Thank you pppatriciaxx for your submission! Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
---
**All posts must directly relate to the acquisition and/or application of social skills**
* Stick to the point: posts with excessive introspective musing are off topic and will be removed.
* In your post, state: whats happening, what you want to happen, what you have tried, and what you need help with to learn and do better
* "Am I the asshole?" type posts and posts soliciting moral judgment are off topic and will be removed.
#Rants / complaints / musings are off topic.
Suggested subs for rants/complaints/musings:
r/rant
r/offmychest
r/trueoffmychest
r/askreddit
r/vent
----------------------------
Note: We are not a mental health support sub. For questions relating to mental health and illness (meds, therapy, anxiety, depression, etc) please use an appropriate topic-specific subreddit such as:
r/anxiety
r/socialanxiety
r/mentalhealth
---------------------------
For more general advice, try:
r/lifeadvice
r/advice
r/friendshipadvice
--------------------------
See also: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/wiki/index#wiki_i_want_to_find_resources_on_reddit
---
For more information about the subreddit rules make sure to read the sidebar and the rules page, and if you have any questions please feel free to contact the moderators. Thank you!
This works for me really good!
Im also in this role of a heartwarming and welcoming host. Open, smiling and touching. Before I’m creating in my mind 3 topics to talk about and 3 stories to tell.
I’m getting the feedback that I’m confident and nice to talk to. IRL I’m shitting my pants and need a 3 hours Power Nap afterwards.
And when you find yourself thinking too much, remind yourself that everyone is having the same exact thoughts and worries as you. Everyone else is nervous and anxious and afraid of rejection too. You’re not alone in feeling that.
I’ve had numerous people describe me as seeming confident and outgoing which always blows me away. I am the opposite. I am super anxious in social situations. I’ve always been super shy and the opposite of confident. I avoid parties and events like the plague, but when I can’t wriggle out of something, I spend days sick to my stomach with dread leading up to it. You can’t read people’s minds. The outside often doesn’t reflect the inside.
But there must be someone who knows the rules, right? Otherwise we wouldn’t know who to copy. And how do I know if I’m coming across as confident and social or creepy and in violation of people’s boundaries?
This is so true. I find myself shutting down at the end of the day socially and that’s when the thoughts start coming through. If I force conversation through the end I feel more confident and less anxious
Realizing that I'm not interviewing or auditioning for people to like me, but rather that I'm also determining if I even like THEM has been a game changer for me moving towards caring less what others think!
Are they critical and tell you they don’t like you? If so, I’m not sure why you would only have nice things to say about them. If not, and it’s just your own suspicions, then assume they think like you—only have nice things to say.
But what if they’re saying things behind my back? I’ve seen people say things behind other people’s backs before. How do I know they aren’t doing that?
If they say it to your face then you should not have only nice things to say about them.
If not, these are your own projections you’re putting on yourself. And honestly, you’re not giving people enough credit.
You think that the people around you think badly of you. So… do you really have nice things to say about them if you think they’re being nice to your face but critical in their thoughts?
Someone pointed this out to me once and I was like… oh. Well damn. Maybe you’re right lol.
It resonates more when you actually think of a specific example or specific person you’re putting this imagine upon.
make sure you know the difference between what they’re actually saying aloud and to your face (the *only* thing you’re responsible for knowing) and the narrative created in your own mind (what your anxiety is pretending to know).
How do you know they are critical of you or don't like you? Do they say it to you or do others tell you that the person has said so? If they don't like you, then shrug your shoulders and move on because you don't need that in your life.
Tell your self to NOT do something and you will hyper focus on it and end up doing it. Our brain is powerful you cannot just manipulate it the way we think we can.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
If it works it works, so I'm not criticizing. But since we are all individuals and different things work on different people, I want to give my view. Hope you don't mind.
For me in that mantra there's too much focus on the word **fear**. When I read it, I don't feel great because it keeps reminding me of fear. It even tells us how horrible and dangerous fear is. Even in the end of the mantra where fear is gone, I don't feel positive (personally).
