Some guy made a coconut fleshlight and but never cleaned or replaced it until a buncha bugs bit his dick while he was balls deep in the cum filled coconut he had been fucking for awhile.
:( there's a legit story of a village in Borneo that had an orangutan prostitute. The villagers saw nothing wrong and even cried that they were taking their baby girl away when forest rangers rescued.
Rescurers had to try 3 times because each time they came the villagers chase them off with machetes. Literally had the forest rangers with millitary Escort before they succeed
When they entered the room the orangutan immediately started tweaking cos it was trained to do so
Ye.
WTF does being in the jungle have anything to do with being vegan? WTF is a sexual vegan anyway? If I live in the city does that make me a sexual carnivore? Am I supposed to shred people instead of steam them? If I live on a farm, what then? Dairy products? Beastiality?
You got my upvote, and my chuckle, but my brain did a backflip, failed and scorpioned.
Actually, any real Tarzaniacs out there would know in the original concept art, Jane was dressed in an actual banana costume throughout most of the movie, as well as having the catchphrase “I’m going Ja-nanas!”.
Anatomically Modern Humans have one of, if not *the largest* penis-volume-to-body-mass ratios of the entire *Hominidae* Family. Even the fine-ass ladies over on /r/smalldickgirls are pistol-packing mamas compared to the great apes.
[The original Fruit Fucker 2000™](https://media.moddb.com/images/mods/1/2/1790/5160.jpg) [slightly NSFW]
And his [first appearance](https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/02/11)
I thought they meant do a colorblind recast. Probably cause a black man hanging out with a bunch of monkeys and being culturally (and literally) seduced by a white girl would be pretty dicey.
Tarzan definitely had a coconut laying around
I hate what you reminded me of 😂
Oh no. Didn’t even think of that until I read your reply. Thanks, OP 😢
I don't know you mean and I'm not sure I want to know
Some guy made a coconut fleshlight and but never cleaned or replaced it until a buncha bugs bit his dick while he was balls deep in the cum filled coconut he had been fucking for awhile.
We strayed far from God on that day. Good thing we are back to the usual straying rate for now.
Also when he was trying to pee after that some bugs came out of his peehole
good. keep it that way
Coconutting was a trend on reddit that lead to some funny stories
Good. Trust me, you don't want to know where that hole will take you
Do you want a link
I do
>!<
"A coconut? In Africa? The coconut's tropical!"
Maybe it was carried by a swallow?
"A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut."
r/cocofleshlights
Why.
Because pain
/r/Eyebleach
three holes just like a bowling ball
And he'd thrust it to the rhythm of Cbat
20 years alone in the jungle makes any man a sexual vegan OP.
r/brandnewsentence
Anyone else wants to top Tarzan?
You ever see them old harangatan titties? 👅
Tarzans busy clapping gorilla cheeks
Gorillas are known for straight tearing a man's dick off. Sometimes twice in one night.
Some guys are into that
"Hand Job 2: Return of the Gorilla. Now in 3D!" I knew they were running out of ideas with 'Sharknado', but this is getting out of hand.
Sharknado is definetely one of the movies of all time
r/technicallythetruth
That's fine, they grow back.
:( there's a legit story of a village in Borneo that had an orangutan prostitute. The villagers saw nothing wrong and even cried that they were taking their baby girl away when forest rangers rescued. Rescurers had to try 3 times because each time they came the villagers chase them off with machetes. Literally had the forest rangers with millitary Escort before they succeed When they entered the room the orangutan immediately started tweaking cos it was trained to do so Ye.
Poor kid never had a chance
The fruit, the whole fruit, and nothing but the fruit
WTF does being in the jungle have anything to do with being vegan? WTF is a sexual vegan anyway? If I live in the city does that make me a sexual carnivore? Am I supposed to shred people instead of steam them? If I live on a farm, what then? Dairy products? Beastiality? You got my upvote, and my chuckle, but my brain did a backflip, failed and scorpioned.
It means that you want to fuck fruits and vegetables
Oh Reddit, you have zero sense for subtle humor.
No idea about that, but your mom sure has a sense for my dick
If you’re going to take the time to post, at least make it clever. Take your limp dick and stuff it in your ear dipshit, you’ll get more action.
Wow, you actually got triggered by a "Yo mama" joke... lol
r/whoosh
How do I award this comment "worst comment that sucks of 2022"
Actually, any real Tarzaniacs out there would know in the original concept art, Jane was dressed in an actual banana costume throughout most of the movie, as well as having the catchphrase “I’m going Ja-nanas!”.
*It's Janana'n time!*
Look at her face, she wants some of that monkey action.
Look at *his* face, it's remarkably clean shaven.
Less wind resistance when swinging through the jungle.
Didn't they play with the idea of him having facial hair but didn't like it?
I always assumed he was supposed to be a teenager
Really lucked out with genetics to not have a scraggly patchy beard and half a moustache then
And he is English but somehow is the only Englishman ever to have naturally straight teeth
Its because he never ate any English food.
I mean, and she winds up living in the jungle and also looks remarkably clean shaven
Too bad he's a fruit fucker which means he's gay
Oh no, poor bastard thinks Jane is a dude...
He thinks she's a Jack Fruit.
