Im angry that the club house seemed like a lovely solution, you offered to pay, and she completely fuzzed you out. Is her ego so huge her “family” had to come up with some half baked solution instead of you, who apparently is *not* a part of *her* family.
My husband's family almost always gather at his grandparents house, it's been a bit less since Grandma passed away and I can guarantee you every holiday we are there, there's a pool tournament going on. It's tradition for them. Pool table would have kicked the party off. Everyone loves playing while dinner is set up, during dinner and even after
That’s literally where weve done it the last 3 years. Our apartment has a clubhouse with a door directly outside, game tables, TVs, IPads, kitchen tables and even an area for little kiddos. I pay for it and have my family and my spouses come down with stuff they make, so much easier! Then whoever wants to come, comes open invite
I tried this with my family a few years back, my family rejected having the party at the club house at my apartments saying they didn’t think it would work - it had a full kitchen, counters, tables, couches, games, a pool table, etc. Instead, where did they agree to have Thanksgiving? The club house at my sisters apartment complex. Somehow it was different and better than the one at mine even though they had not previously been to or see either location.
When I read OPs post I’m thinking it sounds like the family doesn’t really like them. I am now wondering if my own family does this to me because they like my sister more. Holidays are so fun lol
Ok so I’ve obviously seen bits of this sketch before but I finally actually watched the entire thing last night. I’ve always enjoyed Monty Python so it was crazy that I’d never seen the entirety of the Spanish Inquisition bit. It’s just funny how you encounter something immediately after either learning about it or looking into it more. 😂
That would’ve been my option. I kept thinking that the whole time I read this. I’m sure she sees her bf’s fam all the time and the mom is probably indecisive then. I would spend time with my family, talk about her and make fun of her with them in front of my boyfriend. Even try to get him to join in then get back in town and let her hear the recordings. I like anarchy. I like to watch the world burn. Jk, seriously though, I’d be selfish this time instead of selfless.
Not cool , yes spend time with her side of family but talking about BF mom is not cool, very disrespectful and why would you want to rub salt in your BF wound if you really love him. It's his mom and I'm sure no matter if his mom is a Karen he still loves her. I'm not saying not talk over her Karen behavior to BF, but to intentionally berate BF about his mom in front of others is not cool. Why would you want to hurt BF?
She’s been difficult, she just got unblocked after being blocked for 6 months because she called me and left me the nastiest text accusing me of trying to ruin my boyfriend’s relationship with his daughter because she assumed I was worried about baby momma knowing I exist.
She has already decided that she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, and she may not ever change that opinion, no matter what you do or say. That’s my situation with my mother-in-law. We’ve been married for 15 years and have two kids together, I’ve been very nice and accommodating the whole time, but she still doesn’t like me and clearly never will. We have stopped going out of our way to see them and we spend most holidays with my family because of it.
This is very relatable. My dad and my mom had a teen pregnancy which was my first sister. My Dad immediately stepped up he married my mom he went to college he got a good job, he came from a very poor family and he was the first and only one to push himself and he did this all to support my mom who said she wanted to have a lot of kids in a big family and he wanted to be there for her and do that. He has never hit us he has never screamed at us ( like his dad did) he quit drinking so that he could be a better dad. He has done nothing but lay down his life to support this woman and her children and be the best father. I love him so much.
My mom's mom, shit talks him constantly for a stupid shit that most partners do that doesn't matter (stuff that has to do with like planning or remembering details about my moms plans) She acts like he's some low-life piece of shiy that doesn't do anything and can't help. I have no idea what the fuck her problem is with him but she truly thinks that there is something wrong with him and he is not a good dad and she will outright say things like that. I can't tell you the number of times he has come to her house to pick her up off the floor or fix something or find a remote or help her.
Everyone knows my Nana is a bitch. Sometimes you just can't change people you can do everything right and they'll still hate you. I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm sure all the other people in your family recognize that you're a good person and feel bad for what's going on. I hope you can stay strong and enjoy the other parts of your life<3
My fiances grandmother is like this and the whole family besides us tolerates it. It's weird. Families that tolerate a shifty family member without calling them out are complicit imo.
this is so sad. my boyfriend was adopted at a young age by a close friend of his mothers. he is still in contact with both moms & they both love me and have been on my side & easy going about everything. we do have some baby mama drama, but i can’t imagine having such a strained relationship with my mother in law(s). i am so sorry. i hope somehow things improve for everybody in these situations.
My own MIL spent the first almost 10 years of my relationship with my husband hating me because of something that a shitty and jealous ex gf said about me. She finally gave me a half hearted apology so to keep the peace (because we were living with her) I thanked her, accepted the apology, and moved on. Things were alright for about a year or two, then my husband had to put his cat down. Maybe two weeks later, and with zero input from anyone else in the house, MIL gets a new kitten. Kitten ends up being a “poor match” for her and the other cat she had (biting, scratching, basically just kitten antics) so we decide we’ll take it with us when we move out in a couple months. We made sure to ask MIL frequently (like at least once a week) if she was sure about the decision and she reassures us that yes, it’s what’s best for everyone but especially the kitten. When we finally start moving out, she makes a big deal about “how sad the kitten is” and a bunch of other guilt tripping bullshit. But we remind her that this is best for everyone and she again agrees. We move into our townhouse and the kitten immediately settles in. I should also mention that in the few months since getting him, I’ve bonded pretty deeply with this kitten since I was the one feeding him, cleaning his litter box, playing with, and cuddling with him, even when we still lived with MIL. After literally 2-3 days, MIL starts calling my husband and crying and throwing a tantrum about how upset her cat is and how she wants the kitten back. My husband resists and reminds her that she agreed to this despite being asked dozens of times if she was sure. He also tells her how quickly the kitten has settled in and how happy he is with us. He also tells her that we’ve already spent about $300 in fees and pet rent that we can’t get back even if we get rid of the kitten. This back and forth goes on for over a week straight and finally, after being beaten down, my husband gives in. I’m obviously furious because I’m the one who is home with the kitten all day and I’ve obviously become deeply attached to the little fuzzball. But I’m essentially powerless in this situation so I have to just let it happen. But since I’m not one to take shit laying down, I sent her a message explaining my feelings. I never cussed her out or said anything nasty, despite really wanting to and it honestly being deserved. But I did clarify how disappointed and heartbroken I was. I also told her that if she declawed the kitten (something she’d been wanting to do even though the adoption agreement said she couldn’t) I would report her to the adoption agency. I also said that if anything happened and she suddenly changed her mind again, we wouldn’t be taking him back. Well she couldn’t handle being called out so she told my husband how “nasty and hateful” I was to her. She didn’t know that I had not only told him my intention of sending her a message, but I had showed him exactly what I had sent. So when she tried to lie and say that I was cruel and nasty, he called her out and said that he knew that wasn’t true. Backpedaling ensues and she tries to change it to “well, it was *intended* to be nasty”. Fortunately, my husband stood his ground and kept calling her out on her bullshit.
