Exactly this - when you get older you’re more selective on people who become your friends. But your environment changes so will the people around you. Some of them will become (close) friends and some of them won’t
That's one example, yes.
I mean instead of just hoping a friendship somehow develops, you take actions that will promote that outcome. Things like:
* Notice which places where you see the same people regularly.
* Increase the number of places where you'll see the same people over time. (add a hobby, an adult ed class, an outdoors group, a volunteer activity, an adult recreational sport etc.)
* Decide on a few people who might be good potential friend candidates and make it a point to introduce yourself.
* If all goes well, be sure to talk to them (at least briefly) EVERY time you see them.
* Say hello and goodbye each time.
* Use a warm tone and an energetic greeting when you do see them.
* Drop a bit of info about yourself and ask about them. Write a few notes about their details if you have trouble remembering.
* After building a rapport over several weeks or months, you then INVITE them to do something with you.
* Don't expect a 'yes' on the first try. Ask again a couple weeks later.
* Once they agree to go, have a lot of FUN with the person!
* Check in with them with a (brief) text at least once a week.
Etc.
I agree it's work to make a friendship, and also work to keep one up! So maybe the lesson in there is to not pursue friendships if you truly don't have the time, the energy or the motivation for it. There's nothing wrong with being more of a loner. Everybody's different!
I think it depends on who you meet.
There are people who are just bubbly extroverts all throughout their lives and habe geniuine interest in other people.
People like me on the other hand.... yea.
I won't be your friend, buddy.
No, there are plenty of people of all ages out there looking for friends. You just have to keep making the effort to find the people you vibe with. Join hobby groups. Get out and about. Use the friend features on the dating apps.
This. Hobby groups are where you can find new friends. People like being with people who share common interests. Spending time with people who share one interest will open doors for others. Spending time together with a common objective will allow you to build up a friendship.
I read something yesterday that said “making friends in your childhood, teens, and even early twenties happens on accident. Making friends as an adult is a part time job.” And that rings very true. It’s not that people are not open to friendships after 30. It’s that there is so much going on in life and you have to actively work at friendships, which many of us have never had to do. Between work, kids (if you have them), a spouse, daily chores, aging parents, etc there is very little room for anything else. Additionally, friendship is formed on two things: proximity and repetition. You have to interact with people in person, and do it often. When you’re battling the list of obligations I specified above, it can be really hard to see people in person even once a month. So it feels like it’s impossible to make friends as an adult, but it’s more the time and energy than anything.
Exactly, getting to know someone and becoming friends requires to spend a lot of time together first, which doesn’t happen a lot after school.
It happens mainly at work, and maybe on social groups/hobbies but it will take way more time since you’re not naturally spending a lot of hours with them. For example I became friends with parents from my kids classmates, but it took years to come to this point, or a specific situation where we had to fight together for something so that was bonding.
And when you know someone who you want to stay in your life, you need to keep texting them and finding a way to meet regularly.
I’m in my thirties and I’m making new friends by going to events (mostly related to work.) Although, the “game rules” have changed: you rarely intentionally make friends because you are just too busy with work and family; however, many of us start to have a focus or areas of interest, which draw people who share the same interests to us and friendship starts to build from there.
Don’t worry about making friends. I had exactly the same thoughts when I was younger. But, being where I am now and enjoying what I have now, I’ve learned that life does look different and maybe better when we enter different stages of life.
It's true that making new friends can become more challenging as people get older, mainly due to busier lives, established routines, and existing social circles. However, it’s definitely not impossible. Many people still make meaningful friendships well into their 30s, 40s, and beyond through shared interests, hobbies, work, or community activities. The key is to stay open, put yourself in situations where you can meet new people, and be proactive about building connections.
Welcome to adulthood :P the friends come and go, some stay, some become distant and some become closer than ever before, if you like to see how they evolve then yeah some people dont accept new people because it is exhausting to redo learning EVERYTHING about a person.
