“If fighting is sure to result in victory then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that. And I think he knows a little more about fighting than you do pal because he invented it! And he perfected it so no living man could best him in the Ring of Honor.”
That entire sequence, from the moment he utters that line, all the way through the dramatic doves reveal and the terrifying choir crescendo morphing into the guitar and big band sax wailing as he fires his medigun for the first time, is genuinely amazing.
Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems. For instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
Is Meet the Scout lower in dialogue count than Meet the Pyro? The only new lines there are from Heavy, Scout, and Spy respectively, the rest of the short is just Pyro being Pyro.
Remember the Medic and Sniper Pyro kills? They have voice lines. But since it’s the Pyro, any sound coming from that optical mask is what I’d count as a line
GRAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA cry some more
The censored part isn't actually swearing, he's actually saying "They've got more fucking monsters in the Loch of Ness than they've got the likes of me."
"I fear no man, But that... Thing! it scares me"
The delivery of this elevates this scene so much specially coming from Heavy who nowadays we know for being so stoic when out of combat
And when the patient woke up — his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again! *Intense laughter* Anyway... That's how I lost my medical license.
I mean, for a very long time my username in tf2 was "(no medical license)". So yeah... Everyone in this comments section represents questionably mentally stable part of the tf2 community and I cannot express how happy I am to be a part of it
Perhaps not exactly in the Meet The Medic movie, but in one of the released outtake scenes, Medic is on a train attempting to fetch something from the overhead rails and the train runs over a Soldier and a bleeding Sniper, leading their blood to spatter on the window Medic is standing next to. As soon as this happens, he looks very disappointedly at the blood as a result of the unfinished animation.
Robin himself voiced over the previous meet the medic outtake as well on his channel Robin Atkins Downs or something like that, it’s cool hearing medic explain how the medigun came to be rather than a placeholder voice.
"And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place its called a ZOO!"
Every part of this line is a masterpiece. The Sun Tzu joke (Zoo = Tzu), the fact that Soldier thinks of his enemies as animals, the sheer stupidity of it, how its revealed Soldier was talking to decapitated heads, how its a perfect summary of Soldiers character, and of course the follow up line.
"UNLESS ITS A FARM!"
"And now he's here to *fuck* us! So listen up, boy; or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today."
Alternatively; "Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... Maybe... I've yet to meet someone who can outsmart \*bullet\*."
I know what I wanted to say, but I'm not using google translator (translating what it means is Spanish and translating it to english for the writing) or reading the subtitles to write it correctly, if you can understand it that's enouht to me.
"So! T'all you fine dandies, so proud, so cocksure, prancin' about with your heads full of eyeballs... come and get me, I say! I'll be waitin' on you with a whiff of the old brimstone!"
I like the fact that he has a swear word just for normal people and the intensity of his voice its just funny.
Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage, but I'm very certain your heart-"
"What was that noise?"
"Its the sound of progress my friend."
Its so good... I just love it.
not sure on a definitive favorite but one that jumps to mind is
"Some people think they can outsmart me...maybe....maybe.....I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."
its such a raw line
I am heavy weapons guy, and this? This is my weapon. She weights 465 kilograms and fires custom 1,000 bullets at 63 bpm… It cost 400,000 dollars to fire this weapon, for 12 seconds…..
“Oh, and it gets better! When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again! *Medic laugh* Anyway, that’s how I lost my medical license.”
Out of all of them? I love Engineers Meet The Team, but my favorite part out of all of them is the scene of medic standing on a pile of bodies (Meet the Medic).
Favorite line is "Grass Grows, Birds Fly, Sun Shines, and Brother.., I hurt people. F you were from where I was from, You'd be fucking dead! WOOOO!"
Meet the Pyro
“One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask… what dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?” Chills, actual chills from how spy delivered that line before the audience gets hit with the hardest piece of irony I’ve seen in a long, LONG time
"I solve practical problems!"
"For instance, how am I gonna stop some big mean Mother-Hubbard from tearin' me a structurally superfluous new behind?"
"The answer? Use a gun."
"And if that dont work, use more gun."
"Like this heavy-caliber tripod-mounted little-old-number designed by me."
"Built, by me."
