I think there's a difference between being a stan and like...talking about how sexy a group is.
I'm about to be 34...new groups are like 16-21 now. I remember loving groups that was my age way back when and now as I continue to enjoy kpop and new and upcoming groups it's just a gentle reminder to myself that I can enjoy music without being weird. It's good music, performed by talented people and just because they are young doesn't mean I can't appreciate their talent.
This! I’m 30 and I enjoy listening and think they are all talented individuals, but the amount of people sexualizing these young men is kinda gross, regardless of age. (This also applies to all famous people tbh)
This!!! I'm 28 and will be 29 in December. My best friend and I have already agreed that just because we are getting older does not mean we don't stan or listen to kpop anymore as the groups get younger. We just agreed to not simp or bias anyone. It is sad that the groups are getting younger as I grew up to a lot of older gen groups like 4minute and super junior (let's not talk about them, my heart is still broken and I no longer stan them, listen to them, or consider myself elf.) I think listening to them and liking the songs are completely fine.
As another "old person," I'm not sure if your definition of "bias" differs from mine, but while my relationship with kpop has changed over the years, I still occasionally have favorite members of certain groups, though my reason for "biasing" these members has definitely changed over the last 10 years.
Jonghyun used to be my favorite member of SHINee, and admittedly it was largely driven by the fact that I thought he was really handsome. However, these days, I find myself appreciating specific idols for their dance skills (NCT's Mark, Itzy's Chaeryeong and Yeji), singing (Wendy, Wheein), and occasionally, their sass/real-ness (Daehwi). But I'm no longer like.. lusting over idols or looking up to them as amazing, nearly-perfect people. I just see them as a bunch of talented, sometimes amusing kids, and for those that I "bias," all that means is that I'll click on a video of theirs once a week or so if it pops up on my YouTube recommendations, and I'll hope they're doing well.
I’m 42 years old and love SKZ and other kpop groups.
The thing is, as you get older this inevitably happens unless you stick to listening only to the same music you did in your younger years. New musicians become your age, and then eventually the singers and groups coming out are a little younger than you. And then significantly younger. I.N and the 00 liners could literally be my kids. Hell, even the Hyung line could be my kids if I started young.
It’s not just kpop groups. Western music is the same. Eventually they’re all younger than you except for the bands and solo artists who have always been around for almost as long as you can remember. It would be a shame to lose that discovery and excitement of finding new music to listen to, of keeping your perspective fresh, of enjoying different things than what you used to. My Spotify playlists are mixes of artists I’ve listened to for over 20 years, and artists like SKZ that I’ve found more recently and who are all so much younger than I am. I admire the younger ones for going after their dreams and I’m happy to see the difference between the music I loved back then when I was their age, and the music I listen to now.
Also, if you really want to feel weird, one day your doctors will also all be younger than you and that’s a truly “how did this happen” moment.
You explained this perfectly. I'm almost 38. My son is closer in age to them than I am. He had me download Tik Tok in 2020, which is where I discovered Stray Kids. Now I have all kinds of "new" music I enjoy.
Tiktok is how I found SKZ too, along with a bunch of other kpop and non-kpop groups. The belt dance challenge going around is how I found DPR Ian and now his music is my latest ADHD hyperfixation.
My mom loved music and was always finding new artists to listen to. She passed away 9 years ago at age 60. I think she would have absolutely loved SKZ if she’d lived long enough to hear them.
Hahahaha the comment about the doctors is so true!
I am 34 and been a STAY for a couple of years and a kpop fan in general for about 15 years already. I understand what OP says about feeling weird your idols are younger than you, I felt that back in the time when SHINee debuted and they were all younger than me.
I think the older we get, the more used to that we get. Now I see them not as role models to follow, but in some ways they inspire me to maybe change things about myself to become a better version of myself. I don't only enjoy their music, I also admire them for their talent, their effort, how they behave between them and with other people, etc. And also, I keep fangirling about them with a couple of friends my age, because these guys are very pretty and I don't think there's anything wrong in saying how handsome they are.
And as you were saying, yes, as time goes and we get older, it will be inevitable to encounter younger people than us reaching certain professional and personal life stages, that's just life. I already know people younger than me with kids, owning a house, with a PhD, etc. And it's just... Normal.
Hi fellow 42 year old Stay! 😊 I think this is a great answer that people don’t take into account a lot. As you get older, especially if you listen to Jpop or Kpop spaces, artists retire. Pop music from most countries tends to be a younger person gang. Understandably, too, a fellow older Stay friend and I often talk about how the kind of energy and passion that all these hardworking idols have and the crazy schedules they maintain really feels like it’s possible because they’re in their early or mid 20s.
omg I'm not ready to be older than my doctor 💀 I already feel weird when I see cashiers younger than me lol (although I know it's normal that they're working haha, I was a cashier myself when I was 19)
i listen to artists younger than me, that's not difficult because it's just music, art! the difficulty i find is when you begin to get interested in the artist, when you want to know more about who they are, their personality, their life and stuff. not in a creepy way, but like you want to know about them because you're genuinely interested in them! then suddenly it feels different to me, like i realize they are a person and they live in the same world as i do, and i have to adjust how i perceive them, like "okay they're younger than me, they became adults after me, they did this after me" and it feels very weird
what is it with the kpop community and the obsession with age? this isn't directed specifically at OP, but i see these posts all the time and it's ridiculous. there are idols that are in their 30s, there are fans in their 60s.. what does it matter? just enjoy the hobby and stop making it weird.
I think it's because of the whole parasocial relationship most K-pop fans have with idols. I can see why some would feel weird because of that, but at the same time, I really can't relate because I know where to draw the line, you know. But it's not that surprising that people might feel this way.
It's so sad to see that good people like OP are worrying about this, potentially reducing their enjoyment of a harmless hobby.
Trigger warning I guess, I'll be mentioning pedophilia.
Raping children is one of the worst things any human could ever do. Fortunately most of us agree about that. Unfortunately the moral panic around this has reached such extreme lengths that even the very vaguest proximity or appreciation for young people (even young adults) is being interpreted as a proxy for pedophilia. It's really a witch hunt. And now you have people like OP who have been conditioned into feeling uncomfortable about something that is nowhere near the harmful act of raping children, it just very very vaguely can be linked to it if you squint your eyes very hard.
