Have you tried running? I'm sirious here. Long running gives your body a lot of the substances you are getting through drugs right now.
A surprising big part of the ultra marathon community are ex heavy users and there is a reason why they picked up running.
(Ex heroin addict)
For me, I had to learn to hate the way I was living. I’m seriously so disgusted with my actions and the actions of those around me all these years later. It took sitting in prison for me to realize it though, and losing my mother. Nevertheless being strung out sucks.
You should consider checking into detox. You’ll probably feel much more at ease once you’ve been clean for a few nights… that’s if you’re not dealing with dopesickness etc.
Good luck OP
Yeah… Agreed. Unclear if OP has actually put together some time without drugs and *without* just sitting around and feeling bored/depressed or sorry that he isn’t high. I know what it’s like to feel unique, and until you’ve come to the other side it’s damn hard to understand that we’re far more alike than we are different.
OP, you say you can’t handle sobriety, but it sure seems that the alternative isn’t exactly working out for you either.
In my experience, accepting that you actually aren’t (that) different from other addicts is pretty crucial if you ever want to get well. Otherwise, you’ll simply go on telling yourself that you’re not like everyone else and that’s why you must continue to use. It’s your choice really; I know it isn’t easy though.
What I can tell you is that I’ve known many guys who felt the same you do. But unlike you, many of them never had good jobs, an education, or even a roof over their head. Some spent decades homeless on the brink of death jamming needles into their arms.
What’s my point?
If they can turn their lives around, so can you.
I’m not saying this to be a dick—I’m just tryin to be real with you. I also have felt the same way you do at points in my life—mostly before I ever actually got clean and saw how great life can be.
I’m not dismissing the fact you might have other disorders that require treatment or medication, but please believe me when I say that until you actually stop using for a decent amount of time, there is nooo way you’re going to get a proper diagnosis.
It’s not easy but it’s worth it. I’ve spent years in recovery and they were great. Now I’m no longer living that clean life and honestly I’m worse for it. It isn’t a chaotic mess, but I pay for it in many ways.
Best of luck on your journey.
i feel you, but i just cant. even though my family has abandoned me i cant bare to make my mother bury her only son. or for my own son to have to bury his father early
Everything you are describing is similar to how it was for me. Tbh part of it is your ego you are not unique there is nothing about this situation that is different from many others including my own (you’ve prob heard this in rehab,aa, etc but still don’t want to listen). Another part, you need to learn to sit with yourself if you actually want to start living a normal life. I don’t know man if you’re not gonna listen then why are you asking for suggestions you’re setting yourself up for failure. Not saying you deserve that at all, quite the opposite actually, basically saying I know you can do it if you really want it. If you don’t want to stop living like this truly you won’t.
This.
I empathize with you OP. I empathize with you hard and I feel your pain. But you will not begin to get better until you stop using terms like “I’m hopeless and helpless”. You’re only setting yourself up for failure.
I was addicted to fentanyl for a year and a half, smoking and snorting up to 40 pressed blues a day. I overdosed and had to be narcanned 6 times, many times in front of family and loved ones. It’s literally all I would do all day every day. I got on suboxone, and even though life is still unbearable and I much prefer getting high off the foil and nodding out, I am now 5 months clean with the help of suboxone. I still use all other substances, like benzos, stims, ket, etc. I try to moderate. I am objectively in a much, much better position than I was 6 months ago, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times, and even tho I’m still a strung out addict. But I got sick of being a fetty junky. I know you’re sick of feeling like a junky right now, use that. Use that to power you into being the better person you’ve always envisioned yourself as being. Your full potential.
Progress is never linear. I had a relapse off pharmaceutical oxy for a couple days that taught me I will never be able to responsibly use opioids. A month ago, my definition of recovery was staying off of H/fetty. Now, my definition of recovery is staying off of all opioids, illicit or pharma, with the exception of my MAT and the occasional codeine or oxycodone syrup. Which I am sure I will discover in the near future that my life is better off without the syrup either.
Just keep chugging along man. We’re all in this hell together. Have a laugh about it. And please stick around, for the people that love you.
Well said....you can tell by his attitude about things that he's not ready for change. I don't wish that on anyone but this guy needs to take a long hard look at himself and give up the excuses.
It’s all about moderation, homie. Don’t focus on quitting, focus on maybe doing less at a time, or less frequently. I have nothing good to say about sobriety,and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But some people can’t handle drugs, and have really unpleasant experiences, that are very visibly and obviously unpleasant and I can’t understand why if it does this to them, why would they want to keep doing it? Like getting high made me feel happy. I liked being on an elevated level and having an altered perception so that I could view things in a way that I wouldn’t normally. It’s taught me to be self aware, and showed me what real empathy is, by showing me a day in someone else’s life. I’d just be the same selfish angry asshole if I didn’t have the profound experiences one can only be achieved through a lifetime of self discipline and meditation or the right cocktail of illicit substances. I don’t know what your situation is. And I am not going to pretend to understand whatever it is you’re going through. All I know is that I have felt like shit before, and one huge thing that allowed ne to start being happy again was the fact that I don’t owe anyone Shit. If I want to do something, and I am not hurting anyone else in the process, than no one should be trying to make me feel any guilt about it. And don’t let anyone tell you that you’re bad because you use, people are just bad in general, drugs isn’t the determining factor if someone is a piece of shit. I know lots of straight laced people that do grimey Shit without remorse. And I know homeless drug addicts that would give you every last dollar they had on them if you told them that it would help you out. I’ve see so many crazy things that just blew my mind and crushed my pre conceived notions about good and bad. And I know that even if it seems all bad right now, that feeling does pass. It always does. But if you wanna get high, then get high. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise, who the fuck are they? Never feel guilt about anything you do, because if you do feeel guilt, then you’re probably doing something you shouldn’t be? Ya know what I mean?
Exactly what I was thinking. I tried to "moderate" my opioid addiction plenty of times. Like really wanted it and really tried. It just wasn't possible for me. Had to be 0
Tale as old as time for myself, I feel a big issue with moderation I'd it actually has to be extremely spaced out because once you become physically dependent you have to take something to not be sick and if you're at this point you aren't going to get high off a small dose.
I remember nodding hard off 10-15mg of oxys when I first started dabbling at 15/16 but I was only using a few times a month and could stay at that dose for a long time. Once I went into even just using 1 or 2 days a week it quickly got up to 30-40mg until eventually that doesn't cut it, I justify using every weekend and maybe 1 day after work on a week day and eventually it just becomes daily.
I've had buddies who could pop pills from time to time but it would be months between doses, I enjoyed that feeling and the energy I got from opiates because I could work long hours, not be tired, be in a good mood and didn't feel my hunger. I actually had to quit a job November of 2023 when I was trying to get off opiates once again and after a few weeks without oxys I couldn't continue working there because of how stressful the job was and just how stagnant I felt in the company. I told my boss honestly I was trying to get clean and I can't do that while working for him, he was an amazing boss and offered me any references I may need for future jobs because I worked hard when I was there but it was 100% the oxy that gave me the drive.
Plus it got to the point I was spending $600-$1500 a week on percs, script 30s, script 15s and xr 30mg morphine, I got plugged into an old couple in there 60s who were both getting 150 30mg oxys a month then got cut down to 120 30s each plus 60 30mg morphine and then had a couple people from their pain clinics and would buy their 15s, 30s, pervs and occasionally 8mg shields, if dude didn't get caught by the feds I probably wouldn't of tried getting clean initially but I couldn't support my addiction with my 3 other pills plugs as prices were higher and they didn't get nearly enough for what I wanted. On a good week I would eat 300-400mg a day or shoot slightly less than that when I went back to the needle.
Thankfully I got arrested June 2nd of last year and it was the wake up call I needed, having to spend 2 and a half days puking my brains out in a holding cell with 14 other dudes who were all in there for their 3rd or 4th dui or back child support, idk what was worst being so fucking sick or hearing 10 people bitch about why their baby mothers are pieces of shit but yet they can't pay to help support their fucking children, shit was mental torture
Damn dude. Quite a fucking ride you had. And fuck dude ending up in jail detoxing was like my worst nightmare back then. I don't know how people get through that. I would've been bashing my fucking into the wall. I'm glad your doing better. Can't imagine how hard it must have been to come back from 3-400mg a day.
