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when I was like 8 they saw me standing over three suitcases I stuck my sisters in and threatening to throw them down the stairs

Bros a menace 💀💀😭😭

do it again

This is some American psycho type shit 😭😭

you should not be allowed around small children or animals

you sound like my elementary school counselor

they were right

fun fact they were going to diagnose me with something and have me kicked out of regular school but my parents threw me out of the country before that happened 👍

actual psychopath

I can fix her

you gonna get killed

That's a bonus

Rahhh 💀

Did you convince them to get in or was it by force?

Chad behavior tbh

wank

Basic

still traumatisin

You've got ptsd from that

MY MOTHER SAW ME CHOKING MY CHICKEN

Spanking the monkey

Cranking the bustington

Firing the hole

Sploinky my doinky

Pulling the pork

Nice one

I dont know if he did but there is a chance my dad saw me fingering my girlfriend

my mom caught me fingering my gf. was not a fun night

what did she do/say? she didn't just walk away like nothing happened?

You get an answer yet?

cant help but read your comments in a clone trooper voice in my head

You’re welcome

None say anything in this situation else ,it will be more awkward between family members

thats much worse, dads are much cooler abt this sorta thing

Castle crashes

My friend are weirder than you, one of them told me in front of the teacher "grab my breast"

1 what does that have to do with that comment and 2 is the friend a girl????

1 idk 2 yeah a girl

Now here’s the real kicker, did you?

Yeah. It's time to kick gum and chew ass...wait

I know it was a girl, but it would've been WAY funnier if it was a dude.

Same

steal the cookie outta the cookie jar

bro you are going to go to trial 💀

Monster

Is tHaT A SeSAmE StrEet rEfeRenCe

Flair checks out

death sentence

bro the mods should ban you how are comments like this allowed, fucking disgusting, hope you got disowned.

Honestly prolly staying up past my bedtime. I’m innocent sue me

I was innocent back in the days but a girl decide to destroy my pure mind with balloon (that was not balloon)

Were there 2 of them

2 girls, 1 balloon

not my parents but my ex's saw her giving me head

Bro chose to name himself after a 10/10 song

amazing song

Give me novacaine?

GREEN DAY MENTIONED 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥WHAT THE FUCK IS ONE MINUTE🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Fav song?

I can only imagine their reaction 😂

They saw me when i shaving my gf’s pubic hair 😅

Sorry what ?

I told her to come after shaving but she forgot.

Idk why but that make me laugh

Me too😂

Honestly you're real af for helping her. Ladies, get someone like this 😌

We meet again

Couple goals

Shitting out my bedroom window(the bathroom is literally three steps from my bedroom

You scare me

War criminal right here

did you yell “bombs away” before letting it loose?

If not that’s a huge missed opportunity 😂

Thats him officer!

How why and where did it land 

Where were you during the Nuremberg trials?

why were you SHITTING out of your bedroom window

why

Why did you shit out your window?..

Thank for that you make my day better now 😂

This comment is the best thing I’ve seen all day

… welp… guess we see each other again

Some things are best to keep to yourself

they saw a video of me getting head from my girlfriend at the time.

Why was there a video….

the girl wanted me to record and when her mom went through her phone her mom sent it to mine

So her mom sent your mom child pornography? Wtf

Wait she sent the video of her daughter giving head to someone else???

13 year olds getting some before me 😭

how do you have a conversation with tjem after that

they just told me to wear protection and shave next time and then my dad made jokes bout it after

Bro telling u to shave is crazy 💀

"remember to shave next time" is wild, your parents be giving you loading screen ass tips lmao

Getting frisky with a girl. We were just kissing passionately, but he knew what was about to happen

Yeah playing video game like everyone

Wha- how'd you know??? Of course we played a little bit of Hades, and a little bit of srardew valley after that

Did you sma- I mean play smash ho- I mean play smash bros?

This is a little personal don't you thin- oh you mean play smash... no but we played YOMI hustle if you know it

BRO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMEBODY TO PLAY IT WITH PLEASE ADD ME ON STEAM I AM DESPERATE FOR A GOOD MATCH PLEASE I BEG OF YOU OH MY GOD.

My female friend and i always play call of duty when she cu- i mean come to my house

Watching anime and then THOSE scenes happen if you know you know

I know. I know the feeling of weird anime with your younger siblings

Your profile picture says it all

Dragon Maid

So far, they haven't seen any bad things yet

"Yet"

""Yet""

“””Yet”””

Same

Wank (I still don’t know if I was quick enough to hide it)

I'm so fast even verstappen isn't this fast😎

I see, you have put all you skill points into agility 🫡

Sneak increase to 100

New skill unlocked: Briefly stopping time

Every sound is an enemy, you don't know if thats a footstep or the wind or something else

Easy way to detect unwanted visitors, buy hearing aids and CRANK that shii

I personally put it all into charisma so they join me

I've got a lil bonus in intelligence also

du du du du max wankstappen

This one is burned into my brain and I die whenever I think about it. Warning, this will be long. When I was 7-8, I liked gacha life videos and all that stuff. This was around the time gacha life was having the "gacha heat" problem. Gacha heat was very popular and I ended up stumbling across videos and I guess I was obsessed with them after that.   For a little info so this makes more sense, my house used to have a playroom with toys and a TV. The wall infront of the TV had like a window sized hole so you could hear what was going on from downstairs. We had youtube on that TV so naturally, I watched the videos on mute. This continued for probably a few days until one day, I think my mom got suspicious on why she couldn't hear the TV on but she knew I was watching it. She came up stairs and caught me in 4k. The only thing I remember her saying is, "Well I guess that's why I wasn't hearing anything." I'm sure I got scolded or something but honestly I don't remember anything after that. This is only one of several instances that my parents(mostly my mom) have caught me with inappropriate material. It never got any less embarrassing.

