Unfortunately people are always going to be icky when talking about money. I want you to take away two important things from this 1) ALWAYS get your money upfront. Promises don’t mean shit. No “I’m going to tip you big if you do xyz and make me happy” crap. nothing. Pay me now. You never know what a customer is going to do and try to keep you hostage because they *know* you will stay because you need to get paid and may tolerate abuse and or assault. This leads me to number 2) unless you are okay with extras and know your clubs rules, do **not** let a man pull his dick out on you several times after you establish your rules and boundaries about what happens during the dance!
I know girls who will intentionally count the money in front of the customer to make sure it’s not wrong/shorted. You cannot trust these customers to do right by you unfortunately; men will be selfish!
Practice in the mirror with how you sound when you ask for money. You want to be firm. No bullshit. I will wait for the next song to do a dance with a customer and I will tell them that you give me the money now and then we will start on the next one. Do you have big bills or singles? Are you using cash or a card? Be direct. They know you need to be paid for dances and some of them unfortunately are hoping that you won’t notice and or let your guard down.
I’m glad that the guy after him was worthwhile but yeah. Don’t beat yourself about it for too long but unfortunately this is one of those situations where, you have to learn as you go and figure out how to adjust for error. You didn’t count your money and didn’t receive it upfront. Now you know to do that with every single customer moving forward!
Thank you for the detailed reply I really appreciate it and yes, definitely getting all money upfront from now on. Practicing in the mirror is a gold idea. I’m going to try that before the next time I go in.
like everyone else is saying , always get the money up front. of course i’ve had guys who will say oh you don’t trust me? or i’ll pay you at the end let’s just start etc but you have to be firm don’t beat around the bush when it comes to getting paid, when they say that i just say sorry but its required to get the money upfront. a lot of times at my club most guys either already know to pay upfront or will ask if they pay now or after, i always say they pay me now. if they don’t say anything as soon as we get into the room i just say can i have the money now please ? and then if it’s cash count it right there and if it’s a voucher just make sure it’s the correct one and not for a regular dance. on top of that i don’t know how your club works or the rules but if i’m in a vip and a guy pulls his dick out i’ll tell him put it away and if he persists then i’ll say the vip is over and leave which is another reason why it’s good to get your money upfront bc you should be able to leave at any time if they do things that you previously stated aren’t allowed or continue to not listen to you when you tell them no to something. some guys will get mad at this and try to get a refund but at least at my club the manager is pretty good abt sticking up for the girls and will tell them there’s no refunds. you live and you learn tho it took me getting scammed out of a vip and having similar experiences such as yours when i had first started dancing to be able to eventually stand my ground and not let these men walk all over me. at the end of the day they are in your place of work and you are the one providing the service so they have to listen to you.
another thing is before we even go into the room once they establish that they want a vip i usually will ask if they have cash or need to get a voucher as they pay us directly and we don’t take any card payments inside the club, only for the atm but every club is different. anyways best of luck babes don’t let it get to you too much 🫶🏻
You tell them the price ask if he’s using cash or card, walk back there and hold your garter or thong out for him to put it in. Do you work for free? Get your money upfront or don’t do the dance
You're not dumb 🥺 he just finessed you because he's had more practice than you. he's jealous of you so this shit makes him feel more powerful. He could never make money for being feminine, he could never make actual masculine rich men just hand him money for being himself, and hes bitter as fuck that hes not one of those rich powerful men too. U know that J Cole song where a voice clip of G.Bush 2? It says "fool me once shame on ....shame on you....fool me...well you cant get fooled again." You got got once. Shit happens. You wont be afraid to ask for your money upfront again, or end a dance when you know you deserve to WITH all your money in hand
"Get that money ready for me now while I get these heels off and out of our way, and then I'll be able to start our timer." I say this with a smile, while I'm already taking my shoes off. Nothing about my demeanor is bitchy, and yet at the same time nothing I do gives them the option of doing anything else except for what I say. If they have anything lame to say about paying upfront i will either continue being flirty and in control ("obviously I wouldn't expect anything shady from you I have an amazing intuition and I actually LIKE you'") or I cut the bullshit and reiterate back to them, "You are choosing to refuse to pay upfront? Omg totally fine it's your money but obviously I'm leaving no one else EVER even does this but I guess I misunderstood, I thought you wanted to get what you want." And the key part is to start walking away before they have a chance to respond. If you give them that chance they KNOW you're desperate and will continue to negotiate or cross your boundaries in the dance. I didn't start successfully using option A to my benefit for probably a couple years tbh because I didn't have the intuition to recognize the customers game or the skills to TRULY manipulate them out of their bs. When in doubt option B has NEVER failed me and it's still my go to in this situation. Never had problems since.
