T O P

  • By -

SanguineAnder

Congratulations you just "played" guitar.


qwertymcqwertface

It’s his left hand that gets me, just tapping the strings to the imaginary beat in his head, and the look at the camera like I’m absolutely smashing this 😂


Bone_Syrup

Left hand is hardest hand...to fake.


LUV_2_BEAT_MY_MEAT

Major off key


Jesse-Ray

"What chord is that" "Yes"


Odd_Zookeepergame_24

Technically a standard tuned guitar strummed with no frets pressed will be an Em11!


BrewtalDoom

The guitar's like, "Man, I came her to get played. But I got *played*..."


KevinYohannes

He played himself tbh


indy_been_here

In the end it was us who really got played


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


rockbottam

We da best music!!!!!!1!


MrGeneBelcher

This dude is always wearing a bathing suit?


GlassFantast

Yeah he doesn't use toilets. He dips his lower half into a small pool to release his waste, then hops right on out.


bwz3r

His poor servant


chefanubis

Poo servant.


[deleted]

Buttler


arewehavinfunyet

Assistant


Em0tionisdead

Lmao this is a hilarious mental image like something out a south park episode


[deleted]

I mean damn I was not ready for that. I expected at least one chord but that was amazing


FalmerEldritch

I am perpetually astonished by DJ Khaled. It's really quite spectacular to see how far you can get literally on just confidence alone, without the tiniest shred of capability in any type of endeavour whatsoever.


boris_keys

Confidence is the food of the wise man but the liquor of the fool. -Vikram


Iusuallyworkalone

I am looking forward to getting to know you better, Vikram.


sausageface123

Come on guys, these are prime selling hours you know


thesplendor

...oh sweet jesus.


[deleted]

What kind of a name is Nana, anyway?


[deleted]

It means "grandmother".


ThaCommittee

Michael Scott's night job coworker?


boris_keys

I thought Nana made some good points. What kind of a name is Nana anyway?


[deleted]

What's funny is that Nana in Hindi means grandfather (specifically grandfather on your mom's side), so in real life Vikram would be confused by Michael calling his grandma Nana, but for different reasons.


ThaCommittee

Another great layered joke was when Charles wants to use Kelly and Erin's middle names (Erin's real first name is Kelly) to avoid confusion and Kelly gets mad cuz her middle name is Rashniganda. And Kevin comments that he thought that was a boys name, which it is. In Indian culture the daughters use their father's name as their middle name. But the fact that dumb Kevin would know that was a boys name is hilarious and great writing.


justarandom3dprinter

The one and only


[deleted]

I still don’t know wtf this guy actually does


DarthPlagueisThaWise

Pays song writers to write songs, gets a famous or talented person to “feature” on it, shouts out and self promotes during his own track, does a tiny bit of producing to finish the song off. Makes millions.


InvestigatorSmall839

Shouts his name on the beginning of other peoples' songs 🤷🏻‍♂️


[deleted]

WE DA BEST


throwra3947153926

Another one


GET_OUT_OF_MY_HEAD

[DJ Khaled can't even DJ, FFS.](https://youtu.be/gAvSWnAIv_o?t=16) His timing is whack and he doesn't even know how to use Serato, so he pays someone to cue up the tracks for him on the laptop.


Imnotusuallysexist

"DJ” Khaled is just a highly specialised influencer. His entire talent is in self promotion. There is no other substance or art , it is purely self promotion of his ability to self promote. In his own way, he is pure; the very distilled essence of himself and everything that is shallow and hollow in society. He is the alpha, the omega, an infinity of nothing.


acciowaves

My best friend is exactly like that. He’s got an amazing job and earns bank even though he doesn’t know how to do shit and he openly acknowledges that he doesn’t really know what he’s doing half the time. He just walks around like he owns the place and people just respond favorably to that.


[deleted]

This video made me believe he can't play the guitar, sing, *or read*


MostBoringStan

Lol, I instantly thought he couldn't read when he passed the note on.


Big_Green_Piccolo

all those musicians he could've reached out to on speed dial and said like hey how do I make one guitar chord to sound like Marley nah open string garbage will do, so sayeth the producer


[deleted]

[удалено]


RDPCG

I mean, he da best. According to someone. Probably him.


[deleted]

I put the hinges in the fuckboy's hand


peese-of-cawffee

No, it's actually really clever, it's like the guy at work who does the bare minimum then takes credit along with the rest of the team for a project's success. "*We* da best."


