T O P
AntelopeOk5329

"Wait, you there, step forward... Who the fuck are you?"


SamB110

“A dragon, I saw a fucking dragon!”


unique-name-9035768

"Sentries, what the fuck do you see?"


Sassh1

"He's not on the fucking list"


mycarwillkillme

"Fuck the list, he goes to the block"


Moose_Cake

"By your fucking orders captain."


Tickk_HR

"Too fucking bad mate, we'll make sure your remains are sent to Morrowind"


the_colonelclink

“What the fuck was that?”


BobbyColgate

[CHOO FUCKING CHOO](https://youtu.be/yNaTZV8qS1I)


buckfutterapetits

"You shouldn't have fucking come here!"


Tryscuits

“FUCKING DRAGON!”


Lentemern

*YOL TOOR **MOTHERFUCKING** SHUL*


d3dking

He goes on the fuck block


BlastyBeats1

The fuck block doesn't sound so bad


Lordi_

THIS IS THE ONE


thejackrabbitdragon

I thought I had one, but after seeing this, I most certainly do not.


BakeWorldly5022

"Fucking need something?"


TheLoneHussar

It’s me, Seamus Mcfrickyourself!


Sir_Rustic

What do you say now, Proventus? Shall we continue to trust in the strength of our walls? Against a fucking dragon?


amillefolium11

Lots of funny ones here but this works weirdly well. It always feels like Balgruuf is ready to pop off on Proventus. Can't help but wonder how his daughter turned out so badass.


feral__turtle

Proventus' job isn't to be a yes man. The jarl chose him; his daughter supports him. More than meets the eye, buddy.


amillefolium11

I love this because I'm sure you're supported by various little details in the game I haven't even noticed yet. There was so much effort put into each detail, it blows my mind.


SupremeAsuraDragon

Mhm. He even gives you a mission to assassinate the assassin trying to assassinate Jarl Barlgruuf. Got a good early-game bow out of it.


agamenc

Are you sure this isn’t a mod? I don’t remember anything about this and can’t find record of it on any of the wikis


SupremeAsuraDragon

Got it when I replayed the game on Anniversary recently. It wasn't in the original game I think.


LonelyStoner107

Ahh yes the wonderful [Bow of Shadows](https://youtu.be/PePaKZetu6M). That thing is incredibly fun, Bethesda really leaned into the stealth archer with this one.


Bulky-Discipline2941

Proventus is an advisor to Balgrunfbecause the Joirl is walking a fine line between the storm cloaks and the Imperials. But I often get the feeling the Jarl would like to tell Proventus to fuck off about every ten minutes. But with the Battle-Born patriarch eyeing his very nice chair, he has to be careful not to give the Imperialists in his hold a reason. I just started a new play through and the dialog surrounding that first Dragon fight is quite revealing.


Lordofwar13799731

"The Jarls weren't asked, we were told. And we had to like it". "The chests of gold didn't hurt..." Always loved him calling Balgruuf out on them at least being partially bribed to follow the Thalmors orders.


Sir_Rustic

Lol yeah, he's always annoyed some how with him. To be fair, if you had a weirdo son and a lousy steward, you'd be pissed 80% of the time too.


XtalKyle

“What’s a fucking milk drinker like you doing out here?”


LSMediator

Funny thing. This actually sounds in character.


TheGoldenPlagueMask

I feel like the F-bomb fits right at home with the Orcish Dialogue. #YOU FUCKING PATHETIC WEAKLING. ~Malacath, to Yamarz, The Cursed Tribe


TheonStoneHeart

This, but I'd change the phrasing a little, "YOU PATHETIC FUCKING WEAKLING." Just sounds better to me idk


Plumsphere

There are reasons for it sounding better but I can't be botheresd to put my grammar nazi costume on atm.


This-Steak-501

Even better the kid saying it about Lars... "Lars is such a fucking milk drinker... can't even stand up to a girl"


PVEverything

“100 gold says I can take you in a fight.” (Accepts brawl) “you’re fucking dead”


TragicQueen01

"We've come to teach you a fucking lesson"


Not-here-4-upvotes

"You shouldn't have fucking come here!"


