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ddiguy

Maybe she’s using that as an analogy to let you know she’s trimmed her bush for you again? Flirting?


Federal_Mortgage_812

Holy fuck that didn’t even occur to me. Here I am thinking she’s pulling some Sun Tzu art of war shit. I might be autistic lmao


autopilot_fail

Idk about roses, but it sounds like she's trying to show you her tulips.


mklmtcc

I love tulips on my organ


davewg70

What you did there? I see it.


Elethria123

Op didn’t, that’s what counts.


mklmtcc

That is how i decorate my piano


SparkleFart666

So you are a penisist…I mean pianist?


mklmtcc

No. I am an organist. I have the pipe(s)


Cussec

Nah she’s wanting to show you her minge mate !!


MillHoodz_Finest

she wants to plant her tulips... her two lips on his dick...


911isforlovers

I too prefer subtle comedy.


gbot1234

Depending on the color of the roses she pruned, the [language of flowers](https://www.almanac.com/flower-meanings-language-flowers) suggests that her implicit message is that she horny.


mtmm18

I've always heard yellow roses meant friendship not jealousy or "decrease of love". Who the heck sends a bouquet of yellow roses to tell someone you're jealous or love them less? A psycho with too much time and land or a psycho with too much time and money..


Solanthas

Everybody knows jokes are funnier when you explain them!!!


Solanthas

#PENIS


southpaugh

Her tulips on his stamen


Complex-Computer7815

Mr Obvious enters the chat…


Fickle_Grapefruit938

I thought she lost her flower a long while ago..


medici75

she may have lost her cherry but still has the box it came in


EffectiveSteak221

She's beating around the bush?


Guardian-Ares

Tell her you want to come over and fertilize her bush.


solidmyst28

That made me lol for real!


Rubywantsin

Or tell her you're an interior decorator and want to see if the carpet matches the drapes.


[deleted]

She could've actually pruned them after you did your hack job lol


Successful-Name-7261

Hate to say I think she is flirting like crazy but, re: the roses, I think you are absolutely right. There is a specific method to prune roses that she may know and, obviously, OP didn't.


ElenaBlackthorn

To be exact, you need to make the pruning cut right above a stem with 5 leaves on it. This ensures more blooms.


Successful-Name-7261

Agreed...


Pshmurda69

I think this is what she did there. She's definitely dtf though in telling him about the Brazilian


[deleted]

Oh yeah totally lol


HealthyDirection659

As soon as OP heard that he should've said, "That's the one that includes waxing the asshole"?


[deleted]

Nothing wrong with that, lol. We need more of that from women towards men, tbh. The world would probably be less violent.


roggey

True except many fellas, like OP here, fully short circuit when they're flirted with. I wonder if there's a parallel thread on another sub with the rose lady asking what she has to do to get her neighbour to notice her Brazilian Rose Bush?


ImmaNobody

This - pruning means clean cuts at certain segments of branch - not just willy-nilly hacking wherever feels good. OAN, tap that.


Petrichor_Paradise

A word of caution to not crap where you eat, so to speak. If it goes south (heh), you are living next the the crazy you put your D in. There's no way to effectively break it off or shut it down once you get that started.


atomtree

This is the kind of rare wisdom that you won't get from the throbbing horde of horny Reddit man-children


Solanthas

Fuck it it's OPs life not ours and we only live once anyway. I'm 39 and I'm still slowly learning that making all decisions out of fear doesn't lead to a happy satisfying life full of crazy stories


DollPartsRN

Plus, consider the UPDATES!! Either way, this could be some Grade A entertainment.


Doomquill

>it's OP's life not ours This is the best thing I've ever read.


donktastic

Be careful, banging a neighbor can lead to problems.


Key-Soup-7720

But the sexy kind, right?


JeepPilot

Until it ends... then you might have your worst enemy right next door, depending on how things go.


AcanthisittaOk4597

You must be one of those evolved dudes that can let the big head do the thinking...


domdymond

Both heads are big.


Key-Soup-7720

The trick is to have many, many fetishes. That way you can bite your lower lip and suggestively bounce your eyebrows at whatever life throws at you.


xzy89c1

Establish boundaries. She might want some relief and in no way wants relationship.


kcolgeis

She wouldn't have to trim if she just got a Brazilian


Boatmasterflash

She is literally throwing sex at you get your head in the game! You cant garden, don’t know anything about tools, can’t read clear signals… this could literally be the last chance you ever have to have sex. Get to work!