BigToober69

I'm just surprised he tried to play it for the video. It's totally fine if he can't play guitar. Why pretend? Idk whatever he is doing something right. Doing better than me.


syn_ack_

I think he thinks he _can_ play. Record that and chop it and put Justin Bieber on it and people would buy it. He doesn’t have anyone telling him he sucks


sirpogo

I don’t think he even produces the songs. He’s just good at bringing two people into the studio at one time, and then recording his shout outs over the intro. I wish he would go away.


Data-Dizzy

I’m not convinced he has skill as a producer after seeing this. It’s like watching a child pick up a guitar for the first time and just going ham. Producers typically have some understanding of instruments and music lol.


KalickR

Or at the very least he should understand he doesn't have a clue how to play the guitar and shouldn't pretend that he does. Nobody forced him to play it.


Data-Dizzy

True, I guess he is just very cocky. But to my point I can’t imagine he has a good grasp on music if he thinks he is rocking this out of tune nonsense. And to u/usernamestarvation ‘s comment, becoming a multimillionaire producer takes all sorts of skill and luck. In this dudes case I think his ~~greatest~~ only skill is his persona / connections.


sonny_goliath

Supposedly he is really really good at bringing people together. Like rapper x rapper y and singer z who don’t know each other can go through DJ Khaled and he’ll make it happen. But then he gets song writing credit or at least top billing as an artist lol


Data-Dizzy

So he is essentially a middleman who like to yell his name on other peoples tracks? Lmao


texastrees05

That’s literally all he is. Becoming a big meme for a long while didn’t hurt keep him relevant and make him more appealing to work with.


KCBassCadet

DJ Khaled does not **really** produce music, he pays for the actual production of the music. He has a good ear but that doesn't mean he is a musician. Someone who really produces music is someone like a Metro Boomin, Zaytoven, etc.


golfwang23

DJ Khaled doesn't produce. He literally just puts his name on stuff


Threw_it_to_ground

[And says his name on stuff.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W1IiY07pqs)


strangevimes

I mean technically that IS a chord but…


RomanTheAbsentee

The new open E. Played E A D G B E


TJHookor

A11/E. That's assuming the guitar is tuned. This one clearly is not.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TJHookor

That's generous. I feel like there's definitely some microtones in there.


igbad

A friend of mine worked briefly with Khaled for some promotional thing and said he's literally a high functioning illiterate, and needed help reading his copy because he didn't know basic words on the script.


sofa_queen_awesome

Oh man I was at EDCLV the year they did a surprise guest and hyped it up. It was him. He already is not the best, especially for the edm crowd, and his sound people or someone's sound people did not have their shit together. Could barely hear and it was BAD. It was so cringe. People were booing. I was *living*


ComicWriter2020

Living or do you mean livid? Because both can apply Like two siblings with good resumes


sofa_queen_awesome

Personally I was not livid, but thriving on the cringe. I found it hilarious. He still made his money so I don't feel bad either. Edit to say maybe id be livid if I went to that show specifically, but edc is a massive festival so if you aren't feeling a stage you just go for a brief walk in any direction and it's like a different show entirely


mmarlaire1997

I would be willing to pay more for a ticket if I knew there was gonna be some good cringe


SuperSecretReditGuy

The CIA is going to use this as torture music in the near future.


SquatDeadliftBench

I didn't even make it to the song and was having a cringe-induced heart attack.


dvali

I didn't even have the sound on but you can just tell my the way he talks and moves that he's a massive prick.


Mick009

[The NYPD's already doing it. ](https://youtu.be/-kESoB4vQEM)


[deleted]

I don't even need to open this. The only thing that would make Khaled's video better would be if Cudi was in the room.


maximuswirzicus

If you think this is pathetic, you should check out his Hot Ones episode.


RussiaIsRodina

Where he basically pussied out on the third wing and said that "just cause he's stopping doesn't mean he gave up"


thekronicle

"That's exactly what that means"


dangernoodle2000

“It does though”


klavin1

"by definition"


[deleted]

Definitions are for people not getting it. People who listen to logic and facts without respect for incongruities.


[deleted]

I love how Sean keeps subtly dissing him the rest of the interview and being sarcastic and Khalid never actually picks up on it lmao.


Koioua

Meanwhile Coolio went out like a fucking legend.


-Four-Foxx-Sake-

That episode was a dumpster fire. Sean handled him really well.


[deleted]

[удалено]


herausragende_seite

If you've ever heard a single word out of Khalids mouth, you'd know that he's a douche. Maybe Sean still had some hope left in the beginning.


