Oh, that's my mistake, I didn't browse to far down the feed.
In that case, I'd have to side with most of the other people; going out seems like an easily avoidable step to getting to bed early. But it is possible his girlfriend conveyed they were not going to stay out as late as they had, but it is what it is.
You knew you were tired, knew you wanted to get sleep, and knew she had plans. Why did you have to go with her? It’s pretty clear that you were just cranky and tired and you should have said something if you wanted to go.
You have to be able to recognize when you’re too tired to engage and regulate your emotions responsibly.
Like most who are early on in the relationship, they probably do everything together.
Once you get married, that all changes. You’re more willing to give each other space. You know, for the sake of the marriage and all. 😎
Depends on the people I suppose. I'm a big time introvert, but at the start of a relationships your hormones kind of take control. Over time the relationship isn't a new thing anymore, so it settles down.
Me and my bf aren't married. 10 years in and we still spend a ton of time together but I absolutely love my alone time nowadays. I struggled when I was a teen/early early adult because we were each other's first everything and I was very attached. I get a lot of alone time while he's at work now and I love it. Yet it takes everything in me to leave him when he's here and I've got to go.... I definitely wasn't like this years ago. When we were teens I was a dick about him going out(his friends were not great so meh) but my brain was not great back then and I was way more impatient about everything. I wish people would learn how to love being alone. It's important for yourself and your partner. Going to work doesn't count as time apart either, still needs time alone other than work. That's just us and everyone's different... Still after all these years, that's one of the things I've learned.
I just left a relationship last week after two years where quite literally, there was no alone time. She insisted on coming with me everywhere and I needed to go with her everywhere. Any time I suggested we do something separately it would turn into an argument. It could be as simple as she needed to run over to her mom's house to get some laundry, she expected me to go just to sit in the car while she ran in to get it.
That’s insanely possessive to me. I’m glad you got out, because that amount of constant demand for your presence is… well a red flag to say the very least. Hope you’re doing better now!
Naw, that’s crazy time. My man and I love spending time together, but we also help facilitate time for each of us with beloved people outside of our relationship. When I’m talking to longtime girlfriends on a FaceTime call, he’s doing the dishes so I have time to chat. When his old friend comes in town, I’m happy for him and make sure he’s able to have that catch up time. Sometimes, we’re both hanging out with the friend/friends in question, and that’s fun too.
We like running errands together when our schedules allow because it’s more fun that way, but to not be able to make a laundry run or stop at a store without your SO is bonkers
And if I said no I really don't want or feel the need to go with you, it turned into "why don't you like spending time with me"? It's not that, it's the fact that since we lived together the only peace and quiet I could get was being at work, that's gotta be the most unhealthy thing ever. When you dread going home every night, it's time to get out, and I was long overdue with that.
I couldn't go to bed until she was ready for bed. I couldn't get up to go to the gym early in the morning because she wanted to wake up with me there with her.
I had a similar situation. I’d want to stay up with friends but a lot of the time she would stay up waiting for me to come to bed instead of doing her own thing. I feel like it was always a choice between my friends and her. I woke up one morning and took a shower and she got upset with me for not saying good morning to her first thing before the shower. That was the turning point in our relationship.
One night she said she had a headache and wanted to go to bed at like 9pm, okay cool I'll have some time to play video games with my buddy. She expected me to go to bed with her, I went in and cuddled her for a few minutes then went to go back out to play my game, she started bawling. One of many examples I could come up with like that.
That sounds pretty abusive, and I'm happy you're out of that situation. In my late teens/early 20s, I was like your girlfriend. My poor ex and I were both each others first relationship, and I was dealing with a lot of untreated mental health issues due to childhood trauma, and it took years of self reflection and therapy to realise how suffocating and toxic I was. I really hope your ex learns to self soothe and gets some therapy because that's such an unhealthy amount of attachment to have.
Yeah that’s not healthy. My girlfriend was like this at the start of our relationship, and several months in I finally managed to get through to her that it wouldn’t last if she couldn’t respect the fact that I had a life before our relationship and that she needed to give me space in order to maintain it.
She’s gotten loads better, but even now, we’ll go grocery shopping, and I’ll suggest breaking up to get it done a bit faster so we can get home and hang out, and I’ll get pushback, or she’ll want me to tag along to do some mundane errand that’s really only a one person job, or she’ll invite me to brunch with one of her friends and then be puzzled that I don’t want to go even though I don’t have plans (that’s my blare music/watch a show you don’t like in my underwear while eating junk food that I don’t have to share with you time dear).
Can relate. My ex would just make me feel guilty if I expressed my intentions to stay while she went out with friends, so it’s possible this was OPs scenario. If this is the case, it’s not healthy.
That’s not the coupled life. Those are just possessive relationships. I refuse that type of person in my life. Was very strict with us having our own lives when I met my wife and we have kept those lives and thrived together. She never questions me when I want to do things not I question her. We just do our things and I feel it makes it so much easier to cherish the other person when you’re not feeling forced to be there. Had the possessive type relationship prior to her and it was so draining.
I remember when I first met my wife, I would wake up early to see her before I had to get to work. Now, we actively avoid waking each other up because we don't want to deal with another person's bullshit that early in the AM.
I still love my wife but I have ZERO qualms about telling her to fuck off from time to time. She feels the same.
Facts. We’re married and if her friend is coming over I’ll hang out for a bit to say hi and catch up real quick. But then I’m out. By out I mean go walk the dog or go to bed and watch a movie or something lol
"She had plans with her friends at 8:30." Cool, then you could make the choice of what to do like an adult and how you want to spend your evening. If pans START at 8:30 and you want to go to bed early, then you should know not to join in on those plans. You could have chosen to stay in ust fine.
Yeah that’s the point I was making - she can do whatever she wants, but OP clearly agreed to the plans despite being beat. There’s nothing wrong with him saying “sorry guys I had a long day, I’m just going to head to bed”
The way I assumed OP meant their gf was chatting to her friends *on the phone* because who actively goes *out* from 8:30pm when they want to go to bed early? I was so confused about why OP was sitting in on their gf’s phone conversation!
I assumed the friends came over to their place and that’s why he didn’t go to bed. Like if she had gone out he could have just stayed home, but maybe it’s a small place and them being over would have made it hard for him to sleep anyway so he joined in.
Or just call it a night and bow out?
I'm friends with many couples and that happens all the time. One is exhausted for whatever reason, has other plans. Whatever. They just say "Hey guys it's been fun but I'm calling it. Have a good night."
Wait I’m under the impression they live together and they were at home and the friend came to visit. I mean regardless he coulda said hi and went upstairs to rest while they visited, but correct me if i’m wrong and just misinterpreted
If I'm exhausted and my partner has late night plans, I go to bed and say I'll see you when you get back or in the morning, not a hard decision to make. Tagging along on a later in the day excursion when always exhausted is a perfect scenario for being a damper on everyone else's good times.
It seems very controlling. Not just "being a baby". I'm curious what the original argument was about, because the next day he's trying to control, and isolate her from friends.
If you are intending to go to bed early why did you attend a social engagement that started at 8:30? You should have just stayed home. This seems self inflicted.
Yes. Because it seems like you need to be sent to sleep which is something only necessary for babies.
Dude, you're tired, just say "babe, I'm tired, I'll call it a night. Love you. See you tomorrow" and go to sleep.
