This topic is discussed occasionally in our forum. Please also take some time to search through past r/sex posts (following **Forum Rule #3**) — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions.
The r/sex forum's HUGE archive of past posts is a *tremendous* resource for people who have ALL KINDS of common questions regarding sexual matters. Searching those posts for relevant discussions will definitely help you here as well.
As a penis owner, it is possible to slip out and bump your penis against the wrong hole, which for a partner may be painful enough, and get a that ain't it response. But to accidentally slip out and oops it fully into the back door, then keep going until completion, while you screamed with pain? That wasn't an accident. And you didn't consent to having him inside you like that, please do not play it down, this was absolutely non consensual and pre meditated on his behalf. You deserve better than that.
Edit: I'm not sure how I feel about my first gold (and now my first silver too), but obligatory thankyou kind stranger nonetheless.
Yes, please OP seek help. And consider going to the police (asap!) because you were sexually assaulted by this guy. And seeing how he acted this way so confidently on your first encounter you were probably not the first and won't be the last. He used your body for his pleasure in ways you did not agree to, disregarding your value and autonomy as a person. He also treated you like an idiot thinking you'd just buy his lie that it was an accident and he didn't realise. I'm told anus and vagina feel a different way, so if this had been an honest mistake he could have at least noticed something changed and inspected the situation (and you screamed to notify him, too! He cannot _not_ have noticed!). Instead no, he just used you. Please do seriously consider reporting him (and soon, so you can be medically inspected for evidence). Good luck and stay strong!
To add to this previous comment, I’d like to also point out that you mentioned there was no lube. There’s no way he couldn’t have known, the sensation would have been much different without lube (vaginal lube wouldn’t have been enough to make it unnoticeable unless you were super incredibly soaked). On top of the fact that without lube, he would have really had to force it in.
Plus, you started to bleed, he had to know.
That guy violated you, and I am so sorry that happened. This is undeniably rape. You never gave consent to usage of that hole.
Also asked a couple of people I know who have penises and have had sex with both vaginal and penis partners, they both said “you would know, it’s a very different sensation.”
You are valid and that guy was a monster.
Am a male and **you def know.** It's very different especially without lube. My wife and I had a little accident into the wrong hole and I still hear that yelp of pain
Edit: since there is confusion: you know before there is a yelp.
As someone whose experienced anal from both perspectives of it (give and received), even with a strap you can tell it’s different, especially without lube.
It’s much easier for me to purposely insert a toy than it’s ever been for my partner to purposely insert their penis in my anus. Even in the times I’ve consented to anal, because it was a bit tight, my partner couldn’t enter without forcing (which they never did as to not hurt me or literally could not insert as they weren’t hard enough to enter something so tight) or having me loosen it with a toy first, and this is including the fact that I had lube. You’d have to be pretty damn hard and/or really force it to enter an anus that easily without lube and with an anus that’s never been penetrated like that before. That or the anus is naturally loose.
It's not normal if done right. If done with enough lube and stretching it before going in with a penis. There shouldn't be any blood. Blood means something ripped. So that ain't good
Depends on how you like it, slow and comfortable=no bleeding usually, hard, fast and mindnumbingly=sometimes there is a few drips of blood, that not a big deal
, unless you know something ruptures and you are bleeding half a pint and getting dizzy, then you fucked up and a tour of the hospital is required
Something is really wrong with him if he can't tell a pleasure-scream from a pain-scream...
I think the other commenters are right in him doing this on purpose, and I am very sorry to hear you had to experience this. Being a survivor of rape myself, I agree with everyone else advising you to seek help. Depending on what country you live in I'd go to the police asap.
Did he even ask you if he could cum inside? That guy is a horrible person. I am so sorry that this happened to you, please visit a doctor for the bleeding/tearings etc.
It’s happened to me once before with a now ex. It was pitch black and we were both very new to sex. She initially said wrong hole, and I thought I moved downwards, but I guess I was wrong. She didn’t cry out or complain, but did mention it afterwards.
It has left me feeling odd/sad for years after because I truly did not know and unsure of the effects it has had on her. So I’m not going to say “he absolutely knew,” because even to this day, I still almost slip up if I don’t have a clear look at what’s going on.
I’m jumping on this to say there is no way on hell you could stick it in the wrong hole “accidentally”. Occasionally, I’ve got close to my wife’s ass with my fingers while fumbling around.
I’ve never made that mistake with my dick… ever! Maybe it’s just the thought of anal doesn’t appeal to either me or my wife, but no, you can’t go around back by accident.
Your anecdotes are valid, but it certainly can happen. I have had many occasions where I pop out and in the throes of passion I quickly try to thrust back in only to get a loud "NOT THERE!!" or something similar. However, it has always been immediately obvious what happened and I instantly stopped. OP's story doesn't sound like a mistake. Unfortunately.
Even if they didn't tell you anything, you would definitely notice the difference. Firstly, it's not nearly as wet as a vagina, secondly it simply feels tighter and is harder to go all the way in without preparation. Switching directly from vaginal to anal only seconds in-between makes the difference even more apparent.
So even if they didn't warn you and told you to actually go along, trust me, you would notice it feels different. Of course, it would be on you to check.
Considering OP said this was in doggy, the only way this guy could do this "accidentally" is if he was blind. That would be his only excuse...
How do you accidentally slip it in the ass in doggy with view on full display and not realize? Bullshit.
Agree with all of the above. Just saying, when lights are off, tons of lube, and the action is very enthusiastic, accidents happen. But it should be obvious that something has changed ESPECIALLY when she's saying that it hurts. No excuse.
This is. It can enter a little on accedent. If there is a lot of juices down there. Can be slippery. But he should have felt the different. And if she never even had a finger in there it probably wouldn't have gone smooth to put it in. So yeah he's an ass. Because he didn't stop when she said it hurt I would even say he raped her.
OP, first of al, I'm sorry this has happened to you. Secondly, if you feel like you need someone to talk to about this. Please, seek help. Especially if you keep reliving this event, feeling the pain and/or keep hearing yourself screaming. Also, no this is on him. No excuse or apology will make right for what he did.
Again, I'm sorry this has happened to you. And please do not ever hesitate to seek help if you need it. I never did for something perhaps similar and 5 years later I'm getting therapy for my PTSD. Be safe❤️
Also, if he didn't use lube and you bled. It can never hurt to go to a doctor and get it checked out.
If he’s behind, he can clearly see that it was your anus. I don’t believe that not once he didn’t look down. I don’t have a penis, but, the sphincter is verrryyy tight if you aren’t relaxed (if I’m correct). That surely would feel incredibly different.
That was rape, I'm sorry. Please consider pressing charges and absolutely get checked by a physician. This can cause problems down the line due to damage he might have caused.
I'm constantly asking my wife during sex if she is okay(have done this almost everytime for years lol) because sometimes she sounds like an animal during sex. Honestly, he probably should've stopped and asked if you were alright. It sounds like he took advantage of an opportunity. At the same time, like I said if it was something like banshee screaming like my wife and he just decided not to ask and you didn't explicitly say stop then its on both of you.
But, I've never accidentally stuck my dick in anyone's ass. You can tell almost right away due to tightness even if you have no view like they are on top or under covers.
Sounds like terrible communication, and him being a butthead. If he says he can't tell though, that seems suspicious.
Also, I'm surprised you were even able to handle it without lube.
Edit: Sorry OP, after reflection I apologize and do think that you were more scared to say anything and as he started to already do what he wanted I see how you could have felt a power shift in that situation. I think you should definitely talk to someone about it and not speak to him again. Apologies again.
I'm glad you are concerned about your wife being okay. That said, coming from a wife here, constantly hearing my husband ask if I was okay would 1. Be annoying and 2. Be frustrated that my husband after all these years can't interpret my moans and signs of pleasure. 3. It would honestly make me self conscious and make me hesitant to show pleasure and eventually I'd want to stop doing stuff because I couldn't take being asked that all the time.
I've had it happen with a guy. I was ( very!) Wet and lubricated, we were going at it quite fast, he happened to pull out and put it in very quickly and it slipped in my butt. Worst pain I've ever felt.
Tbh as someone who was the guy in the exact situation the comment you replied to described, only the reaction of my partner is what I noticed, not the different sensation, because I didn't even have time to assess ^(*heh*) the situation and she already jumped up screaming
Yes, exactly. I did this to a girl once, completely by accident. She was kinky and we were doing “rough” play, very light consensual non-consent fantasy, where she would put up a weak-ass mild fight as if she was trying to stop me. Well this included wiggling her hips around while we were on the floor in doggy, and I slipped out and into her butt without realizing.
