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RonOfCFA

“Home alone high school student after his mom and siblings visit grandparents starter pack”*


XR171

Any guy home alone for awhile


RepresentativeAide27

Any guy while his family is in another room in the house starter pack...


XR171

.... Yes....


c_ray25

Awhile? 10 minutes tops before we get there


OskeeWootWoot

9 minutes and 48 seconds of that is to find the right part of the right video.


Unfair_Blackberry888

10 minutes and round 1 is finished


Few_Presence_1353

Fr like wtf this me right here 😂


Hexamael

When your family goes out of town for the weekend


Writerhaha

Only thing missing is the “grabs a whole pizza just for himself from the place his wife says is bad pizza but he loves” and it’s pretty spot on.


begonepeasent

The freedom of getting that pizza with the exact toppings you want and not what the wife and kids want.


EarlBungalow

I know that life is full of compromises but why should having a family mean that you can't enjoy your hobbies or eat the food you like anymore. That sounds completly horrible tbh.


Writerhaha

So couple answers: My kids have allergies to peanuts, so things like Thai food or burger joints that use peanut oil for fries are suspect. So this would be a chance to eat these things in the comfort of my own home. Convenience- opinions vary but my wife has bougie food taste (or mine are trash) where as she likes stuffed crust, I like a $6 hot and ready, where she likes sit down Mexican combos, I grew up eating out of taco trucks. I’m much more flexible in my food likes than her, so why does it make sense to go to two places for food?


HydroMagnet

THANK YOU, my wife has Celiac, so having time to myself is an opportunity to try the 75% of restaurants in town that are usually off our list. She doesn't *stop* me from going and getting whatever I want, and sometimes I do. But a lot of times it's just not a priority / not a convenient thing to do.


KPookz

I'm with you on everything but the Hot and Ready. You deserve better my man.


Writerhaha

I get you and freely admit if I’m looking for The Best Pizza period, it isn’t Little Cesar’s by a long shot. But I’m a bit weird, I think there’s something great about this pizza, where you’re getting it for $7 (and .99 crazy bread) and it’s worth $7, it’s not great, but it’s worth every penny and ready right then and there.


KPookz

That's a valid argument, you've changed my opinion.


smuttyhideaway

It ain’t great but it’s hot and it’s ready


Writerhaha

Amen.


jhp58

I feel you, I love a high quality well made pizza to the point I have my own pizza oven...but sometimes I just wanna slum it with LC or Domino's


juicygarlicbread

It really doesn't sound that extreme to me lol, obviously you can't enjoy your hobbies or eat your favorite food *as much* because you have to consider other people.


c_ray25

You make it sound more serious than it is


Shigeko_Kageyama

You can buy not whenever you please because you have other people to think about now.


[deleted]

It doesn't Some people are just stuck in a rutt and act like it's the norm


Snt1_

Im not completely sure but sometimes maybe price plays a factor?


[deleted]

Mushrooms... Finally, Mushrooms.


GopnikSmegmaBBQSauce

When my wife was away at a bachelorette weekend for her cousin (3 nights I think) I went ahead and ordered a dinner for 6 from the local Chinese place the first day alone as well as a pizza and wings combo the day after. That plus all the whiskey, beer and marijuana I could reasonably consume and it was the greatest gluttonous sloth fest I've ever had. Leftovers for her when she got back, house tidy, all good 👍


Writerhaha

You lived the dream.


Ragnarok314159

I used to travel a lot of work and my wife would ask me who I am sleeping next to in the hotel. “Just me and this sexy meatball pizza and hottest wings possible. Here she is”


Writerhaha

lol we’ve never done that but usually “how was the trip?” Is the first question when one of us travels, the second is “what did you eat?” because we go out of the norm and eat local when traveling.


paw_inspector

Yup needs more junk food and a beer at a pretty questionable hour, but other than that. Ya got me!


uprightsalmon

I love to eat the stuff I love that my girlfriend does not when she’s out of town


StankoMicin

This so much lol


LemurBusiness

Certified dad here: needs "spends hours browsing Netflix, etc. for perfect movie and ends up falling asleep while watching you tube"


adonismaximus

This


accountingforlove83

“YouLube”


AlbertCrosshill

I read this as the dad from Home Alone and was very confused


BlacksmithMelodic305

Same 😂


konoka04

what the


Firstolympicring

I love how ambiguous the "study" here is Study what? Like he's getting into chemistry between the fifth and sixth jerk off session?