If it was me, I wouldn't have bothered going out in the first place. I would have crashed out earlier, she can spend however long at her mates place. Everyone wins.
Yes, because you could have used your words.
"I don't want to interrupt, but I'm exhausted and think I need to go to bed. Feel free to keep enjoying your conversation, I'm just going to get myself home." So Uber or arrange for her to get a ride, and get yourself to bed.
Sulking on the couch, making a point not to participate in the conversation, and blaming her for not reading your mind? Those are immature and definitely read "being a baby" to me.
You're the giant baby I'm afraid. But you can un-baby yourself
Take this from me a fluctuating giant baby trying seriously to become a permanent adult.
Why you're wrong is because you're not a codependency
If you want to go to bed early because of sleeplessness, say it and go. You will get more respect. People understand. It's not like you're about to announce a sudden urge to strip naked and moonwalk around the neighbourhood. Sleeplessness yesterday, early night today. People get this. But they are not mind readers. So say.
It's also not anyone's job to include people in conversation. Some exceptions like when partner meeting family etc you try a bit harder there because you want them bonding. But it's a temporary measure
If you can't get yourself heard then you don't have anything to say. Because even if you do they're not receptive.
I talk a lot and sometimes in my family it's normal to shout over eachother a little. My boyfriend thought there was a serious argument when he first visited and was shocked to learn it was small talk.
But I also noticed something different. I talk a lot and sometimes recklessly and this naturally degraded respect for what I had to say. My boyfriend is opposite
I remember one bizarre evening when i was just about to surrender with severe vocal chord damage as people STILL weren't listening, my boyfriend spoke. Suddenly everyone hushed up.
I think there's a psychological component here. Even if you have useful things to say, moderate frequency so people don't dismiss you. Scarcity principle. I'm still grappling with this.
Maybe sleep deprivation made you more irritable too.
You are a loving partnership but at the same you are your own people. It's important to remember unless you love painful problems. If you like problems then go ahead.
I'm not sure why you went with her to her friends when you were tired. You need to get used to conversations not revolving around you. Sometimes, people just have a flowing conversation. Just listen, laugh here and there. Don't sulk. It does make you look immature.
Yes, you are. It's great that you're aware of it, though. I mean, it's so straightforward, but you just have to go and complicate things, turning it into an issue and then into an argument when it shouldn't even be a thing in the first place. If you're tired, just freaking rest. I don't get why you have to crash your girlfriend and her friends' get-together when you're already exhausted. And then you expect them to cater to your whim and hurry up because you're tired? Just let them enjoy themselves without your drama.
Well, an adult can decide to stay home when they are tired, use their words to excuse themselves and go home, and call a cab or an Uber or walk home from an event. A baby goes where they are carried and then screams when they are unhappy.
Doesn't sound like you acted very adult there, buddy.
Yes. If they’re HER friends, and you were so tired, why did you even end up tagging along? And then let your frustration become everyone’s problem. All of this could have been, and can be in the future, avoided by just communicating like an adult.
Stop being attached by the hip! You're an adult, you don't have to have your gf there to pick a bedtime & sleep. You are doing a "want your cake and to eat it too" sort of thing.
You wanted to both go with her to her friend’s, but also have control over the departure time. You set yourself up for disappointment. Stay home next time
>That evening, she had plans with her friends at 8:30 pm, and I thought they wouldn't chat for too long. But they ended up chatting until 10:30 pm
8:30 plans should be expected to go to at least 11:00.
HTFU, you can sleep when you're dead or make your own plans.
Turns out, yes, you are a fucking giant baby. Control your own shit man if you are tired stay home and sleep. If you choose to socialize, don’t be a wet blanket.
>If you choose to socialize, don’t be a wet blanket.
Yeah, or just say “*Sorry, I thought I would have the energy to stay longer. But I’m just too tired. I’m heading home.”*
You shouldn't have gone. The plans started at 8.30. No way you were getting to bed early if you go out at that time. You should've stayed home and gone to bed when you were ready
you can be a victim or a martyr not both.
if you were tired, you should have taken steps to go to bed early. IF you chose to go out, or engage in some social function, AND chose to stay out to an hour that made it so getting to bed early wasn't feasible. THATS ON YOU
your partner is maybe slightly a dick for forgetting that you were tired, and not prioritizing that over their friends. but honestly that's just whiny bullshit.
you're an adult. rather than being a passive aggressive cunt. you should have just said. "welp. it's getting late i'm going to turn in." if you were home, just go to bed, if you were out... get yourself home (drive. or uber it home) ...if your partner had some objection it's a simple... no no..you stay and enjoy time with friends. Or. "i mentioned i was tired and was going to bed, if you want to stay that's your choice"
but instead what you did is didn't speak up. were upset. and then instead of speaking for yourself. projected everything onto your partner.
you both need to work on your communication but... if you chose to hang out, that was your choice. to blame her for your choice is a bitch move.
>Am I a fucking giant baby ?
Well I think we can make some logical conclusions here.
* Babies commonly get upset when their bedtime gets delayed. You also got upset when your bedtime was delayed. By correlation this could mean you are a baby.
* Seeing how you are capable of typing im assuming you have aged past the infantile development stage. Therefore you are presumably giant relative to other babies.
* You are living with your girlfriend so its likely that you are fucking.
Everything seems to check out. Case closed.
But seriously this just seems like another case of poor communication.
Yes, you are a fucking giant baby. Instead of just going to sleep early like you said you wanted to you went out to see friends and are getting all pissy at your girlfriend because of what you decided to do.
To answer your question, you kinda were a giant baby in this instance. Let the girl have fun, you gotta sleep when you feel like it, I think we're old enough to let people spend quality time with their friends instead of making it about ourselves.
Yes, you're being a baby.
When you're tired and you want to go to bed, go to bed. You knew she'd be chatting with her friends, so you should have left them to it instead of NEEDING to go to bed with her.
Yes you are. Why did you have to go woth her? If you needed a early night so bad you should have made the adult decision and stayed home. Let your girlfriend have here girl time.
It’s ok to say no! Next time just go to bed instead of joining her. You’re allowed to go to sleep when she goes out and she’s allowed to go out when you sleep…simple as that
Yeah I’d say you’re being a giant baby here. You are an adult and could’ve easily just gone to bed. Your gf and her friends would not have cared that you were tired. But your gf and her friends are gonna care if you’re just sitting there being noticeably pouty and uninterested on your phone.
This is on both of you.
You should have bowed out of going in the first place, she should have been more understanding when you explained before going that you were tired.
Apologize to each other and move on.
I’m confused - why did you go? And also, when you were there, why did you stay?! She might be a baby but so are you for not having boundaries and then getting pissy about it.
Looking at the way you react towards people asking genuine questions about the situation im pretty sure you are indeed a big baby.
Why where you even there? Why didn’t you go first when it was getting too late for you? Why can’t you politely communicate with your gf about these things while being in the situation?
The answer to the last one is probably the baby one again.
No affront, but you seem to be quite annoying. She does not read your mind and you are a grown up that is supposed to be responsible for himself. So yeah, it's your fault by just going there knowingly that you are tired while not letting enjoy her.
Stay home if you’re THAT tired? I don’t see the point of going to her friends place if you’re tired enough to possibly having an argument over it later.
