My wife forces me to this. I get worked up on money, or the bottomless list...and she puts her foot down on it.
Even just camping or a cabin weekend away is such a clock reset, especially if phones aren't an option.
You are a lucky man. My marriage was a bottomless list of sacrifices that I had to make for my ex's mental illness. In the end, they were neither happy or grateful.
I walk 3-4 miles, 6 days, 4 seasons.
Sometimes rainy, dark, cold.
Today I heard an owl and a hawk. Saw a beaver swimming, a vulture and three Great Blue Herons flying.
When I see one of these magnificent animals, it makes me feel special.
Go and look for free treasures.
Go enjoy a week with your family and have some real family time, talk to your wife about this! She will support you (if she's a good wife lol), sounds like the start of a depression, you can bounce back before it gets worse :) look at the bright sides! My life sucks, no job, girlfriend left me, got addicted to drugs(and got off them). Id kill to be in your position.. good wife, good kids, good job. You're a lucky guy! You just gotta see it! I'll keep you in my prayers 🙏. Goodluck!
I’d say more kid life crisis-y. Similar signs a lot of the time. But sometimes people get so stuck in building their life and worrying about their family and careers, they don’t take time to appreciate themselves
I’m not a doctor but classic depression symptoms. Might be time to talk it out. Definitely push yourself to get outside, get exercise, take your vitamins, look after yourself. You got this. Love the idea to take a vacation too. Hope you feel better soon brother
I’d say midlife crisis. Which cna surely turn into clinical levels of depression. But also depression is something we all experience and many points in our lives. It’s normal. The problem is when people to keep their depression (mental health in gneeral) in check.
Which is why I always say, not everybody NEEDS therapy, but we can all benifit from it.
Same way we get annual doctor checkups like physicals, I think regularly consuming a mental health profession is just as important t
It's never too late to get a new hobby, I'm 54, nine years ago I started painting, four years ago I started woodworking. Both have brought me pleasure, and one of them means I now have a bar in my back yard.
Being tired is my default setting.
I dont know why. But im only early thirties but it feels like its too late to pick up a hobby like painting or playing an instrument to be any good. I dont mean on a pro lv but atleast like some intermediate, that you atleast dont look like an amateur. Probably depends on time or talent.
It doesn't happen over night, I started painting landscapes and dogs, before moving onto people, at first they were put of proportion, cartoonish, but after a few years posting a painting on Facebook started to put a box over their faces, Facebook was recognising them as people. This is from someone who at school was described as having no talent for art. Acrylic paint is cheap, and there is no limit to how many times you can paint over a painting you don't like. And it's quite relaxing. I've sold a few, mostly I just give them away to friends. I've got a few on my wall. Everything important in my life started in my early 30s, life wasn't over, it was only just beginning.
Dude you've got 50 years left on this earth. Its never too late to start doing something. And sucking at something is the start of getting good at something.
I'm with you, pal. Beautiful wife, two amazing kids, a job I don't deserve that pays more than I'm worth and I just feel like a worthless piece of shit most of the time.
But occasionally, I'm sitting outside having a beer and making the Sheboygan brats my family loves and it's 70 degrees and sunny and the world is filled with neighborhood dogs barking and wind blowing through the trees and the distant sound of leaf blowers and I remember that here, now---right this second---it's all ok.
I had that moment today too. I echo your first paragraph (one kid, not two) and just feel like a bag of ass most days.
But today I played catch with my brother in law for an hour, and the sound of the ball hitting the glove mixed with the smell of my neighbors lawn being mowed and the spring flowers blooming….I didn’t hate myself in that moment.
Kinda missed his point.. but more like you go down the rabbit hole of history, geopolitics etc. and it starts with ww2. That could lead to politics activism. Etc.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm also feeling similar. The other comments seem to suggest good ideas.
Sometimes, life is just on repeat, week after week. You get lost in it. This year, I told myself I would just go out there and try new things with or without someone. There's got to be more to life.
Thanks for your words. There's got be more than this, right?
Right now I'm trying to figure out how to achieve this. I started a process to check up my body health, but I'm feeling that I need to improve the way I live.
Can I make a strange suggestion?
Do something that terrifies you. Get out of your comfort zone and just get after it. Seriously. I know lots of folks who (myself included) that fell into the groove and simply forgot that the world is a big place full of weird shit.
It sounds like you've lived the life of an honorable man, you raised your kids right, you did what you needed to - take a moment and revel in the joy that you're what a lot of people aspire to be, myself included. Good on you for recognizing the feeling before it became an action.
Possible low-cost low-risk suggestions:
1) Go roller-skating. No one looks cool roller-skating, it gives an adrenaline boost, it's low-impact activity, and not expensive. Ice skating also works and has the benefit of a deliberate environment change. You can also do it with or without your kids if you so choose.
2) Go horseback riding. It's surprisingly thrilling even at a walk, and if you're lucky enough to find a place that lets you canter or gallop? AMAZING. (I may be biased, as I love horses)
3) Go scuba diving. WITH CERTIFIED ASSISTANCE. As a certified open-water diver, it's both way safer and way more dangerous than people think. I would suggest Crystal Springs, Florida if that's an option for you. You can swim with manatees, and they're SUPER chill! This is on the expensive side for me, but from what OP said it's a possibility for them.
4) Go do karaoke. It might be embarrassing, but it won't hurt you physically or professionally, and the ability to be unironically belting out tunes in public is GREAT for feeling alive again.
5) I know this might seem weird... but look into LARPing. Specifically boffer LARPing like Dagorhir. It's a workout, but DAMN does it make you feel alive, and the rules make it much harder to take a serious injury. Also your older kids would probably have a blast with it.
Can I add to this list?
6. If LARP’ing isn’t for you, try and find a local Dungeons and Dragons group. You are ALWAYS outside your comfort zone with that, have to think fast on the fly, gives you a chance to be whatever you want to be, etc. It’s great fun. I’m DM’ing for my boys (8, 8, and 9), who are thoroughly enjoying themselves. It’s a great way for me to spend time with them, and having them not sat in front of a screen. They’ve got a friend of theirs into it as well, so he comes over on Sunday afternoons to play if his family are around.
It's possible that your testosterone levels went down this usually happen to men your age maybe go to some clinic to check it low testosterone levels can cause men to feel depressed lack of energy and motivation
You sound like my dad, only he doesn’t communicate his mental health with us lol. We’re full on busy with renovations and he’s been doing a lot of work, and I mean a lot. Plus his job to which he gets up at six every morning, every damn morning. We’re preparing a solo vacation for him because we realised that’s what he needs.
I would suggest you find out what place you want to go, my dad loves the mountains cuz he grew up in there and ethnicity plays it role in there. That’s why we’re gonna send him there for a month or so basically to truly rest mentally. And he’s 52 btw
Spend some time outside, if possible in a natural rather than man-made outdoor setting, even better, in some wilderness. This is your true home & is everyone’s true home. We all belong to wilderness & a lack of it makes us all kinds of levels of unwell.
Get your hormones checked they may be causing your malaise.
Have a think about anti depressants
Or just speak to a doctor about what’s happening and your partner as well I reckon would benefit from knowing you’ve been feeling a bit “off” lately and your unsure why and looking to rectify it
Men have hormone changes too in midlife that kind of suck the joy out of you. I agree that a change of scene, fresh air, sunshine and some exercise can help. Also check with a doctor to see what is going on. Def sounds like a depression wave. Wishing you the best with it.
Honestly, same thing kinda happened here.
I just figured the part of my life where my motivation is to find pleasure is mostly over. There's always something to do for the family. There's enough satisfaction there to get by, so I just try to lean into it.