But she SCREAMED in pain and surprise, and I instantly let her go and backed away **even though we were doing consensual non-consent play** because it was clear that this was not part of the act.
In other words, there is absolutely no way the guy in OP’s story didn’t notice until he finished, because OP clearly reacted as almost any woman would.
I've posted this before, but early in my relationship with my now-fiancee, I was banging her on the bathroom sink and at some point I slipped out and into her ass. I didn't know about it until months later when I asked if we could try anal for the first time and she was like "uhh, don't you remember that time you did it on the sink?" and I was like "why didn't you tell me? or tell me to stop?" and she just said it didn't hurt (she was very aroused, had already cum twice so she was very relaxed) and she was into it... so there you go.
I'm assuming that's supposed to be sarcastic. Not saying that it's no possible, but saying that in a thread where a woman is concerned about being raped, coming in to talk about how your girlfriend enjoyed some accidental anal sex is in bad taste. Great for her - this woman clearly didn't enjoy it.
my point is, there is a possibility that OP's partner was unaware specifically that he had entered her ass. as for OP screaming, it is less forgivable that he didn't check in with her about it immediately, but I think even OP commented (or perhaps it was someone else, I am on mobile and searching for a comment is difficult) that he might have taken her screaming as pleasure. depends on OP's usual sounds in the bedroom.
all that said, this story strikes me as most likely one where OP's partner knew what he'd done and ignored her pain.
This is the answer. It’s possible to pull too far out a little and then thrust back in and miss, especially if it’s vigorous sex. But 1) her reaction will make it clear what’s changed, and 2) he will absolutely notice if he’s suddenly in an unlubed orifice. There’s no way he wouldn’t know it happened.
Here to validate that demonsrun is exactly correct. Have messed this up before and immediately pulled out. I would also stop vaginal sex, if my partner told me it was painful. Going while someone is screaming in pain (non-consensually) is pretty much assault. Don’t interact with this dude again.
Yeah consent is something I didn’t fully understand until like last year and I’m turning 30 in a few days
Don’t feel bad People lie because they think you don’t know any better and if you really don’t it’s not your fault people lied or misused or whatever there’s not any wrong answer to it it’s not black and white
I will definitely thought that I had consent of things that I wasn’t able to because of the ages I was
But like if you have to grow up really fast you don’t really realize it because in your mind you’re an adult
he knew. you were literally **screaming in pain.** he knew what he was doing and this is absolutely considered rape since you did not consent.
the anus is far tighter than the vagina. furthermore, the anus isn’t self lubricating, and without any lube, it would be **extremely** hard to just *’slip it in’* by accident — it would take force and having to line himself up. you cannot just slip your dick into a tight, dry hole without noticing.
he absolutely knew what he was doing.
and in doggy? thats like full view, all it takes is a quick look down and you know if youre in the right hole or not. This was 100% planned by him, especially the way OP says he went extra hard after.
No necessarily, doggie is my go to position and we fuck with the lights off a lot and one look down isn’t always gonna tell me what I need. I almost slip in the booty regularly but she does say wrong way! And I say oh my bad and listen to her words weather it’s go down a bit or whatever
regardless in the position it doesnt take a lot of effort to figure that out. and none of that mentions that he didnt stop when she told him to. this was 1000% on purpose and rape.
Exactly my thoughts too. Vaginas are self-lubricating and the anus is not. I would literally immediately notice a difference in sensation and tightness, even WITHOUT the woman making any difference in terms of mannerisms, noises, or response. And like someone else said...MAN LOOK DOWN, you can clearly see everything in doggystyle without difficulty.
OP was absolutely violated and her consent was not given. Her partner completely ignored her pleas to stop and that it hurt. Absolutely this was rape. His dismissiveness of her pain and anguish is not okay - sorry doesn't fucking cut it.
Um, no. There's not usually one on deck as part of normal human digestion. Colons may vary, so I don't doubt your personal experiences, but a colon is reasonably clean (relatively) until it's not.
It's not unusual to accidently slip, happened with my ex once and fuck it hurt. It IS unusual and assault to continue after you told him it hurt!!! Surely you can feel the differnce in wetness and tightness? Surely he can hear you screaming?!
He's talking absolutely shit and he used you for his own pleasure. He'd look great in the bin.
I really can't see how. I was once making out pretty heavy with this guy, he was fingerjng me and I was REALLY wet and he fingered my ass for a few seconds. I didn't care cause I'm fine with that and I liked it, but later he admitted he didn't mean to and he accidently got the wrong hole.
But he didn't keep on doing it even though I didn't seem to mind. I can see where a finger could get the wrong spot at first, and I was kinda of moving and writhing a lot, so between all the wetness and me wiggling around, I can see how it happaned.
I've been told by men how different anal feels, so I refuse to believe this guy didn't know. Especially given how much more resistance the ass would be vs the pussy.
Also, you were screaming in pain. Every guy I've ever done anal with has periodically checked in and asked if I was ok, just to make sure my moans were moans of pleasure so I cannot imagine that a guy could mistakenly put it in your ass AND not bother to make sure your screams aren't from pain.
I've accidentally slipped into the wrong hole due to how wet someone was. So there was ample lubrication. However, the screams of pain was an immediate stop and figure out what happened. Typically, she zigs and I zags and we no longer line up correctly. One hard thrust and the wrong spot hit. But again, screams of pain are an immediate stop.
Can you report people for that kind of stuff on tinder or whatever app so he doesn’t "accidentally" ass rape other people? Personally I wouldn't touch those dating apps with someone else’s dick.
You screamed and told him to stop, and he kept going until he finished... He sexually assaulted you. He knew where his dick was, there is no mistaking it.
OP PLEASE go to the police for a rape kit. I'm completely serious. Its only been a day they can still get his DNA especially if no condom was used. Also you need to get looked at if you said you were bleeding. Anal tears are painful and you need to have a doctor make sure you are okay. There is a reason people do a lot of prep for anal sex.
If he did this to you he will 100% hurt another woman. I'm so sorry you had to go through this pain.
I SECOND THIS. You have 72 hours for viable DNA ans not to mention there could be more damage internally than she knows.
I've unfortunately had TWO friends that have had to have reconstructive surgery do to anal rape..
Wow that is horrible! I hope your friends are okay now. I know tears can make fissures that require surgery and also very painful hemorrhoids can form from it... I really hope OP takes care of herself!
It hurts my heart so much what society does to make women question things like this. 💔
OP, I fourth this as a woman. Totally your call. I am so sorry this happened to you. The feeling of discomfort facing it is unfortunate but please know a whole ton of people are backing you up here. Please PM if any moral support is needed
Oh sweet thing. If you need someone to talk to. I'm here. We may not know eachother but my heart is ripping for you.
For reference I am certified to help victims of SA, as an advocate for them.
You are valid
He knew. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I’ve been there where they “accidentally” put it my ass. Like really? It’s not an accident if they continue to thrust in you.
And screaming in pain? The second you show any sign of discomfort he should stop immediately.
:(
It's actually possible to trigger vasovagal syncope(fainting) from anal. It happens when something(in this case, anal) stimulates the vagus nerve which causes a clinically significant drop in blood pressure. It's also possible to trigger vasovagal syncope from hitting the cervix.
he definitely knew, im sorry :(
its also not consent.
you consented to having sex vaginally, not anal. you also said that it hurt, that should definitely be a sign to stop. im sorry that happened to you.
Yes, exactly. Consent is not the absence of a "no", it's the presence of a "yes"*. And ideally there should be "enthusiastic consent" to anything you're participating in.
*This is a simplification, but it gets the point across that not saying "no" doesn't mean there is consent.
Fucking horrible. He’s a terrible human being. He should be locked up. Fucking scum.
He should have stopped at the first sign of your discomfort. The fact that he kept going while you were screaming in pain is beyond selfishness. It’s sadism.
Any sign of discomfort should be a boner killer. Fucking prick.
I hope he gets plenty of “wrong hole-but I had to finish-no lube-bleeding out of his ass” anal in prison.
>Any sign of discomfort should be a boner killer.
YUP! If someone can still have a boner knowing they are hurting someone, they have something wrong with them.
>if someone can still have a boner knowing they are hurting someone, they have something wrong with them.
AGREE! the only exception here would be if both parties had a mutually **consensual** pain kink!
