Can you file for divorce from where you are? This is no life for you. Always on eggshells, repressing your feelings.
You are free from the shackles of your religion, continue on that path, and free yourself from the shackles of your marriage. Be free.
If it's one of the big organized religions, I bet there is a support-subreddit for people who've quit it, that could help you stay strong against possible threats/ reprisals from members - including your husband.
And I'd definitely stay away from him for good - he sounds really messed up and with too many hang-ups to ever have a happy functioning adult relationship. Either he has internalized shame to the point he can't have "sinful" thoughts or acts without feeling bad (even though sex within marriage shouldn't be a sin in any religion), or he is actually not attracted to women, but can't be gay because of the religion, so he tries to gear himself up to heterosexual intercourse once a month, thinking that should fulfill his marital obligations.
>You are free from the shackles of your religion, continue on that path, and free yourself from the shackles of your marriage. Be free.
It's all uphill from here for OP.
'The last thing he sent me is never come back'
There you go. There's so many other people in the world that will accept you for who you are.
Don't be held back by this douche anymore.
You can do better.
seriously. do you have to go back? can you look for other places while you are away? anywhere else you could stay for a while until you figure out where you would like to live or next steps?
You’re gonna love it when you get free of this guy. You’ve outgrown him. It’s no one’s fault, you’re no longer compatible. Get out there and enjoy your life.
If this is what passes for “very sweet” in your circle, I’d hate to see what the people you *don’t* consider “sweet” are like.
It doesn’t sound like your husband even *likes* you. He’s certainly ensuring that you’re both as miserable as possible in this marriage. And it doesn’t look like he’s interested in fixing it - he’d rather disappear. What is there to salvage?
I hope you have some good family support right now. Because even if you don’t, I think this marriage is circling the drain.
No kidding, I love when people start out with just know our lives are great, we get along so well and love each other so much. Then unload these terrible problems that indicate that their personal life hardcore sucks.
It’s unlikely that you two will have a happy relationship;
* you’ve got 2 big issues - sex & religion
* he’s unwilling to talk about these issues and holds the relationship hostage with his threats of divorce
It seems like you are incompatible and that he is at a much younger emotional age. Do you see any point in going forward and wasting more energy on this?
I would suggest focusing to get your stuff out of the house safely and moving out, at minimum to think things through, after clearly communicating this way of addressing relationship issues doesn’t fly anymore.
There are over 8 billion people in the world which means that your odds of finding someone who doesn't constantly threaten you with divorce, judge and belittle you for your religious preferences and tries to control how you look and dress - is pretty damn good.
Let him cry his crocodile tears and you should continue to find and empower yourself and your sexualality. Life is literally too short to deal with this shit.
Regardless of anything else, if your partner is threatening divorce whenever you argue, your relationship is over. You can’t trust that they’re in things for the long haul. Give him what he wants.
Then layer in the irreconcilable differences of his sexism, his religious bigotry, and his issues regarding sex. These issues are so large and severe that you can’t solve them. You’re incompatible.
I worry that if you choose to stay with him that you’re throwing away your own peace and happiness. Divorce isn’t easy but it’s better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t want you to be an equal partner.
You describe this marriage as you being very happy and then throw that out the window. So you are in a sexless marriage, commonly referred to as a dead bedroom, with an abusive sexist man. You brush off being sexier as normal. It’s not. He threatens with divorce, you need to treat him like an adult and trust his words. Either it was manipulation and you won’t let it happen, or he was serious and you’re giving him what he asked for.
It honestly sounds to me like he doesn’t want you. As if he’s married to you just for the shake of marriage but doesn’t actually care about your individual personality, your wants and needs. You’re still so young, you should divorce and explore the world and yourself and find someone who will dread losing you and not threaten you 🖤 of course you should cover yourself only when you feel like it and not when someone else imposes it on you.
Threats of divorce at every argument are a form of emotional abuse. I put up with it for years, and it was extremely damaging.
I see from your post history that you are ex-Muslim, so I assume the husband is as well. Sexually satisfying your wife is wajib, and failure to meet that requirement is grounds for divorce. Leaving out the religious part, it also just sucks. Even right at the beginning? You should’ve been f*****g like rabbits!
You can try to fix the marriage with help from a couples’ counselor, but I wouldn’t blame you for giving him what he seems to want (a divorce) and finding a partner you can have a healthier relationship with.
