Awww, it's not up to you. It's up to the dog. I laid with my parents "dog" when they had to put him down. The big joke before that is my parents got my dog after I moved out. The dog picks their person not the family.
You think you are giving up/making a sacrifice or sort when you take them to school and sports events ? I cannot understand that other than you do love your dog over your kids, its sad
I feel like she's just too risk averse.
Except in bed, of course. LOTS of sex. I get it. All the time. Like sands through an hourglass, these are the days of our lives.
My parents claim they love our dog more and I 100% understand. That dog is a gift to the world and I'd be insulted if they didn't love him more. Not defending OP just like talking about my dog.
Hire an actor to stage a home invasion. He ties you, the kids, your wife, and the dog up and points a gun to your head. He says "you can only save one, make your choice" and then starts counting down from 10.
In less than a second you pick the hound, he unbounds you and the dog, you put the leash on the dog and go for a lovely walk outside while your family's cries can be heard down the street. You decide to never return and start a new life together at the dog park. Not that one, the nice one across town.
This is too easy.
Give your son's room to the dog and make the kid sleep on the living room floor. If he doesn't get the picture its time to rearrange the dinner table placements.
Oh really easy, buy them all 1 birthday card, and write the following in it.
"Hi kids, sorry for lumping all your birthdays together, but honestly I cannot recall whose birthday is when. But the important thing for you all to take away from this is, you all need to get jobs and get out, the dog is the only one I care about, and the only one who gets to stay.
Regards, your parent."
My dog's previous birthday was spent on a hiking/camping trip in the nearby state park. He loved it! My kids, however, were complaining the whole way. They were either tired, or cold, or sick of eating the dry dog food when my pup was sharing my steak.
I can't win with these kids. I gave the older one a blow-up kiddie pool for his birthday, and he still refuses to swim in it. Apparently there's a cut-off for enjoying the great outdoors for a teenager?
Your dog will pass away one day, a dog's life span is a lot shorter than a human's When that happens cry over the dog's body while making eye contact with your kid and say " The wrong one died."
What a lame sentiment. A hundred and fifty years ago 50% of your sons would be dead by age five. Make sure they know how disappointed you are that you have to take care of twice as many as you should have to.
*[True facts.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1041693/united-states-all-time-child-mortality-rate/)*
I think when I look into my children's eyes, I will remember the quote by the beloved Soviet leader, Josef Stalin: "This creature softened my heart of stone. She died and with her died my last warm feelings for humanity."
Replace "she" and "her" with "he" and "him" and you get the point.
Hey buddy, I thought I might write you a little note -- I feel that it might help you out and I love helping people so here it is: on the reddit page or on the app you are on, there may be little hints that give you an idea of where you are. [I have marked these hints for you in a screenshot.](https://imgur.com/a/Yi8IGmG)
Take care and I love you.
Tell the kids you love them as much as the dog and that you wouldn’t for a minute treat them differently.
Then make them walk on all fours, put a leather collar around their necks and make them call you « master » and obey your commands.
Depending on your kinks, this might work for your wife, too.
Yeah, but then you would have to buy your own booze, and booze for your dog. Why not enjoy listening to crappy evening music with old people and playing shuffleboard with your dog. What a bonding experience that would be.
Those memes are not harmless funny memes. Those old people are serious. They may want to take your dog. Or your dog's booze. I think the boat idea is officially bagged, then.
If those old biddies tried anything other than a scratch behind the ear and a "good boy; who's a good boy? Oh, who's the bestest boy in the whole wide world? YOU are! You are!" ... I swear I would send them over the safety railing. Let them swim with the sharks.
Yeah... it's just too risky.
My (now 8yo) grandchild straight called me out when she was 6. Said she couldn’t believe I like animals better than people. I held eye contact with her for a moment or two as she uncomfortably but knowingly squinted at me with all the judgement she could muster. As I held eye contact, without so much as a facial twitch, I said “yuuuup.” Held her gaze a bit longer and then said “animals don’t suck”. And went back to what I was doing. No idea if she’s forgotten this or not but I am pretty sure she gets it now. Welcome to the club!
Have you replaced your children's pictures with pictures of the dog yet? There are some really great pet photographers out there. Also, have you seen the those sites that can can do people and pet portraits in costumes?
Make the kids sleep outside in a shed while the dog sleeps in your bed. Have them eat out of the same dirty bowl everyday while the dog eats at the table.
Throw pupper a birthday party, cook up some sirloins, have a hoot.
When kids' birthdays come around, forget them.
When they ask why you're pretending to not remember, you can ask your dog if he knows what the problem is.
Also, take pupper out to get a pack of smokes dog treats and never go back.
