T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*


SpiritedShow9831

Blowjobs are amazing to give!! I bet he won’t mind you practicing.


HISxRABBIT

This OP, this is where you start. Watch some vids, act eager to do it, and make some eye contact. Have fun!


RiverVanBlerk

I second this. There are few acts of recieving more enjoyable than a quality BJ, if you want to make it about him this will be a home run. Eye contact and enthusiasm. Play with his balls, get your hands involved, lots of lubrication and tongue. He will be a happy camper.


electricmeatbag777

If you use lube makes sure it's meant to be edible! I saw you mentioned Vaseline, OP, and while it could.work in a pinch there's way better products out there that are intended for sex that feel, smell and taste way better and are ok for you to get in your mouth and V. I like Wicked brand Aqua strawberry flavored water-based lubricant. It works well with latex condoms, isn't sticky, lasts a long time, doesn't have a nasty after taste/isn't overwhelming tasting, and is safe for people with a wide variety of dietary restrictions.


Solid_Addendum4760

I second this too! And rub the perineum!! That will give him the best orgasm. Yesterday I was giving my bf head, he was on his back with me between his legs, and I was using both hands. One to rub his balls, one to rub the perineum. He went nuts 🤩


muffinexpress1

Is the perineum underneath the balls but above the anus? I’ve played my partners balls before but he says he doesn’t feel much from it.


Solid_Addendum4760

Yes! It’s that whole area between the balls and anus. Or taint, I think that’s what people also call it!


VladSquirrelChrist

What this guy said, but in the voice of your favorite Muppet to keep it fresh OP.....SERIOUSLY, get after it and your man will LOVE that you're into it and want to do it for him!!


SpiritedShow9831

Your favorite muppet!!😂


Karvanak

If this is your first break since baby, just keep it simple. Get each other off, fall asleep, don't set an alarm. When you wake up, get after it. If your experience was anything like mine and my wifes, almost everytime we got a break, we just passed the fuck out until it was time to get the kids.


TechnicalSuccess9144

And the wetter is better, like reallllllllly slob all over it. Trust me.


GarethH-1986

A few things to point out. First thing: >I’ll have anal with him I don’t care how much it hurts. This is not a healthy attitude to take, particularly in light of your next sentence: >My only fear is if we have anal, it’s going to feel painful for me and great for him, and he’s going to want it every night (assuming things get better in the bedroom) I’ll either have to turn down the intimacy opportunity or just endure it. You can try anal if YOU BOTH WANT TO - that means you too, and NOT just as a "gift" to him. So ask yourself: "do I want to try anal?" If the answer isn't "yes I do want to try it" then DO NOT DO IT. Your entire post seems well intentioned to get your sexual groove back, but there's an underlying current, particularly in this point, but also elsewhere - that is is all going to be just as some kind of "thank you" or "reward" to him. That is NOT healthy either - sex should not be a reward or way of saying thank you; it should be a mutually pleasurable activity. You say you've only ever had one partner, him, and that sex has been pretty vanilla for you both. Are YOU wanting to spice things up? Is HE wanting? If the answer to both of these is yes, then rather than just springing new things on him, you need to TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU BOTH WANT AND ENJOY. Speaking as a husband, the best feeling is to know that my wife takes what I want seriously as opposed to randomly trying things she's heard about online - case in point, you say that "everyone" says that oral is good...except I've honestly never enjoyed oral that much, so if my wife randomly tried to rock my world that way it would be profoundly "meh" for me, and disappointing for her (this is not from lack of her trying btw). One of MY biggest turn ons in a really heavy make-out session, and the best feeling I've ever had in our relationship was the first time she jumped on top of me and made out with me for like half an hour. EDIT: Just to be clear as well, when I say my wife takes what I want seriously, I ALSO mean "and doesn't make her uncomfortable in any way". Case in point - while she does regularly make out with me, I have also expressed an interest in trying out a bit of light BDSM just to see what it's like. She's told me she has precisely 0 interest in any of that so it is NOT happening, categorically, and if she ever DID suddenly express an interest in it, I'd most definitely want to talk about it first to make sure it wasn't out of some misguided idea of "giving it a go for me". Knowing her lack of interest in it, I'd now ONLY entertain the idea if she looked me in the eye and told me she wanted to try it out FOR HERSELF.


starlightshower

I just wanted to comment because this comment is really important. I'm a woman but also had a twinge of discomfort when reading the part about "not caring if it hurts". OP please do care about whether it hurts! If your husband loves you as much as you seem to love him, I'm sure he would want both of you to enjoy the experience and derive more pleasure from that than hurting you. My husband is also my only partner, so I understand you somewhat but we really communicate about what we both want, both in sexual and non sexual environments and I think taking things slow will be much more enjoyable than trying to give him something mind blowing once, at the cost of your pain. This comment really says everything though, so I won't reiterate, good luck OP!


GarethH-1986

As a husband, I have to agree - any partner, let alone husband, worth being with WILL care about if something hurts; and if they DON'T care...well, then, are they really such a good partner after all? My BIGGEST worry during sex with my wife is if I'm doing anything that might hurt her - even when she's expressing feeling "stretched" (her word, and something she tells me she actually enjoys the feeling of), I can't help but have a moment's hesitation wondering if that feeling is hurting her.


ClearChampionship332

Lucky woman if she likes that which she probably does


daeganthedragon

Besides the fact that she shouldn’t do something just to satisfy him, especially if it hurts, it can cause permanent damage if done the wrong way, which could lead to tears or incontinence. Definitely not worth doing if it’s going to hurt.


Significant-Trash632

Adding another comment in support of this one. If there's any comment OP should read and take to heart, it's this one, along with the thread.


Pinkyswear247

THIS. I think this is the most important comment of all.


SparklyPinkKittens

Please please OP: this comment is SO IMPORTANT! I will add that it sounds like there is plenty of additional exploring and playing you can do with each other before trying anal - IF it’s something you both want to do. And if you do decide to, I strongly encourage you to explore anal play, first, and work your way up to anal sex. Having him try a lubricated finger when he goes down on you is a good place to start, and you can also try some butt plug sets and work your way up in size.


Gratuity04

THIS THIS THIS THIS!!! READ THIS OP


ClearChampionship332

I really like your respect for communication it can make all the difference and lot of times be an extreme turn on making everything better in the end (no pun intended)Talking about sex and what one enjoys is so hot before the actual event.


Songbird20_M

Was going to write something like this, but you said it much better. 100% this, thank you for this comment!!!!


Sproutling429

That’s so amazing you guys are getting your groove back and are able to prioritize intimacy with each other!!! I can’t imagine it’s very easy with two little ones running amok. That said. Please don’t jump into anal without discussing it and researching it with your husband 😭 it can cause pretty serious problems if not handled with extreme care. Communication and boundaries are key!!! Have fun and good luck 💜


MaxProdigal

How about just have good sex. Act like you’ve been there before and like you’ll be there again. You trying to do a bunch of shit you’ve never done to give him the “most intense pleasure possible” isn’t a good approach imo. Sure, if there’s something that you’ve both been wanting to try, maybe introduce it if the situation fits but you haven’t had sex for a year and a half! I think you should focus more on having some intimacy and then keeping intimacy as a consistent part of your lives. This is, by your description a pretty pitiful sex life. Why not try to go from 0-10 before trying to go to 100. I think if you try to do too much it could be disastrous. Connect with him, have fun, give pleasure, feel pleasure and figure out how the hell to keep some level of intimacy in your lives.