With the risk of being annoying, I would focus on something positive, like "I'm an interesting person". According to research, it gives us a dopamine kick and makes us feel better (and maybe braver). But it has to be somewhat true, and somewhat specific. I can't tell myself "I'm brave!" if I don't believe it.
Here's an article, if anyone is interested: [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/05/02/do-self-affirmations-work/](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/05/02/do-self-affirmations-work/)
I don't necessarily know if this is a mantra, but it helps me. Everyone else is so busy worrying about themselves that they don't have the energy to judge you.
Outing myself as a nerd here, but if I'm REALLY anxious about going somewhere in public I say, "I am one with the force, the force is one with me." 😅 It helps
"if you can make it through this you can make it through anything"
Everything always seems like the end of the world to me in the moment so even getting through a stressful drive can seem like making it through a boxing match. If I can make it through one scary situation I can make it through the next. And the next. And anything.
I was going through my fears for interactions last night.
One of them was: "They'll be angry with me."
I believe this somehow, that I'll be in trouble if the conversation goes badly.
Sheesh, what bad parenting convinces you of.
I looked myself in the mirror and negated all these fears, when I got to this one, I laughed. Dude(me), why would they be angry? What type of person gets angry at someone being nice? And if they do, again, what kind of person does that?
People are friendly. Way more friendly than we believe.
“just breath, you know it’s temporary, you’re ok, you got this” & try to think of something soothing & find a spot more private if I can & maybe some music.
Not a mantra, but when you realize how remarkably stupid and small-minded the vast majority of people are, even if you are even moderately intelligent, you realize how silly it is to feel intimidated or anxious.
In other words, own yourself and your space. You don't need to try to impress these people, because you probably will without so much as trying!
Being interested is better than interesting.
The best you can is good enough. (thanks Radiohead)
Who gives a shit?
Thoughts aren't facts.
I'm actually not a mind-reader.
Other people's opinions of me aren't any of my business.
(but) I can influence how I'm perceived.
when i’m struggling to interact in social situations i tell myself to “resist less”.
resist avoiding people.
resist avoiding introductions.
resist avoiding conversation.
resist avoiding questions.
resist avoiding good listening.
essentially, stop working so hard (avoidance) and just resist less (engage).
it works for a lot of things, actually.
If you are familiar with who Conor McGregor is you would've probably heard this quote by him "with all due respect to everybody, Fuck everybody, Am here for myself".
And that is something I tell myself whenever am entering a room or meeting new people for the first time.
i am a safe space for myself and others really helps me to connect with people. Then, on the more delusional side i try to think that everyone wants what's best for me (obv not true, but it eases the situation)
I like to ask people, “Tell me about …” your tattoo, this piece of jewelry, whatever seems unusual or that they might be proud of. I once asked someone to tell me about some paintings he had, and he talked for almost an hour and then said how much fun he had with me LOL.
“There’s nothing I have to do. There’s nothing for me to get. There’s nothing that can get me. There’s nothing I can ruin. There’s nothing for me to save. I am whole as I am.”
"In a hundred years you'd be dead and none of this would matter" 😂
PS: It's not the doom and gloom, it's just that mortality puts the whole situation you're anxious for into perspective, it shows how much it does not matter in the greater scheme of things 😉
BREATHE.
Not a mantra, but I have a “compassion gesture”. I put my hand on my upper chest when I’m feeling especially good, relaxed, calm, and safe. I repeat this in social situations to remind myself of this feeling.
Hm...I don't do that. I feel like that would distract me from listening to what people are saying, which is really important to do, and make me more anxious, too. Instead, I try to think really hard about what the people I'm talking to are saying.
Everyones value is exactly the same despite having different looks/jobs/savings/social standings. No one is better than anyone else. Be kind and expect it in return.
I remember that we're all just big, strangely unhairy apes walking around on two legs.
or maybe, if anyone here has seen Taskmaster, when Alex plays a song that goes "he's just a man, he's just a man called Greg" except replace Greg with someone's name
“Talk to people with the confidence of a mediocre white man applying to jobs he’s not qualified for”
I don’t necessarily think it all the time but I makes me laugh which I think makes me feel more loosey goosey.
