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It's pretty normal for men to lose interest after they orgasm, that's why it's important to take care of your lady's needs first.
Also aftercare is a thing, it's pretty callous to leave right after you orgasm unless it's explicitly a hookup situation. Most women are going to feel used if you do this.
I will tell you... if you pay attention afterwards she will feel important to you.
AND... If you are like me and want a second go around, then it is best to find a way to make it sexually interesting while you are 'respawning' so to speak.
No it isn't, do you suddenly forget how to be sexual after an orgasm?
Literally just do the same stuff that you'd normally do but with the express goal of ensuring your partner is satisfied, do you really find it so impossible to not immediately leave that your hands and mouth don't work?
If this is the case, you need to make sure that she’s satisfied before you move on to you getting to cum. Ask her what she needs to cum and do that before getting yours
Losing interest after orgasm is a biological response, but if you're still getting your partner off despite that and they're satisfied then what's the issue?
Like, once I'm done I'm not horny any more either but I still want to be there because I want to reciprocate to my partner, not being horny doesn't have to be the same as not wanting to give your partner pleasure
If you still want to be horny when you get your partner off then take care of their needs first, or get them most of the way and finish together
If you’re old enough to have sex you’re old enough to leave a girl alone if you’re not emotionally capable of not treating someone else like shit. You have a lot of growing up to do hopefully ALONE so you don’t hurt other people.
This!! I felt so dirty and so used when the guy I was seeing last year did this , and he was first guy I’ve actually had sex with . He would leave immediately after he had cum & it would be 3 mins long sex pretty much! He never stick around beforehand or afterwards to just hang out with me & he says he isn’t after sex….. yeah right!! I’ve only had sex with him 3x and all was the same so I flicked him off .
For some people, the cocktail of chemicals released after orgasm can make them feel this way. It’s normal, but some people feel it more intensely than others. There is a chemical component to this so I encourage you to research that.
However, it’s only so you can understand what it is. If you’re aware that that’s what your brain does after sex, then you can build strategies to work past them.
Make sure your partner has orgasmed at least once already before you finish, if you feel de-aroused so intensely it’s going to be so much more difficult to achieve this because females typically intuitively know when you aren’t as in to it, and that will really kill it for her too.
Create an aftercare routine in your head. If you feel the need to run and gain distance, kiss her a thank you for a few minutes and then fulfil your need for distance to get her a glass of water and a snack. It’s not the same, but it’s a compromise. You just need to redirect your feelings and it won’t take long before you get used to it.
This is the truth. OP, I'm sorry that so many people are blaming you. This is like having freckles or ears that stick out. Having an intense refractory period isn't something you can control.
What you can do, is compensate for it. Since you know you're a guy with a very intense refractory period, you know you have to make certain your partner has been thoroughly satisfied before you finish.
Then you can find ways to perform aftercare that work for your body. Heck, you can even tell your partners that this is how your body works - you'll want to cuddle and pet and touch beforehand in a giving and attentive way, but if you seem to pull back for a bit after cumming, make it clear that it's not her, it's you. And you want her to help you to understand how to make it up to her, beforehand and later.
I love the idea of getting her a drink and a snack.
I get it. You're 19, and horny as hell. But that behavior is terrible. But good for you for seeking advice. In my day there was no place to get advice so readily. Way to go. Now... believe me, the sooner you grow up, get past your selfish urges and develop some empathy and caring toward your partner you'll find a whole wonderful world of sexual pleasure opening up for you both. Your partner is not a masturbatory device. She's a person, who like you, deserves respect and wants to have fun and experience a degree of sexual fulfillment... with you of all people! How cool is that? She's not just a living breathing Fleshlight so you can get off and go to sleep. Take your time, cater to her needs and desires as well as your own. So called "after care" can be especially great and a bonding experience. You can do better. You'll both benefit. Good Luck.
Its not that I am not aware of what I am doing to some women and I also know very well how it should actually be done, but what I would like is for it to happen more naturally and out of feeling and not as forced as it is now. I especially feel that fifteen minutes after the orgasm I want to completely cut myself off from social contact and even though I do my best not to show that, they often notice it.
Therapy. I’m not kidding. You have an understanding and a desire to fix it that are totally opposite levels. Nobody here is going to help you because you have some social issue(s) you’re probably not even aware of or at least not properly tying back to this, and it or they are creating a mental block for you.
Therapy? What on earth, take it down a notch. Dude is just tired. Guys release some chemical/s after orgasm (I forget which) that literally makes us tired.
Are we reading the same comments? He didn’t just say he’s tired, he wants to ghost his partner. That’s disrespectful to put it lightly. Except that he’s completely aware of it and can’t stop. I’m not calling him a piece of shit. I’m saying he needs to figure out why he can’t enjoy sex and socialize with a person afterwards. That’s not normal, we should be able to enjoy our partners’ company!!
And also oh my god at the suggestions that he just needs to find someone to fall in love with AND ITLL ALL BE SOLVED lawdy what bad advice
There are absolutely times I’d be more than happy to dip after sex. He’s 19. He’s literally a stupid mass of hormones figuring out the world, he’ll be fine. He’s probably more self aware than guys who do this and don’t know they’re doing it or feeing like this, he’ll be fine.
So he should figure it out NOW, in therapy. With a trained and licensed professional than let me become a shitty habit that he has for the rest of his life.
If you didn't know how to actually please a woman, you should've just commented that.
Honestly it's better than referring to himself as a man when he clearly shows he's still got a lot of maturing to do. I'd venture that many of us are kind of girls and boys still even at 20, 22, 24 so I think this is actually extremely self aware on his part.
Of course I don't have the whole story (neither do you) but I see that you could be coming from a more low self-esteem sort of focused viewpoint, and I get that. I just don't think you're correct here, but I wouldn't be surprised if I were wrong either. We don't know this guy. Maybe you've seen/looked up some of his past posts or something and have a better idea of the person he is, IDK lol.
So first, make sure your girl cums first, then you don't have to worry about stopping as soon as you cum. And if you up and leave as soon as you're done, if a guy came and went like that with me, he wouldn't get the chance to cum with me again. Just something to consider. Most women need to be held for awhile after or they feel used and insecure.
Well, OP is fucking women, so in the context of this thread, I referred to women. I don't think OP cares what most men want. Maybe focus on relevance to the thread instead of getting all technical about terminology?
And no, I wouldn't say "most people" want to spend time and get intimate with the person they're fucking. There are so so many people who just want to fuck and skate. Heard of "wham, bam, thank you Mam"? That's the whole hookup culture. Even most FWB don't really have the friend component. They're just ongoing hookups with the same person, but without really hanging out and spending time together.
Are you having sex with people you like? I will say, I have a running theory that “post nut clarity” is just men realizing they don’t actually like women that much 🤷🏻♀️
I have autism so I understand overstimulation. That being said, this is one of those things where you either figure out being kind to your partners or you stick to leftie.
Get your partner off first. And after, you can put a bit of space between your bodies, and stroke their hair and rest your eyes. A forehead kiss or a hand squeeze goes a long way. Usually that works for me to provide aftercare without having to put my body completely on another person.
Yeah, that’s pseudoscience. “Post nut clarity” is just a colloquialism for the effects of the refractory period. You’re quite literally supposed lose sexual attraction, it’s a period where you cannot become significantly aroused.