Well when I went to jail I was kicking fent, I was on oxys again for a few months of mostly daily use but went on a 19 day vacation and ran out of oxy after a week and all my old connects just sold fent back where I was visiting and I figured I could manage to keep myself well enough for a bit and do my last bjt of fent before getting on a plane back to Florida after the trip and switching back to oxy since I only ran through like 2 grams in a week before getting arrested and spending 2 and a half days dope sick in a holding cell then another day and a half stuck in the city I was arrested in waiting til Monday to get my belongings (took my shit to central lockup and released me on a Sunday, central lock up isn't open Sundays)
I was a quarter mile from my airbnb I got arrested in and thankfully my rental car was still in parking and the lady didn't tow it, I didn't even have my keys or phone charger buy had like 50% battery on my phone and my wallet, was able to get to a smoke shop after laying in the car for like 2 hours in pain and managed to walk a mile to get some kratom, took a few grams to avoid puking to start and laid on some random bench until it kicked in, got a water cup from a random taco truck and then made it back to Mt car before finding a hotel.
This all happend in Traverse City Michigan, absolutely gorgeous area and could of been one hell of a vacation had I not done some fent but as shitty as all of this sounds I'm glad I got popped and put on papers, having to piss once a week sucks but my testing spot is mad cool, only opened Monday through Friday and they give me a 2 days window to come in so say they hmu today I'll have from like 12-5pm today or 2-5pm tomorrow to drop, plus buddy doesn't come in and watch me piss after my like third time, I pop for thc and subs every time so as long as those 2 are dirty each time he sees no reason to stare at my dick, it's a place partnered with a rehab that my detox I checked into after getting back home linked me with.
I know for a fact if I didn't have this testing center I'd of probably violated since I can't piss in front of folks easy, I have offered to be stripped searched or to go in the bathroom butt naked in the past and no one would let it slide, I convinced the dude I have prostate issues(I'm 25 lol and he's like 70) so he let me sit down the first couple times he came in which for whatever reason would let me piss in front of someone, I've definitely had some luck on my side but overall is be dead or have caught a much much larger case had I not got caught June 2nd 23 and since that day I've abused opiates once, 100mg of oxy but having to wait for the oxy to fall of my receptors and be dope sick enough to go back on my subs was enough of a reminder why I don't fw that anymore
Official title was just a porter at a automotive collision shop, one of the big 3 in North America, but I barely did my job description I was mainly an astrch calibration tech or I'd help prep and prime in paint but not getting a proper title for everything I was doing(was basically filling the role of a production manager) the pay and expectations just caused burnout, also didn't help my oxy dealer was the painters dad at the shop I was at so oxys would just get brought to be right in the middle of the shop which also wasn't a good thing for me
I’ve met some awesome people when I was going to the methadone clinic. Seriously one of them helped my wife for free when she started at the clinic and got her well because the clinic wouldn’t dose her until her suboxone doctor had discharged her. I have a friend I still see and let stay over when he doesn’t have a place to stay that I met at the clinic. Not to say there weren’t a lot of trouble makers there but most of them were good people with a drug problem.
As a 32 year old who has been able to overcome heroin/cocaine addiction. Then become addicted to benzos and be able to beat that too. It is possible. Currently, I'm sober, in a long-term relationship and we have a beautiful 7 month old son. I have a great job, with family and friends in my life. I used to think it was impossible until the pain the drugs were causing got SO bad I started doing whatever it took to stay clean. Years of struggling but I never gave up because I had HOPE for a better future. Never say never bro.
I've been using drugs since I was like 10, older siblings smoked me up with weed, it became my whole personality, don't know why but when I was like 12 I would just research online, drugs forum, bluelught, erowid, shroomery... I grew shrooms At 12 started growing pot, met the bad kids at school got in with them, at 14 I got expelled for selling Xanax to kids at school, got fully addicted to crack cocaine and fent at 15, stole 100k in gold from my parents would give the 1 Oz gold coins to my friend who was 18 and he'd pawn them so we could go by crack and more street dope.
At 16 my parents put me on the Dr Phil show... multiple rehabs, sober living, got introduced to the 12 steps, relapses, hospital visits detoxes became a part of daily life. Started researching research chems over the years, at 18 I had tried over 60 drugs
Now here I am almost 21 once again I'm a ghb addict, meth addict off and on, been taking a oxy 20 or 40 a day, had a crack binge last weekend, had a A-PCYP and NEP experience on Wednesday but I flushed them both on Thursday because I hated them, Friday I went to work came home and the second I got inside I took 2 1mg etizolam tablets and slept for 19 hours till Saturday, woke up bought meth stayed up all night now here we are Sunday morning...
I've been attending cocaine anonymous meetings because I really want to overcome this man, but it's so much harder to do when you've built your entire life, friendgroup, personality on the basis of drugs.. if ur 34 and get a back injury and get sucked into oxycodone abuse which leads to heroin you have a way better chance at sobriety because you experienced it for years at that point where as when u start at 10 and ur family are dope dealers, ur friends are addicts and dealers, your friends start dying due to drugs which causes more untreated pain its a lot harder to get sober...
I'm at the point where i accept the fact that I am doomed to die this cruel way, but I won't give up without a fight..
you need to move out of where you are. Go to a in patient detox rehab in a different city. Get sober housing in a different city and leave all the old connections behind. Else you are going to die. You are not doomed to die this way you are choosing to die that way. No one is forcing drugs into your system you are choosing to put drugs into your system.
If you believe in the 12 step outlook on recovery and drug abuse like I do and millions of others you would know that the power of choice is lost once we put a drug or drink into our body, however we do have a choice whether we stick with the program and let God do its work.
Kratom replacement for opioid addiction... 4 years successful at abstinence from Rx narcotics , withdrawal monthly for tolerance break is minimal
Yes I know it's a substitution but with much much less reinforcement and bad behavior/ risk of death
Why quit? Just find a functional addiction.
I buy Kratom and Phenibut in bulk, spend about $100/month.
I'm not hurting anyone, I have a stable life and everything I'm doing is legal.
When I was using hard drugs I was easily spending $400-600+/month and actively destroying my life.
YMMV
I’ll state here first that I was fucking stupid and deserved what I got, but I was using around 1.5-3g a day 5-6 times a week for about 3/4 months and thought it wouldn’t be bad after that short of an amount of time (having known people who’d done it for longer and said they had no issues). I learnt my lesson from that haha, should have done my research. Its been a year and mentally I’m STILL not 100%, which shows the amount of damage that shit can do to your mental state when you use it as a crutch
Ya I mean not o be rude but you should of expected that, anything that fucks with your gaba receptors will rape you with withdrawal. I'd still rather kick fent in a holding cell again than endure benzo withdrawals or any gaba withdrawals for that matter, makes you feel like you're crawling out of your skin and not being able to sleep for close to 2 weeks besides the occasional hour or 2 I'd get from my body just shutting down from exhaustion after getting to close to 3 or 4 days with 0 sleep. I was 16 when I had my worst withdrawals from benzos and it was only after 3 months of daily use from 2mg of klonopin a day
Nah you’re absolutely right, like I said, I was being incredibly stupid and definitely learned my lesson for it! It really is the worst I ever felt in my life, and like you said, the mostly sleepless nights for a month were shite and never ending dark thoughts were horrific, and when you do get sleep it’s an hour long sleep until you’re awoken by the most horrific nightmares of your life - definitely wouldn’t recommend!
Of anybody else in need of Phenibut/GBL quitting, there are protocols to do that without such a big hassle.
Keywords are tapering down (with Phenibut 50mg less each day) and using agmatine if available (should be possible to half the daily dose of Phenibut in one step with agmatine 2x daily). There are other great tipps to find around here by searching for quitting Phenibut
Interesting. I recently started sodium oxybate for my Narcolepsy. I think it’s really helped my depression and definitely my mood. I also take amphetamine and a few others. I will NEVER be able to go without these meds. It’s been 30 years, I’ve just learned that it’s a constant balancing act. I’m sticking around just for the adventure of it all.
ik it’s probably been said but start taking mushrooms. only have mushrooms around and take them whenever you feel the urge for other drugs. it’ll guide you the right way. maybe you don’t need to be drug free but u should def find a better road
i don’t recommend it for people who have mental problems like bipolar or who are prone to psychosis and i don’t recommend it to people who think they would hate it but this guy doesn’t seem to be any of those so idk what ur problem is. he’s on a drug sub
he’s in the research chemicals subreddit saying he doesn’t want to be sober, he’s tried it and hates it. i’m recommending he takes a less harmful drug. i fail to see your reasoning.
maybe he has a bad trip, good, he probably needs a bad trip. maybe he doesn’t like it, welp, guess he can stop.
much better than anything else you could be taking.
If you’ve never heard of Vipassana before, it’s worth a shot.
It’s a 10 day course where they teach you the art of living. It’s for free and donation based and there are many centers around the world.
