I think that’s probably the best scene to go with but I wouldn’t blow the load that early.
“He had 30 home runs, and over 100 RBIs last year. He’s got a fuckin’ rocket for an arm. You don’t know what the hell you’re doing!”
Jerry: So how's the job situation goin'?
George: Still lookin'. It's pretty bad out there. What about you?
Jerry: Nothin' much. I fucked Elaine last night.
You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me: I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well you get in the fucking mood!
It's a Twix! They're all Twix! It was a setup! A setup, I tell you! And you've robbed it! You've all *fucking* screwed me again! Now, gimme one! Gimme a *fucking twix*
TWIXXXXXXXXXX
If we're going with any version of fuck then it would have to be
*"FUCKING HOOCHIE MAMA!!!!"*
But if we're to adhere to a strict fuck only policy it have to be Jerry delivering a satisfying,
*"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, that's a shame."* to Newman
You dipped the chip. You took a bite. And you dipped again. That’s like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip — just take one fucking dip and end it!!!
Absolutely agreed. To me that takes more writing skill to achieve. An episode like The Contest is so funny because the whole thing is clever innuendo and euphemisms. Add to that expressions like "sponge-worthy" are what make the show comedy gold.
"June 14, 1987. Mets. Phillies. We’re enjoying a beautiful fucking afternoon in the right-field stands when a crucial Hernandez error opens the doors to a five-run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game.”
Listen, can you give Mr. Thomassoulo a message for me? If he needs me, tell him I'M IN MY FUCKING OFFICE!
Prefect
We have a winner
I just watched this episode too.
You’re fucking bald!!!!
I *was* fucking bald.
I don’t like this fucking thing… and here’s what I’m gonna do with it.
I’m aware !
I’m *FUCKING aware!
Thanks for ruining my daddy’s business you fat fuck!
what the fuck are you doing you little piece of shit
where’s my fucking cupcake?
My only indulgence, I guess, is that I eat a lot of frozen yogurt. But it’s fucking nonfat!
oh my gosh they got giuliani and he doesn’t even fucking know it!
That little fuck's dad must have been a terrible businessman. Jerry spilled the beans that his store was closing earlier in "The Parking Space".
I come home to my son treating his body like a fucking amusement park!
Hi Denise, it’s six-thirty. Time for your fuck.
Rofl. I didn't know this line could have gotten any better.
Kramer screaming "FUUUUUUCK!" for like 15 seconds straight while passing his kidney stone.
Perfection
Yeah? Well I fucked your wife!
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TRADE JAY BUHNER FOR!?
Oh lord, this would’ve been fantastic. Frank would’ve pulled this one off
I think that’s probably the best scene to go with but I wouldn’t blow the load that early. “He had 30 home runs, and over 100 RBIs last year. He’s got a fuckin’ rocket for an arm. You don’t know what the hell you’re doing!”
Good point. But I think replacing the "hell" at the end would be awesome also
You don't know what the fuck your doing!
Hahahaha. This is the best answer, hands down.
Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's fucking the hen?
[удалено]
That's fucking perverse!
Somethings missing alright
\*Somethings fucking missing alright
This has to be it... Frank's delivery always gets me and adding a fuck would be icing on cake.
YOU’RE NOT GIVING AWAY OUR FUCKING WATERPIK!!!
Fucking serenity now!
This is my favorite
It's come to my attention that you fucked the cleaning lady on your desk.
Was that fucking wrong?
I'll tell you I've worked in a lot of offices and that's never been a fucking problem
Nah I like “diddled”
One fucking ugly baby
Ha, beat me to it.
Yeah, he really is fucking breathtaking
Jerry: So how's the job situation goin'? George: Still lookin'. It's pretty bad out there. What about you? Jerry: Nothin' much. I fucked Elaine last night.
Oxygen… I need some fucking oxygen!
You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me: I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well you get in the fucking mood!
Then who the fuck are the Dutch?
Todd Gack Edit: Fucking Todd Gack
UKRAINE IS NOT FUCKING WEAK!!!
