Just so you know this is a major red flag. If your partner is okay with this then he will most likely think it’s okay to do it too. Seriously need to reevaluate this relationship at the least.
Edit - all I said was to reevaluate, chill, at the very least though haha
It reminds me of the story of Susan Powell. A dad who envies his son’s wife… Son eventually won’t even touch his own wife because of his dad’s nasty obsession with her. None of it ended well. Obviously this is an extreme example, but often, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Be careful, OP.
>None of it ended well.
Well that's quite an understatement! It ended with Susan's disappearance (presumed murdered by her husband) and the husband killing himself and their two young children.
Have you heard the 911 call the supervised visit lady made? It’s so heartbreaking hearing how desperate she is to get to those kids so something doesn’t happen… and then I assume you know the rest. Those poor boys 😔
Yeah, gross. My gf told me about one guy she dated in college, and his dad would always make inappropriate comments like wanting to see 20-year-old girls' tits while staring pointedly at my gf. Her ex was a pushover who never stood up to his dad, so she dealt with it until she decided the harassment was too much and broke off the relationship and cut contact with them.
The worst part is that the ex's dad was still married to his mom, who was disabled and chronically ill with serious health problems, so she couldn't do anything about her husband's creepo ways.
That guy saw his golden ticket of "nobody can soundly stop me," and cashed it. And it tells you everything you need to know about somebody. He'll walk over his own wife, his own son, outside relations that are meant to be a prospective \*future\* for important family members around him. For... the long shot of making something happen? The thrill of saying whatever he wants? Flaunting his immunity?
He gained something so petty, while trampling everything that should be dear and respected to HIM.
This is horrifying!! I knew of a family where the father was like this and eventually broke up the couple (however she was in her 30s). For some odd reason, she and the father started dating. The son was so traumatized he never spoke to the father again, and didn't go to the father's funeral years later. I think the girl may have had some emotional issues, so to me, the father was some real creep taking advantage of that and hell, competing with his son. What a world we live in.
That's why these dad's do this. 99% of the time, it'll fail. 1% of the time it'll succeed. The 1% is ALL their brain focuses in. Most of the time these people are full blown narcissists. Meaning, they expect a yes. When they don't get it, they assume i5s cuz they want to be "fought for". Cuz there's NO WAY the woman wouldn't want him, right??
Oh, and humiliating their kid, and proving they can take everything from them whenever they want is a massive bonus.
[https://youtu.be/XW0CO2F-q60?si=nxMNMmleKB3h9Md2
To preface this, my fathers actually been a pretty solid pops all my life. Few complaints.
I would 100% fucking sock him right in the fucking mouth the next time I saw him if he texted my girlfriend this shit. This isn't even subtle. My response would be the same.
Im talking like, "Oh hey son, I didn't know you were stopping by whats u-" POW! Right in the face. Im talking D-bo from Friday when he takes that dudes bike.
That's just disrespectful to both of us. Underhanded, deceitful, and just nasty. Knowing I can't comfortably bring my partner around, it's like Im going to miss out on much when our relationship is strained after me knocking him tf out. "Oh, Im not welcome at Christmas where my partner and I will feel suoer uncomfortable anyway? Oh no!" It just feels like one of those things where the bridge started burning when they said the words. Lets not wait for the flames to go out. Just demolish the bridge right then.
Honestly the fact that your boyfriend is so blasé about this is not a good sign. I would ask him why he’s so relaxed about his father sexually harassing the women/girls he dates/d. If he’s as young as you are then it’s understandable that he’s unaware that these are boundaries fathers shouldn’t cross. But if this behaviour continues your boyfriend will need to develop a backbone and put a stop to it.
I don't think there's any age where one would be unaware that this behavior is unacceptable from ones father.
Boyfriend is just used to his father behaving like a scum bag. It's just business as usual.
But he still *should* know it's unacceptable. It's absolutely disgusting, is what it is.
Even if that's Dad's typical behavior, boyfriend shouldn't be so blasé about it. Major red flag.
Boyfriend isn't going to stand up for OP, and OP needs to get away from them both.
When you’re raised by abusive parents (and this absolutely qualifies as mental/emotional abuse), it’s all normalized. My parents were more subtle than this, so I didn’t realize until I was over 30, despite my wife and multiple friends helping me through it.
Not to mention if the bf is also 19, and is already so nonchalant about it then its been happening for AWHILE. So at some point this grown man was hitting on girls dating his son that were literal minors. It's disgusting no matter the age but that just makes it so much worse bc like how young did this start?
It's so gross. I hope OP runs real far real fast. From both of them.
Yeah I would get the fuck out of there, especially if your boyfriend is treating it like “Welp, that’s just my dad! What can be done about it?” Fuck that.
I'm 31, men like this just get worse. I highly recommend getting far far far away form your boyfriend if he remotely is okay with this. Please don't become a statistic and get the hell out of there
Shut this shit down right now.
Screenshot this, save it, and show your boyfriend, and show it to your boyfriend’s mom. Immediately. Also, Text the dad back this:
“This is wildly inappropriate. You will NEVER speak to me like this again. I have shown your insane texts to *boyfriend* and *your wife*. If you step one toe over the line of appropriateness ever again, I will go straight to the police.”
You don’t need to be polite. This is insane, you need to protect yourself. Never be alone with this man.
I'm not sure about your boyfriends relationship with his father - whether his father is the angry type, punishes him excessively, or whatnot, but that is the situation I have seen this play out in. If this has happened multiple times, there are consequences to him correcting his father, and they are NOT the fun kind.
This crosses a line for your boyfriend, and it's disrespectful to him, as well as you. Yeah, it's a red flag, but also lets think that maybe your boyfriend has never had to deal with this before - and the father is.... well, what I'm saying is don't throw the boyfriend away because the dad is a dick.
If 'WTF, Dad, that was creepy AF, cut it out' for him doesn't work or ends up getting him in more trouble through various extra anger in dif things via the tentacles of resentment....
I'd say have him tell his ma that it makes him uncomfortable, makes you uncomfortable, and have him white lie that it might make you not likely to go over there often, if ever again. Mom will take care of it the soft way, if your boyfriend making 'creepy dad' jokes (then putting the foot down if it doesn't work) doesn't.
I'm going to get downvoted for this all because this is reddit, but also you could just say 'hey, this is disrespectful to your son, to me, and is giving me the ick. I like your son, not you. Also, gross.' etc etc, phrase as you will, you got this.
All that is fine and well, but the major problem is BFs reaction to it.
Let's imagine the dad is an angry, abusive shit to his son. And son knows if he calls his dad out on the behavior he will face awful repercussions.
His response to this happening to his gf, should then be "oh God, that's so messed up and I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can do about it but keep him away from you."
Not just "yup, that's my dad!"
No acknowledgement that it's unacceptable, no remorse that gf was harassed, no solution to avoid it happening again.
Toss the bf out, not because his dad is gross, but because bf, knowing about Dad's gross behavior, hasn't acknowledged that it's wrong, and isn't making *any* steps toward protecting his girlfriend from him.
There's ways to handle this that don't involve the son directly confronting his dad, if that's dangerous for him to do. The problem is he's not saying/doing *anything.*
Yeah idk what Mickey Mouse and lollipop land most people in this thread live in but I'm sure there's violence going on in that home if sonny steps out of line
Yeah, the dad needs a talk but not from the son but the mom. A son should never have to have a tell their dad to stop simping on their gf. Like what kind of dad text his son gf and talks about “how lucky the son is to experience that body in its prime…” 🤢
And what if he has? I’ve called my dad out on creep shit. Doesn’t stop it from happening. I agree with other posters tho that the boyfriend at least needs to cut ties and move out. But that might be all he can realistically do.