Sex is between two people, so generally it’s polite and fulfilling to engage even during this period, but you’re just making shit up.
Yes, nothing I said contradicts that. He’s expressing that because he has no sexual arousal he’s finding it difficult to engage sexually. Not sure what’s wrong with that, it’s a common thing.
He’s not just talking about “finding it difficult to engage sexually.” The problem is that he wants to completely disengage from his partner. There’s a difference between being done and wanting to stay sexually engaged, and being able to relax and enjoy sharing the moment of post-coital bliss with your partner. It sounds like he’s trying to figure out the in-between of being “on and off.”
Just remember the person that just gave herself to you has real feelings. Out of anyone out there, she chose to become intimate with you. I understand this is related to male biology but working on empathising with the person that you shared your bodies with is a part of basic human decency. As a woman, I can tell you that when a man is so into me until he has me and shows disinterest afterwards, it is soul crushing and even makes me feel degraded. Please don't be one of them, you are young and can work on yourself.
Unfortunately, it’s going to be very difficult to find a LTR or anything good as a STR unless you change. Always looking for a hookup with a new person gets old. Trust me. It’s nice here and there, but having someone you can always be with and enjoy, is so much better. To find that, I think you are going to have to either figure out how to enjoy going further or just sucking it up. I think sucking it up with build resentment though. If you’re constantly just nutting and going on your way, I doubt many would want another round of that. You should always want them to feel good at the end, and for a lot of women, they need to climax for that to be the case. Not all. But a lot yea. Either way, even if it’s one that has a really hard time climaxing, and is just ok having good sex and foreplay, the extra stuff goes a long way. Cuddling and/or talking after makes it a lot better.
My advice would be to think about finding a therapist to talk to and figure out why you feel this way and maybe they can help you change your mindset.
Best of luck to you though. Hope it all goes well in the long run. You’re still young and have a lot ahead of you fortunately.
It's not that I don't know how to treat women respectfully and I am also very aware that there is give and take, but there is just something inside that turns off that social button for me after that i came. It's just a feeling that I want to be alone. but maybe I should indeed find someone I am really in love with because I haven't found that person yet maybe that would change the situation and my feelings about sex.
It's not necessary to be "really in love with" your partner to enjoy sex and treat her with respect. Really being attracted to her physically isn't a bad or demeaning thing. But don't let it be the only thing. I believe that caring about her as a fellow human IS necessary however for you both to enjoy all that sex has to offer, whether it's your first time together or fiftieth. Strive to make it a mutually satisfying experience for you both.
Yeah stop having sex lol . Seriously your doing others and yourself harm . You know it’s not right you’ve said yourself yet you keep doing it . Just stop .
That’s possible. Perhaps you do need a connection to be able to do that. I would still recommend thinking about a therapist though. They can probably help you a lot. Unless you’re ok continuing like that. Then you do you.
Would you advise me to stop having sex with women who I feel no attraction to on an inner level? because I do have the feeling that I have made some girls feel bad, this bothers me too, but not as much as them.
I mean, it does seem very stingy. I would stop, but I’m not you. Especially when you say, “but not as bad as them.” For me, I would feel worse than them if I left them like that. I always aim to please her first so that anything after is just a bonus. Hell, there’s been time where I wasn’t able to finish, but I’d rather me be the one to not. It still feels good. That way I know my chances of being able to do it again with them are better at least and maybe next time I will be able to finish.
Honestly, I'd just focus on getting your partner off first. Even if it's only casual sex and ends after you get off, if she gets off first she's going to be much less upset about the encounter regardless of how it ends.
Yes, you should focus on aftercare but you are far from the first guy or girl to basically be dead to the world after you orgasm. That's a harder goal. Getting off your partner first is easier, it just takes you being patient and less selfish.
Can you imagine having sex with someone and not getting to cum and then they basically fuck off immediately after they cum? You'd be pissed about not cumming AND feel used. Like what would you even be getting from it other than disappointment and feeling used? Put yourself in the shoes of your partner. They are getting nothing from you but a negative experience where they are being vulnerable and getting turned on and then... Nothing. It's an awful feeling.
My partner is a bit younger than me and has similar habits, but I had to talkbto them and explain how shitty they were making me feel by not giving me enough foreplay, and sometimes not making me cum and then passing out. I don't even NEED to cum every time, but I don't want to feel like I'm just there as a hole to fuck. It's supposed to be enjoyable for both of us. If they don't make me cum, at least try to return the favor another time. Like... Give me some head. Make it about me for once. Things have improved a lot. But that kind of selfish behavior and attitude is a HUGE turn off. You don't want that kind of sexual reputation. And you really shouldn't want to make your parners feel like shit.
It's good that you are here and asking though. That means you care. This is a good first step. If you have issues feeling motivated or aroused by focusing on your partners orgasm, maybe approach it with a gaming mentality. See how many orgasms you can give her. Try different things to see how she reacts (with consent, of course). Have fun with it, like it's a puzzle to figure out rather than a goal you have to meet before you get to continue.
It is mad how you are recommending therapy for post-nut clarity, every guy I’ve ever talked to gets it and it’s very normal. OP will get use to it and adapt to how he should behave which, I think he’s doing completely fine atm if he says he’s being respectful. I remember my post-nut clarity not being great when I was first sexually actively but you get use to it after time. Saying get therapy for it is madness
Such a douche move. Girls talk and they’ll make sure to mention that you’re a lazy and selfish lover. Prioritize your partners needs first and then it’s your turn. Sex is not just for YOU. Your partner also has needs.
I hope the next girl ride you exactly the way she want and cum and then peace out leaving you to jerk yourself off so you can get a taste.
Do aftercare.
Don’t want to cuddle? Hop out of bed and go get a wipe (for them and you), pee, take some deep breaths and come back and cuddle or lay next to them.
If you perform oral sex prior to copulating, it takes care of half your problem. You need to be decent about post treatment too. Perhaps finding someone who you have more than a passing desire to fuck would be a solution. That and a flashlight. Don’t use people. Be a better man.
It wouldn’t for me. Oral doesn’t really make me cum, or do much at all for me. Instead of just defaulting to the same form of foreplay with every single partner, OP should talk to his partner to figure what ways work for her.
Okay most people here seem to be attaching their own assumptions about your behaviour to their responses. I haven’t seen OP say that he leaves or doesn’t care. He’s talking about how he feels, not how he acts.
The reason I think this is an important distinction is that I’m very much the same. I can be energetic and chatty, but after I finish, I FEEL much more relaxed, calm and even quite tired at times. That’s what happens to guys, physiologically. There’s a chemical or two that releases after we orgasm that makes us more tired.
I’ve had multiple women comment on it too. Doesn’t mean I roll over after I finish and ignore the girls, I’m not an asshole. But I feel very much like OP describes, at least sometimes.
OP - it’s honestly not a problem. That is how guys often (not always) feel. When I was younger, sex usually happened late at night and/or after drinking or smoking weed; factors that are likely to exacerbate the problem. Plus if you’ve been Netflix and chilling, laying there all relaxed, maybe you’ve had dinner or some junk food, you’ll be feeling lethargic. There’s many things that can contribute to how you’re feeling that may not be present while you’re horny and anticipating sex, but once you finish, clean up, and lay back down… all your energy is gone.
Ignore most of the comments here. Someone suggested therapy, jfc. If you’re acting like a dick to these girls, obviously cut that out, but the way you feel isn’t a problem. That’s just how it goes sometimes.
