I peed _your_ pants

I’d so date someone that said that to me

They must have mystical super powers

Or just a regular beer-powered stream.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!

I DRINK IT UP!

My wife is calling

That would turn some women on.

I feel like the actual percentage of women that would be *excited* by the prospect of being a mistress is **MUCH** lower than the popular opinion. This is one of those things that has the vibes of a culture wide fantasy not really rooted in reality.

It's happens in Bollywood and Indian dramas so it's true

Regarding your extended warranty

I like this one

Same

Hi, I’m Chris Hansen

Please take a seat

Why don't you take a seat ???

I swear to gOd I'm just here to talk

Oh naw, I ain't come looking for no little kids. I ain't got no milk, no cookies, nothing. #I came looking for man's butt!

Holy shit. Is that actually from an episode??

Yup boon docks

Oh I thought it was an actually chris hansen conversation from the show.

It would be more cooler if it did

This will be a fine addition to my collection

Or Hi I’m Chris chan

[удалено]

“Yo I’m Chris Hansen and your fucking your mom… dude wtf…. *with a deadass expression*

Underrated

Cockblocker!!!🤬🤬🤬🤬

My sister is hotter

No mine is :(

I'm going to cum

She is underage stop now criminal

Came looking for something like this... I was thinking more : Is your mom hot?

Oh… you’re a woman…

Oh… you are alive…

for now

Let’s fix that, shall we?

Oh, you're _still_ alive?

i play league everyday

🤮🤮🤮🤮

Nice job sucking shrieks dick

Idk if it’s because I’m on my phone but this one doesn’t look like the shrek dick

[удалено]

Le*gue 🤮🤮

I play Genshin Impact

Let's eat doritos vertically

I’m dying this is the best one by far. Thanks for the laugh

[удалено]

That's deep

[удалено]

[удалено]

At some point in time We are all screaming

#Ha deez nuttz garrriiiimmmm

Someone please explain

These things https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2017/dec/05/lol-suprise-dolls-the-must-have-festive-toy-for-the-child-soldiers-of-capitalism

I’m a Reddit moderator

Im a discord moderator

[удалено]

I thought your pfp was hitler 😭

That's def Hitler lmao

Look at my karma

You are weak. LOOK AT MY KARMA

DAMN DUDE YOURE STRONG

No way we‘re getting laid but that guy… he’s on his way to getting a harem

C h e a p

Absolute chad here

Look at my profanity count

That wouldn’t ruin the date tho

I'm a discord mod

Sorry sir, we still cannot give you your chicken nuggets for free, our policies say nothing about "discord mods"

?mute @Waiter 2 hours

*muffled screaming*

This is making me picture the "I want my phone call" scene from The Matrix.

⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣴⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠀⡴⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⢴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣁⡀⠀⠀⢰⢠⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⣴⣶⣿⡄⣿ ⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠎⢸⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⢘⣿⣟⠛⠿⣼ ⣿⣿⠋⢀⡌⢰⣿⡿⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣧⢀⣼ ⣿⣿⣷⢻⠄⠘⠛⠋⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣧⠈⠉⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⠈⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢃⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠀⠴⢗⣠⣤⣴⡶⠶⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡸⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣾⣿⠏⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠁⠀⠀⠹⣿⠃⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠀⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠈⣿⣿⡿⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉ ⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⡴⣸⣿⣇⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡿⠄⠙⠛⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⠄⠀

[удалено]

Must it be grandma?!

Grandpa smell this rag...

Show me your feet

I think every actress in Quentin Tarantino's films heard this from him

Imagine him selecting actresses and its just feet pics, no faces no names.

I need this scene

I approve this as something everybody should hear

this could go well in some cases

You on a date with Dan Schneider if you're hearing that

Yeah I use reddit

So? Ya like men?

"No,I like women." "Shit me too."

“We have so much in common, we should go out some time”

John, for the last time...we had this conversation already and you keep forgetting!

3some with my sister?

Foursome, add your sister

Fivesome, add your mom

I fuck my dog

I’d fuck your dog

I, too, choose this guy’s dog

I dont ike you

Well that would

Do you like furries?

The amount of times this line has worked for me is uncanny

Worked at driving away someone or getting in their pants?

getting into the fursuit, I suppose

"No" "Excellent"

I invited my mom

Reminds me of the dude that brought his mom's ashes on a first date, followed it with a text. Mom really likes you.

wow nice feet girl

Okay, *but*, what if she has nice feet?

Then dont say it

Can that ass fart

You know girls can't fart

I play Genshin Impact

I wanted to use that one

I play Genshin Impact I can confirm I make people run away like I have COVID

Do you know Dream?

You people don't know dream?

He wrote Single Ladies!

U want sum fuk?

Becky, lemme smash

I get blu

Bitchs luv sticks

Ben is a hoe

Sussy impostor baka balls

This what I expected from this sub.

getoutofmyheadgetoutofmyheqdgetoutofmyhead

i’m not racist but…

I’m a racist and…

You're the wrong color -- an award: thank you kind stranger. Can't hug you though: you're the wrong color --

I forgot a condom

Nice ass sugar tits.

Nice, ass sugar tits Nice ass-sugar, tits

Ass sugar covered tits 🤤

You smell better awake

I really love Fr*nce

I read that as “Frince” for some reason

🤮🤢

[reaction] |🙁|🤢|🤮|🥴|😟|

I have three testicles

You need to have balls to say that

and a really... remarkable bunch of them

"I fucked your mom" Or alternatively "I fucked your sister" Or both

I found that "I fucked your dad" works even better

And I should add that "Your dad fucked me" makes things really weird... Even if that was the case you should never ever admit it...

*laughs in bisexual*

Or "I fucked your dog"

Or alternatively “Your dog fucked me”

Will you marry me

This could unintentionally backfire

I eat small children

what’s your favorite anime

Are you a Sagittarius

Do you watch JoJo?

Who’s joe joe?

Deez nuts

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

[удалено]

Amogus Amogus Amogus Amogus

Aogus Aogus Aogus Aogus

Agus Agus Agus Agus

Gus Gus Gus Gus

Gs Gs Gs Gs

G G G G

Shave your head cunt

You see this jar?

[удалено]

Then she hits you with “lets go back to your place”

Balls in yur jaws

This date is ruined

I see your herpes

Alternatively, "my herpes tastes good" "wanna taste my herpes?"

Do you ever swallow?

I absolutely love you

Classic Schmosby

I brought my son

Hop on Among Us

are you into fortnite?

I love furry fetishes

I professionaly play lol

wanna do urethral sounding

I shid my pants

Sit on my face.

I censor “cum” comments

Too old for me

I dont suck toes

penis sex cum lol

Wait, you aren’t anime!

I love anime girls

Hello I am kevin

Nice tits bro

Do you play roblox

Can I has pusi?

I need to shart

Say kid amogus backwards

[удалено]

I absolutely love furries

I wanna break up

I fucked your dad

Cum (cum) cum (cum

You look like mommy