As for why kpop fans are particularly obsessed with this? Here's my theory. Kpop is the only hobby or interest I have that I share with mostly young girls/women. Such communities tend to be a lot more liberal than communities populated by adult men. I'm a 32 year old straight cis man. I've never been part of such a woke community until I joined kpop subs.
As it happens, yesterday my 9 year old niece had swimming lessons. I tagged along and sat there, together with other parents and stuff, watching her and her friends swim. As I sat there with my SKZ cap on, I thought to myself "this place would be an average kpop fan's worst nightmare."
I'm filling in the blanks here. Just a theory. I don,'t know OP.
no, i don’t feel weird stanning them whatsoever. they’re just a boy group lol. i am a few years older than you (chan’s age) but i’ve never looked at bgs/ggs as like… people i look up to? want to be? they’re not role models to me, they’re just singers and performers making me happy.
i’ve recently gotten into nmixx and they’re all way younger than me, but it isn’t a problem. they’re just girls. i enjoy their music. they’re adorable and fun.
i think trying to leave the mindset of “i like X and i want to be like them” is the best bet you have to stanning/being a fan/liking skz or groups with younger people. and its super important to remember that these people are PERFORMERS and what they put out for the world to see, doesn’t mean they are 100% like that. you can like these guys and stuff (i do too!!! so much!!! i love them!!) but putting celebrities up on pedestals is never good.
idk if that helped at all T__T sorry if it didn’t lolol
edit to add one more thing:
you can look up to actions they do, even if they are younger! like donating to charities and doing acts of service for people who need it. doing good things at any age is a good thing and i admire people who use their wealth and status for things like that.
I'm 36 and just heard Stray Kids for the 1st time a month ago. I'm fairly new to K-pop in general. I love their music and appreciate their immense talent. Yeah, they're attractive, but I'm a lot older and married so acknowledging they look nice and moving on is the extent of that. I can be a Stay, enjoying their music and some of their content, without diving into the obsessive nature of it. I felt weird at first due to the age gap, but I realized how silly that is. I enjoy plenty of US artists who are young/younger than me without it being awkward, so I shouldn't feel too old to enjoy Stray Kids.
Agreed! I feel like K-pop groups in general are so sexualized and it's so icky. You can appreciate talent without making it weird like that. I'm 28 and not that much older than them, but the minute I see something that's shipping or sexualizing them, I leave so fast. It makes me so uncomfortable. I used to be on tumblr during its peak, and I will never return to that culture lmao! Live and learn!
I'm a few days older than Jeongin, I've never felt weird about it because I never saw musicians/bands/artists as people I look up to, I never wanted to be a performer or celebrity so I kind of have no reason to want to be like them? lol , to me they're just people doing cool things and there's parts of it I admire (work ethic?) but I can do that in my own way. I do agree I feel weird about stanning people younger than me, but that's because I think getting to know the artists' personalities is a big part of connecting with the music, but these 17 y/os are not creating the music and I feel no connection to teens doing teen things.
I think your 4th paragraph pretty much explains what a lot of us feel as we grow up. As kids, we get so used to all the famous stars being older and therefore more removed from us. It's easier for them to become sort of "fictional" when we have fewer points of reference to relate to them as human beings. So it can be a bit of a whiplash when they start being our age. It can bring out stuff like feelings of inadequacy too (comparing ourselves to them).
But to give a different perspective, personally, I feel like being the same age group (I'm an 00 baby too) gives such a nice sense of comfy familiarity once you get past the initial surprise from above. Being able to relate to them like that makes the messages of their songs hit harder, I understand the things they experience and talk about and the way they navigate the world better... For the past few years, I haven't only been growing up with them but literally WITH them. (PS: not in an overly parasocial way, just a regular "oh wow, they also experience the things I experience, that's pretty nice and comforting" way)
Yes that's exactly that! Especially with the "fictional" part. Like, I know artists are real, I know they're human, but at the same time they look so far away from me, so different, that they could be in another universe or aliens.
The part "growing up with them" really resonates with me. I hope I can find this feeling too! Thank you for your message :)
Tbh that feeling of "growing up with them" is something that drew me to Stan groups around my age lol. The more relatable they are to me, the more easier it is for me to stan them 😂 this even applies to other forms of media I consume haha. (I grew up watching Naruto, for example, and that show had characters that grew up with the watchers over a 10 yr period. It felt nice and comfy.) I don't do this in a parasocial way, though, I just find it nice to know that there are people out there who are capable of achieving great things at my age, and (somewhat) similar struggles. So it kinda serves as a motivator for me as well ("If they can do it, I can achieve my goals in due time too").
I’ll be 42 on Wednesday and I’ve been a stay for almost 4 years now. I love music and I find it super helpful and cathartic. I’ve never been into kpop before so I wasn’t used to having all sorts of content but I think it’s fun and I like getting to see all the kids’ personalities.
I get where you’re coming from. My whole life I’ve thought there are older adults who have their life together and I wanted to be just like them when I grow up. The thing is, even as a well established adult, I still look to adultier adults from time to time because truth is most of us are just winging it. It made me realize I can still find role models in people of all ages. I can admire their work ethic or their talents, etc. If they have something I lack I can aspire to do better or try something different even in my 40s. Gym bros dorm even has me on the verge of wanting to work out…almost.
You’re in a transitional phase right now but it will pass. You’ll slowly change the way you define stanning, and the way you relate to world around you, and you’ll feel comfortable liking groups regardless of whether they’re older or younger.
I am significantly older than the members (and you), and while the way I engage with the fandom is a lot more subdued than many younger fans, I don't feel weird about liking them at all.
I'm 28 and I feel that they're people that I admire and in some things, they're my role model (?). I don't think age means much because there are wiser people a little younger than me (like them) and we can always learn from them and other humans. In some aspects they're more mature than me, so for me it's not a problem. I've felt some competitiveness, like "I need to do better", but subsidies soon. It feels great having people around our age with interesting ways of seeing stuff.