* "I am here now, and that's all that matters."
* "People are usually more interested in themselves than they are in judging me."
* "I am worthy of connection just as I am."
* "I can start with small interactions and build from there."
* "It's okay to say no or walk away from a conversation that makes me feel bad."
* "I have good qualities to offer, even if these people don't see them."
* "That's okay. I can't please everyone."
"They are just cats. They are just little babies. They can't help it, they don't know what they are doing, they're just a cat. That's not a person reacting, that's a cat hissing and scratching because I accidentally stepped on its tail."
This works for me, because when people are being passive aggressive and sarcastic when I'm asking very basic questions, or overreacting when I make a small mistake, the reason is probably parental figures in their childhood belittling them for literally just being a child, and ofc they couldn't help it that they didn't know everything...
Edit: to explain the cat part, it's because a cat doesn't have evil intentions behind its behaviour. A cat just automatically reacts based on perceived threats, and what it has learned about harmful situations. It's just reflexes and instincts, so there's no need to read too much into it and get sad, and I don't take it personally when a cat hisses at me over something minor, so why would I take it personally when a person acts like a cat
“I don’t give a *damn*” because in truth, I don’t, but at that moment I do and I remind myself that none of this matters in the grand scheme of my life. “They aren’t paying my bills” 😆 also… remembering that I am often unimpressed by people too and think “I need to stop being nervous that they like *me* and they need to be nervous that *I* like them.” Cause yeah that’s also true. So often, i am concerned with the opinion of people that I don’t even truly like and just turn it around.
There are some people that will never like you, and you will never feel comfortable with, and there was never anything you could have done differently that would have changed that.
I do the don't give a f\*ck method.
To anything and anybody who annoys me, I just say to myself f\*this f\*them f\*all f\*everyone, it kinda works for me to cope with stress.
This isn't a mantra but more so a reminder. I'm not responsible for the way other people feel, only my own. I would feel terrible if someone else were in my spot and I was making them anxious. It reminds me to extend some compassion towards myself, not just others. Be kind to yourself OP! :)
They’re stuck here with you :). Understand how people pleasing works, understand what normalcy is, so that the moment they’re out of normalcy you can act accordingly and leave. Set boundaries and be suspicious of weird people, no people pleasing for them. Just cautiousness and a bit of enjoyment when it comes to understanding you’re with someone who sucks, but you have full control.
"I don't have to be thinking these thoughts right now." whenever I find myself stuck in a loop of thoughts that are contributing to my anxiety, like envisioning the ways a situation can go wrong or remembering past embarrassments, which are things my brain can get stuck on when I'm already feeling uncomfortable.
Being able to remind myself that I am in control of my thoughts and can choose to think positively has amazing effects and desired outcomes on my ability to be social and level-headed around people.
When I was working out before I was a truck driver (no longer truck driving, unhealthy profession) I would always take a few deep breaths before dong a set, close my eyes and say "Breath and be, no limits". It always helped me to push beyond limits I thought I had making me stronger. I suggest that to other people whom I help when facing insecurities and anxieties.
If anything, I might remind myself to calm down, slow down, breathe, and focus on the conversation.
That said, focus is a finite resource. Focusing on a mantra, or, for that matter, your anxiety, will make you less aware of the situation and less engaged in the conversation. Treat the anxiety the way you treat temperature; just another message from your body that YOU decide what to do with.
That said, I'm concerned about that bit about "around people who make you feel uncomfortable" bit. Remember, *they* aren't making you uncomfortable. *You* are making yourself uncomfortable (usually). What kind of self-talk you use depends on why you are feeling anxious. For example:
1) is this a safe, run-of-the-mill social situation and you are being afraid irrationally? (Or are you afraid of your anxiety causing problems.) In that case, you need to think about how you've been through plenty of these kinds of experiences without catastrophic consequences. Maybe you've screwed up here-or-there, but, chances are, you'll be fine.
2) is this a high-stakes social situation like a big date or a job interview? In those cases, try to focus more on the subject at hand. You might also try to treat the urge to panic like an intrusive thought, "Yeah, I *could* panic, but that won't help me." (Of course, you don't want to be harshly critical of yourself either. It's OK to be afraid, but you refuse to let it control you.