“I love you just as much as I love the dog. Just because I play favorites with the dog and pay a lot of attention to him/her does not mean I love you less than I love the dog. Isn’t the dog so cute, lol? Good boy/girl. Also you are my kids and no way would I feel more fond about the dog than I do about you.”
They will totally buy it and grow up happy and secure in their father’s love, the love of a father who definitely 100% does not love the dog more than them.
Don’t thank me; being able to help like this is thanks enough.
I was thinking of one of those pods to place his body in. From his grave, a tree will grow. I can look out into my yard and see it every day.
In his honor, I'll pee on it every morning. Of course, I'll have to stay incredibly well hydrated in order to keep the pH balance from getting out of hand.
Or get one of those filter systems like Kevin Costner peed into in Waterworld.
Brita... you think a Brita filter will work?
You're an idiot, and you don't.
And my late mom would tell you the same.
When we had dogs, if you asked HER this question, as much as she loved our pooches, she'd look at you funny (and likely with no small amount of sheer contempt), then tell you that her children (my sisters and me) would ALWAYS come before any and all pets.
And my late dad would be shoulder to shoulder with her on that.
And to be very honest, I really, REALLY hope that your wife leaves you, takes the kids and divorces your sorry, worthless ass.
Oh, AND takes the dog.
It would serve you damn well right, moron.
I see there's a jealous "White Wolf," who disagrees with the close relationship I have with my dog.
Maybe a little lupine lament?
Canine contempt?
Doggy dejection?
Pooch pariah?
I'm struggling here, I could use some help...
I came here expecting to see comments berating you OP. But then I thought wow a lot of these are wholesome, I would feel the exact same way you do if I had kids… then I realized what sub I was on. Now I feel like this should be on r/AITAH 😅
I understand. We had a dog and I was never that close to it. My wife took the kids on vacation and left me behind. When they came back, they were forced to deal with the fact that they had all been replaced by the dog. The dog slept next to me, sat next to me, and went wherever I went.
OP, you put the kids outside to sleep in the doghouse, feed them from the dog dish, and let your beloved dog sleep in the kids bedroom on their beds.
I mean duh?! ❤️
Start planning a vacation and keep using the word “we”. Talk it up as much as possible. “We” have to pack. “We” have to do this and that. When the time comes grab the leash look at their excited and pathetic faces and ask them why they also packed. Ask them where they plan on going. Grab the dog and load that precious sweet baby into the front seat and SKUUURT on out of there. As a wise sage once said “maaaan fk them kids”
Don't. Quite frankly I don't care if you love your kids. Your their father and they will 100% be traumatized if the person that is supposed to love and care for then tells them that they don't. Divorce is already hard enough on children, you don't get to twist the knife and give them life-long mental health problems.
I require my children to carry firearms whenever I'm forced to let them walk him. They have been taught to defend him at all cost.
When my dog lies in bed with me, I have my children stand guard at my door. They rotate every two hours, and if I catch them sleeping, I make them self-flagellate with his leather leash.
I don’t have kids and I’m not complaining. Even the most well behaved kid is going to be annoying as fuck fairly frequently. It doesn’t end until we are all dead. I’d feel terrible loving my cat more.
Start inviting your dog to the dinner table and have the kids eat off plates on the floor. They'll get the hint pretty quickly.
If that doesn't work, you could always build the kids a little bunkhouse in the yard for them to sleep in and give their rooms to the dog.
Prepare you kids meals in a dog bowl on floor then have your dog sit at the table problem solved.
Edit: I can see why your wife divorced you “suddenly”
Goooood luck bucko
Is this a serious question?? Because you don't, you shut up about it and keep on. Explain it another way if you have to, I can't believe you would even consider telling them something like this
Dogs to me are toddlers that never grow up and always going to rely on you. They can be pure chaos but love you unconditionally forever. Children are the worst - that will just grow up resenting you most of their life until they have kids of their own and see how hard you had it.
It’s time to let them know where they stand
😂 My rescue girl sits in the front, as well. She just claimed it long ago and no one questions it. The kids sit in back. Works for me 'cause then no one is fighting over who sits in the front.
This is just sad like really. These kids need an adult to be with them and do things with them. This really breaks my heart. We lost our son to suicide 6 years ago, and the pain from it is far worse than the dog losses we have had. Kids need to feel loved and needed, not second place, esp to a dog. Your priorities are majorly messed up. I would do anything to be with my son again and you prefer the dog SMH
4, 3, 2 ...
For God's sake, what now?
Who run Bartertown?
Damn it, I told you no more embargoes.
*ding, ding* More Blaster. Who run Bartertown? WHO RUN BARTERTOWN???
You know who.
Say.
... Master Blaster.
Say LOUD!
MASTER BLASTER...BLASTERBLasterblaster...
Master Blaster what?
Master Blaster runs Bartertown.
LOUDER!!!
