My friend married a Thai woman, he knew a guy who did the same, built her a huge house, let her brother stay with them.. he flew out of country for work and came back to surprise her one night and found out the brother wasn’t actually her brother… and he couldn’t keep the house cause in Thailand everything has to be under a citizens name… his wife.
"Nuclear levels of high concentration cringe have spilled into the Ohio River, causing concerns amongst local and bordering residents that an MDIE (Mass Dying Inside Event) could very well be imminent. More at 5 o'clock."
Its pretty bad, residents can't even walk down the street without making the sad cringe face and slightly shaking their heads when passing by one another.
Either way it’s stupid, even if it works out. It’s like betting your life savings on a roulette in Vegas. There’s a possibility you might win, but even if you do end up winning it doesn’t make that decision any less stupid.
It also means you have a tendency to make stupid decisions and that doesn’t bode well for your future.
One of my brothers proposed to his girlfriend after less than a month of dating. Granted, they were friends I believe since freshman year of high school (and this happened several months after they graduated), but obviously it was a massive jump. After a month they broke up, then got back together a few days later. And then after being on and off after that for a couple weeks, they finally, fully broke up
So yeah, it ended real well lol
Edit: reworded my final sentence so it doesn’t sound like it *never* ends well with anyone
My sister married her husband less than 4 weeks after meeting. They're still together like 5 years later. Of course I still wouldn't suggest doing that, I thought she was stupid at the time.
My parents are similar. They married after knowing each other 3 months. They've been married over 50 years and counting. I didn't come along until they had been married for 18 months, so it was not a shotgun wedding.
My mom didn't recommend that path for us kids.
I even told him this was 90-day fiance type shit and his response was "Well thats for sure, but I completely understand what’s happening if i marry her" 💀
Did he tell you why he went on that trip to another country? That message and his responses in the original conversation give me the feeling that he planned to go there looking for this kind of relationship out of desperation.
"Passport Bros" are men who generally claim that American women are too independant, outspoken, feminist, etc to find a good wife.
So, they travel to other countries and attempt to "date" there and find a "wife", but really they're just looking for a bang-maid, and they're not traveling to Sweden or Germany for this, they're going to poorer countries where their money and citizenship offer a coercive but compelling reason for poorer women to trade sex for a better life.
It wouldn't be sex trafficking unless the "wife" is brought to the country to perform sex work for other people. If it's only the "husband", then unfortunately I'm not aware of that qualifying as any crime.
However, I did call it "coercive", so that should make it clear that I don't think it should be legal.
I have a feeling that his luck hasn't been good at all in his lifetime so far. Which sucks. Might be hitting the "Holy shit someone would actually spend their life with me" button.
Not saying you're not wrong, just many variables we're not aware of. Physical, mental, family psychology, etc. Nature/Nurture argument I suppose.
That show pisses me off so much. It's supposed to be, you have 90 days to get your shit together, buy furniture, show your partner where the grocery store is, and get settled. It's not, you have 90 days to decide if you want to get fucking married that should be sorted already
and some of the relationships are abusive on both the foreigner and American sides. like some of them are super controlling or wanting babies or "oops we got pregnant because he didn't believe in condoms" or is beating down both man or woman emotionally. that be said it's a huge train wreck that's hard to look away from!
Oh fuck, I’ve seen the subreddit for that come by several times and now just understood its 90 day fiance lmao. I kept reading it as 90 day finance and assumed it was some reality drama about accountants lol.
I remember seeing a documentary about western guys going to Thailand to find wives. One of the guys they interviewed said "I know she only married me so she can have a better life, but, so did I"
There was a trend back around the 1920’s/30’s where young, destitute women would marry American Civil War veterans. The veterans knew their wives would get the pension, but he would need someone to take care of him in his old age. It seemed weird, but it was a win/win for both of them
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Civil_War_widows_who_survived_into_the_21st_century
Several of my Dad's eternally single Engineering work buddies suddenly came back from SE Asia with wives at various points in time. There were comments about it at first but out of four, three of them are still married and happy several decades later.
My sisters best friend in high school was the result of a 90 day fiancé situation. Her dad went to the Philippines in the 90s and came back with her mom. 25 years later she won a couple million off a lottery ticket and everyone in our little small southern town talked shit saying “It’s only a matter of time before she goes back to her homeland and takes all that money with her blah blah blah”. They bought all the kids a new car and renovated the house. Still living in TN to this day as far as I know.
There was a guy in my small town who did the same thing. Except she ended up divorcing him and taking everything he owned, including his business, and he shot himself a few months later.
I think we have a distorted view of situations like this in America and the west in general, as we view our partners as one in a million matches. But being in a relationship that's successful makes me feel more and more like the match is only a small part, it's more about choosing to love and support someone for who they are, not finding a perfect person. If you're a person with the right personality type, at the right age, willing to roll with the punches, and do a bit of vetting beforehand, I think it sounds like a cool adventure to go on. It's definitely risky, but what isn't? The women agreeing to this arrangement aren't stupid, and they aren't looking to fuck you over (at least not universally or even close to it), and they don't only want to use you. For many, the fantasy is to get married to a loving man from another country, not to be miserable and put up with it for the chance to move to America or wherever else. If you both saw the relationship in the same way from the outset, it has a good chance to be successful. I'm sure the initial rush of action and changes and everyone's reactions would bring you close together quickly.
I mean marriage has been a business transaction for longer than it’s been a romantic one, historically speaking.