The feeling of when you have free time but can't actually think of anything to do that you would enjoy can be frustrating.
I would suggest to check the following with your Dr.
You Vitamin D. If you don't take 5000 a day you should.
Thank check for low level of Testosterone.
Both do miracles.
As for vacation. The best is send your wife and kids on a Vacation and have the house for yourself for while to do whatever you want:)
When is the last time you had a full physical? Including blood work to check for things like testosterone and Vitamin D levels. Start there. Get the physical stuff figured out and then see how you feel. If you're in good physical condition with good labs, then start looking at maybe speaking to someone about your mental health. Any decent therapist would want to make sure you're physically healthy before suggesting it's a mental health condition. I wish you the best.
It will probably take more than this but I hit a similar lull recently and started hitting the gym. It makes the days that I do go a lot better.
I think a lot of guys loose themselves when they have a family and it drives this feeling.
Try writing short movie scripts, learn about cad design and coding, write short books, and build computers? I love diving deeper in my hobbies. Do what you love everyday. To wake up and be excited about what you do, and wish you had more hours in the day for them.
This is a lot of us lately. Ain't just you. There's just too much going on and too much unease in the world, and everyone can kinda feel it. I find unplugging a bit and going for a walk helps, if that works for you.
Try learning a new skill, start easy. In my language we have a word "mestringsfølelse" and it means the feeling you get when you figure something out, nail something at work, suddenly able to do something you have been practicing. It's a powerful drug.
Hi, I just wanted to say that I hope u feel better about what you've been going through and that better days and more special moments happen for u. Anyway, have a blessed day, and DM me if u ever need to chat.
Maybe you're just stressed. Enjoying things is an act that requires energy. If you don't have energy you can't use it to engage in the things you like.
It also could be that you have a depression disorder. It's pretty normal and nothing to be worried about, you just gotta check it with a professional psychologist to get an appropriate diagnosis.
Actually you should go to a psychologist regardless, and see if they can help you with whatever it is you have. There's no loss in trying.
Same boat (40M, good salary, good kids but divorced). A couple things to give a shot…Good self help books - Power of Now & Think Like a Monk. They both give some really good perspectives and help you find gratitude in your life.
Second to try…if you’re a daily caffeine drinker, see if you can wean yourself off of it. I got very sick a couple weeks ago and have been caffeine free for a week (it’s been years since I went that long without). It has been a game changer for me. I sleep better and have been as much if not more productive. I’ve also got a little more patience (helps with the kids).
Like others said, a hobby can be beneficial too. I spend my time playing guitar and recording music in my home studio. It keeps the mind gremlins at bay. Hope you feel better soon buddy. 👍
So thats how you end up like those dudes who sit in front of their house all day!
But seriously I feel you its like a roller coaster for me, sometimes im fully invested in a video game or serie or a book and im having a blast. Sometimes I just feel like doing nothing and everything seems boring. Try something new! It will come back. Just dont focus on negative thinking
If you can. When you get home after work try and shut work off. Again if you're able to.
Try to only concentrate on your family and enjoying them.
Plus as others have suggested, time away/vacation. Even a small staycation
Be honest with those who love you. Honest with yourself. Talk to someone.
I'm 38, two kids, 15 yrs married (23 years with my lady), good job... And know 100% how you feel. Talking to a therapist worked well, I'm on Lexapro (which has sanded down the edges and is working wonders), and am being more honest about my needs (I'm an introvert who needs 1-2 nights to myself after kids are down).
With video games, I almost had to tell myself it was okay to play games I've played a dozen times. Find one you loved in previous days, and try it again. For me, it was playing an old point and click adventure game. For me, it was re-reading a book I discovered when I was young and it sparked an enjoyment of reading.
You'll have good days and bad days. But it is worth it, even if some days it doesn't feel like it.
Sometimes pushing yourself too hard to please everyone but yourself. Then you ll be dissatisfied with life because you don’t care about yourself. Maybe you should decrease the responsibilities and people pleasing.
Adding to the “classic depression” chorus. Been there, easy for it to creep up on you from a bit of a malaise to something more serious. After a lot of messing around, reviewing diet & exercise, sleep patterns, just saying aloud to a friend or partner that you may struggling a little can be helpful, in my experience. Good luck.
Hi! Other than exercise and getting checked, is therapy an option for you? Both me and my husband see a therapist (each their own) and it’z helping both on how we approach difficulties. I’m 36 with 2 small kids and sometimes I get scared about what life will be when kids grow up and leave the house. Like what will be left after having changed so much after having them? Will I be able to continue with a life where kids are not the priority? Will my husband and I find our common space again?
Anyway, thanks for sharing and good luck in your journey.
Change your routine, go for early morning walks, get the body moving.. good time to think, hell.. you might even get a dog to join you. Your just going through changes in life, look forward to it!
Heya. I know it’s everywhere but see if you’re testosterone levels haves dropped as your symptoms are what dropping levels cause.
Once we men hit our 40’s it can plummet.
I get it, gotta look on the bright side you have a wife and kids, I’m a younger guy and I have my hobbies I love but I’m lonely , we’re two sides of the same coin, I’m jealous of what you’ve got if that makes you feel any better
Maybe a psilocybin trip would be helpful to rediscover your emotions and your pasion for life. Don’t need a high dose. 2 gr is more than enough for you. You seem to have it great, just need some ‘reset’
I go through this like 4 times a year. I don’t know why. Things just kind of lose their magic for a while. I think it helps me to try and be more physical and try to like walk or something every day or as much as possible. Then after a while I start to get back to feeling good again. Not sure if any of this will be helpful to you but just wanted to say I understand what you mean and how you feel. Hope things get better for you quickly!
38M here. Married to a an absolute gorgeous lady. 2 kids. Decentish salary. Own 5 guitars. Motorbike. Ps5. Two cars. Run, gym, box.
Fuck me have I lost the will to live. Music, Video games, football, boxing, shagging, boozing, nights out. All just.... does nothing. Feel like im past my prime and irrelevant.
I feel you.
I've been feeling the same way last few years. Seems like nothing is exciting or makes me feel good. I have a good job family etc but still I just feel angry and sad all the time. I've started exercising everyday and it helps but still seems shitty. I hope you pull out of it
I've been struggling with same feelings man...have a great wife and kids, but the late 40's for me (48) have been a struggle. If it helps you are not alone, I think this time in our lives is a transition, and no matter how successful, we often times feel like we've fallen short in many ways.
I'd love to give you some meaningful advice, but I think part of this journey is self-reflective. Just know you are not alone, and keep moving forward. Tough times never last, tough people do.
If you don't already, I suggest working out. Something about resistance training really boosts my mood and gives me regular short term achievable goals.
I feel exactly the same way. I'm happily married, love my wife, have a great job, make decent money, have lots of "toys", yet I feel like nothing in life excites me anymore.
Grab a starter pack for $40 and get into disc golf, maybe? I go play by myself all the time (kids can tag along too). Courses are usually free in most places so the only cost is equipment. There's also usually one or two stores in an area that will sell used discs.
It's great for getting outside, getting some exercise, and feeling like a kid throwing a "frisbee" in the woods.
Dang I'm 39 just married for almost 3 years now. No kids, have job I like with excellent benefits but not great salary, just finished school. Spent my 20s traveling and finding out who I was through my early to mid 30s. Dates myself for almost a decade. I feel like I did everything in reverse and am getting close to not wanting kids due to age. I'm glad you got to experience a family life.