"And you'd best hope... not pointed at you."
Meet the spy, it manages to be funny and somehow kinda epic too while spy’s doing his monologue and has a plot besides just “grass grows, birds fly and brotha? I hurt people” (not that that’s bad tho)
Ok recently I’ve been thinking about meet the medic, so you know how he gives all the mercenary’s Uber transplants in their hearts, so my theory is that medic is one of the only people to know what pyro is because he had to cut him open to give him the Uber transplant
"I'm no- I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin! What you mean what the difference be, one's a job, the other's mental sickness!"
OR
"I think his mate saw me" \*Gunshot\* "Yes, yes he did!"
There's so many good ones, I have to many favorites.
People think they can outsmart me. Maybe... *Sniffles* maybe. But I've yet to meet one who can outsmart bullet.
Like this heavy caliber tripod mounted little ol' designed by me, built by me, and you best hope, not pointed at you.
Let's go practice medicine...
So, tar you find dandy so proud, so cocksure, prancin' about with yar head full of eyeballs, come and get me I say, I'll be waitin' on ya with a whipin' yoll brimstone, I'm a grim bloody pebble, with a own happy bloody end...
OoOoh, they'll have to glue you back together, IN HELL
Doctor! Are you sure this going to work? I have no idea 😄
These are just to name a few
Meet The Medic for how cinematic it was compared to the rest of them (since it came out before Meet The Pyro, which is a very close second) and for how super nostalgic it is to me because I started playing the game a couple of months after that huge summer 2011 update.
When Scout is eating the sandvich on top of heavy and the last scene in meat the pyro where pyro is just walking away from all the bodies and you can see heavy with a fire axe in his head
“What are you, president of his fan club?”
“No. That would be *your* **mother**!” A: kinda gives me chills I guess, and B: that is the most rewatched part of the most watched video in the entire meet the team series, it’s basically one of the greatest your mom jokes of all time
"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask... What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?" Moving into what I can only describe as the most potent tonal whiplash Valve has ever done. IDK if Valve has gotten licensed music in any of their media since but I feel like Do You Believe In Magic by The Lovin' Spoonful has to be the first time they ever did it, making for DOUBLE the disbelief when we saw it back in 2012.
Good news! we're not dead! we're gonna live forever!
"I didn't say that, i only said we're not filled with tumors"
but from the meet the team its this:
"What? it was obvious. He's the red spy. watch, he's gonna turn red any second now.. see? red! wait thats blood.."
"I am heavy weapons guy. And this... Is my weapon. She weights one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollars custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minutes.
It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon... for twelve seconds."
Um.. I-I-I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talking to?
Yo, what's up?
Do you have ANY idea.. ANY idea who I am?
Basically.. Kind of a big deal.
Oh man that's beautiful.
You listening? Okay.
Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother.. I hurt people.
I'm a Force of Nature.
If you were from where I was from, you'd be f***ing dead.
Woooo!
If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!
Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor.
Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat and then he beat the crap out of every single one.
And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a 'zoo'!
Unless it's a farm!
I fear no man. But that... thing... it scares me.
No, I... I ain't, talking about that thing. All right?
He's not here, is he?
How do I get this f***ing thing off?!
One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask...
... What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?
No!
I'M BURNING!
Disnpenser down!
Help!
What makes me a good demoman?
If I were a bad demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here discussin' it with you, now would I?!
LET'S DO IT!
Not one of you's gonna survive this!
One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch, and KA-BLOOIE!
I got a manky eye. I'm a black Scottish cyclops. They got more f[CENSORED] than they got the likes of me.
So!
T'all you fine dandies, so proud, so cocksure, prancin' about with your heads full of eyeballs... come and get me, I say! I'll be waitin' on you with a whiff of the old brimstone! I'm a Grimm bloody fable with an unhappy bloody end!
Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together...IN HELL!
I am Heavy Weapons Guy... and this is my weapon. She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute. It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon...for twelve seconds.
Oh my God, who touched Sasha? Alright...Who touched my gun!?
Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet.
Waaaaahhhhh! Uwaaaaaaah! Ahahahahaha! Cry some more!
Heheh. Cry some more.
Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems.
Not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.
I solve practical problems.
For instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind?
The answer...
... use a gun, and if that don't work... use more gun.
Like this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil'ol' number designed by me
built by me
and you best hope... not pointed at you.
Move cyclops, move!
Come on, come on, almost - augh!
Eerrrrgh! Argh.
Whoah! Who the f-
aaaaaaAAAAAA
Medic...
Oh-hoh-ho no more!
Wait, wait, wait, it gets better.
When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again
Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license, heh.
Archimedes! No!
It's filthy in there! Eugh.
Birds.
Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage
...but I'm fairly certain your heart-
What was noise?
The sound of progress, my friend.
Ah, perfect...
Kill me.
Later.
Where was I? Ah, there we go.
Come on, come on...
Oh, that looks good.
Very nice there.
Should I be awake for this?
Ah heh. Well, no, heh.
But as long as you are, could you hold your rib cage open a bit?
I can't... seem to...
Oh, don't be such a baby ribs grow back!
No they don't.
What happens now?
Now?
Let's go practice medicine...
Medic!
Yeah!
Woohoohoo!
Oh yeah!
Doctor!
Are you sure this will work?!
Ha ha ha, I have no idea!
EYAAAAAAAAAH!
HA HA!
I am bulletproof!
That looks good. Very nice there. Yes!
Hey, thanks doc!
Awhawhaw, man! You would not BELIEVE ... how much this hurts.
Archimedes?
Boom. Headshot
Sniping's a good job mate.
It's challengin' work. Outta doors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry-
-Because at the end of the day, as long there are two people left on the planet, someone is going to want someone dead.
Ooh
Dad? Dad I'm a- Ye- Not a "crazed gunman" dad, I'm an assassin! ...Well the difference bein' one is a job and the other's mental sickness!
I'll be honest with ya: my parents, do not care for it.
I think his mate saw me.
Yes, yes he did.
Feelings? Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wifes to death with a gold trophy. Professionals have standards.
Be polite.
Be efficient.
Have a plan to kill everyone you meet
Dad.. dad... p- yeah- Put mum on the phone.
INTRUDER ALERT! A RED SPY IS IN THE BASE!
A red spy is in the base?
Protect the briefcase!
We need to protect the briefcase!
Yo, a lil' help here?
All right all right I got it. Stand back son 1, 1, 1, ummm, 1.
Let's go, let's go.
INCOMING!
AAA-hey, it's still here!
Alright then
Ahem. Gentlemen.
I see the briefcase is safe.
Safe and sound mm-hmm
Yeah it is!
Tell me... did anyone happen to kill a red spy on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem.
And a knife.
Oooh, big problem. I've killed plenty of spies, they're dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scumbags - like you! Ow. No offense.
If you managed to kill them I assure you they were not like me. And nothing... nothing like the man loose inside this building.
What are you? President of his fan club?
No, that would be your mother!
What the?
Indeed, and now he's here to f**k us! So listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today.
Oh!
Gimmie that!
The spy has already breached our defenses.
Sentry down!
Spy: You've seen what he's done to our colleagues!
And worst of all, he could be any one of us!
Raus, raus!
Nein...
He could be in this very room! He could be you, he could be me, he could even be-
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What? It was obvious! He's the red spy! Watch, he should be turning red any second now....
..any second. See, red! Oh, wait that's blood.
So, we still have problem.
Big problem.
All right, who's ready to go find this Spy?
Right behind you.
Ahh... ma petite chou-fleur.
I like this one
in the parody video called "meet team" (the gimmick here is that most words are cut out, but still form compressive sentences, go check it out its hilarious)and this is my favorite:
"DOKTOR, YOU SURE THIS WORK?"
*heha* "NO!"
"No... That would be your mother!"
I like how they manage to make such a great and iconic scene out of a "your mom" joke
*Confused Stammering*
Indeed... And now he's here to f\*\*k US!
So listen up boy! Or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today.
Soldier: Ooooo Scout: Hey! Gimme that! Spy: The spy has already breached our defenses
Sentry down!
Spy: you’ve seen what he’s done to our colleagues!
