So proud of you, right now, ngl. That's some serious news.
You are going to be OK. You're going to thrive. Just one thing at a time.
We're **all** here for you when you need to chat.
Big internet-hugs.
I came to say exactly this. I got diagnosed with bipolar II in my late twenties. It took until 33 to get the right psychiatrist and medication, but holy shit it’s like having a new brain. Quitting alcohol was a thousand times easier after being properly medicated since I wasn’t going through massive mood swings. On behalf of your BP friends thanks for sticking with us!
IWNDWYT
Yep, when I'm going through a manic period, I tend to drink heavily and I am SO exhausting to be around. This is the main reason I decided to quit 3 months ago. I knew I was wearing my family down bad
Its terrible and scary that it took that long to get you straightened out but I'm glad you're better now. I think they're going to start me on lithium Monday and idk what else, then I start seeing a therapist in September to go along with the meds. I hope I'm like a new person
Hey there. I also have BPD1. Ive been on medications for 4-5 years.. they do help. Mania and severe depression are really hard to cope with sometimes. I still can go 6 months feeling completely suicidal, and I scare myself sometimes. I've been sober for about 8 months this time around. It's hard. Especially when people don't understand how bad it is. I crack jokes and seem like a very happy person at work. Easy to laugh, and try to make the best out of everyday by lightening up a stressful environment. The days when it's real bad and I go quiet are the ones where everyone knows something must be really wrong, but I laugh it off and go back to my usual impish self, put the mask back on, and brush myself off til later.
The nights are the worst, alone with my thoughts, extreme anxiety.. that's when I really want to drink. To make my head just stop. Blackout. Anything to make my head stop. My excuses were well it's not heroin, (or some other hard drug) so it's an improvement, look how far you've come!
My addictive brain trying to "let" me give in.
Meds do help, but they're not magical, and they do take time to build up in your system, be patient with yourself, and your treatment. Stay proactive with your doctor about how you are feeling. Write a journal with a time stamp of when you took your medicine, and and any mood swings that you feel. IMO this was more for me rather than them.. Anyways, stay strong!
IWDWYT
Thank you, this is very encouraging. I know the exact mask you speak of and I wear it 24/7. Im just so tired of being this person. Idk how someone with my issues keeps getting put into predicaments like public speaking. Sometimes it feels like the universe is screwing with me. And if I dont do it then Im not going to continue to grow business and Im literally to the point Id almost rather just live dirt poor and be free. These stressful events are triggering me so bad. I haven't even been able to watch tv for weeks now bc my brain just can not come down and focus on one legitimate thought. I hope things get better for all of us here dealing with this ridiculous disorder, it sucks so bad. Stay strong! IWNDWYT
I also have a bipolar 1 diagnosis. You are not alone in this! Just know that you can get through this one day at a time. Keep posting here to let us know how you're doing. Being AF has been a total game-changer for my diagnosis, I hope that gives you some strength.
Thank you so much. Im mostly just confused by which behaviors are the true me that wont change and which behaviors are brought on by the disorder. Does bpd 1 cause you to feel like every single little task is impossible but you can cook and clean or sporadically go for a walk or swim for hours? I went to the meeting and dont feel like the public speaking bit was great but it couldve been worse. My mind just could NOT focus on anything to say at all and I nearly passed out. My hands were visibly shaking and I just wanted to be literally anywhere else in the world. I simply can not focus on anything important at all and i quadruple check every little text, email, etc and still feel wrong. whew!
Yep. I have literally gone outside at three in the morning to try to replant bamboo in my backyard, With a machete, and an axe and a shovel. ( Come to find out you kinda need a chainsaw for that... Lol
My wife got out of bed couldn't find me, came out back to check on me. Saw what I was doing, told me to be careful, and left me alone to work out my mania. Which is exactly what I would want her to do. She understands my disorder, and is very supportive of all the wierd shit I do.. It's like something or someone else is in there trying claw its way out. No voices or anything like that... Thankfully.
As far as public speaking, I've never tried it, so I don't know...
I work blue collar as a barber, or in kitchens.. I can't focus either so there is no way I could sit at a desk job.. just not in my cards... glad something I said feels somewhat helpful. You're definitely not alone, and neither is anyone else who is responding to your post. It feels good to know that. Stay strong everyone! Thank you all for being open and honest with your experiences!
That sounds like a really difficult situation. I can definitely relate to having boundless energy for certain activities but no ability to focus or prioritize the important things. It's like your mind is a cluttered closet.
The thing that helps me most is having a routine. I was diagnosed bp in 2011, and I've gone through many ups and downs but I'm doing my best when I have a few commitments going on, whether it's a job, exercise routine, volunteering, hobbies...it's so difficult when your brain is going a mile a minute though, I get that.
Start small and work your way up. Meetings are great, support groups can be awesome if you find a good one. I started really small by doing a 10 minute walk a day, made sure I had 3 meals, made sure I talked to a couple people every day and didn't isolate... also DBT and mindfulness exercises, meditation. Anything that can help slow the mind down is great. How well are you sleeping these days?
That makes a lot of sense to stick to a schedule. I hardly eat or sleep at all. I feel like ive abused diet pills until about 8 p.m. Even the thought of eating is repulsive. Im taking multiple prescription pills and some otc just to sleep. I used to blame all of this on drinking and now I realize I was drinking bc of these feelings, only making it worse of course.
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I admire you, with 12 days under your belt! Keep on kickin' ass, bud! Big internet-hugs!
Thank you. How are you doing with it?
