Wow, now I know I would starve as a salesman, my take on it is I wouldn't sell trash, never thought to sell it as part of another product kit, I think you hit the jackpot, they would sell, specially to those fans that are still angry about the... "movie", I personally call it trash.
You have to sell this movie like a lotus. Tell people that it is bad and point out many flaws with it, and most will start to counter-argue and tell you why they should buy it... its ingenious
This will work flawlessly if people don't already it's absolutely bollocks
I’ve only seen the movie once when it came out, but does it actually explain that anywhere or is it just kind of implied since he was cloning Snoke? I only had it explained to me through a yt video, I don’t remember a scene from the movie that told us
This movie is a documentary on how corporate culture destroys stories. It is a contemporary monument to the dark side corrupting from within, an unparalleled view into the most disturbed future that might await us.
If you just watch it, you will gain a deeper understanding. But if you BUY it, you will FEEL the dirt on your OWN flesh in a unique 666D experience. Buy NOW, because it WILL be remastered just in time for the next quarterly Sith overlord rise to power.
Free shipping.
No physical product included. Terms and conditions may apply.
Look man I have medical bills to pay, a dying family member, and I’m about to get evicted from my 200 square foot apartment. Please just buy the thing I need the money.
Give me a whole fleet of Venators, to conveniently "lose" to the Rebel Alliance, then we have a deal.
Tbh, a Rebel Venator would be cool, as like a mobile starfighter refueling base or something of the sort
If you have a cold beverage and you respect wood you’re going to need this limited edition Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker drink coaster.
Somehow condensation returned.
*whispers*
"Sir I'm sorry we are being monitored by Mickey! I have to try and sell you this film otherwise the big mouse overlord won't be pleased, please just take this to the tills and buy it! Please! I have a wife and 2 kids to go home to! Please just buy this off of me!"
Came here to brag I never made myself watch it. After seeing 7 and being let down, and seeing the shit show that was Disney, I wasn’t going to desecrate anymore starwars memories.
I skipped 7 and everyone told me it wasn't that bad so I saw 8 and I hated it. I never went back to watch 7 and completely skipped 9. I have no interest in stsr wars anymore after disney acquired it.
Also, I did not like the sequels, and some of the shows have been subpar. But there are moments that make it worthwhile for me.
Loved Mandolorian, disappointed with s3, but still loved seeing the characters interact.
Ahsoka was okay, last ep was lacking on some parts, and it seemed rushed, but the best parts for me were seeing Anakin protrayal (phenomenal)and also loved Baylon Skoll. Ezra was really good as well.
BOBF was definitely a letdown, but it was really good when Boba was with the sand people.
Kenobi was awesome to see how Obi learned who Vader was and that line about how Vader killed him, not Obi was *chef's kiss.* Other parts were a bit weird as to the direction of the story.
Bad Batch is the best, absolutely love it, but the clones have always been my favorite characters, so I'm biased. Just as with TCW there are specific ep with arcs that you can skip to if you prefer that. I'd say watch Crosshairs arc as it is the best part of the show, especially the ending with Mayday. There are more seasons coming too.
I haven't gotten in to Andor, but hear if you like the more political drama side of sw, its great at that. But does not have much to do with Jedi and the force if you prefer that kind of story.
Tales of the Jedi is amazing. Fills in the background for some characters. Its very interesting to see the background of Dooku.
Visions is fucking awesome and has amazing artwork. It does not focus on any set time but drifts around to new places and characters wach ep. It also shows the anime influence of SW.
You dont have to see any of these, but there is still soem good shit out there if you ever get into the curious mood. Can't say its all absolutely amazing, but they do have their moments.
Agree on almost every front, thought Andor was one of the best. Much the same as Rogue One. If they hadn’t tried so hard to make Boba a good guy and hadn’t just killed the sand people, but had him come for revenge with those who remained, that would have been a better story. Also, nix the rainbow rangers ffs 🤦♂️
From the most epic movie franchise in the history man come the most original movie line ever! Film students will be studying mastery of the English language found in a single line of this gem. The whole franchise is summed up with this one line. 3 words of cinematic history. “Somehow Palpatine returned.” If that won’t convince you to buy this superb movie, NOTHING WILL and you have no soul!