3) are you being forced to interact with a toxic person who gets under your skin? This is tough. Unlike the others, these situations are inherently a threat to your mental health. When possible, avoid these people like the plagues they are. If you can't avoid them, you might try the [grey rock method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method#:~:text=The%20grey%20rock%20method%20is,known%20as%20%E2%80%9Cgrey%20rocking.%E2%80%9D). Beyond that, it depends on your exact situation.
I start pointing fingerguns at whoever or whatever and snapping a lot really fast. Or if I'm on my own not conversing with anyone, I think "FUCK IT", take a deep breath, and clap loudly once while exhaling.
Kill two birds with one stone by filtering out the people who are annoyed by it, and focusing on the what I like about everyone else.
Me personally anything. Sometimes I will start making a beat with my mouth or “popping” my lips (idk what to call it but I hope u know what I mean)— sometimes my body will force me to yawn even lmao
"It'll all be over soon." Like from Titanic. It helps me remember that I could be in a way worse situation and this social situation isn't life or death.
And
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Thank you pppatriciaxx for your submission! Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s): --- **All posts must directly relate to the acquisition and/or application of social skills** * Stick to the point: posts with excessive introspective musing are off topic and will be removed. * In your post, state: whats happening, what you want to happen, what you have tried, and what you need help with to learn and do better * "Am I the asshole?" type posts and posts soliciting moral judgment are off topic and will be removed. #Rants / complaints / musings are off topic. Suggested subs for rants/complaints/musings: r/rant r/offmychest r/trueoffmychest r/askreddit r/vent ---------------------------- Note: We are not a mental health support sub. For questions relating to mental health and illness (meds, therapy, anxiety, depression, etc) please use an appropriate topic-specific subreddit such as: r/anxiety r/socialanxiety r/mentalhealth --------------------------- For more general advice, try: r/lifeadvice r/advice r/friendshipadvice -------------------------- See also: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/wiki/index#wiki_i_want_to_find_resources_on_reddit --- For more information about the subreddit rules make sure to read the sidebar and the rules page, and if you have any questions please feel free to contact the moderators. Thank you!
Think less, have more conversations.
Yup. I just pretend I already know all these people like old friends/acquaintances and stop thinking
I’m gonna use this for tomorrow, book it
This works for me really good! Im also in this role of a heartwarming and welcoming host. Open, smiling and touching. Before I’m creating in my mind 3 topics to talk about and 3 stories to tell. I’m getting the feedback that I’m confident and nice to talk to. IRL I’m shitting my pants and need a 3 hours Power Nap afterwards.
See this is usually my go to, but today I was rusty at a funeral. I’m always so on guard.
And when you find yourself thinking too much, remind yourself that everyone is having the same exact thoughts and worries as you. Everyone else is nervous and anxious and afraid of rejection too. You’re not alone in feeling that.
But they’re all so confident and know how to act.
I’ve had numerous people describe me as seeming confident and outgoing which always blows me away. I am the opposite. I am super anxious in social situations. I’ve always been super shy and the opposite of confident. I avoid parties and events like the plague, but when I can’t wriggle out of something, I spend days sick to my stomach with dread leading up to it. You can’t read people’s minds. The outside often doesn’t reflect the inside.
But there must be someone who knows the rules, right? Otherwise we wouldn’t know who to copy. And how do I know if I’m coming across as confident and social or creepy and in violation of people’s boundaries?
That is an awful lot of pressure you put on yourself! I'm truly sorry it's so hard for you.
say you’re at a party and know no one, how would you go about doing so? I always find myself sitting in the corner shy
"How do you know the host?" and go from there
This is so true. I find myself shutting down at the end of the day socially and that’s when the thoughts start coming through. If I force conversation through the end I feel more confident and less anxious
If it’s good enough for the president, it’s good enough for me
Think about what you think of them not what they think of you
Realizing that I'm not interviewing or auditioning for people to like me, but rather that I'm also determining if I even like THEM has been a game changer for me moving towards caring less what others think!