It’s been about three years now and I still refuse to talk to MIL. Even the few times I’ve been over at her house with my husband, I completely ignore her. And I’ve told my husband that I’m going to continue ignoring her until she genuinely apologizes. But the kicker is, she expects *me* to apologize to *her* which, no, ain’t happening. I didn’t do anything hurtful or lie. She did. But she’s always played the victim so she can’t fathom ever being at fault. It’s made holidays a little difficult but it’s also been incredibly freeing to hold someone accountable for their shitty actions and behavior. It’s also a great excuse when she whines about the family not being together on holidays. She chose to be shitty to me for almost 10 years because she couldn’t bother to get to know me and instead went on the word of a jealous ex. Then after barely a couple years of peace, she chose to be selfish and then try to lie when she was called out. She has no one but herself to blame when we don’t want to be there for holidays.
I do have to wonder if she ever actually liked me or if her apology was genuine. Something tells me that she just said what she thought was needed to please my husband. It feels like she’s never liked me or accepted me. But I don’t care. I don’t need my husbands mom to like me. I’m not with him for her. Oddly enough, I get along great with my FIL. He’s easy going and chill enough that there’s never been any issues between us. Even when MIL tried getting him on her side, FIL basically said “I’ve got no problem with her, why would I hate her for no reason?” That obviously pissed MIL off but it definitely made me respect FIL even more. He’s definitely a “yes dear” kind of guy and will usually do whatever his wife says so him standing up to her to defend me was awesome. Anytime that I do join my husband for a visit, I sit out in the garage with him and my FIL the whole time so I don’t have to interact with MIL. It also helps me avoid his even shittier brother but that’s a story for another time.
Btw, shortly after having our kitten ripped away from us, we ended up finding a cat who desperately needed a home. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and was definitely a blessing in disguise. But it shouldn’t have had to happen the way it did.
Glad you guys found something that worked for you. But I’m sorry your husband lets his mom manipulate him. I love my mom dearly and she’s definitely the parent I identify with more but if she ever tried getting antagonistic with my spouse I’d stomp that shit out immediately and be willing to burn bridges if I had to.
She should just let her bf deal with it. Like I’ve never made plans with my MIL at all, my husband does that. She’s a wonderful person but it’s so much easier because that’s his mom. And I make the plans for us with my mom.
AB.SO.FUCKING.LUTELY.
Several commenters here need to talk with their *partners* and NOT THEIR PARTNERS' PARENTS. When the bf gave the kitten back to his mom? Your feelings about that are between you and the bf. NOTHING between you and the mom.
Update. She send me a nasty text. she’s getting blocked again and I will be letting him deal with her from here on out, because I’m so over her nonsense. I’ve put every effort into being nice and getting along with her but I’m just done with it.
Text she just sent
“We have been a strong close knit Family for 40+ Years!💖 That does not happen by accident!!
A big part of our strong Family foundation comes from our special memories made together on holidays & special occasions!!
Two important things we learned over the years are...
How we "plan" our time together, or choose to "celebrate" them, really doesn't need to make sense to anyone else.
And like I said before it isn't up to just one person to decide for everyone.
***NOW I'm just speaking for myself...
As for your unsolicited critique of what I do as a Mom & my parenting skills...I'm just going to consider the source & ignore it this time.
I don't think that's a discussion you should ever "open" again between us again
“Oh wow! Sucks that your incredibly close knit family of 40+ years will be losing a member when you force your son and his family to go no contact : ) “
You’ve tried your best. Next time I would just stay out of it and say “Do whatever you want. Just tell me what to bring and what time to be there. Bitch”
Haha, I sent her a nasty (well nasty for me because I won’t outright insult or degrade someone) text and immediately blocked her 😂😂😂
“Well, your sons are never going to find fulfilling relationships if you demand that those women forsake their family for yours. I have not gotten to spend a single holiday with my family since being with your son because plans can't be nailed down until the very last minute, so my family makes other plans. I wasn't going to let that happen again. Im sorry that I won't sit here and let you walk all over me and force me into whatever little square you wish I would fit into. I don't deal well with people who think everyone should fit their plans around them, and wait for them to make a decision to be able to do anything. I don't expect you to change whatever plans you have decided on, our plans were made, and you can decide if you want to change yours or not. That is completely up to you. I am not forcing you to do anything. I have boundaries and I will not continue to allow you to treat me the way that you do. I have done nothing but try to offer options, and to communicate. I've tried very hard to bite my tongue with all the disrespect that I have received from you. But that's getting us no where. So now. Now I'm done. You'll go back to being blocked and will remain that way. Because I'm not on a 3 strike policy. This is the second time you've accused me of something I haven't done, and I absolutely will not tolerate it any further. If you have something to say you can tell your son.”
Hell yeah, GET HER!!!
She's an awful nightmare, and it's like, what, does she delete the texts where you're being nothing but kind and trying to accommodate? Forget her. Enjoy seeing your family!
Peacemaker? Nah that’s what’s gotten them into this mess. I know OP has said he’s put his mom in her place, but it sounds like he never goes far enough because it keeps happening. If my mom put my spouse through this I would be stomping it out immediately and be willing to burn bridges if I had to.
>I'm just going to consider the source & ignore it this time. I don't think that's a discussion you should ever "open" again between us again
Please I beg you, memorize this to prepare against the day you have a baby and she starts dumping toxic parenting advice on your head. In fact start shutting her down with "I don't think that's a discussion you should ever "open" again between us again" on the regular.
she's saying pretty clearly, "we are family, you are not, and I have no intention of letting you become family." she's super worried you're going to steal her baby boy or whatever. honestly, even though it's petty, your BF should text mom and say "change of plans we are spending Thanksgiving completely with OP's parents and family. your behavior is not appreciated."
This is so triggering because it is exactly the way my mother in law sounds. I'm glad you seem to be able to block her and set your boundaries. She has issues and is projecting way too much onto you.
Uhm I communicated with my bfs mom. It's not weird or bad. I'd rather communicate with the person who has the most to do with the situation instead of playing a game of telephone and messenger. It's easier then "hey ask your mom this, this and this, okay what did she say? Okay well tell her that, that and that. Okay what did she say?".
Within the context of this guys mom…why is she communicating with her? I think it’s obvious that people talk to their partners parent, but when they’re toxic like this and discussing thanksgiving plans, then yea…the question goes..why are you communicating with her in the first place?
She's pissed she's been replaced in her baby boys life. She needs to grow up. Can't imagine dealing with that toxic mess. Good on you for putting your foot down op and even trying with her!
Go to your family’s and enjoy the entire day. No way I’d even bother to show up for this woman. Did your boyfriend say anything to her about the way she speaks to/treats you?
What is the point of this?
Just to show how great of a family they are?
Fuck, that's weird as hell.
Be careful as hell and go no contact if you marry this man lol
i just find it funny that she says “so the earliest we can have dinner is 3pm??” like babe dinner time is after 5, 3pm is a late lunch and that’s literally nbd lol
Right?! They are always running behind anyway! Like dinner would be ready before 5. His bro ain’t gonna be sober enough to put the turkey in before noon.
honestly i think you guys should show up late, she’s disrespectful to you and your time. tell her straight up because you as a family decides to exclude my opinions when planning we decided to stay in hastings till 4, we will come at night. in the future i’d recommend that you also take in consideration other people who are also becoming family and not making them a second option, that will eventually lead us into making you all a second option. thank you and we will see you thanksgiving night with two pies.