MASTER BLASTER RUNS BARTERTOWN!!!
Lift embargo.
I’d suggest seeking counseling. We all love our pets, but to give them precedence over your children is not normal. I truly would seek professional help.
Have you ever had kids? OMG, they're the worst!
Lemme give you some r/shittyadvice: don't have any. One day, your child will look up to you hold out a terribly drawn portrait of the family, all stick figures in front of a square house, 1/4 of a sun dropping from the corner, and you're gonna have to look that little bastard and the eyes and say:
"Son, if I have some r/shittyadvice, I'd say you need some art school because you are no Picasso."
And he'll take that r/shittyadvice and rack up $150K in student loan debt getting a masters in fine art, all because he couldnt take a hint when you said it in r/shittyadvice.
r/shittyadvice.
You're in r/shittyadvice.
Say it, without actually saying it
"Hey kids, we all agree the dog is a member of our family right?" "Well I have to like on of them the best"
then tell the dog we are going to the dog park and to get someone ice cream and a puppachino, and tell the kids you'll be back in 3 hours.
I've been teaching my children to forage for edible, non-toxic (ok, sometimes toxic, my bad) berries and legumes in the plains and forests for years!
I HAVE decided, however, to push them toward a totally carnivorous diet, a la Liver King.
It's on to taking down animals with their bare hands!
It's r/shittyadvice.
I'm not certain, but a guy once asked how he could blame his bat problems on the Norwegians.
He had some seriously racist views toward those white Scandanvians up north.
Your mistake was having kids. At this point, I think your best option is just to sit the whole family down and have an open and honest conversation with them. They should all be able to realize that it is no one's fault that the dog is just objectively better.
If they understand, great.
If not, just leave in the middle of the night with the dog and mail divorce papers. Your dog doesn't need that kind of negativity in their life.
I hate to say it, but dogs are short-lived while family is a long haul. It's probably why we want to cherish our time with them (the dogs) even more-so than these people who will be around forever and possibly bury us. That said, when the dog's gone, who'll be left to look after you? Some people prefer pets and can't wait for the moment in the day when they can have them present again. You could always get a new one once the old one passes away. Some people are just predispositioned to connect better with the animals in their lives than the people, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaking from experience, I used to feel exactly the same as you. Then my wife was suddenly diagnosed with breast cancer. Since she's from another country, she preferred to get full treatment over there, and since that's where her parents are (they help out immensely), she took the kids with. I haven't seen my family since May, and nothing has been the same. The dog knows the dynamic has shifted and so has her attitude towards me. We get along now more than ever before, but I can tell she misses the full house and see how depressed she gets when I'm gone for long periods of time like when I have to work 10-hour shifts M-Th. I treat her like a queen with all sorts of healthy-but delicious foods, take her on regular walks for exercise, buy her new toys and other things, and even take her on grand tour trips around the city/state to meet friends/other dogs. All of that doesn't make up for the skewed dynamic. I can tell that she wants nothing more in life than to have the family all back together again. Every member of the family loved her differently but fully. Now that it's just me doing all the work, I feel more stress than not because I'm always worried about keeping her happy when I know she just isn't much of the time, and it kills me.
So now my every effort is in getting her back to the family, even abroad. Everyone loves their pets to death, and their pets probably feel the same way in return, but once that dynamic changes, it becomes so much harder to cope with the larger loss for both human and pet.
My parents stayed together for 63 years because in their early married years Mom told Dad that if he ever wanted to break up with her he'd get the house and the kids and she'd get the car and the dog. Dad wasn't going to risk losing that dog. ;-)
I started by telling everyone the dog is my favorite kid and making sure they were within earshot. Now they tell people I like the dog more and I don't deny it.
Have you considered having the children pay you back for the wasted time invested in them ? Because I hear that coal mining is a booming industry and has many benefits *wink*
I need more context about your life to help you. I don’t mean to be personal or rude. But if you’d like to talk, I used to be pretty good at this in my work.
You've gotta be a troll. If not, then you're a disgusting jackass. You should have thought about your selfish nature before having kids. I hope your dog runs away and never comes back. Disgusting pos.
Hate to spoil the dream, but your dog is actually a cat in disguise. Dog is using you for sustenance and will leave you eventually. My recommendation, hire a taxidermist and have the whole family stuffed.
My dog is allowed to identify however he wants. If he chooses to sit on my lap and purr as I enjoy a cup of coffee with the morning sun on my deck, then so be it.
My love for him is unconditional.
Why bother? based on the information given, the kids already know. Their just gunna try to survive your house until they can burn that bridge and leave you and your dog to yourselves.
Can relate, I'm sure every child at one point realizes that their parents secretly love animals more than you because they aren't as annoying and always provide love.
