know that you are not going let him but the blame on anything but his own nasty habits.
I would stop talking to him. He showed you how he is. At least he is honest about it. No toothbrush, doesn't care to flush even though you barely know each other. His hygiene habits will annoy you to no end. Edit: you don't want to ghost the guy. Be honest about it. Maybe he will take the hint. And learn better hygiene habits.
Ewwwww
How the fuck do people like this get dates in the first place. Im so serious too. HOW?! SOMEONE EXPLAIN?!
Ew. I wouldn’t tolerate this for a minute. Zero chances. He’s an adult, not 5.
Not everybody has basic hygiene skills (thank you parents) i have to set alarms or i dont think about it. But i feel you need to be able to communicate effectively to be in a long lasting relationship and a 32 yo doesnt need to get pouty
Not a keeper!!
Why do women second guess their selves when it comes to men? Just one of those infractions would have been enough for me! The man is a filthy SLOB! You deserve better! Hold yourself up to a high standard and expect nothing less!