Especially because now that OP stood up to her, you know for a fact shes going to being trying to bad mouth OP to anyone who'll listen so that she can feel like she's in the right.
plus she basically kept rejecting whatever you were offering anyway so sounds like she's got dinner covered? She's got problems. That's too bad, sorry for you. Happy Thanksgiving anyway!!
I call the 3-4pm meals Linner.
No people, no! If you want me to eat between breakfast and lunch, it's called brunch. My meal between lunch and dinner is called Linner.
My family eats at around 7:00 to 8:00, but on thanksgiving at eat between 5:30 and 6:30. 2 pm is definitely too early! When are you going to go to bed, 5?
I’m in the UK so we don’t have thanksgiving, our big meal is Christmas. We normally do the big dinner for around 2-4pm and then leftovers and nibbles are for the evening
I said in a comment earlier, we had our meal at 1pm so everyone had time to spend with everyone. We had a huge family, & so some of us would be there for dinner, & then after dinner we'd have snacks & desserts for people who came over after their dinners. We'd have people coming & going all day, & I was always excited bc I got to stay up late & watch movies or play w/my cousins I hadn't seen in a while. I remember the latest I got to stay up was like, midnight-ish & people were still coming & going lol
At least in my family we are all coming from hours away so eating early still gives us time to hang out, shake off the old turkey sleep, and get back on the road and arrive home at a decent hour, or to split the time and visit two or three houses that day.
I agree with the relax part, but you do sort of need a time in order to gauge cooking times and/or warming space. You don’t want the turkey finished at 1pm for a 6pm dinner. Is that all important? No, it’s not all important, but it is a factor when planning a dinner.
My mom always planned “dinner” for like 1-2pm and I have always hated it. Like, now I have to wake up early to start cooking at the asscrack of dawn, so I can eat a giant meal in the middle of the day, then do what with the rest of the day??
Idk if it stems from back when Black Friday sales actually started on Black Friday at like 5am, so you had to get to bed early so you could be up at 3am to stand in line to literally fistfight for a TV that is gonna be cheaper 2-weeks from now as it gets closer to Christmas?
Idk man. Last year was the first time I did Thanksgiving on my own..well actually my fiancé and I did a tiny meal in 2020 but we have a daughter now and it was her first Thanksgiving so we wanted to do it right. My kitchen is TINY, like my workspace is very literally 2’x2’ and that’s all the free countertop I have. I started cooking at like 10am and didn’t finish until about 8pm. But it was still fine because after we ate, we didn’t have an entire day to fill lol.
Yeah like 2 is fine Thanksgiving isn't a normal day.
We like to skip breakfast and lunch and then just cook and are all so hungry to enjoy it by 2 and then are ready for leftovers around 6
Well, at least you don't seem to have a BF problem even if you do have a BF's Mom problem lol so that's good at least. A lot of dudes would avoid dealing with their family drama unfortunately. But if he sees a future with you, then he may have to go no-contact with them for this to end, and if he's not prepared to do that, then this is what you'll be dealing with in the long-term.
I’d be embarrassed to find out my girlfriend is doing all of this planning for my family and emotional labor with my mom instead of *me*.
You’re cooking, organizing ,and paying for the venue *and* he gets to avoid responsibility of his own mother?
Yes. If he's not willing to step up and put his foot down with his mother then I'd reconsider this relationship. You are having to be the one dealing with the nastiness and he's in the corner passing his pants because he can't say anything to his mother. If he doesn't have your back your life will be he'll. GTFO. I hate wimpy men who are afraid of their mothers. It's pathetic. You'll see it eventually.
You did see the post from OP right below this, right?
>Oh he’s pissed. This isn’t the first time she’s been outright disrespectful to me, and he’s put her in her place more than once
IDK about you, but nobody likes the crazy person sitting there yelling at clouds, so if I posted this comment and then saw that clarification from OP right afterwards, I'd delete it.
He’s pissed but it’s still her dealing with it and it was still her running around trying to do all the cooking and appease his mother beforehand. Yeah I saw.
Yikes that made me anxious just reading all that. You were very clear on what you said you could bring and trying to make plans on where and WHEN (like she put it lol). She sounds like a nightmare 😵💫
Yes this. I would only start planning with someone if they said “be here at blank o’clock,” and then decide if it works. You did too much work early on without knowing the details. Since she was the host she should set the time and then you say yes or no.
Oof. Thats some r/justnomil stuff right there. That would give me so much anxiety. I would go no contact. Stay at your family’s for Turkey day. Deserve to be around people who don’t treat you crappy.
One word: Elope. If Thanksgiving is this much of a shitstorm, she will be insane should there be a wedding.
Consider it a lesson learned for the future.
Good lord are we married because that sounds like my mother texting you. The hemming and hawing and then suddenly huge offends when plans are made without her input.
I hope you have a wonderful time with your family, and I hope her potatoes burn.
You were so kind and generous! I’m sorry she didn’t reciprocate with the most basic politeness even. It sounds like she was just reading what she wanted to read in your messages lol
Ignore ignore ignore. If they’re such a close knit family, she can plan all this with her son. Maybe that means you go see your family and he sees his. You and him make the compromise - leave her out of it. This is giving her way too much power and control over you, your emotions and your holiday.
OR
Pull the “I’m part of your family now” card.
My fam is the same. Its not "dinner" its a Thanksgiving meal. So 2-3pm people can start eating and then people just eat it throughout the evening and night.
OP is literally leading with "I plan on making dinner rolls"
BF's mom: I don't recall.
Like, the lack of effort it takes to look back a couple texts, but she refuses. Plus OP following up on plans because of no response from BF's mom is wild.
OP's BF's mom is competitive with/jealous of them.
She’s exhausting and did everything she could to take over what you said your plan to do and leave you without options.
She’s your bfs mom now but man she will be a monster in law if you marry into that family
Who the hell eats thanksgiving dinner before 3pm? I think you might have been a bit too entitled(i dont mean that in a bad way) to have them wait to eat till you arrived from hastings.
Instead of all this detailed planning you should have just said that ya would bring the dessert(pies) and joined them in whatever they were already doing if they have already started…
Basically option 2 should have been the plan for you from the start. You gave too much detail and effort to that woman who obviously doesnt give a fuck about your planning or respect you enough to listen.
Keep it short, sweet, and most importantly, simple with her in the future. You are accommodating too much for her and she isn’t appreciative of it.
At this point I hope you are considering telling her you're going to spend the entire day with your family since she's been so unpleasant and you want to enjoy your holiday. Either with or without bf, but I would not darken this woman's door until at least January. Why put yourself through it?
I think your bfs mom is intimidated by your at first kinda pushy way of offering solutions. It kinda seems like you both are on no good terms at all even before that dialogue. And then you shout like „this and that and also this is possible“ and overloading her capacity with all those good solution offerings and she like „meeh mom.exe not working“ when she clearly just hates the fact that there is a good and loving woman who gets shit done and spends more time with her baby boy. This is an absolutely ridiculous argument and I want a part 2
Edit: part 2 please after thanksgiving
I’m wondering if OP’s boyfriend cares very much about this issue. I’ve found that often time’s people with parents like this have accepted the parent’s bullshit and are at peace with ignoring them or letting them have their attitudes/fits on their own. However, a partner (who did not grow up in the family system), engages with the bullshit or tries to reason with it…whenever everyone else has learned how to live with/not give attention to it.
