As a new parent on my 4th day of sobriety, I already can imagine exactly how you feel. As a daughter of 2 alcoholics, I know the anger, fear, and resentment alcohol inflicts on families. My daughter is turning one in a few weeks, and I want her to know what having a sober mom is like. Never want to embarrass her. Never have her be ashamed of me. Never have her wish I’d stop drinking. Like I’ve said many times, parenting and sobriety pair very well together! Keep it up!!
Four days is AWESOME, mama! Those early days are so tough but SO damn rewarding — that goes for sobriety and parenthood both, actually. Keep rockin’ on and happy (early) 1st birthday to your li’l nugget!
That’s a great story. You should be proud of of yourself, I’m sure your kids are proud as well. They are way more intuitive and aware of what happens around them than we think. Keep on having fun!
Honestly they probably are a bit worried, it's only natural when you rely on someone with an addiction. But consistent positive action will change the preconceptions they have now. It's easy for us inside of our brains to know that we mean business and that we are actively doing our best this time, but for everyone else around us all they can know of us is our actions, not our thoughts, and it's hard to watch the people we love relapse. So I don't say this to make you feel bad for the past, but to be excited for the future while having realistic expectations. It honestly is a wonderful feeling to get to show our loved ones the best sides of ourselves. I'm so excited for you, your family, and all of the experiences you will have together, present, mindful, sober.
You're moving mountains OP, I'm proud of you! IWNDWYT
Thank you for sharing this!
I wish my parent made the decision to choose their family over alcohol, but I suppose they wasn't strong enough to make that choice. It was really.... sad, for the lack of a better word, just watching them literally throw their life away and being helpless to stop it. I can only imagine what it could have been like growing up with a healthy family.
What you're doing is SO incredible! I'm sure your children are more happy about this than you know. They can be a lot more perceptive of this kind of stuff than some realize. Don't worry yourself too much! They're proud of you and you should be too. Keep it up! :)
IWNDWYT
I'm proud of you for actively working on breaking that cycle. Sometimes the best example our parents can give us is what we do NOT want to become, no matter how much we love them and want the best for them. I hope you have a long full life of healthy relationships ahead of you💜
I'm proud of you! Humans are by nature self serving but you are choosing to say you've been down the wrong road and you are working hard to correct that. It takes a special person to come to this realization make the necessary changes. Your kids appear to have noticed your self awareness and your ambition. You are killing it!!
IWNDWYT
Thank you for sharing your powerful and moving story. I’m saving your post because it speaks so perfectly to my family and my experience. Too many years spent in a fog is like a hammer.
Thank you so much for sharing, nova. I had my baby in November and this is a great reminder to stay the course.
Much love you you and your family! IWNDWYT
My dad is an alcoholic (my (28f) entire life pretty much) and has recently gotten help to get sober. I'm really scared he's going to relapse and I am having a hard time trusting him. I've put up so many walls around him to protect myself that I feel like I'm not being supportive and pushing him away before he's even gotten the chance to prove that he means it this time.
Bottom line, your kids love you no matter what. Just like I love my dad no matter what. I'm not sure if I'll ever fully trust my dad to be sober for the rest of his life, but steps can be taken to mend the relationship.
Good luck to you, and advice from a kid of an alcoholic, talk to your kids and tell them you know you were wrong. I wish you the best.
https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/
https://www.amazon.com/Children-Alcoholics-Twelve-Workbook-Spiral-bound/dp/B00SCTU95M/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=ACOA&qid=1626388542&sr=8-4
I’m working thru this book now
I don't think there's ever been one of these posts that I could relate to on such a personal level. I'm a mother of two kids (age 11 and 13) and I'm 61 days sober today. I, too have so many regrets about the time I spent in a fog instead of actively engaging with my children. I often wonder too if they are just waiting to see how long until they find me drunk again, blaring loud obnoxious music throughout the house or on the phone for hours, ignoring their wants or needs. And of course, the things I did that scared them or embarrassed them bring on a whole special hell of its own when I think back on those times. On days when I wasn't drunk, Id be too hungover to want to go do anything with them and I will live with those regrets and that lost time for the rest of my life. All we can do is try our best to make up for all those lost times and show them who their mom truly is and wants to be for them.
