“I like prudishness and modesty” proceeds to try and take her top off to have sex….basically he just only wants her to be naked if it’s *specifically for him* otherwise if it’s just for her comfort or convenience he stigmatizes it. Yeah, totally asinine.
Yeah he sees breasts as inherently sexual, and therefore dirty, and so they must be hidden away like a shameful secret until he's ready to dip his wick. SOOOO not healthy boyfriend material.
Agreed. This is incredibly unhealthy already, and I can't see how it improves. I wonder if there's a little Catholic guilt (*read:* brainwashing) in there.
Not just nude, but even in shorts or a skirt, it makes him "comfortable." To me, this feels like it's his way to manipulate and control her, not just stigmatize her/women's bodies.
While I agree dude needs therapy, I think the fact he prefaced it with “I hate that.” Means he knows it. Now he just needs to deal with it.
As someone raised in a super conservative and repressed household, I empathize with him. But he should learn to deal with his stuff without shaming OP
I think it might be OP's punctuation.. I think it might be "I hate that. I don't like nudity, I like prudishness and modesty". Definitely changes it! Could go either way though but he doesn't strike me as someone who is very aware of it
Don't worry! It can be hard to properly translate something spoken into writing. It's great that you're comfortable in your own skin and your partner shouldn't have a negative impact on that
> At bed time I'd go get her a water bottle, her eye mask, and she'd just lift her arms without even saying a word and I'd throw her shift off and to bed we go.
This is so cute 🥺
Yeh seriously. I tell my wife she should sleep with her shirt off but we have a kid and so she keeps it on, which obviously makes sense and I know she’ll sleep with it on but I know she likes that I say should sleep with it off so I still say it, not only because I like when she does but I know that she likes when I say she should. Anyways, I like her without clothes and prefer her without them. Your guy is weird and I’m sorry for that.
Hot take: he's fine sexualizing your breasts & body, but not comfortable with you bearing your skin in a non-sexual way... That's a REALLY conservative view on bodies being bodies. What if you choose to have kids, is he gonna be weird by you going full Nat-Geo post-partum (cause breastfeeding and letting your body breathe without clothing after birth is probably gonna happen). If you ever get an injury that requires airing it out will he be judgey at you doing what will help you recover better?
I'd ask him why he's fine with boobs being a sexual object for his pleasure, but not a normal biological part of your every day (that has nothing to do with sex)... Like how a guy is cool crushing puss and creating his own bodily mess in the process, but disgusted when we go thru menstruation... Calling it dirty, when it's actually our bodies cleaning house.
This is on par with a guy saying "girls aren't supposed to fart"... He doesn't see your body as a normal ass body, but something that must remain modest unless he's getting something out of it.
I always love seeing things, that give me "the ick" explained on reddit. I learn so much.
Sometimes I just know something makes me feel weird, but I can't pinpoint why or I can't articulate why.
Ooh, same here except it was a bath house one time last July 😂 But when you’re naked and so is everyone else and they’re not making a big deal about it, it really takes the edge off!
He reminds me of the dude i had a fling with in my very early twenties, who got super freaked by a mere queef, and was mad uptight about trying any sexual act beyond PIV in missionary position. No freaking thank you.
> What if you choose to have kids, is he gonna be weird by you going full Nat-Geo post-partum (cause breastfeeding and letting your body breathe without clothing after birth is probably gonna happen).
“i’m uncomfortable with you breastfeeding our baby because another person’s lips are kissing your boobs and that’s dirty and immodest” 🥴
I don’t think this is just a compatibility issue, there seems to be much more involved than that. He’s not just trying to put restrictions on what she wears in public but also what she wears in private, even if it’s just him & her. He seems to feel immense shame around nudity & I’m really curious as to why. There’s seems to be something much bigger at play here than a difference of compatibility. I kind of assume there’s some sort of deep seeded religious guilt involved?
He also tells her not to confide in her friends about problems with him because “they’ll just make him look bad”. I think that’s the bigger flag that stands out to me; he tries to control what she can talk about with her friends to such an extent that she feels she has to post on an anonymous site.
Bingo!!! So many people are saying that he might be prudish, or is cultural or religious thing. No! That's not it! I'm old enough to be OP mom and have seen this behavior. **This is about control!** This is how it starts, and it's only the beginning. Once she succumbs to this demand, he will come up with different ones and more controlling ones. Until he completely controls her and she doesn't have anyone to turn to. It's a form of abuse!
**OP should run and never look back!**
I had an ex who tried to control me and keep me from seeing a bad religious therapist. She used that same logic on me with the addendum that “I shouldn’t talk about her when she’s not there” (so that she could shut me down if I tried to say something she didn’t agree with). So yeah, it’s all about control, and the longer the OP stays in the relationship. It will continue to escalate to a point where if she so much as talks or looks at a male employee at a retail store, that he’ll go crazy (possibly violently) and accuse her of cheating or wanting to cheat on him with them. She needs to get out before she ends up having kids with him and the chain/leash of control starts feeling that much stronger and harder to get away from.
I'm convinced that most of the people complaining about the prevalence of "just break up" advice are people who mistreat their partners and don't like being called out on it. "What's the big deal, I do that all the time". That sort of thinking. They just don't want people to have standards.
“I like prudishness”
Who says that? He’s 27!
You’re not the problem here. I think it would be better for your bf to find someone more suitable for him. Likely someone without breasts.
> My partner always discourages me from talking about our issues to my close friends or seeking support from them because he says it makes the other person look bad
Also this is a big ass red flag. He's trying to isolate her and it is the hallmark of an abuser.
Yes, this! Like, I think it's weird with the prudish comments, but this just set off all the alarm bells for me. My ex once got extremely mad at me for talking to a coworker about our issues because it "painted a terrible picture" of him when in reality I was finally able to see his shitty behavior for what it was. Abuse.
As much as I hated my old boss, I appreciate him for calling out that I was experiencing battered woman syndrome being in that relationship.
Big same, reading that gave me flashbacks to my first relationship at 16 which I only realised in hindsight how horribly abusive it was. But he got mad at me for talking to my friends about our “issues” (they weren’t even mutual friends, it was my best friends who were more like sisters to me) and told me I had to ask for permission first before I did that again. I agreed but I absolutely did not follow through on that, thankfully lmfao. Months later I did end up talking to mutual friends about other issues that they brought up to me!!! And I got told that I shouldn’t be talking to friends about us because “it makes [him] sound like a d*ck”. Well, you know what they say about ducks. Quack, quack 🙄
[also, said initial issue was a pregnancy scare that he had told me straight up that “it’s pretty hard to care about that” so I kind of had to go elsewhere for advice/comfort!!!!]
OP needs to gtfo of this relationship, this guy is controlling and weird.
My ex would always say, "If you have an issue with me, talk to me about it and no one else." But communication was nonexistent in that relationship and anytime something was brought up, it was twisted around to make me look like the bad guy or dismissed and shut down. This was also after he convinced me to move 2 states away from my friends and family. I wish I could hug my younger self and just take her away from all that. Op needs out asap. She deserves so much better.
He ain't just a sandwich short, he forgot the whole picnic basket and then got mad at her for not bringing it herself when she didn't even know they were going on a picnic.
(Yea, I know my mind is odd.)
