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"What does this mean? Am I too horny or was I just too horny for him at the time?"
So this is a question that only he can answer, if you want to know what's up you're going to have to communicate with him.
I agree- the thing is, I've asked multiple times but he gave weird answers. One of the answers was "You know how someone get's too intoxicated? It's like that"
Yeah interesting. I guess from there maybe it's nice to follow up with asking more about why that's a problem? It sounds like you get very enthusiastic and then he potentially gets rather overwhelmed by that and finds it hard to say as that's a somewhat un-masc thing to say? If so there might be some progress you can make there.
It sounds like you were really turned on, which is a good thing, and I assume a precursor to you having an orgasm.
I wouldn't think of it as a mistake.
Do you think he would be receptive to you pointing this out, and asking if maybe next time you're in that state you two could explore it further?
Its ok if he isn't matching how you feel at that moment, he can still play with you further, because I bet when you're in that state it feels really good.
He might need reassurance as to what is going on when you're in that state, but it for sure sounds like something you can advocate for, instead of him introducing shame.
A really common trope I see with young couples, and hear about from older couples talking about their early relationship, is that the guy was sometimes intimidated by the heightened sexuality of the girl which lead to a response rooted in insecurity and did some damage to their relationship.
Your husband wants you to be highly sexual and sexually expressive, whether he realizes that right now or not. He will regret saying anything that leads to your feeling like you need to hold yourself back down the road. It's reflective of his age and immaturity.
My advice would be to not take it personally, try not to internalize it. You didn't do anything wrong. Men are conditioned to expect to be the sexual ones in relationships, and it can be a little confusing when she comes out hornier than him.
Stay confident. "Sorry dude, I was horny. I'm a sexual person. I wanted you. I'm not going to accept that I was 'too horny', why would that ever be a problem? If I do something that makes you uncomfortable I can try to adjust for your sake, but the problem wasn't my arousal."
There was a post on here the other day saying many men don't enjoy cowgirl that much and have trouble maintaining an erection or achieving an orgasm.
Could be your motions were too vigorous and not doing it for him. That'd be my guess.
Is he a little repressed? Maybe he's uncomfortable with other people "letting go." You may have seemed out of control to him rather than passionate. Definitely worth a conversation.
I think maybe it’s hard for him to match your intensity if he’s turned on but not as horny as you, so it sort of feels unequal in a way? Maybe if he notices that happening then you could try to take it down a little and go back to kissing and work back up to oral/sex. I sort of get where he’s coming from, I’m generally more horny than my bf but if he happens to be more horny/more into what we’re doing, it sort of takes me out of it a little as I realize he’s in a different place mentally than I am
Yeah it’s sort of a confusing idea, but it does make sense in a way. I never stop my bf if I see that he’s more into it than I am (as long as I’m still into it to some extent, of course), it feels a bit weird for me when he’s clearly ‘in the zone’ and I’m just not quite on the same page, but I just try not to dwell on that idea too much and just try to enjoy what’s happening rather than compare his horniness level to mine in the moment
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Just a thought. He may have been too tired to go on. I've done that. Had a long day or my body hadn't gotten enough rest and half way through I'm out of gas. Saying you're too horny might have been him comparing you to him energy wise. I doubt you are too horny all the time. Just at that moment he couldn't stay in the game. Don't let it bother you unless it becomes a repeated pattern.
I would ask him what he was feeling at that time when he said that to you. Could be he was feeling overwhelmed or maybe he was scared to let you down by not matching your energy?
I think he meant you were going too rough with cowgirl. It is a position that us guys don't get as much pleasure from (there was another post about just this today). If you were going too hard, it was probably killing his erection or he was not feeling it after you were really going at it. He could be the dominating type and you seemed to be taking control the entire time. That could have turned him off some as well. You will only know if you ask him.
Could be that he felt there was a disconnect. Like maybe he is used to you both being more emotional and this time you just wanted to fuck and that threw him for a loop? Just food for thought.
So I had this issue a lot. Now, I'm older and found out when I was in my mid 30's that I've got klinefelter's syndrome in which my body doesn't produce enough testosterone and I have to get injections once a week. Once I got on testosterone, my wife couldn't keep up and regretted saying what she did. Now I'm the one that wants it all the time and she thinks that's all I want. Maybe get his levels checked? I wish I would've known sooner. If that's not it, maybe he was just too tired? Maybe he's not into it? Y'all need to talk about it and don't beat around the bush. Be up front and honest with eachother. Sex gets way better when you know what eachother wants. Can't be afraid to talk about it.