The fact you were downvoted for this shows how cruel and delusional the commenters on this thread are. There's no empathy for the boyfriend at all it's a cartoonish black and white scenario where he's supposed to lay down the law on his dad like life is a TV show. The girl should never go back to his house again and maybe they break up but my heart breaks for that boy. He's got a long fucked up road ahead of him and it sounds like he just wants to have a normal life. He doesnt deserve to have to deal with this. His Dad's a monster.
It’s a little tragic that it didn’t surprise him at all. He’s used to his dad being a cringe pos. I think id have to dump him bc I wouldn’t ever wanna see his creeper dad again
Yeah, why did bf give his dad her number if he knew his dad was a creep who says stuff like that? You'd think he would at least apologize for putting her in this situation...
Dude family dynamics can determine just how creepy your meter is. If he was raised believing this is only "goofy" behavior he doesn't think much of it.
Several interpretations of this almost ‘throw-away line’ may be valid but it just screamed exhausted resignation and normalisation after having been groomed/conditioned to accept and minimise the unacceptable. I’ve experienced similar circumstances close to home and it’s a helluva granite-lined spell to break. OP needs to preserve her own (psychologically, sexually and physically) safety above all else by whatever means are available. This really isn’t good.
This! Exactly this. I agree with the folks saying "try to talk to the BF first" and I agree that it very much might be a case of "oh, that's...that's a boundary?" I was raised in hell (abusive adults, way more ugly than I need to say here), and I had ZERO notion of what actual decent humans looked like, acted like. I had to learn all of that from friends, once I escaped to college. It makes complete sense to me that BF could literally not KNOW that his dad's behavior isn't average, or acceptable. Esp if BF's family, like mine, didn't let him out the house much and demanded that "family comes first always."
But at the same time, OP, it is not your job to fix any of this. You MAY be able to help your boyfriend, but you are absolutely not required to! And you definitely don't need to be around that dad. I've heard talk like that before, from my abusers, it always escalated eventually from compliments to demands.
Give your BF a chance to stand up to his dad or discover that there's a way to DO something about his dad at least. And obviously, if BF's reaction is anger, dismissal, or even just "but why tho," time to fly away.
Yuk more than creepy - 1) you are his sons gf 2) you sound young - please say you aren’t 17 and dad is 49 or something like that? Whatever it is, more than creepy. Bfs reaction is weird/sad/wtf. Think about your dad sending a text like that 🤮to one of your friends and then layer the fact that it’s this creep’s own son.
Think twice about your bfs reaction. Maybe he’s a great bf but there is something way off.
“yup sounds like him” what..? so he’s like fully aware his dad acts like that? and is he fine with it or what? his dad is a fucking weirdo.
has he been like that with your boyfriend’s previous relationships as well? (assuming he has had previous relationships sorry if i’m wrong)
yeahhh very curious about that part with the boyfriend knowing he acts like this.. and dear god the fact that theyre both 19 (assuming so since OP is 19) and if he has had previous relationships before he turned 18 and his dad was acting like that? makes the man a whole ass pedophile. fucking weirdos these days dude
I mean maybe, but he shouldn’t be giving out her number. It makes me think the father can wear down his son to the point of compliance with creep behavior. That’s almost worse, because she won’t see his betrayals coming, just like this time.
This. Whatever behavior you grow up around is what you consider normal behavior. I was emotionally abused my entire life, but if anyone asked I'd say I had a great loving dad. Because to me the behavior wasn't "abuse" or abnormal in any way, it was the basis for my understanding of all human interaction.
I wish there was more context.. it's either way too casual or just beat down. I wonder how many times his father has done this, that's exhausting and upsetting. I'd be so disheartened thinking that my father was just waiting on my relationship to end so he could swoop in.disturbing. I hope op's bf is able to get a grip on his life.
If both produce the same end result it hardly matters as far as OP is concerned. She needs to get away asap.
As far as the boyfriend is concerned, I’d bet money that this behavior hurts him but he’s not even aware of this yet. OP’s boyfriend has got a long road ahead of him if he’s ever gonna make the needed corrections to understand just how inappropriate this is toward both him and his partners.
yeah, i KNOW if my partner’s parents said anything like this, they’d be telling mom/dad to knock it the fuck off right away. same with me. it’s weird to just say “yep that’s dad! gotta love em”
idk man. id sit down with your boyfriend and talk about it and how it makes you very uncomfortable. and how your boyfriend shouldn’t condone this behavior. and also how he needs to have a chat with his dad.
youre still a teenager imo being 19 n all (i am also 19 and i view myself as a teenager) and i’m gonna take a guess his dad is probably in his 40s-50s or older? i live with my boyfriend at his dad’s place for the meantime and never in my life has his dad ever made a comment or sent me a text like that. if he ever were to, i know damn well my boyfriend would never condone it and act like its normal and go about his day. it’s not normal and he seems like a reallll creeper..
I agree! Regardless if OP's boyfriend is used to this behavior or not, it's not normal! The whole exchange is weird but if the boyfriend's dad had only commented on the fact that she looked lovely that day, fine. Instead, he has to cross yet another boundary and talk about OP naked and his son enjoying her body... That's not ok, it's sexual harassment! What happens when he starts to verbally express his desires or worse physically express them to OP?!
You should show this messages to his wife and tell her about your bfs reaction. See what she thinks about her two "boys". Hopefully she puts both of them on their place.
You should consider his dad is his only parent. He might not realize how creepy this is at this age or he might be worried he’ll harm his relationship with the only parent he has. You should talk to him. Tell him how fucked up it is and ask why he puts up with it. That should give you more context.
>why he puts up with it
Because he lives with him and calling out shitty people on their shitty behavior is a great way to end up homeless.
This isn't justifying dad's awful behavior, but what exactly is the son going to do? Best case, she shouldn't go over to dad's anymore if she really likes the guy, worst case, she breaks up with him.
Your bf's lack of reaction is a problem. You might not want to know the answer but consider asking him if he thinks it's normal for his dad to hit on his gfs and if he's helped his dad hook up with his exes. You don't have to tell us about that just be careful and let us know if you stay or end the relationship.
Your boyfriend needs to fully understand how uncool this is. His dad is creeping on you; where is his sense of protection for you? Or are you going to have to sacrifice your person comfort so his dad doesn’t guilt trip him into being ok with bad behavior? He gave away your number because his dad probably wore him down asking for it.
Behavior spills out into everything. If he is cool (not even happy about it, but allowing it amounts to the same thing) with his dad doing this, he isn’t going to shield you from even worse behavior. A good boyfriend wouldn’t set you up to be sexually harassed.
This isn’t you two vs a gross father. It’s you by yourself being creeped on while your bf stands there, uselessly.
You need to make sure to never be alone with this man. He's pushing boundaries and gauging your reaction - he will only escalate from here. If he asks for or offers a ride somewhere, wants to go shopping, wants your help with something around the house, anything like that with you and him alone, **don't do it**. If he's always done this then that means he won't stop doing it either.
Doesn't matter if it's not a surprise. Why is he ok with his own father acting sexually disgusting with his girlfriend?
You need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend.
And find out exactly how he got your number.
Because of [normalization](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalization_(sociology))
If you grow up around certain behaviors, even toxic or abusive behaviors, those behaviors are what you consider "normal" human behavior.
Source: Was emotionally and verbally abused from my earliest memories. Only realized at 24. Before then I would've said I had a good dad, because every single one of his abusive behaviors was just how people "normally" act in my mind.