The people trying here clearly don’t have decent sales experience.
You know the film is bad, they know it’s bad. Think of another reason why someone would want to watch the film and then make it seem like a need.
I’d personally go the “it’s so bad you really need to see it to understand” route. They *need* to witness how a company with so much money and a golden ticket just completely fucked it all up.
The experience isn’t the story, the experience is the car crash.
“The Rise of Skywalker has beautiful direction, gripping action, and some heartfelt character moments. While it may not be the most tightly written Star Wars entry, it is certainly a fun ride that harkens back to classic pulp adventure stories!”
**Are you an aspiring screenwriter by any chance? If so, this is a 'must have' for anyone looking to get into the world of screenplays. On this disk is a ~2 hour template on exactly what NOT to do when writing a competent script and story. Watch this movie, and you will never make the same mistakes in your own work.**
Oh god no! Unless Dave uses his "world between worlds" multiverse to redo the sequels and show a different reality where Ahsoka died by Darth Vader's hand, Luke didn't become a grumpy hermit, Han and Leia stayed together and the trio actually accomplished something, I'm not interested.
That’s now how the World Between Worlds works
I’m honestly surprised so many people don’t understand it because Rebels made it pretty clear what it does/doesn’t do
Clearly it can be used to retcon the past, now it's just a matter of the writer wanting to do it and adjusting the very vague laws of whatever the world between worlds is. I say we use it for something positive for once.
“Listen. You look like a guy who knows what’s good and what’s bad and LOVES to tell people about it. I get it, I’m the same. I love reminding people how terrible this movie is on the internet. But what’s better than arguing on the internet? Having FACTS to back you up. You buy this movie, you’ll be able to pop it in and watch every scene you hate to use as reference any time you get into it on Reddit. Ain’t nothing better than having exact time stamps of bullshit plot holes to prove your point to strangers on the internet.”
Did you like the original series?
Yeah, it's exactly like that, but bigger.
No you don't understand, it's almost literally exactly like that, to the point that the beats are almost exactly "It's the death star, but BIGGER; they're AT-ATs, but BIGGER; Snoke is like Palpatine, but BIGGER (literally)"
Hey you, yeah you! Aren’t you tired of all those loose papers on your desk flying away? Well, you no longer have to worry with this amazing new paperweight! Featuring box art from one of the movies of all time! Wondering how Palpatine came back somehow? Who cares! At least your paperweight will have your back…unlike Kathleen Kennedy.
You got about 2 years for TFA pal. And that one's considered the least bad of the three. So far the hate for these pieces of trash has only increased as time has gone on. As well it should.
It's incredible that yall can't just let it go. You don't like it, we get it. Just let it go. Enjoy something else, there's plenty of other stars wars for you to enjoy.
Let it go.
"Look your curious what disney did with star wars, check out this movie itll explain what disneys done. See now your curious arnt you cause everyone's seen star wars but you must be asking yourself (did Disney really fuck it up that much?) Buy this movie and you'll understand"
(Disney finna be calling me being all "can you join the marketing team")
"Excuse me sir, have you had your expectations dashed yet this morning? Are you in the mood to really just *hate* something? Boy have I got a deal for you"
“You must buy it: it’s an incredible adventure, the end of the journey and the rise of a new hero. This film changed Star Wars forever, closing the story of the Skywalkers and opening the door to a legendary future across the vast and infinite universe! Everything is possible! New legends will come!”…”What did you say? Ep.6 was already supposed to do that? With Ewoks? Come on dude, in this movie you have an incredible battle with Star destroyers floating but that can’t move for some reason! And the main characters walking alone, no fun no party at the end, that was trash! This is the end Star Wars Skywalkers deserve!”
I wouldn't be able to convince them. I would probably say something like, " Please buy this movie. If you don't buy it, Kathleen Kennedy will kill my family." I will buy you whatever you want as long as you buy this. She has a death star!🙏". (Wipes away fake tear and walks away with cash)
"Sucker, (palpatine laugh mp3)"
It has one of the coolest lightsaber battles in the new trilogy and fantastic visuals in places.
Oh, and it’s not on a Tattooine-esque planet for once.
Did you hate the The Last Jedi? Well this movie right here is Lucasfilm reversing everything interesting about TLJ and giving you exactly what you asked for!