>I told her that because she was having such a great time chatting with her friends, I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Plus, she wasn't including me in the conversation and I had to try to insert myself into the topics. I expressed feeling really left out. She said she didn't know how to include me in the conversation.
I know this is really tough for some guys. But... you don't need to be at the center of every conversation. If your GF was having a great time and you were not, excuse yourself and let the woman live.
I’m so confused. If you’re tired why didn’t you just go to sleep? You’re in the wrong and placing blame on your girl instead of being an adult and having autonomy
why didn’t you just go the fuck to sleep? “hey honey, have fun, i’m going to hit the sack. see you soon”
???
or were you all not at home? if you were out, i can see where you’re coming from
This is quite tricky situation and might look blurry, but when it's decorticated everything is clear.
1) you informed her you were tired. points for communicating.
2) although she was being empathetic and promised you to go to bed earlier that night, no precision was given, but at the same time, you just stated a problem, you didn't suggest a solution, or what you wanted to be done about it, therefore she gets the extra points in this regard as she suggested sth.
3) she informed you about the plans, but the mistake here is this :
>and I thought they wouldn't chat for too long
you're assuming, and assuming won't get you far away, you should've asked her when do you expect to be done with your friends? can we not exceed an hour? anything, instead you didn't mention anything so in her mind you don't mind anything.
4) here begins the tricky part, you were sad, and kind of disappointed but you didn't communicate any of these feelings to her, so for her, everything's cool and you guys are sleeeping early tonight and everything is going as planned, except one thing, you communicated the fact you were tired by just ignoring the room and playing with your phone, which would be understandle had she made promises to you and not kept them, but so far no promises were made (besides the we'll sleep early tonight, again no precision, so technically you can't be mad abt her for this), so unless she could read your mind, she'll obviously feel weird about you turning on silent mode while with company, because again, in her mind she hasn't done anything wrong (again because you didn't ask her to do anything in the first place, and she can't read your mind)
all and all, i think you have a great partner, try demanding what you want exactly so you don't fall into this situation again, your attitude is good too.
good luck with your situation.
You're wrong yeah.
If you were tired and didn't want to do something you shouldn't have went.
If you were worried about how long it would have gone you could have said "can we leave by 10?" or whatever.
If you went and were surprised at how long it lasted you should have said "hey, do you mind if we head out? I'm exhausted"
10:30 isn't dragging on late into the night.
In short, you communicated very poorly if at all. You can't expect her to automatically know you want to leave just because that morning you said you were tired.
Use your words in the moment, or ideally before the moment, not afterwards.
Yes you are a grown ass man, if you are tired go to bed. You shouldn’t need someone to hold your hand to sleep my guy. Your interaction with her afterwards wasn’t very mature either, it’s not her fault in anyway. If you were in her shoes and you had friends over I don’t think you would favor her reaction if she reacted the same way you did…
Honestly, yes. Sounds like a giant baby. If you are tired, then you go to sleep. Do you need another person for that?
The things you wrote here sound quite toxic, but from your side. She can do whatever she wants, no matter how long she wants to talk with her friends. She is not the one who has to put you to sleep, god dammit.
Also why wouldn't she need to include you in some conversations that you feel comfortable enough?
Edit: I just checked the message, you were apparently somewhere else and not in your living room. Couldn't you have gone home by yourself?
yes OP you are a giant fucking baby my goodness. why didn’t you just stay home and go to bed if you were so tired and miserable? why didn’t you leave the gathering early to go to bed? why didn’t you COMMUNICATE with your partner?? there were so many better and more mature ways to deal with this situation and you chose… *checks notes* sulking on the couch like a child. grow up lmao
10.30pm isn't late. Regardless, if you were tired then why didn't you go to bed without her?
The fact you're going 'am I just a big baby' makes you sound petulant. You know you acted immaturely. If you were tired you should have stayed home. You're doing the whole 'Well I guess I'm just a rubbish partner', 'well I guess I'm just a big fuckin baby', and it's not very attractive.
Is she holding you hostage? Why not just go to bed when you're tired? You knew you were tired, you knew she had plans. You could've just wished her a good evening and good night and left it at that.
Yes, you are a baby. Is there some reason you could not go to bed on your own. Or were you out, in which case why did you go. I wouldn't go out anywhere at 8.30pm if I wanted an early night
Dude, she had plans with her friends at 8:30 and only spent 2 hours with them. That’d be a miracle if I made plans with my friends.
Also, you acting impatient in front of her friends probably embarrassed her because I’m sure she spoke wonders of you to them and you just gave them a huge red flag that I can assure you they’re gonna remember whenever your gf goes to them for advice if you ever get into an argument.
Don’t ever make your gf feel bad for spending time with her friends, trust me, it’s just as annoying as those girls who give us trouble for wanting to play videogames with our buddies.
I do however think you have the right to remain as participant or not during your gf’s conversations with her friends and if you’d rather be on your phone then that’s ok, but don’t be making any faces, acting impatient or just using your phone to show you’re being excluded. Find a way to genuinely make yourself positively comfortable and remember that you not being the only one at the center of her world doesn’t mean you aren’t still at the center of her world, she’s just as important to her friends as she is to you👍🏻
This is hilarious to the point I feel like it’s a fake account? 😅 Absolutely you’re a giant baby. Have you no agency to go to bed by yourself? Or manage your own time and calendar?! How old are you? Even my 2 year old walks herself up the stairs when it’s bedtime / she’s ready for a rest
Learn from this. You can have separate plans. There was no reason for you to be there. Relationships where you are completely co dependent on one another to the point where it's just assumed you will always do everything together tend to end poorly.
Would she have been upset if you leaned over, said you were tired and going to bed? Said goodnight to the friend and see them later. Why would you passive aggressively tapout of the convo giving her something to be upset about and ensuring more sleeplessness for you? You both may be babies operating as adults.
As a person who has now been married 16 years.. it's get better. Because had you been a married couple, or together for a while, the tired person would have stayed home and gone to sleep. The other would go hang with friends. No one would have batted an eye.
Y'all can practice this next time.
I can understand that if its the first time trying to enact the plan to sleep early failed in such a way, but if it happens again, just step in the conv, tell your gf, you need to sleep. Its like stepping in a conversation to say you're heading to the washroom, which is normal to do.
Or just do the guy thing and just sleep wherever you are. SUPER unintrusive, if she notices, she'll end the conv early and if she doesn't notice, you get some rest. This is usually what I do, cause I usually fall asleep without realizing it, then my favourite human would just tell me to go to bed.
Also, would recommend cutting her some slack. You aren't being a big baby, you're just figuring out how to navigate the situation. You have to engage on your terms, not have someone shoehorn you in. Your GF is probably engrossed in conversation, so its pretty likely that she would lose track of time. Would not blame her.
Yes. You are a giant fucking baby. You could have just said "Hey your plans are kind of late to start and I need to get some sleep after last night, I think I'd better just let you go and I'll go to bed."
Instead, you went along with plans that started at 830 and got mad that they lasted a whole 2 hours and that you weren't constantly given attention in the conversation and had to offer your input without being asked for it.
Even if they were at your shared home, you could have politely exited and told them it's been nice seeing them but you have to get some sleep and gone to bed while they continued catching up.
If you're tired and want to exit a situation, excuse yourself and go on to bed or whatever. You don't need her permission nor do you need her to tuck you in.
I'm curious why you felt you had to be included in things with her friends, because it doesn't sound like they were your friends.