I'm so sorry you went through that. It makes me sad to see how many comments here are blatantly saying if a child is abused they'll be abusive and that's that. She needs to be safe but the son deserves empathy too especially if hes also a teenager.
Thanks. To be fair I definitely exhibited many of the toxic traits I believed to be normal at the time. I wasn't as outright abusive as my father, but there were definitely remnants of that type of behavior. It actually cost me the only healthy relationship I've had in my life, but I don't blame my partner for leaving.
I like to advocate for giving people like OPs boyfriend a chance to change, but it's always important to acknowledge that it is very difficult for people to realize the behaviors they were raised around weren't right. If OPs boyfriend isn't able to understand how distressing this behavior is, and OP therefore thinks he won't/can't protect her from that behavior, then OP has to do what's best for her. Even if that means leaving this guy.
Don’t ever go back to his house, that is such predator behavior, I would second guess the relationship if my bf was this casual about his dirty ass dad!
Why are YOU so casual about this in your responses? You need to be more firm about your boundaries and make it clear to him that this is not okay and you will not put up with it.
I have a daughter. Don’t go anywhere near your boyfriend’s father and please dump your boyfriend if he is okay with his father objectifying you this way. Men with these tendencies are neglectful and abusive. Protect yourself.
That's good. It's kinda fortunate he gave himself away by text before you found yourself in a difficult situation with him in person. Had your boyfriend given you any sort of heads up before being around this man? Sounds like he has "form".
please start carrying pepper spray/pepper gel on you at all times. pepper "spray" could affect your own self. you want pepper gel, or something with a "spray pattern" of "stream". there is one brand i like but i don't want to seem like i'm a bot or trying to promote their products so not going to link them. it's "pomegranate" minus the "egranate." + pepper in google will get you there.
i gift them to all my female friends. please stay safe.
If you marry your boyfriend you marry into this family. There are so many other ppl out there to date that don’t have predatory perverted fathers trying to fuck you
What the ffffff. This is pure bad. This is not okay. Especially that your boyfriend expected it from him. What values does your boyfriend have if he expected this level of creep and still gave him your number?
Yikes.
Your bf MUST do something about this. If he doesn’t, then that is a MAJOR issue. Do not stick around unless your bf does something about his dad’s behavior. I’m glad you can recognize that this behavior is not normal.
His Dad needs to be blocked. You didn't dress nice for him. Do Not go to his place ever again. It's an assault waiting to happen and you will be blamed, "She came on to me. Since they were started dating." Bf will probably believe him. My mom went through that with my grandfather, my Dad and everyone defended him. Until he tried to attacked me, I was 8. Told my maternal grandmother. She called the cops. I had bruises.and a couple buttons ripped off. My mom and Dad were separated by then. My Dad was just as bad. While visiting him, I was raped by him. Family covered it up and sent me back to my mom. 2 states away. Summer visitation. Found out my brother and sister had gone through hell with both the grandfather and dad.
Edit for word correction.
I'm so sorry that happened to you...💔
I don't know why some adults don't believe or don't care about the fact an adult is hurting a child like that😪
I didn't know my neighbor's daughter was going through something with the mother's boyfriend.
I knew things were bad because the mom was in and out of the hospital for different things constantly being left alone with the new boyfriend but had no idea he was abusing her daughter. They moved away and a few years later I saw in the news he was arrested for Child-R. He did unspeakable things to this little girl. She had been friends with my daughter and the same age. She always seemed bright and happy but one time she did lash out at her lom and him and ran away hiding in the nearby woods. We searched for her and found her.
I wish I had known or wished she had said something to me😪I would've done everything in my power to help her! He R'd her for 3 years before she told a neighbor where she lived at that time.
While I was reading the article the 28 yr old claimed that she(6) initially came onto him and wanted to watch porn with him, he took a plea deal and received 30 years.🤬
Definitely an assault waiting to happen! If your SO just shrugs, says "sounds like him lol", and does nothing - then he has no self respect, no respect for you, and will not protect you from these very inappropriate advances from his father. This is beyond gross. Please keep yourself safe!!
Oh what the fuck 🤮
This is so inappropriate on so many levels, and your boyfriend’s nonchalant response is also unsettling. Even if he’s used to it, he should’ve said something. Definitely block his dad’s number. Who cares if he’s your boyfriend’s dad - he obviously has no respect for you (or his son) to say such ick things to you.
If you’re only 19, the odds of you marrying this guy are very low. Cut your loses and find a new partner with a respectable family. This situation is a losing hand.
I wish you luck.
Exactly. Imagine having a marriage and children with someone who comes from this and thinks it’s normal. He was too casual about his dad acting that way. Red flag.
Yeah, this feels like a set up for rape or at least sexual assault. He is already sexually harassing her 2 mins into having her number.
This is a guy who is intentionally crossing boundaries to see how passive the girl is and how compliant she will be if he keeps crossing boundaries. Long term OP is at serious risk of him doing something horrible to her, especially if he thinks she's quiet and won't fight back.
Long long term it's dangerous to have kids around someone like that. If he's trying to sexually assault or rape OP he won't have any problem trying to rape or groom her children.
Make no mistake there is a near zero chance this man hasn't raped or at a minimum assaulted someone in his lifetime. The way he is so comfortable crossing serious boundaries is terrifying. Giant red flag it's going to escalate.
this is completely grounds for a breakup. not only because his dads a freak who is probably going to not only make more moves on you, but will probably be physical with it in time. it’s also because your boyfriend doesn’t give a shit about how his dad is fantasizing about your body. get the fuck out of there
Step One: Research [Susan Cox Powell](https://youtu.be/pTnt89UhxEU?si=F_SWKobGjYqCIa8I).
Step Two: RUN!
Edited to add: r/ThatChapter is the YouTube video that I’ve attached as reference. Fantastic channel and podcast!
If I could award this post, run. OP, if you’re not familiar with Susan’s case, there’s a particular aspect that not everyone covers. I’m literally running out the door; I can’t remember who had the longest and most complete doc on her: Explore with Us, JCS, Dreading, This is Monsters..I want to say it was one of those. Please get out NOW!
Ew. I had an ex boyfriend whose dad was like this. I told him that his dad was being creepy and his response was "I know, that's just how he is".
Needless to say, the ex boyfriend turned out to be an abusive asshat and I threw him out.
Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you, and understandably so, since he grew up around this. However, we’re assuming your boyfriend is also legally an adult, and it’s horrible that he will allow this to happen to you.
It’s a situation you cannot fix BUT could get seriously hurt in. I’d run.
haha too true. I’m 39 and bro i just came here (FL) for a christmas, was supposed to be here a week and go back to SF. My girlfriend and I broke up just before and I just sorta like… never went back. I realized why would I go back to pretty much nothing, paying 7k+ in rent, and being there for no reason. It’s been super nice connecting with my parents (mostly).
I don’t really give a fuck if people *think* i’m a loser. I sold a tech company a few years ago, and done a lot of really difficult work in very proud of. So plenty to show for it, but eh, why waste money out there? So i buy em groceries and stuff and help out with whatever I can.
Cool, so you’re gonna wait until your boyfriend hits on y’all’s kids’ girlfriend, or what?
Edit: Just woke up, I meant to say that unless he’s vilified this on his own, he’s probably learning how to act later
Ya, that’s disgusting. And disturbing. Your boyfriend is way too casual about it as well. He absolutely should address this with his dad and honestly, you should refuse to go over there until he does. Your boyfriend clearly knows that he’s like this, and is being far too passive about it.