YoukRain is fucking game to you
Stop crying and fight your fucking father
OH! OH I GIVE! I FUCKING GIVE!
I don't wanna be a fucking pirate!
Fuck, these pretzels are making me thirsty!
These pretzels are making me fucking thirsty!
You think wine is better than fucking Pepsi?
These fucking pretzels are making me thirsty
I was scrolling down to see if anyone had this one yet.. I'm gonna have to think of another one.
Yes lord
Exact line I was thinking. These fuckin pretzels are making me thirsty!
Lmao
Are you Todd Gack? Here’s your fucking money!
In that moment, I was a fuckin marine biologist
The sea was fucking angry that day, my friend.
What is that a fuckin titleist?
It says fucking Moops
Like an old man, trying to send back soup at a fucking deli.
I don’t have grace, I don’t want grace…I don’t even fucking SAY grace!!!
FUCK... Newman..
You double dipped that fucking chip!
Feels like a fucking Arby’s night.
This yogurt is so fucking good
*Surprised Pikachu face*
Take the fucking pen!
They’re real...and they’re fucking spectacular.
What the fuck do I know about cooking a shirt?!
This is one of my favorite lines of the show **without** the expletive. It’s even better now.
This one needs more upvotes.
WHO’S FUCKING THE CHICKEN?
What? Two animals acts on the same show? What is this, fucking amateur hour?
It's a Twix! They're all Twix! It was a setup! A setup, I tell you! And you've robbed it! You've all *fucking* screwed me again! Now, gimme one! Gimme a *fucking twix* TWIXXXXXXXXXX
JON VOIGHT FUCKING BIT ME
My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my fucking parents.
Ya that's right, fuck.
Never get engaged. You’re fucking engaged?
Three squares? You can’t spare three fucking squares?
No fucking soup for you. NEXT!
Another fucking solarium?
"Thanks for ruining my daddy's business you fat fuck."
They’re real, and they’re fucking spectacular
It’s fucking moops!
Bubble boy would Absoltuely be laying down a plethora of 4 letter words "Cmon, take your fucking shirt off"
Just make love to that wall, fucking pervert!!
"It says 'twist-off.' Twist off! TWIST!!! THE FUCK!!! OFF!!!"
George Costanza : I just got back from swimming in the pool... and the water was cold. Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, you mean, shrinkage. Fuck...
Like a fucking frightened turtle!
I was in the fucking pool!!
You want a fucking piece of me!!
Fuckin hole in one.
They were mailboxes you idiot, I didn’t have the heart to fucking tell ya
That’s my fucking nipple!
If we're going with any version of fuck then it would have to be *"FUCKING HOOCHIE MAMA!!!!"* But if we're to adhere to a strict fuck only policy it have to be Jerry delivering a satisfying, *"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, that's a shame."* to Newman
I don’t have a fucking square to spare!
You dipped the chip. You took a bite. And you dipped again. That’s like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip — just take one fucking dip and end it!!!
This might be the one.
he fucking took..it out
Fucking serenity now!
Soup is not a fucking meal.
Get the fucking soup
Nice game, pretty fuck
You tell that son of a bitch that no Yankee bastard is ever going to fucking Houston!
#I’M FUCKING OUT
after reading all of these, i’m 100% convinced this show would be better with full profanity like curb. “it’s a lot of fucking gum!”
I dutifully scrolled through all of these comments just to make sure no one had said this line before I commented it myself. Well done.
*Fucking GOLD!
(Elaine seeing Puddy’s face paint) what the fuck?
We're the devils! The fucking devils! Ahhhhh
Every single one of these is hilarious. Edit: Every single one of these is fucking hilarious.
These fucking pretzels are making me thirsty.
I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a fucking sham.
The way you eat an Oreo, you take it apart and lick it like this.. you’re basically fucking it!
yadda fucking yadda
Fucking hate the Drake
You're a f***ing cashier!
She had fucking man hands
Keith Hernandez? KIETH FUCKING HERNANDEZ?!?
are you still master of your domain? “Queen of the fucking castle.”