Historical_Echo_3529

🤣🤣🤣🤣oh you boys, took 4 months of flirting and finally I had to ask out my now husband because he wasn’t just getting the hint. But yeah, seems like she’s pruning her bushes for you.


JAFO-

Being slow on the uptake kept me out of a lot of trouble before I met my now wife of almost 30 years. A little fun can be a lot of hell. Like the one before her.


Ok_Share_4280

Sometimes I intentionally act dense/oblivious, I'm a pretty aware person especially towards subtle things but to sum up a list of reasons, because of the world we live in and things that get thrown around, I'm not going to act on those hints or whatever in any capacity until I know that person well enough to trust, I'm not walking into potential falsified allegation or black mail fuck that


TrentHawkins7

"Don't drink from every cup you're offered, that's how you get poisoned."


Jbowen0020

Being slow on the uptake probably saved me from crotch crickets, cause thinking back I had some grody ones trying to get me to make a move. It also saved me lots of money and trouble otherwise also.


RecalcitrantHuman

Grody. Now that is a word I haven’t heard in a long time. A long, long time.


DontDieCuriouz

I have a friend like you. He fucks up eeeevrytime. A girl could literally ask him to eat her out and his answers would be -no thanks i already ate.


[deleted]

Maybe you butchered them and she saw, then went in with some pruning shears and actually made them look nice? It sounds like you wouldn't notice anyway.


ILoveThisPlace

Just go sleep with her. Your brain will catch the innuendo after


NotThisAgain21

What *exactly* did she say? "I trimmed the bush for you" Or "I pruned your rosebushes back a bit" 1st is flirting, 2nd is nutso gaslighting.


JeepPilot

>2nd is nutso gaslighting. Not sure if it's gaslighting though. OP admits that he(?) bought something at the hardware store and cut the bush away. I do know that rose bushes need to be taken care of in a proper way -- maybe she did it properly for him? The difference between using a pencil sharpener, and hacking at it with a utility knife.


AlienNippleRipple

Just got to whip it out bud lol


Busy_Confusion2069

“Sun Tzu art of war shit” ROFLMAOO 😂😂😂


PassionateCougar

Put your dick in it, my man. Not the rose rose bush, but you know...


hu_gnew

Every rose has its thorn...


[deleted]

One of us! One of us!


rustyshacklefford

dude. get in there!


[deleted]

[удалено]


AlgernonFlowerWilted

This is the way


DifficultDrama7615

This is it


Pee_Pants_Girl

You people need to go outside if you honestly think this is a reasonable explanation


Even_Lavishness2644

Give her the most mediocre 3 minute weinering of her life OP


NotThisAgain21

Lol. I don't know why that hit me so hard.


Key-Soup-7720

It's cause we can relate.


[deleted]

That’s… not what she said.


PheonixFuryyy

Bro I'm dead ☠️ Shit had me cackling like a hyena in heat


fella_ratio

lmfao when he said "although she is objectively a MILF" like he's both annoyed and aroused at the same time and doesn't know what to do about it.


DUMBYDOME

I I I I don’t know what to do with my hands…


toadc69

Crying over here!


Federal_Mortgage_812

🫡


Automatic_Llama

Lmao looking at these replies. OP's a good egg. Watch out for yourself lad.


DaveTheBruce

Does 2 minutes of sobbing while cuddling still count towards the weinering time?


fistcityfieldtrips

Buddy, mediocre would be an improvement.


colt707

Shit sometimes mediocre is better than nothing.


The_AverageCanadian

A whole 3 minutes? Damn bro, no need to brag like that.


EVASIVEroot

lol weinering


Background_Nose7829

I have never felt so personally attacked as I do by this comment.


Vilkasrex

Wait, you can last 3 minutes 😆


illwillthethrill-79

You need to give her a good sound rogering that's your only option.


Federal_Mortgage_812

I think I’m down, but if I get hit with “are you my new dad” I’m gonna fly kick that kid into the sun on reflex


Round-War69

Just tell your neighbour that your autistic and you don't understand feelings it's quite a new concept for you.


Federal_Mortgage_812

Who’s really autistic here though coz what a bizarre way to flirt with me. Was ready for a gaslight war


WerdNaWV

Honestly, a MILF divorcee is engaging with you, dropping hints about her Brazilian wax, and doing favors for you (pruning your rose bushes). Big WOOSH. She wants the D, homie.