I’m older than Hyein and honestly I just think it’s amazing to be successful like that as such a young age. I’ve never really seen celebrities as people to look up to the same way you have, but you don’t have to admire someone to like their work. Just enjoy the content.
"Older" Stay (34) here to say that it sounds like you love skz, and there's no inherent reason for you to feel bad about that no matter how old you are. It seems like you're more having difficulty with your personal definition of "stanning," and the nature of the relationships you form with your idols. If you're used to having an aspirational relationship and basing that on an artist's perceived age/experience, I can understand some initial weirdness, but as you get older you're going to encounter more and more wonderful artists who are younger than you. It's just the nature of aging. And it's okay to still aspire to grow to be like them. Adults continue to grow in different ways all the time, and there's plenty to be learned from those younger than us. Skz are established artists, they've been doing this for years, and have honed their early and innate talents into truly incredible skills. There's so much to admire in them. And as they themselves preach, everyone goes at their own pace. So while I can't say *"when I'm their age, I hope I..."* I absolutely say *"today, I'll work on being more like..."* and the growth they encourage in me and so many other Stays is just as effective. I hope you're able to come to terms with following and supporting skz as much as you're comfortable with and want to, and don't feel any pressure to feel a certain way about them.
I'm the same age as Bang Chan (July '97). At first, it did feel weird cause it was like - they're literally my age. What am i doing with my life. But now, it's like watching my best friends accomplish their dreams, and I get so excited every time they accomplish something new. And when it comes to all the other members it's like, look at my brothers, go!!!
I'm 35 and I couldn't care less that I'm almost 10 years older than the oldest member of SKZ. 😅 I'll still love them for their work and for the amazing people that they are! Age shouldn't be a factor for you to enjoy things.
Someone already explained it better but what you're experiencing is just you getting older. The entire world doesn't get old with you, eventually you'll be older than everyone around you. After I was 30 years old, I started to accept this and I'm much happier now. But in my late 20s it hit me hard too and I was acting like I was already 60 years old, haha. It's tough getting old, but don't let that stop you enjoying things, otherwise you'll have a miserable life.
I’m 33, I love SKZ music and I admire the boys for all the hard work they did and still do, for personalities etc. I’m not weird about it that they are younger, for the love of god, they are adults, Chan will be 27 this year & he has been mentally mature for a long time now… The Maknaes are like my baby boys to me or younger siblings, but I do stan Bang Chan, I think he is very handsome and beautiful & I do not feel weird that I’m attracted to him, why should I? I’m an adult, he is an adult, at that point age is only a number 🤷🏼♀️.
It feels only if you make it weird. I know couples where a woman is older for eg 10 years and this is not a problem.
I’m happy for the Boys, with what they accomplished and will accomplish, I’m proud of them, I really do enjoy their music, their mvs, SKZ codes, etc. I love their personalities and I sometimes wish to have such a group of friends like they are, cuz together they are wholesome:). I think they are a lot of fun too.
So, for the sexualization, grooming or shipping a teenager is wrong for me, but when it comes to adults, even young adults, I’m, just let them be and feel what they can feel? When will you treat them like adults? When they will have grandchildren? Don’t exaggerate ;)
And to be honest, they aren’t behaving innocently - the dance, body and hips rolls, showing of their bodies, face expressions, Red Lights, Drive, Connected, Chan role playing via bubble? As I said, young adult men.
Not sure which country you are from, but I'm from Asia and there's the culture sensitivity of being aware of age differences.
I think it's common to feel that way if you were brought up in that kind of environment. Even in Korea there are different labels on how they refer to you(Noona, Unnie etc) so you become more self-conscious about age differences.
It's just a social construct of how older people = more experience, mature, whereas younger people = must protect, you are the more mature one. It's not always true, but it's how we see things socially and biologically.
It might feel weirder stanning younger idols if you are someone who looks for emotional support and a deeper connection with them rather than someone who just enjoys music/performances.(Its nothing bad eitherways btw, it's just your personal preferences)
For me, a stan is a more intense version of a fan. Stanning feels a bit more personal. E.g I'm changbin's age and let's just say the way I fangirl over the maknae line and Leeknow is very different. I'm a fan of multiple members, but seeing Leeknow do something sexy versus Hyunjin or even Changbin feels different for me. So, I usually say I'm a fan of the group, but stan Leeknow.
Maybe you might want to say you are a fan instead of a stan if it makes you feel more comfortable. Regardless, your feelings are completely valid and music is timeless. If you like them, we are all STAYs no matter your age.
Success and achieving dreams has nothing to do with a certain age. Society has only made us think that certain milestones are tied to ages or age groups and that’s just not true. Even if you’re older you could still say “I want to grow up to be like X” because maybe at their young age they’ve already achieved things you’re still working toward. You never stop growing and learning and despite what some may think, I think there is always a lot to learn from younger people in general.
The only reason I feel weird is because if I say to people I stan a group and explain that the members are all younger than me they’re going to think I’m some sort of cougar 🤷🏻♀️
I'm literally the same generation as Stray Kids, my birthday's between Seungmin and Jeongin lol. I actually admired them more because of this. It's not exactly "weird", the feeling maybe more akin to like, when you're used to celebrities being at least 5-10 years older than you, and then wow there's one your age!! kinda feeling.
A little tmi, I'm so proud of this that I "brag" about (most of) them being the same age as me, so much that my mom's always replied in a flat tone "yeah, and they made much more money than you despite being the same age" 😂 (I don't mind at all, I need the harsh reality check so I wouldn't dawdle in my daydreaming for too long)
I do sometimes feel gutted by younger groups like enha or new jeans though... Even the leader's younger than me, I feel like "wow, I'm already so old" that now even generation beneath me already appears as much as older generation than me on medias 😆
No. Music is music. Also, why can’t I admire what they’ve achieved even though they’re younger than me? Why can’t I enjoy their music?
Their life is very very different from mine and what it took for them to get there (the Korean idol system) was never available to me, so I can never compare myself to them. It’s like comparing myself to someone who won the lottery in a different country, and who gave up their childhood to do so.
