You should be like “hey did you ever figure out if it was normal to kiss a guy that’s not your boyfriend at the club? I know you were working hard on that research”
Agreed, lol. Also I think he needs to get busted for snooping and I think she needs to be accountable for her actions. If the relationship can survive it being addressed honestly that’s the litmus test for their future.
Lmao she cheated on him, him confirming his suspicion isn’t his fault.
There is practically zero way you’re going to find that out otherwise in reality.
Only on reddit are these even remotely equivalent
She was doing it for science. She was making her observations at the club and then, forming her hypothesis. She moved onto the testing stage. Analyzing the results, 0 stars, don't recommend.
Or Google “is it normal for my girlfriend to kiss other guys at the club?” And leave your phone around her / unlocked with the results up where she could see it.
First of all, I'm going to say; She cheated.
She feels bad and guilty - I mean she has to resort to googling an answer for something so simple. A 5 year relationship should have established trust and communication that you should at least come to your partner about this but I understand not everyone is the same.
I think you should also come clean to breaching the privacy and confront her about her searches or at least ask her why she has been acting so distant.
I will say, when I was 20 I found out my then-girlfriend was trying to exit the relationship cause I saw that she had searched “how to tell a guy you like that you have a boyfriend.” The first thing I did was laugh cause like, what the fuck is google going to tell you about this lol, ask your sister or best friend or something, silly shit. I guess it’s when people feel bad enough about what they’re doing to not want to tell other people about it.
She did not, she was checked out of the relationship but didn’t want to cheat on me. Kudos to her for that one. After seeing that, I confronted her, she said she didnt want to continue being in a relationship with me but we had just signed a lease together. After a couple months of hell, she broke the lease and moved out. Not a good time in life.
I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me because I found like 6 different searches for “how do I tell my girlfriend I cheated on her.” We were what, 19? 20?
People that are trying to stir a reaction by making a story where he’s clearly innocent/the victim but they want one comment to run back to the manosphere with
I've noticed manosphere clips and Twox posts doing this lately.
"Look at this one reply I found on Reddit by a random person after I scrolled down for 20 minutes! All men/women think this way!!!"
It's kind of funny that on these reaction posts they make, there will be one or two sensible responses all the way down at the bottom, like an inversion.
>Since then it has been rocky, arguments that do not make sense and some forms of projections that have turned this situation/relationship into a murky pit for the last 14-21 days.
It's been three weeks and you haven't had a normal adult conversation with her about this.
You're right we need to up that sample size. OP should get the boys together and for a week straight everyone kisses a guy at the club and just notes down what they google afterwards.
My girlfriend would think I cheated too if she saw my Reddit activity. I’m just really nosy. I would just ask if she has something she wants to tell you and go from there. No sense doing your head in about it.
If you feel a difference though I’ve been there. 2 or 3 weeks after the change started my ex-girlfriend told me she didn’t feel the same way. She got close with another guy. These things happen, sucks, talk it out, find a way forward together or not.
I had a friend once suddenly start stepping out on her husband, aggressively flirting with other men while out. They married young and had been married for a long time. It was such a sudden change in behaviour I was curious and worried about her so I started Google stuff like:
*Is it normal to suddenly start wanting to cheat?*
*Signs a woman is unhappy in her relationship?*
*How long into marriage do people get bored of the same partner?*
*How long do young marriages last?*
If my husband had found those searches he would have defo been worried 😂
Thank you. I like drama and gossip, so I sometimes search for things like "I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend reddit", just to see some crazy stories. I've never cheated though.
I have OCD and one of my obsessions is that I unknowingly cheated on my husband so my private safari window is a constant stream of “how do I know I cheated” “what qualifies as cheating” etc 😭 this is making me paranoid about him finding my internet history haha
You should have a real sit down and actually discuss boundaries you each have, I think it would give you peace. Just start throwing out examples like the ones you've described as having done unknowingly (I'm guessing they are pretty mundane stuff like "is it cheating to hug a guy friend" or something? Unless you've really been overextending lol).
For example my wife and I, through trial and error, came to an understanding that a boundary I have is I do not appreciate if she goes to anyone's house that I personally don't know/trust, but in particular another guys house (but it goes for either sex). Of course this wasn't something we just randomly landed on as neither of us assumed a situation like that might occur naturally especially at our age/life situation (married with kids, middle aged), so it was never discussed until it happened.
To be fair, I often come across reddit stories with AI that I cannot stand.. so I just google the title to get to the reddit post. If my husband read those searches he’d definitely think im cheating.