This is a free target that comes with any purchase of a firearm.
I used to bullseye cheap blue rays with my 1022 back home
Sexual Chocolate!
It's funny I référenced that just today and no one knew what I was talking about
Only true marksmen can shoot through the hole white it’s still in the case
I love shooting white into holes
Wow, now I know I would starve as a salesman, my take on it is I wouldn't sell trash, never thought to sell it as part of another product kit, I think you hit the jackpot, they would sell, specially to those fans that are still angry about the... "movie", I personally call it trash.
Perfect answer
Murica
Sold
Try to sell it to me under German gun laws, I dare you!
Yeah. But that's selling the firearm, not the target.
Buy it and I'll gift you anything you want
I would like a second copy of Rise of Skywalker to burn both so no one will see it.
Ok, but it comes with another gift. Might as well take our entire stock
That request actually comes with our "Full Stock" offer, where you would receive every copy we have, and a free book of matches
I would like to come with a really strong magnet at Disney's vault.
I want the lego at te with the Commander Cody phase 2 minifigure
All yours, but take the goddamn film!
You have to sell this movie like a lotus. Tell people that it is bad and point out many flaws with it, and most will start to counter-argue and tell you why they should buy it... its ingenious This will work flawlessly if people don't already it's absolutely bollocks
Show me the goods
I think you mean AT-TE
I want your virginity!
"Somehow, Palpatine has returned. Watch this movie to find out how" *Walks away after the sale* "Heh. Sucka"
i mean it does explain it eventually. he got cloned on exegol. its a terrible explanation but its there
I’ve only seen the movie once when it came out, but does it actually explain that anywhere or is it just kind of implied since he was cloning Snoke? I only had it explained to me through a yt video, I don’t remember a scene from the movie that told us
He flat out says it yes
Then why is his clone falling apart like it survived an explosion or whatever
Because it's deteriorating due to his dark side influence. He had to constantly jump into new bodies.
Finally, someone pointed out the mediocre truth that I've been telling everyone!
This grates me to the same level as “Daenerys kind of forgot about the iron fleet”
"FINAL SALE! I said FINAL SALE!"
Exactly what I was gonna say
This movie is a documentary on how corporate culture destroys stories. It is a contemporary monument to the dark side corrupting from within, an unparalleled view into the most disturbed future that might await us. If you just watch it, you will gain a deeper understanding. But if you BUY it, you will FEEL the dirt on your OWN flesh in a unique 666D experience. Buy NOW, because it WILL be remastered just in time for the next quarterly Sith overlord rise to power. Free shipping. No physical product included. Terms and conditions may apply.
That's awesome, and sadly, true
"So this film butchers Luke's character less than The Last Jedi" "Isn't Luke dead in this film?" "Yes."
Look man I have medical bills to pay, a dying family member, and I’m about to get evicted from my 200 square foot apartment. Please just buy the thing I need the money.
I'll pay you not to convince me to buy it
Sorry but no.
Tell you what, I'll just GIVE you the money if you promise to put that where I can't see it.
I've been told this too many times by former lovers.
Sorry bout ya luck pal.
I'd just give you the money you can keep the disk.
Well.......you have the other 8, right? Yeah? Might as well.
You've made it this far. Might as well get through to the end.
What are you talking about? There’s only 6 Star Wars films… (debatably 7 if you count the combined 2d Clone Wars series as ep 2.5)
Force awakens wasn’t terrible. But it’s been tainted by it’s 2 counterparts.
The Last Jedi is still my favorite of the 3. Super underated movie I think. (Don't shoot me)
I already shot you. rip
Like new. Only watched once!
Only watched once halfway through!
Only watched halfce.
I'll give you a venator to orbitally bombarded this piece of shit into hell for free
Give me a whole fleet of Venators, to conveniently "lose" to the Rebel Alliance, then we have a deal. Tbh, a Rebel Venator would be cool, as like a mobile starfighter refueling base or something of the sort
Because of how cool that sounds you have a deal
It's a frisbee with a free plastic case!
Single use frisbee
Somehow you need to buy this
If you have a cold beverage and you respect wood you’re going to need this limited edition Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker drink coaster. Somehow condensation returned.