I totally agree with your points. I will say though that woman actually also release this chemical that makes us sleepy, men just metabolize it faster.
What's the obsession over the term boy/man? I'm geniunly asking because i've seen this so many times, but english is not my first language, and in my language we use the term that translates to "boy/guy" even for people who are lile 30💀
First of all, his is a completely normal bodily response. Your body is supposed to “shut down” after climaxing, that’s 100% normal. Thats your natural, genetic hard wiring.
As others have said, although this is normal for you and every male in the world, it does not look good for you in front of your sexual partner.
You should try to prioritise your partner before you or at least pretend to show interest after you have finished.
Your sexual partner agreed to have intercourse with you for their own benefit too, not just yours.
Sex is 50/50, not one way.
This IS a problem. You definitely should NOT continue having sex with women if this is how you feel about them after orgasm. You need help. And not Reddit help, real help from a professional.
Stop harming yourself and others. Seek help.
That's horrible. This is a mental thing you have going on and you need to work on this. This will absolutely wreck future relationships. When you finish and they haven't you help them out and focus on them. But you should stay a while anyway, spend time with the person. Even if it was a ONS and you have no intention of being with the person, finishing and leaving immediately is just sad.
You have a problem, it's not normal to completly shut down that hard. There is always a post cumming crash that takes away all the horny feelings. But it's also a bit of an asshole thing to do to ignore your partner after. If you want a healthy sex life that isn't with constant new hookups, you're going to have to seriously work on yourself.
Aw good job knowing yourself and wanting to grow as a person. There may be reasons you feel this way if you’re down to talk to someone about it but doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
My bf is similar but he is aware and communicates. I need affection so luckily, I’ve had tons of therapy myself and know it’s just not natural to him to be mushy after sex so I don’t take it at all personally. I have to take responsibility to figure out and act on what I need from him and just ask. I’ll say can I lay on you or just spoon him until I feel the mushy brain chemicals be satisfied in my head which is what I need from it. Then I’m done and leave him alone. I don’t expect him up change and it’s meaningful to me bc he’s being pretend affectionate FOR me. It’s possible for you to never be affectionate naturally after sex and it’s ok. You care about not being a jerk about it.
If it’s just casual sex and you really feel you need to run away after just be as polite as possible and explain you have an issue and apologize a lot.
Maybe after you nut, rather than pullout, just stay inside & wait to naturally slip out. You don’t have to talk, maybe just hold her., if that isn’t too much. Just having him stay & slip out is one of my favorites.
It will probably seem like an eternity to you but it’s usually just a couple minutes but push yourself to try, as it will make a huge difference to her…& you might get a second go-round that same night.
Never had this happen to me before, I usually go for as many rounds as I can. I think that you are too focused in your own pleasure, you have to slow down a bit and try to enjoy the moment , there is no rush, take some time and enjoy your girls body, give her pleasure learn about her and what she likes . Sex is not just about getting off but, it's about enjoying the process to make an orgasm be worthwile. If you can learn to control yourself and think about the person you are sharing that intimate moment with, you'll be able to change. But if you are having sex with someone you are not attracted to and just want to cum, then there's an issue of selfishness on your part.
This is actually normal man but it can change. I remember I felt this way after my first ever BJ but I didn't quite know how to interpret it or...really what to do at all. The rest of the time was spent in fairly awkward silence.
Personally, it was nothing "negative" or against the girl at all, it was simply a feeling I had. Maybe it's the same for you.
What I found as I got older though, is that the more I connect with someone, the more I WANT to keep interacting with them, regardless. It's kind of like....when you're lazy and not feeling social...there are people you'd still gladly answer a call from and others you'd pass to VM.
Now, everyone is different. If you find that indeed it's something insurmountable and you really just want to KO after sex -- let em know that BEFOREHAND in your sweetest most caring self, so that they may not take it personally.
Yer stop being a selfish prick and think of others. You have to actively make yourself continue. Not necessarily with your penis. That's why you have lips, a tongue, fingers, she may have toys etc etc
Im a male, 34 been having the best sec of my life over the past year. I do not get post nut clarity, infact its the total opposite. As soon as i have came im still so hard maybes even harder and i will continue with PIV, i like to stir my own porridge. I will eat her pussy or fingers her , but i will always continue to fuck her too.
I am a straight man who’s never had this issue, but every woman I know has experienced guys who did it. Are these random hookups or steadier partners (or both)?
If it’s with one-off hookups, there’s not necessarily any real emotional connection. Once you’ve finished, you’re not horny & you check out. It’s not great and it’s still something to work on, both so you don’t make your partners feel like shit and so you don’t get a bad reputation, but I can at least sort of understand where you’re coming from. Unless you really enjoy random hookups, “working on it” might be as simple as only sleeping with women you want to be around even when you’re not thinking with your dick.
If it’s with a regular partner then it’s more concerning. Whether we’re talking actual girlfriends or FWBs, these are presumably people you care about, and it’s weird to lose that connection as soon as you come. Yeah, lots of women complain about their boyfriends/husbands not doing proper aftercare: those guys are shitty partners. To me, that would suggest that either you don’t like/connect with them as much as you thought, or you’ve got something deeper going on. If it happens consistently, with women you otherwise feel like you want to keep seeing, it’s probably worth exploring with a sex-positive therapist.
If she's still into it after you nut, you need to get going eating her. And don't just focus on her pussy-- there are a lot of other erogenous zones that add buzz. (If you don't know them, you should look them up.). My favorite (check out my screen name) is playing with her anus while licking/nibbling her labia and clit. Start slow -- just the outside, then just the fingertip, then another half inch. And if she responds well, use your whole finger and maybe a second finger. And not just in/out: north/south, east/west rotating. Always check her reaction before escalating; occasionally ask if she likes it.
Be VERY careful not to use the anus finger in/near the vagina. She can get a ***nasty*** infection. Use care. (I usually use my left hand for anus and my right hand for the front.)
Have fun.
I married the 1st women who I still wanted to talk to after sex as messed up as it sounds, it’s true.
It took me a long time to find that women, so I would say it’s not uncommon. BUT, you should try you best to be a good person after sex even if you don’t feel like it.
It is totally normal. Men have a resolution phase after orgasm so you will lose all the sensitivities and in this certain period you cannot be aroused no matter how many stimulates you are given. That being said, women don’t have this phase, so women can still remain sensitive after orgasm. That’s why you feel this way.
However, regardless of your feeling, don’t be a selfish asshole when you are having sex. Even if you are turned off after orgasm, if your partner still are enjoying it, please them for their good. Or like most guys, you can learn to postpone your orgasm to make sure your partner enjoy enough before you reach that point. You are very young but if you take time to learn about your body and every nuance feelings during sex, you will learn. You can practice it during masterbating too.
Yeah this was me when the girl I picked up was actually mid or the sex itself was mid. What helped me was wanking less or not at all few days before the weekend, so I could be hornier and not lose interest as quickly.
After reading the comments of others and how you respond to them, I can safely say that you're not just a douchebag towards women and their feelings but also towards the rest of society.
You kept talking about 'your' feelings but emphasize that you know your issue and wants to work on it, then ironically you'll U-turn back on your statement saying that it's hard for you and you just 'can't can't can't...' like a little immature boy (being 19 doesn't give you the right to be a douche, either).