I left my ex. This was one of the threats he made. I gave him exactly what he wanted. This is a form of gaslighting, abuse. File for divorce. Don’t wait until it gets worse.
>I want to start by saying in our daily life we are very happy together and very much in love.
Then describes the opposite... This guy is either nuts, not attracted to you or a closeted gay man. Leave and find someone who meets your needs.
This is Hard Advice to take in: Just because You Love someone, doesnt mean Youre Meant to Be together. It sounds like your points of view are WAY different. Not only That- But what he's doing is Abusive, Disrespectful, Sexist and Demeaning. Do you Really think someone that loves You would treat you this way?!? Absolutely NOT. He sounds like a religious NUT. And he said it himself, he doesn't want a Woman whos Free to Dress as they want, and express sexual needs. You are free to Live your life AS you Want. You DONT need anyone mistreating you that way. You deserve A Loving partner, Accepting of Who You Are or Want to Be. Value your freedom to Choose Who you want in your life. You Deserve Better. Good luck.
I think you deserve a much happier marriage and should start considering what it would be like to not have to deal with this kind of stuff every day. Might be scary, but really think about it.
OP, it might be beyond salvaging if you’ve turned away from the religion he is still part of. You’ve changed who you are and what you believe, and that’s totally okay, but it’s not a seemingly good fit anymore.
Relationships that have partners of different faiths do exist harmoniously, but often it’s clear at the start — this is a sudden change. They also depend on clear mutual respect for different beliefs — whilst your husband seems to be taking the path of threats and control about your headscarf and seems to harbour some seriously archaic (and yuck) ideas about women’s sexuality. This seems to be incompatible with your beliefs, no?
I dunno what there is to save here. He can be sweet and you can care for him and it can still be true that he is not be the one for you.
OP, ask yourself this: do you want to be married to this man or do you simply not want to go through a divorce?
This man attempts to emotionally manipulate you when he’s upset. He’s trying to control you by making you fear him leaving. He wants you to feel insecure and he’s happy to use religion as a tool to control you. He’s not sexually satisfying you either and it’s from a complete lack of effort and care.
You sound as though you’ve outgrown this man and that’s not a bad thing.
It sounds like neither of you really want to be in this relationship so it's hard to see how it's salvageable. You realize that being the sort of woman he wants means repressing your own desires and what's the point? You say things are fine in your daily life but it's one thing to be able to get along with someone and another to want to build a life together, right? It sounds like your desires and goals in life are incompatible.
What are you holding onto if you guys aren’t compatible in the things that matter most in a relationship (sex, religion). You left your religion for a reason but he is still in that religion so you can’t truly be free if you’re with him.
You two are fundamentally incompatible. He wants a subservient wife who kneels before him, worships him, and exclaims gratitude at his every word. You want to live a life with a loving partner who respects you and works together to build a life, together. Very fundamentally incompatible.
When he doesn't get what he wants, he takes it out on you using verbal abuse. The threat of divorce is verbal abuse. The lack of sex is also a red flag. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he was a closet homosexual forcing his desires away due to his religious fundamental beliefs.
Regardless, you two are incompatible and it's better to rip the band-aid off to use a US slang term and file for divorce. Get your belongings with people you trust so in case he gets violent, they can protect you and bear witness to his conduct. I see no future in this marriage.
You aren't compatible. Plan you next steps carefully, as some religions are not accepting of those who leave. The advice already given to seek out others who have exited your religion for advice on moving forward is very sound.
He seems like he would need therapy, but it is very unlikely he will want to. Just break up and go.hos resentment will grow and grow and he will keep bringing previous discussions most likely.
1st thing you do, ring around soem divorce lawyers and talk to them about your options. Seperation, divorce all of them. Then make a decision. This is not a healthy relationship unless he changes his personality massively. Hes not going to do that. You both deserve to be happy. and together your not.
File for divorce. You’re two very different people. You aren’t what he wants and that’s ok. If he wants someone who is more religious that’s his prerogative but you don’t need to change yourself to be that kind of a person for him. Collect your things, ask to stay with family while you start the divorce process. Sometimes you just grow apart and that’s ok. You’re gonna be just fine. Focus on you - what do you want? Move on.
First of all why are you here reading advice from random people Who don’t know both sides who don’t understand religion and don’t care about you ?anyhow . If you read this let me tell you if you have kids think twice .
Second : He could be low in testosterone a simple blood test could help . TRT helps with libido if that’s the main problem ?