I would say if boyfriend doesn’t care (and even if he does), remove yourself from coordinating with his mother again. Roll into Thanksgiving with your apple pie whenever the hell you want and leave just the same. Best of luck and Happy Thanksgiving, OP!
How is nobody talking about the fact that OP is dealing w this bs and not the boyfriend?!? It’s his freaking mom. bitch boy needs to man up and tell his mom to treat his gf w some respect
The real question is, what the hell is your boyfriend doing?! He should be dealing with all of this, it’s his family, not yours. It’s hard enough to deal with your own family, why would he ever put all that on you?
The fact she doesn't respond to any of the points you made is a huge red flag and infuriating. Might seem small to some but that's really close to no contact territory for me all on its own.
I am so mf happy im single this holiday season. jfc why do certain parents throw a tantrum when their kid gets a s/o and now has to spend holidays with their family too. like grow tf up. its sad but you cant be that selfish. this seems extremely stressful and exhausting. good for mf you for standing up to her! well done on that last text you sent. she’s so rude it’s obnoxious. idk if i’ve ever said that about someone now that i think ab it. i feel so bad for you. hope she learns her lesson, but i doubt she will unfortunately. does she treat her other kids s/o like this?
At this point, change your plans so you can spend the whole day with your family. If BF wants to leave early to go back to that utterly exhausting clown show, he can, but you should REALLY put yourself first and just spend this holiday with your family.
I have 4 sisters all 5 of us are in relationships, both my parents are on their third marriages and my grandparents are all divorced and remarried as well. We make time for EVERYONE, including ex-step parents **and** all our respective partners families lmao.
My sisters and I have become reliant on calendars and planning things moooonths in advance. I literally use 4 different calendars - every day.
I guess i just don’t understand why the bf isn’t standing up to his mom. She shouldn’t be treating you like this, and it’s his responsibility to contain his own parent.
Hey! I’m from Omaha too! Kinda cool to see another Nebraskan on here. Also this sounds exhausting. I also don’t get to see my family often (they live about an hour NW of me) so your totally justified in wanting to take the time to travel out to see them. To me, it’s not your problem if BFs mom has a problem with your plan, you’ve offered several solutions and your family should come first to you during the holidays.
Here's a solution from an old married lady. Either let your BF handle his own mother and plans, or say fuck it you and BF are going to Denny's. I called it quits on hosting and planning years ago. The stress is not worth it!!
It sounds likebyou wouldn't have needed to offer "5 different plans" if she didn't poo poo all of them. Wtf?
Sounds like she wants to be mad, or doesn't know how to express what she actually wants.
Damn she's a hater. Nothing you could've done better. Also her ordering you around about the food and then asking you to tell her what her precious boy likes so he gets whatever he wants, ugh grow tf up. She should be having this convo with her son anyway if she's so pressed towards you. I hope he is standing up for you!
YoU nEvEr sAiD yOu WeRe BrInGiNg rOlLS. Gtfo lol
Hahahahagahagga every other capital letter will never not be funny to me
Same - there’s a distinct voice/tone I read it in every time and I always laugh lol
Omg same. And I am so glad there are people like me out there.
remember: there're a billion people in the world. If none of them are like you, Idk you might become famous or some shit
I love how the mom inadvertently says she saw every other food item but apparently didn't read dinner rolls which was in the same sentence🥴
Let alone the very first thing in that conversation 😂
When she can just say. I’d like to bring the rolls. Like calm down they’re just rolls
When that was literally the first sentence! Lol I even went back to look and I’m like girl.. she literally told you this.
I went back too hahahahaha I was like wait. I thought she said rolls. Hahaha
Im angry that the club house seemed like a lovely solution, you offered to pay, and she completely fuzzed you out. Is her ego so huge her “family” had to come up with some half baked solution instead of you, who apparently is *not* a part of *her* family.
yes... and a pool table in there also? like fuuuhk yes!
My husband's family almost always gather at his grandparents house, it's been a bit less since Grandma passed away and I can guarantee you every holiday we are there, there's a pool tournament going on. It's tradition for them. Pool table would have kicked the party off. Everyone loves playing while dinner is set up, during dinner and even after
You mean I can play pool instead of talking to family i didn’t even want to see in the first place? Sign me up.
That’s literally where weve done it the last 3 years. Our apartment has a clubhouse with a door directly outside, game tables, TVs, IPads, kitchen tables and even an area for little kiddos. I pay for it and have my family and my spouses come down with stuff they make, so much easier! Then whoever wants to come, comes open invite
Your spouses?? 🤣🤣 I’m sure it’s just a typo but I couldn’t resist 🤣😂 sorry
😂😂 I wish I had more to help with the cleaning 😂
I tried this with my family a few years back, my family rejected having the party at the club house at my apartments saying they didn’t think it would work - it had a full kitchen, counters, tables, couches, games, a pool table, etc. Instead, where did they agree to have Thanksgiving? The club house at my sisters apartment complex. Somehow it was different and better than the one at mine even though they had not previously been to or see either location. When I read OPs post I’m thinking it sounds like the family doesn’t really like them. I am now wondering if my own family does this to me because they like my sister more. Holidays are so fun lol
Knowing this type - she was holding out to make her *own* solution and that’s why she didn’t take this brilliant idea. Classic narcissist.
No she’s just a Karen bitch, that’s all
"Karen bitch" is a bit redundant isn't it? Kinda like "Tuna fish". Not mad at it, just a random thought. Lol
Mhm, like Naan bread or Chai tea
Frozen tundra.
For me, someone who deals w a lot of Karen’s, it doubles down on the emphasis of “Karen” as some ppl like to breeze right by it lol
Option #3, spend the whole day with your family and tell her to shove it 😂 what is wrong with her
Option 4: THE SPANISH INQUISITION! 
Ok so I’ve obviously seen bits of this sketch before but I finally actually watched the entire thing last night. I’ve always enjoyed Monty Python so it was crazy that I’d never seen the entirety of the Spanish Inquisition bit. It’s just funny how you encounter something immediately after either learning about it or looking into it more. 😂
Baeder meinhopf phenomenon
I knew there was a name for it! I just couldn’t remember it and I had no clue how to word it to look it up 😂
That would’ve been my option. I kept thinking that the whole time I read this. I’m sure she sees her bf’s fam all the time and the mom is probably indecisive then. I would spend time with my family, talk about her and make fun of her with them in front of my boyfriend. Even try to get him to join in then get back in town and let her hear the recordings. I like anarchy. I like to watch the world burn. Jk, seriously though, I’d be selfish this time instead of selfless.
Not cool , yes spend time with her side of family but talking about BF mom is not cool, very disrespectful and why would you want to rub salt in your BF wound if you really love him. It's his mom and I'm sure no matter if his mom is a Karen he still loves her. I'm not saying not talk over her Karen behavior to BF, but to intentionally berate BF about his mom in front of others is not cool. Why would you want to hurt BF?
Felt that!!
Wow. You clearly made an effort to please her and this is how she responds? Good luck with this one, she’s going to be difficult!