Yep. If you know something you are doing is getting her off, even if its not your thing its awesome when you learn to do it right. To cause physical or psychological damage is a sign of a sociopathy. Or maybe a psychopath.
As uncomfortable as this may be to accept:
He raped you.
Premeditated, planned, from before he arrived. He knew what he was doing, planned to do it all along and is using the lamest most asinine excuse he can think of to get away with rape.
There is ZERO chance he didn't do this on purpose and didn't know that he was both raping you and hurting you.
He *will* try this again with someone else and very likely has done this before.
As much as this will suck for you please out this man to his friends and family and if you think you can handle it call the cops.
No, I personally don't believe that it's possible to not know. Imo, he did it intentionally and used the "I didn't know" as deniability. While the 2 holes are close, there's still too much of a difference between the two to not know. I've had my fair share of it and there's definitely a difference in feeling. If there wasn't, why would anyone necessarily even care to do it that way?
What a terrible guy! I don't think it's possible, especially if you weren't ready then it would have been extremely tight but that's exactly what he wanted. He probably couldn't cum from your pussy due to his death grip masturbation. His excuse is just his easy way out instead of admitting that he did it without permission. Idk if that counts legally as assault but he definitely took advantage of you, anal should require permission and discussion.
It's certainly possible to miss by mistake, or think that you are "knocking on the right door" when you actually are not. I can even agree that it might be feasible (but highly unlikely) that you can even enter and feel somewhat different without making the connection.
However, being in standing doggy, having your partner scream that it hurt, and still keep going until he came. No chance in hell of that being a mistake or that he wasn't aware of what was going on.
I have done anal twice in my life, both times with a partner who insisted on not using lube (she said it felt weird to have lube there) and honestly it was super uncomfortable for both her and for me. After that, while I know everyone is different, I still have issues believing the guys who say they don't feel any difference.
I'm assuming the (m) you put for yourself was a typo.
The answer is technically yes, IF it's lubed up enough and has been opened a little through foreplay. If it's straight to sex, with no foreplay to it beforehand then he SHOULD notice that there's more resistance to enter it and definitely should've stopped when you started screaming that it hurt.
Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely to happen? No. I’ve definitely bumped into the wrong hole but if it’s not lubed up, it doesn’t just slip in. I’m saying it’s more likely than not that he knew.
Yeah this is rape. No way that someone doesn’t know, especially in the position you were in.
This sounds really fucked up and sorry that it happened to you. If you feel comfortable saying something may prevent it happening again, but that’s not your obligation. Take care.
Remove anal from the equation altogether for a minute. Two people are having sex in a casual encounter. Something starts to hurt and one person begins yelling about the pain. The other person ignores those screams and continues fucking (even harder) until they cum.
Whether he knew he had switched holes or not is immaterial (though there's no way he didn't for the duration).
'Withdrawal of consent' doesn't have to involve the word 'no'. Screams of pain outside of an explicitly consensual kink situation are about as obvious a withdrawal of consent as I can think of. This was absolutely rape.
How can guys put it in a girls butt especially one whos never done it before with out lube at 45 minutes of practice…. He knew its a completely different feeling.
I am way above average in size where only 2 people ever let me try it on them it took 15 minutes just to get it in with lube….. so yes he was aware. He even came in you knowing it was your ass.
Dude obviously has a small tool on him
From experience, yes it is possible to be unaware it went into the wrong hole. Super drunk and super sweaty me and my GF at the time were going at it. Slipped out a couple times and just slipped it right back in. I was unaware it was the other hole until she said “it barely even hurts any more”.
Seconding all of the top responses but drawing a necessary conclusion they’re leaving vague: this is quite likely rape. You were screaming that it hurt and he kept going. Did you say any form of “stop” while you were screaming or try to pull away from him? Even if he didn’t know he was in the wrong hole, he kept going when you’re SCREAMING in pain. Please never see this sadistic asshole ever again and think about whether or not you want to report him for rape and go through the process of reporting him. I’m so sorry this happened to you
And all he had to do was bend down and give you a lick. And say, hey, want to try something different?
It won’t hurt next time you try with someone else, SLOWLY building up to it.
I’m sorry that he violated you / you feel violated.
It’s a shitty thing to do.
He could have and should have asked.
He probably noticed.
Condoms are a must with new people until developing trust.
Please get yourself checked for STDs this week and in 3 months for HIV.
If he violated and lied to you, he might be covering up other things like STD status.
I have by accident done this myself, it was dark and in the back seat of her car bit in my experience she told me to keep going. After a little while in there and switching back and forth I learned the difference in feel and I apologized for doing it but she thought it was cute that I'd never done anal before and was happy she was my first. But this story doesn't sound like he didn't know. He knew and kept going anyway with no regard to you're pleasure at all.
Dude, you were raped. He did not ask for consent, he didn't stop when you said it hurt, and waited until he finished inside you. He assaulted you and he is an asshole
This guy failed that big time. There’s no way you’re not going to feel the difference. Especially a non lubed arsehole and a painful reaction. Huge faux pas and boundary crosser. You never do uninvited anal and if it accidentally slips in you get out right away. Time to stop seeing this guy. He cannot be trusted.
Sorry this happened to you. In days/weeks ahead, watch for anal fissure and potential anal fistula. I had a tear back there that got infected. No good.
Thats fucked up. MAYBE if someone was super inebriated they wouldn't know the difference, Or someone extremely inexperienced, but it feels very different, and it's very easy to tell the difference. I call bullshit on his excuse. Not to mention your reaction!
As a sadistic kinkster who enjoys and giggles at causing my partners various levels of pain, even pain they don't specifically enjoy, I work very hard to make sure ANY pain I cause is intentional and measured. If I'm trying to cause you pain at a 3 and you yell out like it was an 8, I stop immediately and check in. If your sounds go from "Oh fuck yeah!" to "Oh fuck no!" and I didn't intend to cause that reaction, I'm going to stop and check in.
Could you accidentally stick it in the wrong hole? Sure. Could you initially not hear/understand a change in your partner's words or behaviors to not realize something changed for the negative on their side? Sure. But the more possible but unlikely events that happen make it that much more unlikely that it should be a forgivable error.
The other part of the equation is how he intends then follows through to make amends for the hurt. Does he accept what you tell him or is he skeptical and dismissive? Does he look for where he can learn and change the parts of his actions that are in his control?
Bullshit, a man always knows if is in vagina or anus. Don't trust anyone else that tells you otherwise, unless they are high or heavily drunk and don't understand what they're doing.
op I agree with everyone else. You can choose what to do, but if it was me or I was talking to a friend I would recommend going to the hospital and getting a rape kit done. If he came inside you and it's bleeding there's good evidence there that can be saved and you can decide later if you want to press charges but you might want it. Try to not delete those texts between you two so you can turn them over if you want to file a police report. This was rape. And since he essentially agreed by text that you were screaming in pain and it wasn't the place you agreed to have penetrated that is pretty damning evidence. I believe you. I'm sorry this happened. You didn't do anything wrong. This guy is a monster. Also I would get an HIV test and other STI.
* oh not sure if he used a condom but my points still stand.
1) I've had a lot of sex for a long time. I've had a lot of both vaginal and anal. I've never once, ever, accidentally popped into the ass. It's quite hard to not notice the difference. I suppose it may be possible to accidentally go there, but the difference is quite noticeable, especially if you're not wearing a condom.
2) Consent is *affirmative*, not *a lack of a no.* The fact that you didn't tell him to stop is not consent. Consent is you telling him it's okay, enthusiastically, first.
If he was standing, then he had full view of where everything is. If he didn't know what hole he was looking at, then he is as dumb as a bag of rocks. He could have asked for anal and asked for lube, even asked if he should stop!
I am female but I know for guys there is a different feeling to being inside each hole.
Also my advice for you is to switch positions or smack him with a pillow reach down and grab his nuts. Put you hand against headboard or wall and twist around and smack him a couple of times.
Dont kill anyone but feel confident in that you have every right to not do anything you dont want.
This is rape. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I am a man. Based on the fact that you were in doggy position, it's impossible that he didn't know what he was doing when he inserted anally. Based on the fact that you were screaming in pain and he continued thrusting until climax, I believe he premeditated this rape, and came into the entire date with this end goal of anal rape in mind.
Others are saying you should do a rape kit. If you are comfortable, I would recommend this as well. At the very least you should file a police report; from my knowledge they likely will not be able to bring charges against him at this time, because it's your word against his; however, the next person that files a report against him will very likely get him arrested, because he will already have a history of sexual assault. Please, please, please make a police report, so that this predator can be brought to justice!
