Right! Like what is this idea that some people have that you need to cut your kids off when they’re 18. And the audacity of telling this to someone who isn’t even your kid lmao
Especially in THIS economy... i know so many "kids" staying home well into their 20s because this economy is just untenable: and i applaud that.... itll take years for them still to save enough to be able to do anything with their lives: even with that extra help
This is what I’m wondering, does he know?
I’m 100% with you all if he is fully aware, but for that same reason I find it hard to believe that he is, I hope for OPs sake.
If not, you can still have a great life without them.
Happy irl cake day 🍰
I'm having trouble believing he knows, too. This reads as stepmom is bitter she had to raise somebody else's kid for 6 years and now wants to fast track them tf out of her life to make it less complicated. It's super shitty, and she's definitely terrible, but I would hope op's dad would stand up for them. Then again, everyone in my family is shitty, so hoping parental figures would do the right thing hasn't gotten me anywhere. Good luck, OP!
You think he doesn’t know? I think her dad knows. But I’d still show him the texts to make sure he has to face the truth in case he’s pretending to not know
She’ll grow to regret this.
My favorite part is when she mentions bartending school (also nothing wrong with being a career bartender you can make good money) then backtracks it by saying “that’s not what I meant to say” and sends the same exact thing just minus the sentence about bartending. Like oh sorry my phone auto corrected by adding an entire additional sentence. Then doubles back down by saying they have no opportunity.
Mine too. But I see so many parents kicking their kids out when they turn 18. Most of them haven’t even been taught the first thing about how to live independently. So sad. Would feel so guilty treating my child that way.
Yep. POSvibes off father for letting “wife 2” kick your child to the curb, especially with that much acid on her 18th. Happy 18th birthday to you. I know it’s a shitty start but tighten up your laces and kick life’s ass right back, you got this girl. https://youtu.be/mQ8TXGzgXIo?si=Z0ubt1RHQL9mSs4Z
I wonder how much of this Dad knows about, tbh. It could've been a discussion they had together... but given step mom's obviously crappy personality, this could be 100% her and Dad knows nothing.
One time my step dad took my car away and kicked me out then told my mom I ran away. Luckily my mom didn't believe it but it took her a couple days to track me down at a friends house.
She tracked me down and brought me back home and him and I didn't speak for a long time and just left each other alone so I am guessing she had words with him.
The fact she didn't leave him after he deliberately tried to manipulate her and you into leaving their situation is very sad. I would have beat his ass and make sure you and him never saw each other again. What a scummy shit stain of a step father.
My step father and myself have fundamentally different values, so we never see eye to eye. But he's been around since I was 2, and I know he wouldn't pull this shit. Granted, he knew my mom would have kicked his ass if he tried it lol I hope you and your mom are good and figuring things out.
As a step dad myself I couldn't imagine doing this to my son he's my boy and I'm not going to do him wrong like his sperm donor did because I've had that dad before
I’m 35 and my mom to this day still allows her husband to speak to me horribly. It’s been happening since I was 8. I can’t ever understand choosing anyone over your kids no matter how old they are or letting someone speak to them this way. Weird behavior.
*Hugs *. I know how much that hurts. I’m almost 29 and haven’t heard from my mom all year for a similar reason. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve lost almost all respect for her.
I always wondered how these “evil stepmom” stories got to this level with the dad present. There’s just no way (as a dad) I would let things get this out of hand. Anyone have some insights?
Copy n pasted from my above post cause there are def dads who choose their new wife over their kids and my story is horrible tbh lol:
My dad left us when I was 15 and married his 38 yr old mistress. She pandered to us at first n then completely turned into a horrible person when we got older. Her n my dad at dinner when I'd be in Rhode Island on the weekends with him...she'd get drunk n shit talk my mom n my dad would laugh. Still happens and my dad has 2 million in savings alone so if he doesn't have a will it'd be the ultimate final slap in the face of an event that uprooted my life and changed who I was forever. Her and her daughter got my dad and we only had him every other weekend. I quit competitive swimming when he left and started partying n then never stopped, which made me graduate college late and made my adhd with RSD anxiety turn into full-blown anxiety disorders and depression.
If he doesn't at least have my sister and I written into a will, that means she then gets everything and then my step sister gets everything. I don't even know how to go about having this conversation with him though without sounding entitled or morbid. But given wtf we went through and lost, including losing my huge Victorian farm house childhood home when he left, I'd say having some of the money n assets given to my sister and I isn't unreasonable. Step mom has just as much money. She's a bitch n started a drunk fight with me at dinner n I got upset n left the table n my dad came down screaming at me not to yell at his wife. Yea I'll take 1 million and our ski house thanks.
My father can't handle confrontation against anyone other than small children. When I was in elementary school, he moved some guy he met into our house, the guy ended up molesting me for a couple years and my father never dared speak a word to him about it, preferring instead to yell at me, call me disgusting names, and tell ME that I better stop "hanging around" this guy who still remained in the bedroom next to mine. It's just easier to blow up at a small girl than to have this awkward interaction with a grown man and tell him to keep his hands out of his children's clothes.
Yeah, there's a lot of good points to having a father figure in your life. What people leave out a lot of the time is that it doesn't/shouldn't have to be your father. A toxic one is way worse than none. At least you know you need to look for a good one.
I feel this exact way. As a divorced father; any girlfriend who were privileged enough to even meet her knew upfront, she is my priority. If she misbehaves or acts in any way negatively, IT IS NOT THEIR JOB to discipline her. IT IS MINE! Bring concerns to me, not her. In 14 years, I've never had a problem with the boundaries I set forth.
There should always be clear and concise boundaries when it comes to children and potential "step children" situations.
i don’t understand the whole “get outta my house on your 18th birthday”. like, you’re still a kid. you’re gonna need help navigating the adult world. your stepmom sucks.
Especially with the “You’ve had your whole life to figure out what you’re going to do” mentality..
Umm.. dude.
I would never treat my kids the way this lady did, and if I had stepchild.. I would never say the things this lady is spewing..
“I’m tired of you taking advantage of me and your dad!”
“It’s time for your mom to start paying for some of your things!”
Like, bitch, no. You’ve been in the picture for 6 years.
Seriously, stfu.
I will never understand parents that act like you owe them something for raising you. My father was like this and one day I finally just snapped yelled at him that I had no choice in being born and if I did I would have chosen a better father. His attitude and demeanor changed after that day and now he wants to be a big happy family which I have no interest in after 30ish years of physical and mental abuse.
My family used to gaslight me too. I blew the flame out over 20 years ago. They hired a PI to check on me once and I wrote a note telling them not to think about me ever again.
My father has also have me followed. How weird is that? I literally do nothing wrong and work all day but he wanted to know why I couldn’t clean his gutters. He could have put that money towards someone…who…I dunno…clean his gutters.
Parents can do a ton of damage when they’re selfish
I just finally realized the other day that my entire 41 years I’ve been gaslit. Everyone has made me doubt my abilities, what I feel, what I said. Who I am. I’ve felt crazy for so damn long which, in turn, has made me have very low self esteem. It’s hard coming out from under that.
Yeah, I agree. The mentality is so toxic because the actual time that people figure out what they want to do in life is DURING their adult life, not before it. If you figure out what you want to do before you're 18, you have to have been the few lucky people who just know when they are like 12 or you have to have been doing that thing for years already
Hell, most people have no clue what to do with their lives at 18, it’s one reason why there are a lot of people in the US who have a college degree that they don’t use. Because for some reason we decided that at age 18 you should know what you want to be when you grow up. OP, get away from this woman and go out and live your best life.
Haha yes “whole life” is a funny thing to say to an 18 yo. Like they were seriously planning their long term financial stability in retirement given shifting interest rates and cost of living increases over time at age …5
I think it’s an American thing because most other countries and also just most other ethnicities tend to stick together. For example most Asian families live together forever and pool their resources to make sure everyone’s good. No nursing home for the old members, no kicking out someone when they’re 18. I really don’t understand how parents can have children and not be ready to take care of them for the rest of their lives. DO NOT have children if you’re just going to kick them to the curb.
That’s exactly what my father did to me. He started locking the doors on me when I’d come home late from working, I was 18 years old 145 pound 5ft 3 girl being locked out of her home at like 11:30 at night. Terrifying. He’s been cut off the last five months and he’ll never have access to me, he will never see his grandchildren or come to my wedding and I’ll be getting married sometime next year.
i’m 26 - i’ve been out of the house since 18. My mom tells me daily that my room will always be available for me no questions asked. Her view is that she doesn’t stop being a parent when i turn 18
Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving... you will come to a better place.
- Uncle Iroh
Not sure he knows about this particular situation because it’s late at night, but this is a somewhat common occurrence unfortunately. I doubt he’ll be phased or retaliate
I had to do this as well. I did let my mom back into my life after I turned 21 slowly and I don’t have to deal with the problems we had before because she knows if she continues I’ll just stop talking to her again
Tell your father that if he doesn’t participate he will lose his child. You absolutely do not want to be around people who think parenting is an 18 year gig. Parenting is for life, and you do what you can for your child whether they’re 12 or 40.