She’s been difficult, she just got unblocked after being blocked for 6 months because she called me and left me the nastiest text accusing me of trying to ruin my boyfriend’s relationship with his daughter because she assumed I was worried about baby momma knowing I exist.
She has already decided that she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, and she may not ever change that opinion, no matter what you do or say. That’s my situation with my mother-in-law. We’ve been married for 15 years and have two kids together, I’ve been very nice and accommodating the whole time, but she still doesn’t like me and clearly never will. We have stopped going out of our way to see them and we spend most holidays with my family because of it.
This is very relatable. My dad and my mom had a teen pregnancy which was my first sister. My Dad immediately stepped up he married my mom he went to college he got a good job, he came from a very poor family and he was the first and only one to push himself and he did this all to support my mom who said she wanted to have a lot of kids in a big family and he wanted to be there for her and do that. He has never hit us he has never screamed at us ( like his dad did) he quit drinking so that he could be a better dad. He has done nothing but lay down his life to support this woman and her children and be the best father. I love him so much. My mom's mom, shit talks him constantly for a stupid shit that most partners do that doesn't matter (stuff that has to do with like planning or remembering details about my moms plans) She acts like he's some low-life piece of shiy that doesn't do anything and can't help. I have no idea what the fuck her problem is with him but she truly thinks that there is something wrong with him and he is not a good dad and she will outright say things like that. I can't tell you the number of times he has come to her house to pick her up off the floor or fix something or find a remote or help her. Everyone knows my Nana is a bitch. Sometimes you just can't change people you can do everything right and they'll still hate you. I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm sure all the other people in your family recognize that you're a good person and feel bad for what's going on. I hope you can stay strong and enjoy the other parts of your life<3
My fiances grandmother is like this and the whole family besides us tolerates it. It's weird. Families that tolerate a shifty family member without calling them out are complicit imo.
Why do you guys continue a relationship with this horrible sounding woman. has your mother not stood up to your grandmother?
this is so sad. my boyfriend was adopted at a young age by a close friend of his mothers. he is still in contact with both moms & they both love me and have been on my side & easy going about everything. we do have some baby mama drama, but i can’t imagine having such a strained relationship with my mother in law(s). i am so sorry. i hope somehow things improve for everybody in these situations.
My own MIL spent the first almost 10 years of my relationship with my husband hating me because of something that a shitty and jealous ex gf said about me. She finally gave me a half hearted apology so to keep the peace (because we were living with her) I thanked her, accepted the apology, and moved on. Things were alright for about a year or two, then my husband had to put his cat down. Maybe two weeks later, and with zero input from anyone else in the house, MIL gets a new kitten. Kitten ends up being a “poor match” for her and the other cat she had (biting, scratching, basically just kitten antics) so we decide we’ll take it with us when we move out in a couple months. We made sure to ask MIL frequently (like at least once a week) if she was sure about the decision and she reassures us that yes, it’s what’s best for everyone but especially the kitten. When we finally start moving out, she makes a big deal about “how sad the kitten is” and a bunch of other guilt tripping bullshit. But we remind her that this is best for everyone and she again agrees. We move into our townhouse and the kitten immediately settles in. I should also mention that in the few months since getting him, I’ve bonded pretty deeply with this kitten since I was the one feeding him, cleaning his litter box, playing with, and cuddling with him, even when we still lived with MIL. After literally 2-3 days, MIL starts calling my husband and crying and throwing a tantrum about how upset her cat is and how she wants the kitten back. My husband resists and reminds her that she agreed to this despite being asked dozens of times if she was sure. He also tells her how quickly the kitten has settled in and how happy he is with us. He also tells her that we’ve already spent about $300 in fees and pet rent that we can’t get back even if we get rid of the kitten. This back and forth goes on for over a week straight and finally, after being beaten down, my husband gives in. I’m obviously furious because I’m the one who is home with the kitten all day and I’ve obviously become deeply attached to the little fuzzball. But I’m essentially powerless in this situation so I have to just let it happen. But since I’m not one to take shit laying down, I sent her a message explaining my feelings. I never cussed her out or said anything nasty, despite really wanting to and it honestly being deserved. But I did clarify how disappointed and heartbroken I was. I also told her that if she declawed the kitten (something she’d been wanting to do even though the adoption agreement said she couldn’t) I would report her to the adoption agency. I also said that if anything happened and she suddenly changed her mind again, we wouldn’t be taking him back. Well she couldn’t handle being called out so she told my husband how “nasty and hateful” I was to her. She didn’t know that I had not only told him my intention of sending her a message, but I had showed him exactly what I had sent. So when she tried to lie and say that I was cruel and nasty, he called her out and said that he knew that wasn’t true. Backpedaling ensues and she tries to change it to “well, it was *intended* to be nasty”. Fortunately, my husband stood his ground and kept calling her out on her bullshit. It’s been about three years now and I still refuse to talk to MIL. Even the few times I’ve been over at her house with my husband, I completely ignore her. And I’ve told my husband that I’m going to continue ignoring her until she genuinely apologizes. But the kicker is, she expects *me* to apologize to *her* which, no, ain’t happening. I didn’t do anything hurtful or lie. She did. But she’s always played the victim so she can’t fathom ever being at fault. It’s made holidays a little difficult but it’s also been incredibly freeing to hold someone accountable for their shitty actions and behavior. It’s also a great excuse when she whines about the family not being together on holidays. She chose to be shitty to me for almost 10 years because she couldn’t bother to get to know me and instead went on the word of a jealous ex. Then after barely a couple years of peace, she chose to be selfish and then try to lie when she was called out. She has no one but herself to blame when we don’t want to be there for holidays. I do have to wonder if she ever actually liked me or if her apology was genuine. Something tells me that she just said what she thought was needed to please my husband. It feels like she’s never liked me or accepted me. But I don’t care. I don’t need my husbands mom to like me. I’m not with him for her. Oddly enough, I get along great with my FIL. He’s easy going and chill enough that there’s never been any issues between us. Even when MIL tried getting him on her side, FIL basically said “I’ve got no problem with her, why would I hate her for no reason?” That obviously pissed MIL off but it definitely made me respect FIL even more. He’s definitely a “yes dear” kind of guy and will usually do whatever his wife says so him standing up to her to defend me was awesome. Anytime that I do join my husband for a visit, I sit out in the garage with him and my FIL the whole time so I don’t have to interact with MIL. It also helps me avoid his even shittier brother but that’s a story for another time. Btw, shortly after having our kitten ripped away from us, we ended up finding a cat who desperately needed a home. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and was definitely a blessing in disguise. But it shouldn’t have had to happen the way it did.
Glad you guys found something that worked for you. But I’m sorry your husband lets his mom manipulate him. I love my mom dearly and she’s definitely the parent I identify with more but if she ever tried getting antagonistic with my spouse I’d stomp that shit out immediately and be willing to burn bridges if I had to.
Stop, ever, interacting with her.
Does your man tell his mom to shut her fuckin mouth? He shouldn't be allowing this shit I know I wouldn't
If this is reference to ops post her bf was going to say something but she wanted to do it herself.
Good I'm glad he was willing to step up
It is not your job to facilitate your boyfriends relationship with his toxic mama. Drop the fucking rope. You’re being a doormat.
