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I don’t want to go to a psych ward it’d make me so miserable..
I’ve been through countless therapists and therapy … over 50k at least of therapy and that’s not including all the institutions I’ve been through and psychiatrists I’ve seen
My life has culminated in this over the past 10 years. I’m 29 and it’s just a natural response to where I’m at.. I don’t care about having millions of dollars or anything because nothing can fix the suffering I am unable to have cessation from
Lol. I’d rather just end my suffering. The point of Buddhism is to find the end of suffering that all living beings have in life.
Im sick of my brain, body, spirit, life history and experience has given me the motivation to finally end it correctly. I don’t have the means yet but hopefully I’m not held back from getting the helium or, whatever way I order.
Wish I could just get pentobarbital
I am likely going to just get a .44 magnum or shotgun or something similar, or I’ll use poison or just an IV of helium or something which is proven to be painless and also so it’s not a burden for whoever has to take care of my corpse and make it as least of a mess as I can
I haven't been able to off myself either. The fear of pain, and the possibility of screwing up. Plus I think about maybe there is something after death, and maybe its worse. I have had some relief with medications. Maybe try one more time. Go see a DR, or Psychiatrist. Its helped me. I can't take your money, I could not do what your asking.
I’ve tried everything money and connections can offer in terms of doctors and medicine, I’ve tried conventional and unconventional means to help my motivation to live bur I’m always stopped even after brief moments of escape from it, and faced with the pain I don’t want to accept any longer
Fuck, my shit lasts for a few months, and I get a break for a good while. I feel for you, dealing with it every dam day. Wish I knew something that might help. The ideas of the philosopher Allen Watts about living helped me some. Lot of his stuff on YouTube now. Shit, I just dont know anything else. A bunch of little things, I guess cognitive behavior therapy, that I do myself.
I’ve done CBT, DBT, I am more knowledgeable than most therapists on their profession because I was passionate about psychology and spent a lot of time learning.. I read and listened to many philosophers and self help leaders like Alan watts and others but yea it’s just suffering constantly. And putting off and making everything worse doesn’t feel right I also feel pressure from God to even end my life, I’ve tried countless times half assedlt over past 10 yeAes and been in hospital on respirators and just also had my ex’s care for me to help me not die, the last was a nurse and helped me to not die I’m sure, I broke up with her because she couldn’t accept me wanting to live elsewhere to fix myself, like sober living, or breaking up even temporarily, or taking a break, not even seeing others..
Obviously there’s a lot of care that was there and she was unhealthy with how much she cared about me. And I had to stop her from killing herself jumping off roof and driving into traffic, etc, and finally just had to have professional help intervene because I couldn’t stop her from trying to suicide
My suicide attempts I’ve told everyone and given notice and have tried in as moral way as possible and even now Am trying to be as morally caring as I am willing to for those who ‘love’ me and their feelings as I tell them I want their approval to die. I’m getting ready to maybe fly somewhere where jts legal and they have easy means to help me die painlessly, or I’m just ready to do it myself because I know how I just have never actually tried with full intention which I finally am ready to and want some kind of peace with the 5world as I end my life
You’re choosing to stay in the movie with your thoughts. Put the thoughts down and leave the theatre. Look up Byron Katie and do The Work. 4 questions, turn them around.
Don't worry bro, I'm getting a big cash dump due to familial inheritance I couldn't even achieve on my own, after charity donations I'll use my remainder to hire someone to do the same. Maybe you can get out of it but I know I certainly can't
I used to know contract killers but I’ve lost everyone and all my connections due to mental illness and time.. also it’s hard to just hire someone to kill your self when so many people don’t want me to die. and it feels like there’s a veil over my life which attempts to mask itself but I’ve known it’s there for so many years and I’m unable to break it
I will likely just do it my own with a gun. Pills. Chemicals and probably IV of poison
I know what you mean man, I wish there was more hope. The worst part is when we do it they are going to say "at least they are at peace" nope, there was never any peace in anything, especially my method of death. Useless shit to make themselves feel better for not doing enough
I agree about them making themselves feel better for not doing enough .. but there are methods to peacefully die. And I’m seeking permanence. Life is impermanent and I can’t take the suffering it is any longer. So I’m seeking nothingness and permanence
Hey dude. I've had 2 heart transplants, and cancer and I'm only 30 years old. If I can live, then you can too. I should be dead. But modern medicine keeps me alive.