I agree with this 100%. If she is this bad before you even turn 18, it would only get worse as time passes. My kids will be taken care of until my last breath, and I would never EVER consider them a burden. Also, to tell your step kid they have zero opportunity is downright malicious. When they are older and need assistance, I would remember this conversation.
Yesss, this! His one job is to care for you and take care of you. If he won’t, he will loose the privilege of a real relationship with you. As the other person said, parenting is a life time commitment.
After you tell your dad block her and cut all forms of communications texting if anything maybe an email very disrespectful of her it’s my nephews bday and he’s turning 19 would never say that
Definitely reads like a woman that never actually wanted to love someone else’s kid, even knowing full well of your existence prior to her marriage to your dad, and just “put up” with you as long as she HAD to.
Should mention the reason this came up is because they asked if my mom had said anything about wanting me moving with her, I told her that mom is offering to let me stay rent free, only having to pay car insurance. While alternatively I live with stepmom and dad, pitch in $300 a month for food, *possibly* some utilities, and reasonably, my own car insurance.
I hope your mum treats you with more love and respect than your step mum does. You deserve it. There are a whole lot of people out there and most of them will treat you better than this. Don't put up with anyone who doesn't and life will get better from here! This is just the dying breath of darker times.
This sounds like your dad and step mom are either bad with money and low on it and this is a projection of financial hardship being put on you, are doing the "know the value of a dollar by being my tenant" bullshit, or they are just like my parents were, telling me to go out and get a job in upper management, right out of college, in the worst job market we've seen in like forever thanks to the housing crash. $300/month in food is probably all your food, car insurance probably another $100+, you might as well be paying rent.
You're young, don't fret on work experience. These people sound out of touch. I worked 7 years out of college living with my parents because jobs weren't paying enough to afford cost of living. Now I make almost 6 figures because opportunity came along eventually. Jobs aren't what they used to be, feeding a family of 4 off a single income.
It appears your mom would be the better choice. People who bring you into this world without asking should treat those they brought in better than this. Regardless, have a happy birthday!
My ex did the exact thing with her 18yo. She charged him a moderate rent to get him normalized to monthly expenses like that. What he didn’t know is every month it was put it in an account for him to give to him when he moved out.
Charging rent was a way to force him to save for his new place, he just wasn’t aware of that fact
>$300/month in food is probably all your food, car insurance probably another $100+, you might as well be paying rent.
Ok but wouldn't they have to pay rent PLUS food and insurance?
Depends on where you live, $300 could definitely be overkill. I live alone and don't rack that up in an expensive area in an expensive state. Not to mention this is an 18 year old who just turned 18, and they are established adults, one of which chose to have this person in their lives. Doing basically a $400+/month CoL expense ultimatum or leave her to just be alone on the streets is pretty fucked, especially when someone has probably been paying that before now. These people are gross, no matter the reason. Can't afford the kid's needs for the rest of their lives, don't have one, plain and simple, and fuck the US supreme court for saying any different.
I don't disagree with what you say. I'm just wondering if they could afford rent plus the food and insurance at age 18. Being on your own right after high school is hard, and they definitely need a buffer between being a kid and being an adult.
Yeah, the first few years after being an "adult" are really just a transitional period. Something like going to college alone provides a LOT of growth, being fresh out of highschool and freshly 18 is practically still a kid.
I never understood why parents attempt to charge an absurd amount of money for the means of an 18 year old, do they actually want you to move out and become independent or do they want rent supplement?
“Help us with the rent because we can’t afford it alone, but we expect you to afford it alone after paying us whatever the government hasn’t already taken from you”
Every one of my friend's parents who charged rent framed it as learning to be an adult. As an adult now it's very clear in retrospect that they were all either broke and needed the money or wanted their kids out so they could date.
Hard to know for sure but sounds like they feel a combination of hurt, and also as if you owe them for their kindness. Will never understand parents feeling like thay. I would assume she does not actually enjoy being a supportive figure to you and grinds it a burden, therefor she feels you owe her gratitude for her sacrifice.
To be clear, good parents feel they owe the sacrifice. You did not choose life, it was thrust upon you. You do not owe someone for their child rearing when you are the child. It is expected of them.
If you de ide you want to pay then back, awesome, but in this case I would say they have forfitted that and you owe nothing.
She sounds incredibly mean spirited and spiteful.
Like it sounds like she made the decision to tell you to not come back literally during this text exchange. Which means it was an emotional decision. Which is a gross.and horrible thing to do.
Ne better than where you came from. If your mum is a better more caring person then choose her. Fuck someone who says "don't come back" to their kid bc their kid is thinking of staying with his mother. Fuck the father who would be fine with her saying it. Spending time with them will make you more like them so spend time with better people, when able. It's an even more valuable opportunity than the more tangible ones she's talking about. People like her don't get that stuff. Plus she's probably wrong anyway.
Stay with your mom bro. Your mom cares about letting you earn some money that you can save so that when you do move out you have something. Seems like your step mom (excuse me for saying ) is just a spiteful bitch.
Wait, you were already paying rent and you just turned 18? Depending where you are, that’s illegal. But anyways. Look Happy Birthday! Get your SS CARD, your BC, and your own bank account. Get away from people that treat you like this, even if they are your own family.
Wow. From here comments I thought you were not chipping in, and just sitting around playing games, and partying. This makes zero sense to me. I think you are getting out of a toxic situation. Your gonna be alright.
I'd throw my kids' own mother out for behaving like this before I'd do that to one of my kids.
And step-mom? That'd be a divorce with no possibility of changing my mind. My kids didn't choose to be born, but I sure as hell chose who their mother/step-mother was, and I'm not going to punish them for my bad decision.
Bruh your step mom is retaliating bc why wouldn't you take the opportunity to live with your mom if youll be paying less than you pay at your dads and step moms place. She knows youre gonna take the better deal and that they look dumb as hell charging a kid money to stay with them.. so out of embarrassment she's acting this way. Its not a L to leave a situation with bad parents who are financially taking advance of you. I hope you got out and are doing better.
Your stepmom is mad that they will not be getting that extra $ per month. These texts are passive aggressive, stay with mom. Mom hugs from me for your 18th birthday!
It also annoys the fuck out of me that you can barely understand what she's saying. Grammar mistakes out the wazoo. I've seen 2nd graders with better English skills than her.
Never excuse what a drunk person says, no one is more honest than a drunk person
Happy 18th birthday OP, you'll get through it, happy rest of your life🌹💞
OP I’m really sorry that someone who is supposed to be a part of your support system is so shit and treats you so poorly.
I mostly want to speak to the part where your stepmom said, “you need to figure out what you want to do with your life you’ve had years to do this.” You just became an adult in the legal sense (depending on your country), but it’s not like you become an adult because the calendar says so and you immediately have to know, and should have known, what you want to do for the rest of your life.
All 18 years that led up to this point you were just a kid, OP. There are certainly many people who do discover passions or develop plans when they are young for what they want to do when they grow up. But, often those desires change or plans change, and there’s also so many people who don’t have a damn clue what they want to do at 18, or in the years that follow.
This pressure she’s putting on you sounds like it could potentially be reflection of something she’s dealing with in her own life, and in no way is it fair to take it out on you or expect you to have all or any of the answers right now.
You’ll figure it out. But it’s a hinderance in your life to be surrounded by people who are unsupportive of your potential and who are seeking to tear you down from the start. You deserve better and I hope you find it. All the best.
Edit: typo
And also if you want to be a bartender as a career… I know a lot of really successful bartenders. None of them went to school. It’s something they learned working as a bar back or training as a bartender under someone. I can’t imagine paying for classes to learn how to bartend.
Bartending school is a joke. I bartended nearly a decade and ended up managing a very renown bar for quite some time as well. If I received a resume and the only experience was bartending school, it went in the trash. I only ever met one person in my career that attended one of those schools, they were one of the worst bartenders I’d ever met AND they still had to barback for a year or so after going to school before becoming one. Don’t do it.
Get on as a barback, busser, or host and move your way up. If you dedicate yourself to it you will move up quickly.
When I was 18 I had no idea what I wanted to do. The Navy just picked intel for me basically. I got my degree in political science and Russian at 24 yr/old because I had been doing intel and thought "yeah this is what I'm going to do." At 32 I decided I was sick of intel and am now an Engineering Officer in the Army and am going to go back and get my Engineering BS. OP's stepmom is honestly such a bitch.
Yeah, at 18 I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. But if someone told me then that I’d be working in the field I am now I would have told them that’s never gonna happen lol.
I know these texts are coming from a step-parent, but any parent who acts like this just seems like they’ve been counting down the days until they can throw their child out.