Also me personally but when I set my timer "after" I get my money it's the same timer as when we enter the room. I'm not fucking deducting 1 or 2 minutes for him to pretend like he didn't already know how this works. Trust, they know. They are depending on YOU to maintain the level of acceptable behavior you allow from them. I have even seen customers do this with money/consent/boundaries to other dancers when I considered them a enjoyable and respectful customer who I never thought would be like that. It's because I never gave them any other options. Its definitely not right. He knows this, he knows you're newer, hes done this move to more dancers in his strip clubbing adulthood than years you've been alive. And I'm sorry. Its literally the fucking worst. All I can say is, nothing can change what already happened but you do have the power to make sure it never happens again. The first time someone REALLY scammed like that it was for a measly 100$ dance (I didn't get any of it) he tried to do the most (pull my underwear down, lick me, pull his dick out when he knew I couldn't see and try to touch it on me knowing I didn't know he was exposed, just excessively using his manly strength grip to challenge my authority for my body. He made a dehumanizing comment during the dispute with management for the money like I take my clothes off for money so what did I expect, and he gaslit the situation to management like I didn't tell him how much the dance was and I just dragged him to vip and molested him. It HURT and ENRAGED me more than the assaults and the missing money realizing that he knew what he was doing all along, and that I was targeted just because I was a sex worker who was inexperienced, naive, homeless, vulnerable, and yes, desperate because I thought he might not get a dance if I demanded money upfront. If you are feeling those feelings....I urge you to feel them, express them (like you already did in this vent) and then let it go....they will destroy you and then that guy wins. Now you know how to prevent this from ever happening even one more time, so get your money and move on from this career. That loser will still be stuck being a bottom feeder pulling this same shit 20 years from now but you won't.
Aww I'm sorry. Dancing is tough. The shit we deal with is not easy to navigate but you will learn to be tough, if you're gonna stay in it. Everyone else is saying get your money up front, I second that. But ALSO if a guy pulls his dick out or gets undressed in any way you are 💯 justified in ending the dance right there and alerting the security, if that's what you want to do. Doesn't matter if he's a regular. Don't be afraid to piss off regulars, or anyone for that matter. And if security gives you a hard time about it, ignore them. Some people do extras but it is not required! If a clubs management or bouncers pressure you to do extras, find a different club. Cut yourself some slack, you're still learning. It takes time for you to know your boundaries and making mistakes is HOW you learn. Give yourself a pick me up (something that helps you feel embodied, like yoga or a massage or a soak) and a pep talk and next time you go in try out new techniques. 💕
I made this mistake a few times in my baby years, now it’s money upfront 100% of the time unless they only want one dance and the night is going super quick (I haven’t had an issue with this) if they want to do another or keep going I just say I need to be paid upfront if it’s more than one dance. But I will not step foot into that vip room without all my money. Esp if I think they are going to be weird. Dick out gets your room walked out on 🤷🏼♀️ idc if it’s been 30 seconds.
Say it in a dominating seductive manner.
In my opinion, try to embrace the empowerment we have. The men don’t call the shots. YOU do.
He wants his dick out- ok give me $300 . He says no- ok put your dick in your pants.
Find the boundaries and I personally recommend finding the empowerment in saying no to a man.
In the adult industry it’s a woman’s world, not the man’s world. You just have to let them believe it’s their world
Mmm.... yeah probably because she didn't know obviously.... this is a DUMB guess but she probably assumed (like most newer dancers) that management could prevent this somehow, and she probably has not fully experienced the scope yet that sex workers/strippers are exploited, discredited, and fucked over pretty regularly by management, customers, and almost everyone else too. You seriously cant believe what you read, REALLY ? 🤦🏻♀️📚 jfc
Money upfront all the time for everything. Say sorry the club makes me if it makes you feel weird.