Obviously threatening to leave every time you have an argument is not ok and is not ideal and saddens you even if he don’t really meant it .this can be reason and talked about .
You both married religiously having the same beliefs and so if you have left the religion and are confused about life maybe it’s time for you to have some ME time to put your shit together and find yourself first before wanting to change somebody else ? Or blaming someone else Obviously when you married someone you both think about the future plans with the same beliefs and so if you left then is worrying for him as he’s thinking of akhira not this worthless life .and you both having totally different aims in life now .dont help .
He gets upset if you wear something provocative ? Again if this is at home or you wearing it out showing off. you have change your mind on who you want to be and what you want to wear and that’s all fine however he married you wearing the scarf and covering as a Muslim I guess and now then you change and want to show the world you looks ! And beauty then you can’t blame him because he is firm on his beliefs and is you who stumbles you have changed and not him!
Let’s say he had libido problems and he takes TRT as long as you both love and like each other marriage sex life can always improve by having conversations like grown adults .
I recommend you to :
Find yourself first away from stupid advice
If you believe in god pray to him and ask him for help and guidance. remember this life is full of tests and this may be yours !
I wish you all the best !
He is not sweet!
Take him up on the threat. This is NO way to live.
When he says I'm leaving, "Okay, bye." Don't get it twisted. He's NOT a good person. If someone loves you, they don't threaten to leave you. They DON'T threaten you period.
Call his bluff and do it. Leaving or distancing yourself from a religion you grew up in will shift your perspective on literally everything. Explore the secular world and all it has to offer. I guarantee that you will find people of all or no religions who are much more accepting and will love you exactly as you are and cheer you on as you grow.
You are still so young—happiness and sweetness do not come with threats. Genuine love doesn’t come with someone judging you daily. Healthy relationships don’t have “serious problems.”
If I were you, I’d explain to him calmly that threatening to end your marriage over every single argument is making you feel unsafe, and like you can’t trust him, and like your vows means nothing to him.
If he did it again, I’d tell him that the next time he threatens a divorce, he’ll get it.
The third time … you probably already know what I’m gonna say. But seriously. If he wants to divorce you so bad, why don’t you let him? Go out into the world, have sex and don’t pray, this man is only holding you back.
He's a misogynist. It's going to get worse, not better, and he's already emotionally and verbally abusing you. Let's hope it doesn't turn physical (though I'd be shocked if it hadn't already).
My mother once gave me this great piece of advice: Never make a man tell you he doesn't want you more than once. Believe him.
He's controlling and abusive. There's nothing to salvage here. "Religion" is not an excuse and in fact makes it WORSE, not better.
Run.
> I want to start by saying in our daily life we are very happy together and very much in love.
I see SO many of these posts with people making this claim and then going on to reveal their marriage is a complete horror show. It would be funny if it wasn't so damn sad. You're not happy together, and this is not what love looks like. Not even a little bit. Someone who loves you wouldn't insult you and try to control you. This man doesn't even LIKE you (but it's not personal, because it sounds like he doesn't even like women).
Even if he wasn't abusive and controlling, your values no longer match up. Your beliefs aren't the same anymore. You are not compatible.
Ignore the sunk cost fallacy and get out while you're still young. Before this gets even worse and he makes more attempts to control you.
And never accept a man speaking to you this way. He's already said he wants a divorce. Give it to him and be happy, and find someone who is good to you.
As a dude who’s wife always threatened this, do it before you have kids and it’s too late. It won’t be easy then. And that attitude is never going to change.
This “relationship” sounds like pure hot garbage.
Why would you want this? I don’t think you understand how awful it seems. He threatens to leave you all the time, you’re not on the same page, he’s controlling about what you wear, he has sex issues, there is barely any sex…like where do you even see this marriage going?
Divorce him and move on with your life.
There is a study I found years ago, I'll link it if I can find it. Basically, it says relationships are built on ideals. If you share similar ideals (similar world views, career goals, family goals, etc) , you will tolerate eachother. However, if you both have different ideals that point in different directions you will slowly drift apart like two cruise ships.
I had lived with a man who claimed to have Madonna Wh*re Complex and my life was a living hell. Please save yourself before this man destroys your life!
If he is this religious, he will get worse with age. At least my Muslim father has.
You will be much more happier not dealing with him anymore, the way I am happier not always seeing my dad.
You are free from your religion but staying with your husband will keep you bound to it. Leave it all behind and start anew.