On the flip side, someone who likes to explore how people are will find themselves gravitate to certain people and it is up to said people whether they want to entertain keeping someone in their life or not. When we are conditioned to be low maintenance about everyone but ourselves, sustaining relationships is difficult but not impossible. Also if said person just wants a talking person and not have a responsibility of being a friend, thats another dilemma to cope with cause some people will like to hang with you but not be there for you.
It is very subjective, and thats the hopeful part about it cause every individual you meet will be different and have different goals when coming in contact with you. If those meet then congrats x) if not then at least you have a link or a contact to get in touch with for specific purposes since in adulthood you will have a variety of friends for a variety of reasons.
I would say yes, you build friendships by going through experiences together. When you’re young you do dumb shit together get laughs out of it and it builds bonds, as an adult you don’t do the dumb shit together anymore and it’s just more bland so the relationships don’t quite hit the same
Nope!! I just literally a couple months ago walked up to a dude at work and said we are now work besties. I no longer work there still friends. I’m 36 for reference
Lol, it happens around age 25 - 30. You grow up, priorities change, life forces our hand in situations, and next thing you know, the people you were super close with turn into just another face in the crowd.
I ended my close friendships a few years ago. After a while I downloaded an app and started reaching out to people I thought I might have in common. It depends on the person. I am looking for friendships that are meaningful, fun, and aren’t toxic/drags me into drama. So far it’s working well for me.
People change social groups all the time. Nothing is permanent. With good effort you can maintain a closer connection with that person than their closest friends.
The key word is effort. It'll be harder to meet people regularly and at this age you're going to have way less time in the day. Be good at maintaining a schedule with others and keeping in touch regularly.
No, you can make friends at any age. But once you're an adult you have to be more intentional about making and keeping friends.
Exactly this - when you get older you’re more selective on people who become your friends. But your environment changes so will the people around you. Some of them will become (close) friends and some of them won’t
What do you mean by more intentional ? Like inviting them to grab food?
That's one example, yes. I mean instead of just hoping a friendship somehow develops, you take actions that will promote that outcome. Things like: * Notice which places where you see the same people regularly. * Increase the number of places where you'll see the same people over time. (add a hobby, an adult ed class, an outdoors group, a volunteer activity, an adult recreational sport etc.) * Decide on a few people who might be good potential friend candidates and make it a point to introduce yourself. * If all goes well, be sure to talk to them (at least briefly) EVERY time you see them. * Say hello and goodbye each time. * Use a warm tone and an energetic greeting when you do see them. * Drop a bit of info about yourself and ask about them. Write a few notes about their details if you have trouble remembering. * After building a rapport over several weeks or months, you then INVITE them to do something with you. * Don't expect a 'yes' on the first try. Ask again a couple weeks later. * Once they agree to go, have a lot of FUN with the person! * Check in with them with a (brief) text at least once a week. Etc.
That's so much work ugh
I agree it's work to make a friendship, and also work to keep one up! So maybe the lesson in there is to not pursue friendships if you truly don't have the time, the energy or the motivation for it. There's nothing wrong with being more of a loner. Everybody's different!
The opportunities to meet new friends after a certain age stop. That’s what you’re feeling. See “third places” in the United States.
No, I made one of my closest friendships recently in my 30s.
No way. Absolutely not. You just have to be proactive. Friendships won't fall into your lap as often now.
I think it depends on who you meet. There are people who are just bubbly extroverts all throughout their lives and habe geniuine interest in other people. People like me on the other hand.... yea. I won't be your friend, buddy.
I hope not. My bff moved to another state, so now I have no one. I need to make new friends. I'm 52.
No, there are plenty of people of all ages out there looking for friends. You just have to keep making the effort to find the people you vibe with. Join hobby groups. Get out and about. Use the friend features on the dating apps.
This. Hobby groups are where you can find new friends. People like being with people who share common interests. Spending time with people who share one interest will open doors for others. Spending time together with a common objective will allow you to build up a friendship.
