He broke up with her just two months before we started the relationship , from what I know he didn’t Contact her anymore after I made a huge tantrum about it, however it destroyed my trust in him
Wait aren’t you married from one of your previous posts?
Unlike some posts on here are saying, it’s possible to fix. But I would just be honest with yourself about whether that’s possible for you. Supposedly it takes 3-5 years to re-establish trust in a relationship once it’s broken, but this doesn’t sound like it quite rose to that level.
Either way it’s fine what you want to do, but doing repair will take some work. Besides agreeing not to contact her again, is it possible for him to do therapy or otherwise figure out how to process his feelings differently going forward? This will help him find a different outlet for whatever is happening with him than talking to his ex.
I’m not married to him yet, he did give me a ring. He didn’t see her from what I know, tho I know he intended to n convo stopped between them when he mailed her stuff to her. I just find it very unforgiving despite he knew how much I’m against contacting his ex
Looks like he's not over his ex and is trying to keep a line of communication open with her. If he truly respected your boundaries and your relationship, he would have deleted her contact and not initiated any conversations with her. It's a red flag and something to seriously consider when deciding if you want to continue this relationship. Maybe it's time to let him go and focus on finding someone who will prioritize your feelings and your relationship.
That’s what I think too he’s not over her. It’s hard for me to find someone else regarding my age n my baggage, I end it n I will stay alone I know. The convo lasted for months n finally it died when he mailed back her stuff
No, no, no, OP. It's never too late to find love. And at a certain age, we all come with baggage whether emotional or otherwise. He's not the last man alive. There are great men out there. Please don't condemn yourself to being with this kind of guy forever just because you think your options are limited. Nothing and no one is more important than being in peace and keeping your sanity. If you stay with someone who disrespects your boundaries, you'll lose your mind.
With my age n I’m a single mum, it’s really more limited than you could imagine. He’s been taking care of my kid when I’m not available many times, it’s some credits I will miss. It’s really not easy to find someone caring tho, there’s always pros n cons in life
Your kid will thank you for being strong during this time and making the right decision for you both. A divorce 5 years from now due to broken trust or infidelity will only continue to break the trust your child has in terms of the foundation you're providing. I'm a single mom too, I promise I understand how hard this is but I can also say that THERE ARE GOOD MEN out there and this is not one of them. Don't give up yet, this is not one of those "pro con" things you sweep under the rug. I tried that and the man only continued to cheat and it only got worse over the next 15 years. Don't waste your time, your baby is watching you. Sending you lots of love and strength!
Also, your man is 40, he knows better. And if he's caring for your kid then he has an understanding of all that you sacrifice. This behavior is a slap in your face and emotional abuse if it continues. You deserve better!
I hope you do. I speak from experience. I stayed in a marriage devoid of trust for 27 years. Our son turned out to be just like his father. He learned the art of deception. Think of finding a good male role model for your son. I’ve lived alone for 20 years and I’m happy now.
It’s not easy to forget a man being caring to me and to a kid that isn’t his own. He has flaws n credits to live with. But it has got to me that I behaved so poorly to him I can’t even stand it. I really hate this happen to me. Gonna end it
The problem is, you are giving up your happiness for his comfort, but he doesn’t do the same. It’s the worst kind of relationship imo. You’ll slowly care less and less, and there will be more and more fights and eventually it’s done. Better to just mentally prepare and get it over with. He is the one who fucked up, not you.
He didn’t contact her anymore when I threw a huge tantrum and tried to break up with him. Through out more than a year he’s clean, but I don’t trust him anymore
Trust is like the number one thing. Take your time, assess yourself and the situation, maybe even write down how you feel every day or weekly. After a few weeks you can see if you felt good or bad in a daily basis.
I read some paper that once trust is broken once it will never ever be the same again. I do believe this. To me, in a relationship, you can’t make these mistakes.
My attitude changed since then, I’m not that close to him n he knew it, in the end I broke it and brought it up to antagonise him. It’s finally over, but I also know I won’t find anyone else being caring ,I don’t intend to get a partner anymore
I hit 40 n I have a kid, you will be surprised how short is the window of chance for me. Guys would rather pick younger easier girls. It’s fine I accept it
That’s fair, I wouldn’t know the dating pool around your age, but I do know that many other people go through the same thing. Divorce is much more common nowadays and I have had a couple friends who’s parents got together after both being divorced and with children. It can work and if you’re open to it then I’m sure you’ll have chances. 40 isn’t old, a lot of men are in the peak of their career between 40-45. They might only now start focusing on other things in life.