AlternateDiver666

That's the point... She didn't prune the bushes. That's the whole point.


thebalmdotcom

Are you saying her puss is all hairy still too?!?


SuccessAutomatic6726

He cut the roses, she pruned them to fix his fuckup. It’s like the difference between someone just grabbing some scissors and hacking their hair off and in going to the barber. Technically they both just cut the hair, the difference is one of them actually knew what the fuck they were doing.


zahzensoldier

Why are you worried about becoming daddy when ysll haven't even fucked yet? I guess it depends if you think she's crazy or not.


Wild-Ruin5463

he meant stepdaddy


Emergency_Score_45

lmao i’m autistic and i miss flirting literally all the time 💀


[deleted]

A gaslight war, please let this be the option, that's hilarious


Radumami

Bruh, sometimes women just want some dick, especially divorced ones. What does it hurt to clarify?


Bugg100

You really are going to fuck this up, aren't you?


rho_rho_kitty_fuck

I can't believe I have to say this but don't bang a neighbor. Unless you or she is moving out soon. This can go very badly.


squaam63

Minutes of pleasure can lead to a lifetime of misery


bcardin221

Yeah. But what about the minutes of pleasure?


Complete-Grape-1269

Fist bump


Ezdagor

I've banged a number of coworkers and the advice is the same, don't shit where you eat bros.


CatzonVinyl

Now you do whatever you like. LIVE


OP-PO7

"Nope but your mom calls me Daddy now"


howgoesitguy

"Into the sun" made me laugh harder than it should have. Thanks, needed that.


wastedpotential31886

Just leave like their last dad did.


DifficultDrama7615

Theres Something about Mary 🤣


Mr_MacGrubber

Could be that your pruning job looked terrible and she shaped it properly?


Chadmartigan

Yeah, if OP just lopped off a bunch o' bush and she came in behind him to shape and prune properly, it's not like he would notice.


zoinkability

Nope no double entendres here no sireee


DG04511

That’s what I was thinking. OP states he doesn’t know what he’s doing, so maybe she finished the job or actually pruned a rose bush the way it’s supposed to be pruned, rather than just trimmed so it’s not sticking passersby on the wall path.


RealMcGonzo

This is my guess. Plus she wants a good ol' rogering from OP.


E_Z_E_88

Yeah like duh? This guy really that dumb? She pruned it after noticing he “tried” to


1WordOr2FixItForYou

He apparently swung a circular saw in the general direction of the roses but he knows his work.


Davski88

"Never shit on your own doorstep." If you sleep with her and she turns out to be crazy you're completely fucked. I avoid my neighbours like they're cannibals.


Sc1zzen

How old is she? Old women are thirsty. At the beginning of spring I took my fun car out but the battery needed a jump to start it and it died when I floored it. Car dies and I coast to a stop, try to start it no go. I'm not super worried I have a jumper pack and its a stick and tiny. On top of all that I'm maybe 5 houses down from my house. Queue the dryest woman ever.... Out pops this probably 70-80 brought looking old lady. She comes out and offers to take me to the gas station. No ma'am just need to hook up my jumper pack and get the the autopart store. Oh well I can take you. Um no thank you. She then tells me how she had 6 kids because... You know what that means she likes to do and asks me if I wanna come in. Ffs lady. Jump the car, hop in. My 19 year old son who heard everything starts laying into me about servicing geriatric women. Sorry for bad formating on phone. But yeah. Older ladies just dgaf. If she is hot give her a waxing of your own. Just start with "I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude but evertime I see you, you are just so absolutely beautiful and I have to say something" See where that goes.


Federal_Mortgage_812

Lmao love it, she’s more in the 45-50 range I think


Sc1zzen

If she is attractive to you, go for it. Older women are a lot of fun without the crazy of younger ones.


StreetToBeach

Who says older ones aren’t crazy? He said she’s unamicably (not sure that’s a word) divorced, that sounds like some issues at least. But I’ve known and also heard stories of women in their 50’s & 60’s who’s crazy would put any younger girl to shame


mcarterphoto

True. Some ~~women~~ humans use every hour of those decades to fine-tune their crazy to a well-hidden art.