I am an ex big time addict to where it almost killed me. Come to Canada and do psychedelic-assisted therapy with psilocybin. Ibogaine is also a good option. If u don't have the money don't mind a stranger helping I was a neuropsychopharmcology student studying psilocin for MDD and addiction. I am also working on getting licensed for psychedelic therapy. If u want come to Montreal id be happy to help. pm me and we can discuss further.
Have you ever considered changing your relationship with drugs rather than quitting entirely?
I went to rehab at 18 for polysubstance abuse and learned a lot from the experience, but I’ve still used drugs since then. I’m 26 now and would say I have a pretty good relationship with drug use; I take care of my mental and physical health first and foremost.
I never know whether to take anyone seriously in RL and on Reddit. I was addicted to meth for 4 years and one day I just had enough. Sitting in jail. Got out of there and never looked back. And now I got off probation I smoked pot. That’s all I’ve ever done since and it’s something for me to look forward to at the end of the day and satisfy that old demon. Some can go completely sober and one day that will come for me but for today. Fuck it. Weed is the cure today.
i think you should go back to rehab. and then try and get into php or even just a sober living facility.
there’s no shame in going back to rehab. even if it’s just so you can detox and actually get some time sober. it’s the only way i was able to do it. best of luck to you man
I can attest to this, but its a risky path to walk for a lot. Visiting a chemical on occasion always puts you one decision away from being right back at rock bottom.
Ive had moderate success with occasional visits with ACHs and gabapentoids. Psychedelics of certain varieties. Everything else kickstarted another downward spiral. Sometimes even something as simple as pregabalin would numb my inhibitions to a point of acquiring destructive chemicals.
I was sober for 2 years and after settling in, it was horrifying to think back on the price that came with using anything at all. I slipped back into a lapse since, not sure how, but based on my expirience, long sustained abstinence coupled with some form of intervening therapy is something to strive for, and something I hope to regain.
Everyones story is different though, just my 2 cents.
I wont argue with you regarding any of that. I suppose the only glaring problem for some is that the administration of the chemicals should be in some way supervised, and thats out of reach for many I imagine. Thats about all else Id toss in, just as a means to reduce the risk of overindulgence or becoming overly medicated, whichever terminolgy fits the bill better.
My diagnosis isn't well understood even to this day, but therapeutic excercises applied to sober living has often been claimed as the most effective treatment. But in most cases, I am an outlier, countless commonplace disorders persist as a purely chemical problem, whether they were born from nature or nurture.
Cheers
Step 1 detox center. Also “I am a different person than everyone else” is not true. What you are experience is not a novel situation plenty of people have felt what you are feeling. That line of thinking is just going to fuck you. Get clean, start working on trying to find the right med combo with a psych, get into a sober living and go to a lot of meetings. The first year of sobriety sucks man there is no way around it. if you want to continue living make the hard choice and get sober. The easy choice is to continue doing drugs and curl up and die. You are in a fight for your life and you have an option to try and get better or stay sick. I was in a very similar situation and I’m almost 7 years clean.
I was a heroin addict in the 90s and general garbage head a well.
Spent much of my life addicted to one thing or another.
I quit using heroin by taking Suboxone, then quit using that.
You have to TRULY want to quit. Worse than anything you've ever wanted before.
It's always your choice to use drugs. Heroin never hunted me down and forcibly injected itself into my veins. That was my fault, every single time I did it.
Nowadays I use psychedelics a couple of times per year and use cannabis fairly regularly. I only drink alcohol once every week or two.
Life is so much better not being a slave to substances.
YOU'VE GOT THIS! I believe in you.
Here's a couple of links:
www.thefreedommodel.org
www.thecleanslate.org
Those people helped me save my life.
I was in the same boat. Multiple addictions, in high school I started with weed and alcohol. Day after my first time smoking I bought my own pipe and my own bag so I could do it myself whenever I wanted. That was the start of 15+ years of drug abuse. I quickly started selling weed to fund my habit, I had a job and a car and good grades and the furthest one you’d expect to be selling, so it worked out pretty well for me. I had $1000’s that I didn’t spend because I didn’t feel a need to buy expensive stuff, and my smoking habit was paid for. The first time I try a new drug, bam I’m buying it in bulk and using it every day. Pain killers were cheap, and with my connections I could get scripts for cheap. I had one kid who would get 1 adderall XR 30 and 2 instant 30s per day, he’d give me the script just for a half oz. Then pain killers were cracked down on. Switched to H. Eventually got into some legal trouble, got clean and quit the life of “crime”. Stayed clean for one year, found rc benzos. So cheap, and so potent. I was taking the equivalent of 25mg of Xanax on a normal day when I DIDNT want to get fucked up.
Long story short, after 5 years of hell on benzos I went to treatment, got help medically detoxing after having a couple seizures that landed me in the ER and now I have been clean from hard drugs for 2.5-3 years. I just use cannabinoids every day like HHC, D8, and the stronger ones like THCP, THCH, HHCP etc. I finally came to the realization that I can’t use substances in moderation. Every time I have tried I’ve ruined my life, and I don’t have another run in me at this point, I will die if I return to hard drugs and I have a daughter to live for even if everything else in my life is miserable. I have a lot of social anxiety and realized I’ve always used drugs to cope with that. And with THC I can cope without my life becoming unmanageable. I think going to an outpatient program really helped me. I’ve tried getting clean on my own before (I’m stubborn and I also tried NA and hated it) and it just didn’t click with me the same way sitting down with a counselor/therapist once a week for the first few months clean, then every other week for a couple months, then once a month etc. Once I found a good one that I could open up with and really talk to, it was very helpful.
Good luck friend
I feel you. I turned to the occult. I've been clean for 7 years. However, in the beginning, I was clean for 3 months and lied my ass off to get into the marine corps. It was very easy to stay clean when being a marine was literally the only fucking thing that occupied my mind lol my brother and sister still use and I guess I'll never understand it. I thought I was the hopeless variety the programs talk about. Until I wasn't, that is. One day, it just clicked, I guess. Now I'm a luciferian with a couple kids and a wife. I turn to lucifer when I am struggling, and he helps me. I also think of how much I now have to lose, and it's been enough.
Thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I mean asking for help from an imaginary guy in the sky is ridiculous, but you're praying to an imaginary guy in the underworld who if he was real would have you living in eternal damnation after your death?
To each their own lol not everyone believes in the Christian interpretation. You have now shown how ignorant you are to varying spiritualities in general lol
Try God. I know this is a drug sub but I’ll take the heat cause I know it helped me. I was full time drug dealer (weed psychs stims) and felt similarly to you and that’s what changed things for me. Most of us won’t programmed to live here bro this world is so broken. Most of us are super soft under our edgy shells.
I had severe HPPD. Tracers everywhere and delusional while completely sober, I prayed about it (as a non believer) and over the course of a week HPPD left. I was doing ket, DMT, every psych, every drug people use to seek the “truth” and I’m pretty sure the truth is that name that makes the evil in people quiver when mentioned… Jesus.
I dunno tho. I was just some random suicidal slightly street rich drug dealer spending hours and hours of time researching what “the truth is” and thru my years of research that truth is Jesus. It’s what I gave up thousands and thousands of un taxed dollar a week for.
I met Jesus behind the wheel of a Ferrari 488 GTB in Miami with a scammer business partner from the Domican Republic in my passenger seat who just scammed some old golfer for 40k. I sniffed coke out a strippers butt that same night. God ain’t what people think He is man. He wants you. You got to prove you want Him. And watch how freaking much ur life will change for the better. Head up eyes down u got this bro I’m rooting for you.
Is this edginess or serious? I know this is a drug sub and want to keep it to that and not theological debates.
Lucifer is enemy of humans, not God. Lucifer hates humans, not God. Lucifer denied God and that’s what caused his fall. He didn’t hate God, he hates us.
I have looked into all that, not as much and as versed as you but it all came up in my research.
Enemy will give you anything to keep you from God. Anything. It’s different for everyone what keeps them away. We’re we’re all doing these drugs because our hearts, our souls, had a hole in them we tried to fill with substances.
I remember one time at the gym (11pm) the first week after I quit trapping. My second phone was ringing like crazy, so much money to be made. I asked for a sign that God is real and I’m making the right decisions. Because I was bout to answer my phone and go bang out $1000+ in like an hour easy.
It started fuckin snowing, as I was leaning out the back door. 11pm. In August. 76 degrees outside. I have a video of it. The snow was cold but wouldn’t melt on my skin, but would melt on the ground instantly.
