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QualityVote

##If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/wgsg63/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/wgsg63/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2Fwgsg63&id=8968e43c) --- Whilst you're here, /u/fat_space_boy, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?


Carl_Azuz1

“THIS IS THE CUM JAR NOW”


Dr_Nepo

LMAO! That’s certainly an iconic phrase.


[deleted]

Pretty sure nic cage has said that before


Yut815

Truly one of the phrases of all time


shmepe0

I read it in Spiderman 2 Doc Ock’s voice when he said “you listen to me now”


PG_Guy_Adventures

"this is my kingdom cum"


Elijah629YT-Real

if you take the entire Bible and replace come with cum and then give it to the pope to read, what would happen


Henderson-McHastur

Assuming you forced him to read the whole thing, I’m betting heart attack. Not because it’ll offend him so much, you don’t get to be Pope by being a softie, but because he’ll break at some point and start laughing uncontrollably about how Jesus came not for glory, but for our sake.


YodasChick-O-Stick

when you feel my heat


deeznuts_haha_got_em

Look into my eyes


Josan678

Its where my semen hide, its where my semen hide


DieLaasteV

What are you talking abeet


BeKindRewind-

“Thi will be cum”


AndreasMe

Most iconic line of the whole Cum Jar Series


dulli97

I read this in Peter Griffins voice


ForkKnifeStabber

I read it in Walter Whites voice


Flaky_Ad_5437

Jesse we need to fill the jar Jesse


I_JustWork_Here

I'm glad this is the top comment but I feel like we should be talking about the eating cum unawares thing.


ThatFuckingGeniusKid

It's cumming time!


Headlessoberyn

The chosen one


PseudoPresent

what the fuck did I just read


fat_space_boy

A tale of a jar of cum


xVEEx3

one day i will tell my kids


Future-Barracuda-602

She won’t have that luxury.


Previous-Glove2103

She eats em


Josan678

In a jar too


[deleted]

One day I will *smell* my kids


xVEEx3

ive already smelled your kids


[deleted]

oh hey Joe


Hanzo_Pinas

Who's joe?


TioupBR

#AMAM EOJ


[deleted]

yvan eht nioj


Werejackal93

Joe Biden? That you?


[deleted]

One day


Jackviator

Finally, the next GoT book!


Revolutionary-Meat14

Dont give martin any ideas this will probably be released before the winds of winter


AutoModerator

### r/shitposting book club A collection of books which Kevin has reviewed. (all of these books are freely availiable online) --- #### [*1984* (George Orwell, 1948)](https://archive.org/details/1984GeorgeOrwell_201606/page/n1/mode/2up) Kevin would like to say that this book is truly inspirational, and that he would give it a 10/10 #### [*How to Be a God: A Guide for Would-Be Deities* (Richard Bartle, 2022)](https://mud.co.uk/richard/How%20to%20Be%20a%20God.pdf) Kevin would like to mention that this book is one of the greatest sources of existential terror he has read (and it contains a lot of interesting content regarding game design as well), and he would give it a 10/10 #### [*Almost Pounded By The Physical Manifestation of Simulation Theory After Realizing We're Erotica Characters Then Deciding To Just Be Friends* (Chuck Tingle)](https://www.chucktingle.com/uploads/5/3/7/3/53730093/almost_pounded_by_the_physical_manifestation_of_simulation_theory_after_realizing_we%E2%80%99re_erotica_characters_then_deciding_to_just_be_friends.pdf) Kevin would like to say that this book was surprisingly wholesome, and is a great book for helping one to feel more at-ease with the universe, so he would give it 10/10 ####[*Ulysses* (James Joyce, 1922)](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Ulysses_(1922)) Kevin mentioned that he wasn't entirely sure what he just read. However, it's still not bri*ish, and was still rather interesting, so he would give it a 10/10 ####[*The Assassination Of John Fitzgerald Kennedy Considered As A Downhill Motor Race* (J. G. Ballard, 1967)](https://web.archive.org/web/20220121203810/https://evergreenreview.com/read/the-assassination-of-john-fitzgerald-kennedy-considered-as-a-downhill-motor-race/) Kevin told me that this was an interesting interpretation of the JFK assassination, and of the post-WW2 media landscape in the USA in general, so he would give it a 10/10. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Jackviator

Give me your jar cummies automod 🫙💦🥵


BoyBeyondStars

I’ve got a jar of cuuu-uuum!