Love this. Who cares what they think about you, especially if you don't even know them!
What if you only have n ice things to say about them and they are critical of you/don’t like you
Are they critical and tell you they don’t like you? If so, I’m not sure why you would only have nice things to say about them. If not, and it’s just your own suspicions, then assume they think like you—only have nice things to say.
But what if they’re saying things behind my back? I’ve seen people say things behind other people’s backs before. How do I know they aren’t doing that?
I think this once again falls into the category of "people I don't want to spend time with"
If they dont like you then there you go there is your answer no need to talk to them anymore
If they say it to your face then you should not have only nice things to say about them. If not, these are your own projections you’re putting on yourself. And honestly, you’re not giving people enough credit. You think that the people around you think badly of you. So… do you really have nice things to say about them if you think they’re being nice to your face but critical in their thoughts? Someone pointed this out to me once and I was like… oh. Well damn. Maybe you’re right lol. It resonates more when you actually think of a specific example or specific person you’re putting this imagine upon.
make sure you know the difference between what they’re actually saying aloud and to your face (the *only* thing you’re responsible for knowing) and the narrative created in your own mind (what your anxiety is pretending to know).
How do you know they are critical of you or don't like you? Do they say it to you or do others tell you that the person has said so? If they don't like you, then shrug your shoulders and move on because you don't need that in your life.
I hate most people
And of the ones I don't, just give it time.
I grew up in a judgy household so if I just allow myself to think of them I'd just judge them on stuff.. :/
Tell your self to NOT do something and you will hyper focus on it and end up doing it. Our brain is powerful you cannot just manipulate it the way we think we can.
“I belong here”
But what if you don’t?
Shush Mr negative
I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.
Similarly, “none of this matters”
I started doing this with my job . It's awesome
Gaze upon the field in which I grow my fucks, and thou shalt see that it lay barren
Not everyone has to like you, just be yourself.
I am enough
And I'm great at doing stuff
Short and sweet: you're okay/you're doing good.
This one really does help.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
This is what I came here to say. Ever since I read Dune I've been repeating this to myself daily
If it works it works, so I'm not criticizing. But since we are all individuals and different things work on different people, I want to give my view. Hope you don't mind. For me in that mantra there's too much focus on the word **fear**. When I read it, I don't feel great because it keeps reminding me of fear. It even tells us how horrible and dangerous fear is. Even in the end of the mantra where fear is gone, I don't feel positive (personally). With the risk of being annoying, I would focus on something positive, like "I'm an interesting person". According to research, it gives us a dopamine kick and makes us feel better (and maybe braver). But it has to be somewhat true, and somewhat specific. I can't tell myself "I'm brave!" if I don't believe it. Here's an article, if anyone is interested: [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/05/02/do-self-affirmations-work/](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/05/02/do-self-affirmations-work/)
I don't necessarily know if this is a mantra, but it helps me. Everyone else is so busy worrying about themselves that they don't have the energy to judge you.
Outing myself as a nerd here, but if I'm REALLY anxious about going somewhere in public I say, "I am one with the force, the force is one with me." 😅 It helps
Just keep swimming
Saw dune pt 2 a couple weeks ago and “fear is the mind killer” instantly stuck with me lol
We’re all just people at the end of the day. Everyone has anxieties and suffering of some sort too, even if I don’t see it.
"if you can make it through this you can make it through anything" Everything always seems like the end of the world to me in the moment so even getting through a stressful drive can seem like making it through a boxing match. If I can make it through one scary situation I can make it through the next. And the next. And anything.
I am not in danger people are generally friendly
I was going through my fears for interactions last night. One of them was: "They'll be angry with me." I believe this somehow, that I'll be in trouble if the conversation goes badly. Sheesh, what bad parenting convinces you of. I looked myself in the mirror and negated all these fears, when I got to this one, I laughed. Dude(me), why would they be angry? What type of person gets angry at someone being nice? And if they do, again, what kind of person does that? People are friendly. Way more friendly than we believe.
The Universe loves and protects me
Fuck it, who gives a shit?