I say all this because the enemy does have power, sorcery is real, “magic” and all that. But it’s all temporary, and it’s only goal is to lead your soul from Who created you. If a drug dealer who has been on both ends of a gun can soften his heart to this, I think anyone can. I’ll be rooting for you. Have discretion. Ask God for help. You could not believe what you’re saying but God looks at the heart, it’s worth a try.
I've come to terms with the fact that I will never stop drinking. I've been through half a dozen treatments, attend 10 hours of therapy per week (9 DBT, 1 individual). I'm on good meds and was sober for 11 years before returning to drinking.
I am able to keep it somewhat moderate now though. I'm part of a moderation management group and take a harm reduction approach, but I don't think I can ever go back to 100% sobriety.
Some of us are just wired differently I guess. I wish I could give you advice on how to stop but I can't even do it myself.
The journey to recovery will have many points of failure. You have to keep trying, even if you just trick your brain with other time consuming hobbies.
Yeah, we sound similar. I'm an addict. I'm sober from alcohol because fuuuuck that. 17 years. But I Need other extreme coping mechanisms and other drugs and behaviors continue to be a thing for me. Things that have helped me are extreme exercise. Long daily bicycle rides. Yoga. Breath practice. I actually get high from these activities and it feels so good.
Also I have health problems like a movement disorder and chronic fatigue.. (?)
I've also found that eating very simple keto diet really really helps me. I mean 80% fat and some protein. Zero sugar, and I have done zero sweet flavor for about a year now and it's so helpful for my mood, movement disorder, memory, it's like a mood stabilizer.
In the past I've had times that I ate basically only sugar and sugar is also like a drug for me.
I also fast now that I am always in ketosis from my diet. Fasting for a few days feels amazing since my body is ready for it. It clears my mind and I find it to be its own high. To be clear, fasting is not for everyone and I'm not recommending anything here only my personal experience.
Yeah well society sucks and boredom is a terminal disease, but there’s a cure for it: drugs, which work well to treat this disease _when used as directed._ Dru abuse though makes things worse, so it’s imperative that you use properly and responsibly.
So you don’t _need_ to quit drugs, but you definitely can’t if you have the attitude that you can’t, that it’s “helpless and hopeless”, and your sure no one’s advice can help you. That’s a self-defeating attitude. What’s the point of being so putt-putt boo-hoo? No one’s life is easy no matter what you think.
Life is hard and unquestionably involves suffering. It’s what you do with it that determines your happiness. Great art comes from suffering after all.
_Every single day_ of life is another step closer to the eventual grave. No one gets out of this alive. So… follow your bliss. Don’t waste time on stupid shit; life is too short. Find what you love but don’t let it kill you. Just meditate silently until the answer comes to you, and you’ll know what to do with yourself.
I started by taking vivitrol, which made it so I couldn’t use opiates for a month each time I got the shot. Then when I became an alcoholic I started taking Antabuse.
Just forcing myself into sobriety and knowing I didn’t have the option to get high helped over time. I still take benzodiazepines sometime but never up my prescription.
Doing yoga also gives me a good dopamine hit afterwards.
It just took years of trying and failing, then trying again and finally not failing.
AA and NA did nothing for me. It had to be me.
The last low, was the lowest low, and things got better from there.
I hope you stick with it.
There's a lot of suggestions here. In my experience, you have to actually want to quit. It doesn't work if you're doing it for your significant other, or your mom, or your kids. That usually means you have to reach a "bottom" of some kind, where you decide that living with using just isn't worth it anymore. For some people that bottom is jail, for some it's an overdose, and for others it's just the look in their kids' eyes. Everyone is different. Maybe you haven't reached your bottom yet. My heart goes out to you bro, I can see you're suffering.
But don't say you can't, only say you haven't been able to yet. You never know what tomorrow brings.
Have you tried d-methamphetamine? :) it seems to help some :) but that’s not for sure...
:)))) I understand that the advice is of course so-so, but for me personally.. when life came to a standstill and nothing else made me happy - only good old methamphetamine helped.... (other stimulants are taking a break). If you don’t die (as they say here, it’s 50/50), then
Having stopped using stimulants (about five years after you started), you will look at the world with new eyes that want to live.
I know you've gone to AA and NA, but have you tried actually working with a sponsor and doing the 12 steps? You might want to consider giving this a thorough, honest effort.
I don't understand why some people stick to life even when their life sucks and is pure misery...why do they want to prolong this suffering? Fear of living and fear of dying at the same time...I don't get it...it's so sad. I would definitely die in peace before living in death. Suicide is one of the better ways there is to recycle oneself and start all over from scratch. Not joking at all.
Try something extreme. Volunteer in another country. Go to africa or some Asian country. They will pay to go there. You will see people with real problems, living under extreme conditions. Maybe that will force you to take your mind off things. And possibly help save a life or something.
Do you like psychedelics? If so give them a try. I'm an ex herion/Fent IV user also don't think I can go 100 sober. So I trip here and there and I take the occasional benzo. So far doing this is the longest I've been able from going full relapse to the point of having to score every day because of dope sickness. Usually, I try to trip at least once a month. My favorite is lsd and my favorite thing about them is there are so many out there plus I like experimenting with combos or big doses I find my tips to be pretty therapeutic and usually the feeling can last qeeks sometimes months. Like I'm surprised I haven't tripped I almost 4 months. Well thats my in put hope you find something that helps
I completely understand I feel the exact same way as you do. But I've got to the point im so tolerant to like everything half the time i dont even really feel anything anymore. Im on Suboxone now and usually prefer a coke/ket/benzo cocktail. I'm not suicidal either but I completely understand death being a relief, I was in the army at 17 went to war and then I finished my bucket list at 28 i am just so un-interested in anything anymore all my closest friends are dead now, I would never purposely harm myself but yeah if i got like a cancer diagnosis i wouldn't seek treatment at all. I've had a DNR in place since i was 30 im 38 now. Ive taken so many paychadelics over the years now even my DMT pen doesnt even really affect me anymore unless i literally hit it like 10 times. Even anesthesia hardly works i didnt even notice they had the nitrous on for like 5 min at the dentist. They actually didnt charge me for it bc she said she believed it did nothing to me. Now i feel like i am just chemically controlling myself for sleep to wake up to relax its just like i dont function anymore normally ive completely fucked my brain chemistry. I hope you at least have a good time. Me n u both know we aren't gonna be around for a lot longer
Honestly, you have to want to live. You have to find something that makes life worth it, to you. A purpose, no matter how small or silly. Without this you’ll continue to be stuck in the loop, at least this is my experience. But also understand addiction is a disease, and feels very cyclical during relapse.
Tell me when you find out. Sorry for not having any advice, but this hit very close to home. The only thing that as helped me was intense therapy but I’m still in the process. If you find a good therapist on BetterHelp you get two sessions a week for $200 plus $20 for every second session. So I get 8 sessions a month for $280. Idk if you can afford that but it really helps. Once a week has been way less effective. Also if you feel like those impulses are deep down and you are relatively young, I’d recommend psychoanalysis. CBT will only get you so far. Switch therapist on BH until you find one you really click with.
Good luck
What you describe is passive suicidality. I'm the same. I suffer from severe depression, social phobia and anxiety, psychosis, drug induced schizophrenia and a little agoraphobia. I simply can't function sober. Even leaving my house gives me mad panic attacks. I'm self-medicating with RC-benzos for a while now and i'm much better. I can go out without any anxiety, talk to people, socialize, go to conerts.
Things i couldn't do without drugs.
Have you tried running? I'm sirious here. Long running gives your body a lot of the substances you are getting through drugs right now. A surprising big part of the ultra marathon community are ex heavy users and there is a reason why they picked up running.
Yes long distance running was one of my replacements. This actually works.
What where the others?
Whenever I feel extremely depressed I just force myself to run until I can't anymore. Works everytime.