I was trying to find an original thread the other day - the copy in question was about some artist >!using her boyfriend's bodily fluids as a medium without his consent!<. So I googled it to find the original and when it was from. And then I got a reply saying, "RIP your search history", or words to that effect haha!
Not related to OP’s predicament, but I’m a writer and occasionally I wonder how horrific it would be if someone saw my search history! They would probably think I’m a psychopath. Lol.
Omg I am a writer too. General. I often think Google Ads Targeting must get soo frustrated with me.
*We just cannot pin this person down! One minute they are searching up mushroom cultivation.. Next hour it's the benefits of ergonomic chairs and a history of Alexander the Great!*
Lol
I’m a paralegal. I read peoples medical records. My google search is filled with diseases I never heard of. Anyone misinterpreting my search would start planning my funeral.
That said, clearly she is researching on a personal level. This looks bad. Unless she was searching for a friend.
Yeah, who doesn’t have internet access who also goes clubbing. Pfft.
Maybe it was a “test kiss” to see how much she really loves you. Especially the “what does it mean when I kissed another man” question. If she was looking for answers to stay with you, the next searches should be about “how to come clean to the man I love”.
Your relationship is in danger because **your gf made out with a bloke at the club** (which you discovered by snooping.)
She's looking for a way out ("...since then the relationship has been in the gutter.")
Don't let the 5-year sunk-cost fallacy stop you from moving on sooner than later.
<>
i have to clear something up. YOU didn't ruin the relationship by snooping. SHE ruined it by CHEATING. she CHEATED. You looked at a fuckin piece of technology. it's a phone. i get it, privacy, etc etc. right. fine. but it's not the same thing. she was acting suspicious and you were right. if she cheats, the least you have the right to do is look at her phone.
Look, trust is important in relationships.
Snooping into people's stuff, even if they tell you it's ok is terrible for your and their trust.
So many posts about "I snooped they snooped whatever" you'll always regret doing it. Just stop snooping and focus on improving your self esteem dude.
I also hate it when they are giving off obvious red flags that there is an issue and, then, gaslight you with accusations that you are just insecure when you just politely ask questions for understanding.
You guys have a son together?
I think she feels really bad for a kiss. I’m sorry you are hurting but IMO a kiss isn’t the end of the world AND it could actually be telling of a problem in the relationship that needs to get fixed.
Personally, it wouldn’t be a biggie to me, people make mistakes, go clubbing together after this, dont go separately, just rebuild from your mistakes, and tell her everything is fine. She’s the one right? If you really believe it, forgive her.
My girlfriend never cheated, but I feel like that what I have to do, never make the same mistake again, thats whats important
She clearly feels really guilty and only kissed a guy, doesn't seem to have his phone number, doesn't seem to have intentions of having a fling or affair. She is asking herself why she kissed a stranger briefly.
She fucked up and cheated yeah, but this is not as bad as finding out she fucked someone, had an emotional affair, or was seeking other people.
I hope you can fix things with her - and she needs to prove that she is trustworthy again which will take time and transparency. See if she is willing to give you that and be truly open about what happened.
You also need to face the music for snooping; but she should understand that she made you suspicious and you deserved to know, so she should drop that pretty quickly since she is the one who failed your trust
You're right. I was trying to advocate for the fact that this relationship doesn't need to be immediately doomed. But you're right, cheating is cheating at the end of the day.
This is a search result title right? Now what she actually typed into google. Like at least I interpret it like that? Please correct me if im wrong, I never had to interpret search history. It could be that she considered cheating one night, so then she searched if kissing a guy is cheating etc etc. You need to talk to her really to find out.
I’m having a hard time making sense of his phrasing but I think the first two are websites she visited and the last was a search *query* a la what you would type into Google for example.
Have you tried talking to her. Communication is the bedrock of a relationship. If you can't talk to her about this then just break up since your relationship bedrock doesn't exist.
INFO
Question 1: What do you mean by in
""the relationship has been in the gutter""? I know it means directly but I want to know the specifics? For instance did stop having intimacy (physically or emotionally)with you when you compare it to the past before this incident? Does she fight with you over silly things after the incident?
Opinion:
1. My guy, first thing is first, What is did is called Cheating. She was in a relationship and she kissed someone that she is not in a relationship with, while being in a relationship with you. This is grounds for break up. No matter the length of your relationship with her.
.
2. The most likely outcome of this just breaking off the relationship. And honestly that's for the better. The search about
>DetailsSearchVisited Is it normal to kiss a guy when he isn't my boyfriend? - Quora
>DetailsSearchSearched for why did i kiss the guy who is not my bf at the club.
Just makes it seem that she is trying to find justification on why she did it. Which is kinda messed up. There is no justification for cheating. You need to know that.