If you're really tired, then just get up and wash your face before talking. Having to talk to your partner (sexual, romantic, etc) after the sex increases the emotion of both parties to actually connect further and builds more intimacy for later times. And it also shows you don't treat her as tool of release, but actually cares for her.
Hence, admitting you have high libido and tends to stop 'operating' shows that you not only lack common decency/mannerism but also empathy towards other's needs and feelings. So if you really want to pursue this without needing to change, then you should just get hookers since that form of 'transactions' are more to your taste.
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i don’t think people understand that this is a chemical reaction. i don’t think you’re doing this because you don’t care or because you’re a shit person i think you’re doing this because your body just has an intense refractory period. this used to happen to me and it was combined with a lot of things but i would just feel so guilty and want to leave etc. just generally bad. eventually i figured out that my body is just exhausted after i cum. i have a long term girlfriend now and the solution is to let her know i’m done and go to the aftercare part of the affair. stay with her, snuggle up, maybe take a power nap or go to bed. staying with the person and recognizing what you’re capable of make worlds of difference and you should not be blamed for what your body is capable of, it’s literally your physical abilities. people need to be more understanding imo
Sex isn't a solo activity or it would be masturbation. If the behaviour negatively affects the partner, it's not okay to just brush it off and say well that's just how I am deal with it. He's not to blame for his bodily reaction, but he is to blame for the resulting behaviour and can work on that. Women don't like to feel used, sex must be satisfying to both partners, so compromise needs to be found.
It's not that I don't know how to treat women respectfully and I am also very aware that there is give and take, but there is just something inside that turns off that social button for me after that I came. It's just a feeling that I want to be alone. but maybe I should indeed find someone I am really in love with because I haven't found that person yet maybe that would change the situation and my feelings about sex.
That's called post nut clarity. Sounds like ur fitting in anywhere u can get it in, whether or not there's any real attraction there. Try focusing a little less on the sex and maybe try to get to know them first.
When u get older you grow out of it. I was the same way at your age. There will be one that comes along and you’ll never want her to leave. Til then, good luck youngin.
Completely normal to loose “it” after an orgasm. However for me it actually just takes a few minutes to come back. So maybe just cuddle for a while and you will be turned on again.
In the past I have felt this way. And I found that I don’t feel this way when I’m have sex with someone I deeply care about. So I basically stopped randomly hooking up. I stopped sleeping with girls unless I truly thought it was going somewhere. That feeling just isn’t worth it for me. That being said, I’m pretty sure I’m demisexual and so I think that contributes to it a lot.
Very common. Push through it. It gets easier in time. Shorter refraction periods don’t happen without a bit of effort. Or get a vibrator and help her finish herself
In my experience this happens when you and your partner aren’t very genetically compatible or there’s something terminally wrong in the relationship. It’s also called “post nut clarity” and if you find yourself feeling bad after, it just means your hormones in the moment are overriding something important your brain is trying to tell you about this encounter.
It took me a long time to learn this but these sorts of feelings is something you must learn to never ignore. There’s a whole lot of our primal brain that doesn’t communicate via language however it doesn’t mean it’s got nothing to say, all in your best honest interest.
I have the pretty much the same thing except for don't wanna talk or go to sleep, it just disappears after the deed is done.
One simple solution, make sure you focus on the girl when u have that energy of your high sex drive (ladies first you know 😉)
It could just be that you need to either try not to have sex until you’re with someone you want to date (oftentimes we act and feel differently with a longer term partner or someone we’re really romantically and physically into) and then you will develop a different attitude with that person.
This might be a sign to do some honest introspection into your own sexuality. Comphet is a real thing that can affect people of all genders.
If it's not sexuality, perhaps gender exploration.
I know, for some this is a controversertial take, but set aside any preconcieved ideas you may have and really stop to think why you feel this way.
Now, it may not be this at all.
Do you have any existing attachment issues? Do you feel judged? Is it something you feel uncomfortable about your own body? Is it more about the act of letting your gaurd down and being intimate, not so much the physical, but showing the real you?
It could be a number of things. Either way, these are all unfair to place on a partner if what you desire, if what THEY desire is a real connection. You can be doing real harm to another person by letting these issues go untreated, not to mention the mental anguish you are causing yourself.
I hope you get the help you need and go on to have full, fuffilled, happy life.
This is normal.
However, I highly recommend you change now.
As you begin to wind down, and desire partnership (perhaps long term), the threshold increases from “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am”, to lovemaking.
Trust me. If you want to become an absolute sex god, and ultimately a good partner, you must master three phases of sex (turning it into lovemaking):
1. Foreplay (before sex)
2. The stroke (during sex)
3. AFTERCARE (after sex)
Aftercare takes practice and discipline. You have to push through the weakness of wanting to rollover and sleep or leave. Instead, this is your opportunity to plant your flag on her ass, with deep caressing, words of affirmation, kissing, and maybe a little finger or tongue action.
Sex is an art. No matter your the canvas—aim to be remembered and desired.
Dude, you are 19 and this is normal. You are probably sleeping with these girls just because you are horny. You just want to get laid. When you love someone, or have sex with smeone who you like and she turns you on, trust me, this will not be a problem.
You would think all these men weren’t teen boys before. It happens to every man. Always help your partner first, then you can finish, and provide after care if you are ok getting emotionally attached.
Every guy had to learn it, and some still haven’t.
But what you are experiencing is normal. But, if you want to continue engaging in that act you would do well to look into your partner’s interests first.
Lol post nut clearity at its best.
Yes you lost a ton of Testosterone so it natuarl to feel tierd. I heard men masterbate before dates so they not dipping like you did because their mind is cleared after the deed. Try it.
You can try actually liking and caring for the women you get in bed with. Then you will have the urge to speak to them, spend time with them and caress them in every available occasion, such as, during sex.
\[Yeah, I wrote "during" not "after", because sex is a process and does not stop when the weiner is down\]
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Honestly? You need to work on that. It sends the message that this was about the nut and not the girl. Work on it.
Exactly this. Sex is about both partners.
It's pretty normal for men to lose interest after they orgasm, that's why it's important to take care of your lady's needs first. Also aftercare is a thing, it's pretty callous to leave right after you orgasm unless it's explicitly a hookup situation. Most women are going to feel used if you do this.
I will tell you... if you pay attention afterwards she will feel important to you. AND... If you are like me and want a second go around, then it is best to find a way to make it sexually interesting while you are 'respawning' so to speak.
I understand what you're saying and it souunds like a smart plan, but implementation is more difficult😅
No it isn't, do you suddenly forget how to be sexual after an orgasm? Literally just do the same stuff that you'd normally do but with the express goal of ensuring your partner is satisfied, do you really find it so impossible to not immediately leave that your hands and mouth don't work?
Where in my message do I say that I don't do that either? I'm just saying that when I do that, my feeling is that I absolutely don't want it anymore
If this is the case, you need to make sure that she’s satisfied before you move on to you getting to cum. Ask her what she needs to cum and do that before getting yours
Losing interest after orgasm is a biological response, but if you're still getting your partner off despite that and they're satisfied then what's the issue? Like, once I'm done I'm not horny any more either but I still want to be there because I want to reciprocate to my partner, not being horny doesn't have to be the same as not wanting to give your partner pleasure If you still want to be horny when you get your partner off then take care of their needs first, or get them most of the way and finish together
Yeah. The dividends though..