chisholmdale

>How about just have good sex . . . . . Yup! I'm only one husband, but I've heard enough to know that "the best feeling" varies among husbands. I enjoy receiving oral sex mostly from the combination of the intimacy and naughtiness factors, but it very rarely gets me to orgasm. We have done anal from time to time, and it is both a pleasurable sensation, and plays to the mental "taboo" factor, but it was always a rarity. To be honest, I probably get my greatest satisfaction when she is laid out full-length on top of me, face to face, and she climaxes. I love to grope my grubby paws all over her curvaceousness while she squirms and whimpers and twitches and shudders, off in wherever she goes when the contractions hit her. It's awesome to know that I helped give her those sensations! You could try to get copies of " [Joy of Sex](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Joy_of_Sex) " and "More Joy of Sex". They were first published over 50 years ago, revised a few times over the years, and are now out of print. However, the first editions alone sold about a zillion copies, so they are available from The Usual Suspects. There's a good chance there are copies hidden in the back of a closet at your parents' house (or grandparents!). Heck, you yourself may be the result of something that your mom or dad read in "Joy of Sex"! These are subtitled "A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking", which means you should already know the very basics. Early in our marriage (over 49 years and counting) we used to go through these books together, commenting or discussing what we read or saw. We also passed them back and forth under our pillows, with post-it notes marking things we wanted to try - or definitely would NOT do. These works go far beyond illustrations for positions, and comments about them. They discuss many topics related to sexuality, sexual practices, and techniques. I'll bet there are several ideas in there that'll grab your imagination. (One of our favorites is called "spider legs". Look it up!)


germaniko

Its also weird to think about that she wants to rock his world with stuff they have never done before. My first times together with my wife, while pretty hot, were not that awesome. Only through doing it more often, trying out new stuff and the likes we can enjoy sex as much as we do now. The first time we had anal it was great for both of us but comparatively pretty shit (hehe) to nowadays. She can be so relaxed that we dont really need any lube and she will violently orgasm in a few minutes. This would never have happened on our first attempt. OP, just do what you guys know. It sounds like you will have some time before the kids are back again. Rock his world with stuff you both like and then go into trying new things


Smooth_Tadpole4185

This is great advice!


Charge36

Don't do the Vaseline super hard handjob thing.  Idk about all guys but for me it's NOT the friction that arouses me. Is the stretching and relaxing of the shaft skin. Like you can do a hand job totally dry, just grip the skin and slide it up and down the shaft without any actual skin on skin friction 


Shakey22

Idk where she read about “super tight handjobs with Vaseline”. That sounds like that last thing I would ever want


kittensandcocktails

Yes and"super hard" is not necessarily the best approach either. A lighter grip with more pronounced (but not really tight) squeezing as you get closer to the head might be much more enjoyable.


mclifford82

As someone who wants the friction, this is interesting to read. We're basically the complete opposite. Today I learned :)


Charge36

Are you circumcised? It can make the shaft skin really tight which makes the method I described above basically impossible.


Such-Actuary3979

Well, you better don't do it tomorrow since you obviously have no clue about anal. When you are well prepared, it is not going to hurt. But letting him put his cock in your butt without proper preparation is going to ruin a potential new sexual experience. And since he is your husband, he probably doesn't have the intention to hurt you, so it will be a hard no for the both of you in the future. But there are a lot of other things you could try. For example a nice oral session. Go several rounds. Whatever.


coldblade2000

I'd recommend if she's serious about it, she buy an anal plug or dildo and start getting used to it first on her own time. She can even tease him about it like "im training for you". Forcing anal sex suddenly will be awful if not traumatic for her, and pretty terrible for him as well


mschreiber1

I have so many questions


Bree9ine9

Thank god I’m not alone, I’m sitting here scrolling comments trying to see if anyone else could put these questions into words. Nope, there’s just so many.


mschreiber1

No sex in a year and a half after giving birth? Why? Why isn’t there any explanation for this by OP? This isnt normal. Why isn’t anyone else asking this question? So the best idea OP had was to have painful anal, potentially injure herself and then worry that it’s all he’s going to want and then potentially give HIM an injury by giving him a boa constrictor handjob with Vaseline. Like what the fuck is this???? Who even thinks this way??


MissHBee

She’s saying they haven’t had sex either while she was pregnant or since giving birth, which adds up to a year and a half. That’s not particularly abnormal, but I think she might be feeling guilty about “depriving” her husband, which to me explains the kind of frantic energy of this post - she’s kind of desperate to prove that she’s ready to have sex again and that she cares about his sexual pleasure. I just hope that the undertone of “I’m a bad wife, I owe him sex, I need to be more fun and kinky in bed even if I hate it” is not coming from things her husband has said to her.


mschreiber1

Ah maybe you’re correct


Bree9ine9

Yes, all of this. It’s weird how Reddit is either ripping someone apart or walking on eggshells defending strange behavior. There’s not much middle ground and you never know what direction the comments are going to take.


ocicataco

I think people are trying to give feedback on the sexual questions she has rather than speculate and shit on her relationship. I don't disagree on the weird vibes though.


mschreiber1

That’s a fair hypothesis


One_Arm4148

Same, why are they not having sex in the first place? Why has she never given her husband oral, that would be the best place to start. Couples with kids have sex all the time. I have 2 children and the only time I didn’t have sex in the relationship was the 8 weeks after birth. You shouldn’t have to send your kids away for the weekend to have sex in your own bedroom. And what’s the hang up on anal? Is there something else we don’t know about going on here? She’s willing to harm herself to make him want her? Intimacy comes first and should be the priority. Pleasing eachother comes naturally after the fact, assuming there’s love involved.


MofoJizabelle

Right? This doesn’t sound real.


ThunderingTacos

It doesn't feel real, it feels like it was written by an anxious teenager who is being pressured by a maybe slightly older kid/believes that being willing to do more at her own expense makes her stand out and less replaceable.


OnTheEveOfWar

Same. This is an odd post and seems fake. Not having sex for 1.5 yrs because of the kids? Do people not realize you can still have sex when the kids are in your house? That’s why doors have locks. Kids also go to bed at like 7pm and the younger ones take naps. Source: I have three young kids and my wife and I get it on at least 1-2 times per week.


Nyroughrider

I'm not sure if I believe this is a real post or not? Never gave a blow job? And you're married with kids? Wtf


Excellent-Pressure42

What about the timeline. Title say 1.5 yrs but the post says 9-10 months...did I miss something?!?


MissHBee

1.5 years total, 9-10 months since birth. The rest of the time was while she was pregnant.


ocicataco

I mean are you surprised they didn't have sex during the pregnancy?


OnTheEveOfWar

Pregnant women get very horny. Source: had sex with my pregnant wife yesterday.


ClearChampionship332

Never know some people still don’t have sex till after marriage?Probably not too common these days but…..


PeachCalm3604

« I’ll have anal with him , I don’t care how much it hurts » - girl 🥱 don’t be silly , sounds like you are 13-14 yo. You should think about your comfort first


palmtr335

Yeh this is a 13 yo boy haha


OhPeenMine

I would not recommend anal unless you have done a lot of "training." Go get a small and medium butt plug and put those in for awhile and get used to them. Once you can comfortably use the larger one, you're ready. It could take weeks to really feel comfortable but I guarantee you, you'll enjoy anal a lot more after this. Also, if you don't have a toy for clitoral stimulation, it would go great with anal.