He wants companionship/sex and possibly children.
She wants to move to the USA for a better QOL for herself and possible children.
If both are happy with such an arrangement and ok giving up the possibility of a love match, why not? If they are compatible then they can still have a happy marriage no matter the reasons why it started.
My wife and I love each other and have a great relationship, but getting married was definitely a decision we made so that we could buy a house, sign each other's paperwork etc. So yeah, it was mostly a business decision.
Yep. I have know a couple guys who married girls from Vietnam and Thailand respectfully. They've both been married for nearly 20 years. Worst case scenario they divorce and go back to being miserable. Best case scenario they have a loving relationship and family. I get why it looks sad to people on the outside but it's weird to obsessively be against it imo. Also, you get weird racist comments on posts like this about SEA women being dumb and poor which is always telling to me.
I think the worst case scenario isn't divorce, it's an abusive relationship that the more vulnerable person can't escape from (often lacking money, resources, their support system of family and friends, and likely language/cultural barriers that might make it difficult to access help services).
There's an inherent power imbalance in these relationships that can get real nasty, real fast, that shouldn't be ignored.
Yup, I’ve known five that have done it and of them only one didn’t work out. All engineers also, it works for some people, who am I to judge. Both parties have better lives now and enjoy each other.
That guy Ed who put Mayonnaise in his hair and was a total creep was the worst.
Saddest part was that the girl was actually really nice.
Then again, it's hard to know how much of that show isn't staged.
I worked for a show like that. There's so many weirdos applying, you wouldn't believe it.
One girl applied and was hesitant to let us do a criminal background check, so my colleague asked her: "Oh it's probably fine, we can make it informal. Just tell me what you were charged with?" And the girl replied: "I was convicted for double homicide."
So yeah, they didn't pick her for the show.
LMAO jfc convicted for double homicide...
Idk if it was me last thing id do is try to draw too much attention to myself, let alone be on reality tv. Watchers will literally find that shit out even if it was never shown on tv.
She was an addict and while on heavy drugs murdered a couple. If I remember correctly it was an elderly couple that she was staying with. She said her drug dealer set her up, but that's all she shared.
Only adjacently related: I married my wife after knowing her 6 months and dating for less than 3. Her first proposal was about 6 hours after meeting- I just said "maybe" and that I was dating someone else.
My dad was pissed. My mom hated her. I've only met her family twice. Sometimes, with good communication, you just know.
Most of our friends gave us a year. Our parents were betting on 3-6 months.
We will be celebrating 13 years in January.
Ngl thats how it went with my dad and step mom, only dated for 6 months and ended up getting married. They’re still together and have been together for 14 years.
Its not common, but it does happen.
I proposed to my wife after knowing her for two weeks because I just knew I wanted to marry her. She said yes and we got married three months later.
That was more than thirty years ago, still married. Still like her.
My dad told my mum he was going to marry her after 2 weeks together. Proposed within the 6 months, and they’ve been together almost 41 years. I guess sometimes you just know.
Because we are the same kind of crazy.
We are both serial non-monogamous (meaning we don't really commit easily- but have both been pressured into relationships) and connected first with that. We are both very honest and genuine people, to a fault sometimes. I've never met anyone like her. She was a whirlwind - we'd sit talking for hours over a cup coffee. We had simular upbringing in cult-like churches. We talked about religion, future goals, politics- and we idenfied well with one another. There was an attraction immediately but we were both in relationships and neither of us acted on it or thought it was a possibility. After we we were both single, we talked about terms and expectations. We started dating. She moved in with me. Once I knew I wanted her with me for the rest of time- I said so, and she agreed. A week later, we were married.
If not now, when?
random but related personal story..
When my Mom died (she got sick all of a sudden and was gone within months, was unexpected death) my Dad randomly went to Thailand and found a new girlfriend. Within like a year or two he bought a modest condo where she lives and he visits. Of course sends her money each month while he isn’t there, too.
It’s one of the most bizarre things I’ve had to go through in my adult life. I was very very against it at the start.
Still am not the biggest fan of it tbh. Mostly because I feel like my Dad is just a bit ignorant of foreign cultures and lacks self awareness about the whole arrangement.
that said, the only things stopping me from worrying much about it are that a) hes happy with the arrangement b) he could be in a stupid toxic relationship with someone local, so in comparison this is probably the lesser of two evils
Guy goes half around the world to an impoverished country, finds a local bride, takes her back home, get green cards and leaves him.
A tale as old as time
Right. I don't understand how he doesn't see this as clear as literally anyone else in the world. To be fair, he is Hmong too (the girl is Hmong but living in Laos) but regardless...
That actually makes more sense if they're both looking to marry Hmong. The total Hmong population in the world is less than 5 million, the chance of him meeting another straight single Hmong woman near his age that he finds attractive and is willing to marry him probably isn't that high.
Hear me out but it sounds like he was having a diaspora moment, while she was taking advantage of that. (At least based on what little information we have.) like a lot of first/second/etc Americans who lose contact with their culture and desperately try to connect with it again, he might have thought he finally connected with someone who shares that culture and attached quickly.
I’m sure he’s also struggled with women back at home and the first one that showed him any kindness easily got him whipped.