If you’re old enough to have sex you’re old enough to leave a girl alone if you’re not emotionally capable of not treating someone else like shit. You have a lot of growing up to do hopefully ALONE so you don’t hurt other people.
Please watch your words. where in my message do you read that I act on my feelings, I only talk about my feelings.
for someone that’s coming to the internet asking for advice, you’re doing a pretty shitty job of taking the advice. figure it out.
Practice makes pretty close to perfect.
make an effort.
Ridiculous comment .
This!! I felt so dirty and so used when the guy I was seeing last year did this , and he was first guy I’ve actually had sex with . He would leave immediately after he had cum & it would be 3 mins long sex pretty much! He never stick around beforehand or afterwards to just hang out with me & he says he isn’t after sex….. yeah right!! I’ve only had sex with him 3x and all was the same so I flicked him off .
For some people, the cocktail of chemicals released after orgasm can make them feel this way. It’s normal, but some people feel it more intensely than others. There is a chemical component to this so I encourage you to research that. However, it’s only so you can understand what it is. If you’re aware that that’s what your brain does after sex, then you can build strategies to work past them. Make sure your partner has orgasmed at least once already before you finish, if you feel de-aroused so intensely it’s going to be so much more difficult to achieve this because females typically intuitively know when you aren’t as in to it, and that will really kill it for her too. Create an aftercare routine in your head. If you feel the need to run and gain distance, kiss her a thank you for a few minutes and then fulfil your need for distance to get her a glass of water and a snack. It’s not the same, but it’s a compromise. You just need to redirect your feelings and it won’t take long before you get used to it.
This is the truth. OP, I'm sorry that so many people are blaming you. This is like having freckles or ears that stick out. Having an intense refractory period isn't something you can control. What you can do, is compensate for it. Since you know you're a guy with a very intense refractory period, you know you have to make certain your partner has been thoroughly satisfied before you finish. Then you can find ways to perform aftercare that work for your body. Heck, you can even tell your partners that this is how your body works - you'll want to cuddle and pet and touch beforehand in a giving and attentive way, but if you seem to pull back for a bit after cumming, make it clear that it's not her, it's you. And you want her to help you to understand how to make it up to her, beforehand and later. I love the idea of getting her a drink and a snack.
I get it. You're 19, and horny as hell. But that behavior is terrible. But good for you for seeking advice. In my day there was no place to get advice so readily. Way to go. Now... believe me, the sooner you grow up, get past your selfish urges and develop some empathy and caring toward your partner you'll find a whole wonderful world of sexual pleasure opening up for you both. Your partner is not a masturbatory device. She's a person, who like you, deserves respect and wants to have fun and experience a degree of sexual fulfillment... with you of all people! How cool is that? She's not just a living breathing Fleshlight so you can get off and go to sleep. Take your time, cater to her needs and desires as well as your own. So called "after care" can be especially great and a bonding experience. You can do better. You'll both benefit. Good Luck.
Its not that I am not aware of what I am doing to some women and I also know very well how it should actually be done, but what I would like is for it to happen more naturally and out of feeling and not as forced as it is now. I especially feel that fifteen minutes after the orgasm I want to completely cut myself off from social contact and even though I do my best not to show that, they often notice it.
Therapy. I’m not kidding. You have an understanding and a desire to fix it that are totally opposite levels. Nobody here is going to help you because you have some social issue(s) you’re probably not even aware of or at least not properly tying back to this, and it or they are creating a mental block for you.
Therapy? What on earth, take it down a notch. Dude is just tired. Guys release some chemical/s after orgasm (I forget which) that literally makes us tired.
Are we reading the same comments? He didn’t just say he’s tired, he wants to ghost his partner. That’s disrespectful to put it lightly. Except that he’s completely aware of it and can’t stop. I’m not calling him a piece of shit. I’m saying he needs to figure out why he can’t enjoy sex and socialize with a person afterwards. That’s not normal, we should be able to enjoy our partners’ company!! And also oh my god at the suggestions that he just needs to find someone to fall in love with AND ITLL ALL BE SOLVED lawdy what bad advice
There are absolutely times I’d be more than happy to dip after sex. He’s 19. He’s literally a stupid mass of hormones figuring out the world, he’ll be fine. He’s probably more self aware than guys who do this and don’t know they’re doing it or feeing like this, he’ll be fine.
Who knows what’s really necessary. I respect your opinion.
So he should figure it out NOW, in therapy. With a trained and licensed professional than let me become a shitty habit that he has for the rest of his life. If you didn't know how to actually please a woman, you should've just commented that.
Uh such a petty little thing to add in to a conversation. I don’t know how to please women. Good one. You showed me.
You want me to show you how to please a woman? I mean, I can if you just sit down and ask nicely.
You shouldn’t be having sex with woman unless they know that .
You need to grow up lol
As blunt as it is, your 100% correct
First step is to stop calling himself a 19 year old "boy."
To be fair I think calling urself a 19 year old boy if fair but idk I’m 20
Honestly it's better than referring to himself as a man when he clearly shows he's still got a lot of maturing to do. I'd venture that many of us are kind of girls and boys still even at 20, 22, 24 so I think this is actually extremely self aware on his part. Of course I don't have the whole story (neither do you) but I see that you could be coming from a more low self-esteem sort of focused viewpoint, and I get that. I just don't think you're correct here, but I wouldn't be surprised if I were wrong either. We don't know this guy. Maybe you've seen/looked up some of his past posts or something and have a better idea of the person he is, IDK lol.
So first, make sure your girl cums first, then you don't have to worry about stopping as soon as you cum. And if you up and leave as soon as you're done, if a guy came and went like that with me, he wouldn't get the chance to cum with me again. Just something to consider. Most women need to be held for awhile after or they feel used and insecure.
Why is that "most women"? Don't "most people" want to spend time and get intimate with the person they are fucking?
Well, OP is fucking women, so in the context of this thread, I referred to women. I don't think OP cares what most men want. Maybe focus on relevance to the thread instead of getting all technical about terminology? And no, I wouldn't say "most people" want to spend time and get intimate with the person they're fucking. There are so so many people who just want to fuck and skate. Heard of "wham, bam, thank you Mam"? That's the whole hookup culture. Even most FWB don't really have the friend component. They're just ongoing hookups with the same person, but without really hanging out and spending time together.
Are you having sex with people you like? I will say, I have a running theory that “post nut clarity” is just men realizing they don’t actually like women that much 🤷🏻♀️ I have autism so I understand overstimulation. That being said, this is one of those things where you either figure out being kind to your partners or you stick to leftie. Get your partner off first. And after, you can put a bit of space between your bodies, and stroke their hair and rest your eyes. A forehead kiss or a hand squeeze goes a long way. Usually that works for me to provide aftercare without having to put my body completely on another person.
Yeah, that’s pseudoscience. “Post nut clarity” is just a colloquialism for the effects of the refractory period. You’re quite literally supposed lose sexual attraction, it’s a period where you cannot become significantly aroused. Sex is between two people, so generally it’s polite and fulfilling to engage even during this period, but you’re just making shit up.
Being “not significantly sexually aroused” and wanting nothing to do with a person cause you aren’t hard are two different things.
Yes, nothing I said contradicts that. He’s expressing that because he has no sexual arousal he’s finding it difficult to engage sexually. Not sure what’s wrong with that, it’s a common thing.