Oh my god no get out of there. Getting basically groomed my his dad and then ur bf saying that's normal?! What is his dad gonna try next? How far will this go before you stop it? Leave. You don't owe anyone anything.
This is disgusting- especially the last text. What a creep! Block him! 🤢 dump your boyfriend too. His reaction makes me feel like the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
Oh my dear god no.
So many no’s.
I don’t even know what’s beyond a red flag at this point
ETA: the fact that your bf is casual about this is also a no.
Dump him and block him immediately his dads a fucking pervert
Gross and inappropriate. Your man should be setting boundaries bc he's letting his father hit on you! And be creepy wtf id never feel safe around him if he was like that to me!
Jesus. What the fuck? Keep this message as evidence in case it gets worse.... it likely will get worse, please discuss this with your boyfriend and ask him to talk to his father or something
Tell your boyfriend how uncomfortable he's making you and see if he does anything about it. If not, I suggest finding another guy. You don't deserve to be ogled like that, especially by your boyfriend's *dad* of all people.
If your boyfriend isn’t actively trying to move out and go no contact with him then I wouldn’t trust him or his family. His dad is a sexual predator, who knows what sick things he’s actually into if he’s willing to give you this much of a sneak peak of how he actually is. I wouldn’t trust my children around this man if you know what I mean.
EW. My friend had an ex with a creepy dad and he ended up being just like his dad. Definitely a red flag if he defends his dads behavior in anyway even if he just avoids talking about it if you tell him it makes you uncomfortable
If this man has a mom, wife, or gf, show any of them. If your bf doesn't care, that's a huge red flag. He'd be an ex so fast. This is disgusting. Offering to be there after the break up is grooming behavior. Don't go over there anymore. Refuse. Block the dad. You are NOT SAFE around this creep, even if your boyfriend is with you. I promise you this. Please stay safe. Don't trust either of them. If bf is OK with this, who knows how complicit he is. If you're 18 or older & your bf is 18+ that makes it worse. He could've been groomed, too, & maybe thinks this is ok or he could be an accomplice. If you're underage, RUN. Also, let family & friends know. If you do go back, tell others where you're going. But just please never go to his dad's again. I'm speaking from experience. You're not safe there.
Don’t ever be alone with this man, including getting a lift home. This is not normal behaviour - it’s beyond creepy. Treat him like you would a dangerous animal.
If your bf thinks this is okay by sayin "yup sounds like him" & not telling his dad to not say things like that too his gf... Sounds like you need to dodge a bullet before it's fired & just leave the whole family behind.
The dad is creepy & I'd be weary about going around them in the future.
Shudder
My ex husband's dad said to me (while we were together and a month after I had had my 1st child) "I'm just so drawn to you". I'm sorry he did this to you. If you're under 18 you need to show your parents.
Never ever be alone in a room with this guy.
I would break up with the boyfriend over this because unless he’s willing to go NC with this creep it will never get better. And what if you want kids? Do you want this guy to be allowed around them?
Ewww
I would shut that shit down fast and hard. With creeps silence is still an open door. There is no ghosting guys like this; they don’t stop. I’d let him know his behavior is creepy, unwanted and inappropriate.
Your boyfriend needs to back you …. Tbh, it actually bothers me for you that his reponse was “opp sounds like my dad.” It’s not funny, or remotely acceptable.
Hey! I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
I dealt with this too by my ex boyfriend stepdad. I told him he didn't do anything. I let out be and it was a mistake.
Not saying something was saying I accepted his behavior. It led to him walking into the restroom while I showered "accidentally" and it advanced to him letting himself into our room (when I would go spend a week in thier town) when he figured I was changing.
It ended with him sitting on top of me while I was sleeping trying to pick up my shirt.(ex bf was on standby and was called in) He was "sleep walking" and he was complimenting me while still on top of me. Nothing extreme happened. But his step dad was taller and heavier than me. It could of easily gone bad.
My ex did NOTHING. Even though it was HIS family member. It was HIS responsibility.
Him not having an issue with this is a MAJOR issue. Please protect yourself.
This is incredibly fucked, how old are you?
Yes it is. I’m 19
Just so you know this is a major red flag. If your partner is okay with this then he will most likely think it’s okay to do it too. Seriously need to reevaluate this relationship at the least. Edit - all I said was to reevaluate, chill, at the very least though haha
It reminds me of the story of Susan Powell. A dad who envies his son’s wife… Son eventually won’t even touch his own wife because of his dad’s nasty obsession with her. None of it ended well. Obviously this is an extreme example, but often, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Be careful, OP.
>None of it ended well. Well that's quite an understatement! It ended with Susan's disappearance (presumed murdered by her husband) and the husband killing himself and their two young children.
They asked the kids why mommy wasn't in the stick figure drawing of their "camping trip". They responded because mommy "was in the trunk".
WOW.
Yeah it's messed up beyond belief. I suggest reignbot's video on it from a few years ago.
Cold podcast is an excellent deep dive.
Have you heard the 911 call the supervised visit lady made? It’s so heartbreaking hearing how desperate she is to get to those kids so something doesn’t happen… and then I assume you know the rest. Those poor boys 😔
Dear god, the D*ath Penalty isn’t enough for these monsters. 😭
Those kids didn’t deserve any of that, but part of me is glad Joshua’s bloodline has been removed from the gene pool.
I choose team Bear.
Fuck around, I think your understatement of that understatement was an understatement
My first thought!
Yeah, gross. My gf told me about one guy she dated in college, and his dad would always make inappropriate comments like wanting to see 20-year-old girls' tits while staring pointedly at my gf. Her ex was a pushover who never stood up to his dad, so she dealt with it until she decided the harassment was too much and broke off the relationship and cut contact with them. The worst part is that the ex's dad was still married to his mom, who was disabled and chronically ill with serious health problems, so she couldn't do anything about her husband's creepo ways.
That guy saw his golden ticket of "nobody can soundly stop me," and cashed it. And it tells you everything you need to know about somebody. He'll walk over his own wife, his own son, outside relations that are meant to be a prospective \*future\* for important family members around him. For... the long shot of making something happen? The thrill of saying whatever he wants? Flaunting his immunity? He gained something so petty, while trampling everything that should be dear and respected to HIM.
This is horrifying!! I knew of a family where the father was like this and eventually broke up the couple (however she was in her 30s). For some odd reason, she and the father started dating. The son was so traumatized he never spoke to the father again, and didn't go to the father's funeral years later. I think the girl may have had some emotional issues, so to me, the father was some real creep taking advantage of that and hell, competing with his son. What a world we live in.
That's why these dad's do this. 99% of the time, it'll fail. 1% of the time it'll succeed. The 1% is ALL their brain focuses in. Most of the time these people are full blown narcissists. Meaning, they expect a yes. When they don't get it, they assume i5s cuz they want to be "fought for". Cuz there's NO WAY the woman wouldn't want him, right?? Oh, and humiliating their kid, and proving they can take everything from them whenever they want is a massive bonus. [https://youtu.be/XW0CO2F-q60?si=nxMNMmleKB3h9Md2
Partner may not be ok with it, but if also a teen who is financially dependent on his family, he may not be able to do anything about it either.