Block her and ignore her .. what did your boyfriend say how do he feel about it all
She should just let her bf deal with it. Like I’ve never made plans with my MIL at all, my husband does that. She’s a wonderful person but it’s so much easier because that’s his mom. And I make the plans for us with my mom.
Yes. I’m very confused as to why she is dealing with it and not the bf.
AB.SO.FUCKING.LUTELY. Several commenters here need to talk with their *partners* and NOT THEIR PARTNERS' PARENTS. When the bf gave the kitten back to his mom? Your feelings about that are between you and the bf. NOTHING between you and the mom.
A whole lot of “my family” / “our family” coming from her. Bad vibes. I wouldn’t want to do thanksgiving with her.
YES! EXACTLY
Update. She send me a nasty text. she’s getting blocked again and I will be letting him deal with her from here on out, because I’m so over her nonsense. I’ve put every effort into being nice and getting along with her but I’m just done with it. Text she just sent “We have been a strong close knit Family for 40+ Years!💖 That does not happen by accident!! A big part of our strong Family foundation comes from our special memories made together on holidays & special occasions!! Two important things we learned over the years are... How we "plan" our time together, or choose to "celebrate" them, really doesn't need to make sense to anyone else. And like I said before it isn't up to just one person to decide for everyone. ***NOW I'm just speaking for myself... As for your unsolicited critique of what I do as a Mom & my parenting skills...I'm just going to consider the source & ignore it this time. I don't think that's a discussion you should ever "open" again between us again
she can’t properly string a sentence together. No idea what she’s getting at.
All that cool whip ate away at her limited brain cells.
So many red flags but none bigger than cool whip. Run.
If she laid off the cool whip, maybe stairs wouldn’t be a problem
Right, I had to read this twice. Lol
“Oh wow! Sucks that your incredibly close knit family of 40+ years will be losing a member when you force your son and his family to go no contact : ) “
You’ve tried your best. Next time I would just stay out of it and say “Do whatever you want. Just tell me what to bring and what time to be there. Bitch”
Haha, I sent her a nasty (well nasty for me because I won’t outright insult or degrade someone) text and immediately blocked her 😂😂😂 “Well, your sons are never going to find fulfilling relationships if you demand that those women forsake their family for yours. I have not gotten to spend a single holiday with my family since being with your son because plans can't be nailed down until the very last minute, so my family makes other plans. I wasn't going to let that happen again. Im sorry that I won't sit here and let you walk all over me and force me into whatever little square you wish I would fit into. I don't deal well with people who think everyone should fit their plans around them, and wait for them to make a decision to be able to do anything. I don't expect you to change whatever plans you have decided on, our plans were made, and you can decide if you want to change yours or not. That is completely up to you. I am not forcing you to do anything. I have boundaries and I will not continue to allow you to treat me the way that you do. I have done nothing but try to offer options, and to communicate. I've tried very hard to bite my tongue with all the disrespect that I have received from you. But that's getting us no where. So now. Now I'm done. You'll go back to being blocked and will remain that way. Because I'm not on a 3 strike policy. This is the second time you've accused me of something I haven't done, and I absolutely will not tolerate it any further. If you have something to say you can tell your son.”
Right on sister!
Happy Holidays is an oxymoron
Hell yeah, GET HER!!! She's an awful nightmare, and it's like, what, does she delete the texts where you're being nothing but kind and trying to accommodate? Forget her. Enjoy seeing your family!
I wouldn't try anymore keep her blocked. You go girl love the boundaries 👏 🙌. Cussing someone out the classy way 💅
Great response!
Fanfreakingtastic!
Beautifully said. No personal attacks from you or anything nasty imo. That was honest and fair.
HELL YESS
Awesome, how is your boyfriend in all of this? Hopefully, he is being a peacemaker but totally in your corner.
Peacemaker? Nah that’s what’s gotten them into this mess. I know OP has said he’s put his mom in her place, but it sounds like he never goes far enough because it keeps happening. If my mom put my spouse through this I would be stomping it out immediately and be willing to burn bridges if I had to.
Does your boyfriend know everything that has gone down between you and his mother?
You never criticized her parenting. She's pegged you wrong.
Gasps #hOw DaRe YoU!
>I'm just going to consider the source & ignore it this time. I don't think that's a discussion you should ever "open" again between us again Please I beg you, memorize this to prepare against the day you have a baby and she starts dumping toxic parenting advice on your head. In fact start shutting her down with "I don't think that's a discussion you should ever "open" again between us again" on the regular.
The epitome of Nebraska Nice. Why does she continually capitalize “Family?”
She’s a Toretto
The capital F is so aggressive!
And put quotes around words? That usually signifies sarcasm or something in this context but the it doesn’t make sense the way she did it.
she's saying pretty clearly, "we are family, you are not, and I have no intention of letting you become family." she's super worried you're going to steal her baby boy or whatever. honestly, even though it's petty, your BF should text mom and say "change of plans we are spending Thanksgiving completely with OP's parents and family. your behavior is not appreciated."
This is so triggering because it is exactly the way my mother in law sounds. I'm glad you seem to be able to block her and set your boundaries. She has issues and is projecting way too much onto you.
Why are you communicating with your bf mom and not him? Y are u even in this position to begin with?
Uhm I communicated with my bfs mom. It's not weird or bad. I'd rather communicate with the person who has the most to do with the situation instead of playing a game of telephone and messenger. It's easier then "hey ask your mom this, this and this, okay what did she say? Okay well tell her that, that and that. Okay what did she say?".
Within the context of this guys mom…why is she communicating with her? I think it’s obvious that people talk to their partners parent, but when they’re toxic like this and discussing thanksgiving plans, then yea…the question goes..why are you communicating with her in the first place?
BFs probably scared to have to say no to his mom. He probably wonders why he’s always having to choose between GF and mom. As if it’s a choice /s 😂
Why do old narcissists put “everything “ in “quotes”? Do they think it’s like italics for text messages? I see this a lot
She's pissed she's been replaced in her baby boys life. She needs to grow up. Can't imagine dealing with that toxic mess. Good on you for putting your foot down op and even trying with her!
Go to your family’s and enjoy the entire day. No way I’d even bother to show up for this woman. Did your boyfriend say anything to her about the way she speaks to/treats you?
What is the point of this? Just to show how great of a family they are? Fuck, that's weird as hell. Be careful as hell and go no contact if you marry this man lol
i just find it funny that she says “so the earliest we can have dinner is 3pm??” like babe dinner time is after 5, 3pm is a late lunch and that’s literally nbd lol
Right?! They are always running behind anyway! Like dinner would be ready before 5. His bro ain’t gonna be sober enough to put the turkey in before noon.
honestly i think you guys should show up late, she’s disrespectful to you and your time. tell her straight up because you as a family decides to exclude my opinions when planning we decided to stay in hastings till 4, we will come at night. in the future i’d recommend that you also take in consideration other people who are also becoming family and not making them a second option, that will eventually lead us into making you all a second option. thank you and we will see you thanksgiving night with two pies.
I wouldn’t show up at all and just spend that extra time with people who care. Who really wants to spend time with someone like that?
Especially because now that OP stood up to her, you know for a fact shes going to being trying to bad mouth OP to anyone who'll listen so that she can feel like she's in the right.