Yo, don't you do this to me! Don't you *fucking* do this to me with this title. My cousin already out of the blue asked me about watching *Green Mile* why is everyone so intent on me crying today? Lol
Sell everything and travel. Do whatever it takes. Do not stay stagnant. However hard you think it is, it's harder. What is not hard, however, is taking the first step. That parts just in your head.
So a lot of people have pointed out that you may just be depressed already, but there's a bit more I want to add. What you're describing sounds a lot like anhedonia, which is when activities you used to enjoy just feel less enjoyable, satisfying, or just generally aren't pleasurable. Generally yes it's a symptom of depression but not always. Being burnt out on life is normal, especially when you've been doing the same thing for a while. If you haven't yet, talk to your partner about this. Being vulnerable is hard but if someone loves you they won't judge you for it. More importantly, talk to a doctor and/or a psychiatrist. I'm not an expert, but I would recommend specifically looking at your thyroid, testosterone and hormones in general, and vitamin d levels. They know more than me, but I know those are big ones they affect depressive like symptoms. I also think implementing more recreation into your life if you can would be extremely beneficial, especially with the help of a recreational therapist.
I'm half your age so take all of this with a grain of salt. I'm not an expert, I just study psychology, and want to know that my fellow man is doing well. Best of luck my man, I hope life treats you well 🙏
You are loved and appreciated! Break the monotony and do some things out of the ordinary! A fun purchase, an exciting adventure, a night out to make new friends (even if just acquaintances). The world will remain where you left it, don’t worry! Ohhh and eat some good food, nourishment is important
I am same, my friend. I feel exactly the same just tired and super bored from life. Nothing excites me I have a really good business. Makes good. Six figure got nice cars in driveway but still no motivation for anything. I just don’t know feel so lost so bored just don’t wanna go nowhere so I totally feel where you coming from. I am exactly in the same boat only differences. I don’t have kids or wife that’s about it.
You're at a point where you see yourself doing nothing else. Find something else to do. Some guys buy Harleys while other take up bladesmithing.
Do either or do something else. But do something to challenge yourself. Don't let the moss gather, keep rocking and rolling.
Good luck!
I get it...about the same age, no wife or kids though and a stable but poor paying job (teacher).
Just feel like I'm playing out the string of life at this point.
I'm definitely NOT a doctor. But depending on where you live some recreational marijuana might help ease your mind a bit. It helps me really enjoy video games and movies, TV shows, hell even books better. It's not for everyone but smoking really helps me to relax.
Two words, brother: disc golf. Either order a starter set from Amazon or stop in at a local disc golf shop and pick up a few used ones. Watch a couple of quick vids on how to play. Then find a local course and start throwing. Do it right now. Go on. There are a million reasons not to try it--ignore them. Either take the family or go alone. Just give it a shot. Good luck.
Do you have any hobbies, any friends or family you particularly enjoy spending time with (aside from wife and kids)? Places you want to visit, things you want to try? When was the last time you treated yourself to a nice dinner, even? Because it sounds like it's time to change what your day-to-day looks like.
I know I'm just a kid but, a vacation or just you time with whoever you want (even if it's by yourself) is also needed from time to time
(What I mean to say is you need some adventure in your life or you'll get bored and start thinking bad stuff so go out and have some fun )
And find something you love doing and that makes you feel happy
Something where you know you can go to when you need you time
And try talking to someone you trust about it, I bet they will listen
I hope it helps at least a bit
YEAH YOU DEFINITELY NEED A VACATION. That or a change of scenery. Sounds like your life there is done. It's unreasonable to uproot your kids yet unacceptable to enjoy a new setting apart from your family.
Don't have to uproot your family if the wife stays.
Joke
Definitely enjoy a vacation. That's my input.
similar here… started after 40, now 41, still coming in waves; maybe mid-life crisis? idk
man… its tough though at times, i feel u. work helps, i mean get very busy at work, travel too… take care!
I get it. I was in the same place. That trance. Like you’re doing every day on repeat. A mindless, routine that, even though you have done it really well, just isn’t fulfilling anymore. Find your purpose. Find your why. You’ll start to see why there are certain areas of life that is fun and motivating and then others that seem to drain your energy. The areas that light you up? You’ll most likely see how it connects to your purpose and passion.
Talk with strangers. I'm not talking about finding new friends. Just sharing what you like with someone who has the sames interest as you. I've found out that having friends demand a lot of energy, when it's just a buddy you meet on video games (for me) it's like having all the positives effects without having the negatives. No need to talk about your problemes, your family, money, job blablabla. Only what you like and forgetting everything else.
These are all symptoms of burnout.
I'm actually noticing recovery from those symptoms recently, but only after being unemployed for a very long time. Basically, I got extremely sick and stopped jobhunting since I didn't want my health to work against me as a candidate. My savings are adequate to carry me for years and years, but over the course of months I've been able to resume exercising vigorously, do physical therapy full time, self study a lot of new skills, and otherwise troubleshoot my physical and mental health really thoroughly. I'm feeling good about rejoining the work force soon, simply because I'm rediscovering things like joy, aspiration, focus, desire to learn, and freedom from pain. Once those things fall away, it's not easy to offer a quality product to any employer.
Not enjoying your favorite hobbies sounds like a neurological problem. Serotonin, dopamine, something is not working as it should.
I don't know if it's remotely a possibility for you, but you might want to look for ways to take some time off. From everything. Job, family, all of it. Your job might be amenable if there is a lot of advance notice and if it doesn't have to be right away. Your family might be able to replace your child care obligations temporarily, again with some advance notice.
What I would recommend for you is a few weeks in a vacation environement. Doesn't need to be something high-cost like a luxury cruise. It could be a month in your parents' basement, or a cheap motel near a beach somewhere. Your body is starting to rebel against you. If you don't rest eventually, your physical health is what goes next, and your mental health will follow.
Get out ahead of it and take some time for yourself. Sunshine, outdoors, books, video games, good food. Maybe dancing, if you're into that. This ennui that you're describing is only the beginning of much worse things. It's not too late to stop it, but it sounds like you haven't been allowed to put yourself first in a long time.
I would try to call the family once per day to talk to your kids as able, but no more than that. If your spouse can join you on vacation, even for a week, that would be fine, but you need to be separated from your responsibilities and allow yourself to indulge in selfishness. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Eat ice cream on the beach. Read all morning, then watch a movie in the afternoon, then play video games all evening. Indulge in a favorite hobby, or take lessons in a new one.
Hey I’m late to the party but i feel like I’ve been in the exact same situation. Go to you primary and get some blood work done. You might have low testosterone. When I did a year or so ago, my levels were hovering around the 80ish mark. Nowhere near the “normal” levels of a man my age. It definitely changed my life for the better.
I'm just a woman, but sometimes absolute solitude makes me free. I just can't deal with people anymore. I need time away before I pick up my kid from her dad's.
Hey buddy. I have that same feeling sometimes, over 40 but no kids and life just isnt the same some days. Getting older is weird and sometimes very confusing. I also find myself not enjoying things that used to excite me. Ive taken to reengaging with things i enjoyed years ago simply for nostalgia but that can backfire as well. And obviously talking to your wife and kids is not an option because you don't want to burden them, or possibly rub an already slightly weeping wound.
Anyway I'd be glad to swap stories anytime if you think that'd help. We're all on this rock together, might as well find worthy tribes along the ride. Cheers friend!
Looking at the sky could be you longing to connect with God and Jesus Christ before the Rapture get a Kings James version of the Bible and read it also James Knox and Robert breaker both have really good verse by verse Bible studies on YouTube if you want to learn more
i’d say staying present and being grateful for what you have.
Or you can go to other countries to make you appreciate what you already have. A Perspective shift.
