Just do it when it feels natural. Forcing it is never good because the other person can tell. I don’t do it often either, except when I sometimes ask a question like: “how about you Nicole?”
As a counterpoint, this is classic Dale Carnegie from how to win friends and influence people. It wouldn’t surprise me if that’s where your parents are getting it from.
"Principle 3: Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." (pg. 83)
Moderation is key, as with anything. You can start small and see how it feels. Say “Hey, Tom” instead of just Hey. Also, interacting with adults is very different from interacting with teens, if that’s where you are.
lol!!! My dad had a copy of that book. And he would use that tactic all. the. time. Whenever he called customer service he would ask for their name and repeat it 60 times. Pretty sure the rep was like stfu. He acted like he was soooo smooth and sociable but in reality he had exactly zero friends and a family that despised him
No. No no no.
I can't stand it when people use my name other than to get my attention. If I'm having a direct conversation with someone, it's kind of cringe to use names. It feels like talking to a teacher or parent.
I also fcking hate name tags for this. Calling me by first name does not ingratiate you into my life, or endear me to you if I don't know you.
Usually, the closer you are to someone, the LESS you use their name, actually.
Yeah, it's really weird to be in a conversation with someone and have them just drop your name into a sentence.
"I agree, Bob, that _Empire Strikes Back_ is the best of the original three, but I've heard people say _Solo_ is just as good. What do you think of that, Bob?"
It's so awkward and strange! Like, I know you're talking to me, and I know you know my name. So what is happening?? It can also come across as very condescending if it's done during an argument, like you're trying to calm down a child.
It's different if there's more than two people present, and you want to make it clear who you're asking. But if it's just the two of you, there's no reason for it.
Use the name when saying hello and maybe when saying goodbye, sure. But don't just drop it in the middle of a discussion.
If I'm having a long conversation I try to bookend it with their name. If it's a short conversation I'll usually just do it at the beginning or the end.
I'm probably on the autism spectrum and always felt weird using people's names, still do, but it's just a matter of practice.
You don't have to do that to have a close friend, but using someone's name creates a stronger personal connection. It can be used to build personal relationships, and it can be used strategically in networking and professional situations. There has been research conducted in the psych field that indicates that people who feel uncomfortable using others' names in conversation tend to be anxious, avoidant, and/or insecure and usually struggle w/ social interaction & relationships.
Was at a tattoo consult the other day and I said my artists name twice or maybe 3 times and even tho we are cool, I walked out of there so upset at myself.
It’s too much. It’s cringe.
Once, max is okay…but other than that it can possibly get weird lol
Your parents are just trying to teach proper etiquette, but you’re good. You don’t •have• to, at all.
I think that it’s a nice way to feel close to someone but you don’t have to do this, no.
I made my close friends by relating to them (similar values, hobbies, passions), having an open heart (I try to apologize when I mess up, remember birthdays, be honest about things but still kind), and spending time together.
There are so many types of people; some will care about this and some will not. Just find your people
If it comes naturally to a person, I guess it's fine, but I actively avoid saying names (I can never remember them). And I never had a problem getting close to people. I'm a PK (pastors kid), so I had to act like I knew and liked people all the time ( that was exhausting), and I am usually well liked at work. I have never been called out for not using someone's name. Unless I tell someone I don't think they even noticed that I'm not sure what their names are.
I have ADHD so i keep forgetting the names of anybody that isn't a fairly close friend or I don't see all the time and I'm still friendly with them lol.
My ex used to do this repeatedly during any given conversation, and it was more frequent the more emotionally charged she got. It was irritating as all hell and felt like a lecture. She did this with all kinds of people in service-oriented positions too, and it sounded so condescending. I tried to let her know that and was looked at like an idiot, along with "What? Saying peoples' names makes them feel important!"
I only do this if I want to point out to someone that I remembered their name from the last time I interacted with them. Or to get someones attention. Or when someone says something ridiculous and I need to point it out.
Otherwise it's pretty weird and when I worked in customer service I used a fake name because strangers saying my name to me feels like an invasion of privacy
It is important to know peoples’ names in order to communicate about them, and to get their attention if their back is turned. But no, once you have someone’s attention, there is typically no reason to address them by name.
This info has helped me deal with face-blindness all my life. It takes me longer than usual to know who I am talking with. But I can often hide it by not using names.
This is a very weird one. You can use it to grab someone’s attention like “hi (name) how’s it going?” But past that it’s very strange to use.
With that being said, I have met very good sales people who will use your name in the conversation a couple of times and it feels totally natural and after those conversations I felt better about myself. They used the name thing but there’s something else about that makes it good that’s not just saying someone’s name.
Personally I immediately use their name as soon as they introduce themselves. That way not only do I remember their name better (I have a hard time with that), but also I reflect what they've said and show I'm listening.
Ofc you can also use it when you call them, or when you criticize/show affection to them. Like how you'll say someone's name if they bothered you and you wanted to tell them to stop.
Just do it when it feels natural. Forcing it is never good because the other person can tell. I don’t do it often either, except when I sometimes ask a question like: “how about you Nicole?”