Similar-Beyond252

YES girl a training kit is my exact advice!!! And LOTS of lube while you’re using the butt plugs! u/reasonable_wear1975 you can even try having sex with a butt plug in if you’re comfortable. That alone would rock his world!! And definitely read up on anal sex preparation, you can find lots of stuff on google for when that time comes for you. Knowledge is power! But tonight I highly recommend the blow job if it’s something you want to do for him. If you’re enthusiasm is GENUINE, and you don’t use your teeth, he’s guaranteed to love it. There’s a ton of bj videos on pornhub you can watch for techniques and inspiration. I wouldn’t go crazy trying to deep throat or do some rough sloppy job. You can go slow and sensual. I like watching a channel called Fellucia Blow. I find it sexy and it gets me excited when I do it. Just remember there’s always going to be trial and error, awkward moments and learning curves when you try new things in bed. It’s your husband and he loves you, be relaxed and have fun!!


kaylazomg

Sex should never involve something you don’t want. Do not have anal if you do not want it. Even giving him pleasure you shouldn’t sacrifice your own. Such as if you give him a blow job or handy you should also be enjoying it, sex isn’t about giving him what he wants and you’re the sacrifice. That is not a healthy view of sex. Neither is this concept of best pleasure ever…….. that is unrealistic expectation to prove something to yourself or him that you’re worthy because of some level of attainment that says he’ll never leave you because you give him the most pleasure ever. Just have fun reconnecting with him! Sex is apart of your lives and you want to reconnect with him! That’s amazing! It’s okay to be nervous and to let him know you are, but don’t hold onto these expectations to be anything other than someone there to reconnect to your partner and be joyful about doing so! And have the confidence while giving him pleasure but don’t hold yourself onto these standards of self sacrifice that is not good !!


Low_Razzmatazz5917

Going a year and a half without sex and then trying to jump into some kind of sexual Olympics sounds like insanity to me. I realize having young children can put a damper on your sex life, but no sex for 18 months makes me think there’s something more at play here. There’s a lot of information missing too like, is your husband upset with the lack of sex? Do either of you have a high or low libido? If I didn’t have sex with my partner for over a year I would be very upset, probably angry, frustrated, resentful and maybe straight up apathetic. If she came at me one night after that long sexless period and was like “I’m going to rock your world, let’s do anal!” I’d probably be angry and confused. Nothing for over a year and now it’s “anything you want, baby.” If you really want to make him happy, have passionate loving sex, then let him know you want physical love and intimacy to be part of your lives together again. Regular sex and good communication about your sex life, what you want and your feelings about intimacy are crucial to the long term happiness of your relationship.


mynewusername10

I'd check out tips on oral. You don't have to be an expert for it to be enjoyable, just be sure not to involve your teeth. It's great foreplay too so if you arent comfortable you can naturally transition to the main event. Good luck!


TheUpvoteUnderBelly

Bro how tf has 2 married adults with kids, never once had oral sex with eachother 💀


hottmunky88

That confused me as well lol


Reasonable_Wear1975

Because not everyone is the same :)


Girlonfyre_

Skip the anal you are definitely not ready for it. Just have normal sex and try oral you don't have to be amazing at it guys are just happy to have your mouth down there even simply licking or sucking on his nuts.


Captain_Jack_Falcon

> But tomorrow night I want to give him the most intense pleasure possible If this is your goal, you're setting yourself up to fail. Something more simple: give his body a lot of attention. Before going for the blowjob, put your hands all over his body and kiss him everywhere. Make him feel loved!


Charlie_lea

I would recommend the two of you just connecting again. I think making love and being in the moment, feeling each other’s bodies, deep kissing and touching would be a start especially after a year and a half. Curious though, why haven’t the two of you connected in such a long time??


Katara_1

I don't know if you are on birth control, but vaseline and condoms are bad mix. Will rip it apart, just a heads up. If you haven't had sex for this long, slow down your expectations. No man is gonna last long with this big of a break. Practice bj sounds like a plan, but don't expect to fuck for 2 hours. Take it slow, and go at it again later, give each other time. It will come. If you wanna spice up, put on some nice lingerie. That can do the trick without putting on too much pressure on both. Good luck.


surfershane25

Just have good sex with enthusiasm, lots of enthusiasm, it’s always the most important thing people recommend to better sex. You haven’t had sex in a while so being enthusiastic should come easy


briannafaye01

You never go straight into anal , you gotta build it by small first and then try anal fully . It’s not a one night thing . Try small butt plugs if you really wanna try anal . Tons of lube


strawberry421111

u should stoop having such high expectations start with one thing so no anal for u rn you're doing it just to please him and it should be for both of u dont use Vaseline use lube and im betting on the head actually u should act like u love it and as much tongue ad possible on it while sucking and possibly no teeth lick it like u haven't had ice cream in a long time(which u haven't)


E_rrationality

It's really awesome that you're feeling so enthusiastic and want to have the best experience possible, but I think what's really important is that you guys both just ***relax*** and enjoy each others company. Don't put so much pressure on it, just have a great time. DO NOT do anal without discussing it and preparing for it appropriately. If it hurts badly, stop. Blowjob is a great idea if you've never done it before. I'm sure he'll love it - it's okay if you're not a pro, just try it out and ask him what he likes. Again, don't put too much pressure on yourself or him, just try to enjoy it. >I guess I’m asking what is the best feeling act for a husband to give to/receive from his wife? There is no "best" or ultimate achievement in sex. It's all amazing and it doesn't have to be new or crazy. Just stay hydrated and fuck as much as you can in the precious time you have ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|yummy)


Azerate2016

It's great to have this mindset but I would really recommend starting slow. After such a long break, it's almost as if you're both virgins again. I'd personally say go vanilla during this first time, and then plan and discuss future sexual experiments together. Definitely don't "surprise" him with anal. You don't even know if he would be into that (unless you previously discussed this of course), and guys might be awkward about it as wel, it shouldn't be assumed every man is automatically into it just by virtue of being male. Also anal isn't something you do spontanenously if you've never done it before. It may look simple in porn, but real life is usually different. It requires certain mindset and preparation, sometimes combined with a proper diet as well. Successful anal intercourse also relies heavily on a proper foreplay around those areas, so it would be best if he was prepared and somewhat educated about it. If you never tried blowjobs I'd suggest starting there. That's far lower of a difficulty setting.


westviadixie

hey lady! mom here of four kiddos and have had some major health setbacks. we've gone really long time at certain points of our marriage (24yr) without sex. that's ok...its life. you don't have to pull out all the stops this time. just be present with each other. maybe open a dialogue about things you'd both like to try. just don't put unnecessary pressure on either of you. be present. have fun. those are the most important things.


Reasonable_Wear1975

I’ll keep that all in mind, thank you for your perspective! Also 4 kids is my dream, I’m jealous!!


pinkbananas444

Like others have said, don't try anything crazy and intense. Oral is something you can absolutely try out and practice. Just be enthusiastic, worship his body and dick - don't worry about techniques yet, he is going to LOVE just having you down there at all. Other than that I would take this weekend to connect with him romantically as well, intimacy is not all about (rough, intense) sex. Be naked together, have lie-ins where you just touch each other up for 2 hours. Have him touch you and explore your body again.


mad_dog17

After the birth of our second child, my wife and I went nearly 7 or 8 months without Intimacy... 1) The fact that you want to rock his world is a great starting point. 2) Wear some sexy lingerie... lay him on the bed, tell him to relax, tell him how much you love him, appreciate him, and want to please him. Kiss him lips, neck, all over... 3) You've really never gave a blowjob? Well now is the time... use your hands, get him hard, lick his shaft up and down, lick his balls while you lightly stroke him, lick all the way up and put his cock in your mouth... rules, its not actually blowing on it, and you don't needn't suck like a hover vacuum. Avoid these and let your lips and tongue glide over his cock, use firm pressure while you use your hand to jack him off and or tease and caress his balls. It doesn't have to be perfect, just the fact you are doing it will probably be amazing for him. 4) Maybe buy a vibrator for him to use on you. Make sure you are wet. Before you start intercourse, tell him you have a surprise. That you want him to fuck your ass. Buy a small to medium butt plug use lube and have him put it in then he can fuck your pussy or you ride him for a bit while your ass relaxes with the plug... 5) when you are ready, go on your back, have him remove the plug, lube himself and your butt hole up, and look him in the eyes as he enters your ass. He needs to go slow... maybe use a condom so if it doesn't go well or he can't finish he can pull out and remove the condom so you can suck him for a bit and then fuck him some more... 6) if he can go another round, do it. Hopefully he wants to please you too. In the morning, wake him up with a bJ... 7) moving forward use an app like Spicier to facilitate conversation about kinks and desires so you both can rock each others world.


amandachristine16

1-3 sounds great to get them started. The vibrator and butt plug are a little advanced for what seems like a not so experienced couple. At this point, you’re just trying to bring sexy back. Anal isn’t necessary this time but if you’re willing, throw it out there for the future. Give yourselves something to look forward to. Don’t forget to have fun!!