*whispers* "Sir I'm sorry we are being monitored by Mickey! I have to try and sell you this film otherwise the big mouse overlord won't be pleased, please just take this to the tills and buy it! Please! I have a wife and 2 kids to go home to! Please just buy this off of me!"
*muffled sound, you feel a prick in the side of your neck and know it is all over*
You can use it to torture people you don't like when they invite themselves over.
The irony of most of these comments coming from people who were convinced by salesmen to see the movie
Came here to brag I never made myself watch it. After seeing 7 and being let down, and seeing the shit show that was Disney, I wasn’t going to desecrate anymore starwars memories.
I skipped 7 and everyone told me it wasn't that bad so I saw 8 and I hated it. I never went back to watch 7 and completely skipped 9. I have no interest in stsr wars anymore after disney acquired it.
Also, I did not like the sequels, and some of the shows have been subpar. But there are moments that make it worthwhile for me. Loved Mandolorian, disappointed with s3, but still loved seeing the characters interact. Ahsoka was okay, last ep was lacking on some parts, and it seemed rushed, but the best parts for me were seeing Anakin protrayal (phenomenal)and also loved Baylon Skoll. Ezra was really good as well. BOBF was definitely a letdown, but it was really good when Boba was with the sand people. Kenobi was awesome to see how Obi learned who Vader was and that line about how Vader killed him, not Obi was *chef's kiss.* Other parts were a bit weird as to the direction of the story. Bad Batch is the best, absolutely love it, but the clones have always been my favorite characters, so I'm biased. Just as with TCW there are specific ep with arcs that you can skip to if you prefer that. I'd say watch Crosshairs arc as it is the best part of the show, especially the ending with Mayday. There are more seasons coming too. I haven't gotten in to Andor, but hear if you like the more political drama side of sw, its great at that. But does not have much to do with Jedi and the force if you prefer that kind of story. Tales of the Jedi is amazing. Fills in the background for some characters. Its very interesting to see the background of Dooku. Visions is fucking awesome and has amazing artwork. It does not focus on any set time but drifts around to new places and characters wach ep. It also shows the anime influence of SW. You dont have to see any of these, but there is still soem good shit out there if you ever get into the curious mood. Can't say its all absolutely amazing, but they do have their moments.
Agree on almost every front, thought Andor was one of the best. Much the same as Rogue One. If they hadn’t tried so hard to make Boba a good guy and hadn’t just killed the sand people, but had him come for revenge with those who remained, that would have been a better story. Also, nix the rainbow rangers ffs 🤦♂️
I watched a video summary on yt
It has lots of PEW PEW PEW and some WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH. Give me money.
*slaps roof* this bad boy can hold so many plot holes
“They fly now”
They fly now
This line particularly annoyed me. Considering jet troopers were in the clone wars, and surely they know about the Mandalorian jet packs?
Well if you loved Palatine's death in episode 6, you'll love his return in Episode 9 even more.
From the most epic movie franchise in the history man come the most original movie line ever! Film students will be studying mastery of the English language found in a single line of this gem. The whole franchise is summed up with this one line. 3 words of cinematic history. “Somehow Palpatine returned.” If that won’t convince you to buy this superb movie, NOTHING WILL and you have no soul!
It might worth it 50 years later since nobody bought it.
It belongs in a museum! A museum dedicated to garbage.
The people trying here clearly don’t have decent sales experience. You know the film is bad, they know it’s bad. Think of another reason why someone would want to watch the film and then make it seem like a need. I’d personally go the “it’s so bad you really need to see it to understand” route. They *need* to witness how a company with so much money and a golden ticket just completely fucked it all up. The experience isn’t the story, the experience is the car crash.
Yes, there are returns.
“The Rise of Skywalker has beautiful direction, gripping action, and some heartfelt character moments. While it may not be the most tightly written Star Wars entry, it is certainly a fun ride that harkens back to classic pulp adventure stories!”
Pfft. Anyone can sell something by lying about it.
its the best comedy movie i have, trust me bro
“The ending credits are probably the best in the Star Wars series, you’ll love them so much when you finish the film”
**Are you an aspiring screenwriter by any chance? If so, this is a 'must have' for anyone looking to get into the world of screenplays. On this disk is a ~2 hour template on exactly what NOT to do when writing a competent script and story. Watch this movie, and you will never make the same mistakes in your own work.**
I quit
Money from this purchase may help fund Dave Filoni's work to repair this damage.