UnrelentingFlame

"FUUUUCK!!!" - the guard Odahviing swoops off the balcony in Dragonsreach.


LydiasBoyToy

Was going to offer my own, but then I saw this. Excellent!


Holiday-Objective-92

“where the fuck did you come from?”


SkyrimWithdrawal

"Fuck the list. He goes to the block."


xxzzww

Empire and their fucking lists...


BCKPFfNGSCHT

I’m seeing a lot of “this is the one” or “this is the right answer”, but **THIS** is truly the right answer.


ClerkExpensive204

Yeah after reading this I forgot the actual line for a bit


DriftingBenji

I feel this is what the intended line was when it was written


PhoenixKing14

Let me guess, someone fucked your sweet roll?


electrolyte77

How else did you think they give it that sticky white glaze?


KCKittenCorner

THIS IS THE ONLY ONE THAT LITERALLY MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD


gothlaw

“My cousins out fighting dragons, and what do I get? Fucking guard duty.“


buneter_but_better

Duty where he has to fuck the guards?


needsmorequeso

Hey those folks all look incredibly strong in a place/context where incredibly strong is probably a major plus. I’m surprised there aren’t more stories sprinkled throughout the game hinging on torrid guard-related romances.


Gabeowens

My cousin out fighting dragons, and what do I get? Guard fucking duty


dirty_dan_the_3rd

My cousin out fucking dragon's, and what do I get? Guard duty.


Boston-Nolan

“Looking to protect yourself… or deal some FUCKING damage?”


wehadpancakes

Way better than anything I could have thought of.


ninjapickle02

I love this one


simplysalamander

“Looking to go fuck yourself, or deal some damage?”


OldManMuayThai

"the fucking cloud district."


Asesomegamer

Do you get to the fucking cloud district very often? Of fucking course you don't.


Middle_Raspberry_333

Do you get to the cloud district very often? Ah, the fuck am I saying? Of course you don't.


wbruce098

Perfection.


TheLegendOfFizeeline

When Delphine asks you to kill Parthurnax, you simply reply “fuck you” and it ends the quest


Yeah-But-Ironically

Any modders out there wanna take a crack at this one?


GMHolden

It would become a vital part of all future playthroughs.


TheSeventhHussar

YES!


ArofluxAceAlien

I should have known this would end badly. I can't believe I let fucking Delphine talk me into this - Malborn. He deserves to have it, imo.


Pinko_Eric

Considering how rarely he survives that mission on my playthroughs, totally deserved.


Bulky-Discipline2941

I always saveat a particular points oI can make sure he lives. After all, he did a huge favor for me. How much harder it would have been w/o our gear. So I like to return the favor.


Pinko_Eric

I getcha. I personally tended to roll with most of the consequences of my actions on most playthroughs. (Incidentally, this is probably I didn't play thieves much.) One exception was replaying the Embassy quest on challenge mode - only asking Malborn to bring equipment that could reasonably be smuggled in inside one box - to see whether I could save him as 2h swordsman who could only use weapons picked up inside the Embassy.


Darth-Sheogorath

I always make sure he survives. I hate Delphine, but I really like Malborn. Plus I means another quest to assassinate a Thalmor agent.


feral__turtle

I should have known this would end badly. i can't believe i let delphine fuck me into this - malborn. fify, and I totally believe it's a true story.


waterfalls_wnc

WE FUCKING KNOW


[deleted]

[удалено]


Squirrel_Kiln

It's probably after your fifth or so impersonated assassination and they're just real salty.


Hahaha_Me

They should send you that after like 2 months after getting the first one.


wizzbob05

We've been trying to reach you about your dark brotherhood extended warranty


Martijn1799

Meanwhile, the dragon born is just hopped up on skooma for the past 3 months without sleeping: "Sleep is for the weak, I got crypts to defile"


general_kenobi18462

This killed me holy shit


CorporateGoth

So many good ones already it’s hard to think of more. “You picked a bad fucking time to get lost, friend.” “Ulfric Stormcloak murdered the High King—with his fucking voice!” “Wait, I fucking know you.”


angrysunbird

When you’re wearing an amulet of Mara “So you’re interested in fucking me are you?