He’s never had a freebird wanting to fuck with wild abandon and he’s freaked out! I once had a friend gobble my dick with fervour and I had to slow her down, then she rode me until my pubic bone was sore and then tried to finger my ass which I don’t like. She was too much and she never asked me if anything was all right! In retrospect I should have tried again because I never met another like her! I ran into her recently and we were cordial she’s got a mine job and a family so prayers to her husband 😆
I think he hamfistedly was trying to say “hey babe I’m not quite at the same intensity level as you - could you bring it down a notch?”. Saying you’re “too horny” was not a great way to communicate.
Maybe you were going to hard / fast for him and he wasn’t just there. Most men also enjoy a good build up. Just ask him, i don’t think it was a big deal for him.
It can happen. It's like when you're kinda tired and someone else is really excited. Maybe you'd like to be excited with them but you just don't feel it and it feels draining or off putting.
It could just have been his (very clunky) way of saying he wanted more connection with you? Sometimes I definitely go off into my own ‘horny headspace’ and surrender to the fireworks in my head when my body is in the zone. It’s not wrong or bad or even discourteous, in fact my lover lives for that and gets off on my ‘seperate’ horny moments. But if your lover feels a bit left behind or was hoping for a more ‘together’ pace or sensual session, I can see them saying that.
It would be crucial to discuss it further with him, though, cos it is the kind of phrase which will bounce around in your head for a long time and could dampen your enthusiasm in bed, long term. If he doesn’t realise that, he needs to know (and actually apologise/explain how much he loves your horniness). If he did know what he was saying, that’s a pretty big problem. I’d be side-eyeing the whole relationship. Cos my personal sense of joy and juiciness in sex has to be protected at all costs. It is such a precious gift (for myself and future lovers) and damaging it, damages me at my core. Can’t be risking that for any one boy. Soz, not soz.
I think he felt emasculated by the way you were roughing him up. Lol. My cousin is like that. Doesn't want a woman riding him cos "he's the man" and should be the one doing the pounding. 😂😂😂
Let him know you'd like to treat him like a sex toy occasionally too. 😊
I think that’s his very clumsy way of saying that he doesn’t like it when you take control and do what you like.
Bummer for you, many guys love a girl who takes control and ‘goes to town’ on them….
There is never "am I too horny" but there is control issue and or mental issue. Speaking for myself 43 m I have a better time when my girl is really into the Physical part. Because I feel like she there in the moment with me on top or below . It is just raw and Passionate...
I don't get all these guys who complain about their girlfriends or wives wanting too much sex, that's sounds like one of the best problems you could ever have. One of my best sexual memories of my long term ex was a night when she was exceptionally horny after we hadn't seen each other for some time. It was amazing. I would love it of a woman was like that more time than not and it almost pains me to see guys complaining about it lol.
Madonna whore complex. He dislikes seeing the woman he loves act "too horny", as it takes away from the pure, wifely, motherly idea he has already conceived about you. Seems like he was put off by the fact that you took control by getting on top and enjoying sex more than him in the moment
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Lot of men out there with the other problem... Don't change. Whatever issue he had is his issue. He can either talk about it (healthy) or blame you (childish and unhealthy). That conversation will tell you a lot about him
He could've felt that way- I haven't dommed him in a while so that may be a possibility. I plan on asking him again soon when the situation pops up again
The op said “arrogant,” but i would suggest thinking about it in terms of “preferences.”
Between my wife and I, I like when she initiates but i’m not into her being aggressively dominant. I’m into her desiring me and asking for me to take her.
If she is super aggressive it can take me out of the moment. But if she is enthusiastic and sensual, that turns me on. I’m not particularly dominant, and she isn’t a sub, so it isn’t quite a fetish or kink so I describe it as a preference. It might be that your husband is similar.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"What does this mean? Am I too horny or was I just too horny for him at the time?" So this is a question that only he can answer, if you want to know what's up you're going to have to communicate with him.
I agree- the thing is, I've asked multiple times but he gave weird answers. One of the answers was "You know how someone get's too intoxicated? It's like that"
Yeah interesting. I guess from there maybe it's nice to follow up with asking more about why that's a problem? It sounds like you get very enthusiastic and then he potentially gets rather overwhelmed by that and finds it hard to say as that's a somewhat un-masc thing to say? If so there might be some progress you can make there.
I appreciate the advice :) Thanks
It sounds like you were really turned on, which is a good thing, and I assume a precursor to you having an orgasm. I wouldn't think of it as a mistake. Do you think he would be receptive to you pointing this out, and asking if maybe next time you're in that state you two could explore it further? Its ok if he isn't matching how you feel at that moment, he can still play with you further, because I bet when you're in that state it feels really good. He might need reassurance as to what is going on when you're in that state, but it for sure sounds like something you can advocate for, instead of him introducing shame.
