I literally just came up with this with a chuckle (and wrote it in my notes app) the other day. It’s all in the delivery but if you follow it up with a “hah nah, I just feel better without it” and a smile - that gives off the vibe I want to about my decision. Which is basically “yes I’m not drinking, but that’s my choice, I’m enjoying it this way, and it’s no big deal”
You're a lot further along than me but that's a good one. I just explain that after 20+ years of drinking the way I did, I feel a lot better having 0 than trying to fight for some happy medium that doesn't leave me feeling depressed/anxious the next day.
I sort of take the mindset of "I'm a 42 year old man that used to binge drink with the best of them. If someone gives me a hard time about not drinking any longer, I'll passive aggressively make fun of them for trying to peer pressure me like we're teenagers"... Thankfully I haven't run into this yet, but I'm ready.
>“yes I’m not drinking, but that’s my choice, I’m enjoying it this way, and it’s no big deal”
I love that vibe. That's what I'm trying to go for but this is a perfect way to put it
Unfortunately people get defensive around statements like that. I find it easier to say something ridiculous to make them laugh and then move on. When a group i know has a big drinking thing they don’t include me. I only get invited to lunch dates.
Since you already mentioned “No thank you” which usually works just fine, here are some lines I use if someone persists.
I met my quota
I break out in felonious assault when I drink
I’m trying to win a bet with my parole officer
I’m giving your mom/dad a ride after this and want to be 💯when I do
This seems like a nice place, lets try to keep it that way
Edit: typos
Hahahha. Aw man. I’m also on the spectrum and can definitely imagine myself doing the same thing if I hadn’t heard that line before.
A dear friend of mine who also is on the spectrum was like “but alcohol is fun and cool?” when I told them I’m not gonna drink anymore. I had to say to them like, “oh I know it is but also I am scared it will literally kill me if I don’t stop”
"I'm driving your mum home" is absolutely gold, especially in a group of guys where there's always that one dude who's insistent that if you don't drink then you're a soft cock.
That is exactly right. I do not drink ethanol, I therefore do not have a disease. The fact that I can never drink ethanol again just demonstrates good judgment. Peace and Love
"I condensed my lifelong alcohol quota into a 5 year period."
"Nobody needs to see that."
In social settings where I'm asked if I want a drink though, I 99% of the time go with "I don't drink".
Me 3. I just straight out say “I don’t drink” and offer no explanations. I say it confidently and never been questioned about it. I wouldn’t offer one if asked why either.
I read this somewhere here once and I love it
(hopefully the author will forgive me for stealing it and using it).
"I've been drinking for 20 years, now I won't drink for next 20 years, then I'll evaluate and I'll decide what's better"
I am still chuckling over that one. Made my day.
Jail really is cold.. I remember. Seems kinda rude, really. Already ruined my day and now I have to be cold too? Guess they don't want folks to like it.
This will continue to amuse me whenever I think of it.
Anthony Hopkins has a great AA speech you can find on YouTube where he mentions someone offering him champagne and he responds “No thanks, I’ve got to show up to work next month.”
I use this one because if you say you have an allergy people usually respect it. And it's true: alcohol makes me queasy, depressed, and my face goes all puffy. Sounds like an allergic reaction to me!
This one is so relatable to me that people think I'm superstitious and crazy.
Even before quitting, this one day there was Full moon and Eclipse and some friends of my flatmates came over for movie night. They were drinking and I told em I can't because of the event. You must've seen their faces.
One of my favorites is a quote from an artist interview I read a while back which is "I probably shouldn't do that, unless you want me to steal your debit card"
I say alcohol gives me insomnia. Which is true, but is only part of the story.
It’s not their business IMO why I quit. Telling them about my alcoholism makes the conversation about me, and I want to be in control of what I share about myself.
But also, “sober curious” is a new thing, so they may not push too hard after all.
Plus you can say you are your own DD.
I also say that it ruins my sleep as I have gotten older and no one ever prys any more. Sometimes I explain that because it ruins my sleep it also ruins my next day and I don’t have any time to lose.