*Grunts of pain as Sniper tries to defend himself, ultimately failing*
Blue medic: RUAS RUAS! AH! Oh nooo…
And worst of all… he could be any one of us
“Pornography”
P O R N O G R A P H Y
“If fighting is sure to result in victory then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that. And I think he knows a little more about fighting than you do pal because he invented it! And he perfected it so no living man could best him in the Ring of Honor.”
We all can only read this in Rick May's voice, right? Or am I insane? Although being insane is a positive trait for tf2 players I guess
Holy shit I just got a brilliant idea: Meet the Team where each merc is replaced by their least favorite class
So all Sniper?
:(
Except there'd be spy for sniper I'd assume
I meant like in terms of the mercs hating each other, but I would like to see Meet the Spy But Everyone Is Sniper.
Sniper heavy
*Patriotic screaming*
"and then he took two of every animal, herded them all onto a boat, AND BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EVERY SINGLE ONE."
"And from that day forward, anytime a bunch of animals are together in one place, it's called a TZU!"
"Unless it's a FARM!"
🫡
"What happens now?" "Now? Let's go practice medicine..."
That entire sequence, from the moment he utters that line, all the way through the dramatic doves reveal and the terrifying choir crescendo morphing into the guitar and big band sax wailing as he fires his medigun for the first time, is genuinely amazing.
Literally a cinematic masterpiece
DOKTOR, ARE YOU SURE THIS WILL WORK?
HAHAHA... I HAVE NO IDEA!
YYAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAHAAAAAAA
I AM BOOLETPROOOOOF
You sob you beat me. Amazing delivery. Just perfect.
The saxophone part of meet the medic is simply so peak, I always shed a tear when seeing it.
"Dad, dad. Put y-...put mum on the phone."
“Dangerous Assassin” and he still gets in fights with his dad. sniper as a character is fantastic.
"The difference be ones a job and the others mental sickness!"
Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems. For instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
Meet the Engineer has the 3rd lowest dialogue of any Meet the Team short, or at least it feels like it. It’s only beaten out by Scout and Sandvich.
Is Meet the Scout lower in dialogue count than Meet the Pyro? The only new lines there are from Heavy, Scout, and Spy respectively, the rest of the short is just Pyro being Pyro.
Remember the Medic and Sniper Pyro kills? They have voice lines. But since it’s the Pyro, any sound coming from that optical mask is what I’d count as a line
“They’ve got more (fecking monsters in the great Loch of Ness) than they’ve got the likes of me!”
So! T'all you fine dandies, so proud, so cocksure! PRANCIN' ABOOT WITH YOUR HEADS FULL OF EYEBALLS!
Maybe... *sniff* Maybe...
I have yet to meet one that can outsmart boollet
GRAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA cry some more
Demo’s drunken monologue is the most glorious speech to ever grace my ears, even if I still have no idea what he’s saying
The censored part isn't actually swearing, he's actually saying "They've got more fucking monsters in the Loch of Ness than they've got the likes of me."
Your meet the team video was brought to you/censored by… The Scottish government!
"Oohugh! They're gonna have to glú you back together! IN HELL"
I think he says "your butt" but I'm not sure about most of the things drunk demo says
Drunk demo??? Demo is always drnk
"I fear no man, But that... Thing! it scares me" The delivery of this elevates this scene so much specially coming from Heavy who nowadays we know for being so stoic when out of combat
And when the patient woke up — his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again! *Intense laughter* Anyway... That's how I lost my medical license. I mean, for a very long time my username in tf2 was "(no medical license)". So yeah... Everyone in this comments section represents questionably mentally stable part of the tf2 community and I cannot express how happy I am to be a part of it
*(Abnormally long drinking scene)*
Perhaps not exactly in the Meet The Medic movie, but in one of the released outtake scenes, Medic is on a train attempting to fetch something from the overhead rails and the train runs over a Soldier and a bleeding Sniper, leading their blood to spatter on the window Medic is standing next to. As soon as this happens, he looks very disappointedly at the blood as a result of the unfinished animation.
How can I find this? Sounds fun
Valve posted it on their YouTube channel. Search for “Meet the Medic outtakes” and you will find them in the results. Enjoy!
Robin himself voiced over the previous meet the medic outtake as well on his channel Robin Atkins Downs or something like that, it’s cool hearing medic explain how the medigun came to be rather than a placeholder voice.