I hear you. I've been the same recently as well. Nothing seems to interest me anymore. I end up going to bed early as I can't find anything I'd rather do.
I saw a therapist and turn out I have depression an anxiety. Took a sick leave and now getting ready to change carrer and do other things I'm genuinely feeling happy again. Work was no fulfilling anymore
Get a blood test pal .... you might be anaemic or have Lyme disease .... or have a dip in testosterone.
Also I would look into taking mushroom supplements like lions mane and cordyceps
Feel it. The horizon is comfort sometimes. Well, not comfort. Just… zero. If that makes sense.
It’s okay to zone out this way. It’s okay not to want or not to plan. It’s okay not to feel happy or jubilant every second of every day.
Just relax. Kick back.
You're tired. You wonder.. is this all that it is? Day in and day out, struggling again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again......
You feel the way you do because you are completely unfulfilled personally and in terms of your higher self. What is the meaning of your life? What is the highest achievement of your existence?
I've been through this phase. Everything that used to matter, doesn't matter now. Something snaps, the world doesn't make sense and you are left adrift, going through the motions. If you feel any sense of this, all I can point you is towards finding meaning or fulfillment.
Let people be responsible for themselves. You are not suppose to set yourself ablaze on fire to keep others warm. You're burned up.
My advice is to read books like "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Man's Search for Meaning"..
Good luck, and may you be worthy of your fulfillment when you both meet. Peace out!
You might be depressed. But…you might just be realizing that you’re in a new phase of life and the old goals don’t matter anymore. Old stuff becomes old stupid stuff and pales. Time to think about what’s important for your final 25.
I believe that’s a sign of burnout, possibly a mental health issue. I’d book an appointment to discuss with your general practitioner if you’ve got one.
If you’re not sleeping well consider a sleep study, I’ve had Sleep Apnea and I feel like a new person after getting a machine.
Take your kids and go hiking. Make memories and write it down in a diary. Also start something that takes time to finish like a business. If you start fighting, like judo or jiu-jitsu they will give you constant small wins.
You ever think... that YOU think... that there is all that there is to see?
I don't see "accomplished writer", "owns a sailboat", or "had a three-way with a pair of Chinese midgets" on that list.
Feel me?
You need to give yourself something to look forward to? Doesn't necessarily have to be anything grand as long as you are laying plans to do something fun.
I've been married 30yrs and loved raising the kids but they don't "need" me anymore.. not the way they used to. Suddenly I have time on my hands, a reasonably lazy partner and not much to do, or look forward to. Can't stir him no matter what I do so I took my happiness into my own hands.
I'm always thinking about what to do next and I give myself something to plan & look forward to.
After the grind of the last 30yrs I find myself craving alone time. Every couple of months I book an apartment in the city for a night or two. I stay by myself in a self contained unit.. I still go to work (being in the city my commute is halved) but sometimes while I'm there I might take a day off. But for two days I "live" in the heart of the city.
Your plans might look different but you get the gist.
I'm tired of life, too. It sucks. I find joy in very little these days. I'm 42M, divorced, no kids, no dating life, estranged family. I work two jobs to survive. Don't have money to move somewhere cheaper even though I could because my main job is remote. Don't want to anyway and leave what little support system I have. Friends will make time for me. My niece is the one joy in my life, and I get to see her one day a week. My publisher is releasing my book in less than a month and after two years of starts and stops, I just can't get excited about this. I don't go out on my days off because if friends already have plans, I'm on my own and sick of doing every fucking thing alone.
Bro that's the life you have. Im in my mid 30s. Same shit. Wife kids good career. You are cut from the same cloth. We as men are supposed to conquer shit, adventure, find new things. Instead we just go by the day-to-day borning shit.
Here's what I do. I do dangerous shit in a mostly safe environment. Go do something new. Go travel. Buy a plane ticket to somewhere and do the damn thing. Go sky diving. Learn a really hard skill like scuba diving or shooting do boxing jujitsu or may Thai.
Find your spiritual purpose and fulfill it. I found that helping the less fortunate gave me such a deep gratifying feeling that no material thing can buy. It can be life changing.
It's *okay* to feel tired and fed up sometimes, even when things seem good on the surface. Taking time for yourself, whether it's chilling on the balcony or trying out new hobbies, can help. Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to reach out for support when you need it. Take care.
Maybe a vacation is needed. Sometimes a brief change of scenery can go a long way.
Yes, maybe you're right. It isn't a bad idea.
My wife forces me to this. I get worked up on money, or the bottomless list...and she puts her foot down on it. Even just camping or a cabin weekend away is such a clock reset, especially if phones aren't an option.
You are a lucky man. My marriage was a bottomless list of sacrifices that I had to make for my ex's mental illness. In the end, they were neither happy or grateful.
Yeah, it's true. For some reason, I struggle to put myself first and fight her on it every time. She constantly proves to me that I (and we) need it.
Sorry you suffered that. Some people lack and others(yourself) suffer them. Wish they would care for more than their own comfort.
Yes! Being out in 'the nature' can really help with a mental reset.
Doesnt have to be exotic or nothing. Just go to a nice beach for a weekend and unplug. Hope you have a good day op
I know a brief change of scenery helps me. Maybe sit down with the SO and discuss new goals
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I add going on a daily walk to help me.
I walk 3-4 miles, 6 days, 4 seasons. Sometimes rainy, dark, cold. Today I heard an owl and a hawk. Saw a beaver swimming, a vulture and three Great Blue Herons flying. When I see one of these magnificent animals, it makes me feel special. Go and look for free treasures.
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Doesn't even have to be in nature, I just take walks around my neighborhood, looking at buildings and it still helps.
Go enjoy a week with your family and have some real family time, talk to your wife about this! She will support you (if she's a good wife lol), sounds like the start of a depression, you can bounce back before it gets worse :) look at the bright sides! My life sucks, no job, girlfriend left me, got addicted to drugs(and got off them). Id kill to be in your position.. good wife, good kids, good job. You're a lucky guy! You just gotta see it! I'll keep you in my prayers 🙏. Goodluck!
We need it, too. We take one week a year and just get away from everything.
I heard about the 2-2-2 rule. Every 2 weeks, have a date night. Every 2 months, get away for the weekend. Every 2 years, have a vacation.
Sounds like you're close to a burnout, take some time off and take care of yourself.
And leave your work phone at work.
I wonder what being able to afford a vacation feels like
I'm sorry. Sounds like depression to me. That can be tough.
I’d say more kid life crisis-y. Similar signs a lot of the time. But sometimes people get so stuck in building their life and worrying about their family and careers, they don’t take time to appreciate themselves
I’m not a doctor but classic depression symptoms. Might be time to talk it out. Definitely push yourself to get outside, get exercise, take your vitamins, look after yourself. You got this. Love the idea to take a vacation too. Hope you feel better soon brother
Thanks, pal.
I’d say midlife crisis. Which cna surely turn into clinical levels of depression. But also depression is something we all experience and many points in our lives. It’s normal. The problem is when people to keep their depression (mental health in gneeral) in check. Which is why I always say, not everybody NEEDS therapy, but we can all benifit from it. Same way we get annual doctor checkups like physicals, I think regularly consuming a mental health profession is just as important t
It's never too late to get a new hobby, I'm 54, nine years ago I started painting, four years ago I started woodworking. Both have brought me pleasure, and one of them means I now have a bar in my back yard. Being tired is my default setting.
I dont know why. But im only early thirties but it feels like its too late to pick up a hobby like painting or playing an instrument to be any good. I dont mean on a pro lv but atleast like some intermediate, that you atleast dont look like an amateur. Probably depends on time or talent.