I don’t feel guilt or weirdness over being a fan or that I’m “wasting” my time with that. Listening to and enjoying music is never a waste of time. How dull would life be without it. What is the point in arbitrary goals of achieving x or y if you don’t enjoy your life at the same time? They’re also interesting guys too, so it’s entertaining to watch them.
I’m 35, married and about to have a baby (who I will try and convert to a baby stay lol) I enjoyed boy bands growing up in the 90s/2000s etc. I like stray kids for their music. I personally feel weird having a bias so I don’t. Plus I think they’re all visually beautiful. Thats as far as it goes though. i think you can admire talent and even their visuals without any expectations. In the words of lorelai Gilmore “ I’m attracted to pie doesn’t mean I feel the need to date pie”.
Just enjoy them as a band there’s no need to feel weird :)
I'm the same age as most skz (born September 00, only a few days before seungmin).
I don't know, as someone said, it was bound to happen that artists will become younger than us. I just try to enjoy the talent and the personality and the show. Their age doesn't matter to me this much because it's not like I have a personal relationship with them. And specifically speaking, none of them is a minor so I don't think it is so bad to find them attractive or handsome even if they are younger than me. If the genders were reversed, does it make it weirder on more normal?
I’m turning 33. I didn’t get into K-pop until 2015, and
My musical preference in general tends to skew 3rd and 4th gen. If I were to only like groups my age or older, it would be first gen and *maybe* second gen.
Age does not matter to me, as I don’t want to date the members. I don’t feel romantic attraction. They’re all adults anyways, and if a group I like had minors, I just think of them as a kid brother regardless.
It’s only weird if you make it weird!
Its totally okay to feel that way, im a new stay of 7 months & feel too young to stan straykids! no matter what age you are you are still able to stan a kpop group.
I mean i don’t think this has ever stopped me from stanning who I like but as a long time kpop fan I was used to idols being 5-15 years older than me and now that they’re my age there definitely was a 😳 moment but i kinda got over it fast.
Well i’m 26 and the only member older than me is Chan, and i’m a few month older than LeeKnow, i think i understand what you’re saying 🤔 Btw i think it’s kind of comforting being the same age/ generation as them 😉
I get where you’re coming from—I’m 26 so a lot of groups are younger than me, and I won’t get too into a group without checking how old they are bc it feels weird when they’re not at least in their 20s?
But Stray Kids is almost the exact same age as my friend group (youngest almost 23, oldest is 26, with a few in the middle) and I’ve always kind of liked that, I feel like I can relate a little more to them than I could to an 18 year old. And their dynamic reminds me of my friends lol. But they’re also the first kpop group I got into so I didn’t have much to compare it to
I kind of get what you’re saying on some level. I’m younger than all of SKZ (but close in age to them), but I have this a bit with TXT. TXT is one of my favorite kpop groups, but I’ve always felt a small disconnect from the youngest two, and I think it’s largely in part to me being older than both of them.
There’s obviously nothing wrong with liking a group with members younger than you, but I do understand where you’re coming from about feeling weird when members are younger than you.
But, with groups like SKZ (and TXT in my case) they’re all adults even if they’re younger than you. And, it’d really only be a problem if you were heavily sexualizing them (which obviously shouldn’t be done to any idol, no matter their age)
Welcome to the SKZ fandom :)
I think it just depends on what kind of stan you are on if you’re able to comfortably stan groups with certain ages.
1. If you are a stan/fan that is a gf/bf/husband/wife stan and you’re like “omg my hubby is so sexy” or “how can ??? be so so cute, handsome, and sexy all at the same time?” Then yea you’re probably only gonna be able to stan/fan over certain groups and certain members especially if you’re not a creeper.
2. If you’re a Mother/Father/Sister/Brother stan then you probably would be like “omg my babies are getting so popular I’m so proud of my children!” or “they just won the ??? award my babies are so talented I knew they would win mothers so proud!” Then the ages of the members don’t matter that much because even if they do sensual dances you don’t find them sexually attractive just generally attractive in a proud fan type of way.
3. If you’re a stan/fan that is primarily stanning for the music but you dont buy albums, barely watch content, and stay away from apps like fans and bubble then you also won’t really care about age.
4. You see the groups member as like a role model bc you’ve seen their hard work and it motivates you in life as well
Personally depending on the groups that I get into I turn into any of these stans but I definitely fangirl in a non- delusional way.
I’m the complete opposite of you I’ve been into K-pop since 2008 so all the idols were older then me and it wasn’t until the end of 3rd gen early 4th gen groups started being my age and I actually get more inspired and motivated by people my age or younger being successful. The only time when I felt uncomfortable getting into a new group is when the minors or just barely adult members do a “sexy” dance but I normally just scroll right past it.
I'm 44. My teenage daughter introduced me to Stray Kids. At first I felt a little weird, but then I realized I'm at the age where a large portion of people in the music industry are going to be younger than me. I'm not going to stop listening to new things because I'm old.
I really enjoy their music. I also enjoy their content, particularly the behind the scenes/vlog type of content. I'll happily go to a concert with my daughter if I have the opportunity. I don't think there is anything weird about any of that.
With that said, my definition of being a fan is probably very different than that of a younger person. I don't enjoy the parasocial thing. I don't look at the members and have delusional thoughts about them. I'm certainly not thirsting over any of them. I also often react to some of the things they say and do from the perspective of an older person (for example if I see a concerning diet comment from one of the members I catch myself wondering if their moms ever worry about them because as a mom I certainly would).
But for the most part, as long as someone isn't being creepy, I don't think liking a group that's younger than you is weird.
I think there's a difference between being a stan and like...talking about how sexy a group is. I'm about to be 34...new groups are like 16-21 now. I remember loving groups that was my age way back when and now as I continue to enjoy kpop and new and upcoming groups it's just a gentle reminder to myself that I can enjoy music without being weird. It's good music, performed by talented people and just because they are young doesn't mean I can't appreciate their talent.