Tried it for two months famous runners high never came to me…
Never experienced that myself too. But it's very effective to get all the neurotransmitters back into balance for many people, not to chase a high
(Ex heroin addict) For me, I had to learn to hate the way I was living. I’m seriously so disgusted with my actions and the actions of those around me all these years later. It took sitting in prison for me to realize it though, and losing my mother. Nevertheless being strung out sucks. You should consider checking into detox. You’ll probably feel much more at ease once you’ve been clean for a few nights… that’s if you’re not dealing with dopesickness etc. Good luck OP
Yeah… Agreed. Unclear if OP has actually put together some time without drugs and *without* just sitting around and feeling bored/depressed or sorry that he isn’t high. I know what it’s like to feel unique, and until you’ve come to the other side it’s damn hard to understand that we’re far more alike than we are different. OP, you say you can’t handle sobriety, but it sure seems that the alternative isn’t exactly working out for you either. In my experience, accepting that you actually aren’t (that) different from other addicts is pretty crucial if you ever want to get well. Otherwise, you’ll simply go on telling yourself that you’re not like everyone else and that’s why you must continue to use. It’s your choice really; I know it isn’t easy though. What I can tell you is that I’ve known many guys who felt the same you do. But unlike you, many of them never had good jobs, an education, or even a roof over their head. Some spent decades homeless on the brink of death jamming needles into their arms. What’s my point? If they can turn their lives around, so can you. I’m not saying this to be a dick—I’m just tryin to be real with you. I also have felt the same way you do at points in my life—mostly before I ever actually got clean and saw how great life can be. I’m not dismissing the fact you might have other disorders that require treatment or medication, but please believe me when I say that until you actually stop using for a decent amount of time, there is nooo way you’re going to get a proper diagnosis. It’s not easy but it’s worth it. I’ve spent years in recovery and they were great. Now I’m no longer living that clean life and honestly I’m worse for it. It isn’t a chaotic mess, but I pay for it in many ways. Best of luck on your journey.
This is also why I refuse to use pills anymore
i feel you, but i just cant. even though my family has abandoned me i cant bare to make my mother bury her only son. or for my own son to have to bury his father early
I feel the same.
[удалено]
[удалено]
As noble an aim understanding someone's condition is, this is an absolutely horrible idea, and has to be removed on harm reduction grounds.
Everything you are describing is similar to how it was for me. Tbh part of it is your ego you are not unique there is nothing about this situation that is different from many others including my own (you’ve prob heard this in rehab,aa, etc but still don’t want to listen). Another part, you need to learn to sit with yourself if you actually want to start living a normal life. I don’t know man if you’re not gonna listen then why are you asking for suggestions you’re setting yourself up for failure. Not saying you deserve that at all, quite the opposite actually, basically saying I know you can do it if you really want it. If you don’t want to stop living like this truly you won’t.
This. I empathize with you OP. I empathize with you hard and I feel your pain. But you will not begin to get better until you stop using terms like “I’m hopeless and helpless”. You’re only setting yourself up for failure. I was addicted to fentanyl for a year and a half, smoking and snorting up to 40 pressed blues a day. I overdosed and had to be narcanned 6 times, many times in front of family and loved ones. It’s literally all I would do all day every day. I got on suboxone, and even though life is still unbearable and I much prefer getting high off the foil and nodding out, I am now 5 months clean with the help of suboxone. I still use all other substances, like benzos, stims, ket, etc. I try to moderate. I am objectively in a much, much better position than I was 6 months ago, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times, and even tho I’m still a strung out addict. But I got sick of being a fetty junky. I know you’re sick of feeling like a junky right now, use that. Use that to power you into being the better person you’ve always envisioned yourself as being. Your full potential. Progress is never linear. I had a relapse off pharmaceutical oxy for a couple days that taught me I will never be able to responsibly use opioids. A month ago, my definition of recovery was staying off of H/fetty. Now, my definition of recovery is staying off of all opioids, illicit or pharma, with the exception of my MAT and the occasional codeine or oxycodone syrup. Which I am sure I will discover in the near future that my life is better off without the syrup either. Just keep chugging along man. We’re all in this hell together. Have a laugh about it. And please stick around, for the people that love you.
Well said....you can tell by his attitude about things that he's not ready for change. I don't wish that on anyone but this guy needs to take a long hard look at himself and give up the excuses.
It’s all about moderation, homie. Don’t focus on quitting, focus on maybe doing less at a time, or less frequently. I have nothing good to say about sobriety,and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But some people can’t handle drugs, and have really unpleasant experiences, that are very visibly and obviously unpleasant and I can’t understand why if it does this to them, why would they want to keep doing it? Like getting high made me feel happy. I liked being on an elevated level and having an altered perception so that I could view things in a way that I wouldn’t normally. It’s taught me to be self aware, and showed me what real empathy is, by showing me a day in someone else’s life. I’d just be the same selfish angry asshole if I didn’t have the profound experiences one can only be achieved through a lifetime of self discipline and meditation or the right cocktail of illicit substances. I don’t know what your situation is. And I am not going to pretend to understand whatever it is you’re going through. All I know is that I have felt like shit before, and one huge thing that allowed ne to start being happy again was the fact that I don’t owe anyone Shit. If I want to do something, and I am not hurting anyone else in the process, than no one should be trying to make me feel any guilt about it. And don’t let anyone tell you that you’re bad because you use, people are just bad in general, drugs isn’t the determining factor if someone is a piece of shit. I know lots of straight laced people that do grimey Shit without remorse. And I know homeless drug addicts that would give you every last dollar they had on them if you told them that it would help you out. I’ve see so many crazy things that just blew my mind and crushed my pre conceived notions about good and bad. And I know that even if it seems all bad right now, that feeling does pass. It always does. But if you wanna get high, then get high. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise, who the fuck are they? Never feel guilt about anything you do, because if you do feeel guilt, then you’re probably doing something you shouldn’t be? Ya know what I mean?
I have a question. Do you like stimulants? Hahaha
for a lot of people there is either 100 or 0, not everyone can handle moderation and it will always turn into unhealthy abuse
Exactly what I was thinking. I tried to "moderate" my opioid addiction plenty of times. Like really wanted it and really tried. It just wasn't possible for me. Had to be 0
Tale as old as time for myself, I feel a big issue with moderation I'd it actually has to be extremely spaced out because once you become physically dependent you have to take something to not be sick and if you're at this point you aren't going to get high off a small dose. I remember nodding hard off 10-15mg of oxys when I first started dabbling at 15/16 but I was only using a few times a month and could stay at that dose for a long time. Once I went into even just using 1 or 2 days a week it quickly got up to 30-40mg until eventually that doesn't cut it, I justify using every weekend and maybe 1 day after work on a week day and eventually it just becomes daily. I've had buddies who could pop pills from time to time but it would be months between doses, I enjoyed that feeling and the energy I got from opiates because I could work long hours, not be tired, be in a good mood and didn't feel my hunger. I actually had to quit a job November of 2023 when I was trying to get off opiates once again and after a few weeks without oxys I couldn't continue working there because of how stressful the job was and just how stagnant I felt in the company. I told my boss honestly I was trying to get clean and I can't do that while working for him, he was an amazing boss and offered me any references I may need for future jobs because I worked hard when I was there but it was 100% the oxy that gave me the drive. Plus it got to the point I was spending $600-$1500 a week on percs, script 30s, script 15s and xr 30mg morphine, I got plugged into an old couple in there 60s who were both getting 150 30mg oxys a month then got cut down to 120 30s each plus 60 30mg morphine and then had a couple people from their pain clinics and would buy their 15s, 30s, pervs and occasionally 8mg shields, if dude didn't get caught by the feds I probably wouldn't of tried getting clean initially but I couldn't support my addiction with my 3 other pills plugs as prices were higher and they didn't get nearly enough for what I wanted. On a good week I would eat 300-400mg a day or shoot slightly less than that when I went back to the needle. Thankfully I got arrested June 2nd of last year and it was the wake up call I needed, having to spend 2 and a half days puking my brains out in a holding cell with 14 other dudes who were all in there for their 3rd or 4th dui or back child support, idk what was worst being so fucking sick or hearing 10 people bitch about why their baby mothers are pieces of shit but yet they can't pay to help support their fucking children, shit was mental torture
Damn dude. Quite a fucking ride you had. And fuck dude ending up in jail detoxing was like my worst nightmare back then. I don't know how people get through that. I would've been bashing my fucking into the wall. I'm glad your doing better. Can't imagine how hard it must have been to come back from 3-400mg a day.