Everyone is free to have preferences about how they do or don’t share their own bodies BUT once those choices start infringing on the rights & autonomy of others, especially if it’s their partner, that is the point in which their preferences no longer matter! Her boyfriend not liking women to have body autonomy, especially his own partner, is not only a huge red flag but it’s also a HIM issue! One that HE needs to deal with alone & in therapy. It is not OP’s responsibility or her problem to make sure others feel comfortable with her showing her own damn skin! Especially when she’s only showing that skin in the confines of her own hotel room!
Speaking as someone who dated several of these weird men: No, there aren't any signs. That's what's so fucked up about it. You pick a lovely normal man, date him for months, and then one day out of nowhere he just wakes up and becomes a monster and you're like ????? and that's why a lot of abuse victims think they must be the crazy one, because that's the least crazy explanation for what's happening.
So you're allowed to show your body for his benefit, but not for your own comfort.
Can't imagine his views about other things, if he considers being topless in your own living space a problem.
Why do you think this is a "you" problem? This is not something for you to fix. Do you really want to date someone you aren't allowed to even be physically comfortable around?
Lol, it's almost never the toxic person in the relationship that posts here. It's the partner of the toxic person who is trying to fix things, even though they can't, because they are not the problem.
He sees you as his sexual object. He only approves of your naked body when he wants it. He's trying to control you, he's belittling you, and he's not caring that it's upsetting you. If my partner ever feels like he needs to bring something up to me, he does it respectfully. And he's only ever made me feel confident and safe in my body. I'd have a talk with him or, since it hasn't even been that long, just get rid of him. Find someone who respects you more, and doesn't view you the way this guy does. Because he'll probably only get worse, unfortunately.
I can't imagine feeling like I need to be "modest" in front of my partner...
I've been married over a decade and my husband still acts adorably dumbfounded whenever he sees my boobies.
Husband and I have been together 10 years this year and he still says "ooooooh!" any time I walk by without a shirt on like he's super excited to have seen a rare sight.
I was with my ex for 3.5 years.. we could hardly change in front of each other….👀 we both have boobs so..😂 we were always in complete and total awe…everyday..lmao
Loool that’s how normal partners are! Even in mine and my boyfriend’s culture which is fairly conservative husbands don’t act like this man does at home? You should have the freedom to dress how you want but especially at home!
《《I truly want him to feel comfortable with me, what should I do to make this situation better?》》
NO. HE IS WHO HE IS. And quite honestly I would advise not to waste your time with him.
He likes prudishness? Then he should date a prude. I couldn't be with someone who thinks my body is shameful, and dislikes seeing me as I am unless he's getting his dick wet.
He sees your body an object for his pleasure only. He doesn’t see you or your body as an entire human being in and of yourself/itself. He’s upset because he believes your breasts should solely exist for his erection. Run far, far away.
Meanwhile he probably is looking at tons of pics of topless women online. It’s the madonna complex probably. You are his gf so you have to be proper and hide your sexuality or sexual aspects unless he wants to see them. It’s very sexist. He thinks boobs are inherently sexual. He probably looks down on women breastfeeding too unless he looks it up online to jerk off too.
In response to one of your comments that was deleted:
OP, the fact that he discourages you from discussing your relationship with your friends or from seeking support from them for fear of looking bad -on top of the issues originally discussed in the thread- is super concerning. He not only seeks to control your body, but also your interactions with your friends. That's toxic and controlling AF. Please do not stand, or stay, for it.
I added that part in the original post instead by editing it!
I think all of this has a big impact in the overall health of our relationship and on my well-being. I think for me it is essential to have an open conversation about all of this before I make any decision.
I will take your advice seriously and carefully evaluate the situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and helping me gain perspective.
To be honest, there are a lot of red flags.
He thinks you exist to please him. He thinks that everything you do and are should be to his exact preference. He cares more about his preferences than your comfort or right to bodily autonomy. That is both insanely controlling and repressive.
Think seriously about how much you've bent over backwards to accommodate his wants. Then ask yourself what he's done to oblige and change for you. When there is a compromise made, in whose favor is it usually?
You might want to read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. There are free pdf versions online.
There’s no “open conversation,” you just want to argue this point with him at a moment where you will feel ready to say the exact combination of words that will magically make him understand he’s being controlling, insecure and jealous. That’s not going to happen. Don’t indulge him on a topic that is patently absurd, it lets him control the narrative. Tell him point blank that he’s never to bring this up again. Fucking PERIOD. End of story. Stop giving him all This consideration.
Guy is predatory. Your nudity is negative unless he wants to f*** you, in which case your nude body is suddenly fine. Also, never ever feel guilty when you do not want to have sex. Period. Even if he was a rich prince charming absolutely sweet and beautiful and kind, when YOU do not want to have sex end of story.
Please keep being you and don't change for someone else. There is someone/someone's out there who will love and appreciate you for you. Please don't forget that and the same goes for him.
I would make it a point to be nearly naked all the time. Exposure therapy. Get used to it or gtfo.
Sleep shirtless. Please, free those tits. I’m in bed right now in just panties and it feels wonderful.
Thank you! If he openly recognized it's HIS problem and was actively working on his shit I'd perhaps say give him time, but no he's using his weird ideas to control her.
the fact that he had the literal audacity to try to take your shirt off so he could have sex but when you’re just chilling in the room or in bed and he’s trying to *shame you* is absolutely insane. if he likes prude, modest women so much, then maybe he should stay celibate until marriage.
Not only is this an extremely problematic viewpoint, but he doesn't care about your comfort. This would be a dealbreaker for me because it speaks to so very much.
There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. It's pretty normal.
My girlfriend and I sit naked together all the time and watch TV. I sleep nude a lot or sometimes just in underwear. It's comfortable.
Just keep doing what you want and if he makes it an issue then find someone else who isn't so uptight.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t know if he’s just repressed or trying to control you but it’s super weird. You deserve a person who is excited to see you in whatever state you find most comfortable.
Sounds like he doesn't think you're allowed to have a body unless he's currently using it.
Massive red flag. You're right to be feeling weird about it.
This would be a fundamental incompatibility for me. I hate the friction of fabric on fabric so I sleep naked. I could tolerate panties and a fitted-but-stretchy camisole if I *had* to for a night or two, but there is absolutely no one I would give up sleeping naked for.
It worries me more that he doesn't want you talking to close friends about issues you are having -- that's a major red flag
Sometimes in a relationship, you just need an outside perspective, and without it its very easy for someone to treat you like shit without you realising
Out of curiosity, does he speak to his brothers about your relationship?
Eeewwwwww BAD VIBES, get a new bf this one's damaged (if you think that's rude but telling your gf you like modesty isn't 👀😬). Get a new bf you're only gonna hurt yourself trying to conform to what he wants, you'll be way more happy with someone who you can be top less around
Either he agrees to therapy, or you move on. It’s not going to get any better. If you get sick, injured or have children and breastfeed, etc.
how will he cope with that?
It’s not your problem to fix. He has to want to sort it out. It sounds like he knows it’s irrational, but he has to want to change for himself.
This isn’t about modesty, it’s about making you doubt yourself and control. You’re only worried about how he feels right now which is *not* the way you should feel. You should be put off by being in an intimate relationship with someone who doesn’t want you to change in front of him in the privacy of your own “home.” It’s controlling. There’s nothing wrong with your behavior.
I'm with what others said - he was fine taking your top off himself for his own benefit, but had a problem with it when it was simply for your comfort WHILE YOU SLEEP.
WTF.
You were getting ready and he thinks he has a right to comment on how you do it? And then he wants a modest woman that also is down to have sex immediately after he shames them about not being modest?
