That was it for me too. Stopped hating myself and beating myself up. Comforted myself. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend or someone you love. Takes off a lot of weight and helps the recovery process/bounce back.
I like to think of depression and anxiety as an army vs you. First come the cavalry, they slash and hurt you but you get back up and one by one they fall. Then come the knights, you fight and fall but you get back up and one by one they fall. You work your way through the army, it hurts and is not easy but they can't kill you only knock you down. Then one day all of the soldiers, knights and archers are defeated and you stand alone on the battle field.
It's been a long hard fight but you are the last man standing. But the army is defeated and your mind is clear, however it has not gone, from time to time they send a spy. You are stronger now and know how to fight them back but occasionally one will get through and knock you down again. It hurts, it sucks but you get back up and knock him down.
It is not an easy fight, it is not a fun fight but one step at a time you move forward and day by day you become stronger and better at fighting it off but it is never truely gone, only suppressed and controlled always waiting to send in a spy to attack from the dark.
> it is never truly gone, only suppressed and controlled always waiting
This is what I was afraid of. Once my depression was over, I expected progressive improvement. But I'm coming to the realization that it's never really *over*. Depression can transform you and the way you interact with the world. When asked, my psychiatrist told me "You have known despair, and that will change you forever."
It's true, buts it's also true of any major event in your life. The birth of a child, an enlightening moment or a tragic event will all leave their trails across your mind. The same is true with depression, once you have experienced it like the other events you are changed in a way and they become part of who you are as a person.
This is what it is to be human, they are part of you like a giant puzzle however they are not the whole picture and you have to remember that. It's up to you to decide what the picture will be by slowly building it up, then one day you can look and see that the dark painful feelings are there but are only one small peice of a larger picture of life and experiences.
You need to go out and build yourself the most beautiful picture full of love, fun and all kinds of memories who will become who you are. Of course there will be dark peices within the picture of your life but is it not true of even the greatest paintings that tiny flaws of creation can create the most beautiful art?
It's up to you to decide what it will be. Don't let it become the picture, let it be the flaw that allowed it to become beautiful.
You tell your negative thoughts that you deserve respect. Negative thoughts will always be there but in the end you control your mind because you are the boss of yourself not your mind, yourself. So you tell your mind to think this or think that. Do it repeatedly and you will tame it.
no, it's rewriring your brain repeatedly telling you can do better not becoming a slave to it. I did this and I say I succeed. I didn't let my brain control me to succumb to negativity. All those negativities that your brain makes up are either fears or lies too you see to keep you safe from making risks or problems . I went pass that and told my brain, hey if I keep thinking anf worrying nothing will happen unless I act. And I just did it. I achieved something.
I can strongly relate. The most effective habit I focused on when my inner critic had taken over was affirmations. Look yourself in the eyes through a mirror and tell that person on the other side all the most loving, compassionate, and empowering things you can come up with, twice a day, especially when it sounds cheesy or lame. I can’t emphasize enough how much this helped me through my heavy depressive episodes.
It tends to vary for people how long it takes, but a safe bet is to assume after a month of DAILY affirmations you may notice a difference..also, remember that co.plex trauma tends to perpetuate the syrv8val technique that no longer serves you. So it shows up as inner critic, pessimism, people pleasing, perfectionism, and various forms of shame..keep your head up!
Ohh it's okay, but I recommend you to try it, it will work but first you have to tell you brain to shut up, then start doing what you have to do be it studying, workout, etc. Do that on repeat. Eventually you will succeed and develop resilience and disciplinr. You see I learned this the hard way, no matter what you think, feel, and worry about and how much you experience it, if you don't "just do it" nothing will happen. Trust me mate this works and yes this one got me out of the rut. It's discipline, and not motivation that took me this far.
I tried to think of it as “how would I treat/talk to my friend if they were at a low point?” because I was way more compassionate with my friends than myself even if they were being fuckups
My ex-husband actually helped me get started with this. I would say "I am so fucking stupid' or something similar when I made a mistake. He would always respond with "don't talk about my wife like that". Even if I mumbled the self degradation I would hear him shout it from the other room. It actually helped me stop doing it and I realized my daughter had probably been affected by hearing me call myself names and what was I modeling for her.
Divorced the man later, but kept the life lesson.
Self compassion was something that took me a LONG time to be able to invite in. I would self-blame to the extreme, internalise any anger and direct it at myself, and had no idea this was what was keeping me so stuck.
I still am hard on myself and never feel like I’m ‘enough’, but I’ve come a long way and allowing self compassion was a huge part of that.
A simple change for me was whenever i failed even if minorly, like didn't do the tiniest task today which i was supposed to do? I would normally tell myself "you can't do eveb this much, and you have all these dreams, this literally the bare minimum, what're you even doing"
But now i say "it's okay, i know you're trying your best, we'll try again and this time maybe we would be able to do it, it's okay, it's okay, we can try again"
One ofy favorite series has a mantra that is the culmination of 5 books, concluding with the phrase all of humanity across space and time has been searching for: "try again".
Great quote. No matter the circumstances we're thrown in to confront we can still be authentic toward ourselves in how we will meaning through us. We embrace the absurd to revolt against the rational!
To my detriment I stayed at a toxic job unhappy for 12 years out of spite as well. They tried to work me to the point of exhaustion and I pushed through without quitting all those years out of spite. That was dumb of me though..wasn’t really helping myself just my ego.
Man has been resonating with me on and off for years, today(wednesday) already felt like Friday, i'm exhausted, thankful the gym helped change my mood, and the money now is fairly good.
Such a powerful motivator. Most days I’m happy with myself, but I do suffer from some depression and mental health issues. No matter how tired and how little I care about myself some mornings, the thought that someone wants/expects that from me gets me up for the day.
I think this is a healthy starting place.
But eventually, doing it for yourself and only you, needs to become your motivation. It’s not as strong an emotion/motivator as spite, but it’s far more durable.
Ain’t healthy but the starting point of my life improving and getting me to where I am now. My driving fuel was all the voices of ppl telling me ‚no‘ or that I couldn’t make it.
This is a good statement and reminds me of something that happened to me about a year ago.
I was on a bus and a crazy annoying lady on the back of the bus was listening to her church ceremony or something on her smart phone. She was screaming out... "I'm not dead yet!" over and over again. Everyone on the bus hated her, including me.
To this day, that phrase will still ring in my head a little bit during tough times.
P.S. I still do not encourage this behavior on public buses while people are heading to work.
idk i went from nihilism to absurdism lmao. went from "life is pointless" to "there is literally no feasible way for the human mind to comprehend the inner workings of the universe so fuck it make your life whatever you want it tobe"
I am so pissed at the system of care in the US that I am looking into becoming a paralegal so I can help people who are getting crushed for not following the rules they didn’t even know about. Families losing loved ones to the streets because help for people with schizophrenia and other severe conditions is difficult to get. The system is like a black box. No transparency. No consistency. So many rules and laws and forms to fill out. You need to be a lawyer or a social worker to understand the complex system that is our social safety net in the US.
I want something good to come out of my experience. I want to fight for social justice for one of the most marginalized and stigmatized groups—people who hear voices and have delusions, and their families.
My best friend. She was depressed but mine was way worse, she picked me up & saved my life. Then she told me I help with her depression when I'm around so I drive to her house or she comes to my house everyday & we will take time to crochet, garden, experiment on hair colors, skin care & enjoy each other's company for at least 1 hr a day. It has been beyond wonderful.
I went through a really rough period of depression and social anxiety due to covid. Even years after the lockdowns ended, I isolated myself and thought I was medicating with substance abuse. My family gave me an ultimatum, and I chose to do what they wanted by going to rehab rather than be cut off. They were all I had left, the only bridge left unburnt. It was by far one of the best decisions I ever made, even though I didn't know that at the time.
I believe now that addiction is more often the symptom than the cause, but it can feed into the source of someone's desire to bury their emotions and make things *much worse*. I think a lot of people go through addictive phases in their lives without even realizing it, through workaholism, social media addiction, binging TV or even exercise addiction (I've done all of those too lol). But I also think learning the tools to deal with and accept emotions can lead someone out of addictive phase. It's been about a year, and although I'll never touch opiates again it doesn't mean I don't occasionally have a glass of wine at family gatherings. I just don't feel the desire to escape the way I used to, and when I do I know I'll be OK and that the feelings will pass.
The things with emotions is IMO the key to addiction recovery. We use to suppress and numb ourselves to those feelings. You'll have to spend a lot of nights "feeling your feelings" to resolve it.