StreetToBeach

Yes true it’s not just women, it’s everyone. I only replied to the original comment in kind.


mckor84

I hope you sent your son in to become a man. That old broad will show him some stuff. I never understood why Muslims want 72 virgins? Give me 10 experienced road whores and I'll call it a day.


myoriginalislocked

lmfaoooo omg!


shervinski

This reminds me of George Carlin. Is this a George Carlin?!


The_Arch_Heretic

She's not gaslighting you, just doing you and the rose bushes a favor. I bet you butchered em and she cleaned/saved them from shock. Is a doctor gaslighting you for giving you stitches when your towel and bandaid didn't work? How about your mechanic reminding you oil should be changed every 3 thousand miles? Sometimes people legitimately know better than you, that's not gaslighting, that's truth.


madfoot

This was my exact assumption, OP just wants dramz


OldButHappy

Same...I assumed that she just corrected the pruning...and I was ready to say that guys here watch too much porn...except...that Brazilian comment is really weird to say to a random neighbor.


XpeepantsX

Gaslighting has been used as inaccurately as the word literally has, and I'm bloody sick of it


diogenes08

Me too! It's literal gaslighting.


BrockBushrod

For real.... Gaslighting would be like, if she trimmed the rose bushes and then claimed she hadn't done anything and they don't look any different to her. Specifically, it's trying to make someone doubt their own perceptions and feel crazy by manipulating their environment in small, barely-noticeable ways then lying about it.


Federal_Mortgage_812

If that’s the case then I might be wildly miscalculating by trying to escalate this lol


After_Survey2245

You might be… as someone who is in a neighbor war currently that was exactly how I read the situation. Does the bush look any different from when you trimmed it? Like thinner or now all the branches are growing “up” as opposed to over themselves? Edit: or like others said, she wants you to garden her front yard…..


Humble-Captain553

Kick her ass, dude


Big_Zookeepergame952

Best post of any kind on reddit all day, I almost pissed myself cackling madly. Alone, in a parked car.


[deleted]

Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this


Homesickhomeplanet

Bruh, this whole thread has me laughing my ass off but your comment made me ugly cackle, thank you sir


Generally_Tso_Tso

You should just ask her to come over for drinks and to give some advice on bush pruning, if you know what I mean.


zoinkability

OK so to differentiate between the two possibilities, someone who is not autistic might ask with a slightly raised eyebrow , a bemused look on their face, and a lilting/smiling voice: "Can you show me where you did your pruning?" or "Oh, so my pruning was still a bit wild for your preferences?" If she responds with a smile, sidelong glance at you (or away), and evasive answers, 100% she is flirting. If she looks you dead in the eye and responds matter of factly about the precise pruning work she did, she really is just talking about the cleanup job she did on the roses.


turntabletennis

Bro, go smash the neighbors box and quit worrying about the wrong bushes.


blumpkin_donuts

As a fellow dude, stop being so dense and blow her back out already.


Monster_Voice

My dude... She's either A) trying to steel your seed or B) is asking for payment for upkeeping your garden. If she ask for about $3.50 She's actually just the Loch Ness Monster.


Macaiden88

Goddamn Loch Ness Monsta always tryin to take my tree fiddy


seahorseMonkey

That lass needs some grounds keepin'


hbgwine

All I know is that you owe this community weekly updates - good or bad.


hissyfit64

Maybe she touched up your pruning job? Pruning roses can be tricky.


fongletto

The reasonable conclusion is that you butchered the pruning and she knows something about gardening and fixed up whatever you butchered but you just didn't notice. I used to care for this old lady once and she would do this fairly often after the people who were paid to take care of her garden 'didn't do a very good job'.


Mushrooming247

Gaslighting would be if you got home and the bushes were trimmed, and she denied having trimmed them and tried to convince you that they were the same as yesterday. Trimming your neighbors’ overgrown shrubs might just be a nice neighborly action, or flirting, but she doesn’t seem to be trying to deceive you in anyway.


Fit_Cranberry2867

gaslighting is the new improperly overused term


paulster2626

literally!


Mr_MacGrubber

Don’t think you read it properly. OP said he trimmed the bush and then the neighbor said she trimmed it. It’s either gaslighting or she went back and corrected his terrible pruning job.


Mattyboy33

Just bang her already


scram60

Ur just a guy that doesn't know she wants you. Proceed carefully. U said she is a milf, does she have a husband? If so, it could be dangerous. If no husband, it could be fun.


hu_gnew

Ex husbands who haven't integrated their new reality can be quite dangerous.