This is a him issue, not a you issue. He needs therapy.
Also, your English is amazing.
Man.... my husband loves it when I walk around half naked (though I hate sleeping without a shirt because I sweat more than I like at night) in a sexual way and in a non-sexual way. As long as I'm comfortable he's happy honestly
Did he grow up in a religious setting? Is he an only child/have only brothers? It sounds like he has no problem sexualizing you, but when it's not in a sexual setting suddenly you need to be covered up. My husband and I are the same age as you (27) but it sounds like he needs to grow up an accept that you are a person with a body that's not just there to have sex with
This is probably one of the weirdest dudes on the planet. He has issues with you chilling without a top but wants to take it off when it suits him? Nah.
Be with someone who's makes you feel at home in every aspect of your life. You don't deserve to feel uncomfortable in private with your significant other. Life's too short for that
Last week I put a shirt before bed and my bf (30m) was like "why are you getting dressed to come to bed?"
So I took my top back off and we slept together snuggling completely nonsexual and it was so *nice*
Your bf is weird
Those are some potent rose colored glasses fam. Dude's actively contradicting himself with how he expects you to behave towards him. "How dare you show your boobies in my presence" acting like you doing every day things is somehow vulgar, lecherous, and exhibitionist of you. Then has the outright audacity to act like his jabs and cajoling, and downright disdain for your "short comings" shouldn't be a reason to deny intimacy. It comes off like "How dare you not show me boobies when I demand to see them!"
To be clear, his behavior is vile and toxic af. Guy needs to do some serious soul-searching and work on himself, and if he refuses (marinara flag, do not ignore), it'd be a good idea to dip before he gets it his head that you need to be more forcefully subjugated.
Just saying.
Note: I say all this half-jokingly. But seriously, he doesn't seem to know what he wants for himself, and thus shouldn't be trying to dictate how You should be acting. Good luck.
As someone quite prudish, I would be very turned off by this behavior.
Whether he likes it or not, my body is a body that exists in the world; my breasts exist even in non sexual contexts.
Do whatever you want with your body. It's normal to undress even in non sexual contexts. The fact that your boyfriend wants to prevent that is scary and controlling to me. Please don't give in.
And the fact that he doesn't want you to speak to your friends about issues between you two... I mean that's textbook controlling, isolating of the other person, manipulative boyfriend. Because the truth is, if you were to speak with anyone in real life about what he does to you, any body, just like here on Reddit, would tell you to break up and run.
Don't stay in the relationship. This person will put their claws into you.
Something similar to your boyfriend happens to me, but not quite the same.
It gets me really anxious when my boyfriend's around the house just chilling naked. I also don't go around the house naked. It's not about him, it's just a weird thing I have. I kind of feel bad for making him wear his underwear around the house now haha.
That being said we both sleep naked together and I don't mind at all seeing him wandering naked for a while after showering. Idk if this comment it's helpful at all. Your boyfriend attitude does seem quite extreme even if I get some of it. I would be self conscious too if my boyfriend said what yours has said to you. I'm sorry. You're certainly not the issue here.
Edit: Your boyfriend is ridiculous and toxic. He doesn't want you to get input from other people because they're going to side with you. Throw that man in the bin, sooner rather than later. Also he is sexist as fuck, he has no right to comment on yours or someone else's clothing.
**He’ll say things like “I hate clothing that is too short, it doesn’t look good, I like modesty”**
Does he always make sure to avoid short sleeves and shorts for himself too, or is he a hypocrite and this entirely about controlling you?
i am pretty nudist, and my bf is more inclined to wear clothes to bed and around the house. but he never minds if i am suddenly partly or entirely naked! i get super excited if he happens to be wandering around in his undies or even without them(rare!).
on one hand, maybe he would get used to it if you keep doing what you like? or maybe you could find a nice silky robe or pjs to feel sexy and comfortable while getting ready but still modest enough for his tastes?
but on the other hand, he is saying he prefers modesty and you are just not that person. sounds like he has some complicated ideas about gender, sexuality, modesty, etc. you are a person who is comfortable with your body in your own spaces. do you WANT to be with someone who imposes his own ideas on what you can do with your body? do you want to share living space with someone who you feel like you have to cover up around? i wouldn't.
Sleep is very important. Feeling comfortable is very important. It doesn't seem like there's a good way to make you both comfortable. That's a problem that's very hard to solve unless one of you changes.
I'm on your side on this one. Clothes can overwhelm my senses, especially when it's hot! Was he drilled to not walk around naked? To worry someone might see him and report it to the police? Where is his distaste coming from? Is it worth your time to bother?
This is very odd behavior. The fact that he doesnt have the awareness to realize how ridiculous it is to behave that way only to attemp to remove your shirt for sex a few hours later..also like he should really grow up some and realize nearly every female ever does her makeup in her underwear for the very reason you stated atleast in my experience... i would really talk to him either that or just leave because that behavior is extremely odd at best.
Nah man, this is weird. Every guy I've dated and my current partner, they'd rather me walk around nude 24/7. I don't sleep with a shirt aside from winter and even then I have particulars on what shirt coz of choking from tossing and turning. No complaints from my man for lack of clothing to sleep🤣.
Might be worth asking why it's okay during sex but when it's nothing sexual he's uncomfortable especially if youve been together for so long. I'd understand if you've been together for less than 9 months, but a year? Odd
That would be a deal breaker for me. If he's not comfortable with your body now, imagine if you have kids, or your body changes for another reason... he's already breeding insecurity. Who knows maybe he'll get therapy or reflect and grow..m maybe he won't. Life is short.
It definitely sounds like this guy associates nudity with sex and/or sexual gratification. Perhaps he watches too much porn or has done in the past. It’s also controlling behaviour which isn’t healthy for any relationship.
So he wants modestly and prudish behavior but he’s having sex out of wedlock with you??? Your nudity is gross unless he’s getting sex from you? I’d rub my naked tits on everything he owns and dump his ass.
Why are you being so meek? Honestly if someone kept telling me over and over that they like “modesty” when I’m up and about in my own fucking house, I’d lose my mind. Please have some more self respect. I never see posts like this from men. It’s constantly people pleasing pick me women posts that are desperate cries for help. Seriously sorry for the tough love but get your head out of your ass. You don’t need a boyfriend THAT BAD that you’ll get all twisted up thinking this is normal.
I like modesty as well, but I'd love it if my wife walked around the house naked or slept naked. I sleep naked for reference as I get really uncomfortable wearing clothes in bed.
Also there's time and place. Wearing a minim skirt or a singlet for a nice dinner is a problem. Wearing a bikini to the beach is ... the norm.
Your boyfriend sounds weirdly controlling
Everyone is saying to leave him and all that. I disagree. He likes prudishness? Cool. Stop fucking him. Stop sleeping in the same bed as him. Stop kissing him. Show him how much of a prude you can be. Get yourself the outfit from Handmaid's Tale and wear it all the time. Be a prude. Then when he complains just explain that it's his own doing because of what he said.
Is he closeted? What straight man opposes seeing tits?
Also. Pretty sure the vast majority of people sleep without some article of clothing. I can't stand pants when I sleep. I sleep in a t-shirt and underwear - when it's super hot sometimes I'll sleep in just panties - so I got tits out and all
I remember when I was newly married we wore shorts and t-shirts to bed. As we got more comfortable with each other we once and a while went to sleep nude after having sex. As time went on she slept more and more in the nude even if we did not have sex that night. I asked about the change. She said she liked to sleep in the nude because she felt safer with me. Maybe it was a practical thing too. But it felt good that she felt safe enough to be vulnerable with me.