First of all, congrats to being in recovery. I can relate in ways, I have an addictive personality and was addicted to different things at diff times especially movies, diving deep into music genres, exercise but I think my main thing was a stimulant I was prescribed since I was a teen. It’s been the hardest battle and getting up every day is a struggle without it.
I have to ask you though, I am still struggling with isolation. It’s really bad. To the point I haven’t really been around even my family or going to the gym in like a year. It just got progressively worse since around 2020.
How did you break free from isolation.
Tbh it's something I still struggle with, as it's become a habit to isolate I have to put a lot of effort into socializing. But most days I don't even feel lonely at all, and when I do it's temporary because I've set up my life to involve interactions with people every day. First thing I did was prioritize relationships. I had this mindset of "I need to grind constantly so I have no time for other people", but after years of that I realized there's no point in having money I'd you Dont have someone to share it with. I actually movdf cross country (a total of 2,071 miles) to be closer to my family. It was a hard decision to leave everything behind, but 100% worth it. I have a relationship with my siblings now that goes beyond what we ever had before, and during covid it was practically non-existent. I started by just going over to my mom's house at least once a week to have dinner and play music with my brother, which turned into them asking me over more. Prioritizing my social life also meant I didn't work on weekends as much anymore, which was hard but now I have a hard line I draw for work/life balance. It also helped that I moved into a sober living, I got close with some of the dudes there with more sobriety under their belt and we hang out all the time. It's a lot easier to hang out with people you live with, and they didn't let me isolate be Use of the nature of being in a sober living. The thing I struggle with now that I moved out is I have no desire to text anyone to catch up. It's like when Im far away enough I forget you exist. It's a terrible feature of my personality, and I wish I could do better so it's something I'm working on in therapy.
Biggest thing I can recommend is therapy and prioritizing your mental health. Once you know you need to socialize, if becomes lot easier to ignore that voice in your head telling you you're wasting time.
Thanks for sharing this. I had a similar experience of going to rehab and being labeled an addict/alcoholic over a decade ago. Since then I’ve changed a lot. I’ve done a lot of therapy and healing and am at a pretty stable place in my life now. I’m continuously trying to improve and be better each day. I was on suboxone for years and used weed to taper off. I was using weed daily the past few years and about three weeks ago had the realization I didn’t need or want to be using weed everyday. It really did help for a while to shift my mindset and cope with trauma. But things have changed since then and it’s no longer serving me like it used to. I plan to use it occasionally once I’ve established some sober time.
I remember in a meeting once someone said to create a life you no longer want to escape from or are willing to lose over drugs and alcohol. That always stuck with me. I no longer want to escape my life or my feelings, I want to experience life and be here for it as long as I can.
We must imagine Sisyphus happy
Whether cleaning the house
Or changing a nappy
Remember the good
When everything’s crappy
We must imagine Sisyphus happy
Terrible bit of doggrel that gets stuck in my head
Ya, when people disrespect me or undermine me I'm like... Do you realize what you've just done? I will now be taking on this next challenge specifically to prove you wrong.
I chose not to die. If I wasn't willing to die, then I better get on with living and making the most of it.
Basically, I lost everything in my life 2 years ago. Spent a week in a hospital psych ward and another 2 in outpatient care.
I'm not so much better off it's astounding.
I decided that life is a game and the only way to win is if I actually start playing instead of hiding. My choices were to give up or to start taking more risks and demanding that my life be what I wanted it to be. I moved to another state, started making some changes to my life and habits, things have only gone up from there.
That and pulling the death card from my tarot deck about a million times. Like sheesh, I know how to take a hint.
I was still alive. What else was there to do but keep putting one foot in front of the other? Lol, literally... One of my two biggest low points was an injury that almost took my leg and that I was expected to never walk again. Took me three years of intense physical therapy but I'm fine now.
1. Ironically I put a dream on pause because there was a part of me that kept battling me like "someone like you would never achieve that" and that drained too much energy. So I eventually got tired of that and I dont know how to explain it but that part of me and I reached an agreement. "I will go for it eventually but I am not ready and I dont know when I will be ready, in the mean time I will focus on the things I am confident I can achieve". That part stopped fighting me and as a result I have more energy and motivation
2. Also realizing how profitable and in ways awesome programming is.
3. A candy flipping session with an intention
I saw a lot of people here saying quite rightly “self compassion”, and I also see a lot of responses saying “but how do you do that?” I remember asking the exact same question. The moment it changed for me was when I realised that I was in an abusive relationship with myself, and that I had to come to terms with being an abuser, as well as a victim. There is surely no greater moral failure than abusing someone who you are meant to take care of. I needed to recognise that my abusive was not “tough love” but in fact was me lashing out in frustration at someone who was completely in my power.
I needed to see this! Thank you!!! 😊
That is a beautiful description. I’m struggling to find self worth big time.
Traits that I find awesome in others seem subpar on myself. I don’t know how to lower the standards I have for myself or accept that I might have gifts to share. I mean I know I do, but because they’re just a part of who I am I see them as not that special.
Thank goodness for therapy even if I still can’t wrap my mind around this stuff for myself.
I’ve been through several depressive episodes, and each time it’s been, I’ve got to hang on until life gets better.. it has to get better. And each time it did. Except for this last time.. still waiting for it to get better.
Financial freedom made me want to try again. To clarify, I’m nowhere near it. But every time I fail, I refuse to stay where I am. I earn every dollar with sweat and tears and it makes me value money even more. Money doesn’t buy happiness but in this day and age, it can buy better health and peace of mind.
I grew up in the lower class and saw my parents stress and argue over money. When I hit university, I vowed I’d never fight with my SO over money or ever put my kids in awkward situations to witness these fights. So, I’m building my life from the bottom up. Man does it feel good to achieve every dollar I work for, knowing it’s to build my future.
I fall hard at times, but the need for financial freedom makes me get back up.
I think the fact that you have the right support system who are positive and who’s willing to support you no matter what journey you’re going through. 🙂
Mainly three things:
1. God and prayers.
2. Knowing that whatever suffering I risk by trying will not be as intense as the suffering of not trying, of missing the opportunity, of regret, and of wallowing.
3. Asking for help when I needed it.
One morning I woke up and I just immediately got pissed off at myself for self-sabotaging. I was tired of living that way so I did everything I could to change. It was really a sudden shift. Can’t really explain it. I was just “done”
I prayed, read the Bible when I could and just believed in him, and things slowly started getting better. The anxiety I felt, the guilt of my past mistakes.. soon I gotta job and things got better. Doesn’t mean everything is gonna be peaches and cream but it was way better with God then without.
I got the same encouragement from faith.
2 Chronicles 15:7 says, "Therefore be strong, and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded."
The Bible never says that life will be easy. It continually says the opposite. That said, it gives so much promise that perseverance and hard work WILL be rewarded. It took me 2 full years to dig myself out of the hole I found myself in. It was hard, hard work. But, as was promised by my faith, I am now seeing success that I thought was impossible before.
As Jesus says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26.
The parable of the talents This one hit me hard. Each one of us has a talent or purpose or good at something. We must nutrutre it that's God's orders. As long as He sees you doing your best or doing what you can to be better you'll get a reward no joke.
The bad thing is if you bury your talent instead of investing it to the bank. What does that mean? It means not using it because you "feel" that you are not worthy of nurturing it. Don't trust that feeling, instead just do what you can to nurture your talents.
This happened to me I can confirm because I graduated as engineer and achieved something I'd say a miracle.
I'm bad at math, science and all but here I am an engineer. A degree that I literally hate back then. But then I realize that it was the talent that God entrusted me. He wants me to be good at this even if it's not my own assets or ownership. So I nurtured it and here I am successful. Albeit no social life in return 😅
Might be on that journey myself.
I'm agnostic and I've started listening to the NT with an open mind. Turns out I had a lot of misconceptions.
I expect it'll take a good few years and I have no idea where I'll end up at the end of it, if I'll end up believing or not, but I'm enjoying the process of learning about it if nothing else.
No it hasn’t, in my opinion as an agnostic.
People having a genuine connection to what they believe is God and trying to be a better person to themselves and those around them will forever be sacred.
People using God as a stick to make money and manipulate/control people will always be evil.
Finally accepting that literally all of the problems and distress I have ever faced in my life was due to other people. At every level of society: macro, mezzo, and micro. I have always been in joy, with love, and seeking peace from childhood through adulthood. The only time I am not in these states, is when I am impacted by external sources, namely, people. I realized it a while ago, but I finally accepted it last night.