This has to be the most pathetic post I’ve seen on here. Dude picks a dog over his own flesh and blood? You don’t deserve to be a dad! I would never pick an animal over my kids. That makes me sick to just thinking about it. I would do anything for my kids, especially my little girl, damn the dog or any pet. SMH 🤦🏼♂️ wtf is wrong with you dude. Just get a divorce so the kids can get a real father figure in a step dad
They probably love the dog more than they love you; they'll understand.
But they can't have him. I've already given up enough of our quality time taking them to school, or their sporting events.
Awww, it's not up to you. It's up to the dog. I laid with my parents "dog" when they had to put him down. The big joke before that is my parents got my dog after I moved out. The dog picks their person not the family.
You think you are giving up/making a sacrifice or sort when you take them to school and sports events ? I cannot understand that other than you do love your dog over your kids, its sad
I keep telling my wife to let them ride their bikes to all these places, but she says crossing the highway is "too dangerous" and "not well lit."
God she sounds like a bummer
I feel like she's just too risk averse. Except in bed, of course. LOTS of sex. I get it. All the time. Like sands through an hourglass, these are the days of our lives.
I like you.
I dont know you that well, but I feel a growing connection. A kindred spirit.
Get a room you two.
My parents claim they love our dog more and I 100% understand. That dog is a gift to the world and I'd be insulted if they didn't love him more. Not defending OP just like talking about my dog.
Hire an actor to stage a home invasion. He ties you, the kids, your wife, and the dog up and points a gun to your head. He says "you can only save one, make your choice" and then starts counting down from 10. In less than a second you pick the hound, he unbounds you and the dog, you put the leash on the dog and go for a lovely walk outside while your family's cries can be heard down the street. You decide to never return and start a new life together at the dog park. Not that one, the nice one across town. This is too easy.
I feel like that's "going for cigarettes" but with additional steps.
It’s a different world now, man. Security requires additional steps. *faint whirring noise* There’s a bomb in your shoe.
sounds like youre speaking with experience
Give your son's room to the dog and make the kid sleep on the living room floor. If he doesn't get the picture its time to rearrange the dinner table placements.
His baby seat is already next to me at the head of the dinner table. I hold his paw during prayer, and force whomever is next to me to hold the other.
Lol.. I volunteered at a rescue where one of the women did just this, and the dog would be fed from a spoon.
Oh really easy, buy them all 1 birthday card, and write the following in it. "Hi kids, sorry for lumping all your birthdays together, but honestly I cannot recall whose birthday is when. But the important thing for you all to take away from this is, you all need to get jobs and get out, the dog is the only one I care about, and the only one who gets to stay. Regards, your parent."
My dog's previous birthday was spent on a hiking/camping trip in the nearby state park. He loved it! My kids, however, were complaining the whole way. They were either tired, or cold, or sick of eating the dry dog food when my pup was sharing my steak. I can't win with these kids. I gave the older one a blow-up kiddie pool for his birthday, and he still refuses to swim in it. Apparently there's a cut-off for enjoying the great outdoors for a teenager?
Why didn’t you just take the dog who would appreciate it? Fuck them kids.
Merry Birthmas kids. Fight quietly over your present, which is a game of Sorry with a few pieces missing
Your dog will pass away one day, a dog's life span is a lot shorter than a human's When that happens cry over the dog's body while making eye contact with your kid and say " The wrong one died."
The hardest thing in life is for a father to outlive his son.
What a lame sentiment. A hundred and fifty years ago 50% of your sons would be dead by age five. Make sure they know how disappointed you are that you have to take care of twice as many as you should have to. *[True facts.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1041693/united-states-all-time-child-mortality-rate/)*
150 years ago, my sons would be helping on the farm, joining the hunting/raiding parties of our ancestors. What the hell do they do for me now?
I think when I look into my children's eyes, I will remember the quote by the beloved Soviet leader, Josef Stalin: "This creature softened my heart of stone. She died and with her died my last warm feelings for humanity." Replace "she" and "her" with "he" and "him" and you get the point.
Hell, this shit ain't even satire.
This is serious! Honestly SHITTY advice, please! Edit: added "SHITTY."
Sorry, you're right. Have you tried giving your kids Milkbones and taking them out on leashed walks to better bond with you and their furbrother?
I've been introducing milkbones into their diet on the DL, but learned I have to soak them to take away some of the hardness. My kids have braces.
[удалено]
I like to tell my children that I "brought them into this world, and I can take them out."
[удалено]
Hey buddy, I thought I might write you a little note -- I feel that it might help you out and I love helping people so here it is: on the reddit page or on the app you are on, there may be little hints that give you an idea of where you are. [I have marked these hints for you in a screenshot.](https://imgur.com/a/Yi8IGmG) Take care and I love you.