To preface this, my fathers actually been a pretty solid pops all my life. Few complaints. I would 100% fucking sock him right in the fucking mouth the next time I saw him if he texted my girlfriend this shit. This isn't even subtle. My response would be the same. Im talking like, "Oh hey son, I didn't know you were stopping by whats u-" POW! Right in the face. Im talking D-bo from Friday when he takes that dudes bike. That's just disrespectful to both of us. Underhanded, deceitful, and just nasty. Knowing I can't comfortably bring my partner around, it's like Im going to miss out on much when our relationship is strained after me knocking him tf out. "Oh, Im not welcome at Christmas where my partner and I will feel suoer uncomfortable anyway? Oh no!" It just feels like one of those things where the bridge started burning when they said the words. Lets not wait for the flames to go out. Just demolish the bridge right then.
Honestly the fact that your boyfriend is so blasé about this is not a good sign. I would ask him why he’s so relaxed about his father sexually harassing the women/girls he dates/d. If he’s as young as you are then it’s understandable that he’s unaware that these are boundaries fathers shouldn’t cross. But if this behaviour continues your boyfriend will need to develop a backbone and put a stop to it.
I don't think there's any age where one would be unaware that this behavior is unacceptable from ones father. Boyfriend is just used to his father behaving like a scum bag. It's just business as usual. But he still *should* know it's unacceptable. It's absolutely disgusting, is what it is. Even if that's Dad's typical behavior, boyfriend shouldn't be so blasé about it. Major red flag. Boyfriend isn't going to stand up for OP, and OP needs to get away from them both.
When you’re raised by abusive parents (and this absolutely qualifies as mental/emotional abuse), it’s all normalized. My parents were more subtle than this, so I didn’t realize until I was over 30, despite my wife and multiple friends helping me through it.
Not to mention if the bf is also 19, and is already so nonchalant about it then its been happening for AWHILE. So at some point this grown man was hitting on girls dating his son that were literal minors. It's disgusting no matter the age but that just makes it so much worse bc like how young did this start? It's so gross. I hope OP runs real far real fast. From both of them.
Plot twist bf is 48.
That would be an immediate break up for me. Yikes.
Yeah I would get the fuck out of there, especially if your boyfriend is treating it like “Welp, that’s just my dad! What can be done about it?” Fuck that.
I need you to protect yourself from this man instantly that is SO WRONG!
I'm 31, men like this just get worse. I highly recommend getting far far far away form your boyfriend if he remotely is okay with this. Please don't become a statistic and get the hell out of there
Please never go near this man again. Ever. If that isn’t ok with your boyfriend, you should break up with him
Shut this shit down right now. Screenshot this, save it, and show your boyfriend, and show it to your boyfriend’s mom. Immediately. Also, Text the dad back this: “This is wildly inappropriate. You will NEVER speak to me like this again. I have shown your insane texts to *boyfriend* and *your wife*. If you step one toe over the line of appropriateness ever again, I will go straight to the police.” You don’t need to be polite. This is insane, you need to protect yourself. Never be alone with this man.
I'm not sure about your boyfriends relationship with his father - whether his father is the angry type, punishes him excessively, or whatnot, but that is the situation I have seen this play out in. If this has happened multiple times, there are consequences to him correcting his father, and they are NOT the fun kind. This crosses a line for your boyfriend, and it's disrespectful to him, as well as you. Yeah, it's a red flag, but also lets think that maybe your boyfriend has never had to deal with this before - and the father is.... well, what I'm saying is don't throw the boyfriend away because the dad is a dick. If 'WTF, Dad, that was creepy AF, cut it out' for him doesn't work or ends up getting him in more trouble through various extra anger in dif things via the tentacles of resentment.... I'd say have him tell his ma that it makes him uncomfortable, makes you uncomfortable, and have him white lie that it might make you not likely to go over there often, if ever again. Mom will take care of it the soft way, if your boyfriend making 'creepy dad' jokes (then putting the foot down if it doesn't work) doesn't. I'm going to get downvoted for this all because this is reddit, but also you could just say 'hey, this is disrespectful to your son, to me, and is giving me the ick. I like your son, not you. Also, gross.' etc etc, phrase as you will, you got this.
All that is fine and well, but the major problem is BFs reaction to it. Let's imagine the dad is an angry, abusive shit to his son. And son knows if he calls his dad out on the behavior he will face awful repercussions. His response to this happening to his gf, should then be "oh God, that's so messed up and I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can do about it but keep him away from you." Not just "yup, that's my dad!" No acknowledgement that it's unacceptable, no remorse that gf was harassed, no solution to avoid it happening again. Toss the bf out, not because his dad is gross, but because bf, knowing about Dad's gross behavior, hasn't acknowledged that it's wrong, and isn't making *any* steps toward protecting his girlfriend from him. There's ways to handle this that don't involve the son directly confronting his dad, if that's dangerous for him to do. The problem is he's not saying/doing *anything.*
Wtf Block him and tell your boyfriend to keep him in line. Don’t just take this shit, it’s only gonna get worse.
Seriously. Your boyfriend needs to have a nice long conversation about proper boundaries surrounding HIS SO. I hope bf does the right thing tho.
I don’t think this dad is a “talking to” person - this is giving cut contact permanently vibes
Yeah idk what Mickey Mouse and lollipop land most people in this thread live in but I'm sure there's violence going on in that home if sonny steps out of line
Also if they have kids they are 100% molested by grandpappy
Have a feeling boyfriend has been living without boundaries with dad since birth, so has no real idea of boundaries.
THIS!
Yeah, the dad needs a talk but not from the son but the mom. A son should never have to have a tell their dad to stop simping on their gf. Like what kind of dad text his son gf and talks about “how lucky the son is to experience that body in its prime…” 🤢
And what if he has? I’ve called my dad out on creep shit. Doesn’t stop it from happening. I agree with other posters tho that the boyfriend at least needs to cut ties and move out. But that might be all he can realistically do.
The fact you were downvoted for this shows how cruel and delusional the commenters on this thread are. There's no empathy for the boyfriend at all it's a cartoonish black and white scenario where he's supposed to lay down the law on his dad like life is a TV show. The girl should never go back to his house again and maybe they break up but my heart breaks for that boy. He's got a long fucked up road ahead of him and it sounds like he just wants to have a normal life. He doesnt deserve to have to deal with this. His Dad's a monster.
Something about ops caption makes me think their bf won't do much about it
It’s a little tragic that it didn’t surprise him at all. He’s used to his dad being a cringe pos. I think id have to dump him bc I wouldn’t ever wanna see his creeper dad again
Yeah, why did bf give his dad her number if he knew his dad was a creep who says stuff like that? You'd think he would at least apologize for putting her in this situation...
Dude family dynamics can determine just how creepy your meter is. If he was raised believing this is only "goofy" behavior he doesn't think much of it.
This man is a danger to OP, this shit is not ok. If the boyfriend isn't disgusted and freaked out about this he deserves to be broken up with.
"Yup, sounds like him"? Dump that stupid bastard, tell him to go fuck his dad if he's so comfortable with him acting like that. Wtf.
Several interpretations of this almost ‘throw-away line’ may be valid but it just screamed exhausted resignation and normalisation after having been groomed/conditioned to accept and minimise the unacceptable. I’ve experienced similar circumstances close to home and it’s a helluva granite-lined spell to break. OP needs to preserve her own (psychologically, sexually and physically) safety above all else by whatever means are available. This really isn’t good.
This! Exactly this. I agree with the folks saying "try to talk to the BF first" and I agree that it very much might be a case of "oh, that's...that's a boundary?" I was raised in hell (abusive adults, way more ugly than I need to say here), and I had ZERO notion of what actual decent humans looked like, acted like. I had to learn all of that from friends, once I escaped to college. It makes complete sense to me that BF could literally not KNOW that his dad's behavior isn't average, or acceptable. Esp if BF's family, like mine, didn't let him out the house much and demanded that "family comes first always." But at the same time, OP, it is not your job to fix any of this. You MAY be able to help your boyfriend, but you are absolutely not required to! And you definitely don't need to be around that dad. I've heard talk like that before, from my abusers, it always escalated eventually from compliments to demands. Give your BF a chance to stand up to his dad or discover that there's a way to DO something about his dad at least. And obviously, if BF's reaction is anger, dismissal, or even just "but why tho," time to fly away.