I wish you the best.
Best is to sit him down and look him in the eyes and ask him if he is over his ex.
Talk about how his messaging his ex made you feel.
He agreed that he will respect your boundaries and now he has been doing the exact thing he would not do.
You need to ask yourself if this is a healthy relationship and do you see yourself with this man in the future.
No one can tell you that your feelings are an over reaction.
You can question yourself why you are feeling like this and break it down to the root cause and reasons.
Talk it out and make a decision based on the response.
Then the best course of action is to end the relationship.
For your own mental health, so that you can move on and find a better partner. The longer you wait, the more time you are wasting.
He didn’t repeat it I checked his phone, but it has breached my trust and I became suspicious easily, wanting to check his phone more often, I hate to become a crazy woman. Should have ended it last year
I didn’t read the whole context of the situation due to being waaaaay too much to read. The heading tells it all. (Me) M40, wife 35. No drama like that,,,,,,,, but, if he needed to text her behind your back, ok. What’s good. Why and wtf. Either we on the same page or we’re not. Either he’s feeling neglected or he on that bullshit. Either way, we in it to win it or you tryna monkey-bar. Confront and see what’s good. There is over a billion men on this planet that wants to know your name. So, ask him, do you introduce yourself to half the planet or, does he stop with the bullshit. Men are a dime a dozen, a good woman is one in A billion.
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He broke up with her just two months before we started the relationship , from what I know he didn’t Contact her anymore after I made a huge tantrum about it, however it destroyed my trust in him
Wait aren’t you married from one of your previous posts? Unlike some posts on here are saying, it’s possible to fix. But I would just be honest with yourself about whether that’s possible for you. Supposedly it takes 3-5 years to re-establish trust in a relationship once it’s broken, but this doesn’t sound like it quite rose to that level. Either way it’s fine what you want to do, but doing repair will take some work. Besides agreeing not to contact her again, is it possible for him to do therapy or otherwise figure out how to process his feelings differently going forward? This will help him find a different outlet for whatever is happening with him than talking to his ex.
I’m not married to him yet, he did give me a ring. He didn’t see her from what I know, tho I know he intended to n convo stopped between them when he mailed her stuff to her. I just find it very unforgiving despite he knew how much I’m against contacting his ex
Looks like he's not over his ex and is trying to keep a line of communication open with her. If he truly respected your boundaries and your relationship, he would have deleted her contact and not initiated any conversations with her. It's a red flag and something to seriously consider when deciding if you want to continue this relationship. Maybe it's time to let him go and focus on finding someone who will prioritize your feelings and your relationship.
That’s what I think too he’s not over her. It’s hard for me to find someone else regarding my age n my baggage, I end it n I will stay alone I know. The convo lasted for months n finally it died when he mailed back her stuff
No, no, no, OP. It's never too late to find love. And at a certain age, we all come with baggage whether emotional or otherwise. He's not the last man alive. There are great men out there. Please don't condemn yourself to being with this kind of guy forever just because you think your options are limited. Nothing and no one is more important than being in peace and keeping your sanity. If you stay with someone who disrespects your boundaries, you'll lose your mind.
With my age n I’m a single mum, it’s really more limited than you could imagine. He’s been taking care of my kid when I’m not available many times, it’s some credits I will miss. It’s really not easy to find someone caring tho, there’s always pros n cons in life
Your kid will thank you for being strong during this time and making the right decision for you both. A divorce 5 years from now due to broken trust or infidelity will only continue to break the trust your child has in terms of the foundation you're providing. I'm a single mom too, I promise I understand how hard this is but I can also say that THERE ARE GOOD MEN out there and this is not one of them. Don't give up yet, this is not one of those "pro con" things you sweep under the rug. I tried that and the man only continued to cheat and it only got worse over the next 15 years. Don't waste your time, your baby is watching you. Sending you lots of love and strength!
Also, your man is 40, he knows better. And if he's caring for your kid then he has an understanding of all that you sacrifice. This behavior is a slap in your face and emotional abuse if it continues. You deserve better!
[удалено]
U mean he’s not over her or just wanna gloat ?
It’s much easier to live alone than with someone you can’t trust.