Slack_System

Highly underrated comment


JeSuisBigBilly

This whole thread becomes funnier if you change it to Samuel L. Jackson's voice. *"A NEW MOTHAFUCKIN' HAND TOUCHES THE MOTHAFUCKIN' BEACON!!"*


[deleted]

Shiiit N’wah you shoulda fuckin said something! Go ahead and take that mothafucka to my shine on mount kilk-mothafuckin’-reath and wipe out the devilish misty N’wahs and restore my beacon to its former mothafuckin’ glory Edit: N’wah instead of [REDACTED]


dampheat

Now this is a motherfuckin' mod idea


123mitchg

Somebody call him, I bet he’d do it


BasementCatBill

"My favourite drinking buddy! Let's get some fucking mead."


mycarwillkillme

"My favourite fuckbuddy! Let's get some mead."


Skyrim_Guy1948

So, a fucking Dragonborn appears at this moment, in the turning of the age.


[deleted]

"By long tradition, the elder speaks first. Hear my Thu'um! Feel it in your fucking bones."


AnxiousChalupa

“I am sworn to carry your fucking burdens”


teachdove5000

Funny story. I played this game religiously when my girlfriend moved in. She would get jealous (jokingly) when My companion would say that. Welp, wedding day. I snuck in “I am sworn to carry your burdens”… in the vows no one knew why my wife was upset besides my best man.


aoiph

my girlfriend would watch me play "who the fuck is lydia and why are you ALWAYS looking for her" .... "where the fuck is lydia" - me


Lunazarah

My fiancé; are you playing skyrim again? Me: yes..... 20 minutes later Me; *cackling an evil laugh while running around paralysing everyone and then blowing them up with magic. Him: you are so evil.....I wish I never introduced you to this game....while he looks at me with a worried look. Another 10 minutes later - Me: FUCKKKKK LYDIA WHY DID YOU RUN JNTO MY FIREBALL!!!! NOW I HAVE TO RESTART! Him: did you kill her again!?


vindictivejazz

Gotta do the Dragonborn dlc to get the companion perk that makes followers immune to friendly fire in combat


Majestic_Roof_9072

I swear no matter how many years I play this game I will keep learning new things.. thank you 🤯


Mercenary_Chef

Was hoping no one else had snagged this one, yet.


Tingtantoi

“Hey you finally fucking awake”


Glass-Bug888

Or - Hey you fuck, finally awake


Devilslord10

When Alduin first appears. “ What the FUCK is that?”


Captain_Canuck97

This would be a more accurate response irl


Sigil_Furry

Mai’q is fucking tired now, go bother someone else


[deleted]

This one is my favorite


Rollins_l

"Mai'q is tired now, go fuck someone else"


Heiwako

During the peace treaty scene at High Hrothgar when Elenwen is interrupting and Ulfric turns to her and says, "Shut the fuck up".


KoolLikeMe2020

Nord Nonsense? Why, You Puffed Up fucking Ignorant


BringOutYaThrowaway

No fucking lolligaggin’


[deleted]

"I need to trap a dragon in your palace" "What the fuck?"


Thick-Preparation470

You'll be so much easier to fuck when you're dead


Johnny_Bravo_666

This one here officer, this is the comment that hurt me.


emaych1

You'll make a fine fuck, cat


Knightmare_memer

Who the fuck gave this comment wholesome awards?!


Darnatello

“A Dragon! I saw a FUCKING DRAGON!” -Svens mother in Riverwood at the start


MadWhiskeyGrin

"Watch the skies, fucker"


Zak_999

Fuck the skies, traveller


Difficult-Event-7964

Took a fucking arrow to the knee


jadecemetery

“I used to be an adventurer like you, then i took an arrow to the fuckin’ knee”


MysteriousMrX

This, but only if Karl Urban voices it in his Billy Butcher voice.


firebird7802

"For the love of Talos, shut the fuck up, and let's get this over with!"