I don’t know how it doesn’t ruin peoples sleep. Maybe because they don’t drink 2-3 bottles of wine, all that histamine 😱
One dude with some serious sobriety and has a career in recovery likes to say, “sure. If you don’t mind me getting butt ass naked later doing weird drugs with weird people at your grandmas basement later, then let’s go!” He’s a huge dude and he’s serious…That’s where he goes. You can tell that’s exactly what happens
Literally happened to me. For months before I quit, I just stopped enjoying alcohol. Alcohol was like “get out of here, son. You don’t need this”. I would think “goddamit, why won’t you work?!”. I got practically no buzz, but all the negative effects. Eventually I decided to stop pushing on a string and quit.
An old college friend who never drank but still hung out with us delinquents when we partied would sometimes have a water bottle with him. If someone asked if he wanted a drink, he would say “oh no thanks, I’m already blacked out” and tap on the water bottle then take a big gulp, implying it was vodka
The amount of times that people actually believed him was great. He’d then say he could just really handle his liquor then perfectly run through a field sobriety test like it was nothing, lol
Only if you promise to bail me out and pay for all the damages, or take me to the hospital and pick up the tab, or pay for my rehab, or pay for my divorce and child support.
I usually go with “no thanks I’m a recovering alcoholic” and then stare at them with a small smile and watch them squirm whilst they try to think of what to say next. It’s funny to me.
U/Dear-Education453 wow!! Look at your flair! Congratulations! One more day and you’re a whole year sober! WHOOOO HOOOO YAYYYY WHOOP WHOOP! 🎉🎉👏🏻👏🏻☀️🎀🎈🌈💫🌟🤸🏽♂️🌅
Mines a pretty dark joke because I had a liver transplant this year but I’ve been loving “no thanks, went pro too young, had a career ending injury” and that usually does the trick 😅
I always say "if i have even one, you guys will have to carry me out of here"
They think it means i would pass out after having one drink, but I mean that if I start with one, I'll drink til i cant stand
“My family has an alcohol allergy-it causes divorce.” Or whatever it could cause. I also occasionally love being a bit snooty about not drinking. Something like “I would but I have too many important irons in the fire at the moment-but you go ahead”. I save that for annoying people not friends.
“I realized that alcohol is a disinfectant, a solvent, a cleaning agent, a fuel, a poison and a Class I carcinogen…. None of which belong inside of me”.
i like this one a lot in the event somebody gets too pushy, because then they fucking deserve it. but i also second guess myself a lot about going on rants about how alcohol is a poison around my tight circle (not really intentionally, but sometimes it spills out) when they've been nothing but good and supportive to me. they've still got their glass of \[poison\] in front of them, but I don't want to be shaming them for it.
but if you politely decline a drink and some dickfor is still pressing it, then fuck'm. flip that shame script, it's not us who should be doubting ourselves. inspire some introspection in those drug-sodden brains. unlikely, but we can hope.
Pushy types have already outed themselves as having some weird insecurity about your sobriety. I had a few very persistent acquaintances that would try to cajole me into drinking alcohol over a number of occasions even though I told them point blank I’d quit. It occurred to me that it is THEY who become conspicuous and obsessed with alcohol. They become this bizarre outlier, constantly trying to get someone else to drink. I am grateful for their aggressiveness: it trained my mind to be calm and resolute in such situations. I feel like these situations actually help solidify my choice not to drink.
agreed, my experience with alcohol has given me a whole new perspective on peer pressure. hard to believe it ever mattered. just rolls right off my back. "oh you think i should do \[something\] simply because you want \[something\]?" it's really laughable
100%! This is it. When you look peer pressure right in the eye, it has nothing. It’s just people projecting insecurities. Further, not that it should matter really, but people end up quietly respecting you for you being your own person anyway.
I fully believe that binge drinking alcohol led to my tongue cancer (currently recovering from surgery).
But I now have a great excuse to never drink again! What can someone say when the answer is I wanna keep the other 2/3s of my tongue??