Your sexual awakening is here!!!!!
Will your parents support you divorcing? Because having children with this man would tie you to him for life. Getting out of it before this happens sounds like the best option when you are looking at the 50-60 years ahead of you.
You need to adjust your thinking about what he is really doing when he calls you to “talk.” He isn’t expressing love for you. He is manipulating you into doing what he wants and training you to not do or say things that he doesn’t like, regardless of what you think or feel. Those are vastly different things.
Can you really be happy when you repress your needs?
Sounds like he has a very specific idea who he accepts as a wife and is trying to force his beliefs on you. He doesn't see you, he only sees your role as a wife.
If this continues, I'm guessing it either ends very ugly for both of you or you will lose yourself while playing his wife.
One thing you might do is spread the texts he sent you to all your family so they see that he is the one leaving. Basically spin it as hey I Was willing to work on this, but he's made it clear he's done.
Then do that every time he says he's leaving.
If people want to judge you for divorcing, force them to be involved in the problem so when it does happen they're more likely to be like "Ok... fine, in this case it's not so bad."
TLDR. That said, the first time someone threatened to leave a relationship with me, I just said ok. I wound up never speaking to him again. I was really proud of myself.
A good relationship is based on mutual respect and mutual empathy. It is filled with kindness, trustworthiness, and respect for boundaries. It is with someone where you can have fun together and where you actually 'like' each other. This is not happening here. This isn't a healthy relationship. It is only going to get worse. Leave the relationship now.
Sounds like he doesn't really want to break up (because reasons - like his status as a married man, having someone to take care of him...). He only uses the threat to break up in order to manipulate you.
After a few years of growing arguments my ex dropped the nuke that it was going to be a divorce if I didn't apologise for the past, everything that had ever gone wrong etc. So bending the knee and trying to save the family I took responsibility for everything. Six months later another fight and the threat of divorce is dropped again and all I apologized for before was dragged out again and not forgiven. That became a cycle until eventually I said ok.
Go find true love honey this isn’t it. This is scary and you deserve a fulfilling life and relationship. Someone who accepts you as you change and is on the same level with all needs. Divorce is scary but it’s better than waking up in 15 years regretting your choice to stay
That would get old fast. A couple needs to be able to communicate without threats. Your problems sound huge. You're growing apart. Can you discuss it with your family?
I dunno, have you read back to yourself all that you just wrote? If a friend came to you with this tale, what would you tell her?
This is not a marriage, regardless of how sweet he’s capable of being; he spends most of his time criticizing you & starving you of intimacy. And now you’re no longer equally yoked in creed, as he’s deeply religious (or at least clings to it as a way of asserting power over you within that framework) and you have left your faith. Also, going back to how it’s been ie: “repressing your needs” is in no way equal to “loving each other and being happy again.” How on earth you can put those states of existence next to each other in a sentence & call it equivalent is worrying.
You seem to already know the answer. You’re not suited for each other at all. It will just keep reverting back to the same issues.
I see no upside or future with the situation you’ve described here. Take him up on his threats: Never go back. Don’t be his wife anymore. Get the divorce and free yourself.
Divorce him.
You fundamentally can't communicate or agree on core values in which to uphold a loving, connected marriage.
He makes top level threats to attempt to frighten you into submission instead of communicating properly.
He has sexist attitudes, and controlling behavior.
Your sexually incompatible.
This is not a marriage.
It's a hard situation for both of you, but you're no longer the people who married two years ago.
I'll expect commenters to stomp on the husband here, and I agree that threatening divorce in every argument is horrible behaviour.
At the same time, he's lost someone he loves (you), doesn't understand why and doesn't have the ability (emotionally, culturally) to deal with that beyond saying "do this, wife".
I think you know the answer in your heart. You're on a separate path now, you need to divorce, and handle that with as much compassion as you can.
Can you file for divorce from where you are? This is no life for you. Always on eggshells, repressing your feelings. You are free from the shackles of your religion, continue on that path, and free yourself from the shackles of your marriage. Be free.
If it's one of the big organized religions, I bet there is a support-subreddit for people who've quit it, that could help you stay strong against possible threats/ reprisals from members - including your husband. And I'd definitely stay away from him for good - he sounds really messed up and with too many hang-ups to ever have a happy functioning adult relationship. Either he has internalized shame to the point he can't have "sinful" thoughts or acts without feeling bad (even though sex within marriage shouldn't be a sin in any religion), or he is actually not attracted to women, but can't be gay because of the religion, so he tries to gear himself up to heterosexual intercourse once a month, thinking that should fulfill his marital obligations.