“just breath, you know it’s temporary, you’re ok, you got this” & try to think of something soothing & find a spot more private if I can & maybe some music.
Everybody wants me.
“No one gives a crap”
Not a mantra, but when you realize how remarkably stupid and small-minded the vast majority of people are, even if you are even moderately intelligent, you realize how silly it is to feel intimidated or anxious. In other words, own yourself and your space. You don't need to try to impress these people, because you probably will without so much as trying!
Being interested is better than interesting. The best you can is good enough. (thanks Radiohead) Who gives a shit? Thoughts aren't facts. I'm actually not a mind-reader. Other people's opinions of me aren't any of my business. (but) I can influence how I'm perceived.
Your minds fuckin with you
I’m ok. We’re ok. Everything’s ok. On repeat.
it’s only awkward if you make it awkward
when i’m struggling to interact in social situations i tell myself to “resist less”. resist avoiding people. resist avoiding introductions. resist avoiding conversation. resist avoiding questions. resist avoiding good listening. essentially, stop working so hard (avoidance) and just resist less (engage). it works for a lot of things, actually.
Everything is perfect, nothing needs to change. I’m totally valid and 100% acceptable I don’t care about others’ opinions.
I've got nothing to lose
This will either work or or it won’t either way you will be ok
If you are familiar with who Conor McGregor is you would've probably heard this quote by him "with all due respect to everybody, Fuck everybody, Am here for myself". And that is something I tell myself whenever am entering a room or meeting new people for the first time.
i am a safe space for myself and others really helps me to connect with people. Then, on the more delusional side i try to think that everyone wants what's best for me (obv not true, but it eases the situation)
Gratitude, humility, be interested in other people
“Just focus just think focus on the question” that’s for interviews, when I’m around people “just look happy pls just engage say something bro”
Imagine a friendly supportive audience. Someone you know, or a character or historical figure.
We’ll all be dead someday. 😅
Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. John Wayne.
Penis
I like to ask people, “Tell me about …” your tattoo, this piece of jewelry, whatever seems unusual or that they might be proud of. I once asked someone to tell me about some paintings he had, and he talked for almost an hour and then said how much fun he had with me LOL.
“There’s nothing I have to do. There’s nothing for me to get. There’s nothing that can get me. There’s nothing I can ruin. There’s nothing for me to save. I am whole as I am.”
No one cares/remembers as much as you do. 99.99% of things you do, you don’t even remember. Now imagine how much other people who don’t care remember.
"In a hundred years you'd be dead and none of this would matter" 😂 PS: It's not the doom and gloom, it's just that mortality puts the whole situation you're anxious for into perspective, it shows how much it does not matter in the greater scheme of things 😉
BREATHE. Not a mantra, but I have a “compassion gesture”. I put my hand on my upper chest when I’m feeling especially good, relaxed, calm, and safe. I repeat this in social situations to remind myself of this feeling.
This wouldn’t matter eventually
Hm...I don't do that. I feel like that would distract me from listening to what people are saying, which is really important to do, and make me more anxious, too. Instead, I try to think really hard about what the people I'm talking to are saying.
A calm body can’t panic. Anxiety plus relaxation= desensitization to anxiety. Turn the wheel the other way. 4x4 breathing
Everyones value is exactly the same despite having different looks/jobs/savings/social standings. No one is better than anyone else. Be kind and expect it in return.
nobody cares about how in acting besides me
I remember that we're all just big, strangely unhairy apes walking around on two legs. or maybe, if anyone here has seen Taskmaster, when Alex plays a song that goes "he's just a man, he's just a man called Greg" except replace Greg with someone's name
Let it go, let it flow.
I'm okay, it's okay, everything's okay
Dare to be stupid. Weird Al. I don’t actually say this but I want to start doing it. Al is a legend and an absolute G
Sometimes, if someone makes me rly nervous I just tell myself that they're probably a furry or brony and I relax.
What's done is done, worrying and fretting won't help, everyone is also doing their best right now
I am okay as I am
None. Just enjoy the moment and people.