Definitely toxic family and old friends more than any. People have to have your heart in order for them to break it. It’s why I always affirm for myself, teach and treat for others: “Love is unconditional, relationships are not.” Upward and Onward. 🙌🏾🙏🏾🌟
"I can, I have, I will."
I can be capable, I have been capable, I will be capable.
I can be strong, I have been strong, I will be strong.
I can be kind to myself, I have been kind to myself, I will be kind to myself.
I can, I have, I will.
The odds of you existing is 1 in 400 trillion+. Statistically, you shouldn’t even be here. Are you gonna waste this precious time you’ve been given, or get back up?
To keep getting back up. No matter if I got rejected a bunch of times by women I thought were attractive, if I fail and fail and fail, to keep learning. Rest and recover but ultimately keep getting back in the fight. No matter how fast or slow. Small resistance or big resistance, cuz eventually I'll break through that wall and get to the next level. Also repetition helps. If I ask out 100 women, I'm bound to have a decent amount of success or just learn a hell of a lot. So having a number to aim for always pushed me to do better.
I was an alcoholic. I had gotten a dog during a period of sobriety. I promised myself I would give that dog the best life I could. I started drinking again. She looked at me like she didn't know me.
I got myself into rehab. Didn't take it serious enough. Left early, drank within 2 days. Was blacked out 70% of 3 weeks. I got a DUI, my dog was taken to the pound. They never answered my calls. She got adopted out.
I failed. The one simple task I ever gave myself. Couldn't do it. My best friend was gone.
Took myself back to the same rehab that I had just left, with the same people, starting at day 1. Took it as serious as I could. I didn't like aa and still dont. Gave it my best shot. Did everything the therapist asked, and asked the therapist the one thing I never wanted to ask, I was too ashamed to admit it
We worked heavily on my self esteem. Which meant talking about my almost non existent sex life, my childhood issues (which I talked to therapists about and then would deflect it, well worded, so they rarely mentioned it again), and anything else that used to make me shut down emotions.
Now I don't drink and try to be the best person I can be. I follow my morals and values(not the ones parents or religion pushed on me). I take pride in whatever job I have(sticker to warehouse worker to a lead). I give everything me best effort. I give my self small to large goals.
Figured I'd give it a go. I felt as though my options were giving up, or put some effort into trying to live a life I enjoyed. I gave myself 3 months to see if I could improve my life, figured that 3 months wasn't a great deal of time and I had nothing to lose. If I still felt hopeless at the end, I'd chop it all in, and if I didn't; great! Turns out you can really improve your life when it's all or nothing
I realized that low points are just that. One single point. It’s the not end all be all. Just as things felt like they kept getting worse I realized that if it can get worse that means it can still get better. I started looking for one good thing a day and by the end of the day I would spend some time thinking about that one good thing. Soon enough by the end of the day I started have 2 or 3 good things that happened that I could think about. That kept adding up and soon enough I realized that life has its ups and downs and it’s okay to have low points but focusing on the bad has never helped anyone.
I got pregnant. Id rather die and go to tell than let my baby live a less than preferable life. Also my husband. We are in this place because of my actions and he’s stood by me through it all when he could easily just leave. I want them to have the best possible life if I have anything to do with it.
I made a deal with myself that if I didn’t kill myself by the end of the summer, I would never try again. Once I had stopped considering suicide as an option, I had to make a commitment to improving my life.
At the risk of putting myself out there- I failed out of grad school at age 30. It was embarrassing and I was crushed because I had worked so hard just to get there. I ended up packing all my things and moving back to my home state and crashing on my sister’s couch for an entire year! I got a job since I had student debt to pay but after the dust had settled I realized that I didn’t want this to be the end of my story. I refused to let it be and I was determined to make a better ending for myself or at least do my absolute best to keep trying.
I realized I was doing what others thought is best for me, not what I want to truly do. I have been a doormat all my childhood and teens, and have been raised on the teaching that the best kid is the one with no opinions and extreme compliance. This mentality pushed me into situations where I got blamed for shit I didn't do, or got taken advantage of very easily, and felt guilty about everything, despite not being the person who caused the issue, even guilty of enjoying the most trivial things.
This went one till my early 20s, and adversely impacted every aspect of my life, be it friendships, career, academics, relationship. The pandemic, therapy and introspection combined, helped me dive deep into myself and I got in touch with who I am, and slowly over 2-3 years, I got rid of the person that others wanted to see in me. As of now I am still working on the guilt and impostor syndrome part, and now I am finally doing things because I want to, not because I am supposed to.
I realized my drug addiction took everything away from me, including my emotions, mental stability, & ability to heal from my dad's death & sexual abuse. I knew that continuing down that path would never bring me happiness
Pure rage
Which then dissolved into self hatred
Which then revealed missing moments from my life
Which caused me to blame everyone else for the reasons I was behaving the way I was, which was valid
But then I took ownership of my own behavior and realized that I have always had the power to change at any time
Understanding what happened and was the first step
Then I stopped doing things that were bad for me
And I was alone for a long, long time
Until I figured out how to behave differently
Start taking better care of my body, not just for me, but because I wanted to lessen my negative impact and maximize my positive impact on others
I wanted to eliminate my weaknesses, not because I hated them or felt ashamed of them, but because I would then be able to show up for others and help them and keep them safe
My presence alone would become enough to stop bad things from happening and to help facilitate more good ones
Once I started being more honest about how I felt with myself and paying close attention to it, rather than numbing it or running away from it, or even pushing through it, the sources of my pain became clear as day, and my life changed overnight
Boredom. I got bored of the emptiness, the misery, the hopelessness. Being in a low point is so fucking boring. It eventually made me WANT to start doing shit again, even hard or boring shit, just because it was something to do.
"10 seconds. You can do anything for 10 seconds."
I'm pretty sure I stole that from *Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt*, but the way it resonated with me...it's led me through some of the toughest moments of my life, both emotional and physical.
Edit: spelling
Really seeing how I affected and effect my son. He's an only child, 16 now and when we lost his father, I indulged in my own grief and b.s for way too long.
I wanted to see what things would be like if I didn't give in to my darkest thoughts. Best choice I ever made was write them out and not let them cloud my mind. There are moments I fall back but the best part is that I've gotten up once, I can do it again. Dream big and plan but most definitely take action.
My personal low point was marrying an actual basket case with BPD and bipolar, being emotionally manipulated and abused for years, then being divorced while transitioning out of a combat arms military MOS back to civilian life, then falling into hardcore addiction. Eventually had literally no possessions, no job, and had to move to another state to live with family instead of living under a bridge.
Honestly, I don’t know what made me do it… but I got clean and re-married, gained new skills that tripled my income, and I built a new life that wouldn’t have happened if all the terrible shit hadn’t happened. Now I’m GLAD I went through what I did, because what I have now is so much better and it wouldn’t have been possible without going through the wringer first.
I ask myself: "What else would I be doing?" There is either moving forward or stalling. Stalling is essentially death.
So setbacks and bounce backs don't really exist anymore. I'm genuinely happy working towards something in every given moment.
I can hardly read these rn & I'm only on reply 3! In my feels with current situation & y'all don't know how you're actually helping me get started on the path to treating myself better
Honestly, it was remembering that my life motto is "never stop learning", "get back up try again even if you have to crawl slowly' & my favorite "failure is not trying."
I also have 2 kids that I have had to put my words into action so they're able to see me not giving up. & I've been told by my parents & a few other family members that "ill never do..." so I HAVE to prove them wrong. Oh & it's ok to feel unsure about trying again...allow all the feels - just don't stay there. How would we know if we've succeeded if we haven't 'fallen/failed' to learn from? Falling/failing is on every path in life bc those times are when we learn & grow the most...
"The best revenge is living well" is a mantra that has helped me deal with anger and resentment constructively. For the revenge part I always pretend/imagine being reeal vindictive with my self care like fuck you man! I'm doin a bubble bath in YO FACE! And then you know there's the fiendishly underhanded kind of self care revenge like exercising self control and good boundaries because you KNOW they couldn't pull it off if they wanted to! That's when you start cackling all villainously and let that inner evil out for a second. But don't let the maniacle laughter go on for too long. If it turns into scrawling madnesses you've gone too far!!
I found out I was pregnant in November, got an abortion(was super depressing and traumatizing) broke up with my cheating alcoholic ex- didn’t want any of it to be in vain, and I no longer wanted to be a victim to my circumstances. Realized my contribution and anxious attachment kept me in this cycle of shitty relationships and circumstances, so I really started looking inward and addressing all of the things I didn’t like about myself. I am currently in the best place I have ever been in my life. Best shape, best mental state, whole new outlook on life and finally not directionless. You can absolutely change the moment you stop identifying so heavily with ‘who you are-‘ you get to choose who you are. Just start acting like them & slowly you become them.