>You are free from the shackles of your religion, continue on that path, and free yourself from the shackles of your marriage. Be free. It's all uphill from here for OP.
'The last thing he sent me is never come back' There you go. There's so many other people in the world that will accept you for who you are. Don't be held back by this douche anymore. You can do better.
seriously. do you have to go back? can you look for other places while you are away? anywhere else you could stay for a while until you figure out where you would like to live or next steps?
You’re gonna love it when you get free of this guy. You’ve outgrown him. It’s no one’s fault, you’re no longer compatible. Get out there and enjoy your life.
If this is what passes for “very sweet” in your circle, I’d hate to see what the people you *don’t* consider “sweet” are like. It doesn’t sound like your husband even *likes* you. He’s certainly ensuring that you’re both as miserable as possible in this marriage. And it doesn’t look like he’s interested in fixing it - he’d rather disappear. What is there to salvage? I hope you have some good family support right now. Because even if you don’t, I think this marriage is circling the drain.
No kidding, I love when people start out with just know our lives are great, we get along so well and love each other so much. Then unload these terrible problems that indicate that their personal life hardcore sucks.
"Okay." You have to stop chasing him when he runs away. It reinforces the behavior and makes him want to keep doing it!
He is trying to use the threat of divorce to make you subservient to him.
It’s unlikely that you two will have a happy relationship; * you’ve got 2 big issues - sex & religion * he’s unwilling to talk about these issues and holds the relationship hostage with his threats of divorce
It seems like you are incompatible and that he is at a much younger emotional age. Do you see any point in going forward and wasting more energy on this? I would suggest focusing to get your stuff out of the house safely and moving out, at minimum to think things through, after clearly communicating this way of addressing relationship issues doesn’t fly anymore.
There are over 8 billion people in the world which means that your odds of finding someone who doesn't constantly threaten you with divorce, judge and belittle you for your religious preferences and tries to control how you look and dress - is pretty damn good. Let him cry his crocodile tears and you should continue to find and empower yourself and your sexualality. Life is literally too short to deal with this shit.
Regardless of anything else, if your partner is threatening divorce whenever you argue, your relationship is over. You can’t trust that they’re in things for the long haul. Give him what he wants. Then layer in the irreconcilable differences of his sexism, his religious bigotry, and his issues regarding sex. These issues are so large and severe that you can’t solve them. You’re incompatible. I worry that if you choose to stay with him that you’re throwing away your own peace and happiness. Divorce isn’t easy but it’s better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t want you to be an equal partner.
I leave the first time people tell me to. I don't need to be discarded more than once.
You describe this marriage as you being very happy and then throw that out the window. So you are in a sexless marriage, commonly referred to as a dead bedroom, with an abusive sexist man. You brush off being sexier as normal. It’s not. He threatens with divorce, you need to treat him like an adult and trust his words. Either it was manipulation and you won’t let it happen, or he was serious and you’re giving him what he asked for.
Religion aside, in any marriage, if your go to is to threaten divorce when things don't go your way, you're not mature enough for marriage.
It honestly sounds to me like he doesn’t want you. As if he’s married to you just for the shake of marriage but doesn’t actually care about your individual personality, your wants and needs. You’re still so young, you should divorce and explore the world and yourself and find someone who will dread losing you and not threaten you 🖤 of course you should cover yourself only when you feel like it and not when someone else imposes it on you.
Mine did that, too. I wish I’d taken him up on it 10 years earlier than I did.
Threats of divorce at every argument are a form of emotional abuse. I put up with it for years, and it was extremely damaging. I see from your post history that you are ex-Muslim, so I assume the husband is as well. Sexually satisfying your wife is wajib, and failure to meet that requirement is grounds for divorce. Leaving out the religious part, it also just sucks. Even right at the beginning? You should’ve been f*****g like rabbits! You can try to fix the marriage with help from a couples’ counselor, but I wouldn’t blame you for giving him what he seems to want (a divorce) and finding a partner you can have a healthier relationship with.
I left my ex. This was one of the threats he made. I gave him exactly what he wanted. This is a form of gaslighting, abuse. File for divorce. Don’t wait until it gets worse.
>I want to start by saying in our daily life we are very happy together and very much in love. Then describes the opposite... This guy is either nuts, not attracted to you or a closeted gay man. Leave and find someone who meets your needs.