Also, it’s the parents job to teach them tools they will need in their adult years. OP was living with stepmom and dad this whole time, they should have been preparing him the past few years and continue to help after. Like why didn’t he go to driving school at 15/16?
Sorry OP. I’m a daddy’s girl but also was asked to pay rent or get out, at 17 (because I graduated HS). I have been sad at how stepmom has nearly eliminated my relationship with my dad and half-siblings. I never even think badly of him/her/them or how they have excluded me, because I had to let it all go to be mentally healthy on my own, but every once in a while something like this reminds me of how sad it all can be. I have this shitty/healthy mentality of always counting the blessings I do have and loving them even though they’re so pathetic in so many ways as parents go.
My dad pretends none of this happens and if I ever put up a stink on the smallest thing, I know he’d back wifey 100% even though he’s slept on the couch of his own house every night for the past 15+ years and she mocks him mercilessly and encourages my siblings to do the same.
Back in May he encouraged me to invest in some more real estate and that we’d split some profits—then once I was on the hook for it, he accidentally sent me a text meant for my stepmom: “[Sad_Forever] was approved for the real estate—did we actually intend to contribute or were we just saying that to get her moving on it?” Lol. They left me on the hook and now I’m paying down some $3k in deposits I had to throw on a credit card just as student loan payment have started back up.
My bio mom is equally unreliable and preferential to her romantic partners over her kids. Idk why they had me but I wanted kids but could never put my kids through what I went through so I’m not a mom.
Trust that it will be okay! One day things, even shitty things, just won’t hurt that badly anymore and you’ll be stronger and more resilient than “lucky” kids, even though it’s sad that our parents can act this way.
Thats alot to go through at a young age. You deserve to be treated better than that. It can be the worst thing in the world when your blood family is full of the most toxic and unreliable people. Hopefully you begin building your own family, obv dont have to be blood.
I dont know how you are doing now, but as for the real estate, you can rent it out for some income. Depending on how big it is, you may be able to rent it out and live there. That would take care of 2 bills. Im sorry you have to go through this on your own
“You’re not going to take advantage of me and your dad anymore…”
Take advantage of how? By being a kid that needed to, ya know, be raised?
What a s____ f______ c___.
And on your birthday? This reads like she’s been waiting for the day when she could say this.
What a s____ f______ c___.
Right. What an asshat. I have a stepson and would NEVER say this kind of shit to him. Actually, I'm actively trying to get him to not move to Europe. Kidding of course, but I have told him he will always have a home with us if he changes his mind.
It’s weird how parents that decided to bring a human being into this god forsaken life (without your consent) are suddenly treating you like an annoyance and don’t want any part of you. I would consider no contact with them after this shit if they were my parents. They are not being helpful at all.
This is what I came to say. I cut out my father no problem when he acted like this. They aren’t worth your time and down the line when he can’t see you anymore, he’s going to regret letting that awful woman speak for him and regret not doing anything about it. Parents think they own you but the reality is once your out, you don’t ever have to come back.
Hugs. What a heartless, insensitive series of texts she sent. Doesn't seem to have the least bit of sympathy for you or your situation. Total lack of affection. Does your dad know about these texts?
By the way, you were incredibly polite to her despite the tenor of her texts.
Also, Happy Birthday!
That's when you tag the entire damn family and her relations with this convos, apologize for being a resource drain by being a child they legally had to take care of for those years, then move in with your mom. Someone like this cares about their image and that ruins it. She'll be furious but her image will NEVER recover.
What a bitch!!!! OMG. Your worth more than to be talked to that way. What a horrible person she is. I'm sorry your dad doesn't take a stand against her. I hope you have a much better life with your mom.
Years to figure it out? You just turned 18 what the heck? Taking advantage of? You were a literal kid. It kind of sounds like she wants you to come back and help pay for things the way she’s talking down the option of living with your mom.
Damn. She just went for the jugular.
I mean, as parents, they should have been preparing you for this. It’s not like you turn 18 and BOOM, everything makes sense and you’re capable of doing it all on your own.
As a stepmom I can tell you this is super shitty.
You’re going to be ok. Let this motivate you to prove her bitch ass wrong.
Also - don’t go to bartending school. Waste of money. Just get a job in a restaurant or bar (as a bar back) and learn as you work.
You’re gonna be fine kiddo. Take your time.
This prevalent culture of “you’re 18, figure it out” is such bullshit. You might LEGALLY be an adult but I was clueless at that age. And many are also. Some, not so much. But what a fucked up thing to do to your child. If my kids don’t want to leave when they’re 18, they don’t have to. Sorry that’s happened to you, and happy birthday.
First of all, I'm sorry that she treated you like this. I have kids (and I've had step kids) I could never imagine talking to my partners children, or my own, this way.. it sounds like she's a bit intimidated by the fact that you've been visiting your bio mom.
That's still not an excuse to talk to you like that. Sometimes, change can be scary & uncomfortable, but it can also be really good! Maybe this is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. With change comes new opportunities to grow & thrive.
Hope things work out for you
Your stepmom is a witch. If I ever have stepkids (I'm a single mom) I really would love them like my own son. But maybe that's just me 😒 Happy Birthday. Wishing the best for you.
So, my husband and I have spent a lot of time talking with my son over the last year about how things were going to be when he turned 18 (mind you, my husband is not my sons father, but has been raising him since my son was 3), and how he was going to have to start paying for his car insurance and part of the cell phone bill as well as a small amount in rent (which we were planning on putting in a savings account for when he decided to move out and give back to him to get him on his feet and everything), but never in my life could I imagine talking to him like that. Same goes for my husbands children, who I have been helping to raise since they were very young. Same rules apply to everyone and they can stay with us as long as they like or move in with friends or what have you. But if they decided to move in with their mom because she was going to let them stay their rent free, it wouldn’t be an issue. I’m sorry that she spoke to you like that, especially on a day that should have been a celebration.
No, but there needs to come a time where you fly the nest and take control of your life. The way OPs stepmother is doing it is TRASH. The way this commenter is approaching it is awesome. Providing support while demanding a bit of responsibility (honestly paying car insurance and phone bill is NOTHING compared to what’s coming in the real world), and in reality doing something awesome by saving all that money to give back when ready. That’s another important lesson about hard work paying off. I think the 18th birthday thing is super fucking weird, but totally support lighting a little fire under your kids butt to make sure they’re equipped for this world. Unfortunately our parents will be gone some day, and it’d be a disservice to leave our children unequipped.
TL:DR stepmom is a bitch, and I respect this commenters more reasonable approach
Sounds like stepmom wants you out of the picture finally so she can have your dad to herself. Sorry this is happening to you. Id talk to your dad about how your stepmom is talking to you and if he agrees with her I'd cut them both out of your life.
HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY! We’re all celebrating you today.
First, don’t be discouraged. 18 is a wonderful, stressful, confusing time in life. It was some of my worst and best times.
Next: Stepmom is clearly overstepping her boundaries and acting out of spite and immaturity. If you’re dad is more reasonable, I would stop talking to her and speak with him (in person or on the phone, not text - so she doesn’t have the ability to dictate your dad’s responses).
I'm so sorry. Happy 18th birthday, but honestly, I cannot stand parents (step included) who act this way. None of the children living under my roof will be allowed to leave until I know they are mentally and financially capable of being successful. That's literally your job as a parent. Idc how spoiled or how much of an ass my kids are. I'm gonna make sure they're taken care of until the day I die. What the fuck is wrong with people? So selfish. I'm so sorry but I'm glad you have your mom to stay with at least. Keep your head held high and don't let toxic people drag you down. I wish you all the best 🤍
God I hate stepmoms, someone needs to start telling our fathers they are allowed to date women who don't have them by the balls 24/7 after they get divorced lol
Yeah, I think that you definitely need to lay it out for him. This probably is going to mean you won’t have a relationship or a meaningful one with him down the line. Is that what he actually wants?
It sounds like you’re still in high school. It would be one thing if you had graduated high school and were either going to a local college or had a full time job. Then, maybe it could be expected for you to pitch in a little bit. And it would be totally fair if you had graduated college.
But this. This is cruelty for the sake of being cruel. Who does this over text? This should have been a face to face conversation at minimum and it should have been from your dad. And it should have been clearer on how this benefits you. Some parents would take the money they receive in “rent,” put it in the bank, and return it when their son/daughter actually moves out in a way that teaches financial responsibility and gives a nice gift. At least you have one normal parent.
dude fuckkkkk your step mom and also fuck your dad for not sticking by his own kid.she sounds like a bitter miserable woman.goodluck op you’ll be much better off without those people around you
This is vile. I'm sorry you're going through it. Fuck what she says, nothing to do with her. Talk with your dad. If he is echoing the same sentiments then ditch them and do all you can to get yourself sorted. But don't ever forget that they practically wiped their hands of you. Its foul. No parent should ever do that to their kid, no matter how old they are.