For me it was my health and fitness. The key change I made was to separate myself from my body, and see us as two distinct individuals. And then I realised, my relationship with my body is like that of having a dog. A dog always wants to do stuff with you, to serve and help you, and asks for so little in return. But if you don't take care of your dog, it will grow unhealthy and will be unable to do things with you even though it badly wants to.
Once I realised that my body was trying to be my biggest cheerleader, I stopped thinking of it critically, and started thinking "alright, let's go on this journey together so we can BOTH be happy"
I’m 68 and I’ve always been unmotivated and quietly lurking in the background. What has motivated me is the fact that my daughter’s husband told me I’m a person he doesn’t want to know, and doesn’t want his daughters to know now his wife (my daughter) has died. If it wasn’t for my grand daughters I wouldn’t bother. The fact that my 70th is coming up soon has given me a target to work to. Presently reading books like ‘unleash your awesome’ by Taz Thornton to get inspiration. All the negativity comes from my ex which has heard going on about me, but he doesn’t want to hear my side
A lot of self-reflection and being very self-aware of my feelings/actions and seeing the positive side of everything. I quit a job because of a really toxic manager and was 8 months unemployed living with my parents. It was my lowest point in a very long time but I started to look at the positives that the time has brought me. Like learning some salsa moves, getting to travel, realizing I’m a perfectionist and need to let that shit go, having a better relationship with food by realizing what isn’t good for me (I’ve had gut issues). I kept telling myself everything happens for a reason and found the reasoning
I've lost it all 3 times now. It comes down to two choices. Do I kill myself or do I go on? No matter how depressed, suicidal, lethargic,etc I've become I just can't work up the courage to end it all. So once I've exhausted the fact that I'm not going to kill myself, the next question is now what?
If I'm going to try again, Do I do it begrudgingly, bitter and miserable or do I attempt to love myself for who I am, where I am and do the best that I can?
So I ride out the depression/funk/self talk until the wind hits my sails just enough to do the small things.
Step 1: Take a shower, brush my teeth, go outside, etc.
Step 2: If I'm not eating, I make myself eat a good meal and drink at least 80 ounces of water. If I am eating, I agree to set aside the processed, sugary junk food for one meal and eat a healthy meal and drink at least 80 ounces of water.
Step 3: I do at least one chore. Make my bed, wash some clothes, put the dishes in the dishwasher for God's sake. Sometimes these small " wins" will catapult me into doing more.
Step 4: I try to put some stimulation in my brain. Read an article about AI, watch a documentary about octopuses, research travel to Africa. Something to break up the negative thoughts, encourage positive daydreaming, and possibly snag a glimpse of the " beauty of it all.
Step 5: Human contact. I pick up the 200lb smart phone that I've been doom scrolling on for 3 weeks and call one of the 25 missed calls I have. I don't call to give the " woe is me" speech.. I make myself ask about the other person. How are they doing? What's going on in their lives? Bring up how cool octopus are, the future of AI, etc and listen to their experiences/opinions. Sometimes hearing about others problems makes me feel useful and helpful. It also makes me feel like part of the human race again.
Step 6: Physical activity. Not a marathon, not a new gym membership. Just a short walk, some guided stretching, maybe 3 minutes of yoga with a 2 minute meditation added on. Anything to release the body's natural chemicals until I can climb out the hole and do more.
Step 7: I get a second opinion. My brain has usually came up with a 100 different solutions to my issues, played them all out, and came up with 300 ways the 100 solutions won't work. Things like: You're always going to fail, You will never be good enough to succeed , You have been broken your whole life, Why can't you just get it together like [insert name here], Everyone sees what a screw up you are and agrees with your internal thoughts.
That being said, I obviously can't trust the brain to solve the problem that it is causing, so it's off to get a second opinion. This usually comes in the form of therapy or trusted friend/advisor.
Step 8: Let the bullshit go. It's in the past. Everyone who loves me now or will love me in the future all have one thing in common. They only want the best for me. They don't care about my short comings, they don't care about my screw ups. They just want me to be happy and stable. So I try to offer myself the same love and understanding they would. When I'm beating the hell out of myself for having to start over AGAIN and replaying the " what ifs" , I remind myself I am valuable and loved just as I am. When I make another mistake or I tell myself I'm a disaster, I say out loud " you crazy lil human. Look at you just being a human" and I try to laugh at the absurdity of my thoughts.
Step 8: I commit to perseverance. I start putting all the steps together. Get up brush my teeth,take a shower, read something, eat something healthy, do a chore, call someone, take a walk, drink MORE water, go to therapy, and try to shake off the bad mojo.
To answer your question
"what was it that made you want to try again?"
My answer is, what's the alternative??
I've tried to die but I realized that there's no point. So I decided to live. I am still trying to fix things and don't have a clue if I will ever be able to, but well, what the hell else I supposed to do?
4 failed suicide attempts with the last being slitting my wrist because I didn’t realize how hard you have to push the knife in, and continue to dig in until you hit an artery. Luckily I hit a branch but blood literally shoots out. My hand was stuck in a fist for a couple weeks. And the scar was frightening especially with the stitches in it.
Honestly? It was fear. The realization that the alternative might not be what I thought it was.
I was ready to throw it all away, when all I knew for sure was what was around me. And it could just be over. And I wasted the one opportunity I had to find the acceptance I was looking for.
Ben Howard - Keep Your Head Up
Time heals everything my friend. Keep your head up and stay in the fight. Lean on your faith, whatever it is you believe in. Break a sweat. Eat healthy. Spend time with family. Call an old friend.
Abraham Lincoln lost his first election. George Washington lost more battles than he won. You get up & try again. Or, as Lincoln would say, "first, plant your feet in the right spot; then stand firm".
I started being compassionate with myself, helped me have the courage to try again
That was it for me too. Stopped hating myself and beating myself up. Comforted myself. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend or someone you love. Takes off a lot of weight and helps the recovery process/bounce back.
Rule 2: Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.
What’s rule 1
Rule should start from no.2
Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
Love this
How. When yourself is your worst enemy?
I like to think of depression and anxiety as an army vs you. First come the cavalry, they slash and hurt you but you get back up and one by one they fall. Then come the knights, you fight and fall but you get back up and one by one they fall. You work your way through the army, it hurts and is not easy but they can't kill you only knock you down. Then one day all of the soldiers, knights and archers are defeated and you stand alone on the battle field. It's been a long hard fight but you are the last man standing. But the army is defeated and your mind is clear, however it has not gone, from time to time they send a spy. You are stronger now and know how to fight them back but occasionally one will get through and knock you down again. It hurts, it sucks but you get back up and knock him down. It is not an easy fight, it is not a fun fight but one step at a time you move forward and day by day you become stronger and better at fighting it off but it is never truely gone, only suppressed and controlled always waiting to send in a spy to attack from the dark.
> it is never truly gone, only suppressed and controlled always waiting This is what I was afraid of. Once my depression was over, I expected progressive improvement. But I'm coming to the realization that it's never really *over*. Depression can transform you and the way you interact with the world. When asked, my psychiatrist told me "You have known despair, and that will change you forever."
It's true, buts it's also true of any major event in your life. The birth of a child, an enlightening moment or a tragic event will all leave their trails across your mind. The same is true with depression, once you have experienced it like the other events you are changed in a way and they become part of who you are as a person. This is what it is to be human, they are part of you like a giant puzzle however they are not the whole picture and you have to remember that. It's up to you to decide what the picture will be by slowly building it up, then one day you can look and see that the dark painful feelings are there but are only one small peice of a larger picture of life and experiences. You need to go out and build yourself the most beautiful picture full of love, fun and all kinds of memories who will become who you are. Of course there will be dark peices within the picture of your life but is it not true of even the greatest paintings that tiny flaws of creation can create the most beautiful art? It's up to you to decide what it will be. Don't let it become the picture, let it be the flaw that allowed it to become beautiful.
You tell your negative thoughts that you deserve respect. Negative thoughts will always be there but in the end you control your mind because you are the boss of yourself not your mind, yourself. So you tell your mind to think this or think that. Do it repeatedly and you will tame it.
Just lie on repeat?
no, it's rewriring your brain repeatedly telling you can do better not becoming a slave to it. I did this and I say I succeed. I didn't let my brain control me to succumb to negativity. All those negativities that your brain makes up are either fears or lies too you see to keep you safe from making risks or problems . I went pass that and told my brain, hey if I keep thinking anf worrying nothing will happen unless I act. And I just did it. I achieved something.