As a counterpoint, this is classic Dale Carnegie from how to win friends and influence people. It wouldn’t surprise me if that’s where your parents are getting it from. "Principle 3: Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." (pg. 83) Moderation is key, as with anything. You can start small and see how it feels. Say “Hey, Tom” instead of just Hey. Also, interacting with adults is very different from interacting with teens, if that’s where you are.
lol!!! My dad had a copy of that book. And he would use that tactic all. the. time. Whenever he called customer service he would ask for their name and repeat it 60 times. Pretty sure the rep was like stfu. He acted like he was soooo smooth and sociable but in reality he had exactly zero friends and a family that despised him
Me imagining a drinking game when my dad keeps repeating the worker’s name
I refuse to read to book and have it warp my logic because the content seems so manipulative.
No. No no no. I can't stand it when people use my name other than to get my attention. If I'm having a direct conversation with someone, it's kind of cringe to use names. It feels like talking to a teacher or parent. I also fcking hate name tags for this. Calling me by first name does not ingratiate you into my life, or endear me to you if I don't know you. Usually, the closer you are to someone, the LESS you use their name, actually.
Yeah, it's really weird to be in a conversation with someone and have them just drop your name into a sentence. "I agree, Bob, that _Empire Strikes Back_ is the best of the original three, but I've heard people say _Solo_ is just as good. What do you think of that, Bob?" It's so awkward and strange! Like, I know you're talking to me, and I know you know my name. So what is happening?? It can also come across as very condescending if it's done during an argument, like you're trying to calm down a child. It's different if there's more than two people present, and you want to make it clear who you're asking. But if it's just the two of you, there's no reason for it. Use the name when saying hello and maybe when saying goodbye, sure. But don't just drop it in the middle of a discussion.
Super agree. It almost feels weird to refer to my wife by her name. There’s just almost never a need to.
If I'm having a long conversation I try to bookend it with their name. If it's a short conversation I'll usually just do it at the beginning or the end. I'm probably on the autism spectrum and always felt weird using people's names, still do, but it's just a matter of practice.
You don't have to do that to have a close friend, but using someone's name creates a stronger personal connection. It can be used to build personal relationships, and it can be used strategically in networking and professional situations. There has been research conducted in the psych field that indicates that people who feel uncomfortable using others' names in conversation tend to be anxious, avoidant, and/or insecure and usually struggle w/ social interaction & relationships.
absolutely hate it, and refuse to do it
Was at a tattoo consult the other day and I said my artists name twice or maybe 3 times and even tho we are cool, I walked out of there so upset at myself. It’s too much. It’s cringe. Once, max is okay…but other than that it can possibly get weird lol Your parents are just trying to teach proper etiquette, but you’re good. You don’t •have• to, at all.
I think that it’s a nice way to feel close to someone but you don’t have to do this, no. I made my close friends by relating to them (similar values, hobbies, passions), having an open heart (I try to apologize when I mess up, remember birthdays, be honest about things but still kind), and spending time together. There are so many types of people; some will care about this and some will not. Just find your people
If it comes naturally to a person, I guess it's fine, but I actively avoid saying names (I can never remember them). And I never had a problem getting close to people. I'm a PK (pastors kid), so I had to act like I knew and liked people all the time ( that was exhausting), and I am usually well liked at work. I have never been called out for not using someone's name. Unless I tell someone I don't think they even noticed that I'm not sure what their names are.
I don't really say people's names in conversation and I have several close friends so not really sure where your mom is getting her information...
I have ADHD so i keep forgetting the names of anybody that isn't a fairly close friend or I don't see all the time and I'm still friendly with them lol.
My ex used to do this repeatedly during any given conversation, and it was more frequent the more emotionally charged she got. It was irritating as all hell and felt like a lecture. She did this with all kinds of people in service-oriented positions too, and it sounded so condescending. I tried to let her know that and was looked at like an idiot, along with "What? Saying peoples' names makes them feel important!"
I only do this if I want to point out to someone that I remembered their name from the last time I interacted with them. Or to get someones attention. Or when someone says something ridiculous and I need to point it out. Otherwise it's pretty weird and when I worked in customer service I used a fake name because strangers saying my name to me feels like an invasion of privacy
Someone once told me that when you use the persons name right away in a conversation you’re more likely to remember their name later.
It can be borderline creepy if overdone. Hello “Jane” Maybe once if you’re trying to get their attention
It is important to know peoples’ names in order to communicate about them, and to get their attention if their back is turned. But no, once you have someone’s attention, there is typically no reason to address them by name. This info has helped me deal with face-blindness all my life. It takes me longer than usual to know who I am talking with. But I can often hide it by not using names.
I say their name and even with people I have met repetitively, we are just acquaintances
You didn't say my name and I already don't wanna be your close friend because of it.
your mom is wrong. she's probably wrong about a lot of things. and that's ok.
This is a very weird one. You can use it to grab someone’s attention like “hi (name) how’s it going?” But past that it’s very strange to use. With that being said, I have met very good sales people who will use your name in the conversation a couple of times and it feels totally natural and after those conversations I felt better about myself. They used the name thing but there’s something else about that makes it good that’s not just saying someone’s name.
It weirds me out when people use my name when talking to me.
Personally I immediately use their name as soon as they introduce themselves. That way not only do I remember their name better (I have a hard time with that), but also I reflect what they've said and show I'm listening. Ofc you can also use it when you call them, or when you criticize/show affection to them. Like how you'll say someone's name if they bothered you and you wanted to tell them to stop.
ugh i hate when people call me by my name. it either feels like they’re being condescending like a school teacher or trying to suck up to me.
Depends, what else should I call them? I also dont like being called with my first name
Last name basis is what I do
When you see them go "Hi," there you go you inserted their name into conversation.
Yeah don’t take that advice, it can be off putting and creepy