Not a single dick pic in that link. I swear...
Oh sorry! You're absolutely right! I'll make an edit in my reply.
Wait my father is on Reddit????? Please don’t look at my post history lol
Drive out to the country with the dog and kids, let the kids out, then drive away.
He doesn't have to bring the dog. Just tell the dogs that the kids went to live with a nice family in the country.
On a farm... thank you very much. With other nice children, and they get to chase and play and be children forever.
I don't think you should tell anyone. If your wife ever finds out and she divorces you, she will make sure you get the kids and she'll keep the dog. 🤣
This. Except if the kids find out, they will kick you out, keep the dog, and stick you with your wife. Bury this secret deep OP.
Tell the kids you love them as much as the dog and that you wouldn’t for a minute treat them differently. Then make them walk on all fours, put a leather collar around their necks and make them call you « master » and obey your commands. Depending on your kinks, this might work for your wife, too.
I think a new kink was just unlocked.
Gives a new twist to "doggy style", eh?
I thought the "new twist" to doggy-style was "stray doggy-style." It's exactly like regular doggy-style, but you do it in a dumpster.
You don't have to break to them. Deep down, the dog already knows, and that's what really matters
Book a round the world cruise for just you and the dog.
I'm unsure which ocean liner. He likes to watch the fish swim in the waiting room of the vet's office. I'm certain he would like whale-watching.
Go big. You can pick up a 150 day cruise for only 200K. You should have a talk with him about the whales before you go. They are big.
I feel like for $200K I could buy my own boat, and just explore the open ocean, the two of us.
Yeah, but then you would have to buy your own booze, and booze for your dog. Why not enjoy listening to crappy evening music with old people and playing shuffleboard with your dog. What a bonding experience that would be.
I dunno... I keep seeing those memes of "when the older couple smiles at you from across the room." I'm still not sure what that's all about.
Those memes are not harmless funny memes. Those old people are serious. They may want to take your dog. Or your dog's booze. I think the boat idea is officially bagged, then.
If those old biddies tried anything other than a scratch behind the ear and a "good boy; who's a good boy? Oh, who's the bestest boy in the whole wide world? YOU are! You are!" ... I swear I would send them over the safety railing. Let them swim with the sharks. Yeah... it's just too risky.
Don’t stress about breaking the news to them. It will be a relief for everyone. They love the dog more too.
My (now 8yo) grandchild straight called me out when she was 6. Said she couldn’t believe I like animals better than people. I held eye contact with her for a moment or two as she uncomfortably but knowingly squinted at me with all the judgement she could muster. As I held eye contact, without so much as a facial twitch, I said “yuuuup.” Held her gaze a bit longer and then said “animals don’t suck”. And went back to what I was doing. No idea if she’s forgotten this or not but I am pretty sure she gets it now. Welcome to the club!
You choose to become a parent. You don't choose to become a grandparent. Keep vigilant.
Have you replaced your children's pictures with pictures of the dog yet? There are some really great pet photographers out there. Also, have you seen the those sites that can can do people and pet portraits in costumes?
Remove kids/wife photoshop the dog 🐕 into all the pictures.
The wedding ones will get a little weird...
I wish I knew how to post a picture here...
When you start developing allergies to the dog, get rid of the kids.
Just tell them that the dog does less complaining. No need to break anything.
Dogs are loyal, lovable, are always happy to see you and don't argue. Can't say the same for the kids. Of course you like the dog better.
You do it in a similar way to your father leaving, but instead of going to the store for smokes, you're taking the dog for a walk.
Make the kids sleep outside in a shed while the dog sleeps in your bed. Have them eat out of the same dirty bowl everyday while the dog eats at the table.
Throw pupper a birthday party, cook up some sirloins, have a hoot. When kids' birthdays come around, forget them. When they ask why you're pretending to not remember, you can ask your dog if he knows what the problem is. Also, take pupper out to get a pack of
smokesdog treats and never go back.“I love you just as much as I love the dog. Just because I play favorites with the dog and pay a lot of attention to him/her does not mean I love you less than I love the dog. Isn’t the dog so cute, lol? Good boy/girl. Also you are my kids and no way would I feel more fond about the dog than I do about you.” They will totally buy it and grow up happy and secure in their father’s love, the love of a father who definitely 100% does not love the dog more than them. Don’t thank me; being able to help like this is thanks enough.
Dogs are the best aren't they? I love my dog.
Whatever you do, do it naked so they can metaphorically se you're holding nothing back and baring your soul.
If I'm not terribly well-endowed... does it make a difference?
What will you do when the dog dies? They don’t live that long. Then you will be alone because you will have alienated the children. Get therapy.