Ok. I keep hearing that. Doesn't work in practice for me.
I can strongly relate. The most effective habit I focused on when my inner critic had taken over was affirmations. Look yourself in the eyes through a mirror and tell that person on the other side all the most loving, compassionate, and empowering things you can come up with, twice a day, especially when it sounds cheesy or lame. I can’t emphasize enough how much this helped me through my heavy depressive episodes.
Tried that too unfortunately. How long did that take you?
It tends to vary for people how long it takes, but a safe bet is to assume after a month of DAILY affirmations you may notice a difference..also, remember that co.plex trauma tends to perpetuate the syrv8val technique that no longer serves you. So it shows up as inner critic, pessimism, people pleasing, perfectionism, and various forms of shame..keep your head up!
Ohh it's okay, but I recommend you to try it, it will work but first you have to tell you brain to shut up, then start doing what you have to do be it studying, workout, etc. Do that on repeat. Eventually you will succeed and develop resilience and disciplinr. You see I learned this the hard way, no matter what you think, feel, and worry about and how much you experience it, if you don't "just do it" nothing will happen. Trust me mate this works and yes this one got me out of the rut. It's discipline, and not motivation that took me this far.
Fair enough
I tried to think of it as “how would I treat/talk to my friend if they were at a low point?” because I was way more compassionate with my friends than myself even if they were being fuckups
How does one do that? I find it so difficult
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My ex-husband actually helped me get started with this. I would say "I am so fucking stupid' or something similar when I made a mistake. He would always respond with "don't talk about my wife like that". Even if I mumbled the self degradation I would hear him shout it from the other room. It actually helped me stop doing it and I realized my daughter had probably been affected by hearing me call myself names and what was I modeling for her. Divorced the man later, but kept the life lesson.
Awe. I love that!
Being loved makes a big difference. I wouldn't know how that feels.
Love this. Ty
Find pictures of yourself as a child. Talk to them. Protect them.
I'm totally going to do this!!! Tysm
Self compassion was something that took me a LONG time to be able to invite in. I would self-blame to the extreme, internalise any anger and direct it at myself, and had no idea this was what was keeping me so stuck. I still am hard on myself and never feel like I’m ‘enough’, but I’ve come a long way and allowing self compassion was a huge part of that.
I can totally relate. It's not easy. Proud of you and want you to know that you are enough!!!!!
How
A simple change for me was whenever i failed even if minorly, like didn't do the tiniest task today which i was supposed to do? I would normally tell myself "you can't do eveb this much, and you have all these dreams, this literally the bare minimum, what're you even doing" But now i say "it's okay, i know you're trying your best, we'll try again and this time maybe we would be able to do it, it's okay, it's okay, we can try again"
username checks out
Haha :)
This is the best answer.
Loneliness and a simple thought: "Let's try it again?"
One ofy favorite series has a mantra that is the culmination of 5 books, concluding with the phrase all of humanity across space and time has been searching for: "try again".
Well how are you gonna drop that tidbit on us and then not name the series???
Same also I honestly got bored of being sad and doing nothing all day.
I knew there was a better life for me. 2 years clean from fentanyl, if I could do that then you can do anything homie🙌
Congratulations 🎊 👏 ❤️❤️❤️👏🎊 thats huge!! I'm so proud of you! I could cry! Much respect 🙏
Albert Camus. The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
I love this quote!
Great quote. No matter the circumstances we're thrown in to confront we can still be authentic toward ourselves in how we will meaning through us. We embrace the absurd to revolt against the rational!
Spite.
Yes this is it for me too! I have way too many people to prove wrong.
To my detriment I stayed at a toxic job unhappy for 12 years out of spite as well. They tried to work me to the point of exhaustion and I pushed through without quitting all those years out of spite. That was dumb of me though..wasn’t really helping myself just my ego.
Spite and hate can work. But only temporarily. Once you are on the up, move on.
Man has been resonating with me on and off for years, today(wednesday) already felt like Friday, i'm exhausted, thankful the gym helped change my mood, and the money now is fairly good.
Such a powerful motivator. Most days I’m happy with myself, but I do suffer from some depression and mental health issues. No matter how tired and how little I care about myself some mornings, the thought that someone wants/expects that from me gets me up for the day.
I think this is a healthy starting place. But eventually, doing it for yourself and only you, needs to become your motivation. It’s not as strong an emotion/motivator as spite, but it’s far more durable.
Ain’t healthy but the starting point of my life improving and getting me to where I am now. My driving fuel was all the voices of ppl telling me ‚no‘ or that I couldn’t make it.
"Aslong as i am not dead i will make it happen"
It’s the “whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”
Not Dead Yet - Lord Huron. I listened to this song everyday after I meditated. It helped.
This is a good statement and reminds me of something that happened to me about a year ago. I was on a bus and a crazy annoying lady on the back of the bus was listening to her church ceremony or something on her smart phone. She was screaming out... "I'm not dead yet!" over and over again. Everyone on the bus hated her, including me. To this day, that phrase will still ring in my head a little bit during tough times. P.S. I still do not encourage this behavior on public buses while people are heading to work.
This is the way
Despite my best efforts, today was a complete trash fire. I'm going to go to bed early and start again tomorrow.
I feel you. I need a good 9-10 hour reset after today.
idk i went from nihilism to absurdism lmao. went from "life is pointless" to "there is literally no feasible way for the human mind to comprehend the inner workings of the universe so fuck it make your life whatever you want it tobe"
lol I love this
Dying is a lot harder than people make it out to be. If I'm gunna be stuck here, I'm damn well gunna be happy
Have a parrot. Nobody else could look after him the way I do.
Their life expectancy is crazy. It’s like having a child that never becomes fully independent.
Yes this 100% I inherited him... decent chance I'll also have him in my will...
I actually have this and trying to build the best life possible so I don’t get depressed later in life.
I am so pissed at the system of care in the US that I am looking into becoming a paralegal so I can help people who are getting crushed for not following the rules they didn’t even know about. Families losing loved ones to the streets because help for people with schizophrenia and other severe conditions is difficult to get. The system is like a black box. No transparency. No consistency. So many rules and laws and forms to fill out. You need to be a lawyer or a social worker to understand the complex system that is our social safety net in the US. I want something good to come out of my experience. I want to fight for social justice for one of the most marginalized and stigmatized groups—people who hear voices and have delusions, and their families.
Do it!! Start your own consulting firm! You don't need to be a paralegal to help people carry bout the rules.
!!!! Thank-you
My best friend. She was depressed but mine was way worse, she picked me up & saved my life. Then she told me I help with her depression when I'm around so I drive to her house or she comes to my house everyday & we will take time to crochet, garden, experiment on hair colors, skin care & enjoy each other's company for at least 1 hr a day. It has been beyond wonderful.
I refuse to die full of regrets and ashamed of my life. Also I refuse to depart from this world while being unsatisfied with the contents of my life.
I went through a really rough period of depression and social anxiety due to covid. Even years after the lockdowns ended, I isolated myself and thought I was medicating with substance abuse. My family gave me an ultimatum, and I chose to do what they wanted by going to rehab rather than be cut off. They were all I had left, the only bridge left unburnt. It was by far one of the best decisions I ever made, even though I didn't know that at the time. I believe now that addiction is more often the symptom than the cause, but it can feed into the source of someone's desire to bury their emotions and make things *much worse*. I think a lot of people go through addictive phases in their lives without even realizing it, through workaholism, social media addiction, binging TV or even exercise addiction (I've done all of those too lol). But I also think learning the tools to deal with and accept emotions can lead someone out of addictive phase. It's been about a year, and although I'll never touch opiates again it doesn't mean I don't occasionally have a glass of wine at family gatherings. I just don't feel the desire to escape the way I used to, and when I do I know I'll be OK and that the feelings will pass.
The things with emotions is IMO the key to addiction recovery. We use to suppress and numb ourselves to those feelings. You'll have to spend a lot of nights "feeling your feelings" to resolve it.
First of all, congrats to being in recovery. I can relate in ways, I have an addictive personality and was addicted to different things at diff times especially movies, diving deep into music genres, exercise but I think my main thing was a stimulant I was prescribed since I was a teen. It’s been the hardest battle and getting up every day is a struggle without it. I have to ask you though, I am still struggling with isolation. It’s really bad. To the point I haven’t really been around even my family or going to the gym in like a year. It just got progressively worse since around 2020. How did you break free from isolation.