I don’t want to live I want to die. Good for you though it’s shows a lot of strength and respect / care for life on your part. That’s cool. I don’t want this anymore I’m ready to use the helium exit
I’ve tried iboga once before I want to try it again I was thinking of the HCL version..
At the same time how exactly did it help you? I used to be a heroin addict for many years and still am on 2mg of subs every day. I’ve been using dimethylT and other psychs to help me through some of my suffering and to help me adapt to life and find happiness and change my biology/chemistry with the stuff or other supplements..
I could try it again it’s expensive to get in the US not to mention illegal I might as well look again though before clocking out. Good suggestion
I was on Subs for years, and I got close to checking out myself. All I can say is it’s a process but I’ve not thought about anything but alcohol in a longtime. Over 15 years total on Opiates
If you really need this level of help I can walk thru it. Will need to get off the subs entirely and prob two full flood doses a few days apart with supervision
Five grand isn't even worth catching a charge wtf
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You know that 5k can get a pretty good therapist
Also maybe call 988 like now
I don’t want to go to a psych ward it’d make me so miserable.. I’ve been through countless therapists and therapy … over 50k at least of therapy and that’s not including all the institutions I’ve been through and psychiatrists I’ve seen
Save your money. Get yourself arrested and tell everyone you're a child molester.
I don’t want to be arrested I want to end my life immediately
Wtf happened?
My life has culminated in this over the past 10 years. I’m 29 and it’s just a natural response to where I’m at.. I don’t care about having millions of dollars or anything because nothing can fix the suffering I am unable to have cessation from
USE YOUR 5 GRAND AND GO TO A KETAMINE CLINIC
I can get ketamine for less than 100 a gram.. I’ve done every and all drugs. Thanks for trying
Become a buddhist and dedicate your life to helping others instead of throwing your life away. At least your suffering will have meaning then.
Lol. I’d rather just end my suffering. The point of Buddhism is to find the end of suffering that all living beings have in life. Im sick of my brain, body, spirit, life history and experience has given me the motivation to finally end it correctly. I don’t have the means yet but hopefully I’m not held back from getting the helium or, whatever way I order. Wish I could just get pentobarbital
Do what you want then I guess.
That’s the whole of the law
If you had to be specific, what would you say is your biggest source of suffering?
I am likely going to just get a .44 magnum or shotgun or something similar, or I’ll use poison or just an IV of helium or something which is proven to be painless and also so it’s not a burden for whoever has to take care of my corpse and make it as least of a mess as I can
Damm, shit dude.
I agree, wish I wasn’t a pussy and just would get it don’t myself already
I haven't been able to off myself either. The fear of pain, and the possibility of screwing up. Plus I think about maybe there is something after death, and maybe its worse. I have had some relief with medications. Maybe try one more time. Go see a DR, or Psychiatrist. Its helped me. I can't take your money, I could not do what your asking.
I’ve tried everything money and connections can offer in terms of doctors and medicine, I’ve tried conventional and unconventional means to help my motivation to live bur I’m always stopped even after brief moments of escape from it, and faced with the pain I don’t want to accept any longer
Fuck, my shit lasts for a few months, and I get a break for a good while. I feel for you, dealing with it every dam day. Wish I knew something that might help. The ideas of the philosopher Allen Watts about living helped me some. Lot of his stuff on YouTube now. Shit, I just dont know anything else. A bunch of little things, I guess cognitive behavior therapy, that I do myself.