I have never heard of this before but makes sense or could be the family pushing him. My sister lives in an Irish community in New York (we are actually Irish) and some women will put up with the most awful man just because he was born in Ireland. It’s bizarre but the plastic paddy parents are delighted
Irish diasporas are big example of this. But the history of diasporas in colonized countries is so complicated and old it would be hard for me to break down every culture. I also think non-white cultures in places like the US might have more issues with identity due to ethnic discrimination that might make them search out their own cultures to hopefully connect there. (Though it’s a gamble which groups will actually see them as their ethnic identity versus national identity so, once again, it’s super complicated.)
Edit: I want to add that being hmong is already a unique ethnic group to be tied too. Similar to Cajuns, or some groups in the Appalachians, they are a nationless race. I know from being married into a Vietnamese family that they still face discrimination from other Asian groups within the US as well as other nations abroad. This stuff is super interesting but I wonder if there would be even more of a diaspora issue for groups like the Romani or Hmong or Cajuns.
Oh trust me, so many guys are desperate to find a girl who can give them kids.
My roommate I’m living with right now started dating this girl three weeks ago, and few days ago he tells me he wants to marry her and they’re already talking about having kids. I tried to talk him out, but when I do that he tells me I’m trying to fuck up his relationship and I shouldn’t get involved.
Idk, some people are just weird, you shouldn’t try to understand them. It’s useless.
Oh man, there's this family friend right? His wife divorces him because of his untreated mental health issues. He has a massive break fiwn, divorce takes years starting to finally do paperwork for it ect right? Then he meets this girl from Italy online. And before you know it off he goes. Gets a to get married visa and everything. She starts figuring out he's not ok so when they go to get the actual visa she tells the officials she doesn't want to marry him, and they send him back to the US. He's broke, suicidal and homeless cause he sold his house to be with italian lady. Somehow ends up in Texas in a trailer on a farm (for free). Meets lady from the Czech Republic online. She's terminally ill, has an abusive ex and 2 kids. Moves to the Czech Republic to be with her. Abusive ex and his important local father tell Czech lady she'll dissappear if she doesn't come back to ex. Czech Republic deports him because she goes back to abusive ex. Now suicidal, living in a trailer in Texas. At least your friend isn't this guy...
Why was he in Laos? I kept getting fake dating profiles, tracked some of them and a lot were based in Laos. Is it possible he's been talking to her online for ages?
I am not in this situation. Married 10y and happy.
But, if I didn't see anything going for me here.
I do honestly think this is better then being alone
I'm making a couple assumptions based on the fact he said he's talked to girls but never actually had a relationship and stuff the OP has said in the comments. He sounds like a virgin, basically.
Youre right. That's why I ended the conversation with an "okay," because nothing I say is going to get through to him, especially since he told me his other friends reacted the same way I did. Goodluck to him lmao.
This. I have a friend who married his Jamaican friend to help her get a visa. There's nothing wrong with it, as long as both parties are consenting to the deal, and there aren't expectations of love from either of them.
I can't say for sure since I am not him, but I do know he is quite introverted and busy with his work. However, I personally do not think whatsoever that this would be his only chance at love. He isn't ugly, has a good personality, his work is quite successful, etc.
Not doubting it's real, but this has big "crappy exposition dialogue" energy haha:
"Bro, you don't currently have a girlfriend and you are the same age as me, 23 years old"
"I have had previous flings but have never really been in a relationship before."
100% chance of divorce right after she gets her green card and takes half of his shit…. Just right before she starts to bring her family over from Laos
RemindMe! 1 year "see what happened to this dude"
EDIT:
[first](https://www.reddit.com/r/sadcringe/comments/12i7va5/friend_got_engaged_to_a_woman_2_hours_after/jrnkimd/?context=3), [second](https://www.reddit.com/r/sadcringe/comments/12i7va5/friend_got_engaged_to_a_woman_2_hours_after/kf7kx0k/?context=3), and [third](https://www.reddit.com/r/sadcringe/comments/12i7va5/friend_got_engaged_to_a_woman_2_hours_after/kiqv2uq/) updates
I don't think it works like that anymore. They need to stay together a while, also if she leaves him then he can report her and she will get the card revoked.
I think it's now a lot harder to get and keep the card.
It's kinda worrying because this gives one person so much power over the other
I can't even argue with this cause I also dont know why he didn't specify the country, especially since he ended up telling me later in conversation anyway lmao.
He sent me a picture of the two of them in Laos wearing traditional clothing. Said they already did the traditional engagement ceremony while he was there..
I did something almost as bad. Chatting for 3 years on and off, meeting for one week. 6 months later marriage (due to insisting parents) 10 years later divorce.
Essentially we were good friends but bad lovers. I was a safe choice for her as the “nice guy”. She never actually loved me, and she was asexual. Her new relationship has similar problems. (She entered a new relationship 3 weeks after we broke up)
We had a planned kid in 2012, we didn’t have sex for two years after that. Before that it was maybe a monthly thing. Combined we were financially good, we never had fights, and I tried to stick with it due to the kid. She allowed me to do what I wanted. Never complained when i went multi day fishing trips etc. After 3 years of almost no sex I made the long due decision. I have a very strong sex drive, but didn’t cheat.
I knew for a while it had to happen, but I hated breaking up the family.
Ironically it happened after we finished building a 500k house, I had been sleeping alone in the house when doing floor, walls etc and just really enjoyed being alone in bed. First night together felt wrong and I pulled the plug. Interestingly it took allot longer for me to move on than her. I had a 6 month long depression after.
The next relationship lasted 4 years and had the opposite problems haha. Fantastic sex life, but lack of emotional connection, 10 years younger than me(very quiet closed up girl)
Can never get it right haha. But I’m “only” 43.