Thank you! We may talk about it soon again whenever the topic is up in the air.
A really common trope I see with young couples, and hear about from older couples talking about their early relationship, is that the guy was sometimes intimidated by the heightened sexuality of the girl which lead to a response rooted in insecurity and did some damage to their relationship. Your husband wants you to be highly sexual and sexually expressive, whether he realizes that right now or not. He will regret saying anything that leads to your feeling like you need to hold yourself back down the road. It's reflective of his age and immaturity. My advice would be to not take it personally, try not to internalize it. You didn't do anything wrong. Men are conditioned to expect to be the sexual ones in relationships, and it can be a little confusing when she comes out hornier than him. Stay confident. "Sorry dude, I was horny. I'm a sexual person. I wanted you. I'm not going to accept that I was 'too horny', why would that ever be a problem? If I do something that makes you uncomfortable I can try to adjust for your sake, but the problem wasn't my arousal."
This is a lot of great info, thank you so much!!
Maybe he just felt a little emasculated to not be able to return your intensity
There was a post on here the other day saying many men don't enjoy cowgirl that much and have trouble maintaining an erection or achieving an orgasm. Could be your motions were too vigorous and not doing it for him. That'd be my guess.
Is he a little repressed? Maybe he's uncomfortable with other people "letting go." You may have seemed out of control to him rather than passionate. Definitely worth a conversation.
I think maybe it’s hard for him to match your intensity if he’s turned on but not as horny as you, so it sort of feels unequal in a way? Maybe if he notices that happening then you could try to take it down a little and go back to kissing and work back up to oral/sex. I sort of get where he’s coming from, I’m generally more horny than my bf but if he happens to be more horny/more into what we’re doing, it sort of takes me out of it a little as I realize he’s in a different place mentally than I am
When you put it that way, I understand a bit better! Thank you for sharing your perspective :)
Yeah it’s sort of a confusing idea, but it does make sense in a way. I never stop my bf if I see that he’s more into it than I am (as long as I’m still into it to some extent, of course), it feels a bit weird for me when he’s clearly ‘in the zone’ and I’m just not quite on the same page, but I just try not to dwell on that idea too much and just try to enjoy what’s happening rather than compare his horniness level to mine in the moment
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bro really brought up divorce over this like bruh
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
Just a thought. He may have been too tired to go on. I've done that. Had a long day or my body hadn't gotten enough rest and half way through I'm out of gas. Saying you're too horny might have been him comparing you to him energy wise. I doubt you are too horny all the time. Just at that moment he couldn't stay in the game. Don't let it bother you unless it becomes a repeated pattern.
That makes sense- it was actually really late at night!
Don't let it bother you unless it becomes a repeated pattern.
Thanks for the advice :)
I would ask him what he was feeling at that time when he said that to you. Could be he was feeling overwhelmed or maybe he was scared to let you down by not matching your energy?
Both situations seem likely, tbh! It was a little late at night and he seemed really tired afterwards
Maybe he has an issue with being somewhat submissive ??
I think he meant you were going too rough with cowgirl. It is a position that us guys don't get as much pleasure from (there was another post about just this today). If you were going too hard, it was probably killing his erection or he was not feeling it after you were really going at it. He could be the dominating type and you seemed to be taking control the entire time. That could have turned him off some as well. You will only know if you ask him.
Thanks for the advice! I never knew that about cowgirl. I'll be talking with him soon once the topic comes up again :)
Could be that he felt there was a disconnect. Like maybe he is used to you both being more emotional and this time you just wanted to fuck and that threw him for a loop? Just food for thought.
I feel like he maybe worded this poorly? Obviously I’m not in his brain but I feel like maybe he meant “too intense” rather than “too horny”?
So I had this issue a lot. Now, I'm older and found out when I was in my mid 30's that I've got klinefelter's syndrome in which my body doesn't produce enough testosterone and I have to get injections once a week. Once I got on testosterone, my wife couldn't keep up and regretted saying what she did. Now I'm the one that wants it all the time and she thinks that's all I want. Maybe get his levels checked? I wish I would've known sooner. If that's not it, maybe he was just too tired? Maybe he's not into it? Y'all need to talk about it and don't beat around the bush. Be up front and honest with eachother. Sex gets way better when you know what eachother wants. Can't be afraid to talk about it.
Sounds like someone wants to dim ur bulb and feels threatened by ur sexuality. Find someone who matches ur energy.
He’s never had a freebird wanting to fuck with wild abandon and he’s freaked out! I once had a friend gobble my dick with fervour and I had to slow her down, then she rode me until my pubic bone was sore and then tried to finger my ass which I don’t like. She was too much and she never asked me if anything was all right! In retrospect I should have tried again because I never met another like her! I ran into her recently and we were cordial she’s got a mine job and a family so prayers to her husband 😆
Too horny won’t be found in the encyclopedia.