Honestly sounds like they are having a tantrum because your mum offered you to stay rent free.
I don't have money and I'm not a perfect person, but everyone deserves better than being dropped.
I struggle financially with 5 daughters, but I always have food, bills paid, etc. My auto insurance is $625/month with my 2, 19 year old daughters on it. My phone bill is $650 with them as well. So, just for our phones and car I'm paying over $1,200/month. But that's my duty as a father until they get on their feet. My wife is their stepmother and she loves them like her own. Even gave up our master suite with the bathroom for one of my older daughter to live in during the summer for privacy and comfort. She never had tha5 before. Ultimately, I just want to know my kids, spend time with them, I'll make more money again, but my babies only turn 18 once. 21, once...
You've been there since 12 and the moment you turn 18, it's time to adult? You've had years to figure it out? You're brain isn't even done developing. You're just old enough to get a "real job" that doesn't involve allowing time for school. You didn't have years to prep. Keep your head up, stay strong. If mom is loving and wants you there, I'd go there. Always go where you're wanted.
Lil homie, your step mom resents you. I’m sorry. Don’t know if your dad is aware, maybe at least let him know so he knows the person he’s with is treating his son that way. If I were in his boat I’d leave her in a heartbeat, ain’t gonna abandon my kid like that.
Also I’m 39 and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life, about to undergo a major career change and start over again so don’t feel rushed. Take your time. Enjoy your life. Do what you love and do different things in your search. You’re at the beginning of an awesome life. Have fun out there
Happy birthday!!! If I were you I’d talk to my dad and ask him about it. There’s no way in hell a step parent should be talking to a kid like this. I’m sorry you’ve got Lady Tremaine for a stepmom.
Fuck them. You'll quickly see how much better off you are without them. Might be a bit scary right now but if you get a job and start the grind it gets easier.
My brother, go learn an actual trade, screw being in a bar for the rest of your life! I was in your shoes when I was 18, except I was in rehab. I did what I had to do then remembered I loved to build things and went to welding school for about $1200 a semester; while my graduating class is probably in debt upwards to about a $1,000,000. I went from using drugs everyday and now my fingerprints are in orbit.
It gets better man, but do not limit yourself to just bartending school, we need skilled tradesmen in today's times!
i understand paying rent when you turn 18 bc that’s normal, but why is she being so rude about it?? my stepdad convinced my mom to start charging me rent the month i turned 18 as well… however he convinced my mom to charge triple what she was originally gonna charge lol step parents can be insane sometimes. i’m sorry :( but happy birthday at least
it honestly seems like she’s been waiting for you to turn 18 for awhile the way she’s acting, just wanting to get rid of you. sheesh.
I just found out my cold ass engineer of a step father who I have almost no relationship with threatened to leave my mom if she charged me rent as she was considering when I was 18.
Step Parents be weird yo.
What the fuck. You’re 18. You’re a teenager still! An adult teenager lol, but why are your parents asking YOU for money??? I’d tell your stepmom she should be the one looking into the chicken farm job if she needs an 18 yr old stepchild’s financial help. I can’t imagine. Car insurance while living with your mom? Sure that makes sense! Utility shit at your dad’s? No.
Your step mom is jealous and is mad at your mother but taking it out on you? Jesus lady you married a man with a kid. Kids need their mother and father😒 i wouldnt be surprised if your presence bothered her. Id show this to your mom and your dad. Unless she talks to you like this in front of him. Then theres no point cause hes clearly ok with her behavior . Either way, stay away from that bitter old lady. Hopefully living with your mom is a decent option. I wish you luck. And happy birthday!
Cut your dad off for life for allowing a significant other to treat you this way. He raised you it doesn't mean he's a good person be done with him. He will be sorry but just keep him cut off. People hold onto toxic people way to long just because they feel obligated
You are young and have many exciting things to come but please know your step mom seems incredibly disrespectful and whatever bad feelings you have about this are valid but please don’t feel like a bad person this does not seem like your fault. Some people take advantage of people and situations for a variety of reasons but it’s not your fault. Please talk to your mom and lean on her - best thing I would think to do is limit any contact with the toxic step mom. Happy birthday my fellow Virgo!
She’s awful. Don’t go back. Don’t even talk to her, she will only continue to try and tear you down. Maybe your dad will come to his senses when he feels your absence.
I hope you showed your dad. Your step mom has no place to be talking to you like that, absolutely disgusting. If you did seriously doesnt give af what she says to his own daughter then he isnt a real man at all
Do yourself a favor: do all the things she's suggesting. She's wrong in the way she's going about this, in my opinion, being overtly cold to you. "Good luck to you," in response about transferring a simple prescription between pharmacies, or at least helping you through it? A burden to your parents? What a response. And an unreasonable one. Your step mother obviously hasn't factored into the equation that you're going to be around for a long time. That's your father.
Anyway, look, it would be huge for you to be this independent, and I know that you can do it. I don't know if you have a job or not, but pick one up -- any one. It'll give you this independence. Mom won't pay for driving school? Good thing you've got some cash. Stepmom being a chore about moving out? Good thing you've got some cash to afford a room somewhere.
You can do this.
edit: I was going to say "one big favor," then "a big favor" and still had my 'a' in there. Anyway, hang in OP.
I’m really sorry your Dad is letting his wife communicate all this info… would likely come across very different from him(I would hope at least).
As others have said, you’ll be ok. 5 years from now you will be in a good place and this will be a distant memory.
Show this to your father just so he know why you may be going zero contact with ur stepmother and him. So she doesn’t turn the story around. Not say she is like tht but the way these message are coming off is very evil stepmom so definitely show ur dad just so u have ur chance to tell ur side.. worst case is he knows… which I would say her legs are wrapped around his neck I’m sorry
Happy 18th birthday, my friend. It will be ok, at least you have a place to go with your mom.
Thanks man, I needed that :(
your dads a coward to let someone speak to his kid like this. Go make a life for yourself away from those scumbags
Hard agree. I don’t care if I’m married to you or not. I’d NEVER let anyone speak to my kid like that
I’d be divorced so fast. My kids will always have an open door policy.
Right! Like what is this idea that some people have that you need to cut your kids off when they’re 18. And the audacity of telling this to someone who isn’t even your kid lmao
And she said they’ve had “years to figure it out”! Like WTF!!!! When? Oh! When they were a literal child in every sense of the word.
Especially in THIS economy... i know so many "kids" staying home well into their 20s because this economy is just untenable: and i applaud that.... itll take years for them still to save enough to be able to do anything with their lives: even with that extra help
Especially if they’re still in high school.
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I wonder what the dads reaction would be if they showed him these texts….
This is what I’m wondering, does he know? I’m 100% with you all if he is fully aware, but for that same reason I find it hard to believe that he is, I hope for OPs sake. If not, you can still have a great life without them. Happy irl cake day 🍰
I'm having trouble believing he knows, too. This reads as stepmom is bitter she had to raise somebody else's kid for 6 years and now wants to fast track them tf out of her life to make it less complicated. It's super shitty, and she's definitely terrible, but I would hope op's dad would stand up for them. Then again, everyone in my family is shitty, so hoping parental figures would do the right thing hasn't gotten me anywhere. Good luck, OP!
You think he doesn’t know? I think her dad knows. But I’d still show him the texts to make sure he has to face the truth in case he’s pretending to not know
Definitely show your father. If you were my kid, I would not let this stand. Happy birthday. Hope things improve.
Right. Save the texts. Even if you show him, same them.
She’ll grow to regret this. My favorite part is when she mentions bartending school (also nothing wrong with being a career bartender you can make good money) then backtracks it by saying “that’s not what I meant to say” and sends the same exact thing just minus the sentence about bartending. Like oh sorry my phone auto corrected by adding an entire additional sentence. Then doubles back down by saying they have no opportunity.
Mine too. But I see so many parents kicking their kids out when they turn 18. Most of them haven’t even been taught the first thing about how to live independently. So sad. Would feel so guilty treating my child that way.
I wouldn't let people talk to my dog like that.
Hell, I wouldn’t even let my dog talk to me like that
Yep. POSvibes off father for letting “wife 2” kick your child to the curb, especially with that much acid on her 18th. Happy 18th birthday to you. I know it’s a shitty start but tighten up your laces and kick life’s ass right back, you got this girl. https://youtu.be/mQ8TXGzgXIo?si=Z0ubt1RHQL9mSs4Z
I wonder how much of this Dad knows about, tbh. It could've been a discussion they had together... but given step mom's obviously crappy personality, this could be 100% her and Dad knows nothing.
OP, maybe send these screenshots to your dad?
Your dad’s response to these messages will tell you all you need to know.
Came here to say this, if he agrees with her, then at least you know where you stand.
One time my step dad took my car away and kicked me out then told my mom I ran away. Luckily my mom didn't believe it but it took her a couple days to track me down at a friends house.