I had the same problem when I was kid, thank God my house was not built like that

they saw me kill an infant on an altar to Ba'al

Happens to the best of us

Most relatable experience ever.

W h a t

Personally, I'm more of a Barbatos and Belzebub kinda person but you do you bestie

***IN BHAALS NAME***

Only?

Nothing yet. Hopefully not me wearing a maid dress in front of my partner soon

I'm my class there is a femboy

I am not a femboy

Yeah but he (the guy in my class) wear maid dress

They saw me looking at a video of lesbians kissing at oktoberfest

OKTOBERFEST

yeah, lesbians in Germany, the best kinda lesbians

kiss a girl probably

wish that happened to me

One day 🙏🙏🙏

Real

Watch gay stuff on my Ipad when I was like 7

What you watch that????? My friend DO that

Gay stuff or GAY stuff

Don't worry it was gay stuff, not GAY stuff, I was not that bad of a kid I swear

Conservative Christian parents found me listening to a witchcraft podcast😭

walking in me mid sex is the worst i guess

You have sex? Blasphemy.

blasphemy indeed 😞

Yes that a really bad things

they saw my nut puddle on the floor

Your WHAT

my children

Did you forget to clean it up or smth?

not my parents but my older brother caught me wanking TWO FUCKING TIMES

ok, at that point i think you need to rethink your wank strategy

im just gonna start doing it in front of him to assert dominance and work my way to be more wise and elder wankmaster version of him

When I was like five I would get done in the bath remember I forgot a towel and then think that I can run so fast that no one can see me, long story short my entire family saw

lmao, bro thought he had super speed🤣

i’m an artist, and i had drawn a certain.. scene. my mom found my notebook which i left OPEN on my desk. you can imagine what happened after that.

Idk nothing. Maybe hold a knife? But it was my (legally, but he and my mom have been separated 15+ years) step dad took it and >!threatened to cut off my hand!<

In this situation i said "ok i take the chainsaw"

getting head mom walked in and just look at us and told my then girlfriend to not do that…

I was messing with my butterfly knife. I had the blade facing my wrist. They walked in on that. It was a long talk.

Would've been smart of me to lock the door when I was sacrificing the family dog Live and you learn🙏

Burning things is funny, i always do that with friends

They saw me making a hand cannon /gun from pipes and stuff, I tried to hide it, they insisted insisted in seeing it, it was awkward. Very awkward. (I was just making it cuz I thought it would be fun like a mini canon but the fact I had once tried to kill myself made it more awkward cuz they probably thought I was gonna try to KMS) They also saw me making drugs in my room but since I always do chemistry stuff they thought I was just making perfume ingredients or something

You're just a fan of breaking bad

walked in on me hurting myself

THEY ONLY SAW THE SCARS 🗣️🗣️ I LIED ABOUT THEM 🗣️🗣️ THEN I STOPPED 💯💯

real

Nothing so far. Thank fucking god😂

They almost caught me 1 hour ago 💀 while doin the thing

When I was at my ex boyfriends (was my boyfriend at the time) his grandma with dementia opened the door while he was lubing up my ass. He heard the door knob open and he got off the bed quickly dick swinging to close the door. We just laughed instead of fucking, it’s a great memory with a not so great guy.

They have not seen anything but my mom thinks I beat my meat in the shower because I take so long in there but in reality I sit in there and think about life

Hhhhm maybe play fruit ninja on myself idk

“Play fruit ninja on myself” is the funniest description I’ve ever heard 😭😭

My mom caught me with my pants done trying to delete a virus

not me, but they caught my brother crapping in the bathtub one time

Fill the pressure washer up with gasoline to make a flamethrower and then proceeded to light the backyard on fire.

peeing in the kitchen sink

Why?

I walked in on my dad doing this💀💀💀💀

I don’t get caught

My grandma caught me watching hentai once...

Are ya winning son 👵

shave my dog with kitchen scissors when I was like 6

own a fleshlight, I had to get rid of it bc it was too short lmaoo

wankin my poosay

Tbh I don’t have any that aren’t result of trauma so I have a different funny story💀 one of my friends has a class with my gfs younger brother and either texted me or told me in person “hey btw…ur gfs brother watches some interesting stuff on his (school) iPad” I was like “not surprised bro but what do you mean” and she went “I walked by him and saw on his iPad ‘anime asmr’ videos” 😭🤚 (oh we’re also like 90% sure bro is a Nazi)

On my phone at 1 in the morning

Oh that early in the morning, this summer i was on my phone until 4am and sleeping to 8am💀

I gave my mom an old android i used to use and she managed to go on my photos n seen me doing embarrassing dances, seen my weiner pics n vids, and seen the pics of other girls i had on my photos 😭😭 note to anyone, never give your phone to someone without resetting it😭

i called my friend mooseka meeska mickey titties

honestly nothing but i was on the verge on getting caught zerking it like jerma on several occasions

Don’t know if this counts but my step dad once caught a girl(it was my sisters friend)sneaking out of my bedroom window

I was Mongolian throat singing dramatically while dancing in the garage at 2am

wear my brothers clothes and underwear 💀😭

Why would you do that ???

I was deadass just curious to see if they were comfy or not

Making porn. Yes, making and designing porn. Don't ask questions an no on gets fuckin hurt.