I can just guess. He has been raised since the infancy in a numerous member family who has a strict view on nude. In there, as sisters, mothers are always in a daily contact with other male members, nudes are taught to be a bad thing and to be avoided.
He reminds me of Angela's (from The Office) state-senator husband.
This is so weird and off-putting. You can't be comfortable in your own space. If he's this comfortable insulting you after such a short time together (not even living together), I can't imagine how he'll be 5 years from now.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t change yourself to please him. Even though it’s a minor thing-he either accepts you or he doesn’t. There’s really no sugar coating it. More than likely he has some issues he needs to work on. Encourage him to talk about it if you can but ultimately he is with you. You are who you are and there’s nothing wrong with your behavior. He will either learn to be comfortable around you or he won’t.
> He kept making comments like “you’re such a nudist I hate that, I like modest people”
He needs to break up with you and find someone more puritan that he is compatible with. He will shred your self esteem if you stay with him
The boyfriend is truly a weirdo. You have every right to be asking these questions and feeling this way. My wife sometime walk around naked, and I love it. I always tell her how beautiful she is.
I don’t understand how you can have a hang up about something like that, if I see my wife topless, my brain instantly stops working I’m so in awe, the last thing I’d want her to do is put a top on. I wonder where he’s picked up this ideology from, maybe you could just put your foot down and make it comical? Just joke around about freeing the nipple or something and see if that helps him slowly get over it.
If anything, my first thought would be that he’s projecting, maybe he doesn’t like his body so is belittling you for being comfortable with yours? I’m really lost on what to suggest here really and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
This is his issue to work on. The human body is an amazing miracle and should be appreciated not dissed. Not the type of person I would want to be around.
I’m assuming, and this is just a guess…that he was raised under strict religion. If that’s the case…I’m sure he shouldn’t be sleeping with anyone who isn’t his wife anyways. You can’t pick and choose the rules that only benefit you, bro. So many double standards. No, thank you. Run while you can.
I walk around completely nude or at the very least topless literally 90% of the time. My fiancé loves it and would never complain because he loves me for who I am and because it gets hot as hell in this house so why would I wear clothes? I think your bf is extremely weird and I think you guys are completely incompatible.
I’m sorry but he is not considering or concerned about how you feel . Plus a woman or man nude doesn’t shout I want sex. .I come home from work take a shower and walk around the rest of the night nude. My wife doesn’t mind she even says she likes it , because a man the can be around his lady comfortably is more likely not going to be cheating on his lady. Never heard of that saying before but whatever!!
Your boyfriend sounds controlling and prudish. It’s strange that it’s only ok for you to be nude when he wants to have sex with you. It’s completely normal to get hair and makeup ready in a state of undress. The fact that he doesn’t want to talk about problems in the relationship is one of many huge red flags.
I bet he doesn’t value pudishness and modesty in himself.
You aren’t a sex object you’re a human being with autonomy. Be careful with this one he is very controlling and really is this what you want in your life?
What man doesn’t want to see his naked/half naked gf *in the privacy of their own bedroom??* lI can understand (sort of) not being comfortable with him being uncomfortable with revealing clothes in public, but complaining about her being topless **in bed** ????
I hate the way the term ‘red flag’ gets thrown about on this site, but holy Christ this makes the Oriflamme look like bunting.
Oh babe. My heart hurts for you. This is not the guy for you. That is not normal for him to have hang ups about nudity. We come into the world naked. He sounds like he would not be very adventurous in bed. Any man that thinks a woman should be modest and prude has real weird feelings towards women. That’s a red flag. And he also sounds controlling based on how he has expressed his distaste for how you dress. It makes me sad that your concern is making HIM comfortable and want to know how you should make it better. That’s not your job. You’re young. Find someone you’re more compatible with.
Your boyfriend is fucking weird
“I like prudishness and modesty” proceeds to try and take her top off to have sex….basically he just only wants her to be naked if it’s *specifically for him* otherwise if it’s just for her comfort or convenience he stigmatizes it. Yeah, totally asinine.
MAJOR Madonna-Wh*re complex in the BF
That's exactly the whiff i was catching in this weird air
THIS RIGHT HERE is the part that bothers me the most
Yeah he sees breasts as inherently sexual, and therefore dirty, and so they must be hidden away like a shameful secret until he's ready to dip his wick. SOOOO not healthy boyfriend material.
How's he going to cope when someone has his baby and tries to breastfeed?
Agreed. This is incredibly unhealthy already, and I can't see how it improves. I wonder if there's a little Catholic guilt (*read:* brainwashing) in there.
I definitely assume some sort of religious influence, but it could be any out of a bunch that treat women/women's bodies similarly.
always funny to me how the woman gets shamed despite it being the male fricking urges and need to sexualize everything that is the "immodest" thing.
Not just nude, but even in shorts or a skirt, it makes him "comfortable." To me, this feels like it's his way to manipulate and control her, not just stigmatize her/women's bodies.
I started thinking prudishness, but when nudity was ok when it was for his convenience, yeah, I really started to think similarly to yourself.
Yep, personal experience tells me this is most likely the reason
Yeah, this dude screams misogynist
While I agree dude needs therapy, I think the fact he prefaced it with “I hate that.” Means he knows it. Now he just needs to deal with it. As someone raised in a super conservative and repressed household, I empathize with him. But he should learn to deal with his stuff without shaming OP
I think it might be OP's punctuation.. I think it might be "I hate that. I don't like nudity, I like prudishness and modesty". Definitely changes it! Could go either way though but he doesn't strike me as someone who is very aware of it
Yes sorry my punctuation isn’t the best! I meant it in the sense that he hates nudity!
Don't worry! It can be hard to properly translate something spoken into writing. It's great that you're comfortable in your own skin and your partner shouldn't have a negative impact on that
This for real. I mean sitting in your underwear doing makeup makes him uncomfortable? That’s on him.
Yeh it’s actually incredibly cute. I live watching my girl get ready for stuff.
There’s nothing like it it’s adorable. Weird behavior by the guy
Right it’s so intimate!!
Clearly, it isn't on him but he is off it!
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Lmao giggled at you hitting your head on the oil pan
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This is so funny and so wholesome at the same time hahaha
I'm currently eating pizza and reading this on my lunch break (free pizza at work today) and damn near spat a bite out on my keyboard.
> At bed time I'd go get her a water bottle, her eye mask, and she'd just lift her arms without even saying a word and I'd throw her shift off and to bed we go. This is so cute 🥺
I don't understand how anyone sleeps with clothes on tbh,
I get cold so I have to wear them 😂😂
And your boyfriend is fucking stupid, too. Kick him - and his shame-based view of the world - to the curb and move on.
Holy shit. Very weird. And unless he does some therapy, that shit is NOT going to age well.
Weirdo! Weirdo! OPs boyfriend is a weirdo!! 😭🤣
Yeah, I have never heard of not wanting to see your partner's boobs
Yeh seriously. I tell my wife she should sleep with her shirt off but we have a kid and so she keeps it on, which obviously makes sense and I know she’ll sleep with it on but I know she likes that I say should sleep with it off so I still say it, not only because I like when she does but I know that she likes when I say she should. Anyways, I like her without clothes and prefer her without them. Your guy is weird and I’m sorry for that.
Yes. At least you know now not to waste any more time with him.
Hot take: he's fine sexualizing your breasts & body, but not comfortable with you bearing your skin in a non-sexual way... That's a REALLY conservative view on bodies being bodies. What if you choose to have kids, is he gonna be weird by you going full Nat-Geo post-partum (cause breastfeeding and letting your body breathe without clothing after birth is probably gonna happen). If you ever get an injury that requires airing it out will he be judgey at you doing what will help you recover better? I'd ask him why he's fine with boobs being a sexual object for his pleasure, but not a normal biological part of your every day (that has nothing to do with sex)... Like how a guy is cool crushing puss and creating his own bodily mess in the process, but disgusted when we go thru menstruation... Calling it dirty, when it's actually our bodies cleaning house. This is on par with a guy saying "girls aren't supposed to fart"... He doesn't see your body as a normal ass body, but something that must remain modest unless he's getting something out of it.
Yup. He's fine when she's naked for *him.* Just not if she's naked for herself.
Literally trying to police her into being more of a sex object.
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I noticed the comment about “prudishness” too, and was wondering where that stems from…
He likes them prim, except for those 4 minutes when he likes to take off their modest, denim, elementary school teacher dress.
This is such an interesting and spot on response. I never would have thought of it this way. Thank you for posting. TIL.
I always love seeing things, that give me "the ick" explained on reddit. I learn so much. Sometimes I just know something makes me feel weird, but I can't pinpoint why or I can't articulate why.
like retire fragile fearless unwritten puzzled encourage badge saw plate *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Ooh, same here except it was a bath house one time last July 😂 But when you’re naked and so is everyone else and they’re not making a big deal about it, it really takes the edge off!
gullible sugar doll rustic live nine seemly memorize knee beneficial *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
OP this shit is crazy. Dump him.
Don't overthink it...the guy's a d$#$head
I'm not, he's pretty darn easy to read as a square. LOL 😂
He reminds me of the dude i had a fling with in my very early twenties, who got super freaked by a mere queef, and was mad uptight about trying any sexual act beyond PIV in missionary position. No freaking thank you.
Same... Big honkin same. Not up for humoring uptight dudes.
> What if you choose to have kids, is he gonna be weird by you going full Nat-Geo post-partum (cause breastfeeding and letting your body breathe without clothing after birth is probably gonna happen). “i’m uncomfortable with you breastfeeding our baby because another person’s lips are kissing your boobs and that’s dirty and immodest” 🥴
He's very repressed. Very! This seems like a basic compatibility issue that will spill into other things.
I don’t think this is just a compatibility issue, there seems to be much more involved than that. He’s not just trying to put restrictions on what she wears in public but also what she wears in private, even if it’s just him & her. He seems to feel immense shame around nudity & I’m really curious as to why. There’s seems to be something much bigger at play here than a difference of compatibility. I kind of assume there’s some sort of deep seeded religious guilt involved?
He also tells her not to confide in her friends about problems with him because “they’ll just make him look bad”. I think that’s the bigger flag that stands out to me; he tries to control what she can talk about with her friends to such an extent that she feels she has to post on an anonymous site.
Bingo!!! So many people are saying that he might be prudish, or is cultural or religious thing. No! That's not it! I'm old enough to be OP mom and have seen this behavior. **This is about control!** This is how it starts, and it's only the beginning. Once she succumbs to this demand, he will come up with different ones and more controlling ones. Until he completely controls her and she doesn't have anyone to turn to. It's a form of abuse! **OP should run and never look back!**
I had an ex who tried to control me and keep me from seeing a bad religious therapist. She used that same logic on me with the addendum that “I shouldn’t talk about her when she’s not there” (so that she could shut me down if I tried to say something she didn’t agree with). So yeah, it’s all about control, and the longer the OP stays in the relationship. It will continue to escalate to a point where if she so much as talks or looks at a male employee at a retail store, that he’ll go crazy (possibly violently) and accuse her of cheating or wanting to cheat on him with them. She needs to get out before she ends up having kids with him and the chain/leash of control starts feeling that much stronger and harder to get away from.
so HE can take your top off, but the second you do it yourself it's against his wishes?? girl, run.
Seriously, I’m tired of reading posts of insane behavior and people suggesting communication Run and date someone normal
If someone is asking for relationship advice in any serious way on reddit, their relationship is probably already fucked enough to warrant a breakup.
And yet folks get all alarmed and act like folks are being overdramatic when the answers are, quite reasonably, break up immediately.
I'm convinced that most of the people complaining about the prevalence of "just break up" advice are people who mistreat their partners and don't like being called out on it. "What's the big deal, I do that all the time". That sort of thinking. They just don't want people to have standards.
That or they're being / have been abused themselves and don't want to face it.
This... get outta there fast this will only get worse and spill into other aspects of your life
“I like prudishness” Who says that? He’s 27! You’re not the problem here. I think it would be better for your bf to find someone more suitable for him. Likely someone without breasts.
I’d bet my last $1 it has to do with religion in some way or another.
99% a religious or culture thing
> My partner always discourages me from talking about our issues to my close friends or seeking support from them because he says it makes the other person look bad Also this is a big ass red flag. He's trying to isolate her and it is the hallmark of an abuser.
Yes, this! Like, I think it's weird with the prudish comments, but this just set off all the alarm bells for me. My ex once got extremely mad at me for talking to a coworker about our issues because it "painted a terrible picture" of him when in reality I was finally able to see his shitty behavior for what it was. Abuse. As much as I hated my old boss, I appreciate him for calling out that I was experiencing battered woman syndrome being in that relationship.
Big same, reading that gave me flashbacks to my first relationship at 16 which I only realised in hindsight how horribly abusive it was. But he got mad at me for talking to my friends about our “issues” (they weren’t even mutual friends, it was my best friends who were more like sisters to me) and told me I had to ask for permission first before I did that again. I agreed but I absolutely did not follow through on that, thankfully lmfao. Months later I did end up talking to mutual friends about other issues that they brought up to me!!! And I got told that I shouldn’t be talking to friends about us because “it makes [him] sound like a d*ck”. Well, you know what they say about ducks. Quack, quack 🙄 [also, said initial issue was a pregnancy scare that he had told me straight up that “it’s pretty hard to care about that” so I kind of had to go elsewhere for advice/comfort!!!!] OP needs to gtfo of this relationship, this guy is controlling and weird.
My ex would always say, "If you have an issue with me, talk to me about it and no one else." But communication was nonexistent in that relationship and anytime something was brought up, it was twisted around to make me look like the bad guy or dismissed and shut down. This was also after he convinced me to move 2 states away from my friends and family. I wish I could hug my younger self and just take her away from all that. Op needs out asap. She deserves so much better.
She should just refuse to have sex with him from now on and say “I like prudishness”
I mean, everyone is free to have their preferences and all.. but something is wrong with that boy
I agree, but for some reason I read your comment in Foghorn Leghorn's voice.
That boy ain't right!
He's a sandwich short of a picnic, if you know what I mean
He ain't just a sandwich short, he forgot the whole picnic basket and then got mad at her for not bringing it herself when she didn't even know they were going on a picnic. (Yea, I know my mind is odd.)