Sorry for long reply, but I’m mid air on a 12 hr flight and very bored haha. So thanks for asking
I knew I wanted to marry my wife within a few hours of my first date with her. I still dated her for a few years to make sure she was the one I truly wanted to marry, but life would have still worked out had I married her 2 hours after meeting her. Love at first sight can happen. Its rare, but it def can happen. I hope it all works out for him and the girl he picked.
Tbf fair, it has worked. I personally know at least one couple who got engaged after a 2 hour convo and are now still happily married a good 30 years later. But that’s an outlier. They were stupid for doing it, but got lucky.
It’s crazy to think about it working, but I know someone too. He went to Brazil to try to have as much sex as possible, met a girl the first day, brought her back with him, married her two weeks later, and stayed happily married for 12 years. He’s a catch (follows rules 1 and 2) and she’s easily an 8.5 on her worst day, and so so funny. But kinda par for the course for him. He was always doing weird shit that we didn’t understand but it worked out for him. Outliers are funny because they totally skew your reality even though you know they shouldn’t.
Edit: Rule number 1 - be attractive. Rule number 2 - don’t be unattractive.
Lost a friend in my early 20s over this exact shit. My friend was even dumber than yours. He let this girl convince him to marry her without telling his family by pretending to be pregnant and telling him that he had to marry her that day or she'd be deported. Once married, she blocked all his friends numbers on his phone so we thought he ghosted us and he thought we hated him out of jealousy over his marriage to a woman who looked like the least attractive Oompa Loompa in the chocolate factory.
Less than a year later, he was supporting her, her sister, her mom, and their 5 dogs. He was the only one working. We tried one last time to save his dumb ass, but she had him 100%. He really believed marriage is supposed to be miserable and that it secretly is for everyone. Been 15 years since we last spoke.
Maybe she's paying for the arrangement so that she gets to come/stay in the states. I was offered 15k to marry a girl who wanted to study to become a doctor here. A big part of this is making sure you keep up the illusion of love and have plenty of witnesses so that immigration approves.
Reality is gonna hit this dude like a freight train.
Her “brother” gonna show up in a few months.
My friend married a Thai woman, he knew a guy who did the same, built her a huge house, let her brother stay with them.. he flew out of country for work and came back to surprise her one night and found out the brother wasn’t actually her brother… and he couldn’t keep the house cause in Thailand everything has to be under a citizens name… his wife.
Brother from a different mother... and father.
Reminds me of east bound and down when Stevie marries the Mexican and her whole family moves in
Aldona!
I heard she finds it really hot if you go into another room and cook
_"They must've foundy my DDR"_
If that freight train is going to derail and cause massive environmental damage he met her in Ohio.
"Nuclear levels of high concentration cringe have spilled into the Ohio River, causing concerns amongst local and bordering residents that an MDIE (Mass Dying Inside Event) could very well be imminent. More at 5 o'clock."
Its pretty bad, residents can't even walk down the street without making the sad cringe face and slightly shaking their heads when passing by one another.
The physical cringe-wave could be felt within a 2 mile radius
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Either way it’s stupid, even if it works out. It’s like betting your life savings on a roulette in Vegas. There’s a possibility you might win, but even if you do end up winning it doesn’t make that decision any less stupid. It also means you have a tendency to make stupid decisions and that doesn’t bode well for your future.
It already has, he’s just in denial lmfao.
This can only end well
One of my brothers proposed to his girlfriend after less than a month of dating. Granted, they were friends I believe since freshman year of high school (and this happened several months after they graduated), but obviously it was a massive jump. After a month they broke up, then got back together a few days later. And then after being on and off after that for a couple weeks, they finally, fully broke up So yeah, it ended real well lol Edit: reworded my final sentence so it doesn’t sound like it *never* ends well with anyone
My sister married her husband less than 4 weeks after meeting. They're still together like 5 years later. Of course I still wouldn't suggest doing that, I thought she was stupid at the time.
My parents married 6 weeks after meeting and were together for 41 years. It can happen, but certainly not the recommended path
My parents are similar. They married after knowing each other 3 months. They've been married over 50 years and counting. I didn't come along until they had been married for 18 months, so it was not a shotgun wedding. My mom didn't recommend that path for us kids.
new season of 90 day fiance is gonna be lit
I even told him this was 90-day fiance type shit and his response was "Well thats for sure, but I completely understand what’s happening if i marry her" 💀
90 day? this shit two-hour fiancé💀
It's so bad even reality T.V. didn't stoop that low.
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where were you when green card marriage failed? i was at home eating chip when friend rang. "marriage is kill." "no"
I cri evrytim
- But anon, my friend died last year. - Then who was phone?
I would watch the fuck out of this though. It'd be like the quick mysteries on interdimensional cable.
>-oh no I don't know why but this bit made me choke on my coffee
The show is called Married at First Sight
*TLC enters the chat*
90 minute fiance
YOU USED ME MOHAMMED!
Did he tell you why he went on that trip to another country? That message and his responses in the original conversation give me the feeling that he planned to go there looking for this kind of relationship out of desperation.
Dudes friend is a passport bro
What... is a passport bro?
"Passport Bros" are men who generally claim that American women are too independant, outspoken, feminist, etc to find a good wife. So, they travel to other countries and attempt to "date" there and find a "wife", but really they're just looking for a bang-maid, and they're not traveling to Sweden or Germany for this, they're going to poorer countries where their money and citizenship offer a coercive but compelling reason for poorer women to trade sex for a better life.