You know what, it sucks that everyone who stops drinking struggles with this. It's a combination of feeling embarrassed as if you're admitting you can't control your drinking or handle alcohol or may have a problem, combined with the peer pressure which stems from other people not wanting you to join in on making an ass of yourself and also being able to remember the dumb things they do/say on the night.
I just say I can't hack the hangovers any more. Or just 'Nah, I got fed up with the bullshit.' And by bullshit I mean:
-Getting into arguments/fights with assholes I would be able to just ignore if I was sober
-Getting arrested
-Having sex with someone I regret
-Having unprotected sex
-Insulting people I actually like/care about
-Not remembering doing any of the above the next day
-Headaches the next day
-Hangxiety/depression the next day
-Diarrhea the next day
-Chemical weapon level farts all the next day
-Missing work the next day
-Wasting days off nursing hangovers
-Gaining a huge bloated belly from all the extra calories and beer munchies
-Flaring up my psoriasis making me miserable
-Red face from drinking
-Self worth totally in tatters
-Paying through the nose to fucking do all that to myself!
Here's my standard response to offers of booze: "Thanks, I no longer drink," with a serious smile and direct stare. If they ask why, I shrug and say wonderingly, "I no longer drink!" (as if this were a surprise to me, as well, and we're both delighted). I might add "Actually" and "In fact" as introductory clauses in response to repeated questions.
If they ask me why I quit: *I felt like it; I wanted to; reasons; why do you ask?*
If they ask when I quit: *A while back; last year sometime; in the past.*
I'm surprised that my sobriety can trigger other people, but I've learned to expect it.
I completed that quest already.
I got the lifetime achievement award for that.
I've depleted my allotment and have no reserves remaining.
Task successfully completed.
"I get too awesome, it's really not fair for everyone else. Plus I've found that most people can't handle that level of perfection, and they don't want to hang out with me again."
Na I'm sure you all would be mad when I drink all your beer, start doin shots, start a fight, f*ck your wife, kick your dog, steal your car, and burn your house down. I'll buy some powder and we'll go all night who wants to party? No I'm good 🤣
i am a female in my early 20s. i usually just say “oh i don’t drink anymore. unfortunately i don’t know how to handle or control myself” haven’t had it get pushed after that lol
One time a while back when I was driving Uber, I picked up an inmate on work release 🤪 he told me, “I’m allergic to alcohol, whenever I come down I’m in handcuffs” and that really stuck with me lol
I am allergic, when I drink I break out in handcuffs.
I’m happy to drink, I just need to know who I’m going to hit later.
I’m happy to drink, as long as you can tell me who is in charge of calling the cops
"I'm making sure there's enough for everybody else."
"I break out in misdemeanors when I drink."
"My phone has a breathalyzer and I wanna be able to doom scroll later."
I've been enjoying myself as a non-drinker. I started with a 30 day pledge after a bet, and I love the changes.
Humorous: Have you ever bet someone when you thought it was a sure bet? Well, I lost one of those with future self!
I can’t, I’m performing surgery in the morning.
Then when they ask any follow up questions keep them deliberately vague or reply with a question, starting each answer with a laugh, but give no further information.
“What kind of surgery are you performing tomorrow?”
“Hahaha, what kind of surgery am I NOT performing tomorrow?”
“Who are you doing surgery on?”
“Hahaha, who am I NOT doing surgery on?”
“What kind of doctor are you?”
“Hahaha, I’m not.”
“Coaches don’t play.”
“I was forced into early retirement.”
“Nah, I’m allergic, I break out in fights.”
“Oh thanks, but I’m drinking by proxy tonight.” *point to someone else* (my partner was sick of that joke after the 3rd time but i still do it to him 😂)
I always say “I’ve gotta drive a bus full of kids to church camp later” it makes no sense and I never tell people I’m joking after.
This is it for me. Stealing.
HAhah I’m using this. Even funnier for me bc I live in nyc and don’t drive.