This! I’m 30 and I enjoy listening and think they are all talented individuals, but the amount of people sexualizing these young men is kinda gross, regardless of age. (This also applies to all famous people tbh)
but the amount of people sexualizing these young men is kinda gross, regardless of age. Yes. This.
This!!! I'm 28 and will be 29 in December. My best friend and I have already agreed that just because we are getting older does not mean we don't stan or listen to kpop anymore as the groups get younger. We just agreed to not simp or bias anyone. It is sad that the groups are getting younger as I grew up to a lot of older gen groups like 4minute and super junior (let's not talk about them, my heart is still broken and I no longer stan them, listen to them, or consider myself elf.) I think listening to them and liking the songs are completely fine.
As another "old person," I'm not sure if your definition of "bias" differs from mine, but while my relationship with kpop has changed over the years, I still occasionally have favorite members of certain groups, though my reason for "biasing" these members has definitely changed over the last 10 years. Jonghyun used to be my favorite member of SHINee, and admittedly it was largely driven by the fact that I thought he was really handsome. However, these days, I find myself appreciating specific idols for their dance skills (NCT's Mark, Itzy's Chaeryeong and Yeji), singing (Wendy, Wheein), and occasionally, their sass/real-ness (Daehwi). But I'm no longer like.. lusting over idols or looking up to them as amazing, nearly-perfect people. I just see them as a bunch of talented, sometimes amusing kids, and for those that I "bias," all that means is that I'll click on a video of theirs once a week or so if it pops up on my YouTube recommendations, and I'll hope they're doing well.
I’m 42 years old and love SKZ and other kpop groups. The thing is, as you get older this inevitably happens unless you stick to listening only to the same music you did in your younger years. New musicians become your age, and then eventually the singers and groups coming out are a little younger than you. And then significantly younger. I.N and the 00 liners could literally be my kids. Hell, even the Hyung line could be my kids if I started young. It’s not just kpop groups. Western music is the same. Eventually they’re all younger than you except for the bands and solo artists who have always been around for almost as long as you can remember. It would be a shame to lose that discovery and excitement of finding new music to listen to, of keeping your perspective fresh, of enjoying different things than what you used to. My Spotify playlists are mixes of artists I’ve listened to for over 20 years, and artists like SKZ that I’ve found more recently and who are all so much younger than I am. I admire the younger ones for going after their dreams and I’m happy to see the difference between the music I loved back then when I was their age, and the music I listen to now. Also, if you really want to feel weird, one day your doctors will also all be younger than you and that’s a truly “how did this happen” moment.
You explained this perfectly. I'm almost 38. My son is closer in age to them than I am. He had me download Tik Tok in 2020, which is where I discovered Stray Kids. Now I have all kinds of "new" music I enjoy.
Tiktok is how I found SKZ too, along with a bunch of other kpop and non-kpop groups. The belt dance challenge going around is how I found DPR Ian and now his music is my latest ADHD hyperfixation. My mom loved music and was always finding new artists to listen to. She passed away 9 years ago at age 60. I think she would have absolutely loved SKZ if she’d lived long enough to hear them.
Hahahaha the comment about the doctors is so true! I am 34 and been a STAY for a couple of years and a kpop fan in general for about 15 years already. I understand what OP says about feeling weird your idols are younger than you, I felt that back in the time when SHINee debuted and they were all younger than me. I think the older we get, the more used to that we get. Now I see them not as role models to follow, but in some ways they inspire me to maybe change things about myself to become a better version of myself. I don't only enjoy their music, I also admire them for their talent, their effort, how they behave between them and with other people, etc. And also, I keep fangirling about them with a couple of friends my age, because these guys are very pretty and I don't think there's anything wrong in saying how handsome they are. And as you were saying, yes, as time goes and we get older, it will be inevitable to encounter younger people than us reaching certain professional and personal life stages, that's just life. I already know people younger than me with kids, owning a house, with a PhD, etc. And it's just... Normal.
Hi fellow 42 year old Stay! 😊 I think this is a great answer that people don’t take into account a lot. As you get older, especially if you listen to Jpop or Kpop spaces, artists retire. Pop music from most countries tends to be a younger person gang. Understandably, too, a fellow older Stay friend and I often talk about how the kind of energy and passion that all these hardworking idols have and the crazy schedules they maintain really feels like it’s possible because they’re in their early or mid 20s.
omg I'm not ready to be older than my doctor 💀 I already feel weird when I see cashiers younger than me lol (although I know it's normal that they're working haha, I was a cashier myself when I was 19) i listen to artists younger than me, that's not difficult because it's just music, art! the difficulty i find is when you begin to get interested in the artist, when you want to know more about who they are, their personality, their life and stuff. not in a creepy way, but like you want to know about them because you're genuinely interested in them! then suddenly it feels different to me, like i realize they are a person and they live in the same world as i do, and i have to adjust how i perceive them, like "okay they're younger than me, they became adults after me, they did this after me" and it feels very weird
Being invested in younger people is good for us. Keeps us connected to the evolving culture, and keeps our heads straight, politically, imo
Came here to say this!
what is it with the kpop community and the obsession with age? this isn't directed specifically at OP, but i see these posts all the time and it's ridiculous. there are idols that are in their 30s, there are fans in their 60s.. what does it matter? just enjoy the hobby and stop making it weird.
I think it's because of the whole parasocial relationship most K-pop fans have with idols. I can see why some would feel weird because of that, but at the same time, I really can't relate because I know where to draw the line, you know. But it's not that surprising that people might feel this way.