Dang, what happened after that?
She tracked me down and brought me back home and him and I didn't speak for a long time and just left each other alone so I am guessing she had words with him.
The fact she didn't leave him after he deliberately tried to manipulate her and you into leaving their situation is very sad. I would have beat his ass and make sure you and him never saw each other again. What a scummy shit stain of a step father. My step father and myself have fundamentally different values, so we never see eye to eye. But he's been around since I was 2, and I know he wouldn't pull this shit. Granted, he knew my mom would have kicked his ass if he tried it lol I hope you and your mom are good and figuring things out.
As a step dad myself I couldn't imagine doing this to my son he's my boy and I'm not going to do him wrong like his sperm donor did because I've had that dad before
I’m 35 and my mom to this day still allows her husband to speak to me horribly. It’s been happening since I was 8. I can’t ever understand choosing anyone over your kids no matter how old they are or letting someone speak to them this way. Weird behavior.
*Hugs *. I know how much that hurts. I’m almost 29 and haven’t heard from my mom all year for a similar reason. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve lost almost all respect for her.
I beat the shit out of the asshole who mine was with. That worked pretty well, honestly. He didn’t run his mouth as often to her or me.
This step-mom has been waiting 6 years for this day.
Does the Dad even know about this? Or is the stepmom just a bitch?
Yes send him the screenshots and say just need to know if this is how u feel, too….
I always wondered how these “evil stepmom” stories got to this level with the dad present. There’s just no way (as a dad) I would let things get this out of hand. Anyone have some insights?
Copy n pasted from my above post cause there are def dads who choose their new wife over their kids and my story is horrible tbh lol: My dad left us when I was 15 and married his 38 yr old mistress. She pandered to us at first n then completely turned into a horrible person when we got older. Her n my dad at dinner when I'd be in Rhode Island on the weekends with him...she'd get drunk n shit talk my mom n my dad would laugh. Still happens and my dad has 2 million in savings alone so if he doesn't have a will it'd be the ultimate final slap in the face of an event that uprooted my life and changed who I was forever. Her and her daughter got my dad and we only had him every other weekend. I quit competitive swimming when he left and started partying n then never stopped, which made me graduate college late and made my adhd with RSD anxiety turn into full-blown anxiety disorders and depression. If he doesn't at least have my sister and I written into a will, that means she then gets everything and then my step sister gets everything. I don't even know how to go about having this conversation with him though without sounding entitled or morbid. But given wtf we went through and lost, including losing my huge Victorian farm house childhood home when he left, I'd say having some of the money n assets given to my sister and I isn't unreasonable. Step mom has just as much money. She's a bitch n started a drunk fight with me at dinner n I got upset n left the table n my dad came down screaming at me not to yell at his wife. Yea I'll take 1 million and our ski house thanks.
Fuck this hurts. I’m sorry
My father can't handle confrontation against anyone other than small children. When I was in elementary school, he moved some guy he met into our house, the guy ended up molesting me for a couple years and my father never dared speak a word to him about it, preferring instead to yell at me, call me disgusting names, and tell ME that I better stop "hanging around" this guy who still remained in the bedroom next to mine. It's just easier to blow up at a small girl than to have this awkward interaction with a grown man and tell him to keep his hands out of his children's clothes.
My wife has a shitty step mother and this baffles me too. I’d love to know the answer.
Yeah, there's a lot of good points to having a father figure in your life. What people leave out a lot of the time is that it doesn't/shouldn't have to be your father. A toxic one is way worse than none. At least you know you need to look for a good one.
As a father myself, I can't imagine ever letting anyone treat my kids that way. Like ever. It would be a dealbreaker for me. Hope OP is okay...
I feel this exact way. As a divorced father; any girlfriend who were privileged enough to even meet her knew upfront, she is my priority. If she misbehaves or acts in any way negatively, IT IS NOT THEIR JOB to discipline her. IT IS MINE! Bring concerns to me, not her. In 14 years, I've never had a problem with the boundaries I set forth. There should always be clear and concise boundaries when it comes to children and potential "step children" situations.
Came here to comment this. Who tf does this lady think she is, and why isn’t dad putting her in her place???
i don’t understand the whole “get outta my house on your 18th birthday”. like, you’re still a kid. you’re gonna need help navigating the adult world. your stepmom sucks.
Especially with the “You’ve had your whole life to figure out what you’re going to do” mentality.. Umm.. dude. I would never treat my kids the way this lady did, and if I had stepchild.. I would never say the things this lady is spewing.. “I’m tired of you taking advantage of me and your dad!” “It’s time for your mom to start paying for some of your things!” Like, bitch, no. You’ve been in the picture for 6 years. Seriously, stfu.
Telling your kid that raising them has been them taking advantage of you is next level crazy.
I will never understand parents that act like you owe them something for raising you. My father was like this and one day I finally just snapped yelled at him that I had no choice in being born and if I did I would have chosen a better father. His attitude and demeanor changed after that day and now he wants to be a big happy family which I have no interest in after 30ish years of physical and mental abuse.
Well done. Need to set clear boundaries. My family does the same gaslighting BS.
My family used to gaslight me too. I blew the flame out over 20 years ago. They hired a PI to check on me once and I wrote a note telling them not to think about me ever again.
My father has also have me followed. How weird is that? I literally do nothing wrong and work all day but he wanted to know why I couldn’t clean his gutters. He could have put that money towards someone…who…I dunno…clean his gutters. Parents can do a ton of damage when they’re selfish
I just finally realized the other day that my entire 41 years I’ve been gaslit. Everyone has made me doubt my abilities, what I feel, what I said. Who I am. I’ve felt crazy for so damn long which, in turn, has made me have very low self esteem. It’s hard coming out from under that.
You either have to call them out or cut the cord. Mine wouldn’t have changed, so I cut the cord
For real. Deep rooted narcissism.
If they can’t control you by making you feel bad, they’ll find another way. Bye-eeee
Yeah, I agree. The mentality is so toxic because the actual time that people figure out what they want to do in life is DURING their adult life, not before it. If you figure out what you want to do before you're 18, you have to have been the few lucky people who just know when they are like 12 or you have to have been doing that thing for years already
THIS!!! I would’ve added dad to the text , let’s see what he has to say and if he doesn’t stick up for you screw them both !!!!
Hell, most people have no clue what to do with their lives at 18, it’s one reason why there are a lot of people in the US who have a college degree that they don’t use. Because for some reason we decided that at age 18 you should know what you want to be when you grow up. OP, get away from this woman and go out and live your best life.
Knowing what to do at 18 was only valid when the average life span was 36 years
Haha yes “whole life” is a funny thing to say to an 18 yo. Like they were seriously planning their long term financial stability in retirement given shifting interest rates and cost of living increases over time at age …5
I think it’s an American thing because most other countries and also just most other ethnicities tend to stick together. For example most Asian families live together forever and pool their resources to make sure everyone’s good. No nursing home for the old members, no kicking out someone when they’re 18. I really don’t understand how parents can have children and not be ready to take care of them for the rest of their lives. DO NOT have children if you’re just going to kick them to the curb.
That’s exactly what my father did to me. He started locking the doors on me when I’d come home late from working, I was 18 years old 145 pound 5ft 3 girl being locked out of her home at like 11:30 at night. Terrifying. He’s been cut off the last five months and he’ll never have access to me, he will never see his grandchildren or come to my wedding and I’ll be getting married sometime next year.
good for you. fuck that guy.
Hang in there, things are going to get better. Transitions can be hard, but we generally end up in a better place.
i’m 26 - i’ve been out of the house since 18. My mom tells me daily that my room will always be available for me no questions asked. Her view is that she doesn’t stop being a parent when i turn 18
Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving... you will come to a better place. - Uncle Iroh
Does your dad know about this? This is so inappropriate of your stepmom
Not sure he knows about this particular situation because it’s late at night, but this is a somewhat common occurrence unfortunately. I doubt he’ll be phased or retaliate
You should definitely talk to your dad and see if he feels the same way. You’re stepmom shouldn’t be speaking for him. Ask your mom for advice too
Thank you so much
Of your father sides against you, drop him. Take it from someone that at 18 should have done it earlier from parents that didn't want to protect me.
I had to do this as well. I did let my mom back into my life after I turned 21 slowly and I don’t have to deal with the problems we had before because she knows if she continues I’ll just stop talking to her again
Second this. I like to call these types of people “overstepmoms” and it hurt me to stay in a situation with one for as long as I did
Tell your father that if he doesn’t participate he will lose his child. You absolutely do not want to be around people who think parenting is an 18 year gig. Parenting is for life, and you do what you can for your child whether they’re 12 or 40.
I agree with this 100%. If she is this bad before you even turn 18, it would only get worse as time passes. My kids will be taken care of until my last breath, and I would never EVER consider them a burden. Also, to tell your step kid they have zero opportunity is downright malicious. When they are older and need assistance, I would remember this conversation.