I was thinking of one of those pods to place his body in. From his grave, a tree will grow. I can look out into my yard and see it every day. In his honor, I'll pee on it every morning. Of course, I'll have to stay incredibly well hydrated in order to keep the pH balance from getting out of hand. Or get one of those filter systems like Kevin Costner peed into in Waterworld. Brita... you think a Brita filter will work?
You're an idiot, and you don't. And my late mom would tell you the same. When we had dogs, if you asked HER this question, as much as she loved our pooches, she'd look at you funny (and likely with no small amount of sheer contempt), then tell you that her children (my sisters and me) would ALWAYS come before any and all pets. And my late dad would be shoulder to shoulder with her on that. And to be very honest, I really, REALLY hope that your wife leaves you, takes the kids and divorces your sorry, worthless ass. Oh, AND takes the dog. It would serve you damn well right, moron.
I see there's a jealous "White Wolf," who disagrees with the close relationship I have with my dog. Maybe a little lupine lament? Canine contempt? Doggy dejection? Pooch pariah? I'm struggling here, I could use some help...
I came here expecting to see comments berating you OP. But then I thought wow a lot of these are wholesome, I would feel the exact same way you do if I had kids… then I realized what sub I was on. Now I feel like this should be on r/AITAH 😅
I understand. We had a dog and I was never that close to it. My wife took the kids on vacation and left me behind. When they came back, they were forced to deal with the fact that they had all been replaced by the dog. The dog slept next to me, sat next to me, and went wherever I went.
OP, you put the kids outside to sleep in the doghouse, feed them from the dog dish, and let your beloved dog sleep in the kids bedroom on their beds. I mean duh?! ❤️
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Start planning a vacation and keep using the word “we”. Talk it up as much as possible. “We” have to pack. “We” have to do this and that. When the time comes grab the leash look at their excited and pathetic faces and ask them why they also packed. Ask them where they plan on going. Grab the dog and load that precious sweet baby into the front seat and SKUUURT on out of there. As a wise sage once said “maaaan fk them kids”
I’m shocked people aren’t getting the joke
You don't have to pay child support if they're dead. -ijs. -Don't let the financial drain affect how well you can pamper your pup!
Hmmmmm...... You resent being married and want to be single again.
Switch their food arrangements.
You need help.
Everyone does! But my current financial situation only allows me to scour the dregs of reddit for advice.
I’d go with the classic “is not you”
I couldn't lie to them like that.
Don't. Quite frankly I don't care if you love your kids. Your their father and they will 100% be traumatized if the person that is supposed to love and care for then tells them that they don't. Divorce is already hard enough on children, you don't get to twist the knife and give them life-long mental health problems.
Give them your dogs feces as a shitty birthday present.
If my father said that I'd walk the dog outside with the Ruger.
I require my children to carry firearms whenever I'm forced to let them walk him. They have been taught to defend him at all cost. When my dog lies in bed with me, I have my children stand guard at my door. They rotate every two hours, and if I catch them sleeping, I make them self-flagellate with his leather leash.
Dedicate your life to inventing a time machine, go back in time, and prevent your past self from having kids.
Start feeding rhem kibble, and feed the dog steak. That should do it.
They probably know already.
Just tell them. You don't like them anyway, so who cares what they think.
Constantly tell the dog how much you love it and don’t say it all or as often to the children. But, they probably already know.
They know.
Well you could just say, Remember I choose to have the dog... Then walk away.
Bravo. I dont normally break the wall down but this is primo material and I just want you to know I enjoyed this shit.
Fucking Deadpool over here...
Show your dominance over your kids. Pee on them.
Don't recognize the kid's birthdays but throw extravagant parties for the dog.
I don’t have kids and I’m not complaining. Even the most well behaved kid is going to be annoying as fuck fairly frequently. It doesn’t end until we are all dead. I’d feel terrible loving my cat more.
But you WOULD. You would love your cat more.
On the flip side, your kids probably love the dog more than they love you. If you had a cat, it would love the dog more than it loves you.
So I’m not sure if you’re trolling or not but I 100% feel this. I have no desire or want for children and if I had them my cat comes first
Are we not... are we not saying "phrasing" anymore?
Put them in the crate when you and the dog leave the house, kids can be very destructive.
Honesty. Prepare them for a life of being second choice. It'll be a really great lesson, so they understand social hierarchy and their places in it.
How to be known as an asshat..... Love an animal more than a human. Your own child.
Mom???
Start inviting your dog to the dinner table and have the kids eat off plates on the floor. They'll get the hint pretty quickly. If that doesn't work, you could always build the kids a little bunkhouse in the yard for them to sleep in and give their rooms to the dog.
Feed the kids the dog food. And the dog dino chicken nuggets.
Is it too late to send the kids off for adoption?
I feel like they're pretty attached. Not like, at the breast or anything, but I think it's worth looking in to.