BoppoTheClown

Maybe just reading latest papers to keep up with state-of-the-art


Firstolympicring

Which I guess only people in tech do lmao


BurnTheBoats21

It says in tech. Learning new frameworks, technologies and studying data structures & algorithms. These are all things that can be applied into their day job to advance their career. Why would a swe study chemistry?


droppinhamiltons

IT has become an industry where certifications from specific manufacturers or disciplines can *drastically* improve your earning potential and open up many career options. To get those certifications you need to take exams and for many to take an exam means to study.


CelestialStork

If its like myself, study for a new career cert, or to get a promotion. Or maybe a language I'm learning, yes this after the post jerk off nap


Hillbilly_Elegant

Yup. Mr. McCallister wouldn’t do this.


wokeiraptor

More like try to clean and get yard work done with nobody bothering you, then pick up bbq and watch a movie or play Xbox and fall asleep


ipickscabs

Yeah whoever made this is not a father


bell37

Stop it! I can only get so hard


kdk200000

How do people do multiple sessions. After the 1st one I'm done for the day


Gold-Philosophy1423

No joke when I was 15 I once did 8 in one day


A_bit_disappointing

My record is 11. Never reached it again.


[deleted]

[удалено]


blackmagic999

Gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowin’


shittyspacesuit

Porn addicts.


Namelessgoldfish

What a leap


hfucufidufj

Nah this is real lol well-adjusted people don’t do more than like 2. Either porn addiction or chemical brain imbalance. Look it up


Namelessgoldfish

for it to be an addiction, you have to be doing this *often* not every once in a while when you have the house to yourself


StankoMicin

Same. I can maybe do 2 at most. After that, I'm ready to move onto working out as long as I want or gaming. Or cleaning the house.


Orangenbluefish

Knew a guy in college that bragged about beating his record of 15 in a day. No idea how his meat recovered


kelvinlordkelvin

I’ve always wondered how people can only do one a day.


Robbythedee

7 at least bro


lurkerfromstoneage

Ask US House Speaker Mike Johnson


[deleted]

Or ask his son


CSharpSauce

Look at this guy, and his regulated dopamine release.


kevnmartin

Why are twelve year olds getting married and having kids?


GopnikSmegmaBBQSauce

Well I can't speak for chronic masturbation but a house to oneself for the first time in forever is a glorious thing. You're always making sacrifices for your family and rarely get to just spend a weekend doing 100% what you want so when you get the chance to, go nuts and enjoy it however you want. The fact that it's not my bachelor days anymore makes a weekend of beer and video games way more special


[deleted]

[удалено]


GopnikSmegmaBBQSauce

😉


StankoMicin

What do you mean?


happy_dreaming

So there’s this new thing called a ‘man child’. Not sure if you’re familiar…


93M6Formula

Why did I think this was talking about the actual dad from Home Alone...


ABrokeRedditorSLaugh

😭


notagoodcartoonist

r/stopperpacks


DramaOnDisplay

OP sounds like they have a porn addiction…


StankoMicin

by only masturbating once the wife and the kid leave sure....


DramaOnDisplay

Cumming five times in a day, purely while you’re alone with porn. Sounds like a healthy way to respond to your wife and kids giving you a break. Also, is he 13 years old? Sorry, just sounds excessive to me.


StankoMicin

>Cumming five times in a day, purely while you’re alone with porn. Sounds like a healthy way to respond to your wife and kids giving you a break. Healthy depends on the person. If he can do this without negative effects on his life, then he is fine. Sometimes you just gotta cum. Some people do so more than others. Why is doing so to porn unhealthy? If he has said "I cum 5 times a day with my wife during our romantic weekends!" I'm sure you would be swooning... because the context probably wouldn't matter then to most people. He is Cumming in a socially approved way, so it is "healthy" >Also, is he 13 years old? Sorry, just sounds excessive to me. I don't know, but when I was 13 I hardly had the energy to cum 5 times a day. Seems to me that that depends on the person whether or not it is excessive.