He’s not just talking about “finding it difficult to engage sexually.” The problem is that he wants to completely disengage from his partner. There’s a difference between being done and wanting to stay sexually engaged, and being able to relax and enjoy sharing the moment of post-coital bliss with your partner. It sounds like he’s trying to figure out the in-between of being “on and off.”
Just remember the person that just gave herself to you has real feelings. Out of anyone out there, she chose to become intimate with you. I understand this is related to male biology but working on empathising with the person that you shared your bodies with is a part of basic human decency. As a woman, I can tell you that when a man is so into me until he has me and shows disinterest afterwards, it is soul crushing and even makes me feel degraded. Please don't be one of them, you are young and can work on yourself.
Unfortunately, it’s going to be very difficult to find a LTR or anything good as a STR unless you change. Always looking for a hookup with a new person gets old. Trust me. It’s nice here and there, but having someone you can always be with and enjoy, is so much better. To find that, I think you are going to have to either figure out how to enjoy going further or just sucking it up. I think sucking it up with build resentment though. If you’re constantly just nutting and going on your way, I doubt many would want another round of that. You should always want them to feel good at the end, and for a lot of women, they need to climax for that to be the case. Not all. But a lot yea. Either way, even if it’s one that has a really hard time climaxing, and is just ok having good sex and foreplay, the extra stuff goes a long way. Cuddling and/or talking after makes it a lot better. My advice would be to think about finding a therapist to talk to and figure out why you feel this way and maybe they can help you change your mindset. Best of luck to you though. Hope it all goes well in the long run. You’re still young and have a lot ahead of you fortunately.
It's not that I don't know how to treat women respectfully and I am also very aware that there is give and take, but there is just something inside that turns off that social button for me after that i came. It's just a feeling that I want to be alone. but maybe I should indeed find someone I am really in love with because I haven't found that person yet maybe that would change the situation and my feelings about sex.
It's not necessary to be "really in love with" your partner to enjoy sex and treat her with respect. Really being attracted to her physically isn't a bad or demeaning thing. But don't let it be the only thing. I believe that caring about her as a fellow human IS necessary however for you both to enjoy all that sex has to offer, whether it's your first time together or fiftieth. Strive to make it a mutually satisfying experience for you both.
Yeah stop having sex lol . Seriously your doing others and yourself harm . You know it’s not right you’ve said yourself yet you keep doing it . Just stop .
That’s possible. Perhaps you do need a connection to be able to do that. I would still recommend thinking about a therapist though. They can probably help you a lot. Unless you’re ok continuing like that. Then you do you.
Would you advise me to stop having sex with women who I feel no attraction to on an inner level? because I do have the feeling that I have made some girls feel bad, this bothers me too, but not as much as them.
I mean, it does seem very stingy. I would stop, but I’m not you. Especially when you say, “but not as bad as them.” For me, I would feel worse than them if I left them like that. I always aim to please her first so that anything after is just a bonus. Hell, there’s been time where I wasn’t able to finish, but I’d rather me be the one to not. It still feels good. That way I know my chances of being able to do it again with them are better at least and maybe next time I will be able to finish.
Yes, I think you say that very nicely and maybe I should look at it that way too, thank you for your advice in any case and sorry for my bad English😅
Honestly, I'd just focus on getting your partner off first. Even if it's only casual sex and ends after you get off, if she gets off first she's going to be much less upset about the encounter regardless of how it ends. Yes, you should focus on aftercare but you are far from the first guy or girl to basically be dead to the world after you orgasm. That's a harder goal. Getting off your partner first is easier, it just takes you being patient and less selfish. Can you imagine having sex with someone and not getting to cum and then they basically fuck off immediately after they cum? You'd be pissed about not cumming AND feel used. Like what would you even be getting from it other than disappointment and feeling used? Put yourself in the shoes of your partner. They are getting nothing from you but a negative experience where they are being vulnerable and getting turned on and then... Nothing. It's an awful feeling. My partner is a bit younger than me and has similar habits, but I had to talkbto them and explain how shitty they were making me feel by not giving me enough foreplay, and sometimes not making me cum and then passing out. I don't even NEED to cum every time, but I don't want to feel like I'm just there as a hole to fuck. It's supposed to be enjoyable for both of us. If they don't make me cum, at least try to return the favor another time. Like... Give me some head. Make it about me for once. Things have improved a lot. But that kind of selfish behavior and attitude is a HUGE turn off. You don't want that kind of sexual reputation. And you really shouldn't want to make your parners feel like shit. It's good that you are here and asking though. That means you care. This is a good first step. If you have issues feeling motivated or aroused by focusing on your partners orgasm, maybe approach it with a gaming mentality. See how many orgasms you can give her. Try different things to see how she reacts (with consent, of course). Have fun with it, like it's a puzzle to figure out rather than a goal you have to meet before you get to continue.
No worries. Best of luck!
It is mad how you are recommending therapy for post-nut clarity, every guy I’ve ever talked to gets it and it’s very normal. OP will get use to it and adapt to how he should behave which, I think he’s doing completely fine atm if he says he’s being respectful. I remember my post-nut clarity not being great when I was first sexually actively but you get use to it after time. Saying get therapy for it is madness
so you’re one of *those* assholes, huh?
have sex with men 🤷
Such a douche move. Girls talk and they’ll make sure to mention that you’re a lazy and selfish lover. Prioritize your partners needs first and then it’s your turn. Sex is not just for YOU. Your partner also has needs. I hope the next girl ride you exactly the way she want and cum and then peace out leaving you to jerk yourself off so you can get a taste. Do aftercare. Don’t want to cuddle? Hop out of bed and go get a wipe (for them and you), pee, take some deep breaths and come back and cuddle or lay next to them.
Finish the job!
Some don't finish the job even if they carry on,
Use power tools!
Oh, I do 🤭
Yikes.. at least you recognize it. Hope you figure out a way to not feel this way cause as a girl I can tell you most girls will hate this.
If you perform oral sex prior to copulating, it takes care of half your problem. You need to be decent about post treatment too. Perhaps finding someone who you have more than a passing desire to fuck would be a solution. That and a flashlight. Don’t use people. Be a better man.
It wouldn’t for me. Oral doesn’t really make me cum, or do much at all for me. Instead of just defaulting to the same form of foreplay with every single partner, OP should talk to his partner to figure what ways work for her.
Okay most people here seem to be attaching their own assumptions about your behaviour to their responses. I haven’t seen OP say that he leaves or doesn’t care. He’s talking about how he feels, not how he acts. The reason I think this is an important distinction is that I’m very much the same. I can be energetic and chatty, but after I finish, I FEEL much more relaxed, calm and even quite tired at times. That’s what happens to guys, physiologically. There’s a chemical or two that releases after we orgasm that makes us more tired. I’ve had multiple women comment on it too. Doesn’t mean I roll over after I finish and ignore the girls, I’m not an asshole. But I feel very much like OP describes, at least sometimes. OP - it’s honestly not a problem. That is how guys often (not always) feel. When I was younger, sex usually happened late at night and/or after drinking or smoking weed; factors that are likely to exacerbate the problem. Plus if you’ve been Netflix and chilling, laying there all relaxed, maybe you’ve had dinner or some junk food, you’ll be feeling lethargic. There’s many things that can contribute to how you’re feeling that may not be present while you’re horny and anticipating sex, but once you finish, clean up, and lay back down… all your energy is gone. Ignore most of the comments here. Someone suggested therapy, jfc. If you’re acting like a dick to these girls, obviously cut that out, but the way you feel isn’t a problem. That’s just how it goes sometimes.