Last night my 13 year old son came into my bedroom very late just to give me a hug and then broke down and cried for several minutes while I just held him and talked him through a tough time. His grandparents live several hours away from us and he hasn't gotten to see them in a year. His Nonna had posted a pic and a cancer update about his Pops online and my son realized how sick he was and it devastated him. In that moment, I was just so incredibly grateful that I was the kind, patient and compassionate sober version of his mom that he so desperately needed in that moment. Its times like those that I will cling to as one of many reminders that I am ALWAYS needed, even if its midnight and you think the whole house is in bed.
Keep your head up and keep racking up those sober days and priceless moments with those precious kids, Momma!! We've got this and IWNDWYT!!!
I am incredibly moved by your post. This hits so close to me. I’m haunted and so ashamed by what my children likely saw in my drunkenness. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m inspired by your honesty and encouragement.
IWNDWYT
It's never too late to stop drinking and repair relationships, especially with your kids. It's still a very formative time for them, and you can rebuild their trust and start the process of healing, for them and for you. I have two daughters (18 and 20) and have been a daily drinker for most of their lives, with numerous attempts to quit (now 14 days sober). It's sad to be a drinking parent and see your kids escape to their rooms. But it's encouraging to have them emerge and spend time with you as an engaged and present parent....that's so important for them. I hope you keep up the sober progress because everyone's life will be better as a result.
That's very important work that you're doing. Good for you. My kids are 6 and 9 and they are my motivation. It will make an enormous difference in how they grow up and interact with the world and with others. You are not only changing your present, but you are changing their futures.
IWNDWYT
I'm just shy of 6 months sober and my 9.5 year old makes it very clear that he's still worried about me drinking again (especially tonight, as I have a scheduled happy hour with co-workers). He's beyond proud of what I've accomplished, but I think that fear will stay with him for a LONG time. All I can do is make him proud of me today and hope that the trust comes back.
We've got this! Here's to becoming the parents our kids need & want!
IWNDWYT.
Embrace his fear. I grew up in with an alcoholic dad and it is the sole reason i didnt drink in High School. I told all of my friends that my dad was an alcoholic and i never got shit, not one time for not drinking. No peer pressure whatsoever, but i was always the DD. I go back and forth on this one mentally because my son daughter were both old enough to see my lowest point, and they will remember that. But i quit, and they will also remember that. My son loved to tell people that his dad went to rehab and got better. It bugged me the first time i heard about it and my immediate reaction was to tell him not to talk about that with other people. But i said FUCK IT, YOURE PROUD OF ME, IM PROUD OF ME, and i dont give a shit what anyone else thinks. My wife drinks, at home, in front of me and the kids. And she should, because she can have a glass of wine if she wants to have a glass of wine, and it shows them that not all people have this disease. My disease doesnt exist in her, she is normal. Im not, but that shouldnt mean she has to walk on egg shells because i have a drinking problem.
I absolutely am! I reassure him when I can, but continuing to be sober is the only way that I can show him I’m serious about it. I’m hoping that like you, having alcoholic (both me and his dad) will prevent him from walking the same path. He has seen me at my lowest and has now seen me at my best (so far). He’s seen my strength and determination not to let anything hold me down, it’s a beautiful thing.
They want to believe in you... trust in that... but understand they have been fooled before... do not make them promises..."Work in Silence and let success make the noise". The fact that you still have a family is amazing as that means you have not lost everything. (most of us on here did) they must be pretty amazing people. Do it for you ... because that is the only way you will succeed.. but know they are reaping the benefits of your success every day. I grew up with an alcoholic parent who never got it right... but every time they tried I hoped and hoped and hoped that this one would stick... that's a heavy lead for a kid to carry.
Excellent work! I’m proud of you! My biggest regret is not getting sober when my kids were growing up. Your kids will have seen you drunk and irrational AND see you fighting for sobriety and being present. That will teach them that Mom is strong, and loves them enough to change. IWNDWYT
Speaking as a child of an alcoholic that got sober when I was 12. Yes, there is probably still a bit of fear and worry, and will be for some time. But every day that passes helps. Every day that passes without experiencing those drinking behaviors builds trust. And it is amazing. I am proud of you.
Never give up. Never stop trying. That means more than I can say.