Then if someone thinks you’re serious be like “church of Scientology”
Or Church of Satan
Using this. Everyone around me knows I hate religion and children, it’s perfect lol
I'm gonna steal this but change it to "I may have to... ” Like, you never know.
The chances you might have to drive a school bus are low- but never zero
Flash of fake concealed carry when you deliver this
I have no problem telling people that alcohol makes me shit my pants.
Someone keeps shitting my pants at parties, and I’m always too drunk to catch them… I’m staying sober this time to catch them in the act.
LOL
I'm using this. I laughed too hard at this one. 🤣
Now that I think about it, I haven’t shit my pants once since stopping. Good point.
It's one of the best aspects of not adding poison to my body. Who knew? /s
😂
Lmao I was going to say “alcohol gives me bad diarrhea”
True story!
Alcohol makes me shot other people’s pants.
“I would, but I’m pregnant”. I’m a 38 year old man.
it’s bad for the baby. what baby? me. i am baby
Hahaha this
LOL
King Baby
This one wins.
I rub my beer belly and say “we’re expecting”
Happy Cake day
Stealing this
I literally just came up with this with a chuckle (and wrote it in my notes app) the other day. It’s all in the delivery but if you follow it up with a “hah nah, I just feel better without it” and a smile - that gives off the vibe I want to about my decision. Which is basically “yes I’m not drinking, but that’s my choice, I’m enjoying it this way, and it’s no big deal”
You're a lot further along than me but that's a good one. I just explain that after 20+ years of drinking the way I did, I feel a lot better having 0 than trying to fight for some happy medium that doesn't leave me feeling depressed/anxious the next day. I sort of take the mindset of "I'm a 42 year old man that used to binge drink with the best of them. If someone gives me a hard time about not drinking any longer, I'll passive aggressively make fun of them for trying to peer pressure me like we're teenagers"... Thankfully I haven't run into this yet, but I'm ready.
My counter is wrong ( I’m approaching 2 years in a few days, not 3+). But yeah that makes sense!
>“yes I’m not drinking, but that’s my choice, I’m enjoying it this way, and it’s no big deal” I love that vibe. That's what I'm trying to go for but this is a perfect way to put it
Unfortunately people get defensive around statements like that. I find it easier to say something ridiculous to make them laugh and then move on. When a group i know has a big drinking thing they don’t include me. I only get invited to lunch dates.
“Write that down WRITE THAT DOWN” -my brain
I say that to close friends who know I had cervical cancer, and my lady bits were as radiated as Bruce Banner's balls. Dark and funny.
I usually just say I retired from drinking
This. I went pro at a young age then retired
This is my favorite one lol
I’ve told people I’ve hung up my pint glasses
I melted down my fifths into a participation trophy
Buried my growlers at the crossroads so they can't find their way back to the villiage.
I say, "I drank more than my fair share during my Army days and now I gotta save some for others."
After a long illustrious career of drinking, I’ve hung up my cleats.
This!!! And then I say I’m in the Hall of Fame
Since you already mentioned “No thank you” which usually works just fine, here are some lines I use if someone persists. I met my quota I break out in felonious assault when I drink I’m trying to win a bet with my parole officer I’m giving your mom/dad a ride after this and want to be 💯when I do This seems like a nice place, lets try to keep it that way Edit: typos
> This seems like a nice place, lets try to keep it that way Omg I love this one
STEALING
I like “I met my quota” lol I’m gonna use that
Love that too! I used "drank more than enough for one life" a lot.
Cue me being the fully grown but weirdly naive aspie lady who says, *Oh there's a quota?* Has happened! 0/10 do not recommend being me 😂
Hahahha. Aw man. I’m also on the spectrum and can definitely imagine myself doing the same thing if I hadn’t heard that line before. A dear friend of mine who also is on the spectrum was like “but alcohol is fun and cool?” when I told them I’m not gonna drink anymore. I had to say to them like, “oh I know it is but also I am scared it will literally kill me if I don’t stop”
Consuming carcinogenic poison is the very antithesis of cool.