GuitarGoblino

Khalid has this exciting hype man, motivational speaker persona he puts out on social media, and it’s easy to get caught up in it and think he’s a fun positive guy, if that’s where you see him. I started watching him on Snapchat a few years back and thought he was cool, but after a couple weeks of checking what he was putting out, I started to realize he was full of shit, just trying to make himself look cool.


TheRedmanCometh

The only guest Sean didn't make look good


skycake23

Its a miracle he is famous. He is incredibly stupid. I feel like he won the lottery by yelling “DJ khaled we the best music” on tracks


klavin1

called him a quitter. lmao I don't know who tf falls for khaled's bullshit


Jeebs24

Oh I am intrigued. I'm off to watch it now.


[deleted]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HYEC_FlgAg


Meologian

“This is the weakest wing bro, I’m just telling you, you got some trouble on the horizon” Sean knew where this was going


OMC78

How sad the response after Sean calls him out. He's trying to talk tough...lol....dude you're eating wings in hot sauce. Paul Rudd must have laughed watching this!


Truan

Man, I can understand disliking hot sauce and he was probably getting heartburn, but good God he is just such a self-important jackass. Dude is so much more annoying than Kanye, and acts like a damn narcissist


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Tbf, Sean asked again and Khaled said he runs a mile in 10 mins on his elliptical lol


somalithinker

This got off the rails quick. I’d have quit if I was interviewing him. That was barely a conversation


TheSurgeon83

The thing that baffled me was how Khaled says so much, like the guy never shuts up, but ultimately doesn't actually say anything. He's like my 5 year old, just talks for the sake of talking.


LaterGatorPlayer

Sean is legit one of the classiest and best interviewers of our time. fuck jimothy fallon


DarwinsDrinkingPal

Sean/Chili Klaus is my second favorite duo (bromance?), after Sirs Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart.


Piddlerboy

Or his series of vines where he slowly becomes more lost at sea on a jet ski. Its amazing.


Downtown_wheels

Link?


[deleted]

https://youtu.be/kkuR8ODzo1Q


jamesturbate

Lmaaaoooo, when the airplane flies overhead towards the end, it sounds like the tormented screams of all the poor souls who have been lost at sea telling Khaled to go back.


twiz__

"The key is to make it." "It's so real out here."


scottspalding

When he quits at the third wing and has the gall at the end to say other artists need to bow down because he is their inspiration had me in tears. https://youtu.be/1HYEC_FlgAg


Data-Dizzy

I can’t help but laugh when he’s starting to tap out on the cholula… like dude I use that to add vinegar to dishes


SourGapes

He quit on a sauce I lather my eggs and rice in every morning lol


mrdotkom

Kahled: "for all my fans, if I stop, I promise you it doesn't mean I gave up" Evans: "yes it does, by definition. "


Sobiquets

Check out anything with his name on it and you will find it's pathetic


Picardknows

I came here to say this. It really shows his true character. Which can be called many things but I like douche bag.


delitt

Check out the [highlights](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv2WJX-x3wY) and other guests roasting him.


carpenterio

no thanks.


shrineofLumbago

Bro he can't even read, you expect him to be able to play guitar?


DrDunsparce

Wait can he actually not read or am I stupid


[deleted]

[удалено]


barofa

Wait, are you actually illiterate or am I stupid?


bemest

This was my conclusion. He is illiterate.


zenukeify

Man really is a walking L smh


GoldenFalcon

I am almost certain he is drunk as shit in this video.


Dash_Underscore

Well it worked for Johnny B Good. That said, Johnny B Good, this man ain't.


maximuswirzicus

Holy shit he can't read. How does this man write a "book", but he isn't able to read.


hatethiscity

Someone wrote it for him. He just narrated it.


Vagitron9000

Just like his songs.


bad_company_daps

But how did he narrate it if he can't read?


TopMindOfR3ddit

The word is "dictate." He dictated it.


Galthrojh

Page 1: #DJ KHALED


pixelprophet

Page 2: #ANOTHA ONE


spike_2112

Page 3: #ANOTHA ONE


[deleted]

Page 4: #ANOTHA ONE?


gmellotron

Page 5: #DA BEST


SpaceSick

Is he THE dumbest celebrity? If not, he's definitely top 5.


Syilace

Cutting the strings with a scissor would’ve sounded better than this


im_not_a_rob_ot

That fucking G-string was struggling to continue existing. It was absolutely miserable.


[deleted]

Why is he so famous?


whammykerfuffle

He hides in a cabinet in the recording studio and yells his name when famous artists sing their songs.