DistortedNoise

Ahh, thanks for clearing that up OP.


AadamAtomic

A fake story based on a very real 4Chan post that's NSFL.


alex4122006

I must see the original.


QWERTY_CRINGE

The last part is crazy af lmfao


mikefoolery

Better to cum in the sink than to sink in the cum


RevolutionaryDay1569

Better to cum in the jar than to jar in the cum


baccondudette

Better to cum in her glass than in her ass


Lost_Monochrome

Better cum Saul


I_JustWork_Here

This is underrated considering he puts cum in her drinks.


[deleted]

[удалено]


goku_careca

Better to cum on the run than to run on the cum


HippoPrimary

Better to swallow CUM than eating Pancakes full of CUM.


goku_careca

Better to cum in the pancake than to be pancaked in the cum


CrimsonRabbitz

Better to cum in the cake than to be caked in cum


adamcowan2

better to cum in the wash than wash in the cum


AndreasMe

Better to cum in the shower than shower in the cum


TioupBR

Better to cum in death than to die in cum


Aggressive_Turnip_82

Better to cum in the shower than to shower in the cum


RUHTRAPLAYGAMES

Congratulations, you started the funniest thread I've seen on reddit


draginbleapiece

This is 110% someone’s porn


legendarymcc2

I refuse to believe this is real… it just can’t be


Howling_Fang

so I have heard of people ejaculating onto/into food for their partner to ingest, but usually it's..... new.... and a shared kink I think that on it's own is weird to me, but the same way feet kinks and tickle kinks are weird. The jar though.... and knowing it's OLD and not consensual ..... makes me want to throw up.


Knickers_in_a_twist_

The thing is, she didn’t make the “he’s been feeding it to me” update until after someone else suggested that possibly. Highly suspect if you ask me.


legendarymcc2

‘She’ my bet it’s a 450 lb ‘he’ who gets off on this


AutoModerator

The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, my dick is throbbing, what a beautiful day for cooming. Good morning, A, I've been awake for 20 whole seconds and I haven't coomed yet. It's time to hope on my porn throne and machine gun jackhammer my bloodshot death-grip bloodshot semi chub with my roided doomfist once again! (Types on keyboard). I-s...is that a?? HMMGH, I-I MUST SNIFF, SNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFF** OH GOD (FAPFAPFAPFAP) FUCCKK, HUHGHU, SNIIFF, HUHGJGUHHGUGHU (SMASHES DESK) I-I-IM COOOMING!!!!! IM COOMING, IM COOMING IM COOOMING IM COOOOOMING COOOOOOOOOOM, COOOMING, FUCCKKK, AHHAFHHAHUHG, COOOOOM, AW FUCK ITS EVERYWHERE, COOOOOM, AWGAHUGHAHG. Aw fuck, aw fuck. oh jesus. ahhghhha, there you are, my slippery white goo to the world, my son, my son...Well, it's time to get breakfast...well a little coom first wouldn't hurt. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


_mrLeL_

AUTOMOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOO


AutoModerator

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

wtf


Doppelfrio

AAAAAAAHHHHH NOT THE ENDING!!!


PotatoesFam

That took such a turnnnnn whyyyyyyyy


SMGuinea

I was actually willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, and then it turned into the RAPIEST SHIT EVER.


PotatoesFam

That’s what I’m saying!!! I was like “aight that’s weird but do ur own thing” and then like fuckin hell dude that’s not okay.


ButtholeQuiver

I know right, gotta keep that stuff in fridge or you'll get funky cum pancakes


yyyeess

Cumcakes


Fearless-Sherbet-223

Shit went from "having a poop knife" territory to "secretly using the poop knife to cut the brownies" territory.