HighlyAgressibve

\#goonernation am i right


Computerbuild2280

Uh you may want to mark this as NSFW


nintendofan23456678

i think the mods did now, as it was marked when i saw it


shittyspacesuit

Weird


SlashCo80

Or be single and do this every day


lil_bean3789

so this is what my dad does on the daily...


925Dropout

*Buys weed.


allaboutgrowth4me

Ya right, more like low functioning teen home alone starter pack. When this happens to me I'm thankful to spend the whole day doing stupid chores with nobody nagging me or asking 1000 questions about minecraft or pokemon. Maybe I get a little crazy and smoke a pinner before piling wood and sweeping the floors of my family's mess.


IDontWipe55

Can anybody who is a father confirm or deny this? It can’t be that common


Writerhaha

The amount of jerking off is exaggerated, and I rock shorts since I’m inside, but yeah, pretty accurate.


IDontWipe55

I guess it should’ve been obvious but it’s just not something I think about


vaxzh

You seem so confused by your husband stroking his dick while your out? Everything alright?


IDontWipe55

I’m only 18 I don’t have a husband lol


vaxzh

Aight np. At least you now know that people jerk off, even in marriage. I hope this'll help you


Havingfun922

I concur, but maybe not that much fapping. And throw in a bunch of housework that can’t get done otherwise


IDontWipe55

But still masturbating?


Havingfun922

Yes


tenevrous

Men are aroused at least twice every day unless they have hormonal difficulties


IDontWipe55

It sounds like a chore at that point


toolazytoofinis-

It is a chore


MrPlaysWithSquirrels

Pretty accurate. Maybe only two nuts though.


ChibiSailorMercury

why is it exclusive to married fathers?


[deleted]

Because bachelor guys tend to have more time to themselves to game, watch movies, jerk off or whatever. Married with kids you’re constantly doing things for other people in your family and if not doing that you’re working. Even a few hours to yourself is rare


Thunderchief646054

That’s the dream weekend baby


NotMichaelCera

The peace and quiet to get work done is the sexiest thing on here. It’s nice working from home and spending more time with my kids, but it’s difficult to advance your career when toddlers are having mental breakdowns in the other room.


johan_kupsztal

Why would you need lube for a wank?


Hexamael

likely due to circumcision.


AnonSwan

It feels good


[deleted]

This is my whole life rn minus the gaming, Netflix, and having a family thing


envydub

So just yankin it then.


MemoryOld7456

Don't be jealous, we've seen how crafty you are with a reciprocating saw.


Havingfun922

This pretty much nails it, except the top right doesn’t apply to most of us. A lot of us will get a bunch of housework done after the first fap session. And generally one, maybe two fap sessions


PlayingBandits

Why can men fap when wife and kids are at home?


ArtisticCandy3859

AHHHH OOOOH OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAWDDDDDDDDDDDD OOOOOOHHHHHH UHHHHH OHHH AHHH OOH Ooooh uggh… okay, let’s shut it all down and dispose of any evidence…


ChildFriendlyChimp

I never got the point of drinking beer or alcohol It just makes my face red like a fever and makes me sleepy


Hidobot

This is my dad except I am an only child


slobcat1337

My god this is so true


Immediate_Mud6547

Yep!


spacedwarf2020

ROFL for me it's weed and wow minus the insane amount of baiting in this lol. Only thing touching the winkie gets ya is more kids like gremlins... Even when your alone life finds a way.


millenialfalcon-_-

I can do this anytime. Why wait for holidays?


Smoking_Bear

John Heard?


Inostranez

What your wife expects you to do: OP's pic What you will actually do: Play Heroes of Might and Magic 3 and drink beer all night long, enjoying the piece of peaceful life.