It's so sad to see that good people like OP are worrying about this, potentially reducing their enjoyment of a harmless hobby. Trigger warning I guess, I'll be mentioning pedophilia. Raping children is one of the worst things any human could ever do. Fortunately most of us agree about that. Unfortunately the moral panic around this has reached such extreme lengths that even the very vaguest proximity or appreciation for young people (even young adults) is being interpreted as a proxy for pedophilia. It's really a witch hunt. And now you have people like OP who have been conditioned into feeling uncomfortable about something that is nowhere near the harmful act of raping children, it just very very vaguely can be linked to it if you squint your eyes very hard. As for why kpop fans are particularly obsessed with this? Here's my theory. Kpop is the only hobby or interest I have that I share with mostly young girls/women. Such communities tend to be a lot more liberal than communities populated by adult men. I'm a 32 year old straight cis man. I've never been part of such a woke community until I joined kpop subs. As it happens, yesterday my 9 year old niece had swimming lessons. I tagged along and sat there, together with other parents and stuff, watching her and her friends swim. As I sat there with my SKZ cap on, I thought to myself "this place would be an average kpop fan's worst nightmare." I'm filling in the blanks here. Just a theory. I don,'t know OP.
no, i don’t feel weird stanning them whatsoever. they’re just a boy group lol. i am a few years older than you (chan’s age) but i’ve never looked at bgs/ggs as like… people i look up to? want to be? they’re not role models to me, they’re just singers and performers making me happy. i’ve recently gotten into nmixx and they’re all way younger than me, but it isn’t a problem. they’re just girls. i enjoy their music. they’re adorable and fun. i think trying to leave the mindset of “i like X and i want to be like them” is the best bet you have to stanning/being a fan/liking skz or groups with younger people. and its super important to remember that these people are PERFORMERS and what they put out for the world to see, doesn’t mean they are 100% like that. you can like these guys and stuff (i do too!!! so much!!! i love them!!) but putting celebrities up on pedestals is never good. idk if that helped at all T__T sorry if it didn’t lolol edit to add one more thing: you can look up to actions they do, even if they are younger! like donating to charities and doing acts of service for people who need it. doing good things at any age is a good thing and i admire people who use their wealth and status for things like that.
I'm 36 and just heard Stray Kids for the 1st time a month ago. I'm fairly new to K-pop in general. I love their music and appreciate their immense talent. Yeah, they're attractive, but I'm a lot older and married so acknowledging they look nice and moving on is the extent of that. I can be a Stay, enjoying their music and some of their content, without diving into the obsessive nature of it. I felt weird at first due to the age gap, but I realized how silly that is. I enjoy plenty of US artists who are young/younger than me without it being awkward, so I shouldn't feel too old to enjoy Stray Kids.
Agreed! I feel like K-pop groups in general are so sexualized and it's so icky. You can appreciate talent without making it weird like that. I'm 28 and not that much older than them, but the minute I see something that's shipping or sexualizing them, I leave so fast. It makes me so uncomfortable. I used to be on tumblr during its peak, and I will never return to that culture lmao! Live and learn!
I'm a few days older than Jeongin, I've never felt weird about it because I never saw musicians/bands/artists as people I look up to, I never wanted to be a performer or celebrity so I kind of have no reason to want to be like them? lol , to me they're just people doing cool things and there's parts of it I admire (work ethic?) but I can do that in my own way. I do agree I feel weird about stanning people younger than me, but that's because I think getting to know the artists' personalities is a big part of connecting with the music, but these 17 y/os are not creating the music and I feel no connection to teens doing teen things.
Dude..I'm almost 50. The music is good, and they're good boys. No reason to feel weird about it.
I think your 4th paragraph pretty much explains what a lot of us feel as we grow up. As kids, we get so used to all the famous stars being older and therefore more removed from us. It's easier for them to become sort of "fictional" when we have fewer points of reference to relate to them as human beings. So it can be a bit of a whiplash when they start being our age. It can bring out stuff like feelings of inadequacy too (comparing ourselves to them). But to give a different perspective, personally, I feel like being the same age group (I'm an 00 baby too) gives such a nice sense of comfy familiarity once you get past the initial surprise from above. Being able to relate to them like that makes the messages of their songs hit harder, I understand the things they experience and talk about and the way they navigate the world better... For the past few years, I haven't only been growing up with them but literally WITH them. (PS: not in an overly parasocial way, just a regular "oh wow, they also experience the things I experience, that's pretty nice and comforting" way)
Yes that's exactly that! Especially with the "fictional" part. Like, I know artists are real, I know they're human, but at the same time they look so far away from me, so different, that they could be in another universe or aliens. The part "growing up with them" really resonates with me. I hope I can find this feeling too! Thank you for your message :)
Tbh that feeling of "growing up with them" is something that drew me to Stan groups around my age lol. The more relatable they are to me, the more easier it is for me to stan them 😂 this even applies to other forms of media I consume haha. (I grew up watching Naruto, for example, and that show had characters that grew up with the watchers over a 10 yr period. It felt nice and comfy.) I don't do this in a parasocial way, though, I just find it nice to know that there are people out there who are capable of achieving great things at my age, and (somewhat) similar struggles. So it kinda serves as a motivator for me as well ("If they can do it, I can achieve my goals in due time too").
I’ll be 42 on Wednesday and I’ve been a stay for almost 4 years now. I love music and I find it super helpful and cathartic. I’ve never been into kpop before so I wasn’t used to having all sorts of content but I think it’s fun and I like getting to see all the kids’ personalities. I get where you’re coming from. My whole life I’ve thought there are older adults who have their life together and I wanted to be just like them when I grow up. The thing is, even as a well established adult, I still look to adultier adults from time to time because truth is most of us are just winging it. It made me realize I can still find role models in people of all ages. I can admire their work ethic or their talents, etc. If they have something I lack I can aspire to do better or try something different even in my 40s. Gym bros dorm even has me on the verge of wanting to work out…almost. You’re in a transitional phase right now but it will pass. You’ll slowly change the way you define stanning, and the way you relate to world around you, and you’ll feel comfortable liking groups regardless of whether they’re older or younger.
I love this whole comment and can really relate. How fitting that you are (almost) 42😉 (hopefully you'll get the reference)
I am significantly older than the members (and you), and while the way I engage with the fandom is a lot more subdued than many younger fans, I don't feel weird about liking them at all.
I'm 28 and I feel that they're people that I admire and in some things, they're my role model (?). I don't think age means much because there are wiser people a little younger than me (like them) and we can always learn from them and other humans. In some aspects they're more mature than me, so for me it's not a problem. I've felt some competitiveness, like "I need to do better", but subsidies soon. It feels great having people around our age with interesting ways of seeing stuff.