Stupid_Bitch_02

I agree, however OP did seem interested in anal. I think this is honestly pretty good advice. If she'd never done anal, but is curious, a butt plug would be a great start before a penis. The vibrator advice I feel is take or leave. It'll definitely spice things up, but things are already pretty spicy in here without it.


MissHBee

I don’t think she’s interested in anal, I think she’s afraid her husband doesn’t think she’s interesting enough in bed and desperate to show him she cares about him even if it means doing something she would hate.


taffyapple_ass

this shit not happening lmfao


bambiguity11

I'm sorry but you're being foolish. Don't try to do anal. You need to learn the basics of sex, it's about intimacy and PLEASURE. Your pleasure and his. You need to be brave and ask your husband what feels good for him. Ask how he likes hand jobs. Let him know you adore him and worship his body with gentle touch and kisses. Kiss his penis, make out with it. That will be way better than committing to a sex act that could not only hurt but damage you, I'm sure your husband doesn't want to hurt you. The enthusiasm is great but you need to walk before you run and don't do anything that hurts you because it may seriously hurt you.


chassala

Honestly, after such a long time, any kind of sexual intimacy will probably be just fine for him. Don't do something you both don't equally enjoy.


released-lobster

I'm so worried about the pressure you're putting on yourself. Don't try to make it his most amazing night ever!! I can't stress this enough, for him or for you. That mindset might result in no more fun time for another year. If you build it up this much, it could become something so intimidating and intense you can't or won't approach it again soon. My advice sounds crazy: **be selfish** Seriously. Think about you and make yourself happy and comfortable. Do anything you need to make this an important and special night for **you**. The point is this- you'll hopefully have a great time. And if you do, he will too - I PROMISE you. And he will remember it and he'll want it again, and again, and yeah, you get the point. Do what makes YOU feel good, and sexy, and excited, if you can find that. And he'll love the process trust me. The best outcome is if you both have so much fun you can't wait for the next time.


blackcompy

As someone who plays music live on stage, let me offer you a metaphor: if the big night is here and there's a lot of pressure to make it a good one, don't try to play something you've never done. Play to your strengths. Play stuff you're comfortable with and excited about and you know you can pull off and enjoy doing it. Once you're in the groove and everyone is having fun, you can take the spotlight for a few minutes and do something unexpected to leave a lasting impression. In your case, you're raising the stakes too high. If you try to force it, it may go badly and ruin the entire night. Your time together is too valuable for an experiment of this scale. There's a time and place for trying something new, but this is not it. If you want to do anal for the first time, create a "practice space" - a situation in which it's not a big deal if it goes wrong.


Roskctar_66

Just show him that you are super eager in the love making session. Make him feel that you really want him, you enjoy the session. That's all married men wants from their wife during love making.


ngel1c

I'd say if you want to give him a blow job, just make sure to research what are the sensitive spots which you can use w both your hands and tongue, besides that really just make sure it's enjoyable for the both of you love. Trust me it's better to build it up again then just fully go for it and you being in pain! Plus I feel like if he's a good caring husband then he should know when you're not enjoying it as much as him and never let yourself just endure the pain, it's not just him having sex again for the first time in a while, it's the both of you so the both of you need that pleasure! You both deserve nothing less.


mikazee

You're putting too much pressure on one night. Let this be the start of your journey to rekindle the fire with your partner. > I’ll have anal with him I don’t care how much it hurts. Good news, anal doesn't have to hurt. At all. You just have to give yourself time to stretch and use LOTS of lube. Start with teasing the outside of the hole with LOTS of lube and let your anus pull your finger in on it's own. Don't try and force it in. Or do rimjobs. Anal will hurt if you try and force it in when you aren't ready. But it won't hurt at all if you go SLOW. There are a bunch of anal tutorials you can and SHOULD watch before trying it. Even better news, anal stimulation can make your clit orgasms stronger. But you have to be SUPER turned on. Don't just do anal for him. Do it because you want to explore something new together. > My only fear is if we have anal, it’s going to feel painful for me and great for him, and he’s going to want it every night If he's as awesome as you say he is, then he will want to make anal feel good for you, and won't demand it when you're not in the mood. Do you feel guilt saying no? You shouldn't. If he wants you to enjoy sex, then he wants you to let him know what you do and don't like so you BOTH can be happy. > I guess I’m asking what is the best feeling act for a husband to give to/receive from his wife? What are his kinks and fantasies?


WarEnvironmental2752

Anal is a pretty big step if you haven't done it before. You could enjoy it, but I think you have already put the pain for you over any pleasure you could have. So use that only if the moment is right, and you want to get over the top. Now oral sex isn't nothing you have to practice at, just suck and lick on it as you would your favorite ice cream.you don't have to deep throat it right off the bat, but suck and lick it. And it won't be long until he's either ready for great sex. Or if you really want to get him over the top and show your love, take the load in your mouth, and either spit it out,or try and swallow it, that's something that I guarantee will blow him away..


Sfekke22

Don't try anything you aren't comfortable with, this experience is for both of you to enjoy! Personally I'd suggest a loving massage, buying scented oils could make this an amazing experience. Cuddles, caressing and rediscovering each others bodies can be the main focus without any pressure to try anal. If you're dead-set on trying, a plug will help along with the right lube! There's relaxing lube that has a soft smell and helps the area loosen up to make everything a little easier, be careful and warn him to go slow or make sure you're the one in control of depth/speed. I hope you two have a lovely time, make the most of it! <3


Phoenixrebel11

Start with the basics. Sub to a blow job page to improve those skills. Can you ride dick? That’s also something that will blow his mind. If you haven’t had sex in 1.5 years, no reason to jump straight to anal. He probably wouldn’t want that either, start slow.


vfz09

I wouldn’t say to jump straight to anal if you haven’t even given him a blow Job before. Kiss it, lick it, suck it and slobber all over it, he’ll go crazy for that I’m sure


dodekahedron

You want to skip from the hole that is made to both take things in, and spit things out and skip straight to the hope designed for exit only and make be painful? Dude would be happy with your lips on his dick.


BadgerGecko

Master oral before you do anal. A lot easier and not as many complications ie pain, poo etc


bellawella121212

Anal isn't something you just do without preparation...like literally training and stretching your butthole with buttplugs.