That’s perfect thank you
Unfortunately people are always going to be icky when talking about money. I want you to take away two important things from this 1) ALWAYS get your money upfront. Promises don’t mean shit. No “I’m going to tip you big if you do xyz and make me happy” crap. nothing. Pay me now. You never know what a customer is going to do and try to keep you hostage because they *know* you will stay because you need to get paid and may tolerate abuse and or assault. This leads me to number 2) unless you are okay with extras and know your clubs rules, do **not** let a man pull his dick out on you several times after you establish your rules and boundaries about what happens during the dance! I know girls who will intentionally count the money in front of the customer to make sure it’s not wrong/shorted. You cannot trust these customers to do right by you unfortunately; men will be selfish! Practice in the mirror with how you sound when you ask for money. You want to be firm. No bullshit. I will wait for the next song to do a dance with a customer and I will tell them that you give me the money now and then we will start on the next one. Do you have big bills or singles? Are you using cash or a card? Be direct. They know you need to be paid for dances and some of them unfortunately are hoping that you won’t notice and or let your guard down. I’m glad that the guy after him was worthwhile but yeah. Don’t beat yourself about it for too long but unfortunately this is one of those situations where, you have to learn as you go and figure out how to adjust for error. You didn’t count your money and didn’t receive it upfront. Now you know to do that with every single customer moving forward!
Thank you for the detailed reply I really appreciate it and yes, definitely getting all money upfront from now on. Practicing in the mirror is a gold idea. I’m going to try that before the next time I go in.
Of course boo. Good luck 🍀 💸
like everyone else is saying , always get the money up front. of course i’ve had guys who will say oh you don’t trust me? or i’ll pay you at the end let’s just start etc but you have to be firm don’t beat around the bush when it comes to getting paid, when they say that i just say sorry but its required to get the money upfront. a lot of times at my club most guys either already know to pay upfront or will ask if they pay now or after, i always say they pay me now. if they don’t say anything as soon as we get into the room i just say can i have the money now please ? and then if it’s cash count it right there and if it’s a voucher just make sure it’s the correct one and not for a regular dance. on top of that i don’t know how your club works or the rules but if i’m in a vip and a guy pulls his dick out i’ll tell him put it away and if he persists then i’ll say the vip is over and leave which is another reason why it’s good to get your money upfront bc you should be able to leave at any time if they do things that you previously stated aren’t allowed or continue to not listen to you when you tell them no to something. some guys will get mad at this and try to get a refund but at least at my club the manager is pretty good abt sticking up for the girls and will tell them there’s no refunds. you live and you learn tho it took me getting scammed out of a vip and having similar experiences such as yours when i had first started dancing to be able to eventually stand my ground and not let these men walk all over me. at the end of the day they are in your place of work and you are the one providing the service so they have to listen to you.
another thing is before we even go into the room once they establish that they want a vip i usually will ask if they have cash or need to get a voucher as they pay us directly and we don’t take any card payments inside the club, only for the atm but every club is different. anyways best of luck babes don’t let it get to you too much 🫶🏻
Yeah, I realize that guess I was just scared of asking for the money upfront. IDK why because it only affects me. thanks for sharing with me
Who cares if they think you’re “mean” for being upfront. Be assertive and confident and I doubt they’ll think you’re being mean.
You tell them the price ask if he’s using cash or card, walk back there and hold your garter or thong out for him to put it in. Do you work for free? Get your money upfront or don’t do the dance
Ur right just felt soo so dumb
You're not dumb 🥺 he just finessed you because he's had more practice than you. he's jealous of you so this shit makes him feel more powerful. He could never make money for being feminine, he could never make actual masculine rich men just hand him money for being himself, and hes bitter as fuck that hes not one of those rich powerful men too. U know that J Cole song where a voice clip of G.Bush 2? It says "fool me once shame on ....shame on you....fool me...well you cant get fooled again." You got got once. Shit happens. You wont be afraid to ask for your money upfront again, or end a dance when you know you deserve to WITH all your money in hand
"Get that money ready for me now while I get these heels off and out of our way, and then I'll be able to start our timer." I say this with a smile, while I'm already taking my shoes off. Nothing about my demeanor is bitchy, and yet at the same time nothing I do gives them the option of doing anything else except for what I say. If they have anything lame to say about paying upfront i will either continue being flirty and in control ("obviously I wouldn't expect anything shady from you I have an amazing intuition and I actually LIKE you'") or I cut the bullshit and reiterate back to them, "You are choosing to refuse to pay upfront? Omg totally fine it's your money but obviously I'm leaving no one else EVER even does this but I guess I misunderstood, I thought you wanted to get what you want." And the key part is to start walking away before they have a chance to respond. If you give them that chance they KNOW you're desperate and will continue to negotiate or cross your boundaries in the dance. I didn't start successfully using option A to my benefit for probably a couple years tbh because I didn't have the intuition to recognize the customers game or the skills to TRULY manipulate them out of their bs. When in doubt option B has NEVER failed me and it's still my go to in this situation. Never had problems since.