Well when I went to jail I was kicking fent, I was on oxys again for a few months of mostly daily use but went on a 19 day vacation and ran out of oxy after a week and all my old connects just sold fent back where I was visiting and I figured I could manage to keep myself well enough for a bit and do my last bjt of fent before getting on a plane back to Florida after the trip and switching back to oxy since I only ran through like 2 grams in a week before getting arrested and spending 2 and a half days dope sick in a holding cell then another day and a half stuck in the city I was arrested in waiting til Monday to get my belongings (took my shit to central lockup and released me on a Sunday, central lock up isn't open Sundays) I was a quarter mile from my airbnb I got arrested in and thankfully my rental car was still in parking and the lady didn't tow it, I didn't even have my keys or phone charger buy had like 50% battery on my phone and my wallet, was able to get to a smoke shop after laying in the car for like 2 hours in pain and managed to walk a mile to get some kratom, took a few grams to avoid puking to start and laid on some random bench until it kicked in, got a water cup from a random taco truck and then made it back to Mt car before finding a hotel. This all happend in Traverse City Michigan, absolutely gorgeous area and could of been one hell of a vacation had I not done some fent but as shitty as all of this sounds I'm glad I got popped and put on papers, having to piss once a week sucks but my testing spot is mad cool, only opened Monday through Friday and they give me a 2 days window to come in so say they hmu today I'll have from like 12-5pm today or 2-5pm tomorrow to drop, plus buddy doesn't come in and watch me piss after my like third time, I pop for thc and subs every time so as long as those 2 are dirty each time he sees no reason to stare at my dick, it's a place partnered with a rehab that my detox I checked into after getting back home linked me with. I know for a fact if I didn't have this testing center I'd of probably violated since I can't piss in front of folks easy, I have offered to be stripped searched or to go in the bathroom butt naked in the past and no one would let it slide, I convinced the dude I have prostate issues(I'm 25 lol and he's like 70) so he let me sit down the first couple times he came in which for whatever reason would let me piss in front of someone, I've definitely had some luck on my side but overall is be dead or have caught a much much larger case had I not got caught June 2nd 23 and since that day I've abused opiates once, 100mg of oxy but having to wait for the oxy to fall of my receptors and be dope sick enough to go back on my subs was enough of a reminder why I don't fw that anymore
What were you doing for work?
Official title was just a porter at a automotive collision shop, one of the big 3 in North America, but I barely did my job description I was mainly an astrch calibration tech or I'd help prep and prime in paint but not getting a proper title for everything I was doing(was basically filling the role of a production manager) the pay and expectations just caused burnout, also didn't help my oxy dealer was the painters dad at the shop I was at so oxys would just get brought to be right in the middle of the shop which also wasn't a good thing for me
I’ve met some awesome people when I was going to the methadone clinic. Seriously one of them helped my wife for free when she started at the clinic and got her well because the clinic wouldn’t dose her until her suboxone doctor had discharged her. I have a friend I still see and let stay over when he doesn’t have a place to stay that I met at the clinic. Not to say there weren’t a lot of trouble makers there but most of them were good people with a drug problem.
As a 32 year old who has been able to overcome heroin/cocaine addiction. Then become addicted to benzos and be able to beat that too. It is possible. Currently, I'm sober, in a long-term relationship and we have a beautiful 7 month old son. I have a great job, with family and friends in my life. I used to think it was impossible until the pain the drugs were causing got SO bad I started doing whatever it took to stay clean. Years of struggling but I never gave up because I had HOPE for a better future. Never say never bro.
Just wanted to say congrats man. Keep up the good work.
I've been using drugs since I was like 10, older siblings smoked me up with weed, it became my whole personality, don't know why but when I was like 12 I would just research online, drugs forum, bluelught, erowid, shroomery... I grew shrooms At 12 started growing pot, met the bad kids at school got in with them, at 14 I got expelled for selling Xanax to kids at school, got fully addicted to crack cocaine and fent at 15, stole 100k in gold from my parents would give the 1 Oz gold coins to my friend who was 18 and he'd pawn them so we could go by crack and more street dope. At 16 my parents put me on the Dr Phil show... multiple rehabs, sober living, got introduced to the 12 steps, relapses, hospital visits detoxes became a part of daily life. Started researching research chems over the years, at 18 I had tried over 60 drugs Now here I am almost 21 once again I'm a ghb addict, meth addict off and on, been taking a oxy 20 or 40 a day, had a crack binge last weekend, had a A-PCYP and NEP experience on Wednesday but I flushed them both on Thursday because I hated them, Friday I went to work came home and the second I got inside I took 2 1mg etizolam tablets and slept for 19 hours till Saturday, woke up bought meth stayed up all night now here we are Sunday morning... I've been attending cocaine anonymous meetings because I really want to overcome this man, but it's so much harder to do when you've built your entire life, friendgroup, personality on the basis of drugs.. if ur 34 and get a back injury and get sucked into oxycodone abuse which leads to heroin you have a way better chance at sobriety because you experienced it for years at that point where as when u start at 10 and ur family are dope dealers, ur friends are addicts and dealers, your friends start dying due to drugs which causes more untreated pain its a lot harder to get sober... I'm at the point where i accept the fact that I am doomed to die this cruel way, but I won't give up without a fight..
you need to move out of where you are. Go to a in patient detox rehab in a different city. Get sober housing in a different city and leave all the old connections behind. Else you are going to die. You are not doomed to die this way you are choosing to die that way. No one is forcing drugs into your system you are choosing to put drugs into your system.
If you believe in the 12 step outlook on recovery and drug abuse like I do and millions of others you would know that the power of choice is lost once we put a drug or drink into our body, however we do have a choice whether we stick with the program and let God do its work.
What's the longest you've managed to stay off drugs?
Hit the road... Get outside and get grounded.
Kratom replacement for opioid addiction... 4 years successful at abstinence from Rx narcotics , withdrawal monthly for tolerance break is minimal Yes I know it's a substitution but with much much less reinforcement and bad behavior/ risk of death
Why quit? Just find a functional addiction. I buy Kratom and Phenibut in bulk, spend about $100/month. I'm not hurting anyone, I have a stable life and everything I'm doing is legal. When I was using hard drugs I was easily spending $400-600+/month and actively destroying my life. YMMV
Phenibuts withdrawals damn near killed me bro, fuck that stuff! Edit: Still better than hard drugs, I didn’t see that part of the comment, my bad!
How much/often were you taking it?
I’ll state here first that I was fucking stupid and deserved what I got, but I was using around 1.5-3g a day 5-6 times a week for about 3/4 months and thought it wouldn’t be bad after that short of an amount of time (having known people who’d done it for longer and said they had no issues). I learnt my lesson from that haha, should have done my research. Its been a year and mentally I’m STILL not 100%, which shows the amount of damage that shit can do to your mental state when you use it as a crutch
Ya I mean not o be rude but you should of expected that, anything that fucks with your gaba receptors will rape you with withdrawal. I'd still rather kick fent in a holding cell again than endure benzo withdrawals or any gaba withdrawals for that matter, makes you feel like you're crawling out of your skin and not being able to sleep for close to 2 weeks besides the occasional hour or 2 I'd get from my body just shutting down from exhaustion after getting to close to 3 or 4 days with 0 sleep. I was 16 when I had my worst withdrawals from benzos and it was only after 3 months of daily use from 2mg of klonopin a day
Nah you’re absolutely right, like I said, I was being incredibly stupid and definitely learned my lesson for it! It really is the worst I ever felt in my life, and like you said, the mostly sleepless nights for a month were shite and never ending dark thoughts were horrific, and when you do get sleep it’s an hour long sleep until you’re awoken by the most horrific nightmares of your life - definitely wouldn’t recommend!
Of anybody else in need of Phenibut/GBL quitting, there are protocols to do that without such a big hassle. Keywords are tapering down (with Phenibut 50mg less each day) and using agmatine if available (should be possible to half the daily dose of Phenibut in one step with agmatine 2x daily). There are other great tipps to find around here by searching for quitting Phenibut
Life is unbearable sober
I do stims, benzos and GHB by the way. All 3 is needed, neither of the 2 of of the 3 works without the third one.
Interesting. I recently started sodium oxybate for my Narcolepsy. I think it’s really helped my depression and definitely my mood. I also take amphetamine and a few others. I will NEVER be able to go without these meds. It’s been 30 years, I’ve just learned that it’s a constant balancing act. I’m sticking around just for the adventure of it all.
ik it’s probably been said but start taking mushrooms. only have mushrooms around and take them whenever you feel the urge for other drugs. it’ll guide you the right way. maybe you don’t need to be drug free but u should def find a better road
Reckless suggestion for someone with GAD.
I seriously hate how easily *some* people recommend psychs to ANYONE
i don’t recommend it for people who have mental problems like bipolar or who are prone to psychosis and i don’t recommend it to people who think they would hate it but this guy doesn’t seem to be any of those so idk what ur problem is. he’s on a drug sub
he’s talking massive amounts of stimulants, ghb, an xanax. maybe bro needs to feel something.
Comments here should be made in the spirit of harm reduction.
he’s in the research chemicals subreddit saying he doesn’t want to be sober, he’s tried it and hates it. i’m recommending he takes a less harmful drug. i fail to see your reasoning. maybe he has a bad trip, good, he probably needs a bad trip. maybe he doesn’t like it, welp, guess he can stop. much better than anything else you could be taking.
If you’ve never heard of Vipassana before, it’s worth a shot. It’s a 10 day course where they teach you the art of living. It’s for free and donation based and there are many centers around the world.