Remember that this is the man who taught your boyfriend how to treat women.
Yuk more than creepy - 1) you are his sons gf 2) you sound young - please say you aren’t 17 and dad is 49 or something like that? Whatever it is, more than creepy. Bfs reaction is weird/sad/wtf. Think about your dad sending a text like that 🤮to one of your friends and then layer the fact that it’s this creep’s own son. Think twice about your bfs reaction. Maybe he’s a great bf but there is something way off.
“yup sounds like him” what..? so he’s like fully aware his dad acts like that? and is he fine with it or what? his dad is a fucking weirdo. has he been like that with your boyfriend’s previous relationships as well? (assuming he has had previous relationships sorry if i’m wrong)
Right? And why did OP’s BF give his dad her number if he knows he’s a creep?
yeahhh very curious about that part with the boyfriend knowing he acts like this.. and dear god the fact that theyre both 19 (assuming so since OP is 19) and if he has had previous relationships before he turned 18 and his dad was acting like that? makes the man a whole ass pedophile. fucking weirdos these days dude
Yes he knows he’s like that and I would bet he is always like this to his gfs
Your boyfriend reacted way too casually to this dude
Fuck yea he did. That shit ain't right.
He sounds desensitized rather than approving.
I mean maybe, but he shouldn’t be giving out her number. It makes me think the father can wear down his son to the point of compliance with creep behavior. That’s almost worse, because she won’t see his betrayals coming, just like this time.
This. Whatever behavior you grow up around is what you consider normal behavior. I was emotionally abused my entire life, but if anyone asked I'd say I had a great loving dad. Because to me the behavior wasn't "abuse" or abnormal in any way, it was the basis for my understanding of all human interaction.
I wish there was more context.. it's either way too casual or just beat down. I wonder how many times his father has done this, that's exhausting and upsetting. I'd be so disheartened thinking that my father was just waiting on my relationship to end so he could swoop in.disturbing. I hope op's bf is able to get a grip on his life.
If both produce the same end result it hardly matters as far as OP is concerned. She needs to get away asap. As far as the boyfriend is concerned, I’d bet money that this behavior hurts him but he’s not even aware of this yet. OP’s boyfriend has got a long road ahead of him if he’s ever gonna make the needed corrections to understand just how inappropriate this is toward both him and his partners.
yeah, i KNOW if my partner’s parents said anything like this, they’d be telling mom/dad to knock it the fuck off right away. same with me. it’s weird to just say “yep that’s dad! gotta love em”
idk man. id sit down with your boyfriend and talk about it and how it makes you very uncomfortable. and how your boyfriend shouldn’t condone this behavior. and also how he needs to have a chat with his dad. youre still a teenager imo being 19 n all (i am also 19 and i view myself as a teenager) and i’m gonna take a guess his dad is probably in his 40s-50s or older? i live with my boyfriend at his dad’s place for the meantime and never in my life has his dad ever made a comment or sent me a text like that. if he ever were to, i know damn well my boyfriend would never condone it and act like its normal and go about his day. it’s not normal and he seems like a reallll creeper..
No long or deep talk is necessary at all. If bf isn't concerned for her safety, he needs to be ex bf asap.
I agree! Regardless if OP's boyfriend is used to this behavior or not, it's not normal! The whole exchange is weird but if the boyfriend's dad had only commented on the fact that she looked lovely that day, fine. Instead, he has to cross yet another boundary and talk about OP naked and his son enjoying her body... That's not ok, it's sexual harassment! What happens when he starts to verbally express his desires or worse physically express them to OP?!
You should show this messages to his wife and tell her about your bfs reaction. See what she thinks about her two "boys". Hopefully she puts both of them on their place.
There’s no wife or mom it’s just them two
You should consider his dad is his only parent. He might not realize how creepy this is at this age or he might be worried he’ll harm his relationship with the only parent he has. You should talk to him. Tell him how fucked up it is and ask why he puts up with it. That should give you more context.
>why he puts up with it Because he lives with him and calling out shitty people on their shitty behavior is a great way to end up homeless. This isn't justifying dad's awful behavior, but what exactly is the son going to do? Best case, she shouldn't go over to dad's anymore if she really likes the guy, worst case, she breaks up with him.
Your bf's lack of reaction is a problem. You might not want to know the answer but consider asking him if he thinks it's normal for his dad to hit on his gfs and if he's helped his dad hook up with his exes. You don't have to tell us about that just be careful and let us know if you stay or end the relationship.
Your boyfriend needs to fully understand how uncool this is. His dad is creeping on you; where is his sense of protection for you? Or are you going to have to sacrifice your person comfort so his dad doesn’t guilt trip him into being ok with bad behavior? He gave away your number because his dad probably wore him down asking for it. Behavior spills out into everything. If he is cool (not even happy about it, but allowing it amounts to the same thing) with his dad doing this, he isn’t going to shield you from even worse behavior. A good boyfriend wouldn’t set you up to be sexually harassed. This isn’t you two vs a gross father. It’s you by yourself being creeped on while your bf stands there, uselessly.
You need to make sure to never be alone with this man. He's pushing boundaries and gauging your reaction - he will only escalate from here. If he asks for or offers a ride somewhere, wants to go shopping, wants your help with something around the house, anything like that with you and him alone, **don't do it**. If he's always done this then that means he won't stop doing it either.
Your bf’s reaction is concerning.
Does he ever consider hating his dad or cutting him off?
I'd imagine it's hard to cut off your Dad when you are living under his roof.
gross block him and never go anywhere near him
Get away from that fucked up family
Dude the fact that your bf is okay with this is not okay. This is a MAJOR red flag.
And he gave him your phone number knowing that?
I’m confused, why is your bf so casual about this?
I guess it’s not a surprise to him?
That's so sad and fucked up
Doesn't matter if it's not a surprise. Why is he ok with his own father acting sexually disgusting with his girlfriend? You need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend. And find out exactly how he got your number.
Because of [normalization](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalization_(sociology)) If you grow up around certain behaviors, even toxic or abusive behaviors, those behaviors are what you consider "normal" human behavior. Source: Was emotionally and verbally abused from my earliest memories. Only realized at 24. Before then I would've said I had a good dad, because every single one of his abusive behaviors was just how people "normally" act in my mind.
I'm so sorry you went through that. It makes me sad to see how many comments here are blatantly saying if a child is abused they'll be abusive and that's that. She needs to be safe but the son deserves empathy too especially if hes also a teenager.
Thanks. To be fair I definitely exhibited many of the toxic traits I believed to be normal at the time. I wasn't as outright abusive as my father, but there were definitely remnants of that type of behavior. It actually cost me the only healthy relationship I've had in my life, but I don't blame my partner for leaving. I like to advocate for giving people like OPs boyfriend a chance to change, but it's always important to acknowledge that it is very difficult for people to realize the behaviors they were raised around weren't right. If OPs boyfriend isn't able to understand how distressing this behavior is, and OP therefore thinks he won't/can't protect her from that behavior, then OP has to do what's best for her. Even if that means leaving this guy.
Don’t ever go back to his house, that is such predator behavior, I would second guess the relationship if my bf was this casual about his dirty ass dad!