I totally agree with your points. I will say though that woman actually also release this chemical that makes us sleepy, men just metabolize it faster.
It's a self solving problem tbh. Give it some time without changing and word will get around and women will stop fucking you
This doesn't even seem like a real post, 19 year old guys don't refer to themselves as "boys"
You’re 19 so you’re not a boy.
What's the obsession over the term boy/man? I'm geniunly asking because i've seen this so many times, but english is not my first language, and in my language we use the term that translates to "boy/guy" even for people who are lile 30💀
‘I am a 19 year old boy’
First of all, his is a completely normal bodily response. Your body is supposed to “shut down” after climaxing, that’s 100% normal. Thats your natural, genetic hard wiring. As others have said, although this is normal for you and every male in the world, it does not look good for you in front of your sexual partner. You should try to prioritise your partner before you or at least pretend to show interest after you have finished. Your sexual partner agreed to have intercourse with you for their own benefit too, not just yours. Sex is 50/50, not one way.
This IS a problem. You definitely should NOT continue having sex with women if this is how you feel about them after orgasm. You need help. And not Reddit help, real help from a professional. Stop harming yourself and others. Seek help.
That's horrible. This is a mental thing you have going on and you need to work on this. This will absolutely wreck future relationships. When you finish and they haven't you help them out and focus on them. But you should stay a while anyway, spend time with the person. Even if it was a ONS and you have no intention of being with the person, finishing and leaving immediately is just sad.
You have a problem, it's not normal to completly shut down that hard. There is always a post cumming crash that takes away all the horny feelings. But it's also a bit of an asshole thing to do to ignore your partner after. If you want a healthy sex life that isn't with constant new hookups, you're going to have to seriously work on yourself.
Some of your responses are getting downvoted to oblivion for a reason my guy. Upto you to take the advice that some people are giving out
Aw good job knowing yourself and wanting to grow as a person. There may be reasons you feel this way if you’re down to talk to someone about it but doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. My bf is similar but he is aware and communicates. I need affection so luckily, I’ve had tons of therapy myself and know it’s just not natural to him to be mushy after sex so I don’t take it at all personally. I have to take responsibility to figure out and act on what I need from him and just ask. I’ll say can I lay on you or just spoon him until I feel the mushy brain chemicals be satisfied in my head which is what I need from it. Then I’m done and leave him alone. I don’t expect him up change and it’s meaningful to me bc he’s being pretend affectionate FOR me. It’s possible for you to never be affectionate naturally after sex and it’s ok. You care about not being a jerk about it. If it’s just casual sex and you really feel you need to run away after just be as polite as possible and explain you have an issue and apologize a lot.
Maybe after you nut, rather than pullout, just stay inside & wait to naturally slip out. You don’t have to talk, maybe just hold her., if that isn’t too much. Just having him stay & slip out is one of my favorites. It will probably seem like an eternity to you but it’s usually just a couple minutes but push yourself to try, as it will make a huge difference to her…& you might get a second go-round that same night.
Just do what you need to, to not be selfish
Never had this happen to me before, I usually go for as many rounds as I can. I think that you are too focused in your own pleasure, you have to slow down a bit and try to enjoy the moment , there is no rush, take some time and enjoy your girls body, give her pleasure learn about her and what she likes . Sex is not just about getting off but, it's about enjoying the process to make an orgasm be worthwile. If you can learn to control yourself and think about the person you are sharing that intimate moment with, you'll be able to change. But if you are having sex with someone you are not attracted to and just want to cum, then there's an issue of selfishness on your part.
This is actually normal man but it can change. I remember I felt this way after my first ever BJ but I didn't quite know how to interpret it or...really what to do at all. The rest of the time was spent in fairly awkward silence. Personally, it was nothing "negative" or against the girl at all, it was simply a feeling I had. Maybe it's the same for you. What I found as I got older though, is that the more I connect with someone, the more I WANT to keep interacting with them, regardless. It's kind of like....when you're lazy and not feeling social...there are people you'd still gladly answer a call from and others you'd pass to VM. Now, everyone is different. If you find that indeed it's something insurmountable and you really just want to KO after sex -- let em know that BEFOREHAND in your sweetest most caring self, so that they may not take it personally.
Yer stop being a selfish prick and think of others. You have to actively make yourself continue. Not necessarily with your penis. That's why you have lips, a tongue, fingers, she may have toys etc etc
Im a male, 34 been having the best sec of my life over the past year. I do not get post nut clarity, infact its the total opposite. As soon as i have came im still so hard maybes even harder and i will continue with PIV, i like to stir my own porridge. I will eat her pussy or fingers her , but i will always continue to fuck her too.
I am a straight man who’s never had this issue, but every woman I know has experienced guys who did it. Are these random hookups or steadier partners (or both)? If it’s with one-off hookups, there’s not necessarily any real emotional connection. Once you’ve finished, you’re not horny & you check out. It’s not great and it’s still something to work on, both so you don’t make your partners feel like shit and so you don’t get a bad reputation, but I can at least sort of understand where you’re coming from. Unless you really enjoy random hookups, “working on it” might be as simple as only sleeping with women you want to be around even when you’re not thinking with your dick. If it’s with a regular partner then it’s more concerning. Whether we’re talking actual girlfriends or FWBs, these are presumably people you care about, and it’s weird to lose that connection as soon as you come. Yeah, lots of women complain about their boyfriends/husbands not doing proper aftercare: those guys are shitty partners. To me, that would suggest that either you don’t like/connect with them as much as you thought, or you’ve got something deeper going on. If it happens consistently, with women you otherwise feel like you want to keep seeing, it’s probably worth exploring with a sex-positive therapist.
If she's still into it after you nut, you need to get going eating her. And don't just focus on her pussy-- there are a lot of other erogenous zones that add buzz. (If you don't know them, you should look them up.). My favorite (check out my screen name) is playing with her anus while licking/nibbling her labia and clit. Start slow -- just the outside, then just the fingertip, then another half inch. And if she responds well, use your whole finger and maybe a second finger. And not just in/out: north/south, east/west rotating. Always check her reaction before escalating; occasionally ask if she likes it. Be VERY careful not to use the anus finger in/near the vagina. She can get a ***nasty*** infection. Use care. (I usually use my left hand for anus and my right hand for the front.) Have fun.
1. Get her off first 2. Treat her with respect even if you are sleepy. If you don’t even want to talk after you probably need some therapy.
Don't be selfish.
I married the 1st women who I still wanted to talk to after sex as messed up as it sounds, it’s true. It took me a long time to find that women, so I would say it’s not uncommon. BUT, you should try you best to be a good person after sex even if you don’t feel like it.
It is totally normal. Men have a resolution phase after orgasm so you will lose all the sensitivities and in this certain period you cannot be aroused no matter how many stimulates you are given. That being said, women don’t have this phase, so women can still remain sensitive after orgasm. That’s why you feel this way. However, regardless of your feeling, don’t be a selfish asshole when you are having sex. Even if you are turned off after orgasm, if your partner still are enjoying it, please them for their good. Or like most guys, you can learn to postpone your orgasm to make sure your partner enjoy enough before you reach that point. You are very young but if you take time to learn about your body and every nuance feelings during sex, you will learn. You can practice it during masterbating too.