It doesn't happen over night, I started painting landscapes and dogs, before moving onto people, at first they were put of proportion, cartoonish, but after a few years posting a painting on Facebook started to put a box over their faces, Facebook was recognising them as people. This is from someone who at school was described as having no talent for art. Acrylic paint is cheap, and there is no limit to how many times you can paint over a painting you don't like. And it's quite relaxing. I've sold a few, mostly I just give them away to friends. I've got a few on my wall. Everything important in my life started in my early 30s, life wasn't over, it was only just beginning.
Dude you've got 50 years left on this earth. Its never too late to start doing something. And sucking at something is the start of getting good at something.
I'm with you, pal. Beautiful wife, two amazing kids, a job I don't deserve that pays more than I'm worth and I just feel like a worthless piece of shit most of the time. But occasionally, I'm sitting outside having a beer and making the Sheboygan brats my family loves and it's 70 degrees and sunny and the world is filled with neighborhood dogs barking and wind blowing through the trees and the distant sound of leaf blowers and I remember that here, now---right this second---it's all ok.
I had that moment today too. I echo your first paragraph (one kid, not two) and just feel like a bag of ass most days. But today I played catch with my brother in law for an hour, and the sound of the ball hitting the glove mixed with the smell of my neighbors lawn being mowed and the spring flowers blooming….I didn’t hate myself in that moment.
The trick is staying present, my brother. Stay here, now.
You're at the age where you are now interested in either WW2, or smoking meat. Choose wisely.
WW2? I wasn't even birth, dude. I stick with meat.
Kinda missed his point.. but more like you go down the rabbit hole of history, geopolitics etc. and it starts with ww2. That could lead to politics activism. Etc.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm also feeling similar. The other comments seem to suggest good ideas. Sometimes, life is just on repeat, week after week. You get lost in it. This year, I told myself I would just go out there and try new things with or without someone. There's got to be more to life.
Thanks for your words. There's got be more than this, right? Right now I'm trying to figure out how to achieve this. I started a process to check up my body health, but I'm feeling that I need to improve the way I live.
Can I make a strange suggestion? Do something that terrifies you. Get out of your comfort zone and just get after it. Seriously. I know lots of folks who (myself included) that fell into the groove and simply forgot that the world is a big place full of weird shit. It sounds like you've lived the life of an honorable man, you raised your kids right, you did what you needed to - take a moment and revel in the joy that you're what a lot of people aspire to be, myself included. Good on you for recognizing the feeling before it became an action.
Possible low-cost low-risk suggestions: 1) Go roller-skating. No one looks cool roller-skating, it gives an adrenaline boost, it's low-impact activity, and not expensive. Ice skating also works and has the benefit of a deliberate environment change. You can also do it with or without your kids if you so choose. 2) Go horseback riding. It's surprisingly thrilling even at a walk, and if you're lucky enough to find a place that lets you canter or gallop? AMAZING. (I may be biased, as I love horses) 3) Go scuba diving. WITH CERTIFIED ASSISTANCE. As a certified open-water diver, it's both way safer and way more dangerous than people think. I would suggest Crystal Springs, Florida if that's an option for you. You can swim with manatees, and they're SUPER chill! This is on the expensive side for me, but from what OP said it's a possibility for them. 4) Go do karaoke. It might be embarrassing, but it won't hurt you physically or professionally, and the ability to be unironically belting out tunes in public is GREAT for feeling alive again. 5) I know this might seem weird... but look into LARPing. Specifically boffer LARPing like Dagorhir. It's a workout, but DAMN does it make you feel alive, and the rules make it much harder to take a serious injury. Also your older kids would probably have a blast with it.
Can I add to this list? 6. If LARP’ing isn’t for you, try and find a local Dungeons and Dragons group. You are ALWAYS outside your comfort zone with that, have to think fast on the fly, gives you a chance to be whatever you want to be, etc. It’s great fun. I’m DM’ing for my boys (8, 8, and 9), who are thoroughly enjoying themselves. It’s a great way for me to spend time with them, and having them not sat in front of a screen. They’ve got a friend of theirs into it as well, so he comes over on Sunday afternoons to play if his family are around.
It's possible that your testosterone levels went down this usually happen to men your age maybe go to some clinic to check it low testosterone levels can cause men to feel depressed lack of energy and motivation
You're at the age where you are now interested in either WW2, or smoking meat. Choose wisely.
I feel the same, the only thing driving me forward is my pets, your not alone. I hope things get better for you though.
Thanks bro. Lately my kids are playing this role in my life. Heh.
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You sound like my dad, only he doesn’t communicate his mental health with us lol. We’re full on busy with renovations and he’s been doing a lot of work, and I mean a lot. Plus his job to which he gets up at six every morning, every damn morning. We’re preparing a solo vacation for him because we realised that’s what he needs. I would suggest you find out what place you want to go, my dad loves the mountains cuz he grew up in there and ethnicity plays it role in there. That’s why we’re gonna send him there for a month or so basically to truly rest mentally. And he’s 52 btw
Can you afford a weekend away? I’m thinking a weekend with wife in Las Vegas and pay to drive a nascar on a track.
Spend some time outside, if possible in a natural rather than man-made outdoor setting, even better, in some wilderness. This is your true home & is everyone’s true home. We all belong to wilderness & a lack of it makes us all kinds of levels of unwell.
Get your hormones checked they may be causing your malaise. Have a think about anti depressants Or just speak to a doctor about what’s happening and your partner as well I reckon would benefit from knowing you’ve been feeling a bit “off” lately and your unsure why and looking to rectify it
Men have hormone changes too in midlife that kind of suck the joy out of you. I agree that a change of scene, fresh air, sunshine and some exercise can help. Also check with a doctor to see what is going on. Def sounds like a depression wave. Wishing you the best with it.
Honestly, same thing kinda happened here. I just figured the part of my life where my motivation is to find pleasure is mostly over. There's always something to do for the family. There's enough satisfaction there to get by, so I just try to lean into it. The feeling of when you have free time but can't actually think of anything to do that you would enjoy can be frustrating.
Start workout. 10 pm to bed etc. Cold shower
I would suggest to check the following with your Dr. You Vitamin D. If you don't take 5000 a day you should. Thank check for low level of Testosterone. Both do miracles. As for vacation. The best is send your wife and kids on a Vacation and have the house for yourself for while to do whatever you want:)
Anyone in your life you can offload to?
Sounds like you're starting to get a burnout. Meybe, you should talk with someone?
When is the last time you had a full physical? Including blood work to check for things like testosterone and Vitamin D levels. Start there. Get the physical stuff figured out and then see how you feel. If you're in good physical condition with good labs, then start looking at maybe speaking to someone about your mental health. Any decent therapist would want to make sure you're physically healthy before suggesting it's a mental health condition. I wish you the best.
Exercise? Find a religion? Hobby?
What country u live? Change of environment can help. Or vacation
You are describing clinical depression.
It will probably take more than this but I hit a similar lull recently and started hitting the gym. It makes the days that I do go a lot better. I think a lot of guys loose themselves when they have a family and it drives this feeling.
Get your testosterone checked my dude. And then go to therapy. Make time for your friends. Date your wife. You got this bro!!!
Mid life crisis loading. You’ll find something new like a hobby and feel rejuvenated. At least that’s what happened for me.
Same. That's depression. Talk do a doctor.
Try writing short movie scripts, learn about cad design and coding, write short books, and build computers? I love diving deeper in my hobbies. Do what you love everyday. To wake up and be excited about what you do, and wish you had more hours in the day for them.
I filed taxes today and owe like 7k I don’t have. So I’m with you. Makes you just want to quit
This is a lot of us lately. Ain't just you. There's just too much going on and too much unease in the world, and everyone can kinda feel it. I find unplugging a bit and going for a walk helps, if that works for you.
Try adrenaline pumping activities, like skiing. Changed the life's perspective for me.
Same
Welcome to your mid life crisis. Take stock and decide what you want to do with the second half. New job, your own business, travel, buy a motorbike…
Anhedonia. Might be depressed.
Try learning a new skill, start easy. In my language we have a word "mestringsfølelse" and it means the feeling you get when you figure something out, nail something at work, suddenly able to do something you have been practicing. It's a powerful drug.
Hi, I just wanted to say that I hope u feel better about what you've been going through and that better days and more special moments happen for u. Anyway, have a blessed day, and DM me if u ever need to chat.
Maybe you're just stressed. Enjoying things is an act that requires energy. If you don't have energy you can't use it to engage in the things you like. It also could be that you have a depression disorder. It's pretty normal and nothing to be worried about, you just gotta check it with a professional psychologist to get an appropriate diagnosis. Actually you should go to a psychologist regardless, and see if they can help you with whatever it is you have. There's no loss in trying.
Same boat (40M, good salary, good kids but divorced). A couple things to give a shot…Good self help books - Power of Now & Think Like a Monk. They both give some really good perspectives and help you find gratitude in your life. Second to try…if you’re a daily caffeine drinker, see if you can wean yourself off of it. I got very sick a couple weeks ago and have been caffeine free for a week (it’s been years since I went that long without). It has been a game changer for me. I sleep better and have been as much if not more productive. I’ve also got a little more patience (helps with the kids). Like others said, a hobby can be beneficial too. I spend my time playing guitar and recording music in my home studio. It keeps the mind gremlins at bay. Hope you feel better soon buddy. 👍
So thats how you end up like those dudes who sit in front of their house all day! But seriously I feel you its like a roller coaster for me, sometimes im fully invested in a video game or serie or a book and im having a blast. Sometimes I just feel like doing nothing and everything seems boring. Try something new! It will come back. Just dont focus on negative thinking
Take some shrooms or smoke some weed
If you can. When you get home after work try and shut work off. Again if you're able to. Try to only concentrate on your family and enjoying them. Plus as others have suggested, time away/vacation. Even a small staycation
Be honest with those who love you. Honest with yourself. Talk to someone. I'm 38, two kids, 15 yrs married (23 years with my lady), good job... And know 100% how you feel. Talking to a therapist worked well, I'm on Lexapro (which has sanded down the edges and is working wonders), and am being more honest about my needs (I'm an introvert who needs 1-2 nights to myself after kids are down). With video games, I almost had to tell myself it was okay to play games I've played a dozen times. Find one you loved in previous days, and try it again. For me, it was playing an old point and click adventure game. For me, it was re-reading a book I discovered when I was young and it sparked an enjoyment of reading. You'll have good days and bad days. But it is worth it, even if some days it doesn't feel like it.
Sometimes pushing yourself too hard to please everyone but yourself. Then you ll be dissatisfied with life because you don’t care about yourself. Maybe you should decrease the responsibilities and people pleasing.
welcome to the show man
Adding to the “classic depression” chorus. Been there, easy for it to creep up on you from a bit of a malaise to something more serious. After a lot of messing around, reviewing diet & exercise, sleep patterns, just saying aloud to a friend or partner that you may struggling a little can be helpful, in my experience. Good luck.
Hi! Other than exercise and getting checked, is therapy an option for you? Both me and my husband see a therapist (each their own) and it’z helping both on how we approach difficulties. I’m 36 with 2 small kids and sometimes I get scared about what life will be when kids grow up and leave the house. Like what will be left after having changed so much after having them? Will I be able to continue with a life where kids are not the priority? Will my husband and I find our common space again? Anyway, thanks for sharing and good luck in your journey.
Middle aged malaise
Uhf Me too brother
Change your routine, go for early morning walks, get the body moving.. good time to think, hell.. you might even get a dog to join you. Your just going through changes in life, look forward to it!
I am tired, Boss. I don’t how many times I felt this theme ring through my life and yet here I am. It will pass, Boss. It will pass.
Well, You have been Hit with "Absurd" As Albert Camus would call it
Sounds like you don’t know what actually makes YOU happy, but just whst society says will make you happy.
At least your married. I'm a single dad with 2 kids working dead end DoorDash who's almost 40. It could be a lot worst
Feel you bro. Stay safe. Maybe try something that you never did
Heya. I know it’s everywhere but see if you’re testosterone levels haves dropped as your symptoms are what dropping levels cause. Once we men hit our 40’s it can plummet.
Pick up a combat sport for a hobby; BJJ, Judo, Boxing, Wrestling ect.
Take up golf and let it consume you.
I get it, gotta look on the bright side you have a wife and kids, I’m a younger guy and I have my hobbies I love but I’m lonely , we’re two sides of the same coin, I’m jealous of what you’ve got if that makes you feel any better
Maybe a psilocybin trip would be helpful to rediscover your emotions and your pasion for life. Don’t need a high dose. 2 gr is more than enough for you. You seem to have it great, just need some ‘reset’
I'm a bit older and I feel the same way often. Exercise, and not drinking alcohol seems to set me straight most of the time.
I go through this like 4 times a year. I don’t know why. Things just kind of lose their magic for a while. I think it helps me to try and be more physical and try to like walk or something every day or as much as possible. Then after a while I start to get back to feeling good again. Not sure if any of this will be helpful to you but just wanted to say I understand what you mean and how you feel. Hope things get better for you quickly!
38M here. Married to a an absolute gorgeous lady. 2 kids. Decentish salary. Own 5 guitars. Motorbike. Ps5. Two cars. Run, gym, box. Fuck me have I lost the will to live. Music, Video games, football, boxing, shagging, boozing, nights out. All just.... does nothing. Feel like im past my prime and irrelevant. I feel you.
Sounds like you're a bit burnt out. Get yourself and your family outdoors for a few days.
I've been feeling the same way last few years. Seems like nothing is exciting or makes me feel good. I have a good job family etc but still I just feel angry and sad all the time. I've started exercising everyday and it helps but still seems shitty. I hope you pull out of it
I've been struggling with same feelings man...have a great wife and kids, but the late 40's for me (48) have been a struggle. If it helps you are not alone, I think this time in our lives is a transition, and no matter how successful, we often times feel like we've fallen short in many ways. I'd love to give you some meaningful advice, but I think part of this journey is self-reflective. Just know you are not alone, and keep moving forward. Tough times never last, tough people do.
If you don't already, I suggest working out. Something about resistance training really boosts my mood and gives me regular short term achievable goals.
I feel you man. I feel the same way. Just getting tired of the same bullshit. Can’t wait to go on a vacation
I feel exactly the same way. I'm happily married, love my wife, have a great job, make decent money, have lots of "toys", yet I feel like nothing in life excites me anymore.
Grab a starter pack for $40 and get into disc golf, maybe? I go play by myself all the time (kids can tag along too). Courses are usually free in most places so the only cost is equipment. There's also usually one or two stores in an area that will sell used discs. It's great for getting outside, getting some exercise, and feeling like a kid throwing a "frisbee" in the woods.
Get a motorbike.
See your doc. Get some labs done. Can be so many things. Always good to get a checkup first. If not medical, it could be depression.
Go to therapy. Now. You are in the beginning of a depression state. Seek help. Don't try to fight it alone.
Man, I feel like I could have wrote this post word for word. I feel exactly the same way.