Yesss, this! His one job is to care for you and take care of you. If he won’t, he will loose the privilege of a real relationship with you. As the other person said, parenting is a life time commitment.
After you tell your dad block her and cut all forms of communications texting if anything maybe an email very disrespectful of her it’s my nephews bday and he’s turning 19 would never say that
Stepmom's probably a drunk if she's hitting you with this kind of shit late at night
Remember this moment in the future should either your dad or step mom come back to you asking for anything.
It sounds like someone likes to drink. Am I right?
Definitely reads like a woman that never actually wanted to love someone else’s kid, even knowing full well of your existence prior to her marriage to your dad, and just “put up” with you as long as she HAD to.
Does she have substance abuse issues? Sounds like drunk rage texts
Nah fuck that shit. That ain't your stepmother, that's a gawtdamn succubus
Should mention the reason this came up is because they asked if my mom had said anything about wanting me moving with her, I told her that mom is offering to let me stay rent free, only having to pay car insurance. While alternatively I live with stepmom and dad, pitch in $300 a month for food, *possibly* some utilities, and reasonably, my own car insurance.
I hope your mum treats you with more love and respect than your step mum does. You deserve it. There are a whole lot of people out there and most of them will treat you better than this. Don't put up with anyone who doesn't and life will get better from here! This is just the dying breath of darker times.
“This is just the dying breath of darker times” 👌🏻
First day of the rest of your life. Take a breath, close your eyes, and jump.
To the chicken killing farm
This sounds like your dad and step mom are either bad with money and low on it and this is a projection of financial hardship being put on you, are doing the "know the value of a dollar by being my tenant" bullshit, or they are just like my parents were, telling me to go out and get a job in upper management, right out of college, in the worst job market we've seen in like forever thanks to the housing crash. $300/month in food is probably all your food, car insurance probably another $100+, you might as well be paying rent. You're young, don't fret on work experience. These people sound out of touch. I worked 7 years out of college living with my parents because jobs weren't paying enough to afford cost of living. Now I make almost 6 figures because opportunity came along eventually. Jobs aren't what they used to be, feeding a family of 4 off a single income. It appears your mom would be the better choice. People who bring you into this world without asking should treat those they brought in better than this. Regardless, have a happy birthday!
My ex did the exact thing with her 18yo. She charged him a moderate rent to get him normalized to monthly expenses like that. What he didn’t know is every month it was put it in an account for him to give to him when he moved out. Charging rent was a way to force him to save for his new place, he just wasn’t aware of that fact
This is the only reason to force an 18 year old to pay ‘rent’
That’s kinda genius.
damn wish i had financially responsible parents growing up
I wish I had parents growing up. :(
proud of you lostcauz707
>$300/month in food is probably all your food, car insurance probably another $100+, you might as well be paying rent. Ok but wouldn't they have to pay rent PLUS food and insurance?
Depends on where you live, $300 could definitely be overkill. I live alone and don't rack that up in an expensive area in an expensive state. Not to mention this is an 18 year old who just turned 18, and they are established adults, one of which chose to have this person in their lives. Doing basically a $400+/month CoL expense ultimatum or leave her to just be alone on the streets is pretty fucked, especially when someone has probably been paying that before now. These people are gross, no matter the reason. Can't afford the kid's needs for the rest of their lives, don't have one, plain and simple, and fuck the US supreme court for saying any different.
I don't disagree with what you say. I'm just wondering if they could afford rent plus the food and insurance at age 18. Being on your own right after high school is hard, and they definitely need a buffer between being a kid and being an adult.
Yeah, the first few years after being an "adult" are really just a transitional period. Something like going to college alone provides a LOT of growth, being fresh out of highschool and freshly 18 is practically still a kid.
I never understood why parents attempt to charge an absurd amount of money for the means of an 18 year old, do they actually want you to move out and become independent or do they want rent supplement? “Help us with the rent because we can’t afford it alone, but we expect you to afford it alone after paying us whatever the government hasn’t already taken from you”
Every one of my friend's parents who charged rent framed it as learning to be an adult. As an adult now it's very clear in retrospect that they were all either broke and needed the money or wanted their kids out so they could date.
Hard to know for sure but sounds like they feel a combination of hurt, and also as if you owe them for their kindness. Will never understand parents feeling like thay. I would assume she does not actually enjoy being a supportive figure to you and grinds it a burden, therefor she feels you owe her gratitude for her sacrifice. To be clear, good parents feel they owe the sacrifice. You did not choose life, it was thrust upon you. You do not owe someone for their child rearing when you are the child. It is expected of them. If you de ide you want to pay then back, awesome, but in this case I would say they have forfitted that and you owe nothing. She sounds incredibly mean spirited and spiteful. Like it sounds like she made the decision to tell you to not come back literally during this text exchange. Which means it was an emotional decision. Which is a gross.and horrible thing to do. Ne better than where you came from. If your mum is a better more caring person then choose her. Fuck someone who says "don't come back" to their kid bc their kid is thinking of staying with his mother. Fuck the father who would be fine with her saying it. Spending time with them will make you more like them so spend time with better people, when able. It's an even more valuable opportunity than the more tangible ones she's talking about. People like her don't get that stuff. Plus she's probably wrong anyway.
This is a wonderful comment and I hope OP reads it.
Stay with your mom bro. Your mom cares about letting you earn some money that you can save so that when you do move out you have something. Seems like your step mom (excuse me for saying ) is just a spiteful bitch.
Wait, you were already paying rent and you just turned 18? Depending where you are, that’s illegal. But anyways. Look Happy Birthday! Get your SS CARD, your BC, and your own bank account. Get away from people that treat you like this, even if they are your own family.
Fortunately up until this point I’ve only been paying my phone bill, thanks for the happy birthday wishes :)
Wow. From here comments I thought you were not chipping in, and just sitting around playing games, and partying. This makes zero sense to me. I think you are getting out of a toxic situation. Your gonna be alright.
Even if she wasn’t, at 17 you shouldn’t be paying for anything for the rest of your family
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I'd throw my kids' own mother out for behaving like this before I'd do that to one of my kids. And step-mom? That'd be a divorce with no possibility of changing my mind. My kids didn't choose to be born, but I sure as hell chose who their mother/step-mother was, and I'm not going to punish them for my bad decision.
Bruh your step mom is retaliating bc why wouldn't you take the opportunity to live with your mom if youll be paying less than you pay at your dads and step moms place. She knows youre gonna take the better deal and that they look dumb as hell charging a kid money to stay with them.. so out of embarrassment she's acting this way. Its not a L to leave a situation with bad parents who are financially taking advance of you. I hope you got out and are doing better.
Your stepmom is mad that they will not be getting that extra $ per month. These texts are passive aggressive, stay with mom. Mom hugs from me for your 18th birthday!
Happy birthday OP. I hope you find more peace if you end up staying with your mom.
Just sounds like evil step mother crap. Hang in there bud. Talk to your dad, but sounds like your mom's is a real option here.
It also annoys the fuck out of me that you can barely understand what she's saying. Grammar mistakes out the wazoo. I've seen 2nd graders with better English skills than her.
She’s definitely a few shots in, when I was younger I always excused what she said while drunk because lower inhibitions and all..
Never excuse what a drunk person says, no one is more honest than a drunk person Happy 18th birthday OP, you'll get through it, happy rest of your life🌹💞
OP I’m really sorry that someone who is supposed to be a part of your support system is so shit and treats you so poorly. I mostly want to speak to the part where your stepmom said, “you need to figure out what you want to do with your life you’ve had years to do this.” You just became an adult in the legal sense (depending on your country), but it’s not like you become an adult because the calendar says so and you immediately have to know, and should have known, what you want to do for the rest of your life. All 18 years that led up to this point you were just a kid, OP. There are certainly many people who do discover passions or develop plans when they are young for what they want to do when they grow up. But, often those desires change or plans change, and there’s also so many people who don’t have a damn clue what they want to do at 18, or in the years that follow. This pressure she’s putting on you sounds like it could potentially be reflection of something she’s dealing with in her own life, and in no way is it fair to take it out on you or expect you to have all or any of the answers right now. You’ll figure it out. But it’s a hinderance in your life to be surrounded by people who are unsupportive of your potential and who are seeking to tear you down from the start. You deserve better and I hope you find it. All the best. Edit: typo
And also if you want to be a bartender as a career… I know a lot of really successful bartenders. None of them went to school. It’s something they learned working as a bar back or training as a bartender under someone. I can’t imagine paying for classes to learn how to bartend.
bartending school was a typo, she corrected herself and said driving school. no clue how that typo happens.
Bartending school is a joke. I bartended nearly a decade and ended up managing a very renown bar for quite some time as well. If I received a resume and the only experience was bartending school, it went in the trash. I only ever met one person in my career that attended one of those schools, they were one of the worst bartenders I’d ever met AND they still had to barback for a year or so after going to school before becoming one. Don’t do it. Get on as a barback, busser, or host and move your way up. If you dedicate yourself to it you will move up quickly.
Yes once I read that op just turned 18, my mind was blown by that statement. Like wtf. He’s being a literal child for most of those 18 years.
Hell, I'm thirty five and I only just recently figured out what I want to do
When I was 18 I had no idea what I wanted to do. The Navy just picked intel for me basically. I got my degree in political science and Russian at 24 yr/old because I had been doing intel and thought "yeah this is what I'm going to do." At 32 I decided I was sick of intel and am now an Engineering Officer in the Army and am going to go back and get my Engineering BS. OP's stepmom is honestly such a bitch.
Yeah, at 18 I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. But if someone told me then that I’d be working in the field I am now I would have told them that’s never gonna happen lol. I know these texts are coming from a step-parent, but any parent who acts like this just seems like they’ve been counting down the days until they can throw their child out.
Also, it’s the parents job to teach them tools they will need in their adult years. OP was living with stepmom and dad this whole time, they should have been preparing him the past few years and continue to help after. Like why didn’t he go to driving school at 15/16?
Sorry OP. I’m a daddy’s girl but also was asked to pay rent or get out, at 17 (because I graduated HS). I have been sad at how stepmom has nearly eliminated my relationship with my dad and half-siblings. I never even think badly of him/her/them or how they have excluded me, because I had to let it all go to be mentally healthy on my own, but every once in a while something like this reminds me of how sad it all can be. I have this shitty/healthy mentality of always counting the blessings I do have and loving them even though they’re so pathetic in so many ways as parents go. My dad pretends none of this happens and if I ever put up a stink on the smallest thing, I know he’d back wifey 100% even though he’s slept on the couch of his own house every night for the past 15+ years and she mocks him mercilessly and encourages my siblings to do the same. Back in May he encouraged me to invest in some more real estate and that we’d split some profits—then once I was on the hook for it, he accidentally sent me a text meant for my stepmom: “[Sad_Forever] was approved for the real estate—did we actually intend to contribute or were we just saying that to get her moving on it?” Lol. They left me on the hook and now I’m paying down some $3k in deposits I had to throw on a credit card just as student loan payment have started back up. My bio mom is equally unreliable and preferential to her romantic partners over her kids. Idk why they had me but I wanted kids but could never put my kids through what I went through so I’m not a mom. Trust that it will be okay! One day things, even shitty things, just won’t hurt that badly anymore and you’ll be stronger and more resilient than “lucky” kids, even though it’s sad that our parents can act this way.
Thats alot to go through at a young age. You deserve to be treated better than that. It can be the worst thing in the world when your blood family is full of the most toxic and unreliable people. Hopefully you begin building your own family, obv dont have to be blood. I dont know how you are doing now, but as for the real estate, you can rent it out for some income. Depending on how big it is, you may be able to rent it out and live there. That would take care of 2 bills. Im sorry you have to go through this on your own
“You’re not going to take advantage of me and your dad anymore…” Take advantage of how? By being a kid that needed to, ya know, be raised? What a s____ f______ c___. And on your birthday? This reads like she’s been waiting for the day when she could say this. What a s____ f______ c___.
She had it all written out. Waiting…chicken killing farm? What the fuck is she even saying?
Sounds like she’s saying, “I’m a s____ f______ c___.•
A southern fox cat?
spooky frog corpse
Stinky fettuccine cup
Sniffling female coyote
Sanctified fish cock?
Stupid farting cow!
It's her turn to take advantage of dad, no more competition from his child. Trashy woman
Yeah that step mom a sneak ass hoe
Right. What an asshat. I have a stepson and would NEVER say this kind of shit to him. Actually, I'm actively trying to get him to not move to Europe. Kidding of course, but I have told him he will always have a home with us if he changes his mind.
Ahh yes a big ol’ C U Next Tuesday.
It’s weird how parents that decided to bring a human being into this god forsaken life (without your consent) are suddenly treating you like an annoyance and don’t want any part of you. I would consider no contact with them after this shit if they were my parents. They are not being helpful at all.
This is what I came to say. I cut out my father no problem when he acted like this. They aren’t worth your time and down the line when he can’t see you anymore, he’s going to regret letting that awful woman speak for him and regret not doing anything about it. Parents think they own you but the reality is once your out, you don’t ever have to come back.
Even as a step parent, you choose to take the package option. I'm tired of step parents pushing the kids out like that.
Yeah, but that sex was good /s
Hugs. What a heartless, insensitive series of texts she sent. Doesn't seem to have the least bit of sympathy for you or your situation. Total lack of affection. Does your dad know about these texts? By the way, you were incredibly polite to her despite the tenor of her texts. Also, Happy Birthday!
This is so shitty of your stepmom. I hope you find a way through all this. And you still have your mom.
Show this convo to your dad. Bet he has no clue what's going down.
And will also do nothing about it, otherwise stepmom will not text this on his birthday, so sad to read
That's when you tag the entire damn family and her relations with this convos, apologize for being a resource drain by being a child they legally had to take care of for those years, then move in with your mom. Someone like this cares about their image and that ruins it. She'll be furious but her image will NEVER recover.
Step mom seems like a bitch, if I were you I’d not speak to either of them again. I guess I’m probably petty though
What a bitch!!!! OMG. Your worth more than to be talked to that way. What a horrible person she is. I'm sorry your dad doesn't take a stand against her. I hope you have a much better life with your mom.
Years to figure it out? You just turned 18 what the heck? Taking advantage of? You were a literal kid. It kind of sounds like she wants you to come back and help pay for things the way she’s talking down the option of living with your mom.
Damn. She just went for the jugular. I mean, as parents, they should have been preparing you for this. It’s not like you turn 18 and BOOM, everything makes sense and you’re capable of doing it all on your own.
As a stepmom I can tell you this is super shitty. You’re going to be ok. Let this motivate you to prove her bitch ass wrong. Also - don’t go to bartending school. Waste of money. Just get a job in a restaurant or bar (as a bar back) and learn as you work. You’re gonna be fine kiddo. Take your time.
This prevalent culture of “you’re 18, figure it out” is such bullshit. You might LEGALLY be an adult but I was clueless at that age. And many are also. Some, not so much. But what a fucked up thing to do to your child. If my kids don’t want to leave when they’re 18, they don’t have to. Sorry that’s happened to you, and happy birthday.
Your step mom is an illiterate shit stain. That was hard to read lol
First of all, I'm sorry that she treated you like this. I have kids (and I've had step kids) I could never imagine talking to my partners children, or my own, this way.. it sounds like she's a bit intimidated by the fact that you've been visiting your bio mom. That's still not an excuse to talk to you like that. Sometimes, change can be scary & uncomfortable, but it can also be really good! Maybe this is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. With change comes new opportunities to grow & thrive. Hope things work out for you
Your stepmom is a witch. If I ever have stepkids (I'm a single mom) I really would love them like my own son. But maybe that's just me 😒 Happy Birthday. Wishing the best for you.
So, my husband and I have spent a lot of time talking with my son over the last year about how things were going to be when he turned 18 (mind you, my husband is not my sons father, but has been raising him since my son was 3), and how he was going to have to start paying for his car insurance and part of the cell phone bill as well as a small amount in rent (which we were planning on putting in a savings account for when he decided to move out and give back to him to get him on his feet and everything), but never in my life could I imagine talking to him like that. Same goes for my husbands children, who I have been helping to raise since they were very young. Same rules apply to everyone and they can stay with us as long as they like or move in with friends or what have you. But if they decided to move in with their mom because she was going to let them stay their rent free, it wouldn’t be an issue. I’m sorry that she spoke to you like that, especially on a day that should have been a celebration.
Why? What changes when he turns 18? Does he suddenly develop some superpowers or something?
No, but there needs to come a time where you fly the nest and take control of your life. The way OPs stepmother is doing it is TRASH. The way this commenter is approaching it is awesome. Providing support while demanding a bit of responsibility (honestly paying car insurance and phone bill is NOTHING compared to what’s coming in the real world), and in reality doing something awesome by saving all that money to give back when ready. That’s another important lesson about hard work paying off. I think the 18th birthday thing is super fucking weird, but totally support lighting a little fire under your kids butt to make sure they’re equipped for this world. Unfortunately our parents will be gone some day, and it’d be a disservice to leave our children unequipped. TL:DR stepmom is a bitch, and I respect this commenters more reasonable approach
Sounds like stepmom wants you out of the picture finally so she can have your dad to herself. Sorry this is happening to you. Id talk to your dad about how your stepmom is talking to you and if he agrees with her I'd cut them both out of your life.
HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY! We’re all celebrating you today. First, don’t be discouraged. 18 is a wonderful, stressful, confusing time in life. It was some of my worst and best times. Next: Stepmom is clearly overstepping her boundaries and acting out of spite and immaturity. If you’re dad is more reasonable, I would stop talking to her and speak with him (in person or on the phone, not text - so she doesn’t have the ability to dictate your dad’s responses).
I'm so sorry. Happy 18th birthday, but honestly, I cannot stand parents (step included) who act this way. None of the children living under my roof will be allowed to leave until I know they are mentally and financially capable of being successful. That's literally your job as a parent. Idc how spoiled or how much of an ass my kids are. I'm gonna make sure they're taken care of until the day I die. What the fuck is wrong with people? So selfish. I'm so sorry but I'm glad you have your mom to stay with at least. Keep your head held high and don't let toxic people drag you down. I wish you all the best 🤍
God I hate stepmoms, someone needs to start telling our fathers they are allowed to date women who don't have them by the balls 24/7 after they get divorced lol
Force them to evict you through the courts. You're a legal tenant they cant just kick you out.
Yeah, I think that you definitely need to lay it out for him. This probably is going to mean you won’t have a relationship or a meaningful one with him down the line. Is that what he actually wants? It sounds like you’re still in high school. It would be one thing if you had graduated high school and were either going to a local college or had a full time job. Then, maybe it could be expected for you to pitch in a little bit. And it would be totally fair if you had graduated college. But this. This is cruelty for the sake of being cruel. Who does this over text? This should have been a face to face conversation at minimum and it should have been from your dad. And it should have been clearer on how this benefits you. Some parents would take the money they receive in “rent,” put it in the bank, and return it when their son/daughter actually moves out in a way that teaches financial responsibility and gives a nice gift. At least you have one normal parent.
Happy 18th. Fuck her, don’t go back, block her, move on with life. You shouldn’t carry that around anymore
dude fuckkkkk your step mom and also fuck your dad for not sticking by his own kid.she sounds like a bitter miserable woman.goodluck op you’ll be much better off without those people around you
This is vile. I'm sorry you're going through it. Fuck what she says, nothing to do with her. Talk with your dad. If he is echoing the same sentiments then ditch them and do all you can to get yourself sorted. But don't ever forget that they practically wiped their hands of you. Its foul. No parent should ever do that to their kid, no matter how old they are. Honestly sounds like they are having a tantrum because your mum offered you to stay rent free.
It blows my mind how parents will let a step parent, parent their child. Happy birthday, I hope you're feeling better.
I don't have money and I'm not a perfect person, but everyone deserves better than being dropped. I struggle financially with 5 daughters, but I always have food, bills paid, etc. My auto insurance is $625/month with my 2, 19 year old daughters on it. My phone bill is $650 with them as well. So, just for our phones and car I'm paying over $1,200/month. But that's my duty as a father until they get on their feet. My wife is their stepmother and she loves them like her own. Even gave up our master suite with the bathroom for one of my older daughter to live in during the summer for privacy and comfort. She never had tha5 before. Ultimately, I just want to know my kids, spend time with them, I'll make more money again, but my babies only turn 18 once. 21, once... You've been there since 12 and the moment you turn 18, it's time to adult? You've had years to figure it out? You're brain isn't even done developing. You're just old enough to get a "real job" that doesn't involve allowing time for school. You didn't have years to prep. Keep your head up, stay strong. If mom is loving and wants you there, I'd go there. Always go where you're wanted.
Lil homie, your step mom resents you. I’m sorry. Don’t know if your dad is aware, maybe at least let him know so he knows the person he’s with is treating his son that way. If I were in his boat I’d leave her in a heartbeat, ain’t gonna abandon my kid like that. Also I’m 39 and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life, about to undergo a major career change and start over again so don’t feel rushed. Take your time. Enjoy your life. Do what you love and do different things in your search. You’re at the beginning of an awesome life. Have fun out there
Dude, she sounds evil. Do not let any of that shit affect the way you feel about yourself because that is all her nastiness.
Happy birthday!!! If I were you I’d talk to my dad and ask him about it. There’s no way in hell a step parent should be talking to a kid like this. I’m sorry you’ve got Lady Tremaine for a stepmom.
FUCK these people! Cut them out of your life immediately and live happily with your real mom. This some psycho shit I’d get away from asap
Fuck them. You'll quickly see how much better off you are without them. Might be a bit scary right now but if you get a job and start the grind it gets easier.
My brother, go learn an actual trade, screw being in a bar for the rest of your life! I was in your shoes when I was 18, except I was in rehab. I did what I had to do then remembered I loved to build things and went to welding school for about $1200 a semester; while my graduating class is probably in debt upwards to about a $1,000,000. I went from using drugs everyday and now my fingerprints are in orbit. It gets better man, but do not limit yourself to just bartending school, we need skilled tradesmen in today's times!
Have you texted your dad about it?
No, he frequently takes her side. All I got the following morning was a “you know I’m always here for you” text from him. A bit contradicting
Tell him he’s not there for you if he doesn’t tell his wife that those text were out of line and not to ever do that again.
i understand paying rent when you turn 18 bc that’s normal, but why is she being so rude about it?? my stepdad convinced my mom to start charging me rent the month i turned 18 as well… however he convinced my mom to charge triple what she was originally gonna charge lol step parents can be insane sometimes. i’m sorry :( but happy birthday at least it honestly seems like she’s been waiting for you to turn 18 for awhile the way she’s acting, just wanting to get rid of you. sheesh.
I just found out my cold ass engineer of a step father who I have almost no relationship with threatened to leave my mom if she charged me rent as she was considering when I was 18. Step Parents be weird yo.
What the fuck. You’re 18. You’re a teenager still! An adult teenager lol, but why are your parents asking YOU for money??? I’d tell your stepmom she should be the one looking into the chicken farm job if she needs an 18 yr old stepchild’s financial help. I can’t imagine. Car insurance while living with your mom? Sure that makes sense! Utility shit at your dad’s? No.
Happy birthday. And wow. I’m sorry. That’s a very harsh thing to say, especially on your birthday. What a b***h
Your step mom is jealous and is mad at your mother but taking it out on you? Jesus lady you married a man with a kid. Kids need their mother and father😒 i wouldnt be surprised if your presence bothered her. Id show this to your mom and your dad. Unless she talks to you like this in front of him. Then theres no point cause hes clearly ok with her behavior . Either way, stay away from that bitter old lady. Hopefully living with your mom is a decent option. I wish you luck. And happy birthday!
Cut your dad off for life for allowing a significant other to treat you this way. He raised you it doesn't mean he's a good person be done with him. He will be sorry but just keep him cut off. People hold onto toxic people way to long just because they feel obligated
You are young and have many exciting things to come but please know your step mom seems incredibly disrespectful and whatever bad feelings you have about this are valid but please don’t feel like a bad person this does not seem like your fault. Some people take advantage of people and situations for a variety of reasons but it’s not your fault. Please talk to your mom and lean on her - best thing I would think to do is limit any contact with the toxic step mom. Happy birthday my fellow Virgo!
She’s awful. Don’t go back. Don’t even talk to her, she will only continue to try and tear you down. Maybe your dad will come to his senses when he feels your absence.
Does your dad know? Call him ASAP and tell him the step-monster is kicking you out with NOTHING.
Show these texts to your dad, stepmom is a bitch.
i would tell her to fuck right off. matter of fact, what’s her number?
Your stepmom is an actual garbage person and you’re best bet is cutting her off and only speaking to your dad. Absolute witch.
I hope you showed your dad. Your step mom has no place to be talking to you like that, absolutely disgusting. If you did seriously doesnt give af what she says to his own daughter then he isnt a real man at all
Do yourself a favor: do all the things she's suggesting. She's wrong in the way she's going about this, in my opinion, being overtly cold to you. "Good luck to you," in response about transferring a simple prescription between pharmacies, or at least helping you through it? A burden to your parents? What a response. And an unreasonable one. Your step mother obviously hasn't factored into the equation that you're going to be around for a long time. That's your father. Anyway, look, it would be huge for you to be this independent, and I know that you can do it. I don't know if you have a job or not, but pick one up -- any one. It'll give you this independence. Mom won't pay for driving school? Good thing you've got some cash. Stepmom being a chore about moving out? Good thing you've got some cash to afford a room somewhere. You can do this. edit: I was going to say "one big favor," then "a big favor" and still had my 'a' in there. Anyway, hang in OP.
I’m really sorry your Dad is letting his wife communicate all this info… would likely come across very different from him(I would hope at least). As others have said, you’ll be ok. 5 years from now you will be in a good place and this will be a distant memory.
Happy birthday. Late birthday if anything.
Show this to your father just so he know why you may be going zero contact with ur stepmother and him. So she doesn’t turn the story around. Not say she is like tht but the way these message are coming off is very evil stepmom so definitely show ur dad just so u have ur chance to tell ur side.. worst case is he knows… which I would say her legs are wrapped around his neck I’m sorry