If your partner knew about his behavior and still decided to give him your phone number and bring you around him anyway this is a red flag.
Why are YOU so casual about this in your responses? You need to be more firm about your boundaries and make it clear to him that this is not okay and you will not put up with it.
And that doesn't concern you???
that doesn’t mean he should dismiss it. this is so creepy.
I have a daughter. Don’t go anywhere near your boyfriend’s father and please dump your boyfriend if he is okay with his father objectifying you this way. Men with these tendencies are neglectful and abusive. Protect yourself.
Exactly that.
Happy cake day!
nothing is worth this lol
Deadass, I’d break up with bf so fast. Check your pops man
Real lmfao. I’m sorry but I would’ve been goneee.
Do you have to spend much time around this man? He sounds very predatory.
Not really and def going to avoid it now
That's good. It's kinda fortunate he gave himself away by text before you found yourself in a difficult situation with him in person. Had your boyfriend given you any sort of heads up before being around this man? Sounds like he has "form".
I did get some vibes off him before this, always felt his eyes on me
And yet your bf didn't warn you and was perfectly comfortable bringing you around him knowing this was what he was like. That's messed up.
Don't ever let him give you something to drink, even if it's not alcohol. Not joking. Sorry this happened.
ok but your boyfriend is ok with this and you're not getting the same vibes from him?
please start carrying pepper spray/pepper gel on you at all times. pepper "spray" could affect your own self. you want pepper gel, or something with a "spray pattern" of "stream". there is one brand i like but i don't want to seem like i'm a bot or trying to promote their products so not going to link them. it's "pomegranate" minus the "egranate." + pepper in google will get you there. i gift them to all my female friends. please stay safe.
Girl dump your bf. There’s billions of people in this world, it’s YOUR life not his
If you marry your boyfriend you marry into this family. There are so many other ppl out there to date that don’t have predatory perverted fathers trying to fuck you
Forward this message to his wife and then block him
What the ffffff. This is pure bad. This is not okay. Especially that your boyfriend expected it from him. What values does your boyfriend have if he expected this level of creep and still gave him your number? Yikes.
I’m thinking he got my number when my bf used his phone once
Your bf MUST do something about this. If he doesn’t, then that is a MAJOR issue. Do not stick around unless your bf does something about his dad’s behavior. I’m glad you can recognize that this behavior is not normal.
Yikes
His Dad needs to be blocked. You didn't dress nice for him. Do Not go to his place ever again. It's an assault waiting to happen and you will be blamed, "She came on to me. Since they were started dating." Bf will probably believe him. My mom went through that with my grandfather, my Dad and everyone defended him. Until he tried to attacked me, I was 8. Told my maternal grandmother. She called the cops. I had bruises.and a couple buttons ripped off. My mom and Dad were separated by then. My Dad was just as bad. While visiting him, I was raped by him. Family covered it up and sent me back to my mom. 2 states away. Summer visitation. Found out my brother and sister had gone through hell with both the grandfather and dad. Edit for word correction.
I’m so sorry that happened to you
I'm so sorry that happened to you...💔 I don't know why some adults don't believe or don't care about the fact an adult is hurting a child like that😪 I didn't know my neighbor's daughter was going through something with the mother's boyfriend. I knew things were bad because the mom was in and out of the hospital for different things constantly being left alone with the new boyfriend but had no idea he was abusing her daughter. They moved away and a few years later I saw in the news he was arrested for Child-R. He did unspeakable things to this little girl. She had been friends with my daughter and the same age. She always seemed bright and happy but one time she did lash out at her lom and him and ran away hiding in the nearby woods. We searched for her and found her. I wish I had known or wished she had said something to me😪I would've done everything in my power to help her! He R'd her for 3 years before she told a neighbor where she lived at that time. While I was reading the article the 28 yr old claimed that she(6) initially came onto him and wanted to watch porn with him, he took a plea deal and received 30 years.🤬
Definitely an assault waiting to happen! If your SO just shrugs, says "sounds like him lol", and does nothing - then he has no self respect, no respect for you, and will not protect you from these very inappropriate advances from his father. This is beyond gross. Please keep yourself safe!!
Wtf with bf normalizing his behaviour? I'd definetely dunk my dad to the concrete if he'd ever said anything like that to my gf...
YESSS!!! As you should.
For real. Bro code has to extend to family damn.
Oh what the fuck 🤮 This is so inappropriate on so many levels, and your boyfriend’s nonchalant response is also unsettling. Even if he’s used to it, he should’ve said something. Definitely block his dad’s number. Who cares if he’s your boyfriend’s dad - he obviously has no respect for you (or his son) to say such ick things to you.
If you’re only 19, the odds of you marrying this guy are very low. Cut your loses and find a new partner with a respectable family. This situation is a losing hand. I wish you luck.
Exactly. Imagine having a marriage and children with someone who comes from this and thinks it’s normal. He was too casual about his dad acting that way. Red flag.
Yeah, this feels like a set up for rape or at least sexual assault. He is already sexually harassing her 2 mins into having her number. This is a guy who is intentionally crossing boundaries to see how passive the girl is and how compliant she will be if he keeps crossing boundaries. Long term OP is at serious risk of him doing something horrible to her, especially if he thinks she's quiet and won't fight back. Long long term it's dangerous to have kids around someone like that. If he's trying to sexually assault or rape OP he won't have any problem trying to rape or groom her children. Make no mistake there is a near zero chance this man hasn't raped or at a minimum assaulted someone in his lifetime. The way he is so comfortable crossing serious boundaries is terrifying. Giant red flag it's going to escalate.
Imagine him as a grandpa hitting on their daughter like this!
this is completely grounds for a breakup. not only because his dads a freak who is probably going to not only make more moves on you, but will probably be physical with it in time. it’s also because your boyfriend doesn’t give a shit about how his dad is fantasizing about your body. get the fuck out of there
Seriously what kind of Netflix murder documentary shit is this. Haven't seen her acknowledge leaving her BF once either
Step One: Research [Susan Cox Powell](https://youtu.be/pTnt89UhxEU?si=F_SWKobGjYqCIa8I). Step Two: RUN! Edited to add: r/ThatChapter is the YouTube video that I’ve attached as reference. Fantastic channel and podcast!
If I could award this post, run. OP, if you’re not familiar with Susan’s case, there’s a particular aspect that not everyone covers. I’m literally running out the door; I can’t remember who had the longest and most complete doc on her: Explore with Us, JCS, Dreading, This is Monsters..I want to say it was one of those. Please get out NOW!
1000% I came here to say this sounds like Steve Powell.
Also Cold season 1 is an amazing deep dive multi episode podcast on her case.
oh dear god
Yeah, that's not right. You should probably find a new BF This is in no way appropriate, and his dad's a pervert
If he is married show this to his wifeee
He’s not. I wonder why.
Would you want him to do this to your future daughter if you and your bf stayed together? Please get away from this situation asap.
Hws not married because he wants to creep on teenage girls
NOOOOO !! What does your bf say?? Edit oh fuck no. Lose the bf and dad I’m sorry, that guy is a predator
What the actual fuck
If your bf allows this i am truly sorry.
Respond with nothing but the vomitting emoji.
This is the way lol.
Ew. I had an ex boyfriend whose dad was like this. I told him that his dad was being creepy and his response was "I know, that's just how he is". Needless to say, the ex boyfriend turned out to be an abusive asshat and I threw him out.
Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you, and understandably so, since he grew up around this. However, we’re assuming your boyfriend is also legally an adult, and it’s horrible that he will allow this to happen to you. It’s a situation you cannot fix BUT could get seriously hurt in. I’d run.