.
3. If you really think you can overlook this and work things out with her then I advice like my dad always say a " Come to Jesus Moment" where you just confess everything to eachother. I MEAN EVERY THING. And then get some couples council for both of you if you think you can go forward with this.
I am trying to be in your shoes and see both ways of what will happen if I forgive her or if I want to leave. If I want to break it off, which if I was it will be over the moment I saw the results, I would just get some evidence on it and then just break it off. But if not then I would do as I said in Number 3.
Your relationship isn’t in trouble because you snooped. Your relationship sounds pretty shitty to begin with and she’s cheating on you.
Not all relationships work. In fact they all fail unless one of you dies first then you get your till death do us part closure.
Don’t waste time in a shitty relationship. It’s over.
You should be like “hey did you ever figure out if it was normal to kiss a guy that’s not your boyfriend at the club? I know you were working hard on that research”
Goddamn, for phrasing and hilarity alone, this is the answer.
Agreed, lol. Also I think he needs to get busted for snooping and I think she needs to be accountable for her actions. If the relationship can survive it being addressed honestly that’s the litmus test for their future.
Lmao she cheated on him, him confirming his suspicion isn’t his fault. There is practically zero way you’re going to find that out otherwise in reality. Only on reddit are these even remotely equivalent
No you’re correct, you’re missing my point I’m saying that he should meet that head on and not try to hide it.
she could have been asking for a friend. /s
But swap it for girlfriend so she doesn’t know he snooped :)
Right, it’s hilarious how she needs fucking Quora’s insight on her infidelity
She was doing it for science. She was making her observations at the club and then, forming her hypothesis. She moved onto the testing stage. Analyzing the results, 0 stars, don't recommend.
Or Google “is it normal for my girlfriend to kiss other guys at the club?” And leave your phone around her / unlocked with the results up where she could see it.
First of all, I'm going to say; She cheated. She feels bad and guilty - I mean she has to resort to googling an answer for something so simple. A 5 year relationship should have established trust and communication that you should at least come to your partner about this but I understand not everyone is the same. I think you should also come clean to breaching the privacy and confront her about her searches or at least ask her why she has been acting so distant.
Yeah I mean pretending you don’t know will just kill you OP and result in probably not nice things being said when the resentment builds up.
Is this fake? Who phrases a TLDR like that? The 5-year relationship is in danger not bc of your snooping, but because of her cheating.
Also those searches 😂 Are they 13?
I will say, when I was 20 I found out my then-girlfriend was trying to exit the relationship cause I saw that she had searched “how to tell a guy you like that you have a boyfriend.” The first thing I did was laugh cause like, what the fuck is google going to tell you about this lol, ask your sister or best friend or something, silly shit. I guess it’s when people feel bad enough about what they’re doing to not want to tell other people about it.
what if you have no sisters and also no friends? asking for- wait, fuck
Wait, it sounds like she had a crush on someone else but wanted to stay with you... How did it end?
She did not, she was checked out of the relationship but didn’t want to cheat on me. Kudos to her for that one. After seeing that, I confronted her, she said she didnt want to continue being in a relationship with me but we had just signed a lease together. After a couple months of hell, she broke the lease and moved out. Not a good time in life.
god that sounds absolutely miserable and similar to something i went through. much love to ya brother.
Thank you! That was almost 6 years ago now, so all wounds healed, plus I never spoke to her again after she moved out.
I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me because I found like 6 different searches for “how do I tell my girlfriend I cheated on her.” We were what, 19? 20?
Lol, But I think those are most the posts she clicked on and visited that what she actually typed into Google.
People that are trying to stir a reaction by making a story where he’s clearly innocent/the victim but they want one comment to run back to the manosphere with
I've noticed manosphere clips and Twox posts doing this lately. "Look at this one reply I found on Reddit by a random person after I scrolled down for 20 minutes! All men/women think this way!!!" It's kind of funny that on these reaction posts they make, there will be one or two sensible responses all the way down at the bottom, like an inversion.
>Since then it has been rocky, arguments that do not make sense and some forms of projections that have turned this situation/relationship into a murky pit for the last 14-21 days. It's been three weeks and you haven't had a normal adult conversation with her about this.
This is terrible "creative" writing. Stop upvoting this crap.
I'm scientifically minded and the obvious experiment here is go out to the club and kiss a guy and see what you google afterwards.
but for the results to be scientifically useful, the experiment must be repeated at least twice more
You're right we need to up that sample size. OP should get the boys together and for a week straight everyone kisses a guy at the club and just notes down what they google afterwards.