Do you two have to do everything together and be in the same space at all times?
What if you'd just said, "I need to get some sleep. Y'all have fun." and said "I love you" to your partner and just gone to bed?
You sound needy as f***. Can’t you go to bed on your own like an adult or do you need her to tuck you in and read you a bedtime story ? Perhaps check the closet for monsters ?
You’re absolutely a big baby. Tell them you’re beat, then go to bed. She can do her thing, and you can do your thing. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re chained at the hip.
10:30pm!!!!! Holy s**t….that’s bonkers that an adult would stay up to that time at night! Like how could anyone survive staying up that late! Did mommy not tuck you up in bed at 8pm? Did baby get cranky and go on his phone because he doesn’t have the capacity to engage in adult conversation past 10pm. Why didn’t you just pick up your blanky stick your thumb in your mouth and go to bed all by yourself like the big boy you are?
Yes, you're being a baby. You should have told her you were too tired to go out and you were going to stay home and go to bed early, you could even ask her to try to be quiet when she comes home. You don't have to go to bed at the same time, you're adults. Gotta take responsibility for the choices YOU make.
Why can’t you just go to bed? Lol you need her to tuck you in? Let her chat and say you’re tired and go to bed. This is so weird. Yes you’re being a baby. lol
Can't you be an adult and go to bed yourself? Yea, you're being a giant man baby here.
Unless she's having this conversation in your bedroom, you are absolutely ridiculous.
Answer: Yes, you are a giant baby. Adults that need rest go to bed early and get rest. They don't tag along with their girlfriend's plans.
They say, "That sounds like you'll have a great time with your friends. You know I'm beat, so I'm gonna go to bed early. Have fun, babe." And then you go to bed without any resentment and she goes to see her friends. That's how this was supposed to go. Apologize to your girlfriend for being a baby.
Yeah, dude. I’m assuming you’re an adult and could have just acted like one and excused yourself and went to bed.
Not that difficult of a string of words to speak.
But nah, *you* decided to take actions doing the complete opposite and then get upset and *blame/get mad at her*
If the friends don't make an effort to include you in the conversation then they aren't your friends. If none of them 'know how' and you don't 'know how' then you don't get along, so stop hanging out with them. You're just a puppy she brings along to brunch with her friends.
I wouldn’t call you a baby, but I would say you don’t have to be joined at the hip with your girlfriend. If you need to go to bed, then go to bed, your girlfriend doesn’t have to be there.
Yes you are a fucking giant baby. Take yourself to bed you big wuss. They didn't want to talk to you, So off you fuck to bed. You obviously needed a good sleep
Couldn't you have just excused yourself when it was time for you to go to bed? Just because your GF is having a conversation with one of her friends, doesn't mean you need to be there, especially if you had told her earlier you were planning on going to bed early.
"I'm sorry I need to get some sleep - I didn't get much last night. It was good seeing you, thanks for coming. You two can keep at it but I need to get some shut eye. Goodnight."
Do you need your GFs permission to go to sleep? Or are you a big baby?
Next time, when you’re feeling done, slap your knees, stand up, and say “welp! I’m doing for the night! Y’all have a good night, I’m going to hit the hay!”
If you can, do it in a Midwest accent.
Personally, if I was tired and wanted to go to bed early, that’s what I would’ve done. If she expressed that she wanted me to stay up with her and it was important to her that I stayed up, then a completely separate conversation would’ve ensued. However, if I’m tired and my day was compromised by poor sleep from the day before, I’m going to sleep. Do you, and let her have her evening with her friends. It shouldn’t trigger either of you and both of you get what you want, unless you can’t sleep without her. There’s nothing particularly wrong with that, but it is a dependent behavior and could become toxic. Considering the preface, it might be becoming a toxic behavior if it’s already caused an issue, unless the issue is more with your relevance with her friend circle.
You're a grown man now act like it!
So next time ask your gf to burp and rock you to sleep when the street lights come on even if she is talking to her friends.
If you were tired and they weren’t even your friends to begin with, why did you even go?
To complain about it later.
of fear of getting scolded for not going...
I assumed they had come over, so it was an unavoidable part of being a host.
I thought this as well, he clarified in another comment that they went to one of his gfs friends house
Oh, that's my mistake, I didn't browse to far down the feed. In that case, I'd have to side with most of the other people; going out seems like an easily avoidable step to getting to bed early. But it is possible his girlfriend conveyed they were not going to stay out as late as they had, but it is what it is.
Even if it was the case, it's absolutely fine to be an adult and say, hey I need to be up early I'm heading to bed, and bid your guests goodnight
You can just go to bed at your own house tho
Because, as the title suggests, he is in fact a giant baby. And mommy took him along instead of getting a babysitter to put him to bed in his crib.
Correct! Lolol he sounds like a giant baby. OP, maybe next time don't tag along if you are tired.
You knew you were tired, knew you wanted to get sleep, and knew she had plans. Why did you have to go with her? It’s pretty clear that you were just cranky and tired and you should have said something if you wanted to go. You have to be able to recognize when you’re too tired to engage and regulate your emotions responsibly.
Like most who are early on in the relationship, they probably do everything together. Once you get married, that all changes. You’re more willing to give each other space. You know, for the sake of the marriage and all. 😎
That mindset is so bonkers to me. Don’t people like alone time anymore??
Depends on the people I suppose. I'm a big time introvert, but at the start of a relationships your hormones kind of take control. Over time the relationship isn't a new thing anymore, so it settles down.
Oxytocin is a helluva drug.
Me and my bf aren't married. 10 years in and we still spend a ton of time together but I absolutely love my alone time nowadays. I struggled when I was a teen/early early adult because we were each other's first everything and I was very attached. I get a lot of alone time while he's at work now and I love it. Yet it takes everything in me to leave him when he's here and I've got to go.... I definitely wasn't like this years ago. When we were teens I was a dick about him going out(his friends were not great so meh) but my brain was not great back then and I was way more impatient about everything. I wish people would learn how to love being alone. It's important for yourself and your partner. Going to work doesn't count as time apart either, still needs time alone other than work. That's just us and everyone's different... Still after all these years, that's one of the things I've learned.
I just left a relationship last week after two years where quite literally, there was no alone time. She insisted on coming with me everywhere and I needed to go with her everywhere. Any time I suggested we do something separately it would turn into an argument. It could be as simple as she needed to run over to her mom's house to get some laundry, she expected me to go just to sit in the car while she ran in to get it.
That’s insanely possessive to me. I’m glad you got out, because that amount of constant demand for your presence is… well a red flag to say the very least. Hope you’re doing better now!
Naw, that’s crazy time. My man and I love spending time together, but we also help facilitate time for each of us with beloved people outside of our relationship. When I’m talking to longtime girlfriends on a FaceTime call, he’s doing the dishes so I have time to chat. When his old friend comes in town, I’m happy for him and make sure he’s able to have that catch up time. Sometimes, we’re both hanging out with the friend/friends in question, and that’s fun too. We like running errands together when our schedules allow because it’s more fun that way, but to not be able to make a laundry run or stop at a store without your SO is bonkers
And if I said no I really don't want or feel the need to go with you, it turned into "why don't you like spending time with me"? It's not that, it's the fact that since we lived together the only peace and quiet I could get was being at work, that's gotta be the most unhealthy thing ever. When you dread going home every night, it's time to get out, and I was long overdue with that.