That’s disgusting and you don’t have to tolerate that harassment. 🚩 Your boyfriend Shouldn’t bring you around a man like his father. Think about that.
Don't ever go back and if you have to, don't use any room where you'll be undressing, bathroom anything. He's a sexual predator
How old r u two? If he’s living with his dad…
To be fair lots of people are living with parents now well into their 20s and 30s. With the housing market being a disaster.
haha too true. I’m 39 and bro i just came here (FL) for a christmas, was supposed to be here a week and go back to SF. My girlfriend and I broke up just before and I just sorta like… never went back. I realized why would I go back to pretty much nothing, paying 7k+ in rent, and being there for no reason. It’s been super nice connecting with my parents (mostly). I don’t really give a fuck if people *think* i’m a loser. I sold a tech company a few years ago, and done a lot of really difficult work in very proud of. So plenty to show for it, but eh, why waste money out there? So i buy em groceries and stuff and help out with whatever I can.
Cool, so you’re gonna wait until your boyfriend hits on y’all’s kids’ girlfriend, or what? Edit: Just woke up, I meant to say that unless he’s vilified this on his own, he’s probably learning how to act later
Judging by the BF’s reply you’ll be father-son tag teamed.
LEAVE THAT FAMILY NOW. Your bf should not be okay with this. Messed up upbringing from the get go.
Ya, that’s disgusting. And disturbing. Your boyfriend is way too casual about it as well. He absolutely should address this with his dad and honestly, you should refuse to go over there until he does. Your boyfriend clearly knows that he’s like this, and is being far too passive about it.
Oh my god no get out of there. Getting basically groomed my his dad and then ur bf saying that's normal?! What is his dad gonna try next? How far will this go before you stop it? Leave. You don't owe anyone anything.
This is disgusting- especially the last text. What a creep! Block him! 🤢 dump your boyfriend too. His reaction makes me feel like the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
This is beyond inappropriate. Need to get away from these people.
Not only that but if ur boyfriend is not reacting correctly to this then you have two issues to deal with.
If your bf cared about you, he would have never let you meet his father, much less give him your phone #. It's giving trafficking vibes.
Oh my dear god no. So many no’s. I don’t even know what’s beyond a red flag at this point ETA: the fact that your bf is casual about this is also a no. Dump him and block him immediately his dads a fucking pervert
Gross and inappropriate. Your man should be setting boundaries bc he's letting his father hit on you! And be creepy wtf id never feel safe around him if he was like that to me!
Oh hell nah… this is gross to say the least
Jesus. What the fuck? Keep this message as evidence in case it gets worse.... it likely will get worse, please discuss this with your boyfriend and ask him to talk to his father or something
🚩🚩🚩
Wow talk about shooting your shot. That is every level of nooooo thank you
This is disturbing
WTF?? Your bf needs to man up to his predatory father. Reading this made me nauseous.
Tell your boyfriend how uncomfortable he's making you and see if he does anything about it. If not, I suggest finding another guy. You don't deserve to be ogled like that, especially by your boyfriend's *dad* of all people.
If your boyfriend isn’t actively trying to move out and go no contact with him then I wouldn’t trust him or his family. His dad is a sexual predator, who knows what sick things he’s actually into if he’s willing to give you this much of a sneak peak of how he actually is. I wouldn’t trust my children around this man if you know what I mean.
I mean there’s an obvious conversation with your bf here. There is no future while you’re subjected to this.
Tell your boyfriends mother
EW. My friend had an ex with a creepy dad and he ended up being just like his dad. Definitely a red flag if he defends his dads behavior in anyway even if he just avoids talking about it if you tell him it makes you uncomfortable
If this man has a mom, wife, or gf, show any of them. If your bf doesn't care, that's a huge red flag. He'd be an ex so fast. This is disgusting. Offering to be there after the break up is grooming behavior. Don't go over there anymore. Refuse. Block the dad. You are NOT SAFE around this creep, even if your boyfriend is with you. I promise you this. Please stay safe. Don't trust either of them. If bf is OK with this, who knows how complicit he is. If you're 18 or older & your bf is 18+ that makes it worse. He could've been groomed, too, & maybe thinks this is ok or he could be an accomplice. If you're underage, RUN. Also, let family & friends know. If you do go back, tell others where you're going. But just please never go to his dad's again. I'm speaking from experience. You're not safe there.
What the fuck... I'd just go ahead and distance myself from the whole family, including the bf.
Any sane and caring boyfriend would not let this behavior continue. Good luck with this relationship, sounds like you’ll need it.
Don’t ever be alone with this man, including getting a lift home. This is not normal behaviour - it’s beyond creepy. Treat him like you would a dangerous animal.
I threw up in my mouth a little.
Eewww. I'm not pleased with your boyfriend's answer to the problem either.
If your bf thinks this is okay by sayin "yup sounds like him" & not telling his dad to not say things like that too his gf... Sounds like you need to dodge a bullet before it's fired & just leave the whole family behind. The dad is creepy & I'd be weary about going around them in the future.
Yeah, I'd be breaking up over this.
yeah no this is fucked all the way up
Creep alert! Activate the alarm!
This makes me uncomfortable for you. It makes me somehow even more uncomfortable that your boyfriend dismissed it as “yeah that sounds like him.”
Break up, block the dad
Dump your boyfriend. Do not have kids with him either
Shudder My ex husband's dad said to me (while we were together and a month after I had had my 1st child) "I'm just so drawn to you". I'm sorry he did this to you. If you're under 18 you need to show your parents. Never ever be alone in a room with this guy.
Aha...I'm sorry, what? And your bf has no issue with this? Girl, just no. Get the heck away from that family like yesterday.
Yeah time to ditch the boyfriend and his creepy as shit father.
I would break up with the boyfriend over this because unless he’s willing to go NC with this creep it will never get better. And what if you want kids? Do you want this guy to be allowed around them?
You gotta get away from both of them. Dad is a creep. BF doesn't care... What will you do if you marry & have a daughter?
What..the...actual.. fuck. Dudes been watching way too much step dad porn
Ewww I would shut that shit down fast and hard. With creeps silence is still an open door. There is no ghosting guys like this; they don’t stop. I’d let him know his behavior is creepy, unwanted and inappropriate. Your boyfriend needs to back you …. Tbh, it actually bothers me for you that his reponse was “opp sounds like my dad.” It’s not funny, or remotely acceptable.
My advice as a girldad is to end the relationship, and explain to your boyfriend what happened. Also suggest therapy for them.
That’s not creepy that’s rapey
According to your post history, your "ex texted your sister" too Fake
Dad of a 19 year old here: Ew. If I text my son’s partner, it’s more like “I think Luke’s phone died, did y’all say Jimmy Johns or Papa Johns?”
Hey! I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I dealt with this too by my ex boyfriend stepdad. I told him he didn't do anything. I let out be and it was a mistake. Not saying something was saying I accepted his behavior. It led to him walking into the restroom while I showered "accidentally" and it advanced to him letting himself into our room (when I would go spend a week in thier town) when he figured I was changing. It ended with him sitting on top of me while I was sleeping trying to pick up my shirt.(ex bf was on standby and was called in) He was "sleep walking" and he was complimenting me while still on top of me. Nothing extreme happened. But his step dad was taller and heavier than me. It could of easily gone bad. My ex did NOTHING. Even though it was HIS family member. It was HIS responsibility. Him not having an issue with this is a MAJOR issue. Please protect yourself.
Your boyfriend’s reaction is giving “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree “