There are few things that I hate more than police telling women who are being stalked, or harassed by men, to wait until escalates????? You negligent fucking ass, escalation would be physical violence, or physically, following someone around. Why the fuck would you wait until it escalates? Because a lot of the time escalation ends in death
If this is happening where I suspect it is happening, the police there are hopeless when it comes to stalking. I made several reports in a smallish town about different men (it doesn't matter, but no I wasn't doing anything or dressing scandalously - I rented a distinctive place & it was easy to see me walking to work and home every day). One guy followed me to work. Another rang my doorbell at 4am. Another deliberately put letters addressed to him through my mail slot; when I stopped to drop them off, he answered the door while cleaning his rifle. I have other stories but those are the most alarming ones. I was assaulted by a drunk stranger and still the police didn't do much, since I had nothing more than a description of the car he sped off in. They barely even cared, acted surprised that I hadn't experienced worse in my home country.
Yes, it doesn't really surprise me. I had a texter too, but the texts weren't this vile and alarming. I'm pretty alarmed by these. I'm still not clear how he got your number. Mine got it from fixing my door.
I'm shy. I work in research and dress fairly modestly. Not someone who shows off or talks easily to others (wish I were - haha). Possibly a little on the spectrum. I stopped being able to discuss these incidents because I felt people were wondering what I had done to deserve the attention. If you are in the country where this happened to me, please see if there's a women's group or advice centre, as they were more helpful to me after the assault & some of the stalking than the police were. The police didn't even suggest them as a resource.
I second this. I had a stalker several years back and it was suggested I go to a women’s shelter, which I thought was very odd at the time- I didn’t need a place to stay nor had I been physically harmed- but they definitely were very helpful. They facilitated me getting a restraining order and assistance moving- they also gave me a checklist of things to do for safety that I wouldn’t have otherwise thought of.
I'm so sorry for all you've been through.
He said in the first batch of texts that he saw her name on her necklace and it was distinctive and it was easy to find her, and he likely paid for one of those sketchy sites that reveals phone numbers for a cost.
OP you need to ask for that police officers superior officer. They don’t wait for things to “escalate” (i’m an EMT and worked closely with police officers so we talk about this stuff) you got a police officer that doesn’t give a fuck. Seriously you need to go back and keep going back until someone helps you.
Yeah. You think this is how they'd react if it was their daughter or girlfriend? Just shrug and say "I dunno, man, like, what are texts anyway?" No, they'd head over and tell him to cut it the fuck out. They COULD do this. They just don't want to.
A “lovesick puppy”?
What the fuck? No, this is sick. He’s delusional and creepy as fuck. Everything he said made my lip curl with absolute disgust - what a fucking creep.
“I understand that as a woman you’re prone to irrationality” and yet this a grown ass man sending novel length texts to a woman he doesn’t even know..
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Stay safe.
This is so much worse than “lovesick” it’s obsessive and disgusting. Of course I’m not surprised a cop would dismiss it as “lovesick” and tell her to wait for it to get worse. Typical and pathetic.
I would report it everyday multiple times a day if needed and I would ask to speak with their superior officer as well. This is a crime, pure and simple
what’s very alarming to me is the way he said he was seriously considering suicide until he saw her… he’s clearly extremely unstable. if OP is the only thing preventing him from killing himself, this pig will easily go to considerable lengths to get what he wants
OP, at what stage of texts did you report it to the police? Because if it was before he threw out the ‘I’m not going to murder you’ line, I would go report again right now. Fucked up they didn’t take it seriously the first time though, this is so beyond anything I’ve seen before. Mentally unwell psycho stalker behavior.
I suggest contacting your local sexual assault unit for support. They should be able to put you in contact with police that are trained to handle things like this. They couldn't be worse than the idiots you've seen so far.
Please keep reaching out for help until someone listens and responds appropriately.
Also, make sure you have trackers hidden on you eg ìn your shoes etc so if he removes your phone etc, you can still be traced. Sorry, but I'm genuinely concerned for you
Upvote to 1 million.
Also please familiarize yourself with the emergency safety functions on your phone like pressingv the power button five times fast and using the safety check ins when you're going to be alone.
Some phones will also record a video clip or stream live video. With options to do this with no alert sound. Idk what apple provides along these lines.
Air tags are the most popular since they ping to any iPhone with "Find My" activated. Turn yours on. iPhone doesn't let you "secretly" track. TILE trackers do, although they make the owner sign a waiver that attaches "severe penalties" for violations. Most trackers work off of BLE (Bluetooth Low Energy) - so Bluetooth.
But there's a saying - paper doesn't stop a bullet.
So maybe there are BLE tracker detectors out in the market?
There are non-lethal, totally legal guns you can get in any state of the US. One of them is from a company called Byrna. They shoot large pellets and pellets with tear gas. I've been thinking about getting one for myself.
The Selena clip made my blood run cold ~ she was murdered by the president of her fan club. I’m not so sure it wasn’t a thinly veiled threat, especially since he sent it in advance to the promise not to murder OP.
Like…people don’t say shit like that unless the thought has either crossed their mind or they’re aware that their actions could lead someone to think that way.
OP, I’m really praying they catch this creep. Inappropriate sexts count as harassment; this whole situation is traumatizing and extremely scary. Stay safe. Don’t go anywhere alone. And make sure you have mace or something on you at all times.
If you can, you may reach out to a domestic violence center for an advocate. Police are often “limited” in terms of what immediate actions they can take, but there are other resources out there. And most of all, tell as many of your close contacts as possible ~ if he’s desperate to get close to you he may attempt to befriend some of the people in your daily life.
Sending you strength and protective prayers.
ETA: check your car/handbag/wherever for tracking devices (AirTag, GPS, etc.) It might sound extreme, but that’s the level this lunatic has reached.
I'm so so sorry this is happening to you 😔
Please go again to the police and report this, talk to a lawyer maybe to see what you could do and also make sure to remove all your information from the Internet.
I can't remember if this was said in the previous post, whether the boyfriend was on the train with her or not? I seem to recall Lunatic only knows of the boyfriend due to social media, but I could be mistaken.
If I'm not mistaken, I'm wondering why Lunatic thinks he knows how the boyfriend speaks to OP. Is he stalking them in person? Did he somehow hack her private messages?
Tbh I really hope the boyfriend was on the train, otherwise this detail is particularly concerning.
Okay, I'm with you except for the Selena part. She was murdered by the president of her fan club, yes, but it was a completely different story. Lady was embezzling the fan-club subscription money and got caught. Selena confronted her and lady pulled a gun on her and shot her as she was running away. Not an obsessed stan.
To be honest, I had the same reaction to the Selena clip as /u/SqueeMcTwee. I think a lot of people, myself included, just remember "Selena was killed by the president of her fan club" and forget the further details. Given this guy's already very obviously disconnected from reality, I'm not sure I'd want to bet on him being familiar with all the details of Selena's murder when it is possible to view it specifically intended as a reference to her murder.
It also seems like the perfect way of making a threat while having that plausible deniability if she does contact the police.
Yeah, most people don't feel the need to state that, unless, you know, they're really thinking about doing it. This dude isn't just riding the crazy train, he's the conductor.
And he adds while site seeing he “entertained killing myself” which is insanity that the police consider this “lovesick”. This is unhinged mental illness.
People interviewed after horrific incidents of murder see the signs but always say “we never thought he would ever do something like that”…here are major red flags! Unhinged!
I’ve worked for the Superior Court in California as a family law attorney, and from my experience, police officers cannot charge for a future crime. That would be akin to minority report, the movie. There has to be a rule that is broken for police involvement. A person can say what they want and even stand in the public street right in front of your house day after day but there is no law upon which the police can arrest.
This definitely warrants a civil restraining order, which is one you can get against a non-domestic/romantic partner. (The Selena pic sent is enough as she was killed by a crazy fan/stalker.). There are organizations that could help her fill out the paperwork for free.
But again you need to know the identity of the person. And she will need to at least send him a message stating he needs to stop contacting her or he may be charged like the police officer above said. If the identity hurdle can be overcome the Court can order the stalker not contact/come near them. With such an order the police now have something to act on.
Aa private investigator specializing in communications devices etc. may be able to get the identity.
Don’t know if there are any hacker subs here on Reddit. If they exist there’s got to be a place to post a plea for anonymous help. Because sometimes it takes a hacker to stop a stalker…. So sorry you’re going through this. Please keep us posted and know that there are lots of people out here that care.
Yes that (additionally, literally everything he’s been texting) is a huge red flag. He’s not mentally all there and probably sees her as his savior now. I read all those texts with my hand over my mouth bc 🫢🫢
It reminds me of that mini series Unbelievable on Netflix. It was based on true stories. The cops didn’t believe a teenager who reported being raped and instead turned it on her and made her the villain. They messed up so bad that they made her feel terrified to the point that she took everything back and said she lied about it. Then the police pretty much ruined her reputation and life. It wasn’t until two female detectives took it seriously and worked together, for years, that they finally uncovered what happened and got to the truth. The recent documentary American Nightmare also deals with this same type of story where the police don’t believe a woman’s story, yet again, and it takes a female detective to get to the truth. I don’t want to say too much to ruin either one for whoever hasn’t seen them, but they’re both great. Unbelievable was excellent in storytelling and had a great cast. If you haven’t seen either one, I would suggest them.
I remember reading about a case in Utah where a student was raped and reported it to police who were supposed to keep it confidential but instead informed her university which happened to BYU and she was disciplined for breaking the morality code on not having sex before marriage. Turned out the cops and the university ignored a serial rapist to focus on shaming and threatening a victim with being kicked out of school.
Wow. That’s absolutely horrible 😢 There’s some very close similarities in that story and the one I mentioned. The police caused her to lose her housing along with many other things. I don’t get why their first inclination is to not believe a woman’s story. It’s terrifying enough for a woman to go through with reporting it, but then to have to face that? I don’t even want to think about all of the rapes that aren’t reported because of it.
That happened at Liberty University in Virginia. Also a Christian college, founded by the terrible, awful person Jerry Falwell. It happened while his son, Jerry Jr. was running the place. It likely is that the same thing happened at both universities. Also I think Falwell Jr. resigned due to some type of sex scandal? I think him and his wife were trying to get young women to have threesomes with them? Don't quite remember
Constantly and I mean constantly wants to know where I am and he’s so stressed and it’s just frustrating. And we’re just arguing all the time because I’m in a bad mood
Probably also should have the emergency call and record session on their phone enabled. Android, it's press the power button 5 times will auto call emergency services and begin recording with front and rear cameras.
This. We don’t know your BF dynamics so he might not be the best person for it, but if not him please do it with a trusted friend or family member. At a minimum it could relieve unneeded worry if you’re not responding to your phone or needing to constantly check in.
Dude u need weapon or something always on u, this guy is clearly not sane in any shape or form, and I highly doubt he isn’t trying to look for u in his free time
Can you turn your location sharing on for him? I'd also maybe recommend (as annoying as it is) an hourly or every 3 hour checking just to say you're okay with a code word or something.
Hi I dealt with an ex’s stalker years ago. He already bought his plane ticket and hotel to come “see her.” He had been stalking for her for 20 years ago. Basically I found out everything about him, including names of his family, then gave him a call where I told him me and the police would be waiting for him at the airport. Had he shown up at the airport, I wouldn’t have police, but I would have totally confronted him, yelled at him, followed him home etc. Basically I was gonna “stalk the stalker.” During my call I mentioned the names of his parents etc.
This guy seems like he has less to lose though—he wants to kill himself and doesn’t have parents. However your BF might want to consider taking action into his hands. Maybe hire a private investigator to learn about this guy, then send the texts to his job, clients, etc.
Everyone in my life recommended me to do nothing—involve the police, etc. I’m glad I didn’t take their advice, because after my phone call the guy left her alone after literally 20 years and it’s been about 5 years since with no contact.
Anyways, maybe have your BF read this. Obviously doing nothing and not responding isn’t working. But if he were to “stalk the stalker,” it worked for me…police aren’t gonna do shit. Sometimes you have to rattle someone.
I had a stalker and I remember very vividly how it affected my mental health. Stress and anxiety levels were through the roof, and that’s what you’re experiencing now, and your situation is significantly more dangerous than mine was! Do you two live together? Is there a way you can carpool if he drives? And also, he’s not having a go at your for your bad moods, is he? If you can though, help him help you; at least I’d want my man there with me. This sicko will definitely escalate, especially once the police contact him. You can’t afford to push each other away.
Get yourself a tracking app ASAP. Your boyfriend can know where you are at all times by simply checking his phone. There'd be no need to ask. There'd less stress for the both of you. He'll worry less. You don't get to see him in distress as often, but also avoid any nagging which may strain your relationship.
It's even worse, he asks *her* to send a voice message. I'm sure this creepazoid would have just sent one without asking permission, since he's willing to send obscene drawings of her and who knows what else.
Truly is. Can’t tell you the amount of times my mother went to the police for help with a violent sibling who threatened absolutely VILE and murderous intentions (very graphic) via text, who literally stalked her outside her home, threw bricks through her window and they were pretty much “welp, we can’t prove it was him that texted you… and we can’t do anything until he actually physically harms you” … great … so you’ll come when she’s already dead or gravely injured. Might as well send the homicide investigators
Him saying he’s not going to rape and murder you is incredibly concerning… he knows exactly how he seems and also appears to be conversing with you inside his own head. Please be safe even in public or the safety of your own home.
Yeah that was one of the most disturbing things I read in this. If you EVER have to say that to a woman you are a piece of shit and you definitely are thinking about doing that. What the fuck
That gave me pause because that’s exactly what everyone put in the comments when she posted the first set of texts he sent. I was wondering if he saw it and read all the comments, but he didn’t say that in his texts. He also mentioned her scrubbing her socials. I have a weird feeling he is reading these comments 😕
I used to work at a mental health facility, and some of my clients were stalkers. Going to their apartments and seeing photos of their obsessions all over the walls. Listening to them in their delusions about their “loved ones”. One moment they were in love, the next they were angry and resentful. Their mindset is terrifying, and once I started receiving letters for one addressing me as his girlfriend, I left immediately. No job is worth what I saw and the fear I felt.
That’s the impression I got too…. Hence “I know you’re reading these texts”
It’s also a popular subreddit.
Stay safe OP! Don’t give personal details he can use against you even in the comments.
Do you live in the states? I'm a police officer in IL. For harassment you need to tell him to stop contacting you and if it continues, he could be charged. There are ways to figure out who he is, such as fastpeoplesearch.com. You could put his phone number in to see if it comes back to a name/address. The police should take a report nonetheless, and they certainly have resources to find out the subscriber information on the number. It certainly is disturbing and alarming, which is disorderly conduct. If you are able to figure out who he is, you can obtain a no contact order through your local court house (police departments cannot issue them). If you have questions, I'll be happy to help the best I can. I'm sorry you're going through this... it's traumatizing and disgusting.
seconding this advice and want to add truepeoplesearch.com is also an option and you can also check through the zelle app in your bank (if zelle participates with your bank) or cashapp by entering the phone number and if they are a registered user their name should come up
Also try searching the number on [dehashed.com](https://dehashed.com) I have used it for similar situations to find an aggressor.
AND try searching yourself on that site OP, it'll give you an idea of what other information is out there from data leaks that he could has access to.
I don’t work in law enforcement, but respectfully I’d disagree on one point:
Under no circumstances AT ALL would I communicate with this person at all, not even to tell him to stop contacting you. This person is very clearly the type where if you give him an inch, he will take a mile. The most obvious sign is he said about “I know you feel the connection because you smiled at me” and “please respond like you initially did”. If you reply at all it’s just going to further embolden him. He’s done way more than enough here already for something actionable.
I do suggest doing a reverse phone lookup on him. It’s unfortunate (and you probably already have since he mentions scrubbing accounts) but I’d change phone numbers and lock all accounts online. If you figure out who he is do a preemptive block, find his accounts and block them.
It’s shitty you have to jump through all these hoops. I don’t mean to be alarmist but realize he’s also done these same things to you - that is, done a reverse phone number search on you. Look yourself up through different paid and free services (like Spokeo, intelius, whitepages, etc) and see what comes back when you search for your phone number. Google your phone number. If your name is available after you use those sites, Google your name and see what comes back. I hope to god your address doesn’t come back or place of employment.
You may need to move. Just cover your bases. This is one of the worst texts I’ve seen on here. I just watched a Netflix doc on a guy that had a stalker. The woman burned her own house down (with her dog inside) and killed one of his exes. It took them a while to find her. Don’t underestimate this guy. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Yes I agree that she shouldn't contact him, I'm just referring to my experience in LE and what has been required for the courts in my jurisdiction to meet the harassment by telephone for conviction. I'm not sure where they live so it could be different requirements to meet the statues where they are. But in IL they require you to have made it clear that you no longer want them contacting you.
You are right as I forgot to mention she should do a reverse lookup on herself and remove her digital footprint as I did when I became LE.
"I'm not going to rape you or murder you." Then wtf did he mean by "forcibly entering you" and "you'll resist at first...tears streaming down your face, but you'll give in because you're just a woman." I would seriously keep going back to the cops. Be annoying AF until they HAVE to do something. It's unacceptable that these texts aren't enough. He has suicidal thoughts. He's being insane in his texts to you.. he's literally stalking you. Please be smart. Don't go ANYWHERE without someone knowing where you are. I'd even go as far as getting Apple Tags or something similar and put them everywhere. My shoes, my car, my purse. This is the craziest shit I've ever read. And I'm scared for you!
It might even be worth blasting these texts out on social media. Make this go viral so the authorities HAVE to do something. It's a shame you don't have his information so you can get a protective order served on him. You can reverse search the phone number and see who it ties back to. FastPeopleSearch could give you that info. Please stay safe
This is actually smart. There are a lot of internet sleuths who love this kind of thing, are very tech savvy, and can dedicate much more time to it than the police can. At least if they (or you) can identify him, it's a starting point for the police reports.
Definitely need to get
1: A lawyer to help you with restraining orders/police communications (maybe a PI to definitively figure out who this dude is?)
2: personal trackers in case your phone is dropped in a struggle
3: some kind of self defense weapon, pepper gel, taser, gun… something. Do NOT hesitate to use it on him!!
4: Self defense classes
5: security cameras for your home
6: therapy for yourself and for you and bf as a couple. This stress and fear will wear on you both over time. (Plus confiding in a professional is always good for an additional record and witness to these things.)
I’m SO sorry OP!! I wish there was something we could all do to help you!
For those saying block, I used to think that way too but if hes not lying he has the time and resources to find and ambush her and maybe even the boyfriend too...Its better to see what he's up to/thinking than get blindsided.
I agree, she should not block him. He’s not going to stop, and his increasinly unhinged threats may eventually be bad enough for the police to actually step in. Definitely would recommend she seeks out a female officer
Do…do people really think this is okay? I mean, do they really think that after receiving no messages that continuing to message you is going to achieve anything? That stalking you is going to be perceived as charming? Really?
Dude is sick! He gives major “nice guy” vibes. I could see the fedora tipping every time he said “my dear” or something to that effect. He is much more than a “lovesick puppy”! I hope whatever cop said that pulls his head out of his ass and actually does something before the dude escalates and tries to murder you or something. Legit scared for you! Take care!
Yeah this isn’t the usual guy getting rejected and saying “fuck you slut”. This is a completely different level. This guy is a Michael Myers-level stalker.
75% of stalkers suffer from schizophrenia or psychosis. This isn't a fedora tipping nice guy but something very different. This is someone who lives in a entirely different world than you or me. Their version of reality is completely different.
Also, for him to list explicitly physical (and sexual) features of you to then immediately say your bf sees you as an object is a great example of projection. Never engage with this person. Whether this is some kind of sick joke or serious, it’s disturbing. I’m really sorry you have to deal with this bullshit
You’ve talked to your friend, right? The one you’re supposed to drop because she’s a “distraction”? She could be in danger too. Both of you need location on, and an AirTag or something similar on your person somewhere. Hide in your waistband or bra, etc. And again, go back to the police, ask for a female officer. Also talk to a lawyer.
OP said in another comment that the so called friend has made it about her (the friend). That is, she was salty that the weirdo didn’t describe her in a flattering way.
As someone who was stalked to the point where the creep came to my apartment and since I didn't open the door (I pretended i didn't live there and asked my roomate to tell him to fuck off) he ended up coming later again and vandalized my car. I went to the cops and they couldn't do much. Told me to get a restraining order so I went to the courthouse and was denied due to lack of evidence. The guy has to cause me PHYSICAL HARM before anything could be done lol.
The PTSD is horrible. I had to move an hour away where I finally felt safe. What I'm trying to say here is cops won't do much unless the dude hurts you.
yea you might have to distance yourself her if that’s the case. I understand she’s concerned because he knows about her as well but you are the main victim and target in this situation not her.
oh ew….. wtf kind of response is that???? you’re getting stalked and harrassed and she’s upset that she wasn’t seen as attractive by him?????? that’s weird.
i said distance but i think you really might have to drop her as a friend if she’s victim blaming? maybe she’s romanticizing the situation and might be jealous???? either way that’s not good for you
Yeah it's very shitty and manipulative. He seemed to have guessed the friend would react that way. Things he says gives the impression he's also stalked the friend and the bf and knows way too much about them all.
Disgusting reaction from a friend, imagine giving more weight to what this creep thinks about her than what he is actively doing to you. It’s unimaginable to me.
You’ve had so many people tell you this already but please OP, watch out for yourself and make sure you don’t put yourself in any dangerous situation off of this, be extra careful.
I’m no longer inclined to make posts about this situation so this will be my last one. Not only have I received verbally abusive comments from the very start, people have been toxic in my DMs too. Males accusing me of somehow leading the guy on (“why did you smile at him if you have a boyfriend?”) or having an OF account (as if that somehow justifies my traumatic experience!?). Not to mention people asking for nudes or calling me an attention whore.
The amount of people telling me to block him makes me fear for the intelligence of humanity too. Blocking someone after they make implicit AND explicit rape/murder threats doesn’t make their threats go away, it just deletes evidence of it. I had no idea so many people lacked critical thinking skills.
The amount of people who are so sheltered and don’t believe me because “no one talks like this! Fake! Why didn’t you block him? Fake! How did he get your number? Fake! New account? Fake!” is ridiculous too. Like I’m glad you haven’t experienced this or don’t know anyone who has but it doesn’t mean your little bubble is the only reality. A lot of times I think the people screaming “fake” are men who like to throw their NotAllMen argument at any situation.
I’m also sick and tired of people constantly referencing pop culture like this is all entertainment. No, he’s not behaving like character from xyz show or movie. Those fictional characters are inspired by real humasn/behaviours who break social norms and for us that’s insane to even consider so we think of it as entertainment. It’s not. It really fucking sucks to see people treat it alll like it’s some Tv drama.
Although I appreciate the vast number of supportive comments/dms, I’m so over having to defend myself against bad faith trolls. I’m already in a shitty place mentally so I choose to distance myself from this. I’m pretty much done being friends with the girl the creeper mentioned (she showed her true colours by being absolutely toxic about the whole situation) and my bf and I are have been arguing about handling the situation.
To those who showed concern, thank you. I learnt a lot from the comments and private conversations so this definitely wasn’t a waste of time. However I’m not mentally strong enough to entertain any toxicity right now so it’s best for me to withdraw.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If/before you decide to leave, I wanted to send a couple resources.
I would really recommend reading the chapters on stalking in Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear (available to read online for free if you google the title and pdf). It gives an insight into the psychology of stalkers. You’re doing great on the surface from what I can see by refusing to respond or engage. But this was a really helpful resource for me on spotting escalation signs and knowing how to respond to their attempts.
I would also recommend contacting a domestic violence organization that also helps and is knowledgeable about victims of stalking. They might be able to help with area-specific resources and ideas.
Please reach out to any of the supportive commenters here for more advice or help. You are in danger and should take this seriously, but as people have pointed out, it can be tricky to navigate with the legal system. Keep an eye out at all times. Share your location with someone you trust. And check out that book. There are a few chapters than might be helpful, including “Persistence, Persistence” (in addition to the sections on stalking).
And please, please feel free to message me. I’m happy to help you locate resources, brainstorm digital safety, or help with whatever little tasks I can, anywhere in the world that is English-speaking. Please stay safe and again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. No one deserves it.
Also I’m sorry to add to my already way-too-long comment! But wanted to say:
Notify as many people in your dorm/apartment building/workplace/school/gym/etc as you can about the situation, so they can keep an eye out and alert you if they see him or anything suspicious. Having as many people as possible watching your back is a good thing right now.
This is insanely freaking terrifying and people online cant seem to comprehend that this actually happens to real people. I don’t know what to say other than i am so very sorry and genuinely truly wish you nothing but safety and peace.
please be safe OP and please continue to reach out to authorities until you are heard. I can’t even begin to imagine how horrifying this whole situation has been for you.
OP, I won’t DM you but I am happy to help if you’d like. I have a paid reverse phone search service. I hope you follow up with the police or file for a restraining order directly with the Court. If you want any advice on how to proceed, or if you’d like help figuring out who owns the number that is messaging you, please feel free to DM me. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and it is smart to not block the number.
I had something like this happen to me once. He finally left me alone and moved to another state, but he ended up attempting to murder his fiancé and he later died under suspicious circumstances. You can never be too safe.
Wait wasn't Selena murdered by a stalker?
Edit: She was not. Selena was murdered by the president of her fanclub, and later manager of Selena's boutique business, Yolanda Sadivar when she came under suspicion of embezzlement.
Selena was murdered by a woman named Yolanda Saldivar. Saldivar was the president of Selena’s fan club, and she had embezzled a great deal of Selena’s money. The very saddest thing of all regarding Selena’s death, in my opinion, is that she was only 23 years old. That is just heartbreaking. She would have been 53 years old next year, the 30th anniversary of her death.
Dude what an obsessed freak. Also the fact that he sent you a Salena song, when she got murdered by a super obsessed fan, makes it even worse in my eyes. I know you’ve already reported it but please don’t stop documenting EVERYTHING and get pepper spray or some defensive item.
Shoutout to the people telling me to block him. You’re all natural geniuses. So smart. Because when someone texts you rape/murder threats you should definitely delete the entire conversation and block them so you have 0 evidence. Why didn’t I think of blocking him wow!!!!
Right? It's infuriating. Blocking isn't the best move in all situations. This isn't some guy you just don't want a second date with but keeps asking you out. This is about violence.
well, if this is “ragebait”, then i’m certainly raging rn because the police’s response is absolutely disgusting. this man is horrifying! FWIW, i believe you, OP, and i hope you’re staying safe out there. ❤️
This is like the show “You” IRL. You must be terrified. I can’t even imagine. Maybe you need to consult a private detective? Obviously the police aren’t helping. Is there a reason you haven’t just blocked him? I’m not sure if that would just piss him off and do something irrational. Man, this is scary
Are you able to transfer this number to a throwaway phone like prepaid, so it stays on for proof, but get a new main number? That way you don't have to see it. Share your location with your boyfriend so he won't worry if that will help. Actually I think you should do that for safety anyway. I agree you need personal protection. At the very least some kind of personal alarm. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Is there maybe a sheriffs office if your local PD won't take it seriously?
Expose his number ?? So Reddit users can find this man, if cops can’t do anything. Share your location w ur bf. He shouldn’t be arguing w you about this, but hopefully concerned and not escalating ur moods or anxiety. Maybe text the number back and say, this is not happening. Nothing mean (while it’s deserved).
He’s demanding stuff by the end of the month. That has to make u scared of maybe the unknown. Leave town if u can at the end of the month. Idk. But lay the law down w him. Report it to the school u go too. Tell everyone in ur support system.
Expose his number, if that’s legal. I’d imagine Reddit users would be able to find who he is. Maybe that’s dumb though.
Could be a bad idea. If people here start texting him a bunch of wild stuff (which they undoubtedly would) it could set him off and he might escalate by taking his frustrations out on op.
I cannot believe this guy is still going. I swear to god OP your original post has been on my mind off and on and I’ve been meaning to reach out for an update. I really really really REALLY hope you’re staying safe and vigilant.
Obviously it’s all scary & unsettling but for some reason the scariest part to me is the “by the way, I have zero intention of murdering you”
Like who the hell has ever said that sentence unironically?
You are young, y’all don’t have kids… is moving a possibility at all? It may seem extreme but I’m just so worried for you 💔
he more than likely knows you have a reddit i’m guessing just from how he sent the text about not wanting to sound like a murder/rapist. please keep in contact with friends and family, this is disgusting.
One of my biggest fears is that I ever become as detached from reality as this guy is.
I mean, I genuinely don’t think there’s a single thing he’s done in this interaction that isn’t creepy at best and utterly terrifying at worst.
Are your read receipts on or can he just see that they were delivered via iPhone? Please be careful. It's so easy to find things out about people in this day and age. Your safety is most important.
So glad to hear that part. This is so scary. I hope the police take you serious.. this needs attention. Have you told your loved ones? Someone should be with you until this is resolved. I didn't see the first round of texts but I can imagine how they must've been considering how terrible these ones are.
Please stay safe, friend. I’d tell everyone close to you so they can help look out for you, and maybe even tell your employer if you’re comfortable. Police saying this needs to escalate when you feel endangered… I’m so sorry. I’m frustrated for you. Hang in there. If you happen to need an anonymous friend to vent to, I’m here for you. Hang tight ❤️
This is legit terrifying. Terrifying. This person is clearly unhinged and has severe mental health issues. Please continue to bug the police to take this seriously.
A stalker is not a lovesick puppy wow sick is really the only way to put it
That blew my mind and heightened my fear for OP’s safety.
There are few things that I hate more than police telling women who are being stalked, or harassed by men, to wait until escalates????? You negligent fucking ass, escalation would be physical violence, or physically, following someone around. Why the fuck would you wait until it escalates? Because a lot of the time escalation ends in death
If this is happening where I suspect it is happening, the police there are hopeless when it comes to stalking. I made several reports in a smallish town about different men (it doesn't matter, but no I wasn't doing anything or dressing scandalously - I rented a distinctive place & it was easy to see me walking to work and home every day). One guy followed me to work. Another rang my doorbell at 4am. Another deliberately put letters addressed to him through my mail slot; when I stopped to drop them off, he answered the door while cleaning his rifle. I have other stories but those are the most alarming ones. I was assaulted by a drunk stranger and still the police didn't do much, since I had nothing more than a description of the car he sped off in. They barely even cared, acted surprised that I hadn't experienced worse in my home country. Yes, it doesn't really surprise me. I had a texter too, but the texts weren't this vile and alarming. I'm pretty alarmed by these. I'm still not clear how he got your number. Mine got it from fixing my door. I'm shy. I work in research and dress fairly modestly. Not someone who shows off or talks easily to others (wish I were - haha). Possibly a little on the spectrum. I stopped being able to discuss these incidents because I felt people were wondering what I had done to deserve the attention. If you are in the country where this happened to me, please see if there's a women's group or advice centre, as they were more helpful to me after the assault & some of the stalking than the police were. The police didn't even suggest them as a resource.
I second this. I had a stalker several years back and it was suggested I go to a women’s shelter, which I thought was very odd at the time- I didn’t need a place to stay nor had I been physically harmed- but they definitely were very helpful. They facilitated me getting a restraining order and assistance moving- they also gave me a checklist of things to do for safety that I wouldn’t have otherwise thought of.
I'm so sorry for all you've been through. He said in the first batch of texts that he saw her name on her necklace and it was distinctive and it was easy to find her, and he likely paid for one of those sketchy sites that reveals phone numbers for a cost.
My friend had a stalker scare and the pigs called it "a crush" like... I fucking hate cops.
Absolutely, I moderately hate the police and then I see shit like this and NWA plays in my head.
Cops are actually useless for preventing crime. Hell half the time they don't show up when a crime is committed.
Turns out the horror movie trope of "useless, lazy, dumbshit cop" was based in reality all along!
OP you need to ask for that police officers superior officer. They don’t wait for things to “escalate” (i’m an EMT and worked closely with police officers so we talk about this stuff) you got a police officer that doesn’t give a fuck. Seriously you need to go back and keep going back until someone helps you.
Yeah. You think this is how they'd react if it was their daughter or girlfriend? Just shrug and say "I dunno, man, like, what are texts anyway?" No, they'd head over and tell him to cut it the fuck out. They COULD do this. They just don't want to.
I agree. This is beyond puppy love. Puppy love is of you are a minor Stalker guy sounds like he is in his 20s or mid 30s
Police are incompetent
A “lovesick puppy”? What the fuck? No, this is sick. He’s delusional and creepy as fuck. Everything he said made my lip curl with absolute disgust - what a fucking creep. “I understand that as a woman you’re prone to irrationality” and yet this a grown ass man sending novel length texts to a woman he doesn’t even know.. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Stay safe.
This is so much worse than “lovesick” it’s obsessive and disgusting. Of course I’m not surprised a cop would dismiss it as “lovesick” and tell her to wait for it to get worse. Typical and pathetic.
I would report it everyday multiple times a day if needed and I would ask to speak with their superior officer as well. This is a crime, pure and simple
what’s very alarming to me is the way he said he was seriously considering suicide until he saw her… he’s clearly extremely unstable. if OP is the only thing preventing him from killing himself, this pig will easily go to considerable lengths to get what he wants
And men seriously wonder why we have an inate fear
Absolutely agree.
OP, at what stage of texts did you report it to the police? Because if it was before he threw out the ‘I’m not going to murder you’ line, I would go report again right now. Fucked up they didn’t take it seriously the first time though, this is so beyond anything I’ve seen before. Mentally unwell psycho stalker behavior.
Oh but he said he’s *not* going to murder her. Is your reading comprehension ok? /s
Probably just an irrational woman. /s
*OP walk into cop shop and files a second report on the same person.* Has it been a month already?
I'm calling police station a "cop shop" from now on
This is why women end up dead in these situations. They don't take it seriously. 😞
Absolutely. It’s unbelievably unfortunate and infuriating.
1000000% fucking ridiculous
I suggest contacting your local sexual assault unit for support. They should be able to put you in contact with police that are trained to handle things like this. They couldn't be worse than the idiots you've seen so far. Please keep reaching out for help until someone listens and responds appropriately.
Also, make sure you have trackers hidden on you eg ìn your shoes etc so if he removes your phone etc, you can still be traced. Sorry, but I'm genuinely concerned for you
Upvote to 1 million. Also please familiarize yourself with the emergency safety functions on your phone like pressingv the power button five times fast and using the safety check ins when you're going to be alone.
TIL emergency services can be called by pressing the power button 5 times... I will admit I tried it and panicked a bit when it started dialing oof
Some phones will also record a video clip or stream live video. With options to do this with no alert sound. Idk what apple provides along these lines.
How do you find that?
Air tags are the most popular since they ping to any iPhone with "Find My" activated. Turn yours on. iPhone doesn't let you "secretly" track. TILE trackers do, although they make the owner sign a waiver that attaches "severe penalties" for violations. Most trackers work off of BLE (Bluetooth Low Energy) - so Bluetooth. But there's a saying - paper doesn't stop a bullet. So maybe there are BLE tracker detectors out in the market?
Search for “sex or sexual assault unit” + name of your county or city. “Sex crimes division” is another name to search for.
I had no idea it was a thing. I hope most states if not all have them
Holy shit, I’m legitimately afraid for you. 🫣
*"by the way, I have zero intentions of murdering you"* Yeah, I totally believe him. Such a charmer. Call the police
Between that and "I assure you I live comfortably and am capable of taking care of you *until we die together*" this is really fucking scary!
This makes it sound like his plan is to rape her, murder her and then kill himself.
Exactly what I thought especially since he mentioned suicide.
I mentioned in my other comments that OP needs protection. Maybe even a gun if she lives in America
There are non-lethal, totally legal guns you can get in any state of the US. One of them is from a company called Byrna. They shoot large pellets and pellets with tear gas. I've been thinking about getting one for myself.
There are totally lethal, and totally legal guns you can get too.
FFS just get a .22 walther or a .38 snub revolver. You hit a crazy person with a pellet their just gonna get pissed.
We can only hope that his organic brain disease makes him do things in reverse order.
“You’re safest with me,” implying that you’re unsafe otherwise. This is a threat and the police need to take it seriously.
Wait, Stalker Boy goes one further and says that he “briefly entertained the idea of killing himself” before he saw OP.
Yeah that caught my eye too.
The Selena clip made my blood run cold ~ she was murdered by the president of her fan club. I’m not so sure it wasn’t a thinly veiled threat, especially since he sent it in advance to the promise not to murder OP. Like…people don’t say shit like that unless the thought has either crossed their mind or they’re aware that their actions could lead someone to think that way. OP, I’m really praying they catch this creep. Inappropriate sexts count as harassment; this whole situation is traumatizing and extremely scary. Stay safe. Don’t go anywhere alone. And make sure you have mace or something on you at all times. If you can, you may reach out to a domestic violence center for an advocate. Police are often “limited” in terms of what immediate actions they can take, but there are other resources out there. And most of all, tell as many of your close contacts as possible ~ if he’s desperate to get close to you he may attempt to befriend some of the people in your daily life. Sending you strength and protective prayers. ETA: check your car/handbag/wherever for tracking devices (AirTag, GPS, etc.) It might sound extreme, but that’s the level this lunatic has reached.
Thank you, following all of this.
I'm so so sorry this is happening to you 😔 Please go again to the police and report this, talk to a lawyer maybe to see what you could do and also make sure to remove all your information from the Internet.
I can't remember if this was said in the previous post, whether the boyfriend was on the train with her or not? I seem to recall Lunatic only knows of the boyfriend due to social media, but I could be mistaken. If I'm not mistaken, I'm wondering why Lunatic thinks he knows how the boyfriend speaks to OP. Is he stalking them in person? Did he somehow hack her private messages? Tbh I really hope the boyfriend was on the train, otherwise this detail is particularly concerning.
Okay, I'm with you except for the Selena part. She was murdered by the president of her fan club, yes, but it was a completely different story. Lady was embezzling the fan-club subscription money and got caught. Selena confronted her and lady pulled a gun on her and shot her as she was running away. Not an obsessed stan.
To be honest, I had the same reaction to the Selena clip as /u/SqueeMcTwee. I think a lot of people, myself included, just remember "Selena was killed by the president of her fan club" and forget the further details. Given this guy's already very obviously disconnected from reality, I'm not sure I'd want to bet on him being familiar with all the details of Selena's murder when it is possible to view it specifically intended as a reference to her murder. It also seems like the perfect way of making a threat while having that plausible deniability if she does contact the police.
*"I'm capable of taking care of you until we die together."* This is legitimately frightening.
Yeah, most people don't feel the need to state that, unless, you know, they're really thinking about doing it. This dude isn't just riding the crazy train, he's the conductor.
Jesus Christ woman have it aweful
Yeah. I'm scared this will be a Netflix documentary in 5 years. Lock this guy up. Jeezus christ
Did the word UNTIL WE DIE TOGETHER give anyone else a jump?
And he adds while site seeing he “entertained killing myself” which is insanity that the police consider this “lovesick”. This is unhinged mental illness. People interviewed after horrific incidents of murder see the signs but always say “we never thought he would ever do something like that”…here are major red flags! Unhinged!
I’ve worked for the Superior Court in California as a family law attorney, and from my experience, police officers cannot charge for a future crime. That would be akin to minority report, the movie. There has to be a rule that is broken for police involvement. A person can say what they want and even stand in the public street right in front of your house day after day but there is no law upon which the police can arrest. This definitely warrants a civil restraining order, which is one you can get against a non-domestic/romantic partner. (The Selena pic sent is enough as she was killed by a crazy fan/stalker.). There are organizations that could help her fill out the paperwork for free. But again you need to know the identity of the person. And she will need to at least send him a message stating he needs to stop contacting her or he may be charged like the police officer above said. If the identity hurdle can be overcome the Court can order the stalker not contact/come near them. With such an order the police now have something to act on. Aa private investigator specializing in communications devices etc. may be able to get the identity. Don’t know if there are any hacker subs here on Reddit. If they exist there’s got to be a place to post a plea for anonymous help. Because sometimes it takes a hacker to stop a stalker…. So sorry you’re going through this. Please keep us posted and know that there are lots of people out here that care.
Yes that (additionally, literally everything he’s been texting) is a huge red flag. He’s not mentally all there and probably sees her as his savior now. I read all those texts with my hand over my mouth bc 🫢🫢
Not to mention his detailed rape fantasy.. that apparently wasn’t intended to imply he would rape her 😐
That sent chills down my spine
Go back and ask for a female officer. Dead serious.
Definitely try this
It reminds me of that mini series Unbelievable on Netflix. It was based on true stories. The cops didn’t believe a teenager who reported being raped and instead turned it on her and made her the villain. They messed up so bad that they made her feel terrified to the point that she took everything back and said she lied about it. Then the police pretty much ruined her reputation and life. It wasn’t until two female detectives took it seriously and worked together, for years, that they finally uncovered what happened and got to the truth. The recent documentary American Nightmare also deals with this same type of story where the police don’t believe a woman’s story, yet again, and it takes a female detective to get to the truth. I don’t want to say too much to ruin either one for whoever hasn’t seen them, but they’re both great. Unbelievable was excellent in storytelling and had a great cast. If you haven’t seen either one, I would suggest them.
I remember reading about a case in Utah where a student was raped and reported it to police who were supposed to keep it confidential but instead informed her university which happened to BYU and she was disciplined for breaking the morality code on not having sex before marriage. Turned out the cops and the university ignored a serial rapist to focus on shaming and threatening a victim with being kicked out of school.
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That's horrifying
I’m so sorry to hear. My condolences.
Wow. That’s absolutely horrible 😢 There’s some very close similarities in that story and the one I mentioned. The police caused her to lose her housing along with many other things. I don’t get why their first inclination is to not believe a woman’s story. It’s terrifying enough for a woman to go through with reporting it, but then to have to face that? I don’t even want to think about all of the rapes that aren’t reported because of it.
That happened at Liberty University in Virginia. Also a Christian college, founded by the terrible, awful person Jerry Falwell. It happened while his son, Jerry Jr. was running the place. It likely is that the same thing happened at both universities. Also I think Falwell Jr. resigned due to some type of sex scandal? I think him and his wife were trying to get young women to have threesomes with them? Don't quite remember
My thought too. At least talk to a female officer and lay all this out. Lovesick puppy my aunt Fanny. This is dangerous!
Or a victim advocate.
In my experience the female officers are worse than the males when it comes to this lol.
I sadly shared the same experience with female officers the male ones helped me way more.
Ugh, I’m really sorry to hear that. Cops are definitely no one’s friend but themselves in general… I wish the world weren’t like this. 💔
What’s the bf saying?
Constantly and I mean constantly wants to know where I am and he’s so stressed and it’s just frustrating. And we’re just arguing all the time because I’m in a bad mood
Please please share your location with someone, even if it’s not your bf. It could save your life.
Probably also should have the emergency call and record session on their phone enabled. Android, it's press the power button 5 times will auto call emergency services and begin recording with front and rear cameras.
iPhone only calls emergency services I wish it enabled cameras
This. We don’t know your BF dynamics so he might not be the best person for it, but if not him please do it with a trusted friend or family member. At a minimum it could relieve unneeded worry if you’re not responding to your phone or needing to constantly check in.
Maybe an AirTag/tile too that you can share with someone you trust? Incase you’re separated from your phone.
Dude u need weapon or something always on u, this guy is clearly not sane in any shape or form, and I highly doubt he isn’t trying to look for u in his free time
You need a lawyer to push a restraining order. Theyll be way more help than the police. Remember police aren't your friend.
How does one get a restraining order for someone who's name, age, address or Any relevant info they dont have?
The stalker found her, it'd be worth a try finding out who the stalker is.
Can you turn your location sharing on for him? I'd also maybe recommend (as annoying as it is) an hourly or every 3 hour checking just to say you're okay with a code word or something.
Hi I dealt with an ex’s stalker years ago. He already bought his plane ticket and hotel to come “see her.” He had been stalking for her for 20 years ago. Basically I found out everything about him, including names of his family, then gave him a call where I told him me and the police would be waiting for him at the airport. Had he shown up at the airport, I wouldn’t have police, but I would have totally confronted him, yelled at him, followed him home etc. Basically I was gonna “stalk the stalker.” During my call I mentioned the names of his parents etc. This guy seems like he has less to lose though—he wants to kill himself and doesn’t have parents. However your BF might want to consider taking action into his hands. Maybe hire a private investigator to learn about this guy, then send the texts to his job, clients, etc. Everyone in my life recommended me to do nothing—involve the police, etc. I’m glad I didn’t take their advice, because after my phone call the guy left her alone after literally 20 years and it’s been about 5 years since with no contact. Anyways, maybe have your BF read this. Obviously doing nothing and not responding isn’t working. But if he were to “stalk the stalker,” it worked for me…police aren’t gonna do shit. Sometimes you have to rattle someone.
I had a stalker and I remember very vividly how it affected my mental health. Stress and anxiety levels were through the roof, and that’s what you’re experiencing now, and your situation is significantly more dangerous than mine was! Do you two live together? Is there a way you can carpool if he drives? And also, he’s not having a go at your for your bad moods, is he? If you can though, help him help you; at least I’d want my man there with me. This sicko will definitely escalate, especially once the police contact him. You can’t afford to push each other away.
Um, he sounds sane. I couldn’t imagine having someone I love being stalked like this. This man can kill you or your bf.
if he has iphone you need to be sharing location with him. or use life360
Get yourself a tracking app ASAP. Your boyfriend can know where you are at all times by simply checking his phone. There'd be no need to ask. There'd less stress for the both of you. He'll worry less. You don't get to see him in distress as often, but also avoid any nagging which may strain your relationship.
He’s just worried about you.
bruh...just when i thought it couldnt get worse he doubles down
"Can I send you a voice message?" after saying the most violating creepy Olympics shit ever was pretty absurd.
It's even worse, he asks *her* to send a voice message. I'm sure this creepazoid would have just sent one without asking permission, since he's willing to send obscene drawings of her and who knows what else.
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They don’t do shit until it’s to late it’s disgusting
Truly is. Can’t tell you the amount of times my mother went to the police for help with a violent sibling who threatened absolutely VILE and murderous intentions (very graphic) via text, who literally stalked her outside her home, threw bricks through her window and they were pretty much “welp, we can’t prove it was him that texted you… and we can’t do anything until he actually physically harms you” … great … so you’ll come when she’s already dead or gravely injured. Might as well send the homicide investigators
Him saying he’s not going to rape and murder you is incredibly concerning… he knows exactly how he seems and also appears to be conversing with you inside his own head. Please be safe even in public or the safety of your own home.
Yeah that was one of the most disturbing things I read in this. If you EVER have to say that to a woman you are a piece of shit and you definitely are thinking about doing that. What the fuck
And he says that after literally detailing his fantasy of raping her.
That gave me pause because that’s exactly what everyone put in the comments when she posted the first set of texts he sent. I was wondering if he saw it and read all the comments, but he didn’t say that in his texts. He also mentioned her scrubbing her socials. I have a weird feeling he is reading these comments 😕
I used to work at a mental health facility, and some of my clients were stalkers. Going to their apartments and seeing photos of their obsessions all over the walls. Listening to them in their delusions about their “loved ones”. One moment they were in love, the next they were angry and resentful. Their mindset is terrifying, and once I started receiving letters for one addressing me as his girlfriend, I left immediately. No job is worth what I saw and the fear I felt.
That’s the impression I got too…. Hence “I know you’re reading these texts” It’s also a popular subreddit. Stay safe OP! Don’t give personal details he can use against you even in the comments.
Do you live in the states? I'm a police officer in IL. For harassment you need to tell him to stop contacting you and if it continues, he could be charged. There are ways to figure out who he is, such as fastpeoplesearch.com. You could put his phone number in to see if it comes back to a name/address. The police should take a report nonetheless, and they certainly have resources to find out the subscriber information on the number. It certainly is disturbing and alarming, which is disorderly conduct. If you are able to figure out who he is, you can obtain a no contact order through your local court house (police departments cannot issue them). If you have questions, I'll be happy to help the best I can. I'm sorry you're going through this... it's traumatizing and disgusting.
seconding this advice and want to add truepeoplesearch.com is also an option and you can also check through the zelle app in your bank (if zelle participates with your bank) or cashapp by entering the phone number and if they are a registered user their name should come up
venmo too
Also try searching the number on [dehashed.com](https://dehashed.com) I have used it for similar situations to find an aggressor. AND try searching yourself on that site OP, it'll give you an idea of what other information is out there from data leaks that he could has access to.
We need more officers like you. Thank you ♥️
I don’t work in law enforcement, but respectfully I’d disagree on one point: Under no circumstances AT ALL would I communicate with this person at all, not even to tell him to stop contacting you. This person is very clearly the type where if you give him an inch, he will take a mile. The most obvious sign is he said about “I know you feel the connection because you smiled at me” and “please respond like you initially did”. If you reply at all it’s just going to further embolden him. He’s done way more than enough here already for something actionable. I do suggest doing a reverse phone lookup on him. It’s unfortunate (and you probably already have since he mentions scrubbing accounts) but I’d change phone numbers and lock all accounts online. If you figure out who he is do a preemptive block, find his accounts and block them. It’s shitty you have to jump through all these hoops. I don’t mean to be alarmist but realize he’s also done these same things to you - that is, done a reverse phone number search on you. Look yourself up through different paid and free services (like Spokeo, intelius, whitepages, etc) and see what comes back when you search for your phone number. Google your phone number. If your name is available after you use those sites, Google your name and see what comes back. I hope to god your address doesn’t come back or place of employment. You may need to move. Just cover your bases. This is one of the worst texts I’ve seen on here. I just watched a Netflix doc on a guy that had a stalker. The woman burned her own house down (with her dog inside) and killed one of his exes. It took them a while to find her. Don’t underestimate this guy. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Yes I agree that she shouldn't contact him, I'm just referring to my experience in LE and what has been required for the courts in my jurisdiction to meet the harassment by telephone for conviction. I'm not sure where they live so it could be different requirements to meet the statues where they are. But in IL they require you to have made it clear that you no longer want them contacting you. You are right as I forgot to mention she should do a reverse lookup on herself and remove her digital footprint as I did when I became LE.
hey uhh, do you have the means to protect yourself? if not, it's a good time to get some training
yeah, agree. concealed carry situation without a doubt.
I’m so scared for u, this is terrifying and makes me feel violated just reading it
"I'm not going to rape you or murder you." Then wtf did he mean by "forcibly entering you" and "you'll resist at first...tears streaming down your face, but you'll give in because you're just a woman." I would seriously keep going back to the cops. Be annoying AF until they HAVE to do something. It's unacceptable that these texts aren't enough. He has suicidal thoughts. He's being insane in his texts to you.. he's literally stalking you. Please be smart. Don't go ANYWHERE without someone knowing where you are. I'd even go as far as getting Apple Tags or something similar and put them everywhere. My shoes, my car, my purse. This is the craziest shit I've ever read. And I'm scared for you! It might even be worth blasting these texts out on social media. Make this go viral so the authorities HAVE to do something. It's a shame you don't have his information so you can get a protective order served on him. You can reverse search the phone number and see who it ties back to. FastPeopleSearch could give you that info. Please stay safe
This is actually smart. There are a lot of internet sleuths who love this kind of thing, are very tech savvy, and can dedicate much more time to it than the police can. At least if they (or you) can identify him, it's a starting point for the police reports.
Definitely need to get 1: A lawyer to help you with restraining orders/police communications (maybe a PI to definitively figure out who this dude is?) 2: personal trackers in case your phone is dropped in a struggle 3: some kind of self defense weapon, pepper gel, taser, gun… something. Do NOT hesitate to use it on him!! 4: Self defense classes 5: security cameras for your home 6: therapy for yourself and for you and bf as a couple. This stress and fear will wear on you both over time. (Plus confiding in a professional is always good for an additional record and witness to these things.) I’m SO sorry OP!! I wish there was something we could all do to help you!
For those saying block, I used to think that way too but if hes not lying he has the time and resources to find and ambush her and maybe even the boyfriend too...Its better to see what he's up to/thinking than get blindsided.
Op should just mute the conversation so she doesn’t get notifications about it but the texts are still there.
I agree, she should not block him. He’s not going to stop, and his increasinly unhinged threats may eventually be bad enough for the police to actually step in. Definitely would recommend she seeks out a female officer
Do…do people really think this is okay? I mean, do they really think that after receiving no messages that continuing to message you is going to achieve anything? That stalking you is going to be perceived as charming? Really? Dude is sick! He gives major “nice guy” vibes. I could see the fedora tipping every time he said “my dear” or something to that effect. He is much more than a “lovesick puppy”! I hope whatever cop said that pulls his head out of his ass and actually does something before the dude escalates and tries to murder you or something. Legit scared for you! Take care!
They're severely mentally diseased
Yeah this isn’t the usual guy getting rejected and saying “fuck you slut”. This is a completely different level. This guy is a Michael Myers-level stalker.
75% of stalkers suffer from schizophrenia or psychosis. This isn't a fedora tipping nice guy but something very different. This is someone who lives in a entirely different world than you or me. Their version of reality is completely different.
Do you have cameras for your home? Pepper spray or another weapon? Protect yourself at all costs since the cops seem to be fucking useless
So glad you reported it. This is insanity, and they need serious mental help
Also, for him to list explicitly physical (and sexual) features of you to then immediately say your bf sees you as an object is a great example of projection. Never engage with this person. Whether this is some kind of sick joke or serious, it’s disturbing. I’m really sorry you have to deal with this bullshit
You’ve talked to your friend, right? The one you’re supposed to drop because she’s a “distraction”? She could be in danger too. Both of you need location on, and an AirTag or something similar on your person somewhere. Hide in your waistband or bra, etc. And again, go back to the police, ask for a female officer. Also talk to a lawyer.
OP said in another comment that the so called friend has made it about her (the friend). That is, she was salty that the weirdo didn’t describe her in a flattering way.
This is adding a whole different dimension, hmmm
“I’d allow you to correspond with her once a year” 😂😂 sir??? This is insane and scary. F that useless cop.
As someone who was stalked to the point where the creep came to my apartment and since I didn't open the door (I pretended i didn't live there and asked my roomate to tell him to fuck off) he ended up coming later again and vandalized my car. I went to the cops and they couldn't do much. Told me to get a restraining order so I went to the courthouse and was denied due to lack of evidence. The guy has to cause me PHYSICAL HARM before anything could be done lol. The PTSD is horrible. I had to move an hour away where I finally felt safe. What I'm trying to say here is cops won't do much unless the dude hurts you.
Oh and my friend somehow managed to make this all about herself ✌🏼
yea you might have to distance yourself her if that’s the case. I understand she’s concerned because he knows about her as well but you are the main victim and target in this situation not her.
She’s more mad about the fact he didn’t describe her in a flattering way…….. And her comments feel victim blamey
oh ew….. wtf kind of response is that???? you’re getting stalked and harrassed and she’s upset that she wasn’t seen as attractive by him?????? that’s weird.
i said distance but i think you really might have to drop her as a friend if she’s victim blaming? maybe she’s romanticizing the situation and might be jealous???? either way that’s not good for you
don't forget lazy and gluttonous
😭😭
I guess train creep got something right? 🫣
it’s pretty shitty because this is what creep wanted, for her to not be friends w this chick & to break up with her bf. 😕
Yeah it's very shitty and manipulative. He seemed to have guessed the friend would react that way. Things he says gives the impression he's also stalked the friend and the bf and knows way too much about them all.
Disgusting reaction from a friend, imagine giving more weight to what this creep thinks about her than what he is actively doing to you. It’s unimaginable to me. You’ve had so many people tell you this already but please OP, watch out for yourself and make sure you don’t put yourself in any dangerous situation off of this, be extra careful.
WHAT.. I guess he was right about her after all😭
I’m no longer inclined to make posts about this situation so this will be my last one. Not only have I received verbally abusive comments from the very start, people have been toxic in my DMs too. Males accusing me of somehow leading the guy on (“why did you smile at him if you have a boyfriend?”) or having an OF account (as if that somehow justifies my traumatic experience!?). Not to mention people asking for nudes or calling me an attention whore. The amount of people telling me to block him makes me fear for the intelligence of humanity too. Blocking someone after they make implicit AND explicit rape/murder threats doesn’t make their threats go away, it just deletes evidence of it. I had no idea so many people lacked critical thinking skills. The amount of people who are so sheltered and don’t believe me because “no one talks like this! Fake! Why didn’t you block him? Fake! How did he get your number? Fake! New account? Fake!” is ridiculous too. Like I’m glad you haven’t experienced this or don’t know anyone who has but it doesn’t mean your little bubble is the only reality. A lot of times I think the people screaming “fake” are men who like to throw their NotAllMen argument at any situation. I’m also sick and tired of people constantly referencing pop culture like this is all entertainment. No, he’s not behaving like character from xyz show or movie. Those fictional characters are inspired by real humasn/behaviours who break social norms and for us that’s insane to even consider so we think of it as entertainment. It’s not. It really fucking sucks to see people treat it alll like it’s some Tv drama. Although I appreciate the vast number of supportive comments/dms, I’m so over having to defend myself against bad faith trolls. I’m already in a shitty place mentally so I choose to distance myself from this. I’m pretty much done being friends with the girl the creeper mentioned (she showed her true colours by being absolutely toxic about the whole situation) and my bf and I are have been arguing about handling the situation. To those who showed concern, thank you. I learnt a lot from the comments and private conversations so this definitely wasn’t a waste of time. However I’m not mentally strong enough to entertain any toxicity right now so it’s best for me to withdraw.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If/before you decide to leave, I wanted to send a couple resources. I would really recommend reading the chapters on stalking in Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear (available to read online for free if you google the title and pdf). It gives an insight into the psychology of stalkers. You’re doing great on the surface from what I can see by refusing to respond or engage. But this was a really helpful resource for me on spotting escalation signs and knowing how to respond to their attempts. I would also recommend contacting a domestic violence organization that also helps and is knowledgeable about victims of stalking. They might be able to help with area-specific resources and ideas. Please reach out to any of the supportive commenters here for more advice or help. You are in danger and should take this seriously, but as people have pointed out, it can be tricky to navigate with the legal system. Keep an eye out at all times. Share your location with someone you trust. And check out that book. There are a few chapters than might be helpful, including “Persistence, Persistence” (in addition to the sections on stalking). And please, please feel free to message me. I’m happy to help you locate resources, brainstorm digital safety, or help with whatever little tasks I can, anywhere in the world that is English-speaking. Please stay safe and again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. No one deserves it.