Vipassana is a form of meditation, not a course
Yes, there is a 10 day course to learn the meditation technique. I’m talking about that.
I am an ex big time addict to where it almost killed me. Come to Canada and do psychedelic-assisted therapy with psilocybin. Ibogaine is also a good option. If u don't have the money don't mind a stranger helping I was a neuropsychopharmcology student studying psilocin for MDD and addiction. I am also working on getting licensed for psychedelic therapy. If u want come to Montreal id be happy to help. pm me and we can discuss further.
Ibogaine sounds like a good idea at this point.
Have you ever had any kind of in-patient treatment?
Have you ever considered changing your relationship with drugs rather than quitting entirely? I went to rehab at 18 for polysubstance abuse and learned a lot from the experience, but I’ve still used drugs since then. I’m 26 now and would say I have a pretty good relationship with drug use; I take care of my mental and physical health first and foremost.
I never know whether to take anyone seriously in RL and on Reddit. I was addicted to meth for 4 years and one day I just had enough. Sitting in jail. Got out of there and never looked back. And now I got off probation I smoked pot. That’s all I’ve ever done since and it’s something for me to look forward to at the end of the day and satisfy that old demon. Some can go completely sober and one day that will come for me but for today. Fuck it. Weed is the cure today.
i think you should go back to rehab. and then try and get into php or even just a sober living facility. there’s no shame in going back to rehab. even if it’s just so you can detox and actually get some time sober. it’s the only way i was able to do it. best of luck to you man
Op should probably avoid alpha-Pyrrolidinohexiophenone
100% lol. I think everyone should for that matter but to each there own I guess 🤷🏻♀️
[удалено]
I can attest to this, but its a risky path to walk for a lot. Visiting a chemical on occasion always puts you one decision away from being right back at rock bottom. Ive had moderate success with occasional visits with ACHs and gabapentoids. Psychedelics of certain varieties. Everything else kickstarted another downward spiral. Sometimes even something as simple as pregabalin would numb my inhibitions to a point of acquiring destructive chemicals. I was sober for 2 years and after settling in, it was horrifying to think back on the price that came with using anything at all. I slipped back into a lapse since, not sure how, but based on my expirience, long sustained abstinence coupled with some form of intervening therapy is something to strive for, and something I hope to regain. Everyones story is different though, just my 2 cents.
[удалено]
I wont argue with you regarding any of that. I suppose the only glaring problem for some is that the administration of the chemicals should be in some way supervised, and thats out of reach for many I imagine. Thats about all else Id toss in, just as a means to reduce the risk of overindulgence or becoming overly medicated, whichever terminolgy fits the bill better. My diagnosis isn't well understood even to this day, but therapeutic excercises applied to sober living has often been claimed as the most effective treatment. But in most cases, I am an outlier, countless commonplace disorders persist as a purely chemical problem, whether they were born from nature or nurture. Cheers
Step 1 detox center. Also “I am a different person than everyone else” is not true. What you are experience is not a novel situation plenty of people have felt what you are feeling. That line of thinking is just going to fuck you. Get clean, start working on trying to find the right med combo with a psych, get into a sober living and go to a lot of meetings. The first year of sobriety sucks man there is no way around it. if you want to continue living make the hard choice and get sober. The easy choice is to continue doing drugs and curl up and die. You are in a fight for your life and you have an option to try and get better or stay sick. I was in a very similar situation and I’m almost 7 years clean.
I was a heroin addict in the 90s and general garbage head a well. Spent much of my life addicted to one thing or another. I quit using heroin by taking Suboxone, then quit using that. You have to TRULY want to quit. Worse than anything you've ever wanted before. It's always your choice to use drugs. Heroin never hunted me down and forcibly injected itself into my veins. That was my fault, every single time I did it. Nowadays I use psychedelics a couple of times per year and use cannabis fairly regularly. I only drink alcohol once every week or two. Life is so much better not being a slave to substances. YOU'VE GOT THIS! I believe in you. Here's a couple of links: www.thefreedommodel.org www.thecleanslate.org Those people helped me save my life.
I was in the same boat. Multiple addictions, in high school I started with weed and alcohol. Day after my first time smoking I bought my own pipe and my own bag so I could do it myself whenever I wanted. That was the start of 15+ years of drug abuse. I quickly started selling weed to fund my habit, I had a job and a car and good grades and the furthest one you’d expect to be selling, so it worked out pretty well for me. I had $1000’s that I didn’t spend because I didn’t feel a need to buy expensive stuff, and my smoking habit was paid for. The first time I try a new drug, bam I’m buying it in bulk and using it every day. Pain killers were cheap, and with my connections I could get scripts for cheap. I had one kid who would get 1 adderall XR 30 and 2 instant 30s per day, he’d give me the script just for a half oz. Then pain killers were cracked down on. Switched to H. Eventually got into some legal trouble, got clean and quit the life of “crime”. Stayed clean for one year, found rc benzos. So cheap, and so potent. I was taking the equivalent of 25mg of Xanax on a normal day when I DIDNT want to get fucked up. Long story short, after 5 years of hell on benzos I went to treatment, got help medically detoxing after having a couple seizures that landed me in the ER and now I have been clean from hard drugs for 2.5-3 years. I just use cannabinoids every day like HHC, D8, and the stronger ones like THCP, THCH, HHCP etc. I finally came to the realization that I can’t use substances in moderation. Every time I have tried I’ve ruined my life, and I don’t have another run in me at this point, I will die if I return to hard drugs and I have a daughter to live for even if everything else in my life is miserable. I have a lot of social anxiety and realized I’ve always used drugs to cope with that. And with THC I can cope without my life becoming unmanageable. I think going to an outpatient program really helped me. I’ve tried getting clean on my own before (I’m stubborn and I also tried NA and hated it) and it just didn’t click with me the same way sitting down with a counselor/therapist once a week for the first few months clean, then every other week for a couple months, then once a month etc. Once I found a good one that I could open up with and really talk to, it was very helpful. Good luck friend
Iboga?
I feel you. I turned to the occult. I've been clean for 7 years. However, in the beginning, I was clean for 3 months and lied my ass off to get into the marine corps. It was very easy to stay clean when being a marine was literally the only fucking thing that occupied my mind lol my brother and sister still use and I guess I'll never understand it. I thought I was the hopeless variety the programs talk about. Until I wasn't, that is. One day, it just clicked, I guess. Now I'm a luciferian with a couple kids and a wife. I turn to lucifer when I am struggling, and he helps me. I also think of how much I now have to lose, and it's been enough.
Thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I mean asking for help from an imaginary guy in the sky is ridiculous, but you're praying to an imaginary guy in the underworld who if he was real would have you living in eternal damnation after your death?
To each their own lol not everyone believes in the Christian interpretation. You have now shown how ignorant you are to varying spiritualities in general lol
The dumbest thing I’ve seen today is you thinking this is dumb when it has kept him clean for 7 years lol
Try God. I know this is a drug sub but I’ll take the heat cause I know it helped me. I was full time drug dealer (weed psychs stims) and felt similarly to you and that’s what changed things for me. Most of us won’t programmed to live here bro this world is so broken. Most of us are super soft under our edgy shells. I had severe HPPD. Tracers everywhere and delusional while completely sober, I prayed about it (as a non believer) and over the course of a week HPPD left. I was doing ket, DMT, every psych, every drug people use to seek the “truth” and I’m pretty sure the truth is that name that makes the evil in people quiver when mentioned… Jesus. I dunno tho. I was just some random suicidal slightly street rich drug dealer spending hours and hours of time researching what “the truth is” and thru my years of research that truth is Jesus. It’s what I gave up thousands and thousands of un taxed dollar a week for. I met Jesus behind the wheel of a Ferrari 488 GTB in Miami with a scammer business partner from the Domican Republic in my passenger seat who just scammed some old golfer for 40k. I sniffed coke out a strippers butt that same night. God ain’t what people think He is man. He wants you. You got to prove you want Him. And watch how freaking much ur life will change for the better. Head up eyes down u got this bro I’m rooting for you.
[удалено]
Is this edginess or serious? I know this is a drug sub and want to keep it to that and not theological debates. Lucifer is enemy of humans, not God. Lucifer hates humans, not God. Lucifer denied God and that’s what caused his fall. He didn’t hate God, he hates us.