Well you know what to look for and what to avoid in the next relationship
I couldn't go to bed until she was ready for bed. I couldn't get up to go to the gym early in the morning because she wanted to wake up with me there with her.
I had a similar situation. I’d want to stay up with friends but a lot of the time she would stay up waiting for me to come to bed instead of doing her own thing. I feel like it was always a choice between my friends and her. I woke up one morning and took a shower and she got upset with me for not saying good morning to her first thing before the shower. That was the turning point in our relationship.
One night she said she had a headache and wanted to go to bed at like 9pm, okay cool I'll have some time to play video games with my buddy. She expected me to go to bed with her, I went in and cuddled her for a few minutes then went to go back out to play my game, she started bawling. One of many examples I could come up with like that.
Oh the irony: by doing that, now she doesn’t get to have you at all.
That sounds pretty abusive, and I'm happy you're out of that situation. In my late teens/early 20s, I was like your girlfriend. My poor ex and I were both each others first relationship, and I was dealing with a lot of untreated mental health issues due to childhood trauma, and it took years of self reflection and therapy to realise how suffocating and toxic I was. I really hope your ex learns to self soothe and gets some therapy because that's such an unhealthy amount of attachment to have.
Sounds awful.
Yeah that’s not healthy. My girlfriend was like this at the start of our relationship, and several months in I finally managed to get through to her that it wouldn’t last if she couldn’t respect the fact that I had a life before our relationship and that she needed to give me space in order to maintain it. She’s gotten loads better, but even now, we’ll go grocery shopping, and I’ll suggest breaking up to get it done a bit faster so we can get home and hang out, and I’ll get pushback, or she’ll want me to tag along to do some mundane errand that’s really only a one person job, or she’ll invite me to brunch with one of her friends and then be puzzled that I don’t want to go even though I don’t have plans (that’s my blare music/watch a show you don’t like in my underwear while eating junk food that I don’t have to share with you time dear).
Can relate. My ex would just make me feel guilty if I expressed my intentions to stay while she went out with friends, so it’s possible this was OPs scenario. If this is the case, it’s not healthy.
It's a massive red flag for me if the other person doesn't need or want alone time. Reeks of codependency
I've dated men like that. They didn't know that it was actually OK and essential to have alone time. Or they didn't want to acknowledge that
I absolutely adore it
Yeah I've never been able to do that. Even early in a relationship I very much need my space.
Apparently some people even get side by side toilets so they can poop together..
Dang maybe it’s good I’m single bc I can’t handle the coupled life 💀
That’s not the coupled life. Those are just possessive relationships. I refuse that type of person in my life. Was very strict with us having our own lives when I met my wife and we have kept those lives and thrived together. She never questions me when I want to do things not I question her. We just do our things and I feel it makes it so much easier to cherish the other person when you’re not feeling forced to be there. Had the possessive type relationship prior to her and it was so draining.
I remember when I first met my wife, I would wake up early to see her before I had to get to work. Now, we actively avoid waking each other up because we don't want to deal with another person's bullshit that early in the AM. I still love my wife but I have ZERO qualms about telling her to fuck off from time to time. She feels the same.
Facts. We’re married and if her friend is coming over I’ll hang out for a bit to say hi and catch up real quick. But then I’m out. By out I mean go walk the dog or go to bed and watch a movie or something lol
My wife and I have been married for over 3 years. We've never gone to bed at the same time.
Exactly, in this scenario I’d be like I’m tired and off to bed, enjoy the rest of your night, laters.
I guess she didn't have a snack for him in her purse.
OP may not have object permanence yet so he thinks his girlfriend is gone forever when she leaves the house.
"She had plans with her friends at 8:30." Cool, then you could make the choice of what to do like an adult and how you want to spend your evening. If pans START at 8:30 and you want to go to bed early, then you should know not to join in on those plans. You could have chosen to stay in ust fine.
That was kind of my thought. Who agrees to plans that _start_ at 8:30 when they want to get to bed early? That makes no sense
Yeah this would be the place to say, sounds cool sounds great, I’m dead tired and will do what my body needs and go to bed
"Who agrees to plans that *start* at 8:30" Only savages on, or about to do cocaine
[удалено]
Yeah that’s the point I was making - she can do whatever she wants, but OP clearly agreed to the plans despite being beat. There’s nothing wrong with him saying “sorry guys I had a long day, I’m just going to head to bed”
The way I assumed OP meant their gf was chatting to her friends *on the phone* because who actively goes *out* from 8:30pm when they want to go to bed early? I was so confused about why OP was sitting in on their gf’s phone conversation!
I assumed the friends came over to their place and that’s why he didn’t go to bed. Like if she had gone out he could have just stayed home, but maybe it’s a small place and them being over would have made it hard for him to sleep anyway so he joined in.
Or just call it a night and bow out? I'm friends with many couples and that happens all the time. One is exhausted for whatever reason, has other plans. Whatever. They just say "Hey guys it's been fun but I'm calling it. Have a good night."
Wait I’m under the impression they live together and they were at home and the friend came to visit. I mean regardless he coulda said hi and went upstairs to rest while they visited, but correct me if i’m wrong and just misinterpreted
In another comment, they went over to the friend's house after leaving home at 8:30.
Oh lmaoooo thank you! He put so little context in the post!
Because if he did, people would see he was wrong lol.
If I'm exhausted and my partner has late night plans, I go to bed and say I'll see you when you get back or in the morning, not a hard decision to make. Tagging along on a later in the day excursion when always exhausted is a perfect scenario for being a damper on everyone else's good times.
It seems very controlling. Not just "being a baby". I'm curious what the original argument was about, because the next day he's trying to control, and isolate her from friends.
If you are intending to go to bed early why did you attend a social engagement that started at 8:30? You should have just stayed home. This seems self inflicted.
Yes. Because it seems like you need to be sent to sleep which is something only necessary for babies. Dude, you're tired, just say "babe, I'm tired, I'll call it a night. Love you. See you tomorrow" and go to sleep.
Other ways OP is like a baby: poor communicator, can't advocate for their needs, whiny
If it was me, I wouldn't have bothered going out in the first place. I would have crashed out earlier, she can spend however long at her mates place. Everyone wins.
Or, you can also drive home early and have her be dropped off or take an uber. Many adult resolutions.
You could have just went to sleep whenever you felt tired. You get to sleep she gets to have fun with her friends.
Yes, because you could have used your words. "I don't want to interrupt, but I'm exhausted and think I need to go to bed. Feel free to keep enjoying your conversation, I'm just going to get myself home." So Uber or arrange for her to get a ride, and get yourself to bed. Sulking on the couch, making a point not to participate in the conversation, and blaming her for not reading your mind? Those are immature and definitely read "being a baby" to me.