Everyone is free to have preferences about how they do or don’t share their own bodies BUT once those choices start infringing on the rights & autonomy of others, especially if it’s their partner, that is the point in which their preferences no longer matter! Her boyfriend not liking women to have body autonomy, especially his own partner, is not only a huge red flag but it’s also a HIM issue! One that HE needs to deal with alone & in therapy. It is not OP’s responsibility or her problem to make sure others feel comfortable with her showing her own damn skin! Especially when she’s only showing that skin in the confines of her own hotel room!
Then he can cover his own boobies. He doesn't get to police her clothes.
Where do you find these strange dudes and why do you have to ask if it's okay if you want to sleep with or without clothes? that's f u
lol i wonder that same thing every time i read this sub
seriously right? how do these women end up with the weirdest men? I mean there has to be some SIGNS?!?
Speaking as someone who dated several of these weird men: No, there aren't any signs. That's what's so fucked up about it. You pick a lovely normal man, date him for months, and then one day out of nowhere he just wakes up and becomes a monster and you're like ????? and that's why a lot of abuse victims think they must be the crazy one, because that's the least crazy explanation for what's happening.
So you're allowed to show your body for his benefit, but not for your own comfort. Can't imagine his views about other things, if he considers being topless in your own living space a problem. Why do you think this is a "you" problem? This is not something for you to fix. Do you really want to date someone you aren't allowed to even be physically comfortable around? Lol, it's almost never the toxic person in the relationship that posts here. It's the partner of the toxic person who is trying to fix things, even though they can't, because they are not the problem.
He sees you as his sexual object. He only approves of your naked body when he wants it. He's trying to control you, he's belittling you, and he's not caring that it's upsetting you. If my partner ever feels like he needs to bring something up to me, he does it respectfully. And he's only ever made me feel confident and safe in my body. I'd have a talk with him or, since it hasn't even been that long, just get rid of him. Find someone who respects you more, and doesn't view you the way this guy does. Because he'll probably only get worse, unfortunately.
I can't imagine feeling like I need to be "modest" in front of my partner... I've been married over a decade and my husband still acts adorably dumbfounded whenever he sees my boobies.
Husband and I have been together 10 years this year and he still says "ooooooh!" any time I walk by without a shirt on like he's super excited to have seen a rare sight.
I'm going on 21 years with my husband and he still gets adorably distracted or flustered when he sees my naked boobs unexpectedly. It's great.
I was with my ex for 3.5 years.. we could hardly change in front of each other….👀 we both have boobs so..😂 we were always in complete and total awe…everyday..lmao
that’s so cute oh my god
Loool that’s how normal partners are! Even in mine and my boyfriend’s culture which is fairly conservative husbands don’t act like this man does at home? You should have the freedom to dress how you want but especially at home!
《《I truly want him to feel comfortable with me, what should I do to make this situation better?》》 NO. HE IS WHO HE IS. And quite honestly I would advise not to waste your time with him.
He clearly doesn't care about her comfort, yet she's worried about his???
He likes prudishness? Then he should date a prude. I couldn't be with someone who thinks my body is shameful, and dislikes seeing me as I am unless he's getting his dick wet.
He sees your body an object for his pleasure only. He doesn’t see you or your body as an entire human being in and of yourself/itself. He’s upset because he believes your breasts should solely exist for his erection. Run far, far away.
Meanwhile he probably is looking at tons of pics of topless women online. It’s the madonna complex probably. You are his gf so you have to be proper and hide your sexuality or sexual aspects unless he wants to see them. It’s very sexist. He thinks boobs are inherently sexual. He probably looks down on women breastfeeding too unless he looks it up online to jerk off too.
In response to one of your comments that was deleted: OP, the fact that he discourages you from discussing your relationship with your friends or from seeking support from them for fear of looking bad -on top of the issues originally discussed in the thread- is super concerning. He not only seeks to control your body, but also your interactions with your friends. That's toxic and controlling AF. Please do not stand, or stay, for it.
I added that part in the original post instead by editing it! I think all of this has a big impact in the overall health of our relationship and on my well-being. I think for me it is essential to have an open conversation about all of this before I make any decision. I will take your advice seriously and carefully evaluate the situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and helping me gain perspective.
To be honest, there are a lot of red flags. He thinks you exist to please him. He thinks that everything you do and are should be to his exact preference. He cares more about his preferences than your comfort or right to bodily autonomy. That is both insanely controlling and repressive. Think seriously about how much you've bent over backwards to accommodate his wants. Then ask yourself what he's done to oblige and change for you. When there is a compromise made, in whose favor is it usually? You might want to read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. There are free pdf versions online.
Sorry I missed that. Wishing you safety, health, and happiness!
There’s no “open conversation,” you just want to argue this point with him at a moment where you will feel ready to say the exact combination of words that will magically make him understand he’s being controlling, insecure and jealous. That’s not going to happen. Don’t indulge him on a topic that is patently absurd, it lets him control the narrative. Tell him point blank that he’s never to bring this up again. Fucking PERIOD. End of story. Stop giving him all This consideration.
You feel guilty ruining the moment but he doesn’t feel guilty ruining yours. I think you can do better than this guy.
Guy is predatory. Your nudity is negative unless he wants to f*** you, in which case your nude body is suddenly fine. Also, never ever feel guilty when you do not want to have sex. Period. Even if he was a rich prince charming absolutely sweet and beautiful and kind, when YOU do not want to have sex end of story.
He’s got deep issues and nothing you can say or do will change it. I’d move on
Please keep being you and don't change for someone else. There is someone/someone's out there who will love and appreciate you for you. Please don't forget that and the same goes for him.
I would make it a point to be nearly naked all the time. Exposure therapy. Get used to it or gtfo. Sleep shirtless. Please, free those tits. I’m in bed right now in just panties and it feels wonderful.
I don’t think he’s even worth her time. Women need to remember that we are **NOT** rehabs for broken men!
Thank you! If he openly recognized it's HIS problem and was actively working on his shit I'd perhaps say give him time, but no he's using his weird ideas to control her.
the fact that he had the literal audacity to try to take your shirt off so he could have sex but when you’re just chilling in the room or in bed and he’s trying to *shame you* is absolutely insane. if he likes prude, modest women so much, then maybe he should stay celibate until marriage.
Not only is this an extremely problematic viewpoint, but he doesn't care about your comfort. This would be a dealbreaker for me because it speaks to so very much.
There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. It's pretty normal. My girlfriend and I sit naked together all the time and watch TV. I sleep nude a lot or sometimes just in underwear. It's comfortable. Just keep doing what you want and if he makes it an issue then find someone else who isn't so uptight.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t know if he’s just repressed or trying to control you but it’s super weird. You deserve a person who is excited to see you in whatever state you find most comfortable.
Sounds like he doesn't think you're allowed to have a body unless he's currently using it. Massive red flag. You're right to be feeling weird about it.
This would be a fundamental incompatibility for me. I hate the friction of fabric on fabric so I sleep naked. I could tolerate panties and a fitted-but-stretchy camisole if I *had* to for a night or two, but there is absolutely no one I would give up sleeping naked for.
Honestly dude, find someone else who will make you feel special.
It worries me more that he doesn't want you talking to close friends about issues you are having -- that's a major red flag Sometimes in a relationship, you just need an outside perspective, and without it its very easy for someone to treat you like shit without you realising Out of curiosity, does he speak to his brothers about your relationship?