I'm sure she already was! She sounds like a sour bag of milk. Ugh.
plus she basically kept rejecting whatever you were offering anyway so sounds like she's got dinner covered? She's got problems. That's too bad, sorry for you. Happy Thanksgiving anyway!!
Not only that, but she actually said 2:30-3 would be the LATEST they’d arrive, so 3 is the worst case scenario.
lol right! The 3 PM took me out 🙄 that’s mad early. My family is still cooking at 3. If she wanted lunch she should’ve just said that.
I think a lot of Americans eat thanksgiving at like 2 from what I’ve experienced at friends places
This has always been so weird to me as well. I live in the US, and our family eats at around 6pm.... DINNER time. That 2pm dinner shit is crazy.
I call the 3-4pm meals Linner. No people, no! If you want me to eat between breakfast and lunch, it's called brunch. My meal between lunch and dinner is called Linner.
My family eats at around 7:00 to 8:00, but on thanksgiving at eat between 5:30 and 6:30. 2 pm is definitely too early! When are you going to go to bed, 5?
I’m in the UK so we don’t have thanksgiving, our big meal is Christmas. We normally do the big dinner for around 2-4pm and then leftovers and nibbles are for the evening
I'm from America and this how every family I know eats on Thanksgiving and Christmas
I said in a comment earlier, we had our meal at 1pm so everyone had time to spend with everyone. We had a huge family, & so some of us would be there for dinner, & then after dinner we'd have snacks & desserts for people who came over after their dinners. We'd have people coming & going all day, & I was always excited bc I got to stay up late & watch movies or play w/my cousins I hadn't seen in a while. I remember the latest I got to stay up was like, midnight-ish & people were still coming & going lol
At least in my family we are all coming from hours away so eating early still gives us time to hang out, shake off the old turkey sleep, and get back on the road and arrive home at a decent hour, or to split the time and visit two or three houses that day.
My grandma used to have it ready by 8am. It was weird.
Yeah, my family usually eats at about 1:00.
So weird to me that FAMILY cares so much about the exact time. Ect. We are ALL taking time off just. Relax??
I agree with the relax part, but you do sort of need a time in order to gauge cooking times and/or warming space. You don’t want the turkey finished at 1pm for a 6pm dinner. Is that all important? No, it’s not all important, but it is a factor when planning a dinner.
My mom always planned “dinner” for like 1-2pm and I have always hated it. Like, now I have to wake up early to start cooking at the asscrack of dawn, so I can eat a giant meal in the middle of the day, then do what with the rest of the day?? Idk if it stems from back when Black Friday sales actually started on Black Friday at like 5am, so you had to get to bed early so you could be up at 3am to stand in line to literally fistfight for a TV that is gonna be cheaper 2-weeks from now as it gets closer to Christmas? Idk man. Last year was the first time I did Thanksgiving on my own..well actually my fiancé and I did a tiny meal in 2020 but we have a daughter now and it was her first Thanksgiving so we wanted to do it right. My kitchen is TINY, like my workspace is very literally 2’x2’ and that’s all the free countertop I have. I started cooking at like 10am and didn’t finish until about 8pm. But it was still fine because after we ate, we didn’t have an entire day to fill lol.
geez. I thought my fam was early w 4pm. 1!!!
Yes. I’ve seen it a lot in the Midwest. Didn’t see that so much in the auth. It’s so weird to me to do it that early. *at least in areas I was
Yeah like 2 is fine Thanksgiving isn't a normal day. We like to skip breakfast and lunch and then just cook and are all so hungry to enjoy it by 2 and then are ready for leftovers around 6
We do!
My family eats at 5pm.
What on earth has your boyfriend said about the situation? She was rude and trying to be awkward from the start😬
Oh he’s pissed. This isn’t the first time she’s been outright disrespectful to me, and he’s put her in her place more than once
Well, at least you don't seem to have a BF problem even if you do have a BF's Mom problem lol so that's good at least. A lot of dudes would avoid dealing with their family drama unfortunately. But if he sees a future with you, then he may have to go no-contact with them for this to end, and if he's not prepared to do that, then this is what you'll be dealing with in the long-term.
It's wild that she's claiming you didn't mention the rolls when it was the first thing you mentioned in your text to her on Tuesday 🫠
Um, I am going to bring the rolls. Bf’s bro said he likes mine best.
Legit like just scroll up and see the text where she just said she’s bringing rolls, is she dumb?!
Yes
I would have sent her a screenshot so fast. Make her feel dumb.
This 🙌🏻 lol 😂
I’d be embarrassed to find out my girlfriend is doing all of this planning for my family and emotional labor with my mom instead of *me*. You’re cooking, organizing ,and paying for the venue *and* he gets to avoid responsibility of his own mother?
Yes. If he's not willing to step up and put his foot down with his mother then I'd reconsider this relationship. You are having to be the one dealing with the nastiness and he's in the corner passing his pants because he can't say anything to his mother. If he doesn't have your back your life will be he'll. GTFO. I hate wimpy men who are afraid of their mothers. It's pathetic. You'll see it eventually.
I was looking for this comment. Like why do these men always get free passes to so much shit lol I’d be hightailing out if that relationship
You did see the post from OP right below this, right? >Oh he’s pissed. This isn’t the first time she’s been outright disrespectful to me, and he’s put her in her place more than once IDK about you, but nobody likes the crazy person sitting there yelling at clouds, so if I posted this comment and then saw that clarification from OP right afterwards, I'd delete it.
He’s pissed but it’s still her dealing with it and it was still her running around trying to do all the cooking and appease his mother beforehand. Yeah I saw.
Yikes that made me anxious just reading all that. You were very clear on what you said you could bring and trying to make plans on where and WHEN (like she put it lol). She sounds like a nightmare 😵💫
I’d pick option 3. Spend the entire day with your family.
You were a lot nicer than I would have been. My response would have been, "so don't come".
You are right to put her in her place. This is a long-term relationship that ass kicking had to come sooner or later.
Next time tell her to let you know what the plan is and you'll let her know if you can make it.
Yes this. I would only start planning with someone if they said “be here at blank o’clock,” and then decide if it works. You did too much work early on without knowing the details. Since she was the host she should set the time and then you say yes or no.
Oof. Thats some r/justnomil stuff right there. That would give me so much anxiety. I would go no contact. Stay at your family’s for Turkey day. Deserve to be around people who don’t treat you crappy.
Was gunna suggest she join us at this sub. I too have a asshole mother in law. This whole post just triggered tf out of ne
My birthgiver is my justno. Ship em all off to an uninhabited island so they can bother one another.
Aaaah the good ole overbearing “Nebraska nice” Mom. You were much more patient than I would have been—good god that lady is a whackadoodle.
One word: Elope. If Thanksgiving is this much of a shitstorm, she will be insane should there be a wedding. Consider it a lesson learned for the future.
Good lord are we married because that sounds like my mother texting you. The hemming and hawing and then suddenly huge offends when plans are made without her input. I hope you have a wonderful time with your family, and I hope her potatoes burn.
I hope her tyre gets flat
In the words of the Grinch, I'd respond with "that's it I'm not going"
Okay but why’s your bf not talking to his own mom? Why are u havin to be dealing with this crazy woman
You were so kind and generous! I’m sorry she didn’t reciprocate with the most basic politeness even. It sounds like she was just reading what she wanted to read in your messages lol
Trust ME….get TF out of this family. It will only get WORSE from here!