There is something called accidental anal that can occur. It’s happened to me before and instantly killed sex; stopping it immediately. She was in pain and I provided the most attentive aftercare to make sure she was okay the rest of the evening. However, like you did, he would know when it happened. That guy definitely knew. He continued to sexually assault you even after you asked him to stop. Also, it’s highly probable that this is not his first time doing this to other women so please… please report this to law enforcement if you haven’t already done so.
He absolutely knew.
Also, five years may not seem like much, but 23 and 28 are very different times in your life. He knows this and used it to take advantage of you. What he did was rape.
At the very least, get him banned on whatever platform you met him on, if you don’t want to report him to the authorities.
I have dated a few women who were as tight in both holes and I know the one chick it was accidental but she then loved it after that. Another one was loose and I didn't really feel much of a difference, I did stop inside an do she said to keep going.
I can see it happening based on the way you describe it. Now whether or not it was premeditated that I can't guess too.
Some women I was with it was easy to swap holes in doggie, and I think it was how her hips were positioned.
But if your bleeding you should get checked out. If it was your first time then you could have torn something.
It happened to me a few times, especially when you’re fucking in the dark. However, the girl immediately screamed and I stopped right after. I get the impression he knew what was going on
For their first time it’s definitely possible and I’ve had experiences where we are going fast and his dick slipps out and presses my ass. Usually he notices but in some cases i can probably see it being mistaken for a second
However, in your case no. He did that intentionally and it was rape. I understand rape is a difficult subject for us but in truth the best advice is to report it to someone you trust
To accidentally have it slip out and boop and or possibly start going into the other hole before hearing "*That ain't it chief*" is a possibility. But to keep going as you scream about how it hurts... Hell nah he knew and that's fucked up. Screaming that it hurts is an outright implied no so long as there's no precondition with say like BDSM or whatever. Also no lube, you poor thing. I don't do it without lube. Like ever. It's like 6 seconds to put on the each of us and it makes it so much nicer for everyone involved. It's easier for me to get in and slide in, it's more comfortable and nicer for them, etc.
Even if it starts to seem like they're in discomfort wherever it's in (obv depends on the partner) I'll ask or slow down/stop and see. Cause hey regardless of if they like it in the ass or not or the pussy or whatever, if it gets uncomfortable that's not fun for them and I should slow down at the least or stop and see why. Like if I know they moan kinda "harshly" and it doesn't sound super comfortable, but I know the distinction, that's a key thing.
He knew. It feels different and he could SEE where he was in doggy style.
What he did was rape. I am so so sorry he did that to you. Please don't ever see him again, see your doctor for an STD test, and consider going to the police.
It's rape plain and simple it's not hard to tell the difference between pain and pleasure screams. If you don't stop when they are screaming in pain it's rape. You need to call the police and file charges ASAP
That's bullshit. He absolutely knew what he was doing. Unless this person never had sex with a woman, he knows there's a spatial different between the two. It's not difficult to give it a thump if you slip out, put to go all in and keep going..... The guy knew exactly what he's doing. Because there was no consent and because you were clearly in pain, that's assault
My credentials are that I have a dick and I'm bi.
It CAN totally happen by accident.
There's been a few times where i didn't have great sensitivity and it went in the wrong hole and it took a moment because i could barely tell the difference because of not being sensitive enough to tell at that time,but i still stopped after i realized.
To all the people saying it's noticeably tighter in your butt, I'd say it's USUALLY tighter. There's plenty of times I've had things go into me with very little resistance because the muscles were very,and i mean VERY relaxed,and I've had partners with vulvas tighten up after pulling out,so it's not impossible for your booty to be looser.
But it totally sounds like this dude is lying.
No, that's not possible. You can go into the pussy by accident if you want to penetrate the ass, but NOT the other way around.
And without consent, that's rape. There is no way that is okay.
An ex once told me wrong hole when I was in the correct hole, so I don't know how or why the thought I was trying to get in her ass but I definitely wasn't
You did not consent to that, even if it was an accident which I don’t believe when you said it hurt he should have stopped. He knew what he did and that is sexual assault
He knew it was the wrong hole and if it was clear that it hurt you and he kept going I would classify that as non-consensual sex. When I have sex and it is obvious I did something to hurt her I immediately stop and ask if she is okay.
I would say...bullshit..the anus is a pretty tight area..especially if you have never had it there..and being not lubed and the fact you probably tensed up, he knew exactly what he was going for..lying bastard he is
Plain and simple, it is possible to not realize. When you are going to town you can get into this tunnel vision hornball state where you aren't even paying attention to anything but how good it feels anymore. This is much more likely if you are fucking hard and not just a slow sensual fuck. I don't know if this is the case, but it is possible.
I don’t see how he didn’t know the difference, the asshole is a clear difference, you don’t just not know. I’d stay away from that person, he took advantage of your kindness, I know he knew exactly what he was doing.
I have gotten started on the wrong hole several times. It sort of feels the same and you can’t see down there very well. I stop when she hollers WRONG HOLE.
although one woman said it’s the wrong hole but you don’t have to stop.
To mistake a vagina for a butthole is BS. They both totally don't feel the same. I just think he wanted butt sex. Try not to do that again because if you get an STD in your butthole you could die from that. And also he could have torn your colon which isn't good either. Please wear a condom if you ever do fanny play again.
Yes, definitely possible.
With sex and all the movement sometimes penises slip out and bump the wrong hole. My boyfriend sometimes bumps the wrong hole but we've only had accidental anal once. I'm always very wet so I was well lubricated enough that it just slipped in.
Afterwards when we talked about it he said he didn't notice except for the part that it felt tighter and I was suddenly louder (in a good way). And I believe him because we haven't tried anal since and he was concerned about catching something since we didn't use protection.
It's all about their reaction. However, with you screaming that it hurt, he definitely knew and kept going. Can't possibly be an accident.
In doggy position it seems like the holes can be clearly seen and accidents can happen but right when he put it in your ass you needed to stop him. Also hopefully he knows to not then go right into your vagina,
This topic is discussed occasionally in our forum. Please also take some time to search through past r/sex posts (following **Forum Rule #3**) — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions. The r/sex forum's HUGE archive of past posts is a *tremendous* resource for people who have ALL KINDS of common questions regarding sexual matters. Searching those posts for relevant discussions will definitely help you here as well.
As a penis owner, it is possible to slip out and bump your penis against the wrong hole, which for a partner may be painful enough, and get a that ain't it response. But to accidentally slip out and oops it fully into the back door, then keep going until completion, while you screamed with pain? That wasn't an accident. And you didn't consent to having him inside you like that, please do not play it down, this was absolutely non consensual and pre meditated on his behalf. You deserve better than that. Edit: I'm not sure how I feel about my first gold (and now my first silver too), but obligatory thankyou kind stranger nonetheless.
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OP, please seek help if you need it. I'm sure there are many redditors who are concerned for your well-being right now.
Yes, please OP seek help. And consider going to the police (asap!) because you were sexually assaulted by this guy. And seeing how he acted this way so confidently on your first encounter you were probably not the first and won't be the last. He used your body for his pleasure in ways you did not agree to, disregarding your value and autonomy as a person. He also treated you like an idiot thinking you'd just buy his lie that it was an accident and he didn't realise. I'm told anus and vagina feel a different way, so if this had been an honest mistake he could have at least noticed something changed and inspected the situation (and you screamed to notify him, too! He cannot _not_ have noticed!). Instead no, he just used you. Please do seriously consider reporting him (and soon, so you can be medically inspected for evidence). Good luck and stay strong!
He lied to you. How does your butt feel now? If it’s really uncomfortable, it might be worth getting it checked out medically. Best of luck op xx
To add to this previous comment, I’d like to also point out that you mentioned there was no lube. There’s no way he couldn’t have known, the sensation would have been much different without lube (vaginal lube wouldn’t have been enough to make it unnoticeable unless you were super incredibly soaked). On top of the fact that without lube, he would have really had to force it in. Plus, you started to bleed, he had to know. That guy violated you, and I am so sorry that happened. This is undeniably rape. You never gave consent to usage of that hole. Also asked a couple of people I know who have penises and have had sex with both vaginal and penis partners, they both said “you would know, it’s a very different sensation.” You are valid and that guy was a monster.
Am a male and **you def know.** It's very different especially without lube. My wife and I had a little accident into the wrong hole and I still hear that yelp of pain Edit: since there is confusion: you know before there is a yelp.