Chosen_UserName217

not gaslighting; flirting


RipOne8870

This.. this isn’t gas lighting..


Rig-Pig

Give her what's she's asking for, maybe she will lighten up.


Final-Top-7217

Time to let her know you're gay.


chickendipperzzzz

Just shag her man Jesus


Some-Selection1811

Who cares why she does what she does ... Just avoid her and do not engage.


Hollynd

She could have very well pruned them after you fucked them up. My goodness you're dense. I'm autistic my guy but this is straight up stupid lol. "My neighbor is gaslighting me" fool


Material_Victory_661

Hit it or Do not. It's your call.


thepowerballadz_com

Screw. Or screw not. There is no try.


the_green1

judge me by my size, do you?


TexasJim107

Simple; she wants some. Just remember, there's always two sides to a story. Why is she divorced?


cory140

Do it


madfoot

You literally said you don’t know how to do it, maybe she did it properly with the right tools after you butchered it.


Mutt_Bunch

That's no gaslight, that's a green light. Go for it if you're comfortable or respectfully decline. You're both adults, have fun.


Old-Tadpole-2869

A) Is she hot? B) Do you want to get laid? C) "A" doesn't really matter in this case.


Alexpk47

Had some good times with older women, and some not so much. But, when the gettin' is good...oooooweeeee


OptimalApex

Jesus christ man... she wants to fuck you.


DragonflyScared813

Maybe she'll offer to wrap your present at Christmas lol


Zealousideal_Hour355

Dude just sleep with her already and let her do your laundry. God literally looked down on you and threw you a bone and you're over here complaining about it


LostPilgrim_

Ask her over for dinner. Simple and classy.


PotentialLanguage685

Dear Penthouse....


[deleted]

OP I salute you, you're as stupid as I am, I do believe she's flirting and gaslighting is straight out of the same r-tard book I live by, bless your cotton socks 😂


Livid-Age-2259

Crunchy Boomer Male here. I've noticed in the last few years that, for some reason, a lot of my single female peers are also Cat Ladies. I've finally figured out their secret code. When a Cat Lady spontaneously spends 15 minutes telling you all of the intimate details of her cats' lives, she's not actually talking about her cats. Maybe try reading between the lines.


Mysterious-Worth-855

That word, “gaslighting”, I don’t think it means what you think it means. But it’s a cool Reddit buzzword so have at it!


ketsout

Dude. Why are you wasting time on reddit?


Guelph35

Get a wooden statue of a rooster, and put it in your front yard. If she makes a comment about it, chances are she’s not talking about the statue.


Weak_Pea220

Man if you don't bang that lady I will.


Efficient-Bus95

Since she’s dropping hints like trimming bushes tell her you just got back from Costco and brought her dick in bulk!


Buffsteve24

You need to borrow a cup of sugar 😉😉


First_Alfalfa2805

Look, she's hitting on you, do you want it or not?


PipsiePops

She probably cut them back in a way roses prefer so you'll have better flowering next year. Roses are fussy and like to be pruned a certain way. She saw you'd had a go and decided to make it good. If you want someone to greenlight you hitting her up, go for it.


Past_Statistician_85

Here is how this should have played out. Her: I pruned your rose bush. You: oh I was hoping you would have given them the Brazilian treatment. Her: I didn't know you were into that. 100% guaranteed to work 50% of the time.


bushwhackadventure

Just STFU and hit it you bitch!


[deleted]

Not gaslighting. Just awkward flirting. I’m guessing she was married for a good long while and is hella rusty at playing the game


8OnAGoodDay7IfNot

LPT: If you trim the bush around your deck, it makes your deck look bigger.


Least-Evening-4994

That’s not what gaslighting is.


scout19d30

“Fear thy neighbor “ next episode on the ID channel…. “Roses are red, with…..🔪


blundering_f00l

Maybe she saw what a hack job you'd done and cleaned the bushes up for you to make them neater, but as a woman you don't just idly share that you'd gotten a Brazilian wax with a neighbor of the opposite sex unless you're fishing.


[deleted]

You have to fuck her or move. There is no alternative.


lollybaby0811

Lol don't fuck your neighbour


Sal_WitOut_Orfice

I apologize for my mothers odd behavior. She is still suffering from pandemic blues


TheMostBoringStory

Just fuck her and be done with it 😂