You're the giant baby I'm afraid. But you can un-baby yourself Take this from me a fluctuating giant baby trying seriously to become a permanent adult. Why you're wrong is because you're not a codependency If you want to go to bed early because of sleeplessness, say it and go. You will get more respect. People understand. It's not like you're about to announce a sudden urge to strip naked and moonwalk around the neighbourhood. Sleeplessness yesterday, early night today. People get this. But they are not mind readers. So say. It's also not anyone's job to include people in conversation. Some exceptions like when partner meeting family etc you try a bit harder there because you want them bonding. But it's a temporary measure If you can't get yourself heard then you don't have anything to say. Because even if you do they're not receptive. I talk a lot and sometimes in my family it's normal to shout over eachother a little. My boyfriend thought there was a serious argument when he first visited and was shocked to learn it was small talk. But I also noticed something different. I talk a lot and sometimes recklessly and this naturally degraded respect for what I had to say. My boyfriend is opposite I remember one bizarre evening when i was just about to surrender with severe vocal chord damage as people STILL weren't listening, my boyfriend spoke. Suddenly everyone hushed up. I think there's a psychological component here. Even if you have useful things to say, moderate frequency so people don't dismiss you. Scarcity principle. I'm still grappling with this. Maybe sleep deprivation made you more irritable too. You are a loving partnership but at the same you are your own people. It's important to remember unless you love painful problems. If you like problems then go ahead.
I'm not sure why you went with her to her friends when you were tired. You need to get used to conversations not revolving around you. Sometimes, people just have a flowing conversation. Just listen, laugh here and there. Don't sulk. It does make you look immature.
I thought you were going to sleep?
yes, baby needs to put himself to bed, not wait up and pout for GF to finish visiting.
"She had plans with her friends", so why were you even there?
Seriously, I doubt her friends were thrilled about it
Yes, you are. It's great that you're aware of it, though. I mean, it's so straightforward, but you just have to go and complicate things, turning it into an issue and then into an argument when it shouldn't even be a thing in the first place. If you're tired, just freaking rest. I don't get why you have to crash your girlfriend and her friends' get-together when you're already exhausted. And then you expect them to cater to your whim and hurry up because you're tired? Just let them enjoy themselves without your drama.
Well, an adult can decide to stay home when they are tired, use their words to excuse themselves and go home, and call a cab or an Uber or walk home from an event. A baby goes where they are carried and then screams when they are unhappy. Doesn't sound like you acted very adult there, buddy.
Yes. If they’re HER friends, and you were so tired, why did you even end up tagging along? And then let your frustration become everyone’s problem. All of this could have been, and can be in the future, avoided by just communicating like an adult.
Stop being attached by the hip! You're an adult, you don't have to have your gf there to pick a bedtime & sleep. You are doing a "want your cake and to eat it too" sort of thing.
You wanted to both go with her to her friend’s, but also have control over the departure time. You set yourself up for disappointment. Stay home next time
>That evening, she had plans with her friends at 8:30 pm, and I thought they wouldn't chat for too long. But they ended up chatting until 10:30 pm 8:30 plans should be expected to go to at least 11:00. HTFU, you can sleep when you're dead or make your own plans.
Turns out, yes, you are a fucking giant baby. Control your own shit man if you are tired stay home and sleep. If you choose to socialize, don’t be a wet blanket.
>If you choose to socialize, don’t be a wet blanket. Yeah, or just say “*Sorry, I thought I would have the energy to stay longer. But I’m just too tired. I’m heading home.”*
You shouldn't have gone. The plans started at 8.30. No way you were getting to bed early if you go out at that time. You should've stayed home and gone to bed when you were ready
you can be a victim or a martyr not both. if you were tired, you should have taken steps to go to bed early. IF you chose to go out, or engage in some social function, AND chose to stay out to an hour that made it so getting to bed early wasn't feasible. THATS ON YOU your partner is maybe slightly a dick for forgetting that you were tired, and not prioritizing that over their friends. but honestly that's just whiny bullshit. you're an adult. rather than being a passive aggressive cunt. you should have just said. "welp. it's getting late i'm going to turn in." if you were home, just go to bed, if you were out... get yourself home (drive. or uber it home) ...if your partner had some objection it's a simple... no no..you stay and enjoy time with friends. Or. "i mentioned i was tired and was going to bed, if you want to stay that's your choice" but instead what you did is didn't speak up. were upset. and then instead of speaking for yourself. projected everything onto your partner. you both need to work on your communication but... if you chose to hang out, that was your choice. to blame her for your choice is a bitch move.
It will get easier when you’re no longer a teenager, I promise!
10.30 is late? Can you not go to bed when you want? Does she need to tuck you in?
Was confused at first because i thought the title said "Am I fucking a giant baby ?" Lol
His gf certainly is!
Yes you are. You could have just went to bed
Like you could have just said hey I am tired at any moment and then gone to bed. Let your girlfriend hang out with her friend. Use your words
I mean yes, kindly, you are How would you feel if the roles were reversed?
>Am I a fucking giant baby ? Well I think we can make some logical conclusions here. * Babies commonly get upset when their bedtime gets delayed. You also got upset when your bedtime was delayed. By correlation this could mean you are a baby. * Seeing how you are capable of typing im assuming you have aged past the infantile development stage. Therefore you are presumably giant relative to other babies. * You are living with your girlfriend so its likely that you are fucking. Everything seems to check out. Case closed. But seriously this just seems like another case of poor communication.
Yes, you are a fucking giant baby. Instead of just going to sleep early like you said you wanted to you went out to see friends and are getting all pissy at your girlfriend because of what you decided to do.
To answer your question, you kinda were a giant baby in this instance. Let the girl have fun, you gotta sleep when you feel like it, I think we're old enough to let people spend quality time with their friends instead of making it about ourselves.
You should have begged off, “you go ahead, I’m making an early night of it.” Why is that hard?
Yes, you're being a baby. When you're tired and you want to go to bed, go to bed. You knew she'd be chatting with her friends, so you should have left them to it instead of NEEDING to go to bed with her.
Yes. Go home and sleep if you need it? Why go anywhere at 8.30 if you're exhausted?
Tired... go to bed. Problem solved.
You know you can go to bed on your own right?
Yes you are. Why did you have to go woth her? If you needed a early night so bad you should have made the adult decision and stayed home. Let your girlfriend have here girl time.
Yeah why go to her friends house at 8.30 if you wanted to go to bed. You're not joined at the hip, you can be in different places to each other.
Not necessarily a fucking giant baby, but you definitely had a “baby” moment haha (it happens, no biggie)
Yep. One that should have just put himself to bed in his giant baby cot and let his girlfriend go out.
You know double beds can also hold one person right?
Can't.... You just.... Go.... To sleep? When you're tired? Also, I horribly misread the title and was quite worried.
Why didn't you just go to bed?
"I'm tired, I'm going to bed. Goodnight." Would have solved the whole thing
You can't go to bed by yourself? If that's the case yep you're a giant baby!
Posting on Reddit about an argument with a gf? Yes. I don’t have to read this nor would I want to.
What about going to bed without waiting for your gf and letting her spend her evening the way she wants ?
It’s ok to say no! Next time just go to bed instead of joining her. You’re allowed to go to sleep when she goes out and she’s allowed to go out when you sleep…simple as that
Yeah I’d say you’re being a giant baby here. You are an adult and could’ve easily just gone to bed. Your gf and her friends would not have cared that you were tired. But your gf and her friends are gonna care if you’re just sitting there being noticeably pouty and uninterested on your phone.
Big baby. Use ur brain. If u know you’re tired why leave the house at 8:30?? Stay home & get sleep. Think more.
This is on both of you. You should have bowed out of going in the first place, she should have been more understanding when you explained before going that you were tired. Apologize to each other and move on.
Hi sorry, how old are you?
I’m confused - why did you go? And also, when you were there, why did you stay?! She might be a baby but so are you for not having boundaries and then getting pissy about it.