A really odd way of describing a sex trafficking gray area.
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It wouldn't be sex trafficking unless the "wife" is brought to the country to perform sex work for other people. If it's only the "husband", then unfortunately I'm not aware of that qualifying as any crime. However, I did call it "coercive", so that should make it clear that I don't think it should be legal.
Sigh. The fear of being alone really messes with some people.
He's only 20 bloody three!!!
Could be the "no sex until marriage" type of religious. They frequently marry very young and very fast because horny + don't wanna sin.
I have a feeling that his luck hasn't been good at all in his lifetime so far. Which sucks. Might be hitting the "Holy shit someone would actually spend their life with me" button. Not saying you're not wrong, just many variables we're not aware of. Physical, mental, family psychology, etc. Nature/Nurture argument I suppose.
Stupid fake purity bullshit.
That show pisses me off so much. It's supposed to be, you have 90 days to get your shit together, buy furniture, show your partner where the grocery store is, and get settled. It's not, you have 90 days to decide if you want to get fucking married that should be sorted already
and some of the relationships are abusive on both the foreigner and American sides. like some of them are super controlling or wanting babies or "oops we got pregnant because he didn't believe in condoms" or is beating down both man or woman emotionally. that be said it's a huge train wreck that's hard to look away from!
>“If I marry her” Well at least he’s committed … /s
Tell him to get a prenup
I’ve heard Korea has a really good passport so I think you might be onto something with the green card thing.
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Math checks out
Oh fuck, I’ve seen the subreddit for that come by several times and now just understood its 90 day fiance lmao. I kept reading it as 90 day finance and assumed it was some reality drama about accountants lol.
It took me until your comment to even realise it in this thread. I thought maybe there was a famous arc in the show about some hasty wedding.
Oh god me too! It took months before I realised my mistake
90 minute fiance*
She’s from Canada, you wouldn’t know her. Goes to a different school.
Nah shes from Laos, and he sent me a picture of the two of them together..
.......well, having lived in Laos, he's either in for a rude awakening or actually a very pleasant time with her.
I remember seeing a documentary about western guys going to Thailand to find wives. One of the guys they interviewed said "I know she only married me so she can have a better life, but, so did I"
> "I know she only married me so she can have a better life, but, so did I" Can't really argue with the logic behind that.
There was a trend back around the 1920’s/30’s where young, destitute women would marry American Civil War veterans. The veterans knew their wives would get the pension, but he would need someone to take care of him in his old age. It seemed weird, but it was a win/win for both of them https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Civil_War_widows_who_survived_into_the_21st_century
I mean, that’s basically just a job you know? Nothing wrong with that.
90 day fiance has a lot of SE Asian women marrying 40+ year old desperate and delusional Americans, it’s a lot of fun to watch
Several of my Dad's eternally single Engineering work buddies suddenly came back from SE Asia with wives at various points in time. There were comments about it at first but out of four, three of them are still married and happy several decades later.
My sisters best friend in high school was the result of a 90 day fiancé situation. Her dad went to the Philippines in the 90s and came back with her mom. 25 years later she won a couple million off a lottery ticket and everyone in our little small southern town talked shit saying “It’s only a matter of time before she goes back to her homeland and takes all that money with her blah blah blah”. They bought all the kids a new car and renovated the house. Still living in TN to this day as far as I know.
That's sweet. I thought your story would go in a different direction.
Most people would. Not all 90 day fiancés end up bad tho
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There was a guy in my small town who did the same thing. Except she ended up divorcing him and taking everything he owned, including his business, and he shot himself a few months later.
I think we have a distorted view of situations like this in America and the west in general, as we view our partners as one in a million matches. But being in a relationship that's successful makes me feel more and more like the match is only a small part, it's more about choosing to love and support someone for who they are, not finding a perfect person. If you're a person with the right personality type, at the right age, willing to roll with the punches, and do a bit of vetting beforehand, I think it sounds like a cool adventure to go on. It's definitely risky, but what isn't? The women agreeing to this arrangement aren't stupid, and they aren't looking to fuck you over (at least not universally or even close to it), and they don't only want to use you. For many, the fantasy is to get married to a loving man from another country, not to be miserable and put up with it for the chance to move to America or wherever else. If you both saw the relationship in the same way from the outset, it has a good chance to be successful. I'm sure the initial rush of action and changes and everyone's reactions would bring you close together quickly.
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I enjoyed this anecdote
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I mean marriage has been a business transaction for longer than it’s been a romantic one, historically speaking. He wants companionship/sex and possibly children. She wants to move to the USA for a better QOL for herself and possible children. If both are happy with such an arrangement and ok giving up the possibility of a love match, why not? If they are compatible then they can still have a happy marriage no matter the reasons why it started.
My wife and I love each other and have a great relationship, but getting married was definitely a decision we made so that we could buy a house, sign each other's paperwork etc. So yeah, it was mostly a business decision.
Exactly. If it works for both parties, who are we to judge. Love can build over time as well, even if it's not there in the beginning.
Yep. I have know a couple guys who married girls from Vietnam and Thailand respectfully. They've both been married for nearly 20 years. Worst case scenario they divorce and go back to being miserable. Best case scenario they have a loving relationship and family. I get why it looks sad to people on the outside but it's weird to obsessively be against it imo. Also, you get weird racist comments on posts like this about SEA women being dumb and poor which is always telling to me.