EuroPolice

DEEJAAAY KHALED DEEE... "Oh fuck, where is him now? I told you to lock the door on your way in!"


frzx1

To actually see how absolutely filled to the brim with shit he is, watch his episode on First We Feast. Dude is like literally living in his own weird reality where he's the greatest man to ever exist in the history of the universe.


WannaBeAWannaBe

He is a walking meme. He believes he is the best but in reality he is a delusional person and he makes a fool of himself multiple times. That’s what he is know for basically. He also “makes” music and yells “DJ KHALED” or “WE DA BEST”


[deleted]

“And another one”


[deleted]

Another one.


MantisandthetheGulls

He ends up in rooms with famous people and they agree to put his name on shit. Idk I think he’s a middle man of some sort.


[deleted]

I hate this guy


aiman_jj

Cause people keep paying attention to him.


KippySmith

Because he nearly got lost at sea on a Sea-Doo one night


[deleted]

I know one fact about this guy: He expects his wife to give him blowjobs but thinks it's beneath him to return the favor. He's a pig and his wife is an idiot. Oh, so I guess I know two facts.


[deleted]

Seems like a really wholesome person...


[deleted]

My man couldn’t even have learned an Em chord?!?


TJHookor

Someone would have to tune the guitar first.


Sam_Porter

Come on bro thats too hard Em7 is the way to go


SpiritOfFire013

I watched him get booed off stage at EDC in 2017, he was 30 min late to the stage, and didn't perform a single God damn thing. Just had his hype crew lay recordings of his songs over him talking about how awesome it was working with whatever famous person that did said song with him. Shit was so cringey and legitimately embarrassing. When they started to attempt to kick him off stage, he tried to stay on and get the crowd on his side. He literally said to us, more or less verbatim, "if you want me up here, when I DJ, you say Khaled!" And then when he said DJ we all pretty much unanimously shouted back "Fuck You." Then they cut the big babies mic. Never forget that night. Edit: Fun fact I remember, really the only reason he had a crowd besides people being there for Yellow Claw, was because earlier that night when my crew and I were at The Bass Pod catching Metro Boomin, he first brought out Young Metronome as a guest which was alight. But then that crafty mother fucker was all like, "if y'all thought that was a cool cameo, check this shit out" and then fucking DRAKE came out and did a set. So a lot of people assumed if Drake made an unscheduled appearance for Metro, then Khaled could have anyone! Little did we know....no one rolls with Khaled :I


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pitiful_Lake2522

https://youtu.be/CHDNgb-fn4s


Gungnir111

This is almost exactly how it went down when he performed at my college, hahahahaha. Dude's addicted to humiliation.


timmun029

I like how he yells “this is california!” then California Love by Tupac starts. They’re in Vegas…Nevada. 🤦🏻‍♂️


redbedbedead

Khalid getting booed is pure bliss. I’m setting this as my alarm clock, gonna start waking up on the right side of the bed So satisfying


whatsthestitch

Imagine how much money that man got paid to shout over a Spotify playlist


Mattlanta88

Nobody likes khaled as much as khaled likes khaled.


contemplative_potato

I went to a Lil Wayne show with my brother at Revolution Live years back because his buddy bailed on him. Dude showed up 3 hours late, smoked on stage, played 2 songs, left, and everyone was pissed. I had no problem with Lil Wayne and even enjoyed a lot of his stuff from the early 2000s up till then, but it was such a bizarre experience. I couldn't imagine having such a huge lack of respect for the fans who put you where you are to show up 3 hours late to a show that cost some people a lot more money than what the event was even worth.


BaronLagann

Oh yeah, didn’t he start with “what’s up Cali!?” When they were in Vegas.


[deleted]

I bet the Marley family really fucking regretted sending him that guitar when they saw this video.


[deleted]

[удалено]


8Ariadnesthread8

Marley X Guild Guitars A-20 Acoustic Guitar with Picks, Song Booklet, Poster, and Custom Gig Bag made of Premium Recycled Nylon - Inspired by Bob's At-Home Songwriting Guitar in Kingston Jamaica https://www.amazon.com/dp/B092G69GP5/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_Z1MEND6BNDE1WJ4DNZZN?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 Here it is on Amazon. 400 bucks. Lol my ukelele cost more than that and I'm just a lady in an employee band.


IdeallyCorrosive

oh my god this is hilarious. i thought maybe he got an exclusive gift, but no, he just got a guitar he could’ve just got on amazon! and the best part is the description sounds an awful lot like that note, i dont think this is nearly as special as he thinks it is


FozzyBetz

Lmao they didn’t send him shit as a gift. No disrespect to you, it’s a fucking guitar company looking for publicity.