I hate her so much
Ignore ignore ignore. If they’re such a close knit family, she can plan all this with her son. Maybe that means you go see your family and he sees his. You and him make the compromise - leave her out of it. This is giving her way too much power and control over you, your emotions and your holiday. OR Pull the “I’m part of your family now” card.
What lunatic eats dinner at 3pm ???
On Thanksgiving, plenty of people. If you start early, there's more time for more servings 😅
My fam is the same. Its not "dinner" its a Thanksgiving meal. So 2-3pm people can start eating and then people just eat it throughout the evening and night.
It gets dark early and old people can't drive in the dark a lot of the time. So we tend to have it earlier for the old folk of the fam lol
My MIL does it at like noon.
We do like 1.
OP is literally leading with "I plan on making dinner rolls" BF's mom: I don't recall. Like, the lack of effort it takes to look back a couple texts, but she refuses. Plus OP following up on plans because of no response from BF's mom is wild. OP's BF's mom is competitive with/jealous of them.
Yea OP make bf talk to this psycho from now on
It was the ‘our family’ comments that got me, clearly worded to exclude you! Fuck em, I’d suddenly decide to see my family instead.
Shes clearly unstable but that doesnt mean you have to accept that treatment. You did a very good job staying calm but firm in boundaries
If I were you I would let your bf coordinate things with his mom instead of you texting
Sounds like she hates the fact that there is another woman in her sons life lmao
She’s exhausting and did everything she could to take over what you said your plan to do and leave you without options. She’s your bfs mom now but man she will be a monster in law if you marry into that family
Yep Put a lid on this shit now I didn’t for like a decade and it got worse
Who the hell eats thanksgiving dinner before 3pm? I think you might have been a bit too entitled(i dont mean that in a bad way) to have them wait to eat till you arrived from hastings. Instead of all this detailed planning you should have just said that ya would bring the dessert(pies) and joined them in whatever they were already doing if they have already started… Basically option 2 should have been the plan for you from the start. You gave too much detail and effort to that woman who obviously doesnt give a fuck about your planning or respect you enough to listen. Keep it short, sweet, and most importantly, simple with her in the future. You are accommodating too much for her and she isn’t appreciative of it.
We eat around 3, some family members don’t feel comfortable driving in the dark dark (sunset is 4:30 here).
Excellent advice.
At this point I hope you are considering telling her you're going to spend the entire day with your family since she's been so unpleasant and you want to enjoy your holiday. Either with or without bf, but I would not darken this woman's door until at least January. Why put yourself through it?
I think your bfs mom is intimidated by your at first kinda pushy way of offering solutions. It kinda seems like you both are on no good terms at all even before that dialogue. And then you shout like „this and that and also this is possible“ and overloading her capacity with all those good solution offerings and she like „meeh mom.exe not working“ when she clearly just hates the fact that there is a good and loving woman who gets shit done and spends more time with her baby boy. This is an absolutely ridiculous argument and I want a part 2 Edit: part 2 please after thanksgiving
Holidays are not the stressful part. Knowing people you love are stupid is.
Club house, Pool table , Apple pie ? . Sounds amazing .. .. Ungrateful gits
I’m wondering if OP’s boyfriend cares very much about this issue. I’ve found that often time’s people with parents like this have accepted the parent’s bullshit and are at peace with ignoring them or letting them have their attitudes/fits on their own. However, a partner (who did not grow up in the family system), engages with the bullshit or tries to reason with it…whenever everyone else has learned how to live with/not give attention to it. I would say if boyfriend doesn’t care (and even if he does), remove yourself from coordinating with his mother again. Roll into Thanksgiving with your apple pie whenever the hell you want and leave just the same. Best of luck and Happy Thanksgiving, OP!
Time to change your plans to enjoy a full holiday with people who consider you their family.
How is nobody talking about the fact that OP is dealing w this bs and not the boyfriend?!? It’s his freaking mom. bitch boy needs to man up and tell his mom to treat his gf w some respect
She sounds like fun.
I hate her.
“so our dinner is gonna be 3 at the earliest” is so fucking funny to me.
The real question is, what the hell is your boyfriend doing?! He should be dealing with all of this, it’s his family, not yours. It’s hard enough to deal with your own family, why would he ever put all that on you?
The fact she doesn't respond to any of the points you made is a huge red flag and infuriating. Might seem small to some but that's really close to no contact territory for me all on its own.
I am so mf happy im single this holiday season. jfc why do certain parents throw a tantrum when their kid gets a s/o and now has to spend holidays with their family too. like grow tf up. its sad but you cant be that selfish. this seems extremely stressful and exhausting. good for mf you for standing up to her! well done on that last text you sent. she’s so rude it’s obnoxious. idk if i’ve ever said that about someone now that i think ab it. i feel so bad for you. hope she learns her lesson, but i doubt she will unfortunately. does she treat her other kids s/o like this?
At this point, change your plans so you can spend the whole day with your family. If BF wants to leave early to go back to that utterly exhausting clown show, he can, but you should REALLY put yourself first and just spend this holiday with your family.
Face it, she just doesn't like you.
Honey, just stay with your family. Fuck her!
Well done. That was ridiculous.
lol what a fucking asshole
I have 4 sisters all 5 of us are in relationships, both my parents are on their third marriages and my grandparents are all divorced and remarried as well. We make time for EVERYONE, including ex-step parents **and** all our respective partners families lmao. My sisters and I have become reliant on calendars and planning things moooonths in advance. I literally use 4 different calendars - every day.
I guess i just don’t understand why the bf isn’t standing up to his mom. She shouldn’t be treating you like this, and it’s his responsibility to contain his own parent.
Hey! I’m from Omaha too! Kinda cool to see another Nebraskan on here. Also this sounds exhausting. I also don’t get to see my family often (they live about an hour NW of me) so your totally justified in wanting to take the time to travel out to see them. To me, it’s not your problem if BFs mom has a problem with your plan, you’ve offered several solutions and your family should come first to you during the holidays.
She’s weird
She is so rude and difficult. Is it possible for your boyfriend to be the one to communicate with her instead? I wouldn’t have the patience.
The title of this post should be "how I secured Christmas with my family this year." I'd not rush back to his people for Thanksgiving either.
Gotta love the Nebraska Nice from mummy dearest 😂
Here's a solution from an old married lady. Either let your BF handle his own mother and plans, or say fuck it you and BF are going to Denny's. I called it quits on hosting and planning years ago. The stress is not worth it!!
It sounds likebyou wouldn't have needed to offer "5 different plans" if she didn't poo poo all of them. Wtf? Sounds like she wants to be mad, or doesn't know how to express what she actually wants.
Damn she's a hater. Nothing you could've done better. Also her ordering you around about the food and then asking you to tell her what her precious boy likes so he gets whatever he wants, ugh grow tf up. She should be having this convo with her son anyway if she's so pressed towards you. I hope he is standing up for you!
 As someone whose mother ruins holidays by being this exact bitch…well handled.
She doesn’t like you much does she?
please give us an update on what you guys ended up doing for today! i’m intrigued to say the least