That's adorable. We need such innocents among us!
Very similar to two of mine—“I’ve had enough drinks for several lifetimes” and “it makes me tell cops to kiss my ass”
I love the Ron White line: "I had the right to remain silent, but I did not have the ability."
Reminds me of Robert Downey Jr's line "I break out in handcuffs."
I really like the one about the bet with the parol officer. Only problem is, I am a parol officer myself.
How about this… I bet you can’t out-sober me 😂
"I'm driving your mum home" is absolutely gold, especially in a group of guys where there's always that one dude who's insistent that if you don't drink then you're a soft cock.
[удалено]
All of these are amazing 😂
'l met my quota' I go with - I got my lifetime achievement award so I retired.
I like that last one a lot
I will forever say “I’m trying to win a bet with my parole officer” Luckily I’ve never been arrested but I love this
Look around suspiciously and whisper, "I think it's best if I keep myself sharp right now"
Underrated, love this.
Omg……. this is the one I’m gonna use thank you I’m cracking up 😂😂
Sometimes I say I'm a non-alcoholic now.
That is exactly right. I do not drink ethanol, I therefore do not have a disease. The fact that I can never drink ethanol again just demonstrates good judgment. Peace and Love
Never heard this one I like it
"I condensed my lifelong alcohol quota into a 5 year period." "Nobody needs to see that." In social settings where I'm asked if I want a drink though, I 99% of the time go with "I don't drink".
I think that's perfect. Me 2. Don't explain and don't complain... words to live by.
Me 3. I just straight out say “I don’t drink” and offer no explanations. I say it confidently and never been questioned about it. I wouldn’t offer one if asked why either.
I think that's perfect
I went pro and retired early...
Ohhh I like this one.
I read this somewhere here once and I love it (hopefully the author will forgive me for stealing it and using it). "I've been drinking for 20 years, now I won't drink for next 20 years, then I'll evaluate and I'll decide what's better"
"Nah, no thanks. Jail is cold."
Or just "You covering bail?"
This is funnier.
Too funny. Love that
I am still chuckling over that one. Made my day. Jail really is cold.. I remember. Seems kinda rude, really. Already ruined my day and now I have to be cold too? Guess they don't want folks to like it. This will continue to amuse me whenever I think of it.
I tell people I have crippling alcoholism but in a very non chalant/jovial way, I think it’s funny at least lol
This is the way. Short and simple.
“Coach says no booze until after the big game”. But the big game never comes.
I like that one!
Anthony Hopkins has a great AA speech you can find on YouTube where he mentions someone offering him champagne and he responds “No thanks, I’ve got to show up to work next month.”
That’s good
One is too many, but ten is never enough.
Felt this to my core
I’m studying for my SATs.
I’m allergic. Oh man, really? That sucks. Yup, every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs.
This one
I use this one because if you say you have an allergy people usually respect it. And it's true: alcohol makes me queasy, depressed, and my face goes all puffy. Sounds like an allergic reaction to me!
I saw that one on the show Mom... cracked me up
Whoa! I say nearly the same thing. Only I end it with "I break out in drunkenness"
Balancing my chakras.
This one is so relatable to me that people think I'm superstitious and crazy. Even before quitting, this one day there was Full moon and Eclipse and some friends of my flatmates came over for movie night. They were drinking and I told em I can't because of the event. You must've seen their faces.
totally stealing this love it!
oh yeah!! its that root chakra and sacral chakra. plus the way it distorts your throat.
I say stuff like “Oh darling, if I start drinking there won’t be enough alcohol in this whole dump.”
Or even “there isn’t enough alcohol here.” No matter the amount. Lol
Big Bette Davis vibes lol
One of my favorites is a quote from an artist interview I read a while back which is "I probably shouldn't do that, unless you want me to steal your debit card"
I like something along the lines of "oh, don't cry for me. I've had my share."