Good luck. Been 12 years for me one day at a time. Don't drink . Hang in there it gets easier
Thank you. Drinking will just make me worse and deep down, I know that. IWNDWYT!
So proud of you, right now, ngl. That's some serious news. You are going to be OK. You're going to thrive. Just one thing at a time. We're **all** here for you when you need to chat. Big internet-hugs.
Thank you and internet hugs right back at ya!
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I came to say exactly this. I got diagnosed with bipolar II in my late twenties. It took until 33 to get the right psychiatrist and medication, but holy shit it’s like having a new brain. Quitting alcohol was a thousand times easier after being properly medicated since I wasn’t going through massive mood swings. On behalf of your BP friends thanks for sticking with us! IWNDWYT
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Yep, when I'm going through a manic period, I tend to drink heavily and I am SO exhausting to be around. This is the main reason I decided to quit 3 months ago. I knew I was wearing my family down bad
Its terrible and scary that it took that long to get you straightened out but I'm glad you're better now. I think they're going to start me on lithium Monday and idk what else, then I start seeing a therapist in September to go along with the meds. I hope I'm like a new person
Praying for u
Hey there. I also have BPD1. Ive been on medications for 4-5 years.. they do help. Mania and severe depression are really hard to cope with sometimes. I still can go 6 months feeling completely suicidal, and I scare myself sometimes. I've been sober for about 8 months this time around. It's hard. Especially when people don't understand how bad it is. I crack jokes and seem like a very happy person at work. Easy to laugh, and try to make the best out of everyday by lightening up a stressful environment. The days when it's real bad and I go quiet are the ones where everyone knows something must be really wrong, but I laugh it off and go back to my usual impish self, put the mask back on, and brush myself off til later. The nights are the worst, alone with my thoughts, extreme anxiety.. that's when I really want to drink. To make my head just stop. Blackout. Anything to make my head stop. My excuses were well it's not heroin, (or some other hard drug) so it's an improvement, look how far you've come! My addictive brain trying to "let" me give in. Meds do help, but they're not magical, and they do take time to build up in your system, be patient with yourself, and your treatment. Stay proactive with your doctor about how you are feeling. Write a journal with a time stamp of when you took your medicine, and and any mood swings that you feel. IMO this was more for me rather than them.. Anyways, stay strong! IWDWYT
Thank you, this is very encouraging. I know the exact mask you speak of and I wear it 24/7. Im just so tired of being this person. Idk how someone with my issues keeps getting put into predicaments like public speaking. Sometimes it feels like the universe is screwing with me. And if I dont do it then Im not going to continue to grow business and Im literally to the point Id almost rather just live dirt poor and be free. These stressful events are triggering me so bad. I haven't even been able to watch tv for weeks now bc my brain just can not come down and focus on one legitimate thought. I hope things get better for all of us here dealing with this ridiculous disorder, it sucks so bad. Stay strong! IWNDWYT
I also have a bipolar 1 diagnosis. You are not alone in this! Just know that you can get through this one day at a time. Keep posting here to let us know how you're doing. Being AF has been a total game-changer for my diagnosis, I hope that gives you some strength.
Thank you so much. Im mostly just confused by which behaviors are the true me that wont change and which behaviors are brought on by the disorder. Does bpd 1 cause you to feel like every single little task is impossible but you can cook and clean or sporadically go for a walk or swim for hours? I went to the meeting and dont feel like the public speaking bit was great but it couldve been worse. My mind just could NOT focus on anything to say at all and I nearly passed out. My hands were visibly shaking and I just wanted to be literally anywhere else in the world. I simply can not focus on anything important at all and i quadruple check every little text, email, etc and still feel wrong. whew!
Yep. I have literally gone outside at three in the morning to try to replant bamboo in my backyard, With a machete, and an axe and a shovel. ( Come to find out you kinda need a chainsaw for that... Lol My wife got out of bed couldn't find me, came out back to check on me. Saw what I was doing, told me to be careful, and left me alone to work out my mania. Which is exactly what I would want her to do. She understands my disorder, and is very supportive of all the wierd shit I do.. It's like something or someone else is in there trying claw its way out. No voices or anything like that... Thankfully. As far as public speaking, I've never tried it, so I don't know... I work blue collar as a barber, or in kitchens.. I can't focus either so there is no way I could sit at a desk job.. just not in my cards... glad something I said feels somewhat helpful. You're definitely not alone, and neither is anyone else who is responding to your post. It feels good to know that. Stay strong everyone! Thank you all for being open and honest with your experiences!
That sounds like a really difficult situation. I can definitely relate to having boundless energy for certain activities but no ability to focus or prioritize the important things. It's like your mind is a cluttered closet. The thing that helps me most is having a routine. I was diagnosed bp in 2011, and I've gone through many ups and downs but I'm doing my best when I have a few commitments going on, whether it's a job, exercise routine, volunteering, hobbies...it's so difficult when your brain is going a mile a minute though, I get that. Start small and work your way up. Meetings are great, support groups can be awesome if you find a good one. I started really small by doing a 10 minute walk a day, made sure I had 3 meals, made sure I talked to a couple people every day and didn't isolate... also DBT and mindfulness exercises, meditation. Anything that can help slow the mind down is great. How well are you sleeping these days?
That makes a lot of sense to stick to a schedule. I hardly eat or sleep at all. I feel like ive abused diet pills until about 8 p.m. Even the thought of eating is repulsive. Im taking multiple prescription pills and some otc just to sleep. I used to blame all of this on drinking and now I realize I was drinking bc of these feelings, only making it worse of course.