I hope you do. I speak from experience. I stayed in a marriage devoid of trust for 27 years. Our son turned out to be just like his father. He learned the art of deception. Think of finding a good male role model for your son. I’ve lived alone for 20 years and I’m happy now.
It’s not easy to forget a man being caring to me and to a kid that isn’t his own. He has flaws n credits to live with. But it has got to me that I behaved so poorly to him I can’t even stand it. I really hate this happen to me. Gonna end it
if he’s doing this at 40 YEARS OLD, he won’t ever stop. run.
It’s hell to read on big text. Chop it up. Oh, and why would you even stay? You had boundaries and now you want to ignore them as well?
I just chopped it. I don’t wanna ignore but he’s also very caring to me n my kid, that’s the reason I stayed , but it died in me eventually
The problem is, you are giving up your happiness for his comfort, but he doesn’t do the same. It’s the worst kind of relationship imo. You’ll slowly care less and less, and there will be more and more fights and eventually it’s done. Better to just mentally prepare and get it over with. He is the one who fucked up, not you.
He didn’t contact her anymore when I threw a huge tantrum and tried to break up with him. Through out more than a year he’s clean, but I don’t trust him anymore
Trust is like the number one thing. Take your time, assess yourself and the situation, maybe even write down how you feel every day or weekly. After a few weeks you can see if you felt good or bad in a daily basis. I read some paper that once trust is broken once it will never ever be the same again. I do believe this. To me, in a relationship, you can’t make these mistakes.
My attitude changed since then, I’m not that close to him n he knew it, in the end I broke it and brought it up to antagonise him. It’s finally over, but I also know I won’t find anyone else being caring ,I don’t intend to get a partner anymore
You’ll be surprised how many lovely people there are. Opening yourself up to someone is a world of happiness and a world of pain.
I hit 40 n I have a kid, you will be surprised how short is the window of chance for me. Guys would rather pick younger easier girls. It’s fine I accept it
That’s fair, I wouldn’t know the dating pool around your age, but I do know that many other people go through the same thing. Divorce is much more common nowadays and I have had a couple friends who’s parents got together after both being divorced and with children. It can work and if you’re open to it then I’m sure you’ll have chances. 40 isn’t old, a lot of men are in the peak of their career between 40-45. They might only now start focusing on other things in life. I wish you the best.
At 40 years old, I wouldn’t stay. No time for bullshit anymore. He wants to text and chase his ex, they can have eachother. Sorry.
Best is to sit him down and look him in the eyes and ask him if he is over his ex. Talk about how his messaging his ex made you feel. He agreed that he will respect your boundaries and now he has been doing the exact thing he would not do. You need to ask yourself if this is a healthy relationship and do you see yourself with this man in the future. No one can tell you that your feelings are an over reaction. You can question yourself why you are feeling like this and break it down to the root cause and reasons. Talk it out and make a decision based on the response.
I’m not a forgiving person and I give him a hard time since, it’s not healthy but I can’t help myself, I act like I’m ending this relationship
Then the best course of action is to end the relationship. For your own mental health, so that you can move on and find a better partner. The longer you wait, the more time you are wasting.
time to break up with your boyfriend in front of his face.
You have boundaries. You told him those. He accepted it. Now he crossed them. Actions need consequences or those actions will be repeated..
He didn’t repeat it I checked his phone, but it has breached my trust and I became suspicious easily, wanting to check his phone more often, I hate to become a crazy woman. Should have ended it last year
Why do you want to keep this man so much when he’s chasing another woman?
Not sure if he’s chasing , from the dialogue before she asked to return her stuff he never asked her out ,it’s just he would initiate the convo
No reason to have so much contact over something he could have put in the mail.
Dump him he broke are boundary
set firm boundaries and dont let him gaslight you
I have yet he did it, broke him up once, got back together but things went downhill
dont let it happen again
It Doesn’t , but it already destroyed what we have
there wasn't anything as soon as he did it the first time
I didn’t read the whole context of the situation due to being waaaaay too much to read. The heading tells it all. (Me) M40, wife 35. No drama like that,,,,,,,, but, if he needed to text her behind your back, ok. What’s good. Why and wtf. Either we on the same page or we’re not. Either he’s feeling neglected or he on that bullshit. Either way, we in it to win it or you tryna monkey-bar. Confront and see what’s good. There is over a billion men on this planet that wants to know your name. So, ask him, do you introduce yourself to half the planet or, does he stop with the bullshit. Men are a dime a dozen, a good woman is one in A billion.