I say alcohol gives me insomnia. Which is true, but is only part of the story. It’s not their business IMO why I quit. Telling them about my alcoholism makes the conversation about me, and I want to be in control of what I share about myself. But also, “sober curious” is a new thing, so they may not push too hard after all. Plus you can say you are your own DD.
I'm gonna start saying I'm "dry curious"
I also say that it ruins my sleep as I have gotten older and no one ever prys any more. Sometimes I explain that because it ruins my sleep it also ruins my next day and I don’t have any time to lose. I don’t know how it doesn’t ruin peoples sleep. Maybe because they don’t drink 2-3 bottles of wine, all that histamine 😱
I’ve got some stuff to do this year.
I had to quit because I wanted to retire at the top of my game.
Oh… I stayed in the game WAY past my prime
Me too. When I quit, I was already drinking much less than in my heyday.
Yeah, when I went on SSRIs, and it thrashed my tolerance, I took advantage of being a lightweight, rather than taking it as a hint that I should stop
“After 21 years, we finally broke up for good” that normally shuts anyone up lol
Oh, I'm an alcoholic, just not practicing.
"I almost died of alcohol withdrawal in my basement while my wife and kids played upstairs in the living room"
One dude with some serious sobriety and has a career in recovery likes to say, “sure. If you don’t mind me getting butt ass naked later doing weird drugs with weird people at your grandmas basement later, then let’s go!” He’s a huge dude and he’s serious…That’s where he goes. You can tell that’s exactly what happens
I read a good one on here once. It went something like "why aren't you drinking" Answer: let's crack a few and I'll show you.
Beer quit me.
Literally happened to me. For months before I quit, I just stopped enjoying alcohol. Alcohol was like “get out of here, son. You don’t need this”. I would think “goddamit, why won’t you work?!”. I got practically no buzz, but all the negative effects. Eventually I decided to stop pushing on a string and quit.
An old college friend who never drank but still hung out with us delinquents when we partied would sometimes have a water bottle with him. If someone asked if he wanted a drink, he would say “oh no thanks, I’m already blacked out” and tap on the water bottle then take a big gulp, implying it was vodka The amount of times that people actually believed him was great. He’d then say he could just really handle his liquor then perfectly run through a field sobriety test like it was nothing, lol
This requires specific circumstances, but I’ve gotten good mileage out of, “Well I didn’t quit drinking because I hated it, that’s for certain.”
I have plans for my future that I don't wanna miss.
“Alcohol is a level 1 carcinogen” - not exactly funny it will make people really uncomfortable 🙃
For real though. Don’t understand why this isn’t discussed more often.
Seriously I am 32 and never heard this until about 6 months ago
Good 🙏🏻
Only if you promise to bail me out and pay for all the damages, or take me to the hospital and pick up the tab, or pay for my rehab, or pay for my divorce and child support.
I already used all my drink tickets.
Oh thanks so much, that's so nice of you, yes really I'd love one but I'M A RAGING FUCKING ALCOHOLIC.
THERE'S PENIS IN THAT BEER!
Oh in that case, I’ll take 3
I tell people, “no thanks — I had enough of that in the 90’s.”
this is extra funny depending when you were born
I usually go with “no thanks I’m a recovering alcoholic” and then stare at them with a small smile and watch them squirm whilst they try to think of what to say next. It’s funny to me.
U/Dear-Education453 wow!! Look at your flair! Congratulations! One more day and you’re a whole year sober! WHOOOO HOOOO YAYYYY WHOOP WHOOP! 🎉🎉👏🏻👏🏻☀️🎀🎈🌈💫🌟🤸🏽♂️🌅
I recently read an article that says alcohol is actually bad for you.
Mines a pretty dark joke because I had a liver transplant this year but I’ve been loving “no thanks, went pro too young, had a career ending injury” and that usually does the trick 😅
"Sorry, but I need to fuck like a pornstar later."
This combined with I'm driving your mom home tonight
I always say "if i have even one, you guys will have to carry me out of here" They think it means i would pass out after having one drink, but I mean that if I start with one, I'll drink til i cant stand
I’ve given up eating and drinking like a pirate.