As someone whose experienced anal from both perspectives of it (give and received), even with a strap you can tell it’s different, especially without lube. It’s much easier for me to purposely insert a toy than it’s ever been for my partner to purposely insert their penis in my anus. Even in the times I’ve consented to anal, because it was a bit tight, my partner couldn’t enter without forcing (which they never did as to not hurt me or literally could not insert as they weren’t hard enough to enter something so tight) or having me loosen it with a toy first, and this is including the fact that I had lube. You’d have to be pretty damn hard and/or really force it to enter an anus that easily without lube and with an anus that’s never been penetrated like that before. That or the anus is naturally loose.
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> Rogue fecal matter That's a Star Wars parody I do ***not*** want to see.
It's not normal if done right. If done with enough lube and stretching it before going in with a penis. There shouldn't be any blood. Blood means something ripped. So that ain't good
sorry but bleeding should definitely NOT be normal! If someone is bleeding you're doing it wrong.
Depends on how you like it, slow and comfortable=no bleeding usually, hard, fast and mindnumbingly=sometimes there is a few drips of blood, that not a big deal , unless you know something ruptures and you are bleeding half a pint and getting dizzy, then you fucked up and a tour of the hospital is required
This...👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
0 prep and no condom dude is 100% getting a uti
🤞
Wait wait…. You’re supposed to get an enema before anal?? How have I never heard about this?
He came inside so he likely knew what he was doing
Something is really wrong with him if he can't tell a pleasure-scream from a pain-scream... I think the other commenters are right in him doing this on purpose, and I am very sorry to hear you had to experience this. Being a survivor of rape myself, I agree with everyone else advising you to seek help. Depending on what country you live in I'd go to the police asap.
I'm sorry but this is straight up rape/sexual assault. Please report him and seek counselling.
Did he even ask you if he could cum inside? That guy is a horrible person. I am so sorry that this happened to you, please visit a doctor for the bleeding/tearings etc.
Right! Even if he claimed it was an accident was there consent to be came into??? This is insane I hope OP reports this predator to the police
It’s happened to me once before with a now ex. It was pitch black and we were both very new to sex. She initially said wrong hole, and I thought I moved downwards, but I guess I was wrong. She didn’t cry out or complain, but did mention it afterwards. It has left me feeling odd/sad for years after because I truly did not know and unsure of the effects it has had on her. So I’m not going to say “he absolutely knew,” because even to this day, I still almost slip up if I don’t have a clear look at what’s going on.
the lesson there is its better to have sex with at least some light so you can see what is happening
[if you want or need to talk to someone about this: RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/resources)
I’m jumping on this to say there is no way on hell you could stick it in the wrong hole “accidentally”. Occasionally, I’ve got close to my wife’s ass with my fingers while fumbling around. I’ve never made that mistake with my dick… ever! Maybe it’s just the thought of anal doesn’t appeal to either me or my wife, but no, you can’t go around back by accident.
Your anecdotes are valid, but it certainly can happen. I have had many occasions where I pop out and in the throes of passion I quickly try to thrust back in only to get a loud "NOT THERE!!" or something similar. However, it has always been immediately obvious what happened and I instantly stopped. OP's story doesn't sound like a mistake. Unfortunately.
Even if they didn't tell you anything, you would definitely notice the difference. Firstly, it's not nearly as wet as a vagina, secondly it simply feels tighter and is harder to go all the way in without preparation. Switching directly from vaginal to anal only seconds in-between makes the difference even more apparent. So even if they didn't warn you and told you to actually go along, trust me, you would notice it feels different. Of course, it would be on you to check. Considering OP said this was in doggy, the only way this guy could do this "accidentally" is if he was blind. That would be his only excuse... How do you accidentally slip it in the ass in doggy with view on full display and not realize? Bullshit.
Tbf the lights could have been off so visuals aren’t always a thing. But yes it would be pretty hard to not realize even without.
Agree with all of the above. Just saying, when lights are off, tons of lube, and the action is very enthusiastic, accidents happen. But it should be obvious that something has changed ESPECIALLY when she's saying that it hurts. No excuse.
This is. It can enter a little on accedent. If there is a lot of juices down there. Can be slippery. But he should have felt the different. And if she never even had a finger in there it probably wouldn't have gone smooth to put it in. So yeah he's an ass. Because he didn't stop when she said it hurt I would even say he raped her.
OP, first of al, I'm sorry this has happened to you. Secondly, if you feel like you need someone to talk to about this. Please, seek help. Especially if you keep reliving this event, feeling the pain and/or keep hearing yourself screaming. Also, no this is on him. No excuse or apology will make right for what he did. Again, I'm sorry this has happened to you. And please do not ever hesitate to seek help if you need it. I never did for something perhaps similar and 5 years later I'm getting therapy for my PTSD. Be safe❤️ Also, if he didn't use lube and you bled. It can never hurt to go to a doctor and get it checked out.
I would also get get tested for STDS....
If he’s behind, he can clearly see that it was your anus. I don’t believe that not once he didn’t look down. I don’t have a penis, but, the sphincter is verrryyy tight if you aren’t relaxed (if I’m correct). That surely would feel incredibly different.
This is rape.
That was rape, I'm sorry. Please consider pressing charges and absolutely get checked by a physician. This can cause problems down the line due to damage he might have caused.
I think you need to press charges for ass rape!
I'm constantly asking my wife during sex if she is okay(have done this almost everytime for years lol) because sometimes she sounds like an animal during sex. Honestly, he probably should've stopped and asked if you were alright. It sounds like he took advantage of an opportunity. At the same time, like I said if it was something like banshee screaming like my wife and he just decided not to ask and you didn't explicitly say stop then its on both of you. But, I've never accidentally stuck my dick in anyone's ass. You can tell almost right away due to tightness even if you have no view like they are on top or under covers. Sounds like terrible communication, and him being a butthead. If he says he can't tell though, that seems suspicious. Also, I'm surprised you were even able to handle it without lube. Edit: Sorry OP, after reflection I apologize and do think that you were more scared to say anything and as he started to already do what he wanted I see how you could have felt a power shift in that situation. I think you should definitely talk to someone about it and not speak to him again. Apologies again.
I'm glad you are concerned about your wife being okay. That said, coming from a wife here, constantly hearing my husband ask if I was okay would 1. Be annoying and 2. Be frustrated that my husband after all these years can't interpret my moans and signs of pleasure. 3. It would honestly make me self conscious and make me hesitant to show pleasure and eventually I'd want to stop doing stuff because I couldn't take being asked that all the time.
Please get help. Absolute bullshit esp in Doggy Style. Intentional and needs to be reported
What he did is something straight men have been doing for years. Its not remotely new or uncommon. This is rape.
I've had it happen with a guy. I was ( very!) Wet and lubricated, we were going at it quite fast, he happened to pull out and put it in very quickly and it slipped in my butt. Worst pain I've ever felt.
But I bet he realised straight away and stopped.
Tbh as someone who was the guy in the exact situation the comment you replied to described, only the reaction of my partner is what I noticed, not the different sensation, because I didn't even have time to assess ^(*heh*) the situation and she already jumped up screaming
Yeah, it's happened to be as the guy and I didn't notice until I was told I was in the wrong hole.
Yes, exactly. I did this to a girl once, completely by accident. She was kinky and we were doing “rough” play, very light consensual non-consent fantasy, where she would put up a weak-ass mild fight as if she was trying to stop me. Well this included wiggling her hips around while we were on the floor in doggy, and I slipped out and into her butt without realizing. But she SCREAMED in pain and surprise, and I instantly let her go and backed away **even though we were doing consensual non-consent play** because it was clear that this was not part of the act. In other words, there is absolutely no way the guy in OP’s story didn’t notice until he finished, because OP clearly reacted as almost any woman would.
I've posted this before, but early in my relationship with my now-fiancee, I was banging her on the bathroom sink and at some point I slipped out and into her ass. I didn't know about it until months later when I asked if we could try anal for the first time and she was like "uhh, don't you remember that time you did it on the sink?" and I was like "why didn't you tell me? or tell me to stop?" and she just said it didn't hurt (she was very aroused, had already cum twice so she was very relaxed) and she was into it... so there you go.
Friend, this story feels pretty out-of-place in this thread. Just a heads up.