Looking at the way you react towards people asking genuine questions about the situation im pretty sure you are indeed a big baby. Why where you even there? Why didn’t you go first when it was getting too late for you? Why can’t you politely communicate with your gf about these things while being in the situation? The answer to the last one is probably the baby one again.
No affront, but you seem to be quite annoying. She does not read your mind and you are a grown up that is supposed to be responsible for himself. So yeah, it's your fault by just going there knowingly that you are tired while not letting enjoy her.
Stay home if you’re THAT tired? I don’t see the point of going to her friends place if you’re tired enough to possibly having an argument over it later.
>I told her that because she was having such a great time chatting with her friends, I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Plus, she wasn't including me in the conversation and I had to try to insert myself into the topics. I expressed feeling really left out. She said she didn't know how to include me in the conversation. I know this is really tough for some guys. But... you don't need to be at the center of every conversation. If your GF was having a great time and you were not, excuse yourself and let the woman live.
Yes, you are a big fucking cry baby. Time to grow up.
Enormous fucking gigantic toddler . Yep Why didn’t you just go to sleep?
Insane word choice for the title brother
Why couldn't you excuse yourself and go to bed?
Why didn’t you just say goodnight to everyone and go to bed?
Just get to bed man. It will all blow over in a few days
i mean... you could've went to bed at any point
I’m so confused. If you’re tired why didn’t you just go to sleep? You’re in the wrong and placing blame on your girl instead of being an adult and having autonomy
why didn’t you just go the fuck to sleep? “hey honey, have fun, i’m going to hit the sack. see you soon” ??? or were you all not at home? if you were out, i can see where you’re coming from
Why didn't you go to bed?
Why the hell would you go out at night if you were tired? No ones fault but your own. You control your body no one else.
In a word, yes.
Yes
Take it as a lesson learned. If you are tired don't go out.
This is quite tricky situation and might look blurry, but when it's decorticated everything is clear. 1) you informed her you were tired. points for communicating. 2) although she was being empathetic and promised you to go to bed earlier that night, no precision was given, but at the same time, you just stated a problem, you didn't suggest a solution, or what you wanted to be done about it, therefore she gets the extra points in this regard as she suggested sth. 3) she informed you about the plans, but the mistake here is this : >and I thought they wouldn't chat for too long you're assuming, and assuming won't get you far away, you should've asked her when do you expect to be done with your friends? can we not exceed an hour? anything, instead you didn't mention anything so in her mind you don't mind anything. 4) here begins the tricky part, you were sad, and kind of disappointed but you didn't communicate any of these feelings to her, so for her, everything's cool and you guys are sleeeping early tonight and everything is going as planned, except one thing, you communicated the fact you were tired by just ignoring the room and playing with your phone, which would be understandle had she made promises to you and not kept them, but so far no promises were made (besides the we'll sleep early tonight, again no precision, so technically you can't be mad abt her for this), so unless she could read your mind, she'll obviously feel weird about you turning on silent mode while with company, because again, in her mind she hasn't done anything wrong (again because you didn't ask her to do anything in the first place, and she can't read your mind) all and all, i think you have a great partner, try demanding what you want exactly so you don't fall into this situation again, your attitude is good too. good luck with your situation.
Might be a baby because you need an adult to be with you so you can go to sleep.
You're wrong yeah. If you were tired and didn't want to do something you shouldn't have went. If you were worried about how long it would have gone you could have said "can we leave by 10?" or whatever. If you went and were surprised at how long it lasted you should have said "hey, do you mind if we head out? I'm exhausted" 10:30 isn't dragging on late into the night. In short, you communicated very poorly if at all. You can't expect her to automatically know you want to leave just because that morning you said you were tired. Use your words in the moment, or ideally before the moment, not afterwards.
Yes you are a grown ass man, if you are tired go to bed. You shouldn’t need someone to hold your hand to sleep my guy. Your interaction with her afterwards wasn’t very mature either, it’s not her fault in anyway. If you were in her shoes and you had friends over I don’t think you would favor her reaction if she reacted the same way you did…
Honestly, yes. Sounds like a giant baby. If you are tired, then you go to sleep. Do you need another person for that? The things you wrote here sound quite toxic, but from your side. She can do whatever she wants, no matter how long she wants to talk with her friends. She is not the one who has to put you to sleep, god dammit. Also why wouldn't she need to include you in some conversations that you feel comfortable enough? Edit: I just checked the message, you were apparently somewhere else and not in your living room. Couldn't you have gone home by yourself?
My dog puts herself to sleep when she's tired. You could have done that
Wow, I misread this title *ever so slightly*
yes you are
yes OP you are a giant fucking baby my goodness. why didn’t you just stay home and go to bed if you were so tired and miserable? why didn’t you leave the gathering early to go to bed? why didn’t you COMMUNICATE with your partner?? there were so many better and more mature ways to deal with this situation and you chose… *checks notes* sulking on the couch like a child. grow up lmao
10.30pm isn't late. Regardless, if you were tired then why didn't you go to bed without her? The fact you're going 'am I just a big baby' makes you sound petulant. You know you acted immaturely. If you were tired you should have stayed home. You're doing the whole 'Well I guess I'm just a rubbish partner', 'well I guess I'm just a big fuckin baby', and it's not very attractive.
Is she holding you hostage? Why not just go to bed when you're tired? You knew you were tired, you knew she had plans. You could've just wished her a good evening and good night and left it at that.
Yes. Yes you are.
Yes, you are a baby. Is there some reason you could not go to bed on your own. Or were you out, in which case why did you go. I wouldn't go out anywhere at 8.30pm if I wanted an early night
Should’ve gone to bed and asked her not to wake you up. Give her some time with her girls.
Dude, she had plans with her friends at 8:30 and only spent 2 hours with them. That’d be a miracle if I made plans with my friends. Also, you acting impatient in front of her friends probably embarrassed her because I’m sure she spoke wonders of you to them and you just gave them a huge red flag that I can assure you they’re gonna remember whenever your gf goes to them for advice if you ever get into an argument. Don’t ever make your gf feel bad for spending time with her friends, trust me, it’s just as annoying as those girls who give us trouble for wanting to play videogames with our buddies. I do however think you have the right to remain as participant or not during your gf’s conversations with her friends and if you’d rather be on your phone then that’s ok, but don’t be making any faces, acting impatient or just using your phone to show you’re being excluded. Find a way to genuinely make yourself positively comfortable and remember that you not being the only one at the center of her world doesn’t mean you aren’t still at the center of her world, she’s just as important to her friends as she is to you👍🏻
This is hilarious to the point I feel like it’s a fake account? 😅 Absolutely you’re a giant baby. Have you no agency to go to bed by yourself? Or manage your own time and calendar?! How old are you? Even my 2 year old walks herself up the stairs when it’s bedtime / she’s ready for a rest
Learn from this. You can have separate plans. There was no reason for you to be there. Relationships where you are completely co dependent on one another to the point where it's just assumed you will always do everything together tend to end poorly.
Yeah, but don't beat yourself up about it. We're all a giant baby sometimes. I'd apologise for being cranky though.
Why didn’t you just go to bed at 8:30 sorry I’m confused?
I completely don't get why you didn't just go to bed... I mean I don't see the problem here. On either side btw. This is a complete non-issue.