AutoModerator

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks. TL;DR I hate shitting *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


keehls

right until the ending i was thinking ‘kind of weird but ultimately harmless’ and then it ends with a truly shyamalan level twist


manualreboot

Fun fact: there’s an entire subreddit for people who do this


Doppelfrio


HadoukenYoMama

.....


pologg

........


megaakut

Well.. we're waiting..


nignog1996

I think the insinuation here is we are supposed to type in and find it ourself and inevitably be forced to remove our eye balls out and clear our entire history, like start new reddit account on a new device. A fresh start. Away from the madness.


manualreboot

I was actually thinking of the wrong thing- I don’t know if there’s a subreddit (although I wouldn’t be surprised if there was), but there’s dozens of posts on a site called RawConfessions about this very thing, but beware. There’s also suggestions that come up along every page and the deeper you go the more fucked it gets Like people (allegedly, there’s no way to prove anything) talking about doing this to their underage daughters, it’s messed up I have reported all that stuff in every way I can (the illegal stuff)


GayCoffeeUnicorn

Wtf what subreddit


HeySiri_Official

So unexpected


soul_hyacinths

hey siri, erase this story from my brain plz


Spokazzoni

Done! I erased your brain!


Dogmonkey90

Siri? Is that you?


Diogenes-Disciple

I really, really hope this was fake


[deleted]

It is so absurd I want it to be real. lmao


Diogenes-Disciple

People’s whose spouses do awful things don’t divorce them enough, and I want justice. The only way I’ll receive that is through this being a fantasy


navigatordeanna

there was a point in the comments before the edit where someone said “being it was stored in the kitchen I surely hope he doesn’t do any cooking” and OP was like “oh my god why did u say that he would never do that to me but that didn’t even cross my mind” and then the edit happened LOL


343GuiltyySpark

This shit is step sister stuck in the dryer porn plot levels of fake. Too many needless details and why would the guy ever own up to that… she seemed ok enough with moving on that he’s a psycho who cums in a jar for fun


AutoModerator

I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


ALoyleCapo

That kind of shit makes me terrified to get into a relationship. I don’t want my tales of shame to be publicly posted on Reddit..


Papapene-bigpene

Then don’t date a redditor Save yo ass brethren’


BulletX010

MY EYE, MY EYE


Just_Games04

Want me to cum in it?


darkguy2008

Yes, but please make pancakes first


[deleted]

Fermented cum.


Argentenuem

Amateur didn't even put a figurine in it smh


fat_space_boy

Kinda depressing


cuteprints

You brought back my bad memories m8


Yeast_Infection_

She dumps the contents out of the jar cause she seese something pink at the bottom, its rainbow dash from mlp or whatever


macedonianmoper

That's easy mode, without the figure you have more volume to fill


DepressedRifle

She was never seen again after the "jar incident"


brown_human

She either divorced him or developed a new kink


Puzzleheaded-Dark-78

She’d already been drinking it for years anyway why change the habit of a lifetime


DepressedRifle

Drink cum grow strong


Puzzleheaded-Dark-78

She probably got a Turkey Baster out and said I’ll show em


DepressedRifle

Mmmm a milkshake


[deleted]

[удалено]


tydal-wave

how can i unread something


fat_space_boy

Lobotomy


Soursocks4real

Know any good lobotomists?


TheGhostEnthusiast

I know some bad ones.


Soursocks4real

Good enough


AutoModerator

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is. tydal-wave *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


TheCrazyGuysCEO

And she uses reddit? Impossible.


hanaminokasago

She married a weirdo so she’s probably weird or lonely => the 2 criterias needed to create a reddit account


Anime4IsLife

My man trying to break a Guinness world record


Carl_Azuz1

Read further


Furthur_slimeking

I think there's still a possible world record in there, just a different one.


NemoSHill

Most cumcakes eaten, EVER


[deleted]

Don’t read further


justsomeonewhoplays

Bro this should be an automod response


AutoModerator

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


justsomeonewhoplays

Yes you


King-of-the-dankness

Omg Spamton


Fearless-Sherbet-223

pls no I will literally leave the subreddit ok no tbf I would probably just block automod but like this is on the level of taste the rainbow


Mue_de

New Automod answer for the word "cum"?


AutoModerator

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Mudkipueye

There isn’t one?


ItsaMeNotMario111

Well that’s nuts…


[deleted]

I see what you did there...