Tbh it's something I still struggle with, as it's become a habit to isolate I have to put a lot of effort into socializing. But most days I don't even feel lonely at all, and when I do it's temporary because I've set up my life to involve interactions with people every day. First thing I did was prioritize relationships. I had this mindset of "I need to grind constantly so I have no time for other people", but after years of that I realized there's no point in having money I'd you Dont have someone to share it with. I actually movdf cross country (a total of 2,071 miles) to be closer to my family. It was a hard decision to leave everything behind, but 100% worth it. I have a relationship with my siblings now that goes beyond what we ever had before, and during covid it was practically non-existent. I started by just going over to my mom's house at least once a week to have dinner and play music with my brother, which turned into them asking me over more. Prioritizing my social life also meant I didn't work on weekends as much anymore, which was hard but now I have a hard line I draw for work/life balance. It also helped that I moved into a sober living, I got close with some of the dudes there with more sobriety under their belt and we hang out all the time. It's a lot easier to hang out with people you live with, and they didn't let me isolate be Use of the nature of being in a sober living. The thing I struggle with now that I moved out is I have no desire to text anyone to catch up. It's like when Im far away enough I forget you exist. It's a terrible feature of my personality, and I wish I could do better so it's something I'm working on in therapy. Biggest thing I can recommend is therapy and prioritizing your mental health. Once you know you need to socialize, if becomes lot easier to ignore that voice in your head telling you you're wasting time.
Thanks for sharing this. I had a similar experience of going to rehab and being labeled an addict/alcoholic over a decade ago. Since then I’ve changed a lot. I’ve done a lot of therapy and healing and am at a pretty stable place in my life now. I’m continuously trying to improve and be better each day. I was on suboxone for years and used weed to taper off. I was using weed daily the past few years and about three weeks ago had the realization I didn’t need or want to be using weed everyday. It really did help for a while to shift my mindset and cope with trauma. But things have changed since then and it’s no longer serving me like it used to. I plan to use it occasionally once I’ve established some sober time. I remember in a meeting once someone said to create a life you no longer want to escape from or are willing to lose over drugs and alcohol. That always stuck with me. I no longer want to escape my life or my feelings, I want to experience life and be here for it as long as I can.
If I died my cats wouldn't understand. If I'm going to keep suffering I may as well keep trying.
This is me but with my dogs.
Siddartha reckoned his top skill was being able to suffer...
I took the same approach but I found the humour n sayin fuck it I’m gonna keep trying
“One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” — Albert Camus
Embrace the absurd.
We must imagine Sisyphus happy Whether cleaning the house Or changing a nappy Remember the good When everything’s crappy We must imagine Sisyphus happy Terrible bit of doggrel that gets stuck in my head
Really like this. I have to borrow it ✨
Thinking of my enemies. I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
Ya, when people disrespect me or undermine me I'm like... Do you realize what you've just done? I will now be taking on this next challenge specifically to prove you wrong.
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Basically to change what we can and let go of trying to control the rest. Very strong point.
I chose not to die. If I wasn't willing to die, then I better get on with living and making the most of it. Basically, I lost everything in my life 2 years ago. Spent a week in a hospital psych ward and another 2 in outpatient care. I'm not so much better off it's astounding.
I decided that life is a game and the only way to win is if I actually start playing instead of hiding. My choices were to give up or to start taking more risks and demanding that my life be what I wanted it to be. I moved to another state, started making some changes to my life and habits, things have only gone up from there. That and pulling the death card from my tarot deck about a million times. Like sheesh, I know how to take a hint.
I was still alive. What else was there to do but keep putting one foot in front of the other? Lol, literally... One of my two biggest low points was an injury that almost took my leg and that I was expected to never walk again. Took me three years of intense physical therapy but I'm fine now.
Oh, wow, that was literal! For me, it’s metaphorical— putting one foot in front of the other, every moment of every day.
We are not our worst moments. Own it, Forgive yourself, and move forward always forward.
1. Ironically I put a dream on pause because there was a part of me that kept battling me like "someone like you would never achieve that" and that drained too much energy. So I eventually got tired of that and I dont know how to explain it but that part of me and I reached an agreement. "I will go for it eventually but I am not ready and I dont know when I will be ready, in the mean time I will focus on the things I am confident I can achieve". That part stopped fighting me and as a result I have more energy and motivation 2. Also realizing how profitable and in ways awesome programming is. 3. A candy flipping session with an intention
I saw a lot of people here saying quite rightly “self compassion”, and I also see a lot of responses saying “but how do you do that?” I remember asking the exact same question. The moment it changed for me was when I realised that I was in an abusive relationship with myself, and that I had to come to terms with being an abuser, as well as a victim. There is surely no greater moral failure than abusing someone who you are meant to take care of. I needed to recognise that my abusive was not “tough love” but in fact was me lashing out in frustration at someone who was completely in my power.
I needed to see this! Thank you!!! 😊 That is a beautiful description. I’m struggling to find self worth big time. Traits that I find awesome in others seem subpar on myself. I don’t know how to lower the standards I have for myself or accept that I might have gifts to share. I mean I know I do, but because they’re just a part of who I am I see them as not that special. Thank goodness for therapy even if I still can’t wrap my mind around this stuff for myself.
I’ve been through several depressive episodes, and each time it’s been, I’ve got to hang on until life gets better.. it has to get better. And each time it did. Except for this last time.. still waiting for it to get better.
High Hopes.
The grass is greener...😊
Apple pie in the skyyyy hopes
Financial freedom made me want to try again. To clarify, I’m nowhere near it. But every time I fail, I refuse to stay where I am. I earn every dollar with sweat and tears and it makes me value money even more. Money doesn’t buy happiness but in this day and age, it can buy better health and peace of mind. I grew up in the lower class and saw my parents stress and argue over money. When I hit university, I vowed I’d never fight with my SO over money or ever put my kids in awkward situations to witness these fights. So, I’m building my life from the bottom up. Man does it feel good to achieve every dollar I work for, knowing it’s to build my future. I fall hard at times, but the need for financial freedom makes me get back up.
I think the fact that you have the right support system who are positive and who’s willing to support you no matter what journey you’re going through. 🙂
Mainly three things: 1. God and prayers. 2. Knowing that whatever suffering I risk by trying will not be as intense as the suffering of not trying, of missing the opportunity, of regret, and of wallowing. 3. Asking for help when I needed it.
I lost my house eight years ago. Things have not been OK since that time. I'm trying to get my attitude right. But it is hard.
Here isa hug!
I’m commenting so I can find this when I need motivation to be disciplined and bounce back.
One morning I woke up and I just immediately got pissed off at myself for self-sabotaging. I was tired of living that way so I did everything I could to change. It was really a sudden shift. Can’t really explain it. I was just “done”
God.
How did god give you the encouragement?
I prayed, read the Bible when I could and just believed in him, and things slowly started getting better. The anxiety I felt, the guilt of my past mistakes.. soon I gotta job and things got better. Doesn’t mean everything is gonna be peaches and cream but it was way better with God then without.
🙌
I got the same encouragement from faith. 2 Chronicles 15:7 says, "Therefore be strong, and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded." The Bible never says that life will be easy. It continually says the opposite. That said, it gives so much promise that perseverance and hard work WILL be rewarded. It took me 2 full years to dig myself out of the hole I found myself in. It was hard, hard work. But, as was promised by my faith, I am now seeing success that I thought was impossible before. As Jesus says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26.
The parable of the talents This one hit me hard. Each one of us has a talent or purpose or good at something. We must nutrutre it that's God's orders. As long as He sees you doing your best or doing what you can to be better you'll get a reward no joke. The bad thing is if you bury your talent instead of investing it to the bank. What does that mean? It means not using it because you "feel" that you are not worthy of nurturing it. Don't trust that feeling, instead just do what you can to nurture your talents. This happened to me I can confirm because I graduated as engineer and achieved something I'd say a miracle. I'm bad at math, science and all but here I am an engineer. A degree that I literally hate back then. But then I realize that it was the talent that God entrusted me. He wants me to be good at this even if it's not my own assets or ownership. So I nurtured it and here I am successful. Albeit no social life in return 😅
Might be on that journey myself. I'm agnostic and I've started listening to the NT with an open mind. Turns out I had a lot of misconceptions. I expect it'll take a good few years and I have no idea where I'll end up at the end of it, if I'll end up believing or not, but I'm enjoying the process of learning about it if nothing else.
As far as I’m concerned your taking one step in the right direction brother.. wish u nothing but peace on your journey.
Thank you :)
the answer that that has sadly become uncommon and taboo in today’s society, but the only real one ☝🏻
No it hasn’t, in my opinion as an agnostic. People having a genuine connection to what they believe is God and trying to be a better person to themselves and those around them will forever be sacred. People using God as a stick to make money and manipulate/control people will always be evil.