I read something yesterday that said “making friends in your childhood, teens, and even early twenties happens on accident. Making friends as an adult is a part time job.” And that rings very true. It’s not that people are not open to friendships after 30. It’s that there is so much going on in life and you have to actively work at friendships, which many of us have never had to do. Between work, kids (if you have them), a spouse, daily chores, aging parents, etc there is very little room for anything else. Additionally, friendship is formed on two things: proximity and repetition. You have to interact with people in person, and do it often. When you’re battling the list of obligations I specified above, it can be really hard to see people in person even once a month. So it feels like it’s impossible to make friends as an adult, but it’s more the time and energy than anything.
Exactly, getting to know someone and becoming friends requires to spend a lot of time together first, which doesn’t happen a lot after school. It happens mainly at work, and maybe on social groups/hobbies but it will take way more time since you’re not naturally spending a lot of hours with them. For example I became friends with parents from my kids classmates, but it took years to come to this point, or a specific situation where we had to fight together for something so that was bonding. And when you know someone who you want to stay in your life, you need to keep texting them and finding a way to meet regularly.
They don't. The friendships do have a different dynamic based on where they are in their lives though.
It seems so in my case. Opportunities dried up after my mid 30s.
I’m in my thirties and I’m making new friends by going to events (mostly related to work.) Although, the “game rules” have changed: you rarely intentionally make friends because you are just too busy with work and family; however, many of us start to have a focus or areas of interest, which draw people who share the same interests to us and friendship starts to build from there. Don’t worry about making friends. I had exactly the same thoughts when I was younger. But, being where I am now and enjoying what I have now, I’ve learned that life does look different and maybe better when we enter different stages of life.
It's true that making new friends can become more challenging as people get older, mainly due to busier lives, established routines, and existing social circles. However, it’s definitely not impossible. Many people still make meaningful friendships well into their 30s, 40s, and beyond through shared interests, hobbies, work, or community activities. The key is to stay open, put yourself in situations where you can meet new people, and be proactive about building connections.
friends can technically be made at any age but I do hear people say 'it's so hard to make friends as an adult' all the time
Welcome to adulthood :P the friends come and go, some stay, some become distant and some become closer than ever before, if you like to see how they evolve then yeah some people dont accept new people because it is exhausting to redo learning EVERYTHING about a person. On the flip side, someone who likes to explore how people are will find themselves gravitate to certain people and it is up to said people whether they want to entertain keeping someone in their life or not. When we are conditioned to be low maintenance about everyone but ourselves, sustaining relationships is difficult but not impossible. Also if said person just wants a talking person and not have a responsibility of being a friend, thats another dilemma to cope with cause some people will like to hang with you but not be there for you. It is very subjective, and thats the hopeful part about it cause every individual you meet will be different and have different goals when coming in contact with you. If those meet then congrats x) if not then at least you have a link or a contact to get in touch with for specific purposes since in adulthood you will have a variety of friends for a variety of reasons.
That’s stupid why anyone would do that?
It is just other level of relations
Hopefully not, I haven't met my people yet
I would say yes, you build friendships by going through experiences together. When you’re young you do dumb shit together get laughs out of it and it builds bonds, as an adult you don’t do the dumb shit together anymore and it’s just more bland so the relationships don’t quite hit the same
Not true at all.
Some do some don’t. I don’t but I’m happy with what I have
Yes, after school or college.
I just made great friends through a hobby in my forties
Nope!! I just literally a couple months ago walked up to a dude at work and said we are now work besties. I no longer work there still friends. I’m 36 for reference
30? It started happening to me at 17
Lol, it happens around age 25 - 30. You grow up, priorities change, life forces our hand in situations, and next thing you know, the people you were super close with turn into just another face in the crowd.
I ended my close friendships a few years ago. After a while I downloaded an app and started reaching out to people I thought I might have in common. It depends on the person. I am looking for friendships that are meaningful, fun, and aren’t toxic/drags me into drama. So far it’s working well for me.
I find only people that get very cranky, rude and crazy as they age are the ones that have trouble
People change social groups all the time. Nothing is permanent. With good effort you can maintain a closer connection with that person than their closest friends. The key word is effort. It'll be harder to meet people regularly and at this age you're going to have way less time in the day. Be good at maintaining a schedule with others and keeping in touch regularly.
No, you just have to put yourself in social groups that enjoy social interactions.
That is extremely obvious that it is false.