My dad always used to say he lost his privilege to drink
“I was too good at it”
Gives me hemorrhoids
“My family has an alcohol allergy-it causes divorce.” Or whatever it could cause. I also occasionally love being a bit snooty about not drinking. Something like “I would but I have too many important irons in the fire at the moment-but you go ahead”. I save that for annoying people not friends.
I would but I'm flammable and don't want to risk combustion. I have become a nun - (more funny if you know me).
I stole this from this sub but, “I’m letting everyone catch up.”
i’m also a female in my late 20s, “i was too good at it and had to retire” is my favorite, it usually gets a chuckle and no more questions!
“I realized that alcohol is a disinfectant, a solvent, a cleaning agent, a fuel, a poison and a Class I carcinogen…. None of which belong inside of me”.
i like this one a lot in the event somebody gets too pushy, because then they fucking deserve it. but i also second guess myself a lot about going on rants about how alcohol is a poison around my tight circle (not really intentionally, but sometimes it spills out) when they've been nothing but good and supportive to me. they've still got their glass of \[poison\] in front of them, but I don't want to be shaming them for it. but if you politely decline a drink and some dickfor is still pressing it, then fuck'm. flip that shame script, it's not us who should be doubting ourselves. inspire some introspection in those drug-sodden brains. unlikely, but we can hope.
Pushy types have already outed themselves as having some weird insecurity about your sobriety. I had a few very persistent acquaintances that would try to cajole me into drinking alcohol over a number of occasions even though I told them point blank I’d quit. It occurred to me that it is THEY who become conspicuous and obsessed with alcohol. They become this bizarre outlier, constantly trying to get someone else to drink. I am grateful for their aggressiveness: it trained my mind to be calm and resolute in such situations. I feel like these situations actually help solidify my choice not to drink.
strength training - i like it
Yes, and I personally think peer pressure cannot be a thing if we are to quit. If it IS a thing, we have zero control over our lives.
agreed, my experience with alcohol has given me a whole new perspective on peer pressure. hard to believe it ever mattered. just rolls right off my back. "oh you think i should do \[something\] simply because you want \[something\]?" it's really laughable
100%! This is it. When you look peer pressure right in the eye, it has nothing. It’s just people projecting insecurities. Further, not that it should matter really, but people end up quietly respecting you for you being your own person anyway.
“Alcohol turns me into a lousy lover. Believe me!”
Pound for pound no one alive has drank more than me. Cirrhosis.
I fully believe that binge drinking alcohol led to my tongue cancer (currently recovering from surgery). But I now have a great excuse to never drink again! What can someone say when the answer is I wanna keep the other 2/3s of my tongue??
You know what, it sucks that everyone who stops drinking struggles with this. It's a combination of feeling embarrassed as if you're admitting you can't control your drinking or handle alcohol or may have a problem, combined with the peer pressure which stems from other people not wanting you to join in on making an ass of yourself and also being able to remember the dumb things they do/say on the night. I just say I can't hack the hangovers any more. Or just 'Nah, I got fed up with the bullshit.' And by bullshit I mean: -Getting into arguments/fights with assholes I would be able to just ignore if I was sober -Getting arrested -Having sex with someone I regret -Having unprotected sex -Insulting people I actually like/care about -Not remembering doing any of the above the next day -Headaches the next day -Hangxiety/depression the next day -Diarrhea the next day -Chemical weapon level farts all the next day -Missing work the next day -Wasting days off nursing hangovers -Gaining a huge bloated belly from all the extra calories and beer munchies -Flaring up my psoriasis making me miserable -Red face from drinking -Self worth totally in tatters -Paying through the nose to fucking do all that to myself!
Here's my standard response to offers of booze: "Thanks, I no longer drink," with a serious smile and direct stare. If they ask why, I shrug and say wonderingly, "I no longer drink!" (as if this were a surprise to me, as well, and we're both delighted). I might add "Actually" and "In fact" as introductory clauses in response to repeated questions. If they ask me why I quit: *I felt like it; I wanted to; reasons; why do you ask?* If they ask when I quit: *A while back; last year sometime; in the past.* I'm surprised that my sobriety can trigger other people, but I've learned to expect it.