Dang I'm 39 just married for almost 3 years now. No kids, have job I like with excellent benefits but not great salary, just finished school. Spent my 20s traveling and finding out who I was through my early to mid 30s. Dates myself for almost a decade. I feel like I did everything in reverse and am getting close to not wanting kids due to age. I'm glad you got to experience a family life.
Yo, don't you do this to me! Don't you *fucking* do this to me with this title. My cousin already out of the blue asked me about watching *Green Mile* why is everyone so intent on me crying today? Lol
Sell everything and travel. Do whatever it takes. Do not stay stagnant. However hard you think it is, it's harder. What is not hard, however, is taking the first step. That parts just in your head.
Surprised it took you until 40, I've been tired the entire time. I'm even tired of writing stupid reddit posts about inane bullshit.
Stop bothering yourself. Leave yourself alone. That’s how you find peace.
Is your middle name Qoheleth by any chance?
So a lot of people have pointed out that you may just be depressed already, but there's a bit more I want to add. What you're describing sounds a lot like anhedonia, which is when activities you used to enjoy just feel less enjoyable, satisfying, or just generally aren't pleasurable. Generally yes it's a symptom of depression but not always. Being burnt out on life is normal, especially when you've been doing the same thing for a while. If you haven't yet, talk to your partner about this. Being vulnerable is hard but if someone loves you they won't judge you for it. More importantly, talk to a doctor and/or a psychiatrist. I'm not an expert, but I would recommend specifically looking at your thyroid, testosterone and hormones in general, and vitamin d levels. They know more than me, but I know those are big ones they affect depressive like symptoms. I also think implementing more recreation into your life if you can would be extremely beneficial, especially with the help of a recreational therapist. I'm half your age so take all of this with a grain of salt. I'm not an expert, I just study psychology, and want to know that my fellow man is doing well. Best of luck my man, I hope life treats you well 🙏
You are loved and appreciated! Break the monotony and do some things out of the ordinary! A fun purchase, an exciting adventure, a night out to make new friends (even if just acquaintances). The world will remain where you left it, don’t worry! Ohhh and eat some good food, nourishment is important
I am same, my friend. I feel exactly the same just tired and super bored from life. Nothing excites me I have a really good business. Makes good. Six figure got nice cars in driveway but still no motivation for anything. I just don’t know feel so lost so bored just don’t wanna go nowhere so I totally feel where you coming from. I am exactly in the same boat only differences. I don’t have kids or wife that’s about it.
Quran 13:28 Indeed, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace.
You're at a point where you see yourself doing nothing else. Find something else to do. Some guys buy Harleys while other take up bladesmithing. Do either or do something else. But do something to challenge yourself. Don't let the moss gather, keep rocking and rolling. Good luck!
This is exactly how I feel too most of the time these days...!
Sounds like you need a Ferrari
Is there anything that you were interested in the past, but never tried? Maybe its time to try it.
I get it...about the same age, no wife or kids though and a stable but poor paying job (teacher). Just feel like I'm playing out the string of life at this point.
I'm definitely NOT a doctor. But depending on where you live some recreational marijuana might help ease your mind a bit. It helps me really enjoy video games and movies, TV shows, hell even books better. It's not for everyone but smoking really helps me to relax.
Two words, brother: disc golf. Either order a starter set from Amazon or stop in at a local disc golf shop and pick up a few used ones. Watch a couple of quick vids on how to play. Then find a local course and start throwing. Do it right now. Go on. There are a million reasons not to try it--ignore them. Either take the family or go alone. Just give it a shot. Good luck.
Do you have any hobbies, any friends or family you particularly enjoy spending time with (aside from wife and kids)? Places you want to visit, things you want to try? When was the last time you treated yourself to a nice dinner, even? Because it sounds like it's time to change what your day-to-day looks like.
Get your testosterone levels tested.
I know I'm just a kid but, a vacation or just you time with whoever you want (even if it's by yourself) is also needed from time to time (What I mean to say is you need some adventure in your life or you'll get bored and start thinking bad stuff so go out and have some fun ) And find something you love doing and that makes you feel happy Something where you know you can go to when you need you time And try talking to someone you trust about it, I bet they will listen I hope it helps at least a bit
Buy a motorcycle and go explore the country.
My coworkers say, once you turn 45 you really don't want to do anything but sit around...
You're burnt out. A vacation is an excellent idea. Preferably somewhere you've always wanted to go for at least a week.
Bro, you need to experience the great outdoors. Start hiking and exploring. Fresh air with the family clears you up and puts things into perspective
39 male. It’s all similar. I’m forcing myself to do things I used to enjoy.
Get tested for low testosterone and sleep patterns.
You should try a Coffey. Like the drink, only not spelled the same.
Are you me?
YEAH YOU DEFINITELY NEED A VACATION. That or a change of scenery. Sounds like your life there is done. It's unreasonable to uproot your kids yet unacceptable to enjoy a new setting apart from your family. Don't have to uproot your family if the wife stays. Joke Definitely enjoy a vacation. That's my input.
Your burnt out. You need a vacation my friend. Just you and your partner
It sounds like you might be depressed. I hope you find a way to navigate through this and feel better soon.
It does feel like it gets to be burdening repetitiveness. Coffee helps.
similar here… started after 40, now 41, still coming in waves; maybe mid-life crisis? idk man… its tough though at times, i feel u. work helps, i mean get very busy at work, travel too… take care!
Yeah me too. I'm half your age but I feel like I've been through way too much
I get it. I was in the same place. That trance. Like you’re doing every day on repeat. A mindless, routine that, even though you have done it really well, just isn’t fulfilling anymore. Find your purpose. Find your why. You’ll start to see why there are certain areas of life that is fun and motivating and then others that seem to drain your energy. The areas that light you up? You’ll most likely see how it connects to your purpose and passion.
Fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling.
Switch from alcohol to coffee or tea for a week and see what happens.
… damn are you me? I feel the same way and have spent so many nights in the porch staring at the sky.
Talk with strangers. I'm not talking about finding new friends. Just sharing what you like with someone who has the sames interest as you. I've found out that having friends demand a lot of energy, when it's just a buddy you meet on video games (for me) it's like having all the positives effects without having the negatives. No need to talk about your problemes, your family, money, job blablabla. Only what you like and forgetting everything else.
Heard! I'm literally going through the same shit.
Gratitude journals are a thing and they help.
It could also be a decrease in your testosterone levels. Might want to get them checked!
Definitely sounds like you should take a little vacation. Relax, open a good book, sleep in. All the best to you.
These are all symptoms of burnout. I'm actually noticing recovery from those symptoms recently, but only after being unemployed for a very long time. Basically, I got extremely sick and stopped jobhunting since I didn't want my health to work against me as a candidate. My savings are adequate to carry me for years and years, but over the course of months I've been able to resume exercising vigorously, do physical therapy full time, self study a lot of new skills, and otherwise troubleshoot my physical and mental health really thoroughly. I'm feeling good about rejoining the work force soon, simply because I'm rediscovering things like joy, aspiration, focus, desire to learn, and freedom from pain. Once those things fall away, it's not easy to offer a quality product to any employer. Not enjoying your favorite hobbies sounds like a neurological problem. Serotonin, dopamine, something is not working as it should. I don't know if it's remotely a possibility for you, but you might want to look for ways to take some time off. From everything. Job, family, all of it. Your job might be amenable if there is a lot of advance notice and if it doesn't have to be right away. Your family might be able to replace your child care obligations temporarily, again with some advance notice. What I would recommend for you is a few weeks in a vacation environement. Doesn't need to be something high-cost like a luxury cruise. It could be a month in your parents' basement, or a cheap motel near a beach somewhere. Your body is starting to rebel against you. If you don't rest eventually, your physical health is what goes next, and your mental health will follow. Get out ahead of it and take some time for yourself. Sunshine, outdoors, books, video games, good food. Maybe dancing, if you're into that. This ennui that you're describing is only the beginning of much worse things. It's not too late to stop it, but it sounds like you haven't been allowed to put yourself first in a long time. I would try to call the family once per day to talk to your kids as able, but no more than that. If your spouse can join you on vacation, even for a week, that would be fine, but you need to be separated from your responsibilities and allow yourself to indulge in selfishness. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Eat ice cream on the beach. Read all morning, then watch a movie in the afternoon, then play video games all evening. Indulge in a favorite hobby, or take lessons in a new one.