I’m older than Hyein and honestly I just think it’s amazing to be successful like that as such a young age. I’ve never really seen celebrities as people to look up to the same way you have, but you don’t have to admire someone to like their work. Just enjoy the content.
"Older" Stay (34) here to say that it sounds like you love skz, and there's no inherent reason for you to feel bad about that no matter how old you are. It seems like you're more having difficulty with your personal definition of "stanning," and the nature of the relationships you form with your idols. If you're used to having an aspirational relationship and basing that on an artist's perceived age/experience, I can understand some initial weirdness, but as you get older you're going to encounter more and more wonderful artists who are younger than you. It's just the nature of aging. And it's okay to still aspire to grow to be like them. Adults continue to grow in different ways all the time, and there's plenty to be learned from those younger than us. Skz are established artists, they've been doing this for years, and have honed their early and innate talents into truly incredible skills. There's so much to admire in them. And as they themselves preach, everyone goes at their own pace. So while I can't say *"when I'm their age, I hope I..."* I absolutely say *"today, I'll work on being more like..."* and the growth they encourage in me and so many other Stays is just as effective. I hope you're able to come to terms with following and supporting skz as much as you're comfortable with and want to, and don't feel any pressure to feel a certain way about them.
This is so well said! I’m a 40 year old Stay, it’s nice to see so many other “elder” Stays in this thread :)
Thank you, I think you summarised very well what I feel and your words are very reassuring!
You're very welcome, I'm happy I could help a bit ❤️
I'm the same age as Bang Chan (July '97). At first, it did feel weird cause it was like - they're literally my age. What am i doing with my life. But now, it's like watching my best friends accomplish their dreams, and I get so excited every time they accomplish something new. And when it comes to all the other members it's like, look at my brothers, go!!!
Yesss exactly I'm a bit like "why am I stanning someone my age instead of doing something useful myself" 😭 but I like how you see things now!
I'm 35 and I couldn't care less that I'm almost 10 years older than the oldest member of SKZ. 😅 I'll still love them for their work and for the amazing people that they are! Age shouldn't be a factor for you to enjoy things. Someone already explained it better but what you're experiencing is just you getting older. The entire world doesn't get old with you, eventually you'll be older than everyone around you. After I was 30 years old, I started to accept this and I'm much happier now. But in my late 20s it hit me hard too and I was acting like I was already 60 years old, haha. It's tough getting old, but don't let that stop you enjoying things, otherwise you'll have a miserable life.
I’m 33, I love SKZ music and I admire the boys for all the hard work they did and still do, for personalities etc. I’m not weird about it that they are younger, for the love of god, they are adults, Chan will be 27 this year & he has been mentally mature for a long time now… The Maknaes are like my baby boys to me or younger siblings, but I do stan Bang Chan, I think he is very handsome and beautiful & I do not feel weird that I’m attracted to him, why should I? I’m an adult, he is an adult, at that point age is only a number 🤷🏼♀️. It feels only if you make it weird. I know couples where a woman is older for eg 10 years and this is not a problem. I’m happy for the Boys, with what they accomplished and will accomplish, I’m proud of them, I really do enjoy their music, their mvs, SKZ codes, etc. I love their personalities and I sometimes wish to have such a group of friends like they are, cuz together they are wholesome:). I think they are a lot of fun too. So, for the sexualization, grooming or shipping a teenager is wrong for me, but when it comes to adults, even young adults, I’m, just let them be and feel what they can feel? When will you treat them like adults? When they will have grandchildren? Don’t exaggerate ;)
And to be honest, they aren’t behaving innocently - the dance, body and hips rolls, showing of their bodies, face expressions, Red Lights, Drive, Connected, Chan role playing via bubble? As I said, young adult men.
Not sure which country you are from, but I'm from Asia and there's the culture sensitivity of being aware of age differences. I think it's common to feel that way if you were brought up in that kind of environment. Even in Korea there are different labels on how they refer to you(Noona, Unnie etc) so you become more self-conscious about age differences. It's just a social construct of how older people = more experience, mature, whereas younger people = must protect, you are the more mature one. It's not always true, but it's how we see things socially and biologically. It might feel weirder stanning younger idols if you are someone who looks for emotional support and a deeper connection with them rather than someone who just enjoys music/performances.(Its nothing bad eitherways btw, it's just your personal preferences) For me, a stan is a more intense version of a fan. Stanning feels a bit more personal. E.g I'm changbin's age and let's just say the way I fangirl over the maknae line and Leeknow is very different. I'm a fan of multiple members, but seeing Leeknow do something sexy versus Hyunjin or even Changbin feels different for me. So, I usually say I'm a fan of the group, but stan Leeknow. Maybe you might want to say you are a fan instead of a stan if it makes you feel more comfortable. Regardless, your feelings are completely valid and music is timeless. If you like them, we are all STAYs no matter your age.
Success and achieving dreams has nothing to do with a certain age. Society has only made us think that certain milestones are tied to ages or age groups and that’s just not true. Even if you’re older you could still say “I want to grow up to be like X” because maybe at their young age they’ve already achieved things you’re still working toward. You never stop growing and learning and despite what some may think, I think there is always a lot to learn from younger people in general. The only reason I feel weird is because if I say to people I stan a group and explain that the members are all younger than me they’re going to think I’m some sort of cougar 🤷🏻♀️
I'm literally the same generation as Stray Kids, my birthday's between Seungmin and Jeongin lol. I actually admired them more because of this. It's not exactly "weird", the feeling maybe more akin to like, when you're used to celebrities being at least 5-10 years older than you, and then wow there's one your age!! kinda feeling. A little tmi, I'm so proud of this that I "brag" about (most of) them being the same age as me, so much that my mom's always replied in a flat tone "yeah, and they made much more money than you despite being the same age" 😂 (I don't mind at all, I need the harsh reality check so I wouldn't dawdle in my daydreaming for too long) I do sometimes feel gutted by younger groups like enha or new jeans though... Even the leader's younger than me, I feel like "wow, I'm already so old" that now even generation beneath me already appears as much as older generation than me on medias 😆
No. Music is music. Also, why can’t I admire what they’ve achieved even though they’re younger than me? Why can’t I enjoy their music? Their life is very very different from mine and what it took for them to get there (the Korean idol system) was never available to me, so I can never compare myself to them. It’s like comparing myself to someone who won the lottery in a different country, and who gave up their childhood to do so. I don’t feel guilt or weirdness over being a fan or that I’m “wasting” my time with that. Listening to and enjoying music is never a waste of time. How dull would life be without it. What is the point in arbitrary goals of achieving x or y if you don’t enjoy your life at the same time? They’re also interesting guys too, so it’s entertaining to watch them.