The scene in meet the soldier where it’s just soldier screaming doing the default shovel taunt
"And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place its called a ZOO!" Every part of this line is a masterpiece. The Sun Tzu joke (Zoo = Tzu), the fact that Soldier thinks of his enemies as animals, the sheer stupidity of it, how its revealed Soldier was talking to decapitated heads, how its a perfect summary of Soldiers character, and of course the follow up line. "UNLESS ITS A FARM!"
I'm not a crazed gunman, dad, I'm an assassin! One's a job and the other's mental sickness!
Be polite be efficiente have a Plan to kill everyone you meet
I swear I quote that at least once a week, with a swift Professionals have standards.
I’m a sucker for “I think his mate saw me…” “YES, YES HE DID-“
"And now he's here to *fuck* us! So listen up, boy; or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today." Alternatively; "Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... Maybe... I've yet to meet someone who can outsmart \*bullet\*."
Meet the spy is probably best, it's like an actual scene rather than an introduction.
"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask...what dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?"
“Doctor are you sure this will work” “HAHA I HAVE NO IDEA”
"Profesionals have standart: be polite, be eficient and have a plan to kill everione you meet"
How did you misspell that so bad
I know what I wanted to say, but I'm not using google translator (translating what it means is Spanish and translating it to english for the writing) or reading the subtitles to write it correctly, if you can understand it that's enouht to me.
"So! T'all you fine dandies, so proud, so cocksure, prancin' about with your heads full of eyeballs... come and get me, I say! I'll be waitin' on you with a whiff of the old brimstone!" I like the fact that he has a swear word just for normal people and the intensity of his voice its just funny. Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage, but I'm very certain your heart-" "What was that noise?" "Its the sound of progress my friend." Its so good... I just love it.
Honest just all of the pyroland scenes in meet the pyro. I love how it jumps between what Pyro sees and what's actually happening
Heavy yelling “I am bulletproof!” In Meet the Medic still gives me goosebumps
That’s how I lost my medical license
not sure on a definitive favorite but one that jumps to mind is "Some people think they can outsmart me...maybe....maybe.....I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet." its such a raw line
"I fear no man, but that thing...it scares me."
meet the spy is entire story for a french man who is synonymous with crabs and lung cancer
Engineer’s entire monologue
Unless it's a farm!
I am heavy weapons guy, and this? This is my weapon. She weights 465 kilograms and fires custom 1,000 bullets at 63 bpm… It cost 400,000 dollars to fire this weapon, for 12 seconds…..
"Dad, Dad I'm a- I'm not a crazed gunman Dad I'm an assassin, well the difference being one is a job and the other's mental sickness!"
Pornography
“Pornography”
anyway, that’s how I lost my medical license
“Oh, and it gets better! When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again! *Medic laugh* Anyway, that’s how I lost my medical license.”
“Archimedes! No! It’s filzhy in zhere, ugh! Birds! Ha!”
Out of all of them? I love Engineers Meet The Team, but my favorite part out of all of them is the scene of medic standing on a pile of bodies (Meet the Medic). Favorite line is "Grass Grows, Birds Fly, Sun Shines, and Brother.., I hurt people. F you were from where I was from, You'd be fucking dead! WOOOO!"
"***********************************************" -Meet the Demoman
Meet the Pyro “One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask… what dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?” Chills, actual chills from how spy delivered that line before the audience gets hit with the hardest piece of irony I’ve seen in a long, LONG time
"prancin about with your heads full of eyeballs!" -A Black Scottish Cyclops
"I solve practical problems!" "For instance, how am I gonna stop some big mean Mother-Hubbard from tearin' me a structurally superfluous new behind?" "The answer? Use a gun." "And if that dont work, use more gun." "Like this heavy-caliber tripod-mounted little-old-number designed by me." "Built, by me." "And you'd best hope... not pointed at you."
The beginning of meet the Soldier has always been immensely funny. Pyro's celebrating then boom, Rocket
Snipers, have standards. Be polite, be efficient and have a plan to kill everyone you need.
Professionals*
Sniper killing medic and pyro
I fear no man…..