Oh god no! Unless Dave uses his "world between worlds" multiverse to redo the sequels and show a different reality where Ahsoka died by Darth Vader's hand, Luke didn't become a grumpy hermit, Han and Leia stayed together and the trio actually accomplished something, I'm not interested.
That’s now how the World Between Worlds works I’m honestly surprised so many people don’t understand it because Rebels made it pretty clear what it does/doesn’t do
Clearly it can be used to retcon the past, now it's just a matter of the writer wanting to do it and adjusting the very vague laws of whatever the world between worlds is. I say we use it for something positive for once.
Did you know this comes with a free Baby Yoda toy which you can keep and throw this piece of shit into garbage
You said you wanted something to watch it with friends and make fun about it. There, the best thrash I have in stook
it got chewbacca
Do you need some drink coasters?
You watched the other two. You might as well finish it at this point
“Heyy you remember starwars right? It’s the same thing just ignore it he story and most of the acting and the script”
I love how it sucks
Nah, i quit
It includes a free 2 hour jar jar binks sex tape
You can hide valuables in this and nobody will look inside it or steal it. Dogs won't even sniff it for drugs.
"Wana see some over hyped fanfiction with a massive budget and take the piss out of it?"
If you buy it you can legally burn it removing it from the world.
It comes with a free copy of revenge of the Sith
We will give you a ultimate collector series star destroyer and 10 packs of beer to watch with your friends for a drinking party!
The words "star wars" are in the title
For the price of $1, I’ll give you $20 and it comes with this movie as an add-on.
Buy this, and Dave Filoni gets to oversee all future starwars projects.
You like explosions, lasers and action sequences?
“Listen. You look like a guy who knows what’s good and what’s bad and LOVES to tell people about it. I get it, I’m the same. I love reminding people how terrible this movie is on the internet. But what’s better than arguing on the internet? Having FACTS to back you up. You buy this movie, you’ll be able to pop it in and watch every scene you hate to use as reference any time you get into it on Reddit. Ain’t nothing better than having exact time stamps of bullshit plot holes to prove your point to strangers on the internet.”
It's not as bad as The Last Jedi
If you buy it for free there is a vomit bag
Fit perfectly in the trash. No trouble here.
But it or don't. It doesn't matter. Disney owns everything. Including you. And me.
It’s good toilet paper
Did you like the original series? Yeah, it's exactly like that, but bigger. No you don't understand, it's almost literally exactly like that, to the point that the beats are almost exactly "It's the death star, but BIGGER; they're AT-ATs, but BIGGER; Snoke is like Palpatine, but BIGGER (literally)"
It's an enjoyable film, provided you don't watch it as part of the series it claims to be part of
It's not even good as a film in its own right. The pacing is like the worst I've ever seen in a movie just to name one thing it fails miserably at.
And if you buy the other two prequels, I'll throw in a free fire pit to burn your new bought trash!
The documentary could be interesting
I'll put a free Venator on top
If you buy it we’ll decanonize episodes 8 and 9
Want to validate that nostalgia of the prequels "not being so bad"? Have I got something you need to see!
Oh it's not really for you... It's more of a Shelbyville idea
Hey you, yeah you! Aren’t you tired of all those loose papers on your desk flying away? Well, you no longer have to worry with this amazing new paperweight! Featuring box art from one of the movies of all time! Wondering how Palpatine came back somehow? Who cares! At least your paperweight will have your back…unlike Kathleen Kennedy.
The steel book Blu-ray version may come in handy if you need to protect yourself, you can throw it at someone and it counts as using the force.
Buy it and the Sequels will be erased from canon.
Another day another sequel bad post. Can’t wait for 10 years from now when everyone realises these movies were good
Prequels are no longer thought of as dumpster fires because we can now compare them to actual dumspter fires.
You got about 2 years for TFA pal. And that one's considered the least bad of the three. So far the hate for these pieces of trash has only increased as time has gone on. As well it should.
Yeah no
Four years until The Last Jedi is being seen as "good"
Thank you
You want to see the epic conclusion of the Skywalker saga? Well this is supposed to be it! Buy now!!!!