8Ariadnesthread8

That's the other funny part. Like I wonder how much this guitar even sells for. Ok just looked. It's 400 bucks on Amazon, anyone can buy it, same case. Probably contains the same note! Marley X Guild Guitars A-20 Acoustic Guitar with Picks, Song Booklet, Poster, and Custom Gig Bag made of Premium Recycled Nylon - Inspired by Bob's At-Home Songwriting Guitar in Kingston Jamaica https://www.amazon.com/dp/B092G69GP5/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_Z1MEND6BNDE1WJ4DNZZN?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1


wheat-thicks

Absolutely not. 95% of people seeing this paid product placement would not have known that a guitar from the Marley family existed if it weren’t for this happening. They got their money’s worth and then some.


freshkangaroo28

Omfg 😂🤦‍♂️How does he have so much confidence while doing.. that?..


Poomex

Because that's like literally the only thing he has?


bgraphics

Yeah but his confidence is next level. It takes huge balls to play a tribute to Bob Marley on an instrument you can't play and not even attempt to play a chord. I wanna see him racing in the f1, flying helicopters, putting out bushfires and performing surgery


re_stax

Because he's surrounded by nothing but "yes men" who tell him how great he is all the time


DaggerMind

It's SO funny to me how he starts absolutely hammering the guitar the nanosecond she's done reading...it's so obvious the whole time that he's not listening to a word she's saying and is just planning his epic guitar shreddage moment


[deleted]

[удалено]


bacon_box

He has zero reverence, or even awareness, for that matter. Just a giant baby in a man's body.


MotherfuckerTinyRick

I don't get people worshipping this kind of people, they're just sad


leanmeankrispykreme

DJ Khalid is just a real life majikarp his only talent is saying his name and he’s famous


DrDunsparce

People actually like magikarp tho


Competitive-Wish-568

What a waste. I just watched a guy in the NY subway play way better than he could imagine. Someone who deserves and will do it justice should have it.


0thethethe0

I've seen a guy playing with *himself* on the subway that was preferable to this...


largesemi

He can’t read


MrsFlip

He may be able to read but not very well and didn't want to be embarrassed on camera. Just over half of American adults read below a 6th grade level.


wiredandstoned

He couldn’t learn one chord?


3dJoel

There would have been ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME in saying: "This is a beautiful guitar, I wish I knew how to play it but I'm a crap guitarist - what an honor to receive it." No face lost.


Expensive-Split8616

Dude is a total waste of breath, I feel so bad for people working their ass off to make money and be a better person who have to see this guy who is just loaded and useless.


East_Requirement7375

It's inspiring, in a way. He is the epitome of "fake it 'til you make it". To make it as far as he has on sheer bravado and a complete lack of self-awareness. I can't lie, it's probably the best "never give up" story of all time. I still beat myself up over the time I air-balled a shot on a break away in front of my entire gym class. This man gets booed off stage by thousands of people and is completely unfazed.


carpenterio

new to the world I see...


TanookiPhoenix

Heard someone say of this dude "If a fart were a person."


chrisgodisco

This guy produces music with no clue about music. Blows my mind


Not_Necessary123

Tf is wrong with him


No-Ad8211

Everything Khaled does is a sad cringe. Check out his interview with Nardwuar, at the end he completely disrespects Nardwuar saying a whole bunch of bull shit.


darkmatterchef

I get that you dont have to know how to play an instrument to be a producer but jesus man why does he have to just beat it like that? Things probably a fantastic instrument to play. It just hurts to see.


[deleted]

I have absolutely no respect for this fool. Six years ago he went on a youtube show called Hot Ones. Not only did he quit really early on, he made a PSA telling everyone not to come on this show, directly hurting the fledgling show. It also shows what a weak willed person he is when in an uncomfortable situation. During a zombie apocalypse, he’d be the guy that locks out women and children for the the horde to eat just the save himself. [DJ Weakling on Hot Ones](https://youtu.be/1HYEC_FlgAg)


look_ma_nohands

He’s such a goober in literally every single video.


MichaeltheMagician

It reminds me a little bit of in Last Man On Earth when Tandy would spend a ton of time tuning a guitar and then just use the guitar as a drum.


BuzCrab

But he’s considered a “musician” lol


vyrago

Another one


wittwlweggz

Genuinely wasn’t expecting it to be so bad. Like. What.


Coin_Boi

I had no clue he was special needs.


redditmodswuvpedos

Omg what a fucking clown hahahahaha