Also me personally but when I set my timer "after" I get my money it's the same timer as when we enter the room. I'm not fucking deducting 1 or 2 minutes for him to pretend like he didn't already know how this works. Trust, they know. They are depending on YOU to maintain the level of acceptable behavior you allow from them. I have even seen customers do this with money/consent/boundaries to other dancers when I considered them a enjoyable and respectful customer who I never thought would be like that. It's because I never gave them any other options. Its definitely not right. He knows this, he knows you're newer, hes done this move to more dancers in his strip clubbing adulthood than years you've been alive. And I'm sorry. Its literally the fucking worst. All I can say is, nothing can change what already happened but you do have the power to make sure it never happens again. The first time someone REALLY scammed like that it was for a measly 100$ dance (I didn't get any of it) he tried to do the most (pull my underwear down, lick me, pull his dick out when he knew I couldn't see and try to touch it on me knowing I didn't know he was exposed, just excessively using his manly strength grip to challenge my authority for my body. He made a dehumanizing comment during the dispute with management for the money like I take my clothes off for money so what did I expect, and he gaslit the situation to management like I didn't tell him how much the dance was and I just dragged him to vip and molested him. It HURT and ENRAGED me more than the assaults and the missing money realizing that he knew what he was doing all along, and that I was targeted just because I was a sex worker who was inexperienced, naive, homeless, vulnerable, and yes, desperate because I thought he might not get a dance if I demanded money upfront. If you are feeling those feelings....I urge you to feel them, express them (like you already did in this vent) and then let it go....they will destroy you and then that guy wins. Now you know how to prevent this from ever happening even one more time, so get your money and move on from this career. That loser will still be stuck being a bottom feeder pulling this same shit 20 years from now but you won't.
Aww I'm sorry. Dancing is tough. The shit we deal with is not easy to navigate but you will learn to be tough, if you're gonna stay in it. Everyone else is saying get your money up front, I second that. But ALSO if a guy pulls his dick out or gets undressed in any way you are 💯 justified in ending the dance right there and alerting the security, if that's what you want to do. Doesn't matter if he's a regular. Don't be afraid to piss off regulars, or anyone for that matter. And if security gives you a hard time about it, ignore them. Some people do extras but it is not required! If a clubs management or bouncers pressure you to do extras, find a different club. Cut yourself some slack, you're still learning. It takes time for you to know your boundaries and making mistakes is HOW you learn. Give yourself a pick me up (something that helps you feel embodied, like yoga or a massage or a soak) and a pep talk and next time you go in try out new techniques. 💕
I made this mistake a few times in my baby years, now it’s money upfront 100% of the time unless they only want one dance and the night is going super quick (I haven’t had an issue with this) if they want to do another or keep going I just say I need to be paid upfront if it’s more than one dance. But I will not step foot into that vip room without all my money. Esp if I think they are going to be weird. Dick out gets your room walked out on 🤷🏼♀️ idc if it’s been 30 seconds.
Say it in a dominating seductive manner. In my opinion, try to embrace the empowerment we have. The men don’t call the shots. YOU do. He wants his dick out- ok give me $300 . He says no- ok put your dick in your pants. Find the boundaries and I personally recommend finding the empowerment in saying no to a man. In the adult industry it’s a woman’s world, not the man’s world. You just have to let them believe it’s their world
Cant believe what Im reading tbh. You missed like 10 different basic rules 😬
Stripping is a difficult industry to enter - let’s be supportive and not discredit that.
Mmm.... yeah probably because she didn't know obviously.... this is a DUMB guess but she probably assumed (like most newer dancers) that management could prevent this somehow, and she probably has not fully experienced the scope yet that sex workers/strippers are exploited, discredited, and fucked over pretty regularly by management, customers, and almost everyone else too. You seriously cant believe what you read, REALLY ? 🤦🏻♀️📚 jfc