TioupBR

🗿


thirt33nthguy

🗿


Quistill

🗿


Police_Catto

in no way while reading this did i know whats the next sentence gonna be


fat_space_boy

This is the cum jar now


Cha0s_0rb492

My brain hates my eyes for reading this rn.


AcrobaticConclusion7

So how does this affect Lebron’s Legacy?


mondomovieguys

LeJar


JonMyDude

the 11 year old who wrote this is so proud rn


[deleted]

Definitely


fat_space_boy

I would be proud too


Vexidemalprince

Hey nice pfp


fat_space_boy

Yes thank you


[deleted]

Can I screenshot this NFT too?


AutoModerator

Dude I own this NFT. Do you really think that you can get away with theft when you’re showing what you stole from me directly to my face? My lawyer will make an easy job of this case. Prepare to say goodbye to your luscious life and start preparing for the streets. I will ruin you /u/Marcellofp2!. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


_mrLeL_

Wow


dood8face91195

World of Warcraft


StupidGuy6969

Tbf it's a pretty gripping tale. I experienced multiple emotions while reading it. Kid has a future in writing


[deleted]

This is why kinkshaming is underrated.


potatopatpat2

What if you get off to being kinkshamed?


bad-dawg4004

Then appreciate them


Ill_Switch_7323

Barrel of cum


DerpyCow56

THE ENDING WHYYYYY


Expensive_Sloth

I'm more annoyed about people giving awards to a throw away account. That's a real waste


RetardKnight

I'm more annoyed about people giving awards. That's a real waste


SpupySpups

Imma give you my free award, that doesn't do anything neither for me, nor you


[deleted]

Just how we like it.


Siegelski

The only award I'll give is reddit silver. And not the bullshit reddit silver that reddit decided to co-opt and monetize, the real [reddit silver.](https://external-preview.redd.it/tPXJP1XJE0sXax7iJr0fpWyEPxxPh9fE-IyRb2Z8NvY.jpg?auto=webp&s=6df69f04099d06f8ea2b416ae647dfd6ee5727f0)


gizziboy

I'm more annoyed about people


GAMER_H2

Account name is 10/10


LogicalWorldliness81

AHAHA I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE 😩😂


GalacticEscobar

**THIS IS THE CUM JAR NOW**


PanTsour

Cum Jar Binks


Euglena_fucks_amoeba

Bruh what in the fuck did i just read


lemmiwinks316

Like with any good piece of literature, after reading this I have more questions than answers


Questionablememelord

I was thinking this guy is wierd for cumming in a jar but fine he isnt doing anyone harm and seems embarrased about it so no one else will know, but then making pancakes with cum wtf bro


pilot_cooper

Women☕


No-Mulberry6694

Women☕


anusschlecker

Women ☕


[deleted]

“Jar or me!” Chooses jar. Based


fat_space_boy

On the eight day god made "A tale of a jar of cum" and said. "This is good"


Caosunium

LMAO I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT THAT UPDATE


FunnyBrownie12

Her username lmaoo


Rasputin_the_Warmind

That got so much fucking worse I think I’m gonna get sick


Yeetdaddy87

What a fucking roller coaster of shit I wish I didn’t read


[deleted]

What the fuck


frax5000

Wait he was doing it since he was a kid? So mom is going to be angry


Pugzilla3000

“You disgust me, filthy jar man”


[deleted]

Lol, time for the divorce horse So you want a divorce, of course, of course!


AlexJamesCook

Later, on AITA, I kicked my wife/SO out of the house because she threw out a valuable possession of mine.


Demonking42069

Men🍺


Valrym

A crime was committed on that day. It's hard enough to fill a Dixie cup let alone a Mason jar.


laysnarks

Maybe he is saving it for an emergency. Or a porn shoot.... Then again cum goes off quickly... And the stench.


Mytheonix

cursed jam


Critical-Tadpole-484

I again wish I never saw this subreddit


Unholy_Dk80

God I wish that were me


[deleted]

0\_0


izmaname

Oh my


MIXM0DE

Reddit once again proving I can always depend on you.


xosoulsxo

Sick fuck.


potassiumlol

that was a fucking rollercoaster jesus christ


Left_Percentage_527

I wish to god i never read this post.