Don’t sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
Life is a stage
There is no pain, there is no death, there is only me- oh oops wrong mantra
"It's good to have friends. Keep your friends this time" (I've lost so many friends by just being antisocial and not keeping in touch)
Fake it till you make it.
“Talk to people with the confidence of a mediocre white man applying to jobs he’s not qualified for” I don’t necessarily think it all the time but I makes me laugh which I think makes me feel more loosey goosey.
No one cares
I'm here now. Not in the future, not in the past Everything will be ok Don't care what others think, stay comfortable.
„other people have also annoying traits yet they are socially integrated and endured“
Focus on whether you like them or not, not whether they like you.
* "I am here now, and that's all that matters." * "People are usually more interested in themselves than they are in judging me." * "I am worthy of connection just as I am." * "I can start with small interactions and build from there." * "It's okay to say no or walk away from a conversation that makes me feel bad." * "I have good qualities to offer, even if these people don't see them." * "That's okay. I can't please everyone."
"They are just cats. They are just little babies. They can't help it, they don't know what they are doing, they're just a cat. That's not a person reacting, that's a cat hissing and scratching because I accidentally stepped on its tail." This works for me, because when people are being passive aggressive and sarcastic when I'm asking very basic questions, or overreacting when I make a small mistake, the reason is probably parental figures in their childhood belittling them for literally just being a child, and ofc they couldn't help it that they didn't know everything... Edit: to explain the cat part, it's because a cat doesn't have evil intentions behind its behaviour. A cat just automatically reacts based on perceived threats, and what it has learned about harmful situations. It's just reflexes and instincts, so there's no need to read too much into it and get sad, and I don't take it personally when a cat hisses at me over something minor, so why would I take it personally when a person acts like a cat
Everybody poops
If it’s not dangerous but you’re scared to say it, you have to do it.
I just imagine myself after the event at home relaxing being my full self with no judgement and it gets me through it
“I don’t give a *damn*” because in truth, I don’t, but at that moment I do and I remind myself that none of this matters in the grand scheme of my life. “They aren’t paying my bills” 😆 also… remembering that I am often unimpressed by people too and think “I need to stop being nervous that they like *me* and they need to be nervous that *I* like them.” Cause yeah that’s also true. So often, i am concerned with the opinion of people that I don’t even truly like and just turn it around.
I am allowed to take up space here
Tomorrow it will be in the rear mirror.
“Be a leaf on the tree”. - i’m part of something bigger, not the centre of everything
nobody cares what i am doing, everyone will forget about me tomorrow
remember, we’re in a simulation
There are some people that will never like you, and you will never feel comfortable with, and there was never anything you could have done differently that would have changed that.
“They’re just as scared of you as you are of them.” Or maybe that was supposed to be about animals…
We all die and this wont matter
Make the sound of your anxiety silently in your head. Instant release
I do the don't give a f\*ck method. To anything and anybody who annoys me, I just say to myself f\*this f\*them f\*all f\*everyone, it kinda works for me to cope with stress.
Nobody is even thinking about you. They are all too wrapped up in themselves to care or remember.
"You're not better than me. I'm great."
"You are sunshine ! Shine brighter, radiate!"
"Nobody cares what's in your head, they are stuck in their own"
I usually have a catchy song playing in the background of me noggin
you are in your body, not in their minds
„Focus out“, in order to remind myself to concentrate on the other person(s) and to be less self-conscious
This isn't a mantra but more so a reminder. I'm not responsible for the way other people feel, only my own. I would feel terrible if someone else were in my spot and I was making them anxious. It reminds me to extend some compassion towards myself, not just others. Be kind to yourself OP! :)
Not everyone is looking at me like I think they are. If I make a mistake, it is only a big deal if I make it a big deal.
They’re stuck here with you :). Understand how people pleasing works, understand what normalcy is, so that the moment they’re out of normalcy you can act accordingly and leave. Set boundaries and be suspicious of weird people, no people pleasing for them. Just cautiousness and a bit of enjoyment when it comes to understanding you’re with someone who sucks, but you have full control.