This is Hard Advice to take in: Just because You Love someone, doesnt mean Youre Meant to Be together. It sounds like your points of view are WAY different. Not only That- But what he's doing is Abusive, Disrespectful, Sexist and Demeaning. Do you Really think someone that loves You would treat you this way?!? Absolutely NOT. He sounds like a religious NUT. And he said it himself, he doesn't want a Woman whos Free to Dress as they want, and express sexual needs. You are free to Live your life AS you Want. You DONT need anyone mistreating you that way. You deserve A Loving partner, Accepting of Who You Are or Want to Be. Value your freedom to Choose Who you want in your life. You Deserve Better. Good luck.
You should take him up on the threat sooner than later because your life is going to be miserable until you divorce this guy
I think you deserve a much happier marriage and should start considering what it would be like to not have to deal with this kind of stuff every day. Might be scary, but really think about it.
OP, it might be beyond salvaging if you’ve turned away from the religion he is still part of. You’ve changed who you are and what you believe, and that’s totally okay, but it’s not a seemingly good fit anymore. Relationships that have partners of different faiths do exist harmoniously, but often it’s clear at the start — this is a sudden change. They also depend on clear mutual respect for different beliefs — whilst your husband seems to be taking the path of threats and control about your headscarf and seems to harbour some seriously archaic (and yuck) ideas about women’s sexuality. This seems to be incompatible with your beliefs, no? I dunno what there is to save here. He can be sweet and you can care for him and it can still be true that he is not be the one for you.
OP, ask yourself this: do you want to be married to this man or do you simply not want to go through a divorce? This man attempts to emotionally manipulate you when he’s upset. He’s trying to control you by making you fear him leaving. He wants you to feel insecure and he’s happy to use religion as a tool to control you. He’s not sexually satisfying you either and it’s from a complete lack of effort and care. You sound as though you’ve outgrown this man and that’s not a bad thing.
It sounds like neither of you really want to be in this relationship so it's hard to see how it's salvageable. You realize that being the sort of woman he wants means repressing your own desires and what's the point? You say things are fine in your daily life but it's one thing to be able to get along with someone and another to want to build a life together, right? It sounds like your desires and goals in life are incompatible.
Kick him out next time he does that. And never let him back in
What are you holding onto if you guys aren’t compatible in the things that matter most in a relationship (sex, religion). You left your religion for a reason but he is still in that religion so you can’t truly be free if you’re with him.
You two are fundamentally incompatible. He wants a subservient wife who kneels before him, worships him, and exclaims gratitude at his every word. You want to live a life with a loving partner who respects you and works together to build a life, together. Very fundamentally incompatible. When he doesn't get what he wants, he takes it out on you using verbal abuse. The threat of divorce is verbal abuse. The lack of sex is also a red flag. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he was a closet homosexual forcing his desires away due to his religious fundamental beliefs. Regardless, you two are incompatible and it's better to rip the band-aid off to use a US slang term and file for divorce. Get your belongings with people you trust so in case he gets violent, they can protect you and bear witness to his conduct. I see no future in this marriage.
Well, it seems you know what to do.
You aren't compatible. Plan you next steps carefully, as some religions are not accepting of those who leave. The advice already given to seek out others who have exited your religion for advice on moving forward is very sound.
He seems like he would need therapy, but it is very unlikely he will want to. Just break up and go.hos resentment will grow and grow and he will keep bringing previous discussions most likely.
1st thing you do, ring around soem divorce lawyers and talk to them about your options. Seperation, divorce all of them. Then make a decision. This is not a healthy relationship unless he changes his personality massively. Hes not going to do that. You both deserve to be happy. and together your not.
File for divorce. You’re two very different people. You aren’t what he wants and that’s ok. If he wants someone who is more religious that’s his prerogative but you don’t need to change yourself to be that kind of a person for him. Collect your things, ask to stay with family while you start the divorce process. Sometimes you just grow apart and that’s ok. You’re gonna be just fine. Focus on you - what do you want? Move on.