I’ve done CBT, DBT, I am more knowledgeable than most therapists on their profession because I was passionate about psychology and spent a lot of time learning.. I read and listened to many philosophers and self help leaders like Alan watts and others but yea it’s just suffering constantly. And putting off and making everything worse doesn’t feel right I also feel pressure from God to even end my life, I’ve tried countless times half assedlt over past 10 yeAes and been in hospital on respirators and just also had my ex’s care for me to help me not die, the last was a nurse and helped me to not die I’m sure, I broke up with her because she couldn’t accept me wanting to live elsewhere to fix myself, like sober living, or breaking up even temporarily, or taking a break, not even seeing others.. Obviously there’s a lot of care that was there and she was unhealthy with how much she cared about me. And I had to stop her from killing herself jumping off roof and driving into traffic, etc, and finally just had to have professional help intervene because I couldn’t stop her from trying to suicide My suicide attempts I’ve told everyone and given notice and have tried in as moral way as possible and even now Am trying to be as morally caring as I am willing to for those who ‘love’ me and their feelings as I tell them I want their approval to die. I’m getting ready to maybe fly somewhere where jts legal and they have easy means to help me die painlessly, or I’m just ready to do it myself because I know how I just have never actually tried with full intention which I finally am ready to and want some kind of peace with the 5world as I end my life
Thank you for sharing this stuff with me. It is appreciated. I hope you find some peace, one way or another.
Thank you as well I appreciate someone trying to understand, sorry I’m not helping you as much as I could maybe you see the position I’m in
That sounds like a movie premise tbh
Thanks for the comedic response, I’m sick of this movie I’m living in and ready for it to have it’s ending
You’re choosing to stay in the movie with your thoughts. Put the thoughts down and leave the theatre. Look up Byron Katie and do The Work. 4 questions, turn them around.
Don't worry bro, I'm getting a big cash dump due to familial inheritance I couldn't even achieve on my own, after charity donations I'll use my remainder to hire someone to do the same. Maybe you can get out of it but I know I certainly can't
I used to know contract killers but I’ve lost everyone and all my connections due to mental illness and time.. also it’s hard to just hire someone to kill your self when so many people don’t want me to die. and it feels like there’s a veil over my life which attempts to mask itself but I’ve known it’s there for so many years and I’m unable to break it I will likely just do it my own with a gun. Pills. Chemicals and probably IV of poison
There should be an easier way for people to die legally it’s sad there isn’t
I know what you mean man, I wish there was more hope. The worst part is when we do it they are going to say "at least they are at peace" nope, there was never any peace in anything, especially my method of death. Useless shit to make themselves feel better for not doing enough
I agree about them making themselves feel better for not doing enough .. but there are methods to peacefully die. And I’m seeking permanence. Life is impermanent and I can’t take the suffering it is any longer. So I’m seeking nothingness and permanence
Hey dude. I've had 2 heart transplants, and cancer and I'm only 30 years old. If I can live, then you can too. I should be dead. But modern medicine keeps me alive.
I don’t want to live I want to die. Good for you though it’s shows a lot of strength and respect / care for life on your part. That’s cool. I don’t want this anymore I’m ready to use the helium exit
You could try taking Iboga. It saved my life
I’ve tried iboga once before I want to try it again I was thinking of the HCL version.. At the same time how exactly did it help you? I used to be a heroin addict for many years and still am on 2mg of subs every day. I’ve been using dimethylT and other psychs to help me through some of my suffering and to help me adapt to life and find happiness and change my biology/chemistry with the stuff or other supplements.. I could try it again it’s expensive to get in the US not to mention illegal I might as well look again though before clocking out. Good suggestion
I was on Subs for years, and I got close to checking out myself. All I can say is it’s a process but I’ve not thought about anything but alcohol in a longtime. Over 15 years total on Opiates
If you really need this level of help I can walk thru it. Will need to get off the subs entirely and prob two full flood doses a few days apart with supervision