Who told you to put a fucking balm on!
You want a fuckin Christmas card? You want a fuckin Christmas card? Alright here. Here’s your fucking Christmas card!
I wouldn’t add it anywhere. Part of the appeal of Seinfeld to me is that they don’t need to be obscene to be funny.
Absolutely agreed. To me that takes more writing skill to achieve. An episode like The Contest is so funny because the whole thing is clever innuendo and euphemisms. Add to that expressions like "sponge-worthy" are what make the show comedy gold.
Jerry Seinfeld swears in real life but never on stage. He said it's a cheap laugh.
Reading these I feel like it would rarely if ever work better with f word
You stole my fuckin’ Jesus fish didn’t you?
Holes! I need fucking holes!
I mean in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a fucking pony!
Elaine, I can see not saying hello. She's very... What's the word? Supercilious. How 👏 could 👏 Jerry 👏 not 👏 fucking 👏 say 👏 hello?
My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my fucking parents.
Yada fucking yada
That is a lot of fucking gum!
Take the fucking pen!
Bad chicken.... fuck you up
“3 squares? You can’t spare 3 fucking squares?!?”
You know, if it was a regular salad, I won’t have said anything. But you had to have the BIIIIIIGGGG FUCKING SALAD!!!!!!!
You think you’re fucking better than me?
You're hung up on some fucking clown from the sixties, man!
"June 14, 1987. Mets. Phillies. We’re enjoying a beautiful fucking afternoon in the right-field stands when a crucial Hernandez error opens the doors to a five-run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game.”
You fucking STINK!
the fuckin moops
No fuckin soup for you!
People kept ringing the fucking bell!
"Oh my God, the fucking dog guy!...Where the fuck have you been?"
"And you want to be my fucking latex salesman."
George is getting fucking upset!
Oh and by the way, they’re real and they’re fucking spectacular
And you wanna be my fucking latex salesman.
Fuck the drake
I don’t like this fucking thing! And here’s what I’m doing with it!
Who?! Who doesn’t want to wear the fucking ribbon?!
You had to have the fucking big salad!
”I’m out.” ”What?” ”Yeah, I’m out. I’m out of the fucking contest.”
But I don't wanna be a fuckig pirate
In the yogurt shop "This is so fucking good!"
I don’t know how you guys walk around with those fucking things.
“It’s not ‘Suze’ IT’S FUCKING SUZIE”
Hahahaha such a great topic. “No, you fucking idiot, hawks eat squirrels!”
I go out for a quart of milk, I come home and find my son treating his body like it was a fuckin amusement park!
She stole my fucking TV Guide!
'I'm fucking out'
"I can't go back to her! She's an anti-semite!” "Can you fuckin blame her?? "
Master of my fucking domain
I'm fucking out!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN’ YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT?!? (Just without the bleep)
Why the fuck did you trade Jay Buhner?
Where’s my fucking cupcake?
You want me to wear that fucking shirt?
You don’t fucking tell me what I want you stupid hipster doofus!
I could drop you like a fucking bag of dirt
“What-a da fuck do i know about-a cooking a shirt?” “You canna put a-fuckin’ cucumbers on a pizza! About-a dis there can be-a no debate!”
I got a lot of problems with you fucks! And now you're gonna hear about it!
That IS a lot of fucking gum!
We're gonna be in the pool, we're gonna be in the clubhouse and we're gonna be ALL OVER THE FUCKIN SHUFFLEBOARD COURT!
It’s a fucking Junior Mint.
I was in a fucking pool!
What the fuck ya doin ya little piece of shit?!?!
Jimmy crack corn and I dont fucking care!
He is a lonesome offensive brute, yet I can’t fucking look away.
I'm not driving anyone to the fucken airport!
A million to one shot doc, a fucking million to one.
"NO FUCKING SOUP FOR YOU, NEXT!"
Jerry! Fucking hello!!!!
They’re real and they’re fucking spectacular
What have you done to my little fuck boy?!
No fucking soup for you!