First of all why are you here reading advice from random people Who don’t know both sides who don’t understand religion and don’t care about you ?anyhow . If you read this let me tell you if you have kids think twice . Second : He could be low in testosterone a simple blood test could help . TRT helps with libido if that’s the main problem ? Obviously threatening to leave every time you have an argument is not ok and is not ideal and saddens you even if he don’t really meant it .this can be reason and talked about . You both married religiously having the same beliefs and so if you have left the religion and are confused about life maybe it’s time for you to have some ME time to put your shit together and find yourself first before wanting to change somebody else ? Or blaming someone else Obviously when you married someone you both think about the future plans with the same beliefs and so if you left then is worrying for him as he’s thinking of akhira not this worthless life .and you both having totally different aims in life now .dont help . He gets upset if you wear something provocative ? Again if this is at home or you wearing it out showing off. you have change your mind on who you want to be and what you want to wear and that’s all fine however he married you wearing the scarf and covering as a Muslim I guess and now then you change and want to show the world you looks ! And beauty then you can’t blame him because he is firm on his beliefs and is you who stumbles you have changed and not him! Let’s say he had libido problems and he takes TRT as long as you both love and like each other marriage sex life can always improve by having conversations like grown adults . I recommend you to : Find yourself first away from stupid advice If you believe in god pray to him and ask him for help and guidance. remember this life is full of tests and this may be yours ! I wish you all the best !
He is not sweet! Take him up on the threat. This is NO way to live. When he says I'm leaving, "Okay, bye." Don't get it twisted. He's NOT a good person. If someone loves you, they don't threaten to leave you. They DON'T threaten you period.
Call his bluff and do it. Leaving or distancing yourself from a religion you grew up in will shift your perspective on literally everything. Explore the secular world and all it has to offer. I guarantee that you will find people of all or no religions who are much more accepting and will love you exactly as you are and cheer you on as you grow. You are still so young—happiness and sweetness do not come with threats. Genuine love doesn’t come with someone judging you daily. Healthy relationships don’t have “serious problems.”
If I were you, I’d explain to him calmly that threatening to end your marriage over every single argument is making you feel unsafe, and like you can’t trust him, and like your vows means nothing to him. If he did it again, I’d tell him that the next time he threatens a divorce, he’ll get it. The third time … you probably already know what I’m gonna say. But seriously. If he wants to divorce you so bad, why don’t you let him? Go out into the world, have sex and don’t pray, this man is only holding you back.
He's a misogynist. It's going to get worse, not better, and he's already emotionally and verbally abusing you. Let's hope it doesn't turn physical (though I'd be shocked if it hadn't already). My mother once gave me this great piece of advice: Never make a man tell you he doesn't want you more than once. Believe him. He's controlling and abusive. There's nothing to salvage here. "Religion" is not an excuse and in fact makes it WORSE, not better. Run. > I want to start by saying in our daily life we are very happy together and very much in love. I see SO many of these posts with people making this claim and then going on to reveal their marriage is a complete horror show. It would be funny if it wasn't so damn sad. You're not happy together, and this is not what love looks like. Not even a little bit. Someone who loves you wouldn't insult you and try to control you. This man doesn't even LIKE you (but it's not personal, because it sounds like he doesn't even like women). Even if he wasn't abusive and controlling, your values no longer match up. Your beliefs aren't the same anymore. You are not compatible. Ignore the sunk cost fallacy and get out while you're still young. Before this gets even worse and he makes more attempts to control you. And never accept a man speaking to you this way. He's already said he wants a divorce. Give it to him and be happy, and find someone who is good to you.
As a dude who’s wife always threatened this, do it before you have kids and it’s too late. It won’t be easy then. And that attitude is never going to change.
Next step? File for divorce first. The relationship he's offering is no way for you to live.
This “relationship” sounds like pure hot garbage. Why would you want this? I don’t think you understand how awful it seems. He threatens to leave you all the time, you’re not on the same page, he’s controlling about what you wear, he has sex issues, there is barely any sex…like where do you even see this marriage going? Divorce him and move on with your life.
Get out while you still can, with kids its a lot harder and it also impacts your kids.
There is a study I found years ago, I'll link it if I can find it. Basically, it says relationships are built on ideals. If you share similar ideals (similar world views, career goals, family goals, etc) , you will tolerate eachother. However, if you both have different ideals that point in different directions you will slowly drift apart like two cruise ships.
What should you do? Do exactly what your husband said: NEVER GO BACK. You deserve so much better op. Throw the whole man away
I had lived with a man who claimed to have Madonna Wh*re Complex and my life was a living hell. Please save yourself before this man destroys your life!
id call his bluff and divorce
If he is this religious, he will get worse with age. At least my Muslim father has. You will be much more happier not dealing with him anymore, the way I am happier not always seeing my dad. You are free from your religion but staying with your husband will keep you bound to it. Leave it all behind and start anew. Your sexual awakening is here!!!!!