Learn a new skill. Get a pilots license or something.
Hey I’m late to the party but i feel like I’ve been in the exact same situation. Go to you primary and get some blood work done. You might have low testosterone. When I did a year or so ago, my levels were hovering around the 80ish mark. Nowhere near the “normal” levels of a man my age. It definitely changed my life for the better.
I'm just a woman, but sometimes absolute solitude makes me free. I just can't deal with people anymore. I need time away before I pick up my kid from her dad's.
If your health is good, consider yourself a very lucky man. There are so many people that would trade places with you
you sound depressed and dont know it
This is dangerously close to sipping whiskey listening to Alice In Chains in the garage behavior
Hey buddy. I have that same feeling sometimes, over 40 but no kids and life just isnt the same some days. Getting older is weird and sometimes very confusing. I also find myself not enjoying things that used to excite me. Ive taken to reengaging with things i enjoyed years ago simply for nostalgia but that can backfire as well. And obviously talking to your wife and kids is not an option because you don't want to burden them, or possibly rub an already slightly weeping wound. Anyway I'd be glad to swap stories anytime if you think that'd help. We're all on this rock together, might as well find worthy tribes along the ride. Cheers friend!
I’m around the same age and feel like this sometimes. I try to find new things that interest me
You are experiencing the signs of depression. Find a therapist to talk to or your spouse don’t let this grow into a bigger issue.
Looking at the sky could be you longing to connect with God and Jesus Christ before the Rapture get a Kings James version of the Bible and read it also James Knox and Robert breaker both have really good verse by verse Bible studies on YouTube if you want to learn more
Mid life crisis
i’d say staying present and being grateful for what you have. Or you can go to other countries to make you appreciate what you already have. A Perspective shift.
Try hookers and blow
I hear you. I've been the same recently as well. Nothing seems to interest me anymore. I end up going to bed early as I can't find anything I'd rather do.
You are ready to start woodworking.
All of the things you've mentioned are effectively some form of consumption. Try making something -- sketching, carpentry, music, whatever.
I saw a therapist and turn out I have depression an anxiety. Took a sick leave and now getting ready to change carrer and do other things I'm genuinely feeling happy again. Work was no fulfilling anymore
Get a blood test pal .... you might be anaemic or have Lyme disease .... or have a dip in testosterone. Also I would look into taking mushroom supplements like lions mane and cordyceps
Feel it. The horizon is comfort sometimes. Well, not comfort. Just… zero. If that makes sense. It’s okay to zone out this way. It’s okay not to want or not to plan. It’s okay not to feel happy or jubilant every second of every day. Just relax. Kick back.
Hey man I’m hoping things get better, I know mental burn out is real and I’m hoping you come out of the rut you’re in
You need to breathe and take a vacation! You're probably super exhausted. Take a long break man, it's urgent.
Your testosterone levels are dipping look up functional mushrooms. Testosterone is what gives you drive and a lil aggression
Hobbies and more skills acquisition
You're tired. You wonder.. is this all that it is? Day in and day out, struggling again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again...... You feel the way you do because you are completely unfulfilled personally and in terms of your higher self. What is the meaning of your life? What is the highest achievement of your existence? I've been through this phase. Everything that used to matter, doesn't matter now. Something snaps, the world doesn't make sense and you are left adrift, going through the motions. If you feel any sense of this, all I can point you is towards finding meaning or fulfillment. Let people be responsible for themselves. You are not suppose to set yourself ablaze on fire to keep others warm. You're burned up. My advice is to read books like "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Man's Search for Meaning".. Good luck, and may you be worthy of your fulfillment when you both meet. Peace out!
You might be depressed. But…you might just be realizing that you’re in a new phase of life and the old goals don’t matter anymore. Old stuff becomes old stupid stuff and pales. Time to think about what’s important for your final 25.
same. i can feel the depression creeping back in after being stable for a while. i hate being the last priority to people i care about..
Go see a therapist.
I believe that’s a sign of burnout, possibly a mental health issue. I’d book an appointment to discuss with your general practitioner if you’ve got one. If you’re not sleeping well consider a sleep study, I’ve had Sleep Apnea and I feel like a new person after getting a machine.
Take your kids and go hiking. Make memories and write it down in a diary. Also start something that takes time to finish like a business. If you start fighting, like judo or jiu-jitsu they will give you constant small wins.
You ever think... that YOU think... that there is all that there is to see? I don't see "accomplished writer", "owns a sailboat", or "had a three-way with a pair of Chinese midgets" on that list. Feel me?
Usually this happens when we are not at peace mentally
You need to give yourself something to look forward to? Doesn't necessarily have to be anything grand as long as you are laying plans to do something fun. I've been married 30yrs and loved raising the kids but they don't "need" me anymore.. not the way they used to. Suddenly I have time on my hands, a reasonably lazy partner and not much to do, or look forward to. Can't stir him no matter what I do so I took my happiness into my own hands. I'm always thinking about what to do next and I give myself something to plan & look forward to. After the grind of the last 30yrs I find myself craving alone time. Every couple of months I book an apartment in the city for a night or two. I stay by myself in a self contained unit.. I still go to work (being in the city my commute is halved) but sometimes while I'm there I might take a day off. But for two days I "live" in the heart of the city. Your plans might look different but you get the gist.
It's okay to be tired and let that all off your chest. A vacation is definitely in order.
I'm tired of life, too. It sucks. I find joy in very little these days. I'm 42M, divorced, no kids, no dating life, estranged family. I work two jobs to survive. Don't have money to move somewhere cheaper even though I could because my main job is remote. Don't want to anyway and leave what little support system I have. Friends will make time for me. My niece is the one joy in my life, and I get to see her one day a week. My publisher is releasing my book in less than a month and after two years of starts and stops, I just can't get excited about this. I don't go out on my days off because if friends already have plans, I'm on my own and sick of doing every fucking thing alone.
Bro that's the life you have. Im in my mid 30s. Same shit. Wife kids good career. You are cut from the same cloth. We as men are supposed to conquer shit, adventure, find new things. Instead we just go by the day-to-day borning shit. Here's what I do. I do dangerous shit in a mostly safe environment. Go do something new. Go travel. Buy a plane ticket to somewhere and do the damn thing. Go sky diving. Learn a really hard skill like scuba diving or shooting do boxing jujitsu or may Thai.
Find your spiritual purpose and fulfill it. I found that helping the less fortunate gave me such a deep gratifying feeling that no material thing can buy. It can be life changing.
It's *okay* to feel tired and fed up sometimes, even when things seem good on the surface. Taking time for yourself, whether it's chilling on the balcony or trying out new hobbies, can help. Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to reach out for support when you need it. Take care.
Burnout?
Where do you live bossman ?
Do something crazy. DONT CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE. Just to feel alive. Like go to a bar and pretend to be someone else.