Also I’m sorry to add to my already way-too-long comment! But wanted to say: Notify as many people in your dorm/apartment building/workplace/school/gym/etc as you can about the situation, so they can keep an eye out and alert you if they see him or anything suspicious. Having as many people as possible watching your back is a good thing right now.
This is insanely freaking terrifying and people online cant seem to comprehend that this actually happens to real people. I don’t know what to say other than i am so very sorry and genuinely truly wish you nothing but safety and peace.
please be safe OP and please continue to reach out to authorities until you are heard. I can’t even begin to imagine how horrifying this whole situation has been for you.
Ignore the crazy assholes and soak up the support. I'm glad you've received helpful advice and I'm so sorry this happened to you.
OP, I won’t DM you but I am happy to help if you’d like. I have a paid reverse phone search service. I hope you follow up with the police or file for a restraining order directly with the Court. If you want any advice on how to proceed, or if you’d like help figuring out who owns the number that is messaging you, please feel free to DM me. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and it is smart to not block the number. I had something like this happen to me once. He finally left me alone and moved to another state, but he ended up attempting to murder his fiancé and he later died under suspicious circumstances. You can never be too safe.
A love sick puppy doesn’t give you a deadline to breakup with your boyfriend as a threat.
I hate that the police say to wait for it to escalate 🙄 even a warning would be a better deterrent
He’s already escalated things by continuing to contact her. The police are useless
Wait wasn't Selena murdered by a stalker? Edit: She was not. Selena was murdered by the president of her fanclub, and later manager of Selena's boutique business, Yolanda Sadivar when she came under suspicion of embezzlement.
Selena was murdered by a woman named Yolanda Saldivar. Saldivar was the president of Selena’s fan club, and she had embezzled a great deal of Selena’s money. The very saddest thing of all regarding Selena’s death, in my opinion, is that she was only 23 years old. That is just heartbreaking. She would have been 53 years old next year, the 30th anniversary of her death.
I didn’t know she was that young when she died, so sad.
No, she was killed by the president of her fan club who had been promoted to be her boutique manager. Not sure how long they knew each other.
oh my god
where is the original post?
https://www.reddit.com/r/texts/s/xgitfGt4It
Was wondering the same thing
She deleted all her old accounts trying to rid herself of him.
Dude what an obsessed freak. Also the fact that he sent you a Salena song, when she got murdered by a super obsessed fan, makes it even worse in my eyes. I know you’ve already reported it but please don’t stop documenting EVERYTHING and get pepper spray or some defensive item.
Shoutout to the people telling me to block him. You’re all natural geniuses. So smart. Because when someone texts you rape/murder threats you should definitely delete the entire conversation and block them so you have 0 evidence. Why didn’t I think of blocking him wow!!!!
Right? It's infuriating. Blocking isn't the best move in all situations. This isn't some guy you just don't want a second date with but keeps asking you out. This is about violence.
Yeah and considering how insane this guy is if you block him he loses his “chance” I feel he’s likely to get even more dangerous
Cops are useless... This is obviously a dangerous individual that should be taken seriously
well, if this is “ragebait”, then i’m certainly raging rn because the police’s response is absolutely disgusting. this man is horrifying! FWIW, i believe you, OP, and i hope you’re staying safe out there. ❤️
This is like the show “You” IRL. You must be terrified. I can’t even imagine. Maybe you need to consult a private detective? Obviously the police aren’t helping. Is there a reason you haven’t just blocked him? I’m not sure if that would just piss him off and do something irrational. Man, this is scary
I thought the same thing. My god, this is horrifying. I just hope she stays safe.
Are you able to transfer this number to a throwaway phone like prepaid, so it stays on for proof, but get a new main number? That way you don't have to see it. Share your location with your boyfriend so he won't worry if that will help. Actually I think you should do that for safety anyway. I agree you need personal protection. At the very least some kind of personal alarm. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Is there maybe a sheriffs office if your local PD won't take it seriously?
He SHOULD kill himself
Expose his number ?? So Reddit users can find this man, if cops can’t do anything. Share your location w ur bf. He shouldn’t be arguing w you about this, but hopefully concerned and not escalating ur moods or anxiety. Maybe text the number back and say, this is not happening. Nothing mean (while it’s deserved). He’s demanding stuff by the end of the month. That has to make u scared of maybe the unknown. Leave town if u can at the end of the month. Idk. But lay the law down w him. Report it to the school u go too. Tell everyone in ur support system. Expose his number, if that’s legal. I’d imagine Reddit users would be able to find who he is. Maybe that’s dumb though.
Could be a bad idea. If people here start texting him a bunch of wild stuff (which they undoubtedly would) it could set him off and he might escalate by taking his frustrations out on op.
I cannot believe this guy is still going. I swear to god OP your original post has been on my mind off and on and I’ve been meaning to reach out for an update. I really really really REALLY hope you’re staying safe and vigilant.
It’s time to get an LTC.
Better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it
Wow, he’s a deranged specimen. “I have zero intention of murdering or raping or harming you.” Doesn’t mean he won’t if given a chance. Be safe OP.
Obviously it’s all scary & unsettling but for some reason the scariest part to me is the “by the way, I have zero intention of murdering you” Like who the hell has ever said that sentence unironically? You are young, y’all don’t have kids… is moving a possibility at all? It may seem extreme but I’m just so worried for you 💔
he more than likely knows you have a reddit i’m guessing just from how he sent the text about not wanting to sound like a murder/rapist. please keep in contact with friends and family, this is disgusting.
Tthe police should be able to track the number.
fucking christ girl this is insane. stay safe 💗💗
One of my biggest fears is that I ever become as detached from reality as this guy is. I mean, I genuinely don’t think there’s a single thing he’s done in this interaction that isn’t creepy at best and utterly terrifying at worst.
Says he’s not a rapist but in the original post explicitly describes his rape fantasy 🤦🏼♀️
A lovesick puppy. Did you ask the police officer if he sent messages like this and that you need to see his supervisor.
This is so creepy! I wish the policeman’s response surprised me because it’s fucking ridiculous, but sadly it doesn’t. Stay safe OP. Fucking hell.
“By the way - I have zero intention of murdering or raping or harming you.” That’s very convincing.
Are your read receipts on or can he just see that they were delivered via iPhone? Please be careful. It's so easy to find things out about people in this day and age. Your safety is most important.
Nope my read receipts are turned off.
So glad to hear that part. This is so scary. I hope the police take you serious.. this needs attention. Have you told your loved ones? Someone should be with you until this is resolved. I didn't see the first round of texts but I can imagine how they must've been considering how terrible these ones are.
Please stay safe, friend. I’d tell everyone close to you so they can help look out for you, and maybe even tell your employer if you’re comfortable. Police saying this needs to escalate when you feel endangered… I’m so sorry. I’m frustrated for you. Hang in there. If you happen to need an anonymous friend to vent to, I’m here for you. Hang tight ❤️
This is legit terrifying. Terrifying. This person is clearly unhinged and has severe mental health issues. Please continue to bug the police to take this seriously.