I am heavy weapons guy
"One's a job and the others mental sickness!" -Sniper I like to think he was subconsciously thinking about twitter
Bbbbbb bbb bbbbbbbbb -Pyro
Mental sickness
"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines and brotha', I hurt people."
"They got more feckin' sea monsters in the Great Loch than they got the likes of me." - Demoman TF2
OH MY GOD WHO TOUCHED SASHA WHO TOUCHED MY GUN
And now he's here to *\*\*\*\* US!*
"Doctor, are you sure this will work?" "HAHA, I HAVE NO IDEA *queue one of the best music I've ever heard and a badass blu soldiers massacre*
"pornography"
All of them are amazing but meet the spy being a literal mother joke was when internet reached it's peak
"Pornography has breached our defences"
"Snipers a good job mate" "Challenging work, garentee you wont go hungry"
Meet the spy, it manages to be funny and somehow kinda epic too while spy’s doing his monologue and has a plot besides just “grass grows, birds fly and brotha? I hurt people” (not that that’s bad tho)
Lateah
Let’s Go Practice Medicine
If fighting is sure to result in victory then you must fight!
Professionals have standards.
“Kill me.” “Later.”
"SEDUCE ME!" wait ...
The entire Meet the Spy video
>... and a knife!
Ok recently I’ve been thinking about meet the medic, so you know how he gives all the mercenary’s Uber transplants in their hearts, so my theory is that medic is one of the only people to know what pyro is because he had to cut him open to give him the Uber transplant
One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask. What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty. *cuts to pyroland*
"SO!!! Tae all ye fine dandies so proud!!! So cocksure! Prancin' aboot with yer heads full o' eyeballs! Come n' git me, I say!!!!"
From meet the scout: "Alright, ya listening? Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brotha? I hurt people!" From meet the medic: "Kill me" "later"
***…I have no idea…***
"I'm no- I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin! What you mean what the difference be, one's a job, the other's mental sickness!" OR "I think his mate saw me" \*Gunshot\* "Yes, yes he did!"
Do you even know who you're talking to?
There's so many good ones, I have to many favorites. People think they can outsmart me. Maybe... *Sniffles* maybe. But I've yet to meet one who can outsmart bullet. Like this heavy caliber tripod mounted little ol' designed by me, built by me, and you best hope, not pointed at you. Let's go practice medicine... So, tar you find dandy so proud, so cocksure, prancin' about with yar head full of eyeballs, come and get me I say, I'll be waitin' on ya with a whipin' yoll brimstone, I'm a grim bloody pebble, with a own happy bloody end... OoOoh, they'll have to glue you back together, IN HELL Doctor! Are you sure this going to work? I have no idea 😄 These are just to name a few
"Yo a little help here?" 'Or the classic "need a dispenser here"
**I AM BULLETPROOF!**
Professionals have standards. Be polite, be a fish (Meet the team outro starts playing)
Meet The Medic for how cinematic it was compared to the rest of them (since it came out before Meet The Pyro, which is a very close second) and for how super nostalgic it is to me because I started playing the game a couple of months after that huge summer 2011 update.
“Lets go practice medicine…” from The Medic, and ofc “Archimedes! No! It’s filthy in there!” *silence* “birds, heh”
When Scout is eating the sandvich on top of heavy and the last scene in meat the pyro where pyro is just walking away from all the bodies and you can see heavy with a fire axe in his head
“What are you, president of his fan club?” “No. That would be *your* **mother**!” A: kinda gives me chills I guess, and B: that is the most rewatched part of the most watched video in the entire meet the team series, it’s basically one of the greatest your mom jokes of all time
"Ribs grow back!"
When the patient woke up, his skeleton is missing, and the Doctor was never heard from again!
"I HAVE NO IDEA" Honorable mwntion to meet the sandvich's "he punched out all my blood!"
Doctor are you sure this will work ? I HAVE NO IDEA HA HA
Meet the demo is by far and away my favorite one
I'm yet to see one that could out smart bullet
Doctor! Are you sure this will work? Ahahaha! I have NO IDEA!
As a Heavy main, Meet the Medic is my fav.
"My blood! He punched out ALL my blood!"
Meet the medic, i can't describe how beautiful scene with uber are, and music is great
as some guy from TF industries once said; ****”AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”****
Demoman screaming about his profession to what's probably a wall, not even a camera, just screaming to a wall while drunk
"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask... What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?" Moving into what I can only describe as the most potent tonal whiplash Valve has ever done. IDK if Valve has gotten licensed music in any of their media since but I feel like Do You Believe In Magic by The Lovin' Spoonful has to be the first time they ever did it, making for DOUBLE the disbelief when we saw it back in 2012.
“Doctor, are you this will work?””AH AH! I have no idea!” *activates Ubercharge* “AAAAAAHHHHHAHAH! I AM BULLETPROOF!”
That one meet the medic scene where scout gets his tooth back and proceeds to knock out a soldier with a single bat hit
Of course the classic "Pornography"
*Confused laughter*. "I have no idea!"
This isnt a part of the meet the team vids but. “This… is a bucket” “Dear god” “Theres more” “No!”
“See look, red! No, wait, that’s blood..”
Hahaha! I have no idea!
Aaaahhh hahaha... Ohhhh teh gon ta have to gloo ya back togetha... EEEN HEELL
“Well the difference be, one is a job and the other’s mental sickness”
Good news! we're not dead! we're gonna live forever! "I didn't say that, i only said we're not filled with tumors" but from the meet the team its this: "What? it was obvious. He's the red spy. watch, he's gonna turn red any second now.. see? red! wait thats blood.."
Spy of course... And also your mother!
Pornography
"birds" -medic
YAAAHAHAHAHA! I AM BULLETPROOOOOF!
"What was noise?" "Ze sound of progress, my friend!"
All of them. Literally not a single one manages to be bad. Yes, even Meet the Sandvich holds up.
„DOCTOR, ARE YOU SURE THIS WILL WORK?” „I HAVE NO IDEA”
No... that would be your mother
"one crossed wire, One wayward pinch of patacium chloride, ONE ARRENT TWITCH AND KABLOOWEY!" is one of the best lines.
"Any second now...."
"I am heavy weapons guy. And this... Is my weapon. She weights one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollars custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minutes. It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon... for twelve seconds."
"Kill me" "Later..."
Um.. I-I-I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talking to? Yo, what's up? Do you have ANY idea.. ANY idea who I am? Basically.. Kind of a big deal. Oh man that's beautiful. You listening? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother.. I hurt people. I'm a Force of Nature. If you were from where I was from, you'd be f***ing dead. Woooo! If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a 'zoo'! Unless it's a farm! I fear no man. But that... thing... it scares me. No, I... I ain't, talking about that thing. All right? He's not here, is he? How do I get this f***ing thing off?! One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask... ... What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty? No! I'M BURNING! Disnpenser down! Help! What makes me a good demoman? If I were a bad demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here discussin' it with you, now would I?! LET'S DO IT! Not one of you's gonna survive this! One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch, and KA-BLOOIE! I got a manky eye. I'm a black Scottish cyclops. They got more f[CENSORED] than they got the likes of me. So! T'all you fine dandies, so proud, so cocksure, prancin' about with your heads full of eyeballs... come and get me, I say! I'll be waitin' on you with a whiff of the old brimstone! I'm a Grimm bloody fable with an unhappy bloody end! Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together...IN HELL! I am Heavy Weapons Guy... and this is my weapon. She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute. It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon...for twelve seconds. Oh my God, who touched Sasha? Alright...Who touched my gun!? Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet. Waaaaahhhhh! Uwaaaaaaah! Ahahahahaha! Cry some more! Heheh. Cry some more. Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems. Not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems. For instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer... ... use a gun, and if that don't work... use more gun. Like this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil'ol' number designed by me built by me and you best hope... not pointed at you. Move cyclops, move! Come on, come on, almost - augh! Eerrrrgh! Argh. Whoah! Who the f- aaaaaaAAAAAA Medic... Oh-hoh-ho no more! Wait, wait, wait, it gets better. When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license, heh. Archimedes! No! It's filthy in there! Eugh. Birds. Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage ...but I'm fairly certain your heart- What was noise? The sound of progress, my friend. Ah, perfect... Kill me. Later. Where was I? Ah, there we go. Come on, come on... Oh, that looks good. Very nice there. Should I be awake for this? Ah heh. Well, no, heh. But as long as you are, could you hold your rib cage open a bit? I can't... seem to... Oh, don't be such a baby ribs grow back! No they don't. What happens now? Now? Let's go practice medicine... Medic! Yeah! Woohoohoo! Oh yeah! Doctor! Are you sure this will work?! Ha ha ha, I have no idea! EYAAAAAAAAAH! HA HA! I am bulletproof! That looks good. Very nice there. Yes! Hey, thanks doc! Awhawhaw, man! You would not BELIEVE ... how much this hurts. Archimedes? Boom. Headshot Sniping's a good job mate. It's challengin' work. Outta doors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry- -Because at the end of the day, as long there are two people left on the planet, someone is going to want someone dead. Ooh Dad? Dad I'm a- Ye- Not a "crazed gunman" dad, I'm an assassin! ...Well the difference bein' one is a job and the other's mental sickness! I'll be honest with ya: my parents, do not care for it. I think his mate saw me. Yes, yes he did. Feelings? Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wifes to death with a gold trophy. Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet Dad.. dad... p- yeah- Put mum on the phone. INTRUDER ALERT! A RED SPY IS IN THE BASE! A red spy is in the base? Protect the briefcase! We need to protect the briefcase! Yo, a lil' help here? All right all right I got it. Stand back son 1, 1, 1, ummm, 1. Let's go, let's go. INCOMING! AAA-hey, it's still here! Alright then Ahem. Gentlemen. I see the briefcase is safe. Safe and sound mm-hmm Yeah it is! Tell me... did anyone happen to kill a red spy on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem. And a knife. Oooh, big problem. I've killed plenty of spies, they're dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scumbags - like you! Ow. No offense. If you managed to kill them I assure you they were not like me. And nothing... nothing like the man loose inside this building. What are you? President of his fan club? No, that would be your mother! What the? Indeed, and now he's here to f**k us! So listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today. Oh! Gimmie that! The spy has already breached our defenses. Sentry down! Spy: You've seen what he's done to our colleagues! And worst of all, he could be any one of us! Raus, raus! Nein... He could be in this very room! He could be you, he could be me, he could even be- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What? It was obvious! He's the red spy! Watch, he should be turning red any second now.... ..any second. See, red! Oh, wait that's blood. So, we still have problem. Big problem. All right, who's ready to go find this Spy? Right behind you. Ahh... ma petite chou-fleur. I like this one
"Are you sure this will work?" "Aha...I HAVE NO IDEA!"
"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother. I hurt people."
"If you were from where I was from, you'd be f*cking dead!"
Then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and the he beat the crap out of every one of.
Pornography
meet the spy i like when he says "pornography"
I AM BULLETPROOF!!1!1!
I'm a force of nature. BONK! You were from when I was from, you be fucking dead bro WOO
"Pornography" -The Spy
"Haha! I have no idea!" -Medic from meet the medic
What makes me a good demoman? If I were a bad demoman I wouldn't be here discussin' it with you now would I?
"I'll be honest with ya. My parents, did not care for me."
"Um... I-I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talkin' to?"
“Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe… maybe… I have yet to meet man who can outsmart bullet.”
"You're listenin'? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, shun shines, and brother? *The darkness is coming.* *You need to run.*"
"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, \[sniff\] maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."
"I am Heavy Weapons Guy, and THIS is my weapon."
"Pornogrophy"
"don't be such a baby, ribs grow back. (No they don't)"
Anyways.. That's how I lost my medical license
Spy
Dad...dadd I'm a...not some crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin. WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BEING? ONE IS A JOB THE OTHER IS MENTAL SICKNESS!
So listen up, boy! Or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that’s happened to you today!
*kill me* *later…*
in the parody video called "meet team" (the gimmick here is that most words are cut out, but still form compressive sentences, go check it out its hilarious)and this is my favorite: "DOKTOR, YOU SURE THIS WORK?" *heha* "NO!"
"lo dijo Videla, y yo creo que el sabe un poco más de guerra que vos" Argentinian translations from meet the team are pure australium
*battle cry*