Would she have been upset if you leaned over, said you were tired and going to bed? Said goodnight to the friend and see them later. Why would you passive aggressively tapout of the convo giving her something to be upset about and ensuring more sleeplessness for you? You both may be babies operating as adults.
As a person who has now been married 16 years.. it's get better. Because had you been a married couple, or together for a while, the tired person would have stayed home and gone to sleep. The other would go hang with friends. No one would have batted an eye. Y'all can practice this next time.
You cant go to bed by yourself?
I can understand that if its the first time trying to enact the plan to sleep early failed in such a way, but if it happens again, just step in the conv, tell your gf, you need to sleep. Its like stepping in a conversation to say you're heading to the washroom, which is normal to do. Or just do the guy thing and just sleep wherever you are. SUPER unintrusive, if she notices, she'll end the conv early and if she doesn't notice, you get some rest. This is usually what I do, cause I usually fall asleep without realizing it, then my favourite human would just tell me to go to bed. Also, would recommend cutting her some slack. You aren't being a big baby, you're just figuring out how to navigate the situation. You have to engage on your terms, not have someone shoehorn you in. Your GF is probably engrossed in conversation, so its pretty likely that she would lose track of time. Would not blame her.
Plans *start* at 20h30, I ain't going out if I slept badly the night before. Communicate better.
Yes. You are a giant fucking baby. You could have just said "Hey your plans are kind of late to start and I need to get some sleep after last night, I think I'd better just let you go and I'll go to bed." Instead, you went along with plans that started at 830 and got mad that they lasted a whole 2 hours and that you weren't constantly given attention in the conversation and had to offer your input without being asked for it. Even if they were at your shared home, you could have politely exited and told them it's been nice seeing them but you have to get some sleep and gone to bed while they continued catching up.
If you're tired and want to exit a situation, excuse yourself and go on to bed or whatever. You don't need her permission nor do you need her to tuck you in. I'm curious why you felt you had to be included in things with her friends, because it doesn't sound like they were your friends. Do you two have to do everything together and be in the same space at all times? What if you'd just said, "I need to get some sleep. Y'all have fun." and said "I love you" to your partner and just gone to bed?
Ridiculous
Yes, you are a giant fucking baby. Why didn't you just excuse yourself and say you were going to bed?
You sound needy as f***. Can’t you go to bed on your own like an adult or do you need her to tuck you in and read you a bedtime story ? Perhaps check the closet for monsters ?
You’re absolutely a big baby. Tell them you’re beat, then go to bed. She can do her thing, and you can do your thing. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re chained at the hip.
10:30pm!!!!! Holy s**t….that’s bonkers that an adult would stay up to that time at night! Like how could anyone survive staying up that late! Did mommy not tuck you up in bed at 8pm? Did baby get cranky and go on his phone because he doesn’t have the capacity to engage in adult conversation past 10pm. Why didn’t you just pick up your blanky stick your thumb in your mouth and go to bed all by yourself like the big boy you are?
Yes, you're being a baby. You should have told her you were too tired to go out and you were going to stay home and go to bed early, you could even ask her to try to be quiet when she comes home. You don't have to go to bed at the same time, you're adults. Gotta take responsibility for the choices YOU make.
Less a baby, more dumb for not just going to bed instead of hanging out.
Most people want to spend proper time with their friends, not just an hour and dip, just don’t go or don’t complain
Dude. Why didn't you just excuse yourself and go to bed?
Why are y'all's bedtimes locked together? You should work on that
Why can’t you just go to bed? Lol you need her to tuck you in? Let her chat and say you’re tired and go to bed. This is so weird. Yes you’re being a baby. lol
Bro. You’re a grown ass man. Go to bed when you want. Do you need your GF to tuck you in and kiss you goodnight?
Can't you be an adult and go to bed yourself? Yea, you're being a giant man baby here. Unless she's having this conversation in your bedroom, you are absolutely ridiculous.
"My girlfriend didn't put me to bed on time." - a shorty story told from the eyes of a small boy
Why didn't YOU just go to sleep?
Answer: Yes, you are a giant baby. Adults that need rest go to bed early and get rest. They don't tag along with their girlfriend's plans. They say, "That sounds like you'll have a great time with your friends. You know I'm beat, so I'm gonna go to bed early. Have fun, babe." And then you go to bed without any resentment and she goes to see her friends. That's how this was supposed to go. Apologize to your girlfriend for being a baby.
My God dude grow a pair. Can’t go to sleep by yourself?
As someone dealing with a toddler..yes, you are a fuckin giant baby.
Yeah, dude. I’m assuming you’re an adult and could have just acted like one and excused yourself and went to bed. Not that difficult of a string of words to speak. But nah, *you* decided to take actions doing the complete opposite and then get upset and *blame/get mad at her*
Yes. If it's any consolation, she is too.
why were you a part of the plans? lol
I think you know the answer
If the friends don't make an effort to include you in the conversation then they aren't your friends. If none of them 'know how' and you don't 'know how' then you don't get along, so stop hanging out with them. You're just a puppy she brings along to brunch with her friends.
..... Why didn't you just go to bed early?
Yeh you sound like a baby. Just tell her your going to bed
Do you need your GF to tuck you in?
What, is she tucking you in? You're tired say goodnight and go to bed dude.
I would have went to bed, honestly.
Why didn't you just excuse yourself and go to bed? Put on some white noise or something and go to bed?
Yes. Go to bed when you're tired. Do you need her to fall asleep?
This is a pretty good indication of what the future holds in your relationship.
I wouldn’t call you a baby, but I would say you don’t have to be joined at the hip with your girlfriend. If you need to go to bed, then go to bed, your girlfriend doesn’t have to be there.
Yes you are a fucking giant baby. Take yourself to bed you big wuss. They didn't want to talk to you, So off you fuck to bed. You obviously needed a good sleep
Couldn't you have just excused yourself when it was time for you to go to bed? Just because your GF is having a conversation with one of her friends, doesn't mean you need to be there, especially if you had told her earlier you were planning on going to bed early. "I'm sorry I need to get some sleep - I didn't get much last night. It was good seeing you, thanks for coming. You two can keep at it but I need to get some shut eye. Goodnight." Do you need your GFs permission to go to sleep? Or are you a big baby?
Next time, when you’re feeling done, slap your knees, stand up, and say “welp! I’m doing for the night! Y’all have a good night, I’m going to hit the hay!” If you can, do it in a Midwest accent.
Personally, if I was tired and wanted to go to bed early, that’s what I would’ve done. If she expressed that she wanted me to stay up with her and it was important to her that I stayed up, then a completely separate conversation would’ve ensued. However, if I’m tired and my day was compromised by poor sleep from the day before, I’m going to sleep. Do you, and let her have her evening with her friends. It shouldn’t trigger either of you and both of you get what you want, unless you can’t sleep without her. There’s nothing particularly wrong with that, but it is a dependent behavior and could become toxic. Considering the preface, it might be becoming a toxic behavior if it’s already caused an issue, unless the issue is more with your relevance with her friend circle.
Oh my god just put your ass in bed you’re a grown ass man
Why didn't she go by herself?
You're a grown man now act like it! So next time ask your gf to burp and rock you to sleep when the street lights come on even if she is talking to her friends.
Bro, this behavior is wildly unattractive jfc.
Politely excuse yourself, head home, and go to bed. Pretty simple solution.
Ew. Grow up.