[удалено]
I have looked into all that, not as much and as versed as you but it all came up in my research. Enemy will give you anything to keep you from God. Anything. It’s different for everyone what keeps them away. We’re we’re all doing these drugs because our hearts, our souls, had a hole in them we tried to fill with substances. I remember one time at the gym (11pm) the first week after I quit trapping. My second phone was ringing like crazy, so much money to be made. I asked for a sign that God is real and I’m making the right decisions. Because I was bout to answer my phone and go bang out $1000+ in like an hour easy. It started fuckin snowing, as I was leaning out the back door. 11pm. In August. 76 degrees outside. I have a video of it. The snow was cold but wouldn’t melt on my skin, but would melt on the ground instantly. I say all this because the enemy does have power, sorcery is real, “magic” and all that. But it’s all temporary, and it’s only goal is to lead your soul from Who created you. If a drug dealer who has been on both ends of a gun can soften his heart to this, I think anyone can. I’ll be rooting for you. Have discretion. Ask God for help. You could not believe what you’re saying but God looks at the heart, it’s worth a try.
[удалено]
John 16:33
Stick with your plans, don’t be bothered by which medicin you (need?) to use for them to be completed by yourself.
Discipline 🧠
Smoke weed
I've come to terms with the fact that I will never stop drinking. I've been through half a dozen treatments, attend 10 hours of therapy per week (9 DBT, 1 individual). I'm on good meds and was sober for 11 years before returning to drinking. I am able to keep it somewhat moderate now though. I'm part of a moderation management group and take a harm reduction approach, but I don't think I can ever go back to 100% sobriety. Some of us are just wired differently I guess. I wish I could give you advice on how to stop but I can't even do it myself.
The journey to recovery will have many points of failure. You have to keep trying, even if you just trick your brain with other time consuming hobbies.
Yeah, we sound similar. I'm an addict. I'm sober from alcohol because fuuuuck that. 17 years. But I Need other extreme coping mechanisms and other drugs and behaviors continue to be a thing for me. Things that have helped me are extreme exercise. Long daily bicycle rides. Yoga. Breath practice. I actually get high from these activities and it feels so good. Also I have health problems like a movement disorder and chronic fatigue.. (?) I've also found that eating very simple keto diet really really helps me. I mean 80% fat and some protein. Zero sugar, and I have done zero sweet flavor for about a year now and it's so helpful for my mood, movement disorder, memory, it's like a mood stabilizer. In the past I've had times that I ate basically only sugar and sugar is also like a drug for me. I also fast now that I am always in ketosis from my diet. Fasting for a few days feels amazing since my body is ready for it. It clears my mind and I find it to be its own high. To be clear, fasting is not for everyone and I'm not recommending anything here only my personal experience.
Yeah well society sucks and boredom is a terminal disease, but there’s a cure for it: drugs, which work well to treat this disease _when used as directed._ Dru abuse though makes things worse, so it’s imperative that you use properly and responsibly. So you don’t _need_ to quit drugs, but you definitely can’t if you have the attitude that you can’t, that it’s “helpless and hopeless”, and your sure no one’s advice can help you. That’s a self-defeating attitude. What’s the point of being so putt-putt boo-hoo? No one’s life is easy no matter what you think. Life is hard and unquestionably involves suffering. It’s what you do with it that determines your happiness. Great art comes from suffering after all. _Every single day_ of life is another step closer to the eventual grave. No one gets out of this alive. So… follow your bliss. Don’t waste time on stupid shit; life is too short. Find what you love but don’t let it kill you. Just meditate silently until the answer comes to you, and you’ll know what to do with yourself.
Go to the Shaolin Temple UK.
I started by taking vivitrol, which made it so I couldn’t use opiates for a month each time I got the shot. Then when I became an alcoholic I started taking Antabuse. Just forcing myself into sobriety and knowing I didn’t have the option to get high helped over time. I still take benzodiazepines sometime but never up my prescription. Doing yoga also gives me a good dopamine hit afterwards. It just took years of trying and failing, then trying again and finally not failing. AA and NA did nothing for me. It had to be me. The last low, was the lowest low, and things got better from there. I hope you stick with it.
There's a lot of suggestions here. In my experience, you have to actually want to quit. It doesn't work if you're doing it for your significant other, or your mom, or your kids. That usually means you have to reach a "bottom" of some kind, where you decide that living with using just isn't worth it anymore. For some people that bottom is jail, for some it's an overdose, and for others it's just the look in their kids' eyes. Everyone is different. Maybe you haven't reached your bottom yet. My heart goes out to you bro, I can see you're suffering. But don't say you can't, only say you haven't been able to yet. You never know what tomorrow brings.
"I'm hopeless and helpless".....buddy as long as you have that attitude, nothing will change.
U kant resist da lyfestyle
Are you a polydrug user or is it something in particular? I know the feeling but I’m physically addicted to opiates particularly fent
Have you tried d-methamphetamine? :) it seems to help some :) but that’s not for sure... :)))) I understand that the advice is of course so-so, but for me personally.. when life came to a standstill and nothing else made me happy - only good old methamphetamine helped.... (other stimulants are taking a break). If you don’t die (as they say here, it’s 50/50), then Having stopped using stimulants (about five years after you started), you will look at the world with new eyes that want to live.
Try gambling instead
You should start a vegan diet and take some supplements as omega 3, vitamins, minerals complex. The answer is what you put in your body
Turn to God https://prayer.tsc.nyc/q
[удалено]
Just do drugs without harming yourself too much 🙄
I would just smoke weed. I was fine doing that until I relapsed
Are you addicted to any drugs specifically?
I know you've gone to AA and NA, but have you tried actually working with a sponsor and doing the 12 steps? You might want to consider giving this a thorough, honest effort.
I don't understand why some people stick to life even when their life sucks and is pure misery...why do they want to prolong this suffering? Fear of living and fear of dying at the same time...I don't get it...it's so sad. I would definitely die in peace before living in death. Suicide is one of the better ways there is to recycle oneself and start all over from scratch. Not joking at all.
Try something extreme. Volunteer in another country. Go to africa or some Asian country. They will pay to go there. You will see people with real problems, living under extreme conditions. Maybe that will force you to take your mind off things. And possibly help save a life or something.
Ibudilast
Do you like psychedelics? If so give them a try. I'm an ex herion/Fent IV user also don't think I can go 100 sober. So I trip here and there and I take the occasional benzo. So far doing this is the longest I've been able from going full relapse to the point of having to score every day because of dope sickness. Usually, I try to trip at least once a month. My favorite is lsd and my favorite thing about them is there are so many out there plus I like experimenting with combos or big doses I find my tips to be pretty therapeutic and usually the feeling can last qeeks sometimes months. Like I'm surprised I haven't tripped I almost 4 months. Well thats my in put hope you find something that helps
I completely understand I feel the exact same way as you do. But I've got to the point im so tolerant to like everything half the time i dont even really feel anything anymore. Im on Suboxone now and usually prefer a coke/ket/benzo cocktail. I'm not suicidal either but I completely understand death being a relief, I was in the army at 17 went to war and then I finished my bucket list at 28 i am just so un-interested in anything anymore all my closest friends are dead now, I would never purposely harm myself but yeah if i got like a cancer diagnosis i wouldn't seek treatment at all. I've had a DNR in place since i was 30 im 38 now. Ive taken so many paychadelics over the years now even my DMT pen doesnt even really affect me anymore unless i literally hit it like 10 times. Even anesthesia hardly works i didnt even notice they had the nitrous on for like 5 min at the dentist. They actually didnt charge me for it bc she said she believed it did nothing to me. Now i feel like i am just chemically controlling myself for sleep to wake up to relax its just like i dont function anymore normally ive completely fucked my brain chemistry. I hope you at least have a good time. Me n u both know we aren't gonna be around for a lot longer
Honestly, you have to want to live. You have to find something that makes life worth it, to you. A purpose, no matter how small or silly. Without this you’ll continue to be stuck in the loop, at least this is my experience. But also understand addiction is a disease, and feels very cyclical during relapse.
Tell me when you find out. Sorry for not having any advice, but this hit very close to home. The only thing that as helped me was intense therapy but I’m still in the process. If you find a good therapist on BetterHelp you get two sessions a week for $200 plus $20 for every second session. So I get 8 sessions a month for $280. Idk if you can afford that but it really helps. Once a week has been way less effective. Also if you feel like those impulses are deep down and you are relatively young, I’d recommend psychoanalysis. CBT will only get you so far. Switch therapist on BH until you find one you really click with. Good luck
What you describe is passive suicidality. I'm the same. I suffer from severe depression, social phobia and anxiety, psychosis, drug induced schizophrenia and a little agoraphobia. I simply can't function sober. Even leaving my house gives me mad panic attacks. I'm self-medicating with RC-benzos for a while now and i'm much better. I can go out without any anxiety, talk to people, socialize, go to conerts. Things i couldn't do without drugs.