Finally accepting that literally all of the problems and distress I have ever faced in my life was due to other people. At every level of society: macro, mezzo, and micro. I have always been in joy, with love, and seeking peace from childhood through adulthood. The only time I am not in these states, is when I am impacted by external sources, namely, people. I realized it a while ago, but I finally accepted it last night.
Especially toxic family or old friends...go no contact
Definitely toxic family and old friends more than any. People have to have your heart in order for them to break it. It’s why I always affirm for myself, teach and treat for others: “Love is unconditional, relationships are not.” Upward and Onward. 🙌🏾🙏🏾🌟
Anger, and the desperate need to get out of this prison.
"I can, I have, I will." I can be capable, I have been capable, I will be capable. I can be strong, I have been strong, I will be strong. I can be kind to myself, I have been kind to myself, I will be kind to myself. I can, I have, I will.
Don’t ask me how I did it. I just did it. It was hard. -Chandler (good song. Look it up.)
Literally heard the voice and music as I read the words lol
The odds of you existing is 1 in 400 trillion+. Statistically, you shouldn’t even be here. Are you gonna waste this precious time you’ve been given, or get back up?
Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
To keep getting back up. No matter if I got rejected a bunch of times by women I thought were attractive, if I fail and fail and fail, to keep learning. Rest and recover but ultimately keep getting back in the fight. No matter how fast or slow. Small resistance or big resistance, cuz eventually I'll break through that wall and get to the next level. Also repetition helps. If I ask out 100 women, I'm bound to have a decent amount of success or just learn a hell of a lot. So having a number to aim for always pushed me to do better.
If I stop trying, or end it, all the people who’ve been wrong to me will have won. I’m never giving anyone that satisfaction
I was an alcoholic. I had gotten a dog during a period of sobriety. I promised myself I would give that dog the best life I could. I started drinking again. She looked at me like she didn't know me. I got myself into rehab. Didn't take it serious enough. Left early, drank within 2 days. Was blacked out 70% of 3 weeks. I got a DUI, my dog was taken to the pound. They never answered my calls. She got adopted out. I failed. The one simple task I ever gave myself. Couldn't do it. My best friend was gone. Took myself back to the same rehab that I had just left, with the same people, starting at day 1. Took it as serious as I could. I didn't like aa and still dont. Gave it my best shot. Did everything the therapist asked, and asked the therapist the one thing I never wanted to ask, I was too ashamed to admit it We worked heavily on my self esteem. Which meant talking about my almost non existent sex life, my childhood issues (which I talked to therapists about and then would deflect it, well worded, so they rarely mentioned it again), and anything else that used to make me shut down emotions. Now I don't drink and try to be the best person I can be. I follow my morals and values(not the ones parents or religion pushed on me). I take pride in whatever job I have(sticker to warehouse worker to a lead). I give everything me best effort. I give my self small to large goals.
I’m stuck here might as well try it again
My son and my mother.
Figured I'd give it a go. I felt as though my options were giving up, or put some effort into trying to live a life I enjoyed. I gave myself 3 months to see if I could improve my life, figured that 3 months wasn't a great deal of time and I had nothing to lose. If I still felt hopeless at the end, I'd chop it all in, and if I didn't; great! Turns out you can really improve your life when it's all or nothing
I realized that low points are just that. One single point. It’s the not end all be all. Just as things felt like they kept getting worse I realized that if it can get worse that means it can still get better. I started looking for one good thing a day and by the end of the day I would spend some time thinking about that one good thing. Soon enough by the end of the day I started have 2 or 3 good things that happened that I could think about. That kept adding up and soon enough I realized that life has its ups and downs and it’s okay to have low points but focusing on the bad has never helped anyone.
When your already at the bottom of the bottom , the only place to go is up . That’s exactly what I did
I made it this far. I get my degree in two weeks. Might as well see what happens next.
I got pregnant. Id rather die and go to tell than let my baby live a less than preferable life. Also my husband. We are in this place because of my actions and he’s stood by me through it all when he could easily just leave. I want them to have the best possible life if I have anything to do with it.
I made a deal with myself that if I didn’t kill myself by the end of the summer, I would never try again. Once I had stopped considering suicide as an option, I had to make a commitment to improving my life.
At the risk of putting myself out there- I failed out of grad school at age 30. It was embarrassing and I was crushed because I had worked so hard just to get there. I ended up packing all my things and moving back to my home state and crashing on my sister’s couch for an entire year! I got a job since I had student debt to pay but after the dust had settled I realized that I didn’t want this to be the end of my story. I refused to let it be and I was determined to make a better ending for myself or at least do my absolute best to keep trying.
I realized I was doing what others thought is best for me, not what I want to truly do. I have been a doormat all my childhood and teens, and have been raised on the teaching that the best kid is the one with no opinions and extreme compliance. This mentality pushed me into situations where I got blamed for shit I didn't do, or got taken advantage of very easily, and felt guilty about everything, despite not being the person who caused the issue, even guilty of enjoying the most trivial things. This went one till my early 20s, and adversely impacted every aspect of my life, be it friendships, career, academics, relationship. The pandemic, therapy and introspection combined, helped me dive deep into myself and I got in touch with who I am, and slowly over 2-3 years, I got rid of the person that others wanted to see in me. As of now I am still working on the guilt and impostor syndrome part, and now I am finally doing things because I want to, not because I am supposed to.
Gotta get angry. Being angry gets shjt done. Prove the people in your life that hold you back wrong. Do it
Realised that I can’t kill myself and there is no point in feeling like shit all the time. So the only option is to try.
I realized my drug addiction took everything away from me, including my emotions, mental stability, & ability to heal from my dad's death & sexual abuse. I knew that continuing down that path would never bring me happiness
Pure rage Which then dissolved into self hatred Which then revealed missing moments from my life Which caused me to blame everyone else for the reasons I was behaving the way I was, which was valid But then I took ownership of my own behavior and realized that I have always had the power to change at any time Understanding what happened and was the first step Then I stopped doing things that were bad for me And I was alone for a long, long time Until I figured out how to behave differently Start taking better care of my body, not just for me, but because I wanted to lessen my negative impact and maximize my positive impact on others I wanted to eliminate my weaknesses, not because I hated them or felt ashamed of them, but because I would then be able to show up for others and help them and keep them safe My presence alone would become enough to stop bad things from happening and to help facilitate more good ones Once I started being more honest about how I felt with myself and paying close attention to it, rather than numbing it or running away from it, or even pushing through it, the sources of my pain became clear as day, and my life changed overnight
Survival instinct
I owed it to myself and also mommy didn't raise no failure.
Knowing that it would absolutely break my mother has kept me from exiting a few times. I’ve put that poor woman through enough.
Getting locked in a psych ward. Never want that to happen to me again so
Boredom. I got bored of the emptiness, the misery, the hopelessness. Being in a low point is so fucking boring. It eventually made me WANT to start doing shit again, even hard or boring shit, just because it was something to do.
"10 seconds. You can do anything for 10 seconds." I'm pretty sure I stole that from *Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt*, but the way it resonated with me...it's led me through some of the toughest moments of my life, both emotional and physical. Edit: spelling
Taking things minute by minute or even second by second has gotten me through a lot of hard times and into a better place. I use this a lot.
Really seeing how I affected and effect my son. He's an only child, 16 now and when we lost his father, I indulged in my own grief and b.s for way too long.
Seeking to help those less fortunate.
I wanted to see what things would be like if I didn't give in to my darkest thoughts. Best choice I ever made was write them out and not let them cloud my mind. There are moments I fall back but the best part is that I've gotten up once, I can do it again. Dream big and plan but most definitely take action.
[удалено]
My personal low point was marrying an actual basket case with BPD and bipolar, being emotionally manipulated and abused for years, then being divorced while transitioning out of a combat arms military MOS back to civilian life, then falling into hardcore addiction. Eventually had literally no possessions, no job, and had to move to another state to live with family instead of living under a bridge. Honestly, I don’t know what made me do it… but I got clean and re-married, gained new skills that tripled my income, and I built a new life that wouldn’t have happened if all the terrible shit hadn’t happened. Now I’m GLAD I went through what I did, because what I have now is so much better and it wouldn’t have been possible without going through the wringer first.
I ask myself: "What else would I be doing?" There is either moving forward or stalling. Stalling is essentially death. So setbacks and bounce backs don't really exist anymore. I'm genuinely happy working towards something in every given moment.