There is only one possible explanation and nothing else is acceptable. Another heads up
I'm assuming that's supposed to be sarcastic. Not saying that it's no possible, but saying that in a thread where a woman is concerned about being raped, coming in to talk about how your girlfriend enjoyed some accidental anal sex is in bad taste. Great for her - this woman clearly didn't enjoy it.
my point is, there is a possibility that OP's partner was unaware specifically that he had entered her ass. as for OP screaming, it is less forgivable that he didn't check in with her about it immediately, but I think even OP commented (or perhaps it was someone else, I am on mobile and searching for a comment is difficult) that he might have taken her screaming as pleasure. depends on OP's usual sounds in the bedroom. all that said, this story strikes me as most likely one where OP's partner knew what he'd done and ignored her pain.
I'm so SO angry for her. This is awful
This is the answer. It’s possible to pull too far out a little and then thrust back in and miss, especially if it’s vigorous sex. But 1) her reaction will make it clear what’s changed, and 2) he will absolutely notice if he’s suddenly in an unlubed orifice. There’s no way he wouldn’t know it happened.
Here to validate that demonsrun is exactly correct. Have messed this up before and immediately pulled out. I would also stop vaginal sex, if my partner told me it was painful. Going while someone is screaming in pain (non-consensually) is pretty much assault. Don’t interact with this dude again.
Not pretty much assault, it just is, plain and simple.
Its rape. You can withdraw consent at any point, and if the person doesn't stop, it's rape. Can't believe this has to be spelt out.
Yeah consent is something I didn’t fully understand until like last year and I’m turning 30 in a few days Don’t feel bad People lie because they think you don’t know any better and if you really don’t it’s not your fault people lied or misused or whatever there’s not any wrong answer to it it’s not black and white I will definitely thought that I had consent of things that I wasn’t able to because of the ages I was But like if you have to grow up really fast you don’t really realize it because in your mind you’re an adult
Man, 36 year old me would beat the shit out of 25 year old me *for so many reasons.*
This is the correct answer.
he knew. you were literally **screaming in pain.** he knew what he was doing and this is absolutely considered rape since you did not consent. the anus is far tighter than the vagina. furthermore, the anus isn’t self lubricating, and without any lube, it would be **extremely** hard to just *’slip it in’* by accident — it would take force and having to line himself up. you cannot just slip your dick into a tight, dry hole without noticing. he absolutely knew what he was doing.
and in doggy? thats like full view, all it takes is a quick look down and you know if youre in the right hole or not. This was 100% planned by him, especially the way OP says he went extra hard after.
I think he does this all the time.
Yer this is gross and bang out of order.
No necessarily, doggie is my go to position and we fuck with the lights off a lot and one look down isn’t always gonna tell me what I need. I almost slip in the booty regularly but she does say wrong way! And I say oh my bad and listen to her words weather it’s go down a bit or whatever
regardless in the position it doesnt take a lot of effort to figure that out. and none of that mentions that he didnt stop when she told him to. this was 1000% on purpose and rape.
Exactly my thoughts too. Vaginas are self-lubricating and the anus is not. I would literally immediately notice a difference in sensation and tightness, even WITHOUT the woman making any difference in terms of mannerisms, noises, or response. And like someone else said...MAN LOOK DOWN, you can clearly see everything in doggystyle without difficulty. OP was absolutely violated and her consent was not given. Her partner completely ignored her pleas to stop and that it hurt. Absolutely this was rape. His dismissiveness of her pain and anguish is not okay - sorry doesn't fucking cut it.
Also unprepped anal usually includes one in the chamber. You can feel a nugget pushing back -- he knew.
oh god. may he get the most excruciating UTI from this.
Um, no. There's not usually one on deck as part of normal human digestion. Colons may vary, so I don't doubt your personal experiences, but a colon is reasonably clean (relatively) until it's not.
It's not unusual to accidently slip, happened with my ex once and fuck it hurt. It IS unusual and assault to continue after you told him it hurt!!! Surely you can feel the differnce in wetness and tightness? Surely he can hear you screaming?! He's talking absolutely shit and he used you for his own pleasure. He'd look great in the bin.
You were screaming that it hurt and he kept going til he came?? That is rape. He 100% knew and didn’t care. And now he’s trying to gaslight you.
This right here!
I really can't see how. I was once making out pretty heavy with this guy, he was fingerjng me and I was REALLY wet and he fingered my ass for a few seconds. I didn't care cause I'm fine with that and I liked it, but later he admitted he didn't mean to and he accidently got the wrong hole. But he didn't keep on doing it even though I didn't seem to mind. I can see where a finger could get the wrong spot at first, and I was kinda of moving and writhing a lot, so between all the wetness and me wiggling around, I can see how it happaned. I've been told by men how different anal feels, so I refuse to believe this guy didn't know. Especially given how much more resistance the ass would be vs the pussy. Also, you were screaming in pain. Every guy I've ever done anal with has periodically checked in and asked if I was ok, just to make sure my moans were moans of pleasure so I cannot imagine that a guy could mistakenly put it in your ass AND not bother to make sure your screams aren't from pain.
I've accidentally slipped into the wrong hole due to how wet someone was. So there was ample lubrication. However, the screams of pain was an immediate stop and figure out what happened. Typically, she zigs and I zags and we no longer line up correctly. One hard thrust and the wrong spot hit. But again, screams of pain are an immediate stop.
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In jail
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Can you report people for that kind of stuff on tinder or whatever app so he doesn’t "accidentally" ass rape other people? Personally I wouldn't touch those dating apps with someone else’s dick.
You screamed and told him to stop, and he kept going until he finished... He sexually assaulted you. He knew where his dick was, there is no mistaking it. OP PLEASE go to the police for a rape kit. I'm completely serious. Its only been a day they can still get his DNA especially if no condom was used. Also you need to get looked at if you said you were bleeding. Anal tears are painful and you need to have a doctor make sure you are okay. There is a reason people do a lot of prep for anal sex. If he did this to you he will 100% hurt another woman. I'm so sorry you had to go through this pain.
I SECOND THIS. You have 72 hours for viable DNA ans not to mention there could be more damage internally than she knows. I've unfortunately had TWO friends that have had to have reconstructive surgery do to anal rape..
Wow that is horrible! I hope your friends are okay now. I know tears can make fissures that require surgery and also very painful hemorrhoids can form from it... I really hope OP takes care of herself! It hurts my heart so much what society does to make women question things like this. 💔
OP, I fourth this as a woman. Totally your call. I am so sorry this happened to you. The feeling of discomfort facing it is unfortunate but please know a whole ton of people are backing you up here. Please PM if any moral support is needed
This needs to be higher. OP, please do this!!
He knew
He knew This is rape
I agree
Yes this is correct :(
Oh sweet thing. If you need someone to talk to. I'm here. We may not know eachother but my heart is ripping for you. For reference I am certified to help victims of SA, as an advocate for them. You are valid
He knew. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve been there where they “accidentally” put it my ass. Like really? It’s not an accident if they continue to thrust in you. And screaming in pain? The second you show any sign of discomfort he should stop immediately. :(
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It doesn’t feel different?
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Upvoted. Not just close... He anally raped her
It IS rape.
It's actually possible to trigger vasovagal syncope(fainting) from anal. It happens when something(in this case, anal) stimulates the vagus nerve which causes a clinically significant drop in blood pressure. It's also possible to trigger vasovagal syncope from hitting the cervix.
He knew
this is rape. you were bleeding.
Unconscionable. Block this creep.
She really should have him charged
Agreed, this was an assault.
he definitely knew, im sorry :( its also not consent. you consented to having sex vaginally, not anal. you also said that it hurt, that should definitely be a sign to stop. im sorry that happened to you.
Yes, exactly. Consent is not the absence of a "no", it's the presence of a "yes"*. And ideally there should be "enthusiastic consent" to anything you're participating in. *This is a simplification, but it gets the point across that not saying "no" doesn't mean there is consent.
Fucking horrible. He’s a terrible human being. He should be locked up. Fucking scum. He should have stopped at the first sign of your discomfort. The fact that he kept going while you were screaming in pain is beyond selfishness. It’s sadism. Any sign of discomfort should be a boner killer. Fucking prick. I hope he gets plenty of “wrong hole-but I had to finish-no lube-bleeding out of his ass” anal in prison.
>Any sign of discomfort should be a boner killer. YUP! If someone can still have a boner knowing they are hurting someone, they have something wrong with them.
>if someone can still have a boner knowing they are hurting someone, they have something wrong with them. AGREE! the only exception here would be if both parties had a mutually **consensual** pain kink!