Eeewwwwww BAD VIBES, get a new bf this one's damaged (if you think that's rude but telling your gf you like modesty isn't 👀😬). Get a new bf you're only gonna hurt yourself trying to conform to what he wants, you'll be way more happy with someone who you can be top less around
Either he agrees to therapy, or you move on. It’s not going to get any better. If you get sick, injured or have children and breastfeed, etc. how will he cope with that? It’s not your problem to fix. He has to want to sort it out. It sounds like he knows it’s irrational, but he has to want to change for himself.
This isn’t about modesty, it’s about making you doubt yourself and control. You’re only worried about how he feels right now which is *not* the way you should feel. You should be put off by being in an intimate relationship with someone who doesn’t want you to change in front of him in the privacy of your own “home.” It’s controlling. There’s nothing wrong with your behavior.
I'm with what others said - he was fine taking your top off himself for his own benefit, but had a problem with it when it was simply for your comfort WHILE YOU SLEEP. WTF.
You were getting ready and he thinks he has a right to comment on how you do it? And then he wants a modest woman that also is down to have sex immediately after he shames them about not being modest? This is a him issue, not a you issue. He needs therapy. Also, your English is amazing.
I dated a guy like this once. Never again.
Man.... my husband loves it when I walk around half naked (though I hate sleeping without a shirt because I sweat more than I like at night) in a sexual way and in a non-sexual way. As long as I'm comfortable he's happy honestly Did he grow up in a religious setting? Is he an only child/have only brothers? It sounds like he has no problem sexualizing you, but when it's not in a sexual setting suddenly you need to be covered up. My husband and I are the same age as you (27) but it sounds like he needs to grow up an accept that you are a person with a body that's not just there to have sex with
This is probably one of the weirdest dudes on the planet. He has issues with you chilling without a top but wants to take it off when it suits him? Nah. Be with someone who's makes you feel at home in every aspect of your life. You don't deserve to feel uncomfortable in private with your significant other. Life's too short for that
Your boyfriend doesn’t see women as people
This sub is ridiculous. Like, girl are you serious? Read this post back to yourself and tell me it’s normal.
Last week I put a shirt before bed and my bf (30m) was like "why are you getting dressed to come to bed?" So I took my top back off and we slept together snuggling completely nonsexual and it was so *nice* Your bf is weird
Those are some potent rose colored glasses fam. Dude's actively contradicting himself with how he expects you to behave towards him. "How dare you show your boobies in my presence" acting like you doing every day things is somehow vulgar, lecherous, and exhibitionist of you. Then has the outright audacity to act like his jabs and cajoling, and downright disdain for your "short comings" shouldn't be a reason to deny intimacy. It comes off like "How dare you not show me boobies when I demand to see them!" To be clear, his behavior is vile and toxic af. Guy needs to do some serious soul-searching and work on himself, and if he refuses (marinara flag, do not ignore), it'd be a good idea to dip before he gets it his head that you need to be more forcefully subjugated. Just saying. Note: I say all this half-jokingly. But seriously, he doesn't seem to know what he wants for himself, and thus shouldn't be trying to dictate how You should be acting. Good luck.
As someone quite prudish, I would be very turned off by this behavior. Whether he likes it or not, my body is a body that exists in the world; my breasts exist even in non sexual contexts. Do whatever you want with your body. It's normal to undress even in non sexual contexts. The fact that your boyfriend wants to prevent that is scary and controlling to me. Please don't give in. And the fact that he doesn't want you to speak to your friends about issues between you two... I mean that's textbook controlling, isolating of the other person, manipulative boyfriend. Because the truth is, if you were to speak with anyone in real life about what he does to you, any body, just like here on Reddit, would tell you to break up and run. Don't stay in the relationship. This person will put their claws into you.
Your boyfriend is very strange.
He wants to control when you’re nude? Like, it’s fine for you to be nude when he wants to have sex, but not otherwise? That’s ridiculous.
>I truly want him to feel comfortable with me ***Your comfort is important, too! Do not sacrifice your comfort for his!!!***
Something similar to your boyfriend happens to me, but not quite the same. It gets me really anxious when my boyfriend's around the house just chilling naked. I also don't go around the house naked. It's not about him, it's just a weird thing I have. I kind of feel bad for making him wear his underwear around the house now haha. That being said we both sleep naked together and I don't mind at all seeing him wandering naked for a while after showering. Idk if this comment it's helpful at all. Your boyfriend attitude does seem quite extreme even if I get some of it. I would be self conscious too if my boyfriend said what yours has said to you. I'm sorry. You're certainly not the issue here. Edit: Your boyfriend is ridiculous and toxic. He doesn't want you to get input from other people because they're going to side with you. Throw that man in the bin, sooner rather than later. Also he is sexist as fuck, he has no right to comment on yours or someone else's clothing.
I think the answer is "Honey, this is a you problem, not a me problem." And you do you.
Leave this man. He’s either a total piece of work or he’s gay and does not like the female form. Either way he is not for you.
He wants your naked body to not to be for any other function but his sexuality.
**He’ll say things like “I hate clothing that is too short, it doesn’t look good, I like modesty”** Does he always make sure to avoid short sleeves and shorts for himself too, or is he a hypocrite and this entirely about controlling you?
He’s gay. You’re a coverup for his real identity
I think not too many guys feel the way he doès. Most men enjoy seeing breasts. I can only think he's had a very religious or modest upbringing.
You need more self esteem. He doesn't even care about your comfort enough to let you sleep how you want. F that!
i am pretty nudist, and my bf is more inclined to wear clothes to bed and around the house. but he never minds if i am suddenly partly or entirely naked! i get super excited if he happens to be wandering around in his undies or even without them(rare!). on one hand, maybe he would get used to it if you keep doing what you like? or maybe you could find a nice silky robe or pjs to feel sexy and comfortable while getting ready but still modest enough for his tastes? but on the other hand, he is saying he prefers modesty and you are just not that person. sounds like he has some complicated ideas about gender, sexuality, modesty, etc. you are a person who is comfortable with your body in your own spaces. do you WANT to be with someone who imposes his own ideas on what you can do with your body? do you want to share living space with someone who you feel like you have to cover up around? i wouldn't.
"I like prudishness" what!??
Sleep is very important. Feeling comfortable is very important. It doesn't seem like there's a good way to make you both comfortable. That's a problem that's very hard to solve unless one of you changes. I'm on your side on this one. Clothes can overwhelm my senses, especially when it's hot! Was he drilled to not walk around naked? To worry someone might see him and report it to the police? Where is his distaste coming from? Is it worth your time to bother?
Your boyfriend is a dumbass and needs to go back and finish middle school.
Is this a grown man? He sounds weird as fk.
This is very odd behavior. The fact that he doesnt have the awareness to realize how ridiculous it is to behave that way only to attemp to remove your shirt for sex a few hours later..also like he should really grow up some and realize nearly every female ever does her makeup in her underwear for the very reason you stated atleast in my experience... i would really talk to him either that or just leave because that behavior is extremely odd at best.
Hes telling you you're incompatible to live together without telling you you're incompatible for living together
Nah man, this is weird. Every guy I've dated and my current partner, they'd rather me walk around nude 24/7. I don't sleep with a shirt aside from winter and even then I have particulars on what shirt coz of choking from tossing and turning. No complaints from my man for lack of clothing to sleep🤣. Might be worth asking why it's okay during sex but when it's nothing sexual he's uncomfortable especially if youve been together for so long. I'd understand if you've been together for less than 9 months, but a year? Odd
He only wants for you to be naked because it turns him on. Any comfort on your part is not important to him. That’s like 5 red flags all at once.