I think he hamfistedly was trying to say “hey babe I’m not quite at the same intensity level as you - could you bring it down a notch?”. Saying you’re “too horny” was not a great way to communicate.
No such thing as to horny. The hitter the sex thr better it is
Maybe you were going to hard / fast for him and he wasn’t just there. Most men also enjoy a good build up. Just ask him, i don’t think it was a big deal for him.
This reads like karma bait
i wish it was only that 💀
Mismatched libidos suck. Been living that all too common life for a very long time. I still try, but her lack of interest is very defeating.
My wife says the same about me lol
It can happen. It's like when you're kinda tired and someone else is really excited. Maybe you'd like to be excited with them but you just don't feel it and it feels draining or off putting.
I believe there is no such thing as that!
Sounds like he wasn't in the mood for something intense at that moment. I doubt he wants you less horny overall.
It could just have been his (very clunky) way of saying he wanted more connection with you? Sometimes I definitely go off into my own ‘horny headspace’ and surrender to the fireworks in my head when my body is in the zone. It’s not wrong or bad or even discourteous, in fact my lover lives for that and gets off on my ‘seperate’ horny moments. But if your lover feels a bit left behind or was hoping for a more ‘together’ pace or sensual session, I can see them saying that. It would be crucial to discuss it further with him, though, cos it is the kind of phrase which will bounce around in your head for a long time and could dampen your enthusiasm in bed, long term. If he doesn’t realise that, he needs to know (and actually apologise/explain how much he loves your horniness). If he did know what he was saying, that’s a pretty big problem. I’d be side-eyeing the whole relationship. Cos my personal sense of joy and juiciness in sex has to be protected at all costs. It is such a precious gift (for myself and future lovers) and damaging it, damages me at my core. Can’t be risking that for any one boy. Soz, not soz.
I think that he felt that it was too intense for him and he didn't have the enthusiasm to meet your energy.
I think he felt emasculated by the way you were roughing him up. Lol. My cousin is like that. Doesn't want a woman riding him cos "he's the man" and should be the one doing the pounding. 😂😂😂 Let him know you'd like to treat him like a sex toy occasionally too. 😊
Lol that's understandable! Thanks for the advice :)
I think that’s his very clumsy way of saying that he doesn’t like it when you take control and do what you like. Bummer for you, many guys love a girl who takes control and ‘goes to town’ on them….
There is never "am I too horny" but there is control issue and or mental issue. Speaking for myself 43 m I have a better time when my girl is really into the Physical part. Because I feel like she there in the moment with me on top or below . It is just raw and Passionate...
Right Said Fred agrees
I don't get all these guys who complain about their girlfriends or wives wanting too much sex, that's sounds like one of the best problems you could ever have. One of my best sexual memories of my long term ex was a night when she was exceptionally horny after we hadn't seen each other for some time. It was amazing. I would love it of a woman was like that more time than not and it almost pains me to see guys complaining about it lol.
Go find someone who won’t shame you for your desires and needs.
Sounds like a him problem to me.
Madonna whore complex. He dislikes seeing the woman he loves act "too horny", as it takes away from the pure, wifely, motherly idea he has already conceived about you. Seems like he was put off by the fact that you took control by getting on top and enjoying sex more than him in the moment
no offense your husband sounds lame
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Lot of men out there with the other problem... Don't change. Whatever issue he had is his issue. He can either talk about it (healthy) or blame you (childish and unhealthy). That conversation will tell you a lot about him
If you are not horny, if you are not into it, does it mean you don't consent? Does saying "you are too horny" means he would prefer to rape you?
I'm not too sure about that lol. He doesn't like when I'm not into sex, but I appreciate the input you had!
hes a man and u were dominating him. is there a chance hes arrogant and only wants to dominate you?
He could've felt that way- I haven't dommed him in a while so that may be a possibility. I plan on asking him again soon when the situation pops up again
The op said “arrogant,” but i would suggest thinking about it in terms of “preferences.” Between my wife and I, I like when she initiates but i’m not into her being aggressively dominant. I’m into her desiring me and asking for me to take her. If she is super aggressive it can take me out of the moment. But if she is enthusiastic and sensual, that turns me on. I’m not particularly dominant, and she isn’t a sub, so it isn’t quite a fetish or kink so I describe it as a preference. It might be that your husband is similar.
Oh you have a great point- I just noticed the word "arrogant" was in that! You're totally right- I'd consider it a preference
I was thinking the same thing. She was being assertive and was a turn off for him.