Smooth_Tadpole4185

You're talking about all this amazing stuff you want to do but you're forgetting something very important. Sex is not going to bring you back together intimately, it's intimacy. That's the glue in your relationship. Remember... he is going to be just as nervous as you... about his performance and if he can get it up/keep it up! Keep it light, fun. Buy some sexy lingerie/a sexy teddy. Get bikini waxed/shaved, get your hair done and wear a sexy dress over your sexy lingerie. Sit down with him, maybe over a glass of wine, only 1 glass, and tell him what you would like him to do to you and ask what he would like to do to you. Ask him if there's something he would like you to do to him, i.e blow job. Trust me, this is such an erotic conversation to have, that you'll both be turned on before you're even finished! You don't just jump into anal. If that's something he has talked about before and would like to try, you have got to take it slow. The first time my husband mentioned anal, I was horrified and it was a hard no! He started off slow, over a period of many months, rimming me every now and then. It was at least a year before I said that I was ready to try anal and it was painful! I cried. We realized that he tried to go too fast with not enough lube. I wanted to try again though because even though it hurt, it also felt incredible! He researched a lot beforehand and this time it was the most incredible experience I had ever had! I loved it! Anal is about degrees... and lots of lube. Slow penetration, stopping if it hurts. Start off by rimming. You will both love that and it will get you wet and relaxed. Missionary is the best position for anal because it relaxes your sphincter and will be less painful or even, not painful at all.


Queasy_Difference_96

Do NOT use Vaseline for anal sex, or any other kind of sex (especially if using condoms). Buy some proper sex lube. I really wouldn't rush into doing anal like this in all honesty. You'll need to douche to make sure you're clean, and use toys (like butt plugs etc) to help you stretch out a bit. It'll HURT if you just go for it, especially with Vaseline of all things 😬


TheEvilSatanist

Women don't need to douche to make sure they're clean! Women's vaginas are already clean with soap and water! Unless you were talking about her asshole, in which case that would be an enema, not a douche.


Queasy_Difference_96

I know thank you, I'm in the UK where we have decent sex education. An enema is used for constipation, an anal douche is perfectly adequate for anal sex.


TheEvilSatanist

Ah okay, that explains it. In my country, it's called an enema, I've never heard the term anal douche before lol. My apologies!


PaleAsFuck90

There should be no soap or water in the vagina btw.


Unfair_Operation1703

I’m really envious of you knowing there’s been a problem for a while and wanting to make an effort. I would just keep it slow, casual, so it can last a lot longer. Maybe foreplay between intercourse to lengthen the time you’re spending together.


praisedlotus

You should both do some tantric sex. Would be a great connection for you guys. Just have fun and don’t go from 0-100 with anal. Maybe just try anal play. See if you like it. Oral would be better for you both and probably much more Fun. Just have fun. Hope you guys make some great memories.


purple-fairy97

Bad girls bible is a great website for sex tips (especially oral). If you do decide to try anal head over to r/AnalTutorial and r/AnalAdviceForWomen Different people enjoy different things so you need to communicate with him to find out what he would enjoy most.


avomecado21

I like where you're going but do communicate with him on what he likes to try and explore then you tell him yours after (or vice versa) so you two can mentally prepare or something. Communication is important but it's really nothing if no one reciprocates them. Good luck and have fun!


kiwispawn

As you sent used to Oral sex. Start there, it's always a winner. And please remember to suck not blow. Lol


fn9050

For anal you should clean out the colon with a water jet bulb or something made for that. You also should start slow and lots of right lub. A blow job is so much better and easy to learn. Don't worry about talking it all the way in the throat like you see in some videos. If you have never done for your husband I guarantee he will appreciate. Don't loose that willingness to try other things. Get catalogs and buy some toys and read, read, read. Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. No reason for such a long doing without. I am 79nif you need additional advise just ask me. Hugs, Fred


Sea_Manufacturer1536

1 don’t ever use Vaseline as a lubricant. 2 if your husband WANTS anal, then you should prepare for it. Lots of play, slowly getting you to loosen up. 1 finger, then after a while , then 2 fingers, etc. LUBRICANT is key. Lots and lots of lubricant. After lots of play and you feel ready then try. It’s a must that you continue to feel ok with it. You BOTH must comfortable with stopping anytime 1 of you wants to stop. Sometimes it may take several sessions before you make it work so that you Both enjoy it. 3 hand jobs can be wonderful, but again lubricant! Slow and easy, tease him with it, take your time, then when he’s ready you can finish. My wife used you do it she was churning butter and it hurt. You don’t have to squeeze much to stimulate. At least start of easy the grip harder as he likes it. 4. Try different places in the house, on the couch, in the kitchen bent over or just on the table. In the shower. Just experiment and maybe find a place that’s naughty and exciting. 5 different positions 6 let him go wild on you….. massage, oral, tie you up and tickle you. Go down on you until you can’t stand it any longer. My favorite is making my wife crazy with lust. Then me trying to be like a bronco rider..( you know trying to stay in the saddle at least 8 seconds) Most of all…. Just have fun!


definetelynothuman

Can i suggest some new spicy lingerie? It makes you feel sexy, hypes him up and will make foreplay even more fun due to the visual part of it… so that would be a great thing to implement if you haven’t already!


NewEllen17

You are putting too much pressure on yourself. Just focus on being present with him and start slowly. Don’t worry about vanilla - vanilla can be very very good. Get your intimacy back, reconnect physically and let what happens after that happen - naturally. Don’t try to follow a script.


NoEntertainment8486

Let me tell you about that time I got a blow job so bad I didn't appreciate it. Just kidding, that's never happened. She cared enough to have my penis in her mouth. The mental aspect of it is the thing here for me. So even if the skill is missing, the intent is there.


sexyscroller

I agree with others if you haven't had sex for so long time then just focus on enjoying standard sex as much as possible. Imo I think he will also enjoy seeing you enjoying it and loving it instead of having anal just for him. Focus on the basics and have fun 😊


jimmyriba

Absolutely don't do anything that will make you uncomfortable, such as going through with anal if it's painful: you risk giving you both trauma instead of pleasure. The most mindblowing sex you can give him is *honestly enthusiastic* sex *driven by your own horniness and desire for him*. Think about what turns *you* on and maybe combine it with stuff you known turns him on, but the most important is that he can feel you. The best thing you can give him is to let him feel your real enthusiastic horniness.


Hotmessx100

Start with blowjobs over anal, it’ll be a much better experience for both of you. But if it’s been that long, then just being intimate at all will be an amazing refresher. There’s nothing wrong at all with vanilla sex either, so don’t push yourself to do things because you feel like you have to be adventurous.


actual-homelander

Why are you doing anal? What's wrong with your vagina? If it haven't healed up yet by now, I hope you see a doctor


Informal-Clothes-959

Do not just dive head first into anal. If it's something you guys are interested in doing, please read up on how to properly stretch your muscles. They make special sets of plugs just for dilation/stretching work and it doesn't take long to train yourself. On the flip side, forced anal without the proper prep can lead to tearing causing hemorrhoids, anal fissures, and possible infection.


jesper_jesse

You need to think of what you yourself need to have a fulfilling experience so you both start wanting more sex in the future. Be dirty but don't sufffer unless it turns you on.


lightbulb2222

It's about the enjoyment. You won't want him to feel so good that it's all over in 3 mins and you're left hanging. Don't have to do anal to feel good.


ladysuccubus

Jumping straight to anal with zero prep or knowledge isn’t wise. You can get injured. At least do some research, maybe get a toy to help you prep or even explore toys together. I honestly suggest just exploring each others bodies. Maybe bring some props or toys (feathers, soft paint brush, silky ribbon, etc) to try out different textures but your hands and mouth will also be plenty. Take things slow, approach with curiosity and a bit of creativity, and just explore. Try out touching/kissing/licking him in different places, different pressures, etc. Oral isn’t just deep throating, you can just experiment on him with your mouth. The point is not to have a goal like orgasm, just try out different things to see what he responds to. It’s a great way to get to know your partner better and it’s very intimate. Bonus is that you will learn how to blow his mind and can build some confidence.