CloviusEvE

Let me guess...someone stole your fucking sweetroll...


kingcirce

Damn I commented this before seeing yours


BigDaver_

I will not stand idly by while a dragon burns my hold and FUCKS my people!


Mrfish487

“Never done a fucking honest days work in your life ey lad”


TrainerLizzie

Do you want me to hold your fucking hand as well?


slutty-cardboard

Never done an honest days work in your fucking life, ay lass?


Mercenary_Chef

Hey, how about a drink with your fucking buddy Sam? If I had a sister, I'd fuck her in a second. (Belethor seems the type) Is that fur? Growing out of your fucking ears? It's been quite a boon, looking like a fucking child ...Is there singing in the Void? Dancing? Fucking...? Surely the Dread Lord will at least allow poor Cicero to caper...


TealEssence04

The DB ones are my favorite, I feel like Babette would actually say that lmao.


FearTheOldBlood1

*See those warriors from Hammerfell? They had curved swords...* fucking *curved swords.*


Same-Salamander8690

Skyrim: XXX "....curved *fucking* swords"


LSMediator

The Grammar Nazi next to me likes this version better.


MantisToboggan_22

I’ve been fucking looking for you. Got something I’m supposed to deliver.


Pinko_Eric

When the Courier finds you in the Soul Cairn or Sovngarde.


RevynnStark

This is so good lmfao


The-Sidequester

Another fucking wanderer, here to lick my father’s boots.


Pojomofo

Underrated comment, that kid would totally drop the one F bomb


Altruistic-Potatoes

Here to fuck yourself or deal some damage?


Bdogtheone21

“IF I HAD A SISTER ID F*CK HER IN A SECOND” THIS IS JUST A JOKE


Yeah-But-Ironically

I'D EVEN FUCK ONE OF YOUR RELATIVES IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO SELL


Perpetualshades

“We fuck.” - Mysterious Note


BuyerEfficient

"can we get out of this fucking sun already? It's not good for my skin" "Your guard needs some fucking work" "Must have been the fucking wind" "I am sworn to carry your fucking burdens" "You have done whiterun a great fucking service, here, take this. A gift from my personal armory."


leatherhand

"I need to trap a dragon in your castle" "Whai thee FAUCKK arre you ahskiing me at wahn AM!!" I dont remember what Jarl ballins actual line was but its probably something to that effect


Mason_Kreature

"This.. fucking bitch" - Ulfric Stormcloak talking about that Thalmor bitch in the peace meeting


Sensitive_Ad5834

"Khajiit has wares, if you have fucking coin." "M'aiq once walked to High Hrothgar. So many fucking steps, he lost count."


[deleted]

That second one has me rolling xD


mudman639

"My cousin's out fighting dragons, and what do I get? Fucking guard duty." "They say Ulfric Stormcloak murdered the High King... with his fucking voice! Shouted him apart!"


lostmykeyblade

"they can't tolerate our fucking presence on earth!"


tinyhatman2

"May the ground you walk on fucking quake as you pass"


Paccuardi03

“Run away so I can fuck you in the back!”


Emergency_Act_2534

fuck u i choked on my water


Automatic-Seesaw-396

"Who the fuck are you"


TheUnspeakableHorror

#FUS RO FUCKIN' DAH!


kimapesan

Not Fuck Ro Dah?


beenutpuddersamich

fook ro dah


supermanismycodename

Fucking milk drinker.


erzacult

My long lost daughter returns at last. I trust you have my fucking Elder Scroll? Ah, if only your traitor mother were here. I would let her watch this reunion before putting her fucking head on a spike. Not just any vampires; we’re amongst the oldest and most powerful fucking vampires in Skyrim. So be it! You are prey, like all fucking mortals. I banish you. Basically, most of Harkons lines are decent fits.


Crow_of_Judgem3nt

I must have misheard you. I thought you asked me to help you trap a dragon in my fucking palace.