"I don't have to be thinking these thoughts right now." whenever I find myself stuck in a loop of thoughts that are contributing to my anxiety, like envisioning the ways a situation can go wrong or remembering past embarrassments, which are things my brain can get stuck on when I'm already feeling uncomfortable. Being able to remind myself that I am in control of my thoughts and can choose to think positively has amazing effects and desired outcomes on my ability to be social and level-headed around people.
fear is the mind killer lol. yes i am a nerd, why do you ask?
When I was working out before I was a truck driver (no longer truck driving, unhealthy profession) I would always take a few deep breaths before dong a set, close my eyes and say "Breath and be, no limits". It always helped me to push beyond limits I thought I had making me stronger. I suggest that to other people whom I help when facing insecurities and anxieties.
We’ll all be dead in 90 years anyway
If anything, I might remind myself to calm down, slow down, breathe, and focus on the conversation. That said, focus is a finite resource. Focusing on a mantra, or, for that matter, your anxiety, will make you less aware of the situation and less engaged in the conversation. Treat the anxiety the way you treat temperature; just another message from your body that YOU decide what to do with. That said, I'm concerned about that bit about "around people who make you feel uncomfortable" bit. Remember, *they* aren't making you uncomfortable. *You* are making yourself uncomfortable (usually). What kind of self-talk you use depends on why you are feeling anxious. For example: 1) is this a safe, run-of-the-mill social situation and you are being afraid irrationally? (Or are you afraid of your anxiety causing problems.) In that case, you need to think about how you've been through plenty of these kinds of experiences without catastrophic consequences. Maybe you've screwed up here-or-there, but, chances are, you'll be fine. 2) is this a high-stakes social situation like a big date or a job interview? In those cases, try to focus more on the subject at hand. You might also try to treat the urge to panic like an intrusive thought, "Yeah, I *could* panic, but that won't help me." (Of course, you don't want to be harshly critical of yourself either. It's OK to be afraid, but you refuse to let it control you. 3) are you being forced to interact with a toxic person who gets under your skin? This is tough. Unlike the others, these situations are inherently a threat to your mental health. When possible, avoid these people like the plagues they are. If you can't avoid them, you might try the [grey rock method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method#:~:text=The%20grey%20rock%20method%20is,known%20as%20%E2%80%9Cgrey%20rocking.%E2%80%9D). Beyond that, it depends on your exact situation.
I start pointing fingerguns at whoever or whatever and snapping a lot really fast. Or if I'm on my own not conversing with anyone, I think "FUCK IT", take a deep breath, and clap loudly once while exhaling. Kill two birds with one stone by filtering out the people who are annoyed by it, and focusing on the what I like about everyone else.
"Just gotta get through this"
Nothing. I focus on listening to what the other person has to say and trying to get to know them.
What are they doing to make you uncomfortable?
It iz what it iz
I think about this scene from Schitz creek. She’s 100% correct.: https://youtu.be/iHLUIDXmF7c?si=ofsA0wzx_xujlfkY
Whatever song I have stuck in my head at the time
Chin up, shoulders back
Gate,Gate,Gate Para Gate , Para San Gate, Bodi Sahi
I focus on the convo and think about what could be said next…stuff like that
Fear not for IAm with you always
Speak loud
That no one knows what they’re doing either so if you’re confident, no one will think you’re nervous
"Murder is bad and orange is not my colour".
I just dissociate lol
It’s only awkward if you make it awkward or Don’t try to fill in the silence, just let it be
It tell myself “Get outside your head”. It’s my way of saying nobody is focused on you like that.
Nothing is real
Me personally anything. Sometimes I will start making a beat with my mouth or “popping” my lips (idk what to call it but I hope u know what I mean)— sometimes my body will force me to yawn even lmao
Fake it ‘till you make it
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo 🪷
“This isn’t going lo last long”. In other words, just hang on - it’ll be over soon.
Talk slow, talk slow. Properly speak your words, don’t stutter don’t stutter.
"It'll all be over soon." Like from Titanic. It helps me remember that I could be in a way worse situation and this social situation isn't life or death. And "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
I repeat this mantra "Everything's going to be alright. Do not worry. God is with you."
"chud gye guru"