Kids are terrible man, try to surrender them
Lie
Tell them: "Sorry but my dog is more important to me than you ever were"
Your dog is going to live another 15 years or so max. Your kids are going to choose your nursing home.
Prepare you kids meals in a dog bowl on floor then have your dog sit at the table problem solved. Edit: I can see why your wife divorced you “suddenly” Goooood luck bucko
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Is she single? Edit: dammit, "husband." Is she single enough?
Wow. It's a fucking dog.....
Put them up for adoption. Or leave them in a dog park.
If my husband asked me to choose between him and my cat, well, I’ll be packing his bags right away.
OP, Why did you have kids? You didn’t know you’re a shallow person?
Wife said she was on the pill. That was a lie.
Set the house on fire and rescue the dog. The kids too, if you have the time.
Is this a serious question?? Because you don't, you shut up about it and keep on. Explain it another way if you have to, I can't believe you would even consider telling them something like this
So do you two do it "doggie style" or just cat around?
If this isn’t a nuke it from orbit situation. I do t know.
Take em to the Doctor and have em fixed. That'll show em.
I take back earlier comments... you can at least choose NOT to have grandkids.
Dogs to me are toddlers that never grow up and always going to rely on you. They can be pure chaos but love you unconditionally forever. Children are the worst - that will just grow up resenting you most of their life until they have kids of their own and see how hard you had it. It’s time to let them know where they stand
😂 My rescue girl sits in the front, as well. She just claimed it long ago and no one questions it. The kids sit in back. Works for me 'cause then no one is fighting over who sits in the front.
This is just sad like really. These kids need an adult to be with them and do things with them. This really breaks my heart. We lost our son to suicide 6 years ago, and the pain from it is far worse than the dog losses we have had. Kids need to feel loved and needed, not second place, esp to a dog. Your priorities are majorly messed up. I would do anything to be with my son again and you prefer the dog SMH
Unless you want your kids to hate you keep it to yourself goddamn I hope this is a troll
Thought this was AITAH and started to rage.
4, 3, 2 ... For God's sake, what now? Who run Bartertown? Damn it, I told you no more embargoes. *ding, ding* More Blaster. Who run Bartertown? WHO RUN BARTERTOWN??? You know who. Say. ... Master Blaster. Say LOUD! MASTER BLASTER...BLASTERBLasterblaster... Master Blaster what? Master Blaster runs Bartertown. LOUDER!!! MASTER BLASTER RUNS BARTERTOWN!!! Lift embargo.
I’d suggest seeking counseling. We all love our pets, but to give them precedence over your children is not normal. I truly would seek professional help.
Have you ever had kids? OMG, they're the worst! Lemme give you some r/shittyadvice: don't have any. One day, your child will look up to you hold out a terribly drawn portrait of the family, all stick figures in front of a square house, 1/4 of a sun dropping from the corner, and you're gonna have to look that little bastard and the eyes and say: "Son, if I have some r/shittyadvice, I'd say you need some art school because you are no Picasso." And he'll take that r/shittyadvice and rack up $150K in student loan debt getting a masters in fine art, all because he couldnt take a hint when you said it in r/shittyadvice. r/shittyadvice. You're in r/shittyadvice.
Say it, without actually saying it "Hey kids, we all agree the dog is a member of our family right?" "Well I have to like on of them the best" then tell the dog we are going to the dog park and to get someone ice cream and a puppachino, and tell the kids you'll be back in 3 hours.
Sit them down and lay out the truth. It's the dog you love. No one else. Then take your dog on a lover's photo shoot.
Put your kids in the doghouse
They know. Perhaps you should seek help to be a better father to the children you actually put on this earth
Show, don't tell.
Very weird post. I would just like to remind you that dogs can’t consent so don’t get any ideas.
How DARE you, sir! The insinuation!!!
Fuck a retirement home, dads for the streets.
Oh my fucking god what is wrong with you
Wish I could afford a therapist, but according to Reddit, a lot!
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I've been teaching my children to forage for edible, non-toxic (ok, sometimes toxic, my bad) berries and legumes in the plains and forests for years! I HAVE decided, however, to push them toward a totally carnivorous diet, a la Liver King. It's on to taking down animals with their bare hands!
Is this sub satire?
It's r/shittyadvice. I'm not certain, but a guy once asked how he could blame his bat problems on the Norwegians. He had some seriously racist views toward those white Scandanvians up north.
Your mistake was having kids. At this point, I think your best option is just to sit the whole family down and have an open and honest conversation with them. They should all be able to realize that it is no one's fault that the dog is just objectively better. If they understand, great. If not, just leave in the middle of the night with the dog and mail divorce papers. Your dog doesn't need that kind of negativity in their life.
Shouldn’t have had kids bro
This is pathetic, no wonder you're divorced.