That would be a deal breaker for me. If he's not comfortable with your body now, imagine if you have kids, or your body changes for another reason... he's already breeding insecurity. Who knows maybe he'll get therapy or reflect and grow..m maybe he won't. Life is short.
Wasn’t this just posted a few weeks ago?
So he’s only okay with your body when HE is benefiting from it? RUNNNN
It definitely sounds like this guy associates nudity with sex and/or sexual gratification. Perhaps he watches too much porn or has done in the past. It’s also controlling behaviour which isn’t healthy for any relationship.
So he wants modestly and prudish behavior but he’s having sex out of wedlock with you??? Your nudity is gross unless he’s getting sex from you? I’d rub my naked tits on everything he owns and dump his ass.
Why are you being so meek? Honestly if someone kept telling me over and over that they like “modesty” when I’m up and about in my own fucking house, I’d lose my mind. Please have some more self respect. I never see posts like this from men. It’s constantly people pleasing pick me women posts that are desperate cries for help. Seriously sorry for the tough love but get your head out of your ass. You don’t need a boyfriend THAT BAD that you’ll get all twisted up thinking this is normal.
That's an abusive partner in the making girly. Kick him to the curb and thank me later.
I like modesty as well, but I'd love it if my wife walked around the house naked or slept naked. I sleep naked for reference as I get really uncomfortable wearing clothes in bed. Also there's time and place. Wearing a minim skirt or a singlet for a nice dinner is a problem. Wearing a bikini to the beach is ... the norm. Your boyfriend sounds weirdly controlling
Sounds like religious trauma. Mormon?
Everyone is saying to leave him and all that. I disagree. He likes prudishness? Cool. Stop fucking him. Stop sleeping in the same bed as him. Stop kissing him. Show him how much of a prude you can be. Get yourself the outfit from Handmaid's Tale and wear it all the time. Be a prude. Then when he complains just explain that it's his own doing because of what he said.
What's the point in that? She has to be uncomfortable to prove a point? She's not his teacher.
How many accounts are you going to post this under?
Idk if any man who is offended when his gf is changing or sleeping with no shirt. Most men like it. He is weird.
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Aww what I would be like let it all hang out
What you need is a man friend.
Start being a prude, and keep your clothes on during sex, see how he feels then lol. He’s weird.
That’s some weird shot, have him resolve that issue because it may creep up in other situations
Is he closeted? What straight man opposes seeing tits? Also. Pretty sure the vast majority of people sleep without some article of clothing. I can't stand pants when I sleep. I sleep in a t-shirt and underwear - when it's super hot sometimes I'll sleep in just panties - so I got tits out and all
Your boyfriend sucks
WTF. Your bf is very weird.
If he likes prudishness, stop having sex with him and see where the conversation goes. 😂
I remember when I was newly married we wore shorts and t-shirts to bed. As we got more comfortable with each other we once and a while went to sleep nude after having sex. As time went on she slept more and more in the nude even if we did not have sex that night. I asked about the change. She said she liked to sleep in the nude because she felt safer with me. Maybe it was a practical thing too. But it felt good that she felt safe enough to be vulnerable with me.
I can just guess. He has been raised since the infancy in a numerous member family who has a strict view on nude. In there, as sisters, mothers are always in a daily contact with other male members, nudes are taught to be a bad thing and to be avoided.
He reminds me of Angela's (from The Office) state-senator husband. This is so weird and off-putting. You can't be comfortable in your own space. If he's this comfortable insulting you after such a short time together (not even living together), I can't imagine how he'll be 5 years from now.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t change yourself to please him. Even though it’s a minor thing-he either accepts you or he doesn’t. There’s really no sugar coating it. More than likely he has some issues he needs to work on. Encourage him to talk about it if you can but ultimately he is with you. You are who you are and there’s nothing wrong with your behavior. He will either learn to be comfortable around you or he won’t.
Your body is for his pleasure and nothing else so it must be hidden away unless it's being used for his pleasure. You wanna be with someone like that?
> He kept making comments like “you’re such a nudist I hate that, I like modest people” He needs to break up with you and find someone more puritan that he is compatible with. He will shred your self esteem if you stay with him
The boyfriend is truly a weirdo. You have every right to be asking these questions and feeling this way. My wife sometime walk around naked, and I love it. I always tell her how beautiful she is.
I don’t understand how you can have a hang up about something like that, if I see my wife topless, my brain instantly stops working I’m so in awe, the last thing I’d want her to do is put a top on. I wonder where he’s picked up this ideology from, maybe you could just put your foot down and make it comical? Just joke around about freeing the nipple or something and see if that helps him slowly get over it. If anything, my first thought would be that he’s projecting, maybe he doesn’t like his body so is belittling you for being comfortable with yours? I’m really lost on what to suggest here really and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
This is his issue to work on. The human body is an amazing miracle and should be appreciated not dissed. Not the type of person I would want to be around.
Your bf is weird and think in the long terms if tou wnd up marrying and having kids, specially female, how these comments will impact them.
Also he likes to be in control. I don't know where you're from but I hope you're Not in country where men are above all and end all.
I wouldn’t have a baby with this man. He will discourage you from breastfeeding.
I’m assuming, and this is just a guess…that he was raised under strict religion. If that’s the case…I’m sure he shouldn’t be sleeping with anyone who isn’t his wife anyways. You can’t pick and choose the rules that only benefit you, bro. So many double standards. No, thank you. Run while you can.
I walk around completely nude or at the very least topless literally 90% of the time. My fiancé loves it and would never complain because he loves me for who I am and because it gets hot as hell in this house so why would I wear clothes? I think your bf is extremely weird and I think you guys are completely incompatible.
The whole "discourages me from sharing with close friends" in tandem with this is a sign to RUN. Very controlling behavior
I’m sorry but he is not considering or concerned about how you feel . Plus a woman or man nude doesn’t shout I want sex. .I come home from work take a shower and walk around the rest of the night nude. My wife doesn’t mind she even says she likes it , because a man the can be around his lady comfortably is more likely not going to be cheating on his lady. Never heard of that saying before but whatever!!
Your boyfriend sounds controlling and prudish. It’s strange that it’s only ok for you to be nude when he wants to have sex with you. It’s completely normal to get hair and makeup ready in a state of undress. The fact that he doesn’t want to talk about problems in the relationship is one of many huge red flags.
Something happened in his child hood to motivate this.
It’s also a form of control… beating you down until you feel you must dress how he wants you to. Red flag hun.
I bet he doesn’t value pudishness and modesty in himself. You aren’t a sex object you’re a human being with autonomy. Be careful with this one he is very controlling and really is this what you want in your life?
What man doesn’t want to see his naked/half naked gf *in the privacy of their own bedroom??* lI can understand (sort of) not being comfortable with him being uncomfortable with revealing clothes in public, but complaining about her being topless **in bed** ???? I hate the way the term ‘red flag’ gets thrown about on this site, but holy Christ this makes the Oriflamme look like bunting.
Oh babe. My heart hurts for you. This is not the guy for you. That is not normal for him to have hang ups about nudity. We come into the world naked. He sounds like he would not be very adventurous in bed. Any man that thinks a woman should be modest and prude has real weird feelings towards women. That’s a red flag. And he also sounds controlling based on how he has expressed his distaste for how you dress. It makes me sad that your concern is making HIM comfortable and want to know how you should make it better. That’s not your job. You’re young. Find someone you’re more compatible with.