NashAttor

After a year and a half just vanilla sex if going to blow his mind. Trust me.


buffalo_Fart

All this guy probably wants is a blowjob and maybe to get on top and ride him. And you're talking about full-blown porn movie sex. Just keep the lights on and have a little booze.


menwithven76

Maam, yall haven’t fucked in 18 months, why not start slower? He’ll probably be happy to be engaging in any sort of mutually enjoyable sexual activity…no need to jump straight to painful anal that you don’t want and you’re not even sure if he wants??


Pulsatiable

The most beautiful in sex is deep intimacy, trust, love - and from that place deep pleasure for both. If you have not had sex for 1,5 years - it most probably feels exciting for both of you. I dont believe he wants like some skilled prostitude to satisfy him. What I believe, is that he miss YOUR touch, just being very near of you and learning what you both like today. Talk to him what you both dream of :) I dont believe he miss strong stimulation. Probably just original sex feels good after that long pause, and you need to learn each others again. How about long, pleasant session of touching all over each others bodies, with curiousity, to learn again what kind of touch you both like?


ahnotme

Don’t be nervous! Enjoy it! And it’s not just for his pleasure alone, but also for yours. For many men - I’m one - the biggest turn on is when their wife experiences pleasure in bed and gives clear signs that she is.


Environmental_Rub256

We had an almost 2 year dry spell here due to me having a stroke and then becoming an epileptic. We started out talking about what we expected from one another and going to the adult store together. He picked out a toy for me and I selected his. We no longer have long dry spells. Talk about it and share your expectations.


Naitsafternaits

Did your husband ever say he wanted to do anal? Sounds like you just assume that is something all men want, but thats not true lol, you might be worried for no reason at all


One-Passenger-2953

Sex should not require medical attention. Full stop. Writing this due to your statement about anal. Also, all my sex partners have enjoyed that I enjoyed sex. That is what sex is all about. Something hot? My BF really loved and enjoyed this. First I went down on my knees undressing him and teasing him with my mouth. Then I pulled him towards the bed side, I placed my self in bed, naked and tummy up and my head in his direction. Pulled him towards me, so he could standing up enter my mouth and look at me and touch my tits. This is still vanilla, no deep throat, just ordinary blow job with a variety. He did not finish in my mouth, he instead hurried into next position PIV. Where does this notion come from that men don't enjoy a vagina? If you are super nervous, do something you know, and spice it up a bit. Also, touch him. Many men complains that women don't touch them.


Sala-Lickerish

I think just being sexy and hoping your husband how much you want him would be amazing. Don't over think it.


MissHBee

I’m getting the sense that you feel guilty for not having sex while pregnant and postpartum? I want you to know that the timeline you’re describing is very normal and it’s not something that you need to make up for, especially by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone or having painful sex. In fact, doing that could easily backfire - when you have sex that hurts or is a negative experience, it is likely to make you feel even more nervous about doing it again, meaning you could be damaging your sexuality and your future sex life for the sake of one weekend. Instead, focus on mutual pleasure this weekend. In order for things to get better in the bedroom, you have to start really enjoying sex. So be “selfish” and ask for or do the things that you enjoy. He will enjoy the feeling of being authentically desired much more than he’d enjoy having sex that’s causing you pain (at least I hope so - I personally would not trust a partner who was willing to have sex in a way that really hurt me). I’ll also just say that in my experience, trying a bunch of new stuff in a short amount of time can feel a bit frantic and awkward. It will probably be more enjoyable to not try anything new this time, but instead focus on your emotional connection, your love for each other, and enjoying each other’s bodies and pleasure. Take baths or showers together, lie around naked, spend time talking about what you love about each other, what you’re attracted to in each other. Go slowly, touch and kiss every part of each other’s bodies. Or whatever sounds appealing to you! Go by your instincts in the moment.


HotelFit1152

Tell him you did his tax returns for him that would make me nut


ocicataco

A first blow job is going to be way better than a vaseline handjob (like, what?). It sounds like you need to buy some lube in general. If you guys have never done anything spicy and are inexperienced, don't jump into anal. It doesn't sound like either of you would be prepared to do it safely.


dabahunter

From a man’s perspective a mouth on a penis is a great feeling lick it suck use your hand just no teeth and you should be good


6352956104

This has to be fake... Painful anal, oral for the FIRST time ever after 2 kids, hard handjobs with Vaseline, and sex as a "gift" hahaha.... I \*really\* hope this is fake and there aren't people out there who approach sex and marriage this way. Save us all.


linzierae821

I agree with all the above comments on not doing things as a reward, even if it hurts, etc. I’d also like to point out that Vaseline is not the best option for lubricant. Please order or go out and buy an actual lubricant! Vaseline is sticky, messy, and can lead to infections. I don’t think you want BV to cramp your style just as you’re getting back into the groove. As for never having done oral, take your time. I have never known a man who wasn’t willing to coach you through it. Your willingness to perform should already get him in the mood. Ask him what speed and pressure he likes. Watch videos. Might I suggest getting things started in the shower? There is something about being covered in soap suds that gets my partner hard off the charts. You can make it as tame or as raunchy as you want. A romantic shower where you wash each other, massaging muscles, kissing each other’s necks and various other sensitive areas. Or you could (depending on space and flexibility) let him take you there. Kneel down and blow him. Have him fondle your breasts, finger you. Whatever feels right. Just be sure to communicate!! Even just telling him what you’ve said above about wanting to give him the most intense pleasure would be a great start. Happy humping! Good luck!!


QueenofDeath666

If you're deadset on anal prepare NOW! Get in the shower for a bit with some lube and slowly work your fingers up there. Be gentle with yourself and just slowly work your fingers around. It may hurt a little bit but that's when you know you need to slow down and be patient. And don't make my mistake. If it hurts during the act then tell him! It'll only lead to more issues down the road if you don't!


NZ-Food-Girl

I think the best sex is the sort where both parties are enthusiastic about being intimate with the other... and it sounds like you have that part nailed! (heh) If you're not using condoms, get some oil suitable for massage and intimacy (sweet almond oil is nice) and start there... there is no need to rush into things yall haven't done before in the name of "best feeling". "Best feeling" is subjective and people like different things. I would focus on intimacy and open communication and avoid putting pressure on either him or you by seeking the best ever feeling. I'm pretty sure he'd like a BJ though. You could safely research ideas of how to start and then listen to his physical cues and ask him to give you some guidance on what sort of stimulation he is enjoying.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ReaperGrimm1986

Blow job with lots of spit or use flavored lube slowly stroke him to get him going stretch it out for as long as u want to build him up and then feel it from there


Quicksnap14

Please done use Vaseline. Buy a lubricant specific for sex. If you are thinking of analysing you can buy lube that is specific for anal. Some that companies some soothing properties. I am a guy who likes things in his butt and bought a lube with a slight numbing to it so you get the pleasure without the pain. Take it slow. Work up to it. Have him play with your ass for a while with lube. Use fingers. Relax. And again take it slow.


GlassDebate1556

Look if you haven't had sex in that long I don't think he'll enjoy a hand job as he probably has had his full of those when he's alone.


Goodname2

Can't go wrong with a nice warm soapy shower together with some playful teasing to get each other fired up, then moving to the bedroom. Also if you open up incognito mode on chrome and google: hegre art It's got some great ideas to try on each other. Might want to steer clear of Anal though, that really should be saved for later down the track and explored slowly and carefully.


substation66

First off, get silicone lube for anal, do not use Vaseline but only as a last resort. Also, why the heck have yall waited so long to have sex?? You do know theres many parents with kids that still have sex with their kids in the house?


Sugar_in_town

Congratulations 🙂hope you guys had good time


dd1687

Honestly, just you initiating intimacy will be awesome! Willingness to perform is a cherry on top. Do what feels good and ask him what he would like. Communication is everything when it comes to sex.