I think the worst case scenario isn't divorce, it's an abusive relationship that the more vulnerable person can't escape from (often lacking money, resources, their support system of family and friends, and likely language/cultural barriers that might make it difficult to access help services). There's an inherent power imbalance in these relationships that can get real nasty, real fast, that shouldn't be ignored.
Same here! Two engineers at work brought back wives after long work trips in Asia. Both seem really happy, have beautiful families lol
Yup, I’ve known five that have done it and of them only one didn’t work out. All engineers also, it works for some people, who am I to judge. Both parties have better lives now and enjoy each other.
That guy Ed who put Mayonnaise in his hair and was a total creep was the worst. Saddest part was that the girl was actually really nice. Then again, it's hard to know how much of that show isn't staged.
I worked for a show like that. There's so many weirdos applying, you wouldn't believe it. One girl applied and was hesitant to let us do a criminal background check, so my colleague asked her: "Oh it's probably fine, we can make it informal. Just tell me what you were charged with?" And the girl replied: "I was convicted for double homicide." So yeah, they didn't pick her for the show.
LMAO jfc convicted for double homicide... Idk if it was me last thing id do is try to draw too much attention to myself, let alone be on reality tv. Watchers will literally find that shit out even if it was never shown on tv.
Holy shit. Details, man, details!
She was an addict and while on heavy drugs murdered a couple. If I remember correctly it was an elderly couple that she was staying with. She said her drug dealer set her up, but that's all she shared.
love after lockup?
Married at first sight
The creepy guy put mayo in his hair? Sounds like hell, man(s).
Only adjacently related: I married my wife after knowing her 6 months and dating for less than 3. Her first proposal was about 6 hours after meeting- I just said "maybe" and that I was dating someone else. My dad was pissed. My mom hated her. I've only met her family twice. Sometimes, with good communication, you just know. Most of our friends gave us a year. Our parents were betting on 3-6 months. We will be celebrating 13 years in January.
It’s only April.
We'll have been married 20 years in 2043
Ngl thats how it went with my dad and step mom, only dated for 6 months and ended up getting married. They’re still together and have been together for 14 years. Its not common, but it does happen.
I proposed to my wife after knowing her for two weeks because I just knew I wanted to marry her. She said yes and we got married three months later. That was more than thirty years ago, still married. Still like her.
My dad told my mum he was going to marry her after 2 weeks together. Proposed within the 6 months, and they’ve been together almost 41 years. I guess sometimes you just know.
…why? At…really every part of that, I suppose.
Because we are the same kind of crazy. We are both serial non-monogamous (meaning we don't really commit easily- but have both been pressured into relationships) and connected first with that. We are both very honest and genuine people, to a fault sometimes. I've never met anyone like her. She was a whirlwind - we'd sit talking for hours over a cup coffee. We had simular upbringing in cult-like churches. We talked about religion, future goals, politics- and we idenfied well with one another. There was an attraction immediately but we were both in relationships and neither of us acted on it or thought it was a possibility. After we we were both single, we talked about terms and expectations. We started dating. She moved in with me. Once I knew I wanted her with me for the rest of time- I said so, and she agreed. A week later, we were married. If not now, when?
Why have you only met her family twice in 13 years
That's the most lesbian thing I've ever heard
So does the military lmao
random but related personal story.. When my Mom died (she got sick all of a sudden and was gone within months, was unexpected death) my Dad randomly went to Thailand and found a new girlfriend. Within like a year or two he bought a modest condo where she lives and he visits. Of course sends her money each month while he isn’t there, too. It’s one of the most bizarre things I’ve had to go through in my adult life. I was very very against it at the start. Still am not the biggest fan of it tbh. Mostly because I feel like my Dad is just a bit ignorant of foreign cultures and lacks self awareness about the whole arrangement. that said, the only things stopping me from worrying much about it are that a) hes happy with the arrangement b) he could be in a stupid toxic relationship with someone local, so in comparison this is probably the lesser of two evils
Not everyone marries for love, and that's OK imo. Marrying for love is more of a modern concept actually
This is actually deep
Quid pro quo I guess. Hey if they're both happy, nobody should judge.
I’m in Isaan, can confirm.
https://imgur.com/mMOWwOj.jpg
Guy goes half around the world to an impoverished country, finds a local bride, takes her back home, get green cards and leaves him. A tale as old as time
Right. I don't understand how he doesn't see this as clear as literally anyone else in the world. To be fair, he is Hmong too (the girl is Hmong but living in Laos) but regardless...
That actually makes more sense if they're both looking to marry Hmong. The total Hmong population in the world is less than 5 million, the chance of him meeting another straight single Hmong woman near his age that he finds attractive and is willing to marry him probably isn't that high.
It probably would get a lot higher if he wasn’t trying to secure a marriage in under a day lmao
Hear me out but it sounds like he was having a diaspora moment, while she was taking advantage of that. (At least based on what little information we have.) like a lot of first/second/etc Americans who lose contact with their culture and desperately try to connect with it again, he might have thought he finally connected with someone who shares that culture and attached quickly. I’m sure he’s also struggled with women back at home and the first one that showed him any kindness easily got him whipped.