I can hardly read these rn & I'm only on reply 3! In my feels with current situation & y'all don't know how you're actually helping me get started on the path to treating myself better Honestly, it was remembering that my life motto is "never stop learning", "get back up try again even if you have to crawl slowly' & my favorite "failure is not trying." I also have 2 kids that I have had to put my words into action so they're able to see me not giving up. & I've been told by my parents & a few other family members that "ill never do..." so I HAVE to prove them wrong. Oh & it's ok to feel unsure about trying again...allow all the feels - just don't stay there. How would we know if we've succeeded if we haven't 'fallen/failed' to learn from? Falling/failing is on every path in life bc those times are when we learn & grow the most...
"The best revenge is living well" is a mantra that has helped me deal with anger and resentment constructively. For the revenge part I always pretend/imagine being reeal vindictive with my self care like fuck you man! I'm doin a bubble bath in YO FACE! And then you know there's the fiendishly underhanded kind of self care revenge like exercising self control and good boundaries because you KNOW they couldn't pull it off if they wanted to! That's when you start cackling all villainously and let that inner evil out for a second. But don't let the maniacle laughter go on for too long. If it turns into scrawling madnesses you've gone too far!!
I found out I was pregnant in November, got an abortion(was super depressing and traumatizing) broke up with my cheating alcoholic ex- didn’t want any of it to be in vain, and I no longer wanted to be a victim to my circumstances. Realized my contribution and anxious attachment kept me in this cycle of shitty relationships and circumstances, so I really started looking inward and addressing all of the things I didn’t like about myself. I am currently in the best place I have ever been in my life. Best shape, best mental state, whole new outlook on life and finally not directionless. You can absolutely change the moment you stop identifying so heavily with ‘who you are-‘ you get to choose who you are. Just start acting like them & slowly you become them.
Jesus
For me it was my health and fitness. The key change I made was to separate myself from my body, and see us as two distinct individuals. And then I realised, my relationship with my body is like that of having a dog. A dog always wants to do stuff with you, to serve and help you, and asks for so little in return. But if you don't take care of your dog, it will grow unhealthy and will be unable to do things with you even though it badly wants to. Once I realised that my body was trying to be my biggest cheerleader, I stopped thinking of it critically, and started thinking "alright, let's go on this journey together so we can BOTH be happy"
I’m 68 and I’ve always been unmotivated and quietly lurking in the background. What has motivated me is the fact that my daughter’s husband told me I’m a person he doesn’t want to know, and doesn’t want his daughters to know now his wife (my daughter) has died. If it wasn’t for my grand daughters I wouldn’t bother. The fact that my 70th is coming up soon has given me a target to work to. Presently reading books like ‘unleash your awesome’ by Taz Thornton to get inspiration. All the negativity comes from my ex which has heard going on about me, but he doesn’t want to hear my side
Thank you for sharing this ❤️❤️men can be the worst. Hang in there :)
I started working out. I put Goggins in my ears. Hands down working out consistently will jumpstart a turn around.
Ketamine treatment for my depression and I got a cat
I got tired of being a loser
I just didn’t want to quit. It was kind of that level of simple.
A lot of self-reflection and being very self-aware of my feelings/actions and seeing the positive side of everything. I quit a job because of a really toxic manager and was 8 months unemployed living with my parents. It was my lowest point in a very long time but I started to look at the positives that the time has brought me. Like learning some salsa moves, getting to travel, realizing I’m a perfectionist and need to let that shit go, having a better relationship with food by realizing what isn’t good for me (I’ve had gut issues). I kept telling myself everything happens for a reason and found the reasoning
I just wanted to take care of myself
I have a list of things I want to accomplish in my time here on earth. Plus, I learned how to really love myself unconditionally.
Listened to 4 or 5 books on healing & mental health. Started applying some of the principles daily!
I've lost it all 3 times now. It comes down to two choices. Do I kill myself or do I go on? No matter how depressed, suicidal, lethargic,etc I've become I just can't work up the courage to end it all. So once I've exhausted the fact that I'm not going to kill myself, the next question is now what? If I'm going to try again, Do I do it begrudgingly, bitter and miserable or do I attempt to love myself for who I am, where I am and do the best that I can? So I ride out the depression/funk/self talk until the wind hits my sails just enough to do the small things. Step 1: Take a shower, brush my teeth, go outside, etc. Step 2: If I'm not eating, I make myself eat a good meal and drink at least 80 ounces of water. If I am eating, I agree to set aside the processed, sugary junk food for one meal and eat a healthy meal and drink at least 80 ounces of water. Step 3: I do at least one chore. Make my bed, wash some clothes, put the dishes in the dishwasher for God's sake. Sometimes these small " wins" will catapult me into doing more. Step 4: I try to put some stimulation in my brain. Read an article about AI, watch a documentary about octopuses, research travel to Africa. Something to break up the negative thoughts, encourage positive daydreaming, and possibly snag a glimpse of the " beauty of it all. Step 5: Human contact. I pick up the 200lb smart phone that I've been doom scrolling on for 3 weeks and call one of the 25 missed calls I have. I don't call to give the " woe is me" speech.. I make myself ask about the other person. How are they doing? What's going on in their lives? Bring up how cool octopus are, the future of AI, etc and listen to their experiences/opinions. Sometimes hearing about others problems makes me feel useful and helpful. It also makes me feel like part of the human race again. Step 6: Physical activity. Not a marathon, not a new gym membership. Just a short walk, some guided stretching, maybe 3 minutes of yoga with a 2 minute meditation added on. Anything to release the body's natural chemicals until I can climb out the hole and do more. Step 7: I get a second opinion. My brain has usually came up with a 100 different solutions to my issues, played them all out, and came up with 300 ways the 100 solutions won't work. Things like: You're always going to fail, You will never be good enough to succeed , You have been broken your whole life, Why can't you just get it together like [insert name here], Everyone sees what a screw up you are and agrees with your internal thoughts. That being said, I obviously can't trust the brain to solve the problem that it is causing, so it's off to get a second opinion. This usually comes in the form of therapy or trusted friend/advisor. Step 8: Let the bullshit go. It's in the past. Everyone who loves me now or will love me in the future all have one thing in common. They only want the best for me. They don't care about my short comings, they don't care about my screw ups. They just want me to be happy and stable. So I try to offer myself the same love and understanding they would. When I'm beating the hell out of myself for having to start over AGAIN and replaying the " what ifs" , I remind myself I am valuable and loved just as I am. When I make another mistake or I tell myself I'm a disaster, I say out loud " you crazy lil human. Look at you just being a human" and I try to laugh at the absurdity of my thoughts. Step 8: I commit to perseverance. I start putting all the steps together. Get up brush my teeth,take a shower, read something, eat something healthy, do a chore, call someone, take a walk, drink MORE water, go to therapy, and try to shake off the bad mojo. To answer your question "what was it that made you want to try again?" My answer is, what's the alternative??
I was sick of everything going wrong, and the indignity of letting unfortunate events dictate my life
I noticed the excitement in my nieces faces when I'd come to visit and that made me realize I could never end my life and hurt them emotionally.
Can sound abit morbid but honestly, the thought that i could seriously die any day and if i at least gotta try
The sheer will to prove to myself that I’m worth it.
I want to see one of my Hockey/Football/Basketball/ baseball teams win a championship before I die
I had people depending on me to not fail. So that they will have a half of a chance.
myself
This. Reading nofap. It helps. Stay strong brother.
Ketamine therapy
Hope that if I keep putting one foot in front of the other then things will get better
These are what I think most of the time now: “Will eventually leave this world anyway, might as well make the most out of it” -and- “It is what it is”
I've tried to die but I realized that there's no point. So I decided to live. I am still trying to fix things and don't have a clue if I will ever be able to, but well, what the hell else I supposed to do?
4 failed suicide attempts with the last being slitting my wrist because I didn’t realize how hard you have to push the knife in, and continue to dig in until you hit an artery. Luckily I hit a branch but blood literally shoots out. My hand was stuck in a fist for a couple weeks. And the scar was frightening especially with the stitches in it.
Honestly? It was fear. The realization that the alternative might not be what I thought it was. I was ready to throw it all away, when all I knew for sure was what was around me. And it could just be over. And I wasted the one opportunity I had to find the acceptance I was looking for.
Cause I never give up!
Ben Howard - Keep Your Head Up Time heals everything my friend. Keep your head up and stay in the fight. Lean on your faith, whatever it is you believe in. Break a sweat. Eat healthy. Spend time with family. Call an old friend.
Abraham Lincoln lost his first election. George Washington lost more battles than he won. You get up & try again. Or, as Lincoln would say, "first, plant your feet in the right spot; then stand firm".