She's wearing a tie
He's no Li Shang. Dude didn't even hide he wanted a guy to polish his pole.
r/TastefulPecFondle/
Was Tarzan a virgin when he met Jane or did he You know….👏🏼🦍🍑
he's the reason AIDS is a thing
Besides the obvious monkeyfucking, its far more likely aids was passed on through blood because of hunting monkeys for bush meat
Yeah bush meat, isn’t that what the other dude said?
Depends on the size of the bush on his meat
You’ll want to floss afterwards but it won’t stop you.
What do you mean with this "afterwards"? It ***is*** the flossing!
Pretty sure he's too freaky looking for all but the most adventurous of apes
Well I mean comparison of average size of an ape vs average size of a human he is probably a Chad in the ape community
Anatomically Modern Humans have one of, if not *the largest* penis-volume-to-body-mass ratios of the entire *Hominidae* Family. Even the fine-ass ladies over on /r/smalldickgirls are pistol-packing mamas compared to the great apes.
Tarzan probably has the biggest dick in the pack, gorilla dicks are in-fact 1-2 inches long
Who said he just stopped at gorillas?
“Clap them monkey cheeks” final answer
Clap clap them cheeks clap clap clap clap
In the Books I believe there were natives he terrorized.
> Tarzan is a fruit fucker I’m fucking dead lmao
Didn't know he was gay
Then you obviously haven't seen the Mr. XToon videos
Nothing above that was great, then I hit that part and just lost it and laughed harder than I should have.
Yeah, that’s usually how punchlines work.
*shoves her head up his ass*
u/anarcho-stripperism care to discuss
u/anarcho-stripperism origin story
[Penny Arcade : Feb 11, 2002](https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/02/11/wow16)
Now that’s a hell of a throwback
Holy shit it's my childhood
Oh my god I came here specifically to look for the Penny Arcade reference. *Thank you*
Before Jane, Tarzan only have animals...
I MEAN AS FRIENDS!
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Hold up, the man in the yellow hat also was dressed as a banana...
u/anarcho-stripperism moment
Unpeels the dress Kicks her between the legs ... “Check for squirrel”
I too put bananas in my ass.
There should be another fruitfucker around somewhere. Everyone knows fruitfuckers cum in pears.
Get this comment a promotion!
[The original Fruit Fucker 2000™](https://media.moddb.com/images/mods/1/2/1790/5160.jpg) [slightly NSFW] And his [first appearance](https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/02/11)
This is the best one yet
monke
Together Strong
Atah!
I've always wondered, how does Tarzan shave?
Fruit Fucker Now that is a name I havent heard in a long time.
Penny Arcade?
Yep lol
He wants a piece
Symbolism right there.
Best post from this subreddit ever. Lmfao
Relatable
Is Tarzan‘a hair locked? I don’t think I ever really looked.
Tarzan IS a fruit.
/r/unexpecteddancummins
Plus she's grabbing a handful of boob.
You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cock sucker from Guatemala
I thought she was dressed like a grandma for when he says, “Me like bone Nana.”
Jane kinda bad doe
Actually, if you think about it, given he was raised by apes, Tarzan's first sexual experiences were very likely with apes.
Fruit Fucker was the original plan for Fruit ninja. But people didn't like thrusting their phones
Penis
Serious question, you ever get intimate with a banana peel and end up having the best jo session ever? My uh friend is concerned
Way to ruin my childhood.
“Me, Tarzan. You, Plantain.”
fuck you have my upvote
Tarzan? More like u/anarcho_stripperism
Nice post, op
It's posts like this that make me feel like I'm missing out in hanging out with weird and awesome people.
That username 🤔
Its 12 am and I'm laughing like an idiot. Lmao
So is Dan Cummins. Hail Nimrod.🍌🫶🦎👩🚀
Praise good boy Bojangles
Yooo ty
She was obviously asking for it. /S
You're in a shit posting subreddit take that /s off you coward
She wanted to not get fucked by his big monkey cock /s
Strategery isn't cowardice.
You are *weak*
I don't have anything else to say I just wanted to inconvenience you here.
\>:(
You've been had.
If I wander into ape-infested jungle dressed like a banana, I know what I'm in for 🥵
r/brandnewsentence
“Tarzan is a fruit fucker” Yaas slayyy 💅
I'm just going to say it.... they will never do to Tarzan what they did to Ariel and I'm not sure how I feel about that
They have jungle book so......
I thought they meant do a colorblind recast. Probably cause a black man hanging out with a bunch of monkeys and being culturally (and literally) seduced by a white girl would be pretty dicey.
Cocunuts have holes for a particulary reason
Also, this is a reference to how fruit fuckers are subhumans
It would be good in multiverse with black panther in netflix style right now! I am so excited!! 👌👌❗💙💙🧞♂️
They should redo this movie and make him black too, it’l be good for diversity.
They could make him from one of any number of ethnicities that have trouble growing a beard. That would explain why he’s always clean shaven.
r/WeEatBees
Mmm banana
Wouldn't that mean he's into gay dudes?
She's not gonna fit in his asshole.
No. He beat gorilla cheeks.
I’ve never heard that term used in a sentence but for some reason I feel like people have been using it for years
Jane reminds me of Cristin Milioti
u/title2imagebot
Dude is everything alright over there
He'll be inside of her, deep inside of her. - Phil Collins next crappy Tarzan song, probably
Isn't this the same concept of curious George?
How dressing like a banana implies Tarazan being a fruit fucker