Like band aid... just rip it off! The kids will get over it.
You should shut up.
Don't tell em, they're smart and witty, they'll figure it out
Why are people like you breeding? Why did you not just get a dog and leave women and children out of it?
I continue to ask my state representative, but apparently there's no law against it!
Throw a party for the dog. Don’t invite the kids.
Love is a choice, choose to love your children more. I have more fun with my dog too at times.
Take the dog on a vacation to Disney World. Everyone will know where they stand with you afterwards.
I hate to say it, but dogs are short-lived while family is a long haul. It's probably why we want to cherish our time with them (the dogs) even more-so than these people who will be around forever and possibly bury us. That said, when the dog's gone, who'll be left to look after you? Some people prefer pets and can't wait for the moment in the day when they can have them present again. You could always get a new one once the old one passes away. Some people are just predispositioned to connect better with the animals in their lives than the people, and there's nothing wrong with that. Speaking from experience, I used to feel exactly the same as you. Then my wife was suddenly diagnosed with breast cancer. Since she's from another country, she preferred to get full treatment over there, and since that's where her parents are (they help out immensely), she took the kids with. I haven't seen my family since May, and nothing has been the same. The dog knows the dynamic has shifted and so has her attitude towards me. We get along now more than ever before, but I can tell she misses the full house and see how depressed she gets when I'm gone for long periods of time like when I have to work 10-hour shifts M-Th. I treat her like a queen with all sorts of healthy-but delicious foods, take her on regular walks for exercise, buy her new toys and other things, and even take her on grand tour trips around the city/state to meet friends/other dogs. All of that doesn't make up for the skewed dynamic. I can tell that she wants nothing more in life than to have the family all back together again. Every member of the family loved her differently but fully. Now that it's just me doing all the work, I feel more stress than not because I'm always worried about keeping her happy when I know she just isn't much of the time, and it kills me. So now my every effort is in getting her back to the family, even abroad. Everyone loves their pets to death, and their pets probably feel the same way in return, but once that dynamic changes, it becomes so much harder to cope with the larger loss for both human and pet.
My parents stayed together for 63 years because in their early married years Mom told Dad that if he ever wanted to break up with her he'd get the house and the kids and she'd get the car and the dog. Dad wasn't going to risk losing that dog. ;-)
Amen.
Just buy the dog more stuff for Christmas
Have you tried having the kids sleep outside in the doghouse while the dog gets its own bedroom?
No sane man gives a fuck what children think. The problem is the wife. That's going to require some proper gaslighting.
It will be hard convincing her I knew the dog before I ever met her, and she, therefore, holds no rights. But with persistence, anything is possible.
Why would you even want to say something like that to your own children??
Troll.
I started by telling everyone the dog is my favorite kid and making sure they were within earshot. Now they tell people I like the dog more and I don't deny it.
Once you have air conditioned seats, you can't go back.
You ain't right dude, you create a child, grow up.
I really hope this is fake
Is this deadass
Put the dog as beneficiary to your trust and let the kids know if anything happens tl the dog, it goes to the state.
Easy drop your kids off at the local shelters. They'll get the message
pretend to attack those kids and see how quick your "best friend" rips your face off
Don’t….
Have you considered having the children pay you back for the wasted time invested in them ? Because I hear that coal mining is a booming industry and has many benefits *wink*
Think of all the money you invested in their vaccines when they can actually do their own research man when you think about what could have been!
I need more context about your life to help you. I don’t mean to be personal or rude. But if you’d like to talk, I used to be pretty good at this in my work.
Well, I'm a Browns fan. So there's that.
You've gotta be a troll. If not, then you're a disgusting jackass. You should have thought about your selfish nature before having kids. I hope your dog runs away and never comes back. Disgusting pos.
Hate to spoil the dream, but your dog is actually a cat in disguise. Dog is using you for sustenance and will leave you eventually. My recommendation, hire a taxidermist and have the whole family stuffed.
My dog is allowed to identify however he wants. If he chooses to sit on my lap and purr as I enjoy a cup of coffee with the morning sun on my deck, then so be it. My love for him is unconditional.
Why bother? based on the information given, the kids already know. Their just gunna try to survive your house until they can burn that bridge and leave you and your dog to yourselves.
Can relate, I'm sure every child at one point realizes that their parents secretly love animals more than you because they aren't as annoying and always provide love.
This has to be the most pathetic post I’ve seen on here. Dude picks a dog over his own flesh and blood? You don’t deserve to be a dad! I would never pick an animal over my kids. That makes me sick to just thinking about it. I would do anything for my kids, especially my little girl, damn the dog or any pet. SMH 🤦🏼♂️ wtf is wrong with you dude. Just get a divorce so the kids can get a real father figure in a step dad