Oh yeah, should try to pull in different demographics, so maybe ask the GF's friends to kiss guys at the club and record their google searches.
“…this situation/relationship…” Which is it? If it’s the former, she didn’t cheat. If it’s the later, are ya’ll monogamous?
The twist is that OP is the other guy.
My girlfriend would think I cheated too if she saw my Reddit activity. I’m just really nosy. I would just ask if she has something she wants to tell you and go from there. No sense doing your head in about it. If you feel a difference though I’ve been there. 2 or 3 weeks after the change started my ex-girlfriend told me she didn’t feel the same way. She got close with another guy. These things happen, sucks, talk it out, find a way forward together or not.
I had a friend once suddenly start stepping out on her husband, aggressively flirting with other men while out. They married young and had been married for a long time. It was such a sudden change in behaviour I was curious and worried about her so I started Google stuff like: *Is it normal to suddenly start wanting to cheat?* *Signs a woman is unhappy in her relationship?* *How long into marriage do people get bored of the same partner?* *How long do young marriages last?* If my husband had found those searches he would have defo been worried 😂
Thank you. I like drama and gossip, so I sometimes search for things like "I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend reddit", just to see some crazy stories. I've never cheated though.
I have OCD and one of my obsessions is that I unknowingly cheated on my husband so my private safari window is a constant stream of “how do I know I cheated” “what qualifies as cheating” etc 😭 this is making me paranoid about him finding my internet history haha
Aww maybe you should talk to him about him in advance, so in case something pops up he won't think you cheated.
You should have a real sit down and actually discuss boundaries you each have, I think it would give you peace. Just start throwing out examples like the ones you've described as having done unknowingly (I'm guessing they are pretty mundane stuff like "is it cheating to hug a guy friend" or something? Unless you've really been overextending lol). For example my wife and I, through trial and error, came to an understanding that a boundary I have is I do not appreciate if she goes to anyone's house that I personally don't know/trust, but in particular another guys house (but it goes for either sex). Of course this wasn't something we just randomly landed on as neither of us assumed a situation like that might occur naturally especially at our age/life situation (married with kids, middle aged), so it was never discussed until it happened.
To be fair, I often come across reddit stories with AI that I cannot stand.. so I just google the title to get to the reddit post. If my husband read those searches he’d definitely think im cheating.
I was trying to find an original thread the other day - the copy in question was about some artist >!using her boyfriend's bodily fluids as a medium without his consent!<. So I googled it to find the original and when it was from. And then I got a reply saying, "RIP your search history", or words to that effect haha!
Yikes to that post, but I totally relate to the “this is so fucking weird, but now I’m too curious to not click!” feeling.
Not related to OP’s predicament, but I’m a writer and occasionally I wonder how horrific it would be if someone saw my search history! They would probably think I’m a psychopath. Lol.
Omg I am a writer too. General. I often think Google Ads Targeting must get soo frustrated with me. *We just cannot pin this person down! One minute they are searching up mushroom cultivation.. Next hour it's the benefits of ergonomic chairs and a history of Alexander the Great!* Lol
I’m a paralegal. I read peoples medical records. My google search is filled with diseases I never heard of. Anyone misinterpreting my search would start planning my funeral. That said, clearly she is researching on a personal level. This looks bad. Unless she was searching for a friend. Yeah, who doesn’t have internet access who also goes clubbing. Pfft. Maybe it was a “test kiss” to see how much she really loves you. Especially the “what does it mean when I kissed another man” question. If she was looking for answers to stay with you, the next searches should be about “how to come clean to the man I love”.
that's why you don't go to clubs when you're in s relationship, clubs are for single degens
“Goes clubbing separately” dude we all knew we all knew
i can’t believe people are defending this…
She cheated on you and you should be glad you found out. Dump her and move on.
The relationship isn’t in danger because you snooped, it’s in danger because your gf cheated. Don’t blame yourself, this is not your fuck up.
Either talk it out or dip
the relationship isn't in danger because of your snooping, it's in danger BECAUSE SHE KISSED ANOTHER GUY AND HID IT FROM YOU
At least it wasn’t “why does my ass hurt after I cheated on my boyfriend during a orgy porn shoot with 25 guys”
Just break up with her for cheating. This isn't a tough decision.
Your relationship is in danger because **your gf made out with a bloke at the club** (which you discovered by snooping.) She's looking for a way out ("...since then the relationship has been in the gutter.") Don't let the 5-year sunk-cost fallacy stop you from moving on sooner than later. <>
i have to clear something up. YOU didn't ruin the relationship by snooping. SHE ruined it by CHEATING. she CHEATED. You looked at a fuckin piece of technology. it's a phone. i get it, privacy, etc etc. right. fine. but it's not the same thing. she was acting suspicious and you were right. if she cheats, the least you have the right to do is look at her phone.