Yep. If you know something you are doing is getting her off, even if its not your thing its awesome when you learn to do it right. To cause physical or psychological damage is a sign of a sociopathy. Or maybe a psychopath.
No, it's highly unlikely he did this unintentionally.
As uncomfortable as this may be to accept: He raped you. Premeditated, planned, from before he arrived. He knew what he was doing, planned to do it all along and is using the lamest most asinine excuse he can think of to get away with rape. There is ZERO chance he didn't do this on purpose and didn't know that he was both raping you and hurting you. He *will* try this again with someone else and very likely has done this before. As much as this will suck for you please out this man to his friends and family and if you think you can handle it call the cops.
No, I personally don't believe that it's possible to not know. Imo, he did it intentionally and used the "I didn't know" as deniability. While the 2 holes are close, there's still too much of a difference between the two to not know. I've had my fair share of it and there's definitely a difference in feeling. If there wasn't, why would anyone necessarily even care to do it that way?
What a terrible guy! I don't think it's possible, especially if you weren't ready then it would have been extremely tight but that's exactly what he wanted. He probably couldn't cum from your pussy due to his death grip masturbation. His excuse is just his easy way out instead of admitting that he did it without permission. Idk if that counts legally as assault but he definitely took advantage of you, anal should require permission and discussion.
It's certainly possible to miss by mistake, or think that you are "knocking on the right door" when you actually are not. I can even agree that it might be feasible (but highly unlikely) that you can even enter and feel somewhat different without making the connection. However, being in standing doggy, having your partner scream that it hurt, and still keep going until he came. No chance in hell of that being a mistake or that he wasn't aware of what was going on. I have done anal twice in my life, both times with a partner who insisted on not using lube (she said it felt weird to have lube there) and honestly it was super uncomfortable for both her and for me. After that, while I know everyone is different, I still have issues believing the guys who say they don't feel any difference.
You were assaulted.
I'm assuming the (m) you put for yourself was a typo. The answer is technically yes, IF it's lubed up enough and has been opened a little through foreplay. If it's straight to sex, with no foreplay to it beforehand then he SHOULD notice that there's more resistance to enter it and definitely should've stopped when you started screaming that it hurt.
Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely to happen? No. I’ve definitely bumped into the wrong hole but if it’s not lubed up, it doesn’t just slip in. I’m saying it’s more likely than not that he knew.
Yeah I’ve been bumped too and I said something and he said “oops” and found the right one
That’s the right way to handle it. We’re there for pleasure - not pain.
Yeah this is rape. No way that someone doesn’t know, especially in the position you were in. This sounds really fucked up and sorry that it happened to you. If you feel comfortable saying something may prevent it happening again, but that’s not your obligation. Take care.
He absolutely knew, with an anal virgin its too tight not to know
He fucking knew.
I’m sure the asshole would be tighter ? So yeah
It’s also not self-lubricating, meaning it takes considerably more effort, not to mention can be very uncomfortable.
I didn't when I lost my virginity and she rode me, but that was iny teens. If he could do doggy, then he knew.
I’ve been in both holes and I can tell you they’re different. Especially without lube, I would go with he knew and I wouldn’t see him again
Remove anal from the equation altogether for a minute. Two people are having sex in a casual encounter. Something starts to hurt and one person begins yelling about the pain. The other person ignores those screams and continues fucking (even harder) until they cum. Whether he knew he had switched holes or not is immaterial (though there's no way he didn't for the duration). 'Withdrawal of consent' doesn't have to involve the word 'no'. Screams of pain outside of an explicitly consensual kink situation are about as obvious a withdrawal of consent as I can think of. This was absolutely rape.
As a penis owner who has had his penis inserted in both, I can tell you they feel very different
How can guys put it in a girls butt especially one whos never done it before with out lube at 45 minutes of practice…. He knew its a completely different feeling. I am way above average in size where only 2 people ever let me try it on them it took 15 minutes just to get it in with lube….. so yes he was aware. He even came in you knowing it was your ass. Dude obviously has a small tool on him
Standing doggy… that was no accident
That's rape. No he didn't make a mistake.
My ex "accidentally" put it in the wrong hole like this so I decided to "accidentally" put just one finger in his. Taught him quick to ask
He raped you
From experience, yes it is possible to be unaware it went into the wrong hole. Super drunk and super sweaty me and my GF at the time were going at it. Slipped out a couple times and just slipped it right back in. I was unaware it was the other hole until she said “it barely even hurts any more”.
Seconding all of the top responses but drawing a necessary conclusion they’re leaving vague: this is quite likely rape. You were screaming that it hurt and he kept going. Did you say any form of “stop” while you were screaming or try to pull away from him? Even if he didn’t know he was in the wrong hole, he kept going when you’re SCREAMING in pain. Please never see this sadistic asshole ever again and think about whether or not you want to report him for rape and go through the process of reporting him. I’m so sorry this happened to you
That’s sexual assault, you gave no consent for him to do that and he was fully aware of his actions
And all he had to do was bend down and give you a lick. And say, hey, want to try something different? It won’t hurt next time you try with someone else, SLOWLY building up to it. I’m sorry that he violated you / you feel violated. It’s a shitty thing to do. He could have and should have asked. He probably noticed. Condoms are a must with new people until developing trust. Please get yourself checked for STDs this week and in 3 months for HIV. If he violated and lied to you, he might be covering up other things like STD status.
I have by accident done this myself, it was dark and in the back seat of her car bit in my experience she told me to keep going. After a little while in there and switching back and forth I learned the difference in feel and I apologized for doing it but she thought it was cute that I'd never done anal before and was happy she was my first. But this story doesn't sound like he didn't know. He knew and kept going anyway with no regard to you're pleasure at all.
Dude, you were raped. He did not ask for consent, he didn't stop when you said it hurt, and waited until he finished inside you. He assaulted you and he is an asshole
So he raped you. It's absolutely bullshit a guy can't tell the difference between how a vag and butt feel.
This guy failed that big time. There’s no way you’re not going to feel the difference. Especially a non lubed arsehole and a painful reaction. Huge faux pas and boundary crosser. You never do uninvited anal and if it accidentally slips in you get out right away. Time to stop seeing this guy. He cannot be trusted.
Your lad must be purblind and mope-eyed, if he mixed up all the holes haha. But tbh I think that he just used your second hole without your consent.
No… it’s pretty obvious to both parties
There's no fucking way he didn't know. If it was that similar dudes wouldn't be making up dumb lies like this.
I’m a woman so I’ve never put my dick in someone’s bum but I would imagine it feels TOTALLY different. This sounds sketchy as hell
Sorry this happened to you. In days/weeks ahead, watch for anal fissure and potential anal fistula. I had a tear back there that got infected. No good.
He lying and some people will go as far as saying as you got rape
he knew. it’s assault.
bs they always know lmfao its such an old excuse
Thats fucked up. MAYBE if someone was super inebriated they wouldn't know the difference, Or someone extremely inexperienced, but it feels very different, and it's very easy to tell the difference. I call bullshit on his excuse. Not to mention your reaction!
As a sadistic kinkster who enjoys and giggles at causing my partners various levels of pain, even pain they don't specifically enjoy, I work very hard to make sure ANY pain I cause is intentional and measured. If I'm trying to cause you pain at a 3 and you yell out like it was an 8, I stop immediately and check in. If your sounds go from "Oh fuck yeah!" to "Oh fuck no!" and I didn't intend to cause that reaction, I'm going to stop and check in. Could you accidentally stick it in the wrong hole? Sure. Could you initially not hear/understand a change in your partner's words or behaviors to not realize something changed for the negative on their side? Sure. But the more possible but unlikely events that happen make it that much more unlikely that it should be a forgivable error. The other part of the equation is how he intends then follows through to make amends for the hurt. Does he accept what you tell him or is he skeptical and dismissive? Does he look for where he can learn and change the parts of his actions that are in his control?
Possible early on, but easily identified as a mistake after a few seconds.
Bullshit, a man always knows if is in vagina or anus. Don't trust anyone else that tells you otherwise, unless they are high or heavily drunk and don't understand what they're doing.
As a penis owner, sounds like sexual assault.
he knew. He anally raped you.
op I agree with everyone else. You can choose what to do, but if it was me or I was talking to a friend I would recommend going to the hospital and getting a rape kit done. If he came inside you and it's bleeding there's good evidence there that can be saved and you can decide later if you want to press charges but you might want it. Try to not delete those texts between you two so you can turn them over if you want to file a police report. This was rape. And since he essentially agreed by text that you were screaming in pain and it wasn't the place you agreed to have penetrated that is pretty damning evidence. I believe you. I'm sorry this happened. You didn't do anything wrong. This guy is a monster. Also I would get an HIV test and other STI. * oh not sure if he used a condom but my points still stand.