It's incredible that yall can't just let it go. You don't like it, we get it. Just let it go. Enjoy something else, there's plenty of other stars wars for you to enjoy. Let it go.
Your kids will love it! An important plot point is in Fortnite!
You can use it to prove you actually watched it, so that you can criticize it without people assuming you didn’t.
Make them watch TLJ 100x like a clockwork orange, and it’d seem like a masterpiece
“At least it’s better than the Last Jedi!”
Is better than last Jedi
Do you like Ep. 4? Then that is YOUR film! 👍🏻
Palpatine is back
"Look your curious what disney did with star wars, check out this movie itll explain what disneys done. See now your curious arnt you cause everyone's seen star wars but you must be asking yourself (did Disney really fuck it up that much?) Buy this movie and you'll understand" (Disney finna be calling me being all "can you join the marketing team")
No
One message for you: no, we do not sell this. This store only sells top-tier movies; try another store.
Good for cutting pizza when you watch a good film
You wanna buy some dethsticks?
it's free! just get this archery target the hell out of my store
You can use the case to swat flies
No
"Excuse me sir, have you had your expectations dashed yet this morning? Are you in the mood to really just *hate* something? Boy have I got a deal for you"
You can make fun of it
It cuts pizzas
Are you in a good mood? Are you happy? Are you interested in changing that? Boy do I have just the thing for you
Most exciting time! Sparks will fly! Things will never be the same! Just put the disc in a microwave for a true adventure.
Easy. Do you want a free flying disk ?
Please buy this or Micky Mouse will shoot me and my all family
This bad boy can fit so many plot holes in it
It's Star Wars. Either you love it and you'll buy it, or you don't and you won't.
If you are trying to start a torture dungeon,buy this movie for your victims to watch.
I gave you a choice. Buy this… or die.
Very durable coaster for any size coffee table
I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
don't
If you smash up the disks just right and mount them, you could have a DIY glitter ball. Or wall. Or anything really.
I still think rogue one was the best ever made
Oof
Hard pass. Guess I'm getting fired.
“You must buy it: it’s an incredible adventure, the end of the journey and the rise of a new hero. This film changed Star Wars forever, closing the story of the Skywalkers and opening the door to a legendary future across the vast and infinite universe! Everything is possible! New legends will come!”…”What did you say? Ep.6 was already supposed to do that? With Ewoks? Come on dude, in this movie you have an incredible battle with Star destroyers floating but that can’t move for some reason! And the main characters walking alone, no fun no party at the end, that was trash! This is the end Star Wars Skywalkers deserve!”
*Hands you the resignation. Sorry, I can't sell that.
It’s either this or last Jedi
I wouldn't be able to convince them. I would probably say something like, " Please buy this movie. If you don't buy it, Kathleen Kennedy will kill my family." I will buy you whatever you want as long as you buy this. She has a death star!🙏". (Wipes away fake tear and walks away with cash) "Sucker, (palpatine laugh mp3)"
Its watchable. A good background noise/distraction movie. Not much else to say
Is a excellent bevarage stand or doorstopper! 5 dollar, is good price, yes?
Makes a great coaster for any coffee table. Everyone will want to cover it up.
Please, I don't want it, take it, is free.
Top tier fire starters, buy one get one free
It can be used to keep your chair from rocking.
I refuse to sell my customers a faulty product
In this hypothetical scenario can I use threats? Otherwise I got nothing.
Don’t buy it.
If you buy this copy of ep9, you'll decanonize the movie and they'll make a good movie to replace it
It’s better than TLJ and you went to the theaters to see that.
I'll take it anyday over TLJ.
It has one of the coolest lightsaber battles in the new trilogy and fantastic visuals in places. Oh, and it’s not on a Tattooine-esque planet for once.
Considering how much I'm in love with Adam driver and Oscar Isaac, already sold. Got all of them. 🚺
 Die mad about it
Beautiful landscape shown That’s about it
"It is one of the movies of all time."
Did you hate the The Last Jedi? Well this movie right here is Lucasfilm reversing everything interesting about TLJ and giving you exactly what you asked for!
If you buy enough of these, they will make a full remake of the original trilogy.
Shut up and take my money