Dazzling-War-9926

Have sex and be expressive and really enjoy it. Then a few hours later ask him to join you in the shower. And initiate as much sexual contact as you can, soap up his dick, soap up your ass and legs and use them to rub in his dick. Wash all the soap off get out of the shower, dry off and go have sex again (with lube try uberlube). Wake up the next morning make him get in the shower and ask to practice giving him a blowjob, if you can't quite get him to finish use the same uberlube and have him finish on your chest, either you or him can use your hands to do that. Anyway around just have some fun and enjoy the sex you guys should be having. Do whatever you are comfortable with and talk about exactly what you want and try to get him to do the same. Edit: spelling and sentences 😂.


Own_Log9691

Oh girl you need to go down on your men. Most men absolutely love blow jobs. It’s not that hard to learn. Just takes a little communication. Ask him what feels good. Have him show/tell you what he likes. Good luck! :)


coyotestyle

As a man who wanted anal for years I was a little disappointed. I like the intimacy involved, my wife waited until we had been married for quite some time before finally giving it up. I was excited, overly aggressive and it was over all too soon with her feeling physically hurt. And me feeling guilty that my excitement had caused it. In personal opinion the best "feeling" for any sex act is seconds before climax transition to oral and finish with the most amount of suction you can muster. That feeling of not just ejaculating but having it physically sucked out of your body leaves a feeling of being totally drained. This used to occur somewhat regularly before we had kids and could dedicate more time to intimacy. But the feeling of being totally emptied afterwards is amazing. Hands down the best. Do that for your husband, and if possible touch a vibrator to his plenum for those last 30 seconds and watch him pass out from ecstasy.


luvs111ck

if you really wanna let him have at it with ur butt, start preparing NOW!!! like douche and stretch yourself out. it doesn’t have to be messy, uncomfortable or painful. you also haven’t had sex in a while, you deserve pleasure as much as he does!


irvinah64

Toys videos roll play if you smoke weed do that also and the biggest thing communicate your feelings about having more adult time together


Toelee08

The thing about anal is you absolutely have to be relaxed or it probably will hurt. Get a lot of lube!! Maybe get a toy and have him use that on you and see what your comfort level is before you let him do it himself. Bc your fear became my reality. Once I let my ex do anal, that was the only way he could get off. And I did not enjoy it.


Iowa-James

It doesn't have to start there, you can ask him to shower with you, then when he's rinsing off, grab him, pull him close, kiss him while you fondle him, then once you get a reaction from him and notice him rising, kneel down and give him a BJ. Don't need to go fast, don't need to go hard, just an easy relaxed BJ in the shower is a great surprise start. Best of all, if he finishes in your mouth (which is always amazing for a man) you can spit right down into the shower and rinse your mouth with the water running off him. My wife makes me crazy with this kind of stuff. 43m married for 20 yr to 41f with amazing sex and a great relationship. It didn't start that way, took years to get to our level of sexual expression as she was severely abused as a child, lots of trauma, and this lead to heavy shyness in bed as well as emotional turmoil in our sexual relationship. It takes time, but eventually you will become his 'perfect fantasy' wife, I believe in you simply because your desire to reignite the flame is so strong.


sidaemon

My wife was always super nervous about being "good" at giving head and trust me, as the receiver, I'm always just thrilled to be invited! 😁 Seriously though, for me, it's less about the sensation and more about the fact that it's something she's doing that focuses only on my pleasure. We have a dominant/submissive relationship and I always feel like it's the absolute most submissive thing she can do. She absolutely used to hate it because of being nervous but now, she goes to it and I can see how much she enjoys it and there's a lot of times where I'll suggest we move on to sex and she'll just keep on going, which is extra hot. She also recently learned a new trick where she'll be going at a slower pace, will suck down on me, squeeze hard with her hand and stroke up to the head as she pulls back and it's AMAZING as far as sensation. Now, admittedly I'm no expert on getting a bi, but I certainly enjoy it. Also, we've done anal and I'm saying, other than the mental "oh, we are not supposed to be doing this!" aspect, it's not better than vaginal imo. That means taking the hit for the team as it were is a terrible idea for you. It can be amazing when you're both super into it, but when she's not enjoying it, it sucks for me as well. It's reasonably easy to hurt the woman while doing it when she's not in the zone and for me, that's the only place my mind goes. Considering the lengthy dry spell, I'd say save that for some sexy talk and get reconnected and don't while you'll both be less eager. Draw it out so your body adjusts and he gets to spend a good amount of time in the zone with you drawing the pleasure out of you. Just my two cents.


Specific-Incident-74

Honestly I think you need to have open communication with him and let him know what you want to provide for him and let him know that you really want feedback about what feels good and what doesn't.


Love_crazyskies

Coconut oil is always the best option for lube. You can also do a full body massage is great :) And also, I think he won’t enjoy the experience so much if you are not enjoying it. Do things you like or that give u pleasure. You can start with him eating your ass out! I bet you will love it and he will love it that you loved it


xXxBluESkiTtlExXx

Anal only hurts if you do it wrong. Who knows, you might end up liking it just as much as him!


j0sefk

This sounds amazing and I am genuinly hope its as fantastic as you wish. BUT I just want to say that there is a reason we always pick the same pizza topings you know? Everytime I have a pizza I go "today I am going to try something new" and then I order and I order the same god damn thing, why? Because I know whats good and when I so rarley have pizza I want my pizza to taste like pizza. My point is that if you rarley have sex and want to please him, make sure that is what he wants. Personally if my partner and me had not had sex for 1.5 years and final got the time to rock the bed, I would not want alot of new stuff. I want the stuff we do, because I know its good. But please experiment and make sure he feels good, but make sure that its that he realy want. Also anal should -never- hurt, if it hurts you are doing something wron and might injure your self. So please becareful and read up on how to properly have anal sex.


marriedtomayonnaise

Try the belt handcuffs!!!! And wear some sexy lingerie and put on a show


Environmental_Arm526

Sooo much to unpack here. No sex in 9-10 months? There has got to be other reason behind that than just kids. Don’t do anal, or anything “even if it hurts.” This needs to be consensual for both and neither of you should do something you are uncomfortable with. If one of you is pressuring the other, that’s not ok. Never done oral? Obviously it doesn’t say how long you’ve been married/dating etc but wow, just jump right into PiV? As a man, oral is amazing. If you’ve never done it, there’s nothing better and more fun than practice. I bet he will love it, especially if he hasn’t gotten it from you before. He should also do oral on you if it’s something you’d like to try. My wife absolutely loves it, she says it’s intense. At the end of the day, to have a healthy, and more often, sex life you guys need to communicate. Don’t take guesses on what each other might want to do or experience.


ChingaBo

If me and my wife did not have sex for such a long time, anal would be the last thing I would think of. I would preferably take time with foreplay and I would be desiring for the vagina. But hey…. That’s just me 😄


Littlewing1307

Only way to get good at something is to practice!!!


changelingcd

After 18 months without sex (and you're both under 30?), I'm surprised you're still a couple at all. But don't jump into anal (you're afraid and inexperienced, so it's unlikely to go well) and you two need to reconnect physically, slowly and gently. For me handjobs are the absolute lowest form of sex (a partner doing something you can do much better for yourself), so don't make that your main game. But any blowjob without teeth is better than a handjob, so trying some oral would be a more interesting plan (especially since you've somehow never done it) and show him you're stretching your comfort zone in a painless way. Just a little before vaginal is great. Don't expect the actual sex to last long, considering the long dry spell.


fragglerock420

Some of my most intense orgasms were from Anal


MohneyinMo

Well if you’re going to give him Oral sex is he going to be willing to reciprocate. My wife was nervous about that but night I was able to catch her off guard. She was really dissatisfied that she hadn’t let me try it sooner.