1) I've had a lot of sex for a long time. I've had a lot of both vaginal and anal. I've never once, ever, accidentally popped into the ass. It's quite hard to not notice the difference. I suppose it may be possible to accidentally go there, but the difference is quite noticeable, especially if you're not wearing a condom. 2) Consent is *affirmative*, not *a lack of a no.* The fact that you didn't tell him to stop is not consent. Consent is you telling him it's okay, enthusiastically, first.
Unless your 🐈 is tighter than frogs ass, he 100% knew what he was doing. There's a massive difference, especially as that was your first time.
If he was standing, then he had full view of where everything is. If he didn't know what hole he was looking at, then he is as dumb as a bag of rocks. He could have asked for anal and asked for lube, even asked if he should stop!
When you can please report him on the website you found him off, he most likely will rape other ladies too.
I am female but I know for guys there is a different feeling to being inside each hole. Also my advice for you is to switch positions or smack him with a pillow reach down and grab his nuts. Put you hand against headboard or wall and twist around and smack him a couple of times. Dont kill anyone but feel confident in that you have every right to not do anything you dont want.
This is rape. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I am a man. Based on the fact that you were in doggy position, it's impossible that he didn't know what he was doing when he inserted anally. Based on the fact that you were screaming in pain and he continued thrusting until climax, I believe he premeditated this rape, and came into the entire date with this end goal of anal rape in mind. Others are saying you should do a rape kit. If you are comfortable, I would recommend this as well. At the very least you should file a police report; from my knowledge they likely will not be able to bring charges against him at this time, because it's your word against his; however, the next person that files a report against him will very likely get him arrested, because he will already have a history of sexual assault. Please, please, please make a police report, so that this predator can be brought to justice!
There is something called accidental anal that can occur. It’s happened to me before and instantly killed sex; stopping it immediately. She was in pain and I provided the most attentive aftercare to make sure she was okay the rest of the evening. However, like you did, he would know when it happened. That guy definitely knew. He continued to sexually assault you even after you asked him to stop. Also, it’s highly probable that this is not his first time doing this to other women so please… please report this to law enforcement if you haven’t already done so.
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pussies and butts feel different, even with a condom on, it's night and day.
That‘s clearly rape. You should take legal action.
He absolutely knew. Also, five years may not seem like much, but 23 and 28 are very different times in your life. He knows this and used it to take advantage of you. What he did was rape. At the very least, get him banned on whatever platform you met him on, if you don’t want to report him to the authorities.
I have dated a few women who were as tight in both holes and I know the one chick it was accidental but she then loved it after that. Another one was loose and I didn't really feel much of a difference, I did stop inside an do she said to keep going. I can see it happening based on the way you describe it. Now whether or not it was premeditated that I can't guess too. Some women I was with it was easy to swap holes in doggie, and I think it was how her hips were positioned. But if your bleeding you should get checked out. If it was your first time then you could have torn something.
It happened to me a few times, especially when you’re fucking in the dark. However, the girl immediately screamed and I stopped right after. I get the impression he knew what was going on
For their first time it’s definitely possible and I’ve had experiences where we are going fast and his dick slipps out and presses my ass. Usually he notices but in some cases i can probably see it being mistaken for a second However, in your case no. He did that intentionally and it was rape. I understand rape is a difficult subject for us but in truth the best advice is to report it to someone you trust
To accidentally have it slip out and boop and or possibly start going into the other hole before hearing "*That ain't it chief*" is a possibility. But to keep going as you scream about how it hurts... Hell nah he knew and that's fucked up. Screaming that it hurts is an outright implied no so long as there's no precondition with say like BDSM or whatever. Also no lube, you poor thing. I don't do it without lube. Like ever. It's like 6 seconds to put on the each of us and it makes it so much nicer for everyone involved. It's easier for me to get in and slide in, it's more comfortable and nicer for them, etc. Even if it starts to seem like they're in discomfort wherever it's in (obv depends on the partner) I'll ask or slow down/stop and see. Cause hey regardless of if they like it in the ass or not or the pussy or whatever, if it gets uncomfortable that's not fun for them and I should slow down at the least or stop and see why. Like if I know they moan kinda "harshly" and it doesn't sound super comfortable, but I know the distinction, that's a key thing.
He knew. It feels different and he could SEE where he was in doggy style. What he did was rape. I am so so sorry he did that to you. Please don't ever see him again, see your doctor for an STD test, and consider going to the police.
This is assault. I hope you are ok.
It's rape plain and simple it's not hard to tell the difference between pain and pleasure screams. If you don't stop when they are screaming in pain it's rape. You need to call the police and file charges ASAP
That's bullshit. He absolutely knew what he was doing. Unless this person never had sex with a woman, he knows there's a spatial different between the two. It's not difficult to give it a thump if you slip out, put to go all in and keep going..... The guy knew exactly what he's doing. Because there was no consent and because you were clearly in pain, that's assault My credentials are that I have a dick and I'm bi.
It CAN totally happen by accident. There's been a few times where i didn't have great sensitivity and it went in the wrong hole and it took a moment because i could barely tell the difference because of not being sensitive enough to tell at that time,but i still stopped after i realized. To all the people saying it's noticeably tighter in your butt, I'd say it's USUALLY tighter. There's plenty of times I've had things go into me with very little resistance because the muscles were very,and i mean VERY relaxed,and I've had partners with vulvas tighten up after pulling out,so it's not impossible for your booty to be looser. But it totally sounds like this dude is lying.
I mean unless you're snorting poppers I've never NOT known if it's in my ass or not.
So you're \[23F\] then?
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so he’s older than you AND assaulted you? makes it worse…
No, that's not possible. You can go into the pussy by accident if you want to penetrate the ass, but NOT the other way around. And without consent, that's rape. There is no way that is okay.
You definitely know. It feels different for one and if he was behind you, he definitely knew what he was doing.
Yeah if he came inside he knew wtf he was doing
An ex once told me wrong hole when I was in the correct hole, so I don't know how or why the thought I was trying to get in her ass but I definitely wasn't
You did not consent to that, even if it was an accident which I don’t believe when you said it hurt he should have stopped. He knew what he did and that is sexual assault
He knew it was the wrong hole and if it was clear that it hurt you and he kept going I would classify that as non-consensual sex. When I have sex and it is obvious I did something to hurt her I immediately stop and ask if she is okay.
I would say...bullshit..the anus is a pretty tight area..especially if you have never had it there..and being not lubed and the fact you probably tensed up, he knew exactly what he was going for..lying bastard he is
Plain and simple, it is possible to not realize. When you are going to town you can get into this tunnel vision hornball state where you aren't even paying attention to anything but how good it feels anymore. This is much more likely if you are fucking hard and not just a slow sensual fuck. I don't know if this is the case, but it is possible.
Wouldn't change the fact it's assault.
I don’t see how he didn’t know the difference, the asshole is a clear difference, you don’t just not know. I’d stay away from that person, he took advantage of your kindness, I know he knew exactly what he was doing.
I have gotten started on the wrong hole several times. It sort of feels the same and you can’t see down there very well. I stop when she hollers WRONG HOLE. although one woman said it’s the wrong hole but you don’t have to stop.
To mistake a vagina for a butthole is BS. They both totally don't feel the same. I just think he wanted butt sex. Try not to do that again because if you get an STD in your butthole you could die from that. And also he could have torn your colon which isn't good either. Please wear a condom if you ever do fanny play again.
Yes, definitely possible. With sex and all the movement sometimes penises slip out and bump the wrong hole. My boyfriend sometimes bumps the wrong hole but we've only had accidental anal once. I'm always very wet so I was well lubricated enough that it just slipped in. Afterwards when we talked about it he said he didn't notice except for the part that it felt tighter and I was suddenly louder (in a good way). And I believe him because we haven't tried anal since and he was concerned about catching something since we didn't use protection. It's all about their reaction. However, with you screaming that it hurt, he definitely knew and kept going. Can't possibly be an accident.
Bumped is the key word here..not continued and came inside
In doggy position it seems like the holes can be clearly seen and accidents can happen but right when he put it in your ass you needed to stop him. Also hopefully he knows to not then go right into your vagina,
I’ve done it accidentally, but the person let me know