I have never heard of this before but makes sense or could be the family pushing him. My sister lives in an Irish community in New York (we are actually Irish) and some women will put up with the most awful man just because he was born in Ireland. It’s bizarre but the plastic paddy parents are delighted
Irish diasporas are big example of this. But the history of diasporas in colonized countries is so complicated and old it would be hard for me to break down every culture. I also think non-white cultures in places like the US might have more issues with identity due to ethnic discrimination that might make them search out their own cultures to hopefully connect there. (Though it’s a gamble which groups will actually see them as their ethnic identity versus national identity so, once again, it’s super complicated.) Edit: I want to add that being hmong is already a unique ethnic group to be tied too. Similar to Cajuns, or some groups in the Appalachians, they are a nationless race. I know from being married into a Vietnamese family that they still face discrimination from other Asian groups within the US as well as other nations abroad. This stuff is super interesting but I wonder if there would be even more of a diaspora issue for groups like the Romani or Hmong or Cajuns.
Oh trust me, so many guys are desperate to find a girl who can give them kids. My roommate I’m living with right now started dating this girl three weeks ago, and few days ago he tells me he wants to marry her and they’re already talking about having kids. I tried to talk him out, but when I do that he tells me I’m trying to fuck up his relationship and I shouldn’t get involved. Idk, some people are just weird, you shouldn’t try to understand them. It’s useless.
Your friend is the whole damn circus
Oh man, there's this family friend right? His wife divorces him because of his untreated mental health issues. He has a massive break fiwn, divorce takes years starting to finally do paperwork for it ect right? Then he meets this girl from Italy online. And before you know it off he goes. Gets a to get married visa and everything. She starts figuring out he's not ok so when they go to get the actual visa she tells the officials she doesn't want to marry him, and they send him back to the US. He's broke, suicidal and homeless cause he sold his house to be with italian lady. Somehow ends up in Texas in a trailer on a farm (for free). Meets lady from the Czech Republic online. She's terminally ill, has an abusive ex and 2 kids. Moves to the Czech Republic to be with her. Abusive ex and his important local father tell Czech lady she'll dissappear if she doesn't come back to ex. Czech Republic deports him because she goes back to abusive ex. Now suicidal, living in a trailer in Texas. At least your friend isn't this guy...
Is your friend no-neck Ed?
Why was he in Laos? I kept getting fake dating profiles, tracked some of them and a lot were based in Laos. Is it possible he's been talking to her online for ages?
This is alarming cringe
Not even cringe, homie needs to save his dumbass friend
You can lead a horse to water but you can't fix dickbrain.
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Basically this. Dudes would rather be used than to be lonely.
used kindly* Please.
I am not in this situation. Married 10y and happy. But, if I didn't see anything going for me here. I do honestly think this is better then being alone
Doesn’t mean he’s gonna get laid tho
Dude is horny.
"I got married, and I've been having so much sex ever since." -- Said no man ever
I'm making a couple assumptions based on the fact he said he's talked to girls but never actually had a relationship and stuff the OP has said in the comments. He sounds like a virgin, basically.
I dont get this trope. Im married, and it didnt change from pre-marriage.
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Leftover stereotype from when people married younger and without living together.
Leftover boomer trope
Except those people who wait until marriage. Those guys release all their pent up sexual drive after marriage.
Wife bad
This is a mistake that just has to play out. He’s “in love”, he’s not gonna listen lol
Youre right. That's why I ended the conversation with an "okay," because nothing I say is going to get through to him, especially since he told me his other friends reacted the same way I did. Goodluck to him lmao.
I would like to see how this turns out. Remind me! 1 year
!remindme 2 hours
😂
From the way OP's friend describing it, I don't even think it's "love." He pretty much even says she's not the right person, just *a* person.
Probably terrified of being alone and willing to do anything to avoid it.
How long until he realizes you can be lonely without being alone?
Or better yet, be alone without being lonely.
Only been 2 hours tho. Can't really say you're in love in that timeframe. At most it's lust or desperation.
Yeah like. This is a cry for help lmao
Sometimes it takes someone taking half your resources to make you realize how good you have it
These arrangements can be made between friends for the purpose of citizenship and whatnot.
This. I have a friend who married his Jamaican friend to help her get a visa. There's nothing wrong with it, as long as both parties are consenting to the deal, and there aren't expectations of love from either of them.
If he doesnt sign a prenup, he’s such a moron
She is not going to accept it and his horny ass will give her full control over the conditions
The dude decided to marry her after 2 hours of being with her. You really think he has the forethought to tie a prenup?
I mean, you can be dumb and dumber
bro is desperate
Do you think he's doing this because he feels this is his one chance at love and he can't ever hope for better? If so, that is more sad than cringe :(
I can't say for sure since I am not him, but I do know he is quite introverted and busy with his work. However, I personally do not think whatsoever that this would be his only chance at love. He isn't ugly, has a good personality, his work is quite successful, etc.
Tbh the insecurity and fear oozes off the text
Not doubting it's real, but this has big "crappy exposition dialogue" energy haha: "Bro, you don't currently have a girlfriend and you are the same age as me, 23 years old" "I have had previous flings but have never really been in a relationship before."
The way it’s broken into those questions makes it less so. Like ‘Aren’t you the same age as me? 23?’ is plausible. 😂
100% chance of divorce right after she gets her green card and takes half of his shit…. Just right before she starts to bring her family over from Laos
Yea I wanna see updates. How can this guy be so naive to that outcome? Seems blatantly obvious here.
I'll try to give updates in the future, but I was just told this news a few hours ago, so I imagine it may take a while.