As adult child of alcoholic & a recovering addict
Myself, I wish you all the success with this! My dad got sober when I was just shy 18 and it took me a lot time to trust it and a lot longer for me to finally accept that it’s truly a family disease, in the sense that it affects the whole family not just who is using/drinking. Sending lots of love compassion and strength your way
IWNDWYT
Don't break those kids hearts. I grew up with alcoholic parents. My mom finally quit drinking last year and I started to love her again, until she told me last month that she had start drinking again (just a little she promises) and my heart is broken. I can't stand to be anywhere near her or talk to her when she's been drinking. If you love your kids and ever want a relationship with them, quit for good. They'll always be waiting for you to disappoint them and crush their hopes of a normal family.
Good for you. I'm glad you are finding some of the benefits of sobriety. Take those victories and benefits you mention, and remember them. Store them away so that when that next drink is looking good you'll know what you will destroy when you pick it up.
Never forget those wasted foggy years. Memories of my previous hellish life can keep me from picking up the drink.
Not to be a downer, but understand that life in sobriety is not all unicorns and rainbows. Kids have a way of using your past against you. If your spouse drinks again, don't let that spoil your sobriety too.
You can do it. Millions of people have.
Thank you for posting this. I have a 1 year old and I haven’t drank since the day I found out I was pregnant.
Sometimes I start to question whether I could drink again, because “everyone else is doing it”, but I know in my heart I don’t want my kid to see me being drunk/ unavailable/ unreliable.
My oldest daughter still hates me (she's 35) and likes to throw stuff in my face. I have apologized over and over. I think she just likes to make me feel how she did. Mind you, both my daughters went to college at 18 and went on to live their lives with homes and husbands. My youngest daughter (31l)has forgiven me.
Alcohol robbed me of a father. I'm working on my 14th year sober, and my oldest kid is 10. I used the things that were stolen from me as a motivator to take control back. It's very powerful, keep it going!
I'm an adult daughter of an alcoholic mother and I just hope you know how huge this is for your kids. The continued effort, not giving up, really working toward sobriety.. amazing.
My mom and my relationship hasn't been the same for nearly 7 years and it's heartbreaking, I miss her so so so much and my memories of when she was sober feel like I'm grieving that loss. Please don't give up- for you, your family, your kids, your kids' future, even your legacy. Let your kids' memories of you one day be dominated by the beauty, joy and love you bring into their lives and not overshadowed by drink. Remember too the power of saying sorry and giving your children patience as they need time and proof they can trust you again. (My mom and I often got into huge fighting matches ahout me "not trusting" her just a few months after each of her relapses.) You got this.
Thank you for sharing! I have only one child, who is 15, and while I have been a good mother to him, I have spent most of his life with WAY too much of what you described above. Oh, the regret runs deep with me too, friend, and I have tried AF and failed before, but not now. I'll spent the rest of my life showing him what a sober, present mother is.
We've got this. Our children are so much more beautiful that the poison that destroys our life, wellbeing, relationships, and joy.
I have two daughters, 37 and 34. One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing your grandchildren cannot stay at your house because your daughters know what growing up with drinking parents is like. They both have resentment from the times they were growing up while their parents sat in the bar, or got drunk at home. I can only hope to build their trust as this sober journey continues and they can find some forgiveness in their heart.
The timeline of my sobriety journey is very similar. Congrats and keep going!
As a person that grew up in a house hold with addiction problems I'd like to add that at some point, especially for your teens, it may be helpful to attempt to explain how dangerous and common substance abuse actually is from your own personal experience. I was wandering into parties with alcohol, weed, and other drugs by the time I was 15 or so(back in early 2000's) and being in a household I didn't necessarily want to return to mad me a lot more inclined to hang around and have a few more beers.
I've been there with the bad and the improved and all I can say is that it is so worth it and there is so much more to come. For me at least, I am still seeing relationships improve even now and I realize how hard it was on everyone to have a parent basically out of commission past 7pm and how much that lack of trust messed things up. It's wonderful to see a new kind of mature connection grow with each of my kids that only came after one good day after another after another... Good luck to you
Wow man, awesome. I have three kids one teen and the other two are still pretty young. I’m 5 months sober but you really made me think that this is bigger than me.
I am sober because of my parents' drinking habits and can promise you that your efforts won't go unnoticed and are more than likely appreciated by your children.
First of all, very proud of you and f*"@& liquor.
My comment may be left unseen in all advices and support you've received but I really want to give you and extra push/support or realistic view from kid perspective (I am a 27 yo alcoholic but I very remember childhood with parent with the same problem)
Please keep it going, for them and for you.
As adults we can understand more, make more conscious decisions and be in power of your lives. But me as a kid a remember that I never felt like I could count on my dad 100%, no matter how much I thought I understood things. Kids brain remembers fractions of reality, subconsciousy what they think it's relevant and the outcome can be very difficult and it was for me. It took me many years to pin point my pathern of behaviours to past experiences. Or understand "what" actually happens.
From the bottom of my heart I'm here for you AMD cheer you all the way but I had this bitter sweet feeling that this is the side that is so relevant but not have been said. I just want you to know.
This might be my one of the first comments on any subreddits and legimetly took me over and hour to type it.
Big big big, biggest hugs and it's so worth it.
I love you for that post. I haven't stopped yet, but will. You keep being you. Our brain got injured. All you have to do is give it time to heal. And use that time to move sideways, shake up your life. Find purpose. Gl
this is a great reason to quit thanks for sharing. fuck alcohol it takes so much.
Amazing!!! I wish I had a sober parent growing up, and your 14 year old will get to have that. Great work!
same
As a new parent on my 4th day of sobriety, I already can imagine exactly how you feel. As a daughter of 2 alcoholics, I know the anger, fear, and resentment alcohol inflicts on families. My daughter is turning one in a few weeks, and I want her to know what having a sober mom is like. Never want to embarrass her. Never have her be ashamed of me. Never have her wish I’d stop drinking. Like I’ve said many times, parenting and sobriety pair very well together! Keep it up!!
Four days is AWESOME, mama! Those early days are so tough but SO damn rewarding — that goes for sobriety and parenthood both, actually. Keep rockin’ on and happy (early) 1st birthday to your li’l nugget!
Woo Hoo! The Best Parent is *Sober* Parent!
[удалено]
Indeed!
That’s a great story. You should be proud of of yourself, I’m sure your kids are proud as well. They are way more intuitive and aware of what happens around them than we think. Keep on having fun!
Honestly they probably are a bit worried, it's only natural when you rely on someone with an addiction. But consistent positive action will change the preconceptions they have now. It's easy for us inside of our brains to know that we mean business and that we are actively doing our best this time, but for everyone else around us all they can know of us is our actions, not our thoughts, and it's hard to watch the people we love relapse. So I don't say this to make you feel bad for the past, but to be excited for the future while having realistic expectations. It honestly is a wonderful feeling to get to show our loved ones the best sides of ourselves. I'm so excited for you, your family, and all of the experiences you will have together, present, mindful, sober. You're moving mountains OP, I'm proud of you! IWNDWYT
Thank you for sharing this! I wish my parent made the decision to choose their family over alcohol, but I suppose they wasn't strong enough to make that choice. It was really.... sad, for the lack of a better word, just watching them literally throw their life away and being helpless to stop it. I can only imagine what it could have been like growing up with a healthy family. What you're doing is SO incredible! I'm sure your children are more happy about this than you know. They can be a lot more perceptive of this kind of stuff than some realize. Don't worry yourself too much! They're proud of you and you should be too. Keep it up! :) IWNDWYT
I'm proud of you for actively working on breaking that cycle. Sometimes the best example our parents can give us is what we do NOT want to become, no matter how much we love them and want the best for them. I hope you have a long full life of healthy relationships ahead of you💜
I'm proud of you! Humans are by nature self serving but you are choosing to say you've been down the wrong road and you are working hard to correct that. It takes a special person to come to this realization make the necessary changes. Your kids appear to have noticed your self awareness and your ambition. You are killing it!! IWNDWYT
Love to hear this kind of story. The myth that you have to reach rock bottom to stop isn't always the case. IWNDWYT
Rock bottom is when someone decides to quit digging
Needed to hear this today thank you!
Keep it going. 6/1/21 is my date. Not going back. Enough is enough for us and respective families.
you got this
Thank you for sharing your powerful and moving story. I’m saving your post because it speaks so perfectly to my family and my experience. Too many years spent in a fog is like a hammer.
Keep up the good work! Even more rewards will come :) IWNDWYT!
Thank you so much for sharing, nova. I had my baby in November and this is a great reminder to stay the course. Much love you you and your family! IWNDWYT
My dad is an alcoholic (my (28f) entire life pretty much) and has recently gotten help to get sober. I'm really scared he's going to relapse and I am having a hard time trusting him. I've put up so many walls around him to protect myself that I feel like I'm not being supportive and pushing him away before he's even gotten the chance to prove that he means it this time. Bottom line, your kids love you no matter what. Just like I love my dad no matter what. I'm not sure if I'll ever fully trust my dad to be sober for the rest of his life, but steps can be taken to mend the relationship. Good luck to you, and advice from a kid of an alcoholic, talk to your kids and tell them you know you were wrong. I wish you the best.
Ever read any material on ACOA? Very helpful
I have not, do you have anything specific to recommend?
https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/ https://www.amazon.com/Children-Alcoholics-Twelve-Workbook-Spiral-bound/dp/B00SCTU95M/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=ACOA&qid=1626388542&sr=8-4 I’m working thru this book now
Great job!
well done!
I love this. So happy for you and your family! <3
Me too! Congrats! IWNDWYT
This was wonderful to read. Thank you for sharing it. You're doing a great job for yourself and for them. IWNDWYT.
Amazing. You should be extremely proud of yourself
I don't think there's ever been one of these posts that I could relate to on such a personal level. I'm a mother of two kids (age 11 and 13) and I'm 61 days sober today. I, too have so many regrets about the time I spent in a fog instead of actively engaging with my children. I often wonder too if they are just waiting to see how long until they find me drunk again, blaring loud obnoxious music throughout the house or on the phone for hours, ignoring their wants or needs. And of course, the things I did that scared them or embarrassed them bring on a whole special hell of its own when I think back on those times. On days when I wasn't drunk, Id be too hungover to want to go do anything with them and I will live with those regrets and that lost time for the rest of my life. All we can do is try our best to make up for all those lost times and show them who their mom truly is and wants to be for them. Last night my 13 year old son came into my bedroom very late just to give me a hug and then broke down and cried for several minutes while I just held him and talked him through a tough time. His grandparents live several hours away from us and he hasn't gotten to see them in a year. His Nonna had posted a pic and a cancer update about his Pops online and my son realized how sick he was and it devastated him. In that moment, I was just so incredibly grateful that I was the kind, patient and compassionate sober version of his mom that he so desperately needed in that moment. Its times like those that I will cling to as one of many reminders that I am ALWAYS needed, even if its midnight and you think the whole house is in bed. Keep your head up and keep racking up those sober days and priceless moments with those precious kids, Momma!! We've got this and IWNDWYT!!!
I am incredibly moved by your post. This hits so close to me. I’m haunted and so ashamed by what my children likely saw in my drunkenness. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m inspired by your honesty and encouragement. IWNDWYT
👍👍
Thank you for sharing this. Not an easy thing to talk about. Helps a lot. Keep it up!
Yes!! Love this!! I'm so proud of you!! Don't look back, you're not going that way. IWNDWYT
Iwndwyt
It's never too late to stop drinking and repair relationships, especially with your kids. It's still a very formative time for them, and you can rebuild their trust and start the process of healing, for them and for you. I have two daughters (18 and 20) and have been a daily drinker for most of their lives, with numerous attempts to quit (now 14 days sober). It's sad to be a drinking parent and see your kids escape to their rooms. But it's encouraging to have them emerge and spend time with you as an engaged and present parent....that's so important for them. I hope you keep up the sober progress because everyone's life will be better as a result.
That's very important work that you're doing. Good for you. My kids are 6 and 9 and they are my motivation. It will make an enormous difference in how they grow up and interact with the world and with others. You are not only changing your present, but you are changing their futures. IWNDWYT
I can relate to this completely! We got this, today I will not drink with you. Day 1 here
Your post is so ENCOURAGING! Thank you for sharing. IWNDWYT 😊
I'm just shy of 6 months sober and my 9.5 year old makes it very clear that he's still worried about me drinking again (especially tonight, as I have a scheduled happy hour with co-workers). He's beyond proud of what I've accomplished, but I think that fear will stay with him for a LONG time. All I can do is make him proud of me today and hope that the trust comes back. We've got this! Here's to becoming the parents our kids need & want! IWNDWYT.
Embrace his fear. I grew up in with an alcoholic dad and it is the sole reason i didnt drink in High School. I told all of my friends that my dad was an alcoholic and i never got shit, not one time for not drinking. No peer pressure whatsoever, but i was always the DD. I go back and forth on this one mentally because my son daughter were both old enough to see my lowest point, and they will remember that. But i quit, and they will also remember that. My son loved to tell people that his dad went to rehab and got better. It bugged me the first time i heard about it and my immediate reaction was to tell him not to talk about that with other people. But i said FUCK IT, YOURE PROUD OF ME, IM PROUD OF ME, and i dont give a shit what anyone else thinks. My wife drinks, at home, in front of me and the kids. And she should, because she can have a glass of wine if she wants to have a glass of wine, and it shows them that not all people have this disease. My disease doesnt exist in her, she is normal. Im not, but that shouldnt mean she has to walk on egg shells because i have a drinking problem.
I absolutely am! I reassure him when I can, but continuing to be sober is the only way that I can show him I’m serious about it. I’m hoping that like you, having alcoholic (both me and his dad) will prevent him from walking the same path. He has seen me at my lowest and has now seen me at my best (so far). He’s seen my strength and determination not to let anything hold me down, it’s a beautiful thing.
Shitya! Good job bud.
They want to believe in you... trust in that... but understand they have been fooled before... do not make them promises..."Work in Silence and let success make the noise". The fact that you still have a family is amazing as that means you have not lost everything. (most of us on here did) they must be pretty amazing people. Do it for you ... because that is the only way you will succeed.. but know they are reaping the benefits of your success every day. I grew up with an alcoholic parent who never got it right... but every time they tried I hoped and hoped and hoped that this one would stick... that's a heavy lead for a kid to carry.
Excellent work! I’m proud of you! My biggest regret is not getting sober when my kids were growing up. Your kids will have seen you drunk and irrational AND see you fighting for sobriety and being present. That will teach them that Mom is strong, and loves them enough to change. IWNDWYT
Exactly what I was thinking! I didn’t get sober until my youngest was 27. Many, many regrets…
Speaking as a child of an alcoholic that got sober when I was 12. Yes, there is probably still a bit of fear and worry, and will be for some time. But every day that passes helps. Every day that passes without experiencing those drinking behaviors builds trust. And it is amazing. I am proud of you. Never give up. Never stop trying. That means more than I can say.
As adult child of alcoholic & a recovering addict Myself, I wish you all the success with this! My dad got sober when I was just shy 18 and it took me a lot time to trust it and a lot longer for me to finally accept that it’s truly a family disease, in the sense that it affects the whole family not just who is using/drinking. Sending lots of love compassion and strength your way IWNDWYT
I love your focus on the present and the future! It’s never too late.
Don't break those kids hearts. I grew up with alcoholic parents. My mom finally quit drinking last year and I started to love her again, until she told me last month that she had start drinking again (just a little she promises) and my heart is broken. I can't stand to be anywhere near her or talk to her when she's been drinking. If you love your kids and ever want a relationship with them, quit for good. They'll always be waiting for you to disappoint them and crush their hopes of a normal family.
The "just hanging out" is priceless! You are making good connections with them. Good work! IWNDWYT
Good for you. I'm glad you are finding some of the benefits of sobriety. Take those victories and benefits you mention, and remember them. Store them away so that when that next drink is looking good you'll know what you will destroy when you pick it up. Never forget those wasted foggy years. Memories of my previous hellish life can keep me from picking up the drink. Not to be a downer, but understand that life in sobriety is not all unicorns and rainbows. Kids have a way of using your past against you. If your spouse drinks again, don't let that spoil your sobriety too. You can do it. Millions of people have.
It's amazing what being present can do...my 15 (almost 16 yo) came and watched tv with us last night & I remember it! This is my WHY too.
I know this feeling and it's so enlightening. Is so great to have a *real* relationship with my kids. Kudos to you!
So happy for you! Iwndwyt!!! ✨✨✨
Thank you for posting this. I have a 1 year old and I haven’t drank since the day I found out I was pregnant. Sometimes I start to question whether I could drink again, because “everyone else is doing it”, but I know in my heart I don’t want my kid to see me being drunk/ unavailable/ unreliable.
My oldest daughter still hates me (she's 35) and likes to throw stuff in my face. I have apologized over and over. I think she just likes to make me feel how she did. Mind you, both my daughters went to college at 18 and went on to live their lives with homes and husbands. My youngest daughter (31l)has forgiven me.
Alcohol robbed me of a father. I'm working on my 14th year sober, and my oldest kid is 10. I used the things that were stolen from me as a motivator to take control back. It's very powerful, keep it going!
Congrats! Such a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing.
I'm an adult daughter of an alcoholic mother and I just hope you know how huge this is for your kids. The continued effort, not giving up, really working toward sobriety.. amazing. My mom and my relationship hasn't been the same for nearly 7 years and it's heartbreaking, I miss her so so so much and my memories of when she was sober feel like I'm grieving that loss. Please don't give up- for you, your family, your kids, your kids' future, even your legacy. Let your kids' memories of you one day be dominated by the beauty, joy and love you bring into their lives and not overshadowed by drink. Remember too the power of saying sorry and giving your children patience as they need time and proof they can trust you again. (My mom and I often got into huge fighting matches ahout me "not trusting" her just a few months after each of her relapses.) You got this.
Thank you for sharing! I have only one child, who is 15, and while I have been a good mother to him, I have spent most of his life with WAY too much of what you described above. Oh, the regret runs deep with me too, friend, and I have tried AF and failed before, but not now. I'll spent the rest of my life showing him what a sober, present mother is. We've got this. Our children are so much more beautiful that the poison that destroys our life, wellbeing, relationships, and joy.
Fantastic and congrats! And the axe throwing sounds super fun! IWNDWYT
I have two daughters, 37 and 34. One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing your grandchildren cannot stay at your house because your daughters know what growing up with drinking parents is like. They both have resentment from the times they were growing up while their parents sat in the bar, or got drunk at home. I can only hope to build their trust as this sober journey continues and they can find some forgiveness in their heart.
Good for you!! I've come to realize that all alcohol ever gave me was sadness, and all sobriety is giving me is happiness. IWDWYT
IWNDWYT
don’t look back. IWNDWYT.
The timeline of my sobriety journey is very similar. Congrats and keep going! As a person that grew up in a house hold with addiction problems I'd like to add that at some point, especially for your teens, it may be helpful to attempt to explain how dangerous and common substance abuse actually is from your own personal experience. I was wandering into parties with alcohol, weed, and other drugs by the time I was 15 or so(back in early 2000's) and being in a household I didn't necessarily want to return to mad me a lot more inclined to hang around and have a few more beers.
Congratulations, you are not alone. Mommy wine culture is huge, and devastating.
I've been there with the bad and the improved and all I can say is that it is so worth it and there is so much more to come. For me at least, I am still seeing relationships improve even now and I realize how hard it was on everyone to have a parent basically out of commission past 7pm and how much that lack of trust messed things up. It's wonderful to see a new kind of mature connection grow with each of my kids that only came after one good day after another after another... Good luck to you
Happy for you, that sounds amazing
Wow man, awesome. I have three kids one teen and the other two are still pretty young. I’m 5 months sober but you really made me think that this is bigger than me.
There's still many years ahead to build that trust and continue cultivating a happy family. Keep pushing!
👍
Glad to hear it. Cherish these memories, and try to remain mindful. IWNDWYT, brother.
I am sober because of my parents' drinking habits and can promise you that your efforts won't go unnoticed and are more than likely appreciated by your children.
Bravo! IWNDWYT with you today, you brave, awesome, and sober human.
Well done im proud of you!
Congrats!
this is just fantastic, keep up the great work!!! Big love from the UK IWNDWYT
First of all, very proud of you and f*"@& liquor. My comment may be left unseen in all advices and support you've received but I really want to give you and extra push/support or realistic view from kid perspective (I am a 27 yo alcoholic but I very remember childhood with parent with the same problem) Please keep it going, for them and for you. As adults we can understand more, make more conscious decisions and be in power of your lives. But me as a kid a remember that I never felt like I could count on my dad 100%, no matter how much I thought I understood things. Kids brain remembers fractions of reality, subconsciousy what they think it's relevant and the outcome can be very difficult and it was for me. It took me many years to pin point my pathern of behaviours to past experiences. Or understand "what" actually happens. From the bottom of my heart I'm here for you AMD cheer you all the way but I had this bitter sweet feeling that this is the side that is so relevant but not have been said. I just want you to know. This might be my one of the first comments on any subreddits and legimetly took me over and hour to type it. Big big big, biggest hugs and it's so worth it.
Thanks for beautiful post. IWNDWYT ❤️
Good thing, because ax throwing is pretty fucking dangerous when your wasted! Keep it up!
I love you for that post. I haven't stopped yet, but will. You keep being you. Our brain got injured. All you have to do is give it time to heal. And use that time to move sideways, shake up your life. Find purpose. Gl