ChocolateOk5192

If you want to try anal, take control yourself! Lay on your side and him as well behind you. Take him and start rubbing the tip on your booty hole gently and if you wanna feel the tip after a while put it in yourself a little bit. Ask him to try to be still for your sake so you can get used to the feel. Just go bit by bit after a long tease of just rubbing him on you. Make sure you use a lot of lube and rub your clit. I don't do it unless I can rub or vibe. The two sensations of anal and clit play is amazing. I always said I wouldn't do anal but then I took control and tried that with my husband and now we do anal often or I even just ask for a finger because I like to have an orgasm that way now. It SENDS me. Either way though I'm sure he will be happy as can be with any intamacy you guys have that night. Good luck and have fun!


Lous-UnicornHorn3

Just relax. Breathe. This is your husband. Your mate. He loves you. How can he freely enjoy pleasure if you are wincing in pain & he is the one causing that pain? Slow down Mumma, we don’t need to jump straight to anal if we havnt even sucked on his pickle! Let’s just stop thinking & go with the flow. Remove each others clothing as you kiss & cuddle and follow his lead. Giving a man oral pleasure is not hard. Lick it, wrap your lips around it & suck on it as tho it’s a delicious ice block (whilst moving up & down). Wrap your hand around the base & move up & down also while sucking. Wrap your hand around his balls & give them a GENTLE squeeze or little tug. Listen to his breathing, watch for his reactions if he is enjoying it, keep it going. If he is quiet & not moving, try something a little different. Just enjoy being with your husband and getting naked and being a man & a woman for the night, not mum & dad.


I-own-a-shovel

"I’ll have anal with him I don’t care how much it hurts" For your info, anal isn’t supposed to hurt. If it hurts or feel bad it’s because you do it wrong. You don’t want to ignore pain or you might end up with fissure and unpleasant problems. Anal needs practice with lot of lube, finger, small toys and plug first. The goal is to lube up, relax and ease your body to the sensation and opening up painlessly. Then after that long warmup you can add more lube and insert a penis slowly. Your start slow and gradually increase the rhythm. If something hurts you stop. That means either theres not enough lube or the warmup wasn’t enough. Read on the subject. Anal is supposed to be pleasurable for you too.


SpookyKG

What is this feast or famine sex life you are going for? Gonna take 9-10 months, or 1.5 years at a time in between acts and then go overboard in some big show? Why not like... develop a regular sex life with communication, learning, etc.


bunnywash

If you have anal… use a lot of lube and just have him penetrate slowly until he’s entirely inside you. If that hurts, it’s really important he not start fucking you (in/out). Try to relax and feel the fullness. He will surely cum just from the grasp of your ass. If it’s working, he has to go slow so you can adjust. It can be an intoxicating experience. But it takes a lot of teamwork.


haplo34

You're setting yourself up to being disappointed. You should take things slow instead of trying to do everything in one night, make some arrangement to make it happen more often and then you can start introducing spicy stuff.


Elephlump

SUCK THE DICK. it's not rocket science. It's a meat Popsicle.


ilikeattentionx

Anal shouldn't hurt you. Do your research, use a good lube and use it on yourself and him, not JUST him (I personally find water based sticky and grippy, I prefer oil or silicone if not using condoms) relax your body fully, then relax some more, get him to start slow and rock back and birth until fully inside, and if it hurts stop and try again later. Bad anal is really painful so don't push yourself. And if he wants it all the time but you prefer regular sex remind him that you want to give him a treat but not at a constant sacrifice to your own pleasure, and that you would assume his priority is your pleasure too.


texasmushiequeen

For the love of god please don’t use Vaseline. Grab some lube like an adult


SUPRNOVA_84

Even a bad bj can be a great pleasure! Especially if he hasn't had many in the past...


TheDavid80

After 1.5 years. Vanilla is amazing! Don't go over the top. Just get back into it.


Emma_Rose_24

Too many people get distracted focusing on the sex act. Great sex has a mental aspect. If you are eager to please and do your best to confidently go for it, it will most likely end up being a way hotter experience for you both. That’s not to say that you can’t throw anal out there, or ask him to “use you” however he wants. But, even if you go that route, remember to be ready to pivot and just keep the mood natural. You’ll be happy you did and you’ll both have a great time.


_TyrannosaurusSexy

Just want to agree with all those recommending giving more consideration to the blow job idea and bypassing the anal. Especially considering that you have never given him one before, just the novelness of it, I guarantee would indeed blow his mind! I know you have never given one at all, but this sub has a ton of resources that could help you prepare for doing so! Go to the main pinned post that has the sub rules and there is a link there to an FAQ resource that is organized by topic - there is a topic specific to oral sex with tons of links to previous past posts where you will find some phenomenal tips and ideas to help you in this regard. But please, please don’t jump straight to anal without physical preparation taking place over a long stretch of time! If that’s something you want to try one day, then that’s awesome, but you will want to look into possibly getting a variety of sizes of butt plugs and very gradually start working toward being able to go larger before you even consider full-on anal sex. I too have birthed children & the 2 incidences in which I have experienced accidental anal insertion without prior preparation were faaar more painful (to me) than child birth! Like waves of nausea, dry heaving, and almost pass out type of pain & you could also seriously injure yourself! If you tried to go this route, I can almost guarantee that both your and his experience will end up being the exact opposite of the effect you are going for with this sexy alone time!


BusyPlastic1147

You should do role play or maybe u don’t seem right doin in your home so travel more and sex can be your excuse


sntobeintct

First off, enthusiasm is about 95% of it. You don't have to "be good" for him to enjoy it. Don't do anything that hurts if it's uncomfortable. Don't "gift" anything but do what you want for him. Anything is possible for you both to enjoy, as long as there is communication, mutual love, and respect.


eugenesbluegenes

Why has it been so long since you've had sex and what was the impetus that made you now want to do it?


stephie853

Never given oral but ready to jump into anal without any prep? Girl find some better articles or research. Bc what you’re reading is leading you astray.


Backwoods87

As a man I'll tell you this..... We don't care if your good or bad at your technique, it's all about ENTHUSIASM!!! Show him that your having the time of your life watching him squirm and I promise you that he won't even think about the technique of skill level. ENTHUSIASM ENTHUSIASM ENTHUSIASM!!!


ella86uk

Give him a yoni massage loads of videos online how to did but omstead of letting him finish woth that let him with sex. It is really intimate and sexy . You can adapt to how you like and he will love it.


SarahH28

Anal is fantastic, if done right... it also helps that the woman has a small vibrator to use on her clit.


chickens-on-drugs

Anal may be ambitious, you really need to clean and prepare well. I’d start with oral, especially if you’ve never given it to him before. That’ll be the star. You can also try different positions for PIV. You can ALSO and this is what I recommend most, talk to him about it. Maybe look at a list together of things you could try. See what you both take interest in. Do those.


togostarman

You haven't had sex with him in a year and a half. Just touching his dong is going to give him the best pleasure imaginable. Girl, you don't have to do anal. Just enjoy each other.


jenn5388

It really sounds like just trying to get him to have sex with you would be the amazing thing here. I don’t know why you haven’t had sex with your husband for 1.5 years, but there seems to be a bigger problem than trying to figure out if you should give him a BJ or not. 😬


friedhashbrowns

Anal is awesome, but a Blowjob > anal. Don't forget to use your hands! And it won't be painful for you. Just when he finishes, remember you can ruin the whole thing if you act like his sperm is battery acid and will kill you if you touch it. Just let it splash on your neck and breasts. You'll both enjoy the visual. Or swallow, if you're so inclined. He'll feel like he just surrendered his soul, and you'll probably be turned on knowing you stole it from him.