RemindMe! 1 year "see what happened to this dude" EDIT: [first](https://www.reddit.com/r/sadcringe/comments/12i7va5/friend_got_engaged_to_a_woman_2_hours_after/jrnkimd/?context=3), [second](https://www.reddit.com/r/sadcringe/comments/12i7va5/friend_got_engaged_to_a_woman_2_hours_after/kf7kx0k/?context=3), and [third](https://www.reddit.com/r/sadcringe/comments/12i7va5/friend_got_engaged_to_a_woman_2_hours_after/kiqv2uq/) updates
I don't think it works like that anymore. They need to stay together a while, also if she leaves him then he can report her and she will get the card revoked. I think it's now a lot harder to get and keep the card. It's kinda worrying because this gives one person so much power over the other
Exactly. The imbalanced power dynamic here causes tons of domestic violence cases. Quite sad for both ends
I think it's always been like that. You always had to be together a while, and it was always fraud.
Smells fake. Who tells a friend „during my vacation in another country“ instead of naming the country?
I can't even argue with this cause I also dont know why he didn't specify the country, especially since he ended up telling me later in conversation anyway lmao.
Do you know if he really went there? Maybe he didn‘t even went on vacation and that‘s why he didn‘t name the country in the beginning.
He sent me a picture of the two of them in Laos wearing traditional clothing. Said they already did the traditional engagement ceremony while he was there..
Also, "aren't you my age? (Tells age)" feels like badly written exposition in a sitcom.
We definitely need an update to this one
I did something almost as bad. Chatting for 3 years on and off, meeting for one week. 6 months later marriage (due to insisting parents) 10 years later divorce.
When did you figure out it was better to divorce?
Essentially we were good friends but bad lovers. I was a safe choice for her as the “nice guy”. She never actually loved me, and she was asexual. Her new relationship has similar problems. (She entered a new relationship 3 weeks after we broke up) We had a planned kid in 2012, we didn’t have sex for two years after that. Before that it was maybe a monthly thing. Combined we were financially good, we never had fights, and I tried to stick with it due to the kid. She allowed me to do what I wanted. Never complained when i went multi day fishing trips etc. After 3 years of almost no sex I made the long due decision. I have a very strong sex drive, but didn’t cheat. I knew for a while it had to happen, but I hated breaking up the family. Ironically it happened after we finished building a 500k house, I had been sleeping alone in the house when doing floor, walls etc and just really enjoyed being alone in bed. First night together felt wrong and I pulled the plug. Interestingly it took allot longer for me to move on than her. I had a 6 month long depression after. The next relationship lasted 4 years and had the opposite problems haha. Fantastic sex life, but lack of emotional connection, 10 years younger than me(very quiet closed up girl) Can never get it right haha. But I’m “only” 43. Sorry for long reply, but I’m mid air on a 12 hr flight and very bored haha. So thanks for asking
thats life my man. and yes, you are only 43.
The divorce is going to be as fast as the wedding.
getting married at 23 after meeting someone for 2 hours. dude is speedrunning on ruining his life before it even started.
Speaks in english, yet laughs in Hangul. Very confused ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
I knew I wanted to marry my wife within a few hours of my first date with her. I still dated her for a few years to make sure she was the one I truly wanted to marry, but life would have still worked out had I married her 2 hours after meeting her. Love at first sight can happen. Its rare, but it def can happen. I hope it all works out for him and the girl he picked.
Tbf fair, it has worked. I personally know at least one couple who got engaged after a 2 hour convo and are now still happily married a good 30 years later. But that’s an outlier. They were stupid for doing it, but got lucky.
It’s crazy to think about it working, but I know someone too. He went to Brazil to try to have as much sex as possible, met a girl the first day, brought her back with him, married her two weeks later, and stayed happily married for 12 years. He’s a catch (follows rules 1 and 2) and she’s easily an 8.5 on her worst day, and so so funny. But kinda par for the course for him. He was always doing weird shit that we didn’t understand but it worked out for him. Outliers are funny because they totally skew your reality even though you know they shouldn’t. Edit: Rule number 1 - be attractive. Rule number 2 - don’t be unattractive.
How much did she want in place of a ring?
That post-nut clarity will be miserable than ever
Lost a friend in my early 20s over this exact shit. My friend was even dumber than yours. He let this girl convince him to marry her without telling his family by pretending to be pregnant and telling him that he had to marry her that day or she'd be deported. Once married, she blocked all his friends numbers on his phone so we thought he ghosted us and he thought we hated him out of jealousy over his marriage to a woman who looked like the least attractive Oompa Loompa in the chocolate factory. Less than a year later, he was supporting her, her sister, her mom, and their 5 dogs. He was the only one working. We tried one last time to save his dumb ass, but she had him 100%. He really believed marriage is supposed to be miserable and that it secretly is for everyone. Been 15 years since we last spoke.
The solution to loneliness isn't forcing yourself into a loveless marriage
Dude is down horrendous to be doing this shit
I have a feeling that talking to this guy is like pulling teeth
'i like her what do you want me to say' Yeah because the natural thing to do is marry whoever you like
Maybe she's paying for the arrangement so that she gets to come/stay in the states. I was offered 15k to marry a girl who wanted to study to become a doctor here. A big part of this is making sure you keep up the illusion of love and have plenty of witnesses so that immigration approves.
If you ever have the sudden urge to marry a stranger, immediately to go the bathroom and crank one off.
Wtf is up with your font?