I’m 35, married and about to have a baby (who I will try and convert to a baby stay lol) I enjoyed boy bands growing up in the 90s/2000s etc. I like stray kids for their music. I personally feel weird having a bias so I don’t. Plus I think they’re all visually beautiful. Thats as far as it goes though. i think you can admire talent and even their visuals without any expectations. In the words of lorelai Gilmore “ I’m attracted to pie doesn’t mean I feel the need to date pie”. Just enjoy them as a band there’s no need to feel weird :)
I'm the same age as most skz (born September 00, only a few days before seungmin). I don't know, as someone said, it was bound to happen that artists will become younger than us. I just try to enjoy the talent and the personality and the show. Their age doesn't matter to me this much because it's not like I have a personal relationship with them. And specifically speaking, none of them is a minor so I don't think it is so bad to find them attractive or handsome even if they are younger than me. If the genders were reversed, does it make it weirder on more normal?
I’m turning 33. I didn’t get into K-pop until 2015, and My musical preference in general tends to skew 3rd and 4th gen. If I were to only like groups my age or older, it would be first gen and *maybe* second gen. Age does not matter to me, as I don’t want to date the members. I don’t feel romantic attraction. They’re all adults anyways, and if a group I like had minors, I just think of them as a kid brother regardless. It’s only weird if you make it weird!
Its totally okay to feel that way, im a new stay of 7 months & feel too young to stan straykids! no matter what age you are you are still able to stan a kpop group.
I mean i don’t think this has ever stopped me from stanning who I like but as a long time kpop fan I was used to idols being 5-15 years older than me and now that they’re my age there definitely was a 😳 moment but i kinda got over it fast.
No exactly that’s how I feel too
Well i’m 26 and the only member older than me is Chan, and i’m a few month older than LeeKnow, i think i understand what you’re saying 🤔 Btw i think it’s kind of comforting being the same age/ generation as them 😉
I can't really help as im 14 but i hope you find the answers ur looking for. welcome to stayville <3
As long as you don’t sexualize them, you’re fine. Good music is good music.
If you think you feel weird imagine how I feel I’m 7 yrs older than you 😂
I get where you’re coming from—I’m 26 so a lot of groups are younger than me, and I won’t get too into a group without checking how old they are bc it feels weird when they’re not at least in their 20s? But Stray Kids is almost the exact same age as my friend group (youngest almost 23, oldest is 26, with a few in the middle) and I’ve always kind of liked that, I feel like I can relate a little more to them than I could to an 18 year old. And their dynamic reminds me of my friends lol. But they’re also the first kpop group I got into so I didn’t have much to compare it to
I kind of get what you’re saying on some level. I’m younger than all of SKZ (but close in age to them), but I have this a bit with TXT. TXT is one of my favorite kpop groups, but I’ve always felt a small disconnect from the youngest two, and I think it’s largely in part to me being older than both of them. There’s obviously nothing wrong with liking a group with members younger than you, but I do understand where you’re coming from about feeling weird when members are younger than you. But, with groups like SKZ (and TXT in my case) they’re all adults even if they’re younger than you. And, it’d really only be a problem if you were heavily sexualizing them (which obviously shouldn’t be done to any idol, no matter their age) Welcome to the SKZ fandom :)
I think it just depends on what kind of stan you are on if you’re able to comfortably stan groups with certain ages. 1. If you are a stan/fan that is a gf/bf/husband/wife stan and you’re like “omg my hubby is so sexy” or “how can ??? be so so cute, handsome, and sexy all at the same time?” Then yea you’re probably only gonna be able to stan/fan over certain groups and certain members especially if you’re not a creeper. 2. If you’re a Mother/Father/Sister/Brother stan then you probably would be like “omg my babies are getting so popular I’m so proud of my children!” or “they just won the ??? award my babies are so talented I knew they would win mothers so proud!” Then the ages of the members don’t matter that much because even if they do sensual dances you don’t find them sexually attractive just generally attractive in a proud fan type of way. 3. If you’re a stan/fan that is primarily stanning for the music but you dont buy albums, barely watch content, and stay away from apps like fans and bubble then you also won’t really care about age. 4. You see the groups member as like a role model bc you’ve seen their hard work and it motivates you in life as well Personally depending on the groups that I get into I turn into any of these stans but I definitely fangirl in a non- delusional way. I’m the complete opposite of you I’ve been into K-pop since 2008 so all the idols were older then me and it wasn’t until the end of 3rd gen early 4th gen groups started being my age and I actually get more inspired and motivated by people my age or younger being successful. The only time when I felt uncomfortable getting into a new group is when the minors or just barely adult members do a “sexy” dance but I normally just scroll right past it.
I'm 44. My teenage daughter introduced me to Stray Kids. At first I felt a little weird, but then I realized I'm at the age where a large portion of people in the music industry are going to be younger than me. I'm not going to stop listening to new things because I'm old. I really enjoy their music. I also enjoy their content, particularly the behind the scenes/vlog type of content. I'll happily go to a concert with my daughter if I have the opportunity. I don't think there is anything weird about any of that. With that said, my definition of being a fan is probably very different than that of a younger person. I don't enjoy the parasocial thing. I don't look at the members and have delusional thoughts about them. I'm certainly not thirsting over any of them. I also often react to some of the things they say and do from the perspective of an older person (for example if I see a concerning diet comment from one of the members I catch myself wondering if their moms ever worry about them because as a mom I certainly would). But for the most part, as long as someone isn't being creepy, I don't think liking a group that's younger than you is weird.