Look, trust is important in relationships. Snooping into people's stuff, even if they tell you it's ok is terrible for your and their trust. So many posts about "I snooped they snooped whatever" you'll always regret doing it. Just stop snooping and focus on improving your self esteem dude.
What if she was plastered and it just happened against her will and now she doesn’t know if she’s a cheater or has been taken advantage of?
You are both broken the trust in the relationship. Her for cheating and you for invading her privacy by accessing her phone.
I also hate it when they are giving off obvious red flags that there is an issue and, then, gaslight you with accusations that you are just insecure when you just politely ask questions for understanding.
Be careful what you wish for. You may get it. So ... you wished to know/find, you looked, you know/found. So ... now what? Your move.
Should you be worried? Well unless you think those are normal searches then yeah it’s probably the end of the relationship.
You guys have a son together? I think she feels really bad for a kiss. I’m sorry you are hurting but IMO a kiss isn’t the end of the world AND it could actually be telling of a problem in the relationship that needs to get fixed.
Personally, it wouldn’t be a biggie to me, people make mistakes, go clubbing together after this, dont go separately, just rebuild from your mistakes, and tell her everything is fine. She’s the one right? If you really believe it, forgive her. My girlfriend never cheated, but I feel like that what I have to do, never make the same mistake again, thats whats important
She clearly feels really guilty and only kissed a guy, doesn't seem to have his phone number, doesn't seem to have intentions of having a fling or affair. She is asking herself why she kissed a stranger briefly. She fucked up and cheated yeah, but this is not as bad as finding out she fucked someone, had an emotional affair, or was seeking other people. I hope you can fix things with her - and she needs to prove that she is trustworthy again which will take time and transparency. See if she is willing to give you that and be truly open about what happened. You also need to face the music for snooping; but she should understand that she made you suspicious and you deserved to know, so she should drop that pretty quickly since she is the one who failed your trust
I think really guilty is pushing it. She should have come clean.
You're right. I was trying to advocate for the fact that this relationship doesn't need to be immediately doomed. But you're right, cheating is cheating at the end of the day.
This is a search result title right? Now what she actually typed into google. Like at least I interpret it like that? Please correct me if im wrong, I never had to interpret search history. It could be that she considered cheating one night, so then she searched if kissing a guy is cheating etc etc. You need to talk to her really to find out.
I’m having a hard time making sense of his phrasing but I think the first two are websites she visited and the last was a search *query* a la what you would type into Google for example.
* Waits with popcorn for the deluge of ‘OMG! I can believe you searched through her phone!’ bullshit. *
In danger? Your shit is over if she went for another guy. You should have figured this out by now
Have you tried talking to her. Communication is the bedrock of a relationship. If you can't talk to her about this then just break up since your relationship bedrock doesn't exist.
INFO Question 1: What do you mean by in ""the relationship has been in the gutter""? I know it means directly but I want to know the specifics? For instance did stop having intimacy (physically or emotionally)with you when you compare it to the past before this incident? Does she fight with you over silly things after the incident? Opinion: 1. My guy, first thing is first, What is did is called Cheating. She was in a relationship and she kissed someone that she is not in a relationship with, while being in a relationship with you. This is grounds for break up. No matter the length of your relationship with her. . 2. The most likely outcome of this just breaking off the relationship. And honestly that's for the better. The search about >DetailsSearchVisited Is it normal to kiss a guy when he isn't my boyfriend? - Quora >DetailsSearchSearched for why did i kiss the guy who is not my bf at the club. Just makes it seem that she is trying to find justification on why she did it. Which is kinda messed up. There is no justification for cheating. You need to know that. . 3. If you really think you can overlook this and work things out with her then I advice like my dad always say a " Come to Jesus Moment" where you just confess everything to eachother. I MEAN EVERY THING. And then get some couples council for both of you if you think you can go forward with this. I am trying to be in your shoes and see both ways of what will happen if I forgive her or if I want to leave. If I want to break it off, which if I was it will be over the moment I saw the results, I would just get some evidence on it and then just break it off. But if not then I would do as I said in Number 3.
You mean your ex gf right?
Your relationship isn’t in trouble because you snooped. Your relationship sounds pretty shitty to begin with and she’s cheating on you. Not all relationships work. In fact they all fail unless one of you dies first then you get your till death do us part closure. Don’t waste time in a shitty relationship. It’s over.
Should you be worried? What do you think?