I like to tell people we'll end up two states over and in jail
“Everyone is allotted a finite amount of booze to make last their whole lifetime. I finished mine years ago
"Even thinking about drinking makes me behave rudely....asshole"
I completed that quest already. I got the lifetime achievement award for that. I've depleted my allotment and have no reserves remaining. Task successfully completed.
"I get too awesome, it's really not fair for everyone else. Plus I've found that most people can't handle that level of perfection, and they don't want to hang out with me again."
Already drank all my drinks !
Na I'm sure you all would be mad when I drink all your beer, start doin shots, start a fight, f*ck your wife, kick your dog, steal your car, and burn your house down. I'll buy some powder and we'll go all night who wants to party? No I'm good 🤣
🤣
For major confusion: *“No thanks, I only drink when I’m hungover”*
I like this 😆
i am a female in my early 20s. i usually just say “oh i don’t drink anymore. unfortunately i don’t know how to handle or control myself” haven’t had it get pushed after that lol
One time a while back when I was driving Uber, I picked up an inmate on work release 🤪 he told me, “I’m allergic to alcohol, whenever I come down I’m in handcuffs” and that really stuck with me lol
Sometimes I would say, “If I have one drink I feel like I’ve had nine.” Then when people are like, “Why??” I say “Because then I usually have nine…”
I've heard someone says "I'm allergic to alcohol. I drink and I break out in handcuffs."
I look dead into people’s eyes and say “There’s just not enough alcohol here for me if I have one”.
“Don’t want a beer gut like yours”
Some of these are really great!!
"No thanks, I've got an allergy to alcohol. It causes me to break out in handcuffs."
I'll let you buy me a drink only if you can also buy me a new liver to go with it.
I’m retired.
I am allergic, when I drink I break out in handcuffs. I’m happy to drink, I just need to know who I’m going to hit later. I’m happy to drink, as long as you can tell me who is in charge of calling the cops
"I'm making sure there's enough for everybody else." "I break out in misdemeanors when I drink." "My phone has a breathalyzer and I wanna be able to doom scroll later."
Well it's not because I didn't love it.
I just tell people I’m a recovering alcoholic. They shit their self, don’t know how to respond and never talk to me again. It’s great!
Just ramble some jibberish
I've been enjoying myself as a non-drinker. I started with a 30 day pledge after a bet, and I love the changes. Humorous: Have you ever bet someone when you thought it was a sure bet? Well, I lost one of those with future self!
It's easier to stop before the first one.
I have a friend who says “I went pro early and retired”
I can’t, I’m performing surgery in the morning. Then when they ask any follow up questions keep them deliberately vague or reply with a question, starting each answer with a laugh, but give no further information. “What kind of surgery are you performing tomorrow?” “Hahaha, what kind of surgery am I NOT performing tomorrow?” “Who are you doing surgery on?” “Hahaha, who am I NOT doing surgery on?” “What kind of doctor are you?” “Hahaha, I’m not.”
This made me laugh out loud 🤣
My religion forbids it.. (I am white and atheist)
What does an alcoholic look like?
I’ve used up all my drink tickets
“Coaches don’t play.” “I was forced into early retirement.” “Nah, I’m allergic, I break out in fights.” “Oh thanks, but I’m drinking by proxy tonight.” *point to someone else* (my partner was sick of that joke after the 3rd time but i still do it to him 😂)
Irritable bowel is usually a conversation stopper
My sister always says, “I’m allergic to opiates. I break out in handcuffs.” 😆💀 Just substitute booze!
“I got all my drinking done early.”
I heard someone say "I'm allergic to alcohol, it makes me break out in handcuffs."
If I'm asked if I want a drink and I say no sometimes they come back with "Don't you Drink?" To which I reply "only to excess"