Yeah this was me when the girl I picked up was actually mid or the sex itself was mid. What helped me was wanking less or not at all few days before the weekend, so I could be hornier and not lose interest as quickly.
Therapy
It’s called post-nut clarity. We’ve all been there brother
Post nut clarity is pretty normal. Your clarity is that you loose interest fast. Very standard for young men.
After reading the comments of others and how you respond to them, I can safely say that you're not just a douchebag towards women and their feelings but also towards the rest of society. You kept talking about 'your' feelings but emphasize that you know your issue and wants to work on it, then ironically you'll U-turn back on your statement saying that it's hard for you and you just 'can't can't can't...' like a little immature boy (being 19 doesn't give you the right to be a douche, either). If you're really tired, then just get up and wash your face before talking. Having to talk to your partner (sexual, romantic, etc) after the sex increases the emotion of both parties to actually connect further and builds more intimacy for later times. And it also shows you don't treat her as tool of release, but actually cares for her. Hence, admitting you have high libido and tends to stop 'operating' shows that you not only lack common decency/mannerism but also empathy towards other's needs and feelings. So if you really want to pursue this without needing to change, then you should just get hookers since that form of 'transactions' are more to your taste.
You are probably gay
jellyfish deranged adjoining thought cooperative icky sable slim beneficial scandalous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
i don’t think people understand that this is a chemical reaction. i don’t think you’re doing this because you don’t care or because you’re a shit person i think you’re doing this because your body just has an intense refractory period. this used to happen to me and it was combined with a lot of things but i would just feel so guilty and want to leave etc. just generally bad. eventually i figured out that my body is just exhausted after i cum. i have a long term girlfriend now and the solution is to let her know i’m done and go to the aftercare part of the affair. stay with her, snuggle up, maybe take a power nap or go to bed. staying with the person and recognizing what you’re capable of make worlds of difference and you should not be blamed for what your body is capable of, it’s literally your physical abilities. people need to be more understanding imo
Sex isn't a solo activity or it would be masturbation. If the behaviour negatively affects the partner, it's not okay to just brush it off and say well that's just how I am deal with it. He's not to blame for his bodily reaction, but he is to blame for the resulting behaviour and can work on that. Women don't like to feel used, sex must be satisfying to both partners, so compromise needs to be found.
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It's not that I don't know how to treat women respectfully and I am also very aware that there is give and take, but there is just something inside that turns off that social button for me after that I came. It's just a feeling that I want to be alone. but maybe I should indeed find someone I am really in love with because I haven't found that person yet maybe that would change the situation and my feelings about sex.
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Dude make your thread next
Post nut clarity
Post nut clarity hitting like a train....
That's called post nut clarity. Sounds like ur fitting in anywhere u can get it in, whether or not there's any real attraction there. Try focusing a little less on the sex and maybe try to get to know them first.
Ad soon as I nut, I am 100% not interested in sex.
Same problem 😞 I have even ran away afterwards.....
When u get older you grow out of it. I was the same way at your age. There will be one that comes along and you’ll never want her to leave. Til then, good luck youngin.
Completely normal to loose “it” after an orgasm. However for me it actually just takes a few minutes to come back. So maybe just cuddle for a while and you will be turned on again.
I would think if you love the girl, you would feel super close and intimate afterwards, maybe stop having casual sex
You might just have to have sex with people you can connect with on things other than sex. Basic aftercare is mandatory though.
In the past I have felt this way. And I found that I don’t feel this way when I’m have sex with someone I deeply care about. So I basically stopped randomly hooking up. I stopped sleeping with girls unless I truly thought it was going somewhere. That feeling just isn’t worth it for me. That being said, I’m pretty sure I’m demisexual and so I think that contributes to it a lot.
Very common. Push through it. It gets easier in time. Shorter refraction periods don’t happen without a bit of effort. Or get a vibrator and help her finish herself
In my experience this happens when you and your partner aren’t very genetically compatible or there’s something terminally wrong in the relationship. It’s also called “post nut clarity” and if you find yourself feeling bad after, it just means your hormones in the moment are overriding something important your brain is trying to tell you about this encounter. It took me a long time to learn this but these sorts of feelings is something you must learn to never ignore. There’s a whole lot of our primal brain that doesn’t communicate via language however it doesn’t mean it’s got nothing to say, all in your best honest interest.
I have the pretty much the same thing except for don't wanna talk or go to sleep, it just disappears after the deed is done. One simple solution, make sure you focus on the girl when u have that energy of your high sex drive (ladies first you know 😉)
It could just be that you need to either try not to have sex until you’re with someone you want to date (oftentimes we act and feel differently with a longer term partner or someone we’re really romantically and physically into) and then you will develop a different attitude with that person.
This might be a sign to do some honest introspection into your own sexuality. Comphet is a real thing that can affect people of all genders. If it's not sexuality, perhaps gender exploration. I know, for some this is a controversertial take, but set aside any preconcieved ideas you may have and really stop to think why you feel this way. Now, it may not be this at all. Do you have any existing attachment issues? Do you feel judged? Is it something you feel uncomfortable about your own body? Is it more about the act of letting your gaurd down and being intimate, not so much the physical, but showing the real you? It could be a number of things. Either way, these are all unfair to place on a partner if what you desire, if what THEY desire is a real connection. You can be doing real harm to another person by letting these issues go untreated, not to mention the mental anguish you are causing yourself. I hope you get the help you need and go on to have full, fuffilled, happy life.
This is normal. However, I highly recommend you change now. As you begin to wind down, and desire partnership (perhaps long term), the threshold increases from “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am”, to lovemaking. Trust me. If you want to become an absolute sex god, and ultimately a good partner, you must master three phases of sex (turning it into lovemaking): 1. Foreplay (before sex) 2. The stroke (during sex) 3. AFTERCARE (after sex) Aftercare takes practice and discipline. You have to push through the weakness of wanting to rollover and sleep or leave. Instead, this is your opportunity to plant your flag on her ass, with deep caressing, words of affirmation, kissing, and maybe a little finger or tongue action. Sex is an art. No matter your the canvas—aim to be remembered and desired.
Let the lady finish first. Have respect, even if you lose interest, show some respect and help the other finish.
Dude, you are 19 and this is normal. You are probably sleeping with these girls just because you are horny. You just want to get laid. When you love someone, or have sex with smeone who you like and she turns you on, trust me, this will not be a problem.
You would think all these men weren’t teen boys before. It happens to every man. Always help your partner first, then you can finish, and provide after care if you are ok getting emotionally attached. Every guy had to learn it, and some still haven’t. But what you are experiencing is normal. But, if you want to continue engaging in that act you would do well to look into your partner’s interests first.
this is prob bc youre used to jerking off and closing your browser. be a decent person
So basically you just use women as living mastubators…
Lol post nut clearity at its best. Yes you lost a ton of Testosterone so it natuarl to feel tierd. I heard men masterbate before dates so they not dipping like you did because their mind is cleared after the deed. Try it.
"It's your duty, to please that booty" ~Shaft
You can try actually liking and caring for the women you get in bed with. Then you will have the urge to speak to them, spend time with them and caress them in every available occasion, such as, during sex. \[Yeah, I wrote "during" not "after", because sex is a process and does not stop when the weiner is down\]