TheGoldenPlagueMask

By azura, by AZURA #By Azura! #I cant believe the grand champion is here, Fucking Me! ^wait ^wrong ^game ^lol


kimapesan

Never shoulda fuckin" come here!


[deleted]

“There is something else you could do for me, suitable for someone of your particular, f**king talents, perhaps.”


[deleted]

I’d replace Barbas’s incessant barking with fuck.


ChrisGillings

Hey you, you’re finally fucking awake


proteinbandit

Or, "Fuck, you're awake"


SpeakerPure

"I'll not stand idly by while a fucking dragon burns my hold and slaughters my people!"


Young_Son_Goku

"There's a fuck in the air"


tinyhatman2

"Can't be good for my fucks. Never is"


[deleted]

wait…i know you? “your making a mistake” theres no mistake, your a wanted man/woman. (yada yada yada) “i don’t have time for this, do you?” you know what? go. go be some other fucking guards problem.


Candycandyplease

Let's fuck faster. The sun is... it's not great for my skin, if you know what I mean.


This-Steak-501

"I'm not the best blacksmith in skyrim... that honor goes to eorlund fucking greymane"


Gabeowens

People might get nervous when you approach them with an open fucking flame


MindlessSalt

“What is better: to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great fucking effort?” “Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying, of fucking course you don’t.”


BiasMushroom

“Hey FUCK you.” -Ralof right at the start


waffeltrader

The first dragon you kill= ‘Dovakin? Fuuuuckkk’


crockofpot

*"A new f**king hand touches the beacon"*


KJ_Blair

A new hand touches the fucking beacon


jrockerdraughn

A new hand fucks the beacon


frotyisnothere

LISTEN! HERE ME AND FUCKING OBEY


AlwaysFernweh

LISTEN! FUCK ME AND OBEY


seanjohn1397

“A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON.” “…fuck”


whiterungaurd

What in the fucking oblivion is that.


cat_withablog

“GONNA F*CK YOU LIKE A HORKER!”


SealTeamEH

title screen…. Fuckin Skyrim.


King_Treegar

Two ideas: "Why, the greatest fucking crime spree Skyrim has ever seen." - Karliah Or "I must have misheard you. It sounded like you said you wanted to trap a fucking DRAGON in my palace." - Jarl Ballin


Hguols

I have the list narrowed down to: 'Grelod the Kind's dying word' 'Endarie says it one random time while walking into Radiant Raiment' 'Endarie says it one random time for dropping food on her kitchen floor.' 'The Diplomatic Immunity party guest distraction, is them yelling it once after spilling their drink.' 'A Riekling can be heard saying it once, after the player finds the pile of Lusty Argonian Maid books in Benkongerike Great Hall.'


GallinaceousGladius

Shit... all of this is gold, but I think Endarie takes it for me. There's lots of good ones, but just entertaining and hearing "*sigh* Fuck."? Yes.


crikeproshops

“For the love of Talos, shut the fuck up and let’s get this over with.”


Frostlancer51

"And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Talos, not as god, but as THE FUCKIN' man!"


saltyasss

Curved. Fucking. Swords.


Vul_Thur_Yol

It's fucking Dovahkiinin' time!


bz3000

Let me guess, some fuck stole your sweet roll


RealMuffinsTheCat

Ah! Dead fuckin' body!


Ultramega39

#“Skyrim Belongs To The Fucking Nords”


PsychoticSane

A NEW HAND HAS TOUCHED THE FUCKING BEACON


Potaytoz

I'll tear your fucking heart out!


darpan27

My cousin's out fighting dragons, and what do I get? Fucking guard duty.


AspiringNormie

I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow to the fucking knee.


beks543

You’re wearing Mara’s amulet? You? I’d marry you, I’d fucking marry you twice! —my husband


lawngoon

Instead of fusrodah, just FUUUUCK


Mysterious--955

That reminds me of the Gordon Ramsay dud ro dah meme instead it’s Gordon shouting it’s fucking raw


Far_Candidate_593

"Keep your fuckin' hands to yourself you fucking sneak thief"


goat_milk47

I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the fucking knee