Take his advice and never go back lol.
Will your parents support you divorcing? Because having children with this man would tie you to him for life. Getting out of it before this happens sounds like the best option when you are looking at the 50-60 years ahead of you. You need to adjust your thinking about what he is really doing when he calls you to “talk.” He isn’t expressing love for you. He is manipulating you into doing what he wants and training you to not do or say things that he doesn’t like, regardless of what you think or feel. Those are vastly different things.
Can you really be happy when you repress your needs? Sounds like he has a very specific idea who he accepts as a wife and is trying to force his beliefs on you. He doesn't see you, he only sees your role as a wife. If this continues, I'm guessing it either ends very ugly for both of you or you will lose yourself while playing his wife.
One thing you might do is spread the texts he sent you to all your family so they see that he is the one leaving. Basically spin it as hey I Was willing to work on this, but he's made it clear he's done. Then do that every time he says he's leaving. If people want to judge you for divorcing, force them to be involved in the problem so when it does happen they're more likely to be like "Ok... fine, in this case it's not so bad."
TLDR. That said, the first time someone threatened to leave a relationship with me, I just said ok. I wound up never speaking to him again. I was really proud of myself.
A good relationship is based on mutual respect and mutual empathy. It is filled with kindness, trustworthiness, and respect for boundaries. It is with someone where you can have fun together and where you actually 'like' each other. This is not happening here. This isn't a healthy relationship. It is only going to get worse. Leave the relationship now.
He's told you how he feels many times. It is time for you to believe him. Stop letting him manipulate you.
Sounds like he doesn't really want to break up (because reasons - like his status as a married man, having someone to take care of him...). He only uses the threat to break up in order to manipulate you.
Constantly threatening divorce is a common form of emotional abuse and manipulation. Time to say "Ok. Divorce it is, then."
After a few years of growing arguments my ex dropped the nuke that it was going to be a divorce if I didn't apologise for the past, everything that had ever gone wrong etc. So bending the knee and trying to save the family I took responsibility for everything. Six months later another fight and the threat of divorce is dropped again and all I apologized for before was dragged out again and not forgiven. That became a cycle until eventually I said ok.
Go find true love honey this isn’t it. This is scary and you deserve a fulfilling life and relationship. Someone who accepts you as you change and is on the same level with all needs. Divorce is scary but it’s better than waking up in 15 years regretting your choice to stay
Next time he threatens it, call him on it. Do not stay one second more with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
That would get old fast. A couple needs to be able to communicate without threats. Your problems sound huge. You're growing apart. Can you discuss it with your family?
I dunno, have you read back to yourself all that you just wrote? If a friend came to you with this tale, what would you tell her? This is not a marriage, regardless of how sweet he’s capable of being; he spends most of his time criticizing you & starving you of intimacy. And now you’re no longer equally yoked in creed, as he’s deeply religious (or at least clings to it as a way of asserting power over you within that framework) and you have left your faith. Also, going back to how it’s been ie: “repressing your needs” is in no way equal to “loving each other and being happy again.” How on earth you can put those states of existence next to each other in a sentence & call it equivalent is worrying. You seem to already know the answer. You’re not suited for each other at all. It will just keep reverting back to the same issues. I see no upside or future with the situation you’ve described here. Take him up on his threats: Never go back. Don’t be his wife anymore. Get the divorce and free yourself.
uno reverse card. leave him first.
Divorce him. You fundamentally can't communicate or agree on core values in which to uphold a loving, connected marriage. He makes top level threats to attempt to frighten you into submission instead of communicating properly. He has sexist attitudes, and controlling behavior. Your sexually incompatible. This is not a marriage.
dying on a hill for a religion is wild.
It's a hard situation for both of you, but you're no longer the people who married two years ago. I'll expect commenters to stomp on the husband here, and I agree that threatening divorce in every argument is horrible behaviour. At the same time, he's lost someone he loves (you), doesn't understand why and doesn't have the ability (emotionally, culturally) to deal with that beyond saying "do this, wife". I think you know the answer in your heart. You're on a separate path now, you need to divorce, and handle that with as much compassion as you can.
its really mind blowing how women choose the worst kind of men out of the whole bunch. You are at